Snack Cake Confessions

Chapters

Half
Another Half
Whole

Half

“Do ya like cream filled yellow sponge cake!?”

Twilight Sparkle glanced over at her shopping partner. She was holding up several boxes of artificial chemicals disguising themselves as something edible by humans. The metal cart sitting between them was full of many items fitting that description.

“Uh...” the bespectacled teen muttered. “Not particularly.”

“Ever had ‘em before???” Pinkie slyly asked, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“No, but I didn't like any of the other ones you've had me try before.” Twilight turned to glance down the aisle. “But you'll probably get these anyway, right?”

“Absotively posilutely!” she cried, before doing a slight pirouette and basketball tossing the boxes into the cart. Satisfied that she had indeed made her target, Pinkie bent her knees slightly and did jazz hands.

Twilight cracked a smile at this. “Careful not to upstage Rainbow, now,” she playfully warned.

“Don't worry pal-io, we all know she could beat me at horse any day of the week. She's pretty good at handling balls, better than I ever could. But when it comes to boxes of delicious goodies I am,” she paused to shove one arm up and away from her shoulder, and to wrap the other around her head which was now pointed towards the ground. “The master!”

“...Really?” Twilight asked, covering her forehead with her palm.

“What’s-a-matter Twi-Twi,” she teased, winking as she gripped the cart’s blue handle with both hands. She jumped and set her feet on the raised lip at the back. “Afraid someone’s gonna see me dabbing?”

Not that anybody would see them anyway. The store was pretty much empty this late in the evening. Two teenage girls in the snack foods aisle were hardly anything to glance at, no matter how loud or energetic one of them was being. Besides, Pinkie was pretty well known at Sunnymart by the staff.

“It just seems a little much.”

“But all the cool kids are doing it!” she defended. “How ever will people like me if I don't follow all the trends and fads that are ruining this great nation!?”

“...by just being yourself?”

Pinkie giggled at the compliment, regardless of its sincerity. “Thanks. Ooohhh, they have wasabi flavor now?”

Twilight rolled her eyes at her friend’s antics before she felt her pocket buzz. She reached in to pull out her phone; ‘Halo’ it said.

“Oh, it's that time already? Pinkie, I’ve gotta go take my medicine.” She cancelled out the alarm and then she set another one for fourteen hours. “I'm gonna head to the bathrooms. You need anything from the pharmacy section?”

“Hmmm... Maybe some pads.”

Twilight nodded and turned to head off to the drinking fountains. Haloperidol decanoate. It was one of the medications she was prescribed ever since The Incident. She took it twice a day, and two others once daily, and it was most definitely working. She was glad she finally got help.

The two girls were doing a bit of shopping for a party going on the next day in the afternoon. Pinkie was staying the night at Twilight’s house, where it would be hosted. They were going to be celebrating Spike’s birthday, as good a reason as any for a party.

Twilight’s hand dug into her purse and pulled out the bottle of pills, and popped one out into her other awaiting palm. She screwed it back in, checking around to make sure that nobody was looking. A nervous habit picked up from when she first started it, when the nagging doubts and the anxieties were at their loudest; they were now gone, but their aftereffects would never go away. At least, not this quickly.

She slipped the caplet under her tongue before approaching the fountain between the women’s and men’s restrooms. “Down the hatch...” she whispered before gathering the few loose strands of hair with one hand, and depressing the switch that dispensed water. One slurp before she lifted her tongue, another to get the pill into her mouth proper, one more to swallow it, one more to wash it down, and one more to taste.

It was good tasting water.

As Twilight leaned back up, she noticed a woman having just left the restroom staring intently at her wrist. Their eyes met after a few moments, and after another few seconds of contact, she simply rolled her eyes, shaking her head, and muttering something.

“Every... utting... ese days...”

Twilight bit her lip as her fists clenched. “...bitch.” She whispered. She didn't need superhuman hearing to know what the lady said. She took in a deep breath and let it go, sweeping her palm from her chest and out as Cadey once taught her to. She wasn't gonna see that lady ever again. No sense dwelling on it.

Her feet brought her to the feminine care products section. Long ago this aisle seemed so foreign to her, so unfamiliar. So many different choices and brands and styles and products. Now she was no stranger to it, immediately picking out the ones that Pinkie used. Satisfied, Twilight turned and headed back up to the front checklanes.

“Over here!” the bubbly voice cried. Twilight turned her body to make it more quickly. She grinned as she took notice of Pinkie jumping and waving, but it immediately fell away when she noticed who was standing next to her but the woman. The teen’s stride didn't stop, but it did falter.

‘She's looking at her phone, it's not a big deal.’ She thought to herself. ‘Just ignore her.’ They made eye contact. ‘Shit! Just pretend she isn't there or something!’

“That's just what I needed! Thanks bunches Twi-Twi!” Pinkie cried as she grabbed the small bundle and dropped it in the cart. Somehow in Twilight’s absence, she had filled it with snacks, party supplies, a couple of veggie and fruit plates, a meat cheese and crackers platter, and a few large bottles and twelve-can packs of soda. Which was strange as those were on the opposite side of the store.

Twilight had no time to ponder the strangeness and impossibility of the physics as she melted under Her glare. Her own grimace disguised as a plastic smile to appease her friend was beginning to falter as her underarms moistened. Her sleeveless pink blouse felt uncomfortably tight, and her jean shorts too rough. She casually crossed her arms, hiding the reasons behind her discomfort. But they were still there.

“So I may or may not have gone just a little bit overboard on the snacks but we all love having leftovers, especially AJ and Dashie, and don't worry because I made sure to get some of Spike’s favorite cookies and crackers too even though you may or may not approve of us feeding him too much junk but hey, birthdays only come seven times a year for puppies, you know?”

Twilight found herself absentmindedly nodding, paying more attention to the items being placed on the conveyor belt than she did to her shopping partner’s conversation. She still felt the eyes boring into the back of her neck, staring. Judging.

“Hey Minnie!” Pinkie cried once the cart was clear and she was up by the cash register. “You just get here or you about to leave?”

The two initiated a conversation, leaving Twilight to awkwardly stand on the other side of the cart. Her eyes glanced between the pink and the dual toned dark blue and white hairstyles. She would never admit it but she really thought that the girl working was cute.

“...tenttion whore...”

Twilight’s eyes widened and she gripped the cart tighter. This caused the lady to snort, and Twilight began to snarl at the ground. Who the hell was this lady? What was her problem? Why did she care so much? And where was her sense of shutting her damn mouth over things that aren't her business?

Her thought were interrupted by a jangling ringtone. Oh, thank the Creator! She slipped her phone out to see that it was Rainbow’s number. Twilight flipped it open and pressed the answer button before placing the device to her ear.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hey T-Sparks!” came the excited raspy reply from the other side. “Spits is coming so tell Pinkie not to bring anything with peanuts.”

“Oh, what wonderful news!” Twilight responded enthusiastically. “So Stormy’s okay?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said in somewhat of a distracted tone. “She’s fine. We’re picking her up from the hospital. I... I’m in the car. I’d rather not be near here again any time soon, you know?”

“I understand,” Twilight somberly spoke before transitioning to a more chipper tone. “You’re a great girlfriend to her, Rainbow, you know that?”

“Tch, yeah! Only the awesomest!” She cheered. “And, uh. Don’t forget. About that thing.”

Twilight nodded, and it took two blinks and silence to realize. “I did. Thanks. We’re just about done here so I’ll see you tomorrow.” She took a brief glance backward to see the woman fuming for some reason or another. “And tell Spitfire to text me later, when Stormy’s home safe.”

“Cool. Can do! Later.” And with that Rainbow hung up.

“Hey Pinkie!” Twilight called, putting her own phone away. “Spitfire’s mom is okay now so she’s coming. No peanuts.”

“Kay kay!” Pinkie cried, giving two thumbs up. She looked a little past Twilight before raising a concerned eyebrow. “Hey, are you okay ma’am?”

Twilight tried to subtly wave her hand ‘no’ but Pinkie had shimmied past the cart behind her already. She pushed the cart forward and grimaced for the potential ensuing fecal storm. She gave an apologetic smile to the cashier. ‘Minuette’, as her name tag read, simply raised a confused eyebrow as she continued to scan.

“Oh, I’m glad this generation isn’t completely ruined...” she scoffed. “No, young lady, I am not okay. I am heavily disappointed with the lifestyle choices of the young ones in this town, in this society as of late. Equal parts masochism and hedonism it seems. Back in my day we kept things hidden what needed to be, but now everything is laid bare for the general public to see.”

The woman slammed down a bottle of sauvignon blanc, a box of kale, and a tube of ibuprofen onto the conveyor belt. A well-worn paperback copy of the book Fifty Shades of Hay was poking out of her purse. A small ‘o’ of understanding came across Minuette’s mouth (before fading into disinterest and obscurity) as Pinkie’s face remained curiously concerned.

