If This Is Hell, I've Been A Good Boy.

by Greyson

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Romance, Self Insert, Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia
Length: 135441

Home; your safe place, your sanctuary, your place of refuge. It's that flat that you share with your partner, or the three bedroom house at the end of the street...

...Or it's the multicoloured wonderland that I've found my ass unceremoniously dropped into by fate itself, who unluckily pulled my golden ticket out of the Go-Fuck-Myself lottery.

Lucky me.

Follow our protagonist, Alexander Ian Greyson, as he discovers his place in the world of our favourite Equine friends, where he will take part in multiple key events in the shows' history, fight beings he should literally stand no realistic chance against, and maybe even find love?

It's literally your average HiE fic, except the guy is British, swears like there's no tomorrow and can (and will be) a sarcastic but hilarious arsehole at the best of times. Gather round kids, it's fun for the whole family!

AN
(This story starts at the beginning of FiM, so good ol' Alex will take part in many main events in the show throughout the story. Also, the story may contain some dark humour, a Brit, references to things that no other member of the story will understand, and a lot of profanity. Like, a lot of profanity. I mean seriously, if there was a scale from 1-10 of how much profanity this story contains, the scale would break and twist itself into a middle finger. With this in mind, I'll keep the rating at T. Should the story be required to be upped to the oh so family friendly M, I will do so. Gore *may* be mentioned, though not to the point where it gets too morbid. Graphic scenes, such as sex and/or death, will not be written. Sorry lads, maybe next time.)

Published 2017-12-23 01:00:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-02 02:10:34 UTC

Oh Hey, I'm Legal Now

A Matter Of Identity

"-and that's when you got here." I finish, smiling at the solar diarch standing in front of me. Around 10 to 20 minutes after my unwilling participation in the Human-Pillow experiment, Celestia had decided to make an appearance. Needless to say, she was rather confused, amused, and curious as to what she'd stumbled upon.

"Okay...But, why exactly is my sister curled up in your lap like a cat?" Asks Celestia, staring at the still somehow sleeping princess of the night. 'Hey, that's what I thought.' Looking down at the mare, and back up, I shrug.

"Maybe she's decided that the life of a feline beats the life of a princess?" I remark, getting a blank stare in return. "As I said, your majesty, she fell asleep, and ended up using me as a makeshift pillow. And I couldn't be arsed waking her up and most likely being abracadabra'd out of existence for such a treasonous act." I reply. Chuckling, she nods, before looking back down at her sister.

"Yes, Lulu has been known to react in a non-royal manner when disturbed.." She admits. Gently levitating a sleeping Luna off of me, Celestia turns to me. "I shall take my sister to her chambers. As for you, Greyson, I'd suggest returning to your own. Tomorrow is your final day here in the castle, and there are a few matters we need to discuss before you return to Ponyville." Nodding, I stand up. 'It's been a week already? Shit, where'd the time go-oh wait a second. The coma. Right, forgot about you.'

"Such as?" I ask, walking beside the mare.

"Making you an official Equestrian Citizen, for a start, and making sure any lingering side effects from the magic in your body aren't harmful, to name a few." She answers. Nodding, we continue walking in silence. Reaching Luna's chambers, I open the door for Celestia, who chuckles. "Always the gentlecolt, I see."

"When am I not?" She opens her mouth. "Don't answer that." And she closes it. "Welp, I'm off to bed. G'night, Princess." I say, walking away from the princess.

"Good night, Mr Greyson." She replies, before entering Luna's room. Entering my own room, I take in the scene in front of me. The room was still a mess from how I'd left it, with clothes littered about and the drawers from the cupboard still scattered around the room. Too tired to care right now, I climb into bed, throwing a loose shirt onto the floor. 'I'll sort this place out in the morning. I'm sure Springs won't be that angry, right? Right.'

"WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED IN HERE?!" It would appear that I was most mistaken.

"HOLY FU-OW, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" Came my muffled reply, buried under the quilt that had followed me off of the bed and onto the floor. Getting my head out from under it, I come face-to-muzzle with Spring Cleaning. And boy, does she look pissed. 'Welp, I'm dead.'

"Greyson." She growls, eye twitching.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Comes my reply, trying my hardest not to falter under her intense gaze. 'Holy hell I did not think this through last night.'

"What. Happened. In. Here!" She demands, getting into my face. 'I had a sesh with the lads, obviously.'

"To make a long story short, I couldn't find the stash of alcohol I robbed from your boyfriend, so I ended up trashing the room until said alcohol was found." I explain, praying that she would be merciful. Her anger diminishes somewhat, and she backs away, allowing me to get myself out of the fluffy fortress I was buried under. "By the way, tell your boyfriend to get something stronger. Bacolti, or whatever it's called, is not strong in the slightest." At this, she laughs.

"Really?" She chuckles, as I stand up." Bacolti is one of the strongest alcohols in Equestria. There's no way you-" She's cut off, however, when I make my way towards the balcony and retrieve the 5 empty bottles of Bacolti I had drunk last night. Dropping the 5 empty bottles onto the bed, I smirk at her flabbergasted look.

"Wanna bet, sweetheart?" I say, picking up an empty bottle. Kobe'ing the bottle into a nearby bin, I fall backwards onto the bed.

"Bu-bu-ho-h-how? Half a bottle is enough to get the average mare drunk, let alone an entire bottle. But f-five? How are you even alive? " She stutters, astonished at how I'd gone through 5 bottles of what was apparently one of the strongest drinks in Equestria, with little to no after-effects. 'I'm just that good, kiddo.'

"Haven't you heard, Springs? I'm God himself. Bow before me, mortal." I joke, striking a pose, receiving a chuckle from the maid, who had now gone about picking up the clothes lying around.

"Are you always like this?" She asks, picking up one of my shirts.

"Handsome, charming, and well-dressed?" I answer. Shaking her head, she chuckles at my antics. 'She's not angry anymore, at least.'

"Cute. No, just carefree, I mean." 'Carefree?' Giving the mare a confused look, she looks to the side, and back to me. "I've not heard the full story, but I do know from Flash that you were thrown into Equestria and you defeated Lu-Nightmare Moon herself, all in just a day. Then, that idiotic prince tries to kill you, and the first thing you do is crack jokes?
Seriously? And when you were out for two days, as well. How? How can you be so calm about everything?" 'Oh boy, more explaining. Huzzah.'

Giving the mare my full attention, I tell her exactly what I told the three royals during breakfast four days past. Finishing my explanation, she nods, and turns to continue cleaning the room. However, I wasn't finished with the mare yet. 'Now then...'

"By the way, Springs?" I say, bringing her attention back to me.

"Yes, Greyson?" She replies, turning to face me, before shrinking back at my dark gaze.

"Don't think I didn't notice your little slip up, sweetheart." Not giving her a chance to voice her confusions, I continue. "I know you, Flash and quite a few other ponies are still scared of Luna, and that you all think that at any moment, she could try bringing back eternal night and all that bollocks. That needs to stop. Now. Luna, for all her quirks, does not deserve the treatment you lot are giving her behind her back. Does she plan on ending the world, as you lot seem to think? No. She is not Nightmare Moon, Springs. She is an entirely different pony, and at the same time, a princess at that, so show the poor girl some respect, understand?" I finish, looking at the maid.

Nodding her head, I realise that the tone I had taken had scared the mare, who was ever so slightly shaking. 'Great job, Alex. You've terrified a pony nearly half your size. Congratulations, here's a certificate in Cuntonometry. Sort her out, mate.'

"Hey, Springs, you good? I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to get my point across that that crazy princess friend of mine is not as enthusiastic at the prospect of eternal night as most of you lot seem to think." I say, wrapping my arms around her neck I'm not angry with you or anything, sweetheart." I reassure her, wrapping my arms around the mare, which she slowly returns. Feeling her nod, I release the mare, glad to see that she had now visibly calmed down. Standing up, I look at the maid. "Right, enough of this sappyness. I don't need Flash thinking I've stolen his marefriend." Blushing at the mention of her coltfriend, she smiles.

"I'm sure he knows that I wouldn't just leave him like that, even if the other stallion is a rather cute one." She says, giving me a flirtatious look. 'Someone's getting cheeky. Speaking of, where is Flash anyway? He should be here by now.'

"Other stallion?" Turning to the door, we see the guard in question making his way into the room, myself chuckling at his surprise at the state of the room. "What happened in here?" He asks, before his eyes widen in horror and shock, turning to face me. "Was it Prince Blueblood? Were you attacked?!" '0-100 real quick, Flash. Calm your tits.' Chuckling at my friend's sudden change in behaviour, I wave of his assumptions.

"Nope, I'm good mate." Sighing in relief, he looks around the room, before his eyes settle on the bed. Making his way towards it, he picks up one of the empty bottles of Bacolti, eyes widening in realisation.'Oh shit, I forgot about them.'

"Greyson?" He growls. 'Well this aint good.'

"Yeeeees?"

"Where. Did you. Get these?" He asks, gesturing to the 5 empty bottles lying on the bed, keeping his eyes fixed on the bottles.

"Would you believe me if I say I 'happened' to find them lying about?" I answer, slowly edging towards the door, Springs already having made her way outside. Reaching the doorway, I watch as Flash suddenly rounds on me, an expression of pure anger etched onto his muzzle. 'Oh shit.'

"YOU SON OF A-"

"GOTTAGOSEEYABYE!" Sending the guard a two fingered salute, I dash out the room and down the corridor, an absolutely pissed of guard hot on my tail.

"GET BACK HERE, GREYSON!"

"I'M GOOD, THANKS!"

"I'M GONNA KICK YOUR FLANK!" Our little game of cat and mouse had been going on for the past five minutes, give or take, with myself running down corridors and turning corners with Flash Sentry in hot pursuit. I'm positive I'd passed Shining Armour at some point, who took one look at me and shrugged, smirking at my predicament.'Traitorous arsehole.'

I also passed Blueblood and his two guardpony escort as well. The blonde bastard didn't even try to hide his contempt for me. Neither did I, actually, as I give him the bird as I run past. 'Well Alex, it's gonna take a miracle to get out of this one, mate-OOF' And a miracle I got, in the form of God himself. Or, herself, should I say. Looking up from my new position on the floor, I give Celestia a sheepish smile.

"How you doin, Princess?" I say, meeting her amused expression. Seconds later, I'm sent a couple metres down the corridor, one Flash Sentry standing above me. 'Not the face, not the face, not the face.'

"Got you, you little-" He's unable to finish his sentence, however, when a regal voice demands his immediate attention.

"Private?" Calls the solar diarch. As if he were a robot, the stallion jumps off of me, snapping to attention. 'That's mildly creepy, not gonna lie.'

"Your Majesty?" He replies, facing the mare.

"What has Mr Greyson got himself into this time?" 'Oh for gods sake.'

"Life imprisonment, if you keep calling me that Sunshine." I pitch in, getting to my feet. Ignoring my threat, she keeps her attention on Flash, who was fighting to keep his embarrassment in check.

"Well, your majesty, he uh...he took my private collection of...erm..,Bacolti, Princess." 'Fucking grass.' Raising an eyebrow at this, she chuckles.

"I'll take it from here, Private. Thank you." She says, nodding at the guard. Dismissed, he salutes once more and heads down the corridor, but not before giving me a look that one could easily translate to meaning I'm-Gonna-Fuck-You-Up-Later. Once he was out of sight, Celestia turns to me, raising an eyebrow at my shit eating grin. We hold this staring contest for a few moments, before I notice a grin slowly beginning to make it's way onto Celestia's muzzle. Seconds later, and the pair of us burst out laughing.

A minute passes, and the pair of us have managed to calm ourselves down. "Oh, you are truly one of a kind, Greyson." She says, giving me a kindhearted smile. 'Oh, you have no idea.' Giving the mare a bow, I take on a comical accent.

"Yes, I know. I'm amazing, Princess. Bask in my presence." Comes my definitely not self-centred reply. Shaking her head at my antics, Celestia raises a hoof, pointing down the corridor.

"Well, as we have managed to run into each other, literally, in your case, shall we get started on today's affairs?" She asks, gesturing for me to follow her. 'Oh yea, we got things to talk about.'

"Yea, sure. Not like I have anything to do today, anyway." I say, trailing behind her.

"Splendid."

"Will Shakespeare or Cade be joining us, Sunshine?" I ask, making myself comfortable on the floor.

"Cadance is spending time with her fiancee." 'Understandable. "And...Shakespeare? Is that meant to be my sister?" Another nod. "I don't understand. Who is this pony, Shakespeare?

"Not a pony, but a human. A pretty famous one, actually. He wrote a bunch of plays back in the day, and all of them are written in the form of speech that Luna uses." I explain. "His plays are very popular, and I had to study a few of them for my English exams." 'An absolute ball ache, though. How I got a B- and not an F is beyond me."

"Interesting. We shall have to speak more on this Shakespeare at a later date. For now, let us focus on the matters at hand." She says, her horn lighting up. "Now, this will only take a second. 'Erm, what? What are you up to?

"Princess? What are..you..doing...whoa, this feels weeeird~. Is this what being high feels like?" As it seems, whatever she was doing was making me feel as if I was on Cloud 9. As quickly as the feeling appeared, it was gone, as her horn returned to normal. "Mind telling me what you just did, Sunshine?" I ask, confused as to what it was exactly that she'd just done.

"I performed a quick magical examination on you, so as to ensure there were no lingering side effects to your body from the magic inside of you. Thankfully, there were none that I could find, so you're perfectly safe." She explains. 'Huzzah, I'm not dying today!' "With that out of the way, let us move onto something just as important.

Levitating a scroll, a quill and a jar of ink towards me, she places the three items down in front of me. Taking hold of the scroll, I begin looking over it's contents. Upon finishing, I look at Celestia. "Well?" She asks.

Now, the scroll in question was, in fact, a document. A document that, if signed by me, would identify me as an official citizen of Equestria. I'd be under the jurisdiction of both Celestia and Luna, and I'd be entitled to all the benefits that came with citizenship. Free healthcare, for example. At the same, I'd have to follow every law that came with being a citizen. This wasn't a big problem for me, as I didn't plan on being in a cell any time soon. With this is mind, and the fact that I was now stuck in Equestria permanently, signing this document shouldn't be a hard decision. 'Meh, why not?' Dipping the quill in the ink pot, I sign the document.

I was now an Equestrian Citizen. Looking back up at Celestia, I suddenly feel a terrible sense of loss. Looking back down at the document, my signature in particular, I realise what exactly I had just done. 'Oh my god...'

By signing that document, I was no longer a citizen of the United Kingdom anymore. I'd just willingly legitimised myself into a different nation, without even thinking about back home. Dropping the quill, I stare at the document in shock, unable to move. Concerned with my sudden shift in behaviour, Celestia moves to my side.

"Greyson? What's wrong?" She asks, looking me over. On the outside, I would look perfectly alright. Inside, however? I was an emotional train wreck. I don't know why this had taken so long, but it would seem that the fact that I was never going to see my home again, and all those that I cared about, had finally decided to hit me full on, as wave after wave of anger, sadness, loss and every other emotion under the sun fought for dominance.

"What's wrong?" I mutter, still staring at the scroll. "I'm trapped in a world in which I don't belong. I'll never my home, or my friends, or my planet ever again. I'm the only human being to exist here, in a world of magical ponies. And to top it all off?" I say, my voice beginning to crack. "I just signed myself to a whole different country without even giving a fucking thought about ANY OF IT!"

The wave of emotions that had suddenly decided to make themselves apparent overwhelmed me, as tears began falling from my eyes. Feeling a sudden warmth envelop me, I look up, realising that Celestia was comforting me. Unable to stop myself, I throw my arms around her neck, my entire body shaking as I sob into her fur.

I don't know how long we'd been sat here like this, one emotionally unstable human crying into the neck of one immortal, godlike pony, but it was long enough for me to calm down to the point in which I wasn't crying like a child anymore.

"Sorry...I uh....I...Yea...that just happened, I guess." I say, still holding onto the mare. 'She's fuzzy. Didn't notice that. And she smells like cake and bananas. What perfume do you use, lady?'

"You don't need to apologise for anything, Greyson." She replies, tightening her hold. "You've been through a lot already, and a reaction like this was inevitable. In fact, it came as a surprise to all of us when, after I'd told you that you could never return to Earth, you didn't react like this then. At first, we did not think that you believed me, that you weren't taking what I had said seriously. Now, it's evident that you were just in shock at such drastic news, and that by signing that document, it was the final nail in the coffin, so to speak." Nodding with her logic, I sigh.

"Yea, I guess so. So, I'm really stuck here? Forever?" I ask, letting go of the mare. Giving me a sad smile, she nods.

"Yes. If we return you to Earth, the magic in your body will cease to exist, and after what your body went through to adapt with it, the sudden void left by the magic would be to much for your body to handle, and you would quickly perish. I'm sorry, Greyson, truly I am." She says, looking at me apologetically. Giving the mare a small smile, I look her in the eyes.

"Alexander, Sunshine." I say. 'Wonder how she'll react to this.'

"Alexander?" Comes her confused reply.

"My name, Princess. Alexander, Ian, Greyson. Just thought you'd like to know." To my surprise, she chuckles. 'Well, she's taking this much better than Luna did.' Giving the mare a perplexed stare, she smiles.

"I had a feeling that there was more to you than you were letting on, Mr Alexander." She says, giving me a playful grin. 'Wonder what the Equestrian punishment for murder is.'

"I honestly hate you, you know that?" I groan, dropping my head in my hands.

"Be careful, Alex." She playfully warns. "You're an Equestrian Citizen now, and disrespecting a member of royalty isn't a wise course of action." Chuckling, I look back up.

"What you gonna do? Arrest me?" I say, crossing my arms and giving the mare a smug smile. Seeing the surrounding cushions rise into the air, and the cocky smile adorning Celestia's muzzle, my own smile fades. 'Oh not again..'

"As tempting as that may be, I have a much more simpler way of dealing with such insolent individuals, like yourself." 'I hate everything, so much.'

"Has anyone ever told you that you're actually just a massive cun-" And then, once more, a cushiony veil of darkness fell over me once more.

Author's Note

Emotions. What horrible, horrible things. Well, with both Luna and Celestia now done, the next chapter will most likely involve Cadance and Shining, and then Alex's departure.

90 Likes, 14 dislikes, and 97 comments. I know I've been talking about how amazing you guys are, in like, the last two AN's, but I seriously cannot stress how brilliant you lot are. I was not expecting such a positive reaction to this fanfic, especially when I've never written anything serious like this before. And yet, I've gotten nothing but praise and constructive feedback from you guys. ~~And lawsuits for a few ruptured lungs here and there, but oh well.~~ Cheers everyone.

Until next time, folks! Peace.

I Leave For A Week, And This Is What Happens?

Homeward Bound

After that emotional episode with Celestia, we'd moved onto discussing other subjects, the most prominent one being about Prince Blueblood. 'About time we got to that little prick.' After some discussion, and an argument about how the death penalty wasn't legal here, we finally reached an accord. Whenever I was to visit the castle, Blueblood would be under constant escort by at least two royal guards, and that he would not be allowed to take part in any activities that I'd be involved in.

At the same time, I was not to go seeking revenge on the prick, as much as I would've loved to. Whilst this was a very lenient punishment for someone who had almost murdered somebody else, the guy was still royalty. I would have tried to push his punishment further, but I could easily tell that this whole situation was having an effect on Celestia, who was understandably upset at having to punish her nephew. 'Sure, the prick deserves a whole lot more than being grounded like a 5 year old, but I'd much rather not be evaporated by Sunshine for pushing the matter further than it already is. Oh well, I'll find a way.'

"Well, I do believe that is everything we needed to discuss." She says, rising to her hooves and heading towards the study door, myself following behind. Stepping out of the study, Celestia turns to me. "Remember, Greyson, you leave for Ponyville this afternoon. Luna is in her room, and I shall be holding audiences for my little ponies in the next few minutes, if you wish to spend time with either of us." 'Hmm...Choices, choices.'

"Well, Luna would probably curl up on my lap again, and I prefer having proper blood ciruclation down there to be honest. And as fun as watching you preside over us humble peasants would surely be, I'd probably be to much of a distraction to those who're coming to see you. So I'd be doing you a favour, Sunshine. You're most welcome, no need to thank me." Comically bowing, I get a chuckle from the royal.

"Yes, I do believe that your presense may very well shock the nobles. Though, it would be a most entertaining sight. Very well, I shall let you spend your time how you wish." She says, before beginning to make her way down the corridor.

"By the way," I say, getting her attention. "When do you plan on introducing me to your subjects, anyway?" I ask, realising that, to my knowledge at least, only those in the castle and Ponyville knew I actually existed. "I can't just stay known around here and in Ponyville, Sunshine. Word'll get out, eventually, if it already hasn't, about some handsome looking creature in the castle."

"The Grand Galloping Gala will soon be upon us. Provided nothing happens that causes your existence to become general knowledge, I hope to introduce you to my subjects there." She answers. 'Fair enough, I guess.'

"Alright, nice. Well, have fun with court. In a bit, Princess." I reply, watching the princess make her way down the corridor, and around the corner, now out of sight.

Having no idea on what to do now, I settle for wandering around the castle, waiting for something interesting to happen. Though, preferably keeping away from Flash for the time being, seeing as how the guy was likely hiding around the corner somewhere, waiting to beat the everlasting shit out of me. 'Hope I don't get lost, however fun that would be. Oh mate, I could just hide in one of these rooms and have, like, 6 search parties after me. Man, that would be funny as hell.'

'Seriously, how many goddamn corridors are there in this castle? Jesus Christ, man.' Coming around what must have been the 20th corner in the past 5 minutes, I find myself looking upon a set of doors. Not recognising these ones, I conclude that they lead to a room I'd yet to see. 'Alright boys and girls, what's behind curtain number 1?' Opening the doors, I'm pleasantly surprised to see that the room in question was, in fact, a giant library, with hundreds upon hundreds of books
all organised and lined up in bookshelves, of which there must be a couple dozen of. 'Fuck me, this is Sparky's wet dream.'

"It's quite a sight, isn't it?" A voice says, bringing me out of my stupor. Turning to the pony at my side, I'm even more surprised to see that the pony in question was, in fact, Princess Cadance.

"That it is. How you doin', Princess?" I greet the royal.

"I'm well, thank you Greyson. Or, should I call you Alexander?" She says, smirking. Chuckling, I shake my head.

"Whichever tickles your fancy, Cadance." I reply, looking at the mare. "So where's the cap? You two have been inseparable for the past day and a half." I ask, noticing his absence.

"Shining's on duty, unfortunately. But he'll be there this afternoon for your send off. Then the pair of us plan on going out to dinner." She replies. 'Aww, that's nice of him.'

"Fair one. So, what're you doing here, anyway? Booking a table for this date, perhaps?" Giving me a blank stare, I sigh. "Oh come on. That was good."

"You're hopeless, Alex." 'Most likely.' "But to answer your question, I was actually looking for you." She admits. 'Oh?'

"Moi? Why's that?" I ask, confused as to why she was seeking me in particular.

"Well, with today being your last day at the castle, I thought it would be good to spend some time with you, seeing as how the few times we've seen each other has usually involved something drastic happening." 'Yea. Drastic. That's one word for it.'

"Drastic? Oh please. Haven't you heard? Attempted murders and magical comas are a daily occurrence for me, sweetheart." I say, getting a laugh out of the mare.

"Sounds exciting. Maybe you should write a biography. It might end up in here." She says, gesturing to the countless shelves of books lining the walls.

"Heh, wouldn't that be something. So what d'you wanna do, anyway?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Well I thought we could talk about ourselves. For starters, how has living in Ponyville gone for you?" At this, I laugh. 'Oh mate, where do I begin?'

"Oh, trust me love, it's been interesting. I've gotten in a fight, got a temporary job at an apple farm, been buried under a few dozen mountains of books by Sparkles, and if you haven't already heard, I saved the world. You know, just a usual day in Ponyville." Moving further into the library, we make our way over to the corner of the room. Lying down on a sofa, whilst Cadance sat opposite in one of the two chairs, I raise my hands in a questioning matter. "So Cadance. What else d'you wanna know?"

Whilst myself and Cadance were talking about whatever subject either of us had brought up, such as how Cadance was, in fact, Twilight Sparkles foalsitter when she unicorn in question was a mere filly, Shining Armour had decided to make an appearance. Settling down, we included him into our conversation, which eventually lead to him being told my actual name. At first, he was confused as to why I'd hidden this fact from everypony, but he understood my caution when I explained my reasoning to him. Eventually, Cadance decided to ask me what exactly occurred during that fateful encounter between myself and Nightmare Moon.

Regaling the pair with how the climatic confrontation transpired, they were unsurprisingly surprised at how it ended. And entertained.

"-and I told her, 'How about I take this finger right here, and I shove it right up your fucking arse!" I finish, before nearly dropping off of the couch, unable to breath properly. Looking over to my audience, it would appear that they were both having difficulty breathing as well, what with the three of us laughing our collective asses off. Composing herself, Cadance looks me in the eyes, on the razors edge of falling once more into a fit of laughter.

"Oh....Oh Celestia...That's just...Seriously? You told Nightmare Moon to...to do that? Unbelievable." She says, wiping tears away from her eyes. Ignoring Shining, who had yet to fully recover, I turn to Cadance.

"I know, I know. I got balls of steel, sweetheart, and I tell it how it is." I say, chuckling, leaning back into the sofa. "How long do I have left before I leave" I ask out loud, forgetting when exactly I was due to return to Ponyville. As much as I'd loved being here for the week, I was finding myself missing the girls back at Ponyville. 'I can't wait to tell them what's happened. Oh fuck me, Sparky is gonna flip! And Rarity, as well, when I tell her how much of a cunt her dreamboat Prince is. Their reactions are gonna be priceless.

"You have a few hours left, I think." Answers Shining, looking to a nearby clock on the wall. Nodding in appreciation, I look at Cadance, before I suddenly realise something. 'What's your job, exactly?'

"Hey, Cadance.

"Yes, Greyson?" She replies, looking at me.

"So, if Celestia is the Princess off the Day, and Luna the night, what exactly are you the princess off?" I ask, not actually knowing what her title would be.

"Love." Is her simple, prideful reply. 'Erm...What?'

"Love?"

"Love, Greyson. I, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, am the Princess of Love." She says again, staring at me as if I was meant to be amazed at such a title.

"Riiiight...Okay then. So on the one hand, we have Princess Celestia, who can control the sun and rules the day. In the other hand, we have Princess Luna, who controls the moon and the night. Finally, we have Princess Cadance, who controls an emotion. What's next? A princess of Friendship?" I say, playfully mocking the royal, who pouts at me.

"Hey, love is more than just an emotion, Alexander!" 'Yea, whatever helps you sleep at night sweetheart.' "Isn't that right, Shiny?" She asks, turning towards the captain, who was trying his hardest, yet failing, to not laugh at how easily his fiancee had taken my bait. Quickly realising that the pair of us were only messing around, she sighs, before laughing alongside her husband.

"So what does that make Blueblood? Prince of being an absolute prick?" I ask, causing the pair to laugh even harder.

"That's not his official title, no. In fact, he's not actually a prince of anything." Admits the royal.

"Really? So, what? He's just prince because of his aunt?" Getting a nod, I sigh. "Lucky bastard." Getting up from the sofa, I crack my neck and turn to the pair of ponies, who were also getting to their hooves. "Well, as much as I've loved spending time with the pair of you, and regaling you with the tales of my heroism and bravery in the face of insurmountable odds, I should probably start sorting myself out. I need to start packing." I say, moving towards the doors. "I'll see you both at my sending off party, yea?"

"We'll both be there to see you off, Greyson, yes." Answers Cadance, leaning into her fiancee, who returns the affectionate gesture. Smiling at the sight, I nod.

"Good. See you then, kiddos." And with that, I exit the library and begin making my way to my room. 'Right then, which corridor was it again?'

An hour and 45 minutes later, and everything was prepared for. The bag that I'd brought with me was packed with the clothes that used to lay across the floor, the room now returned almost exactly to the state I'd found it upon arriving here, and I was all ready to go. Hearing a knock at the door, I open it, finding myself looking upon Celestia herself. 'Shit, when did Springs become a princess?'

"Huh, you're not Springs." I say, confused as to why my maid friend wasn't the one coming to collect me. Or Flash, for that matter.

"Very perceptive of you, Greyson." She chuckles. "Mrs Springs will be joining us shortly, along with those you have befriended during your stay."

"Oh god, not Blueblood." I groan. Laughing at my feigned horror, she shakes her head.

"I don't think my nephew will be attending. Come, let us be off." She says, as I step out of the room to join her. Making our way down the corridor, she glances at me. "I hope recent events haven't put us in a negative light, Alexander." She says.

"Sunshine, even with the attempted murders, and being told that this place is my new home, that view from the balcony still gets this place a 5 star rating in my book." I joke, nodding to a passing guard. 'Premier Inn aint got shit on this place.' Sighing in relief, she nods.

"So tell me, Greyson. How have you found living in Equestria?" 'Interesting. Very, very interesting.'

"Those who don't know me see me as an alien who probably wants to eat their children, the drinks here are weak as all hell, and I've nearly been killed at least 5 times in the past month alone." I answer, ignoring the flash of guilt come across Celestia's muzzle. "But hey, it's my home, now." At this, she smiles. "Even with the negatives, I'm still loving this place so far." Nodding, we continue walking, before I look once more to the princess.

"Y'know, you've helped me settle in more than you know, Sunshine." At this, she tilts her head in confusion.

"Oh? How so?"

"If it weren't for that announcement you made when we returned to Ponyville, I'd of probably been lynched by the locals, by now." I answer. "I think they've gotten used to me now, and are beginning to treat me as one of their own. Even though I haven't even lived there that long, It's feeling like home." It was true. Whilst I was still reeling over the loss of Earth, this world, and it's inhabitants, were starting to rub off on me. 'Damn, a world of magical ponies is apparently a good place to live. Shit man, who'd of thought that? Oh wait, me I guess.'

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that." Says Celestia, beaming at my words. "Whilst Equestria may never be able to replace your own home, I hope that it can fill a part of the void left by your loss of Earth.

"For my sake, I hope so." I say, turning another corridor. Looking at the large set of doors before us, I realise that we'd reached the end of our journey. "After you, m'lady." I say, opening the doors for the princess.

"Never change, Alex." Celestia laughs, stepping outside into the courtyard with me following behind.

"The world would be a boring place if that ever happened, Sunshine."

Walking with Celestia towards the centre of the courtyard, I see that the carriage I'd arrived here to begin with was once again going to be used for my return. Looking a bit more to the right, and I can see the farewell committee. Princess Luna, Cadance, Shining Armour, Spring Cleaning and Flash Sentry. 'Hope Flash doesn't hate me, still.'

"Hope I haven't kept you all waiting too long." I say, standing before them all.

"Nay, thou is on time." Replies Luna. 'Punctuality is key, or so my teachers used to say.'

"Aah, good. So, I guess this is it, boys and girls." Gesturing to the carriage, I chuckle. "You really need to get a bigger carriage, Sunshine. I was lucky enough not to break my neck the first time I got into this glorified coffin."

"Maybe if you ask our designers nicely, they'll consider such a request." Quips Celestia.

"Bring 'em to the Gala, then, I'm sure we could work something out." I shoot back.

"Wait, you'll be attending the Gala?" Asks a surprised Cadance.

"Not of my own choice, no. Cheers for that, by the way." I send a glare at Celestia, who tries to look as innocent as possible.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Mr Alexander." 'For fuck sake, Celestia!'

"I swear to god, I will come to this Gala for the express purpose of slapping the shit out of you in front of everybody in attendance." I growl, debating whether or not it would actually be worth it.

"Well that would certainly break the annual monotony of the Gala, I'm sure, but I digress." She replies, smirking, before adopting her usual regal appearance. "This carriage is ready to return you to Ponyville, once you've said your goodbyes to everypony." Nodding, I make my way over towards Flash, who still didn't look happy with me. 'Oh come on, is he still pissed?'

"Flash, buddy, are we still friends?" I ask, giving the stallion a hopeful smile. Getting a hoof to the side, courtesy of his marefriend, he sighs.

"Yea Greyson, I guess so." He relents. Holding a hand out, he shakes it, as I laugh.

"If anything mate, get something stronger. That stuff was weak as all hell, man." I say, leaving the stallion as speechless at Spring's was when I first told her. Turning to the maid, I raise an eyebrow. "Within 24 hours of meeting me, Springs, you stood up to Prince Blueblood. You are, without a doubt, the most badass maid in existence." I say, the pair of us laughing. Lowering myself to her level, I allow the mare to throw her forelegs around my neck, as I wrap my arms around hers.

"You're the strangest stallion I've ever met, Greyson." She laughs, dropping back down to her hooves as I rise back up.

"I'll take that as a compliment, sweetheart." With the lovebirds sorted out, I turn to the other pair of lovebirds, that being Love herself and the captain of the guard.

"So Alex, you managed a week and haven't gotten yourself killed? Good job." Remarks Shining. 'I'm surprised myself, actually.'

"Well, there were a couple of close calls, but hey, you're right. Good job me." I reply, chuckling at our banter.

"Alex? Who's Alex?" Asks Springs, Flash looking as equally perplexed as Springs.

"Ask Celestia." Is my simple reply. Shaking the captain's hoof, I look to Cadance. "And Cadance, still looking as lovely as ever." I say

"You literally saw me two hours ago, and you're complimenting my appearance now?" She says. At this, I shrug.

"Better late than never, sweetheart."

"You're hopeless." She says, shaking her head at my antics, before jumping up and copying the actions of the previous mare.

"Coming from Love herself, that breaks my heart." I pout, getting a laugh from all present, returning the embrace. With Cadance and Shining done, I release Cadance and turn to the last pony in the line. Luna. 'Shakespeare herself.'

I didn't even need to say anything this time, before she throws herself around my neck, as I barely manage to keep my balance. Thankfully not toppling over at the sudden weight, I wrap my arms around the lunar goddess.

"Must thou leave so soon?" She asks, sadness laced in her voice, the mare evidently upset about my imminent departure.

"As much fun as staying with you lot has been, I can't stay here forever, Shakespeare. I got a home in Ponyville, and a couple friends who probably miss me." I say, still embracing the mare. "Besides, it's not as if this'll be the last time I'm here, Luna. The Gala's coming up soon, so I'll see you then. If not, I'm sure we'll find some other way, maybe we could set up one of those stupid friendship reports that Celestia enjoys so much." I say, poking fun at Celestia, who rolls her eyes at me. "Or, you could always come visit Ponyville sometime? I'm sure they'll love to see one of their princesses in person... Or, pony, in this case." 'Gonna take a while to get used to this.'

Letting go of the mare, she nods, smiling at me. "Very well. Sometime in the future, we shall grace the town of Ponyville, so as to spend more time with thee, our friend."

"There's the Luna we all know and love." I laugh, happy to see her demeanour change back from being sad to being happy once more. Seeing her blush, I laugh harder. "And there's the adorable Luna we love even more." Embarrassed, the mare covers her face with both her wings, which just makes how adorable she looks increases tenfold. Recovering, I turn to Celestia, who was also laughing at her sisters embarrassment.

"Well, Sunshine, I do believe it's time." I say, picking up my bag. Nodding, she uses her magic to open up the carriage doors, as I throw my bag inside. Before I climb inside, however, I turn to Celestia.

"What?" She asks, confused at my sudden hesitation.

"Did you really think I was going to leave you out, Princess?" I say, holding my arms out. Smirking, she moves towards me.

"The thought crossed my mind." She jokes as I wrap my arms around her neck, as she returns the gesture. Both Luna and Celestia were the biggest ponies I'd ever seen, perhaps rivalled only by Big Mac. Compared to the average horse from Earth, the Alicorns weren't that far off from being the same size, with me being just about eye level with Celestia, and a head taller than Luna. 'Thank God Celestia doesn't jump on me like Luna does. My spine would just cease to exist if she did.'

"I'll see you later, Sunshine." Releasing the mare, I turn to the carriage.

"Until next time, Alexander Greyson." She says, trotting to stand beside her sister as I step inside. Giving the group my usual two fingered salute, the doors close, and the carriage begins to ascend into the sky. Watching the ponies get smaller with each second, I keep my eyes trained on them, until we begin moving away from the castle itself and towards our destination: Ponyville. 'Well that's that, then. It's been one hell of a week, mate, and knowing my luck, it's probably not over yet. Oh well, I doubt that the girls haven't fucked everything up to much.'

By the time we reached Ponyville, night had already fallen. Hovering just above the town, the carriage carefully descends into the middle of the town, just outside of the town hall. Looking out of the window, I could already see a certain mare awaiting my arrival. 'Looks like the welcome wagon's already arrived, then.' Grabbing my bag, I open the doors and step outside, thanking my pegasus chauffeurs and handing the pair a bag of bits as a tip. 'Let no one say that I'm not a charitable bloke.' With me now dropped off, the carriage once more rises into the air, before heading back towards the castle. 'Cheers for the ride, boys.'

Turning back around, I stare at Twilight Sparkle, who was looking at me with a wide smile. Before either of us could speak, however, our attention is drawn to a screaming Spike, who runs right past me. 'Wow, not even a hello? Gimp.'

"Twilight! You've gotta come! Quick!" He cries, before looking at me. "Oh, hey Greyson." He greets, before quickly turning back to Twilight. 'Much better.'

"I already told you, Spike, I don't want to show up Trixie!" 'Who?'

"Who's Trixie, exactly?" I ask, confused as to who the pair were speaking of. 'Sounds like some shoddy rip off of Twix. Damn, I could go for one of them, actually.'

"No, you don't understand, it's-" Suddenly, an earth shaking roar threw us all off guard, me especially. Standing back up, I turn to face whatever it was that had made such a noise, before my eyes widen in fear, and all colour drains from my face. 'I'm gone for a fucking week, and it all goes to shit. What in the fuck is this?'

"Well..."

"Uh, is that what I think it is?..."

"We're..."

"Majorly..."

"Fucked"

Author's Note

Well shit'll be hitting the fan next chapter, people! Alex hasn't even been in Ponyville for 5 minute before he's already found himself in trouble. How will he handle this? ~~I don't have an answer, it's 3AM and I'm rushing this AN so I can go to bed~~ Find out in the next chapter, folks! Peace.

No Lions, No Tigers, But Bears? Oh My!

Ponyville; Also Known As Jellystone Park

Have you ever been in one of those situations where it all seems hopeless? Like, you're standing in front of a 15 foot wall, yea? And you somehow need to get over it. But there's no ladders, no rope, nothing to help you in your endeavour. Just yourself, and the wall. And you're just standing there, thinking how in the hell you're going to get over this wall, right? And you just have no idea as to how you're going to accomplish this daunting task. Tough break.

Now, add a couple zeros to the height, and replace the wall with an enraged, translucent bear that most likely wants to eat you, and you'll get my situation. Anyone feel like trading?

"Well then. Who would like to tell me what in the fuck it is that I am looking at right now?" I ask out loud, staring straight ahead at the encroaching animal.

"An Ursa Major." Replies Spike, who was now hiding behind Twilight. 'Oh cool, I'm going to get eaten by an...'Ursa Major'. Nice one, Alex.' Suddenly, a dark cloud appeared above the Ursa, letting out a bolt of lightning that struck the bear. Unsurprisingly, it did nothing but further enrage the animal, which let out another roar, this one even louder than the last. Looking to Twilight for an explanation, she shakes her head, and gestures to a trio of ponies currently standing not too far from the three of us. 'I wonder if they've had something to do with this.'

Running towards the three, I realise that whilst I could recognise the two colts from the local school that I'd passed a few times, I had no idea who the unicorn was, who must've been the source for the ineffective lightning strike. 'Doesn't look like she's doing fuck all to the thing, apart from piss it off even more.'

"What's going on?" Cries Twilight, looking to the three for answers. 'What's got Paddington over here so angry?'

"We brought an Ursa to town!" Declares Snips, looking as proud as can be. 'Oh cool.....WAIT WHA-'

"Youwhat!?!"
"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!?"

"Don't worry, the Great and Powerful Trixie will vanquish it." Reassures Snails, looking to the unicorn. 'So that's Trixie, then? Alright, kiddo, what you gonna do?' Drooping her head, she sighs.

"I can't." 'Well aint that just splendid.'

"What?!" The colts cry, shocked at what their apparent saviour was saying.

"Oh, I can't, I never have. No one can vanquish an Ursa Major! I just made the whole story up to make me look better." Admits the fraud, turning to look at the rest of us. Upon seeing me, her eyes widen in both confusion and terror, evidently being unfamiliar with who and what I was. 'Another adoring fan?'

"'How you doin'?" I say, waving at the frozen mare. Shaking her head, she looks me up and down. Opening her mouth, she quickly shuts it again in terror, looking at something behind us. Turning to see what she was looking at, we realise that the Ursa Major had decided to once more makes it's presence known, rising to it's full height and dwarfing the rest of us, letting out another roar. 'Holy shit, we're so dead.'

"Twilight, any ideas?" I ask, nodding my head towards the bear, who was looking down at us. More specifically, down at me, which was terrifying me to no end. 'Fuck off, Yogi, I'm not your goddamn picnic basket.' Nodding, she turns to me, a look of fear on her muzzle

"I have a plan, but I need time." She says, now looking back to the Ursa. Looking between her and it, I have an idea. A stupid idea, but an idea nonetheless. 'If I survive the next five minutes, It'll be a goddamn miracle.'

"You lot," I say, looking to the colts and Trixie, gesturing to the nearby crowd. "Get everypony to safety." Nodding, they gallop towards the crowd. Turning back towards the lavender mare, she's giving me a look of worry.

"What are you doing?" She cautiously asks, fearing for my safety. 'Being a retard?'

"You need time, right?" I grin, cracking my neck. "You'll get your bloody time, and more." And with that, I run towards the bear, ignoring the dozen protesting calls coming my way from Twilight, Spike and the crowd. Snarling at me, the Ursa raises a paw and shoots it down, aiming to crush me. Just before it hits, I dive, rolling away just in time for the paw to slam down into the ground behind me. Now that I had it's undivided attention, I laugh. "Is that all you got, you twat!? I'm not even a quarter of your size and you can't do shit! What you gonna do!?" I shout at the Ursa.

Unfortunately for me, the animal must have a basic understanding of the human language, as my words appear to have enraged the creature even further. Because of this, the Ursa now brings it's entire body to face me, giving the ponies a chance to escape. Now, I just had the problem of being the Ursa's only target, as it was now bearing down on me. "Oh I did not think this through at all." I mutter, turning to run once more.

Running in the opposite direction of my equine friends, I glance over my shoulder, hoping that the Ursa had decided to leave me alone. As it turns out, it hadn't, and was quickly gaining on me. Diving into a nearby alley, I run straight through it, hoping that it's size would deter my pursuer. It did not, as the Ursa simply smashed through the alley, devastating multiple homes. 'I hope to God they were empty.'

Making it out of the alley and back onto the road, I see that I now had only two directions I could run for. Quickly making my decision, I run to the left, only for a massive paw to shoot down onto the road, the force of the impact sending me crashing onto my back.

"FUCK!" I shout, quickly jumping back onto my feet and dashing in the opposite direction. I only made it a few metres, before yet again I was thrown onto my back, as a second paw slams down into the road in front of me, effectively blocking me off from any avenue of escape. 'Oh Jesus H Christ I'm going to die.'

Seeing that I was now trapped with no way out of this little dilemma, I gaze upwards into the eyes of the Ursa Major, who was staring right back down on me, a triumphant look adorning it's face. 'Smug bastard.' Giving me an evil grin, it raises one of it's paws into the air. Realising that it aimed to crush me on the spot, and that there was no way in hell I would be able to move out of the way in time, I cover my head in a futile gesture to weather the oncoming blow...

...which never came. Risking a glance at the Ursa, looking to see why it was that I'd yet to be crushed, I realise that there was actually no Ursa in sight. In fact, there was no Ponyville in sight, either. "What in the fuck?" I mutter, looking over the open fields, absolutely confounded as to how in the hell I'd ended up on this hill. Looking myself over, I quickly make out some sort of magical aura around my arms and hands, just about vanishing from sight moments later. Letting out a sigh of relief, I deduce that it must have been Twilight, who had somehow managed to teleport me out of certain death. "Cheers Sparky, I owe you one." I say out loud.

Suddenly, I'm hit with a rather strong gust of wind, which causes me to stagger backwards. Turning around, I see Ponyville in the distance, with the Ursa towering over most, if not all, of the town. 'Whoa, she teleported me this far out? Damn Sparky, you've outdone yourself.' My mental praise for the lavender Unicorn is cut short, however, when I see that the Ursa was looking down, rather angrily I might add, on something. 'Or somepony.' Seeing that the town was still in danger, I speedily make my way down the hill and towards the town, running as fast as I could towards it.

Arriving to the town in record time, I dash towards where I last saw Twilight and friends. Arriving at the scene, I'm astonished at the sight before me. Twilight, her horn almost bright as the sun itself, only metres away from the Ursa Major. Said Ursa Major was also levitating in the air, with a makeshift milk bottle in it's mouth. 'That would be cute, if the bastard hadn't tried to end me a few minutes ago. Looking around, I noticed that most, if not all of the ponies around me were having the exact same reaction as I was. Amazement. 'Christ, forget about dropping books on me. She could probably drop the entire library on me.'

Straining, Twilight shifted her stance and put more power into her spell, as the Ursa was then taken over the hills and far away, into the Everfree Forest where it would hopefully stay. Now that the immediate danger had been dealt with, the pressure of casting such a powerful spell took its toll on Twilight, who nearly collapsed to the floor, exhausted. Thankfully, she quickly recovers, and returns to her hooves.

Moments later, the entire town erupts into cheering, thankful for both their survival and Twilight's magical capabilities.

"Unbelievable!"
"That was amazing!"
"Heavens to Betsy! We knew you had ability, but not that much!"

Making my way closer towards the crowd, it didn't seem that they'd noticed me yet. Coming only a few metres away from Twilight, Rainbow, Spike, Applejack and Rarity, I listen in on their conversation.

"I'm sorry. Please, please don't hate me." 'You what?'

"Hate you?" Cries Rainbow, Applejack and Rarity, all at the same time.

"Why, whatever do you mean, darling?" Asks Rarity, voicing all of our thoughts.

"Well, I know how much you all hated Trixie's showing off with her magic tricks, and I just thought-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Magic's got nothing to do with it. Trixie's just a loudmouth!" Cries Rainbow Dash. 'Rude, much?'

"Mostunpleasant!" 'Christ, what did she do? Kill a puppy?'

"All hat and no cattle!" 'And also standing right over there?'

"So, you don't mind my magic tricks?" Asks a wary Twilight, unsure if they were speaking the truth. 'Why would they not? You've only just, I don't know, saved their lives?'

"Your magic is a part of who ya' are, sugarcube, and we like who ya' are. We're proud to have such a powerful, talented unicorn as our friend." Comes the apple farmer, reassuring our all-powerful Unicorn friend. 'Well that was...actually well spoken. Huh.'

"And after whuppin' that Ursa's hindquarters, we're even prouder!" 'Aaand that didn't last.'

"You are?" Replies Twilight, shocked at how accepting her friends were being to how vastly overpowered her magic is. 'Not gonna lie, having a near-godlike unicorn as a friend? That would be high up on my priorities. Right under finding good alcohol. Still need to get on that, really.'

"Uh-huh."
"Mm-hmm." 'Happy days, we're all happy. Now what?'

"Wow, Twilight!" Cries Spike, deciding to become a part of the group. "How'd you know what to do with that Ursa Major?"

"That wasn't an Ursa Major. It was a baby, an UrsaMinor." 'YOU FUCKING WHAT!? THAT SON OF A BITCH WAS A BABY!?'. Shaking away his shock at such a revelation, he smiles once more.

"But still, you vanquished it all by yourself!" 'Oh, cheers asshole. Don't mind me.'

"Don't be ridiculous, Spike. I had help. If it wasn't for Greys-" Suddenly, the mare freezes up in horror, looking to her friends and the crowd behind them, most likely scanning for any sign of me. "Where's Greyson!? Has anypony seen Greyson!?" 'Aww, she does care.' Creeping up behind the mare, I lower myself down to the ground, and put my mouth to her ear, ignoring the surprised and relieved stares looks I was getting from the ponies.

"Right behind you." I say, throwing on my best French accent. Startled, the mare falls backwards into me, as I fall onto my back for what must've been the fourth time this evening, holding the mare in my arms and laughing my ass off. Wriggling out of my grasp, the unicorn stands over me, a look of shock on her muzzle which quickly changes into pure happiness and relief. Seconds later, she dives onto me, latching herself to my neck. "How you doin', Sparky?"

"I-I-I-"

"-Am amazingly powerful and capable of levelling the entire town with but a thought? Yup, I heard." I finish for her, pushing myself into a sitting position. "Cheers for teleporting me, by the way. Probably would've died if you hadn't done that." Upon hearing this, the mare removes her head from my shirt and looks at me in confusion. 'Hmm?'

"Teleport? I didn't-" Before she could finish, however, I was forced onto my back yet again. This time because of a rainbow blur throwing itself onto me, quickly followed by an orange and white one to boot. 'Aww yis, the beautiful feeling of asphyxiation has returned. WITH A VENGEANCE!'

"Greyson!" They three mares cry, sharing Twilight's relief at my apparent survival. 'Wow, did everyone think I was dead or something?'

"The one and only, at your service. And, who also can't breathe, by the way." I wheeze. Thankfully, they see that they were on the verge of choking me out, and release me, allowing precious oxygen to once more perform it's complex ritual of Keeping-My-Ass-Alive. Not wanting to be sent careening backwards again, I get to my feet this time, now wary of anymore rugby ponies tackling me to the ground. Looking into the ecstatic faces of the four mares, plus one dragon, around me, I can't help but laugh. "What, did you think I was going to die that easily? Christ, do you even know who you're talking to?"

"Huh. You may have vanquished an Ursa Minor, even with the help of some pet," 'Oh you fucking what, love?' "but you will never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Comes the prideful and gloating voice of Trixie herself, trotting up to both Twilight and myself. Before I could snap back at the bitch, she rears up and slams down on the ground, a thick layer of smoke exploding at her hooves, hiding her from view. Seconds later, the smoke dissipates, and we watch awkwardly as the magician herself gallops away at full speed, retreating from the town. 'Alright Batman, calm down.'

"Why, that little..." Growls Rainbow Dash, shooting into the air. Before she could give chase, however, she's stopped by Twilight.

"Just let her go. Maybe someday she'll learn her lesson." Comes the voice of reason herself. Turning towards the two colts responsible for this whole mess, who were attempting to sneak away, she's not as lenient. "Now, about you two..."

Collapsing onto the Golden Oak's libraries sofa, which I was still calling home for the time being, I look to Twilight. "I just can't trust you lot, can I." I say, leading the mare to look at me in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I leave for a week, and I come back to nearly get eaten by some half-invisible bear made of light and death itself? This town is insane." I joke, getting a laugh out of the mare. "As if I haven't had enough brushes with death this week." I mumble, hopefully going unheard by the unicorn. Feeling a sudden weight land on my stomach, and a shadow standing over me, I realise that I may have said that last part a little bit too loudly. 'Oh here we go.'

"Explain..." She growls, her muzzle inches away from my face. Before I could open my mouth, Spike enters the room.

"Am I..uh...interrupting something?" He says, trying to hide both his laughter and his blush. Now distracted, Twilight is unprepared when I wrap my arms around her and pull her down onto me, letting out a surprised yelp at my sudden action.

"Yea, mate. Twilight here was confessing just how much she truly loves me, and then you came in and ruined the moment. Shame on you, Spike!" I say, laughing alongside the now hysterical dragon. Twilight, for her part, found at least some humour in the situation, if her own laughter was anything to go by.

"Yes, Spike," She says, wrapping her forelegs around neck, rubbing her head against me. "Greyson and I plan on getting married come Spring, and we're going to invite everypony we know.

"Yea, mate. The Princesses, Blueblood, everyone!" I continue, going along with the mischievous mare. Having heard enough, Spike leaves the room, making fake retching sounds as he goes, much to our amusement.

"I think he's a bit jealous, Sparky." I say, letting go of the mare. Seemingly disappointed at the loss of physical contact, she pouts, before quickly smirking.

"He'll be fine. He has his eyes on somepony else. I guess you should say that, she's a bit of a 'Rarity'." She teases, jumping off of me, giggling at her own pun as she does so. Slapping my forehead at how stupid her pun was, I chuckle at the thought. 'The kid has no hope.'

"Lemme get this straight. You're telling me, that Spyro up there, likes Rarity? The most feminine girl I've ever met in my life?" Getting a nod, I can't help but sigh. "Oh the poor, poor fool. He's out of his league."

"I have to agree, but I think he'll probably grow out of it sooner or later. He's only a foal, after all. It's just a passing crush. I'm sure you know how foals can be, sometimes."

"More than you know, Sparkles." I say, thinking back to a few memories of my childhood. 'Oh let's not think too far back, nothing to see here.'

"Well, I think we've had a long day, so I'm going to go to bed. Good night, Greyson." She says, heading towards the stairs. 'Greyson? Hmm... I'll get the group together later, and tell them my name then. Saves doing it one by one.' Nodding to myself, I'm just about to lie back down, before I call out to the mare again.

"Thanks, Sparky." I say, stopping the mare in her tracks as she turns to face me.

"Thanks? What for?"

"For saving my ass, of course. If you hadn't of done that, I'd most likely be a tiny bit dead right now." Hearing this, she looks at me strangely.

"Greyson, I didn't do anything." '....Huh?'

"Y'wot?"

"I said-"

"I heard what you said, Sparky, but I'm questioning what you meant by it, exactly." Now it was her turn to be confused, tilting her head at me in that adorable way of hers.

"Huh?"

"When I was buying you time to do whatever it was you were going to do, I ended up getting cornered. I was literally a second away from being crushed. Before that could happen, though, I somehow find myself on a hill overlooking Ponyville, which must've been around the time when you started working your magic. Literally." Lost in thought, my pun goes right over her head. 'Tough crowd.'

"Perhaps I got so caught up in my spell that I ended up teleporting you somehow?" She suggests, looking back up at me. 'Possible...But, how did she know where I was? She was in the centre of town...'

"Maybe. But what about Rarity? Or that Trixie mare? They're unicorns as well." I say, remembering that Twilight wasn't the only unicorn in Ponyville.

"Both of them were near me when this must have happened, and I don't think either of them have the power to perform such a magically consuming spell that quickly. The only logical explanation, other than you somehow managing to teleport yourself, is that I somehow managed to do so, though I don't remember doing it..." Seeing as how that was the only explanation that made sense, as I seemed to be incapable of performing such magical feats, I agree with her. 'Shame. I'd love to cast spells and all that shit. Would be rather fun.'

"Yea, I guess you're right, Sparky." I say, agreeing with her reasoning.

"I usually am, Greyson." Comes her smug reply, giving me a look that just screamed 'Slap me'. Rolling my eyes, I chuckle.

"You're full of it, sweetheart. G'night, Sparkles." I say, pulling up the blanket that lay on the floor.

"Good night, Greyson." She says, making her way to the stairs. Closing my eyes, I'm already on the verge of falling asleep, when I suddenly feel something wrap around my neck. Opening my eyes once more, I realise that Twilight had thrown herself around my neck again, for whatever reason. 'What's up with her now?'

"I'm happy you're back." She whispers, her muzzle rubbing against my neck. Smiling at this show of affection, I return the hug as best as I could.

"So am I, Sparky. So am I."

Author's Note

Alex has cheated death one more, and helped save Ponyville. Not bad, man. And Twilight as well, showing off how OP she is her magical capabilities to both Alex and the town.

Now, with this being my first fanfic, I've already set (and hit) a couple of milestones. 1 like? Check. 100 likes? Check. Not having the fanfic rejected by the mods and actually accepted as a worthy piece of literature by my viewers? Check. But the next big milestone for me? Hitting 10K views. I'm only 660 views away, guys! Love you all!

Until next time, folks! Peace.

Why Did The Greyson Cross The Road?

To Be A Hero, Of Course

"Come on, Greyson! We're going to be late!" Shouts Twilight, standing at the front door, anxiously looking between me and the clock. 'Patience, mare, patience!'

"Calm it, Sparky. We've got plenty of time, just give me a second." I casually reply, taking longer than I probably needed. Messing with Twilight was always a fun thing to do. Seconds later, I feel myself being pulled towards the door, a familiar magical aura gripping my collar. "Ever heard of patience? It's a virtue, y'know. One you seem to not have?"

"Well, have you ever heard of punctuality? Come on!" She whines, her magic still pulling me towards the door. Shaking my head at her impatience, I put up a fight against Twilight's magic. The sudden resistance throws Twilight off guard, her spell falling apart. Watching her fall face first into the ground, I lose my shit.

"Oh my god, that was bloody brilliant! What I wouldn't give for a camera...right...now..." My voice dies in my throat, as I see her face. 'Jesus, that smile is terrifying.' "Sparky? Come on, that was funny, right? You can't tell me that that wasn't fun-what are you doing...? Sparky...? Oh come on, please don't do thi-YOU BIIIIIIIIII--"

"Remind me again why we, meaning me, are going to this picnic?" I ask, rubbing the sore part of my face. As it stands, being flung out the library face first onto the road can be a rather painful and unpleasant experience. Thankfully, nothing was broken, and Twilight seemed apologetic enough. Though, I'm positive I could hear her giggling at my pain when she apologised. 'Sadistic mare.'

"Because the girls, myself included, want to hear about everything that happened at the castle." She replies. 'Well this'll be an interesting morning.'

"Yea, I get that, but why not at the library? Why do we have to walk through the entire town to get to a hill, just for a picnic and an interrogation?"

"Look around you, Greyson. It's a beautiful day for a picnic. Rainbow and the weather team went through all this effort, and you want to stay inside?"

"Uhh....yes? Being a hermit is fun, y'know. I could make a fort out of the hundreds of books you have." I say.

"Do that and you'll regret it." Warns Twilight, not taking the threat to her precious pieces of literature lightly. Holding my hands up in mock surrender, I chuckle.

"Yes, Princess. Whatever you say, princess. Don't hurt me princess." Laughing at my antics, the pair of us continue on our way, carrying on down the road and towards our destination. We made it about half way, when all of a sudden we hear a commotion behind us. Turning around before I could, Twilight's eyes widen, and she shouts for me to move. Turning on the spot, I quickly take notice of the speeding cart hurtling towards me, and the fact that the cart appeared to be occupied. Believing that the occupants were in danger, I attempt to slow down, if not stop the cart itself. How, you may ask?

With my body, of course. What else? Magic?

Taking the full impact of the cart, I'm thrown a few metres away from where I once stood, coming to a stop on my back Somehow, I didn't appear to be injured in any serious way, though I was most definitely winded.

"Greyson!" Cries Twilight, rushing to my side, checking me over for any injuries. "Are you alright!? Are you hurt!?" 'Physically? No. My pride? Quite possibly.'

"Yea...I'm good...Didn't hurt...as much as...I thought..." I answer, taking a moment to recover. Pushing myself up off of the floor and into a sitting position, I quickly take notice of the sudden movement on my lap. And then again. And then for a third time. Looking down, I take note of the three fillies currently lying on my stomach, two of whom I recognised, and all three of which were staring at me in a mixture of fear and embarrassment. 'Well, well, well. If it aint the three musketeers.'

"H-hi, Mr G-Greyson." Sweetie Belle sheepishly says, giving me an embarrassed smile. 'Code Red: Heart In Danger. Think Angry Thoughts.'

"Hey Sweetie. Nice of you all to drop in. Or, drop on, in this case." I joke, much to both her and her friends' amusement. Looking to the two fillies next to her, I quickly recognise the Earth Pony and Pegasus as being from the local school, the former being Applejack's younger sister. "And you as well, Applebloom. How's your sister been?"

"She's been all right, Mr Greyson!" She replies, look up at me. "Been busier, what with ya' being gone for a week. Speakin' of, where have you been, anyway?" She asks, curiosity overriding her fear. 'Narnia, kid.'

"Nowhere special. I got invited to stay for a week at the royal castle. Bit boring, if you ask me." I answer. Seeing how they were no longer looking at me in fear, but instead in awe and wonder, I smirk. "What? Don't believe me?"

"You went to the castle? With the Princess?"

"Princesses." I correct the young apple farmer, much to their amazement. "There were three, actually. And a Prince, but he wasn't as nice as the princesses." 'Yea, they're far too young for me to go into further detail about that twat.'

"That's so awesome! Not as awesome as Rainbow Dash, but still!" Comes the little orange pegasus. Raising an eyebrow at this bold claim, I smirk. Before I could challenge such an absurd notion, a familiar voice cuts me off.

"Of course he isn't, squirt. It's me we're talking about." Comes the proud voice of Rainbow herself, suddenly appearing next to me. 'Speak of the devil.'

"Oh really? Not as cool as Skittles over here? What's your name, kid?" I ask the filly.

"I'm Scootaloo." She answers. 'I swear these names get weirder and weirder with each new pony I meet.'

"Well, young Scootaloo, you really think she's the coolest pony ever?" I ask, nodding towards Rainbow.

"Yea! Rainbow's the fastest flyer in Ponyville, maybe even in Equestria! She's the only pony to perform a Sonic Rainboom in, like, forever! That's the coolest thing ever!" 'The fuck is a Sonic Rainboom?'

"A Sonic Rainboom? What's that?" I ask, looking to Rainbow for an answer. Smirking, she looks at me as if I'd asked her to explain how impossibly awesome she was. Knowing her, I probably somehow did.

"Oh, it's nothing special. It's only where I go faster than the speed of sound itself!" She explains, her explanation thick in arrogance. 'So it's where she breaks the sound barrier, then? I'd say that's impossible, but if a pony can raise and lower the sun, then anything's bloody possible around here.'

"Huh...Not bad, Dash, not bad." I compliment, feeding her ego. "Still, did you go face to face with Nightmare Moon herself?" At this, her eyes widen, and she looks nervously between me and Scootaloo.

"Well, not exactly, bu-" 'Strike one...'

"And are you on first name basis with Equestria's royal family?"

"No, bu-" 'Strike two...'

"Aaaand, did you stare down an Ursa Minor and live to tell the tale?" I finish, smiling. Letting out an exasperated sigh, the mare crosses her forelegs and looks in the opposite direction, evidently annoyed at being outclassed. 'STRIKE THREE! Take a seat, young Rainbow.' "See, girls?" I turn my attention to the three fillies, who were looking at me in wonder. "Whilst Dash over here may be the most amazing pegasus you've ever met," This gets a smile from the mare in question, "I'm the most amazing human you've ever met, and don't you forget that." They nod. 'Lesson learnt.'

"But you're the only human they've ever met." Says Twilight, now joining the four of us. 'Exactly'

"And your point is?" I ask the unicorn, who sighs in response.

"I'm not even going to bother." She mumbles.

"That's probably for the best." Concurs Rainbow. Turning back to the three fillies, I raise an eyebrow.

"Now about you three." I smirk, looking down at the three fillies in my lap. "What to do about you? Speeding dangerously down the road in a cart? In my world, that'd be a fine and a couple points on your license, if it were a car."

"What's a licen-"

"No interrupting, Sparky." She closes her mouth. "Not only were you putting everypony else around at risk, you more importantly put yourselves at risk." The realisation that they could've been seriously injured shows itself on their muzzles, as their eyes widen. Exchanging nervous glances, they look to me, regret easily distinguishable on their muzzles. "So what do you three have to say for yourselves?"

"Sorry, Mr Greyson. We won't do it again." The apologetic trio say. Nodding, I smile.

"Good girls." I reply, ruffling up their manes. "Now, off with you three. My lap is not a cushion. You'd have to pay premium for that privilege." I laugh, the fillies now jumping off of me. Sweetie, however, turns around, and wraps her small forelegs around my waist. 'Well, we've reached Defcon 1 in terms of cuteness, Mr President.'

"Thank you for not being angry at us, Mr Greyson." She beams, giving me a wide smile. Unable to resist, I scratch the unicorn filly behind her ears, much to her delight. 'So they do love it. Huh, they have a lot in common with horses back home, actually. Apart from the talking, magical, civilised aspects of these ponies.'

"Anytime, Sweetie. Now get going, I got places to be." I say, watching the filly jump away from my waist and towards her friends. Rising to my feet, I turn to face Twilight and Rainbow, who were both stunned. "What's up with you two?" Twilight is the first to recover.

"I didn't know you were good with foals?" Comes a still surprised Twilight. 'Why's that so shocking to them?

"What can I say? I'm a man with many talents." I reply, grinning at the pair.

"Not many stallions are good with foals. Seeing you like that was...well...cool!" Exclaims Rainbow, looking at me with a newfound respect. Looking behind the pair, I notice quite a few ponies, mares in particular, staring at me, a strange look in their eyes. Respect? Curiosity? I couldn't tell. Waving to the small crowd, I easily spot mares hiding away from my gaze, blushes prevalent on their muzzle.'Okay then...?' Turning back to the pair in front of me, I shrug.

"Glad to know that I'm still surprising you all, I guess. Now, perhaps we should get a move on? The rest of the girls are probably already there by now." I say, chuckling at how quickly Twilight had suddenly gone from being starstruck to being an agitated mess.

"Come on, let's go!" She cries, galloping away from us and towards the park. Chuckling, myself and Rainbow begin making our way towards the park, with the rainbow-maned mare trying to get information out of me about how the week at the castle had gone, to no avail. 'She can wait five minutes.'

"Have no fear, Greyson is here!" I announce to the group, finally arriving at our spot at the park, Rainbow landing next to the mares. Feeling a sudden impact to my chest, I look down to see Pinkie latched onto my abdomen, apparently deciding that she wanted to try and squeeze the life out of me.. 'Alexander, pony magnet. Get one before it's gone.'

"Greyie!" 'Uuughh.' "You took soooo long getting here, and I was beginning to think you'd gotten lost! But it's Ponyville, so you couldn't have gotten lost, especially since you had Rainbow with you, and she could have just gotten a view of the town from the air! But wh-"

"Pinkie!" We all cry, silencing the party planner, who releases me and bounces back to the group. 'She's insane.'

"Hey, it's not my fault I'm late. I got sidetracked." Defending myself, I sit down next to Applejack and Twilight, leaning against the tree we were using as shade.

"Sidetracked? Whatever do you mean, darling?" Questions Rarity, looking at me inquisitively.

"Well, a few fillies decided that commandeering a cart and riding it down Ponyville's M18 was a great idea." I explain. "Road, they sped down the road." I add, seeing that most of the girls were confused at what I'd just said.

"Oh dear, I hope they're alright." Fluttershy says, looking at me worriedly.

"Yea, they're fine. I jumped in front of the cart and ended up stopping the thing. Thankfully, the three landed on me instead of the ground, so they're all good." Now she was looking at me with concern. Jumping to her hooves, she quickly flies over to me, checking for any injuries. "Calm it, sweetheart. I'm fine, Flutters." Letting out a sigh of relief, she returns to her spot, sitting back down.

"Well, as long as they're alright, I s'pose. Still, their folks should have a few words with them." Says Applejack. 'Yes, you should.'

"Funny you should say that, AJ." I say, turning to the apple farmer. "One of the fillies was Applebloom." Upon hearing this, her eyes widen. "And another was Sweetie Belle." I add, looking at Rarity, who more or less mimics Applejack's reaction. "As I said, they're perfectly fine." This calms them down, though they're understandably still upset at their siblings.

"That darn sister of mine, always getting into trouble. Ah'll have her doing chores all afternoon." Applejack growls. 'Rest in Peace, Applebloom, you cute little southerner.'

"And Sweetie Belle? How could she be roped into such a silly scheme? My, it's absurd." Cries a distressed Rarity, throwing a foreleg over her head. 'And Sweetie as well. Save me a spot in Heaven, girls.'

"Go easy on them, you two. They're just foals, after all. Besides, nopony or human was hurt."

"Still, they should be more careful in the future, Greyson. What if they were to hurt another foal? Or themselves?"

"I doubt that'll happen. Hell, they told me they wouldn't try anything like that again, and they're good kids, so hopefully they'll do as they promised." I say. "Now then, enough about the fillies. How about we get to what we came here to do?"

"Eat all this yummy food?" Answers Pinkie, throwing open a picnic basket, plates somehow landing perfectly on the picnic blanket in front of us all.

"And that, yes. You all want to know what happened over the past week, yea?" As expected, they all nod. "Well then. Sit back, relax, get some popcorn and get ready. The story's about to begin..."

"5 bottles!? How are you not dead!?"
"Ah'd love to give that Blueblood a piece of mah' mind!"
"Two days!? You were in a coma for two days? Why didn't the princess tell me?"
"I can't believe it. This can simply not be the Prince I've heard about."
"When's their wedding? Can I be a bridespony? Oh! Can I organise it?"

Their questions were coming at such a rapid rate that I found myself unable to answer any of them, and they were still coming. Now, I'd specifically left out the part of about meeting Cadance and Shining Armour, as I wanted to keep their impending marriage a secret so as to surprise Twilight at a later date.

However, whilst I could easily tell whose question was whose, there was one voice which I couldn't hear, whether it had been drowned out by the other voices I did not know. 'Where's Flutters?' Looking around, I realise that she had come to stand next to me, looking at me with sympathy. 'What's up with her?'

"Flutters? What's wrong?" I ask, concerned for my friend.

"You....you can't go home?" She whispers, tears forming in her eyes, the rest of the girls now quietening down. 'Oh...That's why.' Giving the mare a sad smile, I nod.

"No, I can't." Upon hearing this, she throws herself around me, openly weeping. This quietens the group down, this piece of information now being at the forefront of their minds. 'Well this got depressing real fast. Quick, think of something, Alex!' Wrapping my arms around the yellow pegasus, I chuckle. "Aww, come on, Flutters. Don't cry for me, sweetheart. This is my home now." I say, trying to reassure the mare. It works to a degree, as she moves away to look me in the eyes.

"Re-really?"

"Really really." And she proceeds to dive back into my shirt, holding me tighter. 'First Sweetie, then Pinkie, now Fluttershy? Anyone else want a turn?' Looking to the rest of the mares, they all smile at me, nodding at my kind words. Though, Applejack was giving me a suspicious look. 'Don't do it, AJ.'

"So, Alexander, hmmm?" Twilight grins. 'Thank god for Sparky.' Looking to the lavender unicorn, I chuckle.

"Yea, laugh it up, Sparky. Alexander Ian Greyson at your service, girls." I say.

"Did you really hide your first name because you didn't trust us?" Asks Rarity, upset at how I'd withheld something like this for so long.

"Hey, as I said, I didn't know what to do when I first saw you all. With you all calling me Greyson every day, it just slipped out of my mind. Sorry, girls." I say, giving them all an apologetic look. Trotting over to me, Pinkie joins Fluttershy in the act of hugging. 'Yay, more pony hugs. My favourite.'

"It's all right, Alex! I forgive you!" The pink pony says, both herself and Fluttershy returning to their spots.

"I believe we all do, isn't that right girls?" Asks Twilight to the rest of the mares, who all agree with Twilight. Looking to each of the mares in turn, I smile.

"Thanks girls, this means a lot, really it does." I gratefully reply. With the atmosphere now back to normal, the girls begin talking amongst themselves. Sighing, I lean back against the tree, thinking over what I had said to Fluttershy just moments ago.

This is my home now.

This is my home now.

Is it?

Author's Note

Well this chapter has been interesting. A speeding cart to the chest, a Sweetie Belle to the chest, a Pinkie Pie to the chest, and then a Fluttershy to the chest. Alex must have ribs of steel to withstand such constant assaults.

And the Crusaders, as well. He's already met Sweetie and Applebloom, the former when he acquired some new clothes and the latter during his time working on AJ's farm. But Scootaloo? He'll probably get to know her better later, as I doubt this will be the last time we see the three mischievous fillies in action.

Observant readers may have spotted that Call of the Cutie hasn't been written in this story, yet the CMC have already befriended each other. That's intentional. I don't plan on CotC being in this story, so I'm going with the CMC being formed already, probably around the time Greyson was at the castle. We'll go with that, alright? Cool? Cool.

And finally, we've reached over 10K views! Thank you all so much for helping this trash reach such a milestone. Out goddamn standing!

Next chapter will see the story returning to normal, with Alex and friends getting into more misadventures. Until next time, folks! Peace.

Evicting A Dragon? It Must Be Tuesday

Fear Is The Mind Killer

"So? Do you like it?" Twilight asks, anxiously awaiting for my reaction. Now that it was common knowledge that I would be staying in Equestria for what appears to be the rest of my life, Twilight had taken it upon herself to clear one of the libraries spare rooms, the one next to hers, in fact, so as to provide me with a more comfortable stay. Suffice to say, it was a major upgrade from the couch that I'd been living on. Looking around the newly refurbished room, I can't help but smile at the sight, very grateful for the effort that the mare had gone through for my sake. 'Sure beats sleeping on that couch every night. Fucking beautiful, Sparky.'

"Like it? I bloody well love it, Sparky. You're bloody brilliant." I reply, giving the mare an appreciative nod. "But you didn't have to go through all the trouble, y'know. I was fine with that couch, kiddo."

"Well I thought that, with you now living in Equestria permanently, you would appreciate a room to yourself. I'm sure the couch can't compare with an actual bed." She replies, gesturing to said furniture. 'Oh that gives me an idea...' Throwing my bag into the corner, I do what any self-respecting individual does upon seeing a new bed for the first time.

I dive onto it, of course. As is the norm, I manage to fuck even that up, launching myself right over the bed and onto the floor, landing with a hard thud, much to Twilight's amusement. 'You had one job, Alex. One job.'

Pushing myself off of the hard, wooden floor, I look over to Twilight, who was trying her hardest not to laugh. She failed. Flipping her off, I collapse backwards onto the bed, thankfully not messing that up as well.

"Yea, you're right. The couch aint got jack on this bad boy." I admit, sprawled across the bed, relishing in how comfortable it felt. Looking to the unicorn, I nod. "Thanks Sparky, this is great." Blushing, she paws at the ground.

"It's no problem, really." She replies. Looking back up to me, her attention is drawn to the window. Eyes widening, she dashes over to it, looking outside. Confused as to what had just spooked the girl, I join the mare at the window, sharing her surprise upon seeing just what exactly it was that had her spooked. As it turns out, a thick, black cloud was approaching Ponyville, its origins appearing to be a far off mountain. 'Oh Christ, is that a volcano?'

"Uuhh, Twilight? Does Ponyville, like, translate to anything? Maybe Pompeii, for example?"

"No?" She replies, still staring out towards the sky.

"Oh good. Worried for a second there. Perhaps we should figure out just what in the hell is happening, then?"

"Yea, that's a good idea." And with that, the pair of us sprint out of the room. No sooner had we gotten downstairs, Spike ran over to us, holding a scroll in his claws. Ripping open the seal, Twilight reads it out loud for us both to hear. 'Can I just go 5 minutes without having to save the bloody day? Please?'

"Oh she's got to be taking the piss, right?"

She was not.

'Why is it, that, I'm gone for a week, and nothing of note happens here. And yet, I'm back for literally a few days, and already I've helped save it from a bear that was at least as tall as a factory, and now I'm being forced to help relocate a dragon? Seriously? Christ, it's like someone's writing some poor story about the unluckiest twat in the universe, with me as the protagonist.' Running alongside Twilight, Spike hanging onto the back of her, we soon find ourselves standing upon the bridge connecting Ponyville and it's massive park. Looking around the park, I can see dozens of ponies casually going about their day, apparently blind to what lay in the sky above them.

"Listen up!" Shouts Twilight, getting the attention of all ponies in the general area. "Smoke is spreading over all of Equestria!" Hearing this, everypony begins to panic, finally noticing the progressively thickening shadow in the sky, which was growing larger by the second.

"Oh no!"
"That's awful!
"Whatever shall we do?"
"That's what I've been trying to-" 'Is that Fluttersh- yea, that's Fluttershy.' Before I can call her over, Twilight shouts once more to the crowd.

"But don't worry, I've just received a letter from Princess Celestia informing me that it is not coming from a fire." Hearing this, everypony visibly relaxes, many letting out sighs of relief. Unable to resist, I step forward.

"But do worry, it's coming from a dragon!" And worry they did, with many ponies shaking in fear and looking to eachother in horror. Glaring at me, I give Twilight an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it." Shaking her head, she looks to the still panicking crowd.

"But don't worry, everypony! The problem will soon be resolved, and everything will be back to normal as soon as possible! Please don't panic, everything will be okay!" She shouts, hoping to calm the terror stricken crowd down. Thankfully, it works, and the mob of ponies quietens down. Sighing in relief, Twilight turns to me. "We should probably get the rest of the girls and head to the library. We need to figure out a solution to our dragon problem."

"Sounds like a plan. FLUTTERSHY!" I shout, getting the timid pegasus's attention. Making her way towards us, I can see that she appears to be shaking, most likely out of fear. 'Of what? The cloud? The dragon, maybe?' Ignoring it for the time being, I nod towards Twilight, keeping my eyes fixed on Fluttershy. "We're off to the library to sort this mess out. You coming?" Nodding, she steels herself and falls behind Twilight, as we all turn and head back towards the library. 'Now how in the fuck does one go about kicking a dragon out of its home? Do I look like a bloody miracle worker?'

"What in the name of all things cinnamon swirled is ah' full-grown dragon doing here in Equestria?" Asks Applejack, not able to understand how a dragon, not a baby one like Spike was, had decided to call the area home. To be honest, I was wondering that as well. 'I thought they lived in cases and guarded hoards of treasure and stuff. Damn, I wonder if one of those will be on the mountain? Wouldn't that be amazing.'

"Sleeping." Is Twilight's simple response, levitating a book into one of her saddle bags. Are you goddamn serious?'

"Huh?"
"Of course it bloody is."

"According to Princess Celestia, he's taking a nap. His snoring is what's causing all this smoke." She explains.

"He should really see a doctor. That doesn't sound healthy at all."Pinkie says, concerned for the dragons well-being. 'Oh that's class. The insane pink ball of energy is talking about something else needing help? Beautiful.'

"Pinkie, dragons breathe fire. I'm pretty sure snoring smoke comes with the package." At this, the mare stinks her tongue out at me, which I return.

"Well, at least he isn't snoring fire." Remarks Rarity, to which most of us are likely thankful for. "Still, what are we meant to do about this?"

"I'll tell you what we're meant to do!" Exclaims Rainbow, hovering above us. "We give him the boot!" 'Small pegasus, meet dragon. I'm sure that'll go well.' "Take that!" As if giving us a live demonstration of how she planned to remove the dragon problem, she kicks at one of Twilight's decorations. A bust, to be exact. Catching it just in time before it fell, Twilight breaths a sigh of relief. "And that!" And thankfully raises it just in time for Rainbow to completely miss it once more and crash headfirst into one of the many bookshelves around us, landing in a heap. Giving the mare a thumbs up, Rainbow scowls at me. '

"We need toencouragehim to take a nap somewhere else. Princess Celestia has given us this mission, and we must not fail. If we do, Equestria will be covered in smoke for the next one hundred years." This gets my attention, and draws a sharp gasp from a number of the mares in the room. '100 years? Shit man, if that happens, there'll be no sunlight, and Equestria probably won't last even half that time. Best get ourselves together then.'

"Talk about getting your beauty sleep." Rarity quips. 'Oi, get your own job. The role of sarcastic arsehole is taken, Snowflake.'

"All right everypony, I need you to gather supplies quickly. We've got a long journey ahead of us." Twilight says, levitating her saddlebags onto her back. "Let's meet back here in less than an hour." With a plan now agreed upon, Twilight heads upstairs to do whatever it was she needed to do. I'm about to begin sorting myself out as well, before Rainbow decides to give us all a motivational speech.

"Okay everypony, and Alex, you heard her! The fate of Equestria is in our hooves!" She says, wrapping her forelegs around Pinkie and Rarity. "Do we have what it takes?" She asks, now hovering above us all. 'Probably not?' The mares did not share my pessimism, however, and instead begin voicing their own determination, leaving the library in high spirits.

"Um, actually..." Turning to Fluttershy, I notice that she did not share her friends enthusiasm. 'What's up with her?'

"Fluttershy? You alright?" I ask the mare. Looking at me, she forces a smile and nods, exiting the library to make her own preparations. Shrugging, I look to Twilight, who had just come back from upstairs, now sporting even more books and scrolls.

"Ever heard the phrase: don't bring a book to a dragon fight?" I ask, gesturing to the multitude of books she had stashed away in her bags. "Unless you plan on burying the poor thing under them, I don't see how they'll help."

"Have you ever met a fully grown dragon before?" She asks, to which I shake my head. "Exactly. I've gathered every book I have on dragons, so that we have an idea as to what we'll be dealing with." She explains, levitating a random book from one of her saddlebags. Reading the title, I smirk and raise an eyebrow at the mare. 'Damn girl, have you even met the guy yet?'

"A Guide On Dragon Mating? You planning on seducing the guy, Sparky?" I ask, wiggling my eyebrows at the mare. Blushing madly, Twilight drops the book, stammering about how she didn't mean to throw that certain book into her bags. Giving the mare a doubtful look, I smirk.

