The Anniversary Anomaly

by Level Dasher

Rating: teen
Tags: Starswirl the Bearded, Starlight Glimmer, Random, Discord, Sex, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 3282

Another Pinkie Pie Party, another event to celebrate. Or does this one hold some deeper meaning? Either way, Twilight is not prepared for this.

When Twilight finds herself invited to another one of Pinkie Pie’s trademark parties, she discovers that life might be going by faster than she’s realized. Ponyville has hit a major milestone, and it’s all about her!

What surprises are in store for her on this wonderful occasion?

[Sex] tag for innuendos only.

Cover by me
Edited (and eventually turned into being co-written) by Dreams of Ponies
Pre-read by I Thought I Was Toast

Published 2018-01-02 12:10:11 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-02 12:10:11 UTC

The Anniversary Anomaly

Starlight Glimmer awoke to a scroll appearing in midair, which fell on her head before rolling to the floor.

“Hey!”

She levitated the scroll up to her eye level and unraveled it.

[ ] Somepony’s here for you,
[ ] Somepony NEEDS you,
[✓] Breakfast’s about ready, GONNA BE COLD
[✓] You slept late,
[ ] It’s something else,
[ ] Second/Third time I called,
[✓] Not calling again,

[ ] Twilight.

[✓] Starlight.

[ ] It’s urgent!
[ ] What are you doing?

Starlight chuckled, “Looks like Spike is going to get some use out of these pre-written notes.” Opening her bedroom door with her magic, she called, “Thanks, Spike! Be down in a minute!” before shutting it again, hopping out of bed, and running a brush through her mane.

Then she realized which boxes had been checked. “Wait, ‘not calling again’?” She looked back at her bed and found another scroll laying at its foot. “That’s still only the second time!” After looking around her bed’s other side, she found another two scrolls on the floor. “Oops…”

“Well well, look who finally woke up,” Spike said with a grin from the breakfast table. “First day with those notes you made for me and I’ve already used four!” he laughed.

“Told you they’d come in handy,” Starlight shot back with a smirk. “The last one even landed on my head.”

“Yes!” Spike cried as he pumped his fist. “I mean, really? Total accident,” he amended, waving his claw at her.

Starlight nudged him as she sat down in front of a plate with a vegetable omelette. “This looks great, Spike, thanks. Sorry I let it get cold.”

Spike let out a quiet chuckle. “S’fine, I just wrote that to get you downstairs. Here.” He picked up the plate and blew his flame breath underneath for a few seconds, heating up the food so it had a light steam wafting from above before he set it back down. “Like it was right out of the pan,” he said with a wink.

Smiling, Starlight picked the little dragon up in her magic and gave him a hug. “You’re the best, you know that?” she said, setting him back in his seat before digging into her meal.

“Yep.”

“Oh, Starlight, there you are!” Twilight called as she descended the stairway. “I was wondering when you’d wake up. Guess you and Trixie were up really late last night, huh?”

Spike raised his eyebrow and smirked.

Starlight nodded before swallowing a bite of her food. “Yeah, the Great and Powerful Trixie needed a lot of help from her Greater and More Powerful assistant,” she laughed.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Her very modest assistant.”

A blush rose in Starlight’s cheeks. “Of course.”

Sitting down next to her, Twilight said, “Here, I was hoping you could give me a hoof.”

“As long as you don’t use it for any magic tricks like Trixie did last night.”

Spike’s eyes widened.

“No, no hoofkerchiefs involved,” Twilight laughed. “Starswirl sent me a note from his travels; even though he’s transitioned to Modern Ponish, his hornwriting is still terrible. ‘Dear Twilight’ is simple enough, but the rest? No idea.” She shook her head as she placed a piece of paper between them so Starlight could look.

Starlight giggled. “Sure, let’s see…” She began slowly, “‘While… on… my… travels… I… have… fou—’”

Her reading was interrupted by an explosion of confetti behind them. “Waugh!” the three of them all shouted in unison.

“I thought we cleared out all of Pinkie’s hidden confetti cannons,” Spike groaned, holding his head in his claws.

“I figured they would’ve gone off by now if any were still here,” Twilight said.

“Wait, what?” Starlight asked.

Twilight shook her head. “Long story.” After a moment, they found a slip of paper floating down to rest on the table in front of them. “Hey, what’s this?”

You are cordially invited to Sugarcube Corner for a signature

Pinkie Pie Party today at three! Be there or be square!

P.S.: DON’T BE SQUARE

“Doesn’t that P.S. defeat the purpose of a ‘cordial invitation’?” Starlight asked.