“We also knew how to present ourselves in a manner befitting of polite young ladies,” she pointedly indicated to Twilight. “And not like some damaged trollop seeking attention from all the wrong places, associating with all the wrong people-”

“At least the girls of my generation know how not to be a judgmental cunt to people they just met...” Twilight muttered, pulling Pinkie’s wallet out of her purse set in the upper bracket of the cart. “And we know how much perfume is too much.”

The silence was deafening.

“Your total is ninety seven seventy three.”

“You have a lot of nerve speaking such vile filth about your elders, missy.”

“And YOU,” Twilight snapped back, “have a lot of nerve pretending you know anything about somebody just because of what they wear. I’m guessing the maroon minivan out in the parking lot with the bumper sticker that says that your other car is a Porsche and the stick figure decals on the back belongs to you.” She took a step forward every time she took a breath during her rant.

“I’m guessing you’re going to drink that entire bottle tonight while listening to Jewel and sobbing into a pint of vanilla oat swirl while you watch your soaps because you know that your husband is sleeping with someone else, which is why you’re wearing heavy makeup everywhere but your lower eyelid so it doesn’t run. I’m guessing your daily routine consists of yelling at baristas because they didn’t make your double mega caramel frappe latte with one and a half shots of espresso perfectly, looking at recipes for quinoa on your home life blogging website, driving the kids to and from soccer practice, then bitching at a PTA meeting that your kids’ talents aren’t being put to enough use and are being way too exposed to the big and scary gay menace at our far-too-left-leaning school. Huh? HUH? It isn’t too fun to be the victim of stereotypes, now, IS IT!?”

Twilight was seething, livid, baring her teeth. The woman was backed into a corner, clutching her chest with an expression of shock glued on her face. Pinkie had her hands covering her mouth; she seemed genuinely afraid, and her eyes were watering. Minuette was expressionlessly holding the receipt out while staring at the digital clock on the monitor screen, tapping her fingers rhythmically.

“Attention shoppers,” the overhead PA system sounded. “The store is closing in fifteen minutes.” It began droning on as Twilight’s senses came back to her and she analyzed the room around her.

“I...” she turned to Pinkie, who shakily accepted the paper.

“The audacity...” the woman whispered.

“I’m sorry Pinkie, I let my temper get the best of me...” Twilight said to the ground. “Let’s... just go.”

Pinkie merely nodded, ghost-faced, and began pushing the cart.

Twilight cast one last look behind her, mumbled an apology to the cashier, and followed her friend out of the store into the parking lot.

The duo silently packed the hot pink hybrid car full of the bags, stuffing them everywhere that there was room. Once finished, Twilight brought the cart to the nearest corral, casting a brief glance at the maroon minivan before returning to the started car, playing all-but-muted pop music.

The drive home wasn't much louder.

Upon arrival, turning into the driveway, neither girl made move to leave the car. The song on the radio faded out, and a commercial began to play. Pinkie let it run until another one began. Twilight fidgeted her hands together before glancing over. Typically Pinkie had her own fidget toy out if things got to be too quiet or calm, but she wasn't moving at all.

“I’m sorry I scared you...”

Pinkie’s only response was to bite her lip. She looked very upset. Twilight sighed; the medicine hadn't fully kicked in yet, and needed a meal in order to fully trigger anyway. Still, that wasn't a good excuse for blowing up over something relatively inconsequential.

So what if the woman was being rude and judgmental? So what if she was making an ass of herself? Lots of people do that every single day, and it doesn't mean that attacking them is fine!

Twilight grabbed two of the bags and brought them inside, and continued until the car was empty. Spike must have been asleep, as he wasn't out and about. Her parents were across the country for work and wouldn't be back for another few days.

She sighed again. Pinkie hadn’t behaved like this since... well, ever. At least, not for as long as she knew her. Which gave her an idea, and she pulled out her phone. She scrolled to the name she wanted and pressed the call button.

After two rings, “Hello.”

“Hi Maud,” Twilight greeted. “Sorry it’s late, but I'm, well, don't freak out but I'm concerned about Pinkie.”

“Is something amiss with my baby sister.” She cut in, monotone. “Is she okay?”

“She's not in danger!” Twilight placated, sensing- if barely- the urgency in her voice, sibling tenses tingling. “She's just... upset.”

“Oh. Good. No... not good. How so?”

“Well... we were shopping and there was a woman who was being rude so I kind of exploded on her and Pinkie hasn't really said anything since then and I'm worried that she's scared of me now, or something.”

Silence greeted her on the line. Twilight glanced out the window at the car, noticing that Pinkie was still out there, not having moved. A few moments later, she finally did, to check a text.

“I mean, she just checked her phone-”

“I know. I just told her what you said. My sister isn’t afraid of you any more than I’m afraid of cinnabar. Do you remember what I told you when we first became friends?”

“Uh...” Twilight thought back. It had been a month or so now; after The Incident when she was released from the hospital, before they got to the root of her problem, Pinkie had suggested that he sister inspect the geodes. Unfortunately, the real Midnight Sparkle had nothing to do with the Everfree gems aside from being magical in nature, but Twilight and Maud did bond over the research.

“There was a lot, Maud,” she apologetically intoned. “What specifically do you mean?”

She exhaled. “Pinkie didn’t grow up with us on the farm. Health reasons. Our grandmother looked after her until Pinkie was ready to live on the farm with the rest of us. One day, Limestone made a mistake, and a boulder almost crushed Pinkie. When we got to her, she was laughing... she laughed until she started crying. Our grandmother taught her to handle her fear with laughter.”

“Oh... that’s right, you did mention that.”

“Pinkie isn’t afraid of you. She would have made a joke if she was truly afraid. Hold on. Okay, yes, she just texted me back. I’ll let her explain everything when she comes into the house. And Twilight... thank you for calling me. Good bye.”

She hung up without waiting for a response, but the front door opened at the same time. Twilight turned to face Pinkie as she set the phone on the kitchen counter. She sniffled and ruffled her hot pink skirt between her fingertips, before slipping her hands underneath and putting them into the pockets of the jeans she wore underneath.

The two girls stood facing each other but not making eye contact for a minute before the silence was broken.

“Do you need a hug?” Pinkie asked, glancing to Twilight’s face.

“Uh...” this was not at all what Twilight had expected her to say. “Not exactly.” While one would of course always be welcomed, it would be a lie to say that she needed anything like that in this moment any more than any other time. The ordeal didn’t really bother her anymore anyway, as there were more pressing matters at hand. It was hard to see Pinkie in any mood other than overbearingly joyful.

Pinkie bit her lip and screwed her eyes closed. She took a deep breath before looking Twilight in the eyes again. “May I give you one?”

This was weird. “You can, but...” Pinkie immediately closed the distance and latched on, holding her tightly. What the heck is happening?

“I don’t understand,” Twilight whispered after a moment before stepping away. “Maud said that you were going to explain something to me. If you’re not upset because you’re scared of me after you saw me blowing up at that woman or taking all these pills or being crazy or hurting myself for as long as I was and all the stuff I’ve done, then why are you upset!? What can I do to make you happy again?”

“I’m not scared of you, Twilight...” she muttered, rubbing an elbow with her hand. “I’m... I’m scared for you.”

Twilight set one hand on the back of her head and the other on her hip. That didn’t make any sense. Why would Pinkie be scared for her? What did she have to be scared of? The worst had all passed! No more loneliness, no more self doubt, no more low self esteem, no more social anxiety and self-imposed isolation, no more sexual repression, no more guilt spirals, no more voices in the back of her head telling her to hurt herself, no more Midnight!

Sure, she had a looser handle on her temper now that she was on medication, but that was much more preferable to the way she’d been before. Holding onto everything and bottling it all up and keeping it inside until it eventually just exploded was not a good solution. This way she was able to lose a lot more stress and just spend time with her friends like a normal teenage girl, and be a lot more apologetic to people who slighted her.

Unless they were jerks, in which case fuck ‘em.

“Why?” she asked, when no expounding was offered.

“She was being mean to you for your scars!” Pinkie shouted. She sobbed once before bringing her voice back down. “For wearing short shorts for the first time going anywhere other than a friend’s house! For talking to Dashie about her and Spitfire dating, and for buying junk food, and just... just being a real jerk!” She pressed her palms into her eyes and started to cry harder again. After just a moment she wiped her eyes and continued to speak.

“I hurt myself once too, Twi Twi. I have scars too, you just... can’t see them. And I know how it feels for people to bring them up as if we were weaker, or less than. I know how it feels to be slut shamed for what I wear, and to have people be mean to me when it comes up that I have ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends because some people still think it’s wrong for two girls to love each other, and to have what I eat be scrutinized because I’m not exactly the most physically fit girl out there.” She crossed her arms and wrapped them as well as she could around her midsection.

“I know how much it hurts, and I can see that it hurts you too, and it hurts even more because I can’t do anything to make you feel better about it because I can’t even do anything to make myself feel better about it either! I just... feel so useless and dumb and like I’m a bad friend...” she tried to continue speaking, but couldn’t make any more words come out, and she sank to her knees, continuing to sob.