"Hey, I'm not one to judge, kiddo. If that's how you swing, then that's how you swing." Blushing harder, the mare now looks mortified at such an assumption.

"I-I-I uh I-don't swi-I-I-pre-prefer stallions-I m-mean huma-I me-me-I-I-uh-canwepleasechangethesubject?" It would appear that I've reduced the mare to a stuttering mess. What do I win?

"Calm down, Sparkles. I'm just teasing." I admit, thinking that the mare would take my innocent teasing as a joke, and not try and throw any books at me like she usually does. Why I have these stupid lapses in judgement is beyond me, though the books/cushions being launched at my head are probably one of the main causes, such as the one being launched in my direction at this very moment. 'worth-OW-it.'

One hour later, and the seven of us were now standing outside the library, stocked with supplies and prepared to head out towards the mountain. 'Looks like we're going to have to save Equestria, for the...uhh...what is this, the third time? Fuck it, I'll say fifth. Makes me seem like a hero.'

"All right girls, listen up." Twilight says, walking down the line of ponies and one human. "I'm mapping out the fastest route, but we've all got to keep a good pace if we expect to make it up the mountain by nightfall."

"M-m-mountain?" Stutters Fluttershy, shaking at the prospect of climbing to the summit. This was not the first time I'd seen the mare shaking in fear today, and would most likely not be the last time either. 'Someone had best talk to Flutters before she has a heart attack.' Oblivious to her friend, Twilight carries on talking.

"The dragon is inthatcave at the very top." She points to where this cave was located, only just visible from where I was standing. 'How the hell can she see where it is from here?'

"Looks pretty cold up there." Comes the Applefarmer. 'No shit? Did the snow give that away, Sherlock?'

"You bet it is. The higher you go, the chillier it gets." Replies Rainbow.

"Good thing I brought my scarf." And with her horn, Rarity levitates said scarf out of her saddlebag, wrapping it around her neck. 'I hope she's brought more than that. That mountain looks pretty big, and if I know my mountains, they're downright bloody freezing, and that's just in the day.'

"Ooh, pretty!" Compliments Pinkie. To be honest, I think she was complimenting the colour of the scarf more so than the scarf itself.

"Heh, oh yeah. That'll keep you nice and cozy." Remarks Rainbow, Rarity too far gone in flaunting her scarf to hear the sarcastic pegasus. Now that she'd explained what we were doing, Twilight pulled out a map of the area, planning our route to the mountain in the quickest and hopefully safest way possible. Moving to stand beside Twilight, I find that Fluttershy is trying to get Twilight's attention, albeit failing miserably.

"Um, excuse me, Twilight? I know you're busy, but..."

"Uh-huh. Well, we could go this way..."

"But if I could just have a second..."

"Uh-huh. No, we want to avoid that..."

"Sparky? Hellooo?"

"But what if...no, that wouldn't work..." Turning to Fluttershy, I shrug. Not giving up hope, she tries again to get Twilight's attention.

"So, um, I was thinking that, um, maybe I should just stay here in Ponyville?" 'Wait, what? Is she that scared?' Before I could give Fluttershy the best motivational speech, which would have gone along the lines of 'Sort your shit out', Twilight does it for me.

"Uh-huh." 'Right, what the hell?'

"Oh! Good. I'll stay here and-"

"Wait!" Twilight cries, suddenly realising exactly what Fluttershy had just asked. "Youhaveto come! Your way with wild animals will surely come in handy."

"I don't think I-"

"Oh, and don't worry about your little friends in the meadow. Spike's got it covered while you're gone." She reassures the mare, apparently believing that her friend's fear was for her animals. As if summoned from thin air, Spike appears next to us, along with a dozen of Fluttershy's animals.

"You can count on me!" He declares. All of a sudden, Angel, Fluttershy's pet rabbit, jumps on top of Spike's head and begins thumping Spike with his foot. The vibrations lead Spike to recoil in shock and/or pain, startling the animals, who begin scurrying away in different directions. "Hey! Hey, Wait!" He cries, running after them. Chuckling at the poor dragon's misfortune, I look to see Fluttershy staring after him, an uneasy look on her muzzle.

"I don't really think he's up to the task." She admits, turning to Twilight. "Maybe..." But it's already too late. Twilight and the rest of the mares were starting to leave, myself and Fluttershy still standing outside the library. "But...but..." And then she turned into a kitten. Well, not literally, but she sounded like one.

"Fluttershy, you alright?" I ask, coming to stand beside her. Looking up to me, she shakes her head, not wanting to follow the mares. "Are you scared of the dragon?" At the mention of the dragon, her eyes widen, pupils shrinking in fear. Hiding behind her mane, she begins shaking. 'Well that answers that question, then.'

Realising that she was in fact terrified of the dragon, I kneel down and place a comforting hand on her back. "Hey, it's alright sweetheart. We all have our fears, yours is overgrown lizards. Nopony will think badly of your for it." This does little to assuage her fears, though her shaking had lessened somewhat, most likely from my hand.

"Re-really?" She whispers, peeking her head out of her mane. Smiling down at the yellow pegasus, I nod.

"Yea. Now come on, the girls are waiting for us. Equestria won't save itself, y'know." I reply, standing up and walking towards the waiting group of mares. Moments later, the rest of the mares gallop off towards the mountain. Quite coincidentally, Fluttershy was in their path, and ended up being carried of by the mares, screaming all the while.

"It's gonna be a long day." I sigh, traipsing after the mares. So all in all, the seven of us now had the vitally important task of relocating a fully grown dragon, that breaths fire, somewhere that wouldn't result in Equestria being blanketed by smoke for the next century.

No pressure.

Hours later, and we'd arrived at the bottom of the mountain. Looking to the top, I can't see a clear path to the top. Before I could voice this problem to the group, the ground shakes beneath our feet, accompanied by a loud snore. Or growl, it was hard to dinstinquish. Either way, the quaking stopped moments later.

"Whoa, what was that?" Questions Rainbow. 'Most likely the dragon.'

"That is what it sounds like when a dragon snores." 'Bingo.'

"It..it's so... high!" Exclaims/whispers Fluttershy, hiding behind Applejack. It would seem that the prospect of facing a dragon was well and truly getting to her. 'I don't think she's up to this, honestly. Maybe should should have stayed in Ponyville?'

"Well, it is a mountain." Comes a sarcastic Rainbow. Looking to the top of the mountain, she grins. "I'm going to fly up there and check it out!" She declares, preparing to shoot upwards. Before she can do so, however, she's pulled back by Applejack, who pulls her back down to the ground.

"Hold on, now. Ah' think we should all go up together. Safety in numbers and all." Suggests the apple farmer, her logic sound enough for the pegasus' to forget about her previous plan.

"Oh, all right." She grumbles, conceding to Applejack's wisdom. Now that Rainbow wasn't planning on ditching the group, Twilight begins to scale the mountain, followed by the rest of the mares. However, this left both myself and Fluttershy at the bottom still, the latter still looking at the mountain in fear and the former trying to figure out how he was supposed to get up this mountain without breaking his neck in the process. A minute later, Rainbow shouts down to the pair of us, the group finally noticing the absence of two of its members.

"Fluttershy! Big guy! What are you two waiting for? An Invitation?" Shouts the sarcastic rainbow-maned mare. Seconds later, I notice confetti shoot out from beside her, startling her. 'Confetti? Where'd confetti come fr-Pinkie. It's gonna be Pinkie. Why am I even asking such a stupid question?'

"I-it's so...so...steep!" Comes the shaky voice of Fluttershy, looking up at her fellow pegasus.

"Well, it is a cliff. You could just, oh, I don't know, fly up here?" Remarks Rainbow, stating the obvious. 'She has a point.'

"She has a point, Flutters. You have wings, and can easily get up there. Me? I'm stuck down here until I can figure something out." I say, concurring with Rainbow. Swallowing her fear, Fluttershy unfolds her wings and begins to ascend. It was all going well until another snore came from up high, causing the shy pegasus' to fall back into a state of terror, falling back down to earth. Catching her at the last second, we fall into a bush, the mare lying ontop of me.

"Have we met before?" Blushing, the mare jumps off of me. Chuckling, I get up out of the bush and dust myself off, thankful that it wasn't a thorn bush.

"Greyson! Fluttershy! What's taking so long?" Comes the voice of Twilight, drawing my attention back to the group of mountaineighrs.

"Fluttershy can't make it up there! The snores are scaring the poor girl! We'll need to find another way up!" I reply, getting a whimper from the mare in question and an annoyed groan from Rainbow.

"Darling, can't you just carry Fluttershy up the mountain?" Suggests Rarity, apparently under the impression that I was suddenly an anthropomorphic mountain goat. 'Great idea! Scale a mountain? Shall I cure cancer whilst I'm at it? Solve world hunger, perhaps?'

"Do I look like Reinhold Messner to you!?" I shout back, receiving a number of perplexed looks from the mares. "I don't scale mountains for a living, boys and girls! I can't climb this! Let alone carrying a pony! Throw me a map or something, and we'll make our own way up!"

"Aroundthe mountain? That's going to take forever!" Groans Rainbow.

"Suck it up, skittles! We're going around!" I shout, catching the map thrown to me by Applejack. Seconds later, another snore is heard. Hearing a soft thump behind me, I don't even need to turn around to know that Fluttershy had most likely fainted. Unfolding the map, I plan the new route for me and Fluttershy. Quickly finding a new path for the pair of us, I refold the map and tuck it into one of my inner coat pockets, not wanting to lose the thing in the event that we lose our way. Turning around, I'm surprised to see that Fluttershy had not fainted, and was instead looking to me for instructions.

"Come on, Flutters. I found a new path for us that should lead us to the top." I say, heading towards a nearby path. Moments later, Fluttershy is at my side, almost brushing up against my leg at times. 'Meh, if it calms her down, it calms her down I guess.'

An hour or two later, and we'd rejoined the group, albeit later than they would have hoped. Nevertheless, we pressed on wards, heading further up the mountain. Throughout our trek, we came across a small gap that needed to be crossed. Whilst we'd managed to cross over it easily, Fluttershy was unable to, and it took another migraine inducing song from Pinkie Pie and a push from Rainbow, literally, to get her to cross.

We were now almost at the top of the mountain, and just as luck would have it, we'd reached quite possibly, the second most dangerous part of it. The first being where the dragon was situated.

"Let's keep it down." Whispers Twilight, looking around at the mountain. "According to my map, we're entering an avalanche zone. The smallest peep could cause a huge rock slide."

"An...an ava...ava..." 'Don't you fucking do it, Fluttershy.' Thankfully, Twilight shushes the mare, who quickly shuts up. Breathing a sigh of relief, I carry on forwards, hoping that we could get out of here before anythi-

"AVALA-" Or not. Spinning around, I watch as Applejack quickly shoves her hoof in Fluttershy's mouth, silencing the mare. Looking to said mare, I quickly notice a couple of leaves descending onto the floor. Looking up, I spot Rainbow hovering next to a tree, looking rather sheepish. Piecing it all together, I conclude that Rainbow had brushed against the tree, causing a number of leaves to fall from it and then landing on Fluttershy, resulting in the already skittish mare crying out in shock.

Waiting with bated breath, we all stand as still as statues, hoping that Applejack had silenced the mare in time. Moments pass, and everything is silent. 'Oh thank fuck for that.'

"Right, I think we're good." I say, much to the relief of everypony present. "Now let's get a move on befor-" I was interrupted, however, when I felt the ground shaking beneath me. Looking upwards, I quickly find what was causing the earth to shake, and it fills me with dread. "Me and my fucking mouth..."

"Avalanche!" Descending from above us were dozens of rocks, large and small, all capable of hitting me in the head and ending me. Preferring the alternate option of living, I dive out of the way, just in time for a boulder twice the size of my body to land in the spot I was just standing in. I didn't stick around, however, as I was still in danger. Running after the mares, I notice Twilight was having trouble. Unfortunately for the mare, a rather sizeable boulder was heading her way.

"MOVE SPARKY!" I shout, praying to God that the unicorn heard me. Fortunately, she needn't have, as Applejack tackled her out of the way of the oncoming boulder. 'Thank fuck for that.' A sudden noise to my right demands my attention, as I turn to see a wave of rock and death sliding down the mountainside towards us.

More specifically, Fluttershy.

"Oh fuck me." Thinking fast, I run straight towards the mare, picking her up and using my body as a makeshift shield to prevent any harm coming her way. It works, and Fluttershy is left unharmed. Me, however? I'm struck by rock after rock, and I could already feel the bruises forming. Miraculously, neither my neck nor spine ended up being broken, thankfully. Seconds later, the pair of us are buried under a mixture of rock and dirt. A minute later, and all was still. 'Shit, did we actually survive this?'

I manage to dig my way out from under the rocks, bursting through the rock like a 5ft gopher. Fluttershy, the poor mare, is still clinging onto me for dear life, shaking like a leaf. 'Damn, how hasn't she had a heart attack yet?'

"Damn...that happened....You alright, Fluttershy?" I cough, concerned for her well being. She doesn't answer. Looking down to my chest, I see that Fluttershy had buried her muzzle into my shirt, her legs wrapped around my abdomen in a vise. 'Fuck me, today's done a number on her. And we haven't even reached the bloody dragon yet.' "Fluttershy, you're safe now. Calm down, kiddo."

"I-is-is it o-over?" She stutters, looking up at me. Gesturing to the surrounding area, I nod.

"Yep. Somehow we're still alive, and I didn't break my neck in the process. I'd call that a win-win. Now, are you gonna let go of me at some point or is my shirt just that comfortable?" Blushing, the mare lets go of me, and we make our way to the rest of the group, who were already conversing about what had just happened, and the problem we now faced.

"-roblems than making sure our hair bows match our horseshoes." Rainbow says, gesturing to the newly formed wall of rock in front of us, blocking our way forward. Noticing the stares coming her way, Fluttershy look to the ground, guilt etched across her muzzle.

"Sorry." She apologises, unable to look her friends in the eyes.

"Aw, no big whoop, sugarcube." The apple farmer says, giving the mare a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, we'll just have to...climb over." Sighs Twilight. Whilst the rest of the mares began to climb, I hung back with Fluttershy, who was still looking rather upset with what had just happened, most likely thinking that she was becoming a real detriment to the group. As much as she was, she was still my friend. 'She's yet to get me killed, so I can't exactly be angry with her. Annoyed, perhaps, but still.'

"Come on, Flutters. It's not far now, I promise." I say, beginning my ascent. She nods, and begins trudging up the hill behind me. 'Let's see if we can't get to the top without anymore incidents.' A sudden impact to the back of my legs dashes such hopes, as Fluttershy and me end up sliding down the hill, taking our friends down with us. 'I swear to God, if that dragon doesn't kill us, she bloody will.'

"Still think it was a good idea to bring Fluttershy along?" Rainbow asks Twilight, out of Fluttershy's earshot.

"Oh, lay off, skittles. The girl's just scared, that's all." I argue, not appreciating how easily Rainbow was slagging off her friend.

"Yea, of everything and nothing!" She shoots back, turning to face me. Before I could argue any further, Twilight silences us both.

"You can both argue some other time. We're here." She says, gesturing ahead of us. Following her hoof, I realise that we had, in fact, reached our destination. The dragon's cave lay straight ahead, the smoke threatening Equestria originating from the dragon that lay within. 'It's about goddamn time.'

"Oh finally. Now we can get eaten, burnt, or thrown off of the mountain. Joy." I remark.

"If you want, you can go in first, Alex." Responds Twilight, smirking at me. 'Haha. No.'

"Oh you can fuck right off, mate." Is my answer.

"Then stop whining. Rainbow Dash, you'll use your wings to clear the smoke." Hearing this, Rainbow nods, and flies upwards into the smoke itself. With Rainbow sorted, Twilight turns to Rarity and Pinkie.

"Rarity and Pinkie Pie, you'll create a diversion to distract the dragon if things get a little hairy in there." She says, before looking questioningly at Pinkie Pie, who, for whatever reason, was swinging a rubber chicken in her mouth. Rarity was as confused as I was. 'What. The. Fuck.' Knowing that questioning the pink demon would most likely result in every brain cell she's has to implode repeatedly, she turns her attention to Applejack.

"Applejack, you're ready with the apples in case he decides to attack." 'I'm sorry, but what?'

"Wait wait wait, what? That's your plan? If the dragon gets pissy, we're going to kick apples at it...have you gone mad, Sparky?"

"Don't you worry, sugarcube. Ah' can buck these apples ah' lot harder than you'd think." Reassures Applejack, though it doesn't fill me we with confidence. "Ah'd teach that varmint what'for."

"But it shouldn't come to that, because Fluttershy will do what she needs to do to wake him up, and between the three of us, we should be able to get him to understand why he needs to go."

"Right, good pla- wait, hold on...Three?"

"Yes, three. Me, Fluttershy and you." 'Joy.' "Is everypony ready?" 'God no.' Whilst I may not have been, the rest of the girls seemed to be, shared determination all around. "Okay then, we're goin' in!" And with that, the three of us enter the cave.

"I've got a bad feeling about this..."

We were only in the cave for a few seconds, before I notice something was wrong. And by something wrong, I mean somepony missing. Fluttershy wasn't in the cave with us. It only took me a moment to realise why. 'Oh for fu- she's terrified of dragons. Why would she come in the bloody cave with us? How has Twilight not noticed she's gone yet?'

"So, whatisthe best way to wake up a sleeping dragon without upsetting him?" Twilight asks, still not realising that the animal expert was not with us. "Fluttershy?" She asks once more, now turning to where the not-so-present mare should have been. "Oh come on!" She groans, now turning back towards the entrance. "What is wrong with her, Alex?" She asks, looking to me. 'Are you blind?'

"You telling me you haven't figured it out yet?" I ask, surprised at how she had not pieced together why Fluttershy has been acting up all day. Shaking her head, I sigh. "You're quite possibly one of the smartest pe-ponies I've ever met. You'll figure it out." Blushing ever so slightly at my compliment, the pair of us exit the cave and rejoin the group. Walking over to Fluttershy, who had decided to try her hoof at being an ostrich and buryied her head in the ground, Twilight pulls on her wing, bringing the mare into a sitting position.

"Come on!" It's no use. Fluttershy will not budge. Taking a different approach, Twilight tries to push the mare towards the cave. Yet the pegasus is stronger than she looks, not giving an inch to Twilight. "We have to do this!...Now! Every...second longer that dragon...sleeps is another...acre of Equestria that is covered in...smoke!" Pony after pony joins Twilight in her attempts to force the mare into the cave, lining up behind each other and using their weight to try and push Fluttershy towards the dragon's cave. For my part, I just hung back and watched the scene unfold, chuckling at how adamant Fluttershy was in not facing this dragon.

"I...I...I can't go in the cave." Fluttershy says, much to the frustration of the group.

"Oh, great. She's scared ofcavesnow, too." Comes the grumbling voice of Rainbow Dash. 'Well, I wouldn't say caves. More like the dragon that's inside. Hell, I would be too.'

"I'm not scared of caves, I'm scared of dragons."

"What's that, sugarcube?" Asks Applejack, not being able to hear what the pegasus had said.

"I'm scared of dragons." She repeats, albeit louder this time. Still, it's not enough, as the group look questioningly at each other.

"What?" 'Oh for fuck sake.'

"I'm scared of dragons!" Fluttershy shouts, for quite possibly the second time in recorded history. A sudden snore from inside the cave brings us back to reality, as we're promptly smothered by a wave of smoke. One coughing fit later, and the smoke dissipates. 'Do love me some fucking dioxide poisoning.'

"But Fluttershy, you have a wonderful talent dealing with all kinds of animals!" Argues Twilight, confused as to why Fluttershy was so terrified of facing a dragon. In Twilight's defense, Spike is a dragon, and Fluttershy's not scared of him. On the other hand, Spike is half my size, and unlike this dragon, won't eat me if I look at him funny.

"Yes, because they're notdragons." 'Dragon shaming!? Oh my! Check your privilege!'

"Oh come on! We've seen you walk right up to a horrible manticore like it was nothing!" Counters Rainbow, referencing the manticore we encountered during our trek through the Everfree Forest some time ago.

"Yes, because he wasn't a dragon."

"That's racist." I remark, getting a laugh out of Pinkie Pie, who had quite suddenly appeared right next to me. "Where'd you come from?" I ask, confused as to how quickly and quietly she had managed to go from one side of the group to appearing next to me. 'I swear she just teleports around. Is she an Alicorn in disguise? Oh god, that'd be terrifying.'

"Well you see, when two ponies love each other ve-" 'Oh I am NOT being taught this by you of all ponies!'

"Forget I asked." This conversation was going down a deep, dark hole and I had no intentions of Pinkie dragging me down it.

"Okay then!" And with that, she turns towards Fluttershy. "Spike is a dragon. You're not scared of him." 'My thoughts exactly.'

"Yes, because he's not a huge, gigantic, terrifying, enormous, teeth-gnashing, sharp-scale having, horn-wearing, smoke-snoring, could eat a pony in one bite, totally all grown-up dragon!"

"She has a point, y'know." I say, putting myself into the spotlight. "What? She does, though. Spike's like, half my size. I could probably punt the little bastard from here to Canterlot." I joke. Rarity was not amused, however.

"My! How could you even think of doing such a thing?" She cries.

"Calm it, Snowflake, I'm only kidding. I have no intention of kicking your boyfriend over the horizon."

"I should think so! Such a cruel thing to consider. Why, I shudder to even thin-" 'Oh stop bitching.'

"Right, I said I was joking, mother. I don't need a lecture on kindness and all that bollocks, sweetheart." I chuckle, smirking at the mare's umbrage at being interrupted. Before she could retort, we're interrupted by Twilight, who was once more standing before the cave's entrance.

"Come on, Alex. We're going in." Looking to the unicorn, I stare quizzically at her. Why was it just the pair of us going in? What about Fluttershy? Gesturing to the pegasus in question, Twilight shakes her head, giving me the answer I already saw coming. Her fear of dragons was holding her back, and she was too afraid to face that fear. Sighing, I nod, once more following Twilight into the cave.

"What an absolute cunt." I grumble, exiting the cave and coughing up any and all remaining smoke still trapped in my windpipe. As it turns out, the dragon was a rather heavy sleeper, and any attempts from Twilight or myself to speak with the dragon were met with bouts of smoke.

On the plus side, I did nab a few gems whilst we were in there, so it wasn't a total failure. 'If all else fails, I can probably buy my way out of the country to somewhere where the sky doesn't look like death itself.'

"So much for persuading him!" Remarks Rainbow, also recovering from the smoke. 'I wonder if inhaling too much of this smoke will give us lung cancer. Sure hope not.'

"Now what?" Inquires Applejack, unsure as to our next move.

"Now you lot can have a shot at this." I answer, heading towards a large boulder that a certain pegasus was hiding behind. "I'm gonna have a chat with Fluttershy, see if I can't get her to help us with this whole dragon situation."

"But ya' heard what she said abou-"

"Yea I did. And quite frankly, I don't really care. She needs to face this fear, and she needs to face it now."

"It's no use, Greyson. She's too scared to even think about facing the dragon." Rainbow argues, unconvinced that I'll somehow be able to bring Fluttershy out of her shell.

"Skittles, do you know who you're talking to? I'm Alexander goddamn Greyson. I'll figure something out." Reaching the boulder, I make my way around it, finding Fluttershy sat up against it staring down at the floor. Sitting down next to her, she lets out a startled squeak. "Sorry, Flutters. Didn't mean to scare you."

"I-its al-alright, Greyso-I me-mean Al-Alexander." The mare replies, still staring at the ground.

"Alexander, Greyson, whichever one you prefer, sweetheart." I say, not really caring what she called me. First name, last name, I didn't mind whatsoever. Nodding, the mare continues to stare at the ground. Sighing, I begin to think of what I have to say to get the mare to help the rest of us face this dragon.

"Fluttershy, I get that you're scared, really I do. But refusing to face your fears won't make them go away." I begin, getting her attention, as she turns away from the ground and now up to me. "You can't just hide from what scares you forever, kiddo. You need to face this dragon. They're all counting on you, Fluttershy."

"B-b-but I just can't." She whines.

"Why? Why can't you? Because of your fear?" She nods, looking back down to the ground in shame. Putting my hand under her head, I force her to look back up at me. "So are the rest of the mares, though Rainbow is adamant she isn't. They're all scared, Flutters. Hell, I'm scared of this dragon." I admit, much to her surprise.

"Yo-you're scared? But yo-you're never scared. You stared down N-Nightmare Moon. You pu-put yourself in harms way a-against an U-Ursa Minor. You're the b-bravest stallion I k-know!" "'Yes, yes, I have the testicular strength of Dwayne Johnson's pecs, I know.'

"Be that as it may, it doesn't mean I can't be scared of something. Nopony can ever not be scared of something. There'll always be something that scares you. The dark? Spiders? Losing something precious to you? Anything. You'll always be afraid of something, no matter how serious or trivial it may seem to be. But its what you do about this fear that matters. If you refuse to accept it, lock it away and hide from it? It'll always be there, right in the corner of your mind, always there, waiting for you. But if you have a purpose, a reason for facing this fear, then it is no longer a fear. If you're scared of the water? Cannonball it. If you're scared of heights? Jump out of a helicopter. Give yourself a purpose for it, a reason to do what you fear, and then that fear will no longer have any hold over you."

"B-But I can't. I'm s-scared! I'm not as brave as e-everypony else!"

"Back on Earth, there's this guy I know. Not personally, mind you, but I know who he is. And do you know what he once said? 'Being brave isn’t the absence of fear. Being brave is having that fear, but finding a way through it.' The mans name is Bear Grylls, and he's quite possibly one of the bravest men I've ever heard of. So you see, Fluttershy, It's alright to be scared. It's alright to fear something, really it is. But there comes a time where you need to be brave, and put your fears aside, for both yourself and those around." I finish, letting go of the mare, letting her process everything I'd just said.

Hearing a loud crack next to me, my eyes widen in fear as I look to what had just happened. "And that time may quite possibly be right now, sweetheart." Following my gaze, the mare's eyes widen in fear alongside mine, panicking at the sight before us. Our friends lay dazed on the floor, groaning in pain. The boulder we'd been sitting behind had been smashed in half, and the dragon we'd been sent to relocate? He was now fully awake, and was looking rather angry if I do say so myself.

Knowing that our five friends were most likely seconds away from being roasted alive, I jump out in front of them, getting the dragons attention. 'I am so going to die.'

"Right, you! Mr Vape-nation! Listen here, and listen good, you twa-" He was not in the mood for conversation. Opening his maw, he lets out another torrent of smoke, launching me backwards. Hitting my head on what remained of the boulder, I could already feel my senses fading. Managing to flip off the dragon one last time before then, however, I take notice of a yellow blur flying straight towards the dragon. This was to be the last thing I saw before my consciousness decided to take a well-deserved vacation.

"-eyson?" 'Huh? Who's that?'

"-lex, can you hear me?" 'Aww come on, mum. Just a few more minutes?'

"-at dragon really did a number on the big guy, huh." 'Uuh, fine, I'm up.' Slowly opening my eyes, I realise that I was no longer on top of a mountain, but instead on an all to familiar couch in an all to familiar library. 'Oh thank fuck for that. I did feel like dying on top of some godforsaken mountain.'

Before I could make any more observations, I find myself victim to a three things. Firstly, my name being shouted by multiple ponies. Secondly, said ponies diving onto me. And thirdly, my ability to breath properly now being restricted. Cheers for that, girls.

"Girls, ah' don't think he can breathe?" Points out my southern saviour. A moment later, and my ability to take in oxygen had been restored as the ones responsible for taking such a sacred privilege release me.

"So did we win?" I ask, though the answer should've been pretty obvious if I was still alive to ask such a question.

"Yes Greyson, we won." Replies Twilight, giggling at my silly question. Of course we'd won. I wouldn't be sitting in a library full of talking, magical ponies if we hadn't now would I?

"Nice one. Okay, next question: what happened after I got my ass handed to me?"

"Well you see, darling, Fluttershy was not so scared after all in the end." Rarity answers, looking proudly towards Fluttershy, who looks away in embarrassment. 'No way. Fluttershy actually stood up to the dragon?'

"It's true!" As if she could read my mind, which she probably can somehow, Pinkie throws herself into the conversation. "When that big, mean old dragon hit you, Fluttershy got sooooo mad! She was like 'You big bully! Don't hurt my friends!'" Pinkie cries. 'Well shit, she got over her fear? Damn, I must be more persuasive than I thought.' Looking to Fluttershy, I laugh.

"Well I'll be damned. I knew you could do it you little devil!" Before she could react, I've already picked the mare up and pulled her into a hug. Her shock only lasts a moment, before she happily returns the hug. Seconds later, I release the mare, who reluctantly rejoins her friends on the floor.

Eventually, only myself, Twilight and Fluttershy remained in the library, the rest of our friends having departed already. Excusing herself, Twilight headed upstairs towards the bathroom, leaving myself and Fluttershy alone.

"I should probably go home. My animals must be worried sick by now." She says, getting up off of the floor. Nodding, I'm about to turn my attention elsewhere when Fluttershy says my name. Turning back around, she hovers over to me, before wrapping her forelegs around my neck. 'Yay, more hugs. I approve of such things.'

"Thank you for believing in me."

"Anytime, kiddo. You did good, Flutters. You did good." And with that, I let the mare go and she makes her way over to the front door. Opening it, she's about to step outside when she turns around to look at me one last time, smiling at me. Returning the smile, she steps out of the library and shuts the door, now leaving me alone on the couch. This doesn't last, however.

Turning around, I see Twilight stood at the bottom of the stairs, staring at the front door with a strange look on her muzzle. 'What's up with Sparky?' "You alright there, Sparkles?" I ask, unsure as to why she was staring at the door like that.

"Hmm? Oh, yes I'm fine, thanks." She replies, coming over and joining me on the couch. Out of nowhere, she suddenly rears up and throws her forelegs around me. 'Right, these hugs are all well and good, but why am I being blessed with so many all of a sudden?'

"Whoa, you alright there, Sparky?" I laugh, returning her embrace. She doesn't answer, instead preferring to tighten her hold ever so slightly. Before I could question the mare on her strange behaviour, the door opens, and in waddles Spike, a familiar rabbit attached/latched onto one of his claws. Letting go of me, Twilight jumps off of me and looks to Spike, trying her hardest to hide the blush that had formed on her muzzle. 'Mares, man. They're weird as hell.'

"How does Fluttershy put up with you furry little things?" He cries, shaking Angel off of him. Landing on his feet, the rabbit shoots out of the library, much to Spike's satisfaction. Closing the door, he turns to the pair of us, sighing in relief. "I tell you what, I'd hate to be in Fluttershy's hooves, having to deal with all those animals."

"Spike, take a letter." Twilight says, ignoring my quizzical gaze.

"With pleasure." He replies, oblivious to what had just happened moments ago.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

I am happy to report that the dragon has departed our fair country, and that it was my good friend, Fluttershy, with the invaluable support of Greyson, who convinced him to go. This adventure has taught me to never lose faith in your friends. They can be an amazing source of strength, and can help you overcome even your greatest fears.

Always your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle.

"Do you seriously have to add those little bits about 'Friendship' at the end of every letter?"

"They're called Friendship Reports, Alex. Of course I do. It's instrumental that I inform Princess Celestia about what I've learnt during my studies." She answers, looking at me as if I'd asked her if a pony required food. 'Alright smartarse, calm down.'

"Maybe you should tell her about all the studies you've done on Dragons: A Guide to Ma-" Before I could finish, Twilight begins throwing things at me. Things being cushions, books, anything she could get her magic on, actually. Laughing my ass of, and fearing for my heads safety, I sprint towards the stairs, Twilight hot on my heels.

"A Dragons Guide to What?"

"I'll tell you when you're-OW-older, Spike!"

"Get back here Greyson!"

"I'd much rather not!" Oh, life is good.

Author's Note

And so Greyson defeated the fearsome dragon, rescued the beautiful princess, and they all lived happily ever after, Just kidding, he got his ass handed to him by the dragon, who promptly received a very stern scolding from our favourite timid pegasus, who finally grew a pair and stood up for her friends.

And holy hell, over 8K words? This is the longest chapter I've written for this story so far. And that little speech by Greyson? Rather proud of that one, to be honest. Bear Grylls is a legend.

Until next time, folks! Peace.

Death Via Adorableness

She's Gonna Be The Death Of Me

I, Alexander Ian Greyson, the strongest, most handsome, sarcastic, alcohol-tolerant human in Equestria, was bored. Back on Earth, I had an Xbox to kill my boredom with. Fallout? Borderlands? Battlefield? Gaming is, quite possibly, one of the best ways of killing time. Here, however? Here, technology had not yet managed to get anywhere near such a feat, and so one of the most entertaining things I could do would be to mess with Twilight's head. 'Or Spike's. Or both, actually. Depends on my mood, really.'

One of the best ways of accomplishing such a feat would be to move her alphabetically organised books into separate shelves. 'Lord Of The Pies'? Throw that into the E shelf. 'A Griffons Journey'? R shelf for you, mate. It's always hilarious to see her reaction, though. But not so much when one of the two eventually finds the book and my face is promptly used a dart board for books.'Still worth it...most times.'

At this moment, however, I wasn't even in the library to do such a dastardly thing. Walking around Ponyville, I was searching for something to do. Applejack had the farm sorted out for the time being, so I wasn't needed at work for a while. With my mornings now temporarily free, I was left with very little to do in the way of passing the time. However, I did have a few ideas on as to what I was going to do. My intentions were to find a shop of sorts and to see what else the town had to offer, as I'd yet to actually explore my new home to its fullest. I was only a few minutes into my search when I heard somepony call my name.

"Good morning, Alex." Turning to my side, I find myself looking upon none other than Lyra Heartstrings, one of Ponyville's few resident unicorns. As it happens, I'd known Lyra for a while now, having met her at the welcoming party that Pinkie had thrown for me a while back. We'd spoken from time to time, though mostly in passing greetings.

"Hey Lyra. How you doin'?"

"I'm fine, thank you. So what are you up to?" She asks. 'Currently looking for a way that can both kill my boredom and be fun at the same time. Drinking would be the preferred option, but I've already seen what alcohol this world has to offer. Fuck that shit.'

"Nothing much, just exploring the town." I casually reply.

"Oh? And here I thought you'd be off saving the day again." 'Me? Saving the world? Pfft, I've only done that, like, a dozen times.' Chuckling, I shake my head.

"Nah, today's my day off, thankfully. So what are you doing, then?"

"Well, I was relaxing in the park, but then the Weather Team arrived to prepare for the scheduled storm that would be happening in the next hour or two. Because of that, I didn't want to wait around in the park for it to hit, so I got out of there. Then I was just walking along and I saw you, trotted up to you, and the rest is history." She finishes, smiling up me. 'Cool, I guess? And storm? What sto- oh hold on, Rainbow was saying something about that the other day. Right, let's get this shopping over and done with and get back to the library. I don't need Hit-By-Lightning on my CV, as shocking as it would be.'

"Fair one. So, next hour you say?" She nods. "Damn. Right, I'd best get myself sorted and skidaddle back to the library before I become a human lightning rod."

"Yea, we wouldn't want that now do we?" She jokes, though it would certainly be a rather interesting experience for me.

"Nah, not really. But then again, maybe I'd get super powers? Wouldn't that be shocking." ...'Oh god that was cheesy as all hell. Somebody end this poor man.'

"Was...was that a pun?" 'Maaaybe?'

"Hey, she got it! Let's give her a thunderous applause!" Her hoof met her muzzle, in what I could only assume to be their version of a facepalm. Though, I could definitely see a small smirk, so go me.

"You're a weird stallion, Ale-"

"Human, Lyra."

"My point still stands. Mind if I join you? It'd be nice to get to know you a bit better." She asks. To be honest, I'd not talked to Lyra that much, so it would be nice to know a bit more about the unicorn as well. On the plus side, an extra friend wouldn't hurt at all. 'God knows I need them.'

"Yea, why not. Come along, sweetheart." And with that, the pair of us went on our merry way further down the road, idly chatting about one another.

"So he tried to kill you!?" Lyra exclaims, eyes widening in shock at what Blueblood had tried to do to me that one time. 'Aah, good times.'

"Well, unless shooting magic at the back of someone's head in an attempt to kill them isn't attempted murder these days, then yes, he did." I remark, the mare still looking at me in shock.

"By Celestia, what was that idiot thinking? And in front of the princesses as well? Seriously?"

"Yep. I think the guy may be a few brain cells short, especially after the captain decked the twat." I can't help but smile at such a fond memory. 'I wonder how Shining and Cadance are getting on with their wedding planning. Not heard anything since, and I'm dying to see Twilight's reaction. She'll probably throw a fit at me for not telling her, but damn will it be hilarious as all fuck.' Agreeing with me, the pair of us carry on moving forwards, before I glance at the mare besides me. More specifically, her tattoo. Or, 'cutie mark', as they like to call them. 'I can just feel my masculinity slipping away just by saying that.'

"You know, I never did ask at the party. You're called Lyra, and your cutie mark is a lyre, yea?" I ask, as we turn a corner, heading further into Ponyville. 'Hmm, this place is unfamiliar. Wonder if there's anything interesting around here, then?'

"It is, yes." She answers, looking at me with an expression of curiosity. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering, kiddo. From what I know, ponies get those tattoos when they're young, and it signifies their special talent and all that jazz, right?"

"Yes they do. When we find our special talent, we get our cutie mark."

"In that case, I'm gonna take an educated guess and say that you're a musician of sorts?"

"Well, not professionally, but yes I am. As you've already guessed, I play the lyre, and I'm apparently very good at it as well. Bon Bon says that she's never heard anyone play it better than I do." She answers, the pride in her voice unmistakable. 'Bon Bon? Who's that?'

"Bon Bon? That your marefriend?" Judging by how the mare more or less tripped over herself upon hearing this, I guessed so. Seeing the look she was giving me, I shrug. "Hey, I don't judge, kiddo. Love who you want."

"She's not my marefriend, Alex."

"Oh. Well, this is awkward. Who is she then? Sister?"

"She's my best friend, and my housemate as well. Not my marefriend." She explains. Nodding, I can't help but notice the slight disappointment in her tone, though. "I help her run Ponyville's candy store, which is actually right over there!" Following her gaze, I see the store in question.

"Bon Bon's Sweetie Drops?" I ask, taking in the building's appearance. As far as candy stores go, it didn't look that bad. Of course, it didn't have the eye catching ability that Sugarcube Corner had, but still, not bad.

"That's the one! I'm heading in there now. Do you want to come in? I can introduce you to Bon Bon?" As much as I would've loved to, as it would have given me a chance to hopefully meet this Bon Bon and give me an inkling as to how the pair felt around each other, the clouds above us were getting darker with each passing moment, and getting caught in the middle of a storm was not on my agenda for today. It also didn't help that it had begun to rain. 'Oh joy, rain. My favourite.'

"I'd love to, but this storm looks like it's gonna hit any second now, and I'd rather much be back at home before it does. Yea, I'll have to take a raincheck on this one." 'And here we go again.'

"What is it with you and puns?" She sighs, as I give the mare a cocky grin.

"What can I say? I'm just a punny guy." '...'

"..."

"..."

'Somebody kill me please.'

"I'm so sorry."

"Are all humans this weird?"

"Nah, I'm just one-of-a-kind. I'll catch you later, Lyra."

"Goodbye Alex." And with that, she turns away and trots off. As Lyra heads towards the store, I turn away and head back down the road, aiming to get back to the library before the storm got fully under way.

As it turns out, I would have no such luck. I'd only moved a short distance from where I'd left Lyra, when the weather rapidly deteriorated. The wind was now raging all around me, and the rain wasn't making my situation anymore enjoyable. Ponies left and right were rushing into their homes, seeking shelter against the storm. As for me, I was busy making my way through the now empty streets of Ponyville, pushing against both wind and rain towards the library. Unfortunately, I was struggling in that endeavour, as I was having to shield my eyes from the elements. 'Just my luck that I'd get caught up in fucking Storm Desmond over here!'

Before I could curse my misfortune any further, my attention was drawn to a shrill scream coming from somewhere to my right. Squinting my eyes, I'm just about able to make out what appeared to be a small, white filly, hiding under a bench. It only took me a moment to figure out who it was. 'The hell is Sweetie Belle doing out here!?' Making my way towards her, she doesn't notice me whatsoever, her eyes tightly screwed shut and her forelegs covering her head, evidently trying to block out the storm taking place around her.

"SWEETIE BELLE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE!?" I yell, eliciting a startled gasp from the small unicorn. Looking up at me, her eyes widen in surprise, before a wide, relieved smile forms upon her muzzle

"MR GREYSON!" She squeaks, her voice barely being heard over the howling wind. Kneeling down, she jumps into my arms, wrapping her small forelegs around my neck. In any other circumstance, I'd have probably enjoyed the hug to it's fullest. As it stands, however, I was more concerned about getting the cold, shivering filly in my arms to somewhere a whole lot warmer. 'Shit, I need to get her out of here. She'll get hypothermia...if these ponies can even get hypothermia. Fuck, I'm gonna get hypothermia at this rate.'

"We need to get out of this storm, kid! Where's the boutique?" Still clinging onto me for dear life, Sweetie gestures towards the boutique, thankfully only down the road where we stood. Holding on tightly to the filly, I press forward, the wind making the task as arduous as it could. A minute later and we've made it to the door. Reaching for the handle, I throw the door open and stumble inside, quickly shutting the door behind me. Now I needed to get Sweetie somewhere warm. Scanning the room, I spot a number of items that would do just that.

"Right, first things first. Let's get you warm." I say to the still shivering filly, who weakly nods in affirmation. Walking around, I grab a blanket, another blanket, another blanket, and, drum roll please... another blanket. To be fair, I didn't know how resistant a pony was to the cold, so better safe than sorry. Wrapping Sweetie in the multitude of blankets, I gently place her down on Rarity's couch and head towards the kitchen.

Returning minutes later, I hand the warm drink to Sweetie, who happily accepts it, almost downing it in one go. 'Damn, look at you go, champ.' Taking the empty cup off of her, I place it on a nearby table, before taking a seat next to the filly, leaning back into the comfortable material.

"So, mind telling me why in God's name you were out in that storm, Sweetie?" I say, looking to the small unicorn, who looks up at me within her fortress of warmth.

"I was with Applebloom and Scootaloo. We were trying to find our Cutie Marks, and forgot that there would be a storm today." She answers, looking guiltily up at me. "I didn't mean to get caught in the storm, Alex. I'm sorry I got you all wet and cold." Mumbles the filly. 'Is being angry at this kid even possible?' Giving the filly a reassuring smile, I shake my head.

"Don't be sorry, kid. I'm fine, you're fine, it's all fine." I say, standing up from the couch. "Just be more careful next time, eh?" Making my way towards the door, I'm just about to exit the boutique when I hear Sweetie's voice call over to me.

"Where are you going?" She asks, almost falling out off of the couch, blankets and all.

"Well I can't exactly stay here. Twilight'll be worried sick about me, plus I don't think your sister would appreciate it if she came home to some unrefined rogue sleeping over." I reply, still holding onto the door handle.

"B-b-but the storm! You could get hu-" I hold a hand up to stop her. 'Pfft, I'll live.'

"Aah, don't worry about me kid. The library aint that far, I'll just run it." Waving away her continued protests, I open the door...

...And promptly slam the thing shut. Yea, think the storm was bad before? Mate, It's only gotten worse. Hell, I'm positive I saw a tree or two on the verge of falling, and I did not plan on one of them falling on top of me. It would appear that I was going to have to bunker down here for the night. It would also seem that, unless Rarity was on her way back, which, knowing the diva, was highly unlikely as of right now, I was now responsible for Sweetie Belle. 'Oh boy, babysitting? Not done this for a while. Well then, this'll be an interesting evening.' Sighing in resignation, I look over to the filly, who was looking positively delighted with the situation.

"So, what do you do for fun, sweetheart?"

"What in God's name have you done to me..." I groan, looking into the mirror. Standing just behind me, I could both see and hear the unicorn filly trying her hardest to hold back her giggles, though failing quite miserably. 'I really should have seen this coming.' Being the little sister of a fashionista, it shouldn't have come as a surprise that Sweetie Belle had learnt a thing or two from Rarity, mainly in the art of makeup and all that jazz. I don't know how she did it, but one thing led to another, and she ended up practising her skills on me.

Suffice to say, it ended about as well you'd expect. Turning around, I give Sweetie the most menacing glare I could possibly muster. If looks could kill, then the filly would have spontaneously combusted, gone to Heaven, promptly fallen through the clouds and then die on impact. In that circumstance however, my face wouldn't look as if it had been used as a palette for someone in the process of having an epileptic fit.

As it stands, the only effect I was having on the young unicorn was the opposite of what I intended, as her giggles developed into full blown laughter. '"I'm a makeup artist" she said. "It'll be fun" she said. Jesus Alex, you grew up around kids, how the fuck did you not see this coming? Idiot.' Sighing, I fall backwards onto the soft pillows of the workshop that we'd moved into, internally cringing at how much of a mess my face looked. 'I look like an autistic Joker. Cheers kid.'

"How did I get roped into this?" I mumble, trying to figure out how this filly had persuaded me to actually agree to this.

"Well, you said-"

"Yes, I remember. Mate, the girls would get a right kick outta this, kiddo." I say, eliciting a laugh out of the filly, who clambers onto my chest.

"I think you look pretty, Mr Greyson." She smiles, looking over in her hoofwork in closer detail. Gasping in shock, I lift my head to look at Sweetie, a look of mock offence plastered on my face.

"Pretty? Why my dear Sweetie Belle, I am not pretty. I am positively stunning." I reply, putting on my best take on Rarity's voice. It pays off, as the unicorn on my chest devolves into a giggling mess, one that I can't help but join in on. 'Stop being so cute you little devil!'

"Y-you so-sound like m-my sister!" She cries, struggling to breathe. 'That's the point, kiddo.'

"Do I? Darling, whatever do you mean?" I ask, once more adopting Rarity's accent. This pushes Sweetie over the line, who promptly collapses onto my chest, laughing hysterically. "I cannot for the life of me understand how I can sound so alike to such a refined lady like your sister." I'm really not helping Sweetie out, as her laughter only intensifies. A minute passes, and her laughter has died down.

"You're really funny, Mr Greyson." She says, before she suddenly gasps. "Is that your special talent?"

"Special talent?" I question, looking at the filly questioningly.

"Yea! Is being a comedian your talent? Did you get a cutie mark for being a comedian?" 'Oh, that's what she meant.' Chucking, I shake my head.

"Well I'm not exactly a comedian, but I like to think I'm a funny guy at the best of times." I admit, Sweetie looking a bit stumped at my answer.

"Well what does your cutie mark mean?"

"I don't have a cutie mark, kiddo." Evidently, she didn't expect this answer, if her shocked expression meant anything. 'I think I broke her...Kid? Hellooo?'

"W-W-What!? B-B-But everypony gets a cutie mark!"

"For ponies, maybe. But do I look like a pony to you, kiddo?" I ask, gesturing to my fine self. Looking me over, she smirks playfully.

"Oh yea, I forgot. Colts don't look this weird." 'Oh? Is somebody getting playful?'

"Weird? I think 'handsome' is the word you were looking for, Belladonna." I reply, ruffling her mane, the filly pouting at me. Fixing her mane, she jumps off of me, allowing me to get to my feet. Looking at a nearby clock, I notice that we'd been so occupied with making me look like a failed artwork that time had passed rather quickly. "So what time do you eat and go to bed, exactly?"

"Rarity cooks dinner at 6, and then I go to bed at 8." She answers, packing her makeup materials into a small box. Nodding, I help her pack her things away and then gesture for her to follow me, the pair of us heading towards the kitchen.

"Well I'll try and make you something, and then we'll just kill some time before you have to go to bed. "

"Ooh! Can I-" 'NO!'

"No you are not practising your Picasso on me again. It's gonna take an hour to wash this off."

"Oh. Well, can I help you cook instead?"

"Meh, why not. What's the worst that can happen?

In hindsight, those would end up a poor choice of words.

"I'm sorry, Mr Greyson. I didn't mean to burn it." Comes an apologetic Sweetie, staring at me guiltily. Tucking her quilt over her, I shake my head, giving the filly a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry about it kiddo. Happens to the best of us." 'No, it really doesn't.' Have you ever seen that one Simpsons episode, where Homer sets fire to a bowl of cereal for no explainable reason? Well, Sweetie Belle somehow made Homer look like Gordon Ramsay. I literally gave her an ingredient to pour into a mixing bowl, turned away for a second, and turn back to see the bowl and its contents on fire. I literally had to turn that kitchen upside down for something to put the fire out, settling to just throw the bowl through a nearby window and into the storm, where it was promptly struck by lightning of all things. Why? Because God hates me, apparently. Now, Rarity's kitchen was in clip, and she was most likely going to eviscerate me when she saw the state of it. 'Hope you aren't too attached to your balls, Alex.'

"My sister doesn't like to let me cook. She says I'm prone to making mistakes." She mumbles, closing her eyes and leaning into her pillow. 'Mistakes? That's putting it lightly.'

"I'm sure you'll master the culinary arts eventually, kiddo. Until then, keep trying sweetheart." I say, reaching over and twiddling with her mane, receiving a smile in response. "I'll see you in the morning. Unless your sister's already evicted me, that is. G'night, kiddo."

"Goodnight, Mr Greyson." Comes her soft reply, as I exit the bedroom. Closing the door, I make my way to the bathroom, intending to wash away the horror story that was Sweetie's makeover. Minutes later, and now looking as if I wasn't starring in an 'IT' film, I'm lying on Rarity's couch. Today had been a very interesting, yet exhausting day, and the prospect of sleep was looking very enticing indeed. Closing my eyes, I was out like a light in moments.

However, I was quickly awoken to something moving on top of me. Opening my eyes, everything's blurry for a moment, before I finally focus on something white standing on top of me. It only took me a moment to realise that it was Sweetie Belle. 'Wha..?'

"Whats up, kid?" I mutter, groggy as all hell.

"I couldn't sleep." She answers, staring sleepily at me. 'And you had to wake me up to tell me this, why?'

"Oh...Okay? What do you want me to do about it, exactly?" I yawn, looking questioningly up at the filly.

"Can I sleep with you?" 'BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! DO NOT WANT!'

"Uhh...Why?"

"Well...you're really warm." She answers, curling up onto my chest. She's like a cat. An adorable, talking, equine cat. "Please?" 'Oh god, the puppy eyes! Hold men! HOLD! HOLD THE LINE! DO NOT GIVE THE FLUFFY WHITE DEMON AN INCH!'

"I'll think about it."

"Pleaasee?" 'Hold up, I'm getting a call....Hello?...Huh?...What do you mean the heart's stopped?...A Cuteonary Sclerosis?...How the hell is that even possible?...Fine! I'll do it! Just get that shit back online!' Relenting, I move the blanket away, creating a space for her.

"Fine, whatever. Get comfortable kiddo." Squeeing, Sweetie joins me under the blanket, lying on top of my chest. Looking at the small equine curled up on my chest, I can't help but silently chuckle at the absurdity of the situation. 'I'm sleeping with a small unicorn curled up on my chest like a cat. My life is weird as all fuck.' Leaning back against the pillow, I once more fall asleep, this time joined by the small filly lying on my chest, a content smile on her muzzle.

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh! Girls, you have got to see this!" 'Oh great, what now?'

"Whatever is the matter darli-oh!" 'Is that Rarity? Wait, hold up...'

"Well gosh darn if that ain't the cutest thing ah've seen." 'Oh no, please don't tell me...'

"Where's my camera..." 'OH DON'T YOU FU-' *SNAP* '-CK!' Opening my eyes, I'm greeted by the sight of a camera levitating right above me, a picture sliding out of it. Looking past it, I see Rainbow, Rarity, Applejack and Twilight staring at me, smiling/smirking at the sight before them. Following their gaze, I notice Sweetie Bell still on top of me, though she was no longer on my chest. Instead, she was nestled just under my chin, her forelegs wrapped around my neck. Looking between the filly and the camera, I sigh.

"I'm going to find that picture everywhere now, aren't I?" Twilight nods, and I sigh. "I'm gonna get you back, Sparky. Just you wait."

"We'll see about that, Alex." Comes the smug unicorn, who happily levitates her camera away from me. A sudden movement brings my attention away from Twilight and towards Sweetie Belle, who was beginning to stir.

"Wakey wakey, Belladonna. The Hug-A-Human store is now closed." Groggily, the filly looks up from her comfortable position, tiredly meeting my eyes

"What time is it?" She mumbles, completely oblivious to the other occupants in the room.

"Time you released this poor captive of yours?" I suggest, gesturing to her forelegs still holding onto me. It took her a few moments to realise what I meant, before she reluctantly let go, much to the amusement of the mares in the room. Scanning the room, her gaze falls upon the group of mares standing beside us, her face heating up in embarrassment.

"So this is where you've been?" Twilight asks, gesturing to the boutique.

"Yup."

"And ya' didn't try to get back to Twilight's?"

"Well I did, but I didn't fancy being hit by lightning and/or a tree on the way."

"And so you took it upon yourself to take shelter in my boutique?"

"Well I didn't have much of a choice, Snowflake. It was either that, or I leave both myself and your sister out in the middle of the stor-"

"Hold on a moment, darling. What do you mean my sister?" Interrupts Rarity, stepping closer to the pair of us on the couch.

"It seems that Sweetie over here forgot about the storm, and so when it hit, was forced to hide under a bench. I found her on the way back to the library, ran her back in here, got her warm and was then forced to stay the night, what with the storm being in full swing by then." I explain, my explanation both relieving the mare in front of me and surprising both her and the rest of them.

"Well ah'll be. Ya' a real hero, Alex." 'Only just figuring that out?'

"Yea! Saving a filly in the middle of a storm? You're like, 20% cooler!" 'Cheers, I guess?'

"It's nothing, really. Besides, Sweetie over here is far too adorable for me to just leave in the middle of a storm." I say. Hopping off of me, Sweetie moves to stand beside her sister whilst I sit up from the couch. As I do so, I'm suddenly enveloped in a hug from Rarity herself. Though taken by surprise, I return the hug.

"Thank you, Alex, for saving my sister." I hear her whisper. Smiling, I release the mare, who hops back down off of the couch and back towards her friends.

"Alexander Greyson, hero for hire. Get him before he's gone." I joke, getting a laugh out of all ponies present. Excusing herself, Rarity leaves the room, leaving me with the rest of the girls. "So did anything interesting happen last night whilst I was stuck in he-"

"ALEXANDER GREYSON!" Screams Rarity from the other room, startling all of us. Looking towards where the scream came from, I quickly realise just why she was screaming. Standing in the kitchen doorway was Rarity, levitating a number of broken pots and pans behind her. 'Oh fuck me...'

"Oh, Alex?" She growls, trotting closer to me. 'Fuck.'

"Yea, sweetheart?" I answer, slowly backtracking away from the mare. Looking to the others for help, I'm not surprised to see that there were no others, as they'd all already fled. 'Fuuuuuuck.'

"What. Exactly. Happened!?"

"Well, it's a long story..."

It was a long story indeed. One that resulted in me giving up the gems that I'd ~~stolen~~ borrowed from the dragon that day to make up for the damages, and to ensure that I didn't find my head being used as target practice from the still peeved fashionista. Still, I was happy to get out of that situation with my manhood intact, so I'd say it was a fair trade in the end.

Author's Note

Daww. This was a cute chapter. Alex talks to Lyra for a bit, gets caught up in the storm, saves Sweetie and hunkers down in the boutique for the night. And then Sweetie turns Alex into some demented looking mime and then almost burns the place down. Just an average day, really.

See you in the next chapter, folks! Peace.

Seriously You Guys, I'm Gonna Throw A Fit, Cause This Rhyming Malarky, Can Go Eat Sh-

Xenophobic Ponies? What A Fun Day!

"Morning every....one?" Strolling into the kitchen, I'm surprised to find myself alone in the kitchen. Normally, I'd be met with either Spike cooking breakfast or both him and Twilight sat at the table. This morning, however, the pair were nowhere to be seen. 'Must've gone out, I guess. Shopping, maybe? Eh, who cares. I got the place to myself for a bit. Just enjoy that luxury, Alex.' Shrugging, I go about my business as per usual, fixing myself up a cup of tea, my inner Brit rearing its top hatted head.

Tea in hand, I take a seat at the table, sighing contentedly as I take a sip of the divine drink in my hands. 'Any self-respecting Brit loves his tea. Unless you're one of those who like to dunk digestives or some other biscuit in it. Twats.' Out of the corner of my eye, I spot something that draws my attention away from the liquid ambrosia in my hands. Putting the mug down for a moment, I reach over and grab the note that had been left on the table, quickly spotting my name written at the top, recognising the hoofwriting as Twilight's. 'Will this explain where those two have got off to?'

Alex,

Myself and Spike have gone on a walk. I would have asked you to join us, but we thought that you'd enjoy a lie in for once. We'll be back soon, if you're even awake to realise we'd even gone out. Lazy bones.

And please don't burn the library down whilst we're out? Thanks.

-Twilight

'Well that explains their absence, then.' Standing up from the table, I head to the nearby window, looking to see if I could catch a glimpse of the duo. I couldn't see them. Hell, I couldn't see anypony at all. "Strange. Where is everyone?" I mutter. Looking to the clock, my confusion is only further reinforced by the fact that it was already past 9 in the morning, so there should have been ponies out and about already.

'Am I forgetting something? Is there a party going on that I've not heard about? Surely not. If there was a party, I'd have been invited... Well, not gonna learn anything standing here all day.' Finishing the tea, I head back to the table, writing my own note to Twilight in case she got back before I did, before grabbing my coat and heading for the door.'Detective Greyson is on the case, boys and girls.'

'Where in the hell is everyone?' I had only just left the library and I already felt unnerved. Ponyville was quiet. Too quiet. And as cliche as that sounds, it was true. There were no ponies in sight, and the town was silent. 'Oh this is not creepy whatsoever.' With the market empty and no ponies walking the streets, I had no clue what was going on. 'Right, this is weird as all fuck. What is this? Everybody's Gone To The Rapture?'

A sudden noise to my right draws me attention to an open window, where a filly was sticking her head out, looking side to side. Spotting me, her eyes widen in surprise, before she beckons me closer. Coming up to the window, she scans the area one more, before looking fearfully into my eyes.

"Mister! You gotta get off of the streets!" She whispers, her voice laced with fear.

"And why's that, sweetheart?" I question, glancing around at the still vacant streets, the fear in her voice unnerving me slightly. Before she could answer, however, a voice cuts her off.

"Dinky! Get away from the window!" I've barely any time to react before a familiar clumsy pegasus appears, promptly slamming the window shut in my face. 'Cheers, sweetheart. Don't mind me at all. Just one, confused-as-all-hell human stood here.' Turning away from the house, I take one final look around, expecting something to jump out at me at any moment. Nothing happens, and I begin heading further down the road. 'This is getting weirder and weirder by the second. It's like one of Pinki-PINKIE!'

"Pinkie, you throwing some massive party or something? Or one of those majorly complicated, barely-thought-out-and-yet-surprisingly-entertaining pranks of yours? Hellooo?" I call out, fully expecting the eccentric pony to appear out of thin air, before promptly blasting me with confetti. Believe it or not, this was actually a regular occurrence. Today, however, was not one of those days. On the one hand, this brought a massive feeling of relief, as she'd most likely not appear out of thin air and scare the living hell out of me for once. On the other hand, this worried me, as the thought of this entire situation being some sort of harmless joke or prank was becoming less and less believable.

Minutes passed, and apart from the odd whispers of "Hide!" or "Save yourself!", I'd yet to find any clue as to what was going on, as any time I'd asked, they just told me that it wasn't safe, and that there was something dangerous lurking in the town. 'Great, so we may be in deep shit yet again. So what exactly has gotten the entire town scared to hell? Oh please don't let it be another Ursa. Or a dragon. Or anything that poses a threat to my life for that matter.'

Coming to a stop in the middle of the town, I look around. More accurately, I look to the windows of the homes, seeing curtains opening for but a moment and then closing just as quickly. '50,000 ponies used to live here. Now it's a ghost town.'

"Alex?" Turning on the spot, I'm relieved to see both Twilight and Spike standing before me, looking around just as confused as I've been for the past few minutes. "Where is everypony?" Twilight asks, gesturing to the desolate town. 'I was hoping you'd tell me.'

"Hell if I know, Sparky. As far as I know, everyone's either skipped town or holed up in their homes." I answer, gesturing to a house whose residents were, like everypony else it seems, hiding from something. "Why that is, though, is beyond me." It would seem that they were hoping I'd have an answer, if their reactions were anything to go by. Glancing nervously at each other, Twilight turns back to me. "So what do we do, sweetheart?"

"Well, I think the logical course of action here is to find out just what exactly is going on." Affirms Twilight, trotting off down the road, Spike remaining on her back. Sighing, I follow alongside the pair. 'Oh great, let's be heroes. Again.'

"Of course you do, Sparky. I mean, let's just go in search of whatever is forcing the residents into hiding. Because that is just a great idea, Twilight."

"Why thank you for your input, Alex."

"Do you know what sarcasm means?"

"Do you?"

"...Touche."

"Is it some sort of pony holiday?" Spike asks, looking to his mother...Sister?...Master? 'I don't actually know. I'll just say older sister for now.'

"Not that I know of." Twilight answers, looking around the vacant streets of Ponyville.

"Does my breath stink?" Jumping at the sudden gust of heat behind me, I turn to glare at Spike, who gives me a sheepish look. 'Little bastard.'

"Not more than usual." 'Oh Twilight, you snide mare.' Spike appears pensive for a moment, before his eyes widen in terror. 'Oh boy, what's he-'

"Is it....zombies?" 'You're a twat.' Exchanging a look with a dumbfounded Twilight, the mare looks sceptically towards Spike.

"Uh... not very likely." Twilight replies, though this did little to assuage the dragon's fears. 'This boy has one vivid imagination.'

"Not likely...but possible?"

"Tell you what, mate. If there are zombie ponies, then you can be the bai-"

"Psst!" 'Who the fuck was that?' Looking around for whoever had tried getting our attention, I'm drawn to Sugarcube Corner, where I'm positive I'd just seen something pink slip into the shadows. Just as I'm about to relay this to Twilight and Spike, a familiar muzzle suddenly appears in the doorway. 'Ah, that would explain the noise then.'

"Twilight! Spike! Alex! Come here!" Pinkie frantically whispers. The three of us remained motionless, staring quizzically at the door, where Pinkie was now gesturing for us to come inside. "Come! Here!" Sticking her head out of the doorway, Pinkie takes a quick look to her sides, before bringing her attention back to us, a look of fear transfixed on her muzzle. "Hurry, before she gets you!" The fact that Pinkie of all ponies sounded scared must've been convincing enough for both Twilight and Spike to shoot into the bakery, leaving me still standing outside. 'It's too early for this. Really, it is.'

"Y'know, I think it may be safer out here." Taking one last look around the empty town that was Ponyville, I follow my friends into the bakery, Pinkie slamming and bolting the door shut behind me, submerging us all in darkness. This only lasts for a moment, however, before a bright light is shone in our faces, courtesy of Pinkie Pie and her flashlight. 'Fucking hell, do you mind?'

"Who? The zombie pony?" Spike says, referencing the 'she' that Pinkie had mentioned only a moment ago. Unsurprisingly, Pinkie reacted in a confused, yet fearful manner.

"Z-Zombie pony?!" Pinkie stutters, her voice trembling. Seeing the mare as frightened at the prospect of such ponies existing as he was, Spike grips Twilight harder, burying his face into her neck.

"Spike! There are no zombie ponies." Twilight says, both Pinkie and Spike appearing relieved at such an obvious statement. Her assistant now calm, the unicorn turns to her pink friend, giving the party planner a perplexed look. "Pinkie, what are you doing here alone in the dark?"

"I'm not alone in the dark." Pinkie responds, tilting her head in a confused manner. Before I could question whether or not she'd somehow made friends with the shadow realm, the blinds suddenly opened, the room now brightening slightly. Looking around, what Pinkie had said turns out to actually be true, as we find ourselves surrounded. 'Well fuck me if this isn't creepy.'

"Okay then, what are youalldoing here in the dark?" Twilight reiterates, shaking away her momentary surprise at the sudden appearance of our friends, plus Applebloom for whatever reason.

"We're hidin' from her!" Joining Applejack at the window, followed by everypony else in the room, I quickly spot a solitary figure down the road, pawing at the ground, their face obscured by the cloak it was wearing. Squinting my eyes, I could just about make out its front and back legs, and the black stripes they were sporting. 'So that's who's got the entire town shit scared, is it? Well, they don't seem that bad. They have the shape of a pony, yet they've got black stripes. It's also...grey by the looks of it. Grey and black stripes... Is it a zebra? Do they even have zebras around here? Marty, is that you?'

"Did you see her Mr Greyson? Twilight? Did you see...Zecora?" Applebloom asks, climbing on top of a poor Spike so as to get on level with Twilight, yet still nowhere near eye level with me. 'That's her name? Zecora? Zecora the most-likely zebra? Well at least it's original, I guess. I mean, Mayor Mare? Spring Cleaning? Fuck me, having parents here must suck.'

"Apple Bloom! Ah' told ya' never to say that name!" Scolds Applejack, giving her sister a disapproving look. 'Someone's a bit unpopular around here, it seems.'

"Well, I saw her glance this way-"

"Glance evilly this way!"

"-and then a bunch of you flip out for no good reason." 'Well there may be a good reason, actually. I mean, Rainbow's over there, so she's been hiding from whoever that Zecora is. And if Skittles is actually afraid of something, then maybe there's a good explanation as to why we should probably be so as well.'

"Maybe they had a reas-"

"No good reason!?" 'Oh by all means, interrupt me.' "Ya' call protectin' yer' kin no good reason? Why, as soon as mah' sister saw Zecora ridin' into town, she started shakin' in her lil' horseshoes." As if to further emphasise, Applejack begins to shake her sister, much to her displeasure.

"Did not!"

"So I swept her up and brought her here-" And then she picks her up, much to the filly's annoyance.

"I walked here myself!"

"-for safe keepin'!" Wriggling out of her siblings forearm, Applebloom appears to have taken umbrage at her sister's words, indignation etched on her muzzle.

"Applejack, I'm not a baby! I can take care of myself!" 'She's feisty, this one.'

"Not from that creepy Zecora." Applejack counters. Before Applebloom could retort, I clap my hands together, both shutting the filly up and getting the room's undivided attention.

"Now that I've got your attention, can somepony tell me just what is wrong with this Zecora? Like seriously, you guys make her sound like she's the second coming of Adolf Hitler."

"Adolf Hitler? Do you mean Adolf Hoofler?" Twilight questions. '...U wot?'

"Uhh....No, and, who's that exactly?" I reply, slightly dreading the answer.

"Oh, he's a rising star in the political scene in Canterlot."

"Uh huh...well, tell your mentor to keep an eye on that one. But back to the matter at hand, what exactly is wrong with Zecora, exactly?"

"She's mysterious," Fluttershy begins. '...Okay?'

"Sinister," Rainbow continues. '...And?'

"And spoooooky!" And Pinkie finishes. 'Oh for fuck sake, is this really all they've got against her? Seriously?' Sighing, I join Twilight in looking at Zecora once again, the rest of the ponies quickly following suit. Moments later, Zecora lowers her hood, startling six out of seven ponies and confirming my suspicions of as to what species she was. 'Called it! She's a zebra! What do I win?'

"Just look at those stripes! So garish!" 'Racism, kids!'

"She's a zebra." Twilight points out. Judging by the collective gasp coming from everypony else, I was guessing they had no clue as to what a zebra was.

"A what!?" Yet again, I'm spot on.

"A zebra, and her stripes aren't a fashion choice Rarity, they're what she was born with." Rarity, in all her dramatic and ladylike glory, promptly faints. 'Bloody drama queen.'

"Born where? Ah've never seen a pony like that in these parts, 'cept...her!"

"Well, she's probably not from here, and she's not a pony. My books say that zebras come from a faraway land. But I've never seen her in Ponyville." 'Neither have I, come to think of it.' "Where does she live?"

"That's just it! She lives in... the Everfree Forest!" 'Oh fun, she lives in that forest of joy and never ending happiness?' Before I could question as to how she's actually managed to survive in that forest for over a day, let alone weeks or months on end, a sudden and rather loud crash startled all of us. 'The fuck was that?'

"Spike!" Well that answers my question. 'Nice going, Flynn Rider.'

"Uh, sorry." Comes the dragons sheepish reply. Shaking her head in annoyance, Twilight turns back to Applejack.

"The Everfree Forest just ain't natural. The plants grow..." 'Uh huh.'

"Animals care for themselves..." 'Oh yea?.'

"And the clouds move..." 'Really? No shit.'

"All on their own!" 'This, ladies and gentlemen, is called: Motherfucking Nature.' Upon hearing such dreadful and unpleasant facts coming to light, Rarity faints once more 'How does she ev- no, fuck it. I don't care.'

"And that wicked enchantress Zecora lives there doing her evil... stuff! She's so evil, I even wrote a song about her!" 'Oh please no.'

"Here we go..." Groans Rainbow, already knowing what Pinkie was about to do. 'God, why hast thou forsaken me?'

"~She's an evil enchantress,
She does evil dances,
And if you look deep in her eyes,
She'll put you in trances,
Then what will she do?
She'll mix up an evil brew,
Then she'll gobble you up,
In a big tasty stew,
Soooo...Watch out!~" 'Am I dead yet?'

Moving away from the wall that had been my foreheads new best friend during the duration of that song, I move to stand beside Twilight, who looked just about as bewildered as one might expect in this situation.

"Wow. Catchy." 'Not the word I'd use, honestly.'

"It's a work in progress." Smiles Pinkie, looking rather pleased with herself. I'm still wondering whether Pinkie is insane, on drugs 24/7, or a filly trapped in the body of a mare. Probably all of the above, and more. 'Still, she's adorable when she wants to be, the pink psychopath.' Taking one last look at Zecora, Twilight begins to move, pacing around her friends.

"This is all just a lot of gossip and rumours." Stopping in the middle of the room, Twilight looks to each of our friends in turn. "Now tell me; what exactly have you actuallyseen Zecora do?"

"Kicked a puppy? Burnt an orphanage? You know, actual evil things?" I add, coming to stand beside the unicorn, awaiting their responses.

"Well... Once a month, she comes into Ponyville." Rainbow begins.

"Oooooh."
"Spooky." Nothing wrong with that.

"Then, she lurks by the stores!" Rarity's up next, throwing in her two bits.

"Oh my."
"She lurks by the stores? The horror!" I still couldn't see anything wrong with the zebra so far.

"And then, she digs at the ground." Fluttershy is the last of the mares to go.

"Good gracious!"
"Oh my god she digs at the ground!? The monster!" That was it. That's all they've got. As it stands, they were just being xenophobic, which I honestly couldn't fathom them being. They'd accepted me, as far as I could tell, and apart from Rainbow putting me on my arse during our first meeting, they'd not once tried to run me out of town at all. 'Though to be fair, I did get some questioning looks during the first few weeks, but they've stopped... I think?'

"Okay, I'm sorry. But how is any of this bad? Maybe she comes to town to visit?" Twilight reasons, to which I find myself agreeing with.

"Yeah! Maybe she's just tryin' to be neighbourly." Applebloom adds, coming to stand beside me. 'Well would you look at that. A filly half their age can think more logically than half of them combined.'

"And maybe she's not lurking by the stores, maybe she'sgoingto them, lurk free, to do some shopping?"

"Yeah! Everypony likes to shop. Ya' know what ah' think-"

"Apple Bloom! Hush and let the big ponies talk." Applejack interrupts, coming to stand in front of Twilight and me. Moving away from us, Applebloom scowls at her older sister behind her back.

"Iama big pony!" She pouts, now standing near the door. Seeing as how Twilight and the rest of the girls were now discussing the girls reasoning behind Zecora's apparent 'evilness', I move away from the group and towards Applebloom, sitting against the wall next to her.

"You alright, kid?" I ask, noticing how miffed she seemed.

"Applejack never takes me seriously. Ah'm a big girl now, but she still treats me like ah'm a lil' filly." She whines, pawing at the ground in a frustrated manner. 'But you are a filly, though. I don't know how old you are in human years, but I'd still say in between 9-12 years old.'

"That's siblings for you. Especially the elder ones. They'll treat you like a child and that they know best, no matter how old you are, but they'll always have your back. Well, 9 out of 10, maybe." Taking in what I'd just said, Applebloom looks once more to her sister, who was still conversing with Twilight and the others, before turning back to me.

"Do ya' have any sisters or brothers, Mr Greyson?" This question came as a surprise, as I'd not thought about those I'd considered family for a while. 'Wonder how they're all doing these days...'

"Uhh...A few, yes. It's complicated." I answer, though she seems to have been expecting more from me. Before she could question me any further, I'm saved by Twilight, whose voice is suddenly heard over the rest of the mares.

"And if anypony here were actually brave enough to approach her, she would find out the truth." This seems to light a fire in Applebloom, whose eyes suddenly narrow in determination.

"Well, I'm brave enough. I'm gonna find out myself." Turning to the door, she takes only a few steps before I stop her, shushing her before she could protest.

"You got a right pair on you, kid, I'll give you that, but I doubt your sister would appreciate you going off on your own. Especially into that hellhole of a forest." Eyebrows furrowing, she opens her mouth to argue, before I signal for her to remain silent. "Can you let me finish?" She nods. "Good. As I was saying, your sister wouldn't want you going in alone-"

"But ah'm a big po-" 'KID!'

"Can.I.Finish.My.Sentence.Please?"

"..." 'That's what I thought.'

"Alright, third time's the charm. So, your sister wouldn't want you going in alone. So It's a good thing I'm coming with you." I say, thankful that I'd finally managed to say what I'd been trying to say. Applebloom seemed confused by what I'd said, though this only lasted for a moment before her eyes lit up in realisation.

"Ya' sayin' your gonna come with me?" 'Did I not just say those exact words?'

"No, I'm just gonna sit here and wait for some other handsome human to just waltz into town and escort you into Disneyland over there."

"Ya' sure are funny, Mr Greyson." Giggles Applebloom, seemingly unfazed by my blatant sarcasm. Turning to the door, she makes her way out into the streets, myself following close behind. 'I'm willingly going back into that fuckfest of a forest, with the added responsibility of taking care of a child. Am I fucking insane? Wait, I'm in a world of magical ponies. Of goddamn course I am.'

Somehow, both myself and Applebloom had managed to sneak out of both Sugarcube Corner and Ponyville easily enough, though there were a few close calls with Zecora looking over her shoulder every now and again. Thankfully, I was smart enough to keep my distance, hiding behind trees and only moving when she wasn't looking, like the good stalker I'd become. Applebloom on the other hand had decided to go the complete Ezio route of jumping into every bush that the forest had to offer, somehow not being heard in the process. 'Sneaky little devil.'

We'd only been in the forest for a few minutes before we came across something interesting. The last time I was here, I hadn't bothered to take in much detail about the forest itself, as I didn't think I'd be here long enough to care. Now, however, seeing as how I was stuck here permanently, I was starting to catalogue what the forest had to offer, wondering if the plants growing inside the forest were similar to the ones back on Earth.

To that end, the large patch of blue flowers that we'd just come across struck me as peculiar. 'I swear I've seen these things before.... Are these Deathbells? The fuck is this? Skyrim?' Ignoring the flowers for now, I look up to see Zecora walking deeper into the forest, leaving both myself and Applebloom some distance away. Not wanting to lose the zebra, I tell the filly that we need to hurry up so as not to be left behind. Before the pair of us can press forwards, however, we freeze upon hearing a familiar voice.

And boy oh boy, did Applejack not sound happy.

"Applebloom! Alexander! You get back here right now!" 'Oh fuck, she used my first name in its entirety. That's the first sign a woman is pissed.' Unsurprisingly, Applejacks shouting didn't just get both mine and Applebloom's attention. It also got Zecora's, who turned to face all of us. I still couldn't see her face under that cloak, but I'd hazard a guess that by the way her head tilted when she looked at me meant that she'd never seen a human before. Her confusion only lasted a moment, before she took her eyes off of me and to the ponies behind me, and then to the patch of flowers in front of me.

"Beware! Beware, you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!" Came the foreboding voice of the zebra mare. 'So the zebra, which on Earth comes from Africa, coincidentally has an African accent, and is feared and disliked by all the ponies in Ponyville. I'm sensing just a bit of racism here, kids. But let's not focus on that; what's up with these flowers?' Seeing as how past experience with this forest meant that more or less everything in it could probably kill me, I.E Cliffs, lion-scorpion hybrids, evil megalomaniacs hellbent on eternal night, just to name a few, I step away from the flowers. 'Better safe than sorry.'

"Y-ya' keep your creepy mumbo-jumbo to yourself, ya' hear?" Applejack cries, running up to and placing Applebloom on her back, keeping her eyes fixed on the zebra. Along with Applejack, the rest of the ponies, minus Twilight, began to shout after Zecora as well. 'Why is Pinkie still singing that godawful song?' Realising that questioning the constantly hyperactive pony would only get me a trip to the psychiatric ward, which is probably her home away from home, I move to stand beside Twilight. Looking over towards Zecora, who was one again eyeing me up, I take notice of the sudden fog rolling in around her, her figure disappearing into the fog.

"Beware! Beware!" Is all I hear from her, before she finally vanishes from view, no trace of her being left except for her ominous warning. 'I should probably get away from these flowers...'

"Yeah, back at you, Zecora! You and your lame curse are the ones who better beware!" Rainbow shouts out towards the fog, flying through the patch of flowers and shaking a hoof towards the general direction where Zecora was last seen.

"And you!" Applejack turns her attention to her little sister, looking her in the eyes. "Why couldn't ya' just listen to yer' big sister?"

"I-I-" Unable to look her sister in the eye, Applebloom looks to me for assistance. 'Fine, I guess this was my fault in a way.' Just as I'm about to come to the aid of the filly, Twilight places her hoof on my side, shaking her head. Sighing, I step back and allow Applejack to carry on with her admonition.

"Who knows what kind of nasty curse Zecora could have just put on ya'?" She continues, still giving her the same disapproving look. 'Actually, go ahead. Keep focusing on the zebra and not this idiot who could have gotten both himself and your sister eaten. I'm perfectly fine with that.'

"Just like in my song!" 'Oh please god not again with the fucking singi-oh and she's off.'

"You guys, there's no such thing as curses!" Twilight points out, much to both mine and the girls' surprise. 'Bullshit, Sparky.'

"Hold up a second. You're telling me, that in a world of magical ponies, dragons and all this Narnian bollocks, you don't have curses? Seriously? What half arsed magical land is this?"

"Yeah! That'sinteresting to hear coming from Miss Magic Pants herself." Concurs Rainbow, flying over to Twilight and poking her on the horn, much to her discomfort.

"My magic,realmagic, comes from within. It's a skill you're born with." Twilight begins to explain, myself and the girls listening intently. "Curses are artificial, fake magic. It's-"

"So curses are real!" I remark, chuckling at the mares evident displeasure at being interrupted mid-explanation. 'Suck it up, Sparkles.'

"If you'd let me finish, Alex, I'd be able to tell you that curses are conjured with potions and incantations; all smoke and mirrors meant to scare. But curses have no real power, they're just an old pony tale." The unicorn finishes, looking quite pleased with her explanation. Unsurprisingly, the rest of the girls weren't as believing as she may have hoped they'd be, walking away from the mare before she'd even finished.

"Just ya' wait, Twilight. Yah' gonna learn that some pony tales really are true." Prognosticated the apple farmer, moving to follow the rest of the girls out of the forest. Watching as her friends left the forest, Twilight sighs, before moving to follow them, myself following alongside her.

"You believe me, right Greyson?" Twilight suddenly asks. I shrug.

"Well you know a whole lot more about magic than I do, Sparky, so I guess I'll take your word for it." I answer, casually kicking at one of the many blue flowers around us. Satisfied with my answer, Twilight smiles, before continuing onwards, happy that at least someone agreed with her. Exiting the forest, we find Applejack waiting for us, Applebloom giving me an apologetic look. 'I'm gonna guess that she's told on me.'

"Don't be thinkin' ya' gettin' of the hook that easy, Alexander." 'Oh fuck, I know that look.'

"Yea, well, a man can dream, can't he?"

Unsurprisingly, Applejack was not to pleased with how I'd willingly let her sister go off into the Everfree Forest, alone or not, without consulting her first. As punishment for my lapse in judgement, I'd agreed to help Applejack and her family out on the farm. Now, that was already my temporary job already, so it may not have seemed that bad at first glance.

But keep in mind that I only helped out with one of the Apple's on one field at a time, my height allowing me to pluck the apples out of the trees and into the baskets, and that on its own already left me with a few sore limbs at the end of the morning. So imagine how it would feel to be doing multiple fields for the rest of the day.

If it weren't for the spa that Ponyville has, I'm positive my body would have just given me the finger and shut down for the remainder of the next decade.

"Mate, my back is in clip. Note to self: never be influenced by adorable fillies ever again." I groan, announcing my presence as I make my way into the main part of the library, wincing in pai-"What in the fuck happened in here?" I exclaim, noticing how the room looked as if a hurricane had blown straight through it. Books were strewn all over the place, and Twilight was trying rather inconspicuously to hide her horn for whatever reason. 'You good?'

"Morning, Alex. How's your back?" Spike says, turning away from Twilight and towards me.

"Like someone took a sledgehammer, rammed it into my back, and then threw rocks at it for good measure." I reply, before looking to Twilight, who was trying, yet failing, to look busy. "Hey Sparky, know any spells to fix my back?" I ask, trying to get a good look at whatever it was she was hiding, though she kept turning away from me.

"Uh..bit busy, Alex. Maybe...sleeping it off? Yea, that sounds good!" She replies, the joviality in her force blatantly fake.

"Sweetheart, it's my back that's fucked, not my sleeping schedule. What are you trying to hide?"

"Promise....Promise you won't laugh?"

"Depends on what you're about to show me, but I'll try my be-PFFT HAHA!" Much to her displeasure, and back pains temporarily forgotten, I collapse to the floor in a heap, my sides in perhaps more pain than my back could ever be. 'MATE! HER HORN! HER FUCKING HORN! I'M DEAD!' Somehow, someway, Twilight's horn had decided to give up on life, developing blue spots and flopping about her head, lifeless and useless. To be honest, the sight amused me to no end. Groaning in exasperation, Twilight turns once more to Spike, trying to ignore my laughing in the background.

"How about this one?" Spike asks, holding a book up for Twilight to see. Inspecting the cover, Twilight shakes her head, her horn flopping about once more, sending me into another fit of laughter. 'Where's her camera! Where is i-THERE!'

"Supernaturals"? Spike, the word supernatural refers to things like ghosts and spirits and zombies, which are as make-believe as curses. This book is just a bunch of hooey!" 'Right, turn around, Sparky...'

"But what if you're wrong, Twilight? What if this really is a-"

"Ah pfurse!" 'WHAT THE FUCK?' I was so startled by Pinkie's sudden appearance right beside me that, by reflex, I ended up snapping a picture. Thankfully, Twilight was just as startled as I was, and so ended up turning around just at the exact moment that the camera went off, though she somehow didn't notice the flash.

"A purse? How could it be a purse?" 'Right, come here, camera. You're staying right here with me where you'll be nice and safe.'

"Pinkie? What happened?" Twilight asks, taking in the sorry sight that was Pinkie's tongue. Following her gaze, I notice how both Pinkie's tongue and Twilight's horn were alike. Both had developed the same brand of blue spots, and both were seemingly unusable.

"Pee pah Zthecora! Sthe put a cursthe on me!" Pinkie says, saliva going everywhere. 'Oh lovely, now I got ADH-Pinkie. Cheers for that.'

"Hey! Say it, don't spray it, Pinkie!" Complains Spike, holding his hands up to protect his face from the secretions of Pinkie's mouth. Out of nowhere, a loud bang is heard from behind us, coming from the window. Turning around, we all see Rainbow crashing into the window.

"Has she forgotten how doors work?" I remark, moving towards the door. Gripping the handle, I'm suddenly met with a forceful impact to me chest, a mixture of wood and rainbow sending me flying backwards. Landing in a heap on the ground, I'm left dazed and confused as to what had just happened, though one prevalent thing came to mind. 'Did that just fix my back?'

It did. I felt no pain in my back any longer. 'Cheers Skittles, though you still owe us a fucking door.' Sheepishly grinning at me, Rainbow jumps off of my chest and into the wall, bouncing off of it like a rag doll.

"What I was trying to say was; Zecora's slapped us all with a curse!" Rainbow exclaims, before crashing into a chair. 'Right, so Twilight's got erectile dysfunction, Pinkie can't talk like a normal person, and Rainbow thinks she's a terrorist. Anyone else?'

"I'm afraid I have to agree." Comes a voice from what remained of the doorway. Sitting up from where I was, I fall backwards, laughing my ass of once more at the sights before me. 'Right, sick, this is brilliant. This Zecora is my new best friend! This shit is priceless!' The rest of the girls were not as amused as I was, as most of them were glaring daggers at me.

"Ah' hate to say I told ya' so, Twilight, but ah' told ya' so!" Squeaked Applejack, standing on top of her ~~little~~ bigger sisters back. "It's a curse, ah' tells ya!" Looking bewildered at her friends, Twilight's face morphs into one of confusion, as she looks to her friends, and then to me, and finally onto Fluttershy.

"But Fluttershy... seems just fine!" The unicorn points out. Sitting up, I see that she was, in fact, correct. There was nothing wrong with Fluttershy at all. That is, until, I realised she was refusing to speak, instead nodding or shaking her head to Twilight's questions. 'Is she like Pinkie, then?'

"Good gravy, girl! What's wrong with ya'?!" Applejack says, her squeaky voice both cute and not intimidating whatsoever.

"I don't want to talk about it." Fluttershy said, her affliction becoming obvious the moment she spoke. Her once soft, quiet voice had changed into what I could describe as ''I'M IN HEAVEN!'

"OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE!" I cry, gripping onto my sides and collapsing onto the floor once more, this time joined by Spike.

"This is hilarious! Look at all of you! We got: Hairity, Rainbow Crash, Spitty Pie, Apple Teeny, Flutterguy, and... uh..." He pauses on Twilight, unable to think of a nickname for her. "I got nothin'... Twilight Sparkle. I mean seriously, I can't even work with that." '

"How about 'Dickhead'?" I remark. Whilst myself, Spike and Rainbow were busy laughing our collectives asses of, Fluttershy, Rarity and Applejack were silently chuckling away to themselves, and Twilight was as red as a tomato, Applebloom looked confused.

"What's that mean?" 'Yea, like hell am I explaining this to a child.'

"I'll tell you when you're older, kid."

"But-" 'No. Just no.'

"When you're older." I repeat. Though slightly annoyed, Applebloom drops the subject, thank the lord. Composing herself, Twilight is now looking to me with the same expression that she held when she looked at Fluttershy.

"Wait, what about you, Alex? You're definitely yourself." Twilight remarks, looking me up and down. Realising that Twilight was onto something, the rest of the girls step closer towards me, trying to see if there was anything wrong with me. Standing up from where I'd been sitting/dying-of-laughter for the past few minutes, I shrug. 'I feel fine, sound fine and look very fine indeed. I'm sorted.'

"Well I'm just that good at being curse-resistant, apparently." This gets a frustrated sigh out of Twilight, who shakes her head in annoyance, the sight of her floppy horn forcing another chuckle out of me. 'This shit'll never get old. And I have that picture for when she sorts herself out! Gonna send it to everyone I know.'

"But it's not a curse!" Turning to Spike, she gestures to the bookshelves. "Spike, start looking for more books so I can find a cure!" Groaning in frustration, Spike heads over to one of the many bookshelves in the library. Turning back to the rest of us, Twilight's about to speak once more, before Rainbow decides to interrupt her, flying above the rest of us and almost crashing into me. Again.

"I think we'll find a cure to this curse at Zecora's place!" She exclaims, the girls nodding their heads in agreement.

"It's not a curse!" Twilight reiterates, turning on Rainbow so quickly that it startles the pegasus, sending her flying backwards into the wall. I'm not sure my sides can survive much more, but at least I'd die happy.

"Ah' agree with Dash! We'll go to Zecora's and force her to remove this hex!"

"It's not a hex either!" Twilight exclaims, the rest of the girls beginning to shout over each other, Twilight trying to convince them that curses still didn't exist whilst the rest of them blamed Zecora. Suddenly, something that had been said by Zecora came into my mind. 'Beware, beware you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!' 'Leaves of blue....The flowers!'

"Oi, girls," I shout, the girls becoming silent and turning towards me, "remember those flowers from yesterd-"

"Hold on big guy, where's Applejack?" Rainbow interrupts, looking around the room for the mini apple farmer.

"I don't know, Skittles. Oh! Maybe she's taken a vacation to the lands of Let-Me-Finish-Speaking?"

"Apple Bloom is gone too!"

"I'm not gonna be able to finish speaking now, am I?"

"I bet they went after Zecora!" 'Guess not.'

Just as we were all about to venture forth towards the forest, I make my way over to Spike, who had already occupied himself with looking for a cure. Looking to Twilight, satisfied that she hadn't noticed what it was I was doing, I crouch down next to the dragon. 'This'll be good...'

"Hey Spike, mate. Do me a favour?" I ask, getting his attention.

"Oh, hey Alex. What do you need?" Pulling out the picture that I'd taken a few minutes ago, with a few added words just under it, I hand it to him, throwing my hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"Mind sending this to Celestia? It'll be hilarious, mate." I ask, chuckling ever so quietly. Nodding, he looks around to make sure nobody else was looking, and then quickly breaths fire over it, the picture vanishing out of his hands. Thanking the dragon, I make my way back over to the group, the girls none the wiser. 'Payback's a bitch.'

After realising that both the apple sisters had up and vanished, the belief was that the pair had gone after Zecora. Seeing as how we had no better plan, all of us (except Spike, who had remained behind on Twilight's orders to continue looking for a cure) went of towards the Everfree Forest, searching for our missing friends. Eventually, our search led us to what must have been Zecora's home. A hut in the middle of the forest, adorned with figurines, figurines which looked like they'd come straight from an African tribe.

"Where the fuck's Rainbow?" I say, noticing how the egotistical pegasus had, like Applejack and Applebloom, who we'd yet to find, had vanished as well. Seeing as how the rest of the girls were still focusing on what lay ahead of us, I shrug. 'Oh by all means, girls, lets just ignore the fact that another one of our friends has disappeared into Satan's fucking garden, possibly never to be seen again.'

"Oh, I look horrible!" 'And she's at it again, for like, the 50th fucking time.'

"Plis place plooks horrible!" Pinkie says, looking to Zecora's home and lifting up Rarity's mane to allow the white unicorn to take in her surroundings, much to her displeasure.

"Oh my, that place really does look horrible!" She agrees, all of us making our way to the huts window. Peaking inside, the evidence beings to build up in the girl's favour. "Nice decorations, if you like creepy!" Suddenly, Zecora comes into view, making her way to the large, bubbling cauldron in the centre of the room with what appeared to be some sort of container in her mouth. Tilting her head, the contents drop into the cauldron, before she begins to speak in what I could only guess to be her native language. 'Sounds African to me.'

"Sthe sthtole my sthong! Shthe shtole my sthongg!" Pinkie cries, jumping away from the window and pointing towards Zecora. 'She stole your...thong? The fuck?'

"She stole your song?" 'That sounds better, but my point stands: What the fuck?'

"Oh Pinkie, that doesn't sound anything like your song." Twilight says, though the look that Pinkie gave her says otherwise, as she tries to repeat her song once more. Unfortunately for her, and fortunately for the rest of us, she's unable to do so, as her tongue prevents her from doing so. She gets around this dilemma by coaxing Fluttershy into singing it for her, much to my amusement. 'I wonder if that camera can record...probably not.'

"You saw those terrible things. Now do you believe us Twilight?" Rarity asks, the rest of the girls coming to stand nearer to her, waiting for her response. Looking to them, then to me, and finally inside the house, she sighs.

"Scary looking masks, confusing incantations, and a great big bubbling cauldron? Everything is pointing to Zecora being...bad." She admits, the girls nodding in agreement. "Or... what if Zecora is just making soup?" Twilight proposes, eliciting looks of disbelief from her friends. As for me personally, I was trying to piece together whether Zecora truly was evil or not.

"Y'know girls, everything in there points to her being bad, sure. But at the same time, maybe it's just part of her culture? I mean, I didn't really study these kind of things, but I know that back home, indigenous people used masks and totems like these as a sign of respect to their Gods, and all that stuff." I say, looking through the window once more, just in time to see Zecora sample whatever it was that she was mixing together. "Maybe she's alright? Misunderstood, even?"

"The perfect temperature for ponies, I presume." 'Or not...?'

"Oh...Erm, maybe she's cooking for two?" The rest of the girls didn't look to sure with that, and neither did I for that matter.

"Now where is that little Applebloom?" 'WELL ALRIGHT THEN! THAT'S JUST GRAND!'

"Alright, fine, fuck it all." I sigh, rushing to the front door, quickly followed by the rest of the girls. Just as I'm about to Leonidas the door, however, I hear shouting coming from behind me. Turning around, I spot both Applejack and Rainbow, the former riding on the latter's back. In any other circumstance, I'd probably be cracking jokes on how kinky this looked.

My attention, however, was more on how Rainbow was speeding towards me, and didn't seem to have any intentions on stopping any time soon.

"DON'T YOU FUCKI-" For the second time that day, and by the same person, I was sent flying backwards, this time though a door, and into Zecora's home, landing in a heap. Sitting up from where I'd been lain out, I take in the scene before me. Like the library this morning, the house was in tatters, courtesy of one cowgirl ridden pegasus.

"No! You know not what you do! You've gone and spilled my precious brew!" Exclaims Zecora, staring at what remained of her cauldron, its contents spilled all over the floor. Deciding to stay on the floor for now, the pain in my chest still prevalent, I pull myself over towards the wall, leaning against it for support. ""Rainbow...Do...You have...A Fucking...Problem...With me?" I growl, glaring at the back of Rainbow's head. She either ignored me, or was to busy focusing on Zecora, along with the other mares.

"We're onto you Zecora." Comes an accusatory Twilight, herself and the girls standing in a line and looking to Zecora, who looked rather...confused, to say the least. "I didn't want to believe that you cursed us, but the evidence is overwhelming!"

"You made me look ridiculous."

"You made me sound ridiculous!"

"You made me spheak ridiculoush!"

"You ruined my horn!"

"You...haven't actually done anything to me, exactly, but uhh...fuck you anyway!"

"How dare you!" Cries an outraged Zecora. "You destroy my home, destroy my work. Then rudely accuse me of being a jerk?"

"You put this curse on us, now you're gonna un-curse us!" Demands Rainbow, looking just about ready to charge at the zebra. This only further infuriates Zecora, who steps forward towards the girls, who recoil in fear. Seeing as how a fight may just be about to break out, I rise to my feet, ready to intervene if needed.

"It is unwise to venture down this road. Your actions will make my anger explode!" The zebra warns, staring down the five ponies before her. Meeting her glare, Twilight steps forward.

"Where is Apple Bloom!?" She growls, putting her head against Zecora's, in what I could only assume to be the prelude to a fight. I'm about to get inbetween them, when a familiar voice stops me.

"Zecora! I think ah' found all the things ya' asked for." Applebloom says, appearing in what remained of the doorway. "What in Ponyville is goin' on here?!" She exclaims, seeing the trashed remains of Zecora's front room.

"Apple Bloom! Yer' okay!" Cries Applejack, seeing her sister safe and sound, still latched onto Zecora's ear.

"Why wouldn't ah' be?"

"Because Zecora is an evil enchantress who cursed us and was gonna cook you up into soup!" Twilight explains, moving to stand in front of Applebloom, shielding her from Zecora. Hearing this, both Zecora and Applebloom laugh.

"Oh Twilight. Did those silly fillies finally get in yer' head? Ya' know there's no such thing as a curse." 'I wonder whose said that before...Oh wait! Sparky did! The irony!'

"Apple Bloom, sweetie, you can't just stand there and tell me this isn't a curse!" Twilight says, gesturing to her friends and their various afflictions.

"This isn't a curse." 'OH SNAP!'

"If you will remember back, the words I spoke were quite exact." Hearing this, what Zecora had said yesterday once again sprung into mind.

"It was a warnin'. About that blue plant. It's called Poison Joke." Applebloom adds, confirming my suspicions as to what had really caused the girls such headache. Literally, in Twilight's case.

"That plant is much like poison oak. But its results are like a joke." Zecora says, laughing at what the plants had done to the ponies in front of her. To be fair, I don't blame her.

"...What in the hay does that mean?" Applejack cries, unable to discern just what it was Zecora was telling them. To be fair, it was a challenge keeping up with her constant rhyming, but I was able to perfectly figure out just what it was she was implying.

"It means this plant does not breed wrath. Instead this plant just wants a laugh." 'Pinkie and Rainbow would probably kill to have these in their pranking inventory. That is, if they don't kill Zecora first.'

"...Will somepony please talk normal?"

"It means, AJ, that it wasn't Zecora that's done this to you all, but rather those blue plants from yesterday. Y'know? The ones she warned us about? Ringing any bells?" I explain. Hearing this, her eyes widen in realisation, along with the rest of the girls.

"Alex is right!" 'Don't sound so surprised, Sparky.' "What she's saying is that when we ran in to save Apple Bloom, we ran into the poison joke! All our problems are just little jokes it played on us!" 'Someone get this mare a prize!'

"Little jokes?! Very funny." Applejack drily remarks, the humour completely lost on her.

"Okay, fine. But what about the cauldron?"

"And the chanting?"

"And the creepy décor?" Looking to Rarity, Zecora smiles.

"Treasures of the native land where I am from. This one speaks 'hello', and this, 'welcome'." She explains, gesturing respectively to a pair of her many icons. Rarity was not impressed.

"Not welcoming at all, if you ask me." Ignoring her remark, Zecora moves to stand beside Applebloom, turning her attention to Fluttershy.

"The words I chanted were from olden times." She explains, before looking over towards Twilight. "Something you call a 'nursery rhyme'." 'Does she always speak in rhyme? Must get boring from time to time...Oh fuck, it's spreading.'

"But the cauldron... The Apple Bloom soup?" Twilight goes on, still not fully convinced of Zecora's innocence. Instead of the zebra explaining just what the cauldron's purpose was for, it was Applebloom herself.

"Lookie here, Twilight. That pot of water wasn't for me, it was for all these herbal ingredients. The cure for poison joke is a simple old-natural remedy. Ya' just gotta take a bubble bath!" Applebloom explains, leading her to one of Zecora's books, miraculously untouched by the devastation that had been caused only a few minutes ago. Looking over the page, it would appear that Applebloom was correct. The page that the book was opened onto perfectly detailed everything she'd just described, complete with a sketch of the cauldron that most likely held the cure.

And the cauldron that Zecora was concocting the cure in had been knocked over, it's contents now seeping into Zecora's carpets. 'Nice one, girls.'

"But I tried to find a cure in all my books and couldn't find anything. What book has this natural remedy?" Twilight asks, unable to comprehend how she, of all ponies, had missed such a simple remedy. Coming to join her, Zecora closes the book, revealing a familiar front cover. 'Wait wait wait...I've seen that book...'

"Here is the book, you see? Sad that you lack it in your library." 'That's the book she called bullshit on! Oh, Sparky, you idiot.'

"Actually, I do have this book," Twilight admits, "but I didn't look inside because the title was so... Weird. Supernaturals: Natural Remedies and Cure-alls That Are Simply Super." 'To be fair, I'd have overlooked the book on the premise that the title is to goddamn long. Plus, it sounds like it was made up by a 7 year old. Simply Super? What is this, KS1 Literature?' Realising that by overlooking this certain book, she'd inadvertently led to Zecora's home being trashed. Understandably, she didn't look to pleased with herself.

"I...I... I'm so sorry, Zecora. I had the answer the whole time, if only I had bothered to look inside." Apologises the downcast unicorn, unable to look the zebra in the eyes. Luckily for her, Zecora doesn't seem to be a vindictive kinda girl.

"Maybe next time you will take a second look, and not judge the cover of the book." She chuckles, looking over the rest of the girls, who, like Twilight, were saddened and ashamed at how far their prejudicial opinions of the zebra had gone. 'Well at least she didn't get knocked the fuck out like I did, when they first met me.'

"Zecora? Would you be kind enough to mix up another batch of the herbal bath?" Twilight asks, giving Zecora a pleading look, the rest of the girls following suit. Smiling, Zecora nods, and the girls let out a collective sigh of relief.

"Mix it up I certainly will. Yet I am missing an herb from Ponyville." 'I wonder why...'

"But whenever Zecora comes to town, all the shops are mysteriously closed." Applebloom remarks. Looking over to us, Twilight smirks.

"I think we can help you with that." Twilight offers, looking over all of us, before her eyes rest on me, narrowing in confusion. "But, hold on a moment. We all ran into the poison joke, and we all suffered changes, right?" The girls nod. "Then why wasn't Alex affected?" She asks, gesturing over towards me. Following her gaze, Zecora's takes on the same look of Twilight, though with the added curiosity of meeting me for the first time.

"I have never before seen a creature like you, so as to why you have remained unaffected, I have no clue." Zecora admits, coming over to examine me. Satisfied that there were no obvious physical changes that she could identify, I rose to my full height, her eyes widening slightly when she noticed just how tall I was compared to the rest of them.

"Well, I have a simple answer: I'm Alexander Greyson, you fools," I announce, half the room rolling their eyes and the other half chuckling at my antics, "and I don't play by your pony rules."

Well would you look at that. I'm a poet and I didn't even know it. 'Jesus, this rhyming shit is contagious.'

"Well I must say, Sparky. Today has been an interesting day." I say, flopping onto the couch, Twilight jumping up to join me.

"I couldn't agree more, Alex. At least we learnt our lesson. That's all that matters, right?"

"Yea, yea, whatever helps you get that silly little letter to Celestia done, Sparky." I smirk, Twilight's cheeks reddening in slight embarrassment.

"T-They're not silly! They're vital to my studies! As Celestia's personal student, It's my-"

"I'm joking, Twily, calm yourself." I say, before my eyes widen ever so slightly. 'Shit, why did I say that? That's what her brother calls her, you idiot!' Thankfully, Twilight didn't notice, as she was to busy grumbling to herself. 'Close call, Alex. Don't let slip that you met her brother, else she'll probably go Guantanomo Bay Interrogator on your arse.' "By the way, how did the spa visit go?" I ask, changing the subject, also giving a wave to Spike who had just entered the room, coming towards us.

"Oh, well, as you can see," she levitates one of her many books, "my horn is back to normal, and so is everypony else. Zecora's recipe was the cure all along! I told you it wasn't a curse!" Comes the cocky unicorn, giving me a triumphant look, to which I roll my eyes at.

"Hardy har, you were right, we were wr-" I'm cut off, however, when Spike suddenly keels over, belching out a wave of flame. Knowing that whenever he does this, it's a letter from her precious princess, Twilight gasps and jumps off of the couch, coming to stand beside Twilight. 'What's the princess wanting this time? To relocate another dragon? Fight off some invasion, perhaps?'

As expected, a scroll appears in his hands, which he promptly opens, before his eyes widen. Unable to stop himself, he drops to the floor, laughing his arse off, as the scroll rolls towards Twilight. 'What's got him in hyst-Oh no...Oh no oh no...' Already knowing exactly what would be in the scroll, I ever so slightly edge towards the open front door, whilst Twilight was busy looking over the scroll. Just before I reached it, however, my hopes are dashed, as the door slams shut, a familiar magical aura coming off of it. 'Aah, fuck.'

"~Alex?~" Comes the rather menacing voice of Twilight. 'Well, it's been fun, but I'm most likely going to die now.'

"~Yeeees?~" I reply, dragging it out for comedic effect, wanting to face my impending annihilation with a smile on my face. Turning around, I come face to face with a rather deranged looking Twilight. 'I'm dead. I'm so dead. I'm certifiably, irrefutably, going to die.'

"~Do you want to explain?~" The scroll hovers over towards me, dropping at my feet. Picking it up, I open it, revealing a short letter from Celestia herself, along with the same photo I had Spike send to her earlier that day.

To my friend Alexander,

You never fail to entertain. Truly, you have made both mine and my sister's day with this. I thank you.

Though I'm positive the same cannot be said for my dear student.

-Princess Celestia.

P.S Luna says hello. Why she can't write her own letter is beyond me.

Finishing with the letter, I take one last look at the photo that came along with it. A picture of a rather bewildered Twilight, her horn drooped over her face with the caption 'Absolute Dickhead' written underneath it. Chuckling one last time, I look back up to Twilight, whose still waiting for an answer. 'Right, play it cool, my man.'

"Well, you see, Sparky, I-" Turning on the spot, I reach for the handle and throw the door open. My freedom is only inches away. Unfortunately for me, it would appear that Twilight was expecting me to make a mad dash for freedom, as she casually grips my legs with her magic and drags me kicking and screaming towards her, the door to freedom agonisingly just out of reach, before she slams it shut. 'FUCK!' Looking to where Spike stood for assistance, my hopes were dashed when I realise that he was nowhere to be seen. "SPIKE YOU TRAITOR!"

"Sorry Alex! You're on your own!" I hear him call from the staircase. 'YOU CUNT!' Turning back to Twilight, I'm not ashamed to admit that I was positively terrified. 'FUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFU.'

"I need an adult." I whimper, still being dragged towards the psychotic looking unicorn. Twilight's smile slowly widens, what must have been an entire IKEA stores worth of cushions and pillows appearing behind her. 'Oh I've really fucked myself here.'

"I am an adult." 'Oh...fuck.'

Author's Note

I'm not gonna lie, this chapter was a bitch to get done. Not because of writers block or anything, but because of things like school and home. Still, I won't bore you with the details, because I'll probably end up taking another two weeks just to get that story done. Oh well, we got here in the end.

See you in the next chapter, folks! Peace.

His Holiness, Alexander Greyson I

Deus Vult!

So, a few things have happened ever since that meeting with Zecora. Firstly, we got invaded by the Zerg... Well, not exactly. This was a different kind of swarm. Whilst the Zerg wouldn't look twice at your home, seeing as how it'd be too busy gnawing at your body, these little things, known as 'Parasprites', ate everything but you. The best part about this was that these things literally appeared hours before Princess Celestia was meant to visit the town. You could probably understand that everypony was rather stressed during that day.

In Twilight's case, stressed wouldn't be the right word to use. The poor girl was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown throughout the entire day, and that was before the swarm had even appeared. But the real kicker? Pinkie Pie. Fucking Pinkie Pie of all ponies saved the day. Unbeknown to all of us, these things had a strange attraction to music, which Pinkie took advantage off, becoming the Pinkie Pie'd Piper and leading them all away. 'Hopefully off of a cliff.'

Then I had to help clear away winter itself. Literally. I'm not even kidding. Ponyville has this strange traditon where, every year, the ponies forgo magic and physically remove any and all traces of winter from the town. Seeing as how I wasn't a pony, and couldn't do anything to help with the weather, they simply brought me to some corner of the town and handed me a shovel. To say I was annoyed would be an understatement. Apparently, Twilight almost had a nervous breakdown at some point that day, but I was too busy slaving away on the other side of town. Still, Pinkie brought me some brilliant hot chocolate near the end, so I was all right.

Then was also that one time where Twilight tried ever so determinedly to figure out just what was wrong with Pinkie. Nothing was wrong with her, surprisingly, but she had an uncanny ability to just...well...appear out of nowhere, as if by magic, and could also sense when things were going to happen. Like an Oracle, or something. Of course, she's an Earth Pony, so shouldn't be able to be casting teleportation spells or predicting the future, right? Pinkie calls it her 'Pinkie Sense'. If it sounds bullshit, that's because it is. Basically, I helped Twilight perform a bunch of whacky experiments on Pinkie, then we got chased by a fucking HYDRA, then Twilight spontaneously combusted from pure anger, and then we gave up. It was only then that Pinkie revealed that the 'Doozy' that she'd been on about that day was from Twilight believing in her Pinkie Sense.

TL;DR - Don't question the pink partying psychopath. It's not good for the mind.

But what has to be the highlight of the past few months? Apart from that one time I called Blueblood a cunt, of course? Well, it involves screaming. And pain. And the town burning down. Sugar, spice and everything nice, and me being made the Pope.

One of those is true, by the way.

"Please?" 'No.'

"..."

"Pleeassee?" 'Nnnoooooo'

"..."

"Come on, Mr Greyson! I know you're awake." 'I wasn't five minutes ago...'

"Noamnot" I mumble, much to the amusement of a nearby Twilight, who was reading another one of her books. 'I'm positive she's read everything there is in this library. Twice. Well, I know she's thrown all of them at me twice, at least.'

"Yes you are!" Giggles Sweetie Bell, struggling onto the couch and jumping onto my chest. Knowing that the jig was up, I pull my arm away from my eyes, looking down at the filly standing on my chest, smiling hopefully up at me. "See! I knew it!" 'Congratulations. Here's a medal. You can come and collect from at the Go-Away store, at the Leave-Me-Alone aisle.'

"Good job. Now what d'you want, again?" I ask, forgetting just what it was that she wanted from me exactly.

"Well, Mrs Cheerilee wants all of us to bring something in for Show-and Tell." She explains. Basically, she wants to show me off to her classroom, like I was some sort of animal. 'Ah, why the fuck not. Not like I've anything else to do.' "And then afterwards, me and the other Crusaders are-" 'Wait what? The Crusaders? Urban, mate, you preaching to the ponies now?'

"The who?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you who the Cutie Mark Crusaders are." 'These names get weirder and weirder by the day, I swear.' "It's me, Applebloom and Scootaloo. You remember Scootaloo, right?" 'Scootaloo....Scootaloo...Oh yea, isn't that Rainbow's biggest fan?'

"Is she that little orange pegasus who wouldn't stop sucking off Rainbow's coc-oooompletely massive ego?" I ask, ignoring Twilight's reaction out of the corner of my eye.

"Yea! That's her!" She giggles, thankfully being too young to understand just what it was I'd almost said. 'Don't want another Applebloom situation, Alex.'

"Hey Twilight," I say, looking over to the unicorn in question, "you got any more slave work for me to do? Or am I free to go, oh master of mine?" Mockingly looking deep in thought, Twilight stays silent for a few moments, before nodding.

"Well, I'm sure I'll manage without you for a bit." She'd only been halfway through her sentence when Sweetie had already jumped off of my chest, thanking Twilight and running out of the library, waiting expectantly outside. Getting up from the couch, I make my way out of the library.

"Have fun, you two!" Twilight shouts to the pair of us. "And don't be getting him into too much trouble, Sweetie!" 'Whoa! Me? Trouble? Never!'

"I won't!" Sweetie shouts back, not noticing the gesture I was giving to Twilight as I closed the door. Looking back down to the face of a beaming Sweetie Belle, I can't help but smile at how giddy she looked. "You're really looking forward to this, aren't you." I point out to the small unicorn, who nods ecstatically in response. "Thought so. Right, lead the way kid."

We'd barely even been a minute away out of the library and I was already beginning to regret agreeing to this. I'd been bombarded with questions the entire way. 'Are we sure that Twilight isn't secretly your sister? Christ, I don't even think she's asked me this many questions.'

"Did you go to school?"

"Yep."

"What was it like?"

"Educational." 'Ba'dum'TSS'

"What was your teacher like?"

"Which one? I had quite a few."

"You have multiple teachers?"

"Had, yes."

"Oh. Well, who was your favourite?"

"Oh that's gotta be Mr Taylor. Absolute legend." 'What a guy. Best Geography teacher the world's ever seen. You're checking out your Twitter? Guy wants to see if your following him. Snapchat? He'll throw himself onto your story. What a lad.'

"What did you learn?"

"Well, what do you learn?"

"Maths, Equestrian," 'I'm guessing that would be English to me.' "History, Geography," 'Basically everything I learnt. Weird how similar this place is to Earth. Same curriculum? Days in a year? Hell, they speak English...Or, am I speaking Equestrian? Aww hell, I can already feel the migraine forming.' "-and art!" 'Oh, she finished?'

"Well I basically did all the same things. Though I had to do Extra Maths, where I basically swapped out my music lessons to do extra maths lessons instead. I'm terrible at maths."

"Really? I'm not the best maths either, but I don't get extra maths lessons." 'Lucky you.' "But I do get singing lessons instead." 'Oh? That's...nice, I guess?'

"That's nice. You wanna be a singer when you're older?" I ask, actually intrigued.

"I don't know. I like singing, but Rarity's been having me help her around the store a lot more. I think she hopes that I'll get my Cutie Mark in being a fashionista, like her." 'Ah, family peer pressuring her into following in one of their footsteps? Seen that before.'

"Remember sweetheart, it's your life, remember. When it comes to it, it's what you want to do that matters, not what your friends or your sister wants you to be." I say, the filly taking in what I'd just said. Turning the corner, I spot a number of foals up ahead, their families standing beside them, all crowded around a certain building. 'Ah, I survived the questioning. There's the school up ahead.'

"Sweetie! Mr Greyson! Over here!" A familiar voice calls. 'Oh hey, there's her friends.' Making our way over towards both Applebloom and Scootaloo, Sweetie hugs her friends, who then turn to me. "Well howdy Mr Greyson! What ya' doin' here?" Applebloom asks, both her and Scootaloo staring up at me. Kneeling down, I meet them at eye level.

"Well, I'd tell you, but it's a secret." I tease, chuckling at the pout that Applebloom gave me. Turning to Scootaloo, I raise an eyebrow. "So, Scootaloo. Still think Rainbow's the coolest thing ever?" Smirking, she nods.

"Yeah! Can you do a sonic rainboom, Mr Greyson?" 'No, but I can probably slap the shit out of Rainbow if I tried.'

"Well, not exactly, but..." Pulling a spare Bit out from my pocket, I hold it between me and them, nodding to it. "I can make this disappear before your very eyes!" I declare, the three fillies having mixed reactions. Sweetie looked confused, Applebloom looked excited and Scootaloo looked as if she didn't believe me. 'Call me Harry Houdini, ladies and gentlemen.' Remembering what I'd learnt back home, I astound the three fillies by performing a simple trick before their very eyes. Before they could blink, I shot my other hand out towards it, grabbing it before, without them noticing, dropping it into my sleeve, before pulling my hand away to reveal that the Bit had vanished. Now the fillies shared the same expression: Amazement.

"Whoa!" They all cry, clapping their hooves together. Giving them a mock bow, I smile.

"See? I can do magic as well." 'Well, I wish I could anyway.'

"But you don't have a horn?" Sweetie Belle points out, the three fillies suddenly circling my body, looking for the cause of my 'magic'. Chuckling at their confusion, I nod.

"I know." This only confuses them further, as Sweetie Belle tries to come up with an explanation, to no avail.

"But, how can you do magic then?" 'By the power of Greyskull, of course.'

"~It's a secret~" I reply, giving the trio a cocky smirk. Before they can interrogate me further, however, a magenta coated pony calls for all the students to enter the school grounds. Nodding goodbye to Applebloom and Scootaloo, who rush towards the school, I hold Sweetie Belle behind for a moment. "So what exactly am I doing?" I ask the filly, who pauses in thought.

"You'll come into the school with me, wait outside my class, and when I give the signal, you come in." She explains, giving me a step-by-step rundown of her plan. Satisfied, I nod.

"Alright then. Let's go." I say, standing back up and following the unicorn filly into the school itself. Just before I enter, however, I stop, a mischievous plan forming in my mind. 'Ah, why the hell not.' Keeping an eye on Sweetie, who'd yet to notice that I was still outside, I watch as she enters one of the school's classrooms. 'Bingo.' Quickly, I rush round to the side of the building, looking inside the windows until I found the correct classroom. Finding the right one, I carefully lift an already open window upwards, allowing me to both hear the students and be able to climb in, when the time was right.

Waiting for the signal, I stand and watch, observing the other students and what they'd brought in today. 'A drawing, okay, that's normal....Is that a snail? The fuck?...A diamond tiara? Seriously? Take one of those into my school and you'd be guaranteed to be held up in the toilets for it....A scooter? Huh, Scootaloo's Scooter. Fair enou- oh here's Sweetie!' Seeing as how the class was distracted, I quietly climb inside, stealithy making my way behind the foal's desks.

"-nyville's resident human: Mr Alex!" Sweetie cries, pointing to the door. Which didn't open. "Erm...as I was saying: Mr Alex!" She cries once again, yet still nothing happened. 'Aw, this is cruel. Alright kid, you wi-'

"Mr Alex? Isn't that that weird monkey thi-" 'You fucking what?'

"Who you calling monkey!?" I exclaim, glaring at the pink tiara wearing little brat.

My response was an entire classroom of screaming children, plus one mare. 'I must say, this has backfired spectacularly.'

Eventually, the class did calm down. It only took about 10 minutes for them to stop screaming, and another 3 to persuade the teacher not to report me to the guard. Still, it was fun. The Crusaders were ecstatic that I was there, and the rest of the kids were happy to ask me a hell of a lot of questions. The most common being, 'Do you eat ponies?'. 'Ooh, the look on their faces when I hesitated. Absolute Class.'

What I didn't like, however, were two certain fillies, the one with the tiara and the other with a spoon on her arse, who found it rather amusing to ask me the more less-than-friendly questions.

"Why do you look weird?"

"Are you a blank flank?"

"Do all humans look so weird?"

Yea, not the biggest fan of those two at the moment. And it seems the Crusader's weren't either, as I've found out. It turns out that 'blank flank' is what a pony is called who has yet to earn their Cutie Mark. 'So they're bullies to these three as well, then? What a pair of cunts. Wonder if the one with glasses has a spoon wedged in her arse that makes her the twat that she is. Might explain the mark. Tiara, however, is just a bitch. Oh well, bullies are bullies, and I'm sure that that Cheerilee lady will sort it out eventually.

With show and tell over, I'd gone to see how my friends were doing. Rarity was fine, Applejack was busy on the farm, I'd been told that Rainbow was napping, Twilight was still reading the same book from before, and Fluttershy was in the park. I'd spent an hour with the latter, just talking about whatever came up, including her animals and those from my world. She found it especially interesting that I had a fondness for dogs, and said that if she came to care for any, she'd keep them in case I ever wanted to take it off of her hands. That is, if I ever moved out of the library, as I doubt that Twilight would be to keen on having a dog running around. Still, it was a nice gesture from Fluttershy, who seemed more than happy to make it.

All good things must come to an end, however, and I left Fluttershy's pleasant company to head back to the school, as I'd agreed with Sweetie to head over to their clubhouse, wherever it was. Spotting me coming towards them, the trio met me halfway.

"So how was school?"

"It was boring." Groans Scootaloo, though Applebloom seemed to disagree.

"Show-and-tell was fun though." She says, to which both Sweetie and Scootaloo nod their heads to. 'Of course it was. I was there.'

"Yea! Oh man, you scared everypony, Mr Greyson!" Giggles Scootaloo, her two friends joining her in doing so. Chuckling, I nod.

"I know, I know. I'm a sneaky kinda guy when I want to be. Though what did I say in the class, kid?" I say, referencing what I'd told the entire classroom earlier that day.

"Oh. Sorry, Alex." She says, grinning sheepishly. Nodding, I smile.

"Much better. Mr makes me sound old, and I'm only 21." I joke, the four of us heading away from the school. "Still, Mr would probably be better than Monkey, Weirdo, Blank flank or any of those creative nicknames those two fillies came up with, though." Hearing this, the three fillies sigh.

"Yea, sorry about those two, Alex." Applebloom apologies. Hearing this, I shake my head.

"Hey, you three have nothing to apologise for. It weren't any of you who were calling me that, so don't worry about it.

"But still, they shouldn't have called you those things!"

"Bullies will be bullies, Sweetie. Best thing you can do is tell your teacher, or just ignore them completely."

"But if you ignore them, they'll just keep doing it over and over and over again." Counters Scootaloo.

"Not exactly. In most cases, if you just ignore them, they'll get bored of you not reacting, and move onto someone else. But that's not the best outcome, as somepony else will have to suffer what you've suffered. Best thing to do is to tell your teacher, and then they can sort it out." Nodding, Scootaloo looks forward, taking in what I'd just said.

About 15 minutes later, and we'd finally arrived at what must have been their clubhouse. To be honest, I was impressed with what I was looking at. 'Not bad. Not bad at all.'

"Did you three make this by yourselves?" I ask, though they shook their heads.

"Kinda. Mah' sister made it when she was a filly, but then she stopped usin' it, and gave it to us instead. It was fallin' apart, though, so we just fixed it up a lil'." Answers Applebloom, gesturing to the windows and the roof, along with the ramp that led up to the front door of it. 'Huh, fair play, girls.'

"Still, not bad girls. Back where I came from, me and the other kids made dens in the trees, but they were nowhere near as good as this." Beaming at the compliment, the three run up the ramp, entering the clubhouse. Now I had a problem. Unlike the three fillies, I doubted I would be big enough to actually fit inside. Still, I could probably just about squeeze myself in, though my neck would most likely be throbbing the next day. Throwing caution to the wind, I cautiously climb up the ramp, hoping that my weight wouldn't snap it in half. Thankfully, this wouldn't be the case, and I somehow manage to crawl my way inside the clubhouse, though having to squat in the inside so as to not put a head-sized hole in their roof.

Looking around the clubhouse, I spot a number of things. These things included: a hand drawn map of Ponyville itself, with certain parts of the map having been circled, a pair of posters signed by Rainbow Dash. 'Obviously belonging to the President of her Fan club herself, à la Scootaloo', a bunch of tools and paint, and finally a podium. Speaking of said podium, Sweetie Belle was standing before it, below her were Applebloom and Scootaloo, the latter banging on a pair of drums for whatever reason, and all three of them now wearing matching capes. 'Am I....Am I being inducted into the Crusaders? Oh joy.'

Waiting for Scootaloo's drum medley to end, which it did a few moments later, Sweetie Belle clears her throat.

"We, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, offer Alexander Greyson, to join us as a brother, friend, confidaint-"

"Confidante" I correct the unicorn, who repeats what I just said. 'Much better.'

"-ally, pal, compadre, chum of chums-" She's interrupted when Scootaloo clears her throat, her expression telling me that she wasn't as patient as I might have been. Getting the message, Sweetie places the script back down, before rolling her eyes at Scootaloo.

"You wrote this."

"Oh...Yeah...Heh." Scootaloo says, looking at me sheepishly. Chuckling, I nod for Sweetie Belle to continue, almost immediately regretting it when I see just how long the script actually was. 'How many more synonyms for friend exist, man?'

"Homeboy... Amigo... blah blah blah blah blah- oh, yes, here we go!...And potential Cutie Mark Crusader, if you choose to accept!" She finally finishes, placing the script back down. Looking at the three fillies individually, I can tell that all of them are hoping I'll accept. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's cause I'm a human? A 'blank flank' as Silver and Diamond so eloquently said? Because of my near-godlike handsomeness? The reasons were limitless, but that didn't matter. What did matter, though, my answer. 'I could just say no-oh my god those eyes...fuck, I've no chance. FINE!'

"Alright, I'm in." I answer. Seeing the three fillies about to burst with happiness, I put a hand up. "On one condition." I add, the three fillies giving me looks of curioisity.

"And what's that?" They ask, to which I smile.

"-and I got this cool looking cloak to boot!" I finally finish, proudly wearing my 'Sweetie-Belle' designed cloak over my shoulders, much to the filly's delight. "By the way, have any empty books? I need to start writing a few commandments down." Twilight, to her credit, was taking everything I'd just said rather well. And by rather well, I actually mean that she was confused as all hell. 'I would be as well, Sparky. Don't take it personally.'

"So let me get this straight. Firstly, you were taken to the school by Sweetie Belle, correct?"

"Yep."

"And then you climbed through the window, into their classroom, before scaring them, the other foals and the teacher half to death, yes?"

"Uh huh."

"And finally, you were made a member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, being given the honorary title of-"

"POPE ALEXANDER!" The three fillies beside me shout in unison, their voices carrying through the library and into the the streets of Ponyville. Shrugging, I give the bewildered unicorn an innocent smile.

"It just kinda happened, Sparky."

Author's Note

I'm not sorry. This took me two hours to write. It's trash, I know, but funny nonetheless. Think of it as a little gift for this story reaching 200+ likes and 20K views. Not the best gift in the world, but it's the thought that counts, right?

See you in the next chapter, folks! Peace.

Out Of The Frying Pan...

My Life Just Gets More And More Fucked Up By The Day.

"-And then, seeing Rarity and the Wonderbolts all falling to their deaths, I swooped down, and BANG! Sonic...Rainboom! It was awesome!" 'Yes. I know. You've said that already. About a thousand times.'

A few days ago, Rainbow had been invited to take part in the Best Young Flyers competition, an event held in a city called Cloudsdale. From what I'd been told by Rainbow herself, it was literally a city made from clouds. After calling her out on how it's impossible for someone to walk on a cloud, she had Twilight explain that, along with being able to fly, a Pegasus has the innate ability to walk on clouds. Once again, magic had thrown me a curveball. 'This magic bullshit doesn't know when to stop mindfucking me. It really goddamn doesn't. Two immortal ponies who can raise the sun and moon? Check. A city made of clouds whose occupants don't just fall to their deaths? Check. It's like a never-ending cycle of bullshittery.'

"I know Rainbow, I heard you the first couple dozen times. You pulled off some miraculous light show that saved the day. and were congratulated by both your childhood idols and Sunny Days herself. Good job, skittles." I flatly reply, the sarcasm dripping from my voice. The pair of us were currently in the park, with Rainbow flying around me and myself lying on the bench, laughing at Rainbow's expression upon hearing me watering down how impressive her stunt was.

"Light show? Come on, Alex? You gotta admit, it was awesome, right?" Although it would only feed her ego, and by God she doesn't need that feeding anymore from me than she already does herself, I couldn't lie. Whilst I didn't get the close up view that I would've hoped for, it was still visible from Ponyville. And I'll be honest, it was rather mesmerising. Probably the second most impressive thing I'd seen in this world, just behind Luna and Celestia's ability to control their respective celestial bodies.

Though to be honest, I'd yet to see one of the Princesses live up to their claims of raising the Sun and/or Moon, but having firsthand knowledge that the things I once thought impossible suddenly being possible, they're probably capable of that and more. 'Come the Gala, I'll probably ask Sunshine or Luna whether or not they can actually show me. Would make for a great picture.'

"Yea, I'll be honest. It was cool. Shame I was stuck here," I gesture to the surrounding buildings, "and not there." Pointing in the general direction where I'd seen it happen. Because only those at the Castle and those living in Ponyville know of my existence, the rest of Equestria had no idea that something like me existed in their world. And seeing as how I wasn't to be revealed until the Grand Galloping Gala, which was actually only a few weeks away, I had to stay behind in Ponyville whilst Rainbow and the rest of the girls did their thing in Cloudsdale. It wasn't that bad, though. I just spent the day chilling with Spike in the Library, or helping the Crusaders, trying yet failing to find their Cutie Marks. 'Still can't believe they refer to me as Pope Alexander. That shit is just gold.

"Oh yea, I forgot. Sorry." The mare apologises, coming to land next to the bench.

"Meh, don't worry about it. Wasn't your fault I'm confined to this place." I respond, shrugging away her apology. Landing on my chest, she groans in frustration.

"I still don't get why you couldn't come with us though. Who cares what those ponies might say? You're not dangerous at all." Suddenly, she grins playfully at me. "You're just a big softie." She claims, pulling out a certain picture of me and Sweetie Belle from some time ago. 'Oh goddammit, I thought I'd gotten all of those days ago.'

"Me? Soft? Don't be chatting shit, Skittles. You might be able to fly, but I'll still floor your arse." I warn the rainbow maned pegasus, sitting up and returning her playful look. Sensing the challenge, Rainbow smiles at me in turn.

"I'd like to see you try." Rainbow retorts, looking smugly at me. 'Big mistake, sweetheart.'

"Suit yourself." Not giving her the chance to react, I lunge at the pegasus, grabbing and pulling her into a hold that prevented her from flying out of my grip. Thrashing around in my arms, Rainbow could only growl at me, spewing empty threats what she was going to do to me as soon as she got out of my grip. 'Whoa, you kiss your mother with that mouth?'

"Yea, yea, keep talking Skittles. Maybe if you're nice, I'll let you g-AH! FUCK!" I'm forced to let her go after she decided to bite at my fingers, the mare quickly shooting out of my arms and landing a couple feet away from me. Now the tables had turned. Busy checking my hand over, I don't notice Rainbow flying my way. Not until the mare had already shot into my chest, sending the pair of us flying backwards onto the floor, the pair of us vying for dominance. Eventually, I feigned defeat, allowing Rainbow to pin my arms above my head. Believing she had me beat, Rainbow begins to cheer. 'Laugh while you can, skittles.'

"Ha! I win!" Laughs a cocky Rainbow, staring triumphantly into my eyes. "What do you have to say about that!" Giving the mare a wink, I smirk.

"I had a feeling you liked being on top." I respond. Blushing at what I'd just implied, I feel her grip loosen ever so slightly. 'Bingo!' Still reeling from what I'd just said, I throw my arms around her, swinging her to the side. Now the tables had turned, with Rainbow now pinned to the floor. "You were saying?" I laugh, looking victoriously at the shocked and still blushing pegasus. 'Suck it, skittles.'

"N-No fair!" Rainbow shouts, trying her hardest to wriggle out of my grip once more. Smiling innocently, I shake my head.

"All's fair in love and war, Skittles." I reply, letting her go and moving away from her, though still prepared for her to charge at me. Returning to the air, Rainbow shakes the dirt out of her mane, before turning back towards me, looking ready to shoot towards me at any second. This standoff lasts for only a few seconds, before a certain baby dragon interrupts us.

"Hey Alex, hey Rainbow." Spike says, appearing almost out of thin air. Looking before the scene before him, he stops, appearing confused. "Uhh...are you two fighting?" He asks, gesturing to my stance and her scowl.

"Nah mate, just helping her practice for one of her moves to show the Wonderbolts. Aint that right, skittles?" I say, turning to face the mare in question. Although she still seemed slightly peeved, or flustered, the difference was hard to tell, she nodded nonetheless.

"Yea, exactly that." She replies. Whilst this appeased Spike, the look she was giving me from behind him told me that she was not the happiest of ponies right now. Knowing that, if Spike were to leave now, she'd most likely try to pummel me into the ground, I decide that getting away from Rainbow may be the best course of action.

"So Spike. What y'doin?" I ask, changing the subject. Thinking about it, seeing Spike out and about in Ponyville wasn't the most common of sights. Usually, he'd be stuck in the library doing jobs for Twilight, or trying to figure out new ways to woo his crush, Rarity. He was great at the former, though lacking any hope of succeeding in the latter. 'Poor guy. She's outta your league, mate.' Remembering just what it was he was doing out here, he turns to me.

"I was looking for you, actually." He says, to my surprise. And relief, for that matter.

"Me? What've I done this time?"

"I don't know." He says, shrugging. "Twilight just wanted to see you." 'Perfect. A free Get-out-of-Rainbow-beating-the-fuck-out-of-me card.'

"What does Sparky want?" I ask, genuinely interested as to why Twilight wanted me. Shrugging again, he scratches the back of his head, trying to think

"She didn't say. Just asked me to bring you back to the library, unless you were busy with something. But, seeing as how you and Rainbow are in the middle of something, I'll just tell her tha-" 'Yea, fuck that. I'm going.'

"Nonononono, it's fine, me and Rainbow can catch up later. Right, Rainbow?" I interrupt, already moving away from Rainbow and towards the library, Spike in tow. Throwing a quick look behind me, I see Rainbow scowling at me, punching one hoof into the other in quick succession. I didn't need to be deaf to understand that sign language. Returning her gesture with a cheeky wave, I turn back to the path ahead of me, me and Spike heading towards the library.

'Now what does Sparky want with me I wonder... I haven't misplaced any of her books... Library isn't on fire, last I checked...' Before I could think further on reasons as to why Twilight wanted to talk to me, another familiar voice brought me back into the real world.

"Alex! Hey Alex!" Sweetie Belle shouts, waving at me from further up the road. Telling Spike that I'd catch up, I make my way over towards the filly. Reaching her, I kneel down so as to be on her level, before noticing the saddle bag she'd brought with her. 'She on a shopping run for her sister or something?'

"Hey kiddo. What're you up to" I ask, gesturing to the bag that she'd been carrying. Her smile only widened as she removed the satchel from her back, placing it on the floor in front of me. Opening it, I reach in, my hands wrapping around something metallic. Pulling whatever it was that I'd gripped out of the satchel, I'm surprised at what it was I was holding.

It was a badge, with the Cutie Mark Crusader logo etched onto it. 'Well colour me impressed, boys and girls. This isn't half bad.'

"Do you like it?" Sweetie asks, biting her lip in anticipation at what my opinion would be on her hoof-crafted badge. Taking a few more seconds to examine it, I look at the filly, unable to keep the smile off of my face. To be honest, It wasn't the most impressive of things I'd ever seen, but the fact that this filly had gone through the effort to make it just for me personally really made the gift all the more touching. 'Damn this kid for being so adorable. It shouldn't be legal, damn it!'

"Like it? Sweetie, I absolutely love it. Come here, you!" Before she could react, I sweep her into my arms, holding the giggling filly to my chest. "You're one-of-a-kind, you know that?" I laugh, letting the delighted filly jump back onto the ground.

"So you like it then?" She asks, though her smile tells me she already knows the answer. 'It's brilliant. Now all I need is a sceptre and a dick-shaped hat and my title of Pope Alexander is legit.'

"Sweetie, I love it. This thing right here?" I pull at my coat, directly where I'd pinned the badge, "I'm gonna show off to everypony I know, and they'll be jealous." I reply, unable to contain my smile at seeing her muzzle light up at my approval of her hoof-made badge. Before I knew it, she'd thrown her forearms around my neck, letting out a squeal of happiness as she did so. "So, what are you up to now, then? Apart from gifting some lucky human one of your prestigious badges of honour?" I ask, nearly having to pry the small unicorn off of me.

"Well, I'm meant to be meeting with Scootaloo and Applebloom at school. We're gonna try our hoofs at getting our Cutie Marks in Chemistry." She answers, placing her saddle bag back onto her back, before her eyes widen, looking hopefully up at me. "Hey, why don't you come help us? Maybe you'll get your Cutie Mark!" As much as I'd love to help her out, I still had to find out what it was that Twilight wanted. 'Knowing my luck, I'm probably in deep shit. Or, I've got to help save the world or something bullshit like that. You know, just another day in the life.' Shaking my head, the disappointed yet cute pout she gave me almost changed my answer. Almost.

"Sorry kiddo, no can do. Twilight wants to see me for some reason. And besides, Human's don't get Cutie Marks, remember?" I remind the filly, whose ears flatten in embarrassment.

"Oh yea...I forgot. Woops. Oh well. Are you gonna come to the clubhouse later?" She asks, placing her saddle bag back onto her back. 'Now that, I can do.'

"Yea, why not. I'll see you later, kiddo." I respond, ruffling her mane in the way that she ~~despises~~ ~~secretly loves~~ has gotten used to over our past encounters. Chuckling at the same annoyed groan that she gives out every time I do it, I leave the filly to her own devices, finally heading towards the library. 'Let's see what shit I'm in for now, then.'

I arrived at the library just a few minutes later, passing a few familiar faces along the way. One of whom was Rarity, who said that she wanted to talk to me later that day. She didn't say what for, however, just that she needed a favour and that she'd explain later on. 'Probably about making me some more clothes, or something. Actually, that'd be great, now that I think about it. I could do with something fancy for this Gala thing. It's only, like, two...three weeks away? I'll have to ask.' Shaking away my assumptions for now, I'm just about to open the door when it suddenly opens for me. 'Am I a Jedi all of a fucking sudden?' And out steps Spike. 'Guess not. Shame.'

"Oh, there you are!" Spike groans, stepping aside to allow me in, giving me a disapproving stare all-the-while. "You said you'd catch up! Not 'Catch up in half an hour!'" He exclaims, gesturing to the clock on the wall. Shrugging, I smirk. 'Bite me.'

"Sue me, lizard."

"Lizard!? I'm a dragon!"

"Baby dragon."

"B-But still a dragon!"

"Oh don't wuwwy Spike, youw'll be a big boy soon! Just eat your vegetables and youw'll gwow big and stwong too!"

"Why you-"

"Are the pair of you finished?" Twilight interrupts, entering the room. "By Celestia, it's like I'm living with a pair of foals sometimes." She sighs, shaking her head at our antics. Taking a quick look at the unicorn, I can't help but notice something...off...about her. 'Did she do something to her mane? I swear it looks more...straightened. Huh, spend some time with these ponies and you start noticing the weird shit they do. Looks good anyway.' Smiling innocently at the mare, I gesture to the still frustrated dragon.

"Well technically, he's a dragon foal."

"I'm not a foal!"

"Alex, stop teasing Spike." Twilight scolds, though I'm positive I could see a small smile forming at seeing her assistant's frustration. Looking over towards her assistant, Twilight coughs in a manner that demands his attention. "Spike? Don't you have something you need to do?" She says, staring expectantly at him. He appears confused for a moment, before looking at me, and then back to Twilight. A second later and his eyes widened.

"Oh yea! I almost forgot!" He exclaims, running into the kitchen. A few moments later and he re-appears, now holding a rather sizeable box for his size. "I need to drop this at the Boutique. Rarity ordered some of the new fashion books, and I said I'd drop them off when they arrived!" He explains, making his way towards the door. Opening it for him, I watch as he steps out of the library and into Ponyville. Shutting the door, I'm just about able to see him look back towards Twilight, and giving her what I guessed to be a thumps up. 'What was that about?'

With Spike now out of the library, it left only me and Twilight in the building. Turning to face the unicorn, who was looking at me in turn, I wait for her to explain just what it was she'd wanted of me. And I waited. And waited. It took about 30 seconds until I grew bored of the staring contest we were having.

"So...you called?" My voice brings Twilight out of whatever daydream it was that she'd been lost in, and, as if waking up from a nap, she shook her head in confusion.

"Huh? Did you say something?" '...Is she high or something?'

"...You uh... told Spike to come and get me for whatever reason...? Right?" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a few moments, before, like her assistant before her, her eyes widened in realisation. Unlike Spike, however, she seemed embarrassed and, dare I say, anxious? 'What's up with her today?' Before I could question her on her weird behaviour today, she looks around the room, before her eyes settle on a nearby table.

"Oh yea! I needed your help!" She exclaims, louder than she realised. "A group of foals came in this morning and, though I don't think they meant to, left quite a mess of the books. I couldn't...uh...reach the top of the bookshelves...and...I thought you could help?" 'Bullshit.'

"Really?" I question, not believing her story at all. I'd lived with the mare long enough now to tell when she was lying, and the fact that she was not the best liar just further fuelled my suspicions. 'So you're telling me that you, a magical unicorn and student to one half of the local Diarchy, can't just levitate the books up there? Fuck off.'

"Really." She says, smiling at me. One look could easily tell it was faked, but she was trying her best and that's all that matters. Deciding to play along for now, I shrug and, nodding, sigh in resignation. 'I'll play your game for now, Sparky. No doubt this is some weird ass experiment of yours.'

"Fine, whatever."

"...History of Equestria...Rise and Fall of Discord...Dangers of the Everfree..." For the past 10 minutes, I'd been gathering the books that had been strewn about, returning them to their assigned spots in the bookshelves. Whilst I was doing this, Twilight was on the other side of the room, sat at her desk and working on some sort of letter. It was most likely another one of her friendship reports to the Princess. 'I wonder what would happen if she forgot to send one of those damn things. Hmm....that's a fun idea.' Placing the newly thought prank to the back of my mind for the time being, I return to my arduous task of returning books.

Reaching down, I pick up another book, taking a quick look at its title. 'Equestrian Relationships? Sounds interesting. Now, where oh where is the E shelf?' Moving towards one of the many bookshelves, I'm about to place the book in it's place when I notice what appeared to be a bookmark sticking out of the book. Curious, I flip the pages over to where the bookmark had been inserted, finding myself on a page titled 'Interspecies Relationships'.

Detailed on the pages were examples of cases where a pony and some other sentient species native to this world came to be together, and how they were viewed by society. Skimming through, I was surprised to find that such a concept was widely accepted in Equestria. 'So these ponies haven't got a problem with hitching with a dragon that's about four times their size, whilst us lot have only just gotten around to accepting gay marriage? Dear oh dear, we have a lot to learn.'

Placing the book back into its designated shelf, I take one last look around and, seeing as how there were no books left for me to sort out, make my way towards Twilight. Hearing me approaching, the unicorn moves away from her desk and towards me, evidently happy with how organised her library was once again.

"You're a life safer, Alex." Twilight says, jumping up and wrapping her forelegs around my abdomen, pressing her muzzle into my chest. Waving away her thanks, I shrug.

"Meh, it's nothing. You won't let me pay rent, so shit like this is the least I can do." I reply, waiting for the mare to release me. She did not. Now I'm all for hugs and all, because lets face it, hugs from these criminally adorable ponies are quite possibly one of the best things in existence, but Twilight seemed to enjoy them a lot more than I do. Hell, she still hadn't let go yet.

"Sparky?"

"Hmm?"

"You can let go anytime you want." Hearing this, she suddenly lets go and, blushing madly, turns away from me, moving towards her desk. Whilst she was now occupied on whatever it was she was doing, I begin to try to figure out just what was up with my lavender friend. To be honest, today wasn't the only day where she seemed to be acting strangely. She'd been acting like this over the past two weeks.

And it only ever happened around me. Over the past two weeks, the unicorn had begun acting...rather peculiar, to say the least. If I had to compare Twilight to anypony, it would have to be Pinkie Pie. Both mares had a penchant for randomly hugging me for no reason and generally acting strange. Unlike Pinkie, however, Twilight did these things in a more affectionate way, and was always blushing immediately afterwards. Now I'd like to think that I'm a pretty smart guy, and that I can figure things out with enough clues and information. But in this case, I can't be right. 'Does she... Does Twilight Sparkle have a thing for me?'

Thinking it over, it began to make more and more sense. Out of all of my friends, I was definitely closest to Twilight, and vice versa. We live together, we see each other literally every day, and we're great friends. Added with the fact that we're of the opposite sex, and an attraction was bound to be formed by one of us, right? In any other circumstance, I'd happily encourage such an attraction. But there's just one problem.

She isn't human.

Now I'm not Xenophobic or anything, but I doubted it it could work out. 'I can't lie, some of these mares aren't that bad looking for something that isn't human, and Twilight herself is quite beautiful. And smart. And brave. Hell, if we were on Earth, she'd have men queuing up down the fucking road like an Alton Towers ride. But would it work out? Fuck, for all I know, I could be wrong, and that this is just some weird ass hopeless fantasy my lonely arse has concocted out of nowhere... But then again, there was that time when Fluttershy hugged me after that whole dragon fiasco, and as soon as she left, Sparky just up and threw herself around me... Was she jealous, or something?...Right, fuck this, I'll just wait and see what happens for now. It'll give myself both time to think and to keep an eye on Sparky.'

I'd been so lost in thought that I didn't realise Twilight was trying to get my attention. Not until I was hit upside the head with a book, that is.

"Do you have to keep hitting me with books?" I mutter, rubbing the sore part of my face where the book had impacted. If she does have a thing for me, she sure knows how to show it.

"Well maybe if you paid more attention to me, then that wouldn't have happened?" She argues, saying that I'd been blanking her for the past minute and a half whilst she'd been trying to ask me something

"Christ, if you want my attention so much, there are better ways of getting it other than using my face as a dart board for your hoard of books, Sparky." I reply, smirking at the mare, who returns it playfully.

"Oh? Go on?"

"Well, you could wait patiently? Or, maybe write me a letter like you do your precious princess?" She rolls her eyes at this. "Or you could take me to dinner? Maybe eve-"

"Done." '...Wha?'

"Done?"

"Done." 'The fuck you mean "done"?'

"What's done?"

"Dinner, tonight. I'll reserve us a table at Café Hay." '...What in the fuck?' Before I could either protest or agree with her ~~demand~~ request, the library door suddenly shoots open, interrupting the pair of us. Turning around, I'm greeted by with Fluttershy's muzzle almost pressed up against my face. I was about to come up with some witty remark, before I looked her in the eyes.

She looked absolutely terrified. 'Nothing new there, then.'

"Fluttershy?" Comes a concerned Twilight, forgetting all about our conversation, moving towards her friend, "What's wrong?" 'Did she see her shadow?'

"f-f-fire!" '...Come again?'

"Speak up, Flutters. We didn't quite catc-"

"FIRE!" She all but screams, gesturing frantically outside. Looking to Twilight, who stares right back at me, the three of us dash outside into the streets of Ponyville. Looking to the sky, I quickly spot the telltale signs of a fire. A thick, billowing cloud of smoke was coming from somewhere deeper in Ponyville. 'I go inside for five minutes and already shit kicks off?'

"Where's it coming from?" I ask to nopony in particular. Hopefully, it might have just been some unlucky schmucks house, or maybe somepony set their wagon on fire. My hopes may as well have jumped off of a cliff and been dashed against the rocks.

"It's coming from the school!" Lyra cries, suddenly joining the three of us. 'The school? What the fuck happened to...the...oh...oh no. Oh nononono. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK!'

"Those stupid little twats..."

"Alex? What's wro-" I don't hear the rest of what Twilight had to say, before I jump into action. The mares can only struggle to keep up as I begin towards school, hellbent on ensuring that the most likely causes of the fire were safe and unharmed.

No matter the cost.

Author's Note

What's that you say? Cliffhangers are in season? Well aint that swell.

Shit's kicking off today, boys and girls! What in the blazes ~~mind the pun~~ have the CMC done? And will it cost them dearly? Meanwhile, Greyson's piecing together Twilight's sudden strange behaviour. And if his assumptions are correct, what does that mean for the pair of them? Is love in the air for two of Ponyville's residents? Well, we know that smoke is about to be!

Stay tuned for the next chapter, folks! Peace.

...Into The Fire

A Blaze Of Glory

'Come on come on COME ON! I need to move faste-FUCKING MOVE YOU TWAT!' Whilst I may not have the speed of a flying pegasus', I must've appeared as a blur to many of the residents with how hard I was pushing myself. The concept that one of the fillies who I'd grown to like was in danger, or any other child for that matter, kept me running through the town and towards the burning school building, where I knew they'd be. Along the way, Twilight and Fluttershy had been trying to get my attention, crying out for me to slow down and to wait for them.

Of course, I did what came naturally to me and mentally told them to fuck off.

Within minutes, I'd arrived at the scene, the mares quickly coming to a stop next to me. Like myself, they were frozen at the sight before them. The school was almost halfway aflame, though this wouldn't last for much longer if the rate at which it seemed to be spreading was of any hint. A sudden calling of my name from besides me drew my attention away from the blazing inferno, and towards a galloping filly instead. A filly who I was very much relieved to see safe and sound. 'Oh thank fuck for that.'

"Alex! Oh, ya' gotta' help! Ya' just gotta'!" Applebloom cries, tears streaming from her eyes. Kneeling down, I wrap my arms around the distressed filly, I rub her back in a comforting manner, like one would a child. Feeling the filly's shaking subside ever so slightly, I bring her to eye level.

"The hell happened in there, kid?" I demand, looking over her shoulder for any sign of the rest of the CMC, who I was hoping were anywhere but in the school. Seeing no sign of the pair, I began to fear the worst. 'Please don't tell me they're still in that fuckfest.'

"W-W-We wa-were tryin' t-to get our C-c-cutie marks in ch-chemistry, w-when all of a sudden, Scootaloo d-dropped somethin', and...and then the who-whole room was...was on fire!" She explains, struggling not to burst into tears once more. That explained how the fire had started then. Looking around, I could see Twilight and the rest of the girls coming my way, though both Rarity and Rainbow seemed to be looking around for something. Or, more precisely, someponies.

And I had a very good idea as to who they would be.

"Alex? Applebloom? Have you seen my sister?" Rarity asks, looking between the two of us for an answer.

"Or Scoots? Is she alright?" Rainbow also asks. Looking back down to the filly in my arms, I could only watch as she merely pointed a hoof in the opposite direction of the girls. Following her hoof, all of our eyes widened at just what it was she was pointing to. 'Of course they are. Of fucking course they are. Just my shit luck.'

Almost immediately, the girls began to move. Both Rainbow and Rarity began running towards the school, whilst I allowed Applebloom to jump out of my arms, who was quickly wrapped up into a hug by Flutter, who wrapped her wings around the still sobbing filly in a comforting embrace. Turning around, I was just in time to see Applejack tackle Rainbow to the floor, whilst Twilight used her magic to immobilise Rarity. No matter how hard they thrashed and screamed, they weren't going anywhere. I couldn't blame any of them for what they were doing. Rainbow and Rarity both certainly had reasons for wanting to run head first into that inferno, but of course, it was suicide mission, and the girls knew that.

Unfortunately for me, suicide missions were probably my speciality. With the girls occupied, I calmly began heading towards the school, ignoring the shouts coming from the crowd of ponies. A few moments later, and I could easily begin to distinguish some of the voices.

"What is he doing!?" 'Being a stupid fucking cunt, that's what.'
"Gosh darnit, get back here, Alex!" 'Fuck off, Texas.'
"Oh he's so brave and handsome!" 'Was that Twilight?'
"Somepony help us!" 'SWEETIE!'

Abandoning my walk, I sprint forwards towards the entrance. Just as I'm about to grip the handle, my mind flashes back tow one of the fire drills I used to get in Primary School. Reciting some of the lessons in my head, I cautiously move the back of my hand towards the door knock, testing it for heat. Happy that the handle wasn't as hot as I was expecting, seeing as how there was no scorch marks on my hand to be seen, I grip the handle and twist it. And again. And again. 'Son of a bitch is fucking locked!'

Angered at how this door was standing between me and the fillies, I tug harder and harder on the door, before resorting to kicking it instead. Halfway through this, Twilight had somehow managed to calm Rarity down to the point where she wouldn't decide to charge to her fiery demise, and was no standing only a few metres away from me.

"Alex! Get back here! It's not safe!" She pleads, the fire getting hotter and hotter as we spoke.

"There's...Kids...In...Here!" I argue, refusing to leave even one of them to their fates. Especially as I'd grown to like them a lot more than I probably knew.

"Let the other ponies deal with it! The Weather Team is forming a rain cloud to douse the fire as we speak!" Twilight claims, hoping that this would convince me to come away from the dangerous situation I was about to throw myself in. Seeing as how the fire was spreading quicker and quicker by the second, I doubted that they'd accomplish this before the fillies inside had burnt to a crisp.

"They...Won't fucking...Make it...In time!"

"Alex! Alex please! Look! The door is jammed! There's no way in!" I could literally hear the desperation in her voice, but that alone wouldn't be able to dissuade me from what I was about to do.

"THEN I'LL MAKE A FUCKING WAY IN!" I roar, charging the door and throwing my entire weight at it. With how much damage I'd done to it already, the door shattered into splinters, and I made my way inside, Twilight's shouting dying down over the sounds of the roaring fire and the creaking remains of the front door. 'Now where are the hell are those girls?'

"SWEETIE BELLE! SCOOTALOO! ANSWER ME!" I call out into the smoke filled corridors, hoping that any answer I received would be heard above the roars of the flames. I'd been shouting and searching the rooms for about two minutes now, and already I was feeling the effects that the smoke had on me. With my height, crawling around was one of my best options for not inhaling too much of the smoke. But doing this would slow me down, and with how much the building was creaking, I doubted that time was on my side. So here I was, running around a slowly collapsing school building in search of two fillies who may or may not already be dead.

"Alex! In here!" A voice cried, much to my relief. They were alive, and this made me all the more determined to keep them that way. Spotting a closed door, I run up to it and, repeating the same process of back-hand-to-handle, throw the door open, revealing a familiar classroom. 'They've gotta be in here. Surely they're in here, right?' A cough coming from the other side of the room confirmed this, and I ran over to the duo.

"Girls! Are you alri-" I'm interrupted by a loud creaking coming from above us. Instinctively, I grab both Sweetie and Scootaloo and jump backwards, landing on my back. A moment later, and the spot we were just in was replaced by the remains of some of the ceiling. Knowing that spending another second in this rapidly deteriorating building could end up with the whole structure coming down on us, I turn and run. We'd only just made it out of the room when the rest of the ceiling collapsed, the room quickly becoming alight. "I'm getting us out of here." I wheeze, now struggling to breathe. I didn't have much time. I probably had a minute or two at most before I either passed out from smoke inhalation, or I was buried beneath rubble. Honestly, neither appealed to me.

Coming into the main corridor of the building, we found ourselves staring at the remains of the front entrance, where freedom was tantalisingly close. Unfortunately, the smoke had proven itself too much for me, and I fell to my knees, dropping the fillies in my arms. Immediately, the pair began pulling at me, trying their hardest to drag me towards the door. Unsurprisingly, they weren't getting far.

"Come on! Alex! We gotta go!" Sweetie Belle cries, frantically tugging at my sleeve, Scootaloo doing the same. Gasping for what oxygen remained, I drag myself to my feet, determined that I wouldn't die here. 'Come on...Come on...I'm so close...It's right there...' Waiting for us outside were the rest of the town, including the girls and a number of paramedics alongside them. Upon seeing me and the girls approaching, the crowd began to cheer, and I could see a number of muzzles light up in both relief and happiness at seeing us alive and well. We were so close, and the entrance was only a few steps away.

This would be where my luck ran out.

All I could hear was a loud snap from above me, and the sudden screams of terror from a number of ponies. I already knew what was happening. 'And I was so fucking close...' Looking at the fillies beside me, I realised that they appeared paralysed, frozen in terror at what they were seeing. In my state, there was no way I could grab them and run. So I did the next best thing.

"I'll see you all in Hell." Picking the pair up one last time, I use what strength I had left to throw them both outside and towards the girls; to safety. Knowing that they were now safe, I smile, and close my eyes. The CMC, Twilight, the girls and the rest of Ponyville's residents could only watch in mute horror, as the front of the school began to collapse, taking Equestria's first and only human along with it.

Propping myself up against the wall, I couldn't help but let out a grim chuckle at the situation I found myself in. Miraculously, I wasn't yet dead. Not yet, anyway, but I was positive that I soon would be. I could still hear a fire somewhere, and what remained of the school that hadn't yet collapsed was most likely on the verge of doing so. The still intact ceiling especially. How that had yet to fall was beyond me, but I could question that later. 'Why can't I feel my legs...?'

"Well shit, Alex...You..hah...you really fucked it this time...ahh...shit, that doesn't look good." Staring down at my legs, I quickly realised just why it was that my legs weren't responding. Whilst I was lucky enough to not be buried under rubble, my legs weren't as fortunate, and had found themselves crushed under a part of the entrance. I was now pinned, and most likely doomed to die from asphyxiation, burning, or being crushed by rubble. Hell, seeing as how my luck's decided to just drop exponentially within the past few minutes, probably all of the above. 'Just our luck, Alex ol' boy.'

Deciding to twist the knife a bit more, fate decided to hasten my demise. Taking a look to my right, I could see fire, and it was edging closer and closer towards me by the second. "Yea...go fuck yourself." I mutter, flipping the fiery inferno of. Knowing that I didn't have long left, I sigh in resignation, leaning my head against the wall, chuckling grimly at what appeared to be the end of the line.

"Not really how I saw myself going out, to be honest...I was hoping it'd be a little more...actually, fuck it... I saved the lives of some kids...they probably think I'm a hero... I'll be remembered as that handsome heroic bastard... better than dying in bed, right?... They'd best building a fucking statue, else I'm gonna be pissed... wonder how they'll all take this... the kids'll probably blame themselves... poor little bastards... and Twilight? Heh... so much for that dinner date of ours... shame... real fuckin' shame..." The fire was getting closer and closer now, and I was beginning to feel the heat on my arms. 'Hold your horses, Satan... I'll be with you in a sec...'

"Hey God?... I don't know if you're real or not... so I don't know... if you can even hear this... this ain't a plea for help... or forgiveness... or any of that religious shit... I just want to let you know something... something you probably already know..." Looking upwards, I smile, and give one final defiant middle finger to the sky.

"You're such a fucking cunt..." As if He himself took offence to this statement, what remained of the ceiling began to crack. 'It'll be quicker than the fire, at least.' Smiling grimly at my imminent death, I spread my arms, accepting my fate. "I... am... Alexander...Ian... Greyson... take your best fuckin' shot you twat!."

And with that, the ceiling fell, and I knew no more.

Author's Note

OH I'M SUCH A SAVAGE FUCK WITH THESE CLIFFHANGERS! LEAVE ME THOSE ANGRY COMMENTS! DO IT! YOUR TEARS ONLY NOURISH ME!

Ain't That A Kick In The Head

Deus Ex Magicina

Now, let's recap the past hour. Firstly, I'm told that the school building was on fire. Then, I'm told that two fillies who I'd grown rather attached to were still inside said building. Then, with no regard to my own safety whatsoever, I dive head first into that very same building in a heroic yet moronic attempt at rescuing them. I'm happy to say that I did just that. However, this did not come without a rather steep cost. Whilst I'd managed to ensure their safety, I found myself almost buried under the collapsing entrance of the school, with my legs being pinned under a rather sizeable chunk of rubble. To add insult to injury, the fire that had caused the collapse was still spreading, and slowly but surely making it's way towards me. And finally, when I thought it just couldn't get any worse, the rest of the building gave way and collapsed on top of me.

So of course, imagine my surprise when I woke up to find myself feeling...well...alive. Taking in a sharp intake of breath, I shot up from where I'd been lying for whoever knows how long, before the fact that I was still alive kicked in.'Wh-wh-no-no-ju-a-w-WHAT!?'

"Wh-wh-wh-wha?" I sputter, unable to comprehend just how in the actual hell I was still breathing. Taking a quick look over my body, my eyes quickly come to settle on my legs, which I realise were no longer pinned under any sort of rubble. I was even more surprised to find that I could actually move them with no pain whatsoever. 'No way...No fucking way.'

"H-h-how!? What the fuck is this!? I was just in the sch- wait, where in the fuck am I!?" I'd been so focused on the fact that I was neither dead nor crippled that I hadn't noticed where I was. Rising to my feet, and taking notice that even though my legs had been crushed by rubble they weren't broken, I take a look at my surroundings.

Or, more accurately, my lack of surroundings. There was nothing around me whatsoever. No fire, no rubble, no screaming ponies or anything. There was just me, and the vast emptiness of wherever I was. "Hello?" I call out, hoping for an answer. I got none. Shouting out a few more times, I receive the same outcome of only my own echoing voice answering me. Giving up for now, I once more look myself, checking one more time that I was actually alive. Content that, for all intents and purposes, I was very much still alive, a smile slowly etches itself onto my face, followed by a loud, jovial laugh.

"I'm alive! I'M A-FUCKIN'-LIVE! AHA!" I cheer, pumping my fist into the air in triumph. This victorious screaming went on for a minute, before I eventually calmed down, deciding that my next course of action was to now figure out where I was. "Right, first things first: where am I?" I murmur, inspecting my surroundings. "Evidently, this isn't Ponyville. Hell, I don't even know if I'm even in Equestria for that matter. Last thing I remember was the rest of the school crashing down on...me..." Suddenly, my eyes widened as a horrifying realisation made itself known. Could it be that I had in fact died, and that where I was currently was some form of afterlife "Wait a second...is... is this...Purgatory? It...it makes sense, right? I mean, the fire? The collapsing roof? I couldn't have survived that... Oh fucking hell, am I...Am I actually dead?... Huh...Well fuck me, then."

Suddenly, I heard something that both filled me with dread and relief. A voice calling my name, and whilst I didn't know where from, I know that I'd at least heard it. Looking around for the source, I was confused to find that there was nobody around. I was about to sum it up to my ears playing tricks on me, before I heard it again, albeit closer this time. Calling out to the voice, I'm unprepared by the sudden appearance of a near-blinding light appearing before me. 'Oh my fucking God... It's God!'

"Well, took you long enough, big man! Not gonna lie, mate. I didn't think you existed, to be honest." I admit, the light beginning to recede. "I mean, I've said your name a lot, usually followed by something that probably offends you or something, but uhh...I did kinda just save the lives of two ponies?" At this point, I could just about make out a figure in the light, making its way towards me. "Talking, magical ponies? I kinda died for them, y'know? A-and some fillies named me as Pope! Yea! I introduced you to a whole new species! That makes me, like, a Saint, right? So...uhh...maybe cut me some slack and let me up into Disneyland up there? Does that sound fair? Please?"

"As much as I would love to send you to this 'Disneyland', Alexander Ian Greyson, that is beyond even my power." '...Oh you have to be taking the piss.'

"...You're not God." I finally say, finding my voice and narrowing my eyes at the equine before me.

"An astute observation. No, I am not your 'God', but as soon as my sister gets her hooves on you, you may find my name in your prayers." Celestia replies, her eyes narrowing just like mine. "And I doubt that I'll be in the mood to answer them."

"I can't help but get the feeling that I've done something to upset you." I reply, smirking at the solar monarch before me. My grin quickly drops, however, when Celestia's eyes move to something behind me, and another familiar, yet even angrier voice makes itself known.

"ALEXANDER! WHAT WERE THOU THINKING!?" Reeling around, I find myself face-to-muzzle with an absolutely livid looking Luna. 'Well, if I didn't die in that school, I'm most likely about to now.'

"Okay, calm down Luna. I can explai-" She doesn't give me the chance. Hitting the ground hard, I'm still shaking away the disorientation that Luna's hoof had given me when the mare herself is standing over me, poised to strike again. 'Well today's becoming a bigger clusterfuck by the second.'

"So hows your day goi-OW, ALRIGHT, SORRY!" It would seem that my natural charm wasn't going to get me out of this, unfortunately. Worming my way out from underneath the smaller of the two Alicorns, I raise my hands in surrender, hoping that Luna would stop trying to hit me. Thankfully, she did, though I didn't think this would last for long if how she was looking at me said anything. 'Hoo boy, she's pissed.'

"Sister? Perhaps we should let him speak before we attack him?" Celestia says, though I'm positive that sounded more like a suggestion than a demand. Taking one look at her sister, Luna sighs and nods, stepping away and allowing me to lower my hands.

"Cheers, Sunshine. Don't know where I'd be without you." I joke, trying to lighten the mood. Judging by their expressions, I wasn't doing a very good job of it. 'Shit, I've really pissed them of it seems. Christ, all I did was nearly die. I've done that about a dozen times already, and they were probably there for half of them.'

"Dead, most likely." '...Come again?'

"Dead?" I repeated, my joking demeanour having all but vanished. Sighing, Celestia's gaze softens as she steps towards me, her horn lighting up. All of a sudden, the once emptiness that had surrounded us changed, forming into something entirely different. Coming to stand beside the alabaster Alicorn, it only takes me a moment to realise just what it was I was looking at. "Is...is that-"

"Yes," she answers, unconsciously wrapping a wing around me, "this is you. Or, more accurately, your body after it had been recovered from the wreckage of the school building and rushed into Ponyville Hospital." Exactly as she'd said, I was looking upon my own body, and I did not look good. My head was covered in cuts and bruising, with what seemed to be some sort of breathing apparatus placed over my mouth. On top of that, my right arm was being held up in a sling, with my left being covered in a multitude of bruises. What concerned me the most, however, were my legs. It didn't take a genius to realise that they were most definitely broken, with my right one being twisted in a rather disturbing angle. Overall, I wasn't the prettiest of sights. "When Twilight sent me a letter about what had happened, almost demanding me to come and help, both myself and my sister came as quick as we could. When we found ourselves in the hospital, it was a scene of chaos. The staff were so hard-pressed in trying to keep you alive that they didn't even realise that we were amongst them until we'd helped to stabilise your condition." She explained. Nodding, I looked over my broken body again, before something struck me.

"But wait a second. If that's me there," I point to the image in front of us, "then, what about now? Why aren't I in a hospital be-actually, where in the hell even are we!?" This time, it wasn't Celestia who answered. Coming to stand on my other side was Luna, who mimicked her sister in wrapping a wing around me. Whether this was done to comfort me or to calm me down, I didn't know.

"As of right now, both myself and my sister are in the castle, whilst you are lying comatose in a hospital bed." Seeing the disbelieving look I was sending her way, Luna explains further. "When we finally arrived at the room in which you were being tended to, you were on the verge of death itself. It was a miracle that you had survived the building falling down upon you, let alone the journey to the hospital itself. The doctor is charge, Nurse Redheart, said...said that...that...-"

"She said that it was highly unlikely that you would make it through the next hour. If it wasn't for the healing spell we casted and the magically induced coma you've been placed in, you most certainly wouldn't have." Celestia answers for her, giving her sister an understanding look. Following her gaze, I found myself looking upon a tearful Luna, who was trying her hardest not to burst into tears. Placing a hand under her muzzle, forcing her to look at me, I smile.

"Well obviously she doesn't know who I am, else she'd have known that I'm an indestructible bastard with a habit of almost getting himself killed." I joke, eliciting a giggle from the lunar monarch, who wipes away her tears. With Luna now sorted out, I turn back to Celestia, who was smiling at me as well. "What?"

"I don't know how you do it. You've had a very close brush with death, and yet you're still able to joke about it. I've never met such a peculiar creature such as you, Greyson." She says, getting another cocky smirk from me. 'Screw it, I'm apparently on the verge of death. What've I got left to lose?'

"Probably because you've spent most of it cooped up inside that bigass castle of yours, eating all the goddamn cake, you old hag." Whilst Luna was busy laughing her arse off at what I'd just said, Celestia merely rolled her eyes and chuckled.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. Never change, Alexander." She says, before looking to her still giggling sister. "Luna, I do believe that it is time." Hearing this, Luna looks to her sister, to me, and back to her sister, before nervously biting her lip.

"Art thou sure, sister? What if he's not ready? What if-"

"Luna, you're speaking in dialect again."

"Oh, sorry. But what if his body isn't ready yet? It co-"

"We've talked about this, sister. The fact that we've finally managed to talk to Alex proves that both his body and mind have recovered enough to bring him out of this coma." The exchange between the two sisters went on for a few more moments, before Luna nodded in resignation, the two sisters turning to me.

"So, what happens now?" I ask, looking between the two of them for answers.

"As I said, Alex, we had to place you into a magically induced coma. This was done so that if your body were to react negatively to our healing spell, you wouldn't suddenly wake up in excruciating pain. The consequence of this is that you've been unconscious now for just about two weeks, and-"

"TWO WEEKS?" I all but shout, interrupting Celestia and startling Luna. Holding up a hoof to stop me from continuing with my outburst, Celestia continues.

"Yes, two weeks. The process has taken time, but now that we've finally managed to access your, well, 'dream'," she says, gesturing to the blank landscape, "it shows that the healing spell has done its work, and that I should be able to bring you out of your coma." She finishes, smiling at me. Shaking away my shock at the news that I'd been comatose for two weeks, I nod. 'Next time I run into a burning building, I want overpay. Hell, I don't even need the money, but still. "What worries me, however, is that we shouldn't even be talking to you right now." Celestia adds, her smile vanishing. 'Oh, cheers. Thanks for that. Any more encouraging statements?'

"What do you mean?" I ask, cocking my head, eyes narrowing. Looking over towards the image of my body from two weeks prior, she gestures to her horn.

"I'm an Alicorn, whose magic surpasses most, if not all beings on this world. The spell that I performed on you wasn't as advanced as you might think. It should have done the job within a few days, whilst allowing you to remain conscious and in a state of painlessness." She says, turning back towards me. She appeared confused and worried at the same time. "Instead, your body reacted negatively to the spell, and I was forced to place you into this coma to keep your body from shutting down." This came as a shock. My body was refusing her magic? Magic that, by her own words, was meant to heal me?

"So, what, my body just, told your magic to fuck off and almost ended me because of it?"

"That's not how I would have phrased it, but...yes, in a manner of speaking, it told my magic to 'fuck off'." I can't help but laugh at this, Luna giggling at her sisters sigh of annoyance.

"Well it's nice to know my body is as stubborn as I am. So, when am I waking up then? Now?"

"Preferably, yes." She answers, her horn already shimmering with magic. "If I'm right, and I'm quite positive that I am, this spell should bring you out of this world and back into ours. Are you ready?" She asks, her horn getting brighter and brighter by the second. 'Do I have a choice in the matter?'

"Ready when you are, Sunshine." I finally answer, cracking my shoulders and bracing myself for whatever it was that she was about to do to wake me up. Force my soul back into my body? Raise me from the dead like a zombie? Slap me? Who knows.

"Then hold still, this'll only take a moment." She says, closing her eyes and pointing her horn towards me. Just before she could do whatever it was that she about to do, I suddenly found myself being embraced by Luna, who had quickly ran up to me and thrown her forelegs around my neck, thankfully not snapping it in the process.

"Sometime after the Gala, we-I plan to visit Ponyville. Will you be there?" She asks, her eyes full of hope. Smiling, I nod, much to her delight.

"Why the hell not? It'll be fun. See you then, Luna." I say, just in time to see her move out of the way of Celestia's oncoming spell. The second it hit, the dream began to collapse, and the last thing I saw of the two Alicorns was of them waving goodbye, before I could neither see nor feel anything.

For the second time in a day, I awoke in an unfamiliar setting. Opening my eyes, the first thing I did was immediately shut them due to the blinding light that was the hospital room. Opening them slowly this time, my eyes are able to adjust to the lighting. With that done, I'm able to get a good look at the room around me, and my body. Unlike how it looked in the dreamworld, my body seemed more or less normal, except from my bare torso being covered in bandages still. Running a hand over them, I chuckle.

"A dragon? An Ursa Major? A sociopath hellbent on eternal night? A burning building collapsing right on top of me? Pfft. Aint nothing gonna kill me, but me, and nothing else." Taking a deep breath, and feeling no pain whatsoever in my chest, I take one of the bandages into my hand and begin to pull, unwrapping them one by one. Finally, my chest was completely exposed, revealing only my bare skin. Amazed, I prod at my chest, feeling nothing out of the ordinary. 'Fuck me, magic is the shit! Two weeks and I'm perfectly fine? Mate, the NHS would fucking kill for this.'

With my body all right, and a quick check on my arms showing them to be exactly like my chest, I take a look at my legs. Throwing the bed cover off of me, I'm even more amazed at how my legs looked. Unlike my chest, there was a large bruise on my right leg, which was to be expected. 'A chunk of the building crushed them. I doubt even magic can fix that completely.' Stretching them out, I wince in pain. 'Yep, thought so.' Whilst my left leg looked and felt fine, my right leg was evidently still recovering. 'Gonna have to be careful with that one.'

With my body now looked over, I take a look around the room. Except for the pony designed chairs and other things, it was surprisingly similar to how a hospital room on Earth might look. What did catch my attention, though, were a number of x-ray sheets, dated two weeks back. As expected, my right leg had been absolutely shattered, and it was a wonder that there was anything left of it. It would seem that I definitely owed the royal sisters and the medical staff greatly. Along with right leg, my left had been dislocated as well, and I'd received a number of injuries elsewhere. When a doctor arrived, I'd have to ask about them.

On the other side of me, was a table. What surprised me, though, was what on it. A number of Get-Well-Soon cards, a new set of clothes, cupcakes, flowers and many more things. 'Huh, it's not the statue I was hoping for, or a whole fuckton of alcohol, but it'll do I suppose.' Deciding to take a look at the cards first, I reach other and pick up a bunch of them, placing them onto my lap. Opening the grey one first, I can't help but laugh at seeing who it was addressed to.

Dear ~~Mr Greyson~~ Pope Alexander,

We're very, very, very, ~~very, very, very~~ sorry that we burnt down the school, and you had to run in and save us! ~~We still need to find your cutie mark~~, sorry, we forgot humans can't get cutie marks. But you can still help us find ours, right? You're an honorary member, so you have to. No wimping out! Oh, and when you do wake up, we visit at around 12:30 every day. We'd come to see you sooner but Mrs Sparkle and her friends usually visit at 12:00, so we aren't all allowed in at once. Hope you wake up soon!

-Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Applebloom, the Cutie Mark Crusaders

"Damn, I love those kids. I really do. Right, whose next?" Placing the CMC's card back on the table, I grab another card, this one being blue. Like the CMC, I could already tell who'd written this, just by looking at the scruffy handwriting and the familiar nickname.

Dear Alex,

Hey big guy. It's been a week and a half and there still isn't any sign of you coming out of it. One of the docs said that you might not ever wake up. We didn't really take that very well. Pinkie's not been as happy as she usually is, but she's trying to keep us smiling. And Twilight? Well, she's...well...I don't know. She's just been out of it recently. I'm not really good with all the sappy stuff, so I'll just leave that to the rest of the girls. The whole town thinks you're a hero. They aren't wrong, you know. But please, wake up soon, big guy. We miss you. I still need to pay you back for that morning when you pinned me, you cheating ape.

-Rainbow

"Shit, has this really hit them that hard? I'd best go see them soon." Moving Rainbow's card next to the CMC's, I turn once more to the pile of cards on my lap. Grabbing and opening a card at random, I'm genuinely surprised at who'd written this one. 'Well, well, well. Long time no see.'

"Dear Alexander,

What in Celestia's name were you thinking? You stupid, stupid idiot! You're not a guard, you big dolt! Now I hear that you're in a coma? Again? What is it with you and being in trouble all the time? Flash says hello, by the way. Oh, and you still owe him for those drinks you stole. Get well soon!

-Spring Cleaning and Flash Sentry.

P.S Princess Cadence and Captain Shining Armour wanted to send you a card as well, but they were worried that somepony named 'Twilight Sparkle?' would recognise the seal on the envelope, so they wanted to ensure that this unicorn wouldn't find out about their wedding before invitations were sent out. "We wish you well and hope for speedy recovery. We also wanted to let you know that our wedding planning is going along smoothly, and it shouldn't be too long before we send out invitations. You'll be invited, of course. Wear something nice!" - PC and SA"

"Well damn, I haven't talked to those two in a while. Gonna need to catch up at the Gala. And the wedding, eh? Twilight's gonna go mental when she realises her brother's marrying her babysitter, and that I'd known for ages. Actually, I wonder how she'll react to me being awake." The process of going from card to card went on for a few more minutes, and I was actually surprised at the number of cards I'd received. In fact, I'd gotten a number of cards from ponies I didn't even know, most of them mares. I didn't know whether to be worried or delighted. Pocketing the rest of the cards, I decide that I'd been in bed for far too long. "Well, can't stay here all day. I'll have to sort the rest of these gifts later. But for now, let's get gone."

Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I carefully get to my feet, giving myself a moment to reacquaint myself with standing up. Feeling the blood rush to my legs, I give it a minute before I begin moving. Taking it one step at a time, I hold onto the bed for support. By the time I ran out of bed to hold onto, I didn't need any support. Whilst I had an obvious limp that would most likely remain for the next few days, I was very happy with the fact that I wasn't crippled. Moving back towards the table, I throw on the set of clothes that Rarity had evidently remade for me, and made my way towards the door.

Opening it, I step outside of the hospital room, and begin making my way down the corridor, looking for some sort of reception where I could sign myself out of the hospital. Along the way, I passed a number of doctors and nurses, who were all staring at me in shock and disbelief. Giving them a wave, I kept moving forward, ignoring the shocked faces and unbelieving whispers that they were giving me.

A few minutes of walking later, I arrived at what must have been the front of the hospital. Moving towards the receptionist, I notice how the mare had yet to realise just who was walking towards her, and was busy writing something on some sort of form. Coughing so as to get her attention, her eyebrows furrow in slight annoyance.

"One moment, I'll be with you in a minute." She says, unaware that the human who'd they'd had in their hospital for a fortnight, was now standing in front of her. Wanting to get out of here as fast as I can, I simply reach over and grab a piece of paper conveniently titled 'Signing Out'. Startled, the mare jumped slightly, her eyes darting away from the form on which she was writing on and towards me. "Sir, you can't ju-" Her voice instantly died out when she sees just who it was she was talking to. 'Sue me.'

"Yea, sorry sweetheart. I can see that you're busy, so I just thought I'd save you the hassle and sign myself out." I say, unable to hold back the smirk at her shocked expression. "Cheers for taking care of me, you lot." I then say, sparing a glance to the number of doctors and nurses who I'd passed in the corridor, who were now standing in the lobby with me. "There's a bunch of cupcakes and other nice things in my room. You lot can have them. Least I can do in return for you lot saving my sorry arse."

Writing my signature at the bottom of the form, I place it back down on the front of the desk, the mare still staring wide eyed at me. Booping her on the nose, she's brought back to reality as I make my way towards the front entrance. "I'll see you lot later. Have a good one!" I shout back towards the ponies, who could only watch as I, the human who had been subjected to a two week long coma, courtesy of a falling building and the magic of their monarchs, casually danced his way out of the hospital and towards Ponyville.

"~Sun is shinin' in the sky, there ain't a cloud in sight~" Walking down the road away from the hospital, and towards Ponyville itself, I found myself in a rather jovial mood. I'd most likely attribute this to the fact that for the past two weeks, I'd apparently been in a coma whilst a healing spell repaired my body. Within the hour of waking up from said coma, I was already happily making my way into town, both excited and anxious to see everypony. For now, however, I just wanted to get home first. 'Wonder how she'll react. Probably throw a book at my head, or hug the everlasting shit out of me. Hell, probably both, knowing Sparky.'

I arrived at the library a few minutes later than I would've hoped, both my limp and greeting a number of shocked ponies slowing me down. Well, I say that it was them slowing me down, but it was more of me being a proud bastard. A group of fillies, who weren't the CMC for once, had ran up to me and, after recovering from their initial surprise at seeing the resident human alive and well, asked for my autograph. I was more than happy to oblige, signing a number of toys and scraps of paper. I even signed some foals game joystick. 'Why some kid was running around with a game controller outside, I'll never know. Better question is: why does he not have an Xbox controller? Keep up, kid.'

Gripping the door handle, taking a deep breath, I open the door. Stepping inside, I'm not greeted by a screaming Twilight, or Spike, or anything for that matter. It was silent, except for my own breathing. 'Huh. Weird.' Closing the door behind me, I decide to take a risk, calling out their names. I received no answer. "Maybe nobody's home?" I murmur, raising an eyebrow at the state of the library. It wasn't as organised as it used to be, with some books strewn about across the floor. Leaving the room as it was for now, I step into the kitchen, also taking note of how the room seemed to also be as disorganised. Biting my lip, I can't help but wonder if what had happened to me has caused the pair to fall into some sort of depression, as I'd learnt from living with them both that Twilight was detested things being unorganised. 'Shit, I've really hit them hard haven't I?'

"Damn, is this what Rainbow meant about Twilight?" I mutter, shocked at just how badly Twilight seems to have taken it. "What about Spike? Where's he in all of this?" Blinking my surprise away, I take one more look around the library before what I'd read back at the hospital came to mind. Looking to the clock, I saw how the time was currently 11:45. 'Hmm...Okay, idea!'

"The Crusaders said that whilst they usually visited around half 12, the rest of the girls came 30 minutes before they did...So I've got about 15 minutes before they get to that hospital, are told that I've fucked off, and then most likely peg it over here looking for me? I got time." With this information in mind, I decide on my next course of action. Looking to the disorganised mess that was the library, I smile. "Best get this place presentable, then. It's my home as well, you know."

Within those 15 minutes, I'd managed to replace all the books into their respective shelves, cleaned the dishes in the kitchen, and gotten a quick shower to boot. All in all, I'd done very well for time, as the clock now read 12:29. Taking one last look in the mirror, whistling in appreciation at how clean I now looked, I make my way back downstairs and into the front room, looking out of the window. Within seconds, I could already see a rather sizeable group of mares hurriedly coming towards the library, with a certain lavender unicorn at the head of them. 'Time to face the music.'

Making my self comfortable on the couch, I prepare myself for the inevitable. Sure enough, the door slammed open moments later, and 6 familiar ponies came to a sudden halt, all facing towards one person in particular. Me. They all shared the same open mouthed, wide eyed expression. 'I'm so handsome, they're mesmerised.'

"How you doin', girls?" I smirk, getting no response from any of them. Eventually, Twilight stepped forward, raising a tentative hoof towards me. 'And if it isn't the mare of the hour herself.'

"Alex?" She whispers, her voice a mixture of disbelief and happiness. Looking to the rest of the girls, who were as shocked as Twilight appeared to be, I chuckle and nod, watching a series of smiles sprout across their muzzles as I did so.

"Were you expecting some other handsomely heroic human?" I reply, crossing my arms behind my head. This proved to be a mistake, as when a certain pink pony dive bombed into my chest, I had no way of protecting myself. 'Aaand there goes my ribs. Didn't need them anyway.'

"You're alive you're alive you're alive you're alive you're alive you're alive you're ali-" 'And my windpipe is going as well.'

"PINKIE!"

"You're al- yea?" 'CAN'TBREATHCAN'TBREATH!'

"Ah don't think the boy can breathe." Applejack points out, pointing to my face. Following her hoof, and seeing at how I was beginning to turn ever so slightly blue, Pinkie sheepishly giggles and lessens her hold, yet still keeps herself firmly attached to my abdomen. 'Thank god for Applejack. Didn't think I was gonna make it.' "Now make room, will ya'? The rest of us wanna turn!" 'Oh fucking hell I take it back!'

Before I could react, the rest of the girls took this chance to follow in Pinkie's hoofsteps, and I was once more being smothered to death, this time by all of the mares in the room. Managing to wiggle my head out from underneath them all, I try my best to pry them off of me, but to no avail. What chance did I have? My arms were literally pinned underneath the mountain of fur. A full minute passed, and it looked as if the mares had no plans on letting go any time soon.

"So do you lot plan on letting go anyti-"

"No." Was their unanimous response.

"...Fair enough."

Eventually, the mares let go of me, though with great reluctance from a certain few. After being berated by a number of them, and by a number I mean all of them, and then praised for my heroic yet stupidly idiotic actions, I told them just what exactly had happened between myself and the two Alicorns an hour prior. Whilst they had been there when Celestia had cast her healing spell on me, and they'd seen just what state my body was in, I'm not sure that they knew the full extent of my injuries. Judging from their immediate reactions, I had to guess that they hadn't all exactly been told how close to death I had really been, and how Celestia's magic had almost killed me the first time around.

Eventually, however, the girls began to disperse. Applejack and Rarity had their businesses to run, Pinkie said she was planning to host my 'Still-Alive' party, Rainbow to do whatever it was she was doing beforehand, and Fluttershy to her animals. One by one they vacated the library, getting in one or two final hugs before hand. Releasing Fluttershy and watching her leave, waving her and the rest of the girls goodbye, I turn around to face the last pony to leave: Rarity. Kneeling down, she immediately takes her chance to throw herself around me, wrapping her forelegs around my neck before I even had a chance to blink. Whilst initially surprised at this break from the dignified ladylike persona of hers, I quickly recover and return the hug. 'Give me a chance, would you?'

"Thank you," she says, her voice cracking slightly, "for saving my sister." Moving her head out from under my chin, I'm shocked to find tears coming from her eyes. Smiling down at the mare, I shake my head, wiping her tears away.

"You don't need to thank me for anything, Snowflake. I'd have done it in a heartbeat. Hell, I did." I joke, eliciting a smile from the mare and an even tighter hug in response. I wasn't complaining. Out of the corner of my eye, however, I noticed Twilight giving Rarity a rather strange look. She was just...staring. Like, blankly staring at her, with her right eye twitching slightly. What was wrong with her? 'Meh, who knows. Enjoy the hug, you bastard. You've got two weeks worth to catch up on.'

All good things must come to an end, unfortunately, and the fashionista eventually let go and, after telling me to come talk to her later on about a favour she needed from me, bid goodbye to both Twilight and myself and departed, heading of back to her boutique. Shutting the door, I then make my way towards Twilight, who was also moving towards me. Meeting her halfway, I promptly mimic my previous action and kneel down, coming to Twilight's height. Unlike Rarity, however, she doesn't immediately throw herself onto me, instead shaking her head and letting out an exasperated sigh. 'What've I done now? Apart from almost getting myself burnt to a crisp, of course.'

"Is it possible for you to go for a week without getting into trouble?" She says, a smile beginning to form on her muzzle. Laughing, I shake my head, grinning at the mare.

"Pfft, that'd be a miracle now wouldn't it?" I joke, eliciting a laugh from the mare, who then promptly dived forwards and latched herself onto me, forcing her head into the crook of my neck. Now, I like hugs as much as the next guy, especially when they're from fuzzy ponies. But Twilight's hugs were something else. They were...well, what's the word to describe them. Calming? Affectionate? Dare I say, loving? 'Who cares? Hugs are hugs. They're all welcome in this Kingdom o' mine.'

"I missed you." Twilight cries into my shoulder. This confirmed my earlier suspicions of Twilight most likely being depressed with what had happened to me. Tightening my hold on the mare, I bring her over to the couch, taking a seat on it and running my hand through her mane in a calming manner. Eventually, her crying subsided, and she moved her head out from under my own, staring up at me with bloodshot eyes. "Why?" Is all she said.

"Why what?" I respond, unsure as to what she was getting at. Wiggling out of my arms, she jumps off of the couch and onto her hooves, turning on the spot and facing me one more. This time, she looked angry. 'Oh yay, more angry ponies. Joy to the world.'

"What in Tartarus possessed you to run into a burning building!? You could have died, Greyson! You almost very nearly did!" She screams. 'Seriously? You're going to ask me that question of all questions? Isn't it obvious by now?' Sighing, I reach into my pocket and pull out a familiar badge. Whilst the original had been damaged beyond repair, this new and improved one had been fashioned by Rarity at Sweetie's behest, and left as one of the presents at my bedside table at the hospital.

"Do you see this?" I say, staring blankly at the fuming mare. Whilst she still appeared to be livid, her anger subsided for a moment, and was replaced with curiosity. "This is why. On that day, Sweetie Belle gave me a badge just like this. It was to commemorate me being a part of their little group. And whilst it may not seem that big of a deal to you, or to any other pony for that matter, it damn well means a whole lot to me."

"But you could have died!" She says yet again, earning an annoyed sigh from me. 'Yea, trust me, I heard.' "The weather team was already in the process of forming a rain cloud large enough to extinguish the fires, and there were already firefighters ready to help evacuate the fillies inside! It's their job to be the hero, not yours! Why couldn't you just let them do their job!?"

"Because I care about those fillies a whole damn lot more than they do." I calmly answer, attaching the badge to my coat once more, where it belonged.

"And I can believe that. Heck, I think everypony believes that. When we pulled you out of the wreckage, they were begging for us to save you, and, at first, refused to leave you alone, believing that it was their fault for what had happened to you. They stayed in that hospital overnight with me. They care about you much more than you realise."

"Then you can understand why I did what I did."

"But we almost lost you! I almost lost you!" Noting how her eyes widen slightly upon saying this, I'm positive that she didn't mean to say that out loud. Either way, I didn't get a chance to comment on that, as the mare carried on with her rant. "Didn't you think about how the rest of us would feel if you died? The staff very nearly had to remove Rainbow from the hospital after she punched one of the doctors who'd said that you might never wake up. Pinkie hadn't been the same, exuberant pony that we were all used to." She finally stopped, taking in slow, deep breaths, whilst I merely sat there and waited for her to finish. "Don't you understand?" She continued, all of her anger vanishing. "You mean so much to all of us, and the thought of losing you-"

"I know, Sparky. I get it." I interrupt, pinching my forehead. I didn't realise that what had happened had such a profound effect on my friends. And whilst I was most definitely feeling some guilt at what I'd put them through, it didn't change anything. If it meant saving even one of those fillies, or one of the six mares for that matter, I'd gladly do it all over again.
Seeing the guilt on my face brought a sad smile to Twilight's muzzle, as she jumped back onto the couch and hugged me yet again, rubbing her head against mine.

"I didn't mean to shout, Alex. I just...well..." She trails of, biting her lip and looking away from me. Smirking, throw my arms around her and pull her towards me chest, chuckling at the startled *eep* sound that she gave off as I did so. 'Why must she be so adorable?'

"I get it, Sparky. The Crusaders care about me, the rest of the girls care about me, and you care about me."

"More than you know." 'What was that?'

"Hmm?"

"Nothing!" She blurts out, trying to escape from my grasp. Unsurprisingly, she was unable to do so, seeing as how I was much stronger than she was. Whilst I'm positive she could have simply used her magic to teleport away, or she could have thrown a book or two at me like she usually does, she simply let out a resigned sigh and got comfortable, snuggling into my shirt.

We remained like this for some time, just the two of us snuggled on the couch, before the door slammed open and I was subjected to, quite possibly, the loudest, yet most happiest screaming I'd ever heard in my life. 'Oh fuck me it's the Cutieatholic Church!"

"ALEX!" Before I could react, Twilight vanished from my arms, appearing a few metres away from where I was. Her sheepish grin was the last I saw of her, before three simultaneous impacts to my chest sent the couch tipping over backwards, and I ended up on my back with three familiar fillies squeezing the life out of my chest/neck. "YOU'RE ALRIGHT!" They cried, joyous tears streaming from their eyes.

"Of course I am. Don't you know who I am?" I laugh, pulling Sweetie, Scootaloo and Applebloom into one, massive hug.

"Alexander Greyson, Honorary Member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Comes the unanimous cheer from the three fillies.

"You forgot the Pope part at the start."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Pope Alexander Greyson, Honorary Member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

"That's more like it."

Author's Note

'Building falls on him, falls into two week coma.'

Yep, that's right! He's not dead ~~yet~~!

So quite a bit has happened in this chapter. Firstly, Greyson is told what had happened to him in the immediate aftermath of the fire, and how he's been stuck in a coma for the past fortnight. Then, Luna tells him that she plans on visiting in the near future, so he'll have to prepare for that. And then, he meets back up with the girls, receives many hugs, and is then chewed out and hugged again by Twilight , who seems a bit more affectionate than the other girls. What a day for our boy Alex, huh?

And What's up with Celestia magic being rejected by Greyson's body, and almost dying because of it? Does it have something to with the magic inside Greyson? Is it something as of yet undiscovered by the characters? ~~Is it because I'm a lazy bastard who threw it in there for the purpose of justifying how he's not dead and only comatose?~~ Most likely the latter. Find out later in the story!

See you in the next chapter, folks! Peace.

EDIT
Oh, by the way. Have I ever mentioned how goddamn awesome you lot are? I hit over 50+ followers a few days ago, and this story reached 300+ likes and 30K+ a day before that. Keep doing what your doing, boys. Love you all.

Unexpected, Though Not Unwelcome in the Slightest

Rarity's 'Favour'

So, once again, a few things have happened lately. First and foremost, I found myself in yet another coma. This time, however, it wasn't a 'Magic-Being-Forced-Into-My-Body' sort of coma, but more of the 'Suicidal-Tosser' variant. Nothing new there then, right? Still, during those two weeks in which I was in this coma, life went on as normal for everypony else.

If this place can even be considered normal, that is, and I'm not even talking about Ponyville.

One of the more important things to happen during this time was what Twilight had tried to do for me. in a bid to find some way to heal me quicker, Twilight had scoured her library from top to bottom for a book containing such an ability. Finding no such book, she decided to visit the friendly neighbourhood African shaman, Zecora, in the Everfree Forest. Of course, this didn't end well for her, and she found herself turned to stone by a cockatrice. 'You had one job, Sparky. One job.' It was only due to the surprisingly ballsy efforts of Fluttershy that she found herself turned back to normal. Still, I appreciated the effort.

Of course, this wasn't the only thing to have happened whilst I was in that coma. Firstly, the Crusaders performed some sort of theatrical show, which fell on top of them. Literally. 'I feel as if those three and any form of building, whether it be a school or a stage, don't mix well.' Secondly, Rarity got kidnapped by a bunch of primitive dogs. 'Yea, that happened.' Finally, Fluttershy, of all ponies, somehow managed to 'kidnap' Princess Celestia's own pet phoenix. To be honest, I was more surprised by the fact that I hadn't actually seen her pet phoenix at all during my stay at the castle than I was at hearing what Fluttershy had done. She meant no harm, though. In the end, it all worked out and nobody was executed/banished/sent to the moon courtesy of Alicorn Airlines. 'I'd call that a win.'

Oh, and did I mention that Twilight has adopted an owl? That happened. 'Fucker has a penchant for appearing on my shoulder for whatever reason. Still, he annoys Spike sometimes, so he's cool.'

"So, Sparky, is there anything going on today? Am I running into another burning building? Evicting another dragon, perhaps?" I ask, raising my head up off of the couch and looking over towards Twilight, who was, unsurprisingly, reading one of her many books. For the past two days, it had only been me and Twilight living in the library, as Spike was busy in Canterlot doing whatever it was that Celestia had summoned him for. 'I should really pay more attention to what people tell me.' Looking up from her book, Twilight gazed over to where I've lying for the past hour and shook her head.

"Not that I'm aware of." She says, smirking in amusement at the bored sigh I let out in response. "Besides, even if there was an adventure planned, ordered by the princess or not, you wouldn't be coming anyway. You still need to rest, remember?" She adds, furthering my frustration. Whilst I felt as fine as can be, one does not simply come out of a two week coma fully recovered. After our reunion, Twilight almost dragged me back to the hospital so as for the doctors to tell me whether I was fully healed or not. Thankfully, I was, but with the limp in my right leg still prevalent, they'd suggested that I refrain from straining my leg. 'I'm more than happy to do that, seeing as how I'm a lazy bastard at the best of times, but now I'm just bored as all fuck.'

"But I'm borrreed." I whine in a childlike voice, throwing my arms out in exasperation. Chuckling, Twilight flips another page.

"Tough." She responds, her eyes glued to her book. "You're staying here, where I can keep an eye on you, and that you won't be tempted to run headfirst into another blazing building." 'What are you, my mother?'

"Great, so I'm stuck in this massive tree-brary, with nothing to do." Seeing the playfully offended look on her muzzle, I give her an innocent smile. "Apart from spending more time with my favourite lavender book horse, of course, whose reading a book that she's most likely already finished reading before. Twice." I joke,

"First of all, I'm not a horse. I'm a pony." Twilight begins, shifting her eyes off of her book and towards the smirking human lying on her couch. 'Yea yea, whatever, same thing.' "Secondly, what does it matter if I've read this book before? I'll have you know that this book is highly informative and beneficial to my knowledge...of...well, it's important." Curious, I take a look over towards Twilight, who had shifted both herself and her book away from me. Still, I could just about spot a blush forming on her muzzle. 'Ooh, is she reading something dirty?'

"Define 'important', Sparky." I tease, sitting up and looking over towards the clearly embarrassed mare. The fact that she refused to make eye contact confirmed it. Yep, it's definitely something dirty. This'll be good.' Before I could further antagonise the mare, however, the front door to the library opened. Turning towards it, I raise a curious eyebrow towards the familiar unicorn. 'Oh look, it's Mrs Universe.' Whilst I was distracted with the sudden appearance of Rarity, Twilight hurriedly took the opportunity to levitate the book back into its designated shelf before I could get a good luck at it.'Dammit, mission failed, we'll get her next time.' Mumbling that she was no fun, I lie back down on the couch,

"Good morning Twilight. Good morning Alex!" Comes a beaming Rarity, gracefully trotting into the library and shutting the door behind her with her magic.

"Hey Snowflake." I reply, giving the mare a half-arsed wave.

"Good morning Rarity. How are you today?" Twilight says, the two unicorns embracing each other.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking." Rarity replies, before looking over towards me. "I've just come to talk to our dear friend Alex about the favour I mentioned earlier" This gets both mine and Twilight's attention. Sitting up, I look over towards the pair with a look of curiosity. 'This'll be good.'

"Oh yea, you've mentioned this 'favour' before. What d'you need, sweetheart?"

"Well, as you know, the Grand Galloping Gala is but one week from now, and I'm on the verge of finishing the dresses that we shall be wearing." She says, pacing back and forth. "During your unfortunate time in the hospital, I showcased to our friends their dresses, and, with their feedback, made the suitable improvements. Now, all that remains is to show them all the finishing products, so that we're all happy with the final design."

"Okay? That's good to hear, sweetheart, but what do you need me for?"

"I was just getting to that." Rarity murmurs. "Whilst I would have asked the girls to come to the Boutique to view my works, my sister and her friends have already made plans. Plans which involve them occupying the Boutique for a few hours." 'I think I can see where this is going...' "And I was hoping that, what with your fondness for the fillies, you could keep an eye on them and ensure that they don't ruin my Boutique whilst I bring the dresses here instead?" 'Yep, there it is.'

"So let me get this straight. You want me to babysit your sister and her friends, keeping an eye on them and ensuring they don't turn your home into a school sequel, whilst you showcase your clothing to the other girls?" I ask, the mare nodding hopefully. Leaning back into the couch, I sigh in resignation. 'Sure, whatever. Fixes my boredom, at least.' "Yea, why not. Not like I had anything else planned anyway." I answer, much to Rarity's relief. If I didn't know any better, I would also say that Twilight appeared relieved at my response. 'What? Does she not want me in the library?'

"Oh, thank you ever so much, darling." '~What can I say except, you're welcome~'

"No problem, Snowflake. Are they there now?" I ask, referencing the Crusaders themselves. Receiving a nod from the fashionista, I stand up from the couch and make my way towards the front door, grabbing my coat. Throwing it on with a flourish, I turn back around to see Twilight and Rarity talking in hushed voices. "What are you two up to?" I ask, giving the pair an inquisitive look as they looked over towards me.

"Oh, Rarity was just telling me how much she...uh... appreciates you doing this for her! Right, Rarity?" Says Twilight, turning to the mare in question. 'I heard that stutter, Sparky. You're plotting something, I know you are.'

"Why of course, darling! With dear Spike in Canterlot, the lucky dragon, I had nopony else to ask but you." She explains, turning and heading towards the front door. "And, knowing how close you and those fillies are, I didn't think I could ask anypony better." 'And you're in on it as well, Snowflake, don't think I'm not on to you both.' Even though I knew the pair were up to something, I decided to play along. For now, at least, until I could find out just what it was that they were planning.

"Fair enough." I shrugged, opening the door for the white unicorn. Smirking, the mare looked up towards me, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Such a gentlecolt, Alex. Why, you'll make a mare lucky some day." Smirking, I step outside of the library, closing the door and waving goodbye to Twilight on the way out. 'Is it me...Or did she seem a bit excited as I was leaving. The hell are they planning?'

"If I had a bit for every time I've been told that, then I'd be the richest man alive." '...Actually, I'm the only man in Equestria. By that logic, and the fact that I have some money on me right now, I technically am the richest man alive! Suck it up, Bezos.'

Our walk to the Boutique was not long, and after a quick chat with a few passing ponies, who suspiciously seemed to be heading towards the library, we'd arrived. We weren't even inside the building yet and I could already hear the Crusaders having fun inside. Of course, Rarity wasn't sharing their apparent enthusiasm if her expression said anything.

"Oh dear, what mess are about to walk into?" She groans, bringing her hoof to her forehead dramatically. Rolling my eyes at the mare, I shake my head as I move towards the front door.

"Lighten up, Snowflake. It can't be that bad." No sooner had I said that, a loud crash was heard from within the boutique, followed by a worried sounding Sweetie Belle. 'Oh who am I kidding. It's the Crusaders, of course it's going to be bad.'

"You were saying?" Giving the mare a sheepish smile, I reach towards the door, gripping the handle. Pushing the door open, the pair of us step inside, revealing exactly what Rarity was dreading and then some. The entirety of her workshop was a complete and utter mess; dresses ripped, mannequins toppled, fabrics strewn across the floor. 'Yep, this is the Crusader's handiwork alright. And hey! Speak of the devils!' Those responsible for the state of the room were, quite coincidentally, standing right in the middle of it.

"What in Celestia's name happened in here!?" Rarity screeched, horrified at the scene in front of her. Startled, the fillies quickly turned their heads turned towards us, and their eyes widened in both surprise and guilt when they beheld just who it was that had shouted. 'You're in deep shit now, kid.'

"Erm...H-hi sis! Uh...S-sorry about the mess." Sweetie stuttered, swallowing nervously at the sight of her furious sibling. Seeing Rarity about to give the three an absolute earful, and knowing that my ears would probably be bleeding by the end of it, I go about diffusing the situation as peacefully as I can.

"Okay, Rarity? I can see you're upset-"

"Oh that's putting it lightly, darling." 'Let me finish, you bitch.'

"-but do keep in mind that they're just foals." I say, getting a sharp glare in response. Before she could begin ranting, I hold up a hand to silence her. "Tell you what, Rarity. How about you get those dresses of yours to the library, go flaunt them about or whatever it is you're going to do, whilst I stay here and make sure that these three little rascals stay here and tidy their mess. Sound good, everypony?" Giving the Crusaders a look that just oozed 'Say-Yes-Or-Else', they promptly began voicing their agreements to both myself and Rarity, already moving to sort the room out.

"Very well, Alex, I can agree to that." Rarity finally says, much to the relief of the three fillies. Making her way towards her own private workshop, the unicorn her head towards the fillies. "But I want everything exactly how it was before I had left, do you understand?" She demands, waving her hoof around the room.

"No problem, sis!"
"Ya' got it!"
"We got this, don't worry!" Satisfied with their responses, Rarity nods and enters her private workshop, the door closing behind her. A minute later, and she returned from the room with a number of bags, the dresses that she plans to show to the other mares most likely contained within them. 'I wonder if she's gotten around to making what I'd asked for. I'll ask her later.' Like the upstanding citizen that I am, I move to open the front door for her, the mare shaking her head as I do so. 'What? I'm being nice.'

"Darling, must you get every door for me? Whilst I do find it endearing, I'm not incapable of opening a door, you do realise?" She says, bringing a hoof to her horn. 'Well alright then, Mrs Independent.'

"And here I thought you loved being treated as a lady. But by all means, do it yourself." I shrug, shutting the door and stepping away. As expected, she did not look impressed.

"Stallions." She mutters, opening the door with her magic and stepping out into the streets of Ponyville. "Keep a good eye on them, Alex. I don't wish to return home later to find it reduced to rubble."

"Don't you worry, Snowflake. I'll keep a good eye on them. Anything they break, just blame Twilight." Hearing this, the mare turns back around, her expression one of confusion.

"Twilight? Why would Twilight be at fault?" 'Why wouldn't she be at fault?'

"Dunno. Just because. See you later, sweetheart." And with that, the door closes, leaving myself and the Crusaders alone in the Boutique.

"Is she gone?" Asks a hopeful Scootaloo, moving away from a half open wardrobe. Turning to face the three fillies, I notice that all of them were neglecting in their duties of cleaning the room. 'Oi, no breaks in my sweatshop thank you very much.'

"Who told you lot to stop cleaning?" I say, crossing my arms, smirking at them.

"But-"

"Don't 'but' me, Scoots. You messed this place up, you get to fix this place up. Now get back to work, you lot. The sooner you finish, the sooner you can get back to searching for your 'Cutie Marks', or whatever it is us Crusaders are meant to be doing." Letting out an annoyed groan, Scootaloo nevertheless returns to where she'd left of, collecting ripped pieces of fabric from the floor, whilst Sweetie and Applebloom worked together to re-stand a fallen mannequin. Heading into Rarity's kitchen and finding myself something to drink, I return to where the Crusaders were working and threw myself onto the couch, much to the chagrin of the fillies. 'Sue me, you adorable lil' bastards.'

"Oh come on, really? We have to slave away doing all this whilst you just lie there doing nothing?" 'I'll do what I want, kid.'

"Yup."

"But that's not fair!"

"Life's not fair. Now get back to cleaning, else I'll find more jobs for you to do." 'Fuck me, I sound like my mother.' Seeing as how there was no further use in arguing with me, Scootaloo turned back to doing what it was she was doing, mumbling under her breath about the unfairness of the situation. 'Suck it up.'

"Mr Greyson?" Out of nowhere, Sweetie had appeared next to the couch. Turning my head to the side, I see the unicorn filly staring up at me with her big, puppy dog eyes. 'Alright men! This is the moment of truth! You will not fear! You will not falter! You will not give a single step to the enemy!'

"What're you up to, kid?"

"Can you please help us? Please?" She pleads, clasping her hooves together, her cuteness increasing tenfold 'Oh for fuck sake, this just isn't even fair!'

"Sweetie, I'm not helping you lot clean up this mess. Y'all dug your own grave, now you get to lie in it." Hearing the disappointed whimper that I got in response, I'm positive that a part of my soul died. "But I tell you what," I continue, rising up from the couch, "if you three have this place completely spotless within the hour, I'll find something to reward you lot with. How's that sound?" Judging by the way her muzzle lit up, along with Scootaloo's and Applebloom's, I guessed that such a compromise would suit them. Within seconds, the filly had returned to her friends, and the three fillies were now working twice as hard to clean the room within the hour. Chuckling at their newfound enthusiasm, I take note of the time before lying back down onto the couch, closing my eyes. 'One small nap wouldn't hurt.'

"WE'RE DONE!"

"AH JESUS CHRIST!" I cry, falling off of the couch and onto the floor, much to the amusement of the Crusaders. Propping myself up against the couch, I take a minute to allow the three fillies to get their laughs at my misfortune out of the way. Eventually, the three calmed down, allowing me to finally get a word in.

"Are you three done laughing at my pain and misery?" Nodding, the three gesture around the room, giving me smug looks.

"So what do we win?" Sweetie asks, the three fillies now awaiting their reward. To be quite honest, I didn't actually have a reward in mind, as I doubted that they'd manage to tidy the room in the hour that I'd given them. In my defence, the place looked like an absolute mess, so I thought it would take them longer. 'Serves me right for believing that they wouldn't do it. Fuck what I think, right?'

"Well colour me impressed girls, you actually did it? Huh. Good job."

"That's right! When we put our minds to it, we can do anything!" Cheers Scootaloo, the other two Crusaders quickly following suit in her celebratory cheering. I couldn't hold back my smile at the scene. It reminded me of my sister, back when- 'Stop it, Alex. Only bad memories lie there.' "So what's our reward?" She asks, turning the topic back onto their prize and bringing me back out of my thoughts. Scratching the back of my neck, I chuckle nervously.

"Well, about that...I didn't actually think you three would manage it in the hour, so I uh...don't have a reward." Upon hearing this, their muzzles dropped, and they stared at me in disbelief at what I'd just said. 'Hehe...Woops?'

"W-what!? But you said that-"
"Now just wait a minute! Ya' said-"
"Oh come on, Alex!? You-"

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I GET IT!" I shout over them, silencing their cries of my unfairness. Seeing as how they'd never shut up if I didn't keep up my end of the deal, I take a deep breath, already knowing that I'd most likely regret what was about to come out of my mouth. 'Forgive me God.' "What would you three like, then?" For a few moments, they just stayed there, blinking at me. Then the three looked to each other, and moved away from me, forming a small circle to discuss what they were going to ask for.

I couldn't quite distinguish what they were saying as their whispers were to quiet for me to pick up on. This went on for about 20 seconds, before the three unanimously nodded and moved to stand in front of me again.

"You three thought of something then?" They nodded, yet remained silent. "Well? Are one of you going to tell me, then?" Stepping forward, Sweetie mutters something intelligible, to which I shuffle closer towards her to hear her better. "Come again?" She does so, yet I still can't hear a word that she's saying. "Kid, I literally can't hear a single word you're saying." Shuffling forward one last time, now literally within an inch of the trio, I'm about to ask one final time as to what it is they wanted, when Sweetie Belle suddenly smiles in victory. 'Oh fuc-'

"NOW GIRLS!" It took me a second to figure out what was happening, but that was all they needed. I realised to late what had just happened. They'd set a trap, and I'd sprung it gloriously. Before I could do anything, the three fillies jumped towards me, the sudden impact to my chest forcing me backwards and onto the floor once more. It then took me another second to realise that I wasn't being murdered by three giggling fillies not even a quarter of my size, but that they were instead trying to hold me down. '...They do realise I'm, like, five times as strong as them, right?...Apparently not.'

"Good job, Crusaders! The evil human has been captured!" Scootaloo cries from my left, lying on top of my arm. To my right, Applebloom was doing the same. Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle was standing on my chest, giggling at how powerless I must've appeared. "Maybe next time he'll think twice before breaking his promises!" 'I never promised you jack, you little shit.'

"Oh no, I'm being held against my will by three, adorable, to-cute-for-their-own-good fillies. Whatever shall I do?" Rolling my eyes at their antics, I can't help but laugh anyway at what I was looking at. My laughter soon stopped when I realised that I wasn't the only one laughing.

"Well darling, I do believe that in this situation, then the guards would have to be called."

"I don't know, Rarity. I think this might be a case for the Princesses." Shifting my head to the side, I spotted both Rarity and Twilight standing in the doorway, giggling away at my misfortune. Wanting to retain at least some of my dignity, I give up on the whole powerless charade and lift my arms up, both Scootaloo and Applebloom hanging on and letting out a high pitched squeal as I did so. Before Sweetie could do anything either, I brought all three of them onto my chest, wrapping an arm around the trio as I pushed myself off of the floor with the other. With the three mischievous fillies now secured and snuggling into my chest, I pumped my fist into the air in triumph. 'Huzzah, I overpowered my captors. I feel so accomplished.'

"Nope, I got this all under control. The Princesses can sleep easy." I boast, the two unicorns shaking their heads at my antics, before Rarity's eyes suddenly widen in worry. 'Oh here we go.'

"Oh no! My bags!" She exclaims, looking over both herself and then Twilight, the latter looking at her in concern. "I must have left them at the library!" 'Her bags, hmm? What are you up to, Snowflake?'

"Are these the ones with those dresses of yours?" I ask, the mare frantically nodding in response. Shrugging, I gesture to the door. "Then... should we go get them then?"

"Oh we simply must, darling! So much time and effort has gone into those dresses...why, I can't even fathom the thought of losing them. Or worse, the dresses being damaged somehow!" Throwing a hoof to her forehead, the distressed mare levitates the couch that I'd been lying minutes ago towards her and dramatically collapses onto it. 'Bloody drama queen.' Looking over to Twilight, she just shrugs and, nodding her head to door, exits the Boutique. Following her, with the Crusaders still quite comfortable with their situation, I also exit the Boutique, Rarity quickly recovering and following thereafter.

Ignoring their disappointed whines, I release the fillies back onto the ground, before then turning back to the open door. As I'm closing it, I become aware of the hushed whispering coming from behind me. Straining my ears, I'm annoyed to find that, like the Crusaders before them, I couldn't make anything out. 'They've got to be planning something. Does it involve the dresses? Am I gonna get jumped in an alley? Are they gonna jump me in an alley and then force me to wear the dresses?' Locking the door, I make my way back to the group, where an innocent looking pair of unicorns and a trio of fillies were waiting expectantly.

"Well I do believe that we have spent enough time dawdling. Let us head back to the library to collect my dresses, and then we may call it a day." And with that, our little merry band began heading away from the boutique, and towards the library. Within a minute of our journey, I noticed something odd. 'There's a severe lack of ponies out and about... am I missing something? Some pony holida- wait a second, those ponies from earlier, the ones heading towards the library...Hmm, something's going on, and it involves a hell'va lot more ponies than just Sparky and Snowflake over there. Best keep my eyes open.'

"Well, here we are!" Twilight says as we come to a stop in front of the library. Taking a good look at it, I couldn't really see anything suspicious. 'Rainbow isn't hiding on the roof, is he? Or Pinkie? Hell, I may have been inside the library an the boutique all day, but I usually see at least one of them every day. Mainly Pinkie, the pink lil' psychopath.'

Turning my attention away from the building and towards the streets, my suspicions only increased when I saw that, like it was outside the boutique, the streets were absent of ponies. 'It's just like the Zecora incident, except this time, there's no Zecora...I think? The girls haven't said anything yet, though... This shit's weird, mate.' Keeping my thoughts to myself, I turn back to the group, only to see that they were no longer there. 'The fuck? The hell'd they go?'

"Are ya' comin', Alex?" Applebloom says, standing in the doorway. 'Oh, the library. That's why the door's open, you blind bastard.' Stepping into the library, throwing one last paranoid look over my shoulder as I do so, I turn back to the face the group, my face one of confusion.

"Right, I can't be the only one whose noticed the severe lack of ponies out there? Like seriously, what-"

"SURPISE!" 'JESUS FUCKING CHRIST'

"-THEFUCK!?" I scream, falling backwards onto my arse. Standing right in the middle of the room was what must have been at least 3/4 of Ponyville itself. How the hell they'd all managed to fit inside is beyond me, but seeing as how there were some ponies in the stairwell, the kitchen, and quite possibly upstairs, it must have been a tight fit. 'How in the fuck did I not see them as I came in!? You fuckin' blind or something, Alex?' In addition, there was also a large banner above the ponies, with the obviously hastily painted words of 'Alex-Greyson-Is-A-Hero!' written onto it. 'Daww, that's cute.'

"O-Oh man, big guy! Y-you should see y-your face!" Rainbow struggles to say, most likely due to the fact that she was currently laughing her arse of, along with everyone else in the room. Except me, of course. I was still sat on the floor waiting for my heart to stop trying to burst out of my chest à la Alien chestburster.

"Ya' need a hand, sugarcube?" Asks Applejack, offering her hoof. Nodding, I grip it and, in a surprising show of strength, the mare pulls me off of the floor and onto my feet. 'Fuck, how strong is she?' Wiping myself down, I take a good, hard look at the massed group of ponies inside the library, their laughter dying down into silence. The silence was then broken by the sound of clapping, coming my hands. '

"So whose grand plan was this then?" I say, giving the crowd a lighthearted smirk. Truth be told, I already had a good guess as to was responsible, with the mare that I was thinking of already bouncing towards me with one foreleg raised in the air. 'Of course it would be her. Who else would it be?'

"Surprise! It was ~meeee~! Were you surprised? Wait, of course you were surprised! We surprised you so hard you fell on your butt you were that surprised!" Came the ever exuberant Pinkie Pie, literally bouncing up and down, circling me as she talked.

"That you did, Pinkie. That you did. So this explains why the town has been so mysteriously quiet today. So you were all just preparing this? A massive party for me?" A chorus of 'yes' and 'of course' was my answer. Nodding, I chuckle at the absurdity of the situation. 'So what did you do today? Of? Well that's nice. Me? Of you know, got jumpscared by a fuckton of multi-coloured ponies who wanted to throw me a party. Y'know, just Tuesday things right?' "Well, I'm not one to say no to a party. Especially if there's alcohol involved...There is alcohol involved, right?"

"Well, it mightn't be Apple Cider season jus' yet, but ah' thought that ah' may as well-" 'Say no more.'

"Point me to it, Texas." I interrupt, praying to every deity that I'd ever heard of that, unlike Flash's pitiful excuse of an alcohol, Applejack's 'cider' would actually be halfway decent. Guiding me to the barrel in question, she places a mug under the tap, twisting it and letting the cider flow. Passing me the now full mug of cider, I snatch the mug from her hoof and, to the surprise and amazement of all those present, down it in one go, the liquid rushing down my throat. 'Well fuck me sideways, they actually CAN brew something decent in this world!'

"Applejack?"

"Sugarcube?"

"Marry me?" 'Please?'

"Ah'll think about it, sugarcube. For now, how bout' we get this here party started!" Within seconds, the room became a flurry of activity, with drinks being passed around (the foals being given what I could only guess to be something non-alcoholic) and ponies forming their own little groups. As for me, I was perfectly content to chill with the massive barrel of cider that Applejack had so graciously brought, conversing with anypony who wanted to talk to me. Those who did were mainly those who wanted to express their admiration of what I'd done for the Crusaders two weeks ago, with the exception of a few unknown mares asking if I had a 'marefriend' back home. When I told them that I didn't, I'm quite positive that a large percentage of the mares in the library turned their heads toward me, some of whom were already married. 'Oh look, I'm turning into the Equestrian variant of Charlie Sheen.'

As the night went on, a large portion of those present called it a day and returned home, including the Crusaders, much to their annoyance. Those remaining in the library were of a smaller, yet familiar bunch; me, Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, Lyra, her closet girlfriend Bon Bon, a mare who I didn't recognise yet looked quite shifty, Vinyl, and a bunch of other ponies whose names I either didn't know or had forgotten. Most likely the latter, with the amount of cider I'd drunk this night. 'Drink till' you drop, and even then I ain't gon' stop! HOY!'

"Hey big guy!" Rainbow called from across the room, hovering in the air. "How about we play a game!" This grabs the attention of all those still present, who turn their attention towards us the two of us in the centre of the library. Moving away from the barrel of cider that had been my best friend for the past hour, I step forward, intrigued by Rainbow's suggestion. 'Oh?'

"A game, skittles? What kinda game?"

"A drinking game of course! What else?" Comes her playful reply, those in the library having mixed reactions at the prospect. Whilst some seemed excited at the prospect, others seemed worried, whispering about the amount of alcohol I'd already consumed that night. 'If I'm still conscious, then it's not enough.'"Unless you're a lightweight, then-" She didn't even get to finish her sentence before a table and two chairs had been placed before her, with me already sitting down at one end of the table.

"Let's fuckin' go then, you cocky twat." Grinning, she took her place at the opposite end of the table, whilst Applejack came over and began placing mugs on the table, the rest of the ponies forming a circle around us. This night would definitely be one to remember. That is, if I didn't drink myself into a coma. Raising her mug to the air, Rainbow gave me a cocky grin, apparently believing that she had this in the bag. 'Oh just you wait. I'm about to absolutely ruin your life.'

"You know, you can always back out if you wa-"

"Rainbow, I'm gonna drink you under the table, over the table, and through the fuckin' table."

"On yer' marks... get set... GO!" And for the next hour, this is exactly what the both of us did. Drink, drink, and drink. I couldn't remember anything past the 8th mug of cider, though those still at the party later filled me in on what had happened.

Apparently, I was true to my word. I was told that after Rainbow blacked out after her 18th mug, I'd jumped up from where I was sat and, during my celebratory dance, which I was told consisted of a lot of cussing and gesturing involving my middle fingers, I'd thrown Rainbow over my shoulder and proceeded to slip over the spilt remains of her drink, the pair of us crashing through the table itself, knocking me unconscious as well. Whilst we were both completely hammered, I was most definitely the undisputed winner of our little contest. 'That should have come as a surprise to nopony at all. I'm Alexander Greyson, boys and girls, and there isn't any chance in hell that a bloody pony of all things was gonna out-drink me.'

Still, it was most definitely he funnest night I'd had since coming here. The hangover the next morning, though? 'That shit was the stuff of nightmares.' It was only made worse by the knowledge that Twilight had a cure for it, yet refused to give it to me. Her reasoning for this was, and I quote, "I quite liked that kitchen table." Still, I now had something I could rub Rainbow's face in, and most importantly, I'd discovered a halfway decent alcohol. 'All's well that ends well.'

Author's Note

And they said I'd never amount to anything. (Cheers again for the feedback, mate. Much appreciated.)

To those who play Warhammer 40K, there's a lil' reference to my favourite DoW game in here. Can you find it?

Anyway, this was a fun chapter to write. Greyson babysat the Crusaders, got Pinkie'd at the library, found a good alcohol courtesy of Applejack, and then completely destroyed Rainbow at a drinking contest. Along with Twilight's kitchen table. And most likely Rainbow's legs, but I digress.

See you in the next chapter, folks! Peace.

EDIT - Also deleted all of the (Alexander) POV parts at the top. I'm sure you're all smart enough to figure out when the OC is speaking, especially when he's swearing at everypony else.

Prelude To The Gala

A Matter of the Heart

"Alex....Alex....ALEX!"

"Ahforfu-WHAT!?"

"Finally! I've been trying to wake you up for the past two minutes!" '....Why?'

"...But why though?"

"Today is the day of the Grand Galloping Gala, and we need to ensure that everything is prepared! We need to make ourselves presentable, we need to make sure that our friends have prepared, ensure that my spell-"

"Yeayeayea, that's all well and good, Sparky, but do we really have to do all of this now?"

"Well, why wouldn't we do this no-"

"It's 3 in the fucking morning, you twat."

"...Oh...erm...my bad..."

Today was the day of the Grand Galloping Gala, an event held in high regards by my equine friends. Whilst not as enthusiastic as the girls, more specifically a certain pink pony and an indigo maned fashionista, I was still looking forward to tonight's event. Still, I was feeling rather nervous about the whole 'Reveal-my-existence-to-the-world' thing that Celestia had planned. 'Well, I can't stay secluded here all my life now, can I? Besides, my existence will get out sooner or later, so I may as well do it on my own terms, I guess.'

"I... can't... believe... the Grand... Galloping... Gala... is... tonight!" Cries Pinkie, jumping up and down on her trampoline. Where she'd gotten the trampoline, I didn't know, and I didn't plan on asking either. Ignoring her antics for now, I look over towards the lavender unicorn sitting away from me, who, because of Pinkie's shouting, was having difficulties on focusing on her book.

"Pinkie! Please stop shouting, I'm trying to concentrate." Twilight says, looking up from her book and towards the everlastingly exuberant pony. Whilst she did just that, she merrily continued bouncing away. That was until Rarity decided to make her presence known, trotting over towards us. Hearing a happy sigh to my side, I glance at Spike, who was staring lovingly at the approaching unicorn. 'That's right, Spike. Keep staring with that adoring face of yours and she's bound to fall for you.'

"Pinkie Pie! Stop that right now. It's time to prepare for the Gala, and I refuse to let you put on your new dress when you're all sweaty." Surprisingly, Rarity's threat got through to the pink pony, whose bouncing literally skidded to a halt in mid-air. 'How in the fuck does she do that? No, wait, don't question her. It's Pinkie, she does whatever she wants, physics be damned.' Jumping off of the trampoline and towards both myself and Spike, Pinkie looks quizzically towards Twilight, who was biting her bottom lip in concentration.

"What's Twilight doing?" She whispers to the pair of us. Shrugging, I gesture to Spike, who was more informed than me when it came to Twilight's 'Spell-of-the-day.'

"She's got an awesome magic spell she's been working on for the Gala." Explains Spike. Before he could elaborate further on said spell and its effects, Rarity came over to join the three of us, looking around impatiently.

"Where are the others? It's getting late!" 'Late? But the Gala's not for a few more hours. We've plenty of time.'

"Hold yah' horses, girl. We're here." As if on cue, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy appeared, joining the four of us. 'Speak of the devils, and they shall appear.' Just in time, as well, as Twilight appeared to have finished with her book, closing it and nodding to herself.

"Perfect! I'm ready." She said to the rest of us, appearing satisfied with whatever it was she'd just learnt. 'To do what?'

"For what?"

"Yea, what are you up to, Sparky?" Ignoring both mine and Rainbow's questions, Twilight looks over to Spike, who picks up a nearby apple and makes his way to her side. Placing it on the ground and backing away, the rest of us form a circle around both it and Twilight, the latter taking on a look of determination, her horn beginning to glow.

"Ooh! Are we having pie?"

"Shh! Watch!" Suddenly, the apple was enveloped by an aura, the same colour as the one wrapped around Twilight's horn. Within moments, what was once an apple transformed into a fully sized, apple shaped carriage, fit with it's own little flag on top for decoration. '...Fucking what?' Whilst I sat there motionless, bewildered at what had just transpired before me, the rest of the girls were cheering in amazement at Twilight's magical feat.

"Thanks, girls," 'Fuck me, can you look any more smug?' "but that's just the start. Fluttershy, did you bring your friends?" She asks, turning to the mare in question. Nodding, Fluttershy lowers her head to the ground, allowing a group of mice to jump from out of her mane and onto the ground. 'Oh please don't tell me she's going to do what I think she's going to do...' Reassuring the timid pegasus that no harm would come to her squeaky little friends, Twilight's horn lit up once more.

"Oh boy, the bullshit continues?" I groan, standing up to get a better view. Paying no attention to me, the group kept their focus on the mice as the same aura from before enveloped them. Whilst I had an inkling as to what was going to happen, it didn't make it any less shocking when the four little animals were suddenly turned into a group of large horses, although their muzzles kept the appearance of a mouse, whiskers and all. '...Oh you have got to be taking the piss.'

Yea, I wasn't having any of it. 'No. Fuck off. I'm done.'

"Right, what in the actual fuck am I looking at?" Rising to my feet, I walk over to the four horse-ified mouses. "Are you seriously telling me, that you can magically turn those little fucks into these? Seriously!?" I say, unable to comprehend just how she could accomplish such a feat, magic or not. Turning towards Twilight, she responded by gesturing to her horn, smug smile and all. Sighing in exasperation, I shake my head. "Right, I'm an alien in a world of colourful, magical ponies. Why the hell is this stuff even surprising me anymore."

"Oh do lighten up, darling. Thanks to Twilight, we now have our own transportation to the Gala itself. And it's stylish as well!" I'm halfway to flipping Rarity off before, out of nowhere, her cat Opalescense pounced out from the bushes towards the horses. Ignoring Fluttershy's shouting, the cat latches onto the back of one of the four horses. Startled, and knocking the cat away from them, the horses reared up in fright. Not wanting to be trampled to death, I jump out of the way just in time for the four horses to gallop down the road. Paying no attention to Twilight's desperate calls, they vanish from sight. Correction: We did have transportation. Any more bright ideas, Gandalf?

"Those horses were supposed to pull our carriage! Now how will we get to the Gala?" 'Call an Uber?'

"Hey, you're the magical master here, Sparky. Can't you just summon a few replacements?" I suggest, the unicorn rolling her eyes at my suggestion, before giving me a quick explanation on how she couldn't just 'magic-up' a group of horses to pull the carriage. 'Well excuse me for not knowing how magic works.'

"Whatever shall we do?" Cries Rarity, throwing her signature dramatic hoof-to-the-forehead routine. Seeing as how nopony was suggesting anything, her eyes suddenly settle on me. 'Oh here we go.' "Greyson, darling. You're a big, strong, gentlestallion, are you not? Surely you could-"

"Snowflake, if you plan on asking me to drag that fucker all the way from here to that city on the mountain over there, then my answer will be for you to eat shi-" Before I could finish with my profane suggestion, our attention was drawn to the sky. More specifically, the carriage that was descending from the sky and towards us. Making room for the carriage, it gracefully landed on the ground in front of us. As had been the case with the last carriage that I'd seen, it had been driven by two armoured pegasus, one of whom was approaching our group.

"Good day to you all. I have been sent by her royal highness, Princess Celestia, to collect the one known as Alexander Greyson, and to bring him to the castle in preparation for tonight's events." He declared, his gaze moving to each member of the group, until finally coming to a stop on me. As was the case with every other pony who'd only just met me for the first time, I noticed a hint of surprise in his eyes, though his expression remained as typically stoic as every other guard I'd seen. Turning around, I could see that the girls were about as surprised as I was. 'Well this came right outta the blue. Couldn't she have told us this earlier? Like, a day in advance? Instead of, y'know, a few hours beforehand?'

"Well that sucks for you, Snowflake. Looks like you'll have to find some other poor stallion to act as your drivers. Maybe ask those two over there?" I suggest, pointing to a pair of nearby stallions. Sure enough, the mare did just that, making her way over towards the two stallions. Whilst she was busy persuading the pair, I then turned back to the rest of the group, who were only just recovering from what the guard had told them.

"Well gosh darn. Back to the castle already, sugarcube? Ya' must've really made an impression on the Princess the first time ya' went 'round." Applejack remarked, raising an eyebrow at me. Giving her an innocent smile, I merely shrug.

"Well that's just one of the perks of being me. Everypony loves me." I joke, getting a chuckle from the apple farmer. Looking to the rest of the girls, I notice Twilight looking a little dejected at the news. "What's up, Sparky?" I ask, wondering what was up with the mare.

"Well, I was hoping to give you a tour of Canterlot when we arrived, but I guess that plan just went up in smoke." 'Fuck, she's right as well. And here I was, hoping for a tour of the capital... Then again, if I'm being revealed to the world, maybe Celestia will let me look around the place after the Gala? That's a fair shout, actually. I'll have to ask her later on.'

"Ah well, don't worry about it, Sparky. When we get the whole 'This-handsome-guy-here-is-an-alien-but-he-comes-in-peace-so-don't-lynch-him-please' speech out of the way, and everypony knows who and what I am, then you can give me that tour. How's that sound?" I suggest, getting a small smile and a nod from the unicorn. "Much better. I hate seeing you upset. You're not as cute, then." This gets a full on blush from the unicorn, who tries in vain to hide it from the rest of the girls. Like sharks to blood, they make their moves. "Now you just look even cuter. Keep being you, Sparky." Leaving the unicorn to her teasing friends, I ask the driver to give me a few minutes whilst I collected everything that I would need for the Gala.

To that end, I took a quick visit back to the library, where Rarity had left me my attire for the event. The day after my recent Pinkie party, Rarity had shown me a number of tuxedos and suits, all in different colours and created with different materials, that she'd designed for me for the Gala, going through them one by one until we found one that we'd both agreed on. And by we, I mean her, as every time I'd chosen one that I thought would be good enough, she'd end up throwing it away, calling it 'Out of season' or 'A Crime against Fashion'. 'Still, I think the final pick was good. Can't wait to see how fine I look in it.'

With everything that I'd need for the Gala acquired, I returned to the group. Bidding farewell to the girls, I threw my stuff into the carriage and climbed inside, the driver closing the door behind me. Within moments, the carriage was ascending into the sky, the town and my friends getting smaller and smaller by the second. Waving at them from inside the carriage, I kept my eyes on them until I could no longer see them.

Settling in, I leaned back comfortably against my seat, going through the same process that I'd gone through when I first got into one of these things. That being to sit back, relax, and enjoy the view. 'Well tonight's gonna be fun. I get to meet up with my friends at the castle, I get to take part in some one-in-a-year event, and I get revealed to the rest of the world. What could go wrong?'

The flight to the castle was more or less the same as it was last time, with the carriage flying over the city and into the castle's courtyard. This time, however, the ponies awaiting my arrival were different from what I'd gotten last time. Instead of Captain Shining Armour being the one to greet me, both Celestia and Luna themselves were standing in the courtyard, looking up towards the carriage. Flanking them, unsurprisingly, were royal guards. 'Damn, talk about rolling out the red carpet.'

The carriage doors were opened by the same guard who'd picked me up in Ponyville. Grabbing my bag and climbing out of the carriage, I give the driver a nod of thanks, before making my way towards my awaiting entourage. Before I could even say a word, I found myself being almost tackled to the ground, courtesy of one Princess of the Night. 'Fuck me, last time I saw her she tried to beat the shit outta me. Now she's hugging me? I've said it before and I'll say it again; mares are weird, man.'

"I guess that's one way of saying hello." I laugh, struggling to stay upright. Whilst I was taller than the mare, albeit by only a few inches, she wasn't the lightest of ponies. And since I valued my testicles in good condition, I wasn't going to tell her that. "Hey Celestia? Care to join us?" I offer, the mare smirking in response.

"Perhaps later, my little human, when we have time." She responds, smirking at my bemused expression. 'Oh fuck no, I'm not being called that.'

"Little? Sunshine, If it weren't for that horn of yours, I'd be taller than you and you know it." I retort, the other ponies either amused or surprised at how casually I was talking to their Princess. 'Guess they aren't used to our banter, yet. They'll get used to it.'

"Alex, I'm an immortal Alicorn, and one of the most powerful beings in Equestria. I do not think that size matters here, though I'm sure that you have been told that before?" It took me but a few moments to figure out just what it was that she was insinuating, though judging by the sharp intakes of breath coming from the royal guards, they'd deciphered her meaning in record time. '...Oh you cheeky fucking bi-' "But enough of this banter. Come, we aren't the only ones expecting you. My niece, in particular, would like to talk to you. Privates? You are dismissed." Saluting their Princesses, the two guards made themselves scarce. 'Cadance?'

"Cadance? Why?" I ask, the three of us moving entering the castle itself. Already I could tell that they'd spent a long time preparing for tonight's event, event though they were evidently still preparing. Banners were being hung from open windows, decorations were being finished all over the corridors and servants were generally rushing around us to finish up whatever it was they were doing. Though they all still bowed to the Princess as they passed. 'Wonder if any of them ever forgot to bow, would they get executed? Nah, who am I kidding. Blueblood ain't the ruler. Oh shit, he's gonna be at the Gala tonight! Oohohoho, I'm so gonna get some fucking vengeance on that cockless fuckwit.'

"I'm actually unsure. She did not tell me what it was that she wanted you for, though if you don't know yourself, then it must be a private matter. I'll let you both discuss it between yourselves." She answers, nodding to a passing maid. "Knowing my niece, it may have something to do with her talent for love, perhaps." She adds as we climb up some stairs, a knowing smile on her muzzle.

"What, you think she wants to talk to me about love?" I reply, giving the mare a sideways look. 'She's the one that's engaged. Why would I need love advice?'

"Maybe...Why not ask her yourself?" Celestia suggests, nodding to somepony ahead of us. Following her gaze, the subject of our conversation was coming straight towards us, surprisingly unaccompanied by Shining Armour. 'Well speak of the devil.' "Hello Cadance. I trust you remember our esteemed friend?"

"Good day, aunties. And of course I remember the ever-so charming Alexander. How can anypony forget somepony like him?" She smiles, looking at me. Chuckling, I return the smile.

"Well when you're an alien in a world of magical ponies, you're not easily forgotten. Especially when the alien is as handsome and charming as I am."

"As modest as always, Alexander." Celestia chuckles, before she looks over towards a nearby group of ponies who appeared to be wanting her attention. The Princess lets out a sigh, before turning back to the rest of us. "Unfortunately, duty calls. I still need to help ensure that all the preparations for the Gala are carried out to perfection. I shall talk to you later tonight, Greyson." And with that, the solar Princess left us. Turning to Luna, she to appeared to be on the verge of leaving.

"We to must depart, our friend. We-I am not prepared to face our subjects tonight, and so shall be spending the festivities in our chambers." Luna admits, giving me a sad smile. Whilst I could understand her reasons, I still felt saddened. 'Fuck, she's still beat up about the whole Nightmare fiasco. Hiding from everyone isn't gonna help, sweetheart.'

"Well, if that's what you wanna do. Still, how about we spend some time together later on? Keeps you from being bored all night." I offer, genuinely wanting to spend some more time with the lunar diarch. Spending some more time with the mare would hopefully end up in giving her a much needed confidence boost, which would definitely help her out in the long run. It didn't take her much consideration as her once sad smile turned into one of joy.

"We find that most agreeable, our friend. Our guards shall be instructed to allow thou-you entrance into our chambers. Fare thee well, Greyson."

"See you later, sweetheart." Watching the Princess leave, I couldn't help but notice that she had more of a spring in her step as she left. 'Huh, that must've made her day. Or night, I guess.' Now that both Celestia and Luna had gone off to do their own things, that left just me and Cadance, the latter giving me a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "Oh don't you start, kiddo." I warn, already knowing exactly what she was thinking. 'Don't you dare.' Shaking her head, her smirk devolves into a simple smile.

"Did my auntie tell you that I wanted to talk to you?" Cadance asks, thankfully not probing into what had just transpired. Nodding, she continues. "Great! Let's talk somewhere a little bit more private." She says, motioning with her head for me to follow.

"Aww, and here I was hoping that we could tell each other where we hide our diary keys in the middle of a corridor."

"Well I could tell you where I keep mine, but then I'd have to kill you." 'Okay then, that's not psychotic at all.'

Arriving at Cadance's personal chambers, and wondering just how this little trip was going to end exactly, we step inside. The room was actually quite similar to the one that I'd stayed in during my week long stay, though the room was definitely more furnished than mine was. It also looked a whole lot more colourful than mine did, as well. Hearing the door close behind me, I turn to see Cadance giving me an odd look. 'Yea, I'm not sure where this is going, and I'm not sure I'll like the answer...'

"So uhh...What d'you wanna talk about, exactly?" I ask the mare, taking a cautionary step backwards. Hearing this, her eyes narrowed slightly, looking me up and down. 'This is setting of a few alarm bells...' "Cadance? You uhh... are you good?" I say, unnerved by the look she was giving me.

"Get on the bed." She suddenly says, motioning towards the bed. Looking between it and her, I'm unashamed to say that I felt slightly scared of the situation. 'Right, I do not plan on getting raped by a fucking pony of all things!'

"Cadance, sweetheart. You're a nice looking mare and all, but you're not really my type." I say, already prepared to make a dash for the door. Judging by the distance between it and me, and the fact that she's an Alicorn, my attempts at escape would most likely be futile. But as a proud Brit, I shall never surre-

"We aren't going to have sex, Alex. I just wanted to talk to you about something important." '...Oh...Erm, well then.. Awkward?'

"Oh, alright then. Was getting a bit worried there, but it's all good." I say, laughing it off. Collapsing onto her bed, I take a moment to enjoy how comfortable it is. 'Oh this bed is much more comfortable than the one I had that week. Perks of being Royalty, you get the best things in life.' "Well then, Caddy? What d'you want with lil' ol' me?"

"How close are you and Twilight?" She asks, her tone inquisitive. Sitting up, I give the mare a curious look, confused as to why mine and Twilight's relationship was so important to have me brought here.

"Why do you ask?" I respond, giving the mare my full attention. Biting her lip, she looks to the ground for a few moments, before looking back up at me.

"As you know, Greyson, I'm the Princess of Love. And that's not just a fancy title, either." She begins to explain, choosing her words carefully. "Whilst my aunts hold power over the day and night, I hold power over Love itself, an-"

"Wawawait, so when I said that before that you could control an emotion, I wasn't wrong?" I interrupt, not being able to comprehend how she could control an actual emotion. 'The sun is one thing, the moon and stars are another. But love? An emotion? What the fuck?'

"Well, I can't control it fully, but I can certainly help speed it along. I can help build an attraction between two beings, but whether or not they decide to build upon that attraction is up to them, though I can certainly help them along the way." She explains, much to my shock. 'And here I thought magic was finally running out of ways to fuck my mind. But noooo, here we go again, boys and girls!' "But as I was saying, I hold power over Love itself, and I can tell when one being loves another, even if I was partly responsible or not. As the Princess of Love, it's my job to help spread Love wherever and whenever I can. Consensual love, of course" 'Oh good, and here I thought that you'd be stealing love, like some sort of parasite. Cheers for clearing that up.'

"Okay? That's really bloody cool and everything, sweetheart, but what does this have to do with me and Twilight exactly?"

"I'll ask my original question again: How close are you and Twilight?" 'What's with the interrogation? What is this? Guantanamo Bay?'

"We're friends. Good friends. Very close friends, even. Why? What's this got to do with anything?" I answer, repaying her question with one of my own. Giving me a look that said 'Are-you-kidding?', the mare rolled her eyes, muttering something about 'Stallions are so dense sometimes', or something along those lines. Looking to the other side of the room, her horn lit up. Within moments, a significant amount of letters shot out from within one of her drawers and towards her, resting within her forelegs.

"Do you know what these are?" She asks, holding one of the letters up for me to see. Narrowing my eyes, I shook my head. "These are all letters that Twilight has sent to Celestia over the past few weeks, the first being sent a few days after Nightmare Moon's defeat." She explains.

"Aah, so they're her 'friendship reports', or whatever the hell she called them, right?" I answer, remembering all the times that the lavender unicorn had spent writing them out to her mentor, specifically after important events. Like that one time after the Ursa Major incident, for example. 'Good times.'

"Wrong. They're a different kind of 'friendship' report. They're about somepony that she cares about very, very much, and is unsure if that individual feels the same way that she does. In fact, the reason that I'm telling you all of this is that you know this individual very well." Hearing this, my eyes widened and my throat dried up. 'Oh no. Oh fucking hell, is she talking about who I think she's talking about..' "Here, I'll read a quote from one of these letters.... Ah, here we go. 'He's brave, selfless, smart (though recent events have definitely called that into question), kind, and handsome. In but a few months, I've come to see him as more than just a friend, but as somepony - no, someone that I've come to love'. And judging by your reaction, I think you know exactly who she's talking about." The mare finishes, gives me a knowing look. All I can do is nod, giving her the answer that she was already expecting. 'Oh son of a bitch..'

"...It's me, isn't it." I answer, already predicting the nod that Cadance gave as an answer. Twilight Sparkle. The unicorn who had given me a home, who had given me friends, who had given me multiple bruises, was in love with me.

Twilight Sparkle was in love with me.

"So now that you know how she feels, I'll ask you a different question: How do you feel about Twilight?" Comes the soft voice of the Princess of Love, who was now waiting for my answer. Hell, I was waiting for my own answer. 'Fuck fuck FUCK! She loves me!? Sparky fucking loves me!? Holy fucking shit! I knew she might've had a crush, but love!?' It all made sense, now. All the looks, all the affection, all the weird changes to her behaviour when it came to me. I wasn't blind to the fact that she may have developed a crush, but love? I didn't expect that. "Do you love her back, Alex?"

Twilight Sparkle was in love with me, that much was now certain. But how did I feel about her?

"I...I...I don't know. I don't know, I really fucking don't." I answer, trying to figure out just how I felt about her. "She's a great mare, that much is bloody obvious. Caring, beautiful, smart as all fuck? She's perfect." I say, eliciting a wide smile from the mare. "But she's not human." And her smile drops slightly. "Like, I've no problem with who people would want to get hitched with. I'm not a xenophobic prick. But, what if she wanted kids or something? How the fuck would that work? Last I checked, and believe me I have, I'm not a pony. What would everypony else think? Our friends? Her parents? He-"

"Let me stop you right there." Cadance interrupts, using her magic to close my mouth shut, much to my annoyance. "Take a deep breath, and calm down. Nothing will come from you being hysterical." Taking a moment to calm down, I let out a long, tired sigh, pinching my forehead. 'This day has taken a fucking turn, and we haven't even gotten to the Gala yet.' "Have you calmed down?" Nodding, she moves off of her chair and onto the bed, sitting next to me. "Thank you for your honest answer, as well." 'Wait what? I didn't answer shit.'

"What d'you mean? All I did was start ranting." I question, giving the mare a confused stare, unsure as to what she was talking about. Chuckling, the mare shook her head, levitating the letter that she had read from into my hands, allowing me to read through it fully. 'Yep, Sparky's writing. Fuck me, she's actually in love with me.' Pocketing the letter, I look to the mare sitting next to me, who had been waiting for me to finish with the letter before answering my question.

"I asked how you felt about her, and you're response was, and I quote, 'Caring, beautiful, smart as all fuck. She's perfect,' I do believe were the words you used." 'Did I actually say that? Heh, smooth as always.' "And throughout all of that, not once did you say that you did not hold feelings for her. For Celestia's sake, you even went into such great detail about how being in a relationship would affect her! Not once did you mention how it could negatively affect you, but how it could negatively affect her! You put her well-being before your own, and I don't need to be the Princess of Love to see how this shows how much you truly care for her, whether or not you knew that yourself." She explains, each and every word making sense. "So now that you seem to have understood everything I've just told you, I'll ask one final time, and I want a simple answer: do you love her, Alexander?"