“No, it just means we have to go or we’ll never hear the end of it,” Spike said as he dropped down from his stool where he was looking over Twilight’s shoulder. “What celebration are we forgetting?”

“Knowing Pinkie, it could be anything,” Twilight replied. “Half-birthday, anniversary of something random… heck, maybe she just really wants to have a party.”

“I’d believe that,” Starlight said. “But why the forced attendance?”

“…Maybe it’s something for one of us,” Twilight answered. “But what?”

Spike shrugged. “I’unno. Pinkie knows more about us than we do.”

“…That’s a scary thought,” Starlight said.

“Just… try not to think about it,” Twilight responded, shrugging as well. “Now come on, keep reading. I still have no idea why Starswirl has such a problem with his horn.”

Spike snickered as he walked up the stairs.

Starlight looked over the scroll once more, reading under her breath. After a moment, she said, “He’s…apparently gotten himself lost…in the Everfree Forest. Again.”

“'Again'?” Twilight asked, then she said, “Oh right, Celestia told me about the first time.” She shuddered. “We should get him out, and quick.”

“Thank you for the assistance, Twilight,” Starswirl said, letting out a sigh. “I thought the Everfree had calmed down a bit, but clearly we still need to avoid strolling through the morning wood.”

Spike let out a snort.

“You’re welcome, Starswirl!” Twilight chimed happily, stars in her eyes. “Starlight and I were happy to help.”

“Yes, my apologies, Starlight,” Starswirl said, turning to the unicorn in question. “Thank you as well.”

“Sure,” she responded with a shrug.

“Now, where are we going exactly?” he asked.

“Sugarcube Corner,” Twilight answered readily. “Pinkie Pie is throwing a party, and we’re running late.”

“Oh? What’s the occasion?”

“We don’t know,” Starlight replied. “Pinkie just likes to throw parties. And apparently we really need to be at this one.”

Starswirl raised a brow. “Very well. I’ve yet to attend any festivities since the Pillars and I returned from Limbo. It will be most interesting to see how the culture of such things has changed, if at all.”

“Believe me, it’s much different,” Twilight said.

When Spike and his entourage entered Sugarcube Corner, they found Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity making small talk with each other.

It took only a moment before an explosive “SHE’S HERE!” resounded through the room as Pinkie Pie smashed through the kitchen door. “Hey, and she brought Starswirl, too! That’s super-duper-ultra-rifically perfect! But wait, if Starswirl’s here…” Pinkie’s mane deflated and petered out like a balloon. “…that means he was close enough that I should’ve sent him an invitation, and if he was close enough, then the other Pillars might be close enough, and I should have sent them all invitations, and—”

“Pinkie, Starswirl was around by sheer happenstance,” Twilight said, cutting the rant off with a pat to Pinkie’s shoulder. “The others are probably still in the far reaches of Equestria. Right, Starswirl?”

Clearing his throat, the bearded sorcerer answered, “Indeed, I haven’t heard from any of my fellows for at least a month. I am certain they are still on their travels. I just happened to be studying the Everfree, and… uh, requested assistance in my endeavors.”

Starlight rolled her eyes with a smirk. “We went and found him after he got lost.”

“Hey, cut Starswirl some slack,” Twilight said. “The Everfree Forest has grown exponentially over the past millennium, and he was in pretty deep.”

Spike clamped a claw over his mouth.

“Thank you, Twilight,” Starswirl said, “but Starlight does have a point; if I am going to study a source of such chaotic magic, I should have a foolproof way to exit it. Perhaps one or both of you could help me develop a proper spell or determine a suitable route to do so.” As Twilight was about to respond, he continued, “But another day. I would like to know the occasion for which we have all been gathered.” He looked around the room where Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity all nodded in agreement.

“Yes, darling, what is this celebration all about?” Rarity asked.

“Oh, Rarity, only one of the most specialest anniversaries in Ponyville history!” Pinkie jovially announced.

“Foundin’ Day was last month, Pinkie,” Applejack said. “We had the party at the farm, remember?”

“No-no-no, silly Applejack!” Pinkie laughed. “Why do you think we waited for Twilight?”

“Because you wanted to wait for all of us to be here like you usually do,” Fluttershy said from the punch table.

“Noooooooo,” Pinkie dragged out.

“Uh…you said she absolutely had to be here first,” Rainbow replied.

“Exactly!”

“I don’t see how that’s much different from what Flutters said, sugarcube,” Applejack said, arching a brow.

Pinkie smacked her face with a hoof. “It’s completely different!” Rushing up to Twilight and throwing a hoof in her direction, Pinkie cried, “Twilight absolutely had to be here! WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MEANS??”

Pushing Pinkie’s hoof away, Twilight answered, “Umm… it has to do with me?”

