Spike Understands Everything
"That is not true," Spike said.
It was another peaceful day in Ponyville, ponies were working, birds were singing, and at the entrance of the village’s confection store, a little purple dragon stood with an unamused expression plastered on his face.
“Could you stop with that?” The dragon asked to no one in particular, his brows furrowing, “My name is Spike by the way, so stop calling me the dragon… that is rude. And stop telling that I’m talking with-”
The bakery door swung open, interrupting the young drake’s ramblings. A pink earth pony welcomed him with a big smile.
“Good morning, Spike, what brings here so early?” she asked, a notepad rocketing out from her mane before the same mane grabbed it in the middle of its travel. The mare read with care until she found a list entitled, Spikey-poo Schedule. “You usually arrive here after ten.”
Spike arched its brow, “Why is my list named Spikey-poo?” he was about to scratch the back of his head but he restrained his hand, “Stop saying what I’m doing!” He shouted into the air.
Now it was the time for the pink mare to turn confused, she narrowed her distance to the drake and asked with caution, “Spike… is everything alright?”
“No, nothing is alright!” He shouted, ”There is a voice inside my head telling everything that is happening, including the things that I don’t know,” He explained, his claw rubbing his temple. He stopped in mid-action and growled, then stared daggers at the sky, “STOP WITH THAT ALREADY!”
The crowd of ponies scattered around, and inside, the place ceased from their chatter after hearing the wrathful scream. Their wide eyes traveled in unison to the drake while he breathed heavily. Small puffs of smoke slithered through his nostril as the rage inside him boiled.
Pinkie Pie’s eyes whatsoever, were wide open for a different reason, she took Spike with a hoof and pulled him inside the shop.
Sugar Cube Corner, a shop designed to-
“Boring, Skip that,” Spike grunted in annoyance.
“Spike!” Pinkie screamed, her vision still blinded by the sudden transition of the scene,”Don’t do that!”
“Doing what? The dude… or lady… I don’t know; they were about to explain in detail all sugar cube corner, that was going to take forever and I’m not the one for waiting right now, there is a list of things I haven’t completed and I need to get back to the castle ASAP,” Spike said, his draconic eyes perfectly accustomed to the absence of light inside Pinkie’s secret room.
“Spike, you don’t understand,” Pinkie argued, her hoof caressing the wall until she found a switch that turned the lights on, “You are dealing with a really powerful thing-”
“Really? I thought it was some kind of joke you and Discord pulled on me… no offense but you two are prompt to make this kind of things so I couldn’t help but think of that possibility,” he explained with a sheepishly look in his eye.
“No offense taken,” Pinkie said, her assuring hoof resting on the dragon’s shoulder, “I would have thought the same if not because I know what is really happening.”
Spike arched his brows once… he closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, “Which is? God, I even can’t breathe without this thing spelling his charade,” he muttered a sigh. ”Ow, come on!“
Pinkie soothed him, “Now, now, Spike. Relax, you are just hearing the narrator’s words. This must be one of this weird days…” she trailed off for a moment, memories of odd days filled with jokes, bad puns and the constant corruption of reality, coursing through her.
“Corruption of reality? What the hell are you thinking? No, hold up, those were memories? What in the name of Celestia’s cakes is happening?” Spike asked as he detailed the description of the previous events.
Pinkie didn’t answer and turned her back to him, her tail gripping of him a second later.
”Hey, what gives?!”
She moved with the dragon in her hold to the room’s bed and placed the drake there. Her eyes fixated at the drake as her stern expression seemed to conceal the air inside the lair.
“That is a really weird way to put it, yeah she really looks serious but is not like the whole reality is bending around her.”
The pink mare sighed, her expression still stoic, “Just stop paying attention to them, Spike. Don’t let them fool you. Everything is alright. You had just a weird day, and everything is going to end after some hour. You just sleep here and let the story take its course.”
Let the story take its course.
Those last words turned the lights on inside the drake’s head. A million of question rambling inside his thoughts.
