Author's Note
This story is pending a complete re-write (I think it's not a good trollfic...) I will mark the chapters when it is updated (re-writes are waiting on inspiration...) Read at your own discretion.
Another way to put it: This story iz the Suxxor. We must show it the way!
The gift
Applejack whistled a cheerful tune as she kicked the apple tree, causing it to shake all of its delicious fruit into the waiting baskets. Apples, apples, apples. She thought with a dedicated smile, as she walked over to the next tree. Without stopping her whistling, or removing the resolve in her face, she turned to face away from the tree. Her muzzle then twisted into a look of focus as she put all her weight on her forelegs. She then gave no sound, as she sent her rear legs flying into the tree.
Once again, the delicious red fruit fell into the waiting baskets followed by a rainbow-maned, cyan Pegasus. “Ouch!” Rainbow Dash yelped, as she fell into the basket of apples. “What was that for!” She grunted, as she tried to stand up in the basket, only to go sliding face first into the ground, as the round fruit rolled out from underneath her hooves.
Applejack shook her head. “Ah didn’t see yah in my tree.” Applejack admitted with a sigh. “Maybe next time, you’ll think about where you take a nap,” Applejack added with a scowl, followed by her making a beeline for the next unbuckled tree.
“But, your trees are the comfiest place to take a nap,” Rainbow Dash whined as she raced to catch up with the orange farm mare.
“I beg to differ,” echoed a male voice from somewhere. Both ponies paused and began to look around for the source of the voice. Rainbow Dash with a look of apprehension, and Applejack with a scowl.
“Discord, You better not be wrecking my orchard, again!” Applejack shouted, shaking a hoof angrily.
“Mua?” Discord said innocently, his body appearing with a flash of light, “I would never dream of it… Especially since you have the comfiest apples in all of Equestria.” Discord added smugly, as he paradoxically reclined on an average sized apple, which was much, much, much, much smaller than the large draconequus.
“Get off of my apples, an’ out of my basket! Or, Ah’m gonna tan your hide!” Applejack shouted as she continued to shake her hoof at him.
“I will,” Discord assured her with a voice of absolute calm, the farmer’s threats carrying no weight, “just as soon as my good deed for the eon shows up.” Discord explained, as he stretched out and summoned a full martini glass to his eagle claw.
“What are you after?!” both Applejack, and Rainbow Dash shouted, in near symmetry.
“Why just what I said,” Discord flippantly explained as he started to drink from the martini glass -- which slowly caused its color to fade to a water-like color. “I am the lord of the unexpected, and so I need to do a good deed, once in a while… so that ponies can’t reliably anticipate me doing bad.”
“Well, why are you doing that here?” Rainbow Dash asked skeptically, as she flew over to stare the lord of chaos in the eyes. Applejack gave a scowly nod, seconding the question.
“elementary, my dear Rainbow Dash.” Discord stated casually, as he took out a long-stemmed pipe with feathers on it, and began to intake smoke from it. “Because you have three fillies coming this way, which I can rely on to need help.” Discord explained as he adjusted the propellor on top of his deerstalker.
“Now don’t you be hurting my sister or her friends, you hear!” Applejack shouted as she ran up to stair Discord in the eyes.
“Yeah, leave my honorary sister, Scootaloo, alone!” Rainbow Dash added as she shouted into Discord’s face.
“Stop your nagging.” Discord retorted flippantly. “I have no plans of hurting them. No. I’m going to help them. Because, after I’m done, their short attention spans will, quickly, cause them to forget I even helped them. That way my reputation as pure evil will be preserved.” Discord explained with a sinister cackle, as he wrung both his tiger paw and eagle talon together.
“If they didn’t remember you helping them, how would ponies think you couldn’t be expected to do bad?” Applejack snarked, with a roll of her eyes.
“I know. It’s the perfect plan.” Discord stated with a firm nod of his head, and an agreeing smile on his face -- A smile which, fell off of his face like it was taped on, and began to crawl off into the distance. A moment’s later, Discord’s muzzle split apart, to form a new mouth. “Now hush girls, the target’s are coming.” Discord added, as he now, suddenly, wore a pith hat, and looked through the large lenses of a pair of binoculars.
“Hey Applejack!” Apple Bloom shouted, right on cue, as she and Sweetie Belle dashed by the adult ponies, their minds on the task of getting back to the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse.
“Hold that pose.” Discord said merrily, as he snapped his talon, freezing both fillies in mid-stride. “I can’t help all three of you girls with some random thing, if you are all busy running around all willy-nilly,” Discord started only to chuckle midway as a thought hit him, ”Well actually I could, cause that would be chaotic. Which, may I remind you, I am the master of.”
“Help us?” Sweetie Belle couldn’t help but ask. Paradoxically neither her lips nor her body moving the whole time she talked. “But we got to meet Scootaloo at the clubhouse!” Sweetie Belle whined, paradoxically, without moving her mouth.
