Busted Boasts

by Void Knight

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, Original Character, Suri Polomare, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adagio Dazzle, Adventure, Violence, Alternate Universe
Length: 2428

When Baroness Adagio Dazzle boasts of her ability to defeat the dreaded Ursa Major, her words are soon called due. Can she really do what she has claimed, or is her pride about to lead to a fall?

In the wake of the return of the fallen alicorns Chroma and Echidna, Baroness Adagio Dazzle and Dame Suri Polomare have been dispatched to the Lunar Kingdom, to reassure its nobility that the newly rediscovered Elements of Harmony shall not be turned against them. But what should have been a simple and uneventful trip goes dramatically wrong when Baroness Dazzle claims to be able to defeat the dreaded Ursa Major. When challenged to live up to her boasts, Adagio must either find a way to conquer the mightiest of the denizens of the Everfree, or else be publically humiliated and driven from the Lunar Kingdom in shame...

A story of The Rainsverse. Rating for some explicit descriptions of violence.

Published 2017-12-21 04:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-21 04:50:06 UTC

Prelude: Ursas Major and Minor

Baroness Dame Adagio Dazzle sprinted through the Everfree Forest at a full gallop, her heart pounding in her chest. Trees loomed up before her, branches jagged as claws. Behind her, the roar of the Ursa Major rang out like thunder. Adagio risked a lightning-fast glance over her shoulder. Though she was only looking behind her for a fraction of a second, the tableau she saw was still impossibly clear. The colossal Star Beast was reared up on its hind legs, swatting the air around it with its massive forepaws. Flashes of moonlight on black armor suggested the presence of two or three Night Guards in the air around the massive creature, harrying and distracting it to buy time for the rest of the hunting party to escape.

Adagio’s gaze snapped back to the front. Ahead of her, Baron Royal Pin’s butt bobbed up and down. The small part of Adagio not occupied with screaming terror noted that under the gleaming black armor, it was actually rather a nice butt. A bit of flirting might be in order, assuming they both made it out of the Everfree alive. Nothing more than flirting, though. She didn’t especially want to marry a Lunar noble, even if he was the heir to a March, and her virginity was far too valuable a prize to be spent casually.

The rest of the Baron preceded his butt, culminating in his horn, which blazed blue as he alternately summoned blades of magic to cut away branches, underbrush, and thorny vines and raised shields against lightning nettles, stranglevine, and other hazards of the Everfree.

And then there was a crash, and Baron Pin vanished into the ground ahead of Adagio.

Adagio barely managed to skid to a halt in time to keep from following the Baron into the pit trap. Branches had been thrown across it and leaves over the branches, but the Baron’s body had punched a hole in that covering, enough for her to see him lying at the bottom amidst the broken ruins of wooden stakes.

“Are you all right?” she called down.

“Mostly,” he replied. “My armor turned most of the stakes, but one…”

Before Adagio could hear what the one stake had managed to do, a crude javelin tipped with a stone spearhead flashed past her head to land on the far side of the pit. From behind her, a guttural voice bellowed, “Yark mazed buskull! Carge!”

Adagio spun around, the Sword of Friendship whipping free from its sheath across her back. A pair of caprataurs had exploded out of the underbrush behind her and to the left, and were now charging towards her bellowing and brandishing crude clubs. They were runty and emaciated by caprataur standards, but they were still more than large enough to be dangerous.

Adagio’s rapier leapt forward, impaling one of the caprataurs in the gut. The creature howled in pain and crumpled to the ground. Its companion lowered its head, apparently trying to bull-rush Adagio into the pit. Adagio let go of her sword and reached out with her magic, shoving the charging caprataur to one side while she threw herself to the other. The second caprataur rushed past her and fell into the pit with a crash of breaking branches.

A bellow of rage erupted from the pit, and Adagio winced. But before she could even think of intervening, she heard a second bellow and saw something move out of the corner of her eye. The first caprataur had staggered back to its feet, the Sword of Friendship still lodged in its gut. Under the moonlight, the blood soaking its scraggly chest-fur looked black, black as its eyes. The caprataur let out a wordless howl of berserk fury and charged towards her.

Adagio rolled over and back to her hooves, but before she could cast anything, the caprataur slammed into her side, knocking her off her hooves again. Pain shot through her side like lightning, and she let out a scream. The caprataur collapsed on top of her. She could smell the fetid stench of its breath, and it let out another bellow of fury right in her ear. Its thick fingers closed around her throat and began to squeeze.

Adagio thrashed, but she was pinned by the caprataur’s greater bulk. She could feel the hilt of her own sword digging into her side. With the last of her strength, she reached out for her sword, grabbed its hilt in her telekinesis, and twisted. The caprataur spasmed against her. Its fingers momentarily tightened around her throat, then it went limp. Adagio mustered her telekinesis and shoved the corpse off her. She staggered back to her hooves, took a deep breath, and gagged at the rank odor of unwashed caprataur.

Taking a second breath, she pulled her sword out of the corpse, and took a glance around. When there proved to be no more caprataurs charging towards her, she sheathed her sword, then turned back and looked into the pit. Baron Pierce stood at the bottom. He’d produced a handkerchief from inside his barding, and was holding it in one hoof, using it to wipe blood from his razor-tipped horn. The impaled corpse of the second caprataur lay next to him, and he was drenched in blood.

Adagio blinked and took another glance back over her body. Sure enough, her earlier glance had not been mistaken, though she had not consciously registered the oddity of it at the time. Despite the fact that the caprataur had been right on top of her, its blood had not stained the rich amethyst fabric of her Elemental cloak.

Huh, she thought. That’s convenient.

“You still ok?” she called down to the Baron.

“I’ll live,” he called back. “Need to get out of this pit, though.”

“Just a moment,” called Adagio. She carefully picked her way around the edge of the pit, and took a firm stance on the other side. A quick flash of telekinesis swept away the remaining branch cover, and then Adagio began to sing.

“Good morning good morning good morning,
It’s time to rise and shine.
Good morning good morning good morning,
I hope you’re feeling fine.
It’s time to get on out of bed.
Wake up, wake up, you sleepyhead.
The day is dawning just for you
And all your dreams are coming true.”

As Adagio sang, her horn blazed amber, and she wrapped her telekinesis around the Baron’s barrel and lifted him out of the pit. The baron was right at the limit of her telekinetic strength, but with the upbeat melody and lyrics to focus her power, she got him safely to solid ground.

“My thanks, Baroness,” said Baron Pin.

“You are very welcome, Baron,” replied Adagio. “What do we do now?” she asked.

In the distance, Adagio saw the Ursa Major fall to all fours with a tremendous crash.

“Run!” shouted the Baron.

They ran, but the crashes of the Ursa Major still drew closer with horrifying speed. And then, Adagio saw it. Perhaps the one thing that might save them from the oncoming Star Beast.

“Cave!” she shouted, casting a spray of amber sparks to draw Baron Pin’s attention. The two ponies turned leftward, angling towards the cave mouth Adagio had spotted. Behind them, the crashes of the Ursa Major continued to close, the creature covering dozens of body-lengths in a single stride. The cave was drawing closer, they were almost there, but the Star Beast was right on top of them…

Adagio managed to somehow pull out one last burst of speed and shot through the mouth of the cave half a heartbeat before an enormous paw in black-veined purple slammed down to block off the cave mouth. She skidded to a halt and found herself leaning against Baron Pin’s armored flank, the air like knives in her chest as she gasped for breath.

There was a growl, and she turned to see a single massive yellow eye, veined black with Echidna’s influence, nearly filling the mouth of the cave. She staggered to her own hooves and drew her rapier. The gem set into its hilt shone like an amethyst star, and the Ursa Major snarled in response. The eye withdrew, and there was a moment of silence.

Then there was a titanic crash, and dust drifted down from the ceiling.

“Run!” gasped Adagio, and she dashed deeper into the caves, Baron Pin hot on her heels. Behind her, the roof of the cave collapsed in a torrent of stone, sealing the path behind them.

For a few moments there was nothing but silence. Through the wall of jagged stone and packed dirt, Adagio could faintly hear the crash of the Ursa Major's pawfalls receding into the distance. Eventually, Adagio raised her head and poured more power into her horn. The amber glow of her magic doubled and redoubled, illuminating a passage that led onwards and deeper.