“Millions of questions? ” Spike laughed, “I just have three. Stop exaggerating everything,” he said to the ceiling before looking at his friend. “Pinkie, what do you mean by-“
Pinkie sealed the drake’s mouth with a hoof, ”Hush, don’t think about it. Not make any fun ideas, this is not a story okay?” she lied, “Narrator, you are not helping!”
Spike's eyes shot wide open, “Wait, this is a story? Like a fictional story? Are we trapped inside a weird book related spell of Twilight?”
The drake’s word made the mare beam with joy again, “Yes, that’s it! We are inside one of those, and all you need to do is rest and let the book end okay?” she explained, hoping in the inside that the narrator wouldn’t screw her plans once again. “Being funny this time aren’t we?” she asked to the wall on her left, “Oh you know I’m speaking with you, stop fooling around,” She spat in annoyance before running towards the wall.
Spike looked in confusion how the pink mare was relentlessly punching the brick wall like it was a monster attempting to murder her family.
“Seriously, stop that, just said that I looked confused, is so much for you?” he asked to no one in particular. The dragon sighed in annoyance and turned to the mare, “Ahm… pinkie, what are you doing?”
Pinkie grunted, her lungs filling again with fresh air, “breaking the fourth wall, duh~” She pointed out before sending another powerful blow, “by goodness sake, this kind of story shouldn’t be written on this season.”
Spike’s confusion strengthened at the statement. His clouded mind tried to take a break and analyze everything properly.
“While trying to not hear that annoying voice, I must add.”
Spike started to list everything acknowledged in the short time: he was inside a story, a fictional story. That made of him a fictional character, and as one, he should be saying and doing everything the narrator said without any inconvenience.
“You know? Is easy to think when you are not the one actually thinking. Thanks for the info’ bro, or sir… whatever you are. But you are wrong in something, if this is a fictional story, and I’m a character in it, then the fact that I’m conscious of my position makes me a problem for the plot: I can use this kind information for my own good.” He explained before hiding inside a dark section of the lair.
While Spike was hiding, Pinkie Pie had managed to break the wall of the room, revealing another wall at the other side. “If I could throw a party for every time I had to do this…” she mumbled under her breath.
The solid sound of steps was heard for the pony afterward, Spike was once again in the visible section of the room. She turned back to look at him, minding to use that time to take a break, “Spike? Why is your face so red?”
Spike stared dreamily at the pony, his half-lidded eyes blinking slowly as he responded, “I just made sure to look for the plots in the story, hehe…” he said, his words echoing inside the room as puffs of warm air.
“Seems like you were having some fun… at least you weren’t like the other… I don’t know why everypony has to go mad after knowing they don’t exist, really is not that of a big deal.”
Spike gestured a dismissive gesture, “Pffft, who would think like that? This whole thing is awesome, I can move across all the world, materialize things from thin air,” he moved his claw to his back and pulled a glass filled with lemonade that was resting in the bump made by his tail, “Don’t be fooled folks, That wasn’t there.”
“Or so you started talking with them too?” Pinkie breathed again, ”You really got the hang of this pretty quick.”
“A lot of things made sense after realizing this whole ‘us not being a real’ thing ” Spike commented before zipping the content of his drink, he placed the drink back to its previous place and took the other one, “This is the same glass… haha, this is really funny.”
“Don’t get overexcited, Spike, everything is fun and joy until you break one of the laws of physics in the wrong way and reality crumbles,” she lectured him, her hooves moving once again as she made her way to the wall from before, “Let ol’ Pinkie handle this so we can resume our day.”
“And how is exactly breaking a wall is going to help?” he asked, his expression a mess of different expressions: from anger to joy, then confusion to fear, and so on. “Hey, that is not funny, if you are going to do the job of a narrator, you better start explaining everything!” he reprimanded no one in particular.
Spike sighed and started punching once again, “Is not any wall, this is the second wall, two of four walls in total,” she explained with a tone more worthy to use by her wormbook friend, Twilight Sparkle.
“Speaking of Twilight,” Pinkie paused and glanced at the drake, “weren’t you supposed to be in the castle, you know, doing all your ‘assistant’ job and stuff.”
“That? Ah, don’t worry. I finished my list of things to do a minute ago,” he stated as a matter of fact. “See, he just said it, which makes it a reality.”
“No Spike I don’t think that would work… you can try again though,” Pinkie proposed, her words nearly muted by the cracking sound of the second wall breaking apart. “Yes, just one more to go.”
Spike hummed for a second, then his hum started to sound like a song but every two seconds the rhythm changed, “Really, I don’t know if I can get bored of this,” he commented before resuming his previous thoughts, “Let’s see… I can assure you pink: I finished my work on the castle a couple of minutes ago,” he said, his chest puffing up with fake pride, just as fake as his declaration.
“Aw, come on, dude that is not fair” he exclaimed in exasperation, his little shoulders falling down in defeat. “Defeat? No, no, no, I’m not done yet with you, narrator.”
Pinkie snickered at the drake’s ramblings, “Ha, ha, I know how you feel Spike. The narrator tends to be a party pooper most of the time.”
Spike nodded instinctively and tried to approach the mare, unfortunately, he tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground, “ughhh… That almost felt like it was made on purpose…” he glanced at his friend, ”Why were you breaking those walls again?”
“I need to have a talk with the narrator, and the only way to do it is to break the fourth wall. There are other ways, that’s for sure, but all depends on the kind of narrator we are dealing with, and this one is one of the toughest.”
“And what are you going to tell him? ‘Hey, fella stop messing around with us’ or something like that?” He asked while getting up.
“I will just bother them until they decide to finish this story,” She explained before sending two hard bucks to the wall.
Suddenly, Rainbow dash arrived at the place at neck-breaking speed.
“Haha, the narrator was about to say ‘came’,” Spike pointed out with a childish smile.
Rainbow Dash zipped between the duo with a worried expression on her face, “Guys, we need your help, there is a giant cockatrice destroying Ponyville.”
Spike jolted at the information provided by the cyan Pegasus, “Holly, we need to go there. Pinkie stop breaking those walls we-”
“We will be with you shortly Rainbow, just wait for us upstairs,” the pink mare stated with a severe tone, her hooves still beating the bricks out of the walls.
Rainbow scratched the back of her head, her eyes darting between the pastry mare and the dragon, “And… what about Spike? He can come with me right?”
“Sorry, he is staying,” Pinkamena stated, the sweat soaking her mane to the point it deflated. Its curly appearance was now just a distant memory.
“Ahm, wait a moment. Narrator, stop the narrative concerning Rainbow for a second,” Spike requested to no one in particular before turning to his friend, “Pinkie, I should go with them, fighting cockatrices is easy for a dragon,” he commented with confidence in its voice
Pinkie kept her assault on the third wall, “the narrator is trying to pull us off from this scene so we can forget about messing with his precious wall. I can’t understand them… they gave us this power and then go crazy because we use it.”
“Maybe God is afraid of losing his control over his subjects,” Spike stared mechanically at the wall in front of them, his tone soulless.
…
“That wasn’t me,” Spike said with utter fear inscribed in his expression, his fingers playing and dancing with each other, “blargh… it feels weird.”
“It seems like the narrator has a connection with you,” Pinkie said, her tone still uncertain, “That could be of some use in the case…”
She trailed off, her mind focusing more in her hooves as her powerful strikes doubled in pace and strength. In less than five seconds the third wall lied in pieces on the ground, a titanium wall resting just four inches apart from the previous wall.
“Titanium? Really? I don’t even know this thing existed in Equus,” Pinkie exclaimed before grunting in irritation.
“He was about to write another thing though… bribanum or something? I don’t know, he just erased it as soon as he wrote it,” Spike explained.
Pinkie ears flicked at the words of the drake, “Spike, can you tell me how you are aware of narrator doings?” She asked while recomposing her breath.
“I can’t know for sure, I just read it, it’s a vague image of a white screen with a lot of letters…” he tried to explain, to no ava-
“Wait!” Pinkie Pie suddenly interrupted, “I understand!” she lied, “Okay I don’t… ahg, almost” She whined, “Just try to look for something useful Spike, we need to find a way out of here…”
Spike arched its brows, his mind still confused. His eyes darted down as if trying to find an answer. His eyes widened a second later, “I think I found something, there is another block for text, I can see it.”
“Where?” Pinkie asked, her deflating mane turning into its previous curly form.
“here.”
Pinkie was now alone in the room, the silence of the place almost tangible as the absence of his friend corrupted the previous lively scene.
“Could you stop with that?” Pinkie growled, “Spike where are you?”
“Spike?”
The mare sighed, it was just nine of the morning, her day had just started and it was already a mess.
“Hey, is not that depressing,” She shouted, “Stupid narrators and their stupid games, next time I get in one on these I’ll make sure to make a hell like mess out of the story,” she spat before gesturing a threatening hoof towards the fourth wall, “You are lucky enough that the whole plot made you aware of my intention! Next time I will be the one writing! You hear me!”
Pinkie stomped her hoof in the ground and huffed.
“Oh, there you are,” A cheerful voice said from the back of the pink hyperactive mare. Pinkie turned to the side and rejoiced at the sight of her little purple friend.
“Spike! You are back!” the pink mare exclaimed, her previous anger no more a feature on her expression, “Don’t think I forget about you, narrator~” she sang with hideous intent.
“I found it Pinkie, I found the narrator!” Spike rambled his nonsense, “he is in the other box, here, let me take you” he said before grabbing his friend hoof.
The End.
Author's Note
“See, he is here!” Said spike
Will you two go back to your story? This is already cringe-worthy enough…
“None of that mister, your little book ends now.”
Pinkie, for goodness sake I just wanted to make a story who relied on depth plot, you were the one who started with all the nonsense about breaking the fourth wall. I just wanted to make everything look normal until you two could forget about it.
“Well, I can assure you that I saw a good amount of plots inside that book of yours.”
I can’t even write you properly inside this place, just forget everything and get back there, ok?
“You had your chances to make things right mister ‘I like to play god’ besides, if you really wanted to fool spike you would have helped me instead of saying that I was lying!”
It was part of the plot, he needed to know that he was indeed inside a fic.
“Yeah, right. There were better ways to pull that trick you know?”
I know, I know, it’s just that I didn’t have the time. You see, all this nonsense started with a contest but the competition ends in 8 hours or less I don’t even know for sure.” They understood the explanation, “Come on help me out in this I-
“A contest you say?” Spike said intrigued, “don’t take this wrong buddy, I really appreciated the little moments out of camera, but you really pissed me off today.”
Your ‘today’ consisted of a brief explanation! It was like two or three paragraphs for Celestia’s-
“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t you dare end that sentence,” Spike said with an intimidating tone.
Okay, either way, I can’t use that kind of words… Listen I just need to finish this story properly and you two can-
“What is the title of this thing by the way,” Pinkie asked in an interrupting tone that could annoy any living creature in the multiverse.
Spike looked at the title of the Story, “Spike understands everything? That doesn’t even make senses, yeah I know now that I’m not real? So? It only means that I’m immortal, as long as my books and the memories of me exist then I’ll have more meaning in the word than any other important event or living creature, I’ll be a god in compar- Stop putting words into my mouth!”
“That is rude!” Pinkie called.
God, I can’t even… this is getting ridiculously cringy… just… I just said what I wanted for Spike to know… you can leave, I already wrote the final sentence of the story. Just-
“Look Pinkie, there is another box below,” Spike pointed out.
That is the comment section and none of your business.
“I have been there before! An insane place, let me tell you,” Pinkie commented cheerfully.
Could you leave now?
… They went to the comment section, I knew this was a bad idea for the beginning, Maud would have been a perfect protagonist instead…
Sigh… there is no time left for that…
I have so much work to do… I even have to revisit this whole thing and see for grammatical errors, ahg… Why do I keep writing?
Why I do this to myself?