If she could point, she would have pointed down the road towards Scootaloo, who was merrily riding her scooter through town. Nothing bad was happening today, it was a good day. She and her friends had their Cutie Marks, finally. And aside from her inability to fly, everything else was going right. Nothing bad was happening to her, or her friends.
Discord quirked an eyebrow, as a dark cloud seemed to roll in from the sky above. It hung there motionless over all four ponies, and one draconequus. However, besides an indifferent shrug, the master of chaos did nothing.
“We don’t have time for your tricks!” Apple Bloom groused, as she tried to move a muscle, any muscle, in her body. “We gotta go jinx proof the clubhouse, for crusading, before Scootaloo gets here.” Apple Bloom shouted, through her unmoving muzzle.
Suddenly at that moment, everything from flower pots, to pianos seemed to rain down from the sky as Scootaloo passed by a location.
Discord’s eyes, paradoxically shot a sour look into the distance, towards an empty patch of the orchard. However, after another shrug Discord spoke again with every word coming out with a smothered enthusiasm. “So, you are saying Scootaloo is bad luck?” Discord asked both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle managed to nod their heads this time, Discord’s magic seemingly having ended abruptly. “As in, anything I do to help her will, no doubt, turn sour?” Discord pressed, a manic glint flashing in his eye.
“Yup.” Apple Bloom agreed with a smile and Sweetie Belle with a more empathetic frown. “It’s been like that ever since anypony can remember.” Apple Bloom continued, with a slight frown of her own. “In fact, the jinx is so bad that it caused Scootaloo’s mom to die the day Scootaloo was born.”
All ponies stopped what they were doing, and stared off into space, as a loud sniffle and wail could, suddenly, be heard from the direction of town. After a few moments of quiet, Sweetie Belle spoke next. “Scootaloo’s dad never forgave her for it, so he beat her every day. Now, her wings are all crippled, and they will never grow large enough for her to fly.” Sweetie Belle sobbed.
Somewhere in the distance, Scootaloo’s ride to Sweet Apple Acres had not been going as well as it had, mere moments ago. Not only did she get the sudden sensation that her mom was dead, but now she noticed that her body was covered in bruises. On the bright side, her wings didn’t look any different. So, she could be sure that they would grow into the sort of wings that would allow her to copy her hero, Rainbow Dash, someday... right?
“Whatever happened to her dad, anyway?” Sweetie Belle asked, honestly. She’d never heard what happened to him.
“Oh, he died of the black death. If I recall, he was the only pony to catch it… on account of magic.” Apple Bloom stated, casually. Neither pony noticing the sudden influx of ponies wearing odd black masks with a long beak like tips, robelike overcoats, and a pork pie hat wandering around town behind them.
“Any other sob stories?” Discord asked dryly, as he “yawned” a bit into his eagle talon… the sound of a moose could be heard coming out of his mouth.... It was these overly convoluted plotlines that bored him so quickly.
“Well...” Apple Bloom said with a roll of her eyes, and a hint of a frown. “She’s an orphan.” Apple Bloom counted off on her hoof, everypony ignoring the next wail, from somewhere in the distance. “She’s homeless, on account of them shutting down the orphanage.” Apple Bloom added, with a contemplative look, her eyes staring upwards.
Somewhere, now much closer to Sweet Apple Acres, Scootaloo’s ride was going… poorly. Not only was she feeling an extreme case of melancholy, but now she was dirtier than usual… That wasn’t to say that her high intensity, “to be like Rainbow Dash,” sports training didn’t already cover her in enough dirt. But, this was really, really, really bad… And, why did she get the sudden sensation that she lived at the Cutie Mark Crusader’s clubhouse? Didn’t she use to live… somewhere? WHAT HAPPENED TO HER HOUSE?
“And, she’s half blind,” Apple Bloom finished, her eyes finally returning to stare at Discord, “on account of her head got gnawed on by animatronic, anthropomorphic, animals at that restaurant they closed down a couple of years back.” Apple Bloom concluded, only for her eyes to drift over to Sweetie Belle, a quizzical expression filling her face. “Did Ah forget anything?”
Once again, nopony noticed as Scootaloo drove behind the five of them, only to suddenly fail to notice the bush in front of her. With a startled yip, she got flung upwards and landed on the bush with a fluph, her eyes spinning with the sudden sense of vertigo.
“Don’t forget she can’t grow a Cutie Mark.” Sweetie Belle added, her face carved into a massive frown. “I heard it’s because the matron injected her with some kind of magical blocker medicine three times in twelve hours.” Sweetie Belle explained with a sigh. “All this time crusading, and we never even knew she couldn’t use magic.”
Scootaloo, meanwhile, was having a very bad day. She didn’t know how it happened, but that bush had jumped out of nowhere… Then again, the whole world seemed to be blurry now, Scootaloo realized. Frantically, she looked around for something she could see clearly. Much to her good luck, she noticed that she could make out her body, and more importantly her Cutie Mark.
Scootaloo’s joy was quick lived, however, as she noticed a sudden flash of light on her flank. Scootaloo rubbed her eyes to clear the spots from them. However, that left her to notice something: Her Cutie Mark was gone. Scootaloo’s next scream of terror was ear-splitting.
“Got it… got it.” Discord said flippantly, as he waved a tallon in the air as if he could push away the conversation like a fly. “Scootaloo is the most pathetic creature in Equestria… Is there anything else, or can I move this story ahead?” Discord added with a sarcasm thick enough to cut with a knife, and an eyeroll so large, that his eyes seemed to spin like wheels in his skull.
“Oh, and she’s so beat up that she needs to wear dia--” Apple Bloom started, only to be interrupted as Discord, suddenly, covered her mouth with his lion claw.
“Hold that thought.” Discord whispered with a snap of his tail, causing Apple Bloom to find herself mute, holding a balloon with the word “diapers” in it.
With that, Discord disappeared in a flash of light, appearing in a room filled with cobwebs, dark colors, and a dark purple pony at a typewriter. The pony at the typewriter seemed to be wearing a white mask that sported a rather odd face. The face on the mask sported: two squinted eyes, two tear streaks, a toothy grin that stretched impossibly long from ear to ear, and a chin that seemed to jut out more than a pony’s muzzle should.
“Diapers, are you crazy, cousin?” Discord groaned as he walked over to grumble into the pony’s ear. “Don’t you think you’ve stretched suspension of disbelief smidge too far, already?” Discord added, with a disapproving frown.
The pony at the typewriter, quickly turned his chair around, so that he could look at Discord from the chair. “Mmm mmmmm mmm mmmmm!” The pony growled through the large white mask he was wearing.
“Sheese, don’t get prissy.” Discord retorted with a raise of his talon and paw. “I know you’re the master of Tragedy and Horror, and all… But, come on! Diapers, REALLY!?” Discord growled back, his eyes rolling into a clear sign of disapproval. “Do you really want me to have to look at THAT!?” He said, pointing at the cheesy, and crude caricature of the orange padded pegasus.
“Mmm mmm mmmm mmmmm!” the pony growled back through his mask.
“I know, everyequss is a critic.” Discord yawned. “How about this: you’ve made me the straight man. ME! You know how testy that makes me!” Discord pointed out, more sternly, his usual whimsy disappearing. The purple pony didn’t need to hear anything else, as he suddenly seemed to become all too eager to rewrite his story.
“You’ll fix it? Great, thanks cous’” Discord said, eagerly, as he shook the pony’s hooves, followed by Discord’s talon and paw coming detached from his body as if they were a wooden gag props.
The pony gave a distracted nod before he turned back around to stare at his keyboard again. Hastily, he started to erase the last word he had written. Discord, however, had one final comment before he left. “Love the new Ponysona by the way.” Discord said with a smile, and a clicking sound, as he pointed his talon at the pony. “That mask is totally pre-classical me.” Discord added with a salute before he teleported away.
With a flash, Discord reappeared in front of Apple Bloom. “Now, you were saying.” He stated eagerly, popping Apple Bloom’s balloon with just his words.
“Ah was saying: poor Scootaloo is pregnant with her dad’s foal. You see, her dad’s her foal daddy.” Apple Bloom explained, as she shook the disorientation in her head, that was left behind from when Discord had ripped the thoughts right out of her head, to put them in a balloon.
"Of course she is. Because, that’s not unbelievable at all" Discord snarked with a roll of his eyes, and a silent promise to launch a complaint to his cousin, again.
“If Ah recall, she’s two months in.” Apple Bloom added as she rubbed her head, to clear the confusion.
Nopony saw Scootaloo, as she got up from the bush. Nor, did they notice when she was suddenly, and inexplicably hit, with a sudden, and unexplained, nausea. With a look of panic, she turned around and vomited into the bush. Her body was barely standing up, afterward, as she wobbled to get away from the bush.
“I thought she was ten months in.” Sweetie Belle asked, causing Scootaloo to become very pregnant suddenly. It only took a moment or two later, for the filly to notice her very large, and very pregnant belly. The poor orange filly’s scream of terror still went unnoticed.
“Can we roll that last bit back?” Discord pleaded, to no pony in particular. “I mean, this is much more chaotic than your last work, but I don’t want to spend the next 4626 words looking at that.” Discord complained as he pointed a finger, of his lion paw, in Scootaloo’s direction. The poor filly looked more like an over-inflated beach ball then a filly.
“Ah think she’s only three months, due.” Apple Bloom insisted, causing Scootaloo to suddenly revert to her sleek, barely pregnant, filly shape. Scootaloo’s breath of relief was palatable. She looked like a filly who’d woken up from a bad dream.
“Thanks.” Discord mumbled before he looked at both fillies in the eyes. “Oh look! It is Scootaloo… Let me help her.” Discord dryly staged in a way that almost felt like he was reading a script as he made sure to enunciate each word clearly. The statement finally drew attention to Scootaloo, who was back to vomiting into the bushes.
“Scootaloo!” Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom shouted as they both ran over to give their orange friend a big group hug.
“How are yah feelin’ today?” Apple Bloom asked, as she and Sweetie Belle finally broke off the hug.
Scootaloo opened her mouth to respond, only for her to quickly shut it, as she noticed Rainbow Dash standing next to Applejack. And more importantly, looking at her. “Everything is ...” Scootaloo started, only to suppress another wave of nausea, this one thankfully less severe than the others. “Great,” Scootaloo added, with a forced smile. “So, what are you girls up to?”
“Frozen in place.” Sweetie Belle explained, causing Scootaloo to quirk her head in an obvious sign of confusion. “Discord froze us in place. He said he wants to help us today with something?” Sweetie Belle stated uncertainty. Discord gave her a confirming nod of his head.
“And now that all three of you together. I can help you all at once. Aren’t I unexpectedly benevolent?” Discord asked, rhetorically. “Now, what to do? What to do?” He pondered, as he tapped his chin, and floated back and forth for a second or two.
“Better not so much as touch Apple Bloom, or you’ll be spending the next thousand years in stone.” Applejack warned him, with a shake of her foreleg. Her eyes followed the draconequus methodically.
“And, I’ll do even worse if you hurt Scootaloo.” Rainbow Dash added as she flew in front of the larger draconequus.
“I don’t really need help. I’m cool...” Scootaloo insisted with a, rather large, and rather forced smile, her eyes still darting over to look at Rainbow Dash.
“I’ve got it! The way to help you, and your friends!” Discord exclaimed as he clapped his talon and paw together. And with a flash of light, Rainbow Dash found herself floating upside down. And no amount of flailing on her part seemed to break the spell. “The panacea to all problems: Alicorn-hood!”
“Bam!” Discord, wearing an absurdly tall chef’s hat, said as he snapped his talons. In the background, the annoying reggae fracas of ‘The Discord Live Band’ played. When the light faded, nothing had happened, except Discord was gone.
“W-was that a dud?” Scootaloo whispered as she looked and otherwise checked herself all over. When she found no irregularities or oddities, she gave a long sigh of relief. “Uhh… I wasn’t worried… really.” Scootaloo added with a toothy, and a clearly forced smile, “So, I gotta do some awesome crusading with my best friends!” Scootaloo’s words earning an approving nod from Rainbow Dash, and a smile from her friends.
Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash shot each other a worried, and confused look, as Scootaloo and her friends dashed off towards the clubhouse.
Scootaloo awoke with a yawn. Her bed suddenly felt a lot softer than usual. Wow! Scootaloo’s groggy mind thought with a giggle and a wide smile, Who knew Rainbow Dash’s feathers would make sleeping in the clubhouse actually comfortable. Scootaloo considered with a giggle. Maybe she should continue to make a habit of snatching up any feathers Rainbow Dash molted, or lost in her crashes.
“Scootaloo!” Apple Bloom’s growled, causing Scootaloo to wince, her mind waking up much quicker than usual. “Your unbelievably-terrible-horrible-no good-very very bad juju done ruined our sleepover!” Apple Bloom shouted into Scootaloo’s ear.
“Ow!” Scootaloo whined as she held her sore ears. However, her pain only increased, as she noticed the sudden presence of a mind splitting headache. “You don’t have to yell!” Scootaloo moaned, as she reached her hooves up to rub her temples, only to find her forehead was covered with a heavy layer of bandages.
“Did we binge out on sugar again?” Scootaloo asked as she tried to remember what had happened after she went to bed -- alone as usual -- at the Clubhouse the night before.
Slowly Scootaloo’s eyes began to focus. Now, she could see that she had been sleeping in Apple Bloom’s bed. Thank goodness they were so small otherwise it would be too crowded for three fillies.
“Please don’t tell me we had another crash?” Scootaloo begged as she noticed the bed was still intact. Usually, after a sugar high, the whole bed would be stripped of all sheets, and lumpy from all of the jumping.
“Then again, tell me it was EPIC, and Rainbow Dash is impressed.” Scootaloo decided, with a flap of her wings, as she realized that she probably did the ultimate in ‘being like Rainbow Dash’.
Scootaloo slowly raised her head, to try to figure out what had happened. Finally, she had managed to look at Apple Bloom, despite her splitting headache trying to prevent her from looking up.
Apple Bloom’s body didn’t look too banged up, except for the thick ring of bandages wrapped around her barrel and back, right behind her withers. As well as, the thick ring of bandages wrapped around her forehead. Another growl from the yellow earth pony filly told her all she needed to know. Oh, crud! Scootaloo mentally cursed, clearly the crash had been less awesome… and more painful.
“Apple Bloom, she didn’t mean too. She can’t help that she’s got unbelievably-terrible-horrible-no good-very very bad luck!” Sweetie Belle whimpered, drawing Scootaloo’s attention to her white unicorn friend. Sweetie Belle looked a bit better than Apple Bloom, except for the thick layer of bandages wrapped around her barrel and back, much in the same place as Apple Bloom’s.
“Sorry about that… But on the bright side, I don’t even remember it.” Scootaloo laughed, albeit forced. This only managed to earn a bitter glare from Apple Bloom.
“You done gave us the Alicorn!” Apple Bloom growled, as she gripped the bandages on her back, and tore them off of her back, to reveal some nasty tears in her back. Tears that had a small tip of bone sticking out of them, as well as some stray yellow feathers.
“W-What?!” Scootaloo stuttered, her mind still not grasping what she was seeing.
“And this!” Apple Bloom shouted as she tore the bandage off of her head, revealing another tear in her forehead. A tear, mind you, that had a small, pointed, yellow, bump shooting out of it.
“B-But how?” Scootaloo stuttered.
“The doctors think it’s some kind of plague.” Sweetie Belle whimpered, her voice finally coming through, as she revealed the small feathered bone sticking out of her back. “The doctor’s quarantined Sweet Apple Acres.” Sweetie Belle explained as she pointed a hoof towards Apple Bloom’s window.
Scootaloo fought her throbbing headache, to look out the window. What little of Sweet Apple Acres Scootaloo could see out the window, was surrounded by a giant pink, magical bubble. Furthermore, she could see Unicorns in hazmat suits walking around, seemingly doing nothing, but looming. It was a funny scene, especially considering there was no reason that the unicorns couldn’t use an anti-infection magical shield around themselves.
“What’s going on?” Scootaloo asked, only to see Rarity on the ground, arguing with one of the hazmat ponies.
“You can’t quarantine me on this farm!” Rarity whined, to the pony in the hazmat suit. “How will I complete my dress orders from here?” Rarity’s loud whining could be heard all the way from Apple Bloom’s window. “Besides! It’s dirty!”
“Good point.” The pony mumbled, through her breathing apparatus. “We better quarantine the whole Carousel Boutique, it could be infested with the Alicorn.” The pony shouted, not noticing Rarity’s jaw drop so far, it practically hit the ground.
“OK, bring it in!” The quarantine pony shouted as she waved to some pony out of Scootaloo’s view… Moments later, a loud rumbling could be heard, as somepony in a hazmat suit drove into view, riding on a crane -- a crane that held the Carousel Boutique.
“There’s good!” The pony shouted, causing the crane operator to drop Carousel Boutique onto the ground, with a sickening THUD, right next to the chicken coups, and in front of the game of horseshoes.
“But… But… But...” Rarity mumbled, with disbelief, her mind not able to form any more meaningful words.
“Well, at least she can still make dresses,” Scootaloo mumbled, as she turned her head, and shot Sweetie Belle a forced smile. “And, you can’t say this is my fault.” Scootaloo insisted.
“Weeeeelllllllllll….” Sweetie Belle drawled hesitantly, as she looked at Apple Bloom who was still looking utterly furious.
“‘Cept your unbelievably-terrible-horrible-no good-very very bad luck caused all of this!” Apple Bloom shouted, as she huffed and puffed, her now red cheeks. “Applejack found you sleepin’ in the clubhouse, when you were expected at our sleepover, here at Sweet Apple Acres.”
Scootaloo blushed and mumbled a faint apology… She had forgotten entirely about the sleepover. What had been distracting her so much? However, before she could say anything else, Apple Bloom continued her story, “Now when we found you, you had this big nasty gash in your forehead, so we rushed you into my room and called a doctor.” Apple Bloom stated, as her fury slowly bled out, being replaced by a faint memory of her terror.
“The doctor had just determined you were growing a horn --” Apple Bloom whispered, her eyes moistening with tears, despite her best efforts to remain furious.
“I’m growing a horn?” Scootaloo asked, with skepticism, as she reached up to rub her forehead, which rested right below the thick layer of bandages. “OW!” Scootaloo shrieked as she quickly recoiled her hoof in response to a sudden stabbing pain which shot through her skull.
“Scootaloo don’t do that!” Sweetie Belle screamed, her eyes wide with panic. “You’ll tear your wound open! Y-You need to let your horn grow in… At least that’s what the doctor said.” Sweetie Belle whimpered, as she walked over to look closely at Scootaloo’s bandages.
“Like Ah was sayin’,” Apple Bloom interjected, as she watched Sweetie Belle carefully unravel Scootaloo’s bandages, and exhale at the fact the Scootaloo’s wound still looked dry. “The doc’ had just figured out you were growin’ a horn when Sweetie Belle’s sides split open, and my forehead and sides did the same, all right in front of the doctor.” Apple Bloom explained, as she shuddered, the bad memories of the experience still lingering.
“How did I sleep through that?” Scootaloo couldn’t help but ask, her mind running through the paradox put before her.
“You’re a really deep sleeper.” Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom both eagerly shouted out, with two large smiles. “Besides, you have amnesia due to —“ Time stopped, as Discord’s voice rang out ‘objection’! Some mumbling could be heard, in the distance, and time resumed.