"Well," she said, "We can't go back. It would take days and days to tunnel through that lot, and we don't have days. Looks like our only choice is to go onward."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I keep expecting to find a road or something,” said Adagio a while later. The rush of water could be heard faintly in the distance, and for lack of any better direction, she and Baron Pin were steering towards that sound.

“A road?” asked Baron Pin quizzically. “Why in Luna’s horn would there be a road down here?”

“Well, when my friends and I were making for Roam, we had to go underground to escape some caprataurs. And we stumbled on an entire town, roads and all, that had been buried pretty much intact. Apparently, it was called Cetum Cellae. One of the smaller outlying towns on the periphery of Roam itself.”

“I see,” replied Baron Pin. “Well, I don’t think we are close enough to Roam for this cave to lie upon its outskirts. Though with Bitterroot having had three hundred years to move this forest about, who can say where portions of the Eternal City might have ended up?”

“True, true. A road would certainly be welcome, especially if we might be sure that it would not lead us into another landfall.”

“That could be a problem,” agreed Baron Pin.

“Or worse, we might run into some sort of monster. There was a kind of giant twisted spider sort of thing that had made Cetum Cellae its home. It took all six of us to defeat it. You’re a good fighter, but I don’t think you make up for all five of my friends”.

They fell silent for a time. After a while, Adagio became aware that there was another sound coming from the same direction as the rush of water. For a time, it teased at the edges of her memory, leaving her on edge for no reason she could name. Finally, it passed that undefinable barrier of loudness and clarity, and Adagio recognized it with horror.

Somepony up ahead is crying the way I cried after that day. She has cried until her tears ran dry and still she cannot stop crying.

Oh Harmony, I wish Sonata were here. Or Suri, or even Starlight. I’m not the right pony to comfort the weeping, but somepony will need to do it.

“Do you hear that?” she said out loud.

“Hear what?” asked Baron Pin. The two of them slowed to a halt. The echo of their hooves faded, and the sounds became clearer.

“I hear it now,” Baron Pin whispered. “Sounds like somepony crying”.

“Yes, it does,” replied Adagio.

The two unicorns set out once more, at a somewhat faster trot this time. A short while later, the walls and floor ahead of them vanished. The amber and blue glow of the unicorns’ horns faded off into the distance. A point of brilliant blue-white light launched forth from Baron Pin’s horn, arching out into the darkness.

By the light of this flare, it was revealed that their tunnel came out on the wall of a cave vast enough to fit Cantelot Castle into two or three times over, about thrice the height of a pony above the floor. A clear river ran through the center of the space, and massive pillars of stone rose from the floor here and there to support the vault of the cave. On the far side of the cave, Adagio could see a passage that lead back out to the Everfree. And from somewhere nearby, she could hear the periodic dry racking heaves of the unknown sobbing. Baron Pin’s flare faded away again, and the cave plunged back into darkness.

“I’ll lower you first,” said Baron Pin. “I’ve got the stronger horn, and you’re lighter. Then you can lower me.” His magic wrapped around Adagio’s barrel and lifted her over the edge of the tunnel. For a few moments there was the terror of descending into darkness, but then the floor of the cave appeared at the edge of the sphere illuminated by Adagio’s horn, and she touched down moments later, light as a feather.

Adagio began to hum and reached out with her own telekinesis, lowering the Baron to the floor of the cave. “Crying’s this way,” she said, before taking off at a trot. “Follow me!”

The two ponies took off at a steady trot down the cave, towards the distant patch of stars and trees and towards the sound of crying. After a short dash, a much smaller cave opened in the wall of the main cave. The racking sobs were unmistakably coming from this cave.

“Hello?” called Adagio, as she ventured into the cave. Ahead of her, the crying ceased and the darkness seemed to condense into a thick haze of blue so dark it was nearly black. Faint embers of crimson light drifted here and there in the black.

“Hello?” called Adagio, a little more nervously. “Anypony there?”

Ahead of her, the darkness roiled and twisted.

That’s not mist or any kind of spell… realized Adagio.

The Ursa Minor swung its head around further into the light, blinked bloodshot eyes, and let out an odd hissing noise.

Author's Note

Well, it would appear that our favorite unicorn noble has landed herself in quite the pickle! How did she get here? Why is she being chased by an Ursa Major? Why is there a Lunar Baron with her? Answers to all these questions and more to come in future chapters!

My thanks to GreyGuardPony for her help with this chapter.