“Pinkie...” Twilight whispered, coming down to her level. Well, at least it made sense now.

This explains why Pinkie acted the way she did when Twilight was in the hospital. She’d been admitted after accidentally hitting a major artery and nearly bleeding out, “The Incident”, and she would have most definitely died if Rainbow Dash hadn’t taken her to the ER. When Twilight woke up, Pinkie was there in the room waiting for her. She was there the next day, and the next day, and every day she was able to, until Twilight was finally released.

That must have been why Pinkie was so eager to have her get to know Maud, why she was always hanging around and constantly asking if Twilight needed anything, why she defended her when school had started again, why she put so much more effort into her than their other friends... why she reacted the way she did in the store.

‘I have scars too, you just... can’t see them...’

“I...”

The right words didn’t come. There were none. What could you say to that? Twilight pursed her lips, hesitating before placing a comforting hand on Pinkie’s shaking shoulder... for only a moment. She wasn’t going to let the echoing phantoms of the internalized shame of potentially coming off as predatory get in the way of helping Pinkie through this emotional explosion. Yeah, they were close friends, and Twilight thought she was really attractive, and that gets in the way of just wanting to be platonically affectionate in less stressful times, but this is different. This is important.

Twilight brought both arms around Pinkie’s shoulders, pulling her head in to her chest. She began to lightly rock the both of them back and forth on the tiled linoleum floor.

“You’re not a bad friend, Pinkie...” Twilight whispered. “You used a vacation day and a sick day to be there for me in the hospital. Not even Rarity, Rainbow Dash, or Sunset Shimmer did that. You threw me so many parties over the years to commemorate really important moments in my life, in our friendships. You’re throwing my dog one tomorrow, Pinkie. Not even Fluttershy knew Spike’s birthday!”

At this, Pinkie shook once. That was probably a laugh, but she continued to weep, allowing Twilight to continue to hold her and calm her down as she let the floodgates stay open for as long as they needed to.

“I love having you around, too,” Twilight continued. “At first I was a bit put off because you have a very big presence, but that was more because I was such a shut-in, but I’ve grown to really adore you. You’re one of my best friends, and I never want to not be one of yours. I just...” she swallowed. “I love you. So much. And... I hate seeing you like this. So I’m going to be right here with you until you’re happy again, okay?”

Pinkie nodded, and the two sat in silence for a while, until...

“I love you too Twilight.”

They held each other a little tighter at that.

/x/x/x/

Author's Note

Yeah, I couldn't keep doing something with dark themes that don't have a happy end coming up soon, so here's something that gets happy very quickly. My other works are still being written. This doesn't really spoil anything that happens in my other fics specifically, simply calls back to things that will make sense later on. Next chapter is all fluff.

Another Half

/x/x/x/

Twilight and Pinkie stayed huddled together on the floor for a while. It could have been for a few minutes or a few hours for all either of the pair knew. But eventually, Pinkie was no longer crying, and merely enjoying the warmth and closeness to one of her best friends.

“Feeling better?” Twilight asked.

“...mmhmm...” Pinkie muttered, nuzzling her head deeper into Twilight’s shoulder. “A little.”

“Okay, that's good,” she replied. “So let's get up off this floor. We’ll eat something,” she continued, rising, holding her hand out for Pinkie to grab and pull herself up after. “Then we can watch a movie or something, then go to sleep. It's been a long day.”

“Alright...”

The next few minutes passed by relatively uneventfully. Pinkie began cooking macaroni and cheese while Twilight began putting together a salad. The negative mood was completely forgotten as the girls simply enjoyed each other’s company for a time.

Pinkie was for the most part back to her normal self. Twilight could tell she was still feeling a little emotional; she wasn’t laughing quite as heartily (though to be fair, her smile was typically bigger than everyone else’s at any given moment), but she was at least somewhat happy again. It just wasn't right when Pinkie was anything but jovial, and it turned Twilight’s stomach to know that she, however indirectly, was the root cause of her friend’s sadness.

No. Now was not the time for that.

She couldn't help her past. She couldn't help what happened. She couldn't go back and change the course of history, but she could move forward and heal. Pinkie just needed to be made aware of the same thing.

“Do you want to watch anything in particular?” She asked.

“Nah,” came the response. “Just as long as it's not a documentary.”

“I'm gonna fix that one day!” Twilight defensively cried. “I’ll find one that you would like and when I do we are going to watch it.”

“Yeah, okay,” Pinkie dismissed with a grin. “But until then I’ll stick to movies that aren't boring.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes at Pinkie before turning back to the food. “They're not boring...” she grumbled.

“We could watch one of those cartoons like we did last time.”

“That was not a cartoon, it was an animated film!”

Pinkie crept up immediately behind Twilight and whispered in her ear, “If it’s flat and hand drawn then it's a cartoon.”

After relaxing from the brief fright, Twilight turned back around to face her friend and adjusted her glasses. “Technically, yes, it's the same thing,” she ceded with a smile, “But it differs in the style and theme, and comes from another culture. It's like how apples and oranges are both fruits, but different kinds.”

Pinkie shrugged. “Okay but I'm still calling it a cartoon.”

Twilight pinched the bridge of her nose, snickering. “What am I gonna do with you?”

A loud hissing from the stove brought the girls attention to the macaroni as Pinkie sprinted over to stir the froth down. Twilight frowned a bit. Typically in their conversations, the path would follow the rise and fall before making a full circle, then Pinkie would hug her. Recently, however, it seemed like that was falling off.

Twilight was good at offering comfort when it was needed. If Rarity was stressed about her job, she was able to massage the kinks out of her back and shoulders. If Applejack had a few too many, she was able to hold her hair and rub her back. If Sunset was feeling homesick, if Rainbow was on the comedown from facing down the homophobic assholes she runs into, if Fluttershy was on the edge of an anxiety attack, she was always able to give them whatever they needed.

And yet when she herself needed something, when Twilight was stressed or anxious or feeling worthless and unlikable, she had trouble letting her friends know. It was irrational but what if they were crept out? What if they thought she was asking for something other than what she needed?

They all knew that she was a lesbian, and they accepted and respected that, and half of them were sapphic themselves, but the doubt still persisted. Thought not as severe as it used to be in her younger years, it was still present. What if they thought she was just making up a situation and using that so she could cuddle up with them?

Not that that was even what she needed (though it would be welcomed in any circumstance). In some cases all she would need was a hand to hold, or a nuzzle or platonic kiss, or even just a hug. Through her youth, her family wasn't very affectionate. She couldn't remember the last time she so much as hugged either of her parents, or her brother...

It wasn't really until Cadance had come around and been a part of her life that she could really experience human touch. As her babysitter, as her guidance counselor and subsequently her dean, and most recently as her sister in law, Cadey was always a physical person. Everybody always said that the period in Twilight’s life she was happiest was that point, and it coincided with being able to express and receive affection with the older girl.

Now that she was away from Crystal Prep, and she didn't see Cadance as often, she had lost out considerably on that aspect of her life. All of her depression, anxiety, insomnia, and just general sense of irritability had gotten to about as bad as her emotions before she’d started taking hormone supplements. She attributed that to helping start the spiral that lead to The Incident.

And sure, she wasn't completely touch starved. She hugged her friends often. The problem was that it wasn't as frequent as she wanted it to be, and for a time the prospect of touching a certain someone filled her with dread, guilt, shame. And that lead to the next aspect of her problem. She noticed that her friends were a lot more comfortable with each other than they ever would be with her, and that was just a fact.

Applejack and Rainbow and Fluttershy and Sunset and Rarity, and all of their own connections. The entirety of the apple clan. Fleetfoot and Spitfire. Tree Hugger. Starlight Glimmer. Coco Pommel. They all seemed to be physically inseparable at times, and every single time, Twilight noticed. She wanted to join in but it never seemed like the right time, and asking permission seemed like it would achieve the opposite effect than desired. That was weird.

Nobody ever asked permission, they just did it.

Twilight had always envied her friends on being able to just reach out, to brush the others’ arm to get their attention, to touch their hand for just a fleeting moment before letting go to do something else. It always seemed like nothing to everybody else but sometimes it felt like everything to her.

The first time Rainbow set a hand on her shoulder sent her pulse into overdrive. Her hand was warm and comforting and inviting but it was such an alien and foreign feeling that she had immediately shied away, snapping her shoulder back and startling the athlete. They hadn't made physical contact again at all until they'd briefly dated, and that had began and ended... awkwardly, to say the least. Granted that wasn't either of their fault, but still.

Similar things happened with her other friends. Fluttershy and Applejack were very sparing with their physical interactions, but that was just due to their personalities. Rarity was of course a lot more open, with hugs and the occasional kiss on the cheek or forehead. Sunset was for a time until, well, the whole drama went down about her... photographs. She was warming back up though. And Pinkie Pie pretty much always had her arms around someone, and that someone was sometimes Twilight.

