Look Among Stars That Shine Like Diamonds.
Why did this time of year have to be so cold? Why did something as pretty as a snowflake have to bite and lash at her raw cheeks? Was this what was meant to want for a warm hearth? Was it safe to curl up in front of her own roaring flame? Did she have to endure her wintry torment just a little longer? Was there nowhere she could go?
Question after question burned through the small filly's bright mind, as the hooves that carried her aimlessly through the streets were beginning to numb. She sighed and picked up her pace, pumping her small muscles in an effort to at least increase her core temperature. Her skipping made her look like the happiest filly in the world when in reality she was losing her battle against the frozen air. Maybe, she should just go home? Surely it would be warmer than being trapped out in the cold.
She laughed despite her hopeless predicament, her humour as black as the heart that was keeping her from her hearth. Compared to the pony she would be facing, being outside in the never-ending expanse of white was heavenly. As if to commend her decision, one exhausted strand of sunlight pressed through the clouds. The warmth it gave her was a meagre fraction of its full strength, but to Diamond, it was like a breath of fresh air after one of Snips and Snails attempts at cooking. She skidded to a halt, desperate to savour the miniscule lifeline that had she had just been thrown.
It was with an audible groan that she vented her frustrations when that stray sunbeam was covered by another cloud. She had a good mind to yell at the unfortunate pegasi who had once again caused her breath to crystallise in front of her and her teeth to chatter uncontrollably. It would certainly get results, her cutie mark would ensure that. The words were already on her chilled blue lips when she remembered all the heartache such persuasions had caused her and those around her. They were the reason her father worked himself to the bone every day, of every week, of every year.
The materialistic drives she had inherited from her dear mother had pushed her father over the edge. She had hoped that with her newfound outlook on life, he would have eased off. One bottomless pit to satisfy was objectively better than two. Alas, her childlike perceptions had overlooked one thing. Everything that had happened before, all the impossible demands and domineering attitude, had been her mother when she was already satisfied. Now, it seemed she was determined to hurt Diamond the best way her twisted mind would allow.
Torment would not do it, diamonds were far too hard to break under such pitiful, mundane stresses. There was also the risk that Diamond would simply go to her father about it, or even higher. It would be an attempt far too crude and juvenile for such a masterful gold digger to even consider. Instead, her mother had slowly piled on the demands, careful to keep things gradual. It had been almost a year before even Diamond had realised what was happening, her caring, easy going father had no chance. No matter how much she herself had eased off on her own needs, though a more appropriate term would be wants, Spoiled was keeping her father so busy...that they had not seen each other in over a month. Spoiled rich was eviscerating her daughter exactly where she knew it would hurt,
A tear rolled unbidden down her frozen cheeks, creating a stinging trail of moisture. Hastily, she wiped it away, before it froze on her fur and before anyone could see. She raised her head high, bracing herself against the wind as she tried to project an air of belonging. If she could pretend to herself that she was fine, then maybe the rest of her day would be more bearable. All she had to do was hold out until Twilight's Hearth's Warming Eve get together, which was at- she glanced at the clock. Her heart sank to her stomach, biting cold occupying the space where it should have been. It was barely eleven in the morning. She had another eight hours to endure. There had to be somewhere she could go in the meantime.
Just as the thought crossed her mind, her own house towered over her. Crackling orange light danced in almost every window, an inviting deviation from the blue and white all around her. It begged her to come in, to swallow her pride and welcome its embrace. She felt rather than commanded her feet as they moved her small, shivering form closer. Just a small heat, she could sneak in and no one would notice. It would be perfectly innocent, her own home was surely open to her on Hearth's Warming Eve.
Movement in one of the topmost windows caught her eye. Someone was up there, moving with far too much authority to be her humble butler Randolph, and their stance was far too upright to be her overworked father. She cursed under her breath. There was no question that her mother had already spotted her, the shadow still lingering in the window told her that clearly.
Suddenly defiant, Diamond turned on hoof. Frozen stiff or not, she was not about to let her mother win even one battle in this long war. With a soft sigh that rose high into the air above her, she moved away from the inviting lights and roamed further down the streets. A sinking realisation threatened to spring tears back to her eyes. If she was going to emerge victorious, this was going to be a very long game, with many consequences. Her own home had already become a breeding ground of anger, bitterness and hatred. Perhaps, there was more than her mother's demands keeping Father away from her...
Unable to hold her poise under the weight of such a depressing thought, Diamond Tiara began to run. Direction, distance, it all meant nothing, she just had to run. Onward she pushed, forging a path through the lightly falling snow. Even when her legs began to burn and her muscles writhed in protest she kept going. Every haggard breath drew more frigid air into her lungs, tearing at her throat and making every breath more difficult than the last. All of that was inconsequential, she just had to get away from that house.
The sound of her own footfalls was a constant in her ears, drowning out the rest of the town. She was sure that some were taking time out of their busy days to pause and ponder why she was sprinting through the town. Whether the thought gave her comfort, she was in mixed minds. The bigger the scene she caused, the harder it would be to talk it down, but at least she had made a big enough turnaround that some ponies now cared about her, at least a little. There was no time to dwell on such a thought, as her clattering hoofsteps gave way to silence and she was overcome with a sudden sensation of weightlessness.
For a single, disorientated moment she hung like that, legs outstretched uselessly. Before she could regain her bearings, the ground rushed up to meet her. She closed her eyes and waited for its bone shuddering embrace, and she waited. When the time had stretched long past the average duration of a fall, she cracked open her eyes and looked around. She was still in the air, defying gravity's attempts to make her yield.
“Woah! Might wanna slow down a little. The road's pretty slippery when you get out of town.”
Holding six bulging sacks of firewood, a myriad of different packages, and a young filly was nothing more than a mild strain for a mage as accomplished as Starlight. With an easy chuckle, she set Diamond right and released her magic. Now shaking from a little more than cold, Diamond started frantically brushing herself off. There were several attempts to push an apology past her chattering teeth, but in the end, the attempt proved fruitless. Not that Starlight seemed put out.
“So, is there any particular reason you're running away from town, away from anywhere even remotely warm, on a day like today?” she asked lightly, lazily rearranging her heavy load to make it a little less obtrusive.
Well practised in the art of deceit, Diamond Tiara had no intention of letting anyone know about her familial woes. Even if they believed her, which they would not, her mother would catch on and worm her way out of the situation as she always did. Then, she would only push her father harder. After a quick glance at her surroundings, she noticed that she had ended up very near Sweet Apple Acres. It was further from home than she had expected, but it did provide her with the perfect cover story. “Oh. I'm going to see the Crusaders. I promised I'd meet them at their clubhouse.” She tried her best smile, even though her teeth refused to stay still. As long as she could get rid of Starlight quickly, everything would be fine. “Actually, I'm pretty late as it is so I should go. Thanks for the save!” She was already running, when life reminded her that nothing, not even a diamond's well-laid plan, was ever perfect.
“Oh, what a coincidence!” Starlight said happily, watching as Diamond skidded to a halt only a few strides into her headlong dash. “That's where I'm heading. Well, technically I was supposed to be dropping off this firewood for tonight's party but...” The glow around her horn brightened momentarily, and the logs vanished with a loud pop. “Done, and so much easier too. So, shall we go?”
It took everything she had for Diamond to keep her inner shriek from breaking through to the outside. Why did life have to torment her so? There was no way she could wriggle her way out of this, such was always the way for holes she herself had dug. Maybe, there was such a thing as being too good. All she could do was go along with it until the Crusaders called her out on her bluff. At least it would kill some time. “Sure, I guess.” At a much more sedate pace, she started walking forwards. Without the burning of her muscles, she once again succumbed to the frigid numbness.
She was about to look back to check if Starlight was actually following her, when she was once again enveloped in a soft, caressing glow. It did nothing to restrict her movements but the effect was apparent immediately. Sweet, heavenly warmth rushed across her fur, penetrating to her very core. New life seemed to surge through her veins, helping her to easily fend off the irritating shivers that had made talking such a chore.
“Better?” Starlight asked, a hint of smugness tainting her tone.
Diamond Tiara nodded slowly, taking a minute to enjoy the relief. With more graceful steps, she continued down the trail. Starlight caught up with her quickly thanks to her longer legs, then easily fell into step. The two walked in silence, which suited Diamond just fine. She had no desire to push her luck with this unicorn. Her reputation preceded her, she was shrewd, powerful and eccentric. The last thing Diamond needed was a misguided pony trying to help but only adding fuel to her mother's fire.
When the Crusader's clubhouse came into view, Diamond could already tell it was alive with activity. Three very familiar fillies were forming a very precarious living tower, with the topmost Crusader, Scootaloo, holding aloft a string of coloured lights that she was trying to string around the roof. Whereas the old Diamond Tiara would have fallen over, clutching her sides with obnoxious laughter at their ridiculous predicament, now she felt her heart leap into her throat with every wobble. She hardly dared to breathe, not wanting to distract them with even the slightest noise in case it caused a nasty tumble. She glanced upwards at Starlight, who was watching the scene unfold with an unnerving passiveness.
“I can't... keep this up much more...” Apple Bloom groaned, one eye closed from the enormous strain she was currently under.
“Hurry up Scootaloo,” Sweetie Belle chimed in, face contorted in concentration as she tried to both keep herself steady and hold the lights in her magic. Meanwhile, Scootaloo was fumbling with the nails, and fittings needed to fasten the string to the woodwork, all the while trying to keep a hammer under her foreleg. Even the tiniest movement with her hooves caused the tower of ponies to shudder dangerously. Just as Diamond thought they were finally going to get it, Apple Bloom's knees buckled and everything came crashing down.
“Oh no!” she screamed, lunging forward in a vain attempt to catch them. Her hooves met thin air before she skidded through the snow, shoving it in front of her and creating a wall that blocked the resulting carnage from her view. Frantic, she scrambled to her hooves, completely ignoring the wet snow and muck clinging to her pristine coat. Rather than seeing three fillies laying on the frozen ground, writhing in agony, she saw three fillies standing very sheepishly. They were all looking at either the ground or the sky. Confused, she turned back to Starlight, only to see that the elder pony had strode forwards purposefully.
“So, I'm guessing you all didn't hear me say that I would get the lights when I came back?” she asked, her voice staying perfectly level. All three Crusaders squirmed under her hard, sapphire stare. Diamond could only peek over her barrier of snow and watch.
“Well...we did...” Sweetie Belle began, swallowing hard, “but then Scootaloo had the idea to get on each other's shoulders and we just sort of went for it.”
“Guess it was a pretty stupid idea huh?” Applebloom asked. All three little fillies shuffled nervously, their hooves dragging through the thick blanket of snow.
Letting her gaze soften slightly, Starlight shrugged one shoulder in an easygoing gesture. “In the history of bad ideas, it wasn't really the worst. And since no one's hurt, I won't say anything else about it. Just don't make me have to explain to your sisters, and honorary sisters, why you're in Ponyville General on Hearth's Warming Eve. Okay?”
“Okay Starlight,” they chorused, each feeling suitably chastised. Somehow, Starlight was both their most lenient caretaker and their most strict, all at once. They were never quite sure how she was going to react to a situation until it had already happened.
A smile crept onto the lilac unicorn's face and with an expert flourish she picked up the lights and neatly wrapped them around the entire tree house. The bare wood exploded with every colour of the rainbow, and much more besides, making the draughty, makeshift shelter seem much more festive and homely. Mesmerised and enchanted by the display, Diamond completely forgot that her lie was about to be shattered.
It was Scootaloo who spotted her first. Though all animosity between them was gone, she fervently wished it had been one of the others. She had been despicable to all of them, but Scootaloo had been her all-time low. It was a line she should never, ever have crossed. Even her mother would have hesitated to push that envelope, maybe.
“Diamond Tiara? What are you doing here?” the young pegasus asked, sounding confused when she still had every right to be angry. Her question caught the attention of the other Crusaders, and soon three pairs of eyes were staring at her while she was covered in snow and was anything but presentable.
She gulped, already backing away as she tried to fumble through her excuses. Before she could, Starlight spoke up for her.
“I ran into her on the edge of town, slipping on some ice. She wanted to help decorate the clubhouse so I invited her along.” It was a lie, and she could feel Diamond's confusion radiating from her but said nothing. In the brief moments she had been watching, Starlight guessed enough that she was not about to let a young filly go back to cold isolation on a technicality. She paused and tilted her head. “I seem to be making a habit of catching young fillies who want to take a dive into the snow. Huh, I should start up a service.”
“That would be a bit of a weird service...” Scootaloo snorted, already diving into one of the bags that Starlight had brought with her. She pulled out several strings of bright orange tinsel, which seemed to sparkle like fire whenever it moved in her hooves. “And also a bit...creepy. You'd have to know when every little filly was going to fall. Wouldn't you have to spy on them for that?”
A mischievous glint crossed Starlight's eye, making her look ever so slightly manic. “Not exactly. There are plenty of spells that can alert a unicorn to danger. Sort of like a little alarm bell. Of course, I'd still have to be in several places at once more than likely, and the spells get weaker the more targets they have. Yeah, it wasn't a very good idea. Let's get decorating before I have another really bad one and...yeah never mind.”
Before any more could be said on the subject, she quickly emptied the bags and dumped a mountain of tinsel, lights and baubles onto the four fillies. It took Diamond several seconds to extract herself from the mess of colour and poke her head out of the pile. To her left, she saw Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom all win the battle with their own bundles. The three shared a moment laughter, and after a moment she found herself tittering slightly as well.
She was still chuckling when Apple Bloom gently prodded her shoulder. Cutting off her mirth, she looked to her old nemesis. An awkwardness began to seep into her, infecting her with an inability to form a coherent word. She really had no right to intrude on this, it had been completely accidental.
“So, you wanna help huh?” There was no malice in Apple Bloom's voice, just light-hearted merriment and a generous helping of southern twang. While she had previously held every intention to say no, Diamond Tiara felt herself nod once more. Apple Bloom's bow bobbed violently as she clapped her hooves together. “Awesome. The more hooves we have the quicker we can get to the good stuff.”
That was how Diamond's Hearth's Warming turned from cold loneliness to warm companionship. Decorating the clubhouse alongside such strong, and often conflicting wills proved to be an experience she would never forget. Adding her own will to the mix only brought the bubbling cauldron closer to its overflow. Every Hearth's Warming previous to this one, all decorations had been exactly to her specifications, no matter how ludicrous they happened to be. She had a big house, and every year it was filled with wondrous sights, sounds and smells without her ever lifting a hoof except to bark another order.
Somehow, despite how perfect that had all seemed back then, toiling away in this small, simple wooden clubhouse, with her own hooves, felt even more so. Every bead of sweat she had to wipe from her brow, every splinter she narrowly avoided was a battle she was able to share with friends. Friends. She still wondered what the word really meant. Until recently, she had assumed it was exclusive to ponies who had as much money as her or were in her social standing. Now, it could be anyone and indeed, everyone.
All too soon, the last bauble was hung from the small tree that Starlight had willed to grow from a single branch. As she had watched the impressive feat of wizardry unfold, she had found herself wondering aloud.
“Why doesn't Starlight just do all the decorations. It would take her a couple of seconds.” The words had sounded rational, and insensitive all at the same time. Fortunately, rather than be offended, Sweetie Belle had offered up a simple reason.
“Because then it wouldn't be as fun. It'd all be done before we got to enjoy it.”
Now, as she sat back with the three Crusaders, admiring all they had accomplished in peaceful tranquillity. Doing everything yourself made the finished product a lot more magical. A tinge of sadness caused her to wince, which thankfully seemed to go unnoticed. As much as she now enjoyed the Crusader's company, as grateful as she was to them, deep down she wished that this was a joy she could have discovered with her father. Through thick, thin and everything in between, he had always been in her corner, whether or not she had always been in his.
She sighed heavily, flopping down onto her back. Unfortunately, while most of her thinking was done on her huge, expensive and comfortable bed, she was currently in a clubhouse. A well put together, sturdy clubhouse yes, but one which lacked certain creature comforts. Diamond found that out to her detriment when a sharp pain erupted near the back of her head. Immediately uttering a word that would curl her father's mane, she curled into a whimpering ball of fur and held the aching area as tightly as she could.
Several concerned voices rang out at once, overloading her ears and only making her hold her head harder. The stabbing shards of pain dug deeper, until a gentle, but firm grip took hold of her hooves and parted them slowly. She was powerless to resist, though not for lack of trying. A gentle touch ran all the way down her back, stimulating every nerve along her spine. More than the physical contact, it tapped at her soul. The motion reminded her of her father, and how he would calm her down when she was far too wrapped up in her own hurt to pick up. When she finally relaxed enough, he would bundle her up in his hooves and check her over again and again until he was absolutely sure that everything was okay.
Slowly, Diamond uncurled and lowered her hooves. She had not noticed but the pressure that had been trying to tease her apart had already stopped. No one bundled her up into their hooves or started smothering her with affection. Eventually, Starlight's voice sounded from above her.
“Doesn't look too bad. I'll go make an ice pack you can press on it.” A loud shuffling told her that the largest pony in the room had moved off to do just that.
“How did you know to do that?” Diamond asked incredulously, trying to keep her jaw from going too slack. “I didn't think anyone but father did that.”
“Wouldn't know. I always tended to my own wounds.” Starlight replied flatly, gently applying the packed ice to the back of Diamond's head. After a moment, she relented and her tone warmed considerably. “Well...Sunburst did sometimes but that was from Twilight. She sorta...used it on me after a spell backfired into my horn. I was in so much pain that I barely knew what was going on but she...she was able to just calmly and patiently help me ride it out. Once she checked that I wasn't in any serious danger of course. It seemed to work so I thought I would try it here.I'm glad it did." The smile stayed warm but Diamond found herself unconvinced. Something just did not add up.
“Twilight tried a foal's trick on you. Why?”
Starlight winced noticeably, having a far greater reaction to the question than was rational or appropriate. “No reason. She just...did...” Her lips tightened, pressing together as the mare herself stood completely rigid.
“Uh...okay...” Having no idea what she had stepped into, she turned to the Crusaders for help. All of their faces were contorted with worry, Apple Bloom silently but very firmly motioned for her to stop. Sadly, the damage was already done.
Placing a hoof on her temple, Starlight tried to stem the flood that had broken through into her consciousness. The permeating negativity had an equally negative effect on her body. Her stomach churned, threatening to make a mess if she did not vacate herself from the situation. “I'll...I'll see you all at the party. I just realised I forgot something Twilight asked me to do. Bye!” No one fell for it, she knew that fine well. There was no time to care, as the unicorn spirited herself away from the clubhouse.
After the intense flash of magic, the small clubhouse seemed a little darker. After the rapid, out of nowhere change in mood, the Crusaders and Diamond Tiara stared at each other aimlessly. When the uncomfortable silence had stretched longer than she could bear, Diamond broke it gingerly. “What was all that about?”
She saw the three Crusaders share worried glances, everyone shuffling awkwardly and taking far too long to answer. Just as she was about to repeat her question, they all turned their attention back to her. Sweetie Belle was the one who actually answered her, though it was not much of one.
“We...don't really know...” She scratched the back of her neck sheepishly, wishing she had a better answer.
Apple Bloom took over for her, idly rubbing her hoof along the inside her other leg. “Whenever we asked her about her childhood she always sorta...clammed up. It was weird...and sorta scary the first time. She was like a totally different pony.”
Ash seemed to fill Diamond's mouth, giving her an equal parts urge to both cough and gag. “Oh...umm...oops...” was about all she was able to force out. Scootaloo shrugged in response, while Sweetie Belle gave their new companion a comforting nudge. The gesture was appreciated but ultimately useless.
“You didn't exactly know, Starlight takes a little bit of getting used to. She's also never really done that. Usually, she just deflects the question or ignores it completely.” Scootaloo sighed, shaking her head. “We've...sorta just stopped asking.”
Apple Bloom nodded and picked up the thread of conversation. “Yeah...we figured if it was that bad then it would be better if Twilight or Trixie handled it...I guess it isn't going too well... all thing's considering.”
“Well, do you have any idea where she goes?” Diamond asked, looking between the three Crusaders as she waited for an answer. “I better go apologise before I ruin her Hearth's Warming Eve...” Considering she managed to save just a little bit of mine.
Scootaloo shrugged, her wings fluttering at her sides as she did so. “Well, the castle mainly. At least that's where she used to go.”
“Though I have seen her in the Everfree forest sometimes when I'm in visiting Zecora. She didn't really look upset but she wasn't happy either,” Apple Bloom added.
The second option caused Diamond's resolve to run for the hills. Steeling herself and setting her shoulders, she started towards the door. “Then I'll just have to hope that she chose the first option this time.” As she opened the door, snow and ice began to creep into the clubhouse, invading the warmth and homeliness with a pervasive chill. She gulped, knowing she was going to have to brave it for the lengthy trip to the castle. A voice drew her back in, away from the uninviting air.
“Do you want us to come with you?” Apple Bloom's hoof rested on Diamond's shoulder, something neither of them would have predicted just over a year prior.
As tempting as it was, Diamond slowly shook her head. “No, you all enjoy your Hearth's Warming, with any luck I'll be back soon.” Realising just how presumptuous that had sounded, she chuckled nervously. “I mean...if I can.”
“'Course, that's what Hearth's Warmin's for isn't it?” It was Apple Bloom who had spoken but both Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were nodding alongside her.
“Guess so...” Diamond muttered, not certain she was able to answer that question. To try and preserve her still formidable poise, she once again looked out into the snow. “Anyway, I better go. Sooner I'm there, sooner I'm back.”
“Here, take this at least. It's freezing out there.”
Diamond turned to Scootaloo, eyes widening into saucers when she saw what the pegasus had in her hooves. It was a collection of winter clothing, a red fluffy hat, complete with puffball bauble, a dark blue woollen scarf topped off with gold tassels and a crusaders cape. She recognised the symbol immediately, her breath catching in her throat when she did so.
“Uh... are you sure?” Diamond asked, taking the hat and scarf but refraining from even touching the cape. It was probably just the only thing they had in the clubhouse, but it was still just too much.
Apple Bloom shrugged her shoulders. “Don't see why not. You turned over a new leaf, helped decorate the clubhouse. Might as well make it official. Uh...if you want to that is.”
Words failed her again, evading her every effort to force them out. So, not saying anything, she wrapped the cape around her shoulders. It was all the answer she needed to give. Practically, it would be nothing more than a thin barrier against the biting frost. Nevertheless, she was sure that it would keep her far warmer than it had any physical right to.
“I should probably...go...” Diamond murmured, hastily slipping outside and shutting the door behind her. Sweetie Belle turned to the others with a worried look on her face.
“Was...that a good idea. She didn't look too happy about it.”
“Nah,” Scootaloo smirked knowingly, with a hint of brash smugness. “Pretty sure she was just trying to get outta dodge before she got too mushy.”
Apple Bloom nudged her winged friend in the side. “Speakin' from experience there are ya Scootaloo?” All she received in response was a returning shove and a huff.
The long trek towards the centrepiece of Ponyville was made much more bearable both due to her new attire and the sense of purpose blazing within her. Though she had no idea what she was going to actually say, she was determined to at least say something. Whether it was needed or not, the old Diamond Tiara would have most likely laughed it off or been too busy to care and the new Diamond Tiara wanted to oppose her in every single way. Silver Spoon had often told her that it had already been over a year as if that meant she could ease off a little. Instead, all that did was make her want to try harder until no one even remembered what the old Diamond Tiara had been like, or when she had existed.
With that thought driving her she tore through the crisp white streets until the huge, imposing castle loomed high above her. Even now, years later it still towered over everything in Ponyville, as out of place as the day it had appeared. With a hoof that trembled ever so slightly, Diamond pushed against the cold metal. For a long moment, it greedily sapped the heat from her hoof. A shiver ran its way down the length of her spine before she gave the door a hard shove. It swung open on oiled hinges, with an ease that belayed its actual weight.
Diamond Tiara stepped inside to relative quiet. Last Hearth's Warming she had come to the castle with the party already beginning to get into swing. With the festivities still hours away, everything felt eerily still. She could hear distant murmurings of many ponies bustling about but none were actually in the foyer to help her. Clearing her throat, she called out as loudly as she dared. Hopefully, someone would be able to hear her, then be able to either direct her to Starlight or at the very least pass on her apology.
Several minutes dragged by, though Diamond could have sworn it was closer to half an hour when she finally summoned the courage to call again. Her own echo bounced back at her, becoming fainter and fainter as it travelled into the depths. Finally, her ears twitched at the sound of footsteps and she breathed a heavy sigh of relief. A large set of double doors opened and Spike walked through them. If the little dragon was surprised by her presence he did not show it, merely waving merrily at her.
“Hi Diamond Tiara, Happy Hearth's Warming.”
“Yeah, you too,” she replied, almost mechanically as she nodded her head in his direction. The motion caused her hat to slip down her forehead, forcing her to fix both that and her signature tiara underneath.
“You do know you don't really need to sit at the door right? You can come find us you know.” He jabbed a claw behind him. “The party isn't for a few hours but I'm pretty sure Twilight would let you borrow a book if that's what you're looking for.”
“Well, I imagined it would be more polite to wait to be answered,” Diamond reasoned with a shrug. “I'm not really in any rush.”
Spike raised an eyebrow, though he quickly tried to mask the reaction with an easy smile. Diamond Tiara caring about politeness was something he would never have imagined possible. A lot had happened in the relatively short time since they had come to Ponyville. Honestly, he was really starting to lose track.
Oblivious to Spike's inner observations, Diamond continued. “And I'm pretty sure I'd just end up getting lost. This place is huge.”
That got Spike chortling, several memories of finding Ponyville's residents lost among the endless corridors springing to the forefront of his mind. One time, he had found Berry Punch on the roof, trying to get back from the library. He was still trying to work that one out, even Starlight had never gotten quite that lost. “Yeah, I can see that. So, is it a book you're after?”
“Nope. Though if it'll make Twilight happy I'll pick one. No, I'm actually here to see Starlight. Do you know where she is?”
“Starlight?” Spike chewed on a claw thoughtfully, not noticing when Diamond quickly averted her eyes. “I'm pretty sure she's helping Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle at their clubhouse. You could try there.”
Immediately, Spike saw Diamond start to shift. He had to suppress a sigh. Of course, it was going to be complicated, Starlight was involved. It was generally a matter of when with her, rather than if.
“Actually, I've already been there...and I think I...” She swallowed, trying to buy a little more time. There was no easy way to say this. Inadvertently or not, she had opened a lot of old wounds. “Well I'm not really sure but I need to find her so I can apologise.” Being immune to guilt is one part of my old life I don't miss as much as I should, she thought, as another wave of the crippling feeling coursed through her.
Deciding that it was not his place to judge, he had not been a witness and any number of things could have occurred, the little dragon nodded. “Sure. I can take you there.” He was interrupted by a sudden frantic shout of his name. Whoever was calling, sounded like they needed him desperately. Such was the way. “Or maybe not. It's down to the left, up one flight of stairs and then along to your right. You won't miss it then.”
Diamond was about to ask for further clarification when a second shout summoned Spike and whisked him away quicker than she could blink. With a sigh, she tried to repeat his instructions over in her head. Had it been left first...or right?
Once she eventually located the correct corridor, Diamond found Starlight's room easily enough. Amidst a row of vibrant green, it was a quaint wooden thing with only a small window that was far too high up for her to use. Taking a deep breath, then holding it, she raised a hoof and knocked three times. Releasing the breath in a long slow whoosh of air, she waited for a response. None came, so she knocked a little harder. Perhaps a little too hard in her distress, as the door quietly cracked open. She knew that peeking was wrong, though the notion was still a hard one for her to stick to. Many years of eavesdropping and spying to garner information were deeply ingrained. Changing oneself was a far bigger struggle than ponies gave it credit for. To her shame and detriment, she peeked into the room beyond.
Of the little she could see, it was a simple room, fit with the barest essentials and little else. In such a lavish castle, it seemed a little odd. Diamond wondered if that had anything to do with the unicorn herself being a little odd. Before she could ponder the idea, movement caught her eye. She assumed it was Starlight, coming to the door. She prepared to back away, swallowing hard as she readied her speech. All of that left her when a small filly, even younger than she was, paced past the door.
“-This is ridiculous Starlight, all she did was ask. Just make something up and be done with it next time. It's not like when Twilight asks and does that really creepy thing where she looks into your soul and just extracts everything all at once.” The filly stopped abruptly, the two bunches atop her head flopping back and forth. “That was the problem. Lying was...too easy. It always is, when all I want to do is be able to be honest with someone. Why is it so hard? Why is this still a problem? I can't even tell Sunburst, and he was there...for some of it anyway.” With a forlorn sigh, she turned on heel and started to walk back out of Diamond's line of sight.
The voice was unmistakeably Starlight's but sounded so young that Diamond had a hard time connecting the adult words to the child's voice. Clearly, she had stumbled on something a lot weirder than she was used to. She made to back away, a written apology would be so much easier, but whatever spirits of Hearth's Warming Eve actually existed had other plans. A huge draught of chilly air caught the ajar door and yanked it open. It hit the wall with a loud thunk, startling both ponies in the vicinity. Diamond ended up pressed against the wall, heart hammering against her heaving ribcage, while Little Starlight ended up flat on her back.
A vortex of colour whipped around the room, cutting off Diamond's line of sight. As quickly as it had come, it faded away. Everything was left the way it had been, except a now adult Starlight was the one laying flat on her back. She leapt to her hooves, horn still crackling with excess magic. The speed of her movements and the intensity in her eyes caused Diamond Tiara to flinch and try to press herself against the wall. In her mind's eye, Starlight was replaced with another mare, one who would correct her mistake in excruciating detail. Like a squirrel who knew its luck had run out, she waited for the inevitable pounce of the timberwolf. She waited, not quite sure what she was in for. Then she waited some more.
“How much did you see?” Starlight asked softly, leaning against the doorframe. Her words were thick and strained now that she was back in her original body.
Every second that passed where she was not being assaulted with a switch, household object or words bolstered Diamond's confidence. She peeked out from behind her hooves, finally meeting eyes with Starlight. “Um...not much. What was that?” Her apology was thrown on the back burner, the curiosity of the young was far too potent.
“A spell.” Was the curt reply. “Why were you outside my door?”
Gulping at the dripping accusation, Diamond tried to back away further. The wall halted her progress before it even began. She was still trapped. “Um..well...I was...coming to apologise...” she answered softly, hugging her hooves to her chest and looking up at Starlight, while still keeping her head down. “Y'know...for earlier.”
Having expected as much, Starlight sighed and dropped the chill from her voice. “It isn't like you knew... Apology accepted...and it's now under the rug so to speak.” The fact she had to look towards the floor told Diamond all she needed to know. Her look of sheer disbelief was enough to keep Starlight talking. “I'm guessing you heard me talking?”
“Yeah, which was weird. Didn't sound like something a young foal's voice should be saying.”
“In the company I'm in, I'd imagine that's exactly something a foal would say.”
Instantly, the tables had flipped and Diamond was on the defensive rather than Starlight. “What the hay is that supposed to mean?”
Taking Diamond's sudden shift in stride, Starlight shrugged and wandered back into her room. A small flick of her tail beckoned Diamond to follow. After a moment spent wrestling with herself, she did. There was no way she was just going to leave this lie now, she had already ventured far too deep into this network of caves.
“It means...that a young filly shouldn't be wandering alone and freezing on Hearth's Warming Eve. No matter what they did in the past. Is that what this is about? Guilt?”
“What? No... I was alone because I wanted to be!” Diamond huffed fruitlessly. She could already tell that she had instilled the same confidence as Starlight had in here. Neither believed the other even slightly.
“Alright, sorry that's just what it always seems to be. I know for a fact something is wrong though. If it weren't, you would have told me you wanted to be alone and that would have been that. Instead of leaning on lies like a crutch." Well travelled in that circle, Starlight knew fine well when someone was trying to avoid the real issue the only way they knew how. Acting naturally was a lot harder than all the books gave it credit for when a cloud so dark hung above your head. It was just easier to put on a false face and stick with it, for some reason that seemed a little more resistant to breakage. Though, as she had found out many times, it all came crumbling down in the end.
Stammering for several seconds, Diamond searched for a response. She was saved the trouble when Starlight turned towards the window, casting her long gaze over the streets below.
“The spell was something I cooked up to try and reconnect with my old friend Sunburst when he came to visit. It backfired, as everything tends to do around me, but we reconnected in the end. I should have gotten rid of it, but instead, I started to think. What was it that really made my childhood so...weird? Why did I grow up the way I did? Was it just cutie marks? Or was I a giant mess to begin with? To answer that, I used the spell again to see if talking to myself in the mirror would help. After that... I just kept trying to connect with my younger self, painting a clearer picture every time. Your question today was one I should have easily been able to shrug off, I've done it so many times before. When I couldn't... when I just froze up and bailed, the teleport spell brought me here and I stumbled across the spell again. With nothing better to do I...gave it a shot.
Again, something did not add up and impulse simply would not allow her to leave it to lie. Since Starlight was in more of a sharing mood, she tested her luck. “Why are you telling me all this? I didn't even ask. I mean I was curious but if it's your business then...well...it's your business. We don't even know each other all that well.”
“And yet you still felt the need to apologise. You are impressively astute. Essentially, the single worst thing you can do is leave someone guessing...” Starlight said sadly, the corners of her mouth tightened ever so slightly. The weight present in her tone made Diamond sympathise, even if she was unsure what the phrase actually meant.
“I know Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle enough to know that this won't bother them that much. If I keep it hidden they'll respect my decision.” She fixed Diamond with her full gaze, which burned brightly, though held no ill will. “Since you're a relatively unknown, and you saw more than you should have...I can't in good conscience inflict you with something that would send me into a downward spiral. I think Twilight called it empathy. Either way, it made sense. If it didn't to you then I'm sorry.”
“Not really but I can take your word for it,” Diamond shrugged, the whys and whats were not particularly important. She had other things on her mind. “H-has...the spell helped?” she asked, both out of genuine curiosity and in the slight hope that she could crack open her own problems with the answer.
“Nope. Not really. I mean...maybe. Like I said it helped things become more clear, but I think now it's just a comfort mechanism. Going round and round. All I end up doing is staying in the room...pacing up and down until I can't think of anything else to say to little me. Why? Were you hoping it could be applied to...other situations?”
Disappointment and embarrassment at being read so easily turned Diamond's cheeks a glowing crimson and she nodded slowly. Starlight shook her head and smiled wistfully. “My ideas range from bad to catastrophic. They tend not to be any good for anyone else. All they really do is give me time to work things out."
“Well...maybe you need to try and connect with your younger self in another way?” Diamond suggested. “Before it makes sense, I mean. You looked like a filly but as you said you really weren't acting like it.” She watched as Starlight turned back to her, sitting down and listening with utmost attentiveness. Apparently, what she was catapulting, half-baked, from her head, was not completely nonsensical. “You could go out into Ponyville and try and experience the town through younger eyes. The memories might piece together a bit better. Just a thought.”
“That... isn't actually a bad idea!” Starlight exclaimed, her voice rising so rapidly that Diamond was sure someone would hear them. Frantically, the unicorn fumbled around for a quill and parchment. Finding one quickly, she started to scribble so rapidly that ink flecked all over the page. “I'll definitely need to try this later.”
“What about now?” Diamond asked, watching as Starlight froze mid-word. “I mean... if it's bothering you so much wouldn't you want to get it over with? At least a little?”
“Maybe...But Twilight is busy and she's about the only one who would wander around town with a younger version of me and not be completely weirded out. Well...Rainbow Dash would too but I would never hear the end of it in a month of Mondays. And a day with Pinkie Pie would probably end up with me having to blast my way out of a pie. Better to leave it.”
“Well...I could do it. Um... I mean... If you don't mind.” An opportunity to further stamp out the old Diamond Tiara had just arisen and she was absolutely going to take it. If she was unable to help her father, then someone else was just going to have to do.
***
“Are you sure you're okay with doing this?” Starlight whispered, sidling a little closer to Diamond as she looked around nervously at everyone around her. They were so much taller, the spell had changed her entire perspective of the world. Now that she was outside the safety of her room, she questioned whether such attention to detail was a boon or a curse. It certainly made everything a little more intimidating. Taking a deep, slow breath, she quietly reminded herself that it was only an illusion. She still had all of her adult magic, if the situation demanded it.
