“Nonny! Lookie! I have a gift for you!”
Anon glances over at the pink pony and sees that she’s holding a bag in her mouth. He tilts his head. “What’s the occasion? You know my birthday isn’t for another few months. Is there some sort of holiday today?”
She shakes her head and drops the bag in front of him. “No no, I just felt like giving one of my bestest friends one of my new sweets! I’d love to hear what you think of it!”
Anon opens the bag and pulls out the sweet that lied therein. He takes a small bite of it, and a smile appears on his face. “This tastes amazing, Pinkie. Not that I expected any less from my favorite pink pony.”
Pinkie’s face turns a light shade of red, and she plays with her mane a little. “T-thank you, Anon. It means a lot for you to say that.” She quickly regains her composure and gives Anon a large smile. “Alright, I’ll make some more sweets for you! Prepare for the candy-ing!”
Anon attempts to speak up and convince her otherwise, but she’s already bouncing back into the kitchen. He sighs, finishes his coffee, and gets up to leave. He shouts back towards the kitchen, “See you later, Pinks!”
He steps outside onto the street and stretches out, the sun giving off a comfortable warmth. He pulls out his list of things to do out of his pocket and gives it a look-over.
1: Don’t be late to work again.
2: Seriously, don’t be late.
3: If you’re reading this, me, you’re definitely late.
“Well, shit.” He breaks out into a full sprint towards Sweet Apple Acres. Couldn’t argue with his past self, they probably knew better.
“Yar late, sugarcube.” Applejack looks down at Anon’s crumpled form having a decent dirt nap. He simply groans in response. The orange mare sighs and helps pull Anon to his feet. “Let’s get going. Just because yar a stallion don’t mean ya get ta sleep on the job, no matter what the girls say. Up ya go.”
Anon sighs as he stumbles after Applejack towards the field. “...today's is going to be a long day.”
✦
Anon drops the last bushel of apples by the stack and exhaled in relief. The sun was just past its peak, and the day was about to reach its hottest. He picks up the water jug by his feet and downs the last of its contents.
“Nice job, sugarcube. I think we’re ahead of schedule now.” Anon turned to the source of the voice to see Applejack carrying a bushel of apples on her back. She drops it by the pile and turned towards Anon. “Anyways, would...would you like to come in for lunch? Big Mac and Granny made a dang-good apple pie.”
Anon shakes his head. “Sorry, I already promised Twilight I’d join her for lunch. She wanted to talk to me about my human stuff.”
Applejack looked crestfallen for a moment, but it quickly vanishes, replaced instead by her usual smile. “It’s alright, sugarcube. Wouldn’t want to make ya miss anything important.” She quickly turns and trots off towards her home. “See ya next week!”
‘Oh, right, it’s Friday.’ Anon remembers that there was this one law stating it illegal for stallions to work on weekends, excluding family for family businesses.
Fucking pony laws.
Anon shrugs his worries off and heads towards Spurgle’s castle. Time for the weekly interrogation.
✦
“Now what’re y’all doin’ here?”
Anon and Pinkie glance over at Applejack, who had just stepped into Sugarcube corner and began glaring at Pinkie as soon as she saw her giving sweets to Anon.
Pinkie just grinned at her friend. “I’m giving Anon some new sweets! He said he liked my last sweets, so I’m giving more sweets to try!” She turns toward the human. “What do you think?”
He nods. “A bit too sweet for my tastes, but the lemon zing is a nice touch.”
Applejack was fuming. “Pinkie, can I talk to ya for a moment? In private?”
“Sure thing! We can go to my room!” She bounced off up the stairs.
When the two of them were alone in Pinkie’s room, Applejack stomped towards the pink mare and got up close to her face. “Now what have ya been doing to my-...to Anon? It’s not like ya to just give sweets to stallions.”
“Oh, Anon is talking about how he’s always hungry, so I decided he might become interested in me if I gave him a bunch of foods he enjoyed!” Pinkie gave Applejack a smirk. “You jelly of my superior food seduction skills?”
Applejack gritted her teeth and slammed her front hoof on the ground. “Are them fighting words?”
Pinkie’s smirk only became larger. “Of course not, Jacky! Maybe we can just have a friendly competition on who can win Anon’s heart...and stomach.”
They shook hooves on it. As Pinkie dubbed it, the ‘Anon Food Fight’ had begun.
✦
“Nonny!” “Anon!”
Anon looked up from his paper to see both Pinkie and Applejack walk towards him, both carrying bags of food.
“What’s up, Applejack? You bringing me food too?”
She nodded, and the two ponies dropped their bags onto the table. Pinkie smiled and unwrapped hers, Anon couldn’t help but drool at the sight of it. He didn’t bother to ask what it was, it was down his gullet in moments. He burped and gave a smile to Pinkie. “Thank you, Pinkie. It was amazing, as usual.” The pink pony grinned in response.
Applejack pushed past and unwrapped her gift: an apple fritter. She smiles up at Anon. “Why don’t you give mine a try, sugarcube? Only baked with the freshest apples the farm got to offer.”
Anon gave her a sad smile. “Sorry, Applejack, but I can’t. I’m a bit full at the moment, and I don’t want to get sick from eating too much. Maybe another day?”
Applejack sighed and wrapped the fritter up. “Sure thing.”
Anon pulled Applejack into a quick hug. “I do appreciate the thought, though.” He didn’t see Applejack’s face turn a similar color to the apples on her flank, nor the disapproving glare Pinkie gave to her friend.
✦
Applejack threw down her hat in rage. She lost against Pinkie AGAIN. She feels fumes heating up her face and tears running down her cheeks. He kept making excuses for why he couldn’t or didn’t want to eat her foods, and she was sick of the constant rejection. Applejack looks up at Anon, eyes red with tears and face red with frustration. “A-anon, do you not like me? Do you think my apples are...b...bad?” She choked back a sob.
Anon places down the pink pony, who was previously cuddled in his lap, and shakes his head. “No, no, it’s not that,” Pinkie runs off up the stairs, bouncing and giddy, “I think you’re a great mare, and I’m sure your apples are delicious. It’s just that…” He closes his eyes and sighs.
“I’m allergic to apples.”
✦
Twilight sips her tea, eyes closed and the warm sunlight shining on her face.
“So, how is Applejack doing?” Anon puts down his cup of coffee and leans back into his seat.
Twilight opens her eyes and looks towards Anon. “Well, she’s still in the psychiatric ward of the hospital, but she’s managing to form full sentences again. She should be out and working within the month.”
Anon sighs in relief. “That’s good. I was honestly shocked to see Applejack froth at the mouth when I told her about my condition.”
Twilight giggles a little. “You know Applejack and her apples. Last time somepony brought a banana onto the farm she sent them to the ER.”
“Nonny! I have my sweets for you!”
Anon grabs the confectionary and takes a bite out of it. “Thanks, Pinks, it’s nice you’re always making these things for me. Anyways, what are they this time?”
Pinkie’s grin grows. “Oh, I decided to make candy apples, since Applejack isn’t around to get you apple-related stuff. Can I get some snuggles in exchange?”
Both Anon and Twilight stare at each other, dead silent. Pinkie looks between the two of them and her smile fades. “What, do you not like it, Anon?”
“Twilight, I’d appreciate if you could teleport me to the ER and get a bucket of epinephrine. Right now.”
Author's Note
Listened to this while making this piece of work:
Anyways, I need to chill on releasing stories every day. As fun as these little shitposts are, they're pretty short and limited. So, no new fics for a bit, I have some bigger fish to fry.
Thanks to everyone for all the favorites and follows over the last few days, it means a lot.