Until recently, however. Now it was few and far between, and when it came to Twilight, it was always preceded by requesting permission. It felt weird. Why did she only do that with her? Was it because Pinkie was worried about making her uncomfortable? Or was it specifically to do with what had happened with Midnight? So many variables, so many questions... and it would have been weird to bring up.

It was only now that the full gravity of what had gone down with the pair earlier in the day set in. Pinkie seemed like she really needed a shoulder to cry on, but only after she made sure Twilight was okay, which seemed to be very uncomfortable to her. It seemed like she was only doing so out of obligation.

Maybe... maybe Pinkie just didn't like the idea of touching her anymore?

It would certainly make sense. Was that it then? Was guilt her only motivator for interacting with her anymore? Was it fear of what would happen if she just cut Twilight out completely? The last time that somebody had cut her out, she ended up slicing her arm open and woke up in the hospital. That wasn't fun, and it certainly wasn't a pleasant sight to see.

But that didn't make sense. Right? Why would she want to go shopping with her, just the two of them, if she didn't want to be around her? No, this was just the bad thoughts again, building up because the meds hadn't kicked in yet because she didn't eat yet. If Pinkie didn't want to be around her then she wouldn't go out of her way to throw as many parties for her as she did, or all of the individual nice things she frequently did.

But the problem was that that was the only real option that made sense. There were too many external factors involved to really settle on anything else without a lot of guesses being made, however educated. Occam’s Razor. This was an interpersonal issue so the falsification fallacy didn't apply here, right? Or was it sociological and therefore it did? Or was she overthinking this and it was all coincidental?

“Twi Twi?” She heard, snapping out of her reverie. Pinkie had two bowls full of cheesy pasta in her hands and she was looking at her friend, head cocked to the side. “You okay? You've had that ‘I'm thinking about something really hard’ look on your eyes for a minute or two now.”

Yes. She was most definitely overthinking it. Pinkie was her friend and cared and genuinely wanted to be around her. The absence of a few hugs didn't change that, even if she missed that. She just had to suck it up and get over it.

“Sorry, I just zoned out,” Twilight lied. “Go ahead and pick out whatever you wanna watch, I’ll be in there in a minute with the salads. You want your thousand island like always?”

“...okie dokie loki...” she responded, clearly not convinced but willing to drop it if it wasn't something that she wanted to talk about, before heading into the living room.

Twilight turned to look at the salad, seeing Pinkie set up TV trays and blankets out of the corner of her eye. Now wasn't the time to worry about her own issues. Pinkie was worried about being a bad friend over there, and she’s concerned about Pinkie not wanting to be around her anymore? Stupid. And very selfish.

“Quiet...” she muttered, picking up a crouton and popping it in her mouth. “Tonight will be a good night.”

And so it was.

After preparing the salads in two bowls, dressing in one and vinaigrette in the other, and munching on a couple of lactose enzyme pills, Twilight went into the living room and ate dinner and watched a movie- a mutual favorite from their childhoods- and had a good time with her friend. The food did wonders for Twilight’s mood as her medicine finally activated, and Pinkie seemed to be completely over her prior upset.

As the credits rolled, Pinkie began gathering the dishes.

“You don't have to do that,” Twilight said, picking up the rest. “I'm hosting tonight, you're hosting tomorrow.”

“I can help though, silly,” Pinkie responded as she plucked the bowls from Twilight’s grasp. “After earlier I gotta help out a little extra, you know?” And with a wink she turned and headed back into the kitchen.

Twilight knit her brows in concern. What did she mean by that? She shook her head and started folding up blankets and draping them back over the couch. Pinkie was upset so she comforted her. Surely she didn't think that that was a problem or anything, right?

Following her friend into the kitchen Twilight abandoned the train of thought as unimportant. So what if she did? It was her own business and it was over now. She’d offer what help she could, but not if it wasn't welcome. That's how she’d treat herself in the situation as she'd dealt with irrational guilt for a long time. Instead she stepped in and began putting leftovers away.

Pinkie yawned. “I don't know about you, but I’m ready for bed.”

“Me too,” Twilight replied. “You know where the bathroom is, right?”

“Yup.”

“Well you can go get dressed and everything now, I’ll finish cleaning everything up and then I’ll set up sleeping arrangements. Where are you wanting to stay?”

“Whatever side you don't want, I guess,” she said with a shrug before turning and heading for the stairs. “I'm not picky.”

“...huh?” Twilight asked herself. What did she mean? Twilight hated when people were overly cryptic. Least of all Pinkie, who was often off the wall and random anyway. This just made it a little more confusing.

Whatever, she’d clear up the confusion in just a minute. She finished putting the pasta and salad in individual containers and into the refrigerator before filling the pot with water to soak overnight. Satisfied that everything was properly put away, she turned to head upstairs.

Once at the top she noted the bathroom door was shut, and opened her own bedroom only to find that Pinkie was-

“You know, you could knock,” she joked before pulling on her pajama shirt emblazoned with ‘Megadeth’. The apparent typo would have made Twilight cringe if she wasn't looking everywhere except for her friend.

‘Two times!’ Twilight mentally screamed in embarrassment.

“Sorry!” she cried, red-faced. “I thought you were in the bathroom!”

“It's fine,” Pinkie placated as she turned and grabbed a pair of shorts. “This isn't the first time you've accidentally seen me topless, you know?”

“Still,” she said apologetically. “I just... didn't expect you to be changing in here.”

“I know. It's a easy enough assumption to make. I'll finish changing in the bathroom, okay?”
Twilight nodded.

“And don't worry, I’ll knock before I open your door again, haha!” And with that Pinkie slid past and into the bathroom.

It was only after she was already gone that Twilight remembered what it was she had meant to ask. With a heavy sigh, she closed the bedroom door behind her as she strode to her dresser. Rifling absentmindedly, she took hold of a tank top and a pair of gym shorts before turning to her bed.

In just a few moments she had exchanged the tops and bottoms, and stood wearing her pajamas. The day’s clothes found themselves sailing through the air and landing in the laundry basket as Pinkie knocked twice on the door. Twilight opened it.

“Mind if I drop these in the hamper?” Pinkie asked, doing it before actually obtaining permission: the answer would have been yes regardless. Her shorts, unlike Twilight’s which ended just above the knee, were halfway down her thighs, and their blue matched the artwork on her shirt.

“Go ahead,” Twilight replied. “I can run them through the washing machine and they’ll just be here for the future.”

“Coolio!” she replied, before stepping past Twilight to sit down at the foot of the bed. “So yeah, what side are you wanting?”

“Uhhh...” it was right on the verge of coming together. “You mean, of the bed?”

“Yeah, silly,” Pinkie said with just a hint of sarcasm. “What did you think I meant, what side of the house?”

OH. Sharing the bed. Is what Pinkie was talking about. Tonight. For the sleepover. Because that's what young women did. And didn't have a problem with. Right.

“Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle sleep in the same bed,” Rarity explained. “We don't have enough rooms in the house for Scootaloo to have their own bedroom but the two are very close and don't particularly care sleeping together.” She shrugged. “Fluttershy and I are the same way. So are Rainbow Dash and Applejack. It's nothing weird or perverse or anything like that. That's just how they've been for as long as Scootaloo has lived with us.”

Twilight nodded, starting to understand the situation. “I know that it's normal for a lot of girls to sleep together even in a state of undress but for purely platonic purposes,” she felt her cheeks color. “I just don't think that I could do that myself, considering...”

Rarity placed a comforting hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “It's a personal choice, darling, and nobody expects you to do or not do anything that you aren't comfortable with.”

“I know,” she said, nodding and giving a half smile. “And I appreciate that.”

“Twi Twi?” Pinkie asked, snapping Twilight out of her flashback. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah,” she lied, still dwelling on the talk with Rarity she’d had a few months ago. “I'm fine.” There were significantly more pressing matters to deal with at the time, but now the other details were biting her in the ass. “Um...”

After a few moments with no follow-up, Pinkie raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side. “Your mouth says you're fine but your everything else says that you're thinking about something.”

Twilight bit her lip. Should she make a big deal about this? They were just going to sleep in the same bed. It was a fairly large bed, too; queen size. And considering recent events, Pinkie would probably be sticking pretty far over on her own side.

But still...

There was one pretty big reason why that maybe wasn't the best idea. What if they accidentally made contact while asleep and woke up to a very big surprise that would be pretty hard to explain? Worse still was that Pinkie’s clothes were very form fitting, especially her shirt with very open sleeves making her lack of bra very evident. No, the potential for arousal and resulting subsequent awkwardness was entirely too high.

“Actually,” Twilight began, unsure of what words to use. She had to word this very carefully so as not to alienate, offend, or confuse Pinkie. “I don't want this to be weird.”

The girl cocked her head to the other side now. “Weird how?”

Twilight wrung her hands together. “Well, I mean... with me.”

“I... don't follow.”

Ugh. “Because I’m gay. Remember?”

Pinkie shrugged. “I like girls too, Twi Twi. It doesn't make me feel weird. I trust you, you know? It's not like you're a guy or anything. Plus we’re just going to...” whatever remaining words in the sentence were swallowed by snickering.