We stayed there on the bed, motionless. Whilst the mare was sat there, patiently awaiting my response, I was deep in thought, trying to figure out just how much the lavender unicorn truly meant to me. Was she just my closest friend? Or was she something much more than that. In my head, I was going through all of our experiences together. The time I jumped in front of Nightmare Moon's spell for her. The time she went through all the trouble to furnish me an entire room in the library. All the times where we made each other laugh. All the times we pissed each other off.

But at the same time, I still had that voice in the back of my head that was telling me, even if I did love the mare or not, that it was wrong. We weren't the same species. I was a human, and she a pony. But did that truly matter? My thoughts shifted back to the day of the school fire. On that day, when I was helping Twilight to tidy the library, I found a book detailing Equestrian views on relationships. In the book, it explained how relationships between separate species weren't frowned upon, but were actually accepted in society. With this in mind, the small, lingering voice in my head fell silent.

Eventually, I stood up from the bed and began to pace around the room, still trying to figure out whether or not I loved Twilight back. After a few moments, I found myself looking upon a mirror, seeing myself in the reflection. 'So my old friend. Do you? Do you love Twilight Sparkle?' I stood there, gazing upon my reflection for what felt like an eternity, that very question running through my mind. In the end, I looked away from the mirror and towards the bed, where a hopeful Cadance still remained, her smile widening by the second.

"I...I might." I finally say, teasing the mare. If she knew I was teasing, she didn't show it, as Cadance suddenly clapped her hooves together in happiness, letting out a high pitched 'squee' of delight as she did so. Before I knew it, the mare had launched herself from the bed and towards me, rearing up and throwing her forelegs around me. 'Fucking hell, and I thought it was Luna who was the touchy one.'

"Ooh I'm so happy for you both!" The mare cried, releasing her hold. Chuckling, I shook my head.

"Well, I'm still trying to figure out if this is love that I'm feeling, but I'm still not sure yet, so don't get your hopes up just yet, kiddo." Hearing this, the mare backs up slightly, eyes wide.

"B-but you do feel something for her, yes?"

"You just gave me an entire speech on love, and how you can tell if one person loves another. How about you just, like, I don't know, scan me or something." I say, thinking that she could probably confirm it for the both of us. Raising an eyebrow at such a request, the mare nods.

"I think that little rant of yours, calling her 'perfect' and 'beautiful' answers that question. But, if you insist." Motioning for me to remain still, her horn lights up. A few seconds later, and a pink beam of magic makes its way towards me, leaving what appeared to be a trail of hearts in its wake. Following it, I realise that it was heading for where my heart would be. 'Fucking figures. Love magic goes straight to the heart. How cliche.' The moment it made contact, I began to feel a warmth spread throughout my body. It was pleasant, to say the least. A few seconds later, and the feeling vanished, along with the beam. Looking to Cadance for an answer, her expression told me that was happy with the answer.

"Whilst it may not be as strong as Twilight's love for you, if the letters are of any indication, there is a definite love for Twilight within you, Alex. All you need to do to strengthen it, is to spend more time with the mare." She says, her wide, joyful smile returning to her muzzle. "Has she not asked you out, yet?" She suddenly asks, getting a good laugh out of me. 'Oh that's rich. Sparky asking me out? That's funny.'

"Her? Ask me out? Hah, that's a good one, sweetheart." I say, finally calming down. Judging by the flat look she was giving me, it would appear that she wasn't joking. "Wait, you're serious?"

"Well of course I am. With Equestria being a Matriarchal society, it's usually the mare who makes the first move. And I know that Twilight might not be the most confident mare in the whole world, but such a love for you would have surely driven her to take a chance by now, yes?"

"Well...Not exactly. I mean, we did nearly go out for dinner once, I guess, but that plan kinda went up in flames." I respond, laughing at my own joke. Knowing exactly what I was referring to, the mare rolled her eyes, though she couldn't help but silently chuckle in amusement. "Still, I guess I could try it again. Without running into a burning building, this time."

"Well that's great to hear. I'm sure Twilight wouldn't want a potentially fabulous romantic night to be ruined by her stud being buried under another few tons of burning rubble." 'Stud? The fuck?'

"Well it would make for a great story, at least. I'll have to think on all of this later. I mean, I've still got to be revealed to the rest of the world, after all, so I'll have to focus on that first. But enough about me, how about you, my dear? Haven't you got a wedding coming up?" I smile, raising an eyebrow at the mare. As soon as those words left my throat, her smile returned tenfold.

I was in that room for the next hour and a half, the Princess explaining in great detail exactly how she and Shining were planning their upcoming wedding.

When I was finally allowed to leave Cadance's chambers, I was met with a familiar muzzle waiting just outside the room. I was also immediately met with a sudden weight landing on my front, and a pair of forelegs being thrown around my upper body. 'Well look who it is. My favourite maid!'

"Alex!" Spring Cleaning cries into my chest, refusing to let go. Laughing, I return the embrace wholeheartedly. Looking over her shoulder, I see another familiar pony in the form of Flash Sentry, who was giving me a slightly jealous look. 'I'm Mr-Steal-Yo-Girl.' Winking at the guard, whose eye began to twitch ever so slightly, I realise that perhaps I should let go of his girlfriend.

"Well if it isn't my favourite dynamic duo. How've you both been whilst I've been saving the world?" I ask, the mare jumping off of me and back onto all fours. Making her way back to Flash, the pair share a quick kiss before turning back to me. They both blush slightly when they see the grin I was sporting. "You both still owe me."

"Hey, you owe me for the drinks you stole!" Flash counters, evidently still upset over the theft. Shrugging, I cross my arms, nodding to the pair.

"Hey, I got you both together didn't I? I'd say that makes us even. Unless you're saying this beauty here isn't worth a few measly bottles of shit alcohol?" I retort, smirking at the pair. Seeing the look that Spring was giving him, he quickly nodded to my logic. "Splendid. And besides, that shit was weak anyway, so I technically did you a favour. If you want a real drink, my boy, then go get yourself some of the apple cider that Applejack makes, from Ponyville. It got me drunk, so it's fucking grand. Anyway, something tells me you're both not just here for a social visit."

"Princess Celestia wanted us to inform that the Gala will be commencing shortly, and that you are to come with us to your chambers so that you can dress yourself, and for the Princess herself to escort you to the Gala." Flash informs me. Nodding, I begin to follow the pair down the corridors. A few minutes and a hoof to the stomach, courtesy of Springs because of my recklessness from a few weeks ago, and we'd arrived at the exact same room that I'd stayed in during that week.

I didn't stay in that room for long, as I quickly made myself presentable for the night. One shower, beard trim and change-of-clothes later, and I looked absolutely fine if I did say so myself. Taking one last longful look in the mirror, I threw open the door and stepped into the corridor, where the pair were still waiting for me. Turning around, I took pleasure in their reactions. Thankfully, I don't think Flash noticed Spring's reaction, because if he did, he might've become very jealous indeed. 'Flash best restrain her before she pounces.'

"My, my, many mares are going to be impressed tonight, Alexander." Came the melodious voice of Princess Celestia herself, making her way down the corridor towards us. Giving them a flourish, I couldn't keep the shit eating grin off of my face.

"Will I be counting you as one of them?"

"Perhaps." She replies, giving me a flirtatious wink. "Come, let us make our way to where the guests shall be awaiting. Corporal Sentry? Mrs Cleaning? You are both free to enjoy tonight's festivities." Smiling to eachother, the pair thank Celestia before making themselves scarce. Waving goodbye to the pair, I turn back to Celestia, who was eyeing me up and down.

"See something you like?" I purr, striking a pose. In response, her eyes narrowed, and she gave me a wide grin.

"I know of a certain student of mine who might." She replies, wiping the grin off of my face. 'She fucking knows!?' Seeing my mortified expression, Celestia bursts out laughing, wiping a tear from her eye. Seeing my expression, her features soften. "Yes, I know of Twilight's feelings towards you. And in case you were wondering, I do approve." This caught me off guard. 'Wait, really?'

"Seriously? You've no problem with your prized pupil having feelings for an alien?" I ask, surprised at such a blessing.

"Of course not. Twilight is a grown mare, capable of making her own decisions. Who am I to get in the way of true love?" She says, putting to rest fears that I didn't even know that I had. "All I will say, however, is that if the pair of you do find yourselves together, that you don't hurt her." She continues, her eyes narrowing. "Because if you do, Greyson, then you will find yourself on a one-way trip to the sun itself." I found myself shaking ever so slightly at how dark her tone had become, and I quickly nodded. "Splendid! With that out of the way, shall we carry on?" Slightly disturbed at how quickly her voice had returned to its normal self, I nevertheless began to follow the mare down the corridor.

We were only halfway down the corridor when I heard singing, coming from somewhere outside. Moving to a nearby window, I found myself looking down upon a large column of ponies heading towards the castle, singing their hearts out. 'So whose paying the Pony Pied Piper to do this, then?'

"Is it Christmas or something? Why have we got carollers down there? Like seriously, what is it with you ponies and singing....and.... oh for fucks sake, of course they're at the head of it all." Standing at the very front of the large procession, were six very familiar mares. At the head of the six, was the mare of the hour herself. Twilight Sparkle. 'We're gonna have a big heart-to-heart later, me and you.' Coming away from the window and back beside Celestia, we continue on our journey. Eventually we came to a stop, facing a large pair of doors. Reaching for the door handle, Celestia's wing shot out, forcing me to retract my hand.

"Not yet." She says, shaking her head. "I want you to wait here, first. I shall go and get the attention of all of our guests, an when you hear me call your name, you shall come and join me. If all goes well, you shall be greeted pleasantly by all ponies present." She explains, preparing to enter the room. Before she could, however, I stopped her.

"And if things don't go well?" I question, wanting to hear the backup plan. Turning back to face me, the mare shrugs, giving me a sheepish smile.

"We shall cross that bridge if we get there." 'Fucking what!?' Before I could argue with the mare about how stupid such a plan was, she'd already entered the room, leaving me to wait by myself until she called my name. Keeping the door open slightly, so that I could hear what she was saying, I awaited the inevitable. Eventually, it came.

"So without further ado, please welcome our esteemed guest of honour: Alexander Ian Greyson!" Straightening my bowtie, cracking my hands, and taking a deep breath, I watch as the doors magically open, courtesy of Celestia. 'Well boys and girls. It's show time.'

Author's Note

That's what Alex is wearing, along with a black bowtie and a pair of white, formal gloves. I'm a classy fucker, I know. I actually wore something like this to Prom, and whilst it failed to get me any ladies that night, whose to say the OC will suffer the same fate?

And now Alex knows how Twilight feels about him. I've been hinting to this for a while now, and whilst some of these hints have been hidden, some of them have been quite obvious, as a few of you have noticed in the PM's. And whilst Cadance has pointed out an attraction to her in our OC's heart, perhaps he'll reject such a thing?

And, what if another mare has her eyes set on our charming hero, hmm?

Still, the Gala itself will be in the next chapter, along with Celestia revealing Greyson to the general public. What'll their reaction be? Find out next time, folks! Peace.

A Night to Remember

An Unexpected Revelation

Immediately upon entering the room, the mood took a sudden, drastic shift. What was once a lively, energetic atmosphere turned into a tense, fearful one. I could understand why. It's not everyday that you find yourself looking upon an unknown creature that is just about as tall as your all-powerful ruler. Still, the fact that they weren't screaming in fear was a good sign. 'Lets hope nothing changes that. And by that I mean let's hope that I don't cock it up royally.'

Coming to stand beside Celestia, I looked upon our audience. Understandably, I was receiving mixed expressions from those gathered. On the one hand, those ponies that I already knew were giving me impressed stares, most likely at how stunningly handsome I looked in my attire. On the other hand, those that didn't were having different reactions. 'Okay, how's the crowd looking... well she looks confused, he looks classy as fuck with that monocle, those two look downright petrified, she looks... yea, that stare is creeping me out, and- oh hey, is that Blueblood? Well he just looks like an absolute cunt.' Taking a quick glance to Twilight and the gang, who were giving me encouraging nods and mouthing the words 'Good luck' or 'Looking good' - most likely the latter - I turn my attention back towards the rest of the crowd.

"Good evening one and all. As our ever so lovely hostess has already said; I am the man, the myth, the legend, Alexander Ian Greyson. I come in peace." Such a statement gets a few hefty sighs of relief from the crowd, along with a chuckle here and there. 'Okay, so far so good.' "As you can see, I'm not a pony. I am, in fact, a human, or a 'Homo-Sapien' if you want to talk scientifically. Now I know that you'll all have hundreds of questions to ask me, so I'll go ahead and answer the three most important ones that I can think of right now. Firstly, no. I'm not going to eat your foals in the middle of the night. I need my beauty sleep, after all. Secondly, I mean no harm to any and all ponies, unless they decide to try and, like, assassinate me or something. And last but not least, I'm single and I've got a great personality." Judging by the relieved, thankful, delighted and downright confused looks I was receiving from my astonished equine crowd, I'd say that my little speech had gone over quite well. 'I do think they're sold, boys and girls.'

Satisfied that the crowd wouldn't be trying to lynch me any time soon, I took a step back to allow Celestia to take my place, speaking again to the crowd herself. Whilst she was doing this, I looked over towards the mares. In particular, Twilight Sparkle, who was staring right back at me. The moment our eyes met, however, a sudden jolt of pain made itself apparent in my head, causing me to grimace in pain. To both my relief and confusion, the pain suddenly vanished just as quickly as it had appeared. 'What the fuck was that!?' Whilst nopony else had appeared to notice my momentary pained expression, Twilight had, and was staring concernedly towards me.

Before she could do anything, the entire room began to applaud, drawing her attention away. Thankful for the distraction, I shook my head, thankful that whatever it was had only been a momentary pain. 'Still, that fucking hurt, man. Am I getting a migraine or something?' With her speech over and the crowd beginning to either disperse or form into small groups, Celestia turned back towards me.

"Well I do believe that that turned out quite well, if I do say so myself." The Princess says, the relief evident in her voice. I couldn't blame her. I, an alien to their species, had just been introduced to the wider world, and not one had yet to run for the hills. 'She isn't wrong, I'll give her that.'

"Well of course it turned out well. It's me, Sunshine. They can't not love me." I reply, smirking at the mare. Mimicking my grin, the Princess was about to speak before we found ourselves being interrupted by one of the many royal guards. Unsurprisingly, there did appear to be an increased level of security tonight, as I'd noticed a bigger number of guards on patrol than I did during my earlier stay here.'Not really surprising, given that their rulers are surrounded by potential spies, or shapeshifters, or some other nasty fuck tonight. Hell, why not all three?'

"Apologies for the interruption, your majesty, but your presence has been requested by one Mr Neighsay." The guard stated, not dropping his salute for a second. Whilst she gave off nothing in terms of an expression, I could still tell that Celestia was annoyed that our conversation was being brought to an abrupt end. Nevertheless, the mare nodded, before facing me once again. 'Unlucky, kiddo.'

"Aah, the joys of being the co-ruler of the entire kingdom. Sucks to be you, Sunshine." I joke, the mare chuckling softly at my words.

"That it does, Alex. For now, we shall speak later." The Princess said, moving to follow her guard. Taking a few steps forward, the Princess stopped and turned to me once again. "And please don't do anything stupid tonight, Alex." Hearing this, I let out a sharp gasp in mock offence.

"Me? Trouble? Why, I'm a paragon of virtue." Seeing the look that the mare was giving me, I dropped the smirk, instead giving her an affirmative nod. "Yea, I'll try my best Princess." Satisfied, she and her guard make their way into the crowd, leaving me to my own devices. Taking a look around, I found myself slightly disappointed to see that Twilight and company had vanished. Still, I could see a number of ponies looking in my direction, a few of whom waving me towards them. 'Eh, fuck it. Let's get socialising.'

The speech that Celestia and myself had given had evidently done their jobs. In the time that I'd spent in that hall, I'd managed to converse with dozens of ponies, and not a single one had ran away in terror. Or try to have me arrested. Or assassinate me. Though, some had looked at me with disdain and a hint of fear. Still, that was just a small minority of ponies. 'I'd call that a win.' In fact, I'd even managed to make a few friends. All in all, the night was going spectacularly. With the initial shock of my introduction now dying down, and with most ponies having been reassured that I wouldn't be eating them any time soon, I was free to take my leave.

With nothing to do at that point, I had set out to find the girls - mainly Twilight - to see what it was that they were up to. I'd found Applejack selling her edible wares, Rainbow trying to get in up and close to a bunch of celebrities and Pinkie more or less being Pinkie. Whilst neither Rainbow nor Pinkie had the time to actually talk to me, what with their own attention being occupied already, Applejack was able to tell me that Twilight would most likely be with Princess Celestia.

This annoyed me to no end, as the Princess would most likely be busy entertaining guests all night. Thinking that I'd most likely not see her until we were heading home, I put my little search on hold. Instead, I opted to go and spend some time with Luna, seeing as how I had promised to her earlier that I'd spend some time with her. And like the gentleman that I am, I aimed to keep that promise.

Having not fully mastered the art of memorising every corridor that I'd come across, I was forced to ask some of the passing maids for directions. Having followed their directions, I soon found myself within the gardens. This time, however, I decided to take a small detour, wandering off into an area of the garden that I'd not seen yet. This led to where I was standing as of this moment.

Emphases on was standing. That was no longer the case, as I was currently suspended a few feet into the air by a rope. 'Oh just what in the actual fuck is this shi-'

"A-Alex!? O-oh dear, my m-mistake! I thought y-you were one of the an-animals." Fluttershy cried, running out from behind a nearby bush and looking up towards me, a mixture of guilt, worry and a very small amount of mirth plastered across her muzzle. 'Fluttershy!? The fuck!? Since when did you become the fucking Predator!?'

"Fluttershy, I don't know what it is that you're doing, and I probably don't want to know what it is that you're doing," I reply, struggling with the rope around my foot. "But what you will be doing, is getting me down from here right this instance before I die of a brain haemorrhage." I growl, fixing the mare with a glare. Somehow, I doubt I looked that threatening hung upside down, but I digress.

Still, the tone of my voice probably got to her, as no sooner had I said this the mare ran right back behind the bush that she'd appeared from. Hearing the sound of some sort of mechanism, I correctly guessed that she must have been releasing the trap. Before I knew it, the rope that had been suspending me dropped, and I along with it, landing in a heap on the ground. 'Great, and here I was hoping to keep this suit clean. Rarity is gonna bloody castrate me at this rate.'

Finding me on my back, Fluttershy quickly galloped over to my side, scanning me for any potential injuries.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you feel funny anywhere? Any disorientation? Any-" 'One question at a time sweetheart. Still trying to figure out just how in the fuck I got into this mess.'

"I'm fine I'm fine, calm down Flutters." I say, pushing myself into a sitting position. Seeing as how I was uninjured, the mare let out a sigh of relief, before following my gaze up to her ruined trap. I must have been staring at it for a while, for when I looked back towards the shy mare, she was already trying to make her escape. Pushing myself up off of the ground, I narrow my eyes at the retreating mare. "Now where do you think you're going?" Realising she'd been caught, the mare let out a startled 'eep', before quickly making her way to where I was standing. Any animosity I felt for the mare was quickly extinguished, however, by the genuine guilt plastered across her muzzle. 'Fuck, I can't stay at that face. Christ, imagine if someone weaponised how adorable these fuckers are. Putin would have a bloody field day.'

"I'm sorry." The mare all but whispered, staring up into my eyes whilst tears began to form in her own. Seeing the state that she was in, I knelt down to her level, offering the mare a reassuring smile.

"It's alright, I'm not hurt and you're not in trouble. Calm it with the tears, sweetheart." I say, reaching out and stroking her mane in a calming manner. 'I wonder if this is sexual harassment. Still, she seems to like it, and Twilight liked it that one time, so maybe I'm in the clear. Or maybe I'm about to get detained by the pony FBI. Who knows?' Within moments, her tears had vanished and Fluttershy seemed to have calmed down, subtlety leaning into my touch. 'If I was a paranoid man, I'd say that she was enjoying the action a whole lot more than she realised.' "Now, mind telling me just what it is that you've been up to exactly?"

For the next few minutes, Fluttershy explained to me just what it was that she'd been doing, and the events leading up to my hanging. The animal lover that she was, she'd unsurprisingly opted to head straight for the gardens, intending to meet and befriend every exotic animal that she could find. To my surprise, it hadn't gone well for her so far. Any animal that she'd met, she'd scared away, no matter what approach she'd used.

"-and so I thought that perhaps I could trap one of them, and then I'd finally manage to tell them that I just wanted to be their friend. But, you saw how well that went." The mare finally finished, giving me a sheepish smile as she ended it. What came as a surprise, however, was that, for a caretaker of wild animals, she hadn't gone about it the right way.

"So you wanna befriend all these animals, yet none of them seem to want to befriend you, huh?" Taking the flash of sadness in her eyes as a 'no', I pause in thought for a moment, before smirking. "You see that bush over there?" I ask, nodding my head towards a nearby bush. Following my gaze, the mare nods, before her eyes widen, seeing the same thing that I was looking at. Some of the animals - a trio of bunnies - were watching us from behind the bush in curiosity. Noticing Fluttershy beginning to stand, I carefully reach out and push her back down. Before she could protest, I put a finger to my lips. 'It's going well, don't ruin it.'

The plan was working. More and more animals were beginning to appear all around us, ranging from bunnies to birds, squirrels to ducklings. "Hey, since you're the trap expert, got any bait?" Nodding, the mare pulls out a range of vegetables, such as lettuce and carrots. Seeing the food, a particularly brave bunny boldly edged closer towards us than its friends, and was now just a few feet away. Placing the food on my lap, I calmly held out a carrot for the bunny, hoping that this act would prove to the animals that I was friendly.

For a few moments, nothing happened. Finally, the bunny began to move, closer and closer towards us, until it was literally right in front of me. Gently, it took the carrot from my hand and moved a few steps away, before nibbling on its spoils. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement from another one of the animals, who was probably hoping to get in on the action. Getting Fluttershy's attention, which had been on the bunny in front of me, I passed her some of the food that she'd provided, telling her to repeat what I'd just done.

Within a few minutes, I'd done what Fluttershy had been trying to do all night. All of the animals, realising that we were friendly and held no ill will towards them, happily began to take what we were offering. Unsurprisingly, a large number of them took to inspecting me, climbing on or flying around me in curiosity. Evidently, they'd never seen a human before. 'Pony or animal, I still got it.' As much as I was enjoying their company, I remembered that I was already meant to be somewhere else. With great reluctance, I stood up from where I was sat, the animals jumping off of me and back onto the floor.

"Well, it's been fun you lot, but I'm needed elsewhere." I say, patting the dirt off of my clothing. As I was in the process of doing this, I suddenly found myself engulfed in a sea of pink and yellow. It took me but a moment to realise that Fluttershy was hugging me. Before I could return the hug, she suddenly leaned up and planted a kiss on my cheek. Freezing up in shock, I could only stare wide eyed into the distance. 'Wh-a-wh-w-ha-wh-what the fuck just happened? Control to Brain, come in. Brain? Brain!? BRAAAIIIN!?' Turning to the mare, I saw that I wasn't the only one in shock. Realising what she'd just done, Fluttershy's pupils became pinpricks, and before I knew it, she'd released her hold and shot off into the bushes, stammering an apology as she went.

Shaking my head, I looked once more towards the animals, who were looking to me, to the pegasus' shaped hole in a nearby bush, and back to me. Shrugging, I began to backpedal away, holding my empty hands up. "Don't look at me, boys, I got nothing left." Seeing as how their food sources were leaving, the animals left the clearing, returning to whatever it was that they'd been doing beforehand.

Taking that as my cue to leave, I turned on the spot and began to look for an exit, my mind turning to the pink maned pegasus. 'Well that was definitely out of character. I mean, she loves animals, and I helped her befriend a fuckton of them just then. Eh, must've been the heat of the moment. I'm sure she'll forget about it later. Or I will, probably.'

Eventually I found myself back on a familiar path that'd lead to where I wanted to go. Walking along the path, I came across the statues that I'd seen in my earlier visit to the castle. I wouldn't have looked twice at them, if it weren't for the fact that one of them appeared to have...changed, in a way. 'Did this one always smile?' Narrowing my eyes at the statue of whatever this creature with various animal features was, I stared it down, expecting it to suddenly move. It did not, and I shrugged. 'You're being paranoid. Quit it and go find Luna.'

"I'll see you soon, friend." I froze on the spot. '...Okay, what in the actual fuck was that?' Turning around once more, I fixed my eyes upon the statue, more alert than ever. It didn't move. We held our little staring contest for what seemed like hours, until I relented. Shaking my head, I turned around once more, and, with a much quicker pace, made my exit from the garden. 'Fuck that place and fuck that statue. I wonder if Celestia keeps a sledgehammer around...'

'Took me long enough to find the bloody place.' It took longer than I was expecting, but I finally reached Luna's chambers. 'Bat pony things that are scary as fuck but badass at the same time guarding the doors? Check. An overly sized moon emblem on her doors? Check. I'm most likely going to be tackled to the floor because she's touchy-feely? Oh boy, let's find out.'

Stepping towards the door, the guards crossed their spears across the door, blocking my entrance. This was expected, and I should've seen it coming.

"Hey fellas, how's the night going?" I got no answer. "...Nice weather we're having, eh?" Nothing. "...Can I go in?"

"The Princess does not wish to be disturbed, sir." Came guard #1, whose voice was as deep and stoic as every other guard I'd come across. 'Okay, they're males. Got it.'

"But-"

"Her majesties orders were explicit, sir." Came the other guard, whose voice was much more higher and feminine than her comrades. 'Oh shit, these lot have females in the ranks? Fair play, Luna.' This was the first time I'd actually met and talked to a bat pony, and if either of them were confused, curious or cautious as to who or what I was, they were impressively managing to keep their feelings hidden. Still, I'd made a promise to Luna, and I planned on keeping it.

Unless they decided to reward me with a spear to the chest, in which case she could go fuck herself with said spear. 'Right, let's play it smooth.'

"Right, I'm just gonna get this outta the way and tell you both that I've never met a bat pony before, and I just wanna say that you lot look pretty badass if I do say so myself." Unsurprisingly, the stallion's face remained as stony as a statue. Truly, he was a model guard. 'Guy would fit in well in the Queen's Guard.' His female counterpart, however, was sporting a very light blush that, were it not for the fact that her coat was pure black, would've most likely gone unnoticed. 'Fucking hell Casanova, look at you go.' "But Luna di-"

"Princess Luna." 'Oh please pull that stick outta your arse.'

"-Princess Luna did ask me earlier today to come visit her, and, as per her orders, I've come to do just that." I finish, ignoring the irrittable look that the male guard was giving me. Something told me that we would most likely not get along.

"Name?" He asks, his tone harsh. 'Yep, we ain't getting along any time soon. Shame really.'

"Alexander Greyson, at your service." I reply, giving them a theatrical bow and a flirtatious smile to his companion, whose blush only intensified. Turning to the doors that they'd been guarding, the male bat pony knocked three times before entering, the door closing behind him. The left me alone with his companion, who was giving me a curious stare. "Take a picture sweetheart, it'll last longer." I joke, striking a pose for the mare.

Realising she'd been caught staring, the bat-mare gave me a nervous smile. 'Daww, even the evil looking ponies look so cute and adorable when embarrassed.'

"I'm sorry for staring, sir, but it's just that I've never seen a creature like you before." She explains, her tone betraying her curiosity and shyness. As was the case with every single being on this planet, she'd evidently never seen something like me before.

Disturbingly, this was no longer as disconcerting as it had been the initial few dozen times. 'Funny how quickly I've gotten used to this place, and being the only human. Then again, that's probably because I've most likely gone insane.'

"That's understandable, kid. I mean, I am the only one of my kind here, after all." I reply nonchalantly, leaning against the wall and giving her an understanding smile. Hearing this, her eyes widen in shock, ears flattening to the sides of her head whilst her curious expression is replaced by one of shock.

"Th-the only one?" She stammers, to which I nod. 'Once again, I should probably be upset by that fact. Have I really gotten over that fact in just a few months? Seriously? Huh, I'm gonna need to think on this at some point.'

"Yup." Seeing as how she definitely wanted more than just that, and seeing as how her friend would most likely be coming out of those doors any second now, I shake my head. "It's a long story sweetheart. Look me up in Ponyville and I'll give you the full story, Miss..."

"Starry Skies." She answers. 'Of course it is. Bet her friend is called Night Warden or something stupid like that.'

"Starry Skies. Beautiful name for a beautiful mare." Another compliment, another blush from the mare. Before I or her could say anything else, the doors opened and out came the first guard. Moving off of the wall, I stare expectantly at the guard, who let out a huff of annoyance.. 'I bet she said yes~'

"You may enter Her Majesties chambers, Sir Greyson."'Sir?... Eh, better than Mr at least.' With a nod to the pair of them, I made my way past the two bat ponies and into the chambers of one Princess Luna. 'Let's see what shenanigans we can get up to then.'

I immediately noticed something was wrong. As cliche as it was, it was quiet. Too quiet. 'Ah hell, what is this?' As expected of the chambers belonging to Luna, everything inside appeared to have been designed specifically for her, ranging from banners with her cutie mark on them and even a circular bed that more than likely represented the moon. 'Fuck me, I know its her cutie mark and all, but does she have a fetish for the bloody thing?' Looking around the room for Luna, I took a few steps forward.

Upon reaching the middle of the room, however, the candles were extinguished by an invisible force, and the room was enveloped in darkness. At the same time, it felt as if the temperature had just dropped by a few degrees. 'Oh goodie, is this the part where I get knocked unconscious and later wake up to find my kidneys gone?'

"Good evening, Greyson~" Came a disembodied voice, accompanied by the feeling of something breathing on my neck. With a sharp intake of breath, I did a quick 180, expecting to be face to face with Luna. Instead, I was met with nothing but an empty room. 'Oh Christ, she's playful. That's never good. Let's just play along and see what happens.'

"And hello to you to, Miss Disembodied Voice. How are you this fine day?" I call out into the great unknown that was the pitch black room, trying my best not to trip over anything. Instead, I instantly walked into a nearby wardrobe, cursing in pain, much to the amusement of what I was hoping was Luna.

"Please try not to damage our wonderful toy. They were most expensive, and it would be a shame if either you or they were to break." Chuckled the invisible mare, whose voice appeared to be both so far away and yet so close to me at the same time. I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't unnerved by the whole situation. 'Swear down I'm gonna slap her when I see her if she carries this on.'

"Well if it weren't so dark, I'd probably manage a whole lot easier." I groan, bumping into yet another wardrobe. "Where are you Luna?" I ask, straining my eyes to see into the dark much more clearly.

"Why, I'm waiting for you to find me~" Is her response. Rolling my eyes, I try to make out any Luna-like figures standing or sitting in the room, though this would be a bit of a challenge, what with how dark it was. Eventually, my eyes fell upon the bed, where, unless her pillows were specifically shaped like an Alicorn, Luna appeared to be laying. Smirking, I took a few steps towards the bed, reaching for her. 'Gotcha bitch!'

"Found you. What do I win?" I joke, though she didn't respond. Confused, I reach out to touch her, taking a hold of what appeared to be her mane. It took me only a moment to realise that what I was gripping wasn't her mane. In fact, it wasn't apart of Luna at all. What I initially believed to be Luna turned out to be, quite coincidentally, a pillow. 'Oh for fuck sake.' Letting out an annoyed groan, I turned around once more to see if I could spot her somewhere else.

"Luna, this has been fun and all, but can't you just, like, stop hiding for a second and-"

"BOO!" Be careful what you wish for, kids.

My scream was immediately muffled by Luna's fur as she wrapped her forelegs and wings around me, like a feathery cocoon, and the pair of us collapsed onto the bed. After a few seconds, my screaming stopped, though this did nothing to deter Luna's hugging. Realising that I would need to breathe at some point the mare eventually let go, and I was free to roll off of the bed and onto the floor, gasping for air.

"Luna... please... don't... do that... again... fuuuucking hell." I pleaded to the mare, who had only just managed to get her laughter under control. Popping her head over the side of the bed, the mare looked down at me with a wide, playful smile.

"I'm sorry, Alex, but we could not resist. Surely you found it fun, however?" The Princess asked, before descending into another bout at laughter at the face I was giving her. 'Fun!? Fucking fun!? Sweetheart, I'm not gonna sleep for a fucking week you mad bitch.'

"Yea. 'Fun'. We'll go with that." I remark, pushing myself off of the ground. Staring at the laughing form of Luna, I spot a rather large pillow coincidentally next to her, and, seeing as how the Princess was distracted and I was wanting some form of revenge to make up for my humiliation, I smirk. "So you wanna have some fun, hey?" I ask, quickly reaching over the mare and taking hold of the fluffy headrest, holding the pillow as if it were a steel chair and I were a professional wrestler. Calming down, the mare looked up, her smile immediately fading as she looked upon the armed and dangerous human in front of her. 'What goes around comes around, sweetheart.'

"Hold, Alex! Surely we can't discuss this like civilised poni-" She couldn't finish her sentence. Understandable, what with the fact that I'd just completely decked the bitch with the pillow, and was declaring myself the Equestrian Pillow-fighting Champion. Standing over the mare, I was just about to hit her with another shot, before the doors to the room were suddenly flung open.

"Your Majesty! We heard screaming... and..." Standing in the doorway were the two Bat pony guards from outside, Starry Skies and her companion whose name I'd never asked for. Seeing their Princess strewn out across the bed, spitting out feathers whilst a deranged looking human with a torn pillow stood above her had definitely not been what they were expecting to find when they charged into the room. 'It's not how it loo- oh no, wait, it is.'

"Hey Starry! Hey Guy-Whose-Name-I-Don't-Know! Wanna join in?" I ask, gesturing for the pair to come closer. Shaking his heads, the male Bat pony glares at me in annoyance, before turning and exiting the room, muttering something inaudible to himself. 'What a buzzkill.' Starry, on the other hand, lets out an amused giggle.

"Maybe next time, Sir Greyson." She replies, before making her own exit, closing the doors behind her. 'Shame. Could've been a foursome... Okay, let's never think of that again.' Shrugging, I'm about to look down at Luna before something strikes me in the back of the head, sending me crashing down to the other end of the bed. Looking up, my eyes widen at the sight of three large pillows, suspended in the air via magic. 'Oh fuck, I forgot she had magic. And she's an omnipotent Alicorn as well. R-I-fuckin-P me.'

"Two can play at this game, Alex." Luna growls from the other end of the bed, giving me a playful smirk. 'She's like an older, more scary version of Twilight. Actually, when they're like this, they're both as terrifying as each other.' Gripping the pillow tighter, I'm only able to put it in front of my face as a shield before I find myself being pelted by the three pillows.

Apparently, her time on the moon erased her knowledge of the word "Surrender", as this fluffy beating went on for a good few minutes, all the while my pleas for mercy went ignored.

Eventually, however, she tired of the 'Greyson-Is-A-Pinata' game, and I was allowed a respite from the savage attack. Though, this was after I was coerced into admitting that she was the undisputed champion. 'Gonna get my rematch at some point, Luna. Just you wait.' With all of the excitement out of the way, Luna suggested that the two of us just sit out on her balcony, gaze up at the night sky, and talk.

Sure, it wasn't the most exciting thing for the pair of us to be doing, but it was a great opportunity for me to learn more about Luna, and vice versa. For a start, I learnt that both Luna and Celestia had fought some guy named Discord quite some time ago, and sealed him in stone. That was cool. I also learnt that they used to live in the castle where myself and the girls had confronted Nightmare Moon.

As for her, she learnt a bit more about who I was and what I enjoyed doing. For example, I talked a bit more about my schooling days, friends, my old job and my hobbies. She took a particular interest in my Xbox, which came as a surprise. 'Now that I think about it, she spends most of her time in her room, prefers the night over the day and doesn't have the most active social life... Huh, no wonder the video games got her attention.' As it stood, the conversation had turned to recent events in Ponyville, and of the things that had happened shortly after I'd left the castle during my stay.

"Thou jest, surely?"

"Nope, honest to God. I was literally off of that carriage for, like, a minute, and I was already in trouble. A bloody Ursa Minor was attacking the place because of a pair of idiot foals that wanted their idol to Abracadabra it away or something. Seriously. Oh, and don't even get me started on that dragon fiasco. Or the school thi- actually no, you already know about that."

"Oh yes, we do indeed." Seeing the look that she was sending my way, I groaned, rolling my eyes.'Oh give it a rest.'

"Oh come on, Luna, don't give me that look. What was I meant to do? Stand by and wait for the weather team to take a good ten minutes to form some massive cloud? The kids would've probably burnt to death in half that time. I was right there and able, so I took a chance. And as you can see, it paid off. Nopony died, I got off with a temporary limp, and we all lived happily ever after." 'Still, a medal would've been nice. Then again, that little celebratory speech from the mayor the day after that party was still nice. And the party itself was cool, now that I mention it. Thank fuck for Applejack and her cider.'

Seeing as how the mare still looked annoyed with what I'd done, I quickly decided to change the subject. "I'd say we've talked long enough about my stupid heroics. Say, how about we do something interesting?" I suggest, already thinking of a number of things that we could do: Get drunk, get drunk, party and then get drunk.

"What would you suggest? And please don't ask us to attend the Gala. The guests will have begun to leave, and we are still not in the right frame of mind to meet with any that remain." She answers, averting her eyes. 'Wait what? Leaving already?'

"Wait, leaving? How long have we been up here exactly?"

"An hour, two at most." 'Bloody hell, we've been talking for a while.' Shaking away my shock, I shrug, looking to the night sky for inspiration. 'Hmm...'

"I dunno, erm..." 'Think, Alex, think.' Suddenly, I remembered something about Luna that gave me an idea. One that could very well result in our immediate incineration, but still. "Hey, your sister can move the sun, and you can move the moon, yea?" She nods, and narrows her eyes in confusion. "How 'bout the stars?" She nods once more, and I give her a mischievous smirk. 'Perfect.' "You up for pranking your sister?" I ask, watching as her confusion faded away, being replaced by a smile as wide as my own. Nodding, she turns her gaze up to the dark sky, before looking back to me.

"What should I write?" She asks, magic already beginning to formulate around her horn. Looking back up towards the stars, I take a few moments to think, before shrugging, keeping my eyes upwards.

"I dunno, uhh... oh I got one. Say, "Princess Sunshine is a fat bitch." I suggest, struggling to keep a straight face as I do so. Luna on the other hand could not, and she descended into a fit of giggling. Looking back down at the mare, I couldn't help but be drawn towards her horn, where her magic was beginning to take shape. I'd seen Twilight use magic on quite a few occasions, along with Rarity and Celestia, but this was the first time I'd seen Luna's magic being used.

Or so I thought.

As her magic began to formulate around her horn, I noticed that there was something coming off of it. Curious, I learned closer to get a better look. It took me a few moments to realise what it was that I was seeing, and a few moments more to remember that I'd seen them before. My once jovial mood was immediately destroyed, replaced with one of shock and disbelief. 'No... no way... It can't be, it fucking can't be...' Taking a moment to look back towards me, the happy expression that Luna had vanished upon seeing my shellshocked expression. She was by my side within moments, the message in the sky quickly being forgotten about.

"Alex? What is wrong? Are thou alright?" I didn't respond, for I was lost in my own memory, reliving the final moments of my time back on Earth. 'Oh my God....Luna?'

'Lost in thought, I didn't notice the strange lights surrounding my body until I noticed that the park had suddenly become a little bit brighter, due to my spontaneous transformation into a human lamp. Shrieking in alarm, I was paralysed at the sight of my arms being covered in what looked like tiny... stars? Stars...and...moons?

As quickly as the sparkly celestial miniatures had appeared on me, circling and dancing around my body like a moth to a flame, they had disappeared.

And me along with them.'

Sparkly celestial miniatures. These exact same things, the things that I'd last seen before I was ripped from Earth were coming off of Luna's horn. It was Luna. I was in Equestria because of Luna. I'd be taken from my home, dropped into an entirely unknown, unfamiliar land, because of the mare wrapping her wings around me. Startling her, I fell out of her embrace, pushing myself away from the mare and up against the wall, looking at her in shock.

"Y-Y-YOU!? IT WAS YOU!?" I shout, shaking my head in disbelief. Her reaction justified my fears, as instead of trying to feign ignorance, she instead bit her lip and closed her eyes, looking away from me, gently nodding her head. For the first time in a long time, I was genuinely lost for words. Silence reigned between us for but a few moments, as I managed to stutter out another question. "W-w-why didn't...why didn't you tell me?"

"We planned to, truly we did, but it is all hard to explain, and our sister-" 'YOUR SISTER!? CELESTIA FUCKING KNEW IT WAS YOU AND SHE DIDN'T SAY SHIT!?'

"CELESTIA KNEW!?" I roar, anger now being the dominant emotion that I was feeling right now. She could do nothing but nod, quietly sobbing. If I weren't so angry, I would have hugged the mare. Unfortunately that wouldn't be the case as of this moment. I was positively enraged. How long had she known? Days? Weeks? Months? Hell, would they have ever told me? Seething, I stormed back into the room and through Luna's chamber doors, hellbent on confronting Celestia. Ignoring the questioning looks I received from her guards, I stomped down the corridor, through the garden and finally into another long corridor.

Along the way, however, I felt a sharp pang of pain in my head, similar to the one that I'd felt after my speech. It went away just as quickly however, though it was definitely more noticeable. Disregarding it for now, I carried on forward, and it didn't take long for me to find the room where myself and Celestia had given our speeches at the start of the Gala. Pushing open the doors, I quickly found the source of my anger.

Princess Celestia. 'There you are, you fucking bitch.'

To her side were Twilight and friends, with both Twilight and Celestia deep in conversation. 'Too. Fucking. Bad.' Storming up the stairs towards them all, Twilight's eyes must have noticed me approaching, as her smile widened upon seeing me, though it fell when she saw the look of rage across my features. Seeing her smile quite suddenly vanish, the rest of the girls and the Princess turned around as well, just in time for me to reach the top of the stairs, now standing right in front of them all, my eyes fixed on one mare and one mare only.

Upon seeing who my anger was directed at, Celestia let out a resigned sigh. I had an inkling that she already knew what had me in this state, if the words that came out of her mouth were of any clue.

"Alex, I know that you're upset, and I can understand why, but-"

The sound that the impact between her muzzle and the back of my hand made was probably heard all around the castle, if not throughout all of Equestria itself.

"You fucking cunt!"

Author's Note

I've only got about 3 weeks left of A-Levels, so whilst I'm winging my way through them, here's a chapter to keep you from abandoning the story.

Cliffhanger Included. I know, I know, I'm a cunt, and I'm sorry. But hey, it helps build tension, right? Still, I'm sure the thought of Greyson backhanding Celestia will help you all sleep at night. Probably.

See you in the next one, folks! Peace.

-Greyson

A Good Reason

The Aftermath

Have you ever done something that you knew you'd probably quickly come to regret? Going out drinking on a Sunday night when you've work in the morning is a fine example. Yea, it's fun and you'll probably have a bloody great time, but you'll quickly come to regret last night's actions when you wake up an hour late to work with the biggest hangover ever. 'Still one of the best nights I've ever had, though'

Another great example of something extraordinarily stupid is of backhanding an omnipotent pony, who has the power to move the sun and is who is also one of the two rulers of the country you're residing in. A ballsy move to be sure, but a downright stupid one nonetheless. Still, I've dug my own grave, and I'm still far too angry to lie down in it right now.

But still, I Immediately knew I'd made a big mistake. I'd done some idiotic things in my life - like throwing candle wax in my eyes as a child for a dare - but this may have taken the cake and threw it off of a bridge. Within the blink of an eye, I found myself tackled to the floor by a number of guards, who had pinned me to the floor and were holding their weapons to my neck. For a bunch of armoured ponies, they could sure move fast. 'Well fuck me if tonight hasn't gone down the shitter.' Before any further action could be taken, I was saved by the last pony I'd expect.

"STAND DOWN!" That was the first time I'd ever heard Celestia use what I'd been told to be the 'Royal Canterlot Voice.' It's what Luna used that one time, the one that had almost murdered my ears. Thankfully, this one wasn't as loud, yet it was definitely more authoritative. 'Forgive me if I don't salute.' The guards surrounding me immediately backed away, their spears returning to their sides. Chances are though that their wielders probably wanted them to still be pointing at my neck, if only to ensure the safety of their princess. Taking a moment to catch my breath from being forced to the floor, I got up off of the ground and looked to Celestia, who was still sporting a noticeable red hand print on the side of her muzzle. 'Dunno if I should be proud or worried about that. Bitch still deserves it, though.'

"We have a lot of things to talk about before you get to hear me say 'thank you'." I mutter, glaring at the mare. She gave me an understanding nod, before looking to her guards, who, even though being ordered to stand down, still looked ready to skewer me. 'Bet this is a first for them, watching their Princess get slapped. Tough.'

"I commend you all on your swiftness, but I must ask that you all leave us," The Princess ordered, watching as the guards reluctantly began to vacate the room, before turning to the girls, "and I mean all." Unlike her guards, however, the girls did not budge, and began to vocally protest. 'Oh you're not getting out of this, Celestia.'

"SHUT IT!" I shout over them, silencing the six mares. With the room now momentarily quiet, I give Celestia a hard stare, nodding towards our companions. "They're staying to hear this." I say, my tone leaving no room for argument. Seeing as how both I and the rest of the girls wouldn't take be taking no for an answer, Celestia nodded in agreement.

"Okay, can somepony please tell us what is going on now!?" Came a frustrated Rainbow Dash, hovering above the rest of the girls, her eyes darting between me and Celestia. Crossing my arms, I glared at Celestia, who, to her credit, was still managing to hold the same stoic expression throughout all of this. 'Bet she'd be a bloody master at Poker.'

"I shall tell you all the full story, but not here. Please, let us make our way to my private study, where we may speak in private." The Princess says, already beginning to move away from the group. Having no choice but to follow her, I let out an annoyed grunt before following, though from a small distance. I was still pissed off with the mare, and I didn't really want to end up slapping the mare again.

It took us but a few minutes to find ourselves within Celestia's private study, the mare having already used her magic to levitate a large number of cushions for us all to sit on. I for one preferred to remain standing, leaning against the wall. The rest of the girls we're quite anxious to be told what was going on, as neither I nor Celestia answered any of their questions during the walk to the study.

As soon as they'd gotten comfortable, all Hell broke loose. The girls began shouting question after question at the both of us, their questions being lost within the cacophony of sound coming from the six of them. Thankfully, Celestia took it upon herself to quieten the girls down, raising her hoof into the air. As if they were robotic, the six of them immediately went silent, staring expectantly towards their Princess. 'Let's get this over with.'

"Now I understand that you all have questions, and that some of you may be upset—"

"—That's a bloody understatement."

"—but I must ask that you all, you in particular Alex, give me the chance to explain." The Princess says, getting a nod from the girls. Biting my tongue, I nod, eliciting a small smile from the Princess. Taking a deep breath, the Princess begins her explanation. "The reason for Alex's striking of me, which, because of what has happened will go unpunished this time, is because I've concealed something important from him. Something which, despite my reasoning, I should have told him about from when I'd first discovered it." She explains, her eyes remaining on me throughout most of this.

"And what was that, Princess? Just what life-changing fact have you been keeping from me for God knows how long?" I already knew the answer to my own question, but I still asked anyway, if only to both confirm what I already knew and to also turn the girls against her. Twilight, as perceptive as she is, noticed how I'd emphasised part of that sentence, and her eyes widened in shock. 'Yep, she caught on quickly.' "Is it, perhaps, that you knew how I got to Equestria in the first place, maybe?"

If she hadn't pieced the puzzle together by now, then I'd solved it for her. And for the rest of the girls as well, whose reactions mirrored Twilight's, as they all turned to their regretful looking Princess. Finding her voice, Twilight voiced the question that all six of the mares were wanting answered,

"Princess? Is.... is that true?" The mare in question could do nothing but nod, much to their horror. The girls looked even more shocked than they were when I'd struck Celestia. An impressive feat to say the least. Seeing the mixture of disappointment and shock on their muzzles, the princess sighed sadly, before looking over towards me, flinching ever so slightly at the uncaring look I was sending her way. 'If she thinks she's getting any sympathy from me right now, she can get fucked.' "How.... how long have you known?" Twilight asks, getting my attention. I didn't know how long she'd known, so this would be news to me. Steeling herself, the princess took a deep breath.

"I've known ever since his visit to the castle, immediately after he fell into a coma." 'Oh you have got to be shitting me.' "Now I know that you must all be feeling nothing but anger and disappointment towards me, you even more so, Alex," 'No shit?' "but I had good reason to do what I've done." Hearing this, I can't help but chuckle in disbelief, shaking my head. 'I bet you fucking do.'

"Oh, of course you do. Of course you had a 'good' reason." Slowly, I advanced upon the mare, ignoring the worried looks I was receiving from the girls, "I mean, to these lot, you're a bloody saint! Hell, they talk about you as if you're some all-loving, all-powerful ruler who can do no wrong, and that anything and everything you've done for their benefit! Christ, after seeing you and getting to know you, I actually believed all that shit!" By this point, I didn't care if anyone outside heard my shouting, for I was too far gone to care.

"Alex darling, perhaps you should just calm down and—"

"NO!" I yell, starting the six girls, "I'm getting this out of my system, and not a single one of you is going to do a goddamn thing about it!" Not giving them a chance to protest, I turn back to Celestia, continuing from where I left off. "A few hours ago, I had so much respect for you. Th-that's gone now. You've betrayed my trust and lost more or less all the respect I had for you. This was cold, Celestia. Cold." I was now staring the mare down, standing directly in front of her.. "So, please... enlighten us as to what this 'good' reason of yours is. But it had better be a good one, Sunshine, because if it isn't, I swear to God I'm going to—"

"It was for Luna." The mare said, silencing me. The mentioning of the mare who'd brought me here in the first place should have enraged me further, yet it did not. If anything, it should be Luna whom my anger should've been directed at, yet it was her sister who I was most vexed by. Still, chances were that, sooner or later, I'd be giving Luna a piece of my mind. Until then, I'd have to settle with her sister.

"Seriously? Luna? That's the best you've got? What, do you think that bringing Luna - the mare who brought me here in the first place - is going to somehow help you?" I ask, genuinely confused as to why she thought it was a good idea to bring up the source of tonight's problems. Taking a few steps back, I let out a low chuckle, running a hand through my hair "Tell you what: you go ahead and tell me why hiding this was, 'For Luna', and I'll sit comfortably right here as you do so." Doing exactly that, I prop my head up with my hand à la Gene Wilder, patiently awaiting Celestia's explanation. Taking a deep sigh, she looks to her window, gazing into the night sky.

"When you and my sister first met, do you remember how distraught she was? How she believed that, as Nightmare Moon, she'd nearly killed you?" She asks, turning back to face me. It only took me a moment to remember that night/day. Nodding, she continues, "Even though your words were soothing, it still took her two weeks - to my knowledge, at least - to come to terms with how it wasn't her fault." Celestia says, before a small smile appeared on her muzzle. "Out of the two of us, she is definitely the most stubborn." 'And physical, if the hugging is of any hint.'

"Yea, she's stubborn alright, and you're delaying." I remark, still waiting for an actual explanation. "Can you get to the point?" I ask impatiently. Her smile vanishing, Celestia shakes her head.

"My point, Alexander, is that my sister, despite the help from both myself and the castle's staff, is still disorientated with the world, and is still trying to come to terms with both being back in control of her body and the consequences that Nightmare Moon had almost brought about. Despite not having been in control of her actions that night, she believed that she'd nearly murdered you. You saw how she reacted yourself, did you not?" Hearing this, I look to the floor, her words going through my head. 'Goddammit, I tell her that it ain't her fault and yet she still bloody thinks it is. She couldn't even control her own body for fuck sake, and she still thinks she's responsible?... Damn, guilt must be eating her up inside.' "She has felt such an intense guilt over what had occurred that night, but just imagine how she must feel knowing that she's the reason you're here in the first place?"

As soon as the words left her mouth, the colour drained from my face and my eyes widened in understanding as I finally realised exactly what it was that she was getting at. 'Oh fucking Hell, if she was upset about almost killing me, then knowing she was the one who ripped me away from Earth must be killing her... And I just left the mare crying alone in her room, thinking that I must hate her... Oh fuck me.' Slowly looking up to the mare, I was shocked to find tears welling up in her eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Twilight and the girls were as shocked as I was, evidently having never seen their ever-so-stoic-sovereign like this.

"Not since our parents passed have I ever had to hold her at night as she cried herself to sleep. The guilt has been tearing her apart for months, and even though she's wanted to tell you the truth ever since the both of us found out about it, she could never muster up the courage to tell you the truth." She explains, levitating a nearby tissue to wipe away the tears running down her cheeks. The small box it came from was brought to the rest of the girls, who themselves were struggling to keep their emotions in check upon hearing this revelation.

"But why? I-if I was willing to forgive her for almost killing me - which I shouldn't have had to do in the first place since she wasn't in control of her bloody actions for crying out loud - why would she think I'd hate for this?" I ask the mare, forgetting about my anger and instead focusing on what I was being told.

"Because I told her about what had happened after you had signed the Citizenship Form." The mare answered. This would definitely explain Luna's reluctance to reveal the truth. That day had not been one of my proudest days. 'Christ, that perfectly explains it! Given how upset I was, Celestia would have told Luna, and so Luna probably thought that, were I to find out that she was why I was here in the first place, that I'd probably despise the poor mare... FUCK!'Having heard enough, I rise to my feet, intent on fixing this whole situation before it could get anymore worse. "Alex?" Celestia says, sounding concerned, "Where are you going?" 'To rectify this monumental fuckup.'

"To set shit right." Is all I say, throwing the door open and stepping outside into the corridor. Thankfully, I was beginning to memorise the directions to certain areas of the castle, and so I quickly managed to devise a route to Luna's chambers in my head. 'Now let's hope her guards don't skewer me on sight. Actually, let's hope she doesn't do that herself, even if I may or may not deserve it.'

Arriving outside of Luna's chambers for the second time that night, I could already tell that getting to Luna wasn't going to be easy. The same two bat ponies - Starry Skies and that other one whose name I still hadn't found out yet - were still standing guard and, upon seeing me approach, their spears crossed over the doors and each other in an 'X' fashion. It didn't take a genius to figure out what that meant. 'Great, just great.' Stopping just a few feet away from them, I try the diplomatic approach.

"Hey guys, me again. I was just, uh, hoping that I could talk to Prin—"

"Her Majesty does not wish to be disturbed and shall court no visitors until further notice." Interrupted the nameless stallion, the lack of emotion in his voice almost making him sound like a machine. Holding back a frustrated groan, I try again. 'Come on, give me a break.'

"Okay, I know what this is about. She's upset and/or angry with me - which is probably justified - and doesn't want me anywhere near her. But I want to make things ri—"

"Her majesty does not wish to be disturbed and shall court no visitors until further notice." He repeated once more, his voice sounding just a bit more authoritative this time. I couldn't help but growl in annoyance this time, my attempts at getting through to the guy failing. Evidently, he wasn't going to budge. Unfortunately for him, neither was I. Rubbing my neck, I look the bat pony deep in the eyes, deciding on a different approach.

"Okay mate, I'll be straight with you right now: I couldn't give a flying fuck about whether or not she wants to see me or not, because, unfortunately for her, I'm not going to stand out here and be fucked off by some guy who has about as much emotion as a bloody fence panel. Now you can either let me in there so that I can apologise to Luna, or I can take that spear off of you, and ram it... up... your..." I was so focused on the guard that I hadn't noticed the doors opening, nor had I noticed the pony responsible for it. Seeing their monarch, the two guards respectfully bow. Looking at me, I couldn't make her out, seeing as how her room was still as dark as it was when I'd left it. Looking to her loyal guards, she said something that I couldn't make out, before disappearing from the doorway and back into her chambers.

I assumed that she must have told the two of them to let me in, as their eyes widened and, after a few moments, they removed their spears from the doorway, allowing me passage. Nodding to the two guards, and ignoring the hate filled glare of the nameless stallion and the surprised and slightly impressed expression from Starry, I cautiously entered Luna's chambers, expecting something to be flung at me.

A few steps into the room and the doors gently shut, leaving both myself and Luna in the room alone. She wasn't in the mood for games, it seemed, as she simply stood in the middle of the room, facing away from me. Knowing that she was probably emotional right now, I took a small tentative step towards her.

"Luna?" I say gently, taking another small step. She doesn't move, nor does she answer. Her attention remains fixed on the other side of the room, leaving me just a bit nervous. 'Come on, speak to me Luna.' "We uh, need to tal—"

"It's my fault." I could barely make out what it was that she'd whispered, as her voice was barely audible. Slowly, she turned towards me, and I was finally able to get a good look at the mare. Earlier that night, she was as regal and refined as her sister in appearance, her mane flowing and her coat pristine. Now, however, it was the exact opposite. Her ethereal mane looked as if it had dimmed in colour, barely even floating in the air anymore, whilst tear streaks adorned her muzzle. The state she was in when I'd first met her was nothing compared to this, and seeing her like this honestly hurt me. 'Get fucked, I'm not leaving her like this.'

I barely had time to react when she more or less flung herself around me, her forelegs wrapping around my neck as she began to openly sob into my shoulder, repeating muffled apology after apology for what she'd done. Bringing the pair of us down to the floor, I brought my own arms around her and began to stroke her mane, hoping that it would calm her down. Minutes passed, and, soon enough, she did just that. Her crying soon ceased, and the the two of us remained motionless the floor, silently holding onto one another.

I'm not sure how long the pair of us remained like this, but eventually I began to move, Luna's hold loosening. Looking at the mare, I saw how she was refusing to look up at me, instead choosing to stare at the ground. Putting my hand under her chin, I gently brought her muzzle up so that she was looking directly at me. We stared at one another for a few moments, before I broke the silence.

"You shouldn't have hidden the truth from me, Luna," I muttered. Averting her eyes downwards, the mare nodded, and a new set of tears began to drop onto the floor.

"I did not wish for you to hate me." She replied, the sadness in her voice unmistakable. Shaking my head, I once more bring her muzzle up for her to look at me, offering the mare a small smile.

"I don't hate you at all, Luna." Hearing this, she appears shocked and confused, blinking rapidly.

"But I'm the one who—" Quickly realising that she was about to go off on another speech about how it was her fault I was in Equestria and that I should despise her very being for that fact, I put a finger to her lips, stopping her before she could get that far into it. With Luna now silent, I sighed. 'Right, let's do the whole It's-Not-Your-Fault- routine again. This time I'll make it fucking work though.'

"A few months ago, I was living in some shoddy apartment building, with a job that, whilst paying well, was boring as all hell. I was spending my nights in bars, or in some backroom poker game wasting money on hands that I'd no chance of winning," I can't help but laugh a little at the fond memories I had of those nights, "I mean, going all in with only a pair of twos? I'd no chance, but damn if it wasn't fun at times. But in the end, I had no idea what I was doing with myself. I wasn't depressed or anything, just bored and with no idea as to what to do in life." 'I was going to join the police, but no hope of that now. Unless I become a guard, but that'll probably not happen.' "But one night, Luna, that all changed. Do you know what happened?"

"What?" She asked, rubbing her bloodshot eyes.

"Why, you of course," I chuckle, the mare appearing confused as to why I was laughing in the first place, "I was wandering through a dimly lit park at night when, all of a sudden, bang! I'm landing face first in some otherworldly land of myths and flying carriages and talking, magical ponies. Within hours, I'm roped into some adventure to save the world from eternal night, and along the way, I meet those who, without a doubt, would become my closest friends in this place. Hell, believe it or not, one of them apparently loves me!" I didn't notice Luna's eyes widen at what I'd just said. "In such a short time, I've made great friends, been given a home and had parties thrown in my honour. I've stared down an Ursa Minor, got knocked out by a dragon, ran into a burning building and slapped a near godlike being known as your sister!" 'And fuck me if that hasn't been the ballsiest thing that I've done in my life.'

"You struck our sister!?" She all but screeched. 'Fun times.'

"Oh believe me, I'm as shocked as you are," I smirk, inwardly cheering at seeing a small, amused smile forming on Luna's lips. "But yea, this place has really grown on me. You might've thought that I'd hate you for bringing me here, but at this point you couldn't be any more wrong. I may miss Earth and my old mates at times, but as it stands, I can live with being here. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, whilst you've taken one home away from me, you've also given me another one. And whilst it may not have the luxuries of my old one, this place is still a bloody great place to be, so cheers for that I guess." I finally finished, surprised at how easily that had come out. 'Huh, I guess I have come to terms with being here. Good for me, I guess.'

"...So... you don't hate me?" Luna asked in a hopeful tone, her smile getting larger and larger by the second. 'Was I talking to myself that whole time?'

"Did you even listen to a single word I just said? Of course I don't hate yo—" I wasn't able to finish before I found myself yet again victim to another speciality hug from Luna; the one where you find yourself tackled to the ground with a large, insanely adorable four legged equine wrapping itself around you and snuggling into your chest. I wasn't going to complain.

Looking down at the positively delighted mare snuggling into my chest, I had a pretty good feeling that I wouldn't have had a choice in the matter anyway. 'Eh, all's well that ends well I guess. Hopefully she doesn't break a rib or two.'

I was more or less stuck in that hug for almost a full ten minutes before I was finally able to pry the reluctant mare off of me. After a few more assurances that I didn't hate her and that I didn't blame her for what had happened, we decided to go and talk to Celestia. Passing the bowing guards stationed outside of her room, we began to make our way towards where I'd last seen her sister. As we walked, I couldn't help but glance towards my royal companion. 'Yep, she still doesn't look 100%. Let's try and make her feel better somehow.'

"Hey Luna," I say, getting her attention as we turn another corner, "I know I've said this about a hundred times by now, and I've meant it every time, but I just want to tell you again that what's happened wasn't your fault." Hearing this, the mare sighs sadly and looks at me.

"Be that as it may, we are still not as innocent as you claim. If we had never fallen prey to it's clutches, then none of this would have ever happened." She replies, averting her eyes. Rolling my own, I shake my head.

"I've still not heard the fully story about this whole 'Nightmare Moon' story, and I'm not going to pressure you into explaining it until you're ready to do so yourself. Still, I'm not blaming you for anything that's happened, and I don't plan to either." Seeing as how she still didn't look happy, I try a different approach. "But look on the bright side," I add, getting a confused look from the mare, "at least you're back to normal now, right? You've got your subjects and your sister behind you, who care about you and look up to you. And if all that fails, you've got me at least." I finish, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. Smiling, she nods and wraps a wing around me.

"I thank you once more for your comforting words, Alex. Whilst I may never truly feel innocent in what has been done, it gladdens me to know that you don't hold me accountable." Luna says appreciatively. Nodding, I'm about to say something when I realise that, despite all that had happened tonight, I'd still yet to ask the all important question. 'Fuck me, I still haven't even asked how the fuck I got here, anyway.' Opening my mouth to do just that, I'm interrupted by Luna, who retracts her wing and gestures to something in front of her. Following her hoof, I realise that we'd reached our destination. 'Actually, I can ask them both in a minute. Besides, Celestia could probably explain it better than Luna anyway.'

Knocking on the door, we're left waiting for only a few seconds before the voice of Celestia could be heard calling us in, the door opening a second later. Stepping inside with Luna close behind, I saw the white mare sitting in the same place that she had been before I'd gone in search of Luna. Seeing the two of us entering her study, and thankfully without my hands around her throat, a wide, hopeful smile began to form on her muzzle. Perhaps she thought that I'd forgiven the two of them.

I hadn't. Not fully, anyway. Whilst I certainly couldn't hate the two for withholding how I'd gotten here - if anything, I understood why, what with them being family and all - it didn't mean I was happy. 'I'll be remembering this shit for a while.' Ignoring the mare for now, I wait for Luna to get past me before I close the door, not wanting any passing guards or maids to eavesdrop on what was about to become a rather private conversation. I kept my gaze on the door for a few moments before I turn to the two sisters, who, realising that they'd probably be here for a while, had already sat down next to each other, their eyes not leaving me.

"I take it both you and my sister have spoken, then?" Celestia begins, stating the obvious. I nod to the mare and she continues, "Then, if it hadn't sunk in before, you must surely understand why it was that we kept the means of your arrival a secret from you." Nodding to the mare again, I sit down a small distance from the two. We sat in silence for a while before I decided to break it.

"So how'd it happen, then?" I ask no one in particular. The question had been on my mind for months, and until now, had been at the back of my mind. Tonight, however, with particular events having unfolded, it was all I could think of. Finally I'd be getting an answer. Finally I'd know the truth. Taking a deep breath, Celestia begins to explain.

"When I banished her to the moon for her crimes, Nightmare Moon was powerless, her magic depleted and strength exhausted. My magic acted as a barrier; an invisible wall surrounding the moon, keeping her there for 1000 years. Over time, however, her strength slowly began to replenish, and she eventually found herself able to call upon her magic one more. Meanwhile, my own began to wane, for the strain of raising both the sun and the moon began to take its toll. After 1000 years, the strength of the spell that I'd cast to imprison her there had weakened enough for Nightmare to finally break through." Nodding for her to continue, she turned to her sister and nodded. Returning the gesture, Luna picked up where her sister had ended.

"Having managed to muster up the strength to overcome my sisters barriers, the spell keeping us- her there was obliterated, and the demon used the opportunity to cast a teleportation spell that would allow her to travel through the tear in the barrier and back to Equestria. However, having not performed such an action for such a long period of time, the spell wasn't performed correctly. Whilst it mostly served its purpose in returning her home, a small portion of her magic did not follow her to Equestria. Instead, it somehow managed to find its way to the planet of what you call 'Earth'. The rest is, as ponies say, history." Luna finishes. The two mares remained silent, waiting for my response to hearing all of this new knowledge.

Now I understood how I'd gotten to Equestria. An accident, which, knowing my luck, was surprisingly unsurprising. 'So Nightmare managed to somehow fuck up her spell somehow, and, because bullshit, a part of her magic found it's way to Earth and, because fate is a prickly bastard, gripped me by the balls and threw me here. Fair enough, I guess. I guess that also explains why Luna thought it was her fault, seeing as how she still blamed herself for letting Nightmare take control.' Nodding in understanding, I return my attention back to the older of the two princesses.

"And the pair of you had known this since I'd first came to the castle, yea?" I ask, just wanting to hear her says yes. She did just that, and I sigh tiredly, rubbing my forehead. Suddenly, a thought came to my head, and I narrowed my eyes at the solar Princess. "Did you tell anyone else?" She remained silent for a moment, before nodding. Seeing my awaiting expression, she shared a look with her sister before looking back to me.

"I told my niece, Cadance, shortly after we discovered it for ourselves." 'So she'd known for just as fucking long as them? And she didn't tell me even "I specifically forbade her from telling you, however, as I wanted I and Luna to be the ones to do so." She added upon seeing my angered expression.

"Where is Cadance anyway?" I ask, calming my self down. I'd not seen her since that talk about Twilight, and I would probably want to talk to her about both that and tonight's events at some point. Celestia's eyes scrunched up in thought, before a look of remembrance appeared on her muzzle.

"Shortly after your introduction, one of her personal maids informed me that she had taken to her chambers. I believe the maid said that she had been struck with a particularly powerful migraine, the poor dear." Nodding, I put a visit to Cadance down the list of things to do, right above slapping her as well. Nodding, I sigh in exasperation, a wave of exhaustion striking me as I rub the back of my head. 'I just can't be arsed at this point, I really can't.'

"Y'know, I want to hate you right now. I mean, really hate you," I say, staring straight at Celestia. Despite understanding why this was, she still seemed hurt at my words. "But I can't," I admit to the shock of the two mares sat in front of me, "I want to, but I can't. And that's because of your reasoning behind this whole fiasco; you did it for your sister, your family. If I were in your position, then I'd have done the exact same thing." 'Though I'd have at least told the guy about it after a week or two, after shit's calmed down, instead of months like you've done, you arse.'

"But we take it that you have at least forgiven my sister and I for our actions?" Luna asks, giving me a hopeful stare. I had to turn away for a moment to come up with an answer. On the one hand, I couldn't hate them for what they'd done. Whilst I could certainly be justifiably livid with the pair, I couldn't despise them for their actions. Celestia had done it to protect her sister, and I could respect that. On the other hand, however, I certainly had the right to be angry with the two. They had withheld how it was that I came to be in this world. No matter if I cared or not about it, I still had the right to know regardless, and they themselves knew that. '... Fuck, I don't know how to feel about them.'

"To be honest? I don't know yet. Whilst I don't hate the two of you for all of this, I ain't happy either." I finally answer after a minute of silence and thought. Despite how hopeful she appeared, this was probably the answer that she was expecting as she didn't look to surprised to hear it, though it was evident that she was saddened to hear it nonetheless.'You tried sweetheart, you tried.'

"Given your actions not too long ago, I'd say that perhaps 'not happy' is an understatement." Quipped Celestia, raising an accusatory eyebrow at me. I wasn't exactly sure whether or not she was angry with me or not. I did hit her after all - in plain view of a dozen or so ponies no less - and I was doubting that I'd be getting out of that unpunished. Lightly chuckling at her words, I smirked sheepishly at Celestia. ''I wonder if I'm gonna get thrown into the cells for this. Or maybe beheaded or something. I mean, striking the ruler of a nation might be worthy of execution around here. Hell, I swear that's, like, punishable by death in some countries back on Earth. If anyone even touched Queen Elizabeth then they'd at the very least deserve a kick in the balls with combat boots.'

"In my defence, I wasn't exactly in a joyful mood at that point," I retort, an apology already prepared, "what with all that I'd learnt, my ang—"

"I know, I know," The Princess interrupts, stopping me "you didn't mean to strike me. Your emotions got the better of you, and in your anger you - which I don't hold against you might I add - struck the royal muzzle. Such a crime would be rewarded with a stay in the dungeons. Or worse, perhaps." The room is silent for a few moments as her words set in, and I'm preparing myself for whatever punishment she had in mind. 'What've we got, then? Death? Castration? Listening to a 24/7 repeat of Pinkie's songs- oh fuck that, just hang me now.' Sparing a glance at Luna, I saw that she seemed frightened by what her sister was implying.

"But sister—" Turning to her younger sibling, Celestia puts a hoof to her lips and gives her a gentle smile.

"Have no fear, dear sister, for I have no plans on punishing our friend." 'Wait what?.' Turning back to face me, her smile remains as she sees my shocked expression. Recovering, I give her an uncertain look, unsure as to whether or not she was being genuine.

"So... I'm not in trouble, then?" I ask, wanting to confirm that I wasn't going to be imprisoned/executed/other. She nods, and both I and Luna collectively sigh in relief, thankful that I wouldn't be punished for what I'd done. 'That almost makes me forgive you fully. Almost.'

"Given what you've been through tonight, I'd say that your actions were must than justified. For that, I can't in good conscience punish you when I myself may have reacted the same way if I were in your position," Celestia explains, before turning to and giving her sister a mischievous grin, "I know my sister more than likely would have." She jokes, getting an unamused glare from Luna and a laugh from me. 'There's the Celestia we all know and love. Less bitch, more playful.'

"Nah, she'd probably do worse than that." Hearing this, Luna transitions her glaring from her sister to me, trying to appear intimidating yet failing to do so. Seeing her expression, I laughed a little bit harder. 'Damn, tonight has been fucking mental ain't it? First the Twilight revelation, then all of this shit. Fuck me, just let me go to bed and be done with today.'

"True. Then again, she'd probably be able to hit harder." Suddenly the tables have turned, and I'm the one glaring at the two sisters whilst they both laugh at my expense. 'Wow, what a troll.'

Finally things had calmed down. I'd remained with both Celestia and Luna for a while, and the three of us talked about the nights events and how they'd affect our relationship. I was still unhappy with having been deceived for months, and I let them know about that, and that I'd need some time to think on where I stood about how I felt about them. They understood, of course, and after a few dozen apologies from both and more than a few dozen hugs as well, I was free to go.

Not wanting to remain in the castle any longer, and wanting to just lie in bed and not wake up for the next week, I began to make haste to the castle's courtyard, where an already prepared carriage was waiting to take me home. I was initially meant to return via train with the rest of the girls, but they were nowhere to be seen, and had most likely already returned to Ponyville by now. I was fine with that though, as chances are I'd have been bombarded with questions before, during and after the journey home. 'Still, I'll be dealing with that first thing in the morning. That won't be fun.'

Along the way to the courtyard, I ran into a few familiar faces, such as Spring Cleaning and Flash. They'd heard a few rumours about the night's events, and so interrogated me for answers. I hadn't the patience nor energy to give them the full story, so I settled on giving them a basic explanation on what had been going on. Whilst they were evidently wanting to hear more, they agreed to leave it be for the time being, and they left me be, though they did expect a full explanation upon my next visit to the castle.

The journey home was uneventful, though that was mainly because of the fact that I'd slept through it. Not wanting to disturb anyone, I'd asked the carriage driver beforehand to drop me off just outside of Ponyville, and, upon landing, I made my into Ponyville and towards the park, wanting to think and plan my next course of action. Before we'd landed, I managed to make out Ponyville Library, and a specific window held a lit candle. This told me that a certain lavender pony was more than likely still awake, and was also more than likely waiting for me to arrive. 'Daww, she cares. Hell, if what Cadance told me is true, she more than cares.'

It didn't take me long to reach the park, and upon arriving I found it empty of any ponies. Not surprising, considering that it was more or less pitch black and late in the evening. If I had to hazard a guess at what time it was, I'd say that it was around 12 to 1 in the morning. Walking through the park, I soon found myself standing upon a small wooden bridge built over a stream that ran through the park. Looking over the bridge, I could still make out my reflection glistening in the water, despite the moon being the only thing providing light. 'Hello handsome.' I gazed at my reflection for what felt like minutes, before I let out a light chuckle.

"Alex mate, what the hell is going on?" I say to my reflection, though it doesn't respond, "A few months ago on a night like this you'd have been pissed in a pub, getting into a fight or two and flirting with a girl who would've probably been a 6/10 at best. Now, though, you're stuck in a magical fantasy land with talking ponies who can cast spells and shit, with one of them actually having fallen in love with you." Saying this, my mind focuses on that pony in particular: Twilight Sparkle.

I was slightly disturbed to notice how I didn't feel the same as I did in Cadance's room when it came to Twilight right now, though I could still feel something in my stomach when I pictured her in my head. 'Perhaps tonight's events have worn me out more than I realise, and those butterflies in my stomach are just that far gone into dreamland to be flying about right now.' Still, I knew that she was more than likely awake still as I'd noticed a candle at her window when I flew over the town, so I knew that I'd have to confront her about both our feelings towards each other.

I remained on the bridge for a few more minutes, staring thoughtfully down at my reflection, before sighing resignedly. "Time to face the music I guess." I murmur, walking off of the bridge and through to the other side of the park, Twilight still on my mind. What was I going to say to her? How would she react? How would I react? I had all these questions and then some, and there was only one way of any of them being answered.

It didn't take long to reach the library, having memorised the walk here from mostly anywhere within Ponyville. Gazing upwards towards the windows, I could still see light emanating from Twilight's window. 'Deep breaths, Grey. Deep breaths.'

Gripping the handle and turning, I was surprised to find the door unlocked. Stepping inside, I also noted that, like upstairs, there was a candle lit in here as well. 'Someone must be awake then, else we'd be fucked if I were an assassin or something.' I'd only just turned and closed the door behind me when I heard someone enter the room and gasp. Turning back around, I was immediately graced with a frontal assault of hug from none other than-

"You're alright!" 'Speak of the devil and she shall appear.'

"Well no shit, Sparky." I reply, wrapping an arm around the lavender librarian as she squeezed my torso into submission. I was surprised that she was yet to begin berating me for whatever reason, or threatening to slap me upside the head with a book or two. Still, I wasn't going to complain. After a few moments of her melting into my chest, she began to pull away and I reluctantly withdrew my arm. Now the two of us were just looking at one another, neither of us speaking nor moving. This silence lasted for only a few awkward moments, though, before I decided to just get straight to the point. "We need to talk, Twilight." I say ominously, slowing reaching into my back pocket to retrieve a certain letter.

Following my arm with curiosity, Twilight watched as I pulled out an open envelope with the letter jutting out from within, her eyes narrowing upon seeing a rather familiar seal emblazoned onto the envelope itself. Holding it out towards her, I awaited her reaction as she pulled it from my hands with her magic, retrieving it's contents and discarding the envelope into a nearby bin. It didn't take long for her to realise just what it was that she was looking at, and I had a front row seat to the wide range of emotions that flew across her muzzle in quick succession. 'Okay, we've got shock... yep, that's horror... oh hello, that looks like fear? Oh yea, that's fear alright. Not what I wanted, but what I expected. This'll be an interesting conversation.'

"I-I-uh-I-erm-d-did you r-read any o-of this at a-all?" Twilight stutters, trying yet failing to remain calm. I give her a slight smirk and a nod, resulting in a number of reactions from the mare. Firstly, her pupils shrink, becoming almost pinpricks. Secondly, she begins to hyperventilate, breathing rapidly in quick succession. Finally, she begins to stammer incomprehensibly. '... I think this is my fault?' All in all, she appeared to have lost all rational thought, leaving me with only one course of action. 'Fuck it, balls to the walls boys.'

Cracking my knuckles, I kneel down and place both hands against her head. This calms her down slightly, and her babbling ceases for the moment. It's my next action that completely silences her, however, as I pull her muzzle towards me. Before she even knows what's happening, I'm pressing my lips against hers. Her eyes blink rapidly in surprise, and I could literally feel her body freeze up in reaction to the kiss.

Despite it sounding cliche, the kiss lasted for only a few seconds yet felt like minutes. Pulling away from the now stupefied mare, I couldn't help but chuckle at Twilight's expression. She was well and truly in shock, not talking nor moving a muscle. Eventually it looks as if she's managed to regain control over her body, opening her mouth to say something before she then promptly faints. 'Shit, I think I broke her.'

Crouching down next to the mare, I can't help but smile at how adorable she looks like this. Not wanting to try and wake her up as of this moment, I gently scoop the sleeping mare into my arms before making my way up the stairs towards her room, passing Spike's, where the sleeping dragon could be heard snoring away. On my way to her room, my thoughts drifted to the mare in my arms. 'Well I'd say this has gone well, maybe? I mean, she didn't, like, scream at me or anything, which is a good sign. Then again, I kinda just kissed her without warning, which might not have been a good idea now that I think about it. I swear I could feel her kiss me back, though, or maybe that was just me? I don't even know. I won't lie, though, that kiss? It was amazing. Definitely better than my first. And second. Fuck it, I'd say it's in the top 5.'

Reaching and making my way into her room, taking care not to bang her head against the door frame as I entered, I carried the still slumbering pony to her bed. It took me a while to wrench her off of me, as she had unconsciously snuggled deep into my torso as I brought her here, and at the same time I was having to convince myself to stop holding onto her, no matter how much I didn't want to. In the end I managed to get her into her bed and underneath her own quilt. Despite how much I wanted to climb in there with her, I didn't exactly want to have to go through any awkward situations in the morning, especially in the hopefully unlikely situation that she rejects me. 'After those letters I read and all the signs I've been seeing over these months? Doubt that'll happen. Maybe. Hopefully. Please don't '

No longer seeing any reason to be here any longer, I walked over to the door and, sparing one last look towards the sleeping Twilight, who now had a goofy smile on her face, closed the door, leaving me alone in the corridor. Resting my head against the door, I groaned internally at realising what was now to come. 'Well tomorrow's gonna be a fucking weird one. She's gonna be all over my ass about that kiss, we're gonna be putting our hearts out, and the rest of the girls are going to be all over me about what happened at the castle. Oh, and they'll also be all over me the moment they find out about me and Twilight. That ain't gonna be fun at all. But enough about all of that, where's my goddamn bed?'

Eventually I managed to get myself into my own room and, with all the grace I could muster, I threw myself onto the bed, groaning into the pillow in pure satisfaction at how comfortable the bed felt. After everything that had happened tonight - the talk with Cadance, discovering how I got here, the kiss and everything else that happened - I was exhausted, and all I could think about right now was how great this bed felt. 'Oh I could just kiss you as well.' Sleep took me almost instantaneously, and I happily allow myself to drift off into dreamland, the worries of the morning temporarily forgotten about.

For now.

Author's Note

Damn, I felt as if I haven't updated in a year, never mind just two months. Still, here we are yet again, with another chapter. If any of you have cared enough to wonder just where it is that I've been, then the answer if that I've been on a well deserved holiday around Europe. I went to France to Germany to Italy and back to the good ol' UK.

France was hot, Germany was hot, Italy was hot, the UK was still fucking hot. Still, 'twas fun.

So in this chapter, a few things happen. First and foremost, we finally find out the cause of Alex being brought to Equestria. He wasn't brought here by a long forgotten prophecy, nor by a being of godlike power in need of a champion. No, he was brought here by accident. Just his luck, eh? Secondly, Alex, despite all that he had just learnt, doesn't hate the sisters, though he doesn't exactly like them as much as he did two chapters ago. Still, their actions could have some consequences down the line. Who knows?

I do.

And finally, the biggest thing to happen in this chapter? Alex kissed Twilight, of course. Hard to starboard captain, for the ship is sailing out to sea. A good chunk of the next chapter will focus on Twilight's reaction to what happened in the final part of this one, and both her and Alex coming to clean to one another about their feelings.

Also, after weeks and weeks of studying, partying, crying, masturbation and more crying, my exams are over and with my holiday done and dusted as well, I can happily say that I'm finally back. Hopefully the story can be worked on a whole lot more, and I can begin to update more regularly. I hope so, anyway.

Stay tuned for the next chapter, folks!

-Greyson

P.S - The ending to this chapter may seem a tad bit rushed, and that's because I wanted to release this chapter tonight. It's taken me from 23:00 to 3:08. I feel like death itself. I took one for the team. Love you all.

P.P.S - Some of you might have heard of this guy called An Intricate Disguise ? Yea, the guy is an absolute nonce who has a gun held to my family please send help I beg you has asked me to once again advertise our absolutely family friendly Discord server. Come join, if you dare.

https://discord.gg/B2hF27K

Fuck You, Murphy

The Journey of a Thousand Miles, Begins With a Simple Misunderstanding.

Adrenaline. It is a truly wondrous thing. Junkies live on it, Olympic athletes need it, professional fighters rely on it. Adrenaline gives you that edge you need to either fight, or take flight in what could very well be a dangerous situation, where your very life may depend on your choice and it's outcome.

It's also a very useful thing to have when you're trying to outrun a gang of very angry men, determined to beat the ever lasting shit out of you.

"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE PISSANT!" Cried one of the men.

"I'LL KICK YOUR FUCKIN TEETH IN, YOU WANKER!" Shouted another.

"OH COME ON, BOYS! CAN WE ALL JUST BE FUCKIN CIVILISED AND SHIT FOR A SECOND?" I shout back, still running like hell. "IT WAS ALL JUST ONE BIG MISUNDERSTANDING! I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS YOUR GIRL! IF I KNEW MATE, I WOULDN'T OF EVEN TALKED TO HER!" 'Hey, now that I've told them it was all one big misunderstanding, maybe they'll stop chasing me and-'

"YOUR GONNA FUCKIN REGRET COMIN NEAR MY GIRL, YOU FUCKIN PRICK!" 'Oh. Guess not. Well, lets just keep running then, cause he does not sound like the happiest individual.'

Turning the corner, I find myself with two options. Either I carry on running down the well lit road, hoping that I find myself running into a police officer of sorts who could help me calmly diffuse the situation, and also ensure that I keep all my teeth at the same time, or I can run blindly into that darkly lit alleyway, where any number of 'respectable' members of society could be residing. Not to mention the fact that if I was caught in there by my new found friends, my kneecaps would most likely be smashed by Cunt McGee and company, who were quickly catching up to me. So, either carry on running, or take the stupid option and hope for the best. Be smart, or be an idiot.

I am an honest to God fucking idiot.

Sprinting towards the alleyway, I'm just able to reach it before my pursuers turned the corner I was just at. Keeping to the shadows, I crouch behind a nearby dumpster, keeping low and watching out for the assholes chasing me. Taking a quick glance behind me, my heart drops. There's no exit. It's a wall. I quickly realise what a dumb decision I've made, and that my only hope now is that the men chasing me don't come looking for me here.

There's no time to berate myself, however, as I hear the men quickly approaching the alleyway in which I was cornered.

"Okay God, if you're real and have any love for this idiotic cunt, please don't let Gary McFuckface and friends find me. Please?" I plead to the darkened alleyway, hoping that some higher power might just hear this poor sinners plea.

"Where did the little bastard get off to?" The leader growled.

"Maybe he ran straight down the road?" Another said. 'Oh please listen to this fine man. Please just listen to this son of a bi- '

"Nah boys, I reckon he's hiding down this alley" 'Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh FUCK. Whose great fucking idea was it to conceive this bastard?'

'This aint good, Alex. You've really fucked yourself here, mate. Hope you aint too attached to your kneecaps, you fucking idiot'.

Realising that the chances of me getting out of here in anything but an ambulance are now slim as all hell, I pick up a nearby brick and prepare myself for a fight. However, God himself must have heard my plea, as I received a miracle in the form of a Deus ex machina.

"Okay lads, what do you think you're all up to?" Somebody shouted, some distance from the alley. 'Oh? A concerned citizen?'

"Heh, hey PC" 'Well holy fucking shit, It's only a god damn constable! Fucking A, my luck has taken a turn.' "How's your night going?" The leader shouted back, trying his hardest (and failing at that) to not sound suspicious.

"It's going fine, Dean. Better question is, how's yours? Cause I've heard reports that not too long ago you were seen chasing a young man out of a nearby pub, for talking to a girl? And, seeing as how I've heard some rumours about how you've threatened other blokes to talking to your missus before, I get the feeling these reports have some merit. Am I right?" 'Oh my lord, this man is my goddamn saviour! I'd kiss him if swung that way.'

"Nah man. We just had a little misunderstanding, you know how it is. Just wanted to... uh... work it out with the guy, you know?" The leader, now known as Dean, replied.

'Oh yea, work it out of my broken fingers ya mean, ya prick' I vehemently thought to myself, thank god. I doubt that they wouldn't have probably heard me otherwise, and that's the last thing I needed.

"Yea? Well I think you've worked it out fine enough. Take your boys and go home, you've caused enough trouble for one night, let's not have the situation escalate any further, eh?" 'Oh come on boys, do what the good man says and fuck off, would ya?'

Dean sighed. "All right, all right, I got you. We'll go, but if you see the guy let him know that my bird is off bloody limits, y'hear?" My saviour chuckled in turn.

"I'm sure by now he understands that message already. Go on now, get going" He replied. And with that, Dean and the rest of the tossers walked off to parts unknown, hopefully to never be seen again. Which, knowing my luck, would probably be unlikely. 'I'd best not go near that pub for a while, let things blow over. Then I'll go back, probably get punched in the teeth, and proceed to get hammered. That's a plan.'

With Dean and the gang now out of sight, the officer who saved my sorry ass from being kicked from here to Trafalgar decided that, with the situation resolved, he could now carry on doing whatever it was that he had originally been doing. And with both parties gone, and me seemingly in the clear, I got my sorry self out from behind the dumpster and got the fuck out of dodge.

A few minutes later, I came to a stop in an underpass some distance from the alleyway I had taken temporary refuge in. Taking a moment to catch my breath, I reflected on the events that took place tonight. Mainly the one thing that instigated the entire situation, and I gave myself some solid advice that all males should take seriously if they fancy

"Whew..... okay.... next time... I talk to a girl.... make sure.... she aint taken... already... Jesus Christ..." Panting, I slid down the wall, deciding that it would be best to just rest up for a second or two. However, even though I was sure that I had escaped the men who had been dead set on introducing my face to solid concrete, paranoia had taken its toll on me, and I had a nagging feeling that something rather unpleasant was going to happen to me any second now. And with that, I decided that it would be best if I got inside somewhere safe, mainly somewhere warm and with a decent bed.

Getting up from the dirty floor of the underpass, I continued on my way. Coming out of the underpass, however, I quickly realised that I'd somehow found myself in a familiar neighbourhood. My neighbourhood.

'Hallelujah, I'm home free! Chuckling at my continued streak of good fortune, I turned right and began heading through the park. It's an easy route from here, just through the park, across the road, turn the corner and I'm sorted. My lovely, definitely-not-run-down-and-shitty apartment just waiting for me to get there. And the bed. Oh god that bed is going to be mine. As soon as I got there, I'd be safe and sound.'

Unfortunately, the universe had other ideas in mind, as no sooner was I halfway through the tranquil park that something.... strange happened. I began to feel.. warm? Happy? It felt as if a pleasant, unseen aura had enveloped my entire body, inducing me into a state of sudden euphoria. This only lasted a few seconds, however, before I shook myself out of my stupor and carried on as if nothing happened. Looking around, I realised I was alone in the dimly lit park, with only a few insects scurrying about for company

'Must be the after effects of what I've been through tonight. Fuckin with my system. Yeah...Yeah that's what it was. I'll get myself some sleep and be sorted and sound in the morning. That's a good shout, that' I concluded, trying to rationalise the strange euphoria I had just experienced.

"Still, what the hell was that? Like seriously, that aint normal. I've gotten wasted before and I have never felt like that. Next thing I know I'll be achieving Nirvana like that Buddha bloke, or falling down Alice's rabbit hole" I joked to myself.

In retrospect, the latter was not actually that far off. Also, I need to learn to shut my fucking mouth. It'll be the death of me.

Lost in thought, I didn't notice the strange lights surrounding my body until I noticed that the park had suddenly become a little bit brighter, due to my spontaneous transformation into a human lamp. Shrieking in alarm, I was paralysed at the sight of my arms being covered in what looked like tiny... stars? Stars...and...moons?

'Did someone spike my fucking drink?' Believing myself to merely be seeing things, I began shaking my head in a vain attempt to dispel what I was seeing. It didn't work. I then slapped myself. Hard. It still didn't do jack. Coming to the conclusion that hurting myself would do nothing more than cause myself unneeded pain, I did the one thing that came to mind in such a unnatural situation. I screamed. A girly scream. Yea, not my proudest moment. Recovering from my sudden lapse in masculinity, I did the next best thing.

"WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FU-" I was unable to finish my shout, however, for as quickly as the sparkly celestial miniatures had appeared on me, circling and dancing around my body like a moth to a flame, they had disappeared.

And me along with them.

Author's Note

And it begins. Here is the prelude introducing our knight in swearing armour, Alexander Ian Greyson, and the events leading up to his sudden departure from our world, and into his new home. The next chapter will be him falling face first (quite possibly literally) into Equestria, and trying to figure out what in the hell just happened to him, and whether or not his sanity is in question. ~~Hint: It really is~~

Whilst I think there aren't too many errors here, I know for a fact that I am not perfect, and neither is anybody else. So it is inevitable that there will be mistakes and errors here and there, and I will try my best to keep them to a minimum. However, should you spot any, please tell me in the comments where they are so that I can rectify them. Also, don't be afraid to leave any feedback, positive or negative. I'm a big boy, and I can handle it.

I think

If people actually do enjoy this story and the gentlemanly vocabulary of our protagonist, and the misadventures he'll be getting up to, then do please favourite, like and overall shower me with positivity and encouragement. It helps me sleep at night. And with that, I hope you all have a great day/night. Peace.

Kansas? We're Not Even On Earth Anymore

Somewhere Over The Rainbow, I'm Screaming

(???) POV

"Yes! Finally, after a millennium of exile, I am finally free at last! Free to reclaim what is rightfully mine! I hope you've prepared yourself, 'sister', because I have waited a long time for this day. The day, that day ends!" I declared, before letting out a long awaited laugh of triumph, knowing that my time had finally come. I would reclaim what was so rightfully mine, and take vengeance on the one who foiled my perfect plans! My perfect night!

"That fool loves this body too much, and couldn't bring herself to destroy it. How weak. But now? Her weakness shall be her undoing. Oh yes, my time has come. My time has finally come. And nopony, not even Celestia, not even the Elements themselves will be able to stop me this time."

Elsewhere

It was a beautiful Summers day in Equestria. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the Kingdom was yet again enjoying another day of peace and harmony. For one new resident, however, this wouldn't be the case. Unbeknown to the Kingdom, a phenomenal event had just occurred. A portal of sorts had just opened up, and had just dropped one unlucky individual screaming, headfirst, into his new life.

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK-Oof..Aah, hell.." Yeah, I've had smoother landings.

After what felt like an eternity of freefall, my body had finally decided that being a bird had fallen out of fashion, and decided to reacquaint itself with the all to familiar ground. Of course, it had to do this in a way that would most likely become common for me later on, that being via falling face first. Allowing the pain from my rough landing to subside, I lifted myself up from the ground, and took a good look at my new surroundings. As one could expect, I was pretty fucking confused as to where in the hell I was, as last time I'd checked, the Weston Estate was not an empty field surrounded by a fucking forest and a couple mountains..... 'Wait a fucking moment.. Is that..? Okay, what the fu-'

"Is that a fucking castle? On the side of a mountain? That's a castle. That right there, is an honest to god. Castle. A castle, built into the side of a mountain. A FUCKING MOUNTAIN? How in the FUCK? I may not have passed my Physics A Level, but I sure as hell know that that right there is complete and utter bullshit!"

Oh, go eat your heart out, Newton. Putting a hand through my hear, I let out a long winded sigh, thoroughly confused as to where I was, and how I'd gotten here in the first place.

"Oh Alex, what the fuck have you gotten yourself into? You're seeing shit, mate. You are in some sort of fancy fucking coma, whilst one of your kidneys is being auctioned off to some Mexican Drug Lord. Mum would be so proud."

My self-banter was cut short, however, by a shadow passing over me. Looking to the sky, I found myself looking at something that further baffled the everliving shit out of me. A carriage. There was a flying carriage in the sky, drawn by what appeared to be armoured horses, heading away from fucking mountain Hogwarts.

"Yeah, no. I'm drawing the line here. I'm trapped in my own fucked up head. There is no other reasonable explanation that answers how fucked my situation is. Gravity defying castles? Flying horse drawn carriages? This is insanity made goddamn manifest. Welcome to fucking Narnia, Alex. Population: My fucked up psyche"

Out of nowhere, I was struck with grand idea that had no possible chance of backfiring whatsoever. "

"Why don't I follow that carriage? It must surely lead to civilisation, and I can probably get some sort of answers as well. Or alcohol. Why not both?" I said. And with this newfound resolve, I began what would hopefully be a short trek to ~~the nearest pub~~ wherever that flying taxi was heading towards, and also getting some answers to help my brain figure out what the fuck is going on.

Later That Day

It turns out that my mind's definition of 'short walk' is actually, like, a good day and a half from Point A to Point Don't-Fucking-Know. Granted, I wasn't exactly going very fast, what with me still being confused as all hell and spending most of the walk trying to figure out what could have led to this point, but still. I'd almost given up any hope of ever finding wherever that carriage had gotten to, thinking it must have flown to a different continent or something. But after how many hours of pure walking (and resting, and screaming in frustration), I'd found myself overlooking something that almost caused me to cry in pure joy. Almost.

"Oh my god YES! BUILDINGS! PEOPLE! FUCKING A!" I cried, ecstatic over the fact that I'd actually found what appeared to be a rather sizeable little town. Now all I need to do is hope to god that they either have some form of communications, because it appears to me that this place isn't exactly the most modern of places. Trying my absolute hardest not to have a repeat of yesterdays events, I cautiously descended the hill, making sure I didn't slip and break my neck along the way. Thankfully, I reached the bottom without too much trouble, and began heading towards the town. 'I don't know how long it's been dark, but I've been out here long enough, and hopefully it should be morning soon. Whilst it may be nighttime, I'm sure there's still some people walking about doing whatever it is they do in a 18th looking tow- Holy shit was that thunder? Oh joy, a storm is just what I need. Thank god I've reached this place then, wouldn't of helped to be stuck in a storm out in the middle of nowhere. '

Crossing into the town, I noticed the sheer absence of.... well... people. There were no signs of people at all, it was literally like a ghost town.

"Hello? Anyone? Anyone at all?" I shouted, hoping that somebody was around to hear me. Silence. Looking around the still empty town, I got no response. Continuing to survey the area, I noticed something rather strange.

"Does this town worship horses or something? Oh Jesus Christ, am I in some backwater country who haven't even heard of Science yet?" I questioned. The town had multiple statues of horses, signs with horses, everything. "Oh man, is this one of those Native Indian camps or whatever? Reservoirs?" Suddenly, my attention was drawn to the sounds of laughter.' So, there ARE people here. That's a good start.' Looking for where the source of the laughter came from, my eyes came to rest on a circular shaped building, with a closed set of wooden doors.

'What's beyond those doors?' I wondered. 'Oh please god, let it be a party. Parties mean alcohol, and alcohol is always nice'. Ignoring the sound of thunder and lightning, which I had somehow failed to notice had gotten much louder the closer I got to the building, I ran up to the set of doors. With a smile on my face, I straightened my hair, wiped down my jacket, reached for the handle and...

...I learnt that the universe, for whatever reason, has a constant hard on for my face being on the receiving end of a lot of punishment. Like the ground, for example. Landing on my back (for once), I witnessed what appeared to be some sort of blue mist exit the building and speed its ass out of the town. 'The fuck was that?' I questioned. Deciding that the only way to find out what in the name of hell was going on around here, with all the horses and misty bullshit, I pulled myself together, took one final look back at my misty attacker as it sped off into the nearby forest, and then turned towards the now open door's, now desperately hoping to get some answe-

"MONSTER!"

"YO, WHAT THE FU-" Once again, I didn't get to finish my shout, as something hard connected with my head, knocking me flat on my ass and sending my sorry self into unconsciousness. My last thoughts however, were off whatever hit me.

'Whoever threw that punch has definitely done that before'

(Twilight) POV, Some Minutes Earlier

'Oh this isn't good. This is bad. This is very very bad!' I cried in my head. I'd warned my mentor, Princess Celestia, about what was bound to happen tonight, and yet she didn't listen! Now look at what's happening!" I cried in my head. Only a few minutes ago, we were all prepared to welcome our illustrious and benevolent ruler, Princess Celestia, to Ponyville so as for her to raise the sun for the celebration. Instead, the Princess was nowhere to be seen, and in her place now stood 'The Mare In The Moon', Nightmare Moon herself!

With many ponies frozen in fear, and Applejack having to hold back Rainbow Dash from getting herself injured or worse by charging the newly returned Alicorn, Nightmare Moon scowled.

"Does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years? Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?" I knew that story had merit! If only the Princess had listened to me, this whole mess could have been avoided! Gathering my courage, I looked towards the stage.

"I did. And I know who you are. You're the Mare in the Moon – Nightmare Moon!" This elicited even more gasps from the already terrified crowd. Turning towards me, Nightmare Moon looked me straight in the eyes, a look of curiosity across her features. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified.

"Well well well, somepony who remembers me. Then you also know why I'm here." She inquired. Gathering my voice once more, I open my mouth once again.

"You're here to... to... " I couldn't finish, the realisation what her return meant truly hitting me to the core and causing panic to spread across my features.

Laughing at my evident terror, Nightmare Moon turned her attention away from me and to the rest of the town.

"Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!" Lightning flashed as the dark Alicorn laughed triumphantly, whilst everpony else stood like statues, paralysed by shock and fear. This did not last long, however, when the Mayor's sense of duty overrode her fear.

"Seize her! Only she knows where the Princess is!" Commanded the Mayor. Finally coming to their senses, the Royal Guards sprung into action, their bravery finally returning to them. Their attempts to reach Nightmare Moon were dashed, however, when she turned to face them, scowling.

"Stand back you foals!" She ordered, before letting loose a torrent of laughter and lightning to the poor stallions, sending them crashing back down to Earth, before dissolving into a dark mist and making her escape through the town hall doors.

'Oh no, she got away! Now how are we supposed to stop her- Wait! The Elements! Of course, if I can find the Elements, I can make things right!' With a plan in my head and newfound resolve, I made my way to the now open doors and..

..I was stopped dead in my tracks by what stood before me. A creature, on two legs, face morphed into one of confusion and shock, standing right in the doorway looking

"MONSTER!" Reacting to the shout of one of my fellow ponies, the creature jumped back in alarm, seemingly shocked by what he had been called. Understandable, considering how offended he must have been. What was even more shocking, was what he did next.

It talked!

"YO, WHAT THE FU-" Before the strange creature could finish it's sentence, a rainbow blur dashed past me and connected with the unknown creatures head, causing it to collapse in a heap on the ground. Whilst the hot-headed pegasus continued to celebrate her victory over the 'Monster', I was busy trying to figure out just what in Equestria I was looking at.

'I've never seen this kind of species before. Is it a resident of the nearby forest? Wait! Maybe this is Nightmare Moon's doing! Is it one of her servants? It spoke just a moment ago, so it must be intelligent! And clothes, too!' I had a plethora of questions running rampant through my head, until my ever faithful assistant, Spike, chose this moment to interrupt my train of thought.

"Uuh, Twilight? Maybe we should get this thing to the Library and figure out how to beat Nightmare Moon?" Suggested Spike. Of course! I must deal with the more prominent threat to Equestria.

"You're right Spike" I whispered, "but we can't just leave this creature here. Let's take it to the Library, then I can find out where the Elements are, defeat Nightmare Moon and restore everything to normal!" Picking up the incapacitated creature in front of me with my magic, I galloped to the Library, unaware of the five mares following close behind.

Call Me Greyson, Sweetheart

The Pleasure is All Mine.

'Aww mate, my fuckin head is banging. Who the fuck decked me?' I thought, head still spinning. Keeping my eyes shut and trying to block out the constant ringing in my ears, I quickly came to realise that I must have been moved from wherever I'd been before. Last I checked, the cold concrete doesn't feel like comfy and soft. Then again, that's probably because concrete doesn't have the same feel as a pillow. Another major hint was the fact that I could just about distinguish multiple voices surrounding me. Women, by the sounds of it.

Am I in Heaven? Nah, that doesn't sound like me. Wait, does that mean I'm dead? What the hell happened to me? As the ringing in my ears began to lessen in intensity, the voices became more audible and intelligible.

"......you fi....at?" 'Hold on. It's coming back to me now.'

"...der E!" 'Oh yea! Now I remember!'

"Pard....e, g...s, I do....nt to.....rrupt..ou...ut wh...is...at?" 'That party thing!'

"Ye...at is it, Tw...ght?" 'And the abundance of horses!'

"I'm..ot...re, I've ne..r seen any...ng lik..t.." 'Horses which knocked me the fuck out!'

"Ooh! ..ybe it l...s par..es!" 'And where one of them talked!'

"Whoa nelly, ya'..eally..did a...mber..on it......bow" 'Where one of them TALKED!'

"Well it mig....hav..been dangerous!" 'FUCKING TALKED!'

"But did you have to..it so hard?" 'HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE! WHAT IS THIS HARRY POTTER BULLSHIT?''

"I have to agree, dear. I think you may have severely injured the poor thing" 'AND WHY THE FUCK DO SOME OF THEM HAVE HORNS! AND WINGS? HORNS AND WINGS? WHAT FANTASY FUCKERY IS THIS!'

"Girls? I think it's wakin' up!" 'Oh shit! They're on to me. Think, Alex, think before they dissect you and use your organs as chilli ingredients!'

"Get back, girls! That thing could be dangerous!" 'Oh joy, she sounds friendly. Wait! Maybe if I wish on a star, they'll fuck off? Nah, probably not. Welp, time to face the music I guess. Here goes nothing.'

Opening my eyes, I was greeted to a whole new different setting than before. Now, I looked to be in a library of sorts, with an abundance of bookcases surrounding me. My attention, however, was quickly drawn to the other inhabitants in the room. A group of multicoloured hors-

'No, hold on a sec. Ponies. These are ponies. Definitely ponies. Horses are much bigger than them, and they'd probably dwarf these ones here.' Maintaining eye contact with the ponies, I began to stand up from where I was lying, only for five out of the six to shift further away from me, with the pink one holding her ground, giving me a look that I could only guess to be of curiosity, a surprising contrast to the suspicious and wary looks her friends were sending my way. 'So apart from cotton candy over here, the rest are afraid of me. Seriously? No way they weren't there when I got given that nice case of brain damage.'

Realising that if I wanted to avoid receiving another dosage of 'Knocked-The-Fuck-Out' in the next minute or two, I changed my approach. Instead of standing, I lowered myself back down into a sitting position, still keeping a close eye on the other occupants in case one of the two unicorns in the room decided that I would be better suited as a human kebab. With me now comfortable on the ground, I shifted my attention onto who appeared to be the leader of the group.

The pink pony. 'So kiddo, what's your game?'

As it stands, she was the only one who had not yet shown fear towards me, only curiosity. 'I guess that means she and her friends haven't ever seen another human before. Huh, that's quite...unsettling. And how pink is she? That's a lot of pink, man. I mean pure, unadulterated, fucking pink. Jesus.' Lost in thought, I didn't notice her approaching me until we were more or less face to face. Or face to muzzle, in this instance. 'So who's gonna make the first move, then? Me, or Pinks over here. I know they can speak, as fucked as that is, so she should be no exception.'

...

Okay, this staring competition of ours is getting very old very quickly. Anyone fancy breaking this ice already? Any takers?'

...

'No?'

...

'Oh fuck it all. I swear I've gotta do all the work.'

"Good afterno-"

A whole lot has changed recently. I mean, I've found myself somewhere I don't belong, in a situation that would probably drive a lesser man insane. Hell, it probably already has, if what I've been seeing isn't a figment of my messed up imagination. But throughout all of this, there's always been something that has stuck with me. Even before I got dropped in this world, there was one thing that never left me, always there. The one constant that I doubt will ever change for as long as I live.

The fact that I keep getting constantly. Interrupted. Every. Five. Fucking. Minutes.

"Hi there, Mr Monster! I'm Pinkie Pie, but you can call me Pinkie Pie!" 'What the fuck?' "Me and my friends were wondering, well more me wondering, if you like parties!" 'What the fuck?' "Because I love parties! I love birthday parties, wedding parties, Welcome-To-Ponyville-Mr-Monster parties. Actually, every kind of party is my favourite party!" 'No, seriously. What the fuck'. "Oh! Do you like cupcakes?" 'Oh my god, she's still talking' "Because I looove cupcakes! Almost as much as I love throwing parties!" 'Does she have an off switch?' "What's your favourite kind of cupcake? Do you even eat cupcakes?" 'Somebody end my suffering' "Oh! What abo-"

"PINKIE!" cried ~~my saviours~~ the remaining five ponies, who had decided now that this ironically named pony had done enough damage to my already fucked up psyche. Recovering from the rapid fire of questions from the pink demon, I realised that she was still standing right in front of me, a smile on her face. 'What the hell does she want? An answer? Alright, but only if it stops you abusing my ears for the next year then sure thing.'

"Yes" I answered. To this day, I still don't know which of her questions I'd answered. I guess my answer was good enough for her, though, because she trotted back to her group with the biggest smile I'd ever seen someone, or pony now, have. Now that I'd appeased at least one of the ponies, I could rest easy. For the moment, anyway. Speaking of the ponies, the rest of them seemed to be shocked that I had actually answered her question. Whether this is because they didn't know I could talk or if it came as a shock to them that I had actually answered one of 'Pinkie's' questions, I don't know.

I didn't dwell on those thoughts, as the ponies had now huddled together into one group, evidently discussing the elephant in the room. Shifting ever so closer so as to eavesdrop on their conversation, I was not surprised to hear that they were discussing my handsome self.

"So what do we do with it?" 'Aah, getting straight to the point are we? Nice one, Lavender.'

"It's gotta be one of Nightmare Moon's monsters, so we need to get rid of it!" 'Firstly, go fuck yourself. Secondly, who the fuck is Nightmare Moon? Thirdly, go fuck yourself, rainbow cunt'.

"Rainbow!" 'Ha! It is Rainbow!' "How could you suggest such a horrid thing!" 'Aha! The voice of reason! There's always one aint there? Thank you very much, Snow White'

"Agreed, sugarcube. Ya' can't jus' hurt the poor thing like that jus' cause how it looks" 'Whoa. Am I in Texas now? Wait, don't question the one saving your ass, Alex!'

"It doesn't seem bad, just confused. Like one of my lost animals" 'You fuckin what, love? One of your pets? Take me for a drink first, then we'll see how far that goes'

"Yeah! I still need to throw a Welcome-To-Ponyville-Mr-Monster-Party!" 'Does the Pink one even know what whispering means? Wait. Mr Monster? Girl, I have a name'

"I have a name, you know." With that, all heads in the room shot to me. Snowie was the first to recover.

"It's rude to eavesdrop on a ladies conversation, darling" Replied the white unicorn, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry, honey, but it's kinda hard not to when the conversation is all about me. Mainly, how to deal with me" I shot back, sending a glare towards the Rainbow pegasus, who returned it right back. Oh, you're a feisty one.

"Well sugarcube, it's jus' that... well... we aint' ever seen nothin' like you round these parts" pointed out the southerner, trying to diffuse the situati- Wait hold the fucking phone. Nothing like me? So no humans? Shifting my attention to the orange pony, I voiced my thoughts.

"What do you mean, nothing like me? You telling me you've never seen another human before?" I asked, eyes wide. She shook her head. Looking at the rest of them, they shook their heads as well. 'Shit.' This time, the lavender one spoke up.

"I've read hundreds of books, talking about the known races, mythical and extinct, but I don't remember hearing any mention of a 'Human', before" she said, tilting her head in confusion. Adorable. But what she said suddenly hit me. 'No mention of humans. Nothing. No humans. Fuck.'

"Huh...okay then... that's.. uhh... erm..." Sighing, I put my hand to my forehead, trying to figure out what to do with this titbit of information. Lost in thought, I didn't realise one of the group had actually come closer to me until I felt their ~~hand~~ hoof on my arm. Looking up, I saw that the hoof's owner was none other than the yellow pegasus. This surprised me, because she'd been hanging back behind the whole group for the duration of the past few minutes, evidently still afraid of me. Looking into her eyes, I saw nothing but compassion. A nice contrast to Rainbow bitch over there, who I'm pretty sure was still thinking about playing football with my head.

"Hey, It's alright, Mr....Erm..." I hadn't even told them my name yet. Sure, they hadn't told me theirs, but I know at least three of them anyway. 'Cmon Alex, you were raised better.'

"Call me Greyson, sweetheart" I replied, winking at her, and cracking a winning smile. If her unmistakable blush was anything to go by, I'd like to think that I've still got it. 'I would have said Alexander, but I don't trust them with that yet. If they don't kill me in the next 24 hours, I might reconsider'.

With the mare retreating behind the group, blush still evident, I turned to the rest of my audience. "That goes for the rest of you. The name's Greyson, or Grey, or anything, really. Whatever floats your boat. Now that you've all got my name, can I get yours? It's only fair" I asked, looking between With the exception of Rainbow, who was hovering just above the group, they all came towards me.

"Well sugarcube, my name's Applejack" The orange one, now Applejack, said. Holding her hoof out, it took me a second to realise that she wanted me to shake it. Fair one. One hoof/handshake later, and with my hand now in clip, she returned to her friends. But not without a small smirk of victory, however. Next up was the white unicorn.

"Well darling, my name is Rarity. A pleasure to make your acquaintance" Rarity said, holding her hoof out. I was about to shake it, when an idea struck me. 'Oh Alex, you sly dog' Taking her hoof in my hand, I planted a light kiss on it, and rested my other hand on top.

"My dear lady Rarity, the pleasure is all mine" I replied, with the most charming smile a man could muster. It would seem that this was not what she was expecting, if yet another blushing pony was any hint. Her friends had mixed reactions as well. Fluttershy and the lavender pony were both open mouthed and blushing, Rainbitch wanker was making gagging noises, whilst Applejack and Pinkie were both laughing. Heh, I may just survive this yet. Recovering, Rarity herself giggled at my antics.

"My, such a gentlecolt. We'll get along just fine, darling" Flicking her tail across my face 'the fuck?', she gracefully trotted back to the group. Before I could blink, however, I found myself on my back, again, with something pink hugging me. Why? I don't know.

"Hi! Me again! My name's Pinkie, but you already know that." 'Oh god, here we go again.' "So as I was saying before, do you like parties? What's your favourite kind of party? How about cupcakes? What's your favourite flavour of cupcake? Mine's cupcake!" 'What?' "Just kidding! I love all cupcakes!" 'Of course you do.' "Can I throw you a party please? Please please please please" 'Maybe if you stop constricting my windpipe I could answer, you demented fuck.'

"Uhh, Pinkie?

"Pleas- Yea, Applejack?"

"I don't think Mr Greyson can answer ya' questions, on account of y'all hugging him to death" 'YOU THINK?'

"Oh! Good point!" And with that, she hopped off onto my lap, allowing me to sit back up and spit out any and all hair that got into my mouth. Looking down at her I could see she was still waiting for an answer, eyes shining. 'Damn, she's just like a little kid aint she? Fine, whatever.'

"In order of your questions: Depends on the party, the ones that serve good drinks, same as the first, probably chocolate, and only if I've not been thrown into a ditch by your friend over there in the next hour." I send a glare at Rainbow Go-Fuck-herself. "Oh, and you'll want to serve alcohol." I answered. 'Can't forget the drinks, Alex. Never forget.'

'By god, that smile is both adorable and terrifying at the same time. And what the fuck is that squeeing noise? And why is she hugging me again? What is it with her and physical contact? Oh Christ, she hurts my head. I reckon if you threw her in a cell with a prisoner they'd be giving you his diary keys and his drug dealer in five seconds flat, I swear.'

Seemingly satisfied with her hugs and my answers, she FUCKING CARTWHEELED to her friends. This leaves the kindhearted yellow pegasus, the lavender unicorn and the- 'oh shit she's right in my face.'

"Sup?"

"Listen here, Greycie-"

"Greyson" YEAH, TAKE THAT! MY TURN TO INTERRUPT! WOO!

"Whatever. I don't trust you, and if you even think about trying anything to me or anypony else, I won't think twice about knocking your flank to the ground again!" She threatened. 'Wait, hold up. Again? She fucked me off at the party? HER?.'

"Wait wait wait, you were the one who decked me?" I asked, surprise written all over my face. Rainbow smirked in turn.

"You got that right, I'm Rainbow Dash, and I'm the fastest flyer you'll ever see. Ha! You didn't though, cause I knocked your flank down before you could even blink!" She replied, doing loops in the air and acting arrogant as all fuck. Her friends weren't impressed, though, and were sending her some rather nasty glares which went unnoticed by her. Me, however? Well, my reaction was not what anyone expected. I laughed. Hard.

"Why-why are you laughing?" Rainbow incredulously said. Recovering from my bout of sudden laughter, I looked into her eyes.

"It's just I've never met anyone, or pony in this case, who could floor me in just one hit. That, kiddo, is a goddamn first. Nice job, girl." I said, absolutely shocking both her and her friends. And me, to a regard. In any normal situation, I'd be livid. However, this isn't a normal situation at all. Blinking her confusion anyway, Rainbow smirked again. This one, though, was a little less of an arrogant and more of a 'Well cheers, mate. Let's go drinking sometime' smirk.

"Well... Thanks, I guess. But I'm still watching you, bub, so you better not try anything" She said, the underlying threat not going unnoticed by me.

"Yes, mother." I shot back, eliciting a laugh from her friends. Gliding back to the group, I looked to the next approaching pony. 'Oh, its lavender. She seems like the smart one.'

"Hello there, Mr Greyson. My name is Twilight Sparkle, personal student to Princess Celestia." Well alright, good for you kid. Do you want a cookie?''

"Well it's nice to meet you to, Mrs Sparkle. May I ask who this Princess character is?" I asked. I was met with even more shocked faces. 'Seriously? They've never heard of a human and now they expect me to know who this princess is?'

"You don't know who the Princess is?" 'Why the fuck would I ask if I did, Sparky?'

"Can't say that I do, love." 'Quick, someone get me a measuring tape and let's see what the distance between her jaw and the floor is. Can't be that far, right now. £5 says it's only a couple centimetres.'

"How in Equestria can you not know who the princess is?" 'Do I have to explain everything?'

"If you haven't noticed, Sparky-"

"Sparkle"

"-I don't exactly come from around here. I guess you could say... I'm out of this world." I said, grinning my ass off. It only took them a moment to realise what I was implying.

"Ya' from anotha' world?" 'Yea, mate.'

"Are there many more humans like you, darling?" 'Too fuckin' many, sweetheart.'

"So you're an alien? Where's your spaceship?" 'I'd like to know that as well, actually.'

"An entirely different race! Imagine all things I could learn from them!" 'Oh, you do not want to learn from us, Twilight.'

"Just think of all the parties I could throw!" 'Seriously? That's your first thought? You really are insane.'

Whilst they were throwing questions and ideas all around, I felt my chest tighten in fear as the magnitude of the situation finally hit me. 'I'm an alien' I realised. 'An alien on a world I don't understand, with no fucking humans. Fuck. I'm D-O-N-E- fucked. How the hell do I get home? Oh fucking hell, am I trapped on a world of talking, magic ponies? Jesus fucking Christ. What the hell do I do now?'.

My inner rant was cut short, when I realised the room was silent, and the ponies were looking at me, with mixtures of concern and confusion. I also realised one of the group was now missing, and a hoof now lay on my arm. Glancing to my side, I realised that the yellow pegasus had returned. 'Yay for me'. Putting on a brave face, I turned to face her.

"Have we met before?" I joke. Seeing as how her look of concern didn't fade, I realise that I wasn't fooling anybody with my attitude.

"You're afraid, aren't you?" Got it in one kid. Sighing, I looked to the floor.

"Of course I am. I'm in an unfamiliar world, with even unfamiliar beings, where I've just learnt that my kind has never been seen before. By that logic, I'm the only human on this planet. That right there? That terrifies me, kiddo." I admit, not looking up to see their reactions. I didn't need to, however, when I suddenly felt a pair of wings embrace me. Surprised, I looked up to see that the pegasus was hugging me.

'Huh, guess she isn't scared anymore. That's good.' Looking at her friends, there was a fine mix of both sadness and surprise in their faces. A few moments later, the hug ended. Looking at the pegasus with a raised eyebrow, who was giving me a small hopeful smile, I chuckled.

"Cheers sweetheart, I needed that. By the way, you still haven't told me your name" I said, smirking. Embarrassment spread across her muzzle, which I couldn't help but smile at.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Mr Greyson. My name is Fluttershy" She just about whispered, once again hiding her face out of what I guess was sheer embarrassment. 'Awh, that's cute.'

"Don't worry about it kiddo" I reassured her, as she quickly returned to her friends.

Looking over the group of ponies sat in front of me, who I've now spent the better part of half an hour talking to, I ask a rather important question. "Now that we're all friends, and aren't laying eachother out," 'Looking at you, skittles,' "Would any of you fine ladies like to tell me where in the fu-"

*GASP*"NIGHTMARE MOON! I NEED TO STOP HER!"

'FUCK SAKE TWILIGHT'

Author's Note

And now Alexander has met the Main 6! I tried to write each character as best as I could, but I've probably failed in that endeavour. Oh well, I tried.

Now, however, things start going down. The next couple of chapters will be of Alex and friends getting themselves through the Everfree and stopping Nightmare. Who may or may not hold the key to answering how Greyson got here in the first place. Only one way to find out, and that's for me to actually write the things first all of you to keep on reading on and leaving me feedback. See you in the next chapter! Peace.

Welcome to the Enter-For-Death forest! Population: Soon to NOT Be Me!

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.

After meeting my newfound friends, and giving them a short rundown of who and what I was, I was then informed of the events that took place shortly before I was decked by Rainbow Dash. 'I'll get her back later'. Whilst we journeyed towards the edge of the nearby forest, I reflected over what I'd been told shortly after our talks in the library.

'So, it turns out someone named 'Nightmare Moon' is responsible knocking me down the first time I got here, so she's on my shitlist. She also wants to bring about eternal night. Why? Hell if I know. What I do know, however, is that it's fucking retarded. If it's eternal night, how the are plants meant to survive? We need the plants for the animals, and we need the animals for food and shit. We'd all go extinct, man! Not to mention the fact that I can't see shit at night. All these things would end up causing a domino effect which would eventually lead up to global extinction and all that bollocks, right? So why in the fuck does she want that? Hell if I know, the moral is: she's a total bitch'

I even voiced these exact thoughts to the pony parade, who were currently in the process of leading me towards some creepy ass forest, which apparently some 'Elements of Harmony' or some shit will be found. Whilst they didn't exactly agree with choice of words, they more or less unanimously agreed with me on my conclusion. Especially Rainbow. '+1 Lad point for you, skittles. Don't mean you're forgiven just yet'. Suddenly, the group came to a stop just outside the forest in which the Elements were apparently deep within, in a ruined castle or some bollocks.

"The Everfree Forest" The ponies gasped.

"The what forest?" I asked, but no answer was given. Before we could continue onwards, however, Twilight turned to face the group, probably with a motivational speech to inspire us.

"Not so fast. Look, I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather much do this on my own" 'The fuck she say? You did NOT drag me all the way out here when there was a much more comfortable, safe and warm room right back there, only to ditch us here.' Before I could begin lecturing Twilight on wasting my time, Applejack beat me to it.

"No can do, sugarcube. We sure ain't lettin' any friend of ours go into that creepy place alone. We're stickin' to ya' like caramel on a candy apple." 'Not how I would have put it, but whatever gets the job done I guess.' Everypony else let out an agreeing *hmph*. I merely gestured towards Applejack.

" Especially if there's candy apples in there." Sending a questioning look to Pinkie, which the rest of the group mimicked, Pinkie merely shrugged. "What? Those things are good." 'Mate, she has ADHD I swear.'

"What about you, Mr Greyson." Twilight asked, now shifting the spotlight onto me. "Are you coming as well?"'No Sparky, I'm just going to go walk my ass down to the nearest bridge and somersault off of it for shits and giggles.'

Pretending to be in deep thought, I made myself look as thoughtful as possible, even stroking the short stubble I'd grown over the past few weeks in a dramatic fashion. This drew a few giggles from the girls. 'I'm such a baller'. Finally, I came up with the best possible answer.

"First off, don't call me Mr Greyson. I'm not old, kiddo. Secondly, why the hell not," I replied, "aint like I got anything better to do tonight". Smirking, I turned to face the hellhole we were about to dive balls first into. "So girls, who's leading us into Enter-For-Death forest?" I asked. Receiving no answer, I looked over to the group, only to have them all looking at me, as if they were expecting me to be the one in that position.

Oh wait, they were. 'Cunts'.

"So, none of you have been in here before?"

"Ugh, heavens no! Just look at it - it's dreadful."

"And it ain't natural. Folks say it don't work the same as Equestria."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nopony knows. You know why?"

"If she's asking why, I'm not sure she knows why, skittles."

"Rainbow, quit it!"

"Because everypony who's ever come in has never..come..out!"

"Well aint that nice to kno-OH FUCKING HELL!" Our lovely conversation was cut short, unfortunately, as the cliff we were traversing had decided that existing had gotten boring, and collapsed from beneath us. Luckily for Fluttershy and Rainbow, they had wings to keep them from sliding down towards certain death.

Unluckily for the rest of us, but mainly me, we didn't.

"FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUUUUCKWHYISTHISHAPPENINGTOMEEEEE" I screamed. Looking to where exactly I was sliding towards, I paled. 'Looks like I'm going off the cliff. Sucks to be me.' Having no desire to become a permanent landmark on the environment, I turned onto my stomach, just in time to see Rarity and Pinkie get rescued from certain death. Realising there wouldn't be enough time for them to reach me before I'd already gone over, I prepared myself for my inevitable demise.

'Well Alex, it's been a good run, but all good things must end. I'm sure they'll bury you somewhere nice. If there's anything left, that is.' As I neared the edge, I was just able to make out something that gave me hope. A massive branch was sticking out, just by the edge. If I could grab hold of it, there'd be enough time for the girls to figure out how to save my sorry ass.

"I AINT DYING YET!" I roared, reaching for the branch just as I went over the edge. Just about reaching it, I held on for dear life, my body dangling over what would easily be a fatal drop. Looking down, I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that I'd actually cheated death. 'God knows how many times this'll happen in my future'.. Looking to my right, I watched as both Rainbow and Fluttershy carefully lowering Twilight to the bottom, whilst Applejack jumped from rock to rock, descending to join her friends.

(Rainbow POV)

'I, am awesome!' I chant in my head. Again, and again. 'That right there, is the truth.' I'd rescued Pinkie AND the new girl, Twilight. Well, me and Fluttershy got her, but still! Placing Twilight on the ground, I was just about to tell her she owed me one, when an angry, yet familiar voice shouted from above us.

"I TELL YOU WHAT, GIRLS! IT'S A GREAT VIEW UP HERE, IT REALLY IS! BUT COULD YOU POSSIBLY.. OH, I DON'T KNOW, GET ME THE FUCK DOWN FROM HERE!?"

'Oh, I'd forgotten about him. My bad.'

(Alexander) POV

"And once Pinkie and Rarity were saved, 'whoosh!' Me and Fluttershy loop-de-loop around and 'WHAM!' Caught you right in the nick of time." Rainbow boasted to Twilight, seemingly unable to figure out that none of us gave a flying fuck.

"Alright, we get it Rainbow, you saved the day, whoop-de-fucking-do, would you like a prize?" I offer, turning to the pegasus in question. Before she could take me up on my offer, however a gasp from Twilight stopped us dead in our tracks.

"A Manticore!" 'What?'

"Nah, I don't have any of them with me. Wait, what's a manticor-" *ROAR* Jumping at the sudden noise, I turn to look at what the hell just roared. 'Well shit'

"Oh... That... That right there's a manticore, is it? Oh boy." I say, my eyes fixed on the monstrosity standing some feet away from us. 'This is getting better and better by the second, aint it? What even is that? Lion? A Scorpion? A Scorlion? I don't even know anymore'. Whilst I stood to the side, contemplating what exactly it was I was looking at, the girls were getting their collective arses handed to them. An sudden impact brought me back to reality, as I turned to see Applejack flat on her back. Getting back onto her hooves, she turns to give me a hard stare. I raise my hands, in mock surrender.

"Don't be lookin at me, love. You girls obviously have this under control" I say, gesturing to the scene in front of us, just in time to see Rainbow land on the ground, hard.

"KARMA, RAINBOW!" I laugh to the downed mare, getting a scowl in return. My laughter dies in my throat, however, when I notice all the girls staring at me, or more accurately, the thing behind me. Knowing exactly what they were looking at, I turned to face the Manticore standing right behind me.

And boy oh boy did this fucker look pissed. Realising I had no time to move away without it inevitably jumping on my ass, I tried to buy myself time for the girls to figure out a plan.

"Oh come on, can't we just be friends?" I ask, arms stretched outwards, hoping that the animal would somehow understand my plight. Hint: It didn't. Rejecting my offer of friendship, it raised it's paw to strike, and-

"WAAAAAAIT!" 'Holy shit, did Fluttershy just SHOUT? That's my girl!'

Getting between my fine self and the angry bastard in front, Fluttershy did something completely unexpected. It nuzzled it's paw. It's paw. Nuzzled. Paw. Gesturing madly between the scene in front of me and the group behind me, I got nothing but equally confused faces. Shifting my attention back to the scene in front of me, I watched in barely concealed anger at the realisation that this son of a bitch was trying to kill us, over the simple fact of having a thorn in its paw. 'Are you being serious right now? That's what had your balls twisted? A thorn? Seriously?'.

"Oh, you poor, poor little baby." 'You what?'

"Little?
"LITTLE?!"

"Now this might hurt for just a second." 'Oh this is not going to end well at all'. Roaring in pain, the Manticore gripped the tiny pegasus and lifted it towards its jaws. 'Me and my fucking mouth'.

"FLUTTERSHY!" We screamed. Before we could move to rescue the soon-to-be-eaten pegasus, however, the Manticore decided to take a page out of Fluttershy's book, and also did something that nobody was expecting. It began licking the pegasus. Licking, the pegasus. Like a cat. Like a goddamn house cat. It was even purring, for fuck sake. 'Oh this is just too much'.

"Aw you're just a little ol' baby kitty, aren't you? Yes you are, yes you are." Crooned the yellow pegasus, like a mother to a child. 'Adorable, if the 'child' in question didn't try to kill me five seconds ago'

Signalling for the group to get their shit in gear, we walked around the now-docile manticore. With the exception of myself and Twilight, the rest of the girls headed further into the forest. A few moments later, Fluttershy finally trotted up to us, a content smile on her muzzle and her mane in ruin.

"How did you know about the thorn?" Twilight asked.

"I didn't. Sometimes, we all just need to be shown a little kindness." 'Oh fuck offAnd with that, she continued on her merry way into the forest, completely oblivious to the stare I was sending her way. Turning my attention to the mare next to me, I asked Twilight exactly what I was thinking.

"Is she being serious right now?" She paid me no mind, and instead followed her in, a smile adorned on her face as well. "Twilight?" Nothing. "You being serious right now? Are we playing this game? Really?" Still no answer. "I guess we really are then, aren't we! Let's all just play a round of 'Ignore-The-Bullshit', hey? Cause that's what we're doing right now, aint it? That right there, was total bollocks and you know it!" I would have continued with my rant, if A) she was even listening. B) if I wasn't falling behind. And C) If the Manticore behind me wasn't growling at me. Out of the three, I think C was the biggest incentive. Understanding his message of 'Leave or get Eaten', I got my ass back with the group, post haste.

But not before flipping the manticore off, of course. 'Aint no way am I letting some mutated lion thing have the last word with me. Fuck that.'

"Hey Twilight?" I say, "How far is it to these ruins you mentioned, again?"

"My question exactly, darling." Concurred Rarity, before suddenly grimacing. "My eyes need a rest from all this icky muck!" Turning to the drama queen herself, I raise an eyebrow.

"Hey Rares? Maybe if you ask nicely, the trees will sprout glitter and sparkly dust, and the floor will turn into a lovely red carpet, just for you!" I sarcastically remark. Getting a sharp *hmph* in return, I chuckle and turn back to the way we were walking. Suddenly, the path we were walking on became a whole lot darker. Looking up, I realised this was due to the fact that the moon, our main source of light, had been blocked by the canopy of the trees.

"This what you had in mind, sweetheart?" I ask, gesturing to the trees that had darkened the path.

"Well, I didn't mean it literally." She replies,

"That ancient ruin could be right in front of our faces and we wouldn't even know it!"

"Oh we'll manage Sparky-" My reassurance was cut off when I felt a sudden impact to my side. Turning to face the source, I realised that, with the limited amount of light, the girls were now walking bumping into eachother. And me.

"Rainbow, can you not?"
"I didn't see you there, my apologies..."
"Right here... guh..."
"Oh wait, I think I stepped in somethin'
"Ow, you cun-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH" 'Oh for god sake what now?' Turning to Fluttershy, I realised that she was looking at something else entirely, something that had her frozen in fear. Taking a risk, I looked up to what exactly had her petrified. 'Ah, this aint creepy at all'. Unlike myself and Fluttershy, who actually had a pair of working eyes, the rest of the girls were oblivious to what was standing before them.

And around them, actually.

"It's just mud" Applejack said, seemingly confused as to why Fluttershy was having such a reaction.

"Hey AJ?"

"Yea, sugarcube?"

"Look in front of you" I suggest. And that she did. Coming face to face with the creepiest tree you've ever laid eyes upon.

"GAH!" She exclaimed, jumping away from the demented tree. Getting closer to each other, the girls quickly realised that they were surrounded by similar trees, all looking demonic in appearance, with not-so-happy faces carved into them. Letting their fear get the better out of them, the ponies began screaming. All with the exception of Pinkie Pie, of course.

"Does anything even faze you, Pinkie?" I ask, hoping for a reasonable answer to her fearlessness.

"Nope!" 'Oh. Okay then.

"Fair enough." Realising the girls were still screaming, and my ears were probably going to start bleeding, I tried calming the distressed mares out. Softly. "GIRLS! THEY'RE JUST TREES! THEY AREN'T GOING TO EAT YOU, FOR FUCK SAKE!" This had the opposite effect of intensifying their screaming. Before I could slap some sense into them, literally, the sound of laughter caught my attention.

"HUH?" Along with the rest of the girls, it seems. 'At least they've stopped screaming'. Looking at Pinkie, I saw she was laughing at one of the trees, making faces and noises at it, as if it were an infant.

"Pinkie, what are you doing?! Run!" Cried Twilight

"Oh girls, don't you see?" And suddenly, there was music. And she was dancing. Why the fu- 'Oh no. No no no no no. Don't tell me she's doing what I think shes doing.'

"When I was a little filly and the sun was going down..." '

"Tell me she's not..." Asked Twlight, voicing the rest of our thoughts.

"The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frown..."

"She is" Pointed out Rarity.

"Oh for fu-"

"I'd hide under my pillow,
From what I thought I saw,
But Granny Pie said that wasn't the way,
To deal with fears at all..."

"Then what is?" Asked Rainbow. 'WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ENCOURAGING HER!'

"She said, 'Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall
Learn to face your fears
You'll see that they can't hurt you
Just laugh to make them disappear'."

Running up to a nearby tree, she laughed at it. And the face vanished into thin air, leaving only a normal tree behind. 'Oh my fuck this shit is actually working...... I hate everything'. As if hearing my thoughts, the girls gasp, realising that Pinkie's song had merit. Somehow.

"So, giggle at the ghostly
Guffaw at the grossly
Crack up at the creepy
Whoop it up with the weepy
Chortle at the kooky
Snortle at the spooky
Andtellthatbigdumbscaryfacetotakeahikeandleaveyoualoneandifhethinkshecanscareyouthenhe'sgotanotherthingcoming
andtheveryideaofsuchathingjustmakesyouwanna...hahahaha..heh...
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuugh!~" And with that, and all the trees now back to normal, the ponies collapsed into fits of giggling and laughter.

Recovering from their bouts of laughter, the girls returned to their hooves.

"Are we done?" I ask, getting nods and gigles in return. Before we could continue on our way, though, Twilight piped up.

"Greyson, how come you were not scared?" 'Because I'm not fucking 12 years old you twat'.

"Cause I'm the only one here with a pair of balls, Sparky." I answer. "Now can we get a move on before Pinkie here decides to break out into another song and dance? I'm not sure my brain could handle another one of those without killing itself."

"How are we gonna cross this?"

"Why not just have Rainbow and Fluttershy over here carry us one at a time?" I suggest, hoping that they'd roll with it. My perfectly good suggestion went unheard, however, due to the sudden warble coming from further down the rapids.

"Huh?" Cried Pinkie. Investigating the noise, we came across some sort of snake. With hair. And half a moustache. 'Fuck this forest. Seriously. I hate it. What I wouldn't do for my lighter right now.

"Excuse me sir. Why are you crying?" Asked Twilight. Turning to face us, the half moustached serpent rose to it's full height.

"Well, I don't know." He said. "I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when this tacky little cloud of purple smoke just whisked past me-" 'Wait, purple? Shit, I thought it was blue. Nevermind, then' "-and tore half of my beloved moustache clean off, and now I look simply horrid." He cried, before proceeding to continue wailing. Along with inadvertently splashing us with water. 'Asshole'

"Oh, give me a break" Complained the rainbow maned pegasus.

"That's what all the fuss is about?" Questioned Applejack, unable to see why such a thing would have the serpent in such hysterics.

" Why, of course it is." Cried the queen of all things drama. "How can you be so insensitive?".

"Cause it's just a moustache?" I casually replied.

"Oh, just look at him. Such lovely luminescent scales-

"I know"

"-and your expertly coiffed mane-

"Oh, I know, I know!"

"-your fabulous manicure-"

*gasp*"It's so true!"

"-all ruined without your beautiful moustache!" She finally finished. 'We done yet?'

"It's true, I'm hideous!" He wailed, attempting to hide his face from the rest of us.

"I simply cannot let such a crime against fabulosity go uncorrected!" Declared Rarity. 'Fabulosity? Is that even a word?'

Without warning, Rarity proceeded to bite off a part of the hysterical serpents scales. 'The fuck is she doing now?'

Yelping in pain, the serpent looked at the offending unicorn. "What did you do that for?" He cried.

Giving him no answer, she instead raised the scale into the air, the moon shining off of it. Once again, the voice of our thoughts spoke up

"Rarity, what are you-" Before she could finish, however, Rarity proceeded to slice the surprisingly sharp scale across her tail, severing it and sending the serpent into even more hysterics. Its usefulness at an end, Rarity threw the scale away and picked up her severed tail with her magic. 'I'm still not sure I'll ever get over the fact that magic exists here. Fuckin mental stuff, this.' A few moments later, she successfully performed the first Tail-Moustache transplant I've ever seen. Realising his moustache was now fixed, the serpent let out a joyous laughter.

"Oh-hohohoho! My mustache. How wonderful." He cried. Rarity nodded in agreement.

"You look smashing" She complimented, before Twilight decided to point out the obvious flaw in her solution.

"Oh Rarity, your beautiful tail..." She moaned. Turning to face the lavender unicorn, Rarity merely shrugged in response.

"Oh. It's fine, my dear. Short tails are in this season. Besides, it'll grow back."

"So would the moustache"

"So would the fucking moustache" Giving a quick brofist to Rainbow, I turned my attention back to the rapids. Noticing that they had calmed down enough for us to cross, I gestured for Twilight to take a look.

"We can cross now!" She pointed out, before we both began to cross. "Let's go-Aah!" She was cut, however, when the water beneath us instead rose to give way to a tail. More precisely, the serpents tail.

"Allow me" The serpent offered.

Unlike Twilight, however, I was unable to keep my balance and was sent head first into the stream.'FUCKING ASSHOLE!'

One quick rainblow-dry and apology from the serpent later, and we were off on our way. Coming out of a particularly thick part of the forest, we came into view of a ruined castle.

"There it is! The ruin that holds The Elements of Harmony! We made it!" And off she went, running towards it, unable to keep the smile off of her muzzle.

"Twilight, wait for us!" Cried Applejack, who also held the same smile as her new friend. The smiles soon vanished, however, when we realised exactly what Twilight was running towards. And the fact that she was completely oblivious to it. The 'it' in question being a ruined bridge.

"We're almost there-WOAH!" She screamed, just about stopping herself before could be sent tumbling down to her death. L

"What's with you and falling off cliffs today?" Rainbow remarked, pulling Twilight away from the edge via her tail.

"Rainbow, save the banter for when we sort this eternal night shit out." I say. "In the meantime, however, why don't you fix this bridge for us?"

"Yea, yea, I got this" She replies, before swooping down into the mist and bringing the other end of the bridge back up along with her, landing on the other side of the ravine. However, my attention was quickly drawn to some sort of mist that had appeared from the mist. 'Oh come on, what now?'

"Girls? We got a problem" I say, drawing the attention of the group. Looking at their quizzical stares, I pointed towards Rainbow.

"Rainbow, what's taking so long?" Twilight shouted, shifting to get a better look. Through the fog, we were just about able to make out the figures of three additional ponies.

"Who the hell are they?" I ask, once more going unanswered by my companions.

"Oh no.. RAINBOW!" Twilight's shouting got the attention of one of the three ponies, who looked straight at us. Taking a longer than needed look at me, in particular. I sent her a cheeky wave in response. Suddenly, the fog intensified, enveloping the ravine and blocking our view of Rainbow and her new 'friends'.

"Don't listen to them" Twilight cried, hoping that Rainbow could still hear us. Nearly a minute later, and nothing had happened.

"Anyone mind filling me in on what the hell Rainbow's doing?" I questioned nobody in particular.

"It must be Nightmare Moon! She's trying to stop Rainbow from fixing the bridge!" Answered Twilight, fear evident in her voice. 'Of course she is. Fuckin bitch'. Turning to where we last saw Rainbow and walking to the edge, I put my hands to my mouth and called out to her, hoping that she'd be able to hear me through the thick fog.

"OI! RAINBOW! GET YOUR SHIT IN GEAR AND FIX THE CUNTING BRIDGE BEFORE I COME OVER THERE MYSELF AND SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND YOUR NEW FRIENDS!" This drew a couple of shocked gasps from the girls, who stared at me with looks of horror. 'Guess they don't like such lovely threats.'

"I say! Such crude language, dear. We must work on that when we return to Ponyville." Said Rarity. Giving her the finger, I turned back to the fog, just in time to see Rainbow fly across the newly fixed bridge. Giving me a cheeky smile, she turned to her friends, who were cheering and congratulating the mare on a job well done.

"See? I'd never leave my friends hangin'." She proudly declared.

"Can we just get a move on, already?"

With the bridge fixed, we were now able to safely cross without fear of falling to our certain demise. Reaching the other end, I stared at the ruined castle in front of me.

"Well, we made it. Finally. Only took us, what, a dozen near death experiences, give or take?" I say, as innocently as possible. Getting a hard stare from some of the girls, I put my hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright, calm down, I get it. We did good. Nice job girls, you successfully beat everything Nightmare Bitch had to throw at us to get here. We should all be proud. Mainly me for not jumping off that bridge after everything I've gone through, but still. Well done." I say, getting proud smiles in return.

"But now?" I say, returning their attention to me. "Now we need to find these 'Elements' of yours, kick Nightmare's ass, restore shit to normal and get absolutely shitfaced in celebration. I don't care in which order this happens, as long as the last one happens in the next hour or two." Walking to the front of the group, I reach the doors first. Cracking my neck, I face the doors.

"Now then." I say. "Let's do this shit".

And with that, I kick the doors wide open, and stroll right in.

Author's Note

Oh boy, we're one chapter away from Alex's confrontation with Nightmare Moon herself! What will happen? Will he finally get the answers he needs? Will she bring about eternal night? Will I stop writing this AN like a 90's narrator? Find out, in the next chapter!

Just a quick note before I end the chapter, as well. Whenever you see anything being written like this right here, then that's the POV characters' thoughts. However, if you see writing like "This right here", then that will be either song lyrics or something out of a book or letter that a character is reading from. Just keep an eye out for the " and ' and you'll understand. Hope that helps with any future confusion.

See you in the next chapter, folks! Peace.

Literally Saving The Day

It's Been A Long Night

Looking around the decrepit chamber which we were now stood within, I couldn't help but wonder as to what led to this castle being in such a ruined and disgraceful state.

'I studied architecture for a while, before dropping out of Uni, and this place right here? This room? This isn't just age or neglect. Sure, most of it is, judging by the moss, but just look at those windows, man. Parts of them are still perfectly intact, the glass is still there, whilst the rest are shattered. They had to have been smashed by something. Or someone. No, wait, some 'pony'. Uh, can't believe I'm saying that shit, man. I'd blame vandalism, but who in the hell would come all the way out here just to fuck with some old, rundown shithole in the middle of Satan's garden, out here. Nah, it couldn't have been vandalism. This had to have been a fight of some sorts. Maybe some sort of explosion, perhaps?'

Turning to face the rest of the group, who were all looking around in equal wonder, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Well... This is anticlimactic, to say the least" I remark. "Where's this Nightmare Moon, then? You'd think she'd be trying to guard this place if it has the only thing capable of kicking her ass, right?" I say, pointing to the middle of the chamber, where a weird looking set of stones were placed. 'Are these the Elements Twilight won't shut up about?'

"The Elements of Harmony! We found them!" 'That answers that' With both Fluttershy and Rainbow collecting the stones from their pedestals, and forming a circle with them, I quickly came to the realisation that there was something wrong here.

"One, two, three, four... There's only five!" Pinkie pointed out.

"Really? What gave it away, Pinks?" She stuck her tongue out at me in response, receiving a smirk in return.

"Where's the sixth?" Questioned the rainbow mare. Looking to Twilight for an answer, she leaned forward on her hooves, inspecting the old stones.

"The book said: when the five are present, a spark will cause the sixth Element to be revealed." 'Well, here's your five stones, Mr Spark. Do us a favour and get your ass in here, perhaps?'

"What in the hay is that supposed to mean?" 'Did you even listen to a single word she just said?'

Stepping into the middle of the circle, I lean down to inspect the stones as well, blocking out the conversation taking place behind me. 'They're pretty bloody old, that's obvious. And what's with these symbols? What do they represent? Hell, why am I even trying to figure it out when I don't even understand half the shit that's led up to this. Sort yourself out, Alex' My thoughts were interrupted (as is the norm, apparently) by Twilight, who tapped me on the shoulder

"Greyson, I'll need to ask you to give me some space. I have an idea that could work, but I need you to get back" She informs me. 'It's your funeral'.

"Fair enough" I reply. Getting back to my feet, I'm about to leave the circle when all of a sudden, I'm surrounded by a purple mist. Shouting out in surprise, I'm unable to physically react before I'm hoisted up into the air by the force, which had now formed into a makeshift cyclone. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO, TWILIGHT!?" I shout at the lavender mare down below, who had jumped back in shock and surprise at this sudden turn of events.

"IT'S NOT ME! IT'S NIGHTMARE MOON!" She screams back.

"WELL TELL HER TO FUCKING STOP, THEN!" Our shouting match was interrupted both by our friends, who had dashed back into the room, shouting our names, and by the fact that myself, Twilight and the stones had vanished into thin air, taken by the purple tornado. The last thing they heard before then, however, was my rage filled shout.

"I'M SO SICK OF THIS SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT-*oof*....Awh hell...This takes me back..heh.." Deja vu aside, I realised that I was now no longer in the same room where I used to be. Climbing to my feet, I ran to Twilight's side, who was still recovering. "Oi, Sparky, you okay?" Recieving a nod in response, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Good. Now get your ass up and tell me what in the hell just happened to us." Before she could provide me with an answer to my question, I heard something that really put me on edge.

Laughter. And not the joyous kind, no. This was one of evil and malevolence incarnate. 'Oh boy, here we go.'

Turning to the source, I found myself looking upon the one responsible for both my unhappy landing moments before, and all the events beforehand in the forest. This mare was as black as night, covered in what appeared to be armour, and giving the pair of us a dark smile. 'This is Nightmare Moon? Yay'.

"Well, well, well. It took you long enough." She says, staring at Twilight, a dark smile adorning her muzzle.

"Yeah, sorry about that, love. The queue to this place was, like, a goddamn mile long." I reply without thinking, her attention now shifted towards me. 'Oh now you dun fucked up, Alex.' Before I could react, the purple mist from before shot towards me, gripping my arms and legs, and hoisting me into the air. Levitating me towards her, I could do nothing but meet her wandering gaze, as she trotted around me, a playful smirk on my face and a look of curiosity on hers.

"In all my years, I have never seen a creature like you, before. What do they call you?" She asks, stopping right in front of me, eyes shining, like a pair of luminous sapphires, and yet hiding an ancient and terrible evil behind them. 'If this hero business doesn't work out, and/or I survive the next minute, I could be a poet'.

"Well, my friends call me Greyson. But for you, sweetheart? You can call me whatever you like." I reply, flashing a winning smile and sending playful wink her way. I'm rewarded with an amused chuckle from the dark mare. 'Even with the evil ones, you've still got it Alex!'

"Oh, you are an interesting one, Mr Greyson." Cringing at what she'd called me, I could do nothing but listen to the mare as she continued to examine me. "Hmm... You truly are an exotic creature, Mr Greyson-

"Please, call me Greyson"

"-and I'd like to make you an offer." 'Oh really?' Out of the corner of my eye, however, I see Twilight sneaking up to the stones that had been transported along with us. Knowing exactly what she was up to, I realise that I needed to keep Nightmare Moon distracted for as long as possible, so as to allow the unicorn to do her thing.

"Oh really? I'm intrigued, do tell". I reply. 'Here we go. What's she gonna offer me, then? A way home? Money? Alcohol? All three?'

"Rule with me." 'Oh.. Well, that escalated, quickly.'. Unable to keep my surprise hidden, Nightmare released yet another dark chuckle. "I can see that you are surprised, Greyson." 'No shit' "So allow me to explain. For the past 1000 years, I have been trapped on the moon, unjustly banished by those who would see my dreams of eternal night not come true. The ponies will have been told stories, by the Princess, and all who would support her, about the terrible 'Nightmare Moon', who would bring about nothing but pain and suffering to all!" 'Yeah, trying to bring about eternal night will do that to a mare's reputation' . Keeping silent, lest she tighten her magic grip on me, I continue listening to her life story.

"But their tales are lies! I would be just as peaceful and benevolent as Celestia ever was. I would keep them safe under my stars! My night would be an like an eternal blanket, and they would never know sadness nor pain nor suffering! I would make it so! All I need, however-"

Suddenly, the mist gripping my body dissipated, allowing me to stand on my own two feet. Looking up, I come face to face with the mare, looking me dead in the eyes, an evil, yet hopeful smile on her muzzle. 'Whoa, she's actually serious?'

"-is somepony to stand by my side, and help to me rule. Just think about it, Greyson! We could rule these lands together, we could be King and Queen, and nothing could stop us! Not the Elements, not Celestia, nothing! Does that not interest you, Greyson? All that power, the riches, the fame? Join me, Greyson, and together we can rule Equestria!" She finished, keeping her eyes set upon my own, awaiting a response to her seemingly flawless offer.

'Well shit, that is a lot to think about, and it could take me a while to answer.'
...
...
...
'Fuck it.'

Rising to my full height, I give her a smile, which she returns, albeit not having the same meaning as mine.

"I tell you what, Nightmare Moon. That offer? Brilliant. Outstanding. A goddamn star. And any normal pony would be a fool to say no to one as powerful and beautiful as yourself." I say, receiving a slight blush in return. Thinking she's won, she begins to turn towards Twilight, a triumphant smile upon her muzzle, before I speak up again.

"However" I say, drawing her attention back towards me. "I'm not a pony" Her eye twitches. Realising I had to choose my next words carefully, lest I take a lightning bolt to the throat, I attempt to placate her. "However, I have a counter offer for you." I say, giving the mare an innocent smile. Tilting her head in curiosity, it is now her turn to be surprised.

"Oh? And what might this offer be?" 'It's now or never Twilight.'

"How about, I take this finger right here-" I say, raising my middle finger to her face, "-and I shove it, right up your fucking arse!" I say, unable to keep the shit eating grin off my face. Her face quickly changes from one of confusion to one of pure anger at my defiance.

"YOU INSOLENT FOA-"

"NOW TWILIGHT!" I shout, before being launched backwards by the mare in front of me. She didn't stay focused on me, however, as my shout had drawn Nightmares' attention towards the third occupant in the room, who had just finished casting her spell onto the Element stones. 'HAHA! TOO LATE, YOU TWAT!' I cry in my head, thinking victory had all but been assured.

Suddenly, Twilight was blasted back by what appeared to be some form of lightning, landing just to the side of me, as Nightmare Moon quickly teleported to the stones. 'Oh shit. Fuck fuck FUCK!. Seeing that the stones were still glowing, I believed that Twilight had successfully done something right.

"No! No!" Cried Nightmare Moon. 'YES! Let's fuckin; go! Suck on it, you bitch!'

My elation soon turned to horror, however, when I realised that there was yet to be a 'spark', meaning there was still no sixth Element that Twilight so desperately needed. Turning to the mare in question, I saw that she was having the exact same realisation as I was.

"But... where's the sixth Element?!" She cried. Nightmare's shock quickly turns to one of triumph once more, as she proceeded to smash any hope we may have still had. Literally, by shattering the stones. 'Well damn. We're dead.'

"You little foals! Thinking you could defeat me? Now you will never see your princess, or your sun! The night will last forever!" She declares, letting loose another bout of triumphant laughter to really let her victory sink in.'Well shit, this aint good'.

Suddenly, her horn lit up, and she lowed her head in the direction of the unicorn beside me. Turning to Twilight, I saw she was paralysed in fear at what was coming her way. Knowing she wouldn't move before the spell had already hit her, I did the one thing I was good at. The one thing that nobody else could beat me at doing.

I did the stupidest thing I could possibly do to myself.

Diving towards Twilight, I managed to push her a couple metres away from where she was standing moments ago. Looking back towards me, I was just about able to hear her call my name in shock...

...Right before I was sent flying into a nearby pillar, courtesy of Nightmare Moon Airlines. Hitting the pillar, I collapse to the ground in a heap, unable to stand due to the pain. Already I could feel the familiar effects of unconsciousness fast approaching. Before I could fade into unconscious, however, I noticed multiple shadows had suddenly appeared, standing over my prone form. Looking up, I realised that the rest of the girls had finally arrived, and were looking at me with faces of both shock and horror. Using the last of my strength, I point towards Twilight and the fucker who had done this to me.

"Help...Twilight...*Cough*...kick..*Cough Cough*...Nightmares...Ass.." And with that, I was out like a light.

I don't know how long as I was out for, or if I we had even defeated Nightmare Moon. Hell, I wasn't even sure if I was still in the same place that I'd been launched to by said mare. But there was one thing I knew for certain.

And that was that my head felt as if it had headbutted a pillar. Oh wait, It had.

"Awh mate...My fucking head is throbbing." I announced. Sitting up from where I'd been lying for god knows how long, and taking in my surroundings. Looking around the room, however, I noticed I wasn't alone. Along with the familar six I'd been travelling with, there were now two more ponies in the room with us. And Jesus Christ were they huge. Before I could comment on as to who the new arrivals were, my attention was drawn to Twilight and co. More specifically, the fact that they were now galloping/flying/bouncing full speed towards me.

"GREYSON!" The girls cried, seemingly elated at the fact that I was still breathing. 'Aww, that's cut- wait, why the hell are they running towar-OH GOD NO!'

"WHOA WHAT THE FU-" Before I could finish, I was enveloped in a sea of warm, comfortable fur, ranging from such colours like white and purple, to orange and blue. Struggling to breath, I was just about able to get my head out from underneath them all, wrapping my arms around a few of them at the same time.'I'll admit it...this is nice'

"You're alive!" 'No shit, sherlocks'

"Oh really? What gave me away?" I reply, raising my eyebrows in mock surprise, yet unable to keep the joyous smile off of my face at myself and the girls still being alive. Receiving a sharp punch to the shoulder, I turn to Rainbow, who was holding the exact same smile, yet trying not to burst out laughing at my antics.

"We thought you were dead, you big doofus, and the first thing you do is crack jokes?"

"Well, laughter IS the best medicine, so they say." I reply.

"That's what I say, but Nurse Redheart still won't take my book: 101 Ways To Save a Pony!" Looking down at the pink pony, who was latched onto my side, I shake my head.

"Pinkie?"

"Yes, Greyie?" 'Never call me that again?'

"Never change." I say, chuckling at the quite possibly insane mare, getting an even stronger hug from her in return. The feel of something wet landing on my shirt draws my attention away from the pink pony, and instead is diverted to Twilight, who was busy crying into my abdomen. Releasing Pinkie and Fluttershy, who had managed to wiggle herself under my other arm, I wrap one arm around the distressed mare, and use my other to turn her head to face me.

"Now what's up with you, Sparky? Seeing as how I'm still here, and not thrown out the nearby window, we must have won, yeah?" I ask, looking to both her and the other mares for clarification, receiving multiple nods in return. Looking back down towards Twilight, I continue. "So if we won, why are you crying, hey? Was it because I missed you wipe the floor with her?" I joke, failing to notice the small smile forming on the alabaster pony, who had come to stand nearer our group, along with the smaller, yet still large pony standing beside her. Wiping away her tears, she looks into my eyes.

"I know, but...but... We almost lost you!" She cried, tears returning in full. 'Oh.. Yeah, should've seen that coming'. Not saying anything, I allowed her to continue. "If it wasn't for me being so scared, you would not have had to push me away from Nightmare's spell, and you wouldn't have been hurt! This is all my fault!" She said, diving back into my shirt, the tears flowing freely once more. Chuckling, I raise the mare's head, looking into her eyes and wiping her tears away.

"Now listen up, Twilight Sparkle, because I'm only going to say this once. What happened back there, was not your fault. It was not my fault either, but it was most definitely not yours. If anyone is to blame, it was the cheeky cunt who put me here in the first place, that being Nightmare Moon herself." Out of the corner of my eye, I notice the darker of the two new ponies look away. 'What's up with her?' Ignoring said pony for the time being, I carry on speaking. "Do NOT blame yourself for the actions of another, because that is not fair to yourself."I say, placing her back onto the ground. A few moments later, she nods, and gives me a sad smile. Before I could comment any further, an unfamiliar, yet motherly voice, makes itself known.

"I could not have said it any better myself, Mr Greyson." 'Oh for fu- this shit again? Can we not?'

"Cheers sweetheart, I do try my best." I reply to the large, white pony. Oblivious to the mortified looks I was receiving from the ponies stood beside me, I stand to my full height and turn towards the unnamed pony. "And seeing as how I could never forget a mare as beautiful as yourself, may I perhaps be given the pleasure of knowing your name, m'lady?" I ask, wink and winning smile going along with it. I'm met with silence.

Looking around the room, I finally take notice of the looks I was being given by my friends. "What? Was it something I said?" I say, turning back and forth between the pony in front of me and the ones behind me. Finally, a soft noise attracts my attention, as I turn back towards the unknown mare in front of me. After a moment, what was once a light chuckle was now turning into full blown laughter, tears and all. A minute later, the laughter finally dies down. 'You good?'

"You get that out of your system?" I ask.

"In all my years of ruling, not one pony has ever spoken to me like that." She admitted. 'Wait a minute....Ruling..?'.

Noticing my confused expression, she raised an eyebrow. "You don't even know who I am, do you?" Shaking my head in response, she gives me an amused smile. "I am Princess Celestia," she declared. "and I, along with my newly reformed sister, Princess Luna," she nods to the dark pony standing beside her, "are the rulers of Equestria, the land in which you currently find yourself. Together, we are the princesses of the Day and Night, respectively." 'Oh....that's the princess....I just flirted with the princess....in front of her own sister, no less...Wow. Meh, not the stupidest thing I've ever done.'

"Aah, so you're the Princess Twilights' been telling me so much about!" I exclaim. 'Let's see how far I can ride this train before it crashes.' "I see the stories of your beauty have been severely watered down" I say, bowing along with it. Putting her hoof to her mouth, the princess let out another chuckle, shaking her head at my honest-to-god compliments. 'One down, one to go'

Turning to Princess Luna, I bow. Before I could even begin wooing her, however, I was caught in yet another hug. This time, from the princess herself! 'Shit, I hadn't even begun to compliment her yet!' Returning the embrace, my surprise soon turned to confusion, however, when I noticed that she was crying.

"Princess, are you alright? I hadn't even begun to compliment you yet and you've already been moved to tears? What's up?" I say, genuinely confused as to why this mare was crying. Before I could question her any further, something clicked in my mind. With the mare still sobbing into my shoulder, I turn to face Celestia, the confusion on my face evident to all present. "Princess Celestia, if I may ask, what did you mean exactly by 'newly reformed'?"

Letting out a sigh, she looked between both me and the princess in my arms. "In your arms is my sister, Princess Luna. But a few minutes ago, she was a completely different pony" She said. Realisation dawned on me, however, when I took another look at Luna herself. 'Nightmare Moon was as big as Celestia... And this right here is her sister...Twilight never mentioned she had a siste-Oh my god.... Luna....she....SHE was Nightmare Moon?' Seeing my shocked reaction, Celestia merely nodded. Looking down at the still sobbing Luna, I realised why she was crying.

'She's doing exactly what Twilight was doing... Except I literally just blamed her for what happened to me...Oh fucking hell' Falling to my knees, with the princess in my arms, I began stroking mane back.

"You blame yourself as well, don't you?" I got no answer, but I could tell that she did anyway. "Okay, I'll take that as a yes. So, let me ask you something, Princess. Did you hear my little speech to Twilight a minute ago?" I say. Whilst she once again didn't answer, she did at give me a small nod. 'Okay, that's progress'.. "Good. Then that applies to you as well. Do NOT blame yourself for the actions of others" This got her attention.

"What does thou mean?" She whispered. 'Oh my god she's speaking medieval.... That's cute as fu- WAIT, PRIORITIES ALEX! SORT HER OUT FIRST!'

"When I said to blame Nightmare Moon, I meant it literally. Blame Nightmare Moon." I tell her, releasing her in the process. Giving me a look of sadness, whether that be from what I'd said or the fact that I'd stopped playing with her mane, I'm not sure.

"But-"

"No buts! Listen to what I'm saying, Princess. Were you Nightmare Moon?" I got a nod in return. "Wrong answer. I'll say it again. Were you Nightmare Moon?" I repeat. Understanding exactly what it was I was implying, she shook her head.

"Exactly! You were NOT Nightmare Moon! You? You are Princess Luna! When I said to blame Nightmare Moon, I meant it. You were not in control of your actions, Princess, and thereby can't be at fault for the actions or intentions of that monster." I reassure her. "So I'll say it one last time. Do NOT blame yourself for the actions of others." Allowing my words to sink in, she stares long and hard at the ground for a couple of moments, before looking into my eyes.

"So... does thou forgive us?" She asked, her voice filled with hope.

"My dear Princess, I can't forgive you." I admit, watching her face drop. 'I'm not done yet'"I can't forgive you, for the fact that there is nothing to forgive" I say, unable to keep the smile off of my face. Before I could do anything further, I was yet again enveloped by another hug from the princess of the night, who had begun crying yet again. This time, however, the tears were of joy. 'I should start up my own therapy clinic.'

"Hey! You know what this calls for?" Cried Pinkie, who had just finished drying her eyes, along with half the other mares in the room.

"A party?" The room unanimously replied.

"A party!" She confirmed. 'Thought so'. Releasing the smaller princess, I return to my feet, turning to face the rest of the group. Before I could speak, however, Celestia trotted up beside me.

"Before we return to Ponyville, I would like to discuss something with you, Mr Greyson." Facing her with a raised eyebrow, I allow her to continue. "I need to return my sister to the castle, as we have much to discuss about what she has missed during the time that has passed since her transformation, and I need to inform her as to what has changed.". 'Understandable'. "However, in a weeks time, I would like for you to come visit myself and my sister in Canterlot-" I'm unable to hold back a snigger at the name 'Canterlot', "-so as to discuss your future in Equestria."