“Oh..” Scootaloo mumbled, with a deep blush, and a hint of doubt. Still, she still had to ask the next question. “So, how many ponies are infected? How much trouble am I in?” Scootaloo asked, with a gulp. She was going to be in sooooo much trouble if too many ponies got sick.
“Just us.” Apple Bloom admitted. “But, they went ahead and quarantined me and my family.” Apple Bloom huffed, the source of her agitation starting to become clear to Scootaloo.
“And Rarity too, apparently.” Sweetie Belle squeaked, her face looking down in a more sympathetic look. “On the bright side, all Applejack’s trees are on this side of the bubble… so we won’t starve.” Sweetie Belle suggested with a smile, her eyes darting between Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, her eyes filled with a strong need for peace.
“Why are they locking everypony up on Sweet Apple Acres?” Scootaloo pondered, her mind struggling to contemplate an unanswered question.
“‘Cause they were around us all day yesterday. They could be sick too.” Apple Bloom explained with a huff and a roll of her eyes.
“Wasn’t Rainbow Dash hanging out with us just as much as Applejack yesterday?” Scootaloo asked with a definite confusion, her eyes glassing over as she pondered this new information.
“Well duh,” Apple Bloom huffed, “Why do you say that?” Apple Bloom asked, with a quirk of her eyebrow.
“Well, wouldn’t she be in the magic bubble with us?” Scootaloo considered, her answer suddenly being answered, as several ponies in hazmat suits could be seen, just outside the bubble, chasing a cyan pegasus around with bug nets.
“She’s going to be mad.” Scootaloo mumbled, a deep sense of dread dropping into the pit of her stomach.
Things were looking bleak as five ponies moped around Applejack’s kitchen table. Three Alicorn fillies, a white unicorn, and a cyan Pegasus. “Well, this blows,” Rainbow Dash finally grumbled into her mug of cider. “What am I supposed to do if the Wonderbolts need me to replace a member? I cannot do my job as a reserve if I’m trapped here,” she added as she scowled into her cider — no doubt making it turn sour.
“You think you have it bad?” Rarity retorted with an equally sour look. “I am scheduled to visit Canterlot Carousel tomorrow? How am I supposed to make dresses in Canterlot if I’m trapped here? I mean, it’s not like I have some kind of manager in Canterlot running my store for me,” Rarity insisted before she took a dainty sip from her mug of cider.
Scootaloo could feel her mood dropping with each passing moment. The only ponies still holding their good mood, were Applejack, Big Mac, Granny Smith, Pinkie Pie — of course —, and paradoxically Twilight Sparkle… no pony was sure why Twilight was in a good mood. The rest were either depressed, worried — like Fluttershy —, or angry at her.
“Come on, don’t be sad,” Scootaloo insisted as she tried to console Rarity and Rainbow Dash. “At least you still got your health,” she added with a clearly forced smile and a quick motion of her foreleg from right to left.
When both ponies only grumbled, Scootaloo persisted. “Come on, don’t be sad… Look Rainbow Dash, you're not just my honorary big sister, you are also one of my best friends,” Scootaloo insisted through the tears threatening to form at the corner of her eyes. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash grew rigid as a board, her teeth grit together, and she began to grunt. Scootaloo, however, didn’t notice as she put her attention on Rarity.
“And Rarity, I know we don’t know each other well… but, this is a chance for us to learn how to get to know each other. I mean, I’ve always considered you a friend by proxy,” Scootaloo hedged, causing Rarity to suddenly grow stiff as a board as well.
“Umm Rarity? Scootaloo asked with a concerned expression. “Rainbow Dash?” Scootaloo asked Rainbow Dash. Her concern only grew as she noticed Rainbow Dash sprout a horn, and two wings shoot out of Rarity’s sides…
“Holy ji willigers!” Applejack shouted from the other side of the kitchen. “Rainbow Dash and Rarity caught The Alicorn!” She shouted as she pointed to both ponies with a look of pure horror written on her face.
“What happened?” Apple Bloom shouted in horror as she raised her foreleg in horror, and pointed at the two new Alicorn s.
“I don’t know… I guess they caught Scootaloo’s case of the Alicorn?” Sweetie Belle asked with a blink of her eyes before she trotted over to get the doctor… “on the bright side, Rarity did always want to be a princess,” Sweetie Belle consoled from the doorway on her way out.
To say Scootaloo’s mood wasn’t sour by the point, would be an understatement. Rarity and Rainbow Dash needed some space right now, so Scootaloo had retreated to the east orchard, so that she could stay with Big Mac. The stallion’s calm in the storm attitude was what she needed right now.
And thankfully, she also had Fluttershy, who had come out looking for her. Apparently, the butter-colored Pegasus had heard Scootaloo was down in the dumps, and she had come out to help console her a little.
