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Princess Twilight Sparkle had organized some fun for all the ponies of Ponyville, and all the students of Canterlot High School to get to know a little something about the others' world. It had been simple, everyone came up with one item to send through to the other side. Items were mixed up, and each person and pony got a random thing.
Derpy Hooves, along with her little sister Dinky, had baked a big batch of muffins. Princess Twilight had tried to explain to Derpy that the package was too big, but Derpy had used her wiles—everypony thought she was a little silly, so for her "playing dumb" was always an option—to persuade Twilight to send them through anyway.
What Derpy had gotten in reply was odd. It was a book, but wasn't. Derpy had heard of magazines, and she had delivered a lot of them, but never had they been wrapped up in soft, black wrapping before.
"Are you excited, Dinky?" Derpy and her little sister sat at the kitchen table, and the pair had made much of unwrapping the strange magazine. In a ceremony reminiscent of ancient times, the plastic cover had been removed to reveal the magazine.
Derpy's eyes widened, and she clopped her hooves together in excitement. "Dinky, they sent a magazine about jugs! I wonder what kind they use for measuring water?" Opening the cover and laying the magazine flat, Derpy started to read. And read. And read.
Watching her big sister's cheeks turn more and more red, Dinky swapped her attention to the periodical, and tilted her head to the side. "What's a cwitowi—" The magazine snapped closed, and her big sister snatched it out of sight. "Aww…"
"It's,"—Derpy's mind raced as she tried to think up a little lie for Dinky—"about very boring jugs. Come on, Dinky, let's go and find Princess Twilight and get a much less—MORE—exciting thing from the human world!" Tucking the magazine under one wing, Derpy tried to stop her blush as she marched to the door.
Following her big sister, Dinky smiled all the way back to Twilight's castle. It was a great surprise when she saw the princess eating one of the muffins they had baked!
"I couldn't send all the muffins, Derpy." Twilight was desperately trying to defend herself, after all, it was her fourth muffin. "You baked so many they literally couldn't fit through the portal." She couldn't stop herself taking another bite; one did not simply not eat one of Derpy Hooves' muffins.
"We got our package, but it's not suitably boring—EXCITING—for a foal." Her eyebrows doing all kinds of acrobatics, Derpy pulled the offending magazine out and opened it for Twilight to read. It didn't take long, everypony knew Twilight Sparkle was a quick reader.
"Oh gosh!" Twilight wanted—needed—to look away, but her eyes were captured. The print was beautiful and even, and she remembered the various books and devices in her human friends' world that had similar. "And then he put his—" A hoof appeared in Twilight's mouth, and she sighed in relief around the gray limb.
"Exactly." Derpy nodded, glancing down to Dinky. "So. Very. Boring. Twilight, can we please get something more exciting for Dinky?"
Twilight's mind was racing with the mechanics of what she had just read. Pulling back a little to free her mouth, she nonetheless just nodded. Twilight Sparkle didn't trust her mouth not to start blurting out what she had read.
Relief flooded Derpy Hooves when the princess went back inside—still munching on a muffin—and when she returned with a big pillow it made her even happier. "Thank you!"
"I'm not sure who sent this one, but we have some spares." Twilight had to levitate the oddly long pillow out. Printed on both sides, in stunning detail, was a human woman looking very happy. "Here you go, Dinky!" Twilight offered Dinky the pillow that was fully three times longer than the filly.
"Fank you!" Dinky's cyan magic sparked a little as she grabbed up the big, white pillow. "Thish the besht!"
"Thank you, princess." Watching Dinky gather up the pillow, Derpy breathed easily again. "You might want to check all the rest of the things; I would hate to hear a filly or colt got something they really shouldn't."
Being admonished by Princess Celestia was one thing, and a terrible thing to Twilight. Being admonished by Derpy Hooves—and rightly so—was several orders more embarrassing than anything that had ever happened to Twilight before in her life. Even the time with the cheese fountain hadn't compared to her present embarrassment. "I'm sorry about that, Derpy. I'll have a talk with Sunset Shimmer. She said she recorded who sent what."
It wasn't ever day Derpy got to chastise a princess, well, she could have every day, but Twilight would have gotten really annoyed really quickly. Instantly forgiving, Derpy spread a smile on her face. "It's alright, Princess Twilight, she only learned the word clitoris." It felt good to chastise a princess and then make her uncomfortable. Really good.
Turning her back on a job well done, Derpy began to trot back home. She only spotted Dinky again when she saw the filly slipping into their house, and by the way her little sister had galloped home, Derpy knew she was happy with her new present.
Derpy slipped inside, not surprised Dinky had already rushed to her bedroom to "test" the pillow out. Stopping at the table, she realized something and carefully lifted one wing. "Oh no!" The magazine fell free and flopped onto the floor.
Free of the confines of its feathery home, the magazine not only opened, it opened at the very middle. And opened. And opened. Three extra pages folded out, and Derpy was left staring at what she thought was a shaved pony.
Reaching down with the sneaky wing that had hidden the magazine of jugs, Derpy lifted up the shiny periodical and stared at the mare on it. "She must have a lot of foals to feed…"
Tilting her head to the side, Derpy carried the magazine back up to the table and carefully folded up the exposed mare, then the whole thing. "I shouldn't look at such things." With a self-confirming nod, Derpy was secure in her chaste viewpoint. For nearly five, full seconds. "Well, Dinky shouldn't. I am a mare, so it wouldn't hurt to just read it."
Derpy's education, with regard to sex, had been startlingly complete. It had helped that she kept herself fit, had a great figure, and a wingspan that had a lot of stallions drooling. In short, Derpy Hooves had a lot of special friends around Ponyville, Canterlot, and anywhere else she made deliveries. Stallions would order things they didn't want just to get a package and something to do with their "package," when Derpy inevitably delivered it.
So when she started reading on the glory of breasts, she was not completely shocked. Teats and udders were a sensitive part of a mare, and while she hadn't intended to at the time, she had found out from Rainbow Dash (who now was ordering little knickknacks from a store in Canterlot very regularly) just how sensitive they could be when focused on.
But what Derpy hadn't realized was how much they could turn a stallion on. The magazine was full of ideas, tips, tricks, and tricks that were "sure to get your motor running," and Derpy was extremely interested (though she didn't know what a motor was, she knew a euphemism for arousal when she saw one).
Derpy started looking at the pictures. The mares looked like they really liked showing off their udders (Derpy had to keep reminding herself that they were called other things on humans, and resolved to start using the examples she found in the magazine). Every single one of the mares had one thing in common: they had huge fun-bags.
The name was worth a giggle the moment Derpy thought of it. It worked on so many levels, she giggled again. They were fun. They kinda looked like full bags.
After reading a list of things stallions could do with a mare's bazoongas, Derpy decided there was something she simply had to do: in the interests of exploration, Derpy would need to have tiddies.
~~Balloons.~~
~~Sacks of dirt.~~
~~Sacks of milk (messy).~~
~~Sacks of kittens (don't tell Fluttershy).~~
~~Carefully trimmed pillows.~~
~~Balloons.~~
Derpy looked at her list and sighed. "Maybe I should ask Princess Twilight?" The idea was thrown away the moment she came up with it, Princess Twilight had not talked to Derpy since the pillow replacement was obtained, except to try to take Dinky's pillow back.
In no uncertain terms, Derpy had told Princess Twilight that, even if the human on the pillow was naked, Dinky didn't know or care. And when the princess was gone, Derpy made a quick note to never let Dinky take the "Body Pillow" to show and tell.
Heaving a sigh, Derpy put her list down and decided to do her chores. First and foremost was the dishes from the previous night. Walking to the sink, Derpy started the water running, put the plug in, and upended some soap in.
Derpy froze, her awareness slimming down to just one thing (well, two, but they were really close together): floating on the water, amid all the lesser bubbles, was two big ones. They didn't look exactly like the mares' in the magazine, but they were close. Maybe close enough.
Grabbing the soap, Derpy lifted her voice. "Dinky!"
Galloping down the stairs, Dinky Doo treated the run to the kitchen like a race, and she always won. She backpedaled as she started to collide with her big sister, but laughed when one big wing simply scooped her up and the two spun around.
"Can you make bubbles not pop?" Derpy held up the bar of soap and pointed at the sink—that was now almost overflowing. Rushing to the sink, Derpy got the water turned off just in time.
"Like dem?" Pulling up a chair with her magic, Dinky looked at two bubbles that sat on the surface of the water.
Derpy looked at the two, big bubbles. "Y-Yes! Just like them. Those ones! Quick, Dinky, do those!" To Derpy's delight, her little sister energized her horn and zapped the two bubbles. Plucking the two bubbles from the water, Derpy held each up. "These are perfect! They're soft, they're squishy, just like real highbeams!"
Watching her big sister stand up on her back legs and hug the bubbles to her chest made Dinky start to giggle. "Squishy!" She reached up to push her hoof against one, and slipped.
Staring down, Derpy watched as Dinky's foreleg slid between the naturally slick mellons. "I just got the best idea ever!" Removing Dinky's leg from the bubbles, Derpy found they seemed not only stuck together, but somehow they were stuck to her barrel. "Uh…"
Dinky tilted her head to the side. "I mighty messed up a bit…" Worry creased her brow, and she started charging her magic to fix the problem.
"Wait!" Derpy, her new fake fried eggs jiggling, held out both forelegs to forestall any further magic. "This is perfect! These are perfect!" Grabbing up her sister, Derpy pulled Dinky into a tight hug. The press of the twins on Derpy's chest felt different, and she laughed at the face Dinky pulled.
Derpy set her sister down, and dropped back to all fours herself. The two honkers squeezed between her forelegs, but it didn't hamper her too much. "I'm going to go and, uh, deliver a package. Will you be okay for a bit?"
"Of courth." Dinky rolled her eyes and trotted back upstairs, leaving Derpy to her new game.
Prancing in excitement, Derpy slipped out the back door of her house, down two, across one, and knocked on Thunderlane's back door. When she heard hoofsteps coming, Derpy suddenly realized her ruse was undone unless she had a package. Glancing around, Derpy grabbed a rock from beside Thunderlane's back door.
"Oh, uh. Hi Derpy. You got a delivery for me today?" Thunderlane was confused on multiple counts. First: he didn't have a scheduled delivery today. Second: Derpy was holding a rock. Third: Derpy had something attached to her barrel, hanging down between her forelegs.
"YES!" Derpy bounced a little, and under her the two ta-tas bounced too. She passed Thunderlane the rock. "This is for you." As usual, Derpy didn't need much to actually get invited in. "Do you have a package for me to take?" Her grin knew no bounds. The question was an invitation in language Derpy was sure nopony would ever confuse (except for Rainbow Dash, although usually Derpy just followed up asking if Rainbow wanted to fuck).
The magic question. Thunderlane, being a stallion of sound body and mind (and most important, not married), nodded to Derpy. "I sure do, although I think you are going to have to give me some help with this package, it's… uh… excited?"
Derpy just laughed and pushed her way past Thunderlane. "I got something new to try!" The sound of the door slamming behind her was signal enough, and Derpy reared up and turned, showing off her casabas. "What do you think of these?"
Thunderlane stared. His pony brain wasn't wired with desire for breasts as these were, but something about the two, almost completely clear, bubbles on Derpy's chest drew his attention. "W-What can I do with—do to, those?" Approaching the gray sex-goddess of Ponyville (Canterlot, and as stated, anywhere else Derpy delivers), Thunderlane's thinky-thinky parts disengaged, and his hooves came up and started to rub the blinkers.
"Ohhhh…" Derpy pushed her chest forward. "I think you know what you are doing already." The mammas squished and squeezed on Derpy's chest, and the tugging at her actual fur and flesh that they were attached to was oddly arousing. "They're really slick." Derpy took hold of one of Thunderlane's hooves and pressed it up between her gedoinkers.
As his foreleg slid between the bubbles, little-Thunderlane came to full attention. "D-Derpy, I think I have something better to put between them than my leg." He was startled when Derpy flapped her wings and launched herself onto his couch. Thunderlane gave chase, only to find Derpy laying on her back.
Watching, staring down past the mountains on her chest, Derpy could see Thunderlane's penis hard, ready, and aimed right at her chest. "Well? What are you waiting for?"
Climbing on the couch, Thunderlane's blood was in short supply as he advanced up Derpy's body. He groaned as her forehooves caught his shaft, but he trusted her enough to guide him to her newest cleft. The soft squeezing against his tip was all Thunderlane needed. His hips bucked, and he drove his shaft between Derpy's bubbles.
Transferring her forehooves to her love apples, Derpy squeezed them around Thunderlane's shaft. It didn't take a genius like Twilight Sparkle to realize that the happily bucking stallion was having a good time. He shoved and pushed, grinding himself between her mazabas for all he was worth. "You like this? You love my titties, don't you?"
Deprived of the blood it normally needed to function, Thunderlane's brain was ready to agree to anything Derpy asked, and paired a groaned, "Oh Celestia YES!" to the vigorous nodding he gave. Somehow, it felt even better than regular sex. Just having those soft bubbles around him was the most intense feeling Thunderlane had experienced in his short (it certainly seems short and wasted, compared to the moments where he was fucking Derpy's bubbles—lack of blood to his brain didn't help things either) life.
Derpy knew the look of a stallion about to spray. In her line of work, judging orgasms was every bit as important as working out what mail went where (at least the way she delivered the mail it did). She titled her head forwards, watched the big pegasus dong cycling between her boulders, giggling as it almost booped her nose each time. "I want everything you got. Make it express!"
Thunderlane's tongue hang out the side of his mouth, and he let out a deep groan. On his back, the stallion's wings started to flap in excitement, and his balls twitched and jostled with tingles of imminent orgasm. Grinding forward as hard as he could, Thunderlane looked down and under himself to see that Derpy took the tip of his penis in her mouth. The sight of the eager mare was enough.
A shiver of bliss rolled up Thunderlane's spine, and his prostate sent out a flood of "happy" drugs into his system. Without a care in the world he began to unload into Derpy's waiting mouth.
Marveling at how her honkers seemed to transfer at least some good sensations to her chest, Derpy was happier knowing that she had just made Thunderlane's day. The hot, musky spray that shot into her mouth had to be gulped down fast, but from experience Derpy knew not to swallow everything.
After the third mouthful, Derpy finally pulled back and let go of her marshmallows. Thunderlane seemed to pull back from her, and she felt his paint himself all over her face, down her neck, and (when she dared to open her eyes and look) over her bazooms.
Thunderlane's legs wobbled. The rush of blood back into his body was welcome, but it let his brain start to work again. He looked at Derpy, the mare's bubbles covered with a trail of his seed that eventually led up and onto her nose, and just grinned.
"These are great, right?" Derpy's tongue snaked out and licked up and over her nose, cleaning a little of the mess from her snout.
Nodding and grinning was the extent of Thunderlane's mental capacity; something about Derpy's bubbles just seemed to suck every ounce of intelligence away and cause Thunderlane to agree to everything.
Derpy flapped her wings against the couch, and cycled her legs in the air as if she were galloping. "Yay! Human stuff is so cool. I wonder if Big Mac needs a rock?"
Author's Note
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