"Wow, Princess. We've only just met and you're already inviting me home? You're a fast one, I'll give you that" I reply, wiggling my eyebrows for extra effect. The sound of most of the mares in the room nearly tripping over their hooves, and both Rainbow's and Luna's laughter, brought a smile to my face.

"As charming as you are, Mr Greyson, I do believe I may just be a bit old for you" She replies, a playful smile on her muzzle. "Now, how about we all return to Ponyville, and conclude today's adventures." The Princess of the sun suggested. Whilst the girls nodded in agreement, I asked one last question before we could depart.

"Quick question, Princess, and you lot for that matter," I nod to the six smaller mares, "last time I checked, I wasn't a pony. And we know what happened last time I walked headfirst into that place" I say, once again raising an eyebrow towards Rainbow, who returned my look with a smug smile. "And as much as I love being knocked out every once in a while, it loses it's appeal when it happens, like... three times in a day?" I point out. Realising exactly where I was coming from, Celestia assuages my fears.

"Have no fear, Mr Greyson. When we return to Ponyville, I shall inform my little ponies that you are a friend to both myself and the Element Bearers," she says, using her wing to point out the six mares in front of me, "and that you mean no harm and are to be trusted".

"Cheers Princess, means a lot to little ol' me, knowing that I won't have any pegasus deciding to use my head as target practice anymore" I reply, ignoring the exasperated sigh from Rainbow. 'I'm never letting you live it down, skittles.'

"It is my pleasure, Mr Gre-"

"STOP CALLING ME MR GREYSON!"

"...Greyson. Now, shall we depart, my friends?"

Arriving back in Ponyville, and one 'This-Handsome-Bastard-Right-Here-Will-Not-Eat-Your-Children-In-Your-Sleep' speech later, I was now lying down on a couch inside Twilight's new home, reading one of the books that I'd randomly found on the floor. As it turns out, Twilight was originally meant to return to Canterlot with the princesses, but upon realising that she had no desires to leave her new friends, she voiced her sadness to her mentor.

The total G that she is, Celestia permitted her student to remain in Ponyville, and write some 'Friendship Report' or some bollocks to her every now and again, to ensure that she was still keeping up with her studies. Since then, she'd been unable to keep the smile off of her face.

"Keep smiling like that, Sparky, and it's going to fly out the window at some point" I remark, not looking away from the book I was reading, getting a giggle out of Spike. 'I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact that she has a baby fucking dragon as her assistant. This place is truly mental.

A sudden impact to my side caused me to drop the book on on my face. Removing the offending item, I looked to what hit me, seeing a book covered in a violet aura. Looking towards Twilight, I noticed the smug look on her face, along with her horn glowing. 'Oh you cheeky bitch'. Picking up the book, I stood to my full height, and sent her a dark smile. Her smugness faded away into one of unease, backing up away from me. I kept advancing, book in hand.

"Do you wanna play this game, Sparky? Do you REALLY wanna play this game?" I say, holding up the book, looking deep into her eyes. Looking for a way out, she looks at me, smiles, and runs for the stairs, laughing as she goes.

Hearing another laugh to my side, I stare at Spike with the exact same look on my face. He has the same reaction as Twilight.

"TWILIGHT! WAIT FOR ME!" He shouts, running after the fleeing mare. Laughing, I give pursuit, book still in hand.

'You know what? For a world full of cliche magic and overall bullshit, I could get used to this.'
...
...
'Oh god they're rubbing off on me. I need mental help.'

Author's Note

And there we go! In the space of a day, I've written two chapters, both above 4,000 words. Can I please be fed, now?My hands are bleeding but I must continue forwards.

With the defeat of Nightmare Moon, our protagonist can now take a break, or so he thinks. I mean, how much trouble can our loud mouthed Alex get into? Only one way to find out.

Once again, leave feedback for me and excuse any and all errors you may find. I am trying my hardest to ensure my writing is up to a good standard, but I can't catch all my mistakes, as hard as I try.

Finally, I may not update this story again until after Christmas. So until we meet again, Merry Christmas folks! Peace.

It Aint No Chocolate Factory

The Golden Ticket

A few days had passed since the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco, and things had finally begun to calm down for me. Thanks to Princess Celestia's announcement that she had given to Ponyville, 'Never getting over how stupid the name 'Ponyville' is', the residents had finally begun to stop running for cover at the mere sight of me, but were instead beginning to get used to my presence in their quaint town. 'Hell, some have even begun waving and saying 'hello' and shit. It's progress, at least'.

As an extra positive, I've yet to find myself homeless, either. Twilight has been kind enough to allow me to bunk in the library for now, sleeping on the same couch that I had originally found myself on when I first met her and her friends. I've already told her that this can't be a permanent thing, what with the differences between a pony and a human. 'I mean seriously, the fact that I can actually fit in one of those showers that these ponies have? Jesus Christ, it's lucky I don't put a hole in the ceiling. And don't even get me started on the toilets'.

And as much as she's been trying to dissuade me, I've told her on numerous occasions that I would be paying rent. Or, at least doing jobs around the library to at least earn my keep, such as helping Spike to organise the library.

"I've said it before, Twilight, and I'll keep saying it until it gets through that horned head of yours," I say, "that as long as you keep me under this roof, I will earn my keep. I may be a sarcastic idiot at the best of times, but I am not freeloading sarcastic idiot." 'That title goes to my mate Jordan'.

"This again? We've already talked about this!" She whines. 'Yeah, and now we're talking about it again'

"Yes, we have. And I'm telling you again, that I will NOT live here, under your roof, and not do anything in return. That's unfair for both you and me. You, for the fact that you're getting nothing in return for taking care of my fine self, and me for the fact that it ruins my good reputation" I reply.

"But it's only fair that I house you! You helped us defeat Nightmare Moon, even though you had barely even known us for only a few hours! You saved me from that spell, a spell that could have easily killed you!" She counters. I shrug. 'Well apart from some mad bruising, it didn't really do much in the end, surprisingly. So why are you still upset about that? Mares.'

"Your point is?"

"My point? My point is, Greyson, is that I owe you for your selflessness, and as a friend, I'm not going to leave you homeless." She jumps up onto her haunches, reaching just below my neck, and hugs me. "Besides," she continues, still holding onto me, "I still have hundreds of questions about your species, where you come from, your anatomy, your-"

"I knew you just wanted me for my body!" I exclaim. Detaching herself from my waist, I was able to see her face. The poor mare was blushing like a tomato, and looking at me in a mix of shock and embarrassment. Unable to hold a straight face at the sight, I burst out laughing.

"Sparky...Oh...Aha..The look on your face was priceless!" I tell her, still chuckling. My laughter dies in my throat, however, when I see exactly what she was doing. And the dark smile on her muzzle. 'Shit'

"Sparkle....Put the books down.... What are you doing, Sparky?......Twilight?...Don't do it..." I warn, backing away from the deranged mare, who began slowing advancing, like a lioness to her prey, dozens of books levitating in the air. Looking to the stairs, I see Spike coming down, confused at the scene unfolding in front of him. "Spike! My hero! We're friends, right? Help a buddy out?" I plead to the baby dragon. Looking between both myself and Twilight, he laughs.

"Yea, but remember last night? We're getting payback, Grey" He says, adopting the same smile as Twilight, as he moves to join her. 'Oh hell'.

"Waitwaitwait! Shouldn't you both be going off to Applejack's by now?" I point out, hoping that they had forgotten, and would now kindly spare me from asphyxiation via book. They look to each other, then to the clock, and back to me.

"We have time."

"Aahh..Fuck."

With Twilight and Spike now out of the library, I decided to pay a visit to Rarity's boutique. I'd seen the place upon our return to Ponyville yesterday, and knew the way there from the library. Returning the waves given to me by multiple passing ponies, I quickly reached my destination. Knocking on the door, I await an answer from the seamstress. Hearing the door open, I turn to face Rarity.

Only, It's not Rarity who answers. Instead, it's a much more smaller unicorn. 'Did she shrink herself or something?'

"AAAAAAAAAAH! RARITY, THERE'S A MONSTER AT THE DOOR!" she screams, slamming the door in my face. 'Well that happened'. Hearing the commotion, multiple ponies turned their heads towards me. Giving them a smile that roughly translated to 'I-Don't-Know-What-The-Fuck-Just-Happened', I return my attention to the door. It's not long, however, until the mare I had originally been looking for answers the door instead.

"Greyson, darling! I'm so, so sorry for what has just occurred! Sweetie Belle was not there for the Princess's announcement yesterday, you see, and so wasn't informed about your... appearance" She apologises. 'Well, that explains the screaming.'

"Meh, no harm done. I'd take 'Monster' over 'Mr Greyson' any day, so it's all good." I nonchalantly respond. She let out a sigh of relief at that.

"Thank Celestia for that. Would you like to come in?" 'No, I just thought I'd stroll all the way over here to get mugged off by a filly'.

"I would actually. I need to talk to you about possibly getting a new set of clothing. As stylish and comfy as these are," I say, pointing towards my worn out apparel, "they won't last forever. Plus, they will eventually start to stink. That is something I don't exactly want, to be honest". And with that, I follow Rarity into her boutique.

Leading me to a nearby set of mirrors, she has me stand on a podium. Levitating a set of measuring tape from a nearby container, she turns to me.

"Now before I can design anything for you, darling, I'll need your exact measurements." She says. "To that end, I'll need you to remove all articles of clothing so that I can get a perfectly accurate set of measurements". 'All? This may not end well.'

"Well alright, sweetheart, but don't be getting excited." I say, earning an eye roll from the indigo maned mare. Removing both my shirt and pants, but keeping my boxers where they were, I quickly take notice of that fact that Rarity's eyes were taking in every detail of my body. More specifically, my just-about-visible-yet-still-noticeable six pack. 'What can I say? I work out'. "Eyes are up here, sweetheart" I say, catching the attention of the blushing mare. Knowing that I'd caught her staring, the mare couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes, well. I apologise for staring, but I've just never seen such a well defined stalli- I mean, human, before." She admitted, before beginning her measuring.

"Probably because I'm the only human you've seen" I say, before cringing internally at what I'd just said. 'That still bugs me, being the only human around.'.

"How are you handling that fact, may I ask?" The mare asks, as if reading my thoughts.

"What? Being the only human around?"

"Yes, darling. Surely it must be coming as a shock to you, being the only one of your kind here?"

"Well... I've not actually thought of it so much, to be honest." I admit to Rarity, who had nearly finished up with her measurements.

"Have you thought about how you will get home?" 'Oh hell, I was wondering when that question would come up'. In the short time span I've spent in Equestria, I'd already become quite attached to the place. Befriending the six mares I'd travelled with yesterday, I had a feeling it would upset them greatly if I were to head back to where I'd come from. Unable to give an honest answer, I shrug.

"As it stands, I have no clue. I'll need to talk to your Princess about that. Seeing as how she's so powerful and mighty, as you lot have told me, she'll probably have the best idea of how to send me back." I respond. Nodding, Rarity ushered me off of the small podium I'd been stood on. 'Thank god she didn't have me remove my boxers. That would have been awkward conversation.' Pointing me towards a nearby couch, she headed off towards another room.

"I'll need an hour or two at most to complete your clothes, darling, so by all means, re-dress yourself and take a nap whilst you wait." She suggests. 'Is that it? Mate, she's speedy as hell'.

"Well alright then, I'll take you up on that" I say, heading over to and lying down on the comfy furniture in question, closing my eyes. It's not long before I find myself drifting off to sleep.

I awoke to a small prodding, coming from my arm, which was draped over the side of the couch. Opening one eye, I see that the small filly from before was poking my arm and hand, curiosity evident on her muzzle. "Can I help you, Sweetie?" I ask, remembering what Rarity had called the small filly. Jumping back in shock, her curiosity was joined by a mixture of fear and embarrassment.

"I'm so-so-rry to wake you, si-sir, but-but-I- wanted to apo-apologise for my be-behavi-viour from be-before." she stuttered, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. 'Oh...my...god. I can't stay angry at her... Hell I can't even BE angry at her!'. Turning my head towards the apologetic filly, I give her a soft smile.

"Don't worry about it, kiddo. We all make mistakes. And trust me, I know" I say, chuckling at my own banter. This got a small smile out of the little unicorn. 'Aah, there we go. That's what I want to see.'

"So... yo-you're no-not angry w-with me?"

"Angry? No way." I reassure the filly, sitting up in the process. "Heck, if anything, I'm impressed with what you did." Unsurprisingly, she didn't understand why that was.

"Impressed? How can you be impressed?" She questioned, tilting her head in the most adorable way possible. 'Hhhnnnhhg, stahp'. Keeping my eyes fixed on hers, I sit myself onto the floor, bringing myself closer to her level.

"When you opened that door, you came face to face with something you had never even seen before. Something, that was more than triple your size. If I were in your hooves, I wouldn't have even moved because of how terrified I would have been. But you? You slammed that door in my face, and called me a monster. And as bad as that sounds now, what you did would have alerted both your sister, and any passing ponies in the street, who would have come to help you. What you did, Sweetie, was brave. Stupid, yes. But still very brave." I finish, looking at the awestruck filly, the same, reassuring smile from before still on my face.

I was taken by surprise, however, when I suddenly found myself being tackled by the filly. 'I'm not even going to complain'.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" She exclaims, tightening her grip around my neck, yet not enough to hurt me. 'Daw, this is nice'. Returning the embrace, I laugh.

"Good to see that cheered you up. But, just for future reference, the name's Greyson, okay sweetheart?" Feeling her nod in response, I return to the hug. The moment ends all too soon, when she lets go.

"Thank you for not being angry, Mr Greyson!" And with that, she scampers off. 'If anyone has the privilege to call me that, it's her, and just her.' Returning to my feet, I'm just in time to hear Rarity returning from her workshop.

"Aah, Rarity! You finished with the clothes, yet?" I ask, already knowing what her answer would most likely be.

"Why, of course, my dear Greyson! Whilst it was a challenge to come up with something that I believed would be to your liking, I do believe I have succeeded." She proudly proclaimed, flipping her mane in the process. Holding up the clothing in question, I couldn't disagree with her. Multiple pairs of black and blue denim jeans, along with socks to replace the worn out grey ones I had been wearing for the past few days. Thankfully, the seamstress had also taken the time to design a couple sets of boxers, alongside the lower body wear. 'Thank god for that'. Rarity had also fashioned a number of shirts for me, colours ranging from dark grey to a light blue. Looking at the far end of the clothing, I realised that, along with the clothes, she'd also fashioned another set of footwear to replace my worn and torn ones. 'Not bad'. But what impressed me the most, however, was what she was levitating the highest, above all the other articles of clothing.

'She fashioned me an honest to god Overcoat? You beautiful, beautiful mare!'

"Rares, believe me when I tell you that what you've done is absolutely amazing! You are an absolute legend, and let nopony else tell you otherwise." I say. My response is yet another giggle from the mare, and a light blush. 'I just can't stop myself, can I?'. Suddenly, a thought occurs to me that wipes the smile from my face. 'Now how in the fuck am I meant to pay her with no money? I only have like £20 with me, and I don't think they even take British money in Equestria anyway.'

Voicing my dilemma to the mare, she laughs in response.

"Darling, please! I am the Element of Generosity!" She says, "I could never charge a friend

"Rarity, as much as I appreciate that, I can't just take all of this for free. I need to pay you back somehow... Aah! How bout I take you to Pinkie's.....place....Oh wait.. I have no money. Heh" 'Well this is awkward'

"Nonsense, darling! I'll take you myself, as a treat for what you said to my sister." She replied. 'Wait, she heard that?'

"You heard that?" I say, cheeks red in slight embarrassment. In response, she let out a soft chuckle.

"Why of course I did. Who would have thought you would be so good with foals? My, if only more stallions were just like you." 'Then this place would be well and truly fucked.'

"Come to think of it, why do you wear so many clothes, Greyson? You shouldn't be ashamed of your natural appearance, darling, and many mares would be quite impressed with your.....exotic appearance." She asks, giving me a flirtatious smile as she finishes. 'Cheeky'

"Well, humans don't have fur like you ponies do, so we need clothes to keep our bodies warm. Stops us freezing to death, Also, it hides and protects our...more...private regions" I say. Realising exactly what I mean, she nods in understanding, albeit with another light blush

"I perfectly understand, darling. Now, hurry up and put those on! I want to see how they look!"

And boy was she happy with how it turned out, if the 'squeeing' noise she made was any clue. 'Mares are weird'

Now finely dressed, I swagger out of the boutique with Rarity, heading off towards Sugarcube Corner. Turning a corner, the pair of us find ourselves coming across a familiar trio. "Hey girls, hey Spike," I call, getting their attention, and an evil look from Spike. Ignoring the baby dragons glare, I continue. "How d'you like my outfit?" I say, gesturing to my new attire. Judging by the shocked looks I got from the three, I took an educated guess and believed that they were impressed.

"Wowie! Looking good, Greyie!" Pinkie cried.

"Pinkie?"

"Yea?"

"Never call me that again?

"Nope?

"I hate you."

"No you don't!" 'I know'. Turning to the lavender unicorn, I notice that she was in awe of my appearance. "Twilight? Hellllooo?" I say, waving a hand in front of her muzzle. This brought her back to reality, as she shook her head. "Hey, Greyson. Nice outfit! Did Rarity make it?" She asks, gesturing towards the seamstress herself.

"Why, of course I did, darling. And I must say, I do believe I have outdone myself, if your reaction to our dashing friend's appearance was anything to go by?" She said, resulting in both her and myself giving Twilight a smirk. Before we could embarrass her any further, Rarity gasped, noticing something golden in Spike's claw. 'Are those tickets?'

"Are these what I think they are?" She asks, getting a closer look at the tickets.

"Uh-"
"Yes, yes, yes! Twilight's taking me to the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot!" Cried Pinkie. 'Gala? Is that one of those old party things that you dress up to?' Before I could voice my question, Rarity spoke up.

"The gala? I design ensembles for the gala every year, but I've never had the opportunity to attend. Oh, the society, the culture, the glamour! It's where I truly belong, and where I'm destined to meet him."

"Him?...... Who's him?" Questioned Pinkie. 'Aint that the question of the hour'

"Him.." Replied Rarity, who then began to talk in long detail about her fantasy of meeting a prince whose name was pretty stupid, a wedding, the Princess and more things I wasn't paying any attention to. Sitting on a nearby bench, I sat and waited for the whole thing to blow over, now that Rarity was questioning Twilight's decision to take Pinkie over her.

I don't know how long I was sat waiting on that bench, however, as when I next looked up, all of our friends were now here, arguing over who should get Twilight's spare ticket. Getting up, I walked over to Twilight, hoping to give her some advice on how to deal with this clusterfuck. She beat me to it, however.

"QUIET!" She shouted. 'Well shit, somepony's gotten assertive'

"And then I said, "Oatmeal, are you craz--" oh." 'The fuck were you talking about'

"Girls, there's no use in arguing." Pointed out Twilight.

"But Twilig-" Rarity was interrupted by Twilight, who shushed her.

"This is my decision, and I'm gonna make it on my own, and I certainly can't think straight with all this noise....not to mention hunger. Now go on, shoo!" She said to the now grumbling and vacating ponies, plus one human.

"And don't worry, I'll figure this out...somehow."

Returning to the library, I lay back down on the couch that I'd called my bed for the past few days, picking up one of the books that I'd been reading. I didn't get far however, when a sudden bout of tiredness came over me. Thinking that the day must've taken a lot out of me, I placed the book back down onto the floor, and closed my eyes, hoping to get a quick and uninterrupted na-

"YAAAAARGH!

"OKAY HOLY SHIT I'M AWAKE WHERE'S THE FIRE!" I shout, falling off of the couch in the process. Turning towards the lavender pony who had decided that the most effective method of waking a sleeping human is by screaming, I realise that her attention wasn't on any fire or emergency. I turn to look at what she was looking at, seeing the five mares from earlier now looking down on her, looks of shock on their faces. 'The hell is this?'

"I can't decide, I just can't decide! It's important to all of you and I just can't stand to disappoint any of you, and giving me gifts and doing me favours won't make any difference, because you're all my friends and I wanna make you all happy and I can't, I just can't!" She cried, falling to the floor. Trotting up to her friend, Applejack placed her hoof on Twilight's.

"Twilight, sugar, I didn't mean to put so much pressure on you, and if it helps, ah' don't want the ticket anymore. You can give it to somepony else. Ah' won't feel bad, ah' promise" Reassured the farmer.

"Me too. I feel just awful that I made you feel so awful." Fluttershy said, flying down to join her friends. One by one, the remaining mares voiced their apologies for pressuring the lavender unicorn into giving one of them the ticket.

"Yes! That means the ticket is mine. Ha ha! I got the ticket, I got the ticket-ow!" Her celebratory chant was interrupted, when I threw the book I'd been reading earlier at her. Noticing the disapproving looks the group was sending her way, she also gave up her claim to the ticket.

"We're sorry, Twilight" apologised the five mares. With that, Twilight rose to her feet, and turned to Spike.

"Spike, take down a note.Dear Princess Celestia,

I've learned that one of the joys of friendship is sharing your blessings, but when there's not enough blessings to go around, having more than your friends can make you feel pretty awful. So, though I appreciate the invitation, I will be returning both tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala" In response to this declaration, the mares gasped in shock.

"WHAT?" They protested. Ignoring their shouts, Twilight continued.

"If my friends can't all go, I don't wanna go either." She finished.

"Twilight, ya' don't have to do that!" Protested Applejack. 'I think she just did?'

"Nope. I've made up my mind. Spike, you can send the letter now." And with that, Spike opened the nearby window, set the letter on fire, and blew it away, much to my everlasting confusion. 'Fucking magic'

"Now you won't get to go to the gala either" Pointed out the yellow Pegasus.

"It's okay, girls. I couldn't possibly enjoy myself without my best friends there with me, so I would rather not go at all." She said, being embraced by her friends. Deciding to make my presence known, seeing as how I'd more or less been ignored throughout the entire conversation, I spoke up.

"As touching as this all is," I say, bringing the girls' attention to me, "I'm sure if you just asked Celestia, she'd happily give you more-" Suddenly, Spike began to choke, before suddenly belching up another letter, with the Equestrian royal seal emblazoned onto it. "-tickets."

"A letter from the Princess? That was fast" Exclaimed Twilight. Unfolding the letter, Spike turned to the rest of us.

"My faithful student Twilight,

Why didn't you just say so in the first place?" He said, before pulling out six more identical tickets from before. "Six tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!" 'I love it when I'm right'.

"Now we can all go!" Exclaimed Twilight, causing the rest of the girls to cheer in delight. Their cheers are cut short, however, when they realise that whilst they could all go, two of us still had no tickets. And whilst I certainly didn't care at this point, only wanting to go back to sleep, I could easily tell that Spike was slightly disappointed.

"How come I don't get to go?" He asked, before suddenly belching up another letter, holding a seventh ticket.

"There you go, problem solved." I say.

"But what about you, Greyson? We can't just go without you." Asks Twilight, whose statement is supported by five nodding mares and a dragon.

"Well, A) This Gala sounds girlish as all hell, so I'd much rather pass. B) There's only seven tickets, and I'm sure Spike wants to go more than me. And C) See my previous points." I reply, turning back towards the couch. Before I could even lie down, however, my attention is once more directed towards the familiar sound of Spike belching up a letter. 'I swear to god, if that's what I think it is...'

" And lest I forget, one for Mr Greyson himself. We shan't be leaving out our newfound friend from this festivity now, will we?" Spike said, putting extra emphasis on my name.

"Fucking BITCH!"

Author's Note

And we're back! Hope you all had a very lovely Christmas. I know I did. Alex has now met one third of the CMC, gotten himself some swanky clothing, and has now received his very own ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala. Oh boy,

Because I don't think I am the best at describing things like clothing, here are what they more or less look like:

https://truclothing.com/pub/media/catalog/product/cache/c687aa7517cf01e65c009f6943c2b1e9/m/a/makrom-k0003-mens-high-collar-grandad-nehru-wool-jacket-overcoat-smart-casual-winter-slim-fit-1.jpg

http://bodjeans.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Mens-Dark-Denim-Jeans-gdbqx5ji311.jpg

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcSJ5k58QqAP79DOE9YcUcoOVMGVmMJ18XDyU9CgW2a6viWDH2xKN8XmzBmkQv7eh30q2iLEv1U&usqp=CAE

So when you picture our protagonist, just imagine him wearing them, and you'll get a good idea of his every day appearance. However, he won't be looking so roguish all the time, though. Events such as, oh, I don't know, a wedding, will demand a more refined appearance.

Just Take The Help, Goddammit!

As Stubborn As A Mule

One week ago, Applejack had successfully managed to deter a stampede of cows from flattening Ponyville. In doing so, the town (mainly Pinkie), had decided to throw a party in her honour, lining the town in decorations and other lovely things, celebrating the farmer's actions. Whilst we waited for the mare-of-honour to show up, myself and Rarity were placing the finishing touches on the decorations around the town hall.

"We all ready?" Asks Twilight, trotting up to inspect the decorations.

"Just one last thing." Replies Rarity, using her magic to levitate a nearby poster, decorated with apples, and hanging it over the town hall. "Now we're ready." 'Show off'

"Is Applejack all set?" Twilight says to Rainbow Dash, who had just flown over to join us.

"Actually, I haven't seen her all week" The Pegasus replies.

"Not since the stampede" Pinkie adds in, joining the conversation.

"But she'll be here for sure!" Reassures Rainbow. "Applejack is never late."

"Well let's hope your right, skittles, because here comes the audience." I say, pointing to the large crowd of ponies heading our way.

"Positions, everypony! Positions!" Cries Twilight, galloping towards the stage, followed by myself and the girls.

With the large gathering of ponies now quietening down, Twilight trots towards the microphone and begins her speech, levitating the

"Welcome, everypony! Today, we are here to honour a pony we can always count on to help in matters great and small. A pony whose contributions to-" She's interrupted, however, by a certain rainbow maned pegasus, scattering the unicorn's notes all over the stage, much to my amusement.

"Did you see Applejack's slick moves out there? What an athlete. This week, she's gonna help me with my new flying trick, and I know it's gonna be so awesome!" She exclaims, much to the delight of the crowd. She's then pushed out of the way by Twilight, who resumes her own speech.

"Exactly. And-" Once more, the poor unicorn finds herself cut off, this time by Pinkie. 'Strike two!'

"This week, I get to run Sugarcube Corner for the first time!"

"Is this even relevant?"

"What does that have to do with Applejack?" Questioned Twilight. Blinking in confusion, one can almost hear the gears in Pinkie's head turning, processing what she had just heard.

"Oh." 'Ding!' "Applejack, one of the best bakers ever, is gonna help me! Applejack makes everything great, so free samples for everypony!" Like Rainbow Dash, this pleases the crowd. Also like Rainbow Dash, Pinkie is shoved to the side by the unicorn.

"Oh-kay, that's great. Now if I could just make a point without being inter-"

"Twilight?"

"-rupted.."

"STRIKE THREE! WOOOOOO!"

"Twilight, I'm so sorry," apologised the introverted Pegasus. "but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the new baby bunnies that were born this season. She's gonna help gather them using her wonderful herding skills." Noticing the uncaring look the unicorn was giving her, Fluttershy retreated back off of the stage.

"Anyone else? Anyone? No? Well then, as I was trying to say-"

"Hey Twilight?"

"WHAT!?" Screams Twilight, her head shooting towards me, her right eye twitching in annoyance.

"Hi" I say, giving the flabbergasted mare a wave, innocent smile and all, whilst gesturing to the Mayor standing besides her.

"Urgh! Never mind" Mutters the exasperated unicorn, joining me at the back of the stage, giving me a shove which I playfully return. 'It aint fun being interrupted, is it?'

"And so, with no further ado, it is my privilege to give the prize, 'Pony of Ponyville' Award, to our beloved guest of honour, a pony of the utmost trustworthiness, reliability, and integrity. Ponyvilles' most capable and dependable friend: Applejack!" And with that, the curtains opened to the cheers of the crowd, and revealed...

...Nopony. The mare in question was nowhere to be seen.

"Cool! Way to go Applejack, that was awesome! I mean....heh " Noticing the looks we were sending his way, Spike quickly quietened down. "Awkward". 'More or less'. Clearing her throat in embarrassment, Mayor Mare, 'Oh my god her parents must've really hated her', began looking around for a way out of the awkward situation. Thankfully, a solution came.

"I'm here. I'm here!" Called out a voice from behind the crowd, it's owner being none other than Applejack herself. Pushing/stumbling her way to the front of the crowd, Applejack finally dragged herself onto the stage. 'She doesn't seem all right... She drunk?'

"Miss Mayor," She said, before pushing said mayor away from the podium, 'Isn't that assault?', "thank ya' kindly for this here...award...thingy. It's so bright and shiny and..heheh, ah' sure do look funny...heh.. " 'Yep, she's absolutely hammered. And she didn't even let me have any? Snide bitch.' The mare was then joined by Pinkie, who proceeded to join her in making faces in the award's reflection. 'Well, Pinkie aint drunk, she's just completely insane. Or both, I can't actually tell.'

"Okay. Well, thank you Applejack for saving us from that scary stampede, and always being there for everypony." Twilight said, trying to salvage what was left of the award ceremony.

"Yeah. Ah' like helping the ponyfolks and.....and stuff..." And then she fell asleep.

"I got this." I say to Twilight. Taking matters into my own hands, I walk up to the sleepy mare and, cracking my hands, slap the mare back into reality.

Lightly, mind you.

"Oh-uh-yeah-Uh....Thanks!" And with that, she takes one of the handles in her mouth and drags the trophy off of the stage, back through the crowd, and away to her farm, much to the confused stares of everypony else.

"Was it just me, or did Applejack seem a little..."

"Tired?"
"Dizzy?"
"Shitfaced?"
"Messy?" Noticing our questioning looks, Rarity attempted to explain herself. "Well, did you see her mane?"

"She seemed fine to me!" Pinkie said, before continuing her to make the noises that she and Applejack had been making beforehand. Sighing, I turn to Twilight, who had a look of curiosity on her muzzle.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" I ask Twilight

"That we go visit Applejack and find out what's wrong with her today?" She replies.

"Close enough" And with that, the pair of us began making our way to Sweet Apple Acres, with the aim of finding out exactly what was up with our apple farming friend.

But not before I helped myself to a couple of apples that had fallen from Applejack's baskets, much to Twilight's annoyance.

"That's stealing, Greyson" She pointed out.

"What you gonna do? Arrest me?" Her response is to magically chuck an apple at my head, promptly receiving an apple to her own, courtesy of LeBron Greyson over here.

Finally reaching one of the apple fields, we were able to spot Applejack kicking the nearby trees, causing all of their apples to fall into the conveniently placed baskets. Making our way towards the apple farmer, we quickly noticed the fact that after the third tree she had kicked, she began stumbling around.

"What on earth is that pony doing?" Questioned Twilight, upon seeing Applejack kicking over a full basket of apples.

"Being a clumsy twat?"

"Greyson! That's our friend you're talking about!" Rebuked the unicorn. Shrugging my shoulders, I begin walking towards Applejack, who was now standing still, looking at the floor, seemingly in a daze.

"Well let's not stand here all day, Sparky. Time to figure out what's up with her." Reaching the farm pony, I realised that, like she had done on the stage, she had fallen asleep. Looking at Twilight, I gestured to the sleeping pony. "She did this on the stage, as well" I say.

"Applejack!" Shouts Twilight, still a metres from where I was, whilst getting no reaction from the sleeping mare. 'Why is she still over there?' Suddenly, my vision is blinded by a bright light, forcing me to cover my eyes. Opening them a moment later, I realise that Twilight had decided to teleport from where she was, now appearing in front of Applejack.

"APPLEJACK!" She shouts, oblivious to my temporary blindness.

"Warn me, next time? I prefer not being blind, Sparkles." Turning around to stick her tongue out at me, the unicorn turns back to Applejack, who had now only just realised we were here.

"Oh, howdy Twilight, Greyson." Greets the sleepy mare.

"What is all this?" Questions Twilight, looking around the field.

"An apple farm?" I flatly say.

"It's Applebuck season" Replies Applejack, trotting to a nearby tree to continue working. She's stopped however, by Twilight, who had decided to once again teleport in front of her, leaving me behind. Rejoining the mares, I'm once more able to be a part of the conversation.

"-ple family calls harvestin' time. We gather all the apples from the trees so we can sell 'em." Explains the farm pony.

"But why are you doing it all alone?"

"'Cause Big McIntosh hurt himself."

"Big McIntosh? Who's he?" I ask.

"Ma' brother" Is her simple reply.

"Aah, got it."

"What about all those relatives I've met when I first came to Ponyville? Can't they help?"

"Will you please stop teleporting for five minutes? It's doing my head in, Sparky."

"They were just here for the Apple family reunion. They actually live all over Equestria and are busy harvestin' their own orchards. So, uh, I'm on ma' own." And then Twilight teleports in front of the stetson wearing mare. Again. 'I swear I'm going to slap her'.

"Which means, I should really get back to work." Says Applejack to an unmoving Twilight, who was blocking her way. "Ahem...hint hint? Get back to work?" This appears to get through to the unicorn, who finally relents.

"Fine" Sighs Twilight, stepping out of the way.

"Could ya' step aside, Twilight?" Says Applejack, appearing to be wobbling. 'Erm...You okay?'

"I just did......Applejack, you don't look so good." Points out the lavender unicorn. Getting a closer look, I can't help but nod in agreement.

"Yeah, you aren't looking to great there, AJ. I think you should probably take a brea-" And then karma bites me in the ass, with me being cut off.

"Eh, don't any of you three worry none, I'm just fine and dandy!" She says, trotting to a nearby tree, attempting to kick the tree, but missing. "Whoa!" She exclaims, before once more finding herself face to face with Twilight. Again.

"Do you... want some help?" This triggers something in the farm pony, who quickly begins shaking her head.

"Help? No way, no how!" 'That's what they all say, before they suddenly find themselves with no money and sleeping in a ditch at the side of the road.... As far as I've experienced, anyway...Good times.'

"AJ, she's just offering to help you out." 'Just take the hint?'

"Yeah, we are." She says, looking at me. Realising there was no way I was getting out of it, I nod in agreement. Happy with my answer, she turns back to the stubborn farmer.

"Besides, there's no way you can do it all on your own." This turns out to be a poor choice of words from the unicorn, as Applejack does not look to happy with that statement.

"Is that a challenge?" Says Applejack, getting into Twilight's personal space. Stepping closer to the pair in case one of them does something they'll both later regret, I'm thankful that Twilight decides to quickly diffuse the situation before it could escalate any further.

"Uhm... no?" Despite this, Applejack still believed that the unicorn was doubting her. To be honest, I didn't exactly have much faith in the farm pony either, but I wasn't the one being squared up to.

"Well, I'm gonna prove to you that ah' can do it! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got apples to buck!" And with that, the farmer trots of to buck the nearby trees, missing one or two in the process. Turning to the concerned unicorn next to me, I reassuringly pat her back.

"Welp, you tried Sparky, but that mare is pretty damn stubborn. It'll probably take a miracle before she decides to pull her head out of her own ass." I jokingly say.

"I guess you're right. Come on, let's head back to the library. It's time you answered a few questions of mine." She says, eyes shining in excitement and a wide smile adorning her muzzle. Unable to say no to that face, I sigh in acceptance.

"Fine, fine, whatever... As long as they aren't too personal, I'll try my best." And with that, she teleports the pair of us back to the library, where I quickly proceed to rush to the bathroom and throw up from how horrible teleportation feels, much to Twilight's amusement. 'Sadistic bitch'.

Standing on one of the libraries balconies, I'm subjected to numerous questions from the lavender unicorn, whose hunger for knowledge was....unnerving, to say the least. With every question she asked, she'd end up having at least a couple more, which she'd scribble down in that notepad of her's.

"What was your world called?"

"Earth."

"Where did you come from?"

"My mother?OW!Okay, okay, stop throwing books at me, for fuck sake! England, United Kingdom. Happy? Jesus christ"

"Who's the monarch of this 'United Kingdom'?"

"Good ol' Queen Elizabeth II, immortal beast that she is."

"Wait, your ruler is immortal as well?"

"Nope. I just say that because she's ruled for so long that many people think that she's a lizard, can't age, and is part of an organisation that plans on turning the world into some lovely utopia, or something like that."

"Uh huh... Anyway, what are those things on the edge of your....hoof? Claw?"

"These?" I say, wiggling my fingers. "They're fingers. This one here, is the thumb, and this one here-" I raise my middle finger, "-is my favourite out of them all." I smirk, the unicorn staring inquisitively at what I was doing.

"Oh yea, I've seen you do that before. What does that mean?"

"It basically means 'Go-Fuck-Yourself' in sign language." Hearing this, she blushes.

"Oh...Nice to know... Okay..uh... next question. What is your diet, exactly? Because, looking at your teeth, you seem to be an omnivore, correct?"

"Yep. I can both meat and vegetables, though I take it meat isn't exactly in popular demand round here, since I've yet to see any of you lot eat any, right?"

"You'd be correct. Ponies are herbivores, and so we can't eat mea-"

"I know what it means, Sparky. I'm not that dumb, contrary to popular belief."

"Hey, I don't think you're stupid." 'Aww, cheers sweetheart.'

"Daww, thanks Sparkles."

"Anyway, next question. What was your foalhood li-" 'Yea, no.'

"What did I say at the farm, Sparky?" I say, cutting her off. Blinking in surprise, she pauses in thought, before repeating what I had said earlier. 'Good girl.'

"Exactly. So, pick a different question." Before she could do so, however, both mine and Twilight's attention were directed to what sounded like screaming. And it was getting louder by the second. Realising it was now coming from above us, I looked to the sky, before suddenly feeling a strong force impact with my abdomen, being brought down to the floor by it. Looking to my chest, I realised that there was now a Pegasus laying ontop of me. A certain, rainbow maned Pegasus, to be exact.

"Hey, big guy." She says, giving me a sheepish smile. I raise my eyebrow.

"Next time, take me out to dinner, okay Rainbow?" I say, smirking in the process. Unable to contain a blush, she instead turns to face Twilight. 'Aah, the day I meet someone I can't fluster is the day I'll die. And hell, I'm probably immortal by now.'

"I think somepony else needs your help"

"Applejack?" Both myself and Twilight guess.

"Yep" Sighing, Twilight gets up and teleports away, most likely to Applejack's farm, leaving me on the balcony. With Rainbow still lying on top of me.

"So, do you wanna get up? Or do you want to stay on top of me all day? I ask.

"Well, you're pretty comfy to lie on, lanky, and I've not had my midday nap yet, so...."

"Knock yourself out, skittles" And with that, she dropped her head back down onto my shirt, wrapping her wings around my body like a pillow, before falling asleep, a goofy smile on her face. Shaking my head at how stupid the pair of us looked, I lay my own head back down, closing my eyes. Minutes later, I was out like a light.

I don't know how long I'd been asleep on that balcony, but when I woke up, Rainbow had vanished. Shrugging, I head back into the library, wondering if Twilight had managed to talk some sense into Applejack yet. I'd just reached the bottom of the stairs when, out of nowhere, a sudden bout of tiredness overcomes me, similar to the one I had experienced during the Gala ticket fiasco.

This time, however, it was much more stronger. So strong, in fact, that it forces me to one knee, attracting the attention of those present. Those being Twilight and Spike, who quickly rushed to my side. 'What the fuck is this?'

"Greyson! Are you alright?" I'm only just about able to hear their voices, as I stagger back to my feet.

"I'm fine.... I'm fine...Really, I'm good.. I just...stumbled on the last step. Lost my footing, y'know?" I say, reassuring the distressed duo. Thankfully, this seems to calm them both down. For the moment, at least. Hoping to change the subject, I turn towards Twilight. "So, Sparky. How'd it go with Applejack?" I ask, hoping that the stubborn mare had finally decided to take our advice and ask for help. Still looking at me with a hint of concern, Twilight shakes her head. "Not good?"

"Not good." She confirms. 'Seriously? This mare is out of her mind' "Do you know what that mare has done?" She asks.

"Well, you ditched me on the balcony with Rainbow, so....No?"

"Good job, Twilight." Chuckles Spike, much to the embarrassment of Twilight.

"Oh yea, heh, sorry about that." She sheepishly replies, ears flattening in embarrassment. 'What is it with ponies and being too goddamn adorable? I hate it and love it, and that is horrifying.'

"Meh, don't worry about it. So what did AJ do exactly?" I ask, curious to know what the mare had done now. One explanation later, involving a mass food poisoning incident, and I was rather....surprised. 'She's really this desperate to not take help? Holy hell, even I'm not this stubborn.'"

"Dear god, the mare is as stubborn as a mule." I say, shaking my head in exasperation. At this, the unicorn laughed.

"That's exactly what I said!" At this, I chuckled as well. 'Great minds think ali-' Our attention was drawn to a knocking on the nearby window, where, quite coincidentally, an actual mule was standing outside.. Looking inside. At us. 'That's creepy.'

"My friend here meant no offence!" Shouted Twilight to the possibly offended mule.

"None taken." Replied the mule, who proceeded to walk away. 'The hell?'

"Who the fuck was that? A friend of yours?" I say, laughing. At this, the unicorn picks up a nearby book and throws it at my head. Again. "Can you not use my head for target practice?" I ask, getting a giggle from both the mare and dragon.

"Let me think about it....No." Is her cocky reply, before she turns to the door. "I'm going for a walk, want to come?" She asks the pair of us.

"No thanks, I've got some comics I want to catch up on." Is Spike's answer, running up the stairs behind me. Now looking at me, I shrug.

"Sure, why not. I need to stretch my legs anyway after the nap I just had." I say, joining her at the door, opening it for her. "Mares first" I say, giving a comical bow. As with everything I do apparently, this elicits another laugh from Twilight.

"My, such a gentlecolt, Greyson. You must have had the girls back home swooning for you." She flatteringly responds, exiting the library, me following after her.

"Heh, you'd be surprised." Is my simple answer, closing the door behind us. Unsurprisingly, we're barely around the corner from the library before something happens, causing us to halt in our tracks. Three familiar mares were lying in the road, seemingly injured. 'Wait a second. I remember those three! They like my outfit.' Putting my hands to my mouth, I shout over to them. "OI! Flower Puff Girls! You good?"

"The horror! the horror!" Cries Rose. 'What's happened this time?'

"It was awful." Then cried Lily. 'Oh my god, get to the point'.

"A disaster. A horrible, horrible disaster!" Looking to Twilight for an explanation, it would seem that she is just as confused as I am.

"I don't get it." She admits.

"Join the club." Suddenly, two of the trio jump to their feet, with both Lily and Valley running off towards their respective gardens, leaving Rose on the floor.... For whatever reason. 'Is she even hurt?'

"Our gardens, destroyed!" 'By what?'

"Every last flower, devoured!" 'They'll grow back...'

"By....By....THEM!" Shouted Rose, pointing to something behind us. Looking to face whatever demon had done such a horrible crime, I was unprepared for what I was facing. A foe that was beyond me, a foe that could stare into your eyes and rip your very soul from your body.

A foe that had me in hysterics. Seeing the swarm of tiny baby bunnies just hopping around without a care in the world, eating everyponies' bushes of flowers was just so stupidly funny to me that I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of today's events. The sight of Fluttershy trying her hardest, yet failing, to round them all up and prevent any more flower genocide just added fuel to the fire.

"Oh my! Oh... Please stop, little bunnies. Oh no! Please, let's go home. Oh my goodness!" 'I really should spend some more time with her at some point. And the others, for that matter.' Turning to Twilight, I see that she has now adopted a face of serious determination.

"All right. Enough is enough." She said. "Come on, Greyson. We need to talk to Applejack and get it through that head of her's that she needs our help!"

"Yeah, in a sec, Sparky. I'm a bit..you're so cute..preoccupied, at the moment." I said, struggling to not die happy at that moment.

"With wha...Oh..." Turning to face me, she realised what had me so busy at that moment in time. Mainly, the baby bunnies that had decided to jump on me, mainly into my arms, nuzzling my face. 'I'm in heaven, and I don't wanna go'. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and I had to give up my fuzzy friends so as to help deal with Applejack, much to my disappointment.

Arriving once more at Sweet Apple Acres, we spot Applejack on a hill not to far. Thankfully with no teleportation involved, we make our way to it and up towards the farmer.

"-Must...finish...harvestin'" I just about hear her say, the lethargic mare struggling to even stand at this point. 'Yea, no. She needs help.'

"All right, Applejack. Your applebucking hasn't just caused you problems, it's over-propelled Pegasus'-"

"Into my chest."

"-practically poisoned plenty of ponies, and terrorized bushels of brand new bouncing baby bunnies. I don't care what you say, you. Need. Help!" Twilight finishes, staring straight into Applejack's eyes.

"She has a point, AJ. I'm a very stubborn individual as well, as you've already found out, but this? This isn't healthy. You need to take a break, and realise that you can't do it all by yourself." I finish, receiving a proud smile from Twilight. Applejack's answer is instead to kick the tree one last time, dropping the remaining apples in the basket.

"Ha! No, I don't! Look, I did it! I harvested the entire Sweet Apple Acres without your help. How d'ya like them apples?" 'Oh for fu...Who's that?' Coming up over the other side of the hill was the second biggest pony I'd ever seen, with Celestia being the first. The red stallion looked to the other part of the field, exactly where I was now looking, and turned back to the farmer pony.

"Um, how do you like them apples?" He asks, nodding his head to the direction in which there were countless other apple trees, still needing to be harvested. Upon seeing this, Applejack gasps and proceeds mumble incomprehensibly, before dropping to the floor, having fainted from shock and exhaustion. Whilst Twilight trotted up to her now unconscious friend, I instead turned to the red stallion.

"Hey, are you Big MacIntosh by any chance?" I ask, hoping that this was in fact Applejack's brother, and I wasn't making myself look stupid.

"Eee'yup." Is his answer.

"Nice. So you're AJ's big brother?" I ask, holding my hand out, to which he shakes with his hoof. 'Still don't understand how they can manage this.'

"Eee'yup."

"Uh huh.... You don't talk much, do you."

"Eee'nope."

"Fair enough. In a bit, big man." And with that, he heads back down the hill and towards the farmhouse. My attention is then turned back to the mares, who were now in conversation, most likely about how stubborn Applejack is and how much we want to help her.

"Oh, good, you're okay. Now Applejack, I completely respect the Apple family ways. You're always there to help anypony in need, so maybe you can put a little of your stubborn pride aside and allow your friends to help you." Suggested Twilight.

"Okay, Twilight." Applejack finally relents. 'It's about goddamn time.'

"I am not taking "no" for an answer-what?"

"She said 'Okay', Sparky."

"Yes, Twilight, Greyson. Yes, please. Ah' could really use your help." And with that, Twilight let out a sigh of relief, and looked towards me back to me.

"Greyson, could you wait here with Applejack whilst I go get our friends?" I nod, and she teleports away, leaving me and Applejack alone on the hill. Turning to the farm pony, I saw that she was sitting against the tree, deep in thought. Wanting to sit down as well, I take a seat next to her.

"So, AJ. We haven't talked much, have we." I say, trying to initiate conversation.

"No, ah' s'pose we aint'." She replies, a look of guilt flashing across her muzzle.

"Well, it's more my fault than yours, with me sorting myself out, so don't feel too bad." I reassure the mare, who lightens up slightly. "By the way, I was hoping to ask you something." This got her attention, and she turns to face me. "With me now living here in Ponyville for the time being, I need a job. To that end, I was wondering if there was any possibility of me lending a hand out here, on the farm I mean." Looking at Applejack, I see that she was pondering it, but was still unsure.

"Ah' dunno, Greyson. It's hard work, and ah' don't think those things right there can do what mine can." She replies, pointing to my legs. Realising what she was getting at, I smile.

"True, true. But, you don't have what I have." Getting to my feet, I reach into the tree we were sat under and pull out an apple that had yet to fall. Looking back at Applejack with a grin on my face, I see that her eyes were wide in surprise, forgetting about my height. 'Being 5 ft 11 does have its perks'. Realising how useful I could be on the farm, she nods, as I sit back down.

"All right, sugarcube. Maybe ah' could find something for ya' to do, if ya' willin' to put the effort in." At this, I chuckle.

"Willing to put the effort in? You serious? I nearly fell of a cliff, was almost killed by some...lion...monster...thing, and then sent flying into a pillar, nearly breaking my spine, and you're asking me now about putting in the effort? Do you know who you're talking to, AJ?" At this, we both share a laugh.

"Yea, I s'pose it was a dumb question, Greyson." She said, still chuckling. "How are ya' handlin' yourself, Greyson?"

"Hmm?"

"What with ya' been in a whole different world, ah' mean." 'Oh, this question again, eh?'

"Have you been talking to Rarity? Because she asked that same question like a week ago."

"Well, ah' was just wonderin' how you were feelin, sugarcube." 'Fair enough.' Telling her the same thing I told Rarity previously, she nods in understanding. "That's fair enough, ah' guess. Well, we'd best get a move on, looks like the girls are here." She says, nodding to the group of mares making their way towards the farm. Getting up, we make our way down the hill and move towards our friends.

A couple hours later, myself and the girls were still busy harvesting the remaining apple trees. Calling us over, Applejack lays out a table of refreshments for us. 'I could use a break, honestly.'

" How about y'all take a little break? I got some fine apple juice waitin' for ya!" She calls out. "Girls, I can't thank you enough for this help. I was acting a bit stubborn" She says, as we gather around the small table.

"A bit?" Remarks Twilight.

"Okay. A mite stubborn, and ah'm awful sorry. Now, ah' know the town gave me the Prized Pony award, but the real award is having you five as my friends." She admits, smiling at us all. 'I think I just threw up a bit.'.

"Phew! That applebucking sure made me hungry!" Exclaims Rainbow. Coming from behind me, Spike speaks up, who had only now reached the table.

"And I've got the perfect treat!" Turning to face the small dragon, I look to see what exactly the dragon was offeri-What the fuck?

"What the fuck are those?" I question, looking at the revolting cupcakes he was currently holding.

"Eeew... Spike, I threw those all away! Where'd you get them?" Cried a disgusted Pinkie Pie.

"From the trash." He said, as if it was meant to be some sort of crowning achievement. Hint hint: it wasn't.

"Ew!" The collection of ponies cried, disgusted at Spike's actions.

"Just a little nibble? Come on!" He persisted, following the retreating ponies and human

"Ew! Spike, that's gross!
"Ugh! Disgusting!"
"Get those things away from me before I ram them down your throat, you little bastard!"

Author's Note

And another chapter done. 5K words as well? Jesus, I didn't expect to write this much in a single chapter. Meh, oh well. Gotta say, I'm enjoying writing this story a whole lot more than I originally thought.

And what's wrong with our protagonist, I wonder? That wasn't the first time he had suddenly found himself feeling sapped of energy, and it may not be the last. Only one way to find out, boys and girls.

And on a happy note, I'm rather proud to say that by the time of this chapter being published, my story will have had over 1.5k views! Now, I know that may not sound like a lot compared to other, better authors, who have much more quality stories than I do, but it still makes me happy to know that over 10 people, let alone 1000, have actually taken the time to look at what I've written. Cheers, everyone. It does mean a lot, I can't stress that enough.

Know what else I can't stress enough? Feedback! Give it to me, guys! I need it, I want it, ~~I fear it~~. Anyway, that's all for this AN. See you in the next chapter, folks. Peace.

Oh Now You've Fucked Up

Choose Your Friends Wisely

Returning from my new job at Sweet Apple Acres, I hurriedly took a detour through the park. The reason for my excitement was that I was expecting a letter from Princess Celestia herself any day now, inviting me to the castle, much to the barely concealed jealousy of a certain fashion designer. Halfway through the park, however, I spot both Rainbow and Pinkie Pie, the latter chasing after the former for whatever reason. Realising that Rainbow was focusing on Pinkie, instead of the massive fucking mountain that was literally in front of her, I took a moment to just observe what was about to unfold.

And boy oh boy was it worth the watch.

Walking over to the pair, still laughing my ass off, I greet them both.

"Hey Pinkie...Haha...Hey Dash....Ha...Oh my god, the look on your face was priceless! HA!" And just like that, I was in hysterics once more, this time joined by Pinkie, who was unable to hide her own laughter at what had happened. Sighing in frustration, the rainbow maned Pegasus shot up into the air and out of sight, most likely from embarrassment. Now recovering from our laughter spree, I turned to Pinkie. "So Pinkie, what've you been doing? Apart from, y'know, causing mid-air collisions?" I ask.

"Well, I was hoping to pull off some pranks with Dashie, but now I need to go find out where she's flown off to." She replies. The mention of pranks intrigues me, as I look at the pink mare with interest.

"Pranks, eh?"

"Yeah! I'm the Element of Laughter, and pranks are guaranteed to have somepony laughing." 'Fair point'. And with that, she bounced her way out of the park, leaving me alone in the park. 'Well good luck with that, I guess.' Turning back around, I carried on walking, until I came across none other than Twilight Sparkle, who was too engrossed in a book to realise that I was standing only a couple metres away from her. If she'd looked up at this point, she would have noticed that I was silently making my way towards her, a mischievous smile on my face 'Oh, speaking of pranks....'.

"Right, for the last time, I said I was so-OW! Can we stop!?" So as it turns out, scaring the living shit out of a book loving pony whilst she was in the act of reading is not the greatest idea, if one can't figure that out. Especially when said pony has magic and a tendency for using your head as a dart board. For books. Thankfully, I was saved by an angel.

A pink, hyper active and innocently annoying as hell, angel.

"Twilight, Greyie," 'FUCK SAKE' "have you seen Rainbow Dash anywhere?" Realising that Twilight was now distracted, I slowly began backing away from the unicorn.

"Isn't she right up there?" Replies Twilight, looking up to a certain cloud that was sitting right above the pair. Noticing the multi-coloured tail, Pinkie smiled.

"Rainbow Dash!" Shouted Pinkie to the Pegasus'. Moments later, a rainbow streaked away from the cloud at breakneck speeds, away from the pink pony. Not to be deterred, however, Pinkie merely began bouncing away after it, disappearing from view a few seconds later.

"Now, Greyson. Where wer- HEY! GET BACK HERE!" She shouts after me, realising that I had made significant distance between the two of us whilst she was conversing with Pinkie.

"NOPE!" I shout back, running towards the library as fast as I can, laughing all the way there. Reaching the doors, I throw myself inside, hiding behind the couch. Fully expecting the unicorn to blast open the door, I'm pleasantly surprised when nothing happens for the next minute. Letting out a sigh of relief, I stand from my position, only to freeze on the spot when a familiar, menacing yet playful voice is heard behind me.

"Going somewhere?" Asks Twilight, horn glowing, whose evil smile only grew when she saw my face light up in horror at the realisation at what she was about to do.

"Oh come on, Sparky! It was just a prank, bro-OH GOD NOT AGA-"

As an extra punishment for my innocent prank, Twilight sent me along with Spike on collecting a number of blank scrolls that she had ordered from the town hall, to restock her own supply for her friendship reports. Helping to carry half of the scrolls, I turn to Spike.

"Is this all of them?" I ask, gesturing to the pile in both his arms and on the table, about 25 in total. Whilst Spike was carrying less than me, he had smaller arms, and so couldn't carry all of them in one trip. With me helping, however, we could take them all at once.

"Yeah, that's all of them, Grey, now let's get back to Twilight before she decides to bury me in books as well." He answers, chuckling at the memory of earlier. Wanting some payback, I grab a nearby quill, dip it in ink, and begin drawing.

"Hold on, give me a minute........Aaaand...Done!" Putting the now perfect scroll on top of Spike's pile, and collecting the ones still on the table, we make our way out of the town hall. We barely make it a couple of feet, however, before we're interrupted.

By thunder, of all things. Whilst I may not be scared of neither thunder nor lightning, I'll admit I was shocked at the phenomenon. Less so than my scaly friend, however, who dropped all of his scrolls in fear. Hearing the sound of laughter to my side, I turn to face none other than Pinkie Pie.

"The hell did you do?" I ask, genuinely confused as to how she had magically summoned thunder. Her answer is to gesture towards the sky, still laughing. Looking up, I quickly understand what exactly was going on. 'Oh... We've been pranked by the dynamic duo of Pinkie and Rainbow... Heh..Good one'. Spike was still recovering from his shock, before he suddenly began hiccuping.

"Oh Rainbow Dash, we startled Spike into getting the hiccups!" Cried Pinkie, before falling into another fit of contagious laughter, which I couldn't help but chuckle at.

"She got you good, Spike." I say, smirking.

"Good one, Pinkie *hiccup* Pie. *hiccup* You're always pulling a fast one *hiccup* on me." Picking up a scroll, he lets out another hiccup, resulting in the scroll being set ablaze.

"Oh no, you're not hurt are you?" Asks Pinkie, fearing for the dragon's safety.

" Ne-*hiccup*-eh, don't be *hiccup* silly, dragons are *hiccup* fire-proof." Explains Spike, easing the prankster's fears.

"Oh, okay, good." And with that, both Rainbow and Pinkie descend once more into laughter. Picking up the remaining scrolls, Spike suddenly hiccups once more, setting every last scroll in his arms on fire. Including the one I had prepared for Twilight. "I wish the same thing *hiccup* were true with scrolls."

"Spike..."

"Yea, *hiccup* Grey?

"When you set them on fire, do they go straight to the princess?"

"*hiccup* Yeah, why?" I was unable to answer him, as I had now joined both Pinkie and Rainbow in laughing. Only, my laughter put a stop to theirs.

"Why are you laughing?" Asked Rainbow. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I explained to the trio what exactly that scroll contained, much to their shock, horror, and finally, amusement.

(Princess Celestia) POV

Levitating the mountain of scrolls that I had suddenly found myself buried under, I gracefully move them to one side of my study. Before I can investigate these rogue scrolls, a voice at my door demands my attention.

"Sister? May we enter?" My sister asks from the other side of the door.

"Yes, Luna, you may." I respond, watching my now fully grown enter the study. Opening her mouth, she quickly takes notice of the abundance of scrolls in the room.

"What is all this?" She asks, gesturing to the empty scrolls.

"I'm unsure, but I would guess that my faithful student's assistant, Spike, would know." I answer. Our attention then turns to a particular scroll, that had just now bounced down from the top of the pile to our hooves. Levitating it in front of my muzzle, I realise that this scroll actually contained something. Opening it, both myself and my sister find ourselves questioning its contents. "What.....is this?" I ask my equally perplexed sister, as I use my magic to return the empty scrolls back to Spike.

"We...are unsure..." She answers, tilting her head in confusion.

"It's a drawing of some kind....Is that Twilight?" I asked, realising who the unicorn in the picture was.

"Indeed sister, it would appear so. And is that a claw?"

"It looks like one, but the middle digit is extended upwards, whilst the remaining four are lowered....Is it a gesture of sorts?" I muse.

"Whilst we may be puzzled by this riddle, we do believe our new friend, Greyson, would be able to enlighten us to the meaning of this, upon his arrival, Tia." My sister remarks, looking to the bottom of the scroll. Following her gaze, we find ourselves laughing, as I see exactly what had been written. 'Oh, you are an entertaining one, Greyson.'

"Indeed he shall, Lulu." I agree, still chuckling, using her own nickname against her, much to her annoyance.

Whilst the duo of pranksters went on their merry way of pranking the poor inhabitants of Ponyville, me and Spike had returned to the library with the scrolls we had originally been sent to collect, minus one. 'Oh mate, if I'm not banished to the sun by the end of today, it'll be a bloody miracle. Still funny as fuck, though.'. Upon seeing us, Twilight thanked us both, before realising that she was one scroll down.

"Why is there one scroll missing?" She asked, her gaze fixed on me.

"Really? You're going to blame me instantly? Where's the trust, Sparky?" I ask. Seeing her horn light up, and knowing exactly what she was planning, I quickly raise my hands in surrender. "All right all right! Calm down, Sparkles! Blame Pinkie and Rainbow. They pulled a prank on me and Spike, causing Spike over there," I point towards him, getting a wave in return, "to hiccup and send all the empty scrolls to Princess Sunshine-"

"Celestia" Corrects Twilight.

"-who then sent all but one of the scrolls back." I finish, ignoring her interruption.

"Why did she keep one of the scrolls?" I shrug, trying my hardest to keep the smile off of my face at the knowledge of the scroll's contents being seen by Celestia, and quite possibly Luna as well. Shrugging, Twilight focused her attention back to her experiments, whilst I grabbed a nearby book and lay down on the couch. I was barely five minutes into it when I heard a small explosion come from Twilight's direction. Lifting my head, I see that the mare had managed to cock up her experiment somehow. "You good?" I ask.

"Yes, I'm fine. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash swapped my normal ink for disappearing ink instead." She replies, seemingly unfazed by the prank. Chuckling at their antics, I go to the window in which they were still laughing at.

"You two having fun?" I ask the pair.

"Wowie, Greyie!" 'I'm going to punch you in the throat' "Pranking ponies is so much fun!" Exclaims the pink prankster, getting her laughter under control.

"Yeah, it's a blast, big guy! Why don't you come join us?" Offers Rainbow. Seeing as how I had nothing else to do, I nod.

"Meh, I got nothing else to do. Let me grab my coat." And for the rest of the day, our little trio terrorised the entire town, ranging from painting the apples on AJ's farm, to placing small, toy bunnies on the doorsteps of the flower mares, who had yet to get over the traumatising experience their gardens had gone through not too long ago. We did plan on pulling one on Fluttershy, but we realised that the poor mare was too innocent and sensitive to be on the receiving end, and so we just ended up messing with each other. Bidding the two mares farewell, I headed off back to the library, completely oblivious to the pair of them laughing behind my back. Or more appropriately, at my back

I walked through the entire town before I realised that the pair of them had stuck a note on my back, saying 'I AM A COLTCUDDLER' in messy, pink handwriting, complete with a Sugarcube Corner logo.

Suffice to say, I got a lot of weird looks that day, most of which came from the mares. I'm pretty sure I saw one or two of them lowering their heads in sadness, but I wasn't exactly sure. At least Twilight and Spike got a good laugh out of it, though Twilight did have to be reminded of the fact that I was, in fact, not swinging that way, much to the amusement of Spike. 'I'll get them all back, in time.'

As I had done the previous day, I went to the farm, worked, got paid, and left. Granted, my arms were sore each time I came away from the job, but it meant that I was putting in hard work. 'Think on the bright side, Alex. After a month or two, you'll be the most ripped human on the planet. Oh wait, you already are.... Well that's depressing...' Turning the corner, I see something that puts me on edge. 'The hell is that...thing..doing to Fluttershy?'

In the middle of the street stood what looked like a hybrid between a lion and an eagle. 'Hold on a second....Aint that a...what is it called agai-Griffon! A griffon! That's what it is! Knew I recognised you from somewhere.' Quickly making my way towards the pair, I just about make out a part of their conversation.

"-rry, I-I-I was just trying to-" She's cut off by the griffon, who begins mocking her, much to my rising anger.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Why don't you just watch where you're going, doofus!?" 'Oh you did NOT just say that, you little fuck!' I'm now beelining towards the insensitive griffon, who I'd now established as a female, judging by the voice.

"B-b-b-but I... I-" Suddenly, the griffon takes in a sharp breath, before releasing it into a deafening roar. Directly into Fluttershy's face, causing the poor mare to fly away in fear, tears streaming from her eyes.

Now I'm pissed. 'Oh. Now. You've. Fucked. UP!'

"Ugh, please, all these lame pon-AHH!" Cutting her off with a punch to the beak, I send the cunt crashing down onto the floor. Getting back to it's feet, it looks directly at me, a mixture of pain, anger and shock evident on it's features.

"What the heck is your problem, you.....you....what even are you?!" Demands the griffon, still holding a talon to her injured beak.

"That's not the important question right now, sweetheart. What you should be asking, is why I'm being so kind as to even be letting you speak right now, after what you've just done to that poor mare." I reply, anger being the most recognisable thing in my voice at that point. Rubbing the spot where my fist had connected on her beak, she snarls.

"Yea, you're right. I shouldn't be asking questions. I should be doing THIS" She yells, raising a talon, before bringing it downwards. Just before it could connect, however, I side step it and, bringing my foot under her other front leg, and also reaching forward and grabbing her throat, I throw her over me in a surprising show of strength. Landing in a heap, she has no time to react before she finds herself with my knee on her throat, her leg still being held in an iron grip. Having no time to question how I'd even managed to pull off such a feat, and also ignoring how light the griffon turned out to be, I gaze into her fearful eyes.

"Now that wasn't very nice, Mrs Griffon." I mock, my knee still against her throat. Thankfully, her back legs were unable to reach me, so I had nothing to fear from them. Plus, she was already laying on top of her other front leg, whilst I already held the last leg in my hand, applying pressure to it to keep her from trying something she'll regret.

"Oh come on, big guy....Lemme go....This isn't funny anymo-EURGH" Applying a bit more pressure to her neck, she's unable to finish her sentence.

"Aww, what? This isn't funny anymore? But I thought we were having so much fun! I mean, you seemed to be enjoying yourself, when you terrorised my friend!" I growl. At this, the griffon's eyes widen in shock.

"Is that what this is about? It was just a joke, I didn't mean it, I promise!" She rasps, my knee remaining exactly where it was.

"Really, now? It didn't seem that way to me." I reply. Bringing my knee away from her neck, so as to prevent her choking to death, but still keeping her where she was, I begin speaking once more. "Now, Mrs....?"

"Gilda!" The now named griffon coughs, gasping for air.

"Gilda. Lovely name. Mrs Gilda, I want you to do something for me. Just one thing, and that's it."

"Yea, sure! You name it, you get it!" She replies, desperately nodding her head.

"Great! I want you, to apologise. Right here, right now, to all these ponies, for what you just did to one of their own." I say, gesturing to the surrounding crowd, who were staring at the pair of us in a mixture of both shock and awe. 'Looks like they weren't expecting me to be so badass.' Nodding her head, I release her, allowing her to get back to her paws. Looking around at the mob, she sighs, and mumbles a barely hearable apology, before quickly shooting into the air and away from the street.

Sighing in frustration, my attention is quickly brought to the noise around me. Looking around, I realise that many of the ponies were now looking at me, stamping their hooves into the ground, with some of them shouting praise and approval at my actions. Giving the crowd a bow, I turn on the spot and begin heading back towards the library, completely oblivious to what a certain pink pony was plotting.

Hours later, I found myself in a rather uncomfortable situation. Pinkie Pie, in all her innocence, had decided to throw Gilda the griffon a party, for whatever reason. The worst part about it? She had personally invited me, coming to the library herself and handing me, Twilight and Spike our own little invitations. 'Oh, this is NOT going to end well.'

Making our way there, I can't help but ask present company what they've heard about Gilda so far.

"I've never heard about her, before." Answers Twilight.

"Me neither." Concurs Spike.

"So you didn't hear about what happened earlier?"

"Earlier? What happened earlier?" Twilight asks, now turning to face me.

"Meh, nothing much. I'll tell you later, seeing as how we're here." I reply, gesturing towards Sugarcube Corner, where I could already see Pinkie Pie greeting guests. Making our way inside, I quickly became aware of the whispers and stares coming my way. Getting a drink, which was unfortunately not alcoholic, 'Goddammit, why?', I make my way over to Fluttershy. Noticing that I was now stood right beside her, Fluttershy gives me a smile.

"Hi, Greyson." She says, still as quiet as ever.

"Hey, Flutters. Enjoying the party?" I ask, keeping an eye out for a certain griffon.

"Well, yes, but I don't think it's a good idea, after what happened earlier today." She says, referencing the events that took place hours before.

"I agree. After what happened when you left, I don't think she'll be too happy to see me of all poni-people here, at her own party" I chuckle. At this, she looks back towards me, tilting her head in that adorable way that all ponies do, apparently.

"What do you mean?" Bringing her to a nearby table for us to sit down on, I begin telling her about what had happened after she flew off. One quick explanation later, minus the violence, which I didn't think she would've appreciated hearing, and she was looking at me in shock.

"You really stood up for me like that?" She asks, looking at me in surprise and appreciation.

"Well, yea? We're friends, Flutters, and we've gotta stick together." I say, giving the mare a smile. Before I knew it, the Pegasus' had flown over to my side of the table and was in the process of hugging me. Returning the hug, I notice Twilight making her way towards us. Releasing the Pegasus', who returns to her side of the table, blushing madly at what she'd just done, I turn to Twilight.

"Sup, Sparky. You having fun?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing." The unicorn remarked, raising an eyebrow.

"Is that jealousy I hear, Sparky? If you want a Greyson's-Specialty Hug, just ask, sweetheart." Rolling her eyes at my antics, she turns to Fluttershy.

"Fluttershy, you've met Gilda, right? What's she like?" Asks a curious Twilight, who doesn't seem to notice the look of unease come across Fluttershy's muzzle.

"Oh, um, well, I'll tell you later, Twilight." Replies the yellow mare.

"YOU!" Suddenly, the collective attention of the entire room is directed to a single pony in the doorway. A single, angry, hovering pony, and her griffon companion.

Said pony was, quite coincidentally, very angry at me, if her glowering face was anything to go by.

"Oh hell, here we go." I mutter darkly, moving away from the table and towards Rainbow Dash.

"Who in the hay do you think you are, Greyson?!" Growled the outraged mare. Shrugging, I give her my best answer

"I think I'm a single, fun loving guy with-" I'm cut off, however, when Rainbow grabs my collar, much to Rarity's displeasure.

"Don't play smart with me!"

"Something tells me you're angry with me, skittles." I say, further angering the mare.

"Angry!? ANGRY!? Oh, I'm way above angry with you, Greyson! Who do you think you are, bullying Gilda! My friend!" 'Oh, that's just rich.'

"I'm the bully? Oh, irony is beautiful. What exactly has she told you, Rainbow?" I ask, gesturing towards the griffon beside her.

"More than enough!" She answers, avoiding the question. Unbeknownst to the pair of us, Fluttershy and Pinkie were both trying to get our attention, but failing quite miserably.

"No, please, go on. I want to know exactly what she's told you, so I can laugh about it later."

"Fine! She told me that you attacked her, for no reason whatsoever! Look at her beak, everypony! Look at what a bully does!" Shouts Rainbow, gesturing to the mark on her beak. 'Well shit, I actually left a mark? Go me.' "If this is how you treat my friends, Greyson, then I don't want you to be one of them!" This causes our friends in the room to let out a gasp, with Rarity seemingly fainting on a coincidentally placed couch. I, however, am unflinching.

"Did it ever occur to you that there was a reaso-" She refused to let me finish.

"NO! I don't want to hear it, Greyson! Just get out." 'Seriously?

"Rainbow, I'm seri-"

"GET OUT!" She screams. Knowing that any further arguing would get me nowhere, I chuckle.

"Fine. Whatever. I'll go." I concede, moving towards the door, but not before giving a dark smile to the Griffon, which goes unnoticed by all but the pair of us. Taking pride in the fear that shot through her eyes for but a moment, I turn back to the rest of the room. "Enjoy the party, all. I'll be off god knows where, doing whatever it is that bullies do, I guess. G'night, folks!" And with a quick salute, I turn and exit, ignoring the protests coming from inside. Now in the middle of the street, I began heading off in a random direction, no destination in mind.

A few minutes later, and I find myself alone in the park. Walking through it, I reflect on what had just happened. 'So a few lies from Gilda and Rainbow just eats it up like Nazi propaganda, eh? Wow.. Element of Loyalty my fucking arse. That griffon bitch treats Fluttershy like shit and Rainbow just stands by and accepts that? What the hell is wrong with her?'

My thoughts are interrupted, however, by an all to familiar feeling. That tiredness from a few days ago had returned. This time, even stronger than before, and with symptoms to boot. Struggling to stay on my feet, I stumble around through a couple of bushes before hitting a nearby tree. The impact forces me to my knees, whereupon I then fall to my side, now enduring a sudden coughing fit. Turning onto my back, I'm unable to do anything as I lose all control of my senses and fall unconscious.

Shooting up from where I lay, I quickly took in my surroundings, realising I was still in the park. However, it had gotten pretty trying to figure out just what in the hell was wrong with me. 'No... No, this aint normal... I thought it was just me being tired before, but now? This is wrong....This aint fucking natural at all...Holy fucking shit...'. A sudden gust of cold wind brought me back to reality, and I realised that I'd been standing in the same spot for quite possibly a couple of minutes by now.

Shivering, I begin making my way out of the park, and straight towards the library, hoping it would be very bloody warm when I arrived. Making my way there, I ignore the concerned stares of passing ponies, including the shouts of familiar voices such as Lyra and Ditzy Doo, the latter of whom I'd met earlier in the week. More accurately, she'd crashed into me. I couldn't have been angry with her, however, upon seeing her condition.

Reaching the library, I shake myself down, hoping to make myself look as fine as humanely possible before entering. With that done, I proceed to open the door and head inside. Closing the library door behind me, I quickly realise that I was alone. 'Means the girls are still at the party. Or looking for me' Wanting nothing more than to sit down and figure out what the hell was happening to me, I'd barely even reached the couch before I heard the library door open, and my name being called by multiple mares. Turning around, I'm just about able to see multiple ponies jump/fly at my abdomen/neck, tackling me down onto the couch, whereupon I'm then buried under multiple bodies of warm, fuzzy fur.

"Greyson! You're okay!" Cries Twilight, who had latched herself onto my stomach, refusing to let go.

"Really? How'd you figure that one out, Sherlock?" I sarcastically remark, earning a hoof to the side of the head, courtesy of Applejack. "Ow. Okay, lesson learnt, don't hit me again, please."

"Where have you been, darling? We've been ever so worried for you, what with you being gone for hours, no less." Questioned Rarity, a look of concern on both her face and all those present. Including Rainbow, surprisingly. Choosing to ignore her for now, and the fact that I'd now apparently been missing for hours, I look to Rarity.

"Oh you know, took a walk around Ponyville, saw the sights, cleared my head and then came back here, becoming victim to the Ponyville football team's signature tackle maneuver." I say, gesturing to the mares still holding onto me. Those being Twilight, Pinkie and Fluttershy, who were still not letting go any time soon. "But in all seriousness, girls. I'm fine, really." I say, reassuring them. Unfortunately for me, I forgot that Applejack was the Element of Honesty, and I couldn't fool her.

"Ya' sure, sugarcube? Because ah' don't remember seein' ya' this white before." She says, gesturing to my face. Raising an eyebrow in confusion, I ask for a mirror, which Rainbow quickly retrieves. 'Surprised she didn't smash it over my head.' Looking myself over, I quickly notice just what had Applejack concerned. My skin had gone from it's normal, slightly tanned colour, to a very pale one, almost like snow. Coming up with a half lie to convince both Applejack and the girls to stop worrying over me, I shrug.

"Huh... Must have been the cold. I was out there for a while, to be fair." Thankfully, Applejack and the girls accept this line of thought and drop the subject of me looking like a 3D milk bottle, instead explaining to me what had happened shortly after I'd left the party. As it turns out, Pinkie and Fluttershy were not happy with what Rainbow had said, and when they told her what Gilda had done, she couldn't believe it. Realising that Gilda had lied to her the entire time, Rainbow basically did to her what she did to me, ripping her a new one and sending her packing. Feeling like shit, she had organised the girls into a search party, when they realised I wasn't at the library. They'd been looking for hours, before Lyra had seen them, and told them that she'd seen me heading towards the library.

All of this leads to where we were now, with Rainbow apologising and asking for my forgiveness.

"Rainbow?" I say, after a while.

"Yea?" She says, looking up at me, trying her hardest not to break down in tears.

"You're an idiot. A hot headed, arrogant, boastful idiot." At this, she looks back down to the floor. "But," I continue, drawing her attention back to me, "you're still my friend, and I have way more flaws than you do, skittles." I say, laughing, before the stunned mare decides to join the three ponies still holding onto me, and take her own position around my neck, laughing whilst she does so. After a moment, she relinquishes her hold, seemingly embarrassed at what she had just done. A minute later, she, Applejack and Rarity made themselves scarce, bidding us all a good night. A movement on my chest reminded me of the three mares still holding onto me.

"You three can let go now."

"Awwh." Came the unanimous response, before Twilight, Pinkie and Fluttershy reluctantly released me, with the last two exiting the library moments later. Twilight, however, remains on the couch with me. Before she could ask me more questions about tonight, however, our attention is drawn to the familiar sound of Spike belching up a letter. Looking at it's seal, Spike turns to me, eyes wide in shock.

"Greyson, it's for you! From the Princess herself!" He exclaims. 'Took her long enough. ' Thanking the dragon, I take it off of him and open it up, reading it out to both him and Twilight, who was trying to get a better view of it's contents by leaning on my shoulder. Clearing my throat, I began reading the letter to the pair.

"

To My Friend, ~~Mr~~ Greyson,

I must apologise for the lateness in which this letter has arrived, even though I had told you when we first met that it would only take a week before this invitation was extended to you. However, the process of re-familiarising my sister with modern day Equestria has proven a time consuming task, not to mention the added responsibilities of running an entire kingdom.
However, I do believe that the time has come that myself, Luna, and the staff here at the castle are now ready for your visit.

Tomorrow morning, a royal guardspony shall escort you to a royal carriage, whereupon you shall be transported from Ponyville to the castle, where you shall stay for a week, unless I deem it fit to alter the time that you would spend upon castle grounds. During this week, we shall be discussing your possible residency in our kingdom, and the question of returning you to your home. At the same time, we shall also be touring you around the castle itself, where it's facilities will be open for you to use at your leisure, as long as it puts none of my subjects, or yourself, in any danger. We are looking forward to your arrival come tomorrow.

Signed, Princess Celestia.

"

Looking to the bottom of the scroll, I notice an extra message written down, but before I could read it out, Spike lets out another belch, bringing an all to familiar scroll with it. 'Is that what I think it is?... Oh christ, this'll be interesting.' Turning back to the letter in my hands, I read out the final part of the letter.

"P.S My sister and I have been quite perplexed by your scroll's meaning. Though we find your description of my faithful student amusing, both myself and my sister are unfamiliar with the meaning of the gesture, but I do hope it is meant to mean something positive. A compliment of some kind, perhaps? You must explain it to myself and Luna when you arrive.

Upon finishing, I am unable to hold in my laughter anymore, much to Twilight's confusion.

"What did she mean? What scroll? What gestu...Oh no.." Eyes widening in realisation, she turns to Spike, who was already laughing at what he had seen in the scroll, using her magic to levitate the scroll from his hands over to her. Looking at it's contents, she drops it in horror at what lay within. Holding up the letter, I am able to fully gaze at my master piece one last time, before finding myself flung into the corner and buried yet again under a large pile of old books.

A crude drawing of Twilight being given the bird, with the words 'Sparky Is A Twat' written and underlined underneath. 'Worth it.'

Author's Note

And the plot thickens. Something is wrong with our protagonist, and hopefully the Princess(es) have the answers. For the next few chapters, we'll see Alex staying at the princesses castle, bonding with the pair of them, and meeting a few familiar ponies that we all know and ~~love~~ ~~despise~~ we know them, basically. That's all I'm going to say.

See you in the next one, folks! Peace.

A Royal Welcome

Be Our Guest

Morning came quickly, and I found myself rather excited about what was happening both today, and for the rest of the week. I'd been invited to stay at the castle with the royal sisters, so as for them to both get to know me better, and to figure out what exactly they had to do with me. After all, I was an alien to their kind, and they probably wanted to find a way to get me back to my own planet. 'Or universe. I'm still not sure exactly.'

To help me prepare for the upcoming week, the girls had decided to come to the library earlier than I was expecting, hoping to both see me off and to ensure I looked presentable. The latter especially applied to both Twilight and Rarity, who were fussing over my mannerisms and appearance, respectively.

"Ow.....ow......OW....ow-"

"Darling, please! I can't concentrate when you keep moving your head around." Rarity complained, moving the comb away from my head. 'Concentrate on what? Scalping me?'

"Well, perhaps I'd stop moving my head if you stopped trying to rip my hair out." I shoot back, much to the amusement of the rest of the girls, before yelping again when the comb shoots through my hair one last time. Sending a glare to the seamstress, I turn my attention to Twilight.

"Do you remember what to do when greeting the Princess?" Questioned Twilight. 'This again? How many times has she asked me that now? A dozen at least.'

"Yes, yes I remember. Bow, kiss her hoof, bend the knee, proclaim my eternal allegiance and whatnot. Don't worry, Sparky, I got this." I say, though the look on her muzzle didn't exactly have me believing that I'd reassured her.

"You need to be taking this seriously, Greyson! These are the princesses! They could banish you, or imprison you, or-"

"Oh please. If they wanted to banish me, they would have done so after last night." I say, cutting her off.

"What happened last night?" Questioned Rainbow.

"Oh, I more or less sent a scroll to Celestia, calling Twilight a twat and telling her to go fuck herself." I nonchalantly reply, as if it were a common occurrence. It wasn't. This statement brought mixed reactions from the ponies in the room. Whilst Applejack, Fluttershy and Rarity wore faces of pure shock, Rainbow and Pinkie were both rolling on the floor, their laughter echoing throughout the library. Twilight, however, had her head between her hooves, muttering something I couldn't hear. Unable to resist further embarrassing the poor unicorn, I reach over and wrap my arms around her, pulling her to my chest, laughing at the adorable *eep* she let out as I did it. Moments later, I released the mare, oblivious to the dumb smile on her face.

Before I could further antagonise the poor unicorn, we all turn to a knock at the door, which Spike rushes to get. Opening it, he steps to the side, allowing an armoured, orange Pegasus' stallion to enter the library, his gaze turning towards me.

"Are you Mr Greyson?" He asks, much to my annoyance. 'They just won't learn, will they.'

"Yes, this is Mr Greyson." Answers Rainbow, trying her hardest not to break down in another fit of giggles, along with the rest of the mares. Flipping her off, I turn to the guard.

"Cheers, skittles. Yes, I am the only and only Greyson. No Mr, though, please. It bugs me something chronic." At this, the stallion's eyes widen, standing up straighter.

"My apologies, sir. I meant no offense."

"Eh, none taken. Don't worry about it, mate." I reassure the guardspony, who visibly relaxes. "So, I take it you're here to whisk my fine self off to the castle?"

"Yes sir. There is a carriage outside awaiting to transport you to the castle. We're ready to go when you are, sir." And with that, he exits the library. A few moments later, and we had left the library as well, gazing at the carriage that had been parked just outside. Along with the guardspony that had spoken to me just before, there was another pony guarding it, also being a pair of Pegasus, who was giving me a curious look. 'Probably wasn't expecting anything like me.' Looking at the carriage, however, I notice a sizeable problem.

"Will I even be able to fit inside that?" I ask, gesturing to the carriage. The problem with it being that it was designed for ponies, not humans.

"The princess had personally chosen this carriage on account of it being the largest one available. It should do, sir." Replies the same stallion from before.

"Fair enough. If I suffocate to death in there, blame Celestia." I say, before turning back to face the mares. "Well girls, my uber's here, so I'd best be off."

"What's an uber?" Asks Twilight. 'Something unreliable.'

"Human joke." I reply. Exchanging goodbyes (and hugs) with the mares, I climb into the carriage, thankfully managing to not break my neck in the process. Looking out of the window, I wave to the mares as the carriage ascends, gazing wondrously at Ponyville as we climb higher and higher into the sky, before the carriage begins heading away from the town, and towards the mountain based city of Canterlot. Deciding to just enjoy the ride, I make myself comfortable, content with viewing the vast landscapes of Equestria from the air.

Looking over the city of Canterlot, I can't help but be impressed. When I first arrived in Equestria, I couldn't understand how the city was even able to stand. Now, I'm able to understand why. 'So the place is supported from underneath, eh? Fair enough. But what if something managed to destroy them? The whole city would collapse. A couple of well placed detonations and that would be it. Gone. Still an impressive architectural accomplishment, though, I'll give them that.' Looking past the city, however, my eyes settle on our destination. The royal castle itself, home of the princesses. 'So that's where I'm staying? Holy hell. Lucky me.'

A minute later and the carriage is descending into the courtyard, where I notice a uniquely armoured unicorn awaiting our arrival. Whilst every other guard I had ever seen wore what seemed like the standard issue golden armour, this one was wore an entirely different set of purple and gold. 'Is that....Roman? Greek? Whatever it is, it looks sick and I want it.' Realising that this unicorn was most likely a high ranking officer of sorts, respect would need to be given to the stallion, lest I find myself thrown into a cell.

"We have arrived, sir." Called out the same Pegasus from earlier, before opening the doors. Stepping outside, I crack my shoulders and turn to the guard.

"Cheers for the ride, mate." I say, before turning to the officer, who was busy looking me up and down. 'Probably thinking whether or not I'm a threat. I probably am, but only their sanity.' Moments later, he salutes me, which I return. 'Heh, he may not be that bad.'

"Welcome to the royal castle, Mr Greyson." 'CUNT!' "I am Shining Armour, Captain of the Royal guard, and I've been ordered to bring you to her majesty the princess upon your arrival." He says, before gesturing for me to follow him.

"Alrighty then, let's go." I reply, coming up to the side of him. Wanting to get more than his name and rank, I start up a conversation with the guy. "So, Captain. How are the princesses of late?"

"They are perfectly fine, Mr Gr-"

"Greyson. Call me Greyson, no Mr." At this interruption, his eyes widen like the previous guard.

"I'm sorry, I mean no offence, but her majesty gave us orders that we either refer to you as 'Sir' or 'Mr Greyson'." 'I am going to slap her.

"Oh, I bet she did, the cheeky mare."

"Am I missing something, sir?" He asks, confused yet still walking forwards, opening a set of doors with his magic.

"Little joke between myself and the princess. I hate being called Mr, for reasons unimportant, whilst she loves it." I explain to the now surprised captain. "Five bits says she'll say something like 'Hope the guards didn't trouble you' or something like that. You game?" I ask, a grin on my face, hand outstretched. Chuckling, he nods.

"Alright, Greyson. You're on." He replies, shaking my hand.

"That's the spirit, buddy." 'Well go you, Grey. You're already making new friends, and with the captain of the guard no less. Keep it up, you could befriend a prince. Wouldn't that be an achievement.'

Making our way through castle's halls, we finally reach the throne room. Turning to me, Shining Armour speaks up. "Here we are, the throne room. Princess Celestia will be awaiting inside. Just let me get the do-" He's unable to finish however, before I throw open the doors to the throne room, taking delight in the surprise on both his face and the faces within. Mainly, the guards and Princess Celestia herself.

"Princess! It's great to see you again. I gotta say, loving the castle so far." I say, swaggering into the throne room, much to the shock of both the guards stationed at the door and Shining Armour, who was busy facehoofing his embarrassment away, much to my amusement. Turning to the princess, I watch as she gracefully descends from her throne and towards me, shaking her head at my antics.

"Aah, Greyson my friend. I do hope my guards didn't give you too much hassle on the way here?" She asks, a playful smirk on her muzzle. Catching the bag of bits coming from a grumbling captain of the guard, I shake my head.

"None whatsoever. So, how are things?"

"Busy. Running a kingdom and dealing with my sister leaves barely any time for relaxation, but I do believe that things have calmed down." 'Oh yea, where is Luna?"

"Speaking of, where is Luna anyway?" I ask, looking around in case I'd somehow missed the dark princess.

"She shall be joining us in my study. Shall we make our way there?" She asks, gesturing with her wing to a nearby set of doors.

"Sure, why not. Not like I have anything else to do." I say, before she swats me with her other wing. Sending a playful glare her way, she happily returns it, before turning to Shining Armour.

"Captain, you are dismissed." She says to the stallion, who salutes and begins heading out of the room. "If you're looking for my niece, she'll be in her room." She informs the stallion, a knowing smile on her muzzle. Blushing, the stallion nods and heads a different direction. 'Oh? Captain's got a mare? Nice one. Wait, NIECE? Fucking A, Cap! Good job'

"You have a niece?" I turn to the princess, surprised at this piece of information.

"Adopted niece. Along with a distant nephew, as well. I also have a sister, if you haven't already heard." She remarks. I can only roll my eyes at the sarcastic royal.

"Oh hardy har, excuse me for not knowing the royal family as intimately as I should do. I'm only a peasant, forgive me your highness." I reply, bowing for effect, before recieving another wing to the the face. Spitting out a loose feather, she laughs. "Christ, what is it with you mares and hitting me with things? Sparky with her books, Rainbow with her hoof and you with your wings." I say, joining in with the princess's melodious laughter.

"Oh, this will be an interesting week, Greyson. Come, let us join Luna in the study." And with that, the pair of us left the throne room and down the hall.

"You should know, my sister has been rather anxious about today." Celestia said, halfway to our destination. 'Oh?'

"Really? Bit clingy, that mare. Only took her on one date and she's already excited about the next?" I jokingly say. Turning to the thump behind me, the pair of us realise that I'd been heard by one of the mares, who, in shock, tripped over herself and dropped everything she'd been carrying. Feeling sorry for the poor mare, I walk over and offer her a hand, helping her to pick up all that had been dropped, much to her surprise.

"Thank you sir, but there was really no need." She says, as I hand her the final item that had been dropped.

"No can do, sweetheart. I am a gentleman, and shall act like one." I say, hand on heart and putting on a comical accent, much to the amusement of both the princess and the maid. Hell, I'm pretty sure I saw one of the guards smirk ever so slightly. 'Stoic bastards, these ones. Bet they could give the Queen's Guard a run for their money.' Blushing, the maid gives me a smile and continues on her way.

"My, my. Such a gentlecolt, Greyson. Who knew you could be such a hit with the mares?" Remarked a grinning Celestia.

"Don't fret, my fair princess. You know I only have eyes for you." I shoot back, sending a wink her way. This gets another laugh from the princess.

"I'm sure many mares will be heartbroken at the news."

"Meh, I'll invite them to our wedding. It'll cheer them up."

"Oh, I'm sure it will. Now come, the study is just around the corner." The princess says, and with that, we continue on our merry way. A minute later and we find ourselves at another door. "Ah, here we are. Luna should be just inside." Knocking on the door, Celestia opens it with her magic, and we both enter. However, there was one problem. Luna was nowhere to be soon. "Luna?" Called out Celestia, getting no answer. "Strange. Perhaps she may not have woken up yet." 'Woken up?'

"Tia, it's like one in the afternoon. Even I don't sleep this long, and I'm the laziest human you know." The princess raises an eyebrow at this.

"You're the only human I know." 'No shit?'

"Exactly, so take it from me." I say, before sitting down and falling backwards on a set of cushions. Poking her head out of the door, Celestia asks a nearby guard to check on Luna's chambers, and to bring her here if she was there. With that done, she makes her way to an opposite set of cushions just opposite of me, before staring at me. We hold a small staring contest, before I break the silence. "What?"

"Hmm?"

"You've been staring at me for a good minute now. See anything you like?" I ask, wiggling my eyebrows, getting a flirtatious smile in response.

"Well, you have a rather....interesting physique, to say the least. You resemble the minotaur species, exce-" 'Wait WHAT?

"Wait, Minotaurs? Like, big, hairy, majorly muscular minotaurs? They're here as well?" I say, before realising that I'd interrupted one half of the Equestrian monarchy. 'Sue me.' Chuckling at my sudden change of behaviour, she nodded.

"Indeed they are, though I am unsure as to where they originate from, as they are a rather rare sight. I have heard of one, however, who has been travelling around, giving lessons on 'Assertive Techniques'. Rather interesting, to say the least."

"Heh, go figure. Speaking of interesting things, what are you, exactly?" At this, the looks confused. 'Oh wait, let me try that again. "Let me rephrase that. What pony are you? Like, you got the unicorns, pegasus, and the...uh...ground ponies?"

"Earth ponies." She corrects me.

"Yea, them. But I never got round to asking that encyclopedia student of your's what kind of pony you or your sister are. Like, you have a unicorn and wings, and whatever it is the Earth ponies get. Strength, is it? Are you basically like, the Aryan race of ponykind?"

"I don't know what an Aryan race is, but if you mean a master race of sorts, then you would not be far off. As an Alicorn, I possess the qualities of all three races of ponies. The magic of a unicorn, the flight of a pegasus, and the strength of an earth pony." She shows this by rising to her full height, extending her wings and levitating multiple objects around the room, pouring tea in both our cups and cutting slices of cake onto a pair of plates. 'Fuck me, how much does she want? Leave some for Luna, whenever she gets it here that is.' "At the same time, Alicorns are both blessed and cursed with a form of immortality." If she didn't have my attention before, she had just gotten it now. 'Holy shit. Immortality..? Jesus Christ.'

"Did you say....Immortality?" She nods. "Whoa...wait, you said blessed and cursed. What do you mean?" I ask. At this, she sighs.

"It is not true immortality, per say, but a way of ageing indefinitely. Upon fully maturing, our bodies stay the same way for the rest of our lives, never looking older nor younger. However, we can still die through physical means, such as a disease or from a fatal spell, though it would need to be a very strong one in both cases. As for the curse, it is rather easy to explain. Have you ever felt the loss of a loved one?" She asks, looking into my eyes. 'Oh, I know where this is going.' Nodding to her question, she continues. "Then you must know the pain and heartbreak it entails. Now, try and imagine that for every friend you've ever made, and-"

"And having to go through that, again, and again, and again, because they all fade away and turn to dust, whilst you remain. Yea, I can see what you mean." Nodding, she gives me a sad smile.

"I didn't mean for our time together to turn so depressing, my apologies."

"Eh, don't worry about it, sunshine. I asked, so if anything, I should be the one apologising." At this, she laughs. "What?" I ask, waiting for her chuckles to die down.

"Sunshine? Is that my nickname now? Whatever happened to Tia?"

"Meh, got boring. Sunshine works, though. You're the princess of the sun, and your beauty shines like it." I say, chuckling as well. Before she can reply, the door to the study opens, and a familiar princess enters.

"Sister? Thou summoned us?" She says, still using the medieval speech. 'Never getting old, this.'

"Indeed I did, Luna. Did you forget what was happening today?" She says, gesturing towards me. Following her hoof, Luna's eyes settle on me, widening in surprise.

"G'day, Luna. How you doing?" I say, giving the mare a wave. Moments later, I find myself thrown backwards onto the cushions I'd been laying on earlier, a heavy weight settled onto me, the life nearly being squeezed out of me.

"GREYSON, OUR FRIEND! THOU HAVE ARRIVED! HUZZAH! NOW THE FESTIVITIES MAY BEGIN IN EARNEST! Shouted a very loud Luna. 'MY FUCKING EARS JESUS CHRIST!'

"Luna?"

"YES SISTER?" 'FUCKING HELL CALM YOUR TITS!'

"You're shouting again." Upon hearing this, the mare on top of me relinquishes her hold on me and returns to her hooves, a sheepish smile and blush adorning her muzzle.

"Our apologies, Greyson. We are still familiarising ourselves with present day Equestria."

"What was that, Luna? I couldn't hear you over the ringing in my ears." I joke, still on the ground. This elicits a chuckle out of both monarchs. Sitting back up, I shake the dizziness from the earlier impact away, before turning to them both. "Now that we're both here...now what?" I ask, before Celestia levitates a notepad, similar to the one that Twilight used when she...was.. 'Oh. QNA. Joy.' "Questions? Alrighty then, m'ladies. Ask away." I say, clapping my hands together. I make myself comfortable, knowing that if this was anything like it was with Twilight, I would most likely be hear for a while.

"So what is this 'Earth' like, geographically?"

"Well, there are six continents along with a few islands here and there, the planet is like 71% of water, I think, and it's not that bad of a place to live."

"And what about thy government?"

"Governments. There are more than one, depending on the country. Whilst most of the western world is a democracy, where the people can vote and get their own say on the matter, the more poorer and underdeveloped countries have a dictatorship, where only one individual has the power. He can decide what happens, who gets to live there, and who dies, basically."

"Interesting. How many countries are there, on Earth?"

"I'm not sure exactly.....but I think it's around 190, give or take." This shocks both mares.

"190? That must surely be chaotic. Just how many humans are there?"

"Around 7.5 billion, last I checked." Upon hearing this, both mares' jaws dropped.

"7.5 Bi-billion? On one planet?" Stutters the princess of the day. Nodding to her question, she composes herself, though Luna remains shocked. "The resources it must take to care for such a sizeable population must be staggering."

"Oh you don't know the half of it. Millions suffer from poverty all across our world, and for every solution we find, there'll always be someone suffering from it. It's a viscous cycle." Recovering from her shock, Luna speaks up.

"Tell us about thyself, Greyson. From whenst do thou hail?"

"The United Kingdom. More specifically, an unimportant town in the North West of England. It was an alright place to live, I guess. I got by."

"And thou foalhood? Speaketh about thy tales of-" 'Haha. No.'

"No." This simple answer surprised both the mares, especially Luna, who seemed taken aback by my answer.

"Nay? What dost thou mean?" She says, the atmosphere changing as both mares look at me with a certain hint of suspicion and concern.

"It means, Luna, I won't be talking about my childhood. It's a sad, sad tale of self-pity and tragedy that I don't feel like reliving. Not today, at least, and certainly not sober." I say, trying to change the sudden shift in atmosphere to a more relaxed one. Understanding my need for privacy, she nods. "You can ask me something else, though, by all means." At this, she thinks long and hard, before coming up with another question.

"How dost thine moon work?" 'What?'

"That's actually a good question, Luna. How does your moon and sun, for that matter, operate, Greyson? From what I've gathered so far, magic does not exist from where you come from, correct?" Asks Celestia.

"Not literally, no." I answer.

"So without magic, how can your sun and moon be raised and lowered on time?" She concludes.

"Erm....Naturally?" For the third time this evening, their jaws drop. "Are you telling me yours doesn't?" I ask the stunned duo.

"No, we raise and lower them when the time is necessary." Now it's my turn to be shocked.

"Impossible... There's no way you can just move the things.... Is there?" Looking to each other, they smile, and turn back to me. Realising that they weren't joking, I let out an exasperated sigh, dropping my head into my hands. "Of course you can. Magic just loves to break any sense of normality I have. Yay." I groan, flopping back onto the silky cushions. Of course, my grumbling is interrupted by a cushion to the face, courtesy of one playful Celestia, who I proceed to flip of.

"Ah! Tia, remember thy scroll!" 'Scroll? What scroll?'

"Oh yes. Greyson, do you remember what I wrote to you yesterday? About that gesture? 'Oh. Oh no.'

"Yep?"

"May you explain to us what it means, exactly?" 'Oh boy, this will be interesting.'

"Well..."

One explanation, a bout of hysterical laughter and a few dozen cushions to the teeth later, and I was being shown to my room by a familiar guard, mainly the one who had first greeted me in Ponyville. Realising I didn't even know the guy's name yet, I decide to strike up a conversation with the Pegasus guard.. 'Doesn't hurt to know the people protecting you.'

"So, how's guarding the Princesses working out, Private...?"

"Flash Sentry, sir." 'Flash Sentry? Huh, alright then.' "And it's a great honour to be serving under their majesties."

"I bet it must be. Great pay, dental, food and whatnot. Army life does have it's perks, I guess." At this, he turns to me.

"Were you in an army, sir?" He asks, before suddenly blanching, thinking that he must've spoken out of turn.

"Calm down, Flash, I'm not going to hit you or anything just because you ask me a question. Relax." I reassure the stallion, happily noticing how he seemed a little less stoic and more laid back upon realising that I wasn't going to berate him like an officer. "No, I wasn't in any form of armed forces. Didn't appeal to me, really. I don't take orders very well, honestly, so I doubt I would've lasted long in the military." He nods in understanding. "So, has anything interesting ever happened whilst you've been on duty?" I ask.

"Well, there was this one time where we were told of an alien coming to visit the castle for a week." He says, a grin on his face. This makes me laugh. 'Oh, I like this guy already.'

"So you guards do have a sense of humour. And here I thought you were all stoic statues made of pure..stoicness."

"No, that's just when the captain is around. He's a great guy and all, but he does take his job very seriously when the need arises. Part of the reason he's the Captain of the Guard, I guess." He says, as we turn another corner in the labyrinth like maze of corridors. 'I should really remember these corridors.'

"Well, you wouldn't want a slacker on the job now, would you? You'd probably end up being infiltrated, by like, bug creatures or something. Heh, wouldn't that be interesting." I jokingly say.

"Yea, that would be something to see, alright." He replies, before we come to a stop outside a door. "Ah! Here we are, sir, your chambers. Down the hall are the chambers of her majesty, Princess Celestia," He gestures a set of doors, with Celestia's cutie mark emblazoned onto them, "and down the hall from there are the chambers of her majesty, P-Princess Luna." 'Did he just stutter?' Ignoring it for now, I thank Flash Sentry for showing me around, and enter the room.

And by god was it beautiful. A king sized bed, great views of both the courtyards and the city itself, a balcony, everything a great hotel room would normally offer. 'Mate, is this what booking at the Premier Inn is like? Royalty is the shit, man!'
Throwing my bag to the side, I dive on the bed like one of those cliche advertisements or movies. 'I can understand why, if the bed was this comfortable.' The moment is interrupted, however, by a cough at the door. Looking up, I realise that Flash was still waiting for me, smirking in amusement.

"If you're done, Greyson, I still need to bring you to the dining room. You've been invited to join their majesties for dinner." 'Oh?'

"Oh really? Wow, I'm getting the full V.I.P treatment. Lucky me." And with that, I jump back off of the bed and make my way back out into the corridor, rejoining my guide. Heading back down the corridor we'd just come from, I follow Flash towards wherever the dining room was located.

"So do you know exactly who'll be there? Evidently Celestia and Luna will be there, of course, but anyone else dining with royalty, d'you know?" I ask Flash, who shrugs.

"Most likely Princess Cadance and Prince Blueblood." 'Princess Cadance? Another princess? And a prince? Oh mate, this is going to be a fun evening.'

"Fair enough. Let's see how many royals I can piss off in one sitting. I bet 5 bits that I come away with at least one of them wanting me executed. You in?" I jokingly say, not expecting any of them to be that extreme. Chuckling, he nods.

"I've served her majesty for just over a year now, and I've yet to see her even throw a pony in jail. These'll be the easiest bits I've ever made."

"Oh trust me, if anyone can force her hoof, it will be me." And with that, we turn another corner and come across a large set of doors. Concluding that this must be the dining room, I turn to Flash. "So is this the place?" I ask, gesturing to the large doors straight ahead of us.

"Yes, Greyson, this is. When you're ready, just en-" I don't even need him to finish his sentence before, like earlier, I throw the doors open and swagger in, much to the horror of a certain, blonde maned stallion, who jumps up from the table in fright. 'So this must be Prince Blueblood? The hell's up with him?'

"WHAT IS THAT DISGUSTING CREATURE!?" He shrieks, much to the anger of the three mares seated at the table, especially a certain dark alicorn. 'Oh. He's an asshole.' Before Luna can ear-rape us all into oblivion, I spare us all with a lighthearted comment that is sure to diffuse the entire situation in a peaceful, non-confrontational way.

"Oh I'm sorry, do I look like a mirror to you, kiddo?" Upon hearing this, the prince's eye twitches in anger, whilst the mares struggle to hold in their laughter, Luna failing miserably.

"How DARE you! Do you know who I am?" He yells. 'Cuntface McGee II From Fuckville?'

"Well, for starters, I know you're a cunt." I say, keeping a straight face. This further infuriates the stallion whilst sending the royals at the table into a laughing frenzy, unable to keep it in any longer. Realising that nobody was taking him seriously, the stallion turned on the spot and stormed out of the room, giving me a furious glare the entire way, most likely at the gesture I was giving him the whole time, before leaving the room and slamming the doors shut with his magic.

With the stallion now gone, I return my attention towards the three mares sat at the table, who were still recovering from the scene that had just occurred in front of them. Giving a quick bow to the new royal, who nods in return, I smile.

"So, ladies. What's for dinner?"

Author's Note

And now Greyson is in the castle and within a couple of hours has pissed off blue blood. Not the hardest thing to do, but still, good job. And he's already making friends (and money) as well, with Shining Armour and Flash Sentry.

So how will dinner go? Will Blueblood do anything to our protagonist? Will the princesses talk about how he's meant to get home? Find out soon, folks! Peace.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

...Make Lemonade

"So, ladies. What's for dinner?" I ask the three mares, who were still in the process of recovering from what had just unfolded before them. Composing herself, Celestia was the first to speak.

"A variety of delicacies, all native to Equestria. Hopefully, they shall all be edible for one such as you, Greyson."

"Well, as long as you haven't ordered any of it to be poisoned, I'm sure I'll live." I joke, getting a giggle out of unknown royal. 'I'm gonna guess that she's Cadance, seeing as how that's the only other royal I know. Apart from that asshole from before.

"And you must Princess Cadance, yes?" She nods. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, m'lady." I say, taking her hoof in my hand and planting a kiss on it, much to her amusement.

"So you're the famous Greyson my aunties have been telling me so much about." She says, giving me a kind smile.

"Only good things, I hope?"

"Only to expect that you'll be very charming, unorthodox and eccentric?" 'Heh, got it one.

"Damn. I'm getting too predictable. Still, got it one, sweetheart." I say, taking a seat opposite the three royals. Now that everyone was seated, minus one prince, Celestia rang a bell, signalling that we were ready for our food. Within moments, servants carrying plates of food trotted into the dining room, surrounding the table before placing their trays on the flat, wooden surface. Thanking them all, they leave us to it. "Shouldn't we wait for uh...What's his face to come back? Blueballs, was it?" I ask, chuckling as Luna begins choking on her food, laughing.

"I don't think he shall be joining us this evening." Replies Celestia, chuckling at his new nickname. Nodding in understanding, I begin the always enjoyable task of eating, not surprised at how divine the food tasted. 'Only the best for royalty.' Noticing that the mares had started up a conversation, I decide to sit back and enjoy the food, content with allowing them to enjoy their private conversations. 'Never was good around a dinner table.'

However, I suddenly felt as if somebody was looking at me. Looking up, I notice that whilst Celestia and Cadance were in their own little world, Luna was looking at me, a strange look on her face. Realising that I'd caught her staring, she quickly returned to her food, trying her hardest to hide the sudden blush that had come over her. 'She's been acting rather weird, lately. First the sudden hug in the study, now this? She good?' Before I could further think on the princess's strange actions as of late, Celestia decided to interrupt my thoughts.

"How is she doing, Greyson?" Asks Celestia. 'Oh yay, I haven't been paying attention. Play it off, Alex.'

"Sorry, I was just lost in thought. How's who?" I say, giving the mares a sheepish smile.

"My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. How has she been during the time you've spent with her?" 'Oh, Sparkles.'

"Sparky? She's all good, I think. She's yet to burn down the library, or kill me in my sleep, or both. So I guess she's all right." I say. This gets a laugh out of the royal trio.

"Sparky? Oh, Shiny would love that." Cadance says, still chuckling. 'Wait, Shiny? Does she mean Shining Armour?'

"Who's Shiny? Shining Armour?" She nods. "What's the cap got to do with Sparkles?" I ask, confused as to what relationship the two unicorns had.

"The captain is Twilight's older brother, Greyson." Answers Celestia, much to my shock. 'Shit, Sparky's got a brother? She never told me? Huh. Go figure.'

"Brother? Well, that's a shock and a half. She never told me she had a brother. And Captain of the guard, no less? Heh, what else is she hiding from me? Oh! Maybe she's a princess in disguise." I remark, earning an eye roll from Celestia and another pair of giggles from the younger royals.

"I'm surprised, Greyson, at how well you have handled these past few weeks." Says Celestia, out of nowhere, getting another confused look from me. "I mean, all of this." She gestures around the room, and to the mares at the table. "Think of Twilight, for example. You've been living under her roof for some time now, and I'm sure by now you've seen how she can be when it comes to something like me." Chuckling, I nod.

"That I have. Before I left Ponyville, she kept reminding me of mannerisms, and how to act in front of royalty. She was a bit worried my usual behaviour would, and I quote, 'Result in banish" I say, mimicking the lavender unicorns voice for comical effect. It works, much to their amusement.

"Quite. As you can see, she views me in such high esteem, much like the rest of my little ponies. As nice as it is, I do find it tiresome to deal with all day long." She admits. "To be treated as a goddess for almost as long as I can remember can be rather stressful." 'Power does have it's drawbacks.' "But you, Greyson? You seem to treat everything so...nonchalantly, as if everything happening to you now has already happened many times before, and it was now just a common occurrence."

"Well, yea? Who hasn't been thrown into a pony wonderland every now and again?" I sarcastically remark, before realising the princess hadn't finished.

"You continue to prove my point. Any other pony would have crumbled under the circumstances, of finding themselves lost on a world, alien to themselves, with nothing but their own wits and willingness to survive. But you? You stared down Nightmare Moon without falter. You willingly threw yourself in harms way to protect a pony you'd only known for a few hours, at most. Why, not too long ago you sauntered into my throne room, without so much as a care for any possible repercussions. How? How do you manage to stay so optimistic and nonchalant?" She finishes, the room now eerily silent, with three sets of eyes on mine. Hell, you could probably drop a pin in here and it would be heard from a different room. The atmosphere remained like this for the next few moments, whilst I formulated a response to such a question.

Leaning backwards into my chair, I sigh. "A few weeks ago, I was walking through a park, making my way home. And then all of a sudden, I'm in a whole different world, wherein the first few hours spent in it were questioning whether or not I had gone insane, and that everything was but a figment of my messed up imagination. Hell, I hadn't even been in this world for twenty four hours, before I'd found myself saving it. As of now, any sense of normality that I once knew, is dead. It died the moment I woke up here, and I'm still not sure whether that's a good thing or not. But for now?" I chuckle. "Now I'm just rolling with it, Sunshine. As a famous man once said: when life gives you lemons," I say, standing up. "Make lemonade." And with that, I nod to princesses, turn on my feet and exit the dining room, leaving the equally speechless mares at the table, processing exactly what I'd just told them.

Exiting the dining room, I realise that I now had no idea what to do with myself. Deciding to just 'roll with it', as I'd said, I walk off in a random direction, looking for something interesting. Along the way, I find myself impressed with how well managed every part of the castle truly was. The corridors were evidently well cleaned, and I couldn't see anything wrong with the castle at all.

Apart from the fact that it was literally bright as all hell and would likely give a lesser man epilepsy on the spot, but I digress.

I was so busy marvelling at the architecture, however, that I nearly walked straight into a set of doors, just about catching myself. Opening them, I realise that they lead straight outside, and into a large garden. Wanting to explore a bit more of the outside, seeing as how I'd yet to even see the outside of the castle, apart from the courtyard where the carriage had landed, I step into the garden, closing the doors behind me, before venturing forwards.

Minutes pass, and, like the interior of the castle, I've found myself in wonder at how peaceful the garden is, with only a guard or two being seen every so often. 'I'll be coming here more often, that's for sure.' Deciding to just sit down and enjoy the garden's natural tranquillity, I walk over to a nearby tree and sit down, leaning on it. 'So, Alex. Or should it be Greyson, now? It's been a while since anyone's called me by my first name. Hell, nopony here even knows my first name. Only people that do are back on Earth, and there aren't even that many there who except, except for my boy Jordan and that bartender I still owe. Damn, I wonder if anyone's even reported me missing, yet. I've been gone for a while, now, so somebody must've noticed by now. It'll be an interesting story to tell when I get back.... If, I get back...'

"But do I want to go back, is the question." I say to myself. Sighing, I lean my head back against the tree, looking to the stars. "You've got a life here, as weird as it is. You got a job, you got friends, all you need now is a girlfriend and you're sorted, mate." I chuckle, before going silent. "Yea, good luck with that one, now." I say, before cringing internally. 'Eugh, don't be saying that, Alex, You sound like one of those edgy teens who think that nobody will ever love him/her because of who he/she is. Stop it.'

The sound of doors being opened brings me out of my thoughts, however. Looking over to where the noise came from, I realise that I was now no longer alone in the garden. Stepping into the garden, Flash Sentry quickly spots me waving at him, and makes his way towards me.

"I was told I might find you here." He says, standing over me.

"Damn, is my spy network compromised? Who snitched?" I remark, the guard shaking his head in amusement.

"Princess Celestia asked me to find you, seeing as how you apparently left the dining room and went off without any idea where you were going. Then, one of the passing guards told me he saw you heading towards the gardens, in which we now find ourselves." 'Daww, is Sunshine worried about me? That's cute.'

"Nah mate, you've got the wrong human. He went that-a-way." I say, pointing further down the garden, getting a blank stare in return. Getting back to my feet, I crack my neck and turn to Flash. "So what's Sunshine wanting?" Raising an eyebrow at my nickname of her, he shrugs.

"Just to make sure you didn't get lost, seeing as how you haven't seen much of the castle yet without a guide." 'What is she, my mother?'

"Christ on a bike, what am I, five? I'm a big boy, Flash, I don't need a babysitter." I say, a bit harsher than I meant for it to sound. Sighing, I smile. "Besides, being lost would probably be fun. I'll tilt all the paintings just to piss her off." At this, we both share a chuckle.

"I bet it would annoy her majesty, but you can do that later. For now, maybe I should get you back to your room? It's quite late, after all, and I don't think the princesses would like it if I left you wandering the halls throughout the night." 'That would be hilarious, actually.' Stifling a yawn, I nod. 'I guess I should probably call it a night now, anyway.'

"Alrighty then, Flash. Lead the way." I say, gesturing to the garden doors. Shaking his head, he turns and heads towards them, with me following close behind. 'That reminds me."

"Speaking of bets, do you remember the one we made just outside the dining hall?" I ask, unable to keep the shit eating grin off of my face. Knowing exactly what I was referencing, he sighs, before pulling a small bag from a pouch on his armour, throwing it to me.

"I hate you."

"Pfft, no you don't."

Waking up the next morning, I notice two things. Firstly, I'm in quite possibly the comfiest bed to ever exist. How I didn't notice this last night is beyond me, but I'm not complaining. And secondly, it's really goddamn bright.

"Celestia, can you just take your sun and fuck off somewhere else?" I mumble, still not fully awake. As if she could hear me, the sun shone just a bit brighter, the light forcing me to scrunch up my eyes. Realising that arguing with a celestial body of pure heat would be futile, I drag myself out of bed and make my way to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, I'm washed and dressed, ready for the day. Lying back down on the bed, I wait for something to happen.

Thankfully, I didn't need to wait long. Hearing a knock at my door, I call out to whoever it was to come in. Moments later, the door opens, revealing an all too familiar guard.

"Good morning, Greyson." Flash says, trotting into the room. "Sleep well?"

"I did, cheers for asking." I reply, thanking the guard. "So what brings you to my little corner of the castle?" I ask, though already having an idea as to what he was here for.

"Breakfast shall be served in the dining room in twenty minutes." He informs me.

"Christ, what are you, the princesses personal courier?" At this, he smirks.

"No, but I can be the prince's royal jailer." 'Oh?' Raising an eyebrow at this statement, he continues. "He's informed some of the guards to arrest you on sight. Including me." I'm unable to prevent myself from laughing, much to Flash's confusion

"Oh..Ha...Please tell me you're serious." I ask, hoping that this isn't a joke. When he nods in confirmation, the laughter returns tenfold. 'Ah....My...my sides! They hurt!'

"What exactly did you do to him, Greyson?" Flash asks, tilting his head in confusion. Composing myself for just a minute, I turn to the guard.

"Oh, I called him a cunt at dinner yesterday." I say, before once more descending into laughter, this time joined by Flash himself, unable to stop himself. I'm pretty sure I can hear the guards outside laughing as well, but I'm not too sure. A full minute later, and we've managed to calm down, albeit with a few chuckles here and there.

"By Celestia, that is beautiful. Literally everypony in the castle has been wanting to call him that, maybe even the princess herself." He admits.

"So Blueballs wants me arrested, eh? Beautiful." I say, the nickname sending Flash into further hysterics. Suddenly, a stupid, yet funny as all hell idea comes into mind. Turning to Flash, who had now once more recovered, I gesture to the doors. "Let's get to the dining hall and see what happens. Chances are he thinks I'll be in a cell, so I won't be at breakfast, thereby he'll be free to join the princesses without me being there." Agreeing with my logic, Flash nods, before looking worried.

"But Greyson, this was an order by a member of royalty. I can't disobey his majesty, as much as I'd like to, so you have to be in the cells." He says sadly, looking at me apologetically. At this, I smile, as a plan formulates in my head.

"Oh, but Flash my pony friend, you are arresting me. We're just going to take a little....detour." Realising what I was implying, the guard smiles, before nodding. A minute later, we're both on our way to the dining hall, with my wrists in chains. Surprisingly, the hatred for Blueblood runs further than Flash Sentry, as when the guards we passed informed us that the castle jail was a different direction, they let us go when we explained to them what was happening, laughing to themselves at our devious plan. Hell, the maids hate him as well, as many of them looked at me in pity, and whispers of unfairness reached my ears.

Reaching the dining hall, I take a small look inside. Seeing that everypony I needed to be here was in fact now here, including Shining Armour. I nod to Flash. Before he opens the doors, however, he turns to me.

"Okay, as much as I'd like to see this happen, what happens to me?" He asks, as I turn towards him. "I mean, I'm just a guard, and he's the prince. He'll most likely fire me after this. As boring as it might seem, I like this job, Greyson." He finishes,

Telling him that I've got it all sorted, he nods, and, taking a deep breath, opens the doors. Unsurprisingly, this ends up bringing the room's entire attention upon the pair of us, but more specifically me. Sauntering my way into the throne room, I look upon the faces of those present. The reactions were unsurprisingly mixed. The mares, as normal, we're not looking very happy with my situation, whilst Blueblood was moving between shock, smugness, and finally, horror, in quick succession. 'You've messed up, Blue. I'm so going to enjoy this little act.'

"Private Flash Sentry! What is the meaning of this!?" Demanded an outraged Shining, looking between the pair of us. Snapping to attention, Flash turns to Celestia.

"Your Majesty, myself and many of the guards we're ordered by his majesty, Prince Blueblood, to find and detain Greyson, and to bring him to the cells." He responds, still holding his salute. At this, the royals now looked at each other, before all of the princesses turned to face Blueblood, who had just shaken away his horror and replaced it with anger.

"How DARE you make such laughable claims! I never ordered such an act. This..this is all a ploy by that..thing!" He cries, pointing a hoof at me. Raising an eyebrow, I'm about to refute the royal prick, when another voice stops me.

"Your Majesties, the prince is a liar." Turning to the unknown pony, I realise that the voice's owner was none other than the maid I had helped yesterday. 'Whoa. Hello, Mrs...oh shit I never asked for her name. What a gentleman I am.' Realising she now had the attention of the entire room, the maid continued, coming to stand beside myself and Flash. "When I was doing my duties yesterday, my princesses, I overheard the prince ordering some of the guards to arrest Mr Gre- *AHEM* -Greyson, and to put him in a cell." Looking up to me, she smiles, which I happily return. Looking back to the table, I stroll forward.

"Sorry Blueballs, but I don't think this has gone the way you were hoping." I say, unable to keep the smugness out of my voice as I watch him move away from the table, outraged at both the failure of his plan, and my nickname of him. Turning to face the princess, my once smug face turns to one of confusion, seeing the princesses jump from their seats and yell both mine and Bluebloods name. For a moment I was confused, before I realised exactly what was happening. 'Oh no you fucking don't!'

In an act of desperation, I grab a nearby plate and I turn towards the prince, holding the plate up to my face and just about blocking the spell. Ignoring the fact that a plate of all things had managed to block magic itself, I throw it at the deranged unicorn, hitting his horn and causing him to fall back in pain. 'Captain America aint got shit on me.' Moments later, he's tackled to the ground by Shining Armour and Flash Sentry. 'The boys! Fuckin A!'

During this time, Cadance, Luna and the maid had surrounded me, forming a protective circle which I honestly no longer needed, as a number of guards swarmed in from both ends of the room, reacting to the sounds of fighting, surrounding both myself and Blueblood, preventing further violence from taking place. Meanwhile, Celestia was moving towards both Flash and Blueblood, who were still struggling on the floor. Making her way through the guards, she levitates the pair with her magic. She places Shining next to Cadance, and Flash next to the rest of us, whilst still keeping a terrified Blueblood hovering before her

"Nephew, do you have any idea as to what you could have just done?" She says, her tone quiet and emotionless. Not able to look her in the eyes, he shakes his head. "You could have KILLED him!" She shouts, the anger in her voice unmistakable. Not allowing her nephew to respond, she drops him back down to the floor, landing unceremoniously on his arse. Turning to a pair of guards, who snap to attention, she gestures towards the prince. "Escort my nephew to his chambers. Do not allow him to leave until I or my sister express otherwise." Nodding, they exit the room with Blueblood, who I give a sarcastic wave of goodbye to just before the doors close. Looking around the room, I notice that the rest of the guards were returning to their posts, the situation handled. Meanwhile, I was now the centre of attention, with everypony else present giving me looks of concern.

"Art thou unharmed?" Asks Luna, scanning my body for any signs of injury. Receiving a nod, she, along with everypony else, lets out a sigh of relief. Turning to Celestia, who was still giving me a look of concern, I smirk.

"What? Who hasn't been the target of an attempted murder before?" I joke, hoping to lighten the atmosphere. It works, as everypony present either chuckles at my uncaring attitude, or shakes their head in exasperation. Turning to the captain, Cadance narrows her eyes. "Did you know about this, Shiny?" she asks, shifting the room's attention to the captain. Realising he was now on the spot, he fervently shook his head.

"No, Cadance, I promise! I wasn't told anything, I swear!" He says, eyes wide. Keeping her eyes on him for a few moments, she smiles and nods.

"I believe him." She says, to which I find myself agreeing with. 'Yea, I don't think he'd want to piss of his girlfriend. Especially seeing as how she's a royal, lucky bastard.'

"I agree with the princess." I announce, drawing a surprised Shining's attention to me. "Mate, I just watched you deck the stallion who tried to kill me. Said stallion is, quite coincidentally, your prince. If you're willing to floor the prick, that's good enough for me." I say, reassuring Shining, who nods in appreciation. With the captain in the clear, I take a seat at the table, leaning back in the chair, before turning to the maid who's name I still didn't know. "So, I help you pick up a few dropped towels and whatnot and you repay me by standing up to the prince?" I say, astonished at her bravery, to which she averts her eyes, embarrassed at being in the spotlight now. "I don't even know your name yet, Mrs..?"

"Spring Cleaning, sir." She says, still looking at the floor. 'Spring...Cleaning...A maid called Spring Cleaning. Now I've heard everthing.' Smirking, I turn to Celestia.

"Well Sunshine, I do believe that Springs over here deserves a raise. Hell, why not make her a princess? She can have Blueballs's title." At this, Celestia smiles.

"Whilst I can't grant Mrs Springs a royal title, I do believe I can reward her for her bravery." She says. Nodding my head towards Flash, she continues. "...And for Private Sentry as well." At this, the guard in questions eyes widen in surprise.

"Indeed. Thou hast proven thy bravery." Chimes in Luna, moving away from me, making her way beside her sister. Like Springs, Flash's face was one of astonishment, as he turns to face me.

"Well I did say I had it all sorted, did I not? I wasn't going to leave you hanging, buddy." I say, getting a hoofbump in reply. "Besides, apart from the captain over there and a few stallions back in Ponyville, you're the only male I know who I can get along with, and god knows I need the friends." At this, the room laughs. "Now, onto more important matters. Firstly, when is breakfast meant to arrive, and secondly, can I please get these chains removed, now?" I ask, lifting my wrists up for all to see.

"Hmm...No, I think we should keep them on." Teases Celestia, levitating the key away from me.

"Wow, Sunshine. It's rather early to be getting this kinky, isn't it?" This statement has mixed reactions, with Shining, Springs and Flash looking mortified at what I was implying, Luna and Cadance were both struggling for breath at how much they were laughing, and Celestia herself shaking her head at my bold statement, an amused smile and a very light blush on her face, which I take great delight in seeing.

"Oh? Did I make the ever so composed princess blush?" I ask, wiggling my eyebrows. In response, her horn lights up and every single cushion from the chairs at the table rise up, much to my despair. Looking around for any assistance, I realise that nopony in the room was coming to my aid, giving me half arsed smiles of the You-Earned-This variety. Looking back to the princess, she flashes a smug smile. "So this is where Sparky got the idea of throwing books at me from." I say, unflinching in the face of my impending fluffy doom.

"Well, I am her mentor after all. She's learning from the best." And with that, I'm buried under a mountain of cushions, the last visible part of me beforehand being a pair of outstretched hands, with both middle fingers raised in her general direction.

Author's Note

Well, I've had a few days break, but I'm back!

So, this has been an interesting chapter. We had dinner, got a bit serious, went exploring, won a bet with Flash, survived an assassination attempt, and flustered Celestia herself. ~~Mary Sue Ho!~~

I don't want to spoil what will happen next chapter, but things will get interesting, I'll tell you that much. So until that appointed time, I'll see you later, folks! Peace.

I Guess I'd Better Get Comfortable

A Hard Truth

*Knock Knock Knock*

"It's open, Springs." I call out, not bothering to lift myself off of the bed to greet the maid in question, who was now entering the room. As has been the norm for the past two days, ever since the Blueblood incident, Spring Cleaning would come to my room at 7:00 and ensure that I was awake, willingly or not. Because of this, I found myself now waking up a good 10 minutes beforehand, in which I'd wash myself and get dressed, before she'd even arrive. Soon after, Flash Sentry would arrive, either to take me to one of the princesses, or to just keep me safe, what with Blueblood most likely plotting revenge on me.

Speaking of Blueblood, the princesses had decided that, with his attempt on my life, he'd be under house arrest for the duration of my stay whilst a more suitable punishment was to be decided at a later date. During this time, he'd only be allowed to leave his room under supervision from at least three guards, and he needed either Celestia's or Luna's permission. 'I doubt that's going to stop him from cooking up a few ways to off me later, though. Still, good luck with that, mate.

True to her word, Celestia did in fact reward both Flash Sentry and Spring Cleaning for what they'd done for me that morning, just not in the way they'd expected. For Flash, he was assigned the role of my bodyguard so as to keep me safe in the event that somepony like Blueblood decides that my right to exist had now expired, a commendation from the Princess herself and a nice pay rise to boot. As for Springs, she was also given a substantial increase in pay, whilst at the same time being made my personal maid. It was weird, at first, having my own butler, but she doesn't seem to have a problem with it so far. In fact, I think she enjoys being around me.

Actually, no. She enjoys being around Flash, if the glances she's been giving him now and again were anything. 'I wonder if he knows, yet. She blushes whenever they talk to eachother, and they're rather cute. Granted, I don't have much experience in the relationship sector, but even I can tell she likes him. I'll see if I can't find out later if Flash likes her back, after I get today over and done with.'

Today was going to be a hard day for me. Yesterday, after dinner, Celestia and Luna had spoken to me privately. They had decided that today would be the day that we finally got around to talking about my future in Equestria, and whether or not they could send me back to Earth. Whilst I was happy at first, knowing I was going to get the answers that I'd been wanting for the past few weeks, I was now finding myself nervous, perhaps even worried, at what they were going to tell me. I didn't get much sleep last night, with my thoughts not permitting me the luxury.

Would I be able to go back? If so, did I even want to go back? I had a life back on Earth, as crappy as it was. Here? I also had a life, with those who care about me. But the fact of the matter remained that, unlike on Earth, they weren't human. They were living, breathing, talking ponies. Equestria had things I didn't believe, things I thought could only exist in a fantasy realm, and yet here I was. But that was the problem. I come from a place where these things only exist in a story, or in the mind of a child. These things shouldn't physically exist.

Whether I like it or not, I don't belong here. 'Way to depress yourself, Alex. Good job.'

"Good morning, Greyson. Sleep well?" She asked, like she had done every other morning so far.

"No. I passed in my sleep, and decided that there was no better way of spending my afterlife than haunting a castle." I remarked, getting a chuckle from the maid. "Here to be my alarm clock as usual?"

"How did you know?" She mocked, giving me a sarcastic look. 'Oh, she's learning.'

"Oi, don't be sarcastic with me, Springy. That's my job." Standing up from the bed, I turn to the two maids, looking between them both, before double checking. 'Since when did Springs have a twin?' Shaking my head, I realise that there was, in fact, only one maid, who was giving me a quizzical stare.

"Are you alright?" She asks, confused by my odd behaviour. 'Weird, man. I don't remember taking anything last night.'

"Yea Springs, I'm fine. Just got up too fast." I say, reassuring the mare, keeping eye contact with her. This staring contest of ours only lasted a few moments, before Flash Sentry decided to make an appearance, entering the room.

"Am I interrupting something?" He asks, looking at the pair of us. 'Hmm... Let's test him.'

"Yea mate. Springs just proposed to me, and our wedding is in a fortnight. You wanna be the best stallion?" I lie, hoping for a reaction. Eyes widening in surprise, he looks at Spring's, who was just as surprised as he was.

"You-you-you're getting married?" He stutters, unable to hide the dissapointment in his voice, much to my satisfaction. 'So he does like her, eh? Okay, I can work with this.' Before she could respond, however, I laugh.

"I'm kidding, Flash. Calm yourself, pair of you." I say, chuckling. Seeing the momentary wave of relief flash over his face, I smirk. "Speaking of weddings, though, when's yours happening?" I ask, to nopony in particular. Seeing the confusion flash over their faces, I smile. "Don't give me that look, you two. Anypony with a set of eyes can see that the pair of you like each other." Blushing, they turn to each other, unable to make eye contact.

"You li-"
"You li-" 'Seriously?'
"Sorry, you were saying?"
"No, erm...you go first." 'Wow. This is like one of those horrid romantic films, where they both keep talking at the same time. End me now.' Realising they weren't getting anywhere other than cutting each other off and looking like a pair of idiots, I hurry them along.

"Right, I'm going to leave this room, and you both can talk to each other like a pair of adults. Have fun, kids." And with that, I make my way out of the room, turning down the corridor, before stopping. 'Fuck it, let's see how it ends.' Turning back around, I listen in to their conversation, only hearing a few parts here and there. Finally, I hear a thump. Confused, I peak into the room, I see Spring's hugging the living hell out of Flash, the smile on her face threatening to fly off to god knows where. Flash, on the other hand, held the same smile, albeit slightly forced, what with his windpipe being constricted. Looking over to me, I give him a knowing thumps up and smile, before coming away and heading back down the corridor, getting a hoofbump from one of the guards who had also decided to eavesdrop. 'Doesn't matter what species, lads are lads.'

Making my way to the throne room, where I knew at least one of the princesses would most likely be, I found myself face to face with Princess Cadance, unsurprisingly accompanied by Shining Armour.

"Good morning, Greyson." Greets the princess, giving me a kind smile.

"G'morning Princess, Captain. Either of you two know where Celestia or Luna are?" I ask.

"They're both in the throne room." She answers. "We were just heading there now, if you'd like to join us?"

"Yea, sure. I need to talk to them anyway, about my whole 'Alien' situation." At this, they both turn to face me.

"Are they sending you home?" Questions the captain.

"To be honest? I have no clue. That's one of the questions I need answering, along with a couple dozen more." 'Including whether or not I'm in danger, if what happened in Ponyville is a reccuring thing.' My thoughts shift to what happened last week, when I collapsed in Ponyville's park, and how I was unconscious for at least a few hours. That isn't normal and for all I knew, it could be the prelude to something much worse, perhaps even something fatal. As it happens, I'd rather not leave it to chance. Making idle conversation with the duo, we make our way down the corridors.

A few minutes later, and we'd arrived outside the throne room. Before we entered, however, Shining pulled me to one side, gesturing for Cadance to go in without us. With the princess now out of earshot, Shining sighs.

"Greyson, we're friends right?" He asks out of the blue.

"Uh..sure..yea? What's up?" I question, perplexed at this unusual question.

"Well...It's about Princess Cadance...I..erm..-" 'Oh my god, are you being serious. First Flash, now the captain? Cupid reporting for duty, sir!'

"You like her, don't you." I flatly say, a knowing smile on my face. Giving me a nod, I continue. "Does she know?" At this, he gives me a confused look.

"Well, obviously. We've been together for some time, now." He remarks, as if it was common knowledge. For the castle's residents, maybe. For the human who's been here for a few days? Not so much.

"Oh...well then, that's good. I didn't know you were a thing, exactly, but okay. Nice one, cap." I compliment. Giving me a half smile at my words, he sighs.

"So we've been together for a while, and I...well...I...I-"

"Oh for Christ's sake You love her, don't you." This freezes him in place. Slowly nodding, I smile. "Thought so. Now lemme guess. You love her, she most likely loves you, and you want to go to the next stage in your relationship, right?" He nods. "Good. So, marriage, is it?" Another nod. "Splendid. And you don't know if she wants to go that far, yet, correct?" Yet another nod. 'I'm on a roll.' "Well then, I can't help you." I say, to which he looks up in shock.

"But-"

"Oi oi, I'm not finished." I interrupt, silencing the love struck captain. "I can't help you figure out whether she wants to get married or not, by the fact that I'm not going to ask her. That falls to you, Shining." I say, looking into his eyes. We hold this stare for a few moments, before he sighs in resignation.

"You're right. I need to ask Cadance if she's ready for this." He says, to which I nod. "But what about the princesses? What would they say?" He suddenly asks, eyes wide.

"Well...erm...hold up, Cadance is adopted, yea?"

"She is Celestia's adopted niece, so yes." He answers. 'Okay, good enough for me.'

"Well then, that makes Celestia, and Luna for that matter, the closest thing she has to family right now. I can't say much for Luna, seeing as how she hasn't exactly been around to know you for as long as her sister, but Celestia? She likes you, I can easily tell you that."

"But does she like me enough to give me her blessings? It's her niece we're talking about." 'Hmm...Wait a second...Aha! When I arrived!'

"Let me take you back to the day you took me to the throne room. When me and Sunshine we're heading off to her study, what did she tell you exactly, after dismissing you?" I ask, watching as he looks to the floor, trying to remember her words. Moments later, his eyes widen in realisation, as he looks back up to me.

"If you're looking for my niece-"

"-she'll be in her room." I finish for him. "See? Why would she tell you that if she didn't want you to be with her? She obviously doesn't mind you being with her, so what's to fear? When you get in there, just propose to the girl and see what happens. If she says yes, hip hip hooray. If not, well...meh, she'll say yes, I'm sure of it." I reassure him, patting the stallion on the shoulder. Moments later, he nods.

"Yea...yea, you're right. I can't just wait forever. Okay...I'll do it." Giving the captain a smile, I'm about to turn back to the throne room doors, before he opens his mouth again. "Hey, do you have a mare back home?" He asks, a sly smile on his face.

"Nope." Is my simple answer. This shocks the captain, as his eyes widen in surprise.

"What? How can you not have a marefriend if you knew exactly what to say to me?" Exclaims the astonished stallion.

"You know Flash and Springs? I'm pretty sure I just hooked the two of them up literally 10 minutes ago." Hearing this little piece of information, he chuckles.

"No kidding? I had a feeling the two of them would end up together." I raise an eyebrow at this. "Seriously, I did. For as long as I've been Captain, I've seen them giving each other looks before, when the other wasn't looking. It doesn't take a genius to see that they both like each other, but neither of them seemed to know how the other felt."

"Yea, I've noticed that as well. But hey, they figured each other out it seems, though it took an alien matchmaker to get them together." I joke, getting a smile from the captain.

"You are one of a kind, Greyson." 'That I am, kiddo.'

"That I am. Now, come on you two, let's go talk to the mares." I say, gesturing for the Captain Armours to follow me. 'Wait...What?' My own puzzled thoughts were mimicked by Shining Armour, who was also confused at what I just said. Looking to his sides, he looks back to me.

"Erm, Greyson? There's just us?" Shaking my head, I blink a few times, before the captain's clone vanished. 'Okay...that happened..'

"Yea, don't mind me, just uh...never mind, let's go." Shrugging, he comes up beside me as we enter the throne room, as I grow ever concerned about my mental state.

Entering the throne room, I looked to the far end of the room, seeing all three of the princesses conversing amongst themselves. Seeing Cadance blushing at the sight of Shining Armour, and the two diarchs smirking at each other, I could only guess as to what their conversation had been about. 'I wonder...was Cadance asking the princesses what Shining was asking me? Hmm...' Making our way towards them, the three mares turn to us.

"Ah, here they are. Greyson, Captain Armour, we were beginning to think you had somehow gotten lost." Joked the solar diarch. 'Funny.'

"Nope, was just giving the captain here some advice. Speaking of which...?" I say, nudging the captain. Knowing what I was getting at, the captain steeled himself, and turned to Cadance. 'Damn, I should've grabbed some popcorn.'

"Cadance, I need to ask you something....something very important to me." He starts, looking her in the eyes as I walk to stand beside the other princesses. Looking to me for clarification, all they get is silence as I gesture to the pair in front of us.
"We've been together for a while now, and during all that time, I've loved every second of it. Being with you has been one of the best things to ever happen to me." He says, trying his hardest to keep himself from breaking down, unlike Cadance whose eyes were tearing up at the scene unfolding before her. "But...I don't want to be your coltfriend anymore." He says, to all our confusion. However, our confusion is replaced with happiness and surprise, when he lowers himself to the ground slightly, and levitates a small box between himself and Cadance. 'Holy shit it's happening! THE BOY IS BECOMING A MAN!' "Instead, will you do me the honor, and-" He's unable to finish his sentence, however, when he's tackled to the ground by a pink blur.

"YES! YES! YES!" Cried Cadance, smothering the poor stallion. Moments later, and she realised that Shining was struggling to breath, though I doubt that he was going to complain. Releasing him, he stood up, before they once more embraced, this time with tears of happiness coming from the both of them. Giving Shining the same reaction that I had given to Flash and Springs not too long ago, I smirk. 'Well what do y'know, Alex. You've brought these two and Flash and Springs together. That'll do Alex, that'll do.'

However, like all good things, they must come to an end.

Moments later, the all to familiar, yet unwelcome, sense of fatigue that had been causing me problems recently had decided to return. This time, stronger than ever. Slowly staggering backwards, I lean against Luna's throne for support, the ponies in the room all oblivious to my plight. Unlike last time, however, I wasn't plagued by a coughing fit this time. Instead? I was most likely having a heart attack, if the sharp pains in my chest were anything to go by. Grabbing at my shirt, I could feel my legs giving way, as I hear Cadance calling my name.

"So Greyson, it was you who told Shining t-GREYSON!?" She cries, as I tumble down the steps towards her. Landing on my back, I'm quickly surrounded by the mares and one captain, moments later being joined by a pair of guards. Turning to the guards in question, Shining begins barking orders, before they run out of the room.

I've no time to contemplate where the guards had been sent to, when out of nowhere, I begin to feel cold, and my body starts to react to such a drastic change of temperature. I was shivering for what must have only been a few seconds, before I stopped as quickly as I'd began. Instead, the cold was had suddenly been replaced with warmth, and a strange sense of calmness swept over me. Weakly glancing upwards, I notice both Celestia and Luna's horns were glowing, who were both staring at me in horror and...realisation? I've no time to time to think on their reactions, when my body decides that now would be the best time to take a break on functioning. 'Am I dying? Heh, not how I imagined going out. Dying fucking sucks.' The sight of the royals standing over me was to be the last thing I see, before darkness overtook my sight, my consciousness following seconds later.

'Hello darkness my old frieennddd~'

Waking up after god knows how long, I realise that I was no longer lying on the cold floor of the throne room. Instead, I was in a bed, most likely a hospital bed to be exact. Opening my eyes, I quickly come to the realisation of two things. First, this was definitely not the throne room. Secondly, it was very bloody bright, and I had to shut my eyes on account of being nearly blinded. 'Yep, not the throne room.' Opening my eyes once again, slowly this time, I'm able to get a good look at my surroundings, as I look to my right. As I'd established, this wasn't the throne room. Instead, I appeared to be in a hospital of sorts, with multiple beds lined up against the walls. Looking to the left, I see more of the same. However, I notice that there was nopony around. No nurses, doctors, anything.

"Hello?" I call out, hoping for an answer. When I get none, I slump back into the bed. Suddenly, I'm gripped by a rather terrifying thought. 'Was I.....in a coma? Did I dream all that up? The ponies, the castle, everything?... No. No fucking way. I did NOT go through all that shit in a coma, no way in hell.' Knowing I wouldn't get any answers lying in a bed, however comfortable said bed may be, I throw the covers off of me and rise to my feet. Letting myself get reacquainted with standing on two feet, I slowly make my way around the bed, heading towards a nearby set of doors.

Opening the doors, my fears are dashed when I see an a familiar face heading towards me. Or muzzle in this case. Seeing that Spring Cleaning had yet to notice me, and seeing how she was heading towards this very room, I quickly step back inside, and close the doors, moving to the side. Moments later, the door opens and Springs trots in, not noticing how I was now behind her. It took her a few seconds to realise that the bed she was walking towards was now vacant. Letting out a shocked gasp, she drops what she had been carrying onto the floor and turns on the spot, only to be greeted by a smirking human.

"How y'doin, Springs?" I say, unable to keep the smile off of my face at her reaction. Shaking herself out of her stupor, she mimics my smile, and gallops towards me. Knowing what was coming, I fall to one knee and hold my arms out, catching the mare in a hug, her forelegs wrapping themselves around my neck. Moments later, she releases me, tears of happiness falling from her eyes.

"Yo-you're alright!" She cries, wiping away tears.

"You don't say?" I remark, chuckling. At this, she shakes her head, punching my shoulder and trying to look angry, yet failing and looking adorable as all hell.

"Seriously? You collapse in the throne room, fall into a two day coma, and the first thing you do when waking up is be sarcastic? Are you kidding me?" She says, giving me an exasperated look. 'Two days? Yep, Princesses have some explaining to do.' Smirking, I rise to my feet.

"Nope. I'm the same sarcastic arsehole you know and love, Springy." I say, looking at the chuckling mare. "Well, you love Flash more than me, but you get the point." I quip, getting a blush from the mare. "So you're both together, then?" Getting a nod, I smile. "Nice one. Took you both long enough. Now, can we please get out of here? I need answers, and something to drink. Preferably something strong." Turning on the spot, I make my way towards the doors, being followed by Springs.

Heading down the corridor, it's not long before we come face to face with another pony, who is as equally shocked, but thankfully less physical, than Springs.

"Greyson? You're awake?!"

"No, I'm sleep walking." At this, he rolls his eyes.

"Well, if you're going to be sarcastic, we can already tell you're fine, then." He groans, before we both shake hands/hoofs. "Thank Celestia you're okay, Greyson. We've been worried sick about you." He admits. 'Daww.'

"Worried about me? Mate, I'm Al-*Ahem* Greyson. I'm immortal." I joke, though internally cringing at my slip up. Thankfully, neither of them seemed to notice that I'd almost said my first name, and looked at each other, smiling. "As cute as the pair of you are, I need to talk to the princesses. Mind leading me there, oh bodyguard of mine?" With a nod, he gestures for us to follow him, leading us down the halls towards wherever the royals were. Nodding to a pair of guards, who were shocked at the fact that I was up and about, I smile. 'Seems everyone's happy that I'm still kicking. Oh mate, I wonder how the princesses will react? No wait, how will Blueballs react? That'll be something to see.'

The journey wasn't a long one, thankfully, and I found myself outside of the princesses study. Having duties they needed to fulfill, both Springs and Flash left me alone. Reaching for the door, I hear voices inside, and I decide to listen in on the rooms occupants.

"-ver awaken?" 'That Luna? She sounds pretty upset.'

"I'm unsure, Lulu. It could take days, weeks, years...maybe never." 'And there's Celestia. Anyone else?'

"So he may never wake up?" 'Oh, and Cadance as well. Cool, they're all here.'

"...There is a chance, yes." '

"Surely there must be something we can do?" Asks Cadance, before the three turn towards the door.

"Well for starters, Princess, you can make me the best man to your wedding." I say, striding into the room. No sooner had I said that, I found myself tackled to the floor, thankfully landing on something soft. "Nice to see you to, Luna." I laugh, wrapping my arms around the princess. After what felt like a good few minutes, the princesses finally releases me, allowing me to get back to my feet. Turning to Cadance and Celestia, I open my arms outwards. "Anyone else?" I joke, not expecting them to take me up on my offer.

Newsflash: They did.

A few minutes of hugging, tears, and overall sappiness later, and I was now sat comfortably on the ground. Looking to the three mares, who were looking right back at me, I get straight to the point.

"So what in the hell happened to me, then?" I ask, looking right at the solar diarch. Taking a moment to word her explanation, she looks into my eyes.

"As you've already said, your world is devoid of magic, yes?" Nodding, she continues. "Here in Equestria, magic is involved in everything. The weather? Magic. The sun and moon? Magic. Even life itself. You've already seen the different types of ponies. It's how the Pegasus are able to walk on clouds, it's how Unicorns are able to perform their spells, and it's how the Earth Ponies have such strength and endurance compared to the previous two variants." She says, explaining how invaluable magic was to everypony. "Now let me ask you a question. Has what happened in the throne room that day happened before, in your limited time in Equestria?" She asks, her tone serious and her eyes staring intently into my own. 'Well...There was the time in the library...then the park...then the throne room.'

"Twice, this one being my third." I admit, before finding myself worried at her reaction. "Why? What's happening to me, Celestia?" I ask, nervous as to what her answer would be.

"Your body has been adapting itself to it's new environment. More accurately, it has...changed." Noticing my confused look, she continues. "As I just told you, magic exists everywhere. In the sky, in the ground, in every. living. being. For something to exist, and yet not have magic involved in it in some shape or form is unheard of, and quite frankly, impossible. What you have been experiencing as of late, is your body reacting to magic itself. Thankfully, your body has now fully acclimated itself, and so you won't go through what you have done again." Hearing this, I let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank god for that." I say, happy to know that I won't go through an ordeal like that again. However, my joy vanishes, when I notice all three of the princesses' pained expressions. "Is...is that not a good thing? I'm fine now, right?" Looking into my eyes, Celestia continues once more.

"Because your body has now adapted to our world, it would be impossible for it to re-adapt to a world without magic. As it stands, magic has now become a part of you, and whilst you may not be able to stand on clouds, cast spells, or be as strong as an average earth pony, you have now become part of Equestria itself. To that end, if you were to be sent back to Earth, the magic in you would die. And...and you along with it." She finishes, tearing up slightly. '..........'

"So If I were to be sent back to Earth, I'd die." I realise, my voice having no emotion whatsoever. Staring at the ground, I don't feel her wings wrap around me. I don't hear them trying to comfort me. I continue to stare at the ground, what I'd just been told going through my head, again, and again. I don't know how to feel at this. I've just been told that, if I were to return home, I'd die. My life there was now over. It had just ended with that one sentence. Everything I'd known there, everything I'd come to love? Hate? Enjoy? Gone.

So why did I not feel anything at this moment? Hate? Sadness? Loss? Nothing. I felt nothing. Why?

I'm not sure how long I'd been sat like this, lost in my own little world, but eventually, I look up from the floor and into the eyes of all three princesses. Rising to my feet, I walk to a nearby window, gazing upon Canterlot. In the distance, I see Ponyville, the sight of it bringing a small smile to my face. Turning around, I make my way to the doors, before turning back around to look at the three royals, who were giving me looks of concern, sadness, and reassurance.

"Blueblood won't be happy." I say, still devoid of emotion. This brings out a smile from the three mares, however. A moment later, and I exit the study, wanting nothing more than to return to my room and to get absolutely hammered, as every sane man does after being told that going home meant certain death. Seeing as how I would be unlikely to do so, I settle for the alternative of crawling into bed and refusing to exist for a few days.

Reaching my room, I enter and lock the door, before heading to my bed. Sitting on it, I sit there for a few moments, the knowledge that I was trapped in this world still being the most prominent thing on my mind. Sighing, I look to the ceiling, saying the one thing that perfectly sums up my whole situation

"Shit." I mutter, before I fall backwards into the bed, content to lie here for the foreseeable future.

Author's Note

Well...This chapter was a clusterfuck of events. First, Alex manages to hookup Springs and Flash. Then, he gives Shining a pep talk about talking to Cadance and witnesses his proposal. And finally, we now know that Greyson is stuck in Equestria, unless he wants to die returning to Earth. Aint that a kick in the head.

Also, I just realised that I've yet to describe how Spring Cleaning looks, so here you go. She's an Earth pony, with a dark blue coat and a silver mane. I'm postitively atrocious when it comes to drawing, so just work with what you've read.

Finally, with the Christmas holidays now done and dusted, school will be throwing a wrench in my writing schedule, with tomorrow being the start of the new term, so please be patient if this story isn't updated for days on end. I'll still be writing, but I'll now have a few more things to balance alongside it. Until next time, folks! Peace.

Stargazing

In The Night Garden

Hours passed, and I'd yet to move from where I was lying, with what Celestia had told me still running through my mind. If you were to be sent back to Earth, the magic in you would die. And you along with it. I still couldn't wrap my head around this. The life that I'd known there, the life that I'd enjoyed, hated, feared, loved. Gone. It was all gone, and it wasn't coming back anytime soon.

These thoughts had gone through my head again, and again. I should feel angry at how unfair this is, to be ripped from my home and given no chance of returning. I should feel sad at the fact that those I cared about, however few there were, would never know what happened to me. I should feel something. Anything. But I don't. I, literally, feel nothing. And if I'm being honest, this unnerves me.

'So I find out I'm now stuck here permanently, in a world where I'm the only human on the entire fucking PLANET, and I'm not at all angry? Not even a little bit? Okay, let's try being sad... No? Nope, nothing. Cool. I'm dead inside. Only took me, what, 22 years? Good job, Alex. Or do I have to call myself Greyson now? Why don't I just tell them my first name, anyway? I'm here for life, now, so I may as well start trusting them... Fuck it, where are those drinks? I've yet to try pony alcohol, and now seems like as good a time as any.'

Making my way to a nearby cupboard, I throw every drawer open, wood and clothes be damned. Finding nothing, I grunt in frustration, before making my way to another cupboard. Once more, I find nothing. 'Oh you're just taking the piss.' Now, before I'd fallen into that two day coma, I'd taxed a few bottles of some pony beer from Flash's room, which he still doesn't know about. 'Sue me, Flash.' Now, I was trying to remember where exactly I'd stashed them. Under the bed? No. Dresser? Nada. In the bathroom, somewhere? Nyet.

Out of options, I'm about to take my frustrations out on a few inanimate objects, when I see something out of the corner of my eye. 'My bag! Please tell me they're in there!' Running over to it, I open it up, throwing its contents all over the room. Reaching the bottom, the feeling of glass almost brings a tear to my eye. Almost. Picking the bag up, I bring it to the bed, before emptying its remaining contents onto the bed. Dropping the bag, I smile at the glorious sight in front of me. 'Maybe it won't be so bad after all.'

Taking them all into my arms, I make my way over to the balcony door, heading outside. Setting up a chair, I take a seat, admiring the sunset. 'Not bad, not bad at all. Now, onto more important things.' Inspecting the bottle, I can't help but shake my head in annoyance. 'Bacolti? Seriously? This some play on words of Bacardi, or something? Fuck it. Whatever. As long as it's strong, I don't care.' Shrugging, I unscrew the lid and down nearly half the bottle in one go, the taste of it surprisingly pleasant. Finishing the bottle, I lean back, before picking up another bottle. Unscrewing it, I chuckle, before raising it into the air.

"Here's to being an alien, Alex. You are well and truly fucked."

"Flash, if this is the best you've got, you're a fucking lightweight." I mumble, throwing another bottle of 'Bacolti' into the corner, along with the other 4 bottles that had I'd already downed. As it turns out, pony alcohol was very weak compared to human alcohol. So weak, in fact, that it actually tasted like one of those kiddy Fruit shoots you can get at the Co-op for 70p. Sighing, I lean back into the chair, looking upwards. "Damn. Those star watcher people would kill to get a view light this. Hell, I don't blame them. Actually kinda beautiful, to be fair." I say out loud, gazing upon the hundreds of stars that lit up the night sky. 'Throw me a paintbrush and I'll Van Gogh this shit.'

"Thou...like our night?" Replies a shocked voice. Not even bothering to turn to Luna, or question how she'd even managed to join me on the balcony without me realising, I nod.

"Well, it is a rather pretty sight, Princess. Back on Earth, I'd never see a sight like that." I gesture to the sky. 'Cheers for that, pollution.'

"Why?" Asks the curious diarch.

"Well it's hard to tell you without being here all night, but basically, because of our industries and other complicated things, light pollution blocks out hundreds of stars, so all I'd be able to see would be the moon and a couple dozen stars here and there. Thankfully, you ponies haven't reached our level of technology, and so you still get to enjoy this lovely view." I explain, still looking to the stars. Turning my head towards the princess, I see that she's staring right at me, tears beginning to form in her eyes. "You alright, Luna?" I ask, sitting up.

"Nopony has ever complimented us on our night before." She says, surprising me.

"Seriously? Not even once?" I ask, genuinely shocked. Shaking her head, she looks at me, drying her eyes.

"Nay, our subjects adore our sister's day, and sleep during our night. 'Tis been like this for as long as we've held dominion over the night." She explains, sadness flashing across her muzzle. Twisting my body around, I now face the princess, who stares at the ground, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. 'Oh hell. Crying. I don't do tears, kids.'

Making my way over to the princess, I squat down to her level, putting my hand under her muzzle to look at me. "Right then. You're the princess of the night, yea?"

"Yes. But, thou know this already." She replies, tilting her head at my question.

"Let me finish, sweetheart." Closing her mouth, she lets me continue. "As princess of the night, you must know the best spots for viewing it, yes?" She nods, before her eyes widen at what I'm suggesting. Smiling, I nod. "Then let's go find ourselves somewhere to sit. The night is beautiful, and you know where the best seats are." I say, standing up. Rising to her hooves, she looks at me in astonishment. Then, the biggest smile you'd ever seen formed on her muzzle, and she jumped to her hooves, wrapping her forelegs around my neck. Now, the last time she'd hugged me, she'd ended up sending me to the floor. Thankfully, I was a little bit more prepared, and so I manage to keep my balance. 'For once.'

Embracing the princess, I smirk. "So, is this a date then?" Feeling her freeze up in my arms, I laugh, before letting the mare go, who gave me a half serious, half playful stare.

"Must thou always insinuate such things?" She asks, trying to get her blush under control. Opening the balcony door for us, I shrug.

"Only when the mares are as beautiful as you, sweetheart." Her blush only intensified. 'You still got it, Alex.'

Minutes into our walk, I notice that we were making our way through a familiar corridor. How I knew this corridor, when they all looked literally the same, I had no idea. Still, I recognised it as the one leading to the castle gardens. Sure enough, one corner later and the doors to the gardens were at the end of the corridor. Reaching them, Luna's horn lights up, the doors opening before us.

"Show off." I grumble, much to her amusement. Walking through the gardens, we come across a weird looking statue. 'Yo God? What drugs did you take when you thought it was a good idea to make this clusterfuck of a thing? I mean seriously, mate. The guy's got two different horns, what looks like a lions arm, a talon? Yea, a talon... a...goats leg? What in the fuck?' "The hell is this thing?" I ask out loud, drawing Luna's attention to the statue in question. Trotting up beside me, she scowls at the statue.

"Discord." She growls, staring menacingly at the statue, as if it were about to attack us at any second. '

"Okay....? Just a bit confused here, Luna. Do you... wanna explain, maybe?" I ask, curious as to why she seemed to hate this thing so much.

"'Tis a story for another time. For now, however, let us press forwards. Our spot is not far." She replies, turning on the spot and carrying onwards down the path with me in tow. Following the mare, I can't help but feel as if something, or someone, was looking at me. Turning around, I realise that it was only myself, Luna, and... the statue. Narrowing my eyes at this 'Discord', I look it up and down. Moments later, I shake my head, and turn back to follow the princess. 'Stop being so paranoid, Alex. It's just a statue.'

I still couldn't shake of the feeling that I was being watched. 'Maybe that alcohol's just slow to take effect? Oh mate, if it is, and I've drunk a good 5 bottles of it, the hangover will be legendary.'

A minute later, and we'd arrived at her spot. It was a small hill, hidden from view by the trees and shrubbery. Sitting down and leaning against the tree, I notice how secluded this little part of the garden was. I could see why Luna favoured this spot of hers, as she could lie here undisturbed for hours, just relaxing without the stresses of being a monarch. Yet, I was confused. 'The balcony had the same exact view. What's so special about this place?' As if reading my thoughts, Luna sits down next to me, looking to the stars.

"Thou art wondering why we chose this spot, correct?" She asks, a knowing look on her muzzle. I nod.

"Don't get me wrong, Princess. This spot is lovely and all, but the balcony was a better spot to view the stars. What's got you hooked here?" Smiling, she looks to the sky.

"Here, we are free to enjoy the peace and tranquillity, to enjoy our night in all its brilliance." She answers. "We have always wanted to share such an experience with a friend, one who felt the same joy at our night as we do." She says, smiling at me. Chuckling, I look to the stars as well.

"Well, it's better to enjoy something that you love with someone who loves it as well, than to enjoy it by yourself." I say. Feeling a sudden weight on my side, I look at Luna, who was leaning against me. 'I swear she's the touchiest of the three royals.'

"We thank thee." She says suddenly. 'Thank you? For what?'

"For what?" I ask, confused as to this sudden show of emotion.

"For what thou have told us this evening. Not once has anypony taken such joy in our night until now, and it brings us much happiness to know our gift is appreciated by somepony-

"Someone I correct, smirking playfully at her.

"Someone, who enjoys our night." She finishes, continuing to lean against me.

"Well, unlike your ponies, this alien here finds your night rather beautiful, and it's a bloody shame that that sentiment isn't shared by everypony else." I say, bringing another smile to her face.

"Thou really know how to flatter a mare, Greyson." She laughs. We sit in a silence for a few moments, content with just looking to the stars and enjoying the tranquility of the garden, before I sigh. 'Fuck it, I may as well drop the act.'

"Alexander." I breath, staring at the ground.

"Hmm?" She asks, lifting her head off of my shoulder, looking at me.

"My name. It isn't Greyson." Noticing her confused expression, I continue. "Well, it is, just not first name. My real name, Princess, is Alexander Ian Greyson." I say, seeing her eyes widen in surprise.

"Why hast thou hidden such a thing from us?" She asks, rising to her hooves, the confusion and hurt evident in her voice. Turning to face her, I begin to explain.

"When I first got here, Luna, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know where I was, or how I'd gotten here. Hell, I still don't know how I got here. When I reached Ponyville, one of the first things that happened to me was that I was knocked unconscious by Rainbow Dash, one of the mares who helped defeat Nightmare Moon." At the mention of me being decked by Rainbow, Luna seemed to get angry, before she quickly composed herself. Ignoring it for now, I continued. "Waking up in that library, surrounded by those mares who I didn't know nor trust, I didn't know what to do. What were they going to do to me? Was I dreaming? Was this all just some weird ass nightmare. made up my own messed up imagination? I didn't have a clue. When I gave them my name, I was still trying to come to grips with the fact that I was, in fact, on a whole different world. Hell, maybe an entirely different universe for all I knew. All I told them was that my name was Greyson. I didn't lie to them, I just... gave them a half truth." I finish, looking at the dark Alicorn. Looking away for a few moments, she nods in understanding, before turning back to face me.

"But if thou held nay trust in us, why hast thou granted us knowledge of such a secret?" At this, I chuckle.

"I'm stuck here for the rest of my life, now. So far, I've got a job, a temporary home in the form of Twilight's library, and a multitude of friends who care for me. Three of which are princesses, two of whom have power over the sun and moon. Oh, one of them also has an absolutely adorable yet confusing way of speaking like she's from the 12th century. Maybe you've heard of her?" I joke, getting a laugh out of the mare. "As it stands," I continue, "there's no reason for me not to trust you all, anymore. If any of you were going to banish me or execute me or whatever, you'd have done so already." Nodding in understanding, she sits back down next to me, once more leaning against me. 'Again with the touchiness. Mares, man. Weird.'

"We understand thy need for hiding such a thing. Trust is not so easily gained, and we are gladdened to hear that we have earnt such a gift." Nodding, I put my arm back around the mare, staring at the stars, just enjoying the view. Minutes later, I notice that the princess felt a lot heavier than she had a minute ago. Looking at her, I realise that she'd actually fallen asleep on my shoulder. 'Daww, that's adorable.' Not wanting to wake the sleeping royal, I carefully move her head off of my shoulder, hoping to lie her down on the ground. Leaning back slightly, I ease her body to the floor, taking care not to drop her. Suddenly, her hooves unconsciously begin searching for a source of warmth, now that my shoulder had been lost to her.

Try as I might, I'm unable to prevent the still sleeping mare from finding such a source of heat in the form of me. Not having the heart to even try and stop her, due to the fact that it was quite simply the most adorable thing I'd ever seen, and the fact that she could probably evaporate me if I woke her up, she ends up lying across my lap. 'Jesus, she's like a bloody cat. A 1000 year old, immortal, godlike cat.' Resigned to the fact that I had now been press ganged into being a royal body pillow, I relax, and lean back against the tree, staring once more at the night sky.

"What have you gotten yourself into, Alex?" I chuckle, unconsciously playing with the princess's ethereal-like mane. "You're surrounded by talking, magical ponies. You're the only human in existence. Absolutely nothing makes fuck all sense anymore, and to top it all off? Their alcohol is weak as all hell." I sigh. Looking down at the princess, I can't help but smile at the sight. "What a world."

Author's Note

Well this was a cute chapter. I gotta say, it was a slight challenge writing Luna's dialogue, what with her speaking in that archaic form of hers. Still, I think I'm managing well enough, though I'm positive at least one Thee or Thou's are in the wrong order, but hell, I'm not perfect.

And only 2.7k words? A short chapter, I know, and I do apologise. As it stands, the next one or two chapters will be just like this, with Alex coming to terms with the whole "permanently stuck" situation alongside getting to know the royals and friends better, as we've seen in this chapter with Luna. Don't worry though, the story will be getting back on track soon enough.

And 5K views on this story? Wow! This is the first fanfic I've ever written, and it's already reached such a milestone? You guys are goddamn amazing, well and truly.

Until next time, folks! Peace.