“This sucks,” Scootaloo grumbled. “I mean, not only am I the most pathetic creature in Equestria— What with having unbelievably-terrible-horrible-no good-very very bad luck, and being flightless, half blind, pregnant, homeless, and a blank flank—, but now I’ve given Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and my other friends The Alicorn. And now, nopony wants to talk to me,” Scootaloo sobbed into Fluttershy's coat.
“It’s ok,” Fluttershy cooed as she reaches a downy wing around the little orange filly. “Just let it out. I know it all hurts.” Fluttershy whispered. “And, don’t worry about your friends, they will be ok… there are worse fates then Alicorn-hood,” Fluttershy offered.
”but, I’m losing all my friends because of this stupid plague!” Scootaloo sobbed with a pained shout.
“It’s not like that,” Fluttershy whispered with a soft shake of her head. “And, if you really lose your friends, then I’ll be your friend, and so would Big Mac… Isn’t that right, Big Mac?” Fluttershy said as she looked up to Big Mac who nodded his head in agreement.
“ Thanks, Fluttershy And Big Mac. I’d love to have you two as friends,” Scootaloo said with a big smile, as she wrapped both ponies in a big hug. She didn’t notice when both ponies suddenly went rigid and then sprouted either a horn or a horn and wings.
“Oh dear!” is all Fluttershy managed to say before she fainted.
“Oh, Horse-feathers!” Scootaloo shouted before she ran off to get a doctor.
It wasn’t long before Applejack was carefully bandaging up the two ponies. She didn’t say much the whole time… until she finally managed to say, “Scootaloo, you done gave Mac the Alicorn… this here is terrible. He was already the most eligible stallion in Ponyville, And now he’s a prince… that makes him the most eligible stallion in Equestria… We’re gonna be spending weeks beating the suitors off with a stick!” Applejack grumbled. “Now, Ah gotta get out the suitor stopin’ stick!” Applejack complained as she prepared more bandages and gauze for Fluttershy and Big Mac.
Scootaloo got the message and quickly trotted away. She tried to ignore the legion of mares all pressed against the outside of the barrier, each carrying chocolate, flowers, or restaurant reservations….
The Apple family dining room was stuffed to the gills that dinner. A second table had been pulled up next to the usual Apple family dining room table. Still, despite the extra table, the fit was still a snug one. It hadn’t helped that the two tables had to fit all six of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, Big Mac, Granny Smith, and all three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
And then to make matters worse, each Alicorn with new wings had found it difficult to control the new appendages. They didn’t fold. Instead, they tended to droop, stand straight out, or slap depending upon the emotional state of their current wearer. And, much to everypony’s frustration, they had grown out in the last several hours. Now, they were halfway between an Alicorn’s wingspan, and a Pegasus’ wingspan.
None of that was considering the agitation among the newborn Alicorns at the realization that the rather drastic way their new appendages had grown in, was likely to leave permanent scars… Rarity had taken this the hardest. Still, the fact that she could cover the scars under her wings with a dress had managed to dampen her meltdown to a mere hour-long fit.
On the bright side, anypony who already had wings, or a horn had found they had merely grown out. There hadn’t been any nasty wounds like the ponies who had needed a new pair of wings, or a horn.
“Rainbow Dash, could you pass the potatoes, please?” Rarity gratefully requested before she ducked below Rainbow Dash’s enlarged horn, which threatened to poke her in the eye. “Dear, watch your horn!” Rarity chastised Rainbow Dash, only to lose control of her wings -- which then slapped the cyan alicorn in the face.
“Hey! Watch your wings!” Rainbow Dash grumbled with a shake of her hoof. This caused Fluttershy to startle, which managed to cause her to flinch backwards, almost poking Granny Smith in the back with her new horn.
Quickly Granny Smith arched her back to avoid the pointy protrusion and then stood up so that she could shout at everypony at the two tables. “Will y’all calm down!” Granny Smith commanded as she pounded the table with her foreleg. “All this fightin’ is makin’ you all fidget like a bunch’a fillies,” Granny Smith grumbled. “Now, Ah need one of you to go out and grab the last table from the storage room,” Granny Smith commanded as she raised a shaky hoof to point at one of the ponies in the room.
“I’ll do it! Choose me!” Pinkie Pie eagerly jumped from her chair and waved one of her forelegs.
“Ok, you do it,” Granny Smith consented, before she sat down, and pointed her eyes at Twilight Sparkle.
“Now princess, what are y’all doing about this here predicament?” Granny Smith inquired with a stern and no-nonsense tone. “Ah love havin’ y’all around. But, the farm ain’t ready to house so many ponies at once,” Granny Smith conceded.
“Well, I wrote a letter to Princess Celestia. And, she assures me that everypony will be taken out of quarantine in a mere seven days after everypony’s wings and horns have grown to full Alicorn proportions,” Twilight said with a big smile and an eager look in her eyes.
“Twi’, why are you even here? Ain’t you already an alicorn?” Applejack asked as she lowered her empty spoon, and looked at her lavender friend with a serious look of curiosity.
