The 4000 Year Old Virgin

by Harmlesskitten13

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Violence, Slice of Life, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character
Length: 83497

4000 years isn't too old to still be a virgin...right?

At 4000 years old, Queen Chrysalis has a lot going for her: she was definitely is a Queen of one of the mightiest changeling hives in all Equestria, she's next in line to be the Queen of Queens, and she is most certainly NOT a virgin. She's had dozens, if not scores, of partners in her life. After all, how could you live that long without losing your virginity? That'd be just weird, and Queen Chrysalis is the least weird changeling you'll find.

(Rated "Teen" for occasional lewd references, and "Sex" for allusions to the horizontal mambo. Nothing explicit, but better safe than sorry, right? Cover image done by the wonderful apricalico/feellikeaplat)

(Also, this was featured on Feb. 20 and 26, 2019! Thank you to all who have read it!)

Published 2018-01-11 15:00:12 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-02 23:49:55 UTC

Chapter 2

Changeling Queen courtship rituals are considerably different when compared to nearly every other known sapient species. While many cultures use warfare as a means of showing one's prowess and desirability, the royalty of Changelings see open combat as the only way of proving one's worth. Special liturgical armor is made up for each Queen, and she wears it both during the fray and the later mating process, although exceptions do occur. The armor is usually inscribed with both symbols important to the Queen, and represent the new dynasty she intends to create. -The Rise of the Changeling Queendom, Vol. I by Works Cited

Here she was: rock bottom. The lowest of the low. A place in her life that she wouldn't wish upon her worst enemy. A place where only the most miserable and pitiful beings must go, a place which leaves an indelible mark of shame upon all who experience it. The kind of stain that inevitably invades the rest of one's life, blotting out any and all rays of happiness. It was...moving back in with one's mother.

Chrysalis glowered at the door to her old bedroom, as one would at a mortal enemy. This couldn't be happening, could it? She was Chrysalis! Future Queen of Queens! She deserved an ornate throne, surrounded by the finest stolen luxuries, not this. The young Queen hung her head in shame as the door slowly opened. Yup. Just like she had left it.

A modest room spread out before her. In the corner, a twin-sized bed. Just big enough for one, which was fine. Really. She didn't need a bigger bed, because reasons. Next to it was a little worn night stand, with an ugly teal lamp on top. Sitting underneath was an old phonograph, the needle still embedded in a record, and the headphones plugged in. Wait, if that was still there, was her-yup, it sure was. Above the bed, affixed to the ceiling with tape and pushpins, was a poster of one of her favorite bands from back in the day. Sure, most philistines would say that "The Crimson Ants" weren't that good, or that they just screamed obscenities in the hopes of sounding 'punk,' but Chrysalis knew better. That was real music. It spoke to her. It didn't judge her, or make fun of her when she had braces for five non-consecutive years. No, it understood the real her. Of course, it didn't hurt that the lead singer was cute, and got her through some lonely nights during her younger years. And older years.

On the opposite side of the room sat a dusty desk, and a creaky stool next to it. She grimaced. That stupid stool and that stupid desk had stupidly supported her while she had to do her stupid homework for stupid high school because her stupid mom had made her go to a stupid Equestrian school to gather stupid intelligence. And now? Now she had homework again. To the left of the desk was a bookcase, filled with records and old por-books. Definitely books. Not disguised smut. Books.

She closed the door behind her with a sigh. Who knows? Maybe Twilight will reject her stupid love letter, and she'll have her new hive in no time! Or...

Or maybe Twilight accepts it. What if she does? What if she's one of those ponies that's normal in the streets and a freak in the sheets?! You know the kind! Hey, wasn't she a librarian or something?! Oh jeez, librarians are ALWAYS into the bizarre stuff! It's scientific fact! Oh jeez, oh jeez. What if she not only likes the letter, but straight-up falls in love with her over it?! It'd make the decapitation awkward, that's for sure. And that's the best part! Or so she's been told. Or what if she meets up for the battle, but goes overboard, and annihilates the future Queen of Queens?! The whole bloodline stops, then the species dies out! No. This can't happen. There's only one way to make sure that not only does she NOT have to go on some awkward first date, but also gets her hive!

Dominatus sighed. Her day was already going to be stressful enough in dealing with her daughter, but this was too much. She'd give up her position, her wealth, her power, and all the love in the universe if she could get away with avoiding ONE status meeting. Just one! But no. There were fourteen departments, and all fourteen were required to give an hour-long status report every week. These reports were required to keep the Queen of Queens in the know, as it were. Without them, the hive would suffer immensely, or so she'd been taught. It was something her mother had taught her, and her mother before her. As the head of cartography gave his report, ostensibly about nothing even remotely important, the Queen of Queens gently leaned over to her assistant.

"Alpha-6820, how much longer does Gamma-1104 have on his report?" she whispered. The drone leafed through a few papers on his clipboard.

"Sixteen more pages, so by my estimate...approximately forty-eight minutes." Dominatus sneered. Forget protocol and tradition; she needed a break! The Queen politely cleared her throat, stopping the reporting drone mid-sentence.

"Yes, my Queen of Queens? Is there something wrong?" The royal took on a grateful expression.

"No, Gamma-1104, there is nothing wrong. With that said, while I do appreciate the effort you have taken in order to be as...thorough as you are in your reports, unfortunately I may have to cut your time short today." The drone's ears drooped.

"Ah. Y-yes, your Majesty of Majesties. Would you prefer I return at a later time to finish my report?" the head cartographer asked. Dominatus blanched.

"No, no. That won't be necessary. Perhaps you could summarize your report in a few sentences?" she offered, gesturing with her hoof. Gamma-1104's ears perked up.

"Of course, your Highness of Highnesses! Um. Alright. In a few sentences?" he asked. The Queen nodded once. "After re-mapping the borders of the Crystal Empire, as well as what remains of the Griffon Empire, we have discovered that nothing has changed. This is despite my initial beliefs that the politically-based nautical borders had shifted by zero-point-zero-zero-zero-nineteen percent within the last quarter. Is that informing enough, my Queen of Queens?" Dominatus smiled.

"Oh, it was most informative, Gamma-1104. Thank you for your succinctness. I look forward to your next report." The drone bowed deeply, gathered his many maps and papers, and left the throne room. As soon as the door was closed, the Queen sighed and looked to her faithful assistant.

"Alpha-6820, who is next to give a report?" she asked.

"Head Cartographer Gamma-1104 was the last for today, my Queen of Queens." the drone responded, crossing a name off the list on his clipboard. "Would you like to know the status of Queen Chrysalis of the Badlands Hive?" Dominatus opened her mouth in shock.

"Yes, please." she responded with a knowing smile. Alpha-6820 seemed to know what she wanted before she even wanted it. A Queen couldn't ask for a better assistant.

"According to all reports, she has remained in her bed chambers since after you met with her for tea at oh-nine-hundred this morning, my Queen of Queens. Shall I fetch her for you?" the drone replied. The royal shook her head in response.

"No, thank you. And I think that should be all for today, Alpha-6820. Enjoy the rest of the night." Dominatus said, rising from her throne. The drone bowed, before flying off through a hidden door.

"She's been hiding out in her room all day, hmm? I hope she's actually been writing those love letters, and not just listening to that noise she calls music...or worse." The elder Queen thought with a frown. "Well, I suppose there's only one way to find out."

It had taken hours upon hours, but she had done it: Chrysalis had written five love letters that were off-putting enough to make the Princess of Friendship reject her immediately, but also sneakily good enough to convince her mother that she wasn't just trying to weasel out of this whole 'dating' thing. It was almost a shame, really. After all that effort, only one of her works of art would be chosen to fulfill her master plan. Suddenly she was startled by a knocking on her door.

"Hello, Chryssi, how have you been? Your letters are done, I hope?" sang the Queens of Queens as she entered. Chrysalis swiveled around with a scowl.

"Mom! I thought we agreed that you would ask before coming in!" she said, trying to project an air of authority. After all, this room was Chrysalis' sovereign territory, and intruders could not be tolerated.

"I agreed to no such thing. As I recall, you demanded that after I caught you in a compromising position, oh, 1800 years ago or so? And I told you that it was my hive, and I would go where I please, when I please, how I please." Her mother tittered in response. "Anyway, did you finish your letters like I asked?"

The younger Queen straightened on her stool. "I did. And I think you'll be most pleased with them." she replied, flashing a toothy grin. Dominatus smirked.

"Oh, I'm sure. Let's see them." she said, telekinetically retrieving them from the desk. Her smirk quickly turned to a frown as she read the first letter. Her eyes darted back and forth, reading each letter quickly. Finishing the final sheet, she lowered the papers, revealing a piercing glare. Her nostrils flared as she took short, ragged breaths, and her horn glowed red.

All of a sudden, Chrysalis didn't feel so confident anymore.

"THIS. WHAT. IS. THIS." the elder royal demanded, shaking the papers in her magic. Her daughter shrunk away, refusing to look her in the face.

"Um...it's the...the letters you wanted me to write...to...Twilight Sparkle?" the Queen choked out. Dominatus scowled at her progeny.

"Did you actually write 'YO BB LEMME SMASH' as the opener to one of your letters?! What does that even mean?! It sounds like absolute gibberish! And this! THIS! When did I EVER teach you that saying something as grotesque as 'Let me shoot my eggs into your mouth.' would help you do anything except repulse those around you?! I...I can't believe you! All day, ALL DAY you spent on this! And this is the best you can come up with?! This kind of failure genuinely makes me wonder if I actually hatched you, or if some lesser Queen replaced my real heir with a fake!" the elder Queen exploded. She sat on Chrysalis' bed, trying to slow her breathing. She rubbed the sides of her head and closed her eyes. In an instant, the five sheets were ash. Soon, all that could be heard was the labored, heavy gasping as the Queen of Queens attempted to understand the insanity that the future leader of all Changelings had written. She stayed like this for several minutes, before looking back up at her terrified daughter, and took one final deep breath.

"Okay, Chryssi. I um, I lost my temper there. For some reason, I believed you were capable enough to write a simple love letter, when, clearly, you are not. And that's my fault. I accept the blame for it. You obviously require a more...guided approach to this. So, tomorrow I'm going to leave the minutiae to Alpha-6820, and you and I are going to spend the day together. We'll...we'll hammer this thing out-"

"N-" Chrysalis interjected.

Her mother magically snapped her mouth shut. "WE ARE GOING TO DO THIS TOGETHER." Dominatus continued through gritted teeth. "I will help you write the love letter, we will decide on a proper gift, and we will pick out proper attire for you. TOGETHER. And you will thank me at the end of it all. Do you understand?" Chrysalis, her mouth still magically sealed, simply nodded her head.

"Good. Good." the elder stated. "Now. You're going to go to bed, and we are going to be up nice and early tomorrow. I can't afford to take more than one day off, lest the hive suffer for it, so we must make tomorrow count." And with that, Dominatus stood from the bed, and silently left the room. The door closed with a slam, and Chrysalis was again alone.

"Well." the young Queen sniffled. "That could have gone better."

Despite the less-than-ideal happenings prior to bed, Chrysalis actually slept rather well, all things considered. Sure, the bed was smaller than she remembered, and her pillow not as comfy as the one in her last hive, but it was a good, solid sleep. She even had that one dream she liked, where she conquered Equestria, and even had her own personal seraglio! Too bad it all came to a screeching halt. More screech than halt, though.

"RISE AND SHINE, LOVE BUG! WE'RE GETTING YOU A DATE TODAY!" came an ear-splitting voice. Was that...her mother? It sounded almost...happy? Admittedly, it had been far too long since Chrysalis had heard her mother's 'happy' voice, so it was entirely possible that it was all just a feint to lull her into a false sense of security, but still. Happy.

"Ugh, what year is it?" she whined, rubbing her eyes. Whatever time it was, it was way too early to be this cheerful. Sure enough, her mother was standing over her, with a mad grin plastered on her face. Giving a sneer, Chrysalis grunted as she turned away from her mother, covering her head with a blanket. Dominatus' smile grew even larger as she raised a wooden spoon and metal bucket. Hovering it just above her daughter's head, she violently thrashed the spoon back and forth on the inside of the bucket, releasing a horrific clanging noise. The young Queen crashed to the floor, clutching her ears.

"JEEZ-O-PETE, MOM! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME DEAF?!" she screamed.

Her mother simply stood over her, put the makeshift alarm clock away, and kept smiling. "I'm just so excited for you! You get to cross into motherhood soon, as well as become a true Queen! Last night I was thinking about how I could help you, and it made me think of my dating days! I know exactly what we're going to do! You are going to LOVE today!" Chrysalis didn't respond; using her nightstand, she pulled herself to a wobbly standing position. Her mother passed a mug of black coffee. As she took a sip, she cringed; it was ice-cold.

"Come on, come on! Drink faster! We have a whole day ahead of us!" the excited elder Queen declared, tipping the mug up. Chrysalis choked as she drank as much as she could.

"There! You've had your coffee! I want to show you something!" Dominatus giggled. It made her daughter nervous. She hadn't seen her mother this giddy in, well, ever. Anyone that chipper this early should not be trusted; it was scientific fact. Nevertheless, she followed her mother into the Royal Bedchambers, or as the ancient script above the door read, "The Room With the Leech-Free Bed". Technically true, but somebody really needed to change the script on those one of these days to something a little more regal.

The Royal Bedchambers was not nearly as ornate and incredible as the atrium. This is not to say that it did not have its grandeur, however: to the left, priceless crystal orbs containing information only available to a Queen's eyes sat on beautifully adorned shelves. To the right, a large closet, filled with various ceremonial garbs, passed down from generation to generation. Next to the door was a vanity, with different bits and bobs of jewelry that its owner had collected over the centuries. And in the center, an enormous canopy bed. The bed posts alone were easily twice the height of Chrysalis. Each post was made of ivory, with thousands of intricate designs carved into each one. Sitting on the bed were three boxes, all different sizes and shapes. The smallest was a cube made of South Zebrican Bloodwood, with timeworn runes carved into the sides. The largest was flat and long, and made of dyed flyder silk, stretched and formed by master artists into a rigid shape. The final container was a simple, small cardboard box. Rectangular in shape, and bearing the faded symbol of some company long gone. It was bound shut with twine.

Dominatus giggled like a child as she closed and locked the door behind her. She took a calming breath, and sat down on the bed. "Okay! So! Last night I was thinking about the awful job you did writing those letters. Just awful. But then I thought 'How could I help her? What could I give her to help?' And it hit me! My old courtship gear!" the Queen exclaimed, gesturing towards the boxes next to her. "You have no idea how much tail this stuff used to get me when I was your age!" she stated with a lecherous smile. Her daughter leaned away from the bed.

"Mom, how many times have I begged you to not tell me about your love life?" Chryaslis asked, giving the boxes a sideways glance. Her mother chuckled.

"As many times as I've told you that I don't care." she responded with a smirk. Turning to the silken box, she removed the lid, revealing a suit of battle armor. The armor itself was a collection of thin plates, connected by metal rings. Many of the plates had embedded sharpened studs, and the ends of some were honed to a fine degree. Her daughter snickered.

"Seriously, Mom? You wore THAT?" she said, making no attempt to hide her laughter. Dominatus frowned.

"What's wrong with my courtship armor?" She said, the indignity obvious in her voice.

Her daughter chuckled some more. "Oh, I don't know, maybe it's the shoulder pads that haven't been in fashion for thousands of years, or the color, or the fact that if it looks this bad in the light here, I shudder to think what it would look like in natural sunlight."

Her mother gave her an unamused stare. "Yes. Well. I happen to know that your father thought it looked good in 'natural sunlight!' Come to think of it, he enjoyed it in the moonlight, as well." she replied wistfully. Chrysalis made a gagging sound. "Anyway, whether the style is in vogue at the moment is irrelevant. The reason I brought it out is to show you what you should be going for. You can't just slap on some armor and think it will attract a mate! You want something that's light, yet strong. Dark, yet shimmering. Sharp and angled, yet soft and curvy. Menacing, yet flowy!" Her daughter scrunched her nose.

"'Menacing, yet flowy?' What does that even mean? And why can't I just wear my crown?" she whined.

Her mother tsk-ed. "Because I said so, dear. Besides, you always look so good in armor!"

"Mom, the last time I wore any sort of 'decorative' armor was for prom!" Chrysalis exclaimed. Her mother magically pinched her cheek.

"I know, and you looked absolutely darling in it!" she said with a smile. Her daughter looked off into the distance.

"Yeah, but everybody laughed at me...like, more than usual. And then there was that whole bucket of blood thing, which only made them laugh more..." she said in a far-away voice.

"Well, nobody will laugh at you in your new armor, so don't worry!" Dominatus said, as she held her old ensemble up in the light.

"...I mean, I'm not complaining about the blood; it was pigs' blood, and that stuff is pretty tasty! But...I don't think they meant to give me a snack..." Chrysalis said, with a worried look on her face. "And are janitors allowed to lock you in a storage closet for days? I don't think so, but I never really paid attention in law class..." Her monologue was cut short by her mother clopping her hooves in front of her face.

"Hey! Pay attention! Do you want this to happen or not?" her mother demanded. She looked away.

"Not really, no." the young Queen replied dismissively. "To be honest, I'd rather just take the drones and leave."

"Well, too bad. You're going to get some beautiful armor before the end of the day, like it or not." The Queen of Queens stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, come on, Mom! Can't I just get some armor off the rack? It's all the same anyway!" she said, waving a leg in the air. Her mother placed a hoof to her barrel, looking hurt.

"Nononono, young lady! You are NOT going to look like some common grunt! Especially not for your first date! If you're not interested in mine, then we'll get your armor from somewhere a bit more...special. At least more special than the Quartermaster's office." Dominatus said with a devious smile. Her daughter gave a quizzical look before it dawned on her.

"Oh no, you don't mean-"

The room that held the Royal Clothier was, in a word, colorful. Some would say that it bordered on gaudy, or that trying to fit every known color into one enclosed space didn't leave a good impression, but it did leave an impression. One could say that's the point of art, and if that was the case, then the room certainly succeeded.

"Blech. It's like someone threw up a box of crayons in here." Chrysalis said, wincing as she entered the room. Her mother followed behind her, calling out for the owner of the multi-hued chamber.

"Mu! Mu! Are you here?" A little black head poked out from a storage space in the back.

"Of course, my Queen of Queens! To what do I owe the pl-oh! And my Queen! Goodness, I'm just being graced by all sorts of nobility today, aren't I?" the little changeling said, bowing before the two royals.

"Ah, my favorite royal fitter! How have you been, Mu?" the elder Queen asked. The changeling pulled out a bottle of bitterroot wine, poured three glasses, and passed two of them to his visitors. Chrysalis took a polite sip, and gagged. She was expecting it to be bitter, of course, but the astringency was so extreme she had to steal a glance at the bottle it came from to make sure it wasn't actually acid.

"Oh, I have been wonderful, your majesty! I've been working on a way to magically infuse your elite guards' armor to become resistant to all forms of offensive arcane spells!" He said, gesturing for the three of them sit down on a nearby couch. Dominatus gave an approving nod.

"That is excellent to hear, Mu! I look forward to seeing the final product!" she said with a smile. "So there is a special reason that we're visiting you today. You may want to mark this day on your calendar, because it's a day we never believed would happen. It's practically a miracle!"

Mu took a drink from his glass. "You finally convinced Occultatum that velour track suits are not Queenly attire?" Dominatus snorted.

"I said miracle, not impossibility." She took another sip from her glass. "No, little Chryssi is going on a date! Finally!"

The little clothier gasped and looked at an extremely bored Chrysalis. "Congratulations, dear! So, who's the lucky creature? When's the battle?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but her mother cleared her throat, stopping her. "Ahem. Well. We haven't gotten to that point yet, which is why we're here. Chryssi needs some armor."

"Is that right? Well, I'd be honored to do it!" Mu set his glass down, and began walking around the younger Queen, 'hmm-ing' as he went. Chrysalis arched an eyebrow.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Without answering her, he looked up at the Queen of Queens. "What species is she going after?"

"Pony. A recently-crowned Princess." she replied, before taking another sip of the acidic wine.

"Ah. That would make sense, wouldn't it? She always did prefer the equine form." The tailor took another lap around the callow Queen, before tsk-ing. "Well, there's really not much to work with here."

Chrysalis whipped her head around. "EXCUSE ME?! Just what is that supposed to mean?!" Her mother shushed her.

"Quiet, dear. He's working!" she said with a mischievous grin.

Mu took a final lap before sitting down back down on the couch. "Hmph. Between the flat flank, the droopy thorax, and altogether unimpressive face, I'd say I have my work cut out for me." he said, finishing his glass.

Chrysalis could feel the heat rising in her face, more out of anger than embarrassment, for once. "WHAT?!" she yelled. Her mother chuckled.

"He's right, you know. You do have a droopy thorax. Maybe if you spent more time fighting than feeding, you would be a bit more toned." she said after filling her glass with more wine.

The young Queen sat a little higher on the couch, the indignity showing in her posture. "I look perfectly normal for a Queen, thank you! My image projects fear and respect! It says that none should even think about crossing me, lest they be destroyed!"

Mu refilled his glass. "No, it says 'I've spent the last five thousand Friday nights alone with a tub of ice cream and a trashy romance novel."

Chrysalis threw her glass to floor, shattering it. She angrily stood from the couch and charged her horn. "YOU DARE SPEAK TO A CHANGELING QUEEN THAT WAY?! YOU FORGET YOUR STATION, YOU LITTLE WHELP! I SHOULD FEAST ON YOUR FLESH AND LEAVE THE HEAD ON A PIKE AS A WARNING TO OTHERS!"

"CHRYSALIS J. SUCCEDANEUM! You will NOT speak to Mu that way!" Dominatus shouted, tugging at her daughter's ear to bring her back down to the couch.

"But Mooooom!" she whined.

"Don't you 'but mom' me! Mu is a trusted family friend! And more importantly, he's right." Chrysalis began to protest again, but a stern look from her mother prevented it. Mu raised from the couch.

"I mean no offense, your Highness. I'm merely stating what I see." he said, bringing over another glass of wine.

Giving a look as unamused as she could muster, Chrysalis took the beverage. "And what you see is a fat loser?" The little clothier took a sip.

"Well, those aren't the words I would use, but...yes." he replied, looking away. The young Queen ground her teeth in frustration, as her mother put her foreleg around her.

"Oh, buck up! Mu will make you an incredible set of armor, and after you send your letter and picture to-"

Mu turned back to face the two royals. "Picture? What picture?" he asked. Dominatus gave a sheepish look.

"Oh, right. I almost forgot. Mu, we're going to need something else in addition to the courting armor." the Queen of Queens said. "Mu, we're...and by 'we' I mean 'her'...going to need some lingerie." The tailor raised his brow in surprise.

"Lingerie? What would you need lingerie for?" he asked, cocking his head in confusion.

The elder Queen cleared her throat. "Well...since the object of Chryssi's affection is a pony, she needs to attract her in a way that ponies do now. And, apparently, that way is through the sending of a picture that involves oneself...in a compromising position." Mu dropped his wine glass in shock. "So for that picture, I was thinking something like a form-fitting torsolette made of magicaeferro, with a chain-mail negligee to cover it. Ideally her ovi would be visible, as a means of enticing her target."

Chrysalis was trying to sink into the couch, hoping against hope that somehow the fabric would begin to swallow her whole, leaving nothing but a wine glass. And with any luck, she would end up literally anywhere else in the universe right now. Come to think of it, it didn't even have to be this universe. Any universe. Any universe that didn't require her to sit next to her mother while she talked about her private parts to a drone she hadn't seen in decades.

Mu stood stationary. "M-my Queen of Queens? I'm...I'm not sure I would be comfortable doing this. To be completely honest, the idea of creating a piece of lingerie so your daughter can send some Equestrian royal a lewd picture is upsetting to me. Is...is that how ponies attract each other?" Dominatus nodded. "I...I don't know how to feel about that. I-wait. Who is the royal that she desires? It's not that Prince Charming fellow, is it?"

The elder Queen shook her head. "No, fortunately. And to my knowledge, he's barely royalty. And I highly doubt he'd be worthy of her; he seems to be a bit of a dandy." Chrysalis, out of her daze, spoke up.

"For once, I agree with my mother. I wouldn't touch that fop if he was the last royalty left on the planet. And I do NOT 'desire' Twilight! She's literally the only Equestrian royal that isn't a freak or a weirdo!" she exclaimed.

Her mother rolled her eyes. "Oh, drop the act, dear. Nobody believes you." She took a final sip, finishing her glass. "Mu, trust me, I'm no more comfortable with this sort of thing than you are. In my personal opinion, if you're going to do something as crass as send a picture like that, without even being in a relationship, you may as well just assume the position and beg to be rutted." The tailor nodded his head in agreement.

"Yes, it is most certainly a trampy thing to do."

Chrysalis whipped her head back and forth between the two changelings flanking her. "Wait. If it's such a 'trampy' thing to do, why are you making me do it?!" The elder Queen looked away from her daughter.

"Because, dear, it's how Equestrian society works these days! Keep with the times! And besides, we need to show this Princess that you're hip and with-it!" she said with a grin.

"Hip?' 'With-it?'" Chrysalis scrunched her nose. "You're so old, you know that?" Dominatus shushed her daughter.

"Hush. Mu, I wish I didn't have to put you through this, but if anyone can turn my fat loser of a daughter into a shining beacon of power and authority, it's you. What do you say?" The little clothier looked thoughtful.

"Well...it certainly won't be easy, that's for sure. But why not? I do so love a challenge." he said, bringing out his tape measure. "My Queen, if you'll step over to that platform, I'll take your measurements."

Chrysalis groaned in response. "Aw, c'mon, do I have to?" she said, rising from the couch. As she walked over to a small stage bordered by mirrors, Mu gave a smirk.

"Yes, you have to. That is, unless you want your armor to sag and droop like your-" Suddenly his mouth was snapped shut by magic.

"Finish that sentence and I'll throw you through a window. Got it?" Chrysalis threatened, glaring daggers at the small drone. The tailor nodded, and got to work. For all his faults, she had to admit that he was definitely a master at his craft. Before she realized, he was done measuring, and already sketching out ideas on a nearby pad of paper. Dominatus stood from the couch, and finished her glass. Again.

"Well, Mu, thank you very much for your hospitality, and for dealing with my daughter. We will be back tomorrow to see what you've come up with." she said, steadying herself with the arm of the couch. The clothier bowed.

"As always, it was my pleasure. I look forward to seeing you again." She smiled in agreement.

"And I, you. Until tomorrow. Come, Chryssi! We still have much to do!" The young Queen walked over in a huff.

"Mom, please stop calling me that! I'm not a child." she muttered. Her mother just laughed as the two left the drone to his work. As they entered the hallway, Chrysalis began walking away from her mother.

"Excuse me, but where do you think you're going?" the elder asked her daughter. Without turning around, the young Queen kept walking as she answered.

"To my room, to sleep for the rest of the day and hope that I forget everything that just happened."

Dominatus harumphed. "I. Don't. Think. So!" she said as she teleported in front of her daughter. "We still need to write a love letter, and this time it's going to be a good one. And to do that, we must discover your crush's preferences." Chrysalis gave a smarmy look.

"Oh, sure. Why don't I just pass her a note that says 'Do you like me? y/n'" she sneered. "And also? She's not my crush! Stop saying that!" Her mother waved a dismissive hoof.

"Don't be stupid; it's unbecoming of a Queen. If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right. So next stop: Intelligence!" Dominatus announced, dragging her daughter behind her.

"Ugh, fine. But could you promise me that you'll show a little more discretion than you did with that clothing drone? It was SO embarrassing!"

Author's Note

Chapter 2!

So, I wrote the beginning of this chapter with the intention of just following the thoughts in Chrysalis' mind. ~~Like mine~~ Like many peoples' her mind jumps from thought to thought, and when under stress, conclusions are usually half-baked and poorly-thought out. I hope that's the impression you had when you read it. If not, please let me know how I could improve it!

As before, if you love it, are indifferent, or just plain hate it, let me know and thanks for reading!

Chapter 3

The fear of a changeling replacing somepony in the middle of the night, never to be heard from again, is a very real threat to many Equestrians. There is an especially palpable anxiety among royalty. Recent events, such as the incidents involving the nobility of Canterlot and the Crystal Empire, can attest to this. However, one could argue that the aristocracy has less to fear than the common townspony. Not because an aristocrat's life is more important, but rather because the common pony could easily be a changeling in disguise, and those around them are none the wiser. Notably, this is a fear in the larger, more metropolitan cities, where the bulk of Equestrian citizenry lives. It has been theorized that there are thousands of changelings lurking in these areas, all spying on and feeding off the population. - The Rise of the Changeling Queendom, Vol. 2 - by Works Cited

Although many in the Hive would hate to admit it, the most important room in the MacIntosh Mountains was not the Throne Room, nor the Armory, nor even the Quartermaster's Storage. No, they were all important in one way or another, but the room that held the Archives dominated them all. Fully staffed every hour of every day, it was constantly abuzz with energy. Hundreds of small crystal orbs, used for secret communication between the workers and incognito field agents, filled a massive wall on the left. On the right, drones flew back and forth between desks carved out of the rock, usually only long enough to copy a new piece of information before flying back to a different orb. In the rear was a small door. Many would simply pass by it, uncaring as to the contents that lay beyond it. Above the door, as always, was a sign written in ancient Changeling script denoting what it was. Specifically, it was "The Room With the Super Sneaky Secret Stuff." At the center of it all sat a bespectacled changeling, Delta-9201, checking and re-checking a stack of papers on his desk. He barely noticed the two Queens as they approached. Dominatus cleared her throat.

"Yes, I'll be with you in a mo-ah! My Queen of Queens! And my Queen! Please forgive me for my rudeness! What may I do for you today?" the changeling said, bowing his head in respect. The elder Queen smiled. Delta-9201 was one of the best intelligence administrators she had hatched, even if he was a bit absent-minded from time to time.

"Hello Delta-9201. How goes the intel-farming on the Minotaur Kingdom?" she asked. The drone sniffed and adjusted his glasses.

"To be honest, your Highness, it could be better. These overly-muscled bipeds are some of the most untrusting creatures we've encountered in a while. We've barely made a dent in infiltrating even their lower noble castes, to say nothing of the complete lack of success in penetrating their upper. I apologize for our failures, my Queen of Queens." he replied, lowering his head in shame. Dominatus raised a hoof, and brought his chin back up to eye level.

"There is no shame in this. All failures do is teach a way to not do something. Keep trying, and by process of elimination, you will succeed. Have faith in yourself and your department, Delta-9201. I do." she said with a smile. This seemed to inspire the changeling, as he sat a little straighter in his chair. Chrysalis simply stood, mouth agape, at the interaction.

"Thank you, my Queen of Queens. You are far too kind." the drone replied. "What brings you to the Intelligence Bureau today, my Queens?"

Chrysalis opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by her mother. "My daughter needs all the files you have on Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria." The changeling nodded, writing down a note on a scratch piece of paper next to him.

"Epsilon-8856!" He shouted, as a drone flew up behind him. "The Queen of Queens requires everything we have on one Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria." The drone nodded, flew a few body lengths away, then returned with a confused look.

"Um, sir? Our files on Princess Twilight Sparkle are quite extensive. Is there anything specific required, so we can pare it down a bit?" the drone asked. Delta-9201 turned to the royals in front of him with an expectant look.

"No, I'm afraid we'll need it all, otherwise my daughter will probably die a weird lonely virgin." Dominatus replied nonchalantly. Her daughter flinched.

"MOM! SERIOUSLY?!" she shouted. The Queen of Queens gave an airy laugh.

"Oh, right. Of course. She also needs all of it so I don't die without a grandbaby to spoil." she added with a smirk. Chrysalis glowered at her mother.

"One more line like that and I'm out of here, hive or not." she muttered. Her mother rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Fine, fine. Delta-9201 and Epsilon-8856? Forget what I just said. Strike it from the records. And yes, we do actually need all you have on that Princess. Thank you." With that, the two drones nodded and returned to their work. Chrysalis scoffed.

"That's it? No memory wipe spell? Just 'forget what I said,' and they do it?" Her mother grinned in response. "And wait a minute - there's a record? In our own hive?" she asked. The elder Queen quirked an eyebrow.

"Of course there is. We monitor everything, inside and out, record it, and save it for future use. We cannot allow anything to escape our eyes and ears. Obviously, we do it to detect any outsiders, but I also enjoy keeping up on the gossip." she answered with a lopsided smile. The smile was replaced with a questioning gaze as she turned to her daughter. "But why are you asking me this? Didn't you record everything in your last hive?" Chrysalis looked away.

"Well..."

Queen Chrysalis of the Badlands Hive sat atop her majestic throne, planning her next move. Should she attempt another invasion of Canterlot? No, too risky. Perhaps an infiltration of the Crystal Empire? Maybe, once that cartographer drone returned from his reconnaissance. For now, she would just bide her time, and wait for an opportunity to present itself. At once, a drone burst through the throne doors.

"My Queen! My Queen! We have reason to suspect an intruder in the hive!" he yelled before bowing. The Queen leaned forward in surprise.

"Really, drone? What makes you say this?" she asked. The drone held up a crystal orb.

"We were checking the recordings, and found this! It appears to be an imposter of you in your bedchambers, singing and dancing to 'Sharp Dressed Mare!' And doing so very badly! We believe it may be an attempt by our enemies to discredit you by making you appear lame and having no rhythm!" The Queen's eyes widened to an unbelievable degree, and her mouth hung open in shock.

"I...I see. Please, give me the orb. Are there any additional copies?" she asked. The drone shook his head as he passed the object. "Good work, drone. Now back to work." The drone bowed, and left the throne room. After watching the embarrassing scene play out several times, she threw the orb to the ground, shattering it. Looking up, she called for the royal guards.

"CAPTAIN!" she screamed. Within moments, the Captain of the Royal Guard appeared and bowed. "Have the intelligence section of the hive, along with all its records, destroyed immediately. And kill the staff working there, too. They are traitors to the hive." The Captain looked up with an unsure look on his face.

"...my Queen, are you sure? Are there replacements ready? Without a proper intelligence bureau, we could be infiltr-" Chrysalis slammed her hoof down on the throne.

"DO IT! DO IT NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!" she shrieked. The Captain bowed again.

"Yes, my Queen! Right away, my Queen!" he replied, before running from the room.

"...that section was compromised. By outside forces, just before I was betrayed." she said, looking at the incredibly interesting ground. Dominatus gave a distrustful look.

"Uh...huh. That is unfortunate." she said, squinting her eyes. Before she could question her daughter any further, the flying drone from earlier approached them.

"My Queen of Queens, we have compiled our complete collection of files and orbs we have on Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria." the drone remarked, gesturing to a veritable mountain of boxes behind Delta-9201's desk. The elder royal smiled.

"Excellent, Epsilon-8856. We will take it from here. Thank you for your hard work." the drone bowed its head before flying off. Turning to her daughter, she gave a devilish grin. "Well, sweetie, there it is. Take it to the royal throne room." Her daughter blanched.

"Jeez, this is going to take forever for us to move it all!" Her mother gave a chuckle.

"What's this 'us' stuff? Have a mouse in your mane?" she asked. Chrysalis's head whipped back and forth between her mother and the boxes.

"There's a ton of stuff here! This will take years to do on my own!" she replied, gesturing with her hooves. Her mother started to walk away, before turning her head back to face her daughter.

"Well then, you'd better hurry if you want to be done before dinner. I'm going to go check on a few things, then I'll meet you in the throne room. And I'd better not find out you had some of the drones do it. Have fun!" the Queen of Queens said with a sleazy smirk, before leaving the chamber. Chrysalis wilted as she looked at the piles of boxes that appeared to stretch all the way to the ceiling. She heaved a sigh before looking at a box of files. Charging up her horn, a glow enveloped it, and it lifted slowly into the air. The Queen started breathing heavily, concentrating as much as she was able. She was able to move the box nearly to the door before her magic shorted out, and it fell to the floor. Her chest heaved as she stood there exhausted.

I can't wait to have some drones again. Then I'll have some REAL power, and we'll see who's laughing, MOM. she thought with a scowl. Taking in a sharp breath, she charged up her horn again. The box barely budged. Groaning in frustration, she walked around the box, and shoved it out the door. Turning to glare at the mountain of files behind her, she gave a crestfallen look. "One down. Seven thousand to go..." she bitterly muttered.

While it wasn't seven thousand, four hundred and thirty-six was still nothing to sneeze at. And those boxes had taken the young Queen nearly all day to move from one end of the hive to the other. Watched by changelings the whole time, all Chrysalis could do was grumble and moan as she shoved each crate of information into the throne room. She collapsed as she finished, completely exhausted, from horn to hoof. She heard a grunt of approval from behind her.

"Well! It's good to see you actually finish something for once! And all on your own, too! I'm so proud of you, Chryssi-wissy!" the elder Queen cooed as she magically pinched her daughter's cheek. Chrysalis blew a raspberry.

"Mom, I'd love to yell at you for calling me that, but I'm too tired. Can I just go to bed?" she sputtered out.

"I'm afraid not, my dear. Now you need to work on your letter to this Princess." Dominatus tittered.

Chrysalis groaned as she slowly, ever so slowly, worked her way back up to a standing position. The throne room was empty, save for the two royals. To the right of the throne was an antique table, usually reserved for signing important accords and treaties. Tonight, however, it was a place to eat. On it sat a large crystal bowl, full of a softly glowing green soup. She sniffed the air. Was that...dill? And sage? It was! She scrambled over to the table, and sure enough, her favorite meal sat waiting for her. Pure love concentrate with mashed lentils for texture, dill, sage, and just a pinch of hot sauce to give it some kick. Taking a tiny moment to savor the scent, she greedily picked the bowl up with both hooves, and slurped down as much as she could in one go. Her mother gave a knowing smile.

"I figured that as hard as you worked today, you deserved a real meal." Chrysalis only grunted in agreement as she inhaled the rest of the bowl's contents. "So, now that you've had a decent meal, it's time we got down to brass tacks. Those letters you wrote were horrific. I don't know why you thought that any of those were worthy of sending to your beloved, but that's neither here nor there. We're going to write a proper letter to your darling pony Princess, and I'm going to help, so that you don't mess it up again." The young Queen stopped licking the bowl, and set it down. She wiped the mess off her snout with a hoof, and cleared her throat.

"Um, Mom, about those letters, I-" her mother cut her off with a dismissive hoof.

"I know you're sorry, sweetie, which is why I'm here. And more importantly, why these are here." she said, bringing up the old cardboard box bound with twine. "These" she said, her hoof hovering over the box, "are my old courtship letters. Now, I'll admit that not all of them are gems, not by any stretch of the imagination. But...they still got the job done. They communicated my intentions, while still being coy and demure. And that is what you should be going for. Your letters, when they were even remotely comprehensible, bludgeoned the reader over the head with lewd references and disgusting descriptions. That is neither sexy nor befitting a lady. Not just royalty, but ladylike behavior in and of itself. So, we're going to go through these files, and figure out as much as we can about this Princess, as well as the best way to approach her." Chrysalis stared at the mound of boxes strewn across the throne room.

"Mom, that's going to take forever! Who knows what's in there? How much worthless information will I have to go through before I find something useful?" she exclaimed, gesturing with a hoof. The elder Queen smiled.

"That's why I'm here. Two of us, half the effort. Grab a box, and this won't take long." With that, both Queens picked a few boxes, seemingly at random, and began poring through the papers and orbs inside. Chrysalis searched through her initial boxes much faster than her mother, and started through another. Then another. And another. All the while her mother slowly read through the two boxes she had picked first. After her tenth box, the young Queen turned to her mother.

"Aren't you done with those yet? I've gone through ten in the time it's taken you to go through one!" she challenged. Dominatus grinned.

"Perhaps that's because I managed to pick the right boxes?" Chrysalis cocked her head to the side.

"What are you talking about?" Her mother chuckled.

"These two boxes" she pointed out, "are labeled 'T. Sparkle's Romantic Relationships, Boxes One and Two.' They contain nearly everything we need to know about your target's personal preferences when it comes to matters of the heart. And therefore, two of the three boxes we actually need. And I don't think you would have gotten much from 'T. Sparkle's Horseshoe Sizes Since Age Six,' anyway." Chrysalis picked up the last box she had retrieved to find that, yes, it really did say that. Her mother continued. "The box that you should be looking through is up there." she pointed at a box near the top. Without a word, the young Queen got up and walked over to the crate. On it was a label: "T. Sparkle's Combat Styles and Preferences, Box One of One." She looked back at her mother.

"Wait. If we only needed the three boxes, and you knew that, then WHY DID YOU MAKE ME MOVE ALL OF THESE HERE?!" she demanded. Her mother flashed a toothy grin.

"Because it was hilarious watching you trying to move all of them! Why else?" she answered with a guffaw. "Also, hard work builds character. If anything, you should be thanking me for the opportunity."

Chrysalis growled in anger. "Why. Just...why. Why would you do this to me?! You made me suffer all day, and for what?! So you could get a laugh?" she asked, gesturing wildly with her hooves. Her mother waved dismissively.

"Oh, it's fine. Suffering is good for the soul. Besides, it gave me time to do my own research! Anyway! Now that we have what we need, we can start drafting a love letter!" Dominatus' eyes lit up at the mention of the note, and she pulled out a pad of paper and a quill. Further, she pulled the old cardboard box over. Carefully undoing the twine, she lifted the lid, revealing a bundle of envelopes, with calligraphic writing on each. "I want you to read one of these, Chryssi. That way, you can get an idea of what a PROPER love letter looks like!" She floated one over to her daughter.

"Yeah, no." she said, tilting away from the note as though it were some poisonous animal. "I'm not really into reading porn about my mom, thanks." Her mother scowled.

"Unlike you, I actually know the difference between romance and reproduction. READ. IT." she grumbled, forcing the envelope into her daughter's face. She just sighed, and opened the letter.

To Honing Stone the Stalwart and Fearless,

I yearn to engage you in that most revered and sacred act of warfare.
Your muscles are broad, and your skill with a spear renowned. To see you
spill the blood of your enemies is to witness the beauty and majesty of a
setting sun. Should you feel the same way, I beseech thee to meet with me
in the field of sunflowers nearest your castle. Come alone, and we will assail one another
until our bodies are spent, and only one remains standing.

Yours,

Dominatus the Vigorous

Behind her mother's letter lay a reply:

To the most Vile and Reprehensible Changeling Queen,

I agree to your terms. You will have your battle. Your hubris will be
your undoing, as I have defeated many of your ilk. What makes you
believe you shall be any different, you malicious enchantress? I will
meet with thee on the morrow, at sunrise.

Honing Stone the Stalwart and Fearless

Chrysalis made a gagging sound. "Were you ALWAYS this sappy? Or just when you were trying to get some action? I can tell you right now, if some pony came up to me and starting talking like that, they would be the LAST one I'd want to hop in the sack with." Her mother snorted.

"Psh. Says you. And considering that between the two of us, I'm the only one who's managed to 'hop in the sack' with anything, I'd say I know what I'm doing. And as I recall, I have pretty good taste, too. Honing Stone and I fought for hours and hours. It was some of the best skirmishing I ever experienced!" she said, looking nostalgic. "Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday..."

The field of sunflowers were in full bloom, their golden petals shining for the whole world to see. A large, battle-worn gray Earth pony marched to the top of the hill, surveying the field below. He wore heavy metal plates, each gouged with signs of close calls and near-defeats, with a large chest piece displaying his cutie mark: a round stone with a sword pressed against it, sparks flying. On his back he wore a single spear. Its shaft was thick and made of hickory, and its metallic point sharpened to such a fine degree, it was said he could shave a gnat's beard. As he expected, the Queen of Queens stood on the other side of the field. She wore a dark set of armor with a black helmet on top, and carried no weapon.

"VILE QUEEN! IT ENDS TODAY!" the gray pony shouted across the field. The Changeling raised her head.

"Indeed it does. I have needed this for some time now." she whispered to herself. "WELL! IF YOU BELIEVE YOURSELF STALLION ENOUGH TO CONQUER THIS MARE, BY ALL MEANS, HAVE AT ME!" she replied with a toothy grin.

Accepting the challenge, Honing Stone drew his reliable weapon, and charged. He covered the distance in no time, and made a deep thrusting move towards the Queen's chest. She dodged effortlessly, and giggled in response. This only seemed to enrage her attacker, as he deftly swung his spear around in the hopes of catching the cackling witch unaware. However, this too was evaded, as she rolled to the left. Another titter left her lips. "Come now, surely you're better than that?" she cooed. The stallion roared in response and began a flurry of jabs, hoping that at least one would hit home. Sure enough, despite her best efforts the spear's tip finally made contact with her armor, pinging off a shoulder plate in a glancing blow. This caused the Queen to purse her lips, "So you do know what you're doing with that thing. It's about time!"

The sun reached the middle of the sky, and eventually began to set, as the two exhausted warriors continued their back-and-forth. Honing Stone would make an attack, and Dominatus would dodge. If she felt that her partner was getting too close for comfort, a quick telekinetic blast of pain would send him reeling, if only for a moment. As the last vestiges of sunlight peeked over the horizon, the heaving pony made one last effort. He lunged at the Queen, using the last of his strength. She remained still, and took the blow square in the barrel. The force of the attack splintered the spear's shaft, sending bits of wood in every direction. Falling onto her back, the Earth pony jumped on top of her, intending to finish her off with his hooves. Between breaths, the stallion spoke. "Any last words, you seed of evil?"

"Yes: thank you for the battle, it was most pleasant." she responded with a small smile. Momentarily confused, Honing Stone raised his forelegs up, and brought them down the crush the Queen's skull. Only, there was no skull to crush. Nor Queen. He whipped his head to the left, then to the right, where he found his opponent. Charging with her horn, she jabbed the stallion in the ribs, effectively paralyzing him and throwing him on his back. Climbing on top of the pony, the Queen gently touched his forehead, before changing into a small light brown mare. Honing Stone shook his head.

"No! It can't be! Sh-Shrinking Violet? Is that you?" he asked. "I...what are you doing here? Where is the evil Queen?" The little mare giggled.

"You defeated her! You've saved our village, and I can only think of one way of thanking our hero. MY hero..." the tiny mare replied, licking her lips. She laid a trail of kisses down the stallion's chest, before spreading his legs to-

"MOM! PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF MY SANITY! PLEASE! STOP!"

Dominatus frowned. "Oh, but I was just getting to the good part!" she complained. "Anyway," she continued, "you should learn from that story! Not only were we able to completely overtake the town after that, it supplied us with love for decades! Also, it's how your half-sister Reticentur was conceived. And Alpha-6820, now that I think about it. No wonder I have such good memories of that stallion." Chrysalis placed a hoof between her eyes, squeezing them shut.

"I never thought I'd say this, but can we just do this stupid love letter? I'm tired, and I want this to be over with. And if it means that I don't have to listen to your stories of..." she shuddered "...how we were conceived, then I'll do it! Just, please!" Her mother gave a knowing grin.

"Of course, Chryssi. Now, write down what I say, and we'll hammer this out before bedtime, eh?" Her daughter picked up the quill, and looked expectantly at her mother.

"To the Great and Powerful Princess Twilight Sparkle..."

Author's Note

Hey hey! It's another chapter! And hopefully as good as the others! Or at least not worse! Admittedly, I only had about half of this chapter prepared before I sat down to write it, so if it seems like it went off the rails, that's why. Anyway! I hope you good folks enjoyed it! If you did, tell me! If you hate it, tell me, ideally with emoticons! If you're indifferent, well, tell me anyway! Regardless, thanks for reading!

Chapter 4

Changeling culture is one of modest impermanence. While some would say that this stifles creativity, because art that does not exist cannot inspire future sculptors and painters, it appears to do the opposite. Compared to Equestria, there are few lasting created works. This is due in part to the ever-shifting physical nature of the changeling itself. The overwhelming majority of humble statues or reliefs usually only last a few weeks at most, and are often broken down to create something new. However, despite popular belief, this actually makes the culture vibrant and interesting. One must quickly snap a picture or sketch a drawing of any works of art, otherwise they may miss it forever. As the same materials are used over and over, it reflects the culture as one of constant change, yet somehow staying solid and unyielding. - The Rise of the Changeling Queendom, Vol. I by Works Cited

It had taken a few tries, but after an hour or so, Chrysalis had written a true love letter. After examining the three boxes, the two royals decided on the proper wording and challenge. The letter itself was simultaneously short but sweet. It got her point across, but left something to the imagination. As her mother penned the final draft in calligraphy, the young Queen sat anxiously. Was this...was this really happening? Was she, after so many centuries, going to finally do the thing? She bit her lip. What if she was no good at it? Sure, she had seen it done plenty of times in her, uh, private orb collections, but actually being the perpetrator? What if Twilight Sparkle rejected her? She couldn't take that. And shame on that pony for doing it! You know, it takes a lot to put yourself out there, to make yourself vulnerable, and for her to not even give Chrysalis a chance? Then, whatever, fine. She doesn't NEED Twilight Sparkle! She's fat anyway! Then again, she might say yes. She hated to admit it, but as irritating as her mother was about all this, she did know a thing or two. The letter was good, so what if she says yes?

Well, then you do the do. That's all there is to it, right? After all, it appeared that the purple pony Princess had had a few lovers before, so maybe she could...kind of take the lead. Or maybe the intelligence was wrong. Maybe she was as much of a virgin as Chrysalis was, and they'd both be new to it! That would be better. That way, if she screwed up something, Twilight wouldn't know. But then again, the intelligence was never wrong, so the Princess probably knew what she was doing. Wait. What if she knew what she was doing a little too well? As in, what if she saw her...ovi...and thought it was too small? That's even worse than being rejected outright. Would she laugh? She'd probably laugh, the jerk. Whatever.

"Chryssi? I'm done." the elder Queen stated, holding up the letter as proof. Unlike her daughter, Dominatus had always had beautiful script, and this was no different. Written in a royal purple ink on a piece of pale pink parchment, the prose was perfectly centered within the page. At the bottom was a facsimile of Chrysalis' autograph. Setting it aside to dry, the Queen of Queens walked over to her contemplative daughter.

"I must concede, dear, that this is not an ideal situation. If you had done this on your own, say, two thousand years ago, you would have been spoiled for choice. There was nobility as far as the eye could see, and it was all for the taking. But, that's neither here nor there. Now that the letter is done, we must talk about your gift." she said, stifling a yawn. Her daughter winced.

"Mom, I really don't want to do the whole picture thing. It's...it's humiliating." she said, choosing to not meet her mother's gaze.

"Oh?" her mother replied. "And what would you recommend, then?"

Chrysalis hesitated. She didn't think her mother would actually hear her out, so she hadn't planned that far ahead. "Uh...I don't know. Maybe...flowers?" she offered. Her mother scoffed.

"Flowers? Really? For a Princess? Don't ponies eat those on sandwiches? Why not just offer a clod of dirt? It's essentially the same thing." she jeered. "I think not. The more I've reflected on it, the more I agree with it: a set of boudoir photos are something that are synchronously risque, yet endearing. It shows a willingness to be vulnerable, while also being far better than flowers." she emphasized with a lower, mocking voice. "And the way we're doing it makes it exceedingly classier than the commoner's way of just going into the bathroom to take a poorly focused shot." the Queen of Queens spat out. "Frankly, I almost wish something like this had been available when I was still in my breeding years. They take far less time than a painting, that's for sure!" she added with a chuckle. "Furthermore, I have already conferred with the Royal Photographer about this." Chrysalis jumped from her chair.

"What?! Why?!" she exclaimed. Her mother waved a disdainful hoof.

"Because I knew that you would sit on your hooves about it until you let another Princess slip away." Chrysalis dejectedly sat down in her chair again.

"That's not what I meant, Mom! I mean, that's a good idea, but that's not what I meant!" she said, gesticulating with her legs. "I don't want the royal photographer to see me...like that! I don't even want Twilight Sparkle to see me like that!"

Her mother let out an angry sigh. "So you would prefer that my own drones think me a liar? You would prefer that Mu-6412 have wasted all his time and energy in making you lingerie, which when I checked earlier, was nearly completed? You would prefer that the Intelligence drones have wasted their time in compiling all the information on your Princess? Is that it?" she said, towering over her daughter. "Believe it or not, being a Changeling Queen is more than just feeding on love all day! It requires you to be willing to sacrifice, and for your actions to give your drones reason to respect you unconditionally! Now, are you going to, as usual, snatch defeat from the jaws of victory simply because you felt embarrassed? Or are you going to act like an actual Changeling Queen for once, and rise to the occasion? Hmm?"

Chrysalis shrank from her mother's outburst. "I'm...I'm going to rise to the occasion." she meekly said. In an instant, her mother's dour face turned to one of contentment.

"Good to hear." She turned away from her daughter, and charged her horn. Poofing away each box back to their rightful place, she yawned. "Goodness gracious me, I'm tired. This was quite the day!" As she went to turn back to face her daughter, she sighed. For some reason, she found herself unable to. "Chrysalis," she said softly, "I know this has been hard. For both of us. But...all good things are. Trust me, this will be worth the effort. And at the end of it all, I know you'll prove yourself to be the strong, capable Queen and daughter that I know you can be. You just need to...apply yourself, is all. You have so much potential, and it burns me up to see you waste it. If it feels like I push you too hard, or I'm harsh to you while nice to others, it's only because I know you can take it. You're strong-willed, beautiful, and you'll be a fantastic leader someday. And your drones will be just as powerful, because they came from you. You just need to-" Her monologue was cut short by the sound of light snoring. Turning around, she saw her daughter's head on the table. Her breathing was slow, and her crown had fallen off. Had she heard anything she had said? Dominatus gave a motherly smile. Picking the young Queen up in her magic, she left the throne room, and took her daughter to bed. It had been a long day, after all.

Comfort. Warmth. Soft sheets, and a firm pillow. Those were the only thoughts in the mind of the young Queen, as she heard a knocking on her door. Opening an eye to scan her room, she saw that her mother had not come bursting in as she had the day before. She shut her eye, and turned away from the door, willing the being behind it to go away. Maybe if she fell back into a deep sleep, they'd just leave. The knocking returned, only this time, louder.

"My Queen? I have a message from the Queen of Queens for you!" came a muffled voice from behind the door. They knocked again. And again. Rising with a groan, Chrysalis got out of bed with a yawn. The knocking continued as she stretched, before she finally walked over to the entryway, still half-asleep. Opening the door, she found Alpha-6820 holding a scroll sealed with her mother's royal insignia. Mumbling a terse thanks, she took the scroll and closed the door. Smacking her lips, she threw the note on the desk and plopped down on the stool. She broke the wax seal and unrolled the letter from her mother.

Chryssi,
You have an appointment with the Royal Photographer at
1300 today. Please be on time. I will see you later tonight
for dinner.

Mom

She sighed. She didn't really want to do this. But she wanted her hive. Scratch that. She needed her hive. She could feel herself get weaker by the day. Yesterday she could barely use a simple telekinetic spell. In a few days, her abilities to shapeshift could disappear. It was either this, or...starve to death? Would her mother really let her do that? No, she wouldn't. She had never known a Queen of Queens to let a Queen die, but then again, no Queen had ever gone as long as she had without hatching her own eggs. No, she wouldn't let her starve to death; after all, she was the future of the species! But that didn't mean that she wouldn't torment her endlessly, or let her suffer, all for the sake of 'building character' or whatever. Chrysalis looked at the little clock on her desk. 1230 hours. She huffed. Running a brush through her mane, she stood up from the desk and left her room.

A small, nameless changeling peeked his head around the corner. Nobody coming, good. He darted down the hall, reaching a T-junction. Looking left, then right, he saw it: the entrance to the Royal Photographer's studio, or as it said above the door, "CHANGELING SCRIPT HERE." Slinking along the wall, the drone came to the entrance, and knocked three times. An eternity later, the door opened, and the drone practically fell inside.

"Excuse me! This room is for royalty ONLY! GET OUT!" the proprietor yelled. The drone slammed the door shut. As the room's owner reached for an alarm, he was blinded by a flash. The drone had changed into Chrysalis, and she was moving her head back and forth with a frantic look on her face.

"There's, uh, there's nobody else here, right? Just us?" she asked, her voice shaky. The drone squinted at the Queen.

"No, it's just us. I am under strict orders from the Queen of Queens that no one else is to enter while you are here." Chrysalis breathed a sigh of relief. "Also, you're three minutes late." The Queen rolled her eyes.

"I'm just...fashionably late. Now, can we get this over with? Where do I stand?" she asked, looking around. The drone sighed.

"First things first: the Queen of Queens left a package for you early this morning. It's over there." he pointed. "Also, I still need to set a few things up for the shoot. Please excuse me."

Chrysalis walked over to where the drone had pointed. As expected, there was a red box, tied with ribbon in a corner. On top of the box was a scroll. Like before, it was sealed in wax with her mother's insignia. Opening the scroll, she read:

Chryssi,

Remember to project confidence.
Nothing's sexier than a confident
mare.

Mom

P.S. Make sure your ovi is visible, sweetie

She snorted. Untying the ribbon, she lifted the lid to see a small card above tissue paper. "Another note? Seriously?" she muttered.

Go get 'em, tiger.
You got this!

Mu

She smiled at the little card. Maybe Mu wasn't that bad. Pulling back the tissue paper, her eyes widened. What lay before her was either a work of art, or a travesty. She never understood fashion, so she couldn't tell. A royal green torsolette met her eyes, seemingly form-fitted for her. It featured a golden filigree depicting vines, starting near her stifle, and curling up and around where her barrel would go. Underneath it was a negligee made of solid gold chain mail with a pure black furred top. She held it up to the light. Somehow, someway, that little clothier had managed to make solid metal appear translucent. The Queen shook her head in disbelief. Underneath that was a pair of fine silk stockings. Impossibly thin, they still appeared to be extremely well-made.

"My Queen?" the photographer asked. Chrysalis yelped, and shoved everything back in the box. "The stage is ready."

The royal took a breath. "Is there...is there anywhere that I can change? Into clothes?" she asked. The drone rolled his eyes and pointed to a blind behind her. Nodding her head, she walked around it. She gave the container an uneasy look, unsure of what to do. With a sigh, she opened the box again. Which goes on first? The green thing or the gold thing? Maybe the stockings? No, not the stockings, those probably go on last. She picked up the green thing, turning it over and over. How in the world does this go on? Oh, the laces probably go in the back, right? Taking off her crown, she sat on her rump, and pulled the torsolette over her head. Wait. How the heck are you supposed to tighten-ah. Sensing a body within it, the green clothing magically laced up the back. Not too tight, not too loose, just the right fit. Pulling the stockings on her rear legs, they neatly buckled to the torsolette. She then placed the negligee over her. Turning around to view a mirror, she balked. No way. There is NO WAY she could look this good. The green in the main piece of lingerie complimented her eyes, and the negligee added just the right amount of sparkle. The stockings weren't really her thing, but darn it all if she didn't look good in them!

The Queen could feel herself warming up to the idea of this whole dirty photo thing. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, right? After all, this getup DID make her feel more confident! Maybe I won't gut that little clothing drone after all. she thought with a smile. She walked from behind the blind, replaced her crown, and entered into the room where the photographer was waiting. The room was poorly lit, with a single light tinting the stage. On it was a pile of various pillows, some heart-shaped, others simple circles. "Um, isn't it kind of dark for a photo shoot?" she asked, walking over to the stage.

"Light isn't your ally." the drone muttered.

"What?" Chrysalis asked, her ears perking up.

The photographer cleared his throat. "I said that low lighting is normal for these kinds of shoots, my Queen." Apparently satisfied with the answer, Chrysalis stood on the stage, stock still and unsure what to do.

"Do I...do I just sit on these pillows or something?" she asked, gesturing towards the pile. The photographer pulled his head back from the camera.

"Lay on your back." The Queen did as she was told. He snapped a few pictures. "Good. Now put your forelegs behind your head. Good." He snapped a few more pictures. He continued his instructions, with the Queen following, and before long the photoshoot was nearly complete. It seemed with every picture, Chrysalis could feel her mood, and confidence, improving. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all. Not that she'd ever admit it to her mother, of course. As he neared the end of his roll, the photographer stopped. Clearing his throat, he walked from around the camera. The Queen looked up at him with a smile and dreamy eyes.

"Yes, what would you like now?" she asked. The drone took a heady breath.

"My Queen..." he paused. "Your highness, the Queen of Queens has requested that I make sure to get a few close-up pictures of you in your lingerie...with your...um...ovipositor. Out."

Suddenly Chrysalis didn't feel so confident anymore.

She sighed. She was kind of hoping that she could get away with NOT doing this part. "Yeah, listen, about that...I'm not very comfortable with that, you know? Is there any way you could just, you know, say you ran out of film or something?" she offered, slowly covering herself with the pillows. For some reason, she felt very exposed right now.

The drone bowed his head. "I'm sorry, your majesty, but the Queen of Queens explicitly told me to do so. Also, I cannot lie to her, as it goes against everything I believe in." Chrysalis huffed.

"Seriously? Okay, whatever. Fine. Jus-just give me a minute. To get ready." she closed her eyes and tried to go to her happy place. The photographer stood there uncomfortably for a few minutes before breaking the silence.

"Um, my Queen?" Chrysalis' eyes flashed open, and she let out an irritated puff of air.

"Yeah, what is it? You're breaking my concentration here."

The drone, refusing to look the Queen in the eyes, slowly backed away. "My Queen, if it pleases you, I'm going to leave for a little bit to take care of something while you, uh, you do your thing. I will return." Chrysalis nodded and made a waving motion, shooing him away. As soon as he was gone, she closed her eyes again to fantasize. Normally, these kinds of daydreams came to her easily. Maybe a little too easily, now that she thought about it. But for whatever reason, she was struggling today.

Okay, okay. You can do this. It's just...just your ovi. Your most private area. That you're showing to a drone. So he can take pictures of it. So you can send it to that girl you like. No pressure. Noooooo pressure. Just....think of something hot. Anything. Like, um, the Crimson Ants? Yeah. That lead singer was hot. What was her name? 'Sapphic Undertones' or something? Yeah, I think that was it. Okay, so, um. She's here. With me. Yeah, okay, yeah. She's here with me, and we're...making out? Definitely. Definitely making out. And she reaches her hoof down to my...

Several minutes went by, and she finally gave herself to her fantasy. Deep in thought, she didn't hear the door to the photography studio open and close. Nor did she hear the clip-clop of an approaching figure, bathed in darkness. The figure cleared its throat. Chrysalis remained still, a small smile on her face. The figure cleared its throat again, this time louder. Still the young Queen stayed motionless. The figure let out a sigh, walked over to the camera and snapped a picture. The blinding flash caught Chrysalis off-guard, and her eyes flew open.

"Ack! What, are you back already? Okay, I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be..." she said, a pillow still covering the lower half of her body. "Now, nobody - and I mean NOBODY - is allowed to see these, alright? Not even the Queen of Queens, and I don't care what she said to you. I get them as soon as they're ready, and nobody else sees them. And if I find out that you've passed them out because she told you to, or whatever, I won't hesitate to throw you to the timberwolves, and I'm not kidding when I say that, got it?" The figure in the shadows nodded. "Okay, here goes. Let's get this over with." she said, removing the pillow. The photographer fiddled with the camera, zoomed in, and took several pictures in rapid fire succession. So much so, that all Chrysalis could see for a moment was spots. She rubbed her eyes as the photographer grunted in approval, removed the camera from its tripod, and left for a back room.

After blinking away the spots, the young Queen closed her eyes and willed herself to be as un-aroused as possible. Every possible unsexy thought she could muster came to mind: EKS-diseased changelings. That stupid pony that had helped topple her last hive. That stupid jerk stallion that Cadance went for instead of her. Her mom's stupid humming. Wait. Her mom's humming? Why would she be thinking of her mom's hum-

"MOM?" she asked, her eyes flying open. Silence. She stood up, her royal jewels now discreetly hidden, and walked towards the back room she had seen the photographer go into. Tip-toeing as quietly as she could, she peeked her head inside. A dark red light illuminated the room, and she could see a figure moving from table to table. Dipping sheets in one chemical, then another. "Hey, uh. Drone?" she ventured. The figure jolted, and turned around.

"Y-yes, my Queen? What can I do for you?" the drone asked.

Chrysalis sighed. "Oh, nothing. Just making sure of something. Remember what I said about those pictures. I don't want anyone seeing them but me. And I guess you." Leaving the drone to his work, she returned to the blind, removed her clothes, and placed them as neatly as she could in the box. Picking it up and heading to the door, she stopped. Was that her mother's pheromones she could smell? No drone could put out that scent, that's for certain. Maybe it's from when she was there earlier. Yeah. That must be it. Feeling uneasy, she flashed back into a nameless drone, and poked her head out the door. She found herself fortunate again, as the hallways were empty. She stole away into the halls, and ran back to her room, box in tow, as fast as she could.

The rest of the day went rather smoothly for the young Queen. That may have been because she spent the rest of it in her room, listening to music, but hey, smooth is smooth, right? She found herself so enveloped in the beats pulsing in her head, she lost track of time. Glancing over at her clock, she cursed under her breath. 2203 hours. She was late for dinner. Taking the needle out of the record, she removed her head phones and twisted her neck from side to side. She always loved the pop-popping sound it made. If only she could make it do that just before she fought someone. That'd be so cool.

She trudged her way down the halls, and entered into the throne room. Like the night before, she found her mother sitting at the table. There were two bowls of soup on the table, but that's not what caught her attention. What she focused on was that her mother appeared to be perusing a stack of what appeared to be photographs. Her eyes went wide. If those are what I think those are, I'm going to straight-up MURDER that drone! she thought. She walked over to the table as calmly and nonchalantly as she could, and sat down. Her mother didn't acknowledge her arrival. She loudly cleared her throat. Still nothing.

"Hey, Mom. Whatcha got there?" she finally asked, trying to keep the panic out of her voice. Her mother didn't look up.

"You're thirty-five minutes late, you know." she said, flipping to another print. "We eat dinner at 2130 hours. It's been that way since before you were hatched. It's unbecoming of a Queen to be so late." Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

"Yeah yeah, sorry. But you didn't answer my question - what are you looking at?" she asked. Her mother flicked her eyes up, and gave a devious smile.

"Oh, just some pictures of my beautiful daughter. Why?" she said, her voice dripping with mischief. Chrysalis slammed her hoof down on the table, clattering the dishes.

"I TOLD THAT DRONE I'D KILL HIM IF HE GAVE THOSE TO ANYONE BUT ME!" she shouted, raising up. Her mother furrowed her brow.

"Excuse me, you WILL NOT threaten my drones!" she replied. Chrysalis gave the most menacing look she could in return.

"He specifically disobeyed my orders! He must be punished! And if you won't, I will! I'm going to rip him limb from limb and wear his guts around my neck!" she retorted. Turning around, she began to storm off, only to find herself walking in place. She looked around, and unsurprisingly, discovered she was being held back by her mother's red glow.

Dominatus stood from her chair, and walked over to the immobile Queen. "As I said before: you will not threaten my drones. I understand that you told Lambda-2319 that you would quite literally 'throw him to the timberwolves,' which you will also NOT do. Understand?" Chrysalis sneered and turned away from her mother. "Hey!" she shouted, "Maybe you've forgotten a few things, so I will happily re-enlighten you: one, you DO NOT threaten any drones that are not yours! We already have enough enemies out there, we don't need infighting to weaken us! And seeing as not only is this my hive and my rules, but also since I was the one who laid his egg, hatched him, and raised him, Lambda-2319 is by all measures and standards MY drone. Ergo, you WILL NOT threaten him. Two, you seem to have forgotten the chain of command here. While you may be a Queen, and the drones must do what you say, I am the QUEEN OF QUEENS. That puts ME over YOU. Therefore, any and all orders that you give can be contradicted by me, and there's nothing you can do about it but gnash your teeth. Third, you can't fight in here! This is the throne room! Fourth and finally, it's dinner time, and that is not the time for arguing." She began walking back with a less-than-happy daughter in tow, and placed her in her chair. Taking a calming breath, she continued. "And besides, you have nothing to be ashamed of. These pictures are delightful. You look gorgeous in your courtship gear, and you should be proud of the job the photographer did. And, even though I didn't have to, I used a memory wipe spell on him anyway. For all intents and purposes, he has no recollection of the last 24 hours. You're welcome."

Chrysalis gave a skeptical glare at her mother. "You...you did? So he doesn't remember that I was wearing something incredibly embarrassing? What about the negatives?" Her mother waved a dismissive hoof.

"I took everything. The developed pictures, the negatives, the two notes you left behind, everything. He will never know what he did. Right now, nobody but the two of us even know these exist. I promise." she replied. Her daughter's face noticeably softened.

"You know, you could have just said that to begin with. You didn't have to go all crazy on me." Chrysalis said, picking up her bowl. Her mother gave an indignant look and opened her mouth to respond, but stopped herself. Shaking her head, she picked up a spoonful of her meal.

"Like I said," she finally replied, "you do look very pretty in these pictures. To be honest, I'm tempted to do a photo shoot like this myself." she said, stroking her chin. "Maybe I should have Mu make something similar for me, although I think I'd rather do leather than magicaeferro, and probably gaskin-length boots instead of the stockings. I mean, I know I've still got it. Oooo! Maybe I could pass out calendars of me in it!" Her daughter choked on her soup, setting down the bowl.

"You know, the absolute LAST thing I want to see are dirty pictures of my mom hanging everywhere!" Her mother gave a chuckle.

"Come on! It could be a morale-booster for the hive!" she replied with a crooked smile. Her daughter glared at her in disbelief. "Oh, fine. But I may still have one made for me at least, because I bet I'd be an absolute bombshell!" Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

"Whatever you say, Mom. As long as I never see it." she said, returning to her soup. As she slurped up her meal, a thought occurred to her. "Um, Mom?" After taking a dainty sip from her spoon, the elder Queen looked up.

"Hey Mom, where were you all day?" she asked. The Queen looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Oh, I woke up at oh-five-hundred as always. I picked up and dropped off your courtship gear, then the usual hours upon hours of interdepartmental meetings, then a little time spent in the archives, then I picked these up, and now I'm here. Why?" her mother responded.

Trying to appear as calm and collected as possible, Chrysalis looked off to the side. "I was just wondering if you happened to, I don't know, stop by while the photographer was taking those pictures." Dominatus smirked.

"Now why would I do that? You've made it perfectly clear you didn't want anyone else to see you in these clothes." she gestured to the stack of prints next to her. "Which is silly, as you look absolutely darling in them. Why do you ask?"

Looking back at her mother, she could feel her composure slipping. "Just curious, is all. You've been pretty involved in all this, so I figured you'd want to be a part of that, too." The elder Queen tsked.

"Now, I just told you my day. Was 'spy on my daughter' anywhere in there?" she asked with a smug look on her face. "Besides, that's a silly question to ask. A better one is 'Mommy, how did those pictures of me turn out?' or 'How did you get so smart about these things?'" Figuring that she wouldn't be able to get a straight answer, the young Queen decided to drop it. Perhaps it was best not to know, anyway.

"Okay, that last one was a dumb question, but I am a little curious about how I look in them." Chrysalis responded, getting up from her chair.

"Like I said, you look adorable! Take this one, for example!" her mother said, holding up a print. It had the young Queen on her back with a laughing smile. Her rear legs were together and high in the air, and she held a heart-shaped pillow. "This one is cute, too." she said, holding up another. It was a close-up shot, with Chrysalis laying on her stomach, and her face being supported by her forelegs. She had a demure smile, her eyes had a slight sparkle to them, and her crown was cocked to one side. As the two looked through the photos, Chrysalis couldn't help but feel, well, sexy. It was a new feeling for the Queen, although she'd never admit it.

"And of course, we can't forget the coup de grace!" Dominatus said, holding up the picture that had inspired this whole thing. It was not unlike a carriage wreck: you didn't want to stare, but you couldn't look away. Every second you spent studying it, you found new details to focus on. Some good, some bad, some ugly.

And suddenly Chrysalis didn't feel so sexy anymore.

"Mom, please don't make me send that to Sparkle. It's...it's demeaning." she begged. Her mother tsked.

"Honey, baby, relax. According to our research, the entire point of sending this is to entice your potential mate with how well you're endowed! I guarantee you, this purple pony Princess will take one look at it, and be ready to pounce on you! Mark my words! And besides, I think I know the perfect way to present these!" she said, raising her eyes in thought. "Now don't you worry your pretty little head about this. I promise that I will make everything as classy as I can. Momma will take care of it. Besides, it's time for dessert! It's your favorite: chilled lust with a hint of grenadine and a few sprigs of mint!" She poofed the pictures out of the room, and called for the kitchen drones, who arrived immediately with the frozen concoction.

"But-but-but I really don't think it's a good idea to send that, Mom!" Chrysalis whined. Her mother took a bite of her dessert, gave a satisfied grunt, then spoke.

"No buts, Chryssi. Trust me on this; she will LOVE it!"

Author's Note

Another chapter down! That calls for another Dorkalis picture! I hope you liked this chapter, 'cause we're about to go off the deep end here in a chapter or two. That's right, I'm talkin' Grade A shipping content here! CanonxCanon! Maybe even CanonxOC! Who knows! I'm givin' out wings!

As always, if you liked this chapter (or story), feel free to tell me! If you hate it, all I ask is that you tell me in haiku form. And if you're indifferent to it, give me the heartiest "meh" you can muster.

Chapter 5

Just as courtship rituals and standards have changed within Equestrian culture through the centuries, so it has within Changeling Queen culture. However, unlike their Equestrian counterparts, the Changeling Queen had to change her methods and standards out of necessity, rather than natural evolution. Traditionally, Queens would only mate with those of the highest nobility - prince- or princess-level and higher. But, as time wore on, the numbers of these royals shrunk, either out of the merging of various tribes and empires, or, ironically, through their reduction as a result of a Queen's mating habits. As such, this has required 'Lesser Queens' to mate with those who would never have been given a passing thought centuries ago: dukes, earls, governors, mayors, and even the lowly royal notary have all allegedly been a consort throughout modernity. Queens of Queens and their successors, at any rate, maintain the tradition of the so-called 'Second-in-Command' rule. - The Rise of the Changeling Queendom, Vol. III by Works Cited

Celestia's sun rose over the horizon, revealing the idyllic little town of Ponyville. A town where, despite catastrophes and disasters plaguing the little village practically every week, a shop that only sold quills and sofas managed to not only survive, but apparently thrive. Some would argue that this was due to the relatively recent addition of Equestria's newest princess, as a castle that large would need a fair amount of davenports and loveseats, as well as the fact that one of the primary occupants of said castle was an occasional neurotic mess who required structure and order to fully function, and lists helped to calm her nerves. Hence the copious amounts of quills ordered every week.

The sun kept rising, until it finally shined its rays onto the town's resident royalty. She unconsciously rolled over, her body attempting to gain just a bit more sleep before the day had to start. Scattered around her bed were various papers: a new legal proposition here, a failed experiment's notes there, and random pieces of scratch parchment covered in mathematical equations littered the floor. The encroaching daylight filled the room, denying its dweller any additional rest. Rolling onto her back, she yawned, and slowly opened her eyes. She stretched her four legs out in every direction, and with a contented grunt, she crawled out of bed. She walked over to her vanity, and picked up a brush. Wincing every time she hit a knot or tangle, she scrolled her eyes around the border of the mirror. There was a picture of her first party in Ponyville, then a picture of her surrounded by her friends, a shot of her parents, her brother with his family, her coronation, and ended on a shot of the most recent Grand Galloping Gala. Looking back into the mirror, she finally spoke.

"Okay, Sparkle. Today's the day. Four hundred thirty-eighth time's the charm!" she said, opening a drawer. Looking over her shoulder, she checked for any possible intruders. No one else in sight. She had a sheepish grin as she lifted the false bottom in the drawer, revealing a well-read and tattered scroll. She pulled it out, and began to unroll it. At the top was a title: "OPERATION: ORCHARD Proposals," and a seemingly never-ending list of two- and three-word ideas were indexed under it. Finally arriving at that day's suggestion, she read it out loud. "Number four hundred thirty-eight: Food Innuendo. Okay then." Re-rolling and returning the scroll to its place, she closed the drawer and turned around. Again scanning the room for fear of any snooping interlopers, she quietly walked over to a bookshelf. Removing a book entitled Two Ocean War: A Short History of the Equestrian Navy in the Equus-Griffonian Conflict, she again looked around. She opened the cover, only to expose the real book she had picked up: Euphemisms, Innuendo, and Undertones: A Guide to Veiled Vulgarity by Dirty Pillows. She quickly flipped through the book. "Let's see...fainting, fighting, flouncing, ah! Here we go! Food!" Her eyes darted back and forth as she committed as many filthy figures of speech she could to memory. She closed the book, restored it to its original position, and sniffed the air. The young royal could smell coffee and pancakes wafting through the castle. She smiled. Today was going to be a good day.

The Ponyville Farmers' Market was, as always, busy. Ponies milled about, from Golden Harvest's second-to-none carrot crop, to the "Flower Sisters'" top-notch floristry cart. One of the benefits of living in a comparatively small town was it allowed for local businesses to specialize and thrive, and consequently gave its patrons the best possible product. This was no better proven than by one of the oldest carts run by one of the oldest families of the town: the Apples. The cart itself was not what brought ponies from near and far. It was old, creaked a little too much, and had some rust spots. Some would even argue that it wasn't the owners of it. The Apple family was notoriously loyal to the notion that their fruit was the best fruit, all others were simply unnecessary, and yes, they'll fight you on it. No, what ultimately brought in customers was the product itself. The Apples' apples were known far and wide as being some of the sweetest, juiciest, and savoriest crops to be harvested. And the family's baking prowess with the fruit was incomparable. Sure, the Cakes made great cakes, and Bon Bon had the best bon-bons, but nothing could compare with the Apples' apple dishes. Apple fritters, apple pies, apple turnovers, apple crisp, apple dumplings, apple brown betty, baked apples, apple pockets, apple cobblers, apple butter, apple chips, caramel apples, apple strudel, apple juice, candied apples, and best of all - apple cider! And the Apple family could make it all, and make it better than anyone else. And the cart had a little bit of everything!

Unsurprisingly, the line for the Apples' cart was long, at around twenty or thirty customers. But Twilight didn't mind; it gave her time to come up with the right combination of words to catch the attention of her future wife. She just needed to get her hoof in the door was all. Just one date was all it takes. Because one date turns to two, then three, then eventually you're dating exclusively! Then, assuming you both want to spend the rest of your lives together, you get married! Then a family. Of course Applejack would want a family. And they both had time. Earth ponies were famously long-lived, and Equestria's newest alicorn might be immortal. At least she was pretty certain she was. She should talk to Princess Celestia about that. So she could wait. On this line, and on Applejack. Twilight knew that love wasn't like those romance novels she liked to borrow from Rarity. As entertaining as the stories of torrid love affairs held between bookish librarians and rough-and-tumble farmhands could be, they just weren't realistic. True love was a slow simmer, not a raging conflagration. And she was fine with that. Love could wait, and so could she. Fourteen more ponies ahead of her. The one at the front seemed to have an abnormally large order. She didn't care, though. As long as there was something for her to buy when she got up to the front, it would at least give her a reason to be in line. Of course she was happy and willing to wait on love. And Applejack. After all, she started trying to bring the Earth pony around to the idea years ago. She just needed the right combination of words to make it clear. It was like picking a lock: you just needed to click the right tumblers in the right order, and bingo - you've got her attention. And she was certain that today she had the right combination!

Finally! She was just a single pony away from the front! Shaking her head to clear her mind, she dredged up all the various lines she would use. Today was the day. It had to be! The customer in front of the Princess got his order and left, and there she was: the orange pony in all her apple-y glory.

"Well, howdy there, Twi! Stop by for some breakfast?" asked Applejack, closing her till. Giving the broadest, yet least creepy smile she could create, the alicorn nodded her head.

"I sure am! Say, Applejack, I have a question for you." she replied, a bead of sweat rolling down her neck. The Apple looked back up at her.

"Oh? What's that?"

"Applejack, do you know what kind of fruit you'd be if you, um, were one?" she asked, her voice cracking. The orange pony shook her head. "Y-you'd be a fine-apple!" she answered, adding in a nervous laugh.

"Well, shoot, I've always thought of myself as a fine Apple, if I'm honest. It's how my family raises all us Apples!" the blonde mare replied, puffing out her chest with pride. Twilight had a confused look on her face, before realizing what her friend had meant.

"Oh! No, I meant, like a play on- you know what, it doesn't matter." Okay. That was a failure. Keep going, keep up the momentum! This'll work! "Um. Applejack, I'd really like to butter your muffins!" she proudly stated while waggling her eyebrows. The Apple pony frowned.

"Aw, sorry, Twi! We're fresh outta muffins. As for butter, you might want to talk to Guernsey! His butter is darn good! We use it at home all the time!" she responded with a smile. Twilight was struggling to keep her composure.

"Applejack, listen to me: I want to eat your pie. You know? 'Pie?'" the alicorn countered, ending on an overly-emphasized wink. Applejack cocked her head in confusion.

"Ain't it kinda early to be eatin' pie? At least for breakfast? Course, it's not like it's all that healthy to be eatin' fritters all the time, either, so I guess I shouldn't say anything." she said, scratching the back of her neck. "'Sides, nobody ordered any pie yesterday, so I didn't bring one today. Sorry, Twi. Can I get ya something else?" The purple pony's nervous smile finally slipped, and she sighed.

"Just...just give me a couple of Red Delicious apples and a fritter, I guess." she said, lowering her head. Applejack nodded her head with a smile, and bagged up the order.

"Let's see...two apples at a bit each, a fritter at three bits, that's five bits." she said, hoofing over the goods. Twilight was about to reach into her saddle bags to retrieve the money, when an idea struck her.

There's an idea! Why didn't I think of this sooner?! she thought, her eyes widening. Giving a mock look of shock, she gasped. "Oh...no! I seem to have forgotten my money at home! Is there any other way I could pay you back, Applejack? Perhaps dinner at my place?" The orange Apple chuckled.

"Shoot, Twi, don't worry about it! It's only five bits; that's not worth a whole dinner! I can just open a tab for ya!" she replied. Leaning in, she whispered to her purple friend. "I'd just give 'em to ya, but I don't want the ponies behind you to think I'm playing favorites, ya know?" adding a wink at the end. Twilight was flummoxed, and could only stammer and stutter for a few moments before she heard a pony loudly clear his throat from behind her.

"Um, if you're done Princess, I do need to get to work soon." the unfamiliar gray Earth pony said. This seemed to snap her out of her trance, and she meekly grabbed her order, quietly apologized, and left. As she began her slow walk of shame back to the castle, she heard a whistle. Raising her head, she looked around, and spotted Rainbow Dash sitting at a table near the market. She was gesturing for Twilight to join her. The Princess walked over, and as she sat down, the blue pegasus shook her head.

"Dude, that was painful to watch. I mean, I've seen plenty of ponies strike out, but I've never actually watched somepony strike themselves out. Do you do this every day?" she asked, taking a sip from her drink. The alicorn sighed.

"Well, not EVERY day. Two to three times a week, give or take." she said, unable to meet her friend's gaze. "Oh, do you want this fritter? I actually already had breakfast, and I don't need it." Dash gave a lazy smile, and stretched across the small table to grab the treat. "Anyway, at least now I know that food innuendo doesn't work." The blue pegasus snorted.

"Yeah, no kidding. Look, I love AJ like a sister, but she can be downright dumb when it comes to this kind of stuff. If you want to go on a date with her, just say it. Just be like, 'Yo. Applejack. You, me, dinner. Tonight.' and boom. She's your marefriend. You gotta be direct with her, none of this clever stuff." she answered, spewing crumbs all over the table. Twilight groaned in response.

"I tried being direct once, remember? Braeburn? And you saw how that turned out..." she added bitterly. "I mean, I at least learned I didn't like stallions romantically, so I guess it wasn't a total loss...and I tried taking it slow with Cheerilee after the whole love potion thing, and she just...lost interest in me, I guess." She absentmindedly took a bite of one of her apples and stared at the table. "I just...I'm just trying to find that happy medium where I'm a little direct, but not too much, you know? Where they get the message, but I'm not coming on too strong." the young royal said, swallowing her bite. "Then again, I'm beginning to think I shouldn't even try. It seems like every time I find somepony I like, they just...leave. Like they want nothing to do with me." she said with a sigh. Rainbow frowned.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up! You're a freakin' PRINCESS, remember?! You're pretty, you're smart, you're powerful, and you have some amazing friends!" she added with a wink. "There are ponies out there that would give their front two legs to be with you! Heck, if I ever find out I'm gay, I'll go after you!" Twilight gave a weak smile.

"I'll keep that in mind. Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer, it's just that lately I've been so lon-"

"PACKAGE FOR T. SPARKLE!" shouted a dark brown pegasus, shoving a large brown paper-wrapped parcel in the alicorn's face. The noise and the suddenness of the event nearly caused her to fall out of her chair. Heaving a breath, she regained her composure, and took the package from the pony. She gave her signature, and just as the pegasus was about to fly off, Dash called out.

"Hey, you're not the regular delivery pony. Where's Derpy?" she asked, giving a suspicious look. The brown pegasus turned around to give a quick answer.

"Sick."

Before Dash could interrogate the pony any further, it flew off, leaving the two alone. Twilight turned the parcel over and over in her magic, scrutinizing it.

"Strange, there's no return address. It doesn't even have my address on it. Just 'To T. Sparkle.'" the alicorn said, her eyebrows furrowing. "This bears...further examination. In a safe environment." Rainbow Dash's eyes widened.

"You don't think it's a...bomb, do you?" she loudly whispered, her eyes darting left and right. Twilight discreetly shook her head.

"I doubt it, but I still don't want to open it here, just in case. We'll use my lab in the basement of the castle; it has a nigh-indestructible room in it, so if anything goes off, Ponyville will be safe." she said, holding the package a fair distance away. Dash's eyes widened.

"I'll get the rest of the girls!" she said, speeding off. Twilight turned to stop her, but the pegasus was too quick.

"Rainbow, don- oh, come on! At least wait for me to respond!" she sighed, and began a brisk walk back to the castle. Maybe if she was fast enough, she could lock it up to keep her friends safe.

Twilight wasn't fast enough. She had barely gotten downstairs before Rainbow Dash had gathered up her cadre. The alicorn could hear her cerulean friend loudly exclaiming about how it was probably a bomb, how it would blow up all of Ponyville, maybe even a bit of the Everfree, and how she hoped they all had their wills made up. Twilight shook her head; this mystery package was probably not even remotely close to anything of what Dash was saying, but admittedly she felt better having placed it in her 'safe room.' The room itself wasn't that big, at only a few pony lengths long and wide, with just barely enough room to stand upright. The walls were quite thick, and magically reinforced. On one side there was a two-way mirror used as a viewing window. The alicorn had designed and built the entire room so that she could interact and manipulate with whatever or whoever was on the inside without them being able to reciprocate. She hadn't really ever thought she'd need to use it, but if living in Ponyville had taught her anything, it was to expect the unexpected.

The Elements of Harmony finally reached the basement, followed by her protege carrying Fluttershy in a magic field, and her number one assistant bringing up the rear. He was trying to calm down the terrified pegasus as best he could, but he appeared to be having no luck. Turning around, she groaned. "Rainbow, while I really doubt it's anything all that dangerous, do you honestly think it's a smart idea to put the entirety of Equestria's various saviors in the same area as the package?" The pegasus just rolled her eyes.

"Look Twilight, if somepony sent you a bomb or whatever, you KNOW it's not going to be some firecracker! It's going to be powerful enough to level all of Ponyville! Maybe even the whole county! So it's not like being somewhere else is going to save us. At least then we don't even feel it! Just poof! We're gone! No pain, just a mushroom cloud!" she smugly replied. The alicorn sighed again. She was doing that an awful lot lately. She needed to be careful, otherwise she might start hyperventilating.

"Sure. Spike?" The dragon came forward, parchment and quill in claw. "Two things: One, I want you to state for the record that I honestly don't think everypony needs to be here right now, and Two, start taking notes. I don't think this will amount to much, but just in case I want to keep a log." Her assistant nodded, and began scratching away with the quill. She turned to the window, and concentrated. Magically picking up the suspicious parcel, she cast a detection spell. Nothing. No gunpowder, no dangerous chemicals, nothing even remotely threatening showed up. She slowly undid the twine around it. Still nothing. She gently pulled back each layer of brown paper as her friends cautiously huddled around her. As the wrapping came off, the object it concealed was finally revealed: it was...a photo album? With a card on top? Twilight silently gave a sigh of relief.

"Aw, seriously? That's it? Just some stupid photo album? Who cares!" cried her blue friend. It did indeed appear to be a photo album. Bound in pink cloth, with small hearts around the title, which read "For My Sweetest Somepony." Rarity clicked her tongue.

"Awww! You must have a secret admirer! That's wonderful!" she said, playfully nudging the alicorn. "And look at the calligraphy on the card! They must be very artistic!" Twilight scrunched her nose.

"Well, I guess that would explain why they used a non-Equestrian Postal Service employee to send it. They must be shy or something." she said, removing the objects from her safe room. As she began to open the envelope, Rarity stopped her.

"No no no, darling! The light in here is atrocious! If somepony went to all the trouble to make this for you, you simply must read it in the proper place! Like the throne room!" Twilight smiled at the suggestion, and the group began the long walk up the stairs. Then a thought occurred to her.

Wait. Applejack's here. What if she thinks that I'm interested in whoever sent this? Then she'll think I'm taken, and I'm sunk! I'll have to somehow show that I'm appreciative, yet uninterested in this mystery pony. That way, if she decides to do something like this, she'll know I still like it! Wait. Waitwaitwait. What if SHE'S the one who sent it?! I mean, that's not really like her, but maybe that's WHY she did it! Maybe she's actually been picking up on my hints all along, and was just ACTING oblivious to it! And to catch me off guard, she did this whole thing to surprise me! the purple pony thought, her spirits lifting. She entered into the throne room with a smile, and the various ponies took their respective seats. Rarity and Fluttershy leaned forward in suspense, Applejack and Starlight held friendly smiles, Rainbow Dash tried to look as indifferent as possible, Spike kept his quill to the parchment, and Pinkie...wait. Where was Pinkie? It's not like her to want to miss something like this. For some reason, Twilight's heart was racing. She took a deep breath to calm herself, and she opened the envelope and pulled out the delicate note.

To the Great and Powerful Princess Twilight Sparkle,

As you know, we have kept an amiable rapport for the past few years.

No more.

While I concede that your arcane strength is legendary, and your wiles cunning yet tender,
I can no longer stand idly by while you commit the most grievous error of remaining an
anhaga. In order to rectify this situation, I wish to engage you in the most revered
form of intercourse - combat. Should you agree, meet with me in the fields west of
your castle at sundown in three days. Come alone, or I refuse to engage you.

I await your reply.

Yours,

Queen Chrysalis, the Devourer of Ponies

As she read aloud the note, Twilight's mood and expression went from one of anxious excitement to befuddlement, before finally dropping to confused anger. The ponies surrounding her looked to one another, each shrugging or shaking their heads. Twilight dropped the note on the table, slouched in her chair, closed her eyes, and began rubbing the sides of her head.

"Okay...I'm only going to ask this once: is this a joke? Like a prank? Because if it is, it's fine, just tell me now." she asked with a sigh. Her friends all looked at the resident prankster with suspicion. Rainbow Dash looked behind her, then back at her friends, then finally down at her lap.

"Wait. What? You think I did this? No way! I don't even know what half of those words mean!" she said, crossing her forelegs in defiance. Twilight idly tapped a hoof on her throne.

"So if I open this photo album, it's not going to be just a bunch of pictures of you?" she asked. The pegasus shook her head. Rarity then spoke up.

"I must admit dear, this sort of thing really isn't Rainbow Dash's, uh, modus operandi. She's more of a simplistic trickster." she said, eliciting a rude gesture from her blue friend. She whipped her head to face her. "Excuse me, but I'm defending you here!" Turning back to face Twilight, she continued. "And, admittedly, I'm with her; I'm not entirely sure what some of the words even mean. Take that 'anhaga' comment, for example. What is that?" Twilight chewed on her lip.

"If I remember correctly, it comes from old Ponish. The term was most commonly used as a pronoun to refer to King Gilded Necklace from the pre-Unification era. He was the last King the unicorns ever had. Although no paintings or sculptures exist of him, it was said that he was extremely ugly and lonely, and never sired an heir. With that said, he's best known for his incredible magical abilities; it was said that he could lift the sun and moon on his own, although that has been hotly contested throughout the centuries. Nopony really knows if it was true, or just a myth. After his death, there was a power struggle amongst the nobility, and only ended with the rise of Princess Platinum." she replied, lost in thought.

"So if that varmint Chrysalis did write that note, you're saying that she thinks you've got incredible magical abilities? Incredible enough to pose a threat to 'er?" Applejack asked. The alicorn gave a slight blush.

"I...I guess so. That's, uh, that's weird. I've been insulted plenty of times by my adversaries, but never complimented." she said, giving the note a sideways glance. "But regardless, it sounds like she wants to fight me, one-on-one."

"Are you going to, Twilight?" asked Fluttershy, peeking out from her mane. The other pegasus in the room stood up defiantly.

"If she is, she's not going alone! We'll pound that bug into the ground! I've still got a score to settle!" Dash exclaimed, puffing out her wings. The alicorn put a hoof to her chin.

"Hmm. I'm not sure, to be honest. I feel like if I go alone, then it's definitely a trap. She'll overwhelm me with superior numbers, or maybe she has some heretofore unknown artifact that makes her more powerful than me, like the Alicorn Amulet." she said, staring at the table. "Buuuuuut, what if it's just a feint to get us all out of the castle and Ponyville? They strike where we're not, and all the ponies here suffer for it." She stared at her hooves for a few moments, deep in thought. "I don't know what to do. What do you girls think?" she asked, lifting her head back up.

Half of the ponies seated around the table gave their answer at once. Rainbow repeated her desire for violence, Rarity mentioned that she'd like to make sure Ponyville was safe, and Fluttershy squeaked out a wish to avoid the whole thing. That just left Applejack and Starlight. The orange Earth pony had a thoughtful expression.

"Well, since you're askin' me, here's what I think: why don't we do both?" Her answer evoked questioning looks from her friends. "Hear me out: Twi, you obviously can't be at two places at once, at least not without straining yourself. And if that big ugly bug does show up to fight you, you might need all the strength you got. So maybe we stay here in Ponyville to protect the place, and you show up there in the field? If we need ya, you'll know. And I know you can teleport pretty easily anywhere. 'Sides, if a buncha changelings show up, I know us girls can take 'em, easy as pie. We've done it before, remember?" she said, nodding her head towards the other ponies.

Fluttershy raised a hoof to interject. "Didn't that, um, end up with us captur-"

"Yeah! We can take 'em! Heck, I kinda HOPE they show up! That fight at your brother's wedding was fun!" Rainbow Dash interrupted, her wings flaring out for effect. Starlight cleared her throat.

"That's actually not a bad idea. I'd be here to help the girls, too. And, not to toot my own horn here, but I am pretty adept with magic. You've said so yourself." she said, polishing her hoof on her barrel. Twilight stroked her chin.

"Hmm. Well, if you all think it's a good idea, then so do I. With that said, I may keep a brigade of royal guards nearby just in case she has some troop reserves." she finally replied. "Spike? Send a letter explaining the situation to both Princesses Celestia and Cadance, and request some elite guards. This could be a good joint exercise for the Crystal and Equestrian Royal Corps." The dragon nodded, and began writing. There was a small moment of silence, where the only sound that could be heard was the scratch of quill on parchment. Starlight gave a nervous laugh.

"So, uh, is anyone else kind of curious about what's in that photo album? Because me? I definitely am."

Pinkie could NOT believe it! Twilight had finally done it! Somehow, someway, she had gotten through to Applejack, and they were going to start DATING SOON! As soon as she heard about the package, she felt a new combo. Left ear flop, right foreleg itch, and two twitches of her tail. She'd never had that one before, but she had a gut feeling - it meant love was in the air! She plunged into her party planning cave, and ripped open the eighty-seventh filing cabinet on the fourth shelf. Hoofing through the folders, she gasped. There it was! The "It Finally Happened on the Four Hundred Thirty-Eighth Try" Party plan! Pulling it out, she looked it over. Wow. This was going to take some serious last-second material gathering. And where was she going to get two hundred gallons of salsa at this hour of the day? No matter! She'd do it! For her friends! Stuffing the folder in her mane, she sped out of the cave.

Twilight shook her head in disagreement. "I don't know. Since all of this apparently came from Chrysalis, who knows what sort of traps she's set up? If anything, we should just put it in a stasis field, and have Princess Celestia launch it into the sun." Starlight sidled up next to her teacher.

"Oh, come on! Aren't you just a little curious about what's inside? Maybe there's photos of her new hive! That could be valuable information, for when we, you know, obliterate it. Again." she said gesturing towards the book. Twilight groaned.

"Well, you do raise a point. And the detection spell didn't come back with anything, and I did it with the highest level there is. Okay. Fine. But! If I at any point think something's wrong, we go with the stasis field. Deal?" she said, looking at her friends. They all nodded and gave sounds of approval, and Twilight picked up the album in her magic. She slowly cracked open the cover...

Pinkie Pie frowned. Should she go with baby blue or sky blue for the banner? This was a momentous occasion, and she didn't want to mess it up with the wrong color! Ack! Light blue! TOO MANY CHOICES! She closed her eyes, and randomly picked a color from the paint palette. Oh. Purple it is! She grabbed a swatch of the color, and ran to the clerk behind the counter. In no time, the paint was mixed, and she was on her way.

"Good grief!" "My word!" "Is this real life?!" the exclamations poured out of the gathered ponies' mouths, as Twilight flipped from picture to picture. On each page were one or two photographs of Chrysalis, Queen of the Badlands Hive, and apparent 'Devourer of Ponies'...in lingerie. Usually in awkward poses.

"A lotta these look like the mares in those pin-up magazines I found under Big Mac's mattress!" Applejack blurted out. Twilight looked over at the orange pony.

"Your brother, too? Mine kept his stashed between his 'Manta Mare' and 'Power Ponies' comics." she said, shaking her head. "Colts are gross."

"It's not just that, though!" Rarity interrupted. "Some of these also look like those dreadful poses you have to use for your senior pictures!" Fluttershy cringed.

"Oh, I hated those! They were awful, just awful!" the yellow pegasus quietly shouted. All of the ponies present were in various states of shock, disgust, or dismay. That is, all of them except Rainbow Dash, who couldn't stop laughing.

"Oh-oh my gosh! Is this real?! Seriously?! Sh-she sent you a bunch of pictures of her wearing sex clothes?! With a letter saying that she wants to fight you?!" she said in between bouts of laughter. Starlight Glimmer, when not wincing, was waxing theoretical.

"Do...do you think she's maybe trying to psyche you out before your battle? Because this? This would psyche me out. Hardcore." she asked. Twilight didn't respond; rather, she simply sat with her eyes wide and mouth agape. Shaking her head to regain her composure, she finally answered.

"Probably? Maybe? I have no idea. This whole thing has been weird from the start! I don't want to see any more. We're done, girls." she said, slamming the album shut. Rainbow Dash shot up from the floor.

"Aw, come on! You only had a few more pages! Let me see 'em, pleeeeease?" she begged. With a sigh, Twilight tossed the book to her.

"Knock yourself out. Just burn it once you're done. Seriously. I don't want it on this planet after today." she said, getting up from her throne. The pegasus picked up the book, and greedily pored through the remaining pages. That is, until the last page.

Well, she couldn't get all the salsa she wanted, but pico de gallo would work in a pinch! Pinkie took one last look at her checklist. Yup! All present and accounted for! Now to start this thing! She held a confident smile as she approached the castle. Sneaking in a back entrance, she stealthily entered the throne room. All of her friends were enraptured by the photo album Applejack must have given Twilight! Awww! She's so sweet! And look at Rainbow! She laughing with joy! Moving along the wall, she pulled out suction cups, and slowly began the ascent to the Golden Oaks chandelier. When she reached the top, she looked down. Rainbow Dash had the book now, and Applejack and Twilight were next to each other! This was the perfect moment! The pink pony affixed the vertical banner to the top of the tree roots, and was about to drop down when she heard a shriek. Rainbow Dash had thrown the book away, and was running out of the room! Oh no! What happened? Did she discover some latent homosexual desire towards Applejack or Twilight, and now realized she couldn't act on it? She must be crushed! So crushed she's...stopping? In a corner? And...tossing her cookies?

As Rainbow Dash flipped to the last page, something seemed to reach out of the depths of Tartarus at her. She screamed, threw the book down, and began to run out of the room. She was only able to get so far before stopping in a corner. The blue pegasus was no longer blue, and more of a greenish color. She began wretching. Fluttershy rushed over to help before Dash's breakfast became apparent to the rest of the ponies in the room. The rest of her friends ran over as well, in the hopes of giving any sort of aid. Her yellow friend held the now-green pegasus' mane, and rubbed her back, whispering soothing words while asking what happened. Spike ran out of the room to fetch a mop and bucket. Rainbow raised a shaky leg to point in the direction of the book. In a hoarse voice, she finally answered. "The...the last page...what...in...the hay...was that?!" she choked out. Thinking about it again, she started vomiting. Starlight and Twilight looked each other in the eye, and walked over to where Dash had thrown the book. They stared at it, wondering what eldritch horror laid on its last page to create such a reaction. Starlight took a heady breath, and brought it up in her magic. She opened it to the last few pages, preparing a defensive spell just in case. And then, it all happened.

Aw, poor Dashie! I'll have to help her after this party. Pinkie thought to herself. But there MUST be a party! Twilight and Applejack deserve to be happy! Grabbing the rolled up banner, she backflipped off the chandelier. As she landed on the table, the banner behind her fully unrolled, releasing confetti and unveiling its contents.

IT'S ABOUT TIME! CONGRATULATIONS TWILIGHT AND APPLEJACK!

Twilight screamed. Starlight screamed and dropped the book. Pinkie screamed, except that her scream was one of joy, instead of the ones of abject shock from the first two.

"CONGRATULATIONS, YOU TWO!" the pink pony yelled. Twilight looked up at the banner.

"What?! Why would you congratulate us?! And what does Applejack have to do with it?!" she shouted. Pinkie's shoulders hunched up, and she gave a sheepish grin.

"Because...she finally realized what a great catch you are?"

"No! She hasn't! Why would you even think about that in this situation?!" the alicorn replied. Pinkie's eyes widened. Turning around, she quickly flipped the banner, where it read

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME! YOU'LL GET HER!

Twilight smacked a hoof to her face. "Pinkie, no. That's not what happened at all. Not yet, anyway. Look..." she quickly gave a short summary of the events that had just transpired, and the Earth pony listened intently, her irises increasing in size as the story went on. "Now, we need to see what made Rainbow Dash so terrified." she added, picking the book back up. Hearing this, Applejack walked over to the trio.

"I'm not sure if I wanna see it, but we should know what we're dealing with here. At least now we know that it's something awful, if it made RD lose her breakfast like that." she said, nodding in the direction of her friend.

"Agreed. As horrific as it may be, it could be a new trick up the changelings' proverbial sleeves. And we must be prepared!" Rarity added, walking over as well. "Fluttershy darling, do you wish to see it?" The pegasus shook her head, and went back to soothing her friend. Twilight slowly opened the book as her protege charged her horn. Three pages away. Two pages. One page away.

"Everyone ready?" the alicorn asked her friends. They all gave uncertain grunts of approval. "Okay, here goes." She flipped to the final page.

Everyone screamed. It was as though something terrible had jumped out at them. And it sort of did. Pop-up pictures are like that.

Author's Note

More Dorkalis, because dork bug is best bug.

Indeed, what DO you have there, Sparkle?

Hey howdy hey, everyone! We've left the hive! Finally! ~~Temporarily, but finally!~~ I'll admit: I had some trouble with this chapter. Writing for canon characters is pretty easy when they've only been on screen for less than an entire episode's length (looking at you, Bughorse). However, it's considerably harder to do it when you're writing for the Mane Six. So, with any luck, ~~you've suspended your disbelief long enough~~ I've managed to get a decent grasp on their mannerisms and such, while also providing entertainment. Also, fun fact: I've actually read the real Two Ocean War nine times. It's dryer than crackers on a summer day, but man I love me some S. E. Morison. Also, take a shot of apple juice every time you read the word 'apple.' I say juice, because I don't wish alcohol poisoning on any of my readers.

If you enjoyed this chapter, thanks for reading, and let me know! If not, please tell me in Pig Latin, and if you're apathetic about it, why are you still reading this story? We're five chapters in, and I'll probably only get more pompous and sanctimonious from here!

Chapter 7

It is widely known that in changeling culture, stealth trumps all. It is better to remain in the shadows, pulling the strings, than to engage in open combat. But when a disguise fails, changelings will inevitably resort to self-preservation. Conventional thinking might lead one to believe that these skittish creatures choose flight over fight, and that they would be all but useless in a battle. This couldn't be further from the truth, as the average drone can prove to be extremely dangerous, particularly in close quarters combat. There are numerous examples of anecdotal evidence where a spear or arrow has bounced harmlessly off a changeling's tough exoskeleton, and while the average drone's magical capabilities may be lacking when compared to a trained unicorn, they make up for this deficiency with their brutal 'rip-and-tear' fighting style: utilizing their jagged horns and naturally sharp teeth, unarmored ponies rarely stand a chance if they allow their opponent to get within striking distance. And, as witnessed in the Invasion of Canterlot, these abilities are unsurprisingly magnified in Queens. - The Rise of the Changeling Queendom, Vol. IV by Works Cited

They glared at each other from across the field. Silently, Twilight sized up her opponent. Chrysalis looked fearsome in her armor, with the changeling apparently deciding to go all out for this battle. But outside of that, she seemed to be acting...different. Off. The arrogance was there, as always, but there was something else. She couldn't put her hoof on it, and it made her nervous. Okay, Sparkle, you can do this. No tricks this time. She hasn't put anyone under some spell, she's not pretending to be someone else, and she's not striking from the shadows. She's out in the open, and there's nothing she can do to surprise you. she thought, hyping herself up for the inevitable violence. Still, there's no reason that I can't at least TRY to end this peacefully. Inhaling a deep breath, she shouted as loudly and forcefully as she could. "QUEEN CHRYSALIS! THERE IS NO NEED FOR VIOLENCE! SURRENDER PEACEFULLY, AND YOU WILL BE GIVEN A FAIR TRIAL FOR YOUR CRIMES!" The changeling squinted at Twilight.

Wait, what is she doing? I thought the whole point of this date was SPECIFICALLY to fight! Or...wait. She must be flirting! Okay. I gotcha. Giving a cocky smirk, she responded. "OH, THE TIME FOR PEACE IS LONG PAST, PRINCESS! ONLY ONE OF US IS WALKING AWAY FROM THIS, AND IT WON'T BE YOU!" she yelled back. Twilight furrowed her brow at the remark. Ooo! I must have done it right, because she looks ready to go!

The alicorn lowered her head, pawing the ground with a snort. Okay. Okayokayokay. She may have armor, but she's not invincible. And you're the Element of Magic. You've got this! she thought, charging her horn. The changeling mirrored the position.

Alright. Okay. Oooooookay. You can do this. Just don't think. Let nature do its thing, and you'll have a head on your wall in no time. Just don't. Be. Nervous. And DON'T kill her. Chrysalis thought, charging her horn as well. Huh. First time I've had to think that in...forever, I think.

Neither royal moved, staring at each other from across the field while silently daring the other to make the first attack. Then, seemingly out of impatience rather than an intended move, Chrysalis charged, letting out a guttural cry. She covered the ground between the two quickly, and let out a short blast from her horn a few body lengths from the Princess. Twilight winced and quickly put up a shield, and the bolt of energy bounced harmlessly off. The Queen kept charging, and to the alicorn's shock, saw the changeling's horn pierce through the arcane shield. It was like a knife through cloth, and the defensive spell dissipated as quickly as it had been created. Following through with her momentum, Chrysalis nearly crashed into the pony, and would have brutally gored her through the skull. Nearly. For as soon as her shield had begun to evaporate, the Princess panicked, and instinct saw her teleport to the other side of the field, behind an ancient tree stump. Above her eyes, just below her horn, was a small bleeding gash, from where the Queen's sharpened horn had barely made contact.

Okay, since WHEN was Chrysalis able to do THAT?! she thought in a panic. This was clearly not the same changeling she had fought before. This is going to take some clever thinking.

The Queen whipped her head left and right. Where had that slippery pony gone off to? Turning around, she saw her purple date across the field. "Oh, come now, Princess! Don't go playing hard-to-get!" she shouted with a smirk. The changeling bounded towards the alicorn with a smile on her face. Maybe Mom was right! Dating CAN be fun! she thought. Twilight had to think quickly; if her opponent could nullify her shields, then maybe it was true what they said - the best defense is a good offense! Charging her horn, she let off a flurry of shots in the direction of the changeling. The few that hit were deflected by either by the Queen's armor or helmet, and barely seemed to even slow her enemy down.

"Ooo hoo hoo hoo! That tickled, Sparkle! Tell me you can do better than that!" Chrysalis said with a malicious grin as she neared her beloved. She fired her own horn towards the alicorn haphazardly, leaving burning brush and scorch marks all around the Princess. Again, Twilight charged her horn, and just as the changeling came to within a body length, she released it. The magical energy hit the ground directly in front of the Queen, spraying dirt and debris into the air. "Ack! Pbthh! Ptoo! No fair, Princess!" she shouted, spitting out rocks and rubbing her eyes. By the time her sight had returned, the Princess was nowhere to be found. Whipping her head back and forth, she thought she heard the flap of wings. "Oh. Right. You can fly now." With that, she took to the air.

Where did she get that armor? It bounced all of my shots like they were nothing! Twilight thought. She didn't have time to think for long, however, as the Queen quickly met her in the sky. A short-lived air battle ensued, as both royals attempted to best each other. While Twilight was unable to damage the Queen, Chrysalis found herself having poor aim, as her blasts never seemed to make impact with the alicorn. Frowning, she flew higher before diving on the Princess. Twilight attempted to jink away, but ended up zigging when she should have zagged, and the two collided mid-air. They plummeted to the ground, and as the Princess broke the Queen's fall, a sharp bolt of pain shot from her left wing all the way through her spine. If it wasn't broken, then it was very badly sprained. She let out a short shriek.

Is she screaming? Okay, this date went from good to GREAT. I never pegged her for a screamer! Chrysalis thought. Grimacing, the alicorn let out a pained groan, and bucked the Queen off of her, who landed nearby in a heap. Slowly, both got up, heaving and moaning as they did. "Alright, enough of that flying stuff. Let's get back to the GOOD parts, sweet cheeks!" Chrysalis huffed and puffed as she spoke. Wow. She was more out of shape than she thought. Maybe Mu was right. Whatever.

Did she SERIOUSLY just call me 'sweet cheeks?!' Okay, calm down Sparkle. Remember: she's just trying to get inside your head to throw you off. You can't let her! Twilight thought, blinking in an effort to refocus. Wait! Maybe I can try the same thing! It's worth a shot, anyway. The two royals glared at each other for a moment. "'...back to the good parts,' huh? I didn't realize there had been any yet! Maybe there would be some good parts if you could get in an actual attack, bug-butt!" she taunted with a smirk. The Queen let out a low growl, then charged. She released a blast with her horn, causing the Princess to jerk to the right to avoid it. Another blast. Another jerk. Another blast, this time a shield, which barely held. Each shot was getting progressively stronger as Chrysalis became more and more frustrated with her poor precision. Finally, the changeling charged her horn, and released a ground-shaking blast. Twilight's eyes widened, and more out of habit than thought, she quickly put up a shield. A shield that would last less than a second, before evaporating. The blast hit and almost enveloped the Princess, flinging her halfway across the field. Sensing blood in the water, the changeling let out laugh of superiority, galloped across the field, and leaped on the alicorn spasming in pain. Her neck was unprotected, and filled with bloodlust, Chrysalis brought her open jaw down to crush the pony's jugular.

The blast, combined with the impact with the ground, gave the alicorn a terrifying premonition of her death. In turn, her mind decided to have her life flash before her eyes, shut in fear: sharing ice cream with her brother. Getting her cutie mark. Shining and her giving their parents some terrible breakfast in bed on their anniversary. Achieving her first degree. Then her graduate. Then her doctorate. Arriving in Ponyville. Making her first real friends. Meeting Applejack. Her coronation. All happening in less than the blink of an eye. She could feel the Queen above her, although she was unaware of exactly how close she was to shuffling off this mortal coil. She tried to summon the strength to blast the changeling with magic. Teleport away. Shove Chrysalis off. Anything. Yet, her whole body ached, and for the briefest moment, she accepted her fate.

Except, as is often the case, fate had other plans.

The bite never came. Chrysalis stood awkwardly over her conquered foe, her mouth salivating at the thought of snapping the little creature's neck. But nothing happened, primarily because of that little thought she had earlier: Remember, DON'T kill her! Oh. Right. She removed her mouth, wiped the drool off her snout, and stood waffling above the pony. The alicorn looked so pitiful at that moment, shaking in fear. It was cute. But that's not how this is supposed to go! Maybe if I give her a second to get up, we can keep this going? How do I do that, but make it look like I'm not throwing this date away? Um...conversation, I guess?

"Hey, Sparkle. I know that during these kinds of things, we're normally supposed to talk about each other, but I have to know: does Shining ever talk about me? I know he has a wife and kid and all, but every now and then I just think about him." she asked. Mistaking the mercy for gloating, the Princess' eyes finally flashed open in anger towards the Queen with a cruel glare. "I mean, it's just that, well, I can't help but feel like he and I had a connection or something, you know? And that's really confusing me, because I always figured I was g-"

"DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY BROTHER! YOU NEARLY KILLED HIS WIFE AND RUINED HIS LIFE! ALL OUR LIVES! YOU'RE NOT FIT TO SPEAK HIS NAME!" she shouted. She could feel it. The anger. The hatred. The complete and total revulsion. All those years of pent-up, unresolved issues, all threatening to boil to the surface. If this Queen wasn't careful, she could end up on the receiving end of it. Breathing heavily, she attempted to calm herself. She couldn't let Chrysalis get to her. She had to keep control of her emotions. She had to, because if she couldn't, then what kind of Princess was she?

"Look, all I'm saying is, even though stallions aren't my thing, I probably would have made his wedding night extra special, ya know? To be honest, I even tried before it! I mean, have you SEEN his flank? I didn't think unicorns were expected to work out like that, but he obviously does, because da-"

That's it. The last straw to break the camel's back. You can practically ruin a family member's life. You can invade the country's capital. You can kidnap and replace her and her friends. But you DO NOT talk about wanting to boink her brother! Letting out a deep, sepulchral yell, she brought her rear legs up and bucked the changeling in the barrel, making the Queen grunt in pain and leap back. Twilight jumped up, and seeing only red, magically ripped a nearby tree out by the roots and threw it at the changeling. Hitting the unexpecting royal square in the face, she and the now-nomadic denizen of the forest rolled halfway across the field, branches snapping and splinters flying. Chrysalis herself rag-dolled around the canopy of the tree, until flopping unceremoniously onto the ground a few body-lengths away.

HOOOO. WHAT A MARE! she thought. Her head was spinning, and as she stood, she shook it to regain her balance. As the world stopped twirling, she squinted. There was something running at her. Something...purple. Just as her eyes finally focused, she saw an extremely unhappy Princess charging at her, shrieking the most un-Princess-like obscenities she had ever heard in her life. Twilight tumbled into the Queen, letting loose a whirlwind of jabs and kicks, laced with enough profanity to make a drunken sailor blush. Not all of the kicks and jabs made contact, but the fury behind each one was practically tangible.

At first, getting hit by the girl she had a crush on was kind of fun, but now? Now it was starting to hurt, even when the Princess hit the armor. Chrysalis had to make sure that her Princess didn't go too far, or else she might actually damage some of her...important parts. And that would make continuing the species kind of hard. Also, while her helmet was nice and all, it didn't cover all of her head, and Twilight was getting more accurate with her strikes. Specifically, she was focusing on Chrysalis' face. And that did hurt!

The alicorn didn't want to admit it, but it was surprisingly cathartic to let loose in this fight. It felt...primal. She wasn't using any of the planned attacks she had prepared for, she wasn't following any sort of known protocol or rules of engagement; no, she was quite literally screaming in anger and letting fly with her hooves. And she hated herself for it. This isn't how Princesses are supposed to be! They're supposed to be reserved! Dignified! Subtle! And shrieking profanities while tumbling around the dirt with an enemy was none of those things. But darn it all if it didn't feel good to finally release all of that repressed anger and frustration. There were other bottled-up emotions, but she'd deal with them after all this was over. Clarification: she would rationally deal with them. Like asking Applejack out on a date without any sort of pretense. Or firing Trixie out of a cannon into the Celestial Sea, instead of turning her to ash. You know, practical solutions.

The blows kept coming, and the undignified Princess didn't seem to slowing. If anything, they were increasing in severity and accuracy. And worse, they were really starting to hurt. Come on, didn't anyone ever tell you 'not the face!'? Chrysalis thought. Also, who taught you how to curse? I thought you were a goody little four-shoes! A purple hoof came down on the armored snout, eliciting a shout of pain and momentary lapse in the beating. Sensing the chance, the changeling released a blast directly into Twilight's face, knocking her off. The Queen briefly smiled, then frowned. OH NO. What if I messed up her face?! she thought. Getting up, she looked over the pony, only for her foe's forelegs to jerk forward, knocking Chrysalis in the chin. More surprising than painful, it managed to loosen her helmet. "Oh, COME ON! Just give up already!" she shouted, rubbing her bruised face. "Seriously. Made me knock my teeth together. Hurts, jerk." the changeling muttered. The bedraggled alicorn unsteadily got up, now sporting a scorch mark on her cheek. Fortunately, the magic blast had only clipped her.

"NEVER! NOT AS LONG AS I STILL DRAW BREATH!" she shouted before unexpectedly jumping at the Queen, simultaneously knocking her to the ground, and making the helmet fly off in some unknown direction. Chrysalis could feel the power slip away, and panicked. She opened her mouth to ask for a time-out, only for a hoof to pound into it.

OW! OH SWEET MERCILESS PRAEDO THAT HURT! Instinct kicked in, and Chrysalis reacted the only way she could: by flailing. One foreleg smacked Twilight in the face, bringing a respite to pounding, while the other hoof struck the alicorn in the ribs, knocking the wind out of her. The Princess clutched her side, only for the Queen to shove her off. Muttering curses, Chrysalis got up, and the two glared at each other. As before, the changeling became impatient and lunged at the alicorn. She tried to dodge, but the battle was starting to take its toll on her, and Chrysalis crashed into her. They both fell to the ground in a pile, and started kicking at each other in the hopes of an incapacitating hit. This proved to be much easier for the armored Queen, as her cleated boots dug into the alicorn's barrel more than once, each time eliciting a pained yelp. With each blow, Twilight found her anger and barbarity increasing. Remembering that the Queen's head was now one of the few unarmored spots on her body, she desperately thrust both her forelegs out in a one-two punch to Chrysalis' face that managed to give her just enough time to get up. "You know..." the changeling said, clutching her snout in pain, "all this rolling around in the dirt reminds me of your brother's wedding." With that, the Princess finally fully snapped.

THAT'S IT! SHE'S DEAD! I'M GOING TO TURN THIS DISGUSTING BUG INTO A GREASE SMEAR! She let out a shrill cry and used the last remnants of her strength to pummel the Queen. Again, many of her hits struck the armor, but that too appeared to be bending under the savage assault. While Chrysalis would occasionally get a good kick in here or there, further bloodying the Princess, she found herself unable to match the speed or ferocity her date was putting out.

WOW is she a freak! But the good kind! I never thought my first date would go this well! she thought with a tiny smile, despite the pain she was experiencing. The smile turned to a confused frown, however, when the beating suddenly stopped. The changeling looked above her to see the alicorn rearing back, bringing both her forelegs up just above the Queen, and, eyes bloodshot, nostrils flared, teeth gritted, she let out a final, furious shriek as she brought them down with all her rage towards Chrysalis' head.

The Royal Guards assigned to the town had kept a weather eye out for changelings, apparently, for no reason. No insurgent uprising occurred, the Queen didn't suddenly pop up, nothing. Master Sergeant Quillon sighed. "Corporal Ferrule, gather the rest of the troops. It's time to report to Princess Sparkle, and, Celestia willing, take that stupid bug to jail where she belongs." The subordinate saluted, and galloped off. Minutes later, the seven guards were in a semicircle, informing their commander of the lack of any changeling activity. Quillon nodded, and as they started off, a pegasus guard meekly raised his hoof. "Yes, Private First Class Chappe, what is it?" she sighed.

"Um. Master Sergeant Quillon si- I mean ma'am. I, um, kinda sorta hafta go to the latrine. Bad." The commanding officer closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Okay. Fine. Does anyone else need to?" she asked. The other six guards tepidly raised their hooves. Quillon rolled her eyes. "Fine. But we need to make it fast." Looking around, she saw that Sugarcube Corner was the closest public building. "There." she said, pointing, "We'll go into that bakery. But do your business quickly, because Princess Sparkle is relying on us."

Twilight's barrel was heaving as her hooves impacted with the ground, a gnat's wing away from crushing the Queen's head. She couldn't do it. Despite all the things the villain had done to Equestria, to her family and friends, to her, she just couldn't do it. Chrysalis deserved punishment, certainly, but not death.

The changeling opened a fearful eye, then the other. The alicorn above her was trying to catch her breath, and glaring at her. Chrysalis could see the fire in her eyes, and the strength behind them. She felt helpless. She felt trapped. She felt...hot. If she was smitten with this purple Princess before, now she was totally enraptured. The more she stared at the alicorn, the more she noticed the wounds from the fight: the scorch mark on Twilight's cheek, the sprained wing, the still-bleeding cut just under her horn, and gouges in her belly. That was her scorecard, and the Queen felt exhausted. It had been a knock-down, drag-out fight, far more than her little spat with Celestia. Psh. That silly white weirdo went down with one hit! But not Twilight; no, she had given almost as much as she had gotten. Almost. And won, sorta. And better yet, she had come this close to splattering her brains on the ground! But she hadn't! On purpose! The changeling couldn't think of a clearer sign that this purple pony Princess was clearly the right one for her.

"QUEEN CHRYSALIS!" Twilight shouted, trying to project the sheer brute force of the Royal Canterlot Voice in her throat. "You are under arrest for your crimes against Equestria! What do you have to say for yourself?!" she demanded, her eyes twitching in anger.

Suddenly, Chrysalis was conflicted. Maybe it was shock, or perhaps the fact that she had nearly had the world see what was literally on her mind moments earlier, but for whatever reason she couldn't respond. She was going over the battle in her mind, and a thought occurred to her: she had almost died! She had been in dangerous situations before, sure, but she had never been that close to death. There was always a way out, some trick she could pull, or something. But having to work within the strict confines of dating had gummed up the works. But...Twilight had spared her. Why? Was this...love? Not the nutritious kind, but the actual emotion? She wasn't sure what it was, but it vexed her. How do you respond to something like this? Clearly there was only one possible reaction to the conflict churning inside the Queen. The changeling grimaced and shut her eyes. Her whole body flinched. She took a deep breath through her nostrils. Twilight warily charged her horn again, ready for any last desperate attack from the fallen royalty.

And Queen Chrysalis, Former Leader of the Badlands Hive, Defeater of Princess Celestia, and alleged Devourer of Ponies, lurched forward, grabbing the alicorn by the withers, brought her down to the ground, and...

...started bawling uncontrollably.

"I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T EVEN WANNA DO THIS AND I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE MY QUEENY LIKE THAT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SPECIAL I'M SO SO SO SORRY PLEASE DON'T ARREST ME I WON'T LAST A WEEK IN JAIL!" she sobbed out. Twilight didn't respond; she was so in shock, all she could do was stare at her enemy in disbelief. "IT'S JUST YOU'RE SO PRETTY AND I KNOW I PROBABLY DON'T STAND A CHANCE WITH YOU BUT SHE MADE ME DO IT AND SHE'S JUST! SO! ME-HE-HE-AN!" Chrysalis shoved her face into the crook of the alicorn's neck, still wailing.

You know, I predicted forty-two different outcomes for this battle, and this...this was not one of them. Twilight thought. Several minutes went by, and the Queen's crying subsided, and the silence was only punctuated by an occasional shudder from the changeling. Twilight cleared her throat.

"Okay, so, um, real talk for a second." she said. The Queen, still bear-hugging Twilight, lifted her head to meet the alicorn in the eyes. "Is this...is this a feint?" Chrysalis cocked her head to the side and gave a questioning look. "You know, like you're pretending to be all sad and pathetic to lull me in to a false sense of sympathy, then you strike while my guard is down?" The changeling shook her head.

"...what? No. But that's a good idea, I'll need to remember it." she replied, shoving her face back into Twilight's neck with a contented murmur. The alicorn tried to pry off her attacker, but found that she had a deceptively strong grip.

"Right, so...where was I?" she asked. "Oh. Right. Queen Chrysalis of the Changelings, you are under arrest for kidnapping, sedition, assault, battery, impersonating a royal, use of malicious magic without a permit, and littering. Anything you say or do can be used against you in a court of law. If you do not have a lawyer, one will be provid- ARE YOU SNIFFING ME RIGHT NOW?!" she shouted. Chrysalis looked away from the purple Princess.

"...you smell really good." she meekly replied. Twilight began clawing at the changeling in an attempt to get away.

"Okayokayokay, get off me! You just made it weird. Weirder. Get off!" she demanded, before telekinetically removing herself from the Queen's grip. She shook and shuddered for a moment, before taking a breath.

"Anyway. If you do not have a lawyer, one will be provided for you and would you STOP looking at me like that?! It's like you're undressing me with your eyes, and I'm not even wearing anything!" she shouted, taking a step away from the lecherous royal. Chrysalis grunted.

"Hey, it's not my fault you look hot when you get all authoritative like that!" she said, gesturing with her hooves. Twilight fumfered in incredulity.

"I- wha- alright, really? Is this how you're going to be?" she asked. Chrysalis raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" she asked in response. The Princess began gesturing wildly.

"Like...like this! I mean, I thought you were a Queen! I thought royalty was supposed to exhibit pride and project respect!" she exclaimed. The changeling put a hoof to her barrel in shock.

"Hey! I AM a Queen! It's just...I'm sort of between hives right now, is all!" she replied with indignity. Twilight cocked her head.

"Wait, you don't even have a hive?" she asked. The Queen rolled her eyes.

"Well, no, not really. That purple-ish pink-ish friend of yours kinda blew it up, remember?" Chrysalis replied bitterly.

"I thought Thorax did that?" Twilight asked. The Queen's eyes widened with rage.

"His name is Sigma-17817! Get it right!" she said, before calming down. "Also, it still hurts, by the way. Thanks for asking. But that stupid mauve-ish colored pony gave him the stupid idea!" The alicorn lifted her eyes in thought.

"I think she's magenta. Or taupe?" she shook her head. "Ugh. Stop distracting me! We're getting off track. Here's the deal: you're under arrest, and you're going to face justice for your crimes against Equestria!" Chrysalis took a step back.

"What?" she asked. "No, that's not how this works. You come back to my place, we do it, and then decapitate you for the wall." she replied nonchalantly. Twilight gave a horrified look. "...what's with the face?"

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT THIS IS HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO GO?!" Twilight asked, recoiling in disgust. The Queen gestured with her hooves.

"Because! That's how it always goes in the movies!" she replied. The Princess furrowed her brow in confusion.

"They show a battle's loser getting to violate and decapitate the winner?" she asked. Chrysalis nodded her head.

"Well, duh. I mean, I think they fake it most of the time, especially since you see the same actors in a lot of different videos, but that doesn't make it any less hot." she replied matter-of-factly. Twilight's mouth sat agape.

"...hot? HOT?! You are messed up, lady! MESSED! UP!" she replied, taking another step back from her enemy. This time it was the Queen giving a confused look.

"Hey, what's with the insults?" she asked. Twilight stammered for a moment.

"B-because! Who gets all hot and bothered to snuff films?!" she demanded. Chrysalis scrunched her nose.

"I thought snuff films were about ponies getting murdered in painful ways?"

The Princess smacked a hoof to her face. "THEY ARE! And that is literally what you just described!" she said, gesturing towards the changeling.

"What? No, I was talking about...you know..." she made a circling motion with her hoof. Twilight just glared and shook her head.

"...snuff films?" she finally asked.

"No! You know...porn." she quietly replied. The Princess gave a deadpan stare.

"...porn."

"Yeah, you know the cliches! One royal attacks another, the one who wins is deemed worthy to mate, and after the winner lays her eggs, she decapitates them, as a way to remember the whole thing?" she nervously answered. Again, Twilight only responded with a look of horror. "Again with the face! And other changelings say I'm a prude! You can't even handle the vanilla stuff!" she mocked.

"...that is not even remotely close to a pony's reproduction rituals or methods. Or any other species I'm aware of. The closest thing that comes to it would be the rituals and methods of the mantid religiosa, but there's reason to believe that's largely a myth, seeing as it only happens when the females of the species are exceptionally underfed and must resort to cannibalism." the pony replied in a monotone voice. Chrysalis stared at the Princess, speechless.

"Wow you're a nerd." she muttered to herself. "Anyway! Wanna come back to my place, or should we go to yours?" she asked in an upbeat voice. Twilight gave a frustrated groan.

"Have you not been listening?! You're under arrest! You go to jail! Then court! Then probably prison! That's it!" she shouted, wildly gesticulating with her hooves. The Queen gave a look of disgust.

"I don't wanna mate with you in jail! It's probably all dirty, and I doubt we'd have much privacy..." The Princess let out an angry, guttural groan as she slid a foreleg down her face.

"Are you kidding me right now?! THERE WILL BE NO MATING. AT ALL." Chrysalis' head whipped back up to face the alicorn.

"But! But! You won! You're worthy! And hot! And smell good! And probably great in the sa-" she was unable to finish her sentence, as the purple pony had shoved a hoof in her mouth.

"Please stop. You're being creepy. er. Like a different kind of creepy than normal." she said before removing her limb.

The changeling rubbed a foreleg. "What do you mean? I'm not being creepy!" Twilight sat on the ground with a huff.

"Alright, I'm not going to say that I'm an expert or anything at courting somepony I like, but saying the stuff you've been saying is...unnerving." the Princess replied, staring forward. "And also? What was with that letter you sent me? You say you want to fight me, and then you do, but now you're hitting on me?" Chrysalis raised a hoof.

"In my defense, I didn't want to word it that way." she answered.

"And that photo album?" The Queen looked away.

"And I really didn't want to send you that."

There was a brief moment of silence, only broken by Twilight clearing her throat. "So...was that really your ovipos-"

"YES AND CAN WE PLEASE NOT TALK ABOUT IT?" the changeling replied, still refusing to look the pony in the face. Another pregnant pause.

"It's just...who sends an unsolicited picture of their genitalia to somepony?" Twilight asked, turning her head to face the Queen. Chrysalis slumped over.

"That's what I said!" she answered, thrusting her hooves in front of her. The Princess gave a confused look.

"To whom? I thought you didn't have any drones?" she asked. Without thinking, the changeling responded.

"My mo-nobody. I was talking to nobody." she answered quickly. Twilight turned to face her prisoner, and her gaze pierced the Queen.

"Wait...your mom made you do it? Wait. You have a mom?" she inquired. Chrysalis turned her back to the pony.

"N-no. Shut up. And of course I have a mom. Who doesn't?" she said, crossing her forelegs. The Princess stood up and began pacing.

"Hold on...it's all adding up now." she said to herself. "The lack of tact...the weird letter...the photo album..." she shuddered at the memory, "...you getting your moves from pornography..." she walked over to face the Queen.

"Was I going to be your first...'conquest?'" she quietly asked. Chrysalis found herself immediately interested in the ground. "...I was, wasn't I?" The Queen's head snapped back up.

"No! I've totally done it! Plenty of times! How else could I have had so many hives?! Huh?!" she demanded. Twilight plopped on the ground, dumbfounded.

"Wow. Just...wow." she said, staring at the ground. "How does that happen?" she asked. Chrysalis sneered.

"Shut up! I'm not a virgin! I totally know what I'm doing! You're just...you're just a prude!" she shouted, still not looking at the Princess. Twilight softened her voice.

"No, really. I'm not making fun of you, I promise. It's just that...you're, what, about 3500 years old, right?" Chrysalis' eyes widened.

"Uh. Yeah. Just a bit under, actually." The Princess nodded.

"Okay, so if you're just under 3500, and I know you've had hives before-" she began.

"Eight. I've had eight hives." the Queen responded. Six, technically, but who's counting?

The Princess continued. "-so eight hives before. How did you manage to create them without ever mating? My research has brought me to believe that you can't grow one without some form of reproduction. Is that true?" Chrysalis bobbed her head back and forth indecisively.

"Well- I mean-" she stammered. With a sigh, she continued. "Ugh...fine. Yes. You can grow a hive without mating. Even though I totally have. You just need to be the first Queen the larva see when they hatch. Seriously, I thought you were smart." Twilight flinched.

"I am smart! It's just that there's still so much we don't know about your kind! Like your social structure, how long you live, and, apparently, your mating habits!" she replied. Chrysalis gave a tiny gasp.

"Are...are you saying you want to...study me?" she asked, giving a demure look. Twilight shook her head.

"Don't read that much into it. And from a physiological standpoint? Sure, once you're in prison." she added nonchalantly. The Queen threw her hooves up in frustration.

"C'mon, no prison!" she whined. The Princess put a hoof to the bridge of her snout, and shut her eyes.

"You're a wanted criminal!" she exclaimed. "Do I have to repeat your list of crimes?"

"Please no." Chrysalis replied with a frown. Twilight stood up, and squinted behind her defeated opponent.

"Speaking of, where are those royal guards? They should be here by now!" she said, trying to peer over the horizon. The Queen gave a small chuckle.

"You...you called for more ponies to get in on this? Kinky." she said with a wink, only for it to be returned with a dirty look.

"This is the last time I'm going to tell you: we are not and will not ever mate. Ever-ever." Chrysalis opened her mouth to interject, but Twilight continued. "I know I beat you in solo combat, and for some reason you think that means I want to mate with you, but I do not. Because if you think for one second that I'm going to allow you to mate with me then decapitate my body, you've got another thing coming!" The changeling gave a lecherous smile.

"Ho ho, I know I'll be com-" she suddenly found her mouth magically shut. The alicorn glared at her, and moved so close that all the Queen could see was her face.

"And if you keep talking like that, I will personally make sure that Princess Celestia banishes you to the moon. Permanently. You will not return in a thousand years, no stars will aid in your escape. Just moon dust, and moon rocks. Forever. GOT IT?" she said through gritted teeth. The Queen reluctantly nodded. Removing the telekinetic grip she had on her mouth, Twilight sat back down with a huff.

"You know, if you didn't want to mate, why did you even come here? To lead me on? That's not cool, dude." she asked, casting an accusatory glare at the alicorn, who scrunched her nose in response.

"First, don't say 'dude.' Second, I came here because when I read your letter, you said you wanted to engage in one-on-one combat. After I inevitably beat you, I'd have you arrested and WHERE ARE THOSE ROYAL GUARDS ALREADY?!" she shouted, turning her head to hopefully see them coming over the hill. They did not.

Sugarcube Corner had always been a popular hangout, and today was no different. Well, it was a little different, as there were eight royal guards all sitting at a round, large table. They all sported bloated bellies, and had labored breathing. A large gray stallion walked over with a concerned look.

"Uh...you folks alright?" he asked. Before they could respond, a pink blur zipped in front of the stallion.

"Oh, come on you guys! You've only tried twenty-six flavors of my forty-two flavor lineup of cakes! I need to know which one is the best for this year's National Dessert Competition!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. Shaking his head, the gray pony walked out of the shop. One of the guards lifted her head to face her.

"With respect, Miss BURP, we only came in to use the restroom. We didn't expect the proprietor to fill us with cake." she responded with a wheeze. Another guard raised a hoof.

"Do...do you think Princess Sparkle needs us by now?" The first guard shook her head.

"No, she's fine. She's the Element of Magic and a full alicorn, remember? She's got it..." she said before slumping over onto the table with a grunt. Pinkie gave a giggle as she collected the plates from the table.

"Oh, if anyone can take on that mean 'ol fussypants, it's Twilight! I just hope she knows what she's getting into...I mean, I'd hate to break a Queen's heart, ya know?" she asked, only to be answered by snoring from the guards.

Chrysalis huffed. "What's wrong with saying 'dude?'"

"Because! You're not some...skateboarder or something! Whenever ponies older than me try to use teenager lingo, it just makes me feel embarrassed for them; like they're trying to recapture their lost youth or something. It's sad, to be honest. It's like when some stallion turns forty, so he goes out and buys some shiny new red carriage. It's not making him any younger, so he needs to stop and just act his age." she replied, rolling her eyes. The Queen shifted uncomfortably.

"...ouch. And also, you kinda sounded like my mom there, and it's weirding me out. Stop." she said, shoving a hoof at the Princess, who sighed and shook her head. Chrysalis stood, and stretched. "So...is this going to happen, or what?" she finally asked. Twilight's head whipped around, and the Queen was met with a withering glare.

"NO. We are just going to sit here, and wait for the- hey! Where are you going?! Get back here!" she shouted after noticing that the changeling was walking away. Chrysalis turned around, and began casually inspecting a hoof.

"Look, if we're not going to mate, then I'm going home. There's no point to me staying and wasting time that I could spend...researching." She placed her hoof back on the ground, and stared at the Princess. "Oh, and by the way? Bringing me here just to lead me on? I thought you were better than that." Turning back around, she began looking for her helmet so she could start the slow walk back to the hive, where she would tell the drones that she definitely scored, but no, they can't see the head, because a lady never kills and tells. Or rather, she would have, had Twilight not grabbed her by the tail.

"Oh no you're not! You have to pay for your crimes!" she said, dragging the Queen back. The changeling jerked her tail out of the Princess' grasp.

"Nuh-uh! I'm not an Equestrian citizen! You can't charge a non-Equestrian citizen with Equestrian laws!" she shouted. Twilight gave an incredulous look.

"...where did you even hear that?! Yes! I can! Especially when you're on Equestrian soil, you dolt!" she exclaimed, pointing a hoof at her uncooperative prisoner. The two began arguing on the finer points of local laws and ordinances, not noticing a large gray Earth stallion cresting the hill. Staring at the situation before him, he sighed, and walked down to the two arguing creatures. Spying the pony arriving, Twilight turned to face him.

"Hey!" She racked her brain to remember the pony's name. "Um...Barrel Race? For your own safety, you need to get out of here! I'm dealing with an extremely dangerous prisoner here!" she said, pointing at Chrysalis. The stallion gave a lazy smile.

"So you beat 'er, huh?"

Twilight stood tall at the remark. "Yes. I did. And you really need to leave! She could attack you at any moment!" Again, the stallion only smiled.

"That's exactly what I wanted to hear." And with that, there was a blinding flash as the gray Earth stallion turned into a much larger black changeling. A Queen, to be more specific. A Queen of Queens, to be exact. She let out a chuckle that slowly turned into a guffaw, before finally resting on a much more feminine titter punctuated with a squeal. She scooped up the much smaller alicorn, and held her at foreleg's length, giving her a once-over. "Well, well, well! It appears my little Chryssi has finally caught her first mate! And it's not even her own hoof for once!" she said, her eyes sparkling. "Now, just to make sure you don't get cold hooves...boop!" A tiny chunk of green crystal encased the end of the Princess' horn. As Twilight blinked away the spots from the flash, she was finally able to focus on what was happening.

"Whoa! Who are you?!" she said, struggling to escape the elder royal's grasp. Every attempt at magic seemed to get blocked by the crystal, which appeared to be practically intertwined with the very cells of the horn.

"Mom! Have you been here the whole time?!" Chrysalis asked.

"Not entirely. I've been here off and on, really. Nice little town you have here, Princess. You should be proud." The alicorn responded with a look of abject shock. "Oh! My goodness, where are my manners? I am Queen of Queens Dominatus, or just 'Queen of Queens' if you like. As well as being the leader of all changelings far and wide, I am also the Royal Brood Mother and Chryssi's mommy. And speaking of my little love bug, I can't express how lucky you are! You get to be her first mate! Ohhhh, just the cutest little eggs are going to rupture your belly! I can FEEL it!" she replied, nuzzling an extremely overwhelmed Princess' nose. Chrysalis tapped on her mother's shoulder.

"Seriously Mom, please stop; you're embarrassing me." The Queen of Queens scoffed.

"Oh, no I'm not, sweetie! Besides, quit being so grumpy! You should be happy! You're not going to die a virgin!" she said, her voice squeaking at the end.

"You're making me wish I was dead now..." grumbled the younger changeling. Her mother shushed her, before turning back to a wriggling alicorn.

"So, Princess Twilight Sparkle! Did you wish to take my daughter's virginity here, your castle, or my hive?" Dominatus asked, causing the pony to momentarily stop wriggling.

"Wait. Your hive? Why would anything happen at your hive?" she asked. She turned her head to face Chrysalis. "Are you living with your parents?" The Queen gave a deep and bitter sigh.

"Parent." she corrected. "And seeing as your orchid-colored friend blew up my last hive and stole all my drones, I didn't really have much choice, now did I?" she responded, refusing to look the alicorn in the eye. Dominatus nodded in agreement.

"I'm afraid she's right. And technically her father is there with us, but that's a story for another time. Anyway, since I refused to ask any of her half-sisters to give her another loan to build up another one, I figured that now was the right time for her to cross into motherhood! Everyone wins!" she cooed. Twilight simply looked ahead, astonished.

"...wow. This just adds so many layers to what I thought I knew..." she said in a faraway voice. The Queen of Queens suddenly chimed in.

"So! Here? Your castle? Or my hive? If I may suggest, my hive would be the ideal option; I cleaned Chryssi's room before coming here, so it won't gross you out too much." she recommended. Again, the Princess turned to face what she thought was the only Queen, up until a few minutes ago.

"Your mom cleaned your room for you to lose your virginity in?" she asked with a cocked eyebrow. Chrysalis opened her mouth to respond, only to be cut off by her mother.

"Oh, I had to! My little love bug has just been so weak lately, without drones to support her." she said, jutting out her lower lip in a mock look of sadness. Moving closer in, she loudly whispered to the alicorn. "You should have seen her trying to lift boxes of files with her magic! It was hilarious!"

"Huh? ...'drones to support her?'" Twilight asked. King Thorax wasn't using hyperbole, then. "So if I'm understanding this correctly, Chrysalis' raw magical power is directly correlated to the number of drones she has?" Dominatus grinned and nodded her head.

"Very perceptive of you, little pony! The intelligence files weren't kidding when they said you were quick on the uptake!" Still suspended in the air by the elder Queen, the alicorn frowned.

"So if, like you said, she has no drones to support her, and therefore has no real magical power, how was she able to put out as many arcane attacks? Especially ones with that much power behind them?" she asked. Again, Chrysalis opened her mouth to answer, only to be cut off by the Queen of Queens.

"Oh, that. Did you see the gorgeous helmet she was wearing? It has some of my magic imbued in it, so she could at least put up a fair fight. Otherwise, you probably would have annihilated her in seconds!" Dominatus answered with an airy laugh. Frowning, the elder royal turned to her daughter. "Now that you mention it, just where is that helmet, young lady?" Chrysalis' eyes widened, and she began twisting her neck back and forth to find the missing headpiece.

"Uh. Um. It was right here just a second ago!" she said, turning around to search the battle-scarred field behind her. With a sigh, the elder Queen charged her horn, and the helmet came flying out from behind the stump from which it had fallen. Holding it in her magic, she carefully inspected it, attempting to find any scratch or dent that may have been created in the battle. "Oh! There it is! Right, uh, right where I left it. Yeah." Dominatus cast a skeptical eye towards her daughter. She was about to interrogate the younger Queen about just exactly why she had removed such an important and irreplaceable relic when Twilight continued.

"So, let me see if we're all on the same page: Chrysalis, your mom, that you live with, gave you a helmet with incredible power, so that you could go hoof-to-hoof with me, on what your culture apparently considers a date, in the hopes that I would pass your test that I had no prior knowledge of...so you could lose your virginity? I would say that this is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me, but seeing as I'm best friends with Pinkie Pie, this barely breaks the top five." The young changeling let out a frustrated groan.

"Yeah, I get it. I'm weird. I'm pathetic. I'm a loser." she muttered with a frown. Twilight shook her head.

"No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm sayi-" she replied before being interrupted by Dominatus' laughter.

"While that was marvelously succinct, you don't have to say that, dear. It was already quite clear that she's a weird pathetic loser!" she said between chuckles. The alicorn looked appalled.

"...that was harsh." she said. The elder Queen snorted.

"Well, she's needed a good shot in the leg for a while now! And from what I can tell, you're the perfect filly to do it!" she said with a devious smile. Twilight began to protest, only for her mouth to be bound shut by the same green crystal that adorned her horn. Dominatus looked to the horizon, as the last few rays of sunlight vanished, and dusk turned to night. "Hmmm. It's getting rather late, isn't it? You know what? We'll just all return to my hive; it's much better for your first time than doing it out in the open like this." she said, pursing her lips. Turning to her daughter, her face suddenly brightened. "With that said, Chryssi, after this you HAVE to mate outside! IT. IS. AMAZING." Chrysalis raised a hoof to yell at her mother, when loud grunting caught her attention. The Princess was making as much noise as possible while violently shaking her head. Cocking her head in confusion, it dawned on her.

"Oh. Right. Hey, Mom? She said she kind of didn't want to-"

"-be with a virgin?" Dominatus interjected. "I don't blame her. Being anyone's first is so unsatisfying. But, assuming our intelligence is correct, and it always is, she's experienced in love!" she said flippantly. Twilight whipped her head to face the elder Queen, and with wide eyes gave a very concerned grunt in response. "Besides, it will be good for you to be with someone experienced for your first time!" Chrysalis sighed.

"Mom, what I'm trying to say is that she-" she began, only to be shushed by her mother yet again.

"Quiet. We must be going."

And with another blinding flash, the three royals were gone. Several minutes later, eight wheezing royal guards crested the hill overlooking the field. Master Sergeant Quillon looked to her subordinate.

"This...this is the field, right?" she asked. The guard nodded his head. "Where are they?!" she said, the panic in her voice rising. Another guard spoke up.

"Look at the scorch marks, ma'am! The tree! And the hoof prints! There was definitely a battle here!" the guard said, pointing at the evidence. The commanding officer lowered her head.

"...ooooohhhhhh the Princess is going to have my flank for this..."

Author's Note

The other way that Twilight could have defeated Chrysalis!

(Hey folks, I noticed there has been some confusion as to how changeling Queens, Queens of Queens, and drones are reproduced. I'd explain it now, but spoiler: it's going to be explained next chapter!)

Also, HOLY MOLY IT TOOK ME SEVEN BLIPPING CHAPTERS TO ACTUALLY GET TO THE FIGHT?! WHAT KIND OF HACK FANFIC WRITER AM I?! A long-winded busy one, that's what kind! Which kind of brings me to a sad part: it's going to be a while before my next update. Make no mistake; I'm not abandoning this story! I love it, and I've loved writing it thus far! And I've especially loved all the comments and such that you fine folks have given me! It's just that I'm in time of crunching for my graduate degree, and I've got to focus almost entirely on my studies right now. Assuming all goes well, I get an expensive piece of paper with my name on it in May, and I get a job that doesn't involve me working 12 hour night shifts at an ~~old folks' home~~ affluent retirement community.

Again, I'm not abandoning this story. It always saddens me when an author does that with a story I like, and I'd hate to do that to you good people! Also, we're about halfway/two-thirds of the way to the end, and I already have a sizable chunk of the rest done. It's just a matter of putting the pieces together, giving it a spit-shine, and throwing it on the site. So, I'm not even going on hiatus, and it's entirely possible another chapter or two will come out before I graduate (this has been surprisingly cathartic to write!). It's just that I probably won't be finishing it before May.

Anyway! Enough of that boo-hooing! If you liked this chapter, please tell me! If not, please tell me, but in Esperanto! (Don't know what Esperanto is? Here you go!) And if you're indifferent to it, um...I have nothing witty to say. Just pretend I said something witty, have yourself a good laugh, and we'll call it good.

~~P.S. I may have kinda sorta wrote a~~ slightly ~~different ending to this chapter. I'm torn on actually publishing it, as it does have some graphic descriptions, and I wouldn't want to put my readers off with it. It would not be even remotely close to canon in terms of the story, and is basically just a silly idea that was knocking around in my head as I wrote this chapter. Does anyone want me to publish it? Alternatively, I could just post it as a one-off, and not have it connected to the other chapters, if you folks would prefer that. Let me know in the comments!~~

P.P.S. The alternative ending to this chapter is up! It is here!

Warning: It DOES contain graphic descriptions of gore, so if that's not your thing, you'd best avoid it.

Chapter 8

The ability to reproduce only exists within the Queens of the changeling species. Further, only Queens of Queens can create Lesser Queens, or future Queens of Queens (also known as Greater Queens). There appears to be no discernible pattern as to whether a clutch of eggs will contain a Lesser Queen, Greater Queen, or simply drones. Therefore, most Queens of Queens may lay scores of clutches of eggs, with each clutch containing anywhere between four to five hundred sesame seed-sized eggs, into multiple mates over their exceedingly long life time. The eggs' thin outer membranes will slowly harden over the course of nine to ten months, absorbing both the Queen's previously injected miasma as well as the host body's tissue around them. As the tissue decays, the eggs will eventually rupture the host body, and be placed into nests to fully mature. Only once they have hatched will a Queen of Queens know if she has laid an heir, Lesser Queen, or only drones. Lesser Queens are usually determined by their unique discolorations, which grow brighter over time. Greater Queens are considerably easier to determine, as once hatched, they will seek out and destroy the other larva in an effort to remove any possible competition for future nourishment. Fortunately, a Queen of Queens can only lay one heir in her lifetime, so the probability of future larva being destroyed by their own is extremely low, thus ensuring the survival of the species. - Changelings: Their Physiology and Evolution by Works Cited

A flash later, and Twilight found herself in what appeared to be a cavern, brightly lit by what was apparently a type of bioluminescent fungus. As Dominatus carried the Princess in her magic, she took in her surroundings: a large atrium-like room, with what looked like murals on the ceiling. Hallways that split into other hallways. Entrances with strange, unknown letters and words above them. Finally, the three royals stopped at a nondescript door. Opening it, they entered the room, and the eldest sat the alicorn on the bed. As soon as she released her telekinetic grip, Twilight bolted for the door, only to be caught in a magical field. Dominatus let out an airy laugh.

"It's always adorable when they run." She placed the alicorn back on the bed, this time encasing her feet in the same green crystal that encased her horn and mouth. Chrysalis walked in behind her mother, and sat at her desk. The Queen of Queens turned around, and stopped in the doorway. Craning her neck to face her daughter, she winked. "Have fun you two!" she cooed. The door closed, and the silence in the room became deafening. Chrysalis sat slouched over at her desk, and she could swear that she could feel the Princess' eyes boring into the back of her skull. Her armor felt stuffy inside the small quarters, and she silently stood up, keeping her back to the alicorn. She removed each plate carefully, and gently put them in their box. Turning around, she discovered that she was correct: Twilight was glaring at her with the fury of a thousand suns. Looking down, then at the Princess, then back down, then finally back to the Princess, she sighed.

"Okay, so, it sounds like we may have had some confusion or something." the changeling said, moving from the desk. Twilight only gave an angry grunt in response. "Oh! Right. Sorry." Chrysalis walked over to the bed and plopped down next her captive. She held the pony's head in her forehooves and tilted her own. Twilight's face became more and more melancholic as the changeling moved in close, opening her mouth. It was full of sharp teeth and a long, seemingly prehensile tongue. The alicorn grunted in protest and tried to move away, but the changeling's grip was strong. For a brief moment, their lips met. It was just for a moment, however, as Chrysalis bit hard on the crystal, shattering it. She moved her head back, and spat out the pieces.

"Ack! Pbthh! Blech!" Twilight said, shaking her head. "That stuff tastes disgusting!"

"Yeah, you get used to it after a while." the Queen said casually.

"After what, a millenium?!" the Princess asked, still spitting out shards of the crystal.

"...sorta." she replied sheepishly. Again, silence permeated the scene as Chrysalis sat staring at the floor. "So...I feel like we kind of got off on the wrong hoof."

"Which time are you talking about? When you kidnapped and impersonated my future sister-in-law? Or how about the spell you put on my brother? Or when you left me to die in the Crystal Caverns? Or imprisoned the Princesses? And most of Canterlot? Or when you imprisoned the Princesses and me and my friends? Or now, when you tried to kill me because you lied about this just being a battle?!" Twilight spat out. The changeling scrunched her nose indignantly.

"Okay, first of all, all those other times were when I was trying to provide for my hive, you jerk. I was just making sure that they didn't starve! Sue me!" she said in a harsh tone. "But now? This time, it's to make sure that there will still be changelings in the future! And I didn't lie! This was a date! And up until you got all judge-y just now, it's been going well. Seriously, what's your issue? Why all the mixed signals?"

"I AM NOT SENDING MIXE-" the Princess shouted, before trying to calm herself with a deep breath. "Okay. Alright. Because apparently there has been some sort of...cultural disconnect, why don't you tell me yourself? What exactly IS combat in changeling culture?" Chrysalis cocked an eyebrow.

"...it's a way of gaining dominance over an enemy. What, is it something different in Equestria?"

Twilight thought for a moment, then answered. "On the rare times in recent history that it's happened? No, that's exactly why it's occurred."

"So, how exactly is there a 'cultural disconnect?'" the Queen asked with air quotes.

The Princess opened her mouth to speak, but paused. "...I guess there isn't one. But why did you think that me agreeing to fight you was equivalent to a date instead of gaining dominance?"

"Because that's how Queens date. Duh." Chrysalis responded in a mocking tone.

"So...every time I've battled a changeling, that was a date to them?" the alicorn asked, the confusion evident on her face.

"What? No, that was just a fight." replied the Queen nonchalantly. Twilight sputtered for a moment.

"B-but you JUST said that it was!" she declared. Chrysalis gave a questioning look.

"Noooo, I said that that's how Queens date. When it's some drone, that's just a battle. Try to keep up." she said flippantly. The Princess groaned.

"Are you telling me that there's a difference between drones dating and Queens dating?" she asked.

"What? No, I'm not saying that at all. Drones don't date. Seriously, I think I may tell the ones in archives that they were wrong about you being smart." Twilight began to protest, only to be interrupted by Chrysalis continuing. "And by the way? Just assuming that all changelings are alike is pretty racist. We are a proud, diverse species, and we don't have room for that kind of hatred." she said, flicking her snout into the air. The Princess ground her teeth in frustration.

"Okay," she said slowly, "for my own...education, would you kindly explain to me what it means in changeling QUEEN culture then?" Chrysalis laughed.

"I thought your parents would have taught you about the birds and the breezies by now. Especially since you've already had sex. Or did archives mess that up, too?" Twilight leveled a glare at her captor.

"...humor me." With a sigh, the Queen leaned back on the bed.

"Fine, whatever. Basically, when a Queen needs a mate, she finds some royal to fight. If the royal proves that they're good enough to be food for her babies, they...do the do. That's it. It's not hard, Sparkle. What, did they not teach that in your fancy schools?" she asked. Twilight sighed bitterly.

"No. Surprisingly enough, they didn't spend too much time teaching us about the mating habits of a species that has been our enemy for centuries." The changeling scoffed.

"Psh. And they say that our education system is bad. Yours is so much worse." she said. The alicorn began to protest again, only to be interrupted. "Anyway, since you know what's going on, are you willing to help me...populate the planet?" Chrysalis asked, waggling her eyebrows.

"...Celestia, no." the Princess responded, contorting her face in disgust.

"Oh, come on! You're not even giving me a chance!" the changeling exclaimed, throwing her hooves up in frustration.

"I don't OWE you a chance! I don't owe you anything! But I tell you what: I'm willing to forget alllll that just happened if you remove my restraints, and come back with me to Equestria. I'll even get you the best legal council on the continent. On my bit. It won't cost you a thing, and you probably won't even get the stone sentence!" Twilight offered. Chrysalis shook her head.

"Heck no! There's no way I'd last in prison! They'd pass me around like currency in there!"

"Are you sure?" the Princess continued. "You might even get one of those private prison cells! It'd be nice! You'd have your own bed, your own sink, and maybe even your own library! And the best part is, you'd be alone! Nopony would bother you about interpersonal nonsense that has nothing to do with you, and you wouldn't have to go to the other end of the world to make some angry wackos stop yelling at each other...doesn't that sound like paradise?" she said, her voice getting more distant as the sentence ended. The Queen leaned away from her beloved.

"Uh...no. Not really. And to be honest, that's not that far from what I have now."

"It sounds good to me." Twilight grumbled.

"Annnnnyway, look, how about a deal?" Chrysalis asked. "Just give me a chance. If you're still not convinced to jump my chitin, I'll let you go, and I'll leave you alone. For, like, a year."

"Counter offer: you don't try, you let me go, and we go back to Equestria together so you can face justice for your crimes." she replied with a deadpan stare.

"...I liked mine better. Pleeeeeease?" the Queen whined, fluttering her eyelashes. Twilight looked into the changeling's whimpering face. She was about to refuse again when a thought struck her.

"Well...maybe if you get this crystal off me." she said, quickly darting her eyes around to find an easy exit.

"Uh, no. I may not know dating, but even I know that you'll just run the second I remove those. Just give me a chance to work my magic, Sparkle." Chrysalis replied with a wink. She tuned out her kidnapped's protests as she began to strategize her next moves. Okay, okay. What do nerds like? Uh...fantasy? Sci-fi? Wait! Roleplaying! She'll be BEGGING me for it then! Alright, what kind of RP? Hmm...she's been talking a lot about how I'm still under arrest. Ooooo. Yeah. Just like '21 Hump Street!' Easy!

"Are you even listening to me?! I told you that this isn't happ-" Before Twilight could continue her legalese-laced tirade, Chrysalis cleared her throat, changed into a sock-wearing light pink pony with a purple mane, and began speaking in a higher pitch.

"Oh, please officer! Please don't take me to jail! I'd do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to avoid it!" she said, draping herself over the captured Princess. Twilight furrowed her brow in disbelief. "Whoops! One of my socks fell off!"

"Please stop."

"And another! Oh no! You've seen me indecent! I suuuuure hope you don't use your position of authority to take advantage of lil' 'ol me!" Twilight grimaced.

"Please stop, you're making me uncomfortable." she said, trying her best to lean away.

"Oh! What if you think I'm carrying illegal substances? You might have to do a DEEP cavity search to find them! You might even have to use your fat, thick nightstick to-"

"OKAY, PLEASE STOP YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT! THIS IS WEIRD!" Twilight yelled, shutting her eyes. The pink pony's face went neutral, and Chrysalis returned to her original form.

"...what? What's wrong?" she asked, sitting up. Twilight opened her eyes, and stared incredulously at the changeling.

"First? WHAT WAS THAT?! Second? I'm a mare, not a stallion! Using 'nightstick' innuendo is barking up the wrong tree. Third? There's a really annoying police officer in Ponyville with the name 'Nightstick,' so that just makes me think of him more than anything else. Fourth? WHAT WAS THAT?!" The Queen cocked an eyebrow.

"...RP, duh." the changeling replied in a mocking tone.

"RP? What in the wide world of Equestria is 'RP?'" she asked.

"...role-playing?" Chrysalis snorted. Twilight scrunched her nose in confusion.

"Like what Spike, Big Mac, and Discord do when the castle's empty?" she said. "I've never seen them do anything like THAT."

"Wow, three at once? That'd be so hot." the changeling replied, before lifting her eyes in thought. "Also, who knew Discord was gay? Or at least bi. And wait, isn't your dragon a baby? That's disgusting! You know, you should be going after those two instead of me! They're real monsters! Who does that to kids?!"

"What are you even talking about?" Twilight begged.

"Role-playing! You just said you knew what it was!" Chrysalis said.

"I do! But what you did was weird! Actual role-playing is where you pretend to be somepony else and you-" Suddenly, it dawned on her, and her mouth made an 'o' shape. "Oh. Oooooooooohhhh. Oh! OH GROSS! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" she shouted. The changeling threw her forehooves up in defense.

"Hey, I'm not the one who lets two grown adults do things to a baby dragon, ya freak!" Twilight sputtered for a moment.

"I-I don't! That's not what it is! They're literally playing a game! You know! 'Ogres and Oubliettes?' There's nothing like that in there!" The Queen giggled with a snort.

"Wow. You're ALL nerds, aren't you?" she asked. The Princess began to reply, only for her response to be cut off by a loud knocking at the door. "Dang it. Hold that thought, babe. I'll be right back." Chrysalis said, getting up from the bed. The Princess scrunched her nose.

"...'babe?'"

The changeling opened her door with a huff. "Somebody better be dead, because I'm kind of in the middle of som-" She stopped as she noticed the face behind the door.

"Hello, dear. I'm just checking to see how things went! I know the first time's kind of awkward and fast, but it gets better, I promise!" Chrysalis looked behind her at the still bound-Princess on her bed, then discreetly stepped into the hallway and closed the door.

"It, uh...it hasn't happened yet." Her mother immediately took on a look of disapproval.

"Why not? What is taking so long? It's nature! Don't think, just let your body's natural urges take over!" she complained. Her daughter let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm getting her in the mood! I'm...working my magic on her! And that takes a while!" Her mother rolled her eyes.

"No it doesn't. She's either in the mood or not. Do you even know what you're doing?" she asked. Chrysalis was about to respond, when her mother cut her off. "What am I saying? Of course you don't. Not at least if all you know is pornography. Look, you have ten minutes to get this done, before I go in there and do it FOR you!" Her daughter flinched at the thought.

"...you wouldn't." Looking at her mother, she understood a terrible truth. "...you would."

"You became able to breed over two thousand years ago. I think I've been patient enough. You have ten minutes, and when I return, I'd better see a severed head. Do you understand me, young lady?" she said in a threatening tone. Suddenly, Chrysalis felt numb.

"Yeah. Ten minutes. It'll be off." At that, her mother's face brightened, and she patted her daughter's head.

"Good girl. Now have fun, and just let nature do its thing! You'll be so happy when you do!" And she walked off, leaving a very confused, somewhat terrified daughter in the hallway. Chrysalis turned around, slowly opened the door, and entered back into her bedroom. Unsurprisingly, Twilight was still sitting there. The Queen put on as best a smile she could, and clopped her hoof on the floor.

"Uh...so! You, uh, you ready to get your groove on?" The alicorn gave a confused look.

"Good grief, no." she retorted, rolling her eyes.

"Come on! Just give me a chance! I'll even turn into that orange pony you like!" Chrysalis begged, locking the door behind her. "I know you've got a thing for her, and since it would probably never, you know, actually happen with her, I'm the next best thing!" Twilight furrowed her brow at the remark.

"Excuse me?! It could happen!" The changeling responded with a smirk, which only served to anger the Princess more. "It could!"

"Look, why don't you just quit lying to yourself, and let me do my thing? Ten minutes, in and out!" Twilight gagged a little, and turned away.

"Again with the faces! Why always the faces?" Rolling her eyes, the alicorn turned to face Chrysalis as the changeling walked over to her bookshelf, and began rifling through the records.

"Because you apparently have the memory and social awareness of a fig, let me spell it out for you: one, I have not agreed to mate with you. I have done nothing but the opposite of agree. And given that a consensus must be agreed upon by all parties before the commencement of such activities is required, what you'd be doing is incredibly ethically wrong and highly illegal. Two, referring to mating as 'in and out' is only slightly more arousing than saying 'let's go hump behind that dumpster.' Third, and most importantly, I refuse to mate with you! Now or ever! Let me go!"

"Ah ha! There it is! I knew it was here somewhere!" Chrysalis declared, lifting up a record. "Now THIS will definitely set the mood!" She set the disc on the phonograph, unplugged her headphones, and set the needle.

"Were you even listening to ANYTHING I just said?!" Twilight demanded indignantly. The changeling nodded her head absentmindedly as she walked back over to her desk, and opened a manila folder.

"Yeah, yeah, something about humping dumpsters or whatever." Moments later, the room was filled with the calm, gentle sounds of angry punk rock. Chrysalis bobbed her head along as she scanned the contents of the folder, then turned around. Taking on a lustful smile, there was a flash, and the changeling was replaced by Applejack. Or rather, something similar to Applejack. Twilight couldn't quite put her hoof on it, but even if she hadn't seen it happen right before her eyes, she could tell that this wasn't her beloved orange friend. Something was off. And yet, it felt...comforting. Familiar. It was a disturbing feeling.

"Hey there, Sparkle." came a husky country accent. "Ya know, I don't think I ever told you this, but you're all I think about." The alicorn looked the other way.

"Give it up, Chrysalis. It's not going to work especially after I just saw you change into her." she replied, refusing to look the impostor in the face.

"Aw, c'mon now, sugarlump. You know that just ain't true." 'Applejack' replied, sidling up to the Princess. She nuzzled the purple pony's neck, and Twilight took a shuddering deep breath.

She's not Applejack. She's not Applejack! She's an evil changeling Queen who wants to murder you and implant her eggs in your corpse! She's not Applejack! Keep it together! She doesn't even sme- The Princess bit the inside of her cheek for a moment, then spoke. "Chrysalis, I know it's you. And I still refuse to mate with you, even if you look a little bit like her." The orange 'pony' looked up at Twilight with shimmering green eyes and a confident smirk.

"...'sat right, sugarlump? 'Cus it's just me, Applejack. Your best friend." This caused the purple pony to violently shake her head.

"No! You're not Applejack, now stop it! This isn't happening! And besides, you're not even doing it right!" The doppelganger quirked its head to the side, and the voice matched its original owner.

"What do you mean I'm 'not doing it right?'" she asked.

Twilight stared up at the ceiling. "I'm not answering until you return to your original form." With a roll of its eyes, 'Applejack' flashed back to Queen Chrysalis.

"There. Better?"

Chancing a look down, Twilight gave a slight, curt nod. "Much. Look, that was more...ghoulish than anything else." The Queen scowled in response.

"Yeah, right. You're just mad because I know how to get in between your legs now." she replied indignantly. The alicorn furrowed her brow in anger.

"Excuse me, you do not! Your Applejack impersonation was all wrong!" she hissed. Chrysalis tried, and failed, to suppress a victorious grin.

"Psh. I got it right, and now you're all hot and bothered. Just admit it: I'm good." she retorted, puffing out her barrel.

"Not even close, bug-butt! For starters, Applejack doesn't call ponies 'sugarlump!' It's 'sugarcube!' 'Sugarlump' sounds like a veiled insult to some dullard! 'Sugarcube' sounds like 'sugar' and 'cute,' which is what makes it charming! Also, she has never called me 'Sparkle!' Only you do that! And stop doing that, because it's incredibly disrespectful! She calls me 'Twi!' Finally, that is NOT the way she sme-wait. Why am I telling you that? Why am I telling you any of this?" Twilight asked to nopony in particular. Chrysalis giggled in response.

"Because you secretly want to mate with me. You just don't want to admit it!" she said in a sing-song voice, her grin ever-widening. The flustered princess growled in frustration as she continued her tirade.

"And you know your biggest problem? Applejack gives me butterflies in my stomach when I see her. When you try to be her, all you do is make my skin crawl. Even when you look like her, and sort of sound like her, I can still tell you're not her. Why do you think I was able to instantly tell you weren't Cadance? Because despite it being a natural ability of your kind, you somehow just can't blend in! Anyone who knows the pony you're imitating knows that you're not them! And do you know why? Because you are the creepiest thing I have ever known in my entire life! And seeing how I've faced some of the weirdest things that the Everfree Forest has to offer, that's saying something! And even forgetting all the horrible things you've done to my family, my friends, and Equestria, everything about you disgusts me: from your ratty mane to the holes in your body to your caterwauling voice! There is nothing, no, make that LESS than nothing that makes you or anything about you even remotely attractive to me! And you never will be!" Twilight huffed and puffed as she finished her diatribe. Chrysalis' once-triumphant smile had faded, and her breathing had become quick and ragged.

"Okay, I get it; you're upset right now. You've finally realized that this farmpony doesn't want you, and you're...lashing out. I get it. I really do. But maybe if you just let me do my thing, you'll feel better." the Queen replied brusquely. She was trying to keep as even and calm a tone as possible, but this was proving to be harder than expected.

"Just how is BEHEADING me going to make me feel better?!"

As the changeling opened her mouth to respond, a knock at the door caught both their attentions. Before Chrysalis could raise from the bed to discover who was interrupting her personal time, it burst open.

"Congratulations on losing your virg- wait. Seriously?!" bellowed an angry motherly voice. The young Queen jumped up with a start.

"Mom! I thought you said you'd give me ten minutes?! It hasn't been ten minutes!" Dominatus glared at her daughter with an increasingly-deepening frown.

"You're right; it's been fifteen. And her head is still attached to her body." she stated matter-of-factly. Chrysalis rubbed the sides of her head with a sigh.

"Y'know, MOM, maybe the fact that you keep barging in isn't exactly helping things?" she replied, her voice beginning to waver.

"I don't see how it could hurt the situation at this point. What, do I actually have to show you how it's done?" the elder royal retorted with a snort.

"Not if you ever want me to be able to sle-"

"Have you even injected your miasma yet?" Dominatus interrupted, causing her daughter to let out a low growl.

"I would, if you could give me five seconds!" she answered through gritted teeth. She could feel a twitch coming to her eye. Her mother tsked.

"Maybe you have some sort of issue. Perhaps it's E.K.S.-related. We never did take you to the royal physician, did we?" Chrysalis tried to reply, only to be cut off by her mother yet again. "That would certainly explain a lot though, wouldn't it? Your lack of ambition, your pitiful excuse for a sex drive, maybe even that weird lesion on your rear inner thigh." The younger Queen shook her head in disbelief.

"Mom...do you plan this? Like, just ALL of this? Do you just spend your whole blipping day planning ways to embarrass me? Because THAT would explain a lot!" she exclaimed. Her mother either wasn't listening or didn't care, as she continued her monologue.

"Because I certainly know that absolutely none of your sisters ever had this problem. Ever." Chrysalis' ears pricked up at the last comment. "Come to think of it, I don't think that any of the Succedaneum clan has ever had any of the problems you've had." With that, the younger royal stamped her hoof as hard as she could, releasing an ear-piercing 'clack' on the stone floor.

"THAT. IS. IT! I am SICK of you comparing me to my stupid sisters! It's always 'Occultatum did this' and 'Casus conquered that!' I. AM NOT. MY SISTERS!" she screamed, gesturing wildly. Her mother responded with an indignant stance.

"Well, obviously you're not! Otherwise you would have given me an heir by now!"

"Is that all I am to you?! Just some, what? Larva delivery service?!" Chrysalis shouted, her eyes narrowing in anger.

"Again, obviously not, seeing as you've never actually done that for me. As I recall, practically every member of this family has except you." her mother replied venomously. Despite her efforts, the Queen of Queens could feel her composure slipping.

"OH, and you just LOVE throwing that in my face, don't you?! Every time we meet, that's ALL you ever talk about! It's never 'Hey Chrysalis, how are you?' It's always 'Hey Chryssi," she spat out the nickname, "here's a list of all your failures! Here's how you'll never be as successful as your sisters! Here's how you'll never be good enough!" the young royal could feel the tears welling in the corners of her eyes, but she didn't care. "Well, you know what? I'm DONE taking your abuse! I'm DONE dealing with your nonsense, and if that means the end of the changelings, so be it! I. DON'T. CARE." she shouted, ending with a hateful nod. Dominatus flinched at the last remark.

"EXCUSE ME?! You don't care?! You don't care about continuing the species, you don't care about millennia of traditions, you don't care about the tens, nay, HUNDREDS of thousands of lives that depend on you NOT messing up the most simple of instinctual acts?! HOW THICK ARE YOU?! And maybe, just maybe, I WOULD remind you of your many victories...IF YOU HAD ANY! But you don't! All you do is sit around, listening to music and eating our love! And every time you've tried some sort of get-love-quick scheme, it's blown up in your face! And every time I offer to help, you act like the petulant child you are and refuse it! It's time to face facts, Chrysalis," she spat out the name, "you are a teenager trapped in an adult's body! You act like one, you think like one, and you get results like one! If you think that I'm 'abusing you,'" she emphasized with air-quotes, "then you obviously don't understand the necessities of motherhood, and so you're obviously not even ready for it. Maybe if you grew up, just a little, you'd realize that it's time to start acting your age! And then, perchance, I would treat you like the adult you SHOULD be!" Dominatus' barrel was heaving, and all she could see is red. "So until you start acting like a mature Queen, I will continue treating you like the filthy little mud grub you are! Because that is all you will ever amount to! I can't even believe I thought you could be capable of something as simple as mating, when your entire life has been nothing but a ceaseless, never-ending string of failures! And if a Queen is her legacy, then that's all you are, and that's all you'll ever stay!"

Silence filled the room, save for the heavy breathing from both combatants. Chrysalis' mouth sat agape, unable to respond. Coming down from her angry high, her mother's eyes widened as she realized the implications of what she had just blurted out. She opened her mouth to apologize, but was cut off by her daughter.

"Fine. J-just fine." she choked out through a stream of tears. "If that's all I am to you, then I see no reason for me to stay here. Goodbye. Have a good life." she replied bitterly, pushing past her mother. Dominatus turned to stop the Queen, but before she could respond, the door slammed in her face. The elder royal slumped down with a defeated sigh and stared at her hooves.

"...great job, Dom. You managed to estrange the future of the changeling species, and more importantly, your daughter. Some Queen of Queens you turned out to be." She snorted. "Maybe Mom was right. I really don't think before I act, do I? Guess it's hereditary." she quietly chastised herself. With a shake of the head, she picked herself up, and gripped the doorknob in her magic.

"So..." came a small voice. The sound caused the Queen of Queens to shriek and whip around. Princess Twilight Sparkle, still encased in crystal, sat on the bed.

"SON OF A BEETLE-MUNCHING ANTEATER! Are you still here?!" she yelped, clutching her barrel.

"Unfortunately, yes." the little alicorn replied cynically. Before the Queen of Queens could respond, there was an urgent knocking at the door. She cleared her throat, arched her back, and opened the door.

"So, come back to apol- Alpha-6820? What is it?" The drone gave a terse bow.

"My Queen of Queens! Queen Chrysalis of the Badlands Hive has left the Hive without your approval. Shall we track her?"

That's not surprising. Dominatus thought with a frown. Despite my poor choice of words, she DOES act like a teenager in these situations. "No, that will not be necessary, Alpha-6820. Queen Chrysalis..." her eyes darted back and forth as she struggled to think up an excuse. "Queen Chrysalis is on a royal fact-finding mission, and having additional drones nearby could jeopardize it. She will return in due time." With that, the drone bowed again and left. She'll be fine. Once she cools off, she'll come back, and we can have a more...civil conversation. Turning to face her prisoner, she masked her melancholic look with her long-perfected, tried-and-true Queenly demeanor, complete with a motherly smile. "Well, my dear, it appears that my daughter...needs some time to herself. What say the two of us get better acquainted in the meantime, eh?" she offered, adding a sinister giggle at the end. Picking up the alicorn in her magic, the two left the room.

Author's Note

DUN DUN DUN! Where will Chryssi go? What will she do? Will our hero finally get to live the dream and decapitate our other hero? Tune in next time, same pony story, same pony site!

Holy moly! I'm not dead! And what do you know, neither is this story! Sorry for the long hiatus from it, folks. So, to make a long story short, graduate school kinda sucks, and I seem to have bad luck with it, which is part of what kept from this for so long. But hey, you're not here to listen (read?) to me whine about higher learning, you're here for pony!

So if you listened to that link in the story, fun fact: I actually learned about the Red Aunts from...my Aunt. When I heard "Roller Derby Queen," I couldn't think of a more fitting song for lovemaking. Nice and smooth, and the lead singer has a velvety voice. It's perfect.

Anyhoo, I hope you guys enjoyed this last chapter! And buckle up, because the next few are going to be a bit of a ride! If you like this chapter (or maybe even the story), let me know! If you hated it, please tell me in Morse Code. And if you're indifferent to it, well, thanks for the view, sucker!

Chapter 9

The first Queen to decapitate her mate is unknown, but it has been determined to have started some time roughly one thousand years before Unification. If one is unfamiliar with changeling mating habits, the idea of violently removing a mate's head may seem unnecessarily barbarous. Surprisingly, nothing could be further from the truth: in many ways, it is an act of benevolent mercy. Before this act (known among royalty as "The Final Climax") came into vogue, it was normal for Queens to restrain their mates while the miasma fully took effect, allowing the eggs to begin their growth cycle. Despite the miasma's ability to keep a mate docile, the apparent pain of their body tissue being consumed by the maturing eggs would often override any mind-altering chemicals within the fluid. There are several ancient texts of Queens describing the shrieking that many creatures would emit over the incubation period, presumably from physical suffering, although mental stress is not to be discounted. Oftentimes this would last for roughly three weeks before the mate lost all brain function. - Changelings: Their Physiology and Evolution by Works Cited

Shoving past the two guards outside the entrance to the hive, Chrysalis marched into the Hydra's Hair. Its prickly thorns gently scraped against her tough chitin as she indignantly stomped her way through. The tears had stopped, but the sniffling and runny nose persisted. Finally feeling as though she was far enough away from the hive, she stopped in a clearing and sat down on a small rock with a huff. The Queen sighed and sadly stared at her hooves. "So...this is it, huh? What do I do now? I can't go back. Not after that. At least, I can't go back without Mom rubbing my nose in it for the rest of my life. 'Oh, what's wrong Chryssi? You're a failure at everything, aren't you? You can't even run away right, can you?' Yeah. You know that's what'd happen." She sighed again. "I don't know. Maybe I could start a new life. Yeah. Maybe just feed off just a pony or two, instead of a whole country. That could work. I mean, they're probably not as pretty as Twilight, but whatever. I can work with average. Not ugly, though. I'm a decent actor, but I can't do ugly. Or fat." The royal continued talking, losing herself in her monologue. So much so that she didn't hear a branch snap, or a suspiciously familiar manticore step through the shadows. It let out a mighty roar, spooking the changeling out of her soliloquy. She looked up with a start. "Oh! You again? You know what? Just leave me alone, I have enough to deal with right now." The monster glared at her, and reared back, preparing to pounce. "So it's gonna be like this, huh? Well guess what, jerk: I'm a whole lot more powerful now, thanks to th-" she attempted to pat her helmet, only to gesture at thin air.

...Mom still has my helmet.

The beast leaped at the royal, who managed to dodge by the thinnest of margins. She tried to release a magical blast, only for it to fizzle out as it left her horn. Left with no other alternatives, the changeling chose the only remaining option: run.

Once again, Twilight found herself being ferried around her captors' hive. And again, she tried to take in more of the details. As they passed through the atrium, she was able to get a better view of the mural on the ceiling: it was, unsurprisingly, of changelings, most likely Queens. At the center was apparently Dominatus, with three additional Queens flanking her. Probably the sisters Chrysalis had yelled about. They must have done something important, since they were up there. But any questions would have to wait, as the two entered into a large hallway. On both sides were columns, and stretched between them were tapestries, presumably celebrating changeling culture. Or...battles won? Maybe it was abstract. The princess couldn't quite tell, and it didn't really matter, as she was finally brought to the end of the hallway. In the center was a large ornate door, with two armor-clad changelings guarding it.

"Gentlemen, I'm retiring for the night. Ignore any sounds you may hear." The sentries bowed in response, opened the door, and the two royals entered. Dominatus' bedroom was considerably bigger than her daughter's, and far better-lit than a majority of the hive.

As the Queen sat Twilight on the floor, the purple alicorn was able to take in her surroundings. A large canopy bed occupied the center of the room, made with what appeared to be ivory. Long illegal in Equestria, but as Chrysalis had demonstrated, Equestrian Law didn't mean much to the changelings. To the left of the bed were scores of crystal orbs on shelves, no doubt full of top secret information; to the right, two folding doors which most likely were the entrance to a closet; behind her was a vanity, its mirror shimmering an iridescent green. Before she could continue her visual tour, a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"And what do you think of my little home?" came an upbeat, if almost irritatingly so, voice. Whipping her head around, the alicorn answered.

"From the little bit that I've seen, it's...big. And old." Dominatus gave a throaty guffaw at the response.

"Not unlike me, no?" the Queen asked with a smile. Taken aback by the answer, Twilight eyed her captor.

"...I suppose so?" The elder royal plopped down next to the little alicorn with a chuckle.

"So! What should we do to pass the time? Braid each other's manes? Play 'Truth or Dare'? Oh! I know! Let's share state secrets! You go first!" she giggled, playfully nudging Twilight. The pony gave a deadpan stare in return. "...what? Did you never have sleepovers when you were a foal?"

"Not any that involved giving away state secrets. And to be completely honest, you're pumping a dry well in that regard. There's very little I know in the way of top secret information."

"Well, you're just no fun at all, are you?" The Queen playfully pouted, flicking her snout into the air. Cracking an eye open, she saw a disapproving face staring at her. "Good grief, is there anything that will get you to smile?" The alicorn snorted through her nose.

"Yes: releasing me, as well as surrendering yourself, your apparent numerous daughters, and your hive to Equestrian law." Dominatus again playfully nudged Twilight, snickering in response.

"Oh, and Intelligence said you weren't much of a jokester!" Still seeing a dour face, the Queen rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. "Fine...if you want to be serious, let's be serious: for starters, no. There will be no surrendering. Secondly, it would really mean a lot to me and especially to Chryssi if you were in a better mood. And finally, why don't you have any useful information? I thought you were a princess!" Taking on an broad, bordering-on-extreme smile, Twilight turned to the changeling.

"No offense, your highness, but I couldn't possibly care less about what means a lot to you or your daughter." she replied in a bitterly saccharine tone. Losing the smile and returning her voice to normal, she continued. "And I'm pretty sure the reason that I don't have any secrets worth sharing is because the more I think about it, I'm basically just a social worker with a better title and a fancier office. And they probably don't want me to know anything important because...apparently I can't even keep myself from being taken hostage..." she replied sadly with a sniffle, looking down at her hooves. Her motherly instincts getting the better of her, Dominatus tsked and wrapped a foreleg around the purple pony.

"Oooooohhhhh, you poor thing. Well, it's not all bad. Look at it like this: you were important enough to garner a date with the future leader of all the changelings! And you were powerful enough to defeat her in battle! That has to count for something, right?" she said, bringing the Princess closer in for a hug. Twilight looked up at her with disdain.

"...I'm beginning to see why Chrysalis acts the way she does." she answered. The Queen responded with a short laugh.

"Okay, okay. Look, believe it or not, I really do want you to be at your happiest. You deserve it, especially after my daughter's performance...or lack thereof. So, you're an academic, right? You have multiple doctorates and degrees, so it's obvious you love learning." The alicorn nodded. "So how about this: you can ask anything you want about me or changelings in general, and I'll answer to the best of my abilities. Would that make you feel better?" she offered, releasing the pony from the hug. Twilight gave her a sideways glance.

"Anything? Why would you be so willing to give away the secrets of your culture?" she asked suspiciously. Dominatus opened her mouth to answer, paused, and looked away.

"Let's just say that I highly doubt that they'll leave the confines of this hive." she replied to herself. The unicorn began to ask her to speak up, but the Queen cleared her throat and continued. "More importantly, it will help you get your mind off of your, uh, 'woes.' So what do you say? Are you interested?"

Hopefully the longer I can keep her occupied, the longer I can live. Twilight thought, looking into the Queen's eyes. It's worth a try, anyway. "...fine."

Chrysalis ran, stumbled, and blundered her way through the thick brambles and thorns, evading the manticore's swipes and bites as they came. The chase lasted for what felt like hours, until she finally managed to escape the beast by appearing to turn left, only to jerk right at the last second. The move caught the monster off-guard, and while still focused at the changeling, ran head-first into a large boulder. Its head bounced off the rock with an audible thump, and it stepped woozily about for a moment before collapsing on the ground. Chrysalis looked behind her to see the creature unconscious, and turned around. She walked over to it, and smirked. "Ha! That's what you get for trying to take on the best!" she gloated, before one of its paws twitched. The Queen yelped in response, and deciding that discretion is the better part of valor, jumped past the rock, and began climbing through the thick briars as best she could.

A short time and a long distance later, Chrysalis finally stopped to take in her surroundings. "...just where the heck am I?" she asked herself.

"...which is why we're not technically insects, even though we use an ovipositor instead of normal mammalian reproductive organs. Does that answer your question?" Dominatus replied, closing her haunches. Twilight sat, horrified, with mouth agape.

"All...all I asked was how long changeling Queens live. I didn't need to know about your...just..." She stuttered and stammered out. The Queen sheepishly shrugged.

"Sorry, sweetie. Sometimes I get a little carried away. Consider that last bit a freebie." she said, waving a hoof. The little alicorn simply nodded absentmindedly. "Anyway! What else would you like to know?" Twilight turned her head away, refusing to look the changeling in the face.

"With all due respect, I'm not sure I want to ask you anything else, if that's where the answer will end up." Using her hoof to bring the princess' face back to hers, Dominatus gave an innocent smile.

"You're right; I'm sorry. How about I promise to avoid talking about my ovi unless you explicitly ask for it?" Eyeing her skeptically, Twilight internally sighed.

"Okay, fine. But if you go back to your...crotch again, we're done. Deal?"

"Deal." the Queen of Queens replied.

"So...what was all that talk about miasma earlier?" the alicorn asked, giving a questioning look.

"How do you know about miasma? Oh, right. The fight. Okay, so at the end of any Queen's horn is a tiny, razor-sharp proboscis. It really only ever shows up right before mating, when you're, as you ponies would say, 'in the mood.' Anyway, we prick our mates with it, and it injects a small, extremely concentrated amount of miasma. Does that answer your question?" Twilight shook her head.

"Sure, that makes sense, but what's the point of it?"

"Ah." the Queen responded, taking on a thoughtful look. "Well, simply put: it's both a mental and physical lubricant of sorts." The purple royal recoiled. "Trust me, you're better off with it in you than not." Dominatus said with a chuckle.

"...I don't see how that could be possible."

"Well, like I said, it's a lubricant of sorts: it fogs the mind of whomever it's injected into, making it easier to accept the situation. And in the physical sense? Well, as it's spread throughout your circulatory system, it mixes with your blood, and begins to slowly soften and kill the various tissues in your body, making it easier for the eggs to absorb them. It's actually rather...what?" Twilight's face was one of pure horror.

"You...you inject a necrotic...hallucinogenic preseminal miasma into your victims' bloodstreams? And...and I'm somehow supposed to be better off with it IN me?!" The Queen nodded with an confused smile.

"Well...yes. See, without it, you would experience a significant amount of mental trauma while we mate with you. Also, and for the record I do NOT know from personal experience, but from what I hear the injection of eggs is usually terribly painful without it. For the injectee, that is. So if anything, we're doing you quite the favor." Dominatus replied, not recognizing her captive's increasing palor.

"I think I want to talk about something else." Twilight said, doing her best to keep from retching. Again, apparently not noticing the change in mood, Dominatus nodded her head.

"Of course, sweetie. What else would you like to know?" Shaking her head to remove the mental images that the Queen of Queens had so callously implanted, the purple pony racked her brain.

"...how many changelings are there?"

"Oh, I don't know. How many hairs are on your pretty little head?" Dominatus laughed in response. The alicorn only furrowed her brow. Rolling her eyes, the Queen continued. "Oh, fine. According to our monthly census reports, I think there's somewhere around three hundred and ninety-eight thousand, give or take a few. Honestly, it changes from month to month." Twilight balked.

"You have nearly four hundred thousand changelings?!" the little alicorn blurted out. "How do you have that many changelings in Equestria?!" The Queen raised her eyebrows.

"I never said they were in Equestria, dear. I just answered how many there were. Bear in mind, the average hive usually requires at least five to ten thousand drones simply to run properly. And given how many hives I have scattered across the globe, that takes up a sizable chunk of our numbers. Furthermore, drones don't have near the lifespan of Queens. Or ponies, for that matter: most drones only live ten to twenty years at most, although there are exceptions. Therefore, it helps to have the numbers to offset the quick life-and-death turnaround time." Dominatus replied offhandedly. "Sure, it's not too bad in Equestria; on the whole, your species is quite the trusting and inclusive lot, so drones tend to live considerably longer. But griffons? Or minotaurs? Or, Praedo help us, dragons? Woe to the Queen who believes she can just set up shop and take over in a matter of months."

"...huh. I guess that makes sense. It doesn't make me feel any better, but it does make sense." the Princess replied, looking down. "So, how many hives are there, then?" she asked, looking back up.

"Twenty-six. We did have twenty-seven, but according to my daughter, your protege decided to help decrease that number." Dominatus replied bitterly. "Half of them are in Equestria, and the rest are in various other nations and territories." Twilight began to ask another question when the Queen stopped her. "Say, I feel the need for a nightcap. Would you like anything?" Twilight shook her head, and the changeling walked over to the twin folding doors. They opened up to what she expected: a closet of some sort. It seemed to stretch for some distance, and there were scores of what looked like headdresses and outfits. However, immediately at the front and on the left was some sort of inlaid wet bar. Bottles and flasks lined its shelves, some with labels she recognized, and others adorned with languages and symbols she had never seen before. "Hm. Hm. Hm. Tsk. No, not that one. Ooooo, here we go. I'm feeling a bit frisky tonight, so brown liquor it is!" The Queen poured two hoofs' worth into a malachite goblet. She swirled it around, and took in the aroma. Turning back, she offered to the pony again. "Are you sure you wouldn't like any? It's Appleloosan whiskey, so it won't immediately poison you!" Twilight again shook her head, and the changeling closed the doors with a shrug before returning to the bed. Taking a dainty sip, Dominatus continued. "So! Where were we?"

Let's test the waters. "Okay, so...I can ask whatever I want?" The Queen took another sip and nodded her head. "Why do you treat Chrysalis like that?" she asked. Dominatus frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you and her fight a lot?" the purple pony continued.

"I...well, not really. Sometimes." the Queen replied. She clearly wasn't expecting these kinds of questions, and her demeanor showed it. Another sip. "Well...I mean, more than her sisters, that's certainly true. Why do you want to know?"

"It's just that it seemed like she's been on edge about this whole 'dating and mating' thing, and there's usually an external source for that. Do you-" Twilight began, only to be interrupted.

"What do you mean an 'external source?' Are you implying me? Because I have done nothing but help her with this! If anything, she should be less stressed because of me!" Dominatus' voice grew louder, and she leaned in towards her interrogator. Twilight's eyes widened, and she flinched from the outburst. Seeing her reaction, the Queen stopped, looked down, took a breath, then a sip, and resumed a more relaxed position. "...I'm sorry for yelling. It's just that I'm still a little...peeved with Chryssi because she seems to never be grateful for the help I give her. And then when you're practically given to her on a silver platter, she just can't take advantage of the opportunity." The pony opened her mouth to interject, but Dominatus continued. "And then she thinks that I'm abusing her? How? Honestly, you have no idea the lengths I have gone to in order to help her! And the countless times that I've given her the benefit of the doubt, even though a little voice in the back of my head has told me that it's going to end up the same as always: with her defeated, living in my hive, and unwilling to take any advice from Queens who just so happen to KNOW what they're doing! And that little voice is always right! It's always right! So yes, maybe I DO fight with her more than any of my other daughters, and maybe I DO hold some resentment towards her lackadaisical approach towards hive-building, but that doesn't mean that I don't love her, that I don't want the best for her!" Another sip. "She's my daughter, after all! And the last thing I'd ever want to do is keep her from living the best life she can! What's more, if I tear her down, I'm effectively tearing down the future of our entire species!" Without realizing it, Dominatus had raised from the bed to a defensive standing position.

"...well, not to bring up a sore spot, but you did call her a huge failure earlier." Twilight pointed out.

"I know, I know, don't remind me. I was angry, and I said something I shouldn't have." the changeling replied, deflating on the spot. "But as soon as she gets back I'm going to do what I can to make it up to her." Sitting back on the edge of the bed, she slicked a strand of mane out of her face. "You know, I think I'm done answering questions for now. Mind if I ask you something?" Twilight quirked an eyebrow.

"...maybe? Remember, I don't really know any useful secrets." Dominatus laughed and waved away the response.

"No, no. It's not that. In the interest of honesty and fairness, it's worth knowing that we have enough agents in enough levels of your various governments to know everything we need...more or less." The princess gave a shocked expression. "...what?" The elder royal asked. "Do you honestly think that after everything you've learned in the last twenty-four hours that we wouldn't have infiltrated your society at nearly ever tier by this point? Come now, you're smarter than that. Anyway, what I'm more interested in is this Applejack that you're infatuated with." Twilight narrowed her eyes at the Queen.

"What exactly do you want to know, and why?"

Dominatus responded with a sinister grin. "Relax, little pony. It's nothing of critical importance. We have no intention of replacing her any time soon. As my daughter has so expertly shown, doing that for any length of time is untenable at best. This is more for my own...personal education." she replied, taking another sip of her drink.

"Then why are you interested in her?" Twilight asked quizzically.

"Well, I gave her dossier a cursory look, and please forgive my saying so, but she appears to be..." Dominatus idly circled a hoof in the air. "...wholly unremarkable. There is nothing about her, at least from what I can gather, that makes her particularly unique or engaging." she looked down, and could see fire in the alicorn's eyes. "Oh, please don't misunderstand me; I'm not saying that she's a bad pony, per se, it's just that I'm rather curious as to why an alicorn princess, one who studied under the personal tutelage of the primary ruler of your land before rightfully earning her title, would be infatuated with such a...humdrum equine. You have nothing to gain by dating her, short of some farmland that you could most likely easily acquire through eminent domain. Is it purely physical? Because admittedly, she is quite the looker...in a rustic, down-homey kind of way." Twilight opened her mouth to retort, but the Queen kept up the interrogation, with an audible slur entering into her speech. "I only ask because in my many, many centuries of experience, the only reason any member of royalty, regardless of the species, pursues anything is to either increase or consolidate their power. And this would seem like a step down for you. So answer me this: what is it about this farm pony, as opposed to literally anyone else, that gets your head in such a tizzy?" The little alicorn rocked her head back and forth as she mulled the question over.

"...she's, for lack of a better word, an adult. I feel like I can connect with her on a more personal level than most ponies. I mean, don't get me wrong; I love all of my friends, and I'd never replace any of them for anything. But Applejack? I feel like she's had her head in the right place for a while now, and it's a place that I can understand." Dominatus blinked.

"...'her head is in the right place?' What does that mean?"

"It's like I said: she has her head in the right place. From what I know about her childhood, she had to grow up fast. She lost her parents at a really young age, and with her little sister having just been born, she couldn't afford to spend all her time playing. Combine that with having to help run a farm, and she grew up with a strong work ethic. Because of that, I know that when she gives her word, she'll do everything in her power to get it done. She's even proven that, to her own loss. And I respect that immensely."

"So she's a hard worker? Is that it? Because I can't help but feel like you could find any number of hard-working ponies." the Queen commented before taking another sip of her drink.

"It's more than that. She's also strong-willed and self-assured. That makes her a practical problem-solver, which I like. So many other ponies want to commiserate, or worse, panic. If I had a bit for every time Ponyville was experiencing a 'crisis' that was born out of some non-issue, I'd be richer than the entirety of Equestria and old Griffonstone combined. Not Applejack, though. She wants to fix things! And that's desirable." Twilight replied, a slight smile creeping onto her face.

"If you're trying to make her sound exciting, you're doing a terrible job." Dominatus slurringly added with a smirk, causing the alicorn's smile to disappear with a huff.

"Well maybe I don't want exciting, did you ever think of that?" she asked indignantly. The Queen snorted and leaned back.

"O-oh. Really. I just can't wait to see you explain why a boring pony is the ideal mate." She gestured for Twilight to continue before taking another sip. "Go on; do tell." The alicorn paused for a moment to collect her thoughts.

"She's not boring! She's...she's stable! And more than anything, that's what I want in a partner!" the pony blurted out. Dominatus raised her eyebrows in response. "Yeah." the princess added, nodding to herself, "She's...stable. And sure, maybe that's not as 'exciting' as everypony else would believe, but I think it's easily her best quality. She's somepony I know I can trust to lead, because she's stable. When everypony else is losing their heads, or they get caught up in the emotion of some event, she has her hooves on the ground and head in reality. Do you have any idea how hard that is to find?" Dominatus chortled.

"Honey, have you forgotten who you're talking to? I have spent the last four millennia attempting to instill those virtues in my Chryssi." the Queen answered before taking another sip. "With that said, you're making it sound like you're more trying to find a second-in-command or successor rather than a lover. Sure, you've listed a good work ethic and all that, but that hardly makes for a good relationship, now does it?" Twilight quirked an eyebrow.

"And what makes you an expert in those? Don't you apparently just mate and kill? How does that qualify as a relationship?" she asked with a defiant sneer. Dominatus' smile disappeared, and she glowered in response.

"Okay, look here little lady. You may think you know what you're saying, but I can promise you that you don't. Yeah, I may have mated and killed, but that's not really the best thing for me or my hive. Sure, it increases our numbers, but it doesn't feed us. The easiest way to harvest love is through good relationships." the Queen hissed. "And I can assure you that I've had more lovers and-" she hiccuped, "-more beaus than you've taken breaths." She took one last sip, and magically placed her empty goblet on the vanity behind the alicorn. "Because that is what's required for me and my hive. Without a solid understanding of successful relationships, how they work, the necessary dynamics needed, and the overall symbiotic connection required, they can. not. last." she emphasized by pounding a hoof on the bed, "And if they don't last, then I don't get fed. And if I don't get fed, my hive goes hungry. And any hive that goes hungry dies. And seeing as I'm thousands of years older than you, it would be foolish of you to assume that I don't know what I'm talking about. And I know that you're far more intelligent than that. More to the point, according to our research, you have been after this Earth pony for some time. And given the intimacy with which you know your friends, there is no reason to believe that it doesn't go deeper than you're either willing to admit or acknowledge. Ultimately, there's more to this than you're letting on, and I don't even need my millennia of experiences to tell me that. Whether you know that is up to you." With that, the Queen finally took a breath she didn't even realize she needed, returning her voice to normal. "What I'm asking you isn't what makes her an ideal, stable 'I-can-take-her-home-to-my-parents' partner; what I'm asking you is why her above all others? Why is it that she makes you feel warm and happy inside, as opposed to any other pony that you may feel a physical or emotional attraction towards? I've researched the Elements. You are all young, equinely attractive, and popular within your own rights. For all intents and purposes, outside of sexuality, you could be attracted to any one of them. So, besides what would make her a good soldier, why HER?" she demanded, her face getting closer to the alicorn's.

Luna's moon barely peeked out from behind the clouds as Chrysalis plodded along. The manticore chase had spun her around, and she was unsure of her location. But that begged the question: ignoring her current location, what was her destination? Her mother's hive was off the list. And with it, her sisters' hives. What's worse, she couldn't enter into any of the metropolitan areas she knew had spies in it, or they'd spot her the second she stepped hoof inside the city limits. No, what this Queen needed was some place that had a reasonable population, but not too large. Enough to feed off of, but still out of the way enough to not garner any real attention. Coming upon a set of rails, she looked off into the distance. "Ugh...there's desert that way. Of course there's desert that way." she muttered to herself. "But the other direction looks like it goes through Arimaspi Territory, and the LAST thing I need is to deal with the monsters there." With a groan, she trotted towards the desert, following the train tracks. After all, if there are train tracks, then they must lead to a train station, and where there's a train station, there's a town, right?

"Why are you so interested in my infatuation with her? Are you this way with your daughter's love life?"

Dominatus chewed her lip for a moment. "Well...if I'm honest, I don't really get to talk to your kind about this subject so candidly. That, and it's nice to talk with-" she hiccuped again, "-someone that's not constantly trying to get something from me. Chryssi only ever shows up when she needs a loan, and the other Queens are always busy with their own hives. And I can't even remember the last time Retty or Tate visited me." she answered sullenly. "It's been centuries, at least..." The Queen quietly muttered. Then suddenly, as if realizing her apparent error, she masked the mood with a more royal demeanor. "So, why not take advantage of the chance while I've got it?"

...wait. Is she...is she SAD about something? There MUST be a way I can use this! Twilight thought, studying the Queen. "Well, I can't say I blame you in that regard. Research opportunities tend to be hit-or-miss with many things, so I suppose if I were in your position I'd do the same thing." Dominatus smiled at the last sentence.

"I'm glad we can see eye-to-eye." she slurred. "You have no idea how rare that is." she added with a giggle. "So, new question! If your beloved Earth pony never existed, who would you be chasing right now, hmm?"

"I...I've never really thought about it. I've really only ever gone after Applejack." the Princess lied, refusing to look the elder royal in the face. The reply didn't take apparently, as Dominatus cocked an eyebrow.

"Now, if I were a little more sober, I'd be willing to play around with that, but I'm not. So I won't. See, I know you've pursued other ponies, because my Intelligence Department said so. You dated a cousin of hers, if I remember correctly, and...the school marm? Is that right?" she asked, looking up in thought. Twilight's eyes grew wide.

"...how did you know that? I...yeah. I dated her cousin Braeburn. It was a year after I arrived in Ponyville, and it didn't last long. Partially because he couldn't leave his ranch, and...I discovered I didn't really like stallions...like that. Honestly, looking back on it, it feels like I just wasted everypony's time." The Queen leaned back with a thoughtful murmur.

"Hmm. Not necessarily." Twilight gave a quizzical look. "Look, as much as it pains me to say, we don't really have much on your relationships from before your Elemental days. Therefore, I have no idea if this was just a fling or if it truly was time spent well. Tell me, who did you date before this pony?"

"My books." Twilight answered with a snort. "Dating seemed like a meaningless distraction until I moved to Ponyville. I mean, sure, I would be briefly attracted to a pony, but only physically. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was a borderline misanthropic recluse until then. New ponies entering my life would have jeopardized my studying, despite...physical desires." she said with a blush. "Then I met Applejack, who introduced me to Braeburn, and...yeah. We spent about a month together."

"Ah..." Dominatus replied, nodding sagely. "Then it sounds like your experience with this pony wasn't time wasted." The alicorn again offered a questioning look, silently urging the changeling to continue. "A key component of love, and I mean the emotion," she said, stroking her chin, "is trial-and-error. Trust me: no Queen, not even me, is successful in every infiltration. But that doesn't mean that any failure is time wasted. Assuming you live to tell the tale, it means you have another chance to put what you've learned to use. In your case, briefly dating this 'Braeburn' pony seems to have been a very educational experience, if only to learn that you don't find stallions attractive."

Twilight looked down thoughtfully. "Hm. I had never thought of it like that. Okay, I had kind of thought of it like that, but it's...hard. I mean, I can come up with at least four hundred and thirty-eight reasons as to why trial-and-error doesn't necessarily work when it comes to love. Meanwhile, my brother managed to marry his high school sweetheart! Do you have any idea how statistically improbable that is?! I do! I did the math! It's literally less than two percent!"

Dominatus chuckled. "Something tells me that you really do have four hundred and thirty-eight reasons, as well as having done the math to come out with two percent. But," she said with a yawn, "while I would just love to hear how you came to both numbers, it's getting rather late. And some of us don't have the luxury of waiting around for our suitors to return and behead us. Therefore, I bid you goodnight, dear. Don't stay up too late." With that, the Queen crawled away from the foot of the bed and towards the pillows. Pulling the covers over herself, her horn lit up, dimming the various lights in the room.

"Um...how am I supposed to sleep?" came an annoyed voice. With a groan, Dominatus leaned forward in bed. The Princess nodded to her lower half, which was still largely encased in green crystal and stuck in a sitting position.

"By shutting your eyes. Now shh."

"But this is a really uncomfortable position, and I-" A blast from the changeling's horn silenced the little pony, as more green crystal covered her mouth.

"Night is for sleepies." the elder royal slurringly whispered. "That means we sleep when it is dark. Now shhhhhhh...."

The trek to the next town on the tracks hadn't taken near as long as Chrysalis had expected, which was a good thing, as she was shivering by that point. "G-g-good grief I forgot how c-cold the stupid d-desert can get at night..." the changeling whined, her teeth chattering. Nearing a sign on the outskirts of town, she squinted to read the barely-visible letters. "A-Appleloosa. Feh. These s-stupid ponies with their stupid n-names for their stupid c-cities." Wandering further into the sleepy little whistle-stop of a town, she looked around. It wasn't much. Nothing like Manehattan or Fillydelphia. Just a couple of streets lined with buildings, some benches, and...hitching posts? Huh. These ponies must be into some kinky stuff. Shame it's so close to Mom's hive. As she moved between the first and second buildings, she froze. Something was making noise. Whipping her head back and forth to find the source of the sound, she spotted it: a pony, clad in a dirty poncho and wide-brimmed plantation hat, sound asleep in the gutter. She began to back away as a stiff breeze rushed through the alleyway, giving her a snoutful of the sleeping pony's stench. He was out cold, and not due to exhaustion. Great Praedo that thing stinks! How much booze did you drink?! And here I thought Mom was a lush... she thought, waving a hoof in her face. She turned around to leave the fetid-smelling creature behind when a painful reminder jumped to the forefront of her mind. Staring at the pony, Chrysalis shapeshifted into a copy of it...for about a second, before her magic fizzled out, returning her to her original Queenly form. Gritting her teeth, she tried even harder...only to be let down again. Oh, you have GOT to be fricken' kidding me. Another gust of wind blew through the alleyway, making the changeling shiver. She glared at the comatose pony in front of her. "Fine. Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"WHAT?!" came an deafening roar, surpassing even the famed Canterlot Voice. Master Sergeant Quillon winced as the Princess of the Sun, awoken from her Royal Beauty SleepTM, bereft of her usual regalia, glared at her. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'SHE'S GONE'?!" she demanded.

"J-just that, your highness. We discovered the field in which Princess Sparkle and Queen Chrysalis fought, and found it empty. We could not locate either of them."

Don't send her to the moon. Don't send her to the moon. Don't send her to the moon. You promised yourself that you'd never do that again, no matter the crime. Don't send her to the moon. Don't send her to the moon. Celestia thought, her breathing short and ragged. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "Were...were there any tracks? Teleportation signatures? Any sign of where they may have went?" she asked in quivering voice.

"Corporal Ferrule believes he found a magical signature used for long-range teleportation." The Princess' eyes flashed open, bloodshot and full of rage.

"So...let me see if I have this straight: you know that Twilight and Chrysalis fought, but apparently one of them decided to 'poof' them both out of the area? And because you were unavailable to help her...because you were eating cake..." she seethed, "...you have no idea who it was, or where they went? Is that about right?" The pony meekly nodded her head. Pointing to the throne room's doors, she shut her eyes and put on as calm a face as she could. "Return to your barracks. And do not leave unless ordered to do so."

"Ma'am yes, ma'am." The guard nervously saluted, and left. Dropping the calm facade as quickly as the doors closed, the royal returned to rubbing her temples. Keep your promise. Keep your promise. No more time-outs on the moon. Keep your promise. Again her eyes flew open, and she looked to her left. "Raven!" she shouted, and within moments a tired, disheveled white unicorn came stumbling out of a small cubby-hole in the wall of the throne room.

"Yes, Princess Celestia, what may I do for you?" she sleepily asked, covering a yawn.

"Raven, please retrieve some Army transfer papers." the unicorn nodded, writing down the order on a notepad. "Oh, and go dig Princess Luna out of whatever dream she's playing voyeur in, and bring her here. Finally, please wake the kitchen staff. Tell French Press to brew a doppio, no, make that several, and inform Head Baker Kirschtorte that I would like him to make his Hollow Shades Cake, on the double. And make it a double." Adding to the notepad, the little pony rushed from the room. Leaning back on her throne, Celestia's eyes twitched as she projected a map of Equestria. "Keeping that promise is going to make me so fat."

The Appleloosan train station was, not unlike the town, rather small. It only held a few sets of tracks, but on one of them was a line of cars: seven carrying freight, one carrying mail, and two near the front carrying passengers. Its engine was taking on coal and water, and two ponies had rushed over to begin fiddling with a locked boxcar door.

"...are you sure this one's headed north, Bindle?" whispered a feminine voice.

"Sure I'm sure! S'posed to end up in Vanhoover, with some mail and some shipments of sweet cakes. Probably only a coupla' stops between here and there at most." came an older, gravelly voice.

"Oh, gosh. I haven't been up that way since...we met in Tall Tale." sadly replied the first voice.

"Well, don'tchu worry about that little 'ol town, Lima. We should steam right past it, assumin' the engine doesn't have to stop to take on water ag-" there was a quiet clicking sound as the stallion finally picked the lock open. "There we go! Your carriage awaits, madame." The mare softly giggled as her cohort slid the door open.

"I do wonder how everypony is getting on, though. It's been so long since I talked to them. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to make a little detour there, at least to see if it's recovered from the factory closing. It was a shadow of itself when I left."

"Sure, if you like. But for now, let's just get some rest and maybe a few of these swe-"

"Where's this going?" came a third voice, causing both ponies to turn around in surprise. Nearby in the shadows, covered in a hat and poncho, was another pony. A tall one at that.

"...North. Why? You wanna ride with us?" the stallion asked. The mystery pony kept its head down, the brim of its hat obscuring its face. Bindle and Lima exchanged a look. "Listen, uh...ma'am? It's fine if you wanna ride with us, but we'd at least like to know your name."

"Shh!" the pony hissed, looking back and forth. "Where is this going?!" she demanded, the impatience in her voice creeping in.

"Uh, Vanhoover. Probably take a stop in Tall Tale, maybe another place. I'm not entirely sure of the schedule. Look, if you're wantin' to go somewhere to grift, Tall Tale don't got much in the way of well-to-do ponies, but Vanhoover does." the stallion commented, cautiously moving forward.

"That's fine by me." the pony brusquely grumbled, suddenly marching towards the car. Not able to see directly in front of her, she stumbled into the stallion, falling forward. Hitting the ground, her hat fell off, and she bit her tongue in the process. Scrambling back up, she swore every obscenity she could think of, but it came out as muffled gibberish as drops of glowing green blood splattered the ground. Realizing that she was missing a vital part of her disguise, she bent down to snatch up her hat when she finally looked back at the two hobos she had questioned. They were trembling in fear, and clutching each other.

"W-what are you?!" the stallion begged the terrifying creature.

Chrysalis MEANT to say "None of your business, leave me alone!," but her numbed tongue and panic at being discovered made it sound far less dignified and authoritative: "Unc-check-yula bodners! Leepb ma a bone!" The two ponies in front her screeched in fear, and fell over one another as they tried to flee. The changeling moved forward in an attempt to quiet the situation, but only succeeded in scaring them further. Bindle and Lima, more out of desperation and muscle memory than coherent thought, finally managed to right themselves, and galloped as quickly away as their legs would take them. Staring at the two strange ponies as they fled the scene, Chrysalis shrugged her shoulders. "Whatebber. You'b ink dey nevah sah a Qwen befoh. Moe twain fah meh." Climbing into the car, she slid the door shut, and laid down in a gap between the crates. Using her hat as a makeshift pillow and poncho as a blanket, she rested her head in the hopes of a restful ride to 'Tall Tale,' wherever that was.

As soon as the two ponies felt safe enough away, they stopped to catch their breath. "What...what was that?!" wheezed the mare.

"I don't know for certain..." groaned the stallion, "...but that really looked like what an 'Unhcegila' sounds like. My grandpappy used to tell me stories about 'em growing up. Glowing eyes, mouth full of fangs, and can barely speak Ponish. S'posed to show up in these parts. I always thought they was a myth, ya know? Something to scare the kiddies around a campfire. But it looks like grandpappy was right!"

Despite the accommodations Chrysalis slept well, all things considered. It wasn't until the squeal of the train's brakes and the resulting jostle of the freight cars that she finally awoke. She let out a deep yawn, blinked her eyes awake, and smacked her lips. Huh. This must've been some kind of express train, because I didn't think I slept that long. Grabbing her poncho and hat, the changeling donned her disguise, and carefully slid the door open. Poking her head out just enough to spy if any prying eyes could see her, she bolted from the train car. Ducking behind a stack of crates, she took a breath. It was hot. Not as hot as Appleloosa, but still hot. Curse that white freak and her stupid sun. When I take over things, we're going to keep it nice and cool. Worse, the pegasi had apparently decided to remove any and all cloud cover, so it was only going to get hotter.

"LAST CALL! ALL ABOARD WHO'S COMING ABOARD!" shouted a conductor. Moments later, the train's whistle blew twice, and it pulled away from the station. Chrysalis waited until she couldn't hear any more ponies milling about, and peeked above a crate.

This place seems familiar. Have I been to 'Tall Tale' before? Those stupid ponies better not have been lying to me, or they're going to regret it! Looking around to take in her surroundings, she tried to verify her location. C'mon, give me a famous building, or some tourist trap, or...oh. A sign. Yeah, that'll do. Sneaking from behind, she stole a glance in both directions before creeping around to view the front:

EQUESTRIAN R.R. FREIGHT YARDS
SOUTH PONYVILLE DEPOT

OH, COME OONNNN! Chrysalis ground her teeth in frustration as she hid back behind the sign. This isn't real. There is no way that life could be this cruel. Pounding a hoof on the ground in anger, she stood back up with a huff. Fine. Fine. Just fine. I'll...I'll just hop aboard the next train headed there that comes through. Should be easy. I've done it once, I can do it again. Easy. Movement caught her eye as a mare ran up the steps in front of the sign. Ducking behind a crate, she could overhear a conversation.

"Sir! Sir! Has the seven twenty to Vanhoover showed up yet?" asked an effeminate voice.

"Yes ma'am." answered a slow drawl. "You just missed it."

The mare clopped her hoof on the floorboards. "Fiddlesticks! When's the next one?"

"Three days from now. Eight-oh-five in the morning, with stops in Canterlot and Tall Tale."

The mare and stallion continued chatting as the Queen moved away. THREE DAYS?! she thought with an exasperated sigh. Fine. I'll...find a place to lay low until then. This 'Tall Tale' place better be worth it. And with that, she slunk away from the train yards in search of a shady spot.

Luna entered into the throne room to find it a mess. Maps old and new were scattered about, and the latest intelligence briefings accompanied them. Her sister would glare at one map, then a briefing, then another map, then another briefing, muttering to herself all the while. The alicorn of the night kicked aside several demitasses and silver trays, their clinking and clattering on the stone floor snapping Celestia out of her trance. "My, you are in a state. It appears that I did not mishear Raven then."

"Look, when you have an attractive former student who goes missing, then you can show me how to react 'properly.'" she mocked with air quotes. "In the meantime, it would be rather prudent to help me find Twilight so the nation isn't missing one of its lesser princesses. We only just got over the whole 'Changelings captured the Princesses again and Equestria is doomed again' media circuses, and I'd really rather fix this sooner than later." Luna simply rolled her eyes and picked up a map of Ponyville.

"Well, if what Raven said is correct, the battle occurred here." she stated, pointing at a field west of the Friendship Castle. "And, assuming that the debrief Master Sergeant Quillon wrote is also correct, a being apparently of immense arcane power was able to teleport both Chrysalis and Twilight for some distance." Her sister nodded. "So, it is reasonable to assume that Twilight would not teleport herself and Chrysalis away without telling us." The elder Princess nodded again. "Then it would seem that Chrysalis has managed to gain far more power in a much shorter amount of time than we ever could have expected. What happened with Master Sergeant Quillon's force?" she asked.

"...I don't want to talk about it." the white alicorn replied, looking to the side.

"Anyway," the younger sister replied, rolling her eyes, "with Chrysalis apparently more powerful than anticipated, and Twilight 'out of the picture,' so to speak, it would also be reasonable to assume her next move may be to remove the remaining Elements." Celestia's eyes widened at the hypothesis. "Don't tell me; you haven't contacted them."

"No, no, I have. Sort of." She answered, her eyes darting back and forth. "Look, why don't you go get us a chariot, and we can go inspect the battleground ourselves?" the solar royal replied, flashing an innocent smile. Luna only cocked an eyebrow, and left the room. As soon as the door was closed, the remaining alicorn snapped her head to the left. "RAVEN! Take a letter!"

Chrysalis trudged forward, willing herself to move. As she predicted, the heat was only getting worse as the noonday sun reached its peak in the sky. Squinting up at the celestial orb, she swore at it again, and kept moving. Stopping to lean on a fence post, she took in the area around her. There were rows of carrots surrounded by chicken wire, and at the end of the field, a miracle: a water pump, with a nearby bucket, still wet from recent use. Ignoring the risk of getting caught, Chrysalis jumped the fence and galloped as fast as she could to the metal contraption. She grabbed the bucket, placed it underneath the spout, and began pumping vigorously. Or as vigorously as she could, anyway. Physical labor had never really been her strong point, but it was either that or death by dehydration. When the bucket was full, she stopped, her barrel heaving. Taking a moment to catch her breath, she ripped off her hat and dunked her head. Lifting it back out of the water, her mane whipped back with a splat. She shuddered with a smile. Oh sweet merciless Praedo I needed that! Looking back down, the changeling lunged back at the bucket. She began drinking greedily, and at first didn't hear the voice of an angry farmer. It wasn't until the pony closed the distance that Chrysalis realized her mistake. Whipping her head around, she did indeed see an upset pony. It was yellow with a orange curled mane, and charging her with a rake. That is, until the mare saw who she was charging.

"...y-you! You're...you're the changeling Queen, aren't you?!" she demanded in a wavering voice. Chrysalis didn't reply, only staring at her attacker in confusion. "I...I knew it! I knew Princess Twilight was hiding something!" Her rake was trembling as she clutched it tighter as the changeling moved forward.

"S-stay back! I'm not afraid to use this!" the mare shouted, waving the rake in as threatening a manner as she could. As the changeling approached ever closer, its fang-filled maw opening wider and wider, Carrot Top saw her life flash before her eyes...before promptly passing out. Chrysalis stopped.

Did she...she did. she thought with a sigh. "Great. Just great. You couldn't stay awake long enough for me to just have a tiny little bit of love, could you? I didn't want a lot, ya know. Just enough to get through the next three days. But noooooo, you had to go and make it all weird. You ponies are selfish, you know that?" Replacing her hat with a sneer, she left the garden.

Rainbow Dash couldn't take it. Trying to keep everypony in town from discovering that Twilight had been captured was grueling, which was made worse by the fact that she was running out of excuses. She may have been a better liar than Applejack, but that wasn't saying much. Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how one looked at it, Carrot Top had come running into town screaming about some encounter with the big ugly bug. Rarity and Dash were going to question her further when the yellow pony collapsed. Bon-Bon said that she must've been suffering from heat stroke, and that her and Lyra would take care of things. So instead of waiting for the Earth pony to come to, the cyan pegasus decided to be proactive. If Chrysalis really was around, then she couldn't have gotten too far, right? With that thought in mind, Dash took the air and began a sweeping search pattern around the outskirts of Ponyville.

The sun seemed to linger in the sky, refusing to go down. As a result, the heat only became more and more oppressive, and Chrysalis had resigned herself to just deal with it...by complaining. "UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHH." she whined, "Why must it stay so stupidly hot?! What is it with these stupid ponies liking stupid weather?! I hate this." the Queen grumbled as she took off her hat to fan herself. "I hate the stupid sun, and the stupid ground, and my stupid mom, and the stupid pegasi for removing all the cloud cover! Like that pegasus! ...which is getting bigger?" the changeling asked, squinting at the ever-increasing-in-size pony. Her squinted eyes grew wide when she heard the screaming, though.

The pegasus came shrieking down like a banshee, crashing into Chrysalis. Catching her flat-hoofed, the two tumbled over and over each other before slowing to a stop. The Queen, head spinning, opened her eyes to see the same blue pony standing atop her. Dash grabbed her by the shoulders and began shaking violently. "WHERE IS SHE?! WHERE! IS! SHE?!" she demanded.

"Who-o-o-o-o?!" Chrysalis begged, her voice warbling with the action.

"WHERE IS TWILIGHT SPARKLE?! ANSWER ME, OR I SWEAR TO CELESTIA I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!" Rainbow threatened, snorting with each breath. The changeling shook her head to refocus on her attacker.

"How could you know about Sp-wait a minute! You're her friend, aren't you? The athlete, right?" The response took the pegasus aback, and she cocked her head to the side and squinted at the Queen.

"I-wha-yeah! I am! I'm one of her BEST friends, and also one of the ponies who's already beaten you twice! Make this a third time! Now answer me! WHERE. IS. SHE?" Craning her neck to look behind the pegasus, Chrysalis smiled.

"Yeah, I remember you. I never forget a rump like that!" Rainbow's left eye twitched.

"You WHAT now?!" she screeched. The Queen rolled her eyes.

"I'm saying you have a nice butt." The pegasus trembled with barely-contained rage.

"Oh, THAT IS IT!"

The last thing Chrysalis saw was a blue hoof speeding towards her face.

Author's Note

Hoo boy! I'll admit: this longer-than-life chapter was written, re-written, re-written, abandoned, then re-written again. Then a lot of it was omitted, because otherwise it would have gone on for another six to seven thousand words! Don't worry; it's not going away. It will probably show up again at some point, as I like what I wrote, but it just didn't fit for the timeline of the story. Hopefully you enjoyed this Frankenstein's monster of a chapter, and thank you all for sticking with me so far - you've all been more patient with me than I deserve, and I thank you for it.

As for the next chapter, good news: it's nearly done! In fact, I wrote it while I had writer's block with this one. With that said, things are getting busy with both my current job as well as school. But I can promise you this - chapter 10 WILL be published before the end of the month! Hopefully I graduate this semester, so I can ~~write pony fanfiction full time~~ get a decent job that doesn't require me to work twelve hour night shifts.

Fun fact! That "two percent" statistic is based off of the information from this stats company's website, combined with one of my sibling's experience (marrying a sweetheart that they met in school, going on to both get a college degree, and staying married).

So! What do you think is going to happen to Chryssi? Brutal interrogation or a delightful romp through a garden? ~~Maybe even NSFW stuff?~~ Either way, put your predictions down in the comments! Also, let me know what you thought about this chapter! If you enjoyed it, let me know! If you hated it, tell me in ASCII. And if you're indifferent to it, well, carry on then.

Oh, and before I forget - the always amazing Pshyzo did this poster for me!

It's based off of an old WWII propaganda poster based on the evils of VD. I loved the job he did on it, and wanted to share it with you!

Finally, and I swear this is the last of my author's notes - a shameless plug for the other story I wrote back in December, explaining the Bindle and Lima (Bean) cameos in Appleloosa!

Chapter 10

Contrary to popular belief, changelings are not related to insects. Furthermore, they are not related to ponies, despite their equine form. While they cannot trace their evolution to any one particular species, changelings are most like the creatures of the sea. Their adaptive camouflage, while magic-based, is similar to the common cuttlefish (sepia officinalis) in its use. And their hard exoskeleton and opportunistic feeding nature seem to be copied directly from the coconut crab (birgus latro), better known as the 'robber crab.' As has been discovered with injured changeling prisoners-of-war, the species is capable of slowly regenerating lost limbs, not unlike the brown crab (cancer pagurus). Finally, their ability to appear fragile and harmless before landing a devastating strike is similar to the peacock mantis shrimp (odontodactylus scyllarus). However, this is not to say that they are dissimilar to mammals; it is possible for changelings to experience mammalian injuries, such as bruises and even hematomas. The changeling is also clearly of a higher intelligence than crustaceans, as they are known for their complex hierarchical structure and culture. When combined, all of these attributes create a genuinely fearsome creature, capable of immense physical feats, as well as incredible subterfuge. - Changelings: Their Physiology and Evolution by Works Cited

When Chrysalis finally awoke, her left eye was swollen nearly shut, she had a splitting headache, and couldn't move. She slowly blinked her right eye in an effort to focus on...nothing. She was alone in the darkness, save for an oil lamp above her head, illuminating her, the chair she was bound to, and not much else. Except...she wasn't alone, was she? The more the changeling came to, the more she could hear voices nearby. And although they were hushed, she could still make out snippets of conversation:

"...really, Rainbow Dash, did you have to hit her so hard?" came a posh voice.

"She's lucky I only hit her once!" answered a painfully familiar rasp.

"...I'll get some ice for her eye when she wakes up." offered a much softer voice.

"Well, it's going to be rather hard to find out where Twilight is with her unconscious, now isn't it?" retorted the posh voice.

The soft voice chimed in. "What if she doesn't tell us?"

"Then what Dash did'll feel like a love tap once I'm done with 'er." threatened a low, Southern drawl.

"H-hello? Who's there? You know, I can hear you!" Chrysalis said unsteadily, only to hear the voices suddenly silence. Then, out of the darkness came a well-known orange face. An angry, glaring orange face. The two stared at each for what seemed like a lifetime until the Earth pony broke the stillness of the scene.

"You're gonna tell us where Twilight is, and you're gonna tell us now." she stated in a quiet voice, her eyes narrowing on her target. The changeling leaned back as best she could and turned her head away.

"And just why would I do that?" she sneered. Before Applejack could answer, an enraged voice came out of the darkness.

"BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW HARD I CAN REALLY HIT!" The voice, combined with the memory of blue pain, caused Chrysalis to flinch.

"Do we really need to be so...violent?" asked a soft voice in the darkness.

"Yeah!" came the angry rasp. "It's the only thing her kind understands!"

"But there's a better way!" offered the soft voice, which seemed to be the only non-terrifying thing in the room at the moment.

"What? Love and tolerance? Not with that...THING there isn't!" retorted the scratchy, increasingly-angry voice. Chrysalis looked in the direction of the voices.

"Hey! I'm not a 'thing!' I'm a changeling Que-" her remark was cut off as the only visible pony in the room loudly stamped a hoof.

"You shut your trap right now!" she hissed, quickly bringing the royal's attention back to her. "Now here's what you're gonna do: you're gonna tell us what hole you have Twilight held in, then you're gonna show us how to get inside, then we're gonna save her, destroy your hive, and then you're goin' to jail to rot. You got that?!"

"Oh, come on! What is it with you ponies and your love of jail? That's all Sparkle would talk about! If you ask me, I think she has a fetish for it." Chrysalis groaned. Applejack narrowed her eyes even further and cocked her head.

"...the heck you just say?" Before the changeling could respond, the posh voice came back.

"Oh, prison fantasies are quite common, dear. It's really all about the dominant and submissive roles. In fact, I believe I have some-"

"Would you hush up?!" the orange pony snapped, turning to the voice in the darkness.

"Well, you asked, darling. Don't get upset with me because I answered."

Turning back to face her captive, Applejack's face grew more and more unamused as she glared at the changeling. "I mean, I could see her in that role, if you ask me." Chrysalis stated matter-of-factly. The Earth pony's glare became fiercer, and she moved her face to a hair's breadth away from the royal.

"I swear I'm gonna buck you straight to the moon if you don't tell us where Twilight is RIGHT. NOW." she threatened through gritted teeth. The changeling responded by leaning her head forward, towards Applejack's ear. Assuming she intended to whisper the answer to her, the Earth pony mirrored the movement...

...until she felt her captive attempt to inhale the entire Apple up a nostril.

"WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVIN' HAY WAS THAT?!" she yelped, jumping back. Chrysalis took on a thoughtful expression, and looked up.

"Huh. Apples. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I wonder if that's why it didn't work the first time? Well, there's also sweat and dirt, but I bet it's the ap-" she mused as the orange pony shuddered.

"WHY IN THE FU-"

"Language, dear!" interrupted the posh voice, only to have Applejack jerk her head back to the darkness.

"You saw that too, right?! What was that?!" she shouted before snapping her head back to face the royal. "WHO DOES THAT?!"

"She could have...oh, poo, what did Twilight call it? Ah, yes: 'olfactophilia.'" replied the ethereal posh voice. Applejack again turned to the darkness.

"It doesn't matter what it's called, it's freaky!"

"Oh, perish the thought! It's not even close to some of the things I've se-er, heard about!" the posh voice retorted.

"...ya'll are weird."

"Come on! She's just stalling! I say we beat it out of her now!" shouted the ever-angry rasp, before a delicate gasp was heard.

"Please, no more violence! There's a better way!" came the quiet-yet-firm voice.

"I dunno, every moment she's here, I wanna hit her a little more." the orange pony replied, turning back to face the Queen.

"Hey, speaking of unneeded beatings, do I have a black eye?" Chrysalis asked. "Because I can't really see out of my left eye, and it hurts a lot, so I'm guessing I have a black eye."

"Oh! Yes, we meant to give this to you earlier. Sorry." Answered the posh voice as an ice pack was floated over and strapped around her head, resting on the swollen area.

"Don't apologize to her! She deserved it!" replied the painfully familiar voice.

"Just because she's captured our best friend doesn't mean that you can just hit her!" argued the posh voice.

"It wasn't just that! She was also staring at my butt! I don't even let stallions I like get away with that!" the raspy voice groaned.

"Now wait a minute - are you honestly saying that I can't admire a well-toned booty? Or talk about how nice it is?" Chrysalis interjected indignantly, "You know, you ponies need to learn how to take a compliment!"

"OKAY, THAT'S IT! SHE DIES NOW!" shrieked the enraged rasp. The was a sound of scuffling in the darkness. "Let me go! She deserves it!"

"No!" grunted the posh voice, "She can't tell us where Twilight is if she's unconscious!"

"I'm not going to knock her out! I'm going to KILL HER!" Applejack squinted into the darkness, sighed, and shook her head.

"You know, speaking of excellent butts, Sparkle sure picked a winner with you, you know that?" the changeling said with a wink. The Earth pony whipped her head back around.

"You're about as sharp as bowl of mashed potatoes, ain'tcha?" she asked.

"...huh?"

"I'm sayin' you keep jawin' like that, and you're gonna end up with another shiner, you got that?" she threatened, pawing at the ground.

"Okay, I can barely understand a word you're saying. Do your parents talk like that, too?" Chrysalis asked, cocking her head to one side. "Wait. Do you even HAVE real parents? Or were they related? Ya know, before they made you. Because you're not really doing anything to disprove the whole 'sister-marries-brother' stereotype, you know? I mean, I always thought that was a myth, but I'm beginning to wonder if your sister is also your mom and your cousin. I mean, maybe that's why you just can't take the hint from Sparkle. That, or your brother is just too pretty to look away from." Applejack's breath was becoming slow and heavy, and she began grinding her teeth.

"...ya'll better shut your trap or you're gonna regret it." Chrysalis responded by shrugging her shoulders.

"Look, I'm just saying: maybe you should learn to speak from someone else who isn't your brother-father." At that comment, the orange pony began trembling and her muscles flexed.

"'Shy?" she asked through gritted teeth. A light, dainty murmur answered.

"Take over for a sec." she said, her face beet-red.

"Oh! Um, okay." There was still more scuffling in the darkness when the posh voice spoke up.

"...and leave me with an insane pony on my hooves?!" Just before Applejack opened a large door, she turned around with a huff.

"You're a dang unicorn, Rare! Use your horn!" The 'Rare' voice laughed sheepishly, and suddenly the scuffling stopped. As a bright light blinded the bound changeling, she saw a new shape step out of the shadows: a yellow pegasus with a pink mane. A recognizable one, now that she thought about it.

"Okay!" she quietly shouted. "You're going to tell us where our friend Twilight is, please!"

"Hey, wait a minute - I know you!" Chrysalis exclaimed. Before the pegasus could respond, she clicked her tongue. "That's right! You're that supermodel?! Oh, shoot...what was your name...Buttershine? No...wait! Fluttershy, right?!" The question seemed to catch the yellow pony off-guard.

"Oh! Um, yes, I am. And I was. For a while." A giddy smile spread across the changeling's face.

"Ha! And the other changelings said I didn't know what I was talking about!" she said to herself, before refocusing on her new interrogator. "Oh my gosh, I have ALL your magazine spreads! Even the illegal ones!" she said, squealing at the end.

"Oh. Um, that's neat. But you need to te-" the pegasus continued.

"Seriously, you were SO. HOT. with those black lowlights in your mane! You should have kept them!" she gushed, leaning forward.

"Um, I appreciate your compliment, but we really nee-" the meek pony replied, as she shifted uncomfortably from side to side.

"No, you don't get it! The first time I saw those pictures, I ended up having to throw away my bedsheets the next day! They were that grody, if you know what I mean." the changeling added, waggling her eyebrows. Fluttershy gasped, then daintily stomped a hoof.

"That is enough!" she quietly shouted. "I do not want to know about that, and it's not something you say in public!" Chrysalis scoffed.

"Hmph. And other changelings think that I'm a prude. Try to understand: I'm telling you how hot you used to look! It's a nice thing I'm doing!" The pegasus replied by pursing her lips and scrunching her nose in anger, before taking a breath.

"Regardless of your intentions, that's still very inappropriate! And it's not why you're here! You're here so we can find out where you're keeping Twilight!" she said as forcefully as she could. The changeling leaned back for a moment before her face took on a lecherous expression.

"...or else what? Hmm? Are you going to 'get rough' with me?" she said, giving her captor a once-over. Fluttershy only responded with a confused look. "Mmm...yeah. I wouldn't mind it. Maybe you could whip me a little? I bet that'd be so hot." she continued, her voice becoming breathier with each syllable. "Oh! Please tell me you'd wear a leather bodysuit! That would just...unf!"

"L-leather...from an animal?" came a quiet, shuddering voice. "That's awful!" Either Chrysalis didn't hear her, or she didn't care, as she continued.

"Too bad you're not a princess, because, just...wow. I bet doing it with you would be mind-blowing! Maybe even do it on a bear-skin rug at some cabin in the woods..." she added, biting her lower lip with a moan. Tears were welling in the pegasus' eyes as she shut them. Shaking her head in a vain attempt to get the images out of her head, she turned to the darkness.

"R-Rarity? Um. I'll be right back." she said, stepping back into the darkness.

"Why, darling? Where are you going?" the posh voice responded.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures. I promise I'll be quick." answered the timid pegasus.

"Please hurry, dear. I do still have my hooves full with a ballistic pegasus, after all." And with that, a white unicorn appeared under the lamplight, causing Chrysalis to squint her good eye at her.

"Hmm...you know, I would say you look familiar, but I just can't place a name with your face." Rarity began to respond, only to be cut off by her captive. "...or a face with your face, really." The pony responded with an indignant huff.

"As I was going to say, before I was RUDELY interrupted, my name is R-"

"No, really. You are easily the most generic, forgettable-looking pony I've ever seen in my entire life." the changeling remarked with a sneer. "Nothing stands out about you. If you weren't here, I'd probably have already forgotten about you." Taking on a look of disgust, Rarity attempted to speak again, only to be cut off for a third time. "Look, do us all a favor. The next time you go out? Try. Just...try. Put on some makeup, or do up your mane. Do SOMETHING." she added. "Because when you're standing next to Fluttershy? You know, a former supermodel? Yeah, you're gonna fall into the backgr-" This time, it was Chrysalis' turn to be cut off.

"OKAY, MISS I-THINK-THAT-A-RANDOM-STRAND-OF-MANE-IN-MY-FACE-IS-STILL-A-FASHIONABLE-THING, I do happen to prepare my mane! And my tail! And makeup! Every day! Even on the days I stay in to work!" she shouted at her captive, who only snorted.

"...really? Because if that's the case, you need to try harder. Or try something else. Because it's clearly not working." the royal remarked with a smirk.

"I! You!" Rarity sputtered. "Oooohhhh, you're just trying to get under my skin, like you did all the others, aren't you?! Well, it won't work, missy!"

"Get under your skin?" Chrysalis asked. "Yeah right. I'm just trying to help you out. And by the way? My look is iconic. Ponies remember me. So maybe you should actually listen to my advice." she smugly replied. Before the increasingly angry unicorn could respond, a door could be heard opening and closing, followed by a screeching sound of metal and wood.

"I'm back, everypony." came a southern drawl. "Hey Rare? Do me a favor and remind me to get a new plow the next time I go into town." she requested, stepping back into the light. "The bug give up where Twi's at?"

"No, all she's managed to do is...ruffle our feathers. Both real and imagined." the white pony mentioned, glaring at Chrysalis.

"Why do you need a new plow?" she asked, cocking her head to the side. Applejack turned her attention to the changeling.

"Shut up." she hissed, bringing herself nose-to-nose with the royal. "Now no more dilly-dallying. You tell us where Twi is now, or so help me Celestia I will unleash Dash on you. And I'll help this time." the Earth pony seethed, only for Chrysalis' eyebrows to raise in response.

"Oh ho ho! I've always wanted to try a threes-" she chuckled out, before the orange mare in front of her abruptly reared back, and brought her front hooves crashing down. The ground shook, and small cracks spidered out in the earth around them. The act quickly shut the changeling up.

"LAST CHANCE!" Applejack bellowed. "TELL ME WHERE SHE'S AT, OR I WILL TEAR YOUR DAGGONE WINGS OFF! SLOWLY! PAINFULLY!"

"I...I..." Chrysalis stammered out.

"Do it, AJ! Break her in half!"

"No, Applejack! Don't let her get inside your head! Please! She's just trying to...to rile you up!"

As the farmpony's eyes attempted to bore a hole through the Queen's skull, any smugness or confidence Chrysalis may have had dried up from the outburst. The two stared at each other, daring the other to blink. However, the moment never arrived, as a quiet yet newly confident voice interrupted the scene.

"I'm back, everypony!"

"Thank goodness! Fluttershy! Please, calm Applejack down! I think she's ready to tear Chrysalis limb from limb!" At that moment, the yellow pegasus entered back into the light, and placed a hoof on the farmpony's shoulder. It seemed to break her out of the intense moment, and her head snapped to see where the contact had come from.

"Applejack, please don't hurt her; I promised you there was a better way, and I have it here." Fluttershy said, lifting up a small, nondescript paper bag. Still coming down from her anger, the orange pony stared at the bag.

"Whassat?" she asked.

"Whenever Angel bunny has done something wrong, and 'The Stare' won't work, I use this instead." she answered.

"What, a carrot bribe or somethin'?" Applejack snorted. "I don't think that's gonna work here, Fluttershy." The timid pegasus shook her head and giggled slightly, before reaching into the bag.

"No, Applejack, it's not a carrot bribe. It's sodium thiopental." she said, pulling out a small glass vial. The Earth pony scrunched her nose in confusion.

"Sodium thio-what?" she asked.

"Sodium thiopental. It's a chemical that makes creatures feel like they've had too much hard cider, but without needing to drink it. Whenever I give some to Angel, he'll admit to whatever it is he's done in a few minutes." she replied, giving a soft, proud smile.

"Huh. No kiddin'." Applejack replied, chewing on her cheek. "And you think it'll work on the big ugly bug here?" Fluttershy nodded as she reached back into the bag.

"Hey! Racist much?" Chrysalis remarked, trying to see past the orange pony. "Also, I'd like to point out that I've only been drunk once, and I really didn't like it."

Ignoring the changeling, Fluttershy continued. "I think it's worth a shot, at least. If it works on Angel bunny, then maybe it will work on Queen Chrysalis." Applejack nodded, before turning back to glare at her captive.

"Alright, sugarcube. But if it doesn't work, we beat 'er black and blue."

"She's already black!" came the angry rasp.

"More of an onyx, dear."

"Hush up! We'll beat her 'till she talks, okay?!" shouted the Earth pony into the darkness, before turning back to her pegasus friend. "So how does this stuff work, anyway? Does she just drink it? 'Cuz that doesn't look like a lot." The yellow pony shook her head, before finally removing another item from the bag.

"No, we inject it." she answered matter-of-factly, pulling out a long syringe and needle.

"WHOA WHOA WHOA! NO INJECTIONS! NOT COOL, DUDE! NOT COOL!" screamed the captive changeling as she leaned as far away as she could from the horrible objects as she could. Applejack turned around with a glare.

"Hush up, or we'll beat you whether this stuff works or not." she threatened through gritted teeth. Chrysalis could only stare at the glint of the needle with increasingly widening eyes.

"No, I'm serious! I have this thing about needles! And the stuff in them!" she exclaimed, her voice beginning to warble from fear.

"Now, I'm not sure of how much to put in here, since I've only ever done to this to Angel bunny a few times...maybe a hundred milliliters?" Fluttershy asked to nopony in particular. "I'd hate to overdose it."

"Then let's just not do it, then! How does that sound?!" Chrysalis exclaimed, the panic beginning to overtake her voice.

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic, darling. It's just a little prick, and then it's all over with!" came the posh voice, causing the changeling to stare into the darkness.

"'Just a little prick?!'" she shouted. "Look at that thing! It's a pipe! A fricken' pipe! And this twisted psychopath is going to impale me with it!" Chrysalis turned her head to stare back at the needle, her breathing getting closer and closer to hyperventilating.

"Uh, Fluttershy, speakin' of stabbin' her with it, where exactly are you going to do the injection? Won't the needle break on her, uh, exoskin or whatever?" Applejack asked, reading the contents of the vial.

"Her exoskeleton." Fluttershy answered. "And yes, it would. But we're not going to try her exoskeleton." The comment seemed to slightly calm the changeling down, so her breathing was less hyperventilating and more of a panicked staccato. "No, see the little gaps in her chitin?" the pegasus asked, gesturing towards the changeling's right foreleg, "We'll inject there, where the flesh is much thinner and weaker."

"Ooooohhhhh, I'm in a nightmare. It's official. The hot blue one knocked me out, and this is just a horrible dream. This isn't real! Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup-" Chrysalis whimpered, shutting her eyes and willing herself to wake from the terrible nightmare she seemed to be in.

"I promise it won't even hurt." came the formerly harmless-sounding voice. The Queen's eyes flashed open to glare at her torturer.

"Says you! How do you even know this much about changeling anatomy?! What, do you secretly hunt us and kill us in your spare time?" she asked accusingly. The question seemed to pierce the pegasus' proud facade.

"W-what? No! That's awful!" she said with a gasp. "I would never do such a thing! No, I take care of animals, great and small!" she said, the pride returning to her stance. "And I was talking to the veterinarian in town a few days ago, and he said that changeling anatomy is similar to crustacean anatomy. And this is how I give crabs and lobsters their shots!" The answer did nothing to calm Chrysalis down. If anything, it caused her hyperventilating to return.

"No, I take it back; I'm not really in a nightmare, I'm in a horror story. I thought I was in some sexy romp, but it turns out I'm just the teenager who gets brutally tortured and murdered by some psycho doctor while trying to get laid!" she muttered, again attempting to will herself away from the horrifying situation.

"Alright, we'll give ya one last chance before we let Fluttershy stick ya: tell us where Twi is, and this can all be over." Applejack offered. Chrysalis stared at the pony, then the needle, then back to the pony.

...if I tell them...they'll find the hive! And Mom! And SPARKLE! And if they free Sparkle, then I won't EVER get laid! "...I...I just can't." The earth pony clicked her tongue.

"Alright then. Jab 'er, 'Shy." Chrysalis jammed her eyes shut, and began whimpering prayers to any deity that would deign to listen. Fluttershy looked over the changeling's foreleg, before finding a large enough gap. She gingerly pushed the needle in, and gently pushed the plunger down, emptying the syringe. Pulling it back out, she removed the needle, retrieved a cork from the bag, and stabbed it into it.

"...you can do it any time, you sadist." came a pathetic voice, causing Fluttershy to giggle in response.

"I already did!" she answered. "See?" she said, holding up the empty syringe. The changeling's eyes flashed open, staring at the accursed object.

"You...you did?" she asked, "...huh. I didn't feel a thing."

Fluttershy hummed in response as she replaced all the items to her bag. "See? Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Chrysalis shook her head. "Now why don't you tell us where Twilight is, and you'll never have to experience that again. I promise." The Queen opened her mouth to refuse again when she stopped. Mouth agape, she could feel the fluid entering her system. Her good eye glazed over, and she took on a dreamy expression.

"I...I'm not going to....um...wow. I can, uh...feel it. Hoo hoo hoooo buddy! WOW can I feel it!" the changeling said with a lidded eye. Turning to face Applejack, she gave as seductive a smile as she could muster. "Hey, you know...I think I get why she gets all hot and bothered at your scent. The whole apple thing? And the sweat? And the dirt? I get it now! It's...intoxicating..." she slurred. The Earth pony raised an eyebrow as she stepped back.

"Fluttershyyyy...what did you give her again?" she uneasily asked.

"S-sodium thiopental!" the pegasus desperately answered, re-checking the vial to make sure she had grabbed the correct one.

"Hey, c'mon...don't go away...I need to smell more of you..." purred the drunken Queen.

"Alright...I thought she was a creep before, but this is so much worse!" the farmpony remarked, continuing to step back into the darkness.

"Okay, we tried it Fluttershy's way! I say we try it MY way!" shouted the angry rasp. "AJ and I beat the information outta her!"

"Ya know what? You can. I don't think I wanna touch her right now..." answered the Earth pony, taking another step back.

"Fine by me!" answered the ethereal voice. "Hey, uh Rarity? You mind?" A split-second later, a light blue pegasus came soaring in out of the darkness, and delivered an ear-piercing smack across Chrysalis' face.

"Oh ho ho ho! That was fun! Do it again!" the changeling begged. Raising an eyebrow in confusion, Dash reared back and smacked her again, this time harder. "Mmmmmmmmm....again!" Chrysalis moaned. Growling in frustration, the pegasus turned around, and bucked the changeling directly in the barrel. "Oooooohhhhh....thank you ma'am! May I have another?" she wheezed. Dash looked down at her hooves before looking back at her captive.

"Um...you know, this isn't nearly as fun as I thought it would be." she remarked.

"I disagree!" Chrysalis purred.

"Yeah...I'm gonna stop now." the pegasus said uneasily, withdrawing her hoof. Before the Queen could respond, the setting sun poured into the area, blinding the ponies.

"Uh, Applejack?" came a tiny southern voice.

"APPLEBLOOM! COVER YOUR EYES!" the orange pony screamed. The filly did as she was told, but continued.

"Applejack, ya'll got visitors."

"I don't care!" she shouted, "Just tell 'em I'm busy and to go away!"

"But...it's the Princesses." the little Apple responded, still covering her eyes.

"WHO?!" the orange mare shrieked. "Oh, horseapples! Okay 'Bloom! S-stall 'em! Tell 'em I'll be out in a just a sec!" The filly did as she was told as the barn door closed. "Alright, everypony! Get rid of the sodium whatever and light some lamps! Rarity, find a place to hide Chrysalis, and I'll see what they want!"

"Why don't we just tell them that we have her?" asked Fluttershy, "Maybe they can get her to tell us where Twilight is."

"No!" Applejack shouted. "Alright, maybe later, but not now! Not when she's like...like that!" she said, gesturing towards the Queen. "Look, if they ask, we ain't seen hide nor hair of her, and we were planning a rescue mission for Twi!" The other ponies did as they were told, lighting lamps, and hiding the captive royal. The farmpony took a few deep breaths as she approached the barn door. Alright...alright...you're awful at lyin', but maybe you can get away with it if it's just a little one. They might not know, as long as I don't gotta keep lying. Taking one last breath, she cracked the door open, and poked her head outside. Sure enough, Applebloom was right: both Princesses Celestia and Luna were patiently standing outside. "Well, howdy Princesses! Um...to what do I owe this, uh, honor?" she squeaked out.

"We understand you've captured Queen Chrysalis and are currently attempting to interrogate her." Luna answered. Applejack's eyes shrunk to pinpricks.

"I...uh...I, uh, I don't know what you, uh, you mean!" she fumfered out. "We're, uh, we're just trying to figure out where to look for Twi!" The sisters shared a look.

"Applejack, we know she's in there." Celestia stated. "To be honest, we could hear her moans halfway to Canterlot."

"Also, you weren't exactly quiet in issuing your orders to your friends, either." added Luna. The comments caused the Earth pony to deflate on the spot.

"...oh. Okay. C'mon in." she said, slowly opening the barn door. The two sisters walked inside, surveying the area. It was musty, and filled with bales of hay and farming equipment. In one corner was a mangled piece of metal, roughly the size of a plow. In the opposite corner sat the other ponies, poring over a map of Equestria. As Celestia neared, she quietly cleared her throat.

"Hello, my little ponies! What are you up to?" she asked in as innocent a tone as possible. Rarity looked up from the map first.

"Oh! Princess Celestia! We didn't realize you were here!" she said, waving herself with a hoof.

"I'm sure." the royal responded with a tight-lipped smile. Dash raised her head from the map, a bead of sweat running down between her eyes.

"Heh-heh, uh, nope!" she uncomfortably laughed out. "We were just trying to figure out where that big ugly bug may have taken Twilight off to!"

"Rainbow Dash." said Luna, cantering over to the group. "Your map is upside down." The comment seemed to spook the group, as Rarity forced an attempt at casual laughter.

"Oh! A-hah! Maybe that's why it was taking us so long! Ha ha! Silly us!" the unicorn replied, turning the map the correct away around.

"Give it up, girls, they know already." Applejack sighed dejectedly. They let out a collective sigh of relief as the farmpony joined them.

"Oh, thank goodness!" cried Fluttershy, "I always feel so awful when I have to lie!"

"We know! Who do you think always dumps her numerous 'forgive me Celestia for I have sinned' letters on?! And I swear, yours always manage to be the most numerous of the bunch..." Luna muttered out, earning an angry look from her sister.

Attempting to put the conversation back on track, Applejack cleared her throat. "Where is the dumb bug anyway?"

"Oh, Rarity and I just hid her under a pile of hay." Dash replied, gesturing behind her.

"Speaking of hay, does anyone want to have a roll in it with me? I'm not picky!" came a somewhat seductive, if muffled, voice.

"...excuse me, what did she just say?" asked the elder Princess, raising a concerned eyebrow.

"I believe she's referring to a euphemism for recreational sex." Luna answered with a smirk, only for her sister's left eye to twitch.

"Yes...I got that. I was just making sure that it was what she said." she replied with a strained voice, staring at her sister.

"She did."

Lifting a hoof to the bridge of her snout, the Princess of the Sun issue a small prayer for patience. "Look, just...somepony get her out of there already so WE can question her." As Rarity rolled up the map, the two pegasi removed the battered, bruised, and swollen captive Queen, placing her and her chair in an upright position. As she shook her head to remove the straw from her mane, she finally saw who was standing in front of her.

"Oh ho ho ho!" she chuckled lustfully, "TWO Princesses at once?! I wouldn't mind that! At! All!" The sisters stepped back in shock. "And Celly? Even with your...unique tastes? Yeah. I'm willing to try anything once!"

"What's wrong with her?!" the Princess of the Night demanded with a sneer, as her sister moved forward, inspecting the changeling.

"I'm not exactly sure, but if experience proves anything, I'd say she's been dosed with sodium thiopental." she remarked off-handedly, causing the ponies around her to gasp at once.

"Um...how can you tell, Princess?" Applejack asked as casually as she could. Still staring at Chrysalis, the Princess continued.

"Well, it's been a while since I picked up a xenobiology book, but I certainly remember what happens when you give a changeling a hefty dose of the stuff." she said, before turning back to face her body politic. "From a medical standpoint, it causes a Queen's body to release massive amounts of phenethylamine, endorphins, endocannabinoids, and oxytocin."

"Uh...your Highness, with all due respect, I didn't understand a lick of that." the farmpony said, only briefly making eye contact.

"In layponies' terms, she's horny beyond all rational thought and instinct right now." There was an audible 'click' as all four ponies' jaws dropped in unison. Ignoring the sight, Celestia continued. "Out of curiousity, who's bright idea was it to give Chrysalis such a strong changeling aphrodisiac? Pinkie Pie? Or Starlight? Both seem to be within their...experience and skill set."

Regaining her faculties first, Applejack took off her hat in an attempt to hide her shame. "No, Princess. Truth be told, we didn't think she would be good for this kind of thing. When we told her we had the ugly bug, she mentioned something about a 'blanket party,' and I figured that a party was the last thing that...creature...deserved. So we had her and Starlight go and find King Thorax. Figured maybe he'd have some idea on how to get inside her head."

"Pinkie is adept at offering blanket parties, you say?" Luna asked thoughtfully. "We'll have to keep that in mind..."

"Hey, I'm up for any kind of party you ponies are offering..." Chrysalis added, attempting a seductive wink, only to fail miserably. Celestia shuddered at the thought before turning back to the orange mare in front of her.

"So if it wasn't Pinkie Pie or Starlight, who thought it would be a good idea to get the Queen of the changelings all hot and bothered?" she asked, glaring at the rest of the group in front of her. Each pony looked away. Each pony, at least, except for Fluttershy, who trembled in place, before bursting into tears.

"OH I'M SO SORRY PRINCESS CELESTIA AND PRINCESS LUNA!" she wailed, throwing herself at their hooves. "I DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD DO THAT! HONEST!" The act only caused the elder Princess to look skyward and sigh.

"...great. Just great. Now I'm going to get a million letters about this now..." she muttered, as Chrysalis looked on with a lecherous grin.

"Yes...yes...that's it...now kiss their hooves...use your tongue...that's it...good girl..." she said, licking her lips. As the ponies attempted to remove their groveling friend from the Royal Hooves, three sets of eyes looked on through a hole in the barn's wall.

"Hey, girls?"

"Yeah, Applebloom?" answered a squeaky voice.

"I don't think I wanna grow up anymore."

"Yeah." answered a tomboyish tone. "Grown-ups are weird."

"So, ya think I should still give Applejack this letter from the Princesses now that they're here?"

Author's Note

Holy cow have I been wanting to write this chapter. It was actually the second chapter I originally wrote out in my rough draft, because I knew I was going to have fun with it! Getting to it was the hard part, but writing this all out was probably the easiest thing I've done since the beginning.

Now, some of you may be wondering if it's out-of-character for Fluttershy to keep sodium thiopental on hand...or hoof. Well, I have to assume that she has to have some way of keeping that little yay! Angel bunny in line. And he's probably used to 'The Stare,' as well as most of her bag of tricks. So what better method to use than the legendary, not-as-useful-as-you-may-think-in-the-real-world, chemical better known as Sodium Thiopental, or 'Truth Serum?'

So what did you think? Did you like Chryssi's interactions with the Mane Four? If you did, let me know! Or maybe it infuriated you as much as it did them? If so, tell me with reaction images! The more obscure, the better! And if you're indifferent to the whole thing, well, you do you.

Chapter 11

On the subject of decapitations: as mentioned in another work, these are more often than not a form of euthanasia - effectively a mercy kill. It originally began as a means of ending a mate's life as benevolently as possible. The question then arises: if the eggs consume the body, what happens to the head? The head is frequently mounted on a plaque, and placed on a wall in a private area only known to royalty. At one time it was erroneously believed to be a grotesque habit picked up from griffons and ponies hunting in the Everfree Forest, but it instead appears to be more of a means of proving one's worth to fellow Queens. Simply put, the more heads one has mounted on one's wall, the more they have contributed to expanding the species, and the more they have expanded the species, the more respect one usually garners from her peers. -The Rise of the Changeling Queendom, Vol. V by Works Cited

Due to the accommodations, Twilight slept fitfully, all things considered. Her parched tongue clung to the roof of her mouth, and she blinked her eyes awake...only to grumble out a quiet string of obscenities. Sadly, her being captured hadn't been a nightmare; it was very much real. She tried to stretch, only to be reminded that her legs were still bound with crystal. The Queen of Queen's restraints had left her in an uncomfortable sitting position: not quite fully relaxed, but not standing either. It left her muscles aching. Then again, maybe that was the point. Looking towards the bed, she unsurprisingly found it empty. The changeling must have left for her 'Queenly duties.' Leaning down, she imitated the motion that Chrysalis had done when she initiated her 'mating ritual.' She clamped down on the rock-hard restraints with her mouth. Nothing. She gnawed and chewed, to no avail. Giving up after several minutes, all she accomplished to do was abuse her molars. Her neck popped and cracked as she searched left and right for any sort of means of escape. Hmm, maybe there's something in the vanity that might get this stuff off? Or wait! Those crystal balls! she thought flicking her eyes to the shelves to the left of the bed. They must be full of top-secret information if she keeps them in a place only she can access. Maybe even how to break this crystal!

Her legs still immobile, she shifted her weight back and forth, nudging herself across the bedroom floor. "One, two, three, go!" A shuffle. "One, two, three, go!" Another shuffle. "One, two, three, gooOoOooo-" Instead of a shuffle, a tip. A tip that left a purple alicorn face-first on the floor. Stifling an angry groan, she rolled onto her side. "Oh, COME ON!" Biting her lip in anger, she growled as she used her head and neck to right herself. A few more tip-overs and what felt like hours later, the little pony finally managed to shamble over to the shelves, which stretched from ceiling to floor. Unable to tell the contents, she grabbed the first one she could with her teeth. Setting it carefully on the ground, she stared at it. "...so how do you interact with this thing?" Her horn was still seemingly useless, so she booped it with her snout. Nothing. "Uh...start? Open? Abra-cadabra? Come on, give me something here!" She craned her neck down to pick it back up, only to tip forward. Being so close to the wall, she collided with the shelving, causing several more orbs to fall. Dodging as best she could, she narrowly missed being brained by the heavy spheres, ending up on her side yet again, and surrounded by what was undoubtedly the key to her escape. She blew a strand of mane from her face, and began the laborious process of righting herself, only to have her horn touch a nearby orb. There was a flash...and then darkness.

Twilight awoke with a start. She was surrounded by inky blackness, and yet...she could hear voices. Eventually the darkness receded as an ethereal light entered the area.

"Just do like I do. See?" came an unfamiliar voice.

"I'm trying!"

Twilight instinctively walked towards a pair of four-legged creatures. Slowly, as the world fully faded into view, she spied two changelings. One was easily twice the height of the other, but both wore crowns. The larger one had a bright orange thorax, while the smaller's was green. The green changeling's crown barely fit on her head, and she constantly fussed with it to keep it above her eyes.

"Look, just try to look like me, okay? That's an easy one. It's just a slight color and size change. Even drones can do that." the orange one stated matter-of-factly. The green changeling closed her eyes and grunted. Her horn glowed, and she began to tremble. Finally, after a full minute of trying, there was a bright flash. All at once, there were two orange-thoraxed changelings. However, one was still considerably smaller than the other. "Oh, for Praedo's sake. It's not that hard!" nagged the larger changeling.

"But I really tried Reticentur! I really did!" cried the smaller one.

"Yeah, well trying isn't what matters. The only thing that matters is the result. Do it again." Reticentur demanded. The small changeling tried again and again, but simply couldn't get it right. Sometimes she was the right height, but the wrong color. Other times she was the right height and color, but the completely wrong species. She did it over and over, becoming more frustrated and physically spent with each iteration, as her older sister's verbal assault became louder and harsher.

"Hello dears, and what are we up to?" Reticentur jumped as a larger, more regal-looking changeling entered the room. Finally, Twilight found a face she knew: Dominatus.

"O-oh! Hey, Mom. I was just trying to-"

"Is your homework done?" the elder Queen asked.

"...mostly."

"Mostly? That's not a 'yes,' young lady." Dominatus replied. Her daughter opened her mouth to reply, only to be cut off. "Go wash up for dinner, then as soon as you're done, return to your studies and go to bed."

"Fine. Just tryna help." muttered the orange changeling as she trudged past the Queen of Queens, who stared at her until she left the room. Her face immediately brightened as she turned to face the much smaller changeling, who had returned to original form. Picking her up her in her magic, she placed the young Queen on her back.

"So, Chryssi! What did you do today?" she asked her daughter.

"Um! Gamma, um, ninety-something taught me all about Praedo the Bloody!" she squealed, holding tight on Dominatus' back.

"'Praedo the Bloodthirsty,' sweetie. It's 'Bloodthirsty.'" the Queen of Queens gently corrected.

"Yeah! And how she released the Windigos from Tartus!" the response made Dominatus smile to herself.

"It's 'Tartarus,' my lovely. Tar-tar-us." she chuckled.

"Yeah, and then how she got to get the unicorns to think the mud ponies were hip-po-phogists!" the little changeling added with a gleeful little cackle.

"Well, it sounds like you had quite the day! Say, do you know what we're having for dinner?" Dominatus asked as she walked off. The tiny Chrysalis shook her head. "We're having mashed lentils with pure love."

"YAAAAAY! That's my favorite!"

Twilight jerked back from the orb and shook her head. "...okay...that was trippy..." Looking around, she was still surrounded by felled orbs. Huh. I guess this stuff doesn't block ALL magic, does it? she thought, staring at her horn. Grunting as she as she slowly righted herself, Twilight looked around at the various orbs. None of them were labeled. Poo. I guess I'll just have to watch them all until I find what I'm looking for. Oh well. It's not like I don't have the time. Picking one at random, she leaned down, this time far more carefully, and touched her horn to a sphere.

A purple Queen confidently strode into a large throne room. Sat in the middle was Dominatus, surrounded by guards and assistants. Bowing reverently, the purple changeling spoke: "My Queen of Queens, I humbly request an audience." Dominatus nodded.

"Of course, Queen Innominatrus. What news do you bring?" The other Queen rose with a devious smile.

"My Queen of Queens, you will be pleased to know that your drones and I have successfully begun the downfall of the Griffonstone Empire. It should only be a matter of years before they become a shadow of their glory, if they even exist at all." she announced triumphantly.

The elder royal hummed with approval. "I see, I see. Excellent work. And tell me, what of King Guto?" The question brought a deceitful grin to the purple Queen's face. Reaching back into a saddlebag, she lifted out a severed griffon head.

"As of now, his corpse is incubating my first clutch, and Tau-4112 is ensuring that my plan comes to fruition." she answered proudly.

"Ah, Tau-4112. One of my foremost experts on griffon culture. That was the correct choice, Queen Innominatrus. I assume he is safe in his position?" The purple Queen nodded.

"Yes, my Queen of Queens. His guards were replaced by a cadre of your elite warriors." she replied. Again, Dominatus nodded approvingly.

"I must admit, Innominatrus: I had high expectations of you, but you have surpassed them in every regard." the Queen of Queens said, her smile threatening to overtake her face. "I sincerely look forward to your future infiltrations if this is your opening act." The purple Queen puffed her barrel out in pride.

"Thank you, my Queen of Queens. It couldn't have happened without your training. With your permission, I'd like to celebrate my first clutch." she asked with a wink. Dominatus' eyebrows arched. She loudly cleared her throat, and the throne room emptied, save for the two Queens. Innominatrus searched her other saddle bag, and brought out a bottle. "I figured you'd like this; I...'liberated' it from Guto's personal liquor cellar. I figured he doesn't need it anymore, so why not put it to good use?"

"You didn't!" the elder Queen shouted, magically bringing the bottle to her. Cradling it in her forelegs like a newborn, she read the label: "'SPIRYTUS REKTYFIKOWANY!' YOU DID!" she squealed. "Oh, nectar of the gods, violate me in ways I've never known!" the elder Queen whispered to the bottle. With a smile, Innominatrus brought two crystal glasses out from her saddle bag, each etched with the Griffonstone Royal Crest. Her mother poured a hoof's full into both, and they toasted to the Queen's success.

"And there we go. Everything is securely connected, and should keep her canines from coming in crooked." a bespectacled changeling announced with a smile, removing a tiny hex key from Chrysalis' mouth. The little Queen clamped down a few times, then ran her tongue across the metal now lining her teeth. "How does it feel, my Queen?"

"It feelsh weird." She gave a confused look. "No, I meant to shay 'feelsh,' not 'feelsh.' Feelsh. FEELSH. FEELSH!" The little Queen glared at the changeling next to her. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME? WHY AM I TALKING SHO FUNNY?" The drone slowly scooted away from his patient.

"Sometimes the braces affect your diction. It happens to many Queens, and eventually you should get past it." he replied, turning to wash his hooves. Looking at the eldest royal in the room, he quietly continued. "As always, keep her away from lust, liquefied or otherwise; no matter the state, it can dissolve the connections, and she'll have to start all over again. Also, don't let her eat anything sticky and sugary, because that does the same thing. Outside of that, just make sure she doesn't get hit in the face too hard, and she'll have a fearsome mouth in a few centuries." Dominatus nodded.

"Understood. Thank you." The drone nodded and left the room. "Well Chryssi, I know this feels strange, but trust me: it's for the best. You'll thank me in a couple hundred years."

"I hate it already." she grumbled out, leaping down from the chair.

"Oh, don't be like that. You know, your grandmother didn't have this luxury, so her teeth were painfully catawampus. Her smile never did look right..." Dominatus mentioned, looking wistful. Shaking her head, she continued. "Besides, it's only for two to three hundred years at most, so it will be over before you know it." The two left the room, and as they entered the hallway, an orange-tinged Queen happened by. Seeing the Queen of Queens, she walked over.

"Hey, Mom, I need to borrow some drones for the weeke-hey, wait a minute." Reticentur looked past the two royals to the doorway behind them. Above it was a sign that read "Confession-Inducing Room." Looking back at Chrysalis, then the sign, she grinned. "Hey, Chryssi, how are you?" The tiny Queen shrugged her shoulders.

"Good, good...hey, uh, I forget, when's your birth month? I was trying to figure out when to throw a party for you." she asked, trying to avoid the death stare coming from Dominatus.

"You know which month it is Reticentur." the Queen of Queens replied in a threatening tone.

"No, really, I forgot. When is it...'Chryssi?'" the orange Queen again asked, ignoring her mother.

"It'sh Deshember, jusht like Innominatrush." she answered.

"HA! I KNEW IT! YOU'RE A METAL-MOUTH!" Reticentur screamed, cruelly pointing a hoof at her sister. "Oh my gosh, please tell me you can pick up unicorn spells on those things!" Chrysalis quickly closed her mouth and looked away. "And that lisp?! Oh. My. Gosh. That lisp!" she laughed out.

"Reticentur!" Dominatus warned.

"You can't even say your name, heck, HALF of our names without sh-shing all over the place!" the orange royal cackled.

"RETICENTUR U. SUCCADANEUM!" Dominatus shouted, quickly shutting her daughter up. "You will NOT speak like that to your sister!"

"Oh, come on! It's just a little fun! Or wait, I meant 'jusht' a little fun!'" she replied with a giggle.

"That's it; you're grounded for a month."

"What?! Seriously?! Why, because I made fun of her stupid braces?!" Reticentur demanded, gesturing towards her little sister.

"No drones for two months."

"Oh, come on!" she shouted.

"Three months."

"You know what?! I don't care if you ground me, because you, and HER, need to hear this: you treat her like a grub! You keep protecting her, and she's going to grow up to be a wimp!" the Queen spat out, scowling at her sister who still refused to make eye contact.

"SIX MONTHS! NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM OR SO HELP ME PRAEDO I'LL MAKE IT A DECADE!"

"FINE! Keep shielding her from anything difficult, and just you watch! She'll end up a failure!" the orange royal declared, stomping away. Dominatus glowered as her outspoken daughter turned the corner. Taking a calming breath, the Queen of Queens softened her features as she looked back down at Chrysalis.

"Sweetie, don't listen to her. You know how she likes to get under your chitin."

"...I hate theshe thingsh." she replied, doing her best to give her mouth a dirty look. "They make me shound dumb." Looking down at her, Dominatus took on a thoughtful look.

"You know, sweetie, you kind of remind me of Retty's father." Her daughter arched an eyebrow.

"Sho?"

"Soooo, do you know how he sounded?" The little royal shook her head. The Queen of Queens morphed into an ungainly-looking stout little stallion, barely taller than a regular drone. He had one buck-tooth protruding out, and one leg was shorter than all the rest.

"He thOUnded like THIth." it warbled out, snorting at the end. "Jutht reMEMber, you could have COME from thith thing!" Chrysalis giggled at the sight.

"Oh my gosh, Mom. Why would you date him?" she asked as her mother returned to her normal form.

"Because sometimes the only gene pool you can work with is...rather dry...and recycled, so you take what you can get." she replied.

"Come on, give me something useful here!" the purple alicorn muttered to herself. Picking the next orb nearest to her, she entered the flashback:

Dominatus sat at a regal desk, reading over various parchments. The room was illuminated with only a few candles, and the Queen of Queens squinted in the darkness to read. A knock at the door startled her, and only after composing herself did she answer.

"Your tea, my Queen of Queens." A drone carrying a gilded tray entered the chamber. The platter held a large silver tea kettle and tea cup. Setting it down on the desk, the changeling poured a steaming cup of the liquid, and offered it to the Queen. Nodding and giving a terse thanks, she dismissed the drone from the chamber. Bringing the cup to her lips, she drank deeply...only to quickly spit out the vile substance. Snapping her head up, she continued to spit, only pausing to stand from her desk.

"PSUEDONYMOUS I. SUCCADANEUM! YOU COME IN MY OFFICE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" she shouted, shaking the walls around her. She could hear cackling coming from outside her office, which only slowed to a quiet murmur as the source of the sound got closer. The door opened, and the small changeling from before entered. "In your real form, young lady." Dominatus seethed. The drone struggled to suppress a smile as it changed. A flash later, and a changeling Queen with a bright yellow thorax and crooked fangs protruding from her upper jaw appeared.

"Something wrong with your tea, Mom?" she asked while giving a sarcastic curtsy. Breathing heavily, Dominatus glared at her daughter.

"You have no idea how close you were to being grounded just now, young lady." The yellow changeling tilted her head in confusion.

"So I was going to be grounded for putting a bunch of pepper flakes in your tea, but now I'm not?" The Queen of Queens nodded slightly. The reaction caught the yellow changeling off-guard. Dominatus fought the urge to smile, but found it to be a losing battle.

"While a part of me wants to ground you until these mountains crumble to dust, I can't help but be proud of you." Psuedonymous gave her mother a sideways glance.

"...yeah? Why's that?"

"Because you..." Dominatus answered with a sigh, "...completely fooled me. I had no idea you weren't Gamma-6320 until it was too late. That could have been poisoned, and I might be dead right now. Luckily for the hive, I'm not." She turned to give the tray back to her daughter. "Speaking of Gamma-6320, where is she?"

"Oh, she's tied up in some broom closet. I figured I'd let her out in an hour or two. She gets real snooty with me and how I like sugar in my tea, so I figured I needed to take her down a peg or two." Dominatus tsked, and placed a foreleg over her daughter's shoulders as she guided her to the door.

"Ah, I see. Well, make sure that you do let her out. I'd hate to lose one of my best baristas to your forgetfulness." Pseudonymous nodded, and began to leave the room when her mother squeezed her foreleg, bringing the two Queens uncomfortably close. "Two more things, dear: for starters, let this be a lesson to the both of us - a Queen can never, and I mean NEVER, not be on her guard. And more importantly, if you pull a stunt like this again, no amount of pride will save you from my wrath." she whispered with a devilish smile. Eyes wide, the young Queen gulped and nervously nodded as she left the room.

Two Queens, one orange and one green, paced in circles around each other in a pit. Above them sat Dominatus, flanked by Innominatrus and two guards. Without looking away, the Queen of Queens quietly spoke: "So Natty, how goes Griffinstone Hive?"

"It's going swimmingly, Mother. As expected, their empire is disintegrating, so we should be able to harvest from them rather efficiently, assuming all goes well." the purple Queen responded.

"Good, good." the elder royal commented. "Just be careful: becoming too efficient can have adverse effects. If you take too much too quickly, they'll become selfish with their love and kindness."

"I will keep this in mind going forward, Mother." Innominatrus lowered her voice. "Um...has Chrysalis gotten any better at infiltrating? Or changing?" she ventured. Her mother dejectedly shook her head.

"No, and it's starting to bother her. And me, to be frank. She should know how to do this by now, and I worry..." she started, before dismissing her guards, "...I worry that Retty may have been right. Maybe I have been coddling Chryssi too much. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to be a bit more 'direct' in my motivations for her. At this point, a little bit of a fire under her wouldn't be a bad thing, don't you think?" Innominatrus shrugged her shoulders.

"I can't admit to knowing the answer, Mother. She's a peculiar case, that's for sure."

"That she is. It's settled, then. If she can't properly change, perhaps I'll start leaning on her a little more. Push her harder. Do what I can to...toughen her up. Physically and mentally." Dominatus decided with a firm nod.

Down in the pit, Reticentur and Chrysalis continued to circle each other, glaring and snorting. The only way Twilight could tell that any length of time had passed was the orange Queen: she was easily twice the height that she was in the earlier memory. Chrysalis had barely grown, and still possessed her braces.

"C'mon, CHRYSSI! Make a move already!" the young Queen taunted her half-sister.

"SHUT UP! NOBODY'SH ALLOWED TO CALL ME THAT SHTUPID NAME!" shrieked the young Queen.

"Or else what, huh? You can't even change properly, so something tells me that you're not going to be able to stop me...or should I say 'shtop' me?" Reticentur jeered. Chrysalis glared daggers at the Queen across from her.

"I SHAID SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT! JUSHT PICK A FORM AND LET'SH GET THISH OVER WITH!" The orange Queen opened her mouth to retort, but stopped. A diabolical grin spread across her face.

"Okay. I know what disgusting creature I want to be." A flash later, and there were suddenly two Chrysalises in the pit. The original narrowed her eyes in disbelief at the copy.

"Look at me, I'm CHRYSHI!" the doppelganger cruelly teased with an exaggerated lisp. "I can't even keep my formsh shtraight, or infiltrate anything!"

The smaller Queen stood slack-jawed at her sibling's performance. The clone only continued taunting, as she began prancing around the pit.

"It doeshn't matter that I'm jusht a unworthy RUNT of a Queen who won't accomplish anything, becaushe Mommy will alwaysh protect me and take care of me, becaushe I'm CHRYSHI!"

"You better shut your mouth, or you're gonna regret it you...you...jerk!" the young Queen fumed, trembling with rage.

"Or elshe what? You'll cry on me? Don't worry; Mommy will alwaysh dry my tearsh, becaushe I'm CHRY-" Reticentur's invective ended as the original Chrysalis leaped on her with a banshee wail, flailing her hooves in rage. "AAAHHH! GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE FREAK! GET! OFF!" Reticentur changed back to her original form as she attempted in vain to remove the swirling ball of hate that was assaulting her.

"Mother...should we do something about this?" Innominatrus uneasily asked the Queen of Queens. Dominatus sadly shook her head.

"No...no, even though they're breaking the rules of the sparring pit...I think she needs this. They both need this, if I'm honest. Hopefully it will help Chryssi work out some of her unresolved anger." she replied. Noticing the worried look on her daughter's face, she waved a hoof. "Don't worry; if it looks as though it's about to get out of hoof, I'll intervene." Kicks landed on faces and mouths clamped down on limbs. The scuffle lasted several minutes, until finally it seemed to reach a conclusion. Chrysalis, battered, scratched, and bruised, was using what little body weight she had to hold her sister down by the neck.

"SHAY IT! SHAY THAT I'M NOT A RUNT! SHAY IT!" the warble in her voice was apparent, and she blinked back tears.

"NEVER!" The young Queen began pressing further down on her sibling's throat.

"SHAY! IT! SHAY I'M A WORTHY QUEEN! SHAY IT!" she screamed, the tears now flowing freely. Whatever answer Reticentur attempted to choke out was cut off as a red glow enveloped the two. Dominatus landed in the pit, and separated the interlocked Queens before releasing them.

"Chrysalis, go to your sister." The young royal began to protest, but was stopped by the Queen of Queens' glare. Turning to face to her older daughter, Dominatus righted her and dusted her off. "As for you, would you mind telling me why a smaller, and as you put it 'unworthy runt of a Queen' was able to best you in combat?" The orange royal coughed for a moment while massaging her throat.

"Are you-" she coughed again. "-are you kidding me right now?! She almost just KILLED ME!"

"Yes, and it would appear that Chryssi isn't the only one that 'Mommy' will protect, now is it?" Reticentur stared incredulously at her mother. "Now, if anything, you need to use what just happened as a learning experience. You do that, and the hateful things you said about your sister won't come back to haunt you, yes?"

"How was THAT supposed to be a 'learning experience?!'" her daughter hacked out.

"Well, for starters, it was smart to use psychological warfare on your opponent. It's an excellent way to reduce their fighting effectiveness. What wasn't smart was to do it where they essentially had no way out. If you corner an animal, then they have nothing to lose, so you had better be able to finish the fight. You obviously weren't able to." Dominatus lectured, finding her daughter's crown. Bending it back into shape, she continued. "Remember, your grandmother had a saying: 'Don't poke the bugbear when it's angry.' It's one thing to get inside your opponent's head; it's something entirely different to push it too far. Chrysalis was clearly at a breaking point, and you kept on going. Knowing when to use restraint is far more important than knowing when to use strength." Now back into shape, she dusted the crown off and placed it atop Reticentur's head. "Finally, and most importantly, Chryssi is your sister. And the future of this species. Maybe you feel like it's not fair, or that it should have been you. But none of that matters. Like it or not, she's your family, and she's going to be the Queen of Queens someday, so it might not be in your best interest to anger her, hmm? Grudges have a way of lasting, after all."

"...whatever." Reticentur grumbled, brushing past her mother and out of the pit. Sighing and promising to have an actual conversation with her, Dominatus flew back up to a no longer crying youngest daughter, who was being soothed by her eldest.

"...and if you like, I'll give you my old phonograph and some of my records. Would you like that?" the purple changeling asked, earning a short nod from her baby sister.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" the Queen of Queens asked. Chrysalis wiped her snout with a foreleg and weakly nodded. She shambled over to her mother before plopping on the ground, still sniffling. Innominatrus gestured with her head in another direction, and the two elder royals shared a knowing nod. As the purple Queen left the room, a little voice spoke up.

"Mom...am I really an unworthy runt?" The question caught Dominatus off-guard, and she hesitated before responding.

"What? No, of course not, sweetie!" Chrysalis opened her mouth, but was cut off. "Now look, I know what Retty said. But she was angry, and didn't mean it. She was trying to hurt you, but that doesn't mean she meant it. Sure, you may be small now, but some Queens are just...late bloomers." Again, Chrysalis tried to speak, but was cut off. "And no, you're not an unworthy Queen, either. You are just as, if not more, worthy than any Queen of Queens that's come before you. I know you struggle with infiltration, but all Queens do when they're starting out!"

"But I'm not shtarting out Mom! I'm thirteen hundred! Retishentur could do it perfectly when she wash 900!" Taken aback by her daughter's outburst, Dominatus struggled with a response.

"I-I know, sweetheart, but like I said, some Queens are just late bloomers."

"What about Innominatrush? Or Exterrerish? Or Psheudonymoush? Were any of them late bloomersh?" The Queen of Queens found herself again struggling to come up with a useful answer.

"Well...no, not really. They all had it down pat by their thousands..."

"Sho I really am a freak!" Chrysalis cried out, throwing her forelegs up in frustration.

"No, no! That's not it at all! You're just...different! Just like every Queen is different!" Dominatus quickly retorted.

"I don't wanna be different! I wanna be normal! Why can't I jusht be normal, like every other Queen?!"

"Because you're going to be better than them, okay?!" the Queen of Queens blurted out, before slapping a hoof over her mouth. The response earned a questioning look from her daughter. Looking around her, she sighed. "Okay, look: this is something that you're normally only supposed to learn when you're old enough, but..." again she looked around her, "...but the thing is, we're all Queens, but not all Queens are created equal. What you and I are, brood-mothers, we're known as 'greater Queens.' Because only we can hatch all other Queens. Retty, Natty, Terri, and the rest of your sisters? They're technically known as 'lesser Queens,' because they can only hatch drones. So, if anything, you should be happy that you're not normal. Yes, you're small. And yes, you struggle with infiltration methods. But you'll always have one of the most important, if not THE most important, roles within our species. In fact, the entirety of our survival rests upon your shoulders. So...please, just always remember that when you feel...inadequate, okay?" Chrysalis' eyes slowly widened, taking in the information. "Also, you have to promise me something: this little conversation we just had? It's just between us. Don't tell your sisters any of this, okay?"

"Okay, I won't." the diminutive Queen sniffled out.

"That's my girl. Hey, tell you what: how about tomorrow we really work on your infiltrations and form-changing, just you and me, would you like that?" Chrysalis nodded her head. "Alright, I'll clear my schedule."

"If you're going to invade my personal memories, the least you could do is pick up your mess." came a disappointed voice as Twilight phased back into reality. She yelped as her head twisted around to see the Queen of Queens in the bedroom's doorway, looking none too pleased. In her magic was a tray, and on it: food. "It's worth mentioning that nothing in those orbs will help you escape. It's just happy little memories for an old crone to reminisce with." Setting the tray down, she telekinetically lifted the Princess closer to her and replaced the balls back on to the shelves. "Anyway, I figured you were hungry, so being the benevolent and caring demi-deity that I am, I brought you food so you won't die before Chryssi has the chance to behead you." Twilight opened her mouth to complain, but a rumbling stomach silenced her. Dominatus smiled, and brought the bowl over to her, and magically dipped a spoon in. "Now, say 'Ahhh.'"

"Oh for pony's sake, don't treat me like I'm a foal. I can feed myself." the pony retorted indignantly.

"Uh...huh. Okay." the Queen of Queens said with a knowing grin. Setting the spoon back in the bowl, she placed the whole tray in front of Twilight. "Alright, go ahead. This should be good." The Princess craned her neck down, and with her lips barely able to reach the brim of the bowl, slurped loudly. It was...mashed pea soup. No seasonings, no flavorings, just...mashed pea soup. It had to be the blandest bland that had ever blanded. Grimacing, she leaned over further to slurp more of it, when she felt her balance go. Letting out a gasp as she nearly landed face-first in the bowl, she felt herself stop. Dominatus had caught her just before her purple face would have turned green. Righting her and lifting the spoon to her mouth, she repeated herself. "Now say 'Ahhh.'" Twilight glared at her.

"You purposely put it on the floor so I would fall. It wasn't fair from the start."

"Few things are, dear. Now, swallow your pride for a moment, or I won't hesitate to break out the bibs I had to use when I'd feed my daughters." Glowering at the Queen, Twilight leaned forward and took the bite. "Good girl!" Dominatus squealed. "It's almost a shame, too; you would have looked darling in that little bib I used to use on Natty. Same color scheme and all that."

A half hour and an entire lifetime's worth of pride swallowed later, Twilight was finished eating. She wasn't sure exactly why the Queen had decided to humiliate her like that, but at least her friends would never see it.

"So, now that you've eaten, how would you like to see more of my hive?" Dominatus asked. The Princess stared at her in response. "Oh, come now, surely it's better than sitting in my bedchambers all day?" Still refusing to answer, the Queen sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, executive decision time: we're taking a walk!" Picking up the pony, they exited the room, and walked back down the hallway they had taken last night.

The walls seemed to...move. Not so much on an X-Y plane, but more like...breathe. Holes opened and closed sporadically, and the whole thing seemed to feel alive somehow. It simultaneously unnerved and fascinated the alicorn, and her curiosity got the better of her as they rounded a corner. Finally breaking the silence, "...why do the walls do that?" she asked. Looking down at her captive, Dominatus arched an eyebrow.

"Do what?"

"That." the purple royal responded, nodding her head in the direction of a hole that had just opened. Looking in the direction, it took the Queen a moment before she finally understood the question.

"Ah. That. Well, being underground as we are, airflow can become a serious problem the larger a hive gets. So, our walls, at least our non-loadbearing ones, are designed to open and close at random intervals. This way, it pushes and pulls the air throughout the hive." she stated matter-of-factly. "Also, it gives me an easy way out when I need to leave a conversation I don't particularly enjoy." she added with a chuckle. Twilight looked at the Queen questioningly.

"Huh?"

"Well, see, I could just teleport, but that's a bit...melodramatic, don't you think? It's so much easier to just shout 'Look over there!', then while my accounting drone is distracted, I dive through a wall. By the time he realizes there's no 'over there' worth looking at, the hole has closed and I'm already gone." she smiled as she continued, "It's also an easy way to get away with pranks. Donny once pasted me with a sap balloon and pile of leaves, and before I even had a chance to respond, she had already..." she whistled as she imitated a dive, "...through one of them. She was already on the other side of the hive by the time I found her." the changeling added with a laugh. "Of course, don't go getting any funny ideas. Those are only on interior walls; only a fool would put them on the exterior." she finished, clearing her throat. As they exited the long hallway, the two entered into a large hub. There were at least eight other hallway entrances and exits, with drones buzzing back and forth, going from one entrance to the next. Some carried parchments, others armor, and some nothing at all. Many saluted as they passed the Queen, who nodded in return.

"How big is this hive?" Twilight asked, craning her neck to see every detail around her. Dominatus chortled.

"You know, I used to know the number of cubic meters, but the place just keeps changing, so it's hard to keep track. Anymore, I just say 'VERY BIG.'" she answered with a smirk. Turning left, they entered another corridor, this one lined with doors. They all had what was presumably changeling script, but the alicorn couldn't make heads or tails of it. As they left the corridor, they entered into the atrium she had seen above her when she was first captured. Above her was the same mural; only this time, her mouth wasn't shut.

"Who are they?" she asked, nodding in the direction of the ceiling. Looking up, Dominatus grinned.

"Those are my most successful daughters. Not that any of my...well, most of any of my daughters are unsuccessful, that is. It's just that they are the ones who most helped the species." Pointing at the changeling on the left, she cleared her throat. "That one is Natt-er, Innominatrus. On her first infiltration, she struck down the Griffon King...uh...Gumption, I think?"

"You mean Guto?" Twilight corrected. The Queen clopped a hoof on the floor.

"Right! Guto! You know, I may not remember his name, but I certainly remember his wine cellar." she added with a chuckle. "Anyway, that was her first, and dare I say it, most successful infiltration. From my knowledge, the damage she wrought to the Empire was so long-lasting that they still haven't recovered." the changeling said with stars in her eyes. "The one in the middle? That's Don-for Praedo's sake-Pseudonymous." she clarified. "Yeah, what earned her that spot on the mural was releasing Discord from his stone prison. She always did like his style. I think she may have had a crush on him, to be honest."

"So THAT'S how he got out?! You let him out?! Why would you do that?!" the Princess demanded, her voice screeching at the end. Dominatus giggled like a schoolfilly.

"Well, partially because she wanted to see what would happen. He did not disappoint!" Looking down and seeing a dour face, she cleared her throat. "Oh, and also the ensuing chaos allowed us to seed so many of your cities with spies and collection agents. She managed to quintuple the number of implanted drones practically overnight." Still seeing a grumpy pony, she rolled her eyes. "Oh, come now, don't be that way. He was placed back in prison within a day or so, wasn't he? So see? Win-win!"

"I'd hardly call the near-total destruction of equinity as we knew it, only to barely beat him because he became overconfident a 'win-win.'" Twilight answered in a deadpan voice.

"There's more than one point of view in this world, you know. My hive was safe, so that's all I had to worry about. Annnnyway, the one on the right is Exterreris; she was the one who corrupted Princess Luna. My idea, by the way." the Queen said, puffing her barrel out in pride.

"EXCUSE ME?!" the alicorn shouted. "Why would you be proud of that?! Princess Luna nearly shrouded the world in permanent darkness! And then nearly did it again a thousand years later! And what's worse, she hates herself for it! She still struggles with her past!" Dominatus tsked.

"Goodness, Chrysalis may be right: you really are a negative one, aren't you?" she replied, picking the pony back up in her magic. "See, I'm more of a 'glass half-full' kind of Queen, because: one, it allowed you to meet your friends, especially that Earth pony you're so fond of, and two, the darkness wouldn't have been much of a problem for my children, seeing that they don't need sunshine. Also, Princess Luna got over it, from what I've heard, so all's well that ends well, yes?"

"You've got a funny way of looking at things..." Twilight grumbled.

"Well, there's always a silver lining to everything. For example: Chryssi failed at maintaining her last hive. As much as it irks me that she constantly screws up, at least it means I get to spend time with her." Leaving the atrium, they entered into the throne room. "And even if she thinks I'm being mean to her, I know she'll come back. And do you know why that is?" she asked. The alicorn only responded by giving a confused sideways glance. "Because she needs me. As much as I may tease her, she knows that I care for her, and only push her so hard as to make her strong enough to succeed in this world."

"You may want to actually tell her that at some point. Also, that sort of sounds like what you said you last night, only with less slurred yelling." Twilight retorted.

"Does it? Well, you'll have to excuse me; I tend to repeat myself, because as a mother, you sort of have to." she responded with a sideways grin. Setting the Princess down behind the throne, she looked around her. No drones in sight. "So, there's something I'd like you to see. Perhaps it will help you get into the right frame of mind for when Chryssi returns." Dominatus' horn glowed a deep red, and several engravings in the wall lit up. Slowly, ever so slowly, they began to turn. Dust and bits of stone fell from a few. Within moments, the whole wall began to separate, showcasing...darkness. Once the walls had spread far enough to allow the two to enter, the Queen brought her captive in, and the walls quickly slammed shut behind them. The royals were bathed in darkness, and only their breathing could be heard, until...

"Um, what was that about? Where are we?" asked a confused voice. Another voice giggled.

"Well, here's the thing. Part of me doesn't want to show you this, if only because technically only Queens are allowed to see this. Buuuuut you're still royalty, and you remembering it isn't going to have any long-term effects on our hive. So that's why I wanted to show you...THIS!" Dominatus shouted, her horn flaring out beams of light.

Ponies.

Griffons.

Minotaurs.

Dragons.

Zebras.

Even a manticore.

There had to be scores, if not hundreds of them.

Heads. Mounted on plaques, from floor to ceiling. Each with their own little gold nameplate beneath.

The Queen of Queens couldn't hear a thing. Not from being overcome with pleasant memories, although they were there, of course. No, she couldn't hear a thing because she was fairly certain that Twilight's blood-curdling screaming had burst her ear drums.

Author's Note

Hurray, the story isn't dead! Don't you worry. It may take me a while to get out each chapter, but just know that I won't stop until I'm done!

You have no idea how much I've been wanting to write young Chrysalis. She's just another bit of evidence proving that practically anything is instantly cuter when they're a youngin'. What did you think of itty-bitty Chryssi? Also, what did you think of her sisters?

So I can't lie to you, dear reader: this chapter originally went on and on and on. Mostly with the flashbacks (which I sincerely hoped you enjoyed!). I just kept coming up with more and more ideas, and then it spiraled out of control, and...yeah. So that ended up being part of the reason this chapter took so long to put out. Also, I moved! And only recently got my computer unpacked. So there's that. Annnnyway, I wanted to let you know that I was also working on chapter 12 whenever I got writer's block for this one, so it should be out, well sooner than this one was!

As always, if you enjoyed this chapter, let me know! If you hated it, tell me, but only in a language you don't speak fluently but sorta know. I'm curious to see what Google Translate spits back out at me. Also, fun fact: "Spirytus Rektyfikowany" is, as far as we know, the highest-level alcoholic spirit in the world. Yes, even stronger than the vaunted "Everclear."

Chapter 12

Fellow Truth Seekers! Today's article will undoubtedly be controversial, but we must always be open-minded; after all, at one time, we all believed that Princess Celestia moved the sun and the moon! So with that in mind, I would like to present to you the idea of 'Stone Row.' What is Stone Row, you ask? Well, we've all seen the statues in the Royal Garden, haven't we? The Royal Diarchy would like you to believe that they are just that: statues. In reality, they aren't statues at all! No, they are trophies. Or rather, they're proof of a much darker secret: the Royal Sisters have a clandestine prison underneath Canterlot Castle where they keep ponies who have broken the law, and are awaiting their fate! What fate, you may ask? Any foal familiar with the stories of Discord can tell you the answer: stoning! That's right, dear reader - Princesses Celestia and Luna stone ponies who have committed 'treasonous' acts against the state, and place them on display as a warning to those of us who have had our eyes opened! So the next time you go through the Royal Garden, watch what you say and what you do, because you may end up as a permanent member! How did we come to learn of this terrible secret, you ask? Well, a Royal Guard, who we'll call 'Scope' to keep his identity anonymous, gave us an exclusive interview, which we've transcribed here for you to read. - "The Secret of the Canterlot Royal Gardens," Truth Seekers Monthly, Volume 42, by Tinfoil Hat

Chrysalis awoke with a start in a darkened room. It was the second time that had happened in...how many days had it been since leaving the hive? Two? Three? However many it had been, it had been far too long. She was cold, she was hungry, and she hurt. The Queen felt like she had gone eight rounds with a rabid chimera after chugging half her mother's liquor cabinet. Her cheeks were puffed out, her left eye was still swollen shut, her right forehoof was sore to the point of pain, and she ached all over. Shakily standing up, she surveyed her surroundings. As it turned out, there was little to actually survey: a cot in one corner. A pitcher and wash basin in another. Behind her, an armored door with a closed slit at eye-level, with another on the floor. The room was dimly lit by glowing crystals set into the ceiling above.

Chrysalis, despite her pain and injuries, couldn't help but smile. The tiny quarters she was apparently imprisoned in, oddly enough, reminded her of home. As much the changeling hated it, and would prefer death before voicing it, she had to admit that she missed her mother's hive. Or was it the support it offered? Probably that. After all, she never went hungry, had a roof over her head, and had guards to protect her. But it also meant having to listen to her mother's constant slights. And the reminders of her failures. And the pressure. ALWAYS with the pressure to 'go out there and make something of herself.' Maybe Chrysalis was happy with where she was, did her mother ever think of that? Maybe that stupid Queen of Queens was confusing contentedness with complacency! That must be it. And she WAS happy! Right? Whatever. Well, she would be, as soon as she managed to break free of wherever she was.

Which begged the question: where WAS she? The sound of metal scraping against itself pierced her thought process, and she whipped around. A stallion's eyes widened as he saw the changeling. Slamming the viewing slit shut, the bottom one creaked open. A tray was slid in, with a tin bowl of glowing burgundy goop.

"Love." she whispered to herself. Her eyes darted back and forth between the top slit and the tray, before she dove to the floor. Burying her face in the bowl, she slurped half the contents quickly, only to stop and recoil away. "Blech! This love was given, not taken! This means I'm..." she shuddered, "...I'm drinking some stupid E.K.S.-diseased changeling's love!" She spat on the floor, and scraped her tongue with her hooves. "So! They're trying to poison me, huh?" she muttered to herself. "WELL IT'S NOT GONNA WORK! YOU'LL HAVE TO TRY HARDER THAN THAT, YOU MANIACS!" the Queen shouted at the door. Hearing no response, she glared at it. She glared harder by narrowing her eyes. Strangely, the door still didn't respond to the visual torment. She stomped over and sat down on the cot with a harrumph, never once taking her death stare off the metal rectangle.

A loud pounding noise caused Applejack to jerk awake. She was already a light sleeper, but with Twilight being foalnapped, and their only real lead working off a drug bender in some top-secret prison, the situation made sleep more of a suggestion than an actual rule. What made things worse was the mattress she slept upon. It was far too soft for her liking; Canterlot ponies must not be able to take a good firm bed. Just showed how little hard work they usually did. Rubbing her eyes, she looked over at the other pony in the room: Rainbow, who despite snoring as loud as an angry ursa major, had dark circles surrounding her eyes. The farmpony knew that she'd never admit it, but the pegasus probably slept about as well as she did. The pounding noise continued, and Applejack sleepily stumbled over to the door.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'. Keep your horseshoes on." she grumbled before grabbing the handle. Before her stood a Royal Guard.

"Miss Applejack, the Princesses request you and Miss Dash at once. They believe that our prisoner may have...recovered." It took a second for her to realize what the sentry meant.

"Oh! You mean she ain't all...grabby and such now? Alright, lemme get Dash up, and we'll be out in a minute." The guard nodded, and closed the door. Turning around, Applejack walked over to the pegasus, who was still snoring just as loudly as before. "Hey Dash, wake up. The Princesses need us."

"Mmm...but Soarin', I thought you and Spitfire were together..."

"Dash, c'mon. It's time to get up." The farmpony repeated, nudging her friend.

"Mm...you want me to lead the whole team?...I thought you'd never ask..." the cyan pony murmured out. Rolling her eyes, Applejack cleared her throat.

"Hey Rainbow Dash, the Wonderbolts are overrated." The pegasus's eyes flashed open and her body jolted forward.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Shaking her head, the orange pony walked over to her bed.

"C'mon, sleepyhead." she said, stifling a yawn. "The Princesses called for us. Apparently the big ugly bug is back on her rocker." Dash rubbed her eyes as she tossed the covers off.

"So she finally worked off that horny juice Fluttershy gave her?" she asked.

"Sounds like it."

The pegasus jumped out of bed. "Good! Now I can beat the stuffing out of her for information, and this time, she won't like it!" Placing her signature hat back on her head, Applejack frowned.

"How 'bout we see what the Princesses want before we go doin' that?"

"Ugh! Fine..." Dash scoffed as they neared the door. As she reached for the knob, she stopped. "Hey, uh, Applejack?"

"Yeah?"

"This probably isn't my place to say it, but when this is all over, will you do me a favor?" The farmpony nodded. "Listen, there's something you need to know, but it's not something I should really be the one to share, so maybe you should just..." Applejack raised a concerned eyebrow. "Ugh. Look. Just...just talk to Twilight when all this is over, okay? Can you promise me that?" The Earth pony gave a confused nod. "...good. Because she needs you. To talk. I mean she needs to talk to you. Okay?" Applejack repeated the motion. Without another word, the two left one of the many guest chambers of Canterlot Castle.

Starlight ducked under a branch as she stared at the map in front of her. "Okay, so I go North, take a right at the boulder that looks like a duck, and then...South? How does that make sense? Or was it South, then the boulder, then North?" she asked herself with a frustrated sigh.

"I thought it was West, then take a left at the tree that looks like a goose, then East to the river that smells like burnt hay fries?" Pinkie asked, sniffing a nearby flower.

"Where did you hear that?" the unicorn asked.

"From the baker, back in Dodge Junction!"

"Weird. The sheriff there told me to head...North? South? I don't remember, all I can think of is him mentioning a boulder that looks like a duck! How can a boulder look like a duck?!" Starlight shouted, throwing the map on the ground. The pink pony shrugged her shoulders.

"I dunno. I'm sure Maud would know, but she's not here right now, so...maybe we'll know it when we see it?" The unicorn snorted.

"Yeah, probably. It's not like you see a duck-shaped rock every day. Ugh, why couldn't Discord come with us?! He knows where Chrysalis's old hive was! He could just" she clicked her tongue, "snap his fingers, and we'd be there in an instant!"

Before Pinkie could answer, the sound of whistling stopped her as an older pony came up the trail. "Hello, ladies! Wonderful day for a hike, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah." Starlight answered with a nervous laugh. "Say, you wouldn't happen to know the way to the Changeling Kingdom, would you?" The unicorn stallion pushed his glasses up his snout with a snort.

"Well, isn't this a coinky-dink! That's exactly where I'm going!" The two mares exchanged a look of confusion.

"Why?" they asked in unison.

"Well, I plan on studying these new changelings! For the first time in...well, ever, I think, we're finally on good terms with them! So you better believe I'm going to take advantage of the opportunity to learn all I can!" he said, taking a swig from his canteen. "It may be a hike and a half, but it will be worth it!"

"Oh! Well, we were headed there too, but we got lost. Would you mind if we followed you?" Starlight asked with an anxious smile.

"I don't see why not! The more the merrier, I always say!" the stallion replied. "The name's Works Cited, by the way. I'm a professor at Manehattan University."

"I'm Starlight Glimmer, and this is Pinkie Pie."

"Well, I'm pleased to meet you both." the professor responded jovially, as the trio began marching North.

The guard guided Applejack and Rainbow Dash through the halls of Canterlot Castle. They had been here several times before, but had never truly explored it. It was far more massive than they fully realized, as the halls never seemed to end, and the staircases appeared to stretch on to infinity. After descending several floors, the guard stopped at a nondescript door with two additional guards standing sentry in front.

"Miss Applejack and Miss Rainbow Dash are here for the meeting with the Princesses, as requested." The door magically opened, and the two walked inside. As it turned out, they were the last to arrive, as the Princesses and remaining Elements all sat around a large table. Sitting down, Celestia magically poured them a cup of coffee each, and stood from her chair.

"It appears that Chrysalis has finally sobered up." she stated, taking a sip of espresso. She was bedraggled, and her mane, normally flowing and majestic, was unkempt. "Which means that we may finally begin questioning her in earnest. Before Luna and I begin, does anypony have any idea where Chrysalis may have hidden Twilight away? Any clue she may have given up before becoming inebriated?" Fluttershy flinched at the last sentence as her friends all shook their heads. The Princess nodded solemnly. "Understood. Both my sister and I will privately interrogate her. Hopefully we will be able to learn something. Shall we, Luna?" The other alicorn nodded, and the two left.

A deafening silence roared over the room as the remaining ponies huddled over their steaming cups. "So," a raspy voice spoke up, "anypony think the Princesses will get information out of her?" Applejack shrugged her shoulders.

"It can't hurt."

"I hope it does. And you should, too." her blue friend muttered out.

The farmpony swallowed a mouthful of coffee. "You okay, Dash? I mean, we all want that bug to pay, but you seem to want me to take it a bit more personally."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's just figure out what we're going to do if that stupid thing doesn't tell the Princesses where Twilight is." Figuring it best to leave it alone for a better time, an unconvinced Earth pony grunted in agreement.

"That's not a bad idea. Well, girls? What do you think?"

"I don't know, darling. The only interrogations I've ever read end up in rather intimate settings, and I really doubt that will help us in this situation." Rarity lamented, adding cream to her coffee. "If I'm completely honest, this is entirely out of my skill set. I will of course do whatever is necessary to save my friends, but...I feel as though I'm at a loss. And what's worse is that Queen Chrysalis seems to know exactly what to say to get under our skin."

"Psh. All she has to do to get under my skin is exist!" Dash interjected. A murmur of approvals went around the table as an orange hoof reached for a bagel from a plate in the center.

"I just wish we knew how to get inside her head." Applejack said through a mouthful of bread. Swallowing it, she continued. "Or at least some sort of trail we could follow, or something other than just sitting here." She took a swig of coffee. "I don't know how Twi does it. I really don't. She always knows what to do or what to say. It's like she can invent some new scientific doohickey on Monday, solve a friendship dispute on Tuesday, read a library's worth of books on Wednesday, and defeat some horrible villain on Thursday! And she still has time to hang out with us on the weekends! When does the poor girl sleep?" The other ponies in the room nodded in agreement as a blue pegasus's eyes widened.

"Yeeeeaahhh, I bet it'd be a lot easier if she had a special somepony to help her share the load, ya know?" Dash smugly replied, taking a sip of coffee. The remark earned a death glare from the white unicorn across the table.

"I'm not certain that now" Rarity retorted through gritted teeth, "is the best time to bring up Twilight's dating life."

"Yeah, especially 'cause Mac ain't here." Applejack agreed, setting down an empty coffee cup. The answer caused the three other ponies to jerk their head in her direction. "What? You think I don't see it? I know Twi's sweet on my brother. Just about the only explanation I got for her always findin' an excuse to be out at Sweet Apple Acres. But Rare's right: this really ain't the time or place for it. We'll talk about it after we get her back."

"SERIOU-" Dash sputtered out, before being magically cut off by a light blue glow and another angry glare.

"Ahem. Yes, Rainbow Dash, 'seriously.' We will address Twilight's love life when her actual life is out of mortal danger." Rarity replied with a forced smile. The pegasus only rolled her eyes in return.

Closing the door behind them, Celestia cleared her throat. "So, how shall we do this?" she asked as the two Princesses walked through the halls.

"To be frank, I believe Rainbow Dash had the correct idea from the start: hit her until she tells us." the younger alicorn replied nonchalantly.

"Really, sister?" the solar Princess asked. "What about 'Good Princess, Bad Princess?'" Luna looked up in thought.

"Well, that could work. We haven't done it in ages, though."

"What's to remember? You go in all prim and proper, I go in and throw chairs around. It's easy!" Celestia responded.

"I'm sorry, but it sounds like you want to be the 'Bad Princess.'" her younger sister pointed out.

"Well, of course. I was always better at it anyway."

"Excuse me?! I was literally a nightmare! If anypony could be a true 'Bad Princess,' it's me!" Her older sister scoffed.

"Pfft. Yes, and as I recall you were defeated twice. TWICE. If anything, you'd be the 'Occasionally Troublesome Princess.'" she replied with a smirk.

"Oh, you're right, I forgot. After all, it's not like you haven't had your teeth kicked in by, let's see here...me, Discord, Chrysalis, Tirek, Chrysalis again...anypony else I'm forgetting? At least I know how to look and sound fearsome. What will you do, hmm? Frown angrily? Maybe furrow your brow? Say a swear?" Luna asked smugly.

"Look, I'm the older sister, and Mom left me in charge. So if I say that I'm going to be the 'Bad Princess,' I'm going to be the 'Bad Princess!'" the other alicorn snapped.

"Oh, come on! Mom didn't leave anypony in charge! And maybe the 'older sister' stuff worked when we were younger, but we're both adults now, so knock it off!" the nocturnal Princess shot back. The two glared at each other as they neared the cell door, before Celestia finally spoke.

"...fine. Since you're being such a stupid baby, I'll let you be the 'Bad Princess.' I'll go in first and be the 'Good Princess.'"

Luna nodded triumphantly. "Good. I'm glad you're finally seeing reason." Opening the door to the prison cell, they witnessed a pitiful sight: Chrysalis, huddled in the corner, her eyes bloodshot as she glared at the two. She hissed as the light hit her, and she shielded her eyes. Celestia stepped inside, and as the door swung shut, she turned to face her sister.

"OhbythewayIwaslyingI'mtotallygoingtobethebadprincess!" she quickly whispered as her sister disappeared behind the metal rectangle. Luna stood outside, mouth agape.

"Oh, that is NOT FAIR!" she shouted, stomping a hoof in anger.

As the door closed behind her, Celestia turned to stare at the disheveled mess in front of her. A bowl of liquefied love sat half-ate, and apparently half-spilled, on the floor. Behind it, a glaring Queen of the Changelings. At least some changelings, presumably. In all her interactions, the Princess had never known Chrysalis to work alone, so it was reasonable to assume that she had had a few lackeys to carry out the grunt work in foalnapping Twilight. Had it not been for such a heinous act, the solar royal would almost feel sympathy for the pathetic creature in front of her.

Almost.

Just imagine you're getting ready to 'motivate' Blueblood. So no killing. Despite how much she deserves it, you can't get answers from a corpse. she thought to herself. Taking a deep breath, she hoofed up the bowl.

"Not hungry, hmm?" she asked. The changeling narrowed her bloodshot eyes in response. "That's fine. I guess you probably already got what you want from TWILIGHT?!" the Princess shrieked, heaving the bowl against the wall behind her captive. The contents splattered everywhere, and the now-flattened dinnerware bounced to the ground, leaving a sizable divot in the wall. Great. Now I have to pay for another bowl and to fix the damaged wall. "TELL ME WHERE SHE IS! NOW!"

"NEVER!" Chrysalis hissed, her snake-like tongue flashing out.

"So it's going to be that way, eh?" Celestia asked, pacing in the tiny room. "That's fine. That's just fiiiiine. Tell me, do you remember what the Elements did to you?" The Queen shakily shook her head.

"Honestly, not really. I kind of remember some pain, and...the scent of apples, I think? And...oh. Oh yeah. That yellow psychopath. Outside of that, I don't really remember mu-"

"WELL IT'S GOING TO BE A PLEASANT MEMORY ONCE I'M DONE WITH YOU!" The solar diarch boomed, slamming a foreleg into a wall. Chrysalis flinched backwards. A twitch formed in the alicorn's left eye. Oh. That was dumb. Punching a rock wall was VERY dumb. Must. Focus. On. Interrogation. Placing her throbbing foreleg down, Celestia closed the distance between the two, taking deep breaths as she moved. "BECAUSE MAKE NO MISTAKE, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT WILL SAVE YOU FROM ME, AND THAT'S ANSWERS! NOW!" Oh for the love of Faust I'm in pain!

"What sort of fool do you take me for?!" the changeling shot back. "Despite what everyone thinks, I'm not stupid. Even I know that if I tell you, I'll lose everything! So do your worst!"

...crud. Fine. Time to throw some stuff. Celestia smirked, and limped back. Looking about the room, she spotted the wash basin and pitcher. "You know, I was hoping you'd say that. Because that means I get to do THIS!" She grabbed the pitcher, and hurled its contents at her prisoner, soaking the changeling. "Had enough? Or do you need more convincing?"

"NEVER!" Chrysalis choked out, trying to shake the water off her.

"I can do this all day, and it will only get worse. Unless somepony stops me, that is." the Princess loudly announced. There was a pregnant pause as the Princess's eyes darted to the door. "Like I said, unless somepony stops me, I'll keep going until you can't even move!" she shouted. Another pause. "Yeah, I'm definitely going to beat you senseless unless SOMEPONY COMES IN and keeps me from doing just th-" The door to the cell creaked open, and a dark blue alicorn entered. She was wearing glasses and holding a folder in her magic.

"You shall do no such thing. Now leave or I'll have you thrown in another cell!" she sternly warned.

"...fine. But you better hope we get the answers we need..." Celestia retorted. As she left, she glared at Chrysalis, using a foreleg to making a slicing motion across her neck while mouthing 'I'll be back.' Her sister merely sighed and shook her head as the door slammed shut.

"...I always knew your sister was weird, but this just takes it to a whole new level."

"Quiet." Luna replied. "Now, I would very much appreciate it if you were to answer a question for me."

"I'm not telling you where Sparkle is." Chrysalis spat out, looking away.

"I'm sure you will, in due time. For now however, I was wondering if you had ever seen this statue?" the Princess asked, tossing the folder to her prisoner. "I only ask because it's rather pertinent to your situation." Opening the folder, it contained several pictures: one of a mare on a soap box, hoofing out pamphlets. Another of the same mare's mug shot. Finally, one of a statue that seemed to resemble the same pony. Chrysalis shook her head.

"No. But I don't keep track of what you silly ponies decide to make statues for. What, did she come up with a more efficient way of hugging?" she snorted out. Luna shook her head.

"No, she didn't. Admittedly this happened before I returned, but I've read the case study several times." the Princess answered. "Her name was Brilliant Galaxies, and she had some rather crazy ideas that she liked to promote. Something about the planet moving in space around the sun, instead of the opposite. An interesting theory, and certainly a fun philosophy to toy with while imbibing, but also certainly seditious. And while it was fine when she kept it to her little astronomy club, she became dangerous when she moved to the streets. She began hoofing out treasonous propaganda, and it became a serious issue. We asked her to stop several times, but it only caused her to increase her activities. Things came to a head when she attempted to teach a class about it. For her actions, she became stoned."

"...stoned? It sounds like she liked to" Chrysalis made a little smoking motion, "do that anyway. At least to come up with something like that." The Princess smiled at the remark.

"As do I. However, let me clarify: I mean to say that that picture," she pointed to the final photo in the stack, "is Brilliant Galaxies. A petrified version of her anyway."

"A petrified version of her?" Luna nodded.

"It's a far worse fate than you might think. Imagine, if you will, a world in which you sit in a living stasis. Eternally tired, but unable to rest. Forever hungry and thirsty, but unable to eat or drink. Able to see and hear all around you, but unable to respond. Dying...but never dead. Brilliant Galaxies is experiencing that right now, and will continue to do so for another two hundred and twenty-two years. When she has served her time and is finally removed from her prison, she will enter into a world that will be mostly alien to her: all family and friends she may have known will be long deceased, and she will essentially have to restart her life. And, of course, it will all be under our watchful eye. If she continues her treasonous behavior, the next punishment will be considerably worse."

"...Praedo, that's dark." Chrysalis whispered.

"And the same fate could befall you if you continue to withhold information about Princess Twilight Sparkle's whereabouts. Trust me when I say that I would not wish such a fate on anypony, as it's something similar to what I experienced when I was imprisoned on the moon." The alicorn said, looking away. "My sister, however, does not hold the same reservations that I do." The changeling looked down and twiddled her hooves. "Anyway," Luna continued, clearing her throat, "I simply wanted to let you know what might happen if your lack of cooperation continued. Take it from me: it won't be fun, because my sister, while I love her immensely, is, for lack of a better word...insane." Magically gathering the folder and photographs, she quietly left the cell, leaving a contemplative Chrysalis behind. Taking a deep breath, the Princess let it out slowly. Her sister chuckled in response.

"Are you always that sappy? And what's with the glasses?" Celestia asked, rubbing a throbbing foreleg. Luna shrugged.

"Well, that's what happens when I have to play the 'Good Princess.' I have to ham it up a little."

"Which is why you're so good at it." the older alicorn mentioned. "Also, what was that you said about me being insane?"

"So 'Shy...I don't suppose you have anything else in your bag of tricks to get that bug talking, do you?" Applejack asked. The pegasus' eyes widened and she violently shook her head.

"NO!" she shouted before shrinking from the outburst. "I mean, no. I don't. And I threw away the rest of the sodium thiopental. I don't ever want to experience that again, and I especially don't want to disappoint the Princesses again!"

"Well, shoot. I wish King Thorax was here. I bet he'd know how to get inside that bug's head." the farmpony replied.

"I doubt we'll have to wait very long, darling. Starlight and Pinkie should be well on their way to the Changeling Kingdom by now. It should only be a short while before we hear back from them." Rarity offered with a soft smile. "I have every faith in their abilities."

"WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO TAKE A BITE OF IT, PINKIE?!" Starlight screamed, ducking under a branch.

"IT LOOKED AND SMELLED LIKE A CUPCAKE! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT IT WAS A TRAP?!" the Earth pony screamed back.

"YOU SMELL A CUPCAKE IN A FOREST, AND YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S WEIRD?!"

"WE LIVE IN EQUESTRIA, SILLY! THE SMELL OF BANANA-FLAVORED CUPCAKES LEADING US TO AN UNTIMELY DEMISE ISN'T THAT WEIRD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT!" Pinkie shouted back with a giggle before crashing through a spider web. "ALSO I THINK I JUST SWALLOWED A SPIDER! PLEASE DON'T TELL FLUTTERSHY!"

"LADIES, CAN WE PLEASE CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION ONCE WE'RE AWAY FROM THE PONTIANAK?!" the professor pleaded, heaving his pith helmet at the creature behind them in an effort to dissuade its pursuit.

"You're right, Rare. It shouldn't be too long. Until then, I guess we'll just wait to see what the Princesses can get out of her." the farmpony replied with a nod, as the door to the meeting room opened and two alicorns shuffled in. Celestia walked with a barely noticeable limp, and Luna removed a pair of glasses.

"Well ladies, my sister and I have, ahem, worked our magic. All we can do now is wait to see what develops." the white alicorn stated.

"Is there anything we can do in the mean time? This just 'sitting around doing nothing' stuff is the worst thing in the world!" opined a raspy pegasus.

"Not until King Thorax arrives. If there is anycreature that would understand the Queen and her motivations, we believe it is him." Luna answered. "Sooner or later Chrysalis will crack, and I would like us all to be present when that occurs." Dash raised a hoof to counter the Princess's argument, but was interrupted by an urgent knocking at the door. Turning around, the nocturnal diarch opened it to find a guardspony.

"Princess Luna!" she gasped, trying to catch her breath. "The...huff...the bug said she'll talk!" The alicorns shared a look of surprise.

"Really? When? Just now?" Celestia asked, quickly cantering over to the door. The guard nodded quickly.

"Yes ma'am! But only...huff...only to Miss Applejack!"

"...to...Applejack? Did she say why?" The guard suddenly averted her gaze.

"We try to spend as little time dealing with her as possible, ma'am." Celestia rolled her eyes with a sigh.

"I understand. Very good. Return to your post." With that, the guard bowed, and galloped back from whence she came. Closing the door, the solar diarch turned to face the shocked ponies in the room. "Well. It appears we have some sort of chance at getting a dialogue going. Applejack?" The Earth pony simply stared ahead in confusion.

"Why do ya think she wants to talk to me? The last time we talked, all she did was insult my family and..." she shuddered, "...get all weird on me." The Princesses shrugged.

"I wish we knew. She's obviously attempting to work some sort of angle, and I wish we could wait for Thorax to arrive, but time is of the essence." Celestia answered.

"Agreed. I understand that Chrysalis is a less-than-desirable creature to talk to, but if she's willing to, I feel as though we must take advantage of our opportunities as we receive them." the other alicorn added. Applejack slowly nodded.

"...you're right. I may not like it, but I'll do whatever I can to get Twi back."

"Excellent. I will have a guard escort you to her cell. I will meet you there, but I first must retrieve a vital piece of equipment." the white alicorn replied. "As for the rest of you, follow my sister. She will take you to an observation room."

"I'm sorry, but did you say 'a duck-shaped rock?'" Works Cited asked, taking a gulp of water from his canteen. The chase had completely turned the trio around, and they were staring at a large map in an effort to get their bearings. Starlight nodded, wiping her brow.

"Yeah, that's what the sheriff told me in Dodge Junction." The stallion raised a hoof to his chin in thought.

"Hmm. I was afraid of this." he replied. "I've heard rumors of less friendlier changelings giving ponies incorrect directions in an effort to keep this new hive isolated."

"Really?" Starlight asked. "Why?"

"Well," the professor started, cleaning his glasses, "from what I understand, the, uh, 'old style' changelings see this new hive as something of an abomination. It goes against what we assume is thousands of years of culture, tradition, and their way of life. And the fact that they overthrew a Queen to do it is akin to spitting on your sainted mother's grave."

"Ah, yeah. That would make sense." the unicorn replied with a nervous laugh. "If that's what happened, I'm kind of surprised I didn't get blasted in the face with magic, then." The stallion gave a surprised look.

"Oh? Why's that?"

"Well, I may have...kinda sorta helped overthrow Queen Chrysalis." Works Cited's mouth dropped open. "Oh! Not alone! No, Thorax was the one who did most of the work. I just put the idea in his head, and he...ran with it."

"...I see. I see! And you said your name was Starlight Glimmer?" he shot out, quickly grabbing a saddle bag. Rooting around in it, he found a notebook and pen. "I knew that name sounded familiar! Please! Tell me everything you remember! This is a truly golden opportunity!"

"There's not much to tell that I didn't already explain to the reporters." she answered while slowly backing away. "And besides, shouldn't we get back to figuring out where we are so we can find the Changeling Kingdom?" The stallion's shoulders slumped in response.

"...I suppose you're right. But please promise me you'll agree to an interview once we find the new hive! I'm sure I have some questions that the newspapers didn't think to ask!"

"I...I guess. But we need to get to King Thorax before we do anything else." she replied, bringing the map back into view.

"Of course, of course!"

Applejack waited apprehensively next to a small, unassuming door. Posted outside it was a dozen guards, all standing at perfect attention. Had she not known better, the farmpony would have assumed they were statues. She resisted the urge to poke one just to make sure as the sound of clip-clopping hooves caught her attention. It was Princess Celestia, and she held something small in her magic.

"Thank you for waiting, Applejack. It took me longer than expected to find this." she said, offering the object to the mare.

"What is it?" she asked, holding it in her hoof.

"Officially it's an 'Alchemical Thought Transference Otological Device,' but Luna and I always just called it our 'conscience.'" the Princess explained with a smile.

"An alchemical thought what? Your conscience?"

"Basically, you put it in your ear and it will allow us to both listen and talk to you. It's practically invisible, and you'll be the only one who can hear us." Celestia replied. "I figured you might like to have us in there, without having us in there." The Earth pony nodded slowly, and planted the device in her ear.

"Alright, so now what?"

"Go in there, and figure out what you can. Again, Chrysalis must be working some kind of angle, or she wouldn't ask to talk to any of us. But hopefully we can parse something out of what she lets slip." she answered, magically opening the door. Behind it was a long, dimly-lit hallway. One sentry stood stock-still next to a metal door. "That's where we're holding the changeling Queen. Give me a few minutes to get to the observation room, and then enter. If you find yourself in danger we'll have guards breaching the cell within seconds." Applejack nodded confidently, and walked in.

Alright, let's see what this big ugly bug wants. It's up to you now, sugarcube. You need to keep your promise to Twi. Keep things together, and don't let her get inside your head again. she thought as she walked towards the cell. Nearing it, she stopped as the guard spoke up.

"I'll be honest, ma'am: I'm glad it's an Element going in there, and not me."

"Why's that?" the farm mare asked.

"When...'she'...first arrived, she was the grabbiest thing I've ever known. I've heard stories of the Smooze that weren't as terrifying. She, uh, let's just say she 'got intimate' with a few guards. One's still recovering in the hospