Out With The Old, In With The Blue
Spike was making his way downtown, letting the warmth of the morning sun heat his cold-blooded body, and waving a claw to everypony he passed. The young drake was filled with such mirth this morning, such brilliant joy that there was nothing in all of Equestria that could stop him from having a good time. He could have a whole pack of rowdy dragons mock him and call him names at that very moment, but it would have done little to damper his mood. Today was not like any other, for today was one of the days he’d get to spend time with his pony crush, Rarity.
The thought of her graceful figure brought Spike over the edge as he nearly collapsed in a blissful overload of his brains circuits. He, however, continued forward faster than before. He had to get to the boutique, he had to see her soon for he feared what’d he’d succumb to if he was separated from her any longer. The memories of the time they spent together no longer staving off his desire to be around her, help her out with her daily chores.
“Yes!” He shouted as the sight of the clothing store came into view. He picked up his pace and made a mad dash towards the building. A couple of ponies who were in his way were thrust off to the side as he knocked them off balance running by.
He then grew a frown upon his face when he saw a pony with a cart behind him appear in the path he was taking, but he did not let it deter him from his goal. As he came close to the cart, he dug his feet into the ground and launched himself into the air, soaring over the cart with ease. When he landed on the other side with a roll, he continued onward with all the will of a raging typhoon.
As he stepped in front of the door to Carousel Boutique, he leaned up against it to catch his breath. “Oh boy, that really took a lot out of me.” He then looked up at the door much larger than himself. “But it’s all worth it, after such a long while apart, I can finally come back here and help out the ever lovely Rarity.”
He knocked at the door once, but there was no answer. He knocked again and was greeted with the same response, nothing. “What?” He wondered aloud, but continued to knock even louder. Noticing he was getting no response from the occupants of the establishment, he decided to just test the door handle instead. Reaching up he gave it a twist and noticed it gave, pushing the door open to the clothing shop.
“Rarity, you in here?” Spike asked as he entered, noticing Rarity was off to the other side of the room, giggling like a school filly. “Rarity, what are you laughing about?” Spike tried to figure out what was going on, making his way over to the alabaster mare.
“Huh?” Rarity turned around to see Spike staring up at her with the textbook definition of a perplexed expression. “Oh, Spikey Wikey! I didn’t hear you come in. I got the biggest surprise to show you, come over here.”
Spike’s curiosity peaked, he walked over by Rarity’s side. “What’s this all about, Rar-” his sentence was cut off when he gazed upon what was perhaps the ugliest looking creature in all of Equestria. It was another baby dragon much like Spike, but he had blue scales that did not go well at all with his hair or under belly. His face looked like it got ran over by a truck five times, and for good measure went to a construction zone to get a jackhammer nose job. It was what Spike thought death looked like if it had a physical form.
“Spike, I’d like you to meet my latest assistant, Mighty!” Rarity beamed with enthusiasm.
“Urgh, I’m Mighty… watch me find stuff.” He skipped around the room grabbing an assortment of different fabrics. “Hehe, I find good stuff, Miss Rarity.” He placed the fabrics he found onto the counter next to the group.
“Wow, Mighty, how did you know this was exactly what I was looking for?” She scanned over the materials Mighty had set down.
“Cause I’m Mighty good at finding things.” He giggle snorted in a voice that’d make a foal cry for its mother. He then turned to Spike and winked, sending chills down the purple and green drakes back.
“Rarity, sorry to break this to you, but Mighty here is retarded. Like, Celestia’s solar powered orgasims, this dragon is making me want to take my eyes out and feed it to opalescence.”
“Spike!” Rarity shreked, “How could you say such a thing?”
“I’m sorry, Rarity. He’s mighty retarded. My mistake.” He then looked at the cloth that was laid on the counter. “And so what if he’s good at finding all this stuff, I can find this stuff too while also being pleasant to look at.” He looked up at Mighty. “Look, he even picks his nose to eat his boogers, Rarity. His boogers for Celestia’s sake!”
“They taste saaaaaalty~” He continued to scarf down the green substance. The blueness of his gullet obliterating any trace of the nostril secretions existence. It was to never return from the abyss of the blue stomach it was now trapped in.
“Well, but he’s so good at finding exactly what I need. Sure, it may look horrendous, but as Applejack puts it, ‘function over form’.”
“So now you’re telling me that I’m not good at performing my function.” Spike cried, his heart torn in two. “How could you say such a thing, everything was fine before all this. What prompted you to… to even consider such an idea?”
“Well, I run a business, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to improve efficiency. I always wanted to get this place running to a sort of standard I envisioned when I first got this place up and running, and Mighty he just showed up and made it all possible.” Rarity gave Spike a sheepish grin.
“I… I,” Spike stuttered. “You know what, screw this, I’m out of here. Apparently you’re into his blue looks, and would die to have my ruggish green complexion around here.” Spike then made his way to the door and slammed it in furious anger.
“Bye bye purple-green, dude.” He then finished off the last if his green boogers. “Back to finding stuff for Miss Rarity, I’m good at finding things.”
Yes you are, Mighty. Yes you are. There was no blueper in you coming to me today, most certainly not.” They both then went back to business as usual.
Author's Note
A eulogy for the loss of greenfiction. I'm sorry to inform you that we now live in the age of bluefiction.