“Well, I’m recording this amazing phenomenon,” Twilight Sparkle explained as she returned Applejack’s look with a sparkle in her eyes, a mammoth grin, and a clop of her hooves. “Nopony knows how Alicorns happen. The only natural born Alicorns known are Princess Celestia, and Luna,” Twilight pointed out with another goofy grind. “And that leaves a sample size of a meager four ponies. But, with so many Alicorns in one place, we might get a big enough sample size to form a hypothesis,” Twilight continued, despite the uninterested looks from the other ponies in the room, and the roll of Rainbow Dash’s eyes.
Despite Twilight’s enthusiasm, the mood was not contagious… unfortunately. This left Scootaloo searching for some way to liven the testy ponies… However surprisingly, it was Sweetie Belle to speak up first. “Look on the bright side, you all get to be princesses. Rarity, you know you’ve always wanted to be a princess,” Sweetie Belle pointed out with a consoling smile.
“Yes, I did,” Rarity admitted with a warm smile. However, her smile quickly turned upside down. “But, not an Alicorn princess,” Rarity continued with a bitter frown. “I really don’t want all of that extra work… No offense, Twilight,” Rarity added apologetically to Twilight Sparkle.
“None taken, there is a lot of extra work to do,” Twilight admitted as she absentmindedly wrote something down on a rather large notepad.
“Work?” Scootaloo asked with a growing look of concern on her face. “Like homework?” Scootaloo continued with a big gulp.
“In a way, yes,” Twilight admitted as she continued to write in her notepad. “First we need to figure out what the domain of each of you is. Every Alicorn has dominion over something. For example, Celestia has dominion over Equestria and the sun. Luna has dominion over the moon and dreams. Cadance has dominion over love and the Crystal Empire. And, I have dominion over friendship and magic,” Twilight lectured Scootaloo and her friends with a warm smile.
Despite the fact that Scootaloo’s concerned look had grown into a panicked expression, Twilight continued, “And then, I’m going to need to give you all the proper princess training. That means I’ve got a lot to teach you. Thankfully, I brought The Princess Book,” Twilight blissfully commented, as she revealed a green book, with three stars, a crystal tiara, and a royal scepter on its cover. “And the princesses’ princesses’ book, and the princess addendum and —“
“Extra Homework?!” Scootaloo gulped, as her panicked expression seemed to be reaching critical mass. Her eyes had shrunken to mere pinpricks, and her eyes were as wide open as possible. Finally, her jaw was practically hitting the table. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle shared a comparable expression.
“Oh yes. Scootaloo, it’s a good thing you’re homeless. This means that you have the most time to apprentice under me. Now, I’m going to expect you to move into my Crystal Castle as soon as quarantine is over,” Twilight explained, despite the fact that Scootaloo’s expression had frozen on her face. She practically looked like her mind had just shut off. “Now, won’t that be fun?” Twilight added with a huge smile.
“It’s gonna be super-funalicious!” Pinkie Pie called out as she returned with the final table. Pinkie Pie continued, despite the hearty handshakes from Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo, however, was still trying to reboot her brain. “After all, everything is more fun with friends!” Pinkie Pie offered. “I mean, aren’t we all friends here?” Pinkie Pie asked, this statement finally managing to get a small fragment of Scootaloo.exe running. “And, it’s even better cause Alicorns are immortal, so you get to be friends FOREVER!” Pinkie Pie cheered.
“Well, we don’t know if any Alicorns, other than Celestia, or Luna are immortal,” Twilight tried to correct… But nopony was listening to her.
“Yeah...” Scootaloo mumbled in a definitely bitter tone. “Yeah,” She said, this time sounding a bit more lively, and a bit less depressed. “Yeah, friends can make even homework fun?!” Scootaloo cheered.
“And, everypony at this table is my friend. And so, that makes us all your friends too, Scootaloo,” Pinkie Pie cheered, only to suddenly freeze in place as she ground her teeth, and expression which was mirrored by Granny Smith, and Applejack… Moments later, there were three new alicorns.
“Ooooohhhhh, more data points!” Twilight cheered with a manic expression, as she eagerly scribbled more on her notepad.
“And that, Cousin, is how you make a tragedy,” Discord pointed out to his masked cousin. His face bore a massive manic smile and a goofy grin on his face. “And now, Fluttershy’s immortal. This means I’ve got an even better chance with her,” Discord asserted as he opened his mouth, and squirted his tongue with water from a squirt bottle.
“Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmm!” objected the masked pony.
“Nonsense, this was a horrible tragedy! And that means you should stop being so picky Mr. Horror and Tragedy,” Discord disputed with a sour expression. “Anyway,” Discord continued with a big roll of his eyes -- which rolled off of his face, with the sound of a revving engine and squealing tires, and rolled off into the distance. “see you around cous’... Oh, and: Spit spot!” Discord added with a wave of his hoof as his eyes appeared in a puff of smoke, and he opened an umbrella and floated off into the sky.