Twilight’s slight grimace faded into confusion.

“Sorry,” Pinkie said after the laughter abated. “This just reminds me of something with Dashie. I was freaked out because she suggested we shower together, and she was just thinking about saving water, but I was thinking about the same thing that you're thinking about right now. That's the first time I came out to anybody. But she was fine with that, and this is just going to sleep. So it's really fine!”

Twilight’s mouth was agape. Rainbow and Pinkie showered together? Granted it wasn't that weird, and it made sense. Rainbow had bathed with Twilight before. Granted, they were in swimwear at the time, and it was necessary because her own hair was full of milkshake, but still. It had come up then that Rainbow had no qualms with social nudity, especially considering she showered in front of members of a different sports team every single day for most of her life.

“I mean, she and I did have sex in the shower, but that's not gonna happen tonight!”

Twilight facepalmed. That also made sense. And it made her eye twitch slightly because according to the timeline, that had happened before she (rather than her magic horse wizard counterpart) had met them all. Oh well, not important, and definitely not something to think about, especially now.

“But are you uncomfortable with sleeping next to me?” Pinkie asked.

“No, not at all!” Twilight indicated. “That's not it, I just...” she sighed. “I'm only uncomfortable with the potential possibility of making you feel uncomfortable by me because I might make things weird without meaning to.”

“How do you mean?”

“Just with, like...” the right words didn't come.

“I don't understand what you're concerned about, really,” Pinkie interjected after enough time had passed that the silence felt awkward. “You're a lot prettier than me, Twilight. If anything, I'm the one who should be worried.”

“...What?”

Pinkie rubbed the back of her neck with one hand as the other gripped the bed frame, refusing eye contact. “I’ve noticed a few things about you. You get really tense whenever any of us touches you most times. You get a look on your face whenever any of us touch each other. That's why I haven't been hugging you as much, and why I've been asking for permission when I do. I can tell that it bothers you. And I'm just naturally a really cuddly person, you know? But I know that's not cool with you.”

“Now hold on, Pink-”

“Please let me finish. I'm not worried about you doing anything unsightly or pervy or whatever. I already know you're not gonna do anything like that anyway because you're really respectful and kind and know your boundaries and stuff. You gave Sunset the space she needed when she needed it, after all. But there's also your deal about physical contact. I know you're not gonna even so much as... as hold my hand, or anything like that. That's why I don't ask you like I do AJ, Fluttershy, or anyone else.”

She put both hands in her lap, continuing to look at the floor. “I know you probably have a little bit of, like. Residual guilt and stuff over what happened with Sunset. And with Dashie. And I know you don't want me to feel weird by you being around me. I once had to deal with feeling like a bad person because I thought my friends were cute, and I did eventually get over that. But since that's not really a factor here, shouldn't it be fine? And if it isn't, then I can sleep downstairs on the couch if it makes you feel better. I just thought that maybe you wouldn't wanna be alone...”

Twilight sat down next to Pinkie on the bed, trying to look in her eyes. It was a fool’s venture, but she at least knew that her words would be heard.

“Pinkie. Just so I can be clear with what you're saying... you think that I have a problem with touching, you trust me not to be weird, and you say I don't think you're cute?”

She nodded.

“First of all, that's a load of shit.” Twilight leaned over to wrap her arms around her friend. “I think you've misread me. The reason I’m weird about you girls touching me, or each other, is because I really like it, more than I probably should, and I'm always jealous when you girls hug and hold hands and stuff because you don't do it with me too.”

“But Twi-”

“Please let me finish. Of course I'm attracted to all of you, because you're all really hot. But I've made peace with the fact that you girls are either into men, into horses, or don't think that I’m girlfriend material. All I want is to be able to be physically affectionate with my friends without them thinking that I'm using it as a reason to get my hands on them for sexual pleasure. And I’m scared that you guys are going to think that I’m perving on you, especially when I’m not. But if that's not the case, and you know I'm not, then there shouldn't be a problem here.”

She deepened the hug and took a breath before continuing. “If you want to be cuddly and stuff with me, all you have to do is ask. I do feel bad about what I did with Sunset’s pictures, and to a lesser extent what almost happened when Rainbow and I were drunk, but that's between us. Not you. I also really appreciate your offer to give me the space I need, even though you're wrong about needing it in the first place. But there's something that's been bothering me during what you've been saying...”

Twilight retraced her hands before crossing her legs and turning to fully face Pinkie, who was now willing to look at her. “Do you honestly think that you're less pretty than me?”

She immediately turned away, and after a moment’s hesitation, gently nodded.

“But why?”

Pinkie glanced over, then back to the floor before putting her hands on her stomach. “Like I told you earlier today, I’m not the most physically fit girl in the world. I'm chubby and I have thunder thighs. And yeah, I have these,” she said, motioning to her chest. “But they're not perky like yours and Fluttershy’s and... all the rest of you. My hair is always a frizzy mess, and I guess I'm sort of pretty at certain angles, but I'm just... I’m not like you.”

“How do you mean?”

“You've got your whole meganekko thing going on, your hair’s always super adorkable especially when you have pencils in it, and your makeup is always super on point, especially your eyebrows. And of course your body is really well put together. You're not really sculpted and muscular like AJ and Dashie but next to Rarity, Fluttershy, and Sunset, you’d fit right in on a runway. You're all just so beautiful and skinny and I'm... not...”

“Pinkie, that's stupid.”

She looked up at the sudden resolve in Twilight’s voice.

“You shouldn't compare yourself to others, and you shouldn't let your body shape have any bearing on your self image! I appreciate the kind words aimed at me, but they mean nothing if you turn right back around and disparage yourself. You're a beautiful girl, Pinkie. I don't care if you're not a size zero, and neither do most people, let alone the ones that you've had sex with. And I think it's a crime that you didn't list your ass as one of your best qualities.”

“Twilight...”

“I said that I think all of my friends are hot. You are included in that. You, Rarity, Rainbow, Sunset, all of you. There's no hierarchy or anything, but if there was, then you certainly wouldn't be at the bottom. Why do you think I felt weird about you hugging me? Your boobs feel really nice, okay?”

“...okay.”

Twilight sighed. “I'm sorry. It just... Midnight would tell me I was ugly. I believed her. I hate knowing that you're having similar thoughts to what I did at my worst.”

“I know,” Pinkie interjected, laying her hand on one of Twilight’s. “I'm sorry too... you're right, of course. I'm just...”

“I get it. You don't have to defend your actions to me. Just know that I think you're great, okay?”

“Uh huh.”

The two girls hugged again, and didn't pull away for nearly a full minute.

“So... what side do you want?”

Twilight laughed at this. “I'm already on the left, why don't we just keep it like that?”

Pinkie nodded, as the two girls slid off of the bed and walked around to the sides. They pulled the blankets down and slid in on their respective ends, before nestling in. Twilight set her glasses on the side table then clapped twice, turning the lamp off and bathing the room in the moonlight now unmasked.

“Your sheets are really soft, Twi Twi.”

“Thanks,” she replied. “Rarity recommended them, and mom told me to use those pods to wash.

“The forbidden snack ones?”

Sigh. “Yes, Pinkie.”

Silence rang in the room as the two sat and looked up at the planetary model hanging from the ceiling. Both sat enraptured in thought about the same thing. Their hands gripped the comforter for a moment before, unbeknownst to each other, migrating across the great plain of the bed in the hopes to meet the other.

And meet they did.

/x/x/x/

Author's Note

Hey I know I said that this was gonna be a twoshot but I figured y'all don't wanna read a 10K word chapter so I split it into two easily digestible chunks, and I actually kinda like the way I ended up doing it. Plus I have an idea as for the chapter names. But anyways, I'm uploading this part now, and in a few minutes I'll upload the next part because I want to finish at least something to get my never-finishing insecurities off the table so that I can get back to writing the others fics that predate this one in chronology since there's a very tiny (but totally you-can-see-it-coming-from-a-mile-away) spoiler for a couple of them which isn't really a problem because the story as a whole is the project that I'm putting effort into, rather than a series of individual bits. Wow that was a run-on sentence.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

Whole

/x/x/x/

“Oh!” Pinkie muttered before nervously laughing.

“You too, huh?” Twilight asked, lacing her fingers together with Pinkie’s.

“Yup.”

Twilight rubbed her thumb over Pinkie’s, smiling to herself. So this is what it feels like. Warm. Safe. Secure. A single tear fell out of her eye. Why did this have to have been so hard for so long? All it took was a heartfelt discussion about insecurities, nothing big.

Her mind briefly ran through the steps that got her here. The hospital. The parties. The store. The fight. The conversations. The dinner. The movie. More conversations. And now... here it was. She was holding one of her best friends’ hands. It still didn't feel real.

She shuddered. It didn't feel like anything. It was just... skin touching skin. That's it. What the hell? Shouldn't there be, like, electricity arcing? A swell of rose petals enveloping her body? Heart racing and cheeks blushing and overwhelming elation filling her body? Anything at all?

Not to say that she was disappointed, as she didn't feel bad or empty or anything, but... that was it. Just a lack of anything bad. Just total emptiness. Except it wasn't the emptiness that she was used to, but a very different kind. This one wasn't an encroaching painful one, but one not dissimilar from floating through space. At least she had an anchor point.

And it of course felt nice to touch someone. She felt real, at least. But... it just wasn't enough.

“Hey Pinkie,” she said.

“Yeah?”

“This is nice.”

“Yeah.”

More silence followed. Twilight bit her lip.

“You tensed up,” Pinkie declared. “I feel a but coming.”

Twilight sighed. “I just... wish it felt nicer.”

“Like it's not enough?”

She nodded before realizing that couldn't be seen. “...kinda.”

“That's what it was like for me when I first started hugging people once I started going to school and talking to people outside of my family. We just weren't very physical. So once I first discovered the world of casual affection I thought it was just supposed to feel like... more, you know?”

“I mean, sort of. I've held hands with people before, with Sunset and Rarity and Rainbow. It was always more emotionally affective than ever physically. But this isn't bad, you know? I like this, don't get me wrong.”

“It could be better, you know?”

Twilight turned her head, and could barely make out the profile of Pinkie’s features in the dark.

“How?” She asked.

Pinkie’s head turned to face Twilight’s own. “We could scoot in closer together if you wanted. Like I said before, I'm super cuddly, but I know you're kind of new to this.”

“Right..." Twilight smirked. "I'd jump right in if it wouldn't fill me with anxiety about whether you're okay.”

“Then should I make the first move?”

“I’d appreciate it if you did.”

“Okay,” Pinkie said, before turning sideways and scooching over so that she was closer to Twilight. “Better?”

Their arms were now touching, hands still laced together. This was nicer. Not that before wasn't, but now there was the added warmth of Pinkie’s entire arm rather than just her hand. It felt really nice as well. A single butterfly was release in Twilight’s belly, and she smiled again.

“Yeah,” she said. “A lot, actually.”

“You just let me know if you're ready for more.”

The initial spark had already faded, unfortunately.

“Can we just...” she contemplated whether to finish asking what she was about to ask. On one hand, it could make things super mega ultra hella awkward and ruin everything and send Pinkie out of the room in disgust, or it would be totally fine.

“Mm-hmm?”

There was no possible way the first one would ever happen.

“Can we hug?” Twilight asked. “Under the covers, you know?”

“Of course we can,” Pinkie answered. “In what position are you wanting?”

This was further than she expected to get.

“I don't know,” Twilight replied, unsure. “Just, like...”

How did she want it? If they continued holding hands, their arms would be painfully pinned underneath their bodies. If they adjusted their hands so they were between them instead, it would really get in the way of a proper hug. If they put their lower arms underneath each other there was a chance they might fall asleep, unless...

“Can I put my one arm under your neck, and you put yours under my hip, and then...”

“You mean, like...” Pinkie let go of Twilight’s hand and did as was suggested, so that her arm was supporting Twilight’s waist. “Like this?”

“Yeah,” Twilight said. “And then I put mine...” she snaked her arm up and Pinkie lifted her head and allowed Twilight to assume the position. With her free hand she placed it on her friend’s shoulder, and Pinkie did the same. “Here?”

The two girls lay facing each other, noses just a few centimeters apart. Everything else laid separate sans their arms. Slowly, Twilight moved her chest and hips forward, brushing her bare leg against Pinkie’s. Pinkie in turn moved forward as well, until their breasts came in contact.

“Oh boy...” Twilight muttered to herself. “So that's what that feels like...”

Pinkie giggled. “Warmer than you expected, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s... different when you're not standing up. Or wearing a bra. It's a lot...”

“Squishier?”

Twilight blushed. “You could say that...”

“But does it feel good?”

“...yeah, absolutely! Just... not what I expected.”

“Did you expect magic?”

“Kinda.”

Pinkie laughed at this. “Trust me, it does feel kind of magical if it’s sexual. But if you're just cuddling with a friend, it's not really anything fancy. It's just, you know.”

“Safe and secure?” the pair uttered at the same time, before giggling.

“And really warm, too,” Twilight said after the spate ended. “A lot more than I expected, actually. Are you wearing your geode?”

“Nope!” She answered. “It's probably just my thermowhatchamacallits. I can't make anything explode right now, but I’m always hot. I don't even feel the cold anymore.”

“Really?” Twilight inquired, curiosity piqued. “I'm going to have to do some studies on that then, because that's fascinating. Are any of your other senses inhibited?”

Pinkie shrugged, and Twilight’s hand found it subconsciously drawing slightly down her arm. “Nah, I don't think so,” she answered simply. “Are you comfy?”

In the darkness Twilight would have been barely able to read Pinkie’s features, but without her glasses she was practically flying blind. And she didn't even have wings.

“Yeah, I think so...”

A moment passed as the unspoken ‘but’ impregnated the air.

“Do ya wanna do something different?” Pinkie inquired. “Change positions or something?”

“Not exactly,” Twilight answered. “I'm just... well, a little cold. The air conditioning is a bit higher than I wanted it, and I've got bad circulation, and...”

Pinkie’s answer wasn't vocal. She simply moved closer forward so the girls’ abdomens made contact, and put her dominant hand in the small of Twilight’s back, before rubbing it gently up and down her spine. She also moved her forehead closer so that it too made contact, and twined her legs together with Twilight’s.

“Is that better?” She asked.

“Y-yeah... just...”

“Too much?”

“No!” she exclaimed. “I like this, a lot, I really do, but I'm just... are you okay with this?”

“Mmhmm. I wouldn't do it if I wasn't. But are you warmer now?”

Twilight hesitated before answering. This was certainly an exciting experience, in more ways than one, and she thanked her lucky stars that their hips weren't touching. And yes, she was a lot warmer, but something else was propping up that she was afraid of bringing up because it was a bit of a step forward, at least in her own eyes.

“Yeah, a lot,” she answered eventually. “This feels really nice. A little nicer than I thought it would be.”

This was, of course, true. The warmth she felt laying here with Pinkie dramatically outshined anything she imagined affection of this magnitude to feel like. Both physically and emotionally. The fingernails massaging her back left the faint hint of a tingling sensation in their wake. She began to do the same thing in return.

“Aww,” Pinkie said with a proud smile. “See, look at that. You're taking initiative!”

Twilight offered a grin of her own, but this one was shaded in embarrassment and self consciousness. She was right, though: this was a lot more than she’d done in years in terms of being physically intimate in a platonic sense. Or any sense, really.

Pinkie smelled nice as well, like equal parts cupcake frosting and cocoa butter, but with some subtle hints of freshly fallen rain. Strange, but it definitely seemed to fit. Twilight’s mind briefly turned to Pinkie’s hygiene routine, but she immediately batted those thoughts away so as to keep today innocent. Still...

“Something on your mind?” Pinkie asked. “Or are you just tired?”

Twilight sighed, less out of contentment and more out of dissatisfaction. “Don't get me wrong, this feels really good... and you smell really nice. And I feel just as warm inside as I do out. There's just something else that I kinda wanna try out, but only if you're okay with it.”

“Ask away, Twi Twi!” She breathed. “Odds are I'll be a-okay.”

Twilight bit her lip in thought before answering. On one hand, the absolute worst thing that could happen is that Pinkie says no and they remain in their current position for the rest of the night, which would have been totally fine. But the best case scenario somehow frightened her more.

“Do you...” she faltered, scrambling to come up with something else to take a step out of the grave she just started digging. After coming up with nothing, she found that she didn't want to come up with anything else, and was strong in her conviction to ask. But she had to ask in exactly the correct way to communicate the request effectively.

“Do you want to, and by that I mean are you okay with and willing to, you know... I just wanna... ugh, this is hard.”

“Take your time.”

“I...” she took a deep breath. This is it Twilight, she muttered to herself. Now or never. “I want to see what it feels like to give somebody a platonic kiss. But not on the lips if that's off the table since that's not what I'm aiming for in the first place. Actually I should have just said not at all because I don't think I'm ready for that level just yet and I'm not even sure if that's a thing that people do anyways because-”

Pinkie interrupted her by brushing her own lips over Twilight’s, immediately hushing her up. There was no romantic intent behind it, no tongue either, just brief friendly skin-on-skin contact that was over as fast as it started, and only done to make a point.

“See?” She pointed out. “That's totally fine with me if you wanna when we’re alone. And I only say that because I don't want anybody to think anything is going on if you don't want them to. I don't like you like that, I think we’re better as friends, but I don't think lip kisses have to be only reserved for dates and old people. And anything else you wanna do, that's fine too. I won't be mad, I Pinkie promise.”

Still reeling from the unexpected contact, she nodded slowly and felt a dopey grin cross her face. That didn't feel like romance novels said it would, but it still felt nice nonetheless. Understanding and acceptance and trust rather than electricity and cigarettes and pheromones; it was honestly preferable. She let out a small chuckle before closing her eyes.

“Thank you...”

“You're welcome Twi Twi!”

That gave Twilight the courage to lean forward, much closer to Pinkie than she had been to even Rainbow Dash, and pressed her own lips into Pinkie’s cheek. The contact lasted for only half a moment, but felt like a lifetime. It was no different in nervous response than to pressing her fist onto her mouth, which she did often when attempting to solve mental puzzles. But it still turned her heart into a ball of string for a moment, and she felt weightless.

“Was that so bad?” Pinkie asked.

“No, actually,” Twilight replied. “That's a lot nicer than I thought it was going to be. I was worried it would just feel like nothing, you know?”

“Yeah, I can understand that fear. Just because I don't express it the same way doesn't mean I don't feel it, you know? But yeah, kissing your friends is really nice, nicer than kissing strangers, because you actually know the person.”

Twilight nodded. “It's not special because of what it is, its special because... because it’s with you.”

“Gaaay...” she whispered.

“Well you're not wrong!” Twilight said, laughing. The two girls held each other through their fits of giggles until they calmed down and regulated their breathing.

“Oh, hold on,” Pinkie said after a minute. She took her hand off of Twilight’s back for a moment and did something to her chest before returning to its original position.

“What happened?”

“Oh, my boob slipped out, so I fixed it. Don'cha just hate when that happens?”

Silence greeted her.

“Twilight?”

“I... okay. That's... yeah.”

“I gotta say, that's the worst structured sentence I think I've ever heard you say. Is something wrong?”

Twilight sighed before pulling away, disentangling herself from Pinkie’s limbs. She slipped her glasses back on before standing up.

“Twilight, what's wrong?”

“I gotta use the bathroom...” she muttered, not turning back as she headed out her bedroom door and into the hall. She moved her glasses before wiping off the sudden tears that had welled up.

“This is stupid.”

She continued into the bathroom before hitting the light and shutting the door. She purposefully ignored the mirror, instead setting her glasses on the sink and splashing some cold water on her face.

“It’s just a breast...”

She finally turned to face her reflection. Luckily her eyes weren't red or puffy, but another tear fell. It isn't fair. She shouldn't be sad right now! She was right in the middle of having a really good time with one of her closest friends and feeling incredible and finally coming close to satiating her touch starvation and it all gets thrown out the window over something as dumb and inconsequential as a secondary sex characteristic. A sack of fat tissue!

‘Two of them, actually.’

Twilight gasped. Her reflection copied her. That couldn't have been real, right? The medication made it so that she didn't have hallucinations anymore, so what was...

‘I'm not a hallucination, dummy, I'm your conscience.’

Okay this was either the weirdest dream ever or she just finally snapped and went off the deep end.

‘This isn't anything more than you staging this conversation in your mind so that you can talk yourself down from feeling weird about your friends’ tits. Your subconscious mind is trying to drive your conscious mind back to cuddling with her because let's face it, it felt really nice, okay, and this right here, me talking to you, this is just a literal interpretation of you talking to yourself. Nothing more, nothing less.’

“So... I'm not crazy?”

‘No more than anyone else. I'm actually surprised that we didn't immediately jump to me being the pony princess. But this isn't a psychosis or anything, this is you being overly analytical as always.’

“Um... okay... so, what, are you here to tell me that it's okay to think my friends are hot and it's not weird to cuddle up with them just because Rainbow and Pinkie do it with the rest of us even though my situation is a lot different than theirs is?”

‘It's not that much different. You were just born a little off the base model. But that's not the point here and you know it.’

Sigh. “I guess so... I'm just...”

‘Just what?’

“I don't know! I just. Yeah, I like her a little. But we’re friends, of course I like her! And I think she’s beautiful, because I have working eyes!” She cast said eyes down to her spectacles for a moment. “Well, for the most part.”

‘Is there a but?’

“Of course there is! A really nice one!”

‘...I... no, I mean with one T.’

“...ah...”

‘Twilight, she said that she thinks you're prettier than her. If she can be chill with it then you can too. Plus you've already seen them twice-’

“Don't remind me.”

‘And if she’s clearly okay to cuddle with you even though she finds you attractive and vice versa, even after you've seen her naked if only in passing and from the waist up, then shouldn't you be fine with it, guilt free?’

“I mean... I guess so...”

‘You have to let go of this guilt. You're allowed to be gay, you're allowed to find people attractive, you're allowed to cuddle with people, and you're allowed to be a little flustered by boobs because you've never really touched any but your own.’

“If I'm saying this then I should probably listen... conceited as it may sound, I do give good advice.”

‘You do at that. Now get in there, apologize for being weird, climb under the covers, and get back to cuddling!’

“Okay!”

Suddenly the reflection snapped to the position that she was in, having been staring in one spot for the past minute or so. She washed her face one more time before putting her glasses back on. It really did take place in her mind since she could see herself clearly despite having the sight of a mole with cataracts.

She was right, after all. It was irrational to act as if she was a bad person for, gasp, acknowledging the sexiness of Pinkie Pie, while, gasp again, being a lesbian, and, biggest gasp of all, being physically affectionate with somebody she had a really strong platonic bond with. None of those were bad by themselves, it just seemed bad when you put them all together.

After using the toilet, which she did have to do so she wasn't really lying, she washed her hands and took a deep breath. Tonight will be a good night.

Making her way back to her bedroom and then subsequently her bed, Twilight set her glasses on the side table before getting back under the covers.

“Sorry about that,” she whispered. “I just spazzed out a little because my bladder was full, I guess. Would you be okay with getting back to where we were?”

Pinkie turned over in her bed. Though a little hazy, Twilight could still see colors and shapes, and she could tell that the comforter was wrapped tightly around Pinkie’s chest, and her bare shoulders and arms were over top. That's weird, her shirt was sleeveless but had shoulders, so why...?

“Something you should know about having a big cup size,” Pinkie began, seemingly ignoring the question. “Is that they don't like staying in one place, or they hurt. If they're tightly bound up in place, they don't go anywhere, but the pressure is really high. If they're all loosey goosey and flippety flopping all over the place, then there's not really any pain, but they'll end up in places that smaller chested girls wouldn't be able to imagine. And running is a nightmare either way. Basically, you can't win.”

She took a breath and continued. “I've thought about getting reduction surgery. It would make my life easier. But the thing is, I like having big boobs. It makes my confidence go through the roof, since at least I have something about my body that I like. And yes, I know you're gonna say my body is fine, but I'm talking about my own opinion. And when I have sex with people who really like them, that's really nice for the self esteem too. The only real drawback I have is that most bras for my size are beige, which is why I always buy so much lingerie, because pink lace is a lot more fun than beige not-lace.”

Pinkie reached over to grab Twilight’s hand in her own. “I know it gives you a lot of anxiety to think about seeing other girls’ boobs. So I just wanna apologize for mentioning it earlier. And I don't want that to happen any more. So... and tell me if you're too uncomfortable, but... I wanna help you get through that anxiety if I can help. So...”

She leaned forward, exposing her back. Before Twilight could piece the puzzle together, she let the blanket go and revealed her bare chest. She had apparently removed the shirt and- oh wait it's right there on the foot of the bed, how did she miss that??? Wait a minute, that's not important right now.

“Pinkie!” Twilight cried, averting her eyes and furiously blushing. “Why are you... why did you... what are you... huh?”

“I don't mind if you see them, Twilight.” She said, again refusing to answer any questions. Although to be fair they were only fragments anyways. “I know you like them, but honestly they're just fat and mammary tissue under skin. If I can help you to get more comfortable with them while they're out, then cuddling will be a little easier and less dangerous too, you know?”

Klaxons were going off inside Twilight’s mind, red lights spinning in circles, buildings were on fire, dogs and cats were sleeping together, orange juice flavored toothpaste was flying off of the shelves, unicorns were flying through the air- okay, maybe that one wasn't really too ridiculous, but still.

“A-are you sure ab-about this!?” Twilight asked, stuttering over her words and still finding her telescope to be EXTREMELY interesting. Oohh yes, dear sweet darling telescope, tell me your secrets you sexy dirty motherfu-

“With you, of course I am. You're one of the nicest and most respectful people I've ever met in the demographic of thinking that girls are hot stuff. Even more so than Dashie, and we showered together.”

“I guess...”

“Plus we fucked a couple times.”

“PINKIE!!!”

“...oh, sorry... but yeah, I'm more comfortable with you than with her, if that says anything. Not that I'm uncomfortable with her, but... you know what I mean.”

Twilight breathed a few times and regulated her heartbeat. “Yeah, I think so...”

Okay, so right next to her was a really cute topless girl who was totally okay with cuddling with her and even going so far as to kiss her. This should be every lesbian, straight guy, and bisexual person’s fantasy. And in a way it sort of is.

There's literally nothing that could go wrong, right? Rationally speaking, of course. Pinkie was okay with her being a little bit sexual, but that wasn't an issue anyway because Twilight wasn't going to be sexual with it at all if she could help it. And if she accidentally did do anything weird, Pinkie would know that it was an accident and probably just laugh it off.

It was fine, but still... the fear persisted.

“So... you don't mind if I look?”

“Nope!” She proudly proclaimed. “In fact, if you didn't wanna touch ‘em too, I'd probably be offended.”

Wait a minute, that’s not fear, that's excitement.

It finally made sense now!

“Really?” She asked quicker than she meant to.

“Someone’s happy,” Pinkie giggled before scooting closer to Twilight. “But yeah. It's only a big deal the first time it happens. And honestly, I think that you deserve your first time to be someone shaped more like me than like Dashie anyway. She may be a hot mama but she’s practically a rectangle.”

Peripheral vision won out, and Twilight turned her head. Yeah, those were definitely breasts alright. She subconsciously reached for her glasses and only when she had them in her hands did she realize what happened.

“Want a better look, huh?”

Twilight blushed again. “Is this real?”

Pinkie took Twilight’s hand in her own and brought it to her chest. “You tell me.”

Twilight.exe has stopped working. A problem caused the program to stop working correctly. The operating system will close and notify you if a solution is available.

“...Twilight?”

And suddenly she burst into tears.

“Oh no, I broke you!” Pinkie cried. “Come on, come here...” she gently assuaged, positioning herself so Twilight could rest her head on her shoulder. “Go on and just let it all out. Do you want me to put my shirt back on?”

Twilight nodded sideways once but didn't cease in her crying. She snaked her hands around Pinkie’s arm and laced their fingers together, and sat weeping for a few minutes until her reservoirs were depleted.

She wasn't sad, not really. The dam just broke.

All the pain and suffering in the past, all the guilt and shame, the trials and tribulations, the near suicide, all over this? A loose squishy ball of skin and fat. That's it. Nothing special. She could have grabbed her own for all the physical feeling it did her. It was literally just a breast, nothing more. And that seemed so unfair.

Why couldn't it be more? Why couldn't it be better!? This was supposed to fix everything! Finally being intimately close enough to a girl to do something like this... it was supposed to be more special than this! It was supposed to be this big huge momentous occasion chock full of pomp and circumstance! Not just an oversized heated stress ball!

And that came in with a new source of guilt. She couldn't tell Pinkie that! It could really hurt her feelings! How dare she not appreciate this??? They were her BOOBS for Creator’s sake!!!

“I'm sorry,” she croaked, after her last few sobs. “I didn't mean to do this...”

“Not what you thought it was gonna be, huh?” She asked.

Twilight nodded again.

“Well...” Pinkie turned her friend to face her. “Look at me now.”

She wiped her eyes and then slipped the glasses back on. In front of her sat Pinkie Pie, except she was only wearing short shorts. With the mystery of breasts unveiled, it was actually pretty normal, all things considered. It was the middle of summer, she was magically infused with the ability to set things on fire with her mind, the sheets were exquisite, and she was with somebody she trusted implicitly. If men could do it, there was no reason whatsoever that women couldn’t too, after all.

“It’s different when you’re with somebody that you’re dating,” Pinkie explained. “But if you’re just with friends, it’s really not a big deal. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. You don’t have to feel bad about thinking people are attractive. I think you’re pretty sexy yourself, but I’m able to keep it from making things weird between us, you know? And you can totally do the same thing. You’re doing it right now! You’ve been looking right in my eyes the whole time I’ve been talking.”

Twilight blinked, and realized that it was true. She was worried that she would be staring and making Pinkie feel uncomfortable, but the fact was that it was a non-issue. After touching them and confirming that yes, they were not made of magic, cocaine, and pixie dust, they became... normal.

“So are you feeling anxious about cuddling with me anymore tonight?”

Twilight didn’t have to think hard to come up with the answer. “I don’t think so, Pinkie... only if you’re still okay with it.”

She shrugged. “Honestly I’d even cuddle with you naked. I don’t really have any limits outside of having actual sex.”

“Really?”

“Of course!” she exclaimed. “Like I said, I’m a cuddle monster. And skin on skin cuddling feels really nice, but we’ll just move at your pace.”

Twilight pondered this for a moment. She had of course been interested in every facet of physical affection and platonic intimacy. She just had zero experience. And now she was being presented with an opportunity to practically go right up to the edge of her own limits? She decided to grab that bull by the horns. Why settle?

“I don’t know about the naked part,” Twilight indicated, eyes briefly flashing downwards at herself. “But, um...” Okay, this wasn’t harder than any of the other prior situations, but it still felt like more even though she literally groped her friend just a few minutes ago.

“Buuuuuuut...?”

Twilight inhaled. Geronimo.

“Would you mind too terribly if I was topless too?”

Pinkie nodded. “Do whatever makes you comfy. If I don’t like something I’ll tell you.”

Oh good, she was fine with it. Now all that Twilight had to do was... take off her... shirt... and bra. Oh boy, maybe she should have thought this one through a little more. Now that she was presented with the opportunity do so, and permission was granted, the last bump was... hard, for lack of a better term.

She took a few deep breaths before placing her fingers underneath either side of her tank top. This was, of course, the easy one. Slowly, she began lifting the fabric, revealing the purple skin of her belly underneath. Pinkie respectfully turned her head the other way, and was inspecting the bookshelves. She had, of course, never read any of them.

The top was now halfway off. Not that it would have been her go-to pick for clothing, but Twilight owned a few crop tops and had worn them before. Rarity's influence. Not with anybody but her friends, of course, and only when it was ridiculously hot. But any more than this would be more naked than she had ever been with anybody. The bath with Rainbow Dash and their several beach trips didn’t count because bathing suits are different, even if they’re bikinis.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Pinkie reminded. “And if you just say the word, I’ll put mine back on.”

“I do want to,” Twilight affirmed as she pulled it the rest of the way off. “But thank you for being so patient with me.”

“Uh huh. That bra is super cute by the way!”

“Thanks,” she said, graciously accepting the compliment. “Rarity suggested it. It makes me feel pretty even if I’m in a blah mood.”

“I know how you feel. I have a designated period bra that’s got sequins on it. No panties for obvious reasons. And I don’t typically wear a bra when I’m on my period, just a sweater. But it’s the thought that counts.”

Twilight almost said that she couldn’t relate, but wasn’t ready to open that whole can of worms just yet. After today she was a little closer to being ready to telling everybody, but that day was far off. So far only the pony princess Twilight knew, but that was due to other extenuating circumstances and wasn’t going to be a problem. Sunset probably could guess, but she wouldn’t care.

“Well,” she said, reaching her arms behind her back. “Might as well.”

The clasp came easily undone, and she reached to her shoulders and pulled the straps down. No point delaying the inevitable, after all. After pulling them down and off of her arms, she pulled it off and folded it in half, setting it neatly on the floor on top of her tank top. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Pinkie’s small smile and light blush.

“Like what you see?” She teased, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“They’re perky and adorable.” Pinkie intoned. “Definitely better than Dashie’s.”

Twilight laughed. “I’m gonna tell her you said that.”

She shrugged in response. “Go ahead. I ain’t afraid of no Rainbows. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Twilight nodded before climbing over and hugging Pinkie from behind. “I am now,” she said before moving back to the pair’s previous position and setting her glasses on the side table. “Same as before?” she asked.

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie cried, returning as well.

The two girls slipped back underneath the covers and slid back to how they were laying before. Except now, their breasts weren’t separated by fabric, and the girls were a lot closer together so that more of their torsos were connected. It was warm.

Twilight leaned forward to kiss Pinkie on the forehead. She in turn giggled, and kissed Twilight’s nose back. She blushed in response.

The two girls twined their legs together again, and they moved their hands to meet each other. Lacing their fingers together, the girls closed their eyes and their breath began to slow.

“Good night, Twilight.”

“Good night, Pinkie.”

And with that, the two fell asleep, finally meeting rest after a long day.

/x/x/x/

Author's Note

Believe it or not but this is literally the first more-than-2K-words fic that I have ever, EVER completed. In my now seven year fanfiction career spanning three aliases on two sites, I have finally completed a fic! :D

...please be gentle, senpai...

Anyways, this of course takes place after TFW You Find Your Crush's Nudes. There will be a fully chronological continuity in the group that I'm going to be adding all of the stories to, that lists every single fic in this series in a row. It honestly doesn't matter what order you read them in, because of the way they're designed, but they're there if you're interested in the extended continuity and would like to see more of the versions of the characters as I have depicted them in my fics.

Speaking of the characters, there will be a direct sequel to this fic that revolves around Twilight and Pinkie and cuddling, currently in development, entitled Cuddle Party. So if you wanna read that eventually, feel free to follow me and keep up on all my projects. And if you like what I've written here and want more, my other fics like to stay fairly similar in terms of style, tone, perspective, and theme. Yay for shameless self plugging! *dabs*

But yeah, thanks to the people who read this fic and gave me likes. And if enough people express interest in this specific story, I might do an epilogue chapter about what happens in the morning ;)