Bursts of confetti showered the room from all sides and balloons appeared out of nowhere as Pinkie let out a trumpet fanfare. “BINGO!” After bouncing around the room in circles, Pinkie stopped in front of a banner that fell from the ceiling. She spread her forelegs open and shouted what lay written on it in big, bold letters. “HAPPY FIVE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, TWILIGHT!”

Twilight’s eyes widened for a moment. “Huh? Five-year anniversary of what?”

All eyes turned from Twilight back to Pinkie, who replied, “You silly filly! Don’t pretend you don’t remember your own anniversary! Especially such a super special one!”

“Pinkie, darling, do remember that you keep track of many more anniversaries than we do,” Rarity said. “All of which seem to be, well, ‘super special.’ Perhaps you could give us a bit of a hint?” The rest of the group nodded.

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Alright. Why do you think I said it’s super-duper-ultra-rifically perfect that Starswirl is here?” she asked the group, zipping up to the unicorn’s side as she gestured to him like a game show model. Starswirl flinched at the proximity before settling himself.

Twilight leaned up and quietly said to him, “She always does that. You get used to it eventually.”

The rest of the group looked at each other and shrugged. “Well, it can’t be when he returned. That was only a few months ago,” Fluttershy commented.

Rainbow Dash wagered a guess. “Uh, something to do with Starlight screwing around with his spell and then becoming Twilight’s student?” Starlight face-hoofed as the rest of them glared at the hovering pegasus. “What?”

Pinkie smacked her own face with a hoof, then moved up next to Twilight with a deadpan expression and manually flapped the alicorn’s wings up and down.

Twilight giggled, “Pinkie, don’t play with those! They’re sensitive!” When Pinkie let go, Twilight flapped them herself for a moment. “And they feel like they’re getting bigger.”

Spike let out a quiet snort as Rainbow turned away, blushing.

It was at that moment that the whole group let out a unanimous, “Oohhhhhhhhhh.”

“Well, I’ll be! It really been five years already, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.

There was a sudden flash of light before a face manifested in one of the balloons and it said, “Well, she is one month and fourteen days early.” The balloon popped, then Discord appeared beside Pinkie in another flash before he started tousling the party mare’s mane. “Just couldn’t wait, could you?”

Pinkie giggled as she shook her head in time with Discord’s ruffling of her mane. “Nope!”

Starswirl cocked a brow. “Now who is this mixed-up mess of a character?”

Discord bowed with a little flourish. “Discord. Reformed spirit of Chaos at your presence. Ooo, presents! Yes, five years calls for an anniversary gift! I believe it’s the wood anniversary…”

After a minute of flipping through a giant book, Pinkie said, “You’re absotootly right, Discord! But we already gave Twilight the roots of the old library… Oooh! We can get Twilight more books! Which are made from paper! Made from trees! Those are wood!”

Discord waved her off, his claw popping off to scratch underneath his chin. “While I’m sure Princess Book Horse here would be satisfied with some bland old stories… I have a better idea.” Discord’s dismembered appendage hopped down his arm, jumped into the air, and landed on Pinkie’s shoulder.

“How about…” The hand dug into Pinkie’s mane—her eyes screwing up as she giggled—before pulling out a very large, very crimson-colored Iron Will. “…a new set of wings?”

Iron Will’s horns flicked around as he took in his new surroundings. “Iron Will was in the middle of one of Canterlot’s finest china shops! What’s the big idea?”

Discord blinked, waited for a moment, and then pushed Iron Will back into Pinkie’s mane as he reattached his claw. He shrugged and gave an apologetic smile. “I thought that was supposed to give you wings.”

Starswirl looked back and forth at all the other ponies and dragon present with his eyes wide. Twilight turned to him once again.

“You get used to that, too,” she said. She shook her head as the last few moments of chaos became another distant memory. “Wait… five years? Has it really been five years already?”

“Huh. Seems like time’s flown by right quick, if’n that’s the case,” Applejack said with a shrug.

A small alarm clock passed through the kitchen, carried by small, golden wings. Discord promptly smashed it with a mallet he pulled from another dimension. “Spirits such as myself hardly pay such things any mind.” He gave a little smile towards Fluttershy. “Unless it’s an important pony’s birthday or other.”

“Ponies don’t really seem to be that good at keeping track of time, historically speaking,” Twilight said with a sigh. “I mean, Granny Smith is supposed to have helped found Ponyville… but that was over a hundred moons ago!”

Starswirl looked between Twilight and Discord. “I fear the fact that my being gone for over one thousand years, and yet also for only the blink of an eye would only confuse this matter more…”

“Probably,” Starlight said, then gave Twilight the stink-eye. “And don’t look at me. I’ve sworn off anything having to do with time magic, remember?”

“But it’s so confusing! A thousand years, a hundred moons… How long is a moon, anyway?”

“‘Tis indeed a mystery.” Everyone in the room turned to the door, where the three remaining Princesses walked in. “We do not know who took it upon themselves to begin using such a measurement of time,” Luna said. “We much prefer the usage of months and years.”

Celestia darted her eyes back and forth. “That was supposed to phase out when the Canterlot nobles got tired of the ‘Princess Luna is mooning us’ joke.” Bringing a hoof to her temple, she continued, “Some areas of Equestria decided to retain it for some reason.”

“Princesses! You made it!” Pinkie cried.

“Of course!” Celestia said with a smile. “We wouldn’t miss this occasion for the world.”

Cadance brought up the rear holding a deadpan expression. “Of course you wouldn’t,” she grumbled under her breath.

“What’s that, Cadance?” Celestia asked.

“Nothing, Auntie.”

Twilight turned to Cadance with a cocked brow. “Cadance? Everything alright? How are Shining and Flurry?”

Cadance waved a hoof. “They’re fine. Just wait until Celestia and Luna give you their anniversary ‘gift.’”

Her eyes widening, Twilight asked, “You actually got me a gift?”

“Yes, a very special one,” Celestia replied. “Luna and I discussed it for quite a while.”

Twilight rubbed the back of her mane. “You really didn’t have to.”

“But it was most necessary,” Luna said, hiding her muzzle behind a hoof. After a moment, she revealed her smile and cried, “We are bequeathing Our control of the moon to thee! For one whole week!”

“What?” Twilight shouted.

“And so your sister-in-law doesn’t feel left out, I am giving her my control of the sun,” Celestia added.

The gears in Twilight’s head seized. “But… why?”

“It’s the next step in your studies,” Celestia responded.

“But you saw what happened the last time I had control of the moon!”

“Thou just needest more practice handling our celestial bodies.” Luna smirked, before stifling a giggle.

Spike had no such restraint, rolling on the floor as he laughed.

Cadance face-hoofed. “What she means is that they got a coupon in the mail… and it expires next week.”

Twilight blinked, frowning at the trio of alicorns. “A coupon… What’s so important that you’d risk the fate of Equestria by leaving it in my hooves?”

Cadance groaned. “They’re going to—”

Luna grinned from ear to ear as she cried, “We’re going to Whinny World!”

Several mouths cracked the marble flooring. Twilight nearly fainted, Spike catching her in his claws.

Starswirl raised an eyebrow. “…How is Equestria still in one piece?”

Celestia and Luna turned, laughing and cheering respectively as they walked out of Sugarcube corner. “That’s what we have Twilight and her friends for.”

Author's Note

I know this is a long author's note, but do please read the whole thing. :twilightsheepish:

No, there really isn't any purpose or plot to this story. I just wanted to do something to celebrate my five-year anniversary on FimFiction, and when I noticed that it was also the five-year anniversary of Twilight’s ascension (give or take a month and a half, as Discord said), I felt like it would be a good occasion to write a story about it. Of course, I use the term 'story' very loosely in the case of this fic...

Given that we don’t really have a true canon as to how long it’s been in the show since the Twilicorn incident (as far as I know—I could be wrong), my original intention for the story was to have the characters argue about whether or not it had actually been five years, using some meta humor (some of which was retained) and the various post-season three winter-related episodes as marking points (mainly whether or not Tanks for the Memories and Hearthbreakers occurred in the same year or not, since those two were both in season five, season six had A Hearth's Warming Tail, and seasons four and seven had no winter episodes at all). Then I asked Dreams of Ponies and I Thought I Was Toast for a little help… and everything went to hell in a handbasket, adding terrible jokes and just as terrible innuendos (though I will admit most of the ones in the second scene were mine...), and moving from probably crackfic territory to most definitely crackfic territory; thus the ridiculous abrupt ending that tied nothing together was born.

I'm still not really sure what possessed me to start this fic off with Starlight. Maybe because I hadn't had a chance to write her yet. That, and I like the friendshipping between her and Spike that I've seen a few times. I feel like the rest of the fic kind of makes that whole question meaningless, though.

When we got to the end, all Dreams had to say was, “This is what happens when you ask for help, Dashy.”

Toast’s parting words were simply, “Ummmm…”

Either way, I still had fun. :derpytongue2:

Happy New Year! :pinkiehappy:

PS: Yes, five years actually is the wood anniversary (like 25 is silver and 50 is gold). Look it up if you don't believe me. :trollestia: