Author's Note
A short one-shot that I wrote as a writing prompt. I hope you enjoy it.
My Promise
It’s cold tonight, my darling, I hope you can’t tell in there. It’s tough currently, I must prioritise, feeding myself – more importantly you – or for warmth and there’s only so many blankets that I – we – own.
I hope you’re the most comfortable filly in the world in there because it won’t always be like that, your going to have to be strong. I should probably tell you where you’re going to live, a trailer, the only accommodation I can afford for you. It’s nothing special, one double bed stacked upon a Kitchen and dining room, the only seclusion you can find is in the bathroom – I just wish the water was warm.
At least the views good, one of the windows gives you an uninterrupted view of both the city and the night sky, sometimes I can spend hours of the night just staring out at this view wishing for things to get better. The thing I wish for the most is for you to see this with me, I can tell you that it is mesmerising, some nights you struggle to see where the luminous lights of the city end and where the brilliant stars begin.
It’s a scene you could pay thousands for, hill top vantage point looking down onto the bustling city, the only thing that never seemed to sleep. But, it better be ready for when you come along and upstage it, do you think can Cities get jealous?
I think I’ve got a cold coming on, bad news for the both of us, it’s even getting difficult to eat – my appetite is just gone. But, that’s no excuse, if I end up being sick I’ll make something else and eat that, if I’m sick again I’ll make something else. I hope it’s nothing, I really hope so, running out of food will be the least of our problems if I start taking time off work. One of my jobs, late-night cleaner for a nursery, have guaranteed me four months of maternity pay, but it’ll be for nothing if they sack me before you’re even born – and I’m not going to take any chances anymore.
The nursery pay is a pittance, barely helps me cover the rent for the trailer, but compared with the three weeks that the laundrette is giving me, I’m not going to stick my nose up at it. You heard that right, baby, until two o’clock this afternoon, mummy had three part-time jobs – that’s the world I can give you. It’s g-
There I go, sneezing again, I really need this medicine to kick in; my head is killing me – I pray you’re feeling okay. I’m tempted to take a day off work tomorrow, I may have to if the illness persists or gets worse, but I’ve got to be so careful now. With the waitressing job I was starting to get comfortable, building up savings even – a rainy day fund that I hoped you’d get to enjoy. That will have to stop, at least for a little bit, just until mommy can find a job to fill the void – the shop I buy our groceries from put up a sign that they’re employing – maybe they would offer me something menial, the nursery has never complained about my cleaning.
Money’s tight and it’s only going to get tighter, I lost my waitressing job today, sacked out of allegations that I was ‘short changing’ our customers. Bastards, the lot of them, I hope they rot in h-. I shouldn’t be getting myself worked up, it’s not good for us, but the real insult of it all was that they never even proved that I did it.
Ponies working their considered me trash, trash of the purest form, but I’m not like that – I wouldn’t risk our livelihood over a couple of bits. ‘Trash’ we’re not, it’s just a name in the form of an arrow that has been fired in my direction so much that it seems to cling on me like a bad smell. Mommy’s educated, I’ve got the college degree to prove it, probably the most knowledgeable Pony within the Trailer park.
Is it selfish of me to bring you into this world? I wish you could help me, tell me what to do, tell me what you want. Because, I’m afraid we’re on our own, your grandparents don’t seem to want to know, daddy ran for the hills when I found out you were coming, and the rest of your family couldn’t care less.
Sometimes I see some of them, they don’t see me of course, probably too embarrassed to even acknowledge me. I won’t beg them for help, I’ve already pursued that path when they were throwing me out. It was humiliating, too see my belongings thrown upon the curb, all my precious memories stuffed into bags and dumped onto the pavement outside of the family home.
I resent the position that they’ve put us in, but it still pains me that you could grow up into a beautiful young Mare and have not seen your grandmother’s face in the flesh. But, if that happens, it won’t be my fault, I’ve given them so many chances to have them as part of your life. You wouldn’t believe the number of cards I’ve sent, just telling them how I’m getting on. I doubt they read them though, nineteen letters sent in six months with no returns, I’ll stop after number twenty – I can take a hint…
I don’t see ‘daddy’, of course, the Stallion that acted so tough and the one who promised me the world ran as quick as he could when we found out I was expecting. It broke my heart that he left, that he abandoned us and forced us into a corner. You here stories sometimes of ‘father’s’ turning up after ten years expecting second chances, it’ll be your choice if you wish to pursue the Stallion who left you, but until your old enough to understand I want you to know that the coward that is your Father will not lay a hoof on you.
I wondered for long, long time whether it was a good thing for you to grace this world with your presence, a harsh world where you live hoof-to-mouth on a daily basis. I hope you don’t resent me for this, maybe you would have benefit from escaping what can turn into a living hell at a moments notice, but I we don’t have that choice anymore. You’re going to be born, you can take that to the bank, born into the hooves of a Mother who loves you more than anything in the world.
I wish that I could tell you that everything is going to be alright, but I can’t, I can’t promise you a good life – that’s out of my control. But, I chose to keep you and I swear I’ll see that you are born into this world, that well cared for, that you never go without. This is a Mother’s promise to her daughter that when you are born into the world I’ll work myself into the ground to provide for you, if that’s what is required.
I’ll protect you, keep you safe, look after you for as long as you need me to, it’ll be my honour. I hope you like me, not many ponies seem to anymore – there I go, dwelling on things – you must get sick of hearing my- my- v-.
Excuse my yawns, I’m tired, it’s been a long day today and mommy needs her sleep to fight off this nasty cold. You’re a big help to me and I’m not being sarcastic, you’re the only one that has kept me sane, these little conversations just help to keep my mind clear so that I don’t dwell on anything, you understand?
Thank you for helping me, who needs psychiatrists, huh?
Good night and sweet dreams, my little girl.
