I’m Not Your Waifu

by Tiny Branch

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fluttershy, Tempest Shadow, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, Anon
Length: 3272

Anon finds himself trapped in Equestria after committing himself to serve his waifu. Only to find she isn’t very thrilled.

Alexander, or more commonly know as Anonymous now finds himself trapped in Equestria after committing his life to serve his waifu, Tempest Shadow. Only to find she isn’t very thrilled to see him pestering her. Neither are the other ponies in Equestria, well besides Fluttershy who is more a roommate who obsesses over him.

The life story of Anonymous after getting trapped in Equestria while he tries to win Tempest’s heart while dealing with his best friend and roommate Fluttershy who is obsessed with him. Also the occasional visit to the CMC’s to find his purpose. Of course this is gonna be random!

Published 2017-12-19 06:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-20 05:21:00 UTC

Limited Edition Tempest Plushie + Anon = Equestria

Alexander was living out his normal life on Earth when a text message made his phone buzz. He took it out of his back pocket in his ripped jeans. He was also wearing a brony Tee with Tempest Shadow on it. The message was from a friend (his name is Dane) who makes Fan-made MLP Merchandise and sells them online. It said Hello all bronies who fanboy over our Favourite Horn-Broken Unicorn! Tempest Shadow! We have created a limited edition plushie with removable Storm King Armour!!! Order one now before they run out! After all we only made 20!

I immediately tapped the link below to their website. I ordered it as quickly as I could, I was so happily it worked and I got it. It ran out in 6 minutes! I then ran home, I was gonna go out for lunch with my friends but it was getting cold. It was the Christmas Holidays and I was out of University for good! Next year I was gonna try get a job. Went back home which luckily was only a few blocks away. I reached my door and took the jey out of my pocket. The house was my Grandparents before but after Grandma died Grandfather went to live with my parents last year they gave me the house. I open the door and there was mlp posters every where, I walked inside and dropped my keys into a small basket. I walked upstairs to my bedroom and took out my computer and logged on. I went and searched FimFiction and the while I waited for it to load I walked down stairs and made myself a cup of hot chocolate. I walked up the stairs and sat down in my desk and searched for a good fanfic to read.

I woke up to find myself lying down on my computer and then realised I fell asleep reading, again. I rolled my eyes and went to chose what to wear. I chose a T-shirt which had the the Rainbow Factory logo on it and a pair of black shorts. Then I heard a ding at my door, someone was at the door. I ran downstairs to find out it was Dane with a package in his arms,”Hey, Lex! Here is that Tempest Plushie you ordered, you didn’t have to pay me.” Then he passed me the package and at the was the money I gave him online.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“You are welcome, bye!”

“Goodbye!” I said as I ran back up stairs and sat down on my bed. I opened the box and inside was the Plushie I ordered and it looked adorable but fierce. As I was admiring the plushie my phone buzzed. I went to see what notifications I had now. It said I had a message from my friend Oran,
Hey Lex! I wonder if you mind coming for a sleepover Dane and Brad is gonna be there??

I then texted my reply, it was a no. Then I looked back at Tempest and told the plushie,”Tempest Shadow, I am committing my life to you as my waifu! Sunset Shimmer! You are no longer my waifu!” Then I felt myself slowly levitating and I saw I was floating in the air. I saw most of my clothes did the same. The the same happened to my bag which consumed the clothes and plushie I glided over to my bag and git hold of it then I saw flashes of light as I flew into a different dimensions and fell onto grass.

“Ahhh!!!” I shouted as I saw I was in the middle of what seem nowhere. I had no idea what just happened. I had my plushie, I had my clothes, I didn’t have my phone. But then as I got up I saw a city in the distance, it was Canterlot... “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” I shouted as I realized I was in Equestria. But then I saw a pony which looked familiar walking in the distance.

“TEMPEST SHADOW!!!!” I said as I ran towards her and she saw me, she ran away. I followed and while running I put my backpack on. Tempest had no idea what happened and soon bumped into Fluttershy who saw me and flew towards me. She seem gentle and interested with me.

“Hello there, what type of creature are you. I have never seen an animal who wears clothes like this! What no I have. Who wears clothes naturally!” she asked me.

“I am a human, i do not come from this world, Fluttershy. But I seemed to be trapped here. And I amok with living here.”

“Ok werdio, but how come you now our names?!”

“You see, where I com from you are kinda like part of our pop culture.”

“Oh, like a myth or something?” asked Fluttershy.

“Yeah, you could put it like that. I really like you Tempest, your my waifu!” I shouted as I could not believe I was in Equestria.

Tempest looked annoyed and spoke to me,”I am not your waifu, you werdio!”

“Oh, come on Tempest look at the poor thing doesn't he look adorable!” she said as she used her hooves to rub my cheeks.

“Come on! I don’t have time for this, I am going to Twilight to just get Mr. Anonymous a place to stay and keep out of my way!” she said the last bit with disgust. The walked off me and Fluttershy followed her and Fluttershy smiled at me. She seemed like the sort of pony who may end up being annoying.

“Hey Mr. Anonymous, may I call you Anon?” she asked.

I looked at her and smiled back, she may not be my waifu but she is best Mane Six,”Umm, sure.”

“Thank you Anon!” she said as she hugged me. I this was extremely uncomfortable but I let it side for now. Then I pulled away from her hug and then continued to follow Tempest Shadow or Fizzlepop Berrytwist, which ever she preferred.

Fluttershy as a Roommate + Anon = Chaos

“Urrg, Mr. Anonymous here we are at Twilight’s Castle now if you don’t mind leave me alone,” Tempest grumbled.

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” I chuckled.

“Thank you, now if-“ she started.

“WON’T LEAVE YOU ALONE!” I chuckled and Fluttershy snickered along. Tempest rolled her eyes and walked away. Me and Fluttershy walked into the castle in search of Twilight.

“Twilight, where are you? I have a question for you,” asked Fluttershy. Then a puff of magenta smoke appeared as we saw Twilight enter the room. She opened her mouth to speak but her jaw dropped when she saw me.

“You see, Twilight. Anon here has to live in Equestria now, he needs somewhere to stay. He is gonna have to live with somepony. Can it be me?” she asked.

Twilight had the what the *yay* look on her face. As she spoke was was in full shock,”Umm, sure... if you want to Mr. Anonymous.”

“I would be happy to,” I replied. Twilight Sparkle still had the same look on her face.

“Well, sure. You are roommates now.”

Fluttershy gasped then whispered,”Yay!”

Oh, no..

“Here you are Anon! My cottage! I have a spare bedroom you can use it,” said Fluttershy as she pointed to her cottage. We walked closer and I was just so happy to see I could fit through the door. I walked through the door and followed Fluttershy. She was leading me to my bedroom I guess. I was correct. “Here is your room,” she said as she opened to door. It was a mess.

“Sorry if it is a bit chaotic, Discord usually uses it when he visits. Guess next time I see him he will have to sleep on the floor,” she said as she closed the door for me to get used to it. First things first I had to get this room tidy. There was all sorts of animal fur and, gulp... droppings. I found a rubbery material on the floor and used it to throw all of it into a black bag I kept in my backpack incase I saw litter around my old town. But this Equestria and now this is what I was using it for. After that I packed all the items and animal feed onto the shelves. Then I opened the empty cupboard an filled it with my belongings, well what I had. Then I changed into my Fluttershy pjs.

I walked down the staircase to the kitchen and saw Fluttershy cooking,”Hmmm! What’s cooking!? Smells yum!”

Fluttershy turned around and smiled,”Oh thank you, I am making hayseed soup!”

Ohh, well this is Equestria. Got to get used to their food. Even if that means I have to go Vegetarian,”Oh, cool... what does it taste like?”

“It is delicious! I hope you are finding your room comfortable!?”

“It is great now that I sorted out the mess. You you like my pyjamas?”

“It’s amazing! It has me on it! I was gonna ask you about your clothes, why do you wear them all the time?” she asked.

I blushed,”Well you see our kind has these parts, umm. You know the birds and the bees and reproduction..? Right?”

“Oh, sorry I made you embarrassed, I should know better well, soup is ready!”

She got a bowl for me and her and with her mouth she poured me and her a serving. Then she put the bowls on her extended wings and walked over to me. Then she passed mine and took hers and put her mouth in it and slurped it up. I then saw her face begging me on to do the same. I took a sip, it tasted better than expected. I finished it just like how Fluttershy did. It may take awhile but I will get used to this eventually. Epically having wild animals living in my home, and of course the devil a.k.a Angel.

Fizzles and Pops + Anon = “I am Giving You the Evil Eyes, Mister!”

The next day I woke up and put on my Tempest Shadow tee and black shorts. I got my dirty clothes and went downstairs to see Fluttershy sipping on a cup of hot cocoa,”Hey Anonymous! Sleep well!”

“Yeah Fluttershy, I slept well. Do you mind washing these clothes, back were I used to live I was going towash these but I cannot now. Would you mind?” I asked her.

“I would love to! What some hot cocoa?”

“No thanks, I was hoping to go to Sugar Cube Corner and meet Pinkie Pie,” I said.

“Oh cool, I am completely not angry you don’t want to spend the morning with me,” she said,”Yes I am cross!” Fluttershy had her angry, cross face on and grumbled too.

“Huh? What was that?” I asked.

“Oh nothing, did you know Fizzlepop Berrytwist is gonna be there!” she said.

“Thanks Fluttershy!”

“You are welcome! It is almost Hearth’s Warming Eve! Want do you want for then?”

“Umm, surprise me!” I said and ran outside to go to Sugar Cube Corner.

I was walking over when I saw Tempest walking over there, I ran over to her,”Hey Tempest, I never go to ask you, which do you prefer, Tempest or Fizzlepop?”

“Fizzlepop, ok. Now stop annoying me!” she said grumpily.

“Nope! What would you like for Chri- Hearth’s Warming?” I asked.

“I would like you to leave me alone, oh and I would like a necklace with a rare Colour Berry Crystal on it.”

“Okay Fizzlepop! Do you like my shirt! It has you on it!” I said.

“Urrg, it is lovely,” she said sarcastically.

“You know you are my waifu, right?”

“No, I am NOT your waifu, you weirdo! Didn’t you hear me yesterday! I wanted you to stop annoying me Mr. Anonymous!” she shouted at he and bucked my leg. It hurt but I didn’t show it did.

I rolled my eyes,”Urrgh, fine. Do you know I am going to Sugar Cube Corner. And I wonder when the snow is coming to Ponyville?”

“That’s nice I am also going there and snow is only due for tomorrow,” she said and rolled her eyes,”And I am giving you the evil eyes, mister!”

We walked in together and then I saw Pinkie Pie who jumped over to me,”You must be Mr. Anonymous Twi told be about! Since you are new here I must become your friend! Can I be your friend Mr. Anon? Please!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!.!?!................ PLEASE!”

“Sure Pinkie,” I said.

“Ok, here is your welcome to Ponyville free cup of HOT Cocoa!” she passed me the mug but the the Cakes came in.

“Pinkie! You can’t be giving away free cups of hit cocoa!” shouted Mr. Cake.

“Sorry Anon, that will be five bits,” she told be.

I reached into my pocket. There was only a 50 dollar bill in there which was useless to me. But then a Fluttershy who looked like she had been eaten alive walked in,”A-“*pant*”-Anon! I forgot to give you your money,-“*pant*”-you don’t have any currency from Equestria yet!”

“Thank you Fluttershy,” and I took ten bits from her, and payed Pinkie 5 of them.

“You are welcome Anon!” she said and rushed back to where ever she needed to be.

Then Pinkie asked me,”Anything else?”

I looked at the menu,”One pile of pancakes with blueberries and cherries. Or as it says on the menu, Rhyme Pancakes.”

“Oki doki loki! That will be 1 bit!” she said.

“Pinkie!” shouted Mrs. Cake.

“Fine, that will be 3 bits,” she said.

Get a Job! + Anon = First Day on the Job

“Anon, I have a important topic to talk about with you,” said Fluttershy and she sat down and invited me over to her sofa.

“Yes? Fluttershy?”

“I can no longer give you an allowance. You need to get a job,” she said.

“But what type of jobs can I get? I don’t have earth pony strength. Pegasus wings. Nor unicorn magic.”

“Get a job Anon. Find one.”

“But I studied for jobs on Earth, not Equestria!! Plus it is much easier to just take money from-“ I begun.

She sighed,”Anonymous. You are a full grown watr ever you are again...? You are a full grown man, right? Anyway, do 8 have to BABY YOU?”

“No,” I said.

“Good, then what did you study to do?”

“A author...”

“Then go write a story and sell it! Simple! Or get a job as a blogger or a writer for the newspaper. Am I getting the job correct?”

“Umm, kinda. But I think I could make more money if I started a cooking school or got a job at Sugar Cube Corner. You never let me cook here so far, but where I came from I one multiple cooking shows and competitions. But I could still write in my spare time?”

“Yes you will now go get a job! NOW!”

“Yes, m- Fluttershy.”

I walked out of the house and could not believe I argued with Fluttershy until the point of her shouting at me. I went outside and relized I forgot my jacket. I ran back inside and put on my Tempest Waifu jacket Fluttershy gave me 2 days ago and ran outside before Iron Wills tiny vocie came to surface and make her ‘New Fluttershy’. I walked down the path and saw that Angel was following me. I looked at him and thought how ironic his name was. Ha! Could there be a black bunny with white eyes who’s name is Devil and acts like an angel. The thought was so funny I laughed at it.

I had finished walking over to Sugar Cube Corner and entered the building. Mr. And Mrs. Cale was by the counter and I was ready to ask them. They smiled at me realizing it was me,”Hey Mr. and Mrs. Cake!”

“Oh hello there Anonymous! How can we help you?”

I sighed.

“Is there something wrong?” they asked as I cleared my throat.

“Oh no, you see... Fluttershy wants me to get a job here at Sugar Cube Corner as a baker? Do you accept?”

They looked at each other,”Well let’s see. How good are you at baking. Go we’ll give you an hour then show us what you made, we’ll taste it and tell you if you can bake here for 10 bits per day.”

“Ok, thanks,” I said and smiled,”May I use the Cupcakes method?” I smiled and chuckled.

“Ummm no. Whatever is, no...” Carrot Cake said unsure but guessed it was cheating or bad because of my laugh.

“Ok, my time startes ...now!” I said as the clock beeped 11 o’clock.

I ran into the kitchen and looked for butter, milk, flour, rainbow extract etc. I did it Pinkie Pie style and threw everything inside. I mixed the batter together and then threw it into the oven to bake itself. I was surprised how quickly this was done in Equestria. I then went and got out a bag of flour and mixed it with milk. I added a few more ingredients to make a recipe Fluttershy showed me, a hayseed and flour shake, well 2 litres of it. After the next few minutes I made more little snacks as I prepared them on to plates and ready to be marked. I only put one of each so they could end up being sold if I get the job. They walked in and tasted the one by one.

“Anon! You got the job!”

Few..!

‘Roommates’ Hoodies + Anon = Sarcastic is the new Black

It had been a week since I entered Equestria and I had met all the princesses and everypony in Ponyville, yes I met Maud Pie, we actually got along strangely enough. I was walking home after me and Pinkie pranked Twilight for the fun of it. It had snowed and I was wearing the jackets I had left. I had gotten used to moat of the stranger meals here in Equestria. I was walking home and opened the door when...

“SURPRISE!!!”

I was more shocked than surprised that Fluttershy had done that,”Surprise? Huh?”

“Look what I had made for us! Too hoodies! They say ‘Roomates!’ Mine has a picture of you! Your’s had a picture of me! Cool huh?”

“They are soo amazing,” I said sarcastically.

“I know! Rarity made them!”

“I figured,” I said it that same tone.

Fluttershy smiled,”Wait there is more, I noticed you needed more clothes since every second day I had to wash clothes. I got this made for you!”

It was a jacket which had a hear and Fizzlepop Berrytwist in the middle and on top it said,’She says She isn’t my Waifu!’ and at the bottom it also had writting,’But she Is!’

“It is sooooo amazing! Thanks Flutters!” I said again in my sarcastic voice.

“You are welcome!” she said and passed me the last hoodie,”This is the last one! I have one too!”

It said ‘I am with Annoying!’ with a right arrow and hers said ‘I am with Stupid!’ with a left arrow.

“I looovvve! It!” I said. Still sarcastically.

“I am soo happy you like them!!” she shouted completely unaware I was being sarcastic.

“Um... Shy, I was being sarcastic,” I told her.

“I know!” she said and gave me the stare.

“Fine fine! Stop it! I will learn to like them! Please it hurts!” I shouted. Now I know why the stare works so well.

“Great! I will make supper!”

Urggh...