Admittedly, Diamond was most likely as unsure of this idea as Starlight was. It had been a spur of the moment suggestion. Had she thought it through, or if Starlight was not impulsive to a fault, it would have been dismissed almost immediately. A lie would only shatter the fragile trust Starlight had in her, so she offered an earnest smile. “I'm okay, honestly. You tried to help me, now I can help you. Plus, it has to be better than just pacing up and down right?"
Starlight chewed on the idea thoroughly, mulling it over from every angle she could think of Even if it blew in their faces, her reliable gut assured her Diamond was suggesting it earnestly. Biting her lip, she cast another glance around at the bustling townspeople. “I guess that's as good an answer as any. Any ideas on what we should actually do? You have a better idea about being a filly than I do.”
“Hmm...” Rubbing her chin thoughtfully, Diamond Tiara narrowed her eyes. “Well, usually Silver Spoon and I would go for ice cream but that isn't something only fillies do. You could do that as an adult.”
A short laugh burst from Starlight, causing her to freeze in place. That sound, more than being in a child's body, really took her back. There were a lot of memories attached to that laugh, good and bad. Realising that Diamond had stopped too, and was staring at her worriedly, she forced a smile on her face. Doing so under an illusion should have been easier in theory, though the nature of the illusion went against such conventional thinking. “If eating ice cream was only locked to young foals, then there would probably have been an age spell epidemic.”
Her humour, forced and far too late, was completely lost on her companion. The look of bewilderment she received felt like a dragon had just sat on her. “Uh...never mind. That was a bit of a stretch. Is there anything else you usually do?”
“Well... we did sneak into the school playground after hours once. Though I guess sneaking is stretching it a bit. I don't think Cheerilee would have given us a hard time about it, even if we had been caught. We could give that a try?”
“The sneaking or the playground?” Starlight asked with a snort of amusement. Diamond Tiara chuckled along with her.
“Well, both I guess. C'mon it's this way.”
Deciding not to bother telling Diamond that she knew exactly where the playground was, Starlight followed behind. The trip proved uneventful, no one seemed to be paying her much mind. Everyone who could have recognised her was too busy to give her a good enough look.
“Wait!” she called out suddenly, bringing Diamond to an abrupt halt. Even little, she had enough presence to make ponies quiet when she really wanted them to.
Confused, Diamond turned to her and cocked her head. “What? What is it? The schoolhouse is just through there.”
“Yeah,” Starlight snorted, pointing with a hoof. “Through the snow that's almost as high as you are...and right now, about as high as I am. Give me a second.” With practised ease, she ignited her horn and twisted the magic into the required spell. Diamond watched in silence as a bubble of shimmering teal surrounded them both. Confidently, Starlight strode forward, taking the bubble with her. No snow could penetrate the bubble, allowing them to forge through it with far greater ease than Diamond had been anticipating.
“Okay, I was going to say no crazy adult magic but...” Diamond grinned from ear to ear. “That is just way to useful.
Starlight just smirked smugly, puffing out her little chest momentarily. Sticking close, they made the short journey towards the school playground. Unlike the rest of Ponyville, it was depressingly desolate. It was the holidays, and no one had time for the building of learning. It would resume function in a few short weeks, so every foal and the one teacher were taking as much of a break as possible.
“Huh, maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all...” Diamond muttered, looking at the play equipment. Everything was covered in snow. Both the merry-go-round and teeter-totter were completely covered, while the swing set and slide poked through the winter blanket like spring's first crops.
Not one to be rebuffed so easily, Starlight shrugged and took a few steps forward. “Well, if you allow me one more use of 'crazy adult magic'. Then I think I can solve this problem.”
“Somehow I don't think the pegasi would appreciate it if we just got rid of all the snow.” Diamond sighed softly, the whole exercise was about making someone feel better, not causing a whole load of problems.
“Pfft, don't worry. I'm not going to get rid of it. I'm just going to clear a space. I can put it all back when we're done.”
Weighing the options, Diamond conceded quickly. As long as they left it as they found it, no one could get mad and still have a leg to stand on. “Okay go for it.”
Now with the go-ahead, walked forward into the middle of the playground, motioning for Diamond to follow. Closing her eyes, she once again drew magic into her horn. The air around her hummed with arcane strength. Diamond's fur stood on end and the snow around her seemed to dance lightly. For a moment, nothing else happened, then as a whole, the snow began to rush away from them. Diamond could only watch in awe as a huge wave of white rose high into the air away from her and took all but a thin layer of snow with it, rising higher and higher as it collected more snow into its mass. In only a few seconds, the playground was clear and crisp, nestled comfortably in what looked like a huge wintry crater.
“Wow...that's...efficient,” were the only words Diamond could think of that did at least some justice to what she had just witnessed. Impressive, amazing and astounding came to mind, but Starlight seemed far too at ease for any of them.
“Heh, I try. At least that's one problem solved. Now, we just have everything else.”
Hesitant at first, Starlight had to be coaxed into everything Diamond suggested; the teeter-totter; merry go round; slide and eventually the obstacle course. It was blindingly obvious that she was simply going through the motions, with no real connection to any of it. Racking her brains, Diamond tried to think of something that would ignite the spark. In doing so, she realised just how little she knew of the mare in front of her. Despite having lived in Ponyville for over a year, Starlight kept everything in close. Her interests were on full display, as were her quirks but no one in Ponyville outside of the Elements of Harmony, and now Maud had managed to scratch much deeper. The Crusaders had most likely gotten the closest, with Diamond's unique talents putting her in the running for third.
Think think think Diamond Tiara. What will bring Starlight out of her shell and let little Starlight have a good time? You promised her that much. Okay, what do I know? Well...I know she has problems with childhood but that doesn't help. Neither does the fact that she's more than a little crazy.
Giving her brain another thorough racking, Diamond tried to recall anything she could use. As she glanced around herself for inspiration, all she saw was more and more white. She was starting to get really sick of the colour. One year they should change snow to green or maybe yellow. Actually, yellow would just look gross, a nice green would make everything feel like spring. Hold on, there was snow all around her. An idea began to form and she let herself fall a little behind.
The first snowball struck Starlight squarely in the back of the head. She squeaked loudly, falling forwards into the freezing white. Coughing and spluttering, she extracted herself from the ground and whirled around, just in time to see another snowball whizzing towards her. Instinctively, she ducked and grabbed a lump of snow in her magic. Expertly manipulating the malleable matter into a perfect sphere, she lobbed it at her aggressor. A smirk of satisfaction played on her lips as she watched Diamond dive for cover. The manoeuvre got the pink earth pony far wetter than the snowball would have but it was the principle of the thing.
“You really want to challenge me?” Starlight asked, crafting another snowball and casually tossing and catching it repeatedly. “Think about it carefully.”
“Yeah, I think I can handle this,” Diamond smirked, projecting an air of confidence. Add competitive to a fault onto the list of things I learn about Starlight today. She was able to finish the thought, though just barely, before having to leap to the side. Before the snow had even fully splattered beside her, she grabbed some more in her hooves and lobbed it. Her pride was about to take a hit. She had absolutely no way of winning against an adult unicorn, who would neither tire nor relent. Still, the point of the exercise was for Starlight to have fun, hopefully unlocking whatever seals still clamped down on her spirit. She could easily handle a couple of snowballs...
Now sitting on the swings, both Diamond Tiara and Starlight Glimmer were cold, wet and tired in equal measures. Diamond's tiara was askew, and both of Starlight's hair ties had come undone. Without them, her mane tumbled freely, tickling her neck and shoulders. She was going to have to have an in-depth discussion with Twilight on exactly how such a thing was possible. Preliminarily, she theorised that she would be down a bit of mane if she had not recovered them. Thankfully, the small ribbons were currently tied around her hoof.
The rope swing creaked softly, protesting against Starlight's real weight. Lazily, the unicorn cast a strengthening spell, to pre-emptively avoid any nasty accidents. With all the levity, she had almost forgotten that they had to broach the subject she had been pressing into. It was quickly brought back into focus when Diamond let out a contented sigh from her left.
“That was...a lot more fun than I imagined it was going to be.” Too late, she put a hoof of her mouth, a small squeak creeping out into the cold air.
Starlight rolled her eyes, tightening her muscles and setting herself swinging gently. “Don't do this kind of stuff often?”
The lack of accusation, coupled with the general theme of honesty, coaxed Diamond to shake her head. “Not really. I mean, I do sometimes but a lot of the time it was just...well boring I guess.”
Starlight's eyebrow raised slightly but her mouth stayed firmly shut. She simply swung back and forth while sting maintaining a level of attentiveness that Diamond had only ever received from Silver Spoon.
Kicking off with her hooves, Diamond set herself swinging as well. The two swings were out of synch slightly, a fact which squirrelled itself under Starlight's skin until she was able to correct the flawed rhythm. Just as she did, Diamond spoke again.
“I have some happy memories I guess, aside from the ones that I thought were happy at the time but were really just...the old me.” At that, she closed her eyes tightly, creating deep lines at their corners. Moisture burned behind the lids, contrasting the cold that still permeated the air outside them. “Sometimes I wonder if I really was ever happy.”
Moving her eyes forward, Starlight gripped the swings more tightly. She had no fear of falling off, it was barely moving and she could catch herself as easily as catching a cold in winter. Speaking of which, she repeated her warming spell, before they both had to spend Hearth's Warming with their hooves in hot water. She dipped her head at Diamond's grateful murmur, still keeping her eyes ahead.
“I'm sure you were, at some point. Even at our most miserable, something comes along that makes us laugh. Whether...whether we think it should. Sometimes I think that's just life's way of telling us that being bad doesn't have to be forever. Though it's always hard to listen to that when you feel so low.”
Now I think I have it... Starlight's inner voice, much more akin to her current age, whispered softly. Still doesn't explain everything, but now I'm pretty sure I know why she was wandering alone and freezing on a day that's supposed to be all about friends and family. Let's see...
Starlight turned back to Diamond. The pink filly was still keeping her eyes downcast, a small frown marring what had once been a happy visage. Both to probe for answers, and out of genuine curiosity, she asked gently. “What's your home life like? If you don't mind me asking that is.”
The question caught Diamond off guard, as evidenced by the small start that almost sent her tumbling into the snow below. Before panic had fully set in, a warm glow wrapped itself around her middle and kept her upright. There was no harsh pressure, just a blanket of safeness. Readjusting her grip, Diamond lifted her head and looked out onto the horizon. “There isn't one really, not anymore. I spend more time around Ponyville with the other foals than I do at home. Uh...not that it's a bad thing or anything... I love being around everyone now that they aren't all terrified of me, or just outright hate me. I have friends now, where I didn't have before. Something just feels like its missing. Is that greedy?”
When their eyes met, Starlight saw the pleading in Diamond's forlorn expression. She was desperate for an answer, a small bit of reassurance. Where it came from did not seem to matter anymore. Reaching over with a hoof, which took a lot more effort than it would have in her adult body, she lightly touched the young filly's shoulder. Her own hoof was so small in front of her. She had no clear rationale for continuing the spell, she simply did. Perhaps, in a way she felt that helped Diamond Tiara feel talked to, rather than talked down to or at.
“Greedy? No, not really. I guess it all depends just what you think is missing. If it's a solid gold statue of yourself then that might be stretching it just a little bit.” The short, weary laugh that her comment elicited from Diamond spurred Starlight forward. She was establishing a connection, slowly but surely. Hopefully, she could refrain from screwing this up, like she had with her own life.“We all think something's missing at times, sometimes we find it...and sometimes we don't.”
“Are you missing something too?” Diamond asked, gesturing towards Starlight's small form. “You said in the castle that you were searching for something.”
With a sad shake of her head, Starlight withdrew her hoof and leaned back in the swing. Gazing up at the dark, snow-laden clouds overhead, she murmured slowly, “Not exactly. Something's always been missing but I'm not really looking for it. Instead...I just want to know...why, why it was missing. What did I do? What could I have done? Stuff like that.”
“What happened?” Diamond's soft voice struggling to fight through even the gentle breeze that tousled through her mane. In her eagerness to be earnest, she completely forgot to add the out clause Starlight had so graciously offered her. Even though the words and topic ruined the illusion, she found herself getting a little swept up with the little filly, in a way that their playing had not really been able to match.
“It's...complicated. I guess in a way, it wasn't any one thing that happened, I just never felt loved, or wanted. Sunburst was my friend and my dad was usually there for me but there was always something to drag it back down. There was always...this part of my life that hurt so much it overshadowed everything else. For a long time, I never knew what it was. Then, when Sunburst left...I realised that it was my mother.”
Without having to look, she could tell that a grimace had tightened across Diamond's face and the filly had stiffened uncomfortably. It would be easy to turn the subject away from her, back to Diamond's problems. She had done all she needed to in order to drag them out. Perhaps not in a way Twilight would have even considered but it had been done. Why she kept talking, even she could only guess. Perhaps it was simply a way to strengthen Diamond's trust in her, to reinforce the bond before she made the final push. Or perhaps, she was afraid that if she squandered this opportunity, the walls would close and the questions would always remain a poisonous thorn in her heart.
“She...didn't really care for anypony, unless they could give her something in return. Once she realised my father had given her a foal that was as magically gifted as I was she just... split the family in two. I wasn't a daughter as much as I was a test subject.”
A quiver ran all along Starlight's body and she slipped from the swing. Diamond followed along quietly, as the adult turned filly led her towards the merry go round. “After all the ups and downs, Sunburst left.” When both she and Diamond were on the merry go round, a quick burst of magic rolled it into a slow spin. “From there everything just sort of went around and around. Never getting better and I guess they never got worse either. I avoided everypony as best I could so that they couldn't hurt me again. My father tried but it was a losing battle, the break up destroyed him and he was unable to properly move on. I think I sensed that in him, or maybe I was just too far gone myself. I pushed him away, preferring to be on my own.”
She hopped off the still slowly spinning merry go round, though this time Diamond Tiara did not follow her. With soft, shaky steps Starlight walked around it, taking longer than was necessary to find a good hoofhold. Once she had it, she pushed gently and sped up the rotation of the playground fun toy just a little.
“Then, as I got a little older I started getting a little more control of my life. I could push boundaries I never dared push before. At least for a little while anyway.” Suddenly, the wheel stopped, lurching Diamond forward ever so slightly. “Everything stopped when I ran away from home. It wasn't a smart thing to do, it ranks pretty high in my worst ideas ever actually.”
“You ran away?” Diamond gasped, once again unable to stop herself from interrupting. No matter how bad things got, she could never imagine herself running away from home. Once, and only once she had threatened to do so. The sheer heartbreak strewn across her father's face had been enough to crumble her into nothing.
Starlight merely nodded slowly, rolling through the interruption. “Yeah. I was around your age actually, maybe a little younger. Managed a few weeks on my own, living in the forest and transfiguring my food.” Sticking out her tongue, she exaggerated a noise of disgust. “It tasted about as good as the branch it came from for the first week, but I got better at the spell. Felt the best I had since Sunburst left for a few precious days. It didn't last, and I was found...”
Before Starlight was able to confirm it, Diamond already knew exactly who had found her. “By your mother...” she breathed, dreading where the story was going to go next but having no intention of asking Starlight to stop. The ailing mare needed this far too much.
“Yep. My mother found me. Rather than be angry, she was ecstatic. Though, I would definitely have preferred angry. Before, she only had half of me to utilise in her experiments. Metaphorically speaking, not literally. Now, she had everything. I tried running away three more times, but she was where I got my tenacity. I won't bore you with the details. I think I should save those for somepony a little more qualified. No offence.” Diamond simply smiled weakly and urged her onwards. Inwardly, she was glad Starlight was abstaining from telling her everything. That was a burden she was not sure she should have been able to bear. It made her feel so weak and feeble, but she knew her own limits. “I was basically her lab rat. I had my own free time, which I wasted away with my crusade against cutie marks. A little bit of me wonders if that's why she let me have it at all. As long as I was pushing my own magical skills, I could still give her twisted mind all the data she could want.”
“That's awful!” Diamond exclaimed, trying desperately not to imagine it. It was difficult, her young mind was already starting to explore the endless and horrible possibilities. A faint touch under her chin snapped her back to reality.
“It was, but there's one more part to the tale. Though we're skipping forward a few years. Hold on.” Her horn shone vibrantly. She vanished in a whirlwind of teal that whipped the snow into a frenzy around her feet. A few moments later, everything returned to normal, with the adult Starlight smiling sadly down at Diamond Tiara.
“Better, sort of. It's the part where I came to Ponyville. Twilight and everyone else gave me a lot that I didn't even realise I'd needed. Friends, guidance, a purpose, a positive outlook on life and room to grow. All of it. It's been amazing, the happiest I've ever been. Which, as we got closer to the first Hearth's Warming I've actually been looking forward to... had me thinking back to why. Why this is the first Hearth's Warming I've ever cared about. Was it just the pointlessness of the 'silly games and fun' or was that just the excuse I was telling myself. Considering how I just acted... in something as silly as a snowball fight, I think the answer is obvious.”
“I'm sorry.” Diamond murmured, sinking to the cold ground. Her warm coat immediately began to melt the snow beneath her. “That really does sound awful... sort of like my mother. In a way at least.” The parallels were immediately obvious, Diamond was only drawing attention to them for Starlight's sake. She knew that the mare had already inferred more than she was letting on but was not quite sure how much.
It should have been the starting point, just like it had been for Starlight. Unlike Starlight, Diamond's problems had not been festering for years. They were still raw, painful in a different way that made bringing them up a daunting task. Even now, she wanted nothing more than to run.
“Would it help if I cast the spell again?” Starlight asked, the levitating the scroll in front of her.
“Uh...maybe...” Diamond answered, averting her eyes. She felt rather than saw the rush of magic that told her Starlight was once again a filly. When she felt the unicorn sit down next to her, she sighed softly. This was it. She had no more excuses. There was no reason to hold back except her own pride and thought it was great, this was a battle it could never win.”
“My mother is like yours...in the way she saw ponies, I mean. She didn't lock me up in a room and poke me until I exploded but she wanted me to be one thing, an extension of her. I wasn't really allowed to be anything else.” Diamond said softly, speaking more to herself than to Starlight. The unicorn immediately honed in on every word. This was what she had been waiting for.
Tilting her head upwards, Diamond let her gaze rest on a cloud. The gentle wind rocked it back and forth along with it's brethren. Watching it shift and sway without a care in the world brought a strange calm over. Rather than make her feel better, all it did was break the dam and allow her tears to fall unimpeded.
They stung, every hot salty drop stung her eyes as they rolled down her cheeks. She felt no inclination to hide it, though the point was already moot. A small set of hooves wrapped around her, though their weight and strength betrayed their true nature. Nevertheless, Diamond simply did not care to ponder on the technicalities and leaned into the contact.
“You're soft,” she muttered, which brought forth a quiet laugh from Starlight.
“Yeah...it's the spell mostly. There's a perception of foals being soft, so I guess I subconsciously worked it into the spell. I should probably remove that... otherwise, it could-”
Though it was an unquestionably childish thing to do, Diamond snuggled a little closer. It was a new experience, having someone to be this close to. There was also the added bonus that it cut off Starlight's nerd rant. The lilac unicorn took the hint, pressing into the contact and keeping herself quiet. She had had her turn.
With the vague nonsense out of the way, Diamond hesitated to press on. This was a battle she had sworn to take alone. It was her own personal demon that she had to slay.
“I thought I was happy. I thought I had everything I wanted for a time. Being on the top was awesome, I ate all the best foods, got all the best gifts and no one dared mess with me. Well... except Silver Spoon, but that was okay because she was just as rich as I was.”
If it had all seemed so perfect then, why did the memories make her feel so ill? A queasiness had settled into her stomach, latching on and refusing to let go. Shaking not from cold, she gripped Starlight more tightly. At this point, she was using the unicorn as a living teddy bear, squeezing for dear life. Silently, Starlight thanked Pinkie Pie for all the practise that allowed her to still breathe under such pressure. It was still not the most comfortable thing she could think of.
“I was wrong!” Diamond suddenly wailed, shaking Starlight to and fro with a strength that contradicted her age. “I didn't know how much I was missing until I started to fill in the holes. Until I started getting friends until I started getting respect for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones. Last year, I finally realised how wrong my mother had been, how...twisted she really was. After thinking she was the one who had my best interests at heart, I finally saw her for what she really was. She didn't want a daughter she wanted an heir...” Diamond's voice dropped until it was barely audible. “Or a pet...” She trailed off, breathing slightly faster. Now, she had to steel herself for the part pertaining to what was happening right now. Could she trust Starlight with that as well?"
“Okay, I was expecting something like that...but I wasn't expecting it to be quite so reminiscent of my own...” Starlight chuckled weakly. “Coincidences are weird.”
“Yeah, a little bit...” Diamond Tiara's face paled several shades, her jaw dropping as the intricacies of what had just occurred struck her. “Wait... you... you told me all that... just so I would tell you about why I was alone at Hearth's Warming. You... you...”
“Guilty...” Starlight murmured, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. “It wasn't really part of any grand plan I just sort of went for it when the opportunity arose. But, I do apologise for dumping all of that on you. I just...started and couldn't stop. I know it was underhoofed of me but I didn't see any other way and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try something.” Her rambling was barely within her own control, she just had to explain her motives. What had just happened really should not have, she was just no good at this sort of thing...even now. “Honestly, I was going to calm down...ask Twilight for advice and then try again. You...sorta beat me to the punch though.”
She should have probably felt betrayed, or at least angry. Instead, all Diamond felt was the relief. Relief at finally having spilled everything she had been worrying about for the past year. The once again adult Starlight, hopefully, this would be the last time she had to switch, stood up and gently pulled Diamond with her. “I know sometimes it feels like you've got no one to turn to but... in truth, there's always someone. You're a little older than I was when I shut out the world and just dealt with my lot. You're getting on a lot better than I was too, but I still want to help. Opening up is hard, keeping it bottled up is far harder.”
Help really did come in the strangest of places. In every imagining of the hypothetical, it had been Silver Spoon, Cheerilee or even the Crusaders who had gotten her to crack. A mare that she had barely acknowledged coming along and connecting with her so easily. It was almost too perfect and yet felt so genuine that she made up her mind in a heartbeat. She just had one more thing to ask.
"What if...what if this is all my fault? All the bad stuff I've done is finally catching up to me and-"
She was cut off, Starlight had hugged her so tightly that words became impossible. It lasted barely a second but it was enough to stem the stream of hopelessness.
"Sssh. Don't say that...just don't. Yes, you messed up, and so did I. We're both going to be paying for it for a long time, me more than you I imagine. That doesn't mean we can't ask for help, or don't deserve it." A snort punctuated Starlight's sentence and her next had all the scathing she felt such mares deserved. "Neither of us asked to have the mother we did. I can't put all the blame... at least in my case...but they certainly didn't help matters."
"You...sound like you just realised that just now... years later..." Diamond whispered, tilting her head to the side. Now it was Starlight's turn to go a little red.
"I...was sort of fixated on cutie marks so everything's a bit of a haze of self-blame. I still hold most of it but telling you all that made me realise that...maybe not all of is. All the magical tampering when I was already fit to burst can't have done wonders for my impulsiveness."
"Maybe not. Still, if you weren't so impulsive...you probably wouldn't have helped me. Most adults tend to think so much about doing nothing that they do nothing. So...thanks."
"And thanks to you too... Now, tell me what's wrong. I can't promise I'll be able to help but I'll promise to try." Below her, Diamond steeled herself, and Starlight settled back to wait. Hopefully, it would be something she could help with. If not, then she could still try and continue to salvage Diamond's Hearth's Warming Eve.
“Ever since I cast off my old self... I've ceased to be of any use to my mother. Naturally...that means she's going to want another heir.” A crack rippled through Diamond's voice, every word harder than the last. “Which...which means she needs to get me out of the way first. I won't run away, like you did, so she's...she's...”
Choking sobs stopped her from continuing. It was all cascading out, everything from the past year, real or envisioned, was vying for release. The mass tumbled and flipped over each other, distorting every attempt she made. Her heart thumped wildly, her breaths became rough and shallow. She was vaguely aware of Starlight rubbing her back in small circles. It helped, as did her silence. An understanding that transcended words hung in the air, Starlight was going to wait as long as was necessary.
“She's trying to push my father away from me. With all of her demands, he has to work so much that I never see him. I haven't seen him in over a month... This is...this is the first Hearth's Warming I won't be spending with him...at least even a little bit. He's always been busy but...”
Having said everything that she was able to, she broke down sobbing once more. With the illusion gone she was able to bury herself in the unicorn's warmth. For a long time, Starlight held her. A rage she had not felt in a long time burned within her. Even her younger self, now buried a little deeper than she had been, seethed at this. When ponies like Diamond and herself had to break down in near strangers' arms, something was very wrong. Though she would not break the holiday, after it was all over she was going to have to have a long talk with Twilight about this, or even Princess Celestia herself.
“S-sorry...” Diamond murmured, pulling away after what felt like an eternity. “I...I feel a little better now.”
“Getting it all out usually does.” Starlight whispered, looking down at the young filly. Her seething had been used up, for now, and stored away. The here and now required something a little more...tangible.
“Should we get back to the clubhouse?” Diamond shifted slightly, pulling herself to her feet. “Everyone's probably wondering where we are. I already said I would be back.”
“Do you want to go back?” Starlight asked, tilting her head. Summoning a cloth, she both warmed and wetted it before handing it to Diamond. “You may want to clean up first.
Grabbing the wet rag gratefully, Diamond started to clumsily wash the tear stains from her face. The warm wetness was rejuvenating. “Yeah, I want to go back. I think we've both spent enough time sad this holiday... I'd rather be happy despite it all. You coming?” She made to hand the cloth to Starlight but the mare's face was already impeccably clean, most likely with magic. Diamond wondered if it offered the same breath of new life that manually cleaning did.
“Very strong of you. And uh...maybe if I can find the time. I have a lot to do. If not then I'll definitely see you at the party.” With a wink and a smile, Starlight turned tail and walked towards the centre of town. Diamond narrowed her eyes, trying to find any signs of worry, doubt or bitterness that still lingered. If she found any, she was going to stick to Starlight like glue until they were gone. Unfortunately, the practice was made a little more difficult when she could only see her target's back.
She relented, waving a hoof awkwardly into the air. When Starlight did not seem to see it, she shrugged and walked along the path they had created on their way in. As she stepped onto paved, cleared roads once more, a loud rustling sound behind her drew her attention. Every single flake of snow that they had displaced for their little heart to heart rolled back together. Soon, the playground was as they had found it, neatly snuggled under a blanket of 'untouched' snow.
Now that she was back in her adult body, Starlight found navigating the streets of Ponyville much easier. That spell really was impressive, maybe a little too impressive. For a brief moment she thought about dialling it back a notch, then she smirked and shook her head vigorously. Of course not, that was simply not her style. With that little conundrum swiftly dealt with, Starlight moved towards her destination. She had a solution to at least one of Diamond's problems. It was nothing permanent, for that she would have to wait until she concocted a plan that Twilight would actually approve of. Until then, this would have to do.
The soft tinkle of a bell rang in her ears as she opened the door. Getting through it was an entirely different matter. Barnyard Bargains was absolutely packed with ponies. No one could move, though everyone was trying to. Starlight narrowly avoided being kicked by a pegasus who was trying to use their aerial advantage to fly over the crowds. Unfortunately, so was every other pegasus. Eyes darting back and forth, Starlight searched the masses for the pony embedded right in the middle of the chaos. An exhausted, brown stallion with bags under his eyes that would rival the bursting shopping bags that ponies were trying to squeeze out of his shop.
Two loud pops illuminated the room, bringing everything to a screeching halt. Before ponies knew what was going on, both Starlight and her quarry were safely in the back room. Even in his tired melancholy, being kidnapped was something very low on Filthy's list of things he would put up with. All of his protests started off as splutters of outrage before he was able to really give the eccentric unicorn a piece of his mind.
“What is the meaning of this!” he roared, stomping his hoof in a way that did anything but impress the pony who laughed at the laws of time. “You barge into my store and accost me on the busiest day of the year! Nothing is so important that you cannot wait a little longer like everyone else! You waited until the last minute already, I'm sure a few more will not be a complete disaster.”
Starlight waited as patiently as she could but as he said, time really was of the essence. When he took a breath to recover his oxygen levels, she jumped in. Bringing all of her charisma and persuasiveness into play, she politely bowed her head. “I'm really sorry Mr Rich. I'm not here to buy anything. I'm...actually here to help.”
“Well, you can take your... wait...help?” The very mention of the word had Filthy's overworked limbs sagging into a sitting position. For more hours than he wanted to count he had been working the store. No matter how much money he brought in, it never seemed to be enough. The shop had become his home now, his home was an underused vacation spot at best. Looking up at Starlight with broken eyes, he whispered pleadingly, in a voice laden with all of those hours and more. Help...what do you mean help?”
Starlight looked down at the stallion, feeling nothing but pity. In trying to please everyone he was pleasing no one, least of all himself. His work was not a pleasure he was choosing over his daughter, he really did feel pinned down. “Well, what do you still need done? That can be wrapped up so you can get out of this store before seven o'clock?”
Dumbfounded, all Filthy could do was gesture numbly to his diary. He did not care that a strange pony had abducted him in his own store, his work had filled him completely. It was all he had now, there was no room to care about his own wellbeing. His appearance was only maintained because it was necessary and even then, it had definitely begun to slip. If she was offering help, then he would gladly welcome it. Any ulterior motives she had could be dealt with later. “In there...Why...why seven o'clock?”
“Because that's when Twilight's Hearth's Warming Party is and you are absolutely going.” Starlight left absolutely no room for manoeuvre, even Celestia herself would have fallen to her whims today if it had been so required. She was not in the mood for the word no. “Or my name is not Starlight Glimmer. Which it almost wasn't but it is now so my point still stands! Ugh...I'm going to sleep long tonight. My brain is just gone. Anyway, like I said, you're going to that party.”
“N-no no no. I can't.” Filthy groaned, heaving himself back to his feet. He swayed dangerously, grogginess and nausea overtaking him all at once. “I have to stay at the store and...”
“Pretty sure the store can wait on Hearth's Warming Eve. We'll get everyone their shopping and then close up. Everything else can wait until after the holiday. Your daughter can't.”
The mention of Diamond Tiara roused Filthy from his stress-induced stupor. He flew at Starlight and gripped her with a strength she would not have thought possible. Her shoulders felt like they would buckle under his hold. Pain lanced through her, silencing any attempt she would have made to protest or throw him off.
“Diamond Tiara! Has something happened to her! Please tell me! Tell me!”
“I will if you stop shaking me!” Starlight snapped, with more bite than she intended. It worked, and Filthy stopped trying to split her apart. His death grip on her shoulders remained, she was sure they were going to be a weird shade of blue in the morning. “She's fine...physically anyway. We had a talk and...well, she really needs her father.”
“She has me!” Filthy's incredulous look only made Starlight sigh. She gestured to the walls around her.
“No, the store has you...and she has your money I guess. That isn't what she wants. You've been cooped up in this store for so long that your daughter is starting to wonder if you'll ever come out! I get it, works important...but is it really this important?”
“But...Spoiled-”
“And we get to her. I'm not about to ask what you see in her. Not right now anyway.” Though I think her name is far too appropriate. It would be as if I started glimmering in the starlight. I'm sure there's a spell for that but I think I'll pass. Starlight let out a deep breath and turned away from Filthy. Looking him in the eye was just far too difficult for her shredded soul right now and she also had to stop herself from being too scathing with the poor stallion. “What I will ask is this? Is making her this happy worth your daughter spending Hearth's Warming alone? Is it worth destroying her love of the holiday, and everything it represents?”
She chuckled in a self-deprecating way that lacked all warmth, lowering her head and staring at a point on the floor. “Sorry. That got away from me. Just...please. I can help you get this all done, trust me. I just need you to promise me that you'll attend that party. For Diamond's sake.” Raising her head, she looked at him once more through the moisture welling up in her eyes. “Please...”
The reply came quickly, with just as much weight as Starlight's request, if not more. “I will...”
Even flanked by the Crusaders, Diamond started to feel the pangs of solitude. On oath, she refused to tell them anything about what Starlight had said. It was trivial to fabricate a lie which would keep Starlight's past buried until she wanted it excavated once more. Thinking back, she wondered why she had believed the story at face value. The more she reflected the closer to home it sounded. A dark thought crossed her mind for a moment, had Starlight made it all up to try and force a connection? Was it all a farce? With a note of finality, she dismissed such whisperings. She knew how to lie and how to work ponies around her hoof. That had been far too real.
The huge double doors were already open, allowing everyone into the massive foyer for the party. Diamond was anticipating it far less than she had this morning when it had been her only potential salvation against a frozen Hearth's Warming. Now that she was warm and fed, courtesy of cookies and hot cocoa in the clubhouse, she just wanted the holiday to be over. Or at least, she did...until she saw a familiar figure pacing back and forth. He looked about as out of place as she felt, and she recognised his trademark collar instantly.
“Daddy?” Diamond Tiara asked, suddenly regressing several years. If her mother were here, the admonishment would be harsher than the winter. However, her mother wasn't here and upon hearing her voice, the brown stallion turned. His face lit up like a Hearth's Warming tree and he smiled widely.
“Diamond! Happy Hearth's Warming dear.”
For the last time that day, tears sprang to Diamond Tiara's eyes. Unlike all the rest, the liquid droplets that stung her eyes were now born of happiness and joy, rather than sadness. Abandoning all decorum she sprinted forward and leapt into her father's hooves. He held her tightly, in a way that he had not for years. Before she lost herself completely to ecstatic joy, she had time for one more thought towards a certain lilac unicorn I am really going to have to thank her for this.
Starlight was unable to stop the smile that started to smart her cheeks as she watched from the balcony. It had been a close run thing, but incredible magical strength and an authoritative presence had its perks. Hers and others methods for attaining such perks were, something she still had to deal with. The spell was safely tucked back in her room. One day she would be able to destroy it. Thanks to a certain filly, that day was much closer but it was still not today.
A feathered wing rested on her still throbbing shoulders. Twilight Sparkle's flank gently pressed against hers. She leaned into it softly, humming gently.
“You did a good thing today. I'm proud of you.”
“Thanks, but honestly I think I got more help than I received. It'll be a while before any of that starts creeping in on me again. I'm grateful for that. There's a lot more I need to do to repay the balance.”
Twilight nodded. “I hope I won't have to coerce you too hard to join Hearth's Warming this year. Though I am always up for reading a story, or two.”
Giggling softly, Starlight offered her former mentor a small smile. “Several stories if you can get away with it. Nope. I'm all set and ready for a party. But...” She swallowed nervously, alarm bells starting to blare in Twilight's head. “there is something I need to tell you...”
Meanwhile, far away from the merriment and warmth of Twilight's castle, Spoiled Rich struck yet another match. As soon as it touched the kindling she had prepared herself, Randolph was mysteriously absent, the brilliant flame was snuffed out. With a word unbefitting a lady, she threw it on the floor, where it joined the myriad of others that had already failed her. She simply could not fathom how all of the fires had died at once. The house was still pleasantly warm, but without several roarings fires, she simply could not feel satisfied. Nor could she rub her comfort and pleasure in her delinquent daughter's face. Another foul word poured out of her mouth as yet another match winked out before her eyes. What was going on?
Author's Note
Whoot! I got it out for Christmas! It was a bit touch and go for a while, thanks to a poorly timed bout of winter blech mehness and computer problems. But it is out, my Hearth's Warming Special between Diamond Tiara and Starlight. These two haven't interacted in the show yet and they may never, but I do think they have a lot to learn from each other. You also finally get to hear a little bit of my headcanon for Starlight's parents, or at least her mother. Originally it was her father but the mother parallel worked better. A lot of "poking until she exploded" is how I like to explain her incredible magical ability. It was already there as a filly but by the time her mother was through with her it was enough to battle an alicorn.
Hope you all enjoyed and feel free to leave any comments or critique. I love all of you readers, you are what keep me going. Have a very Happy Hearth's Warming and be sure to have a wonderful time. I look forward to writing more for you in the future. Bye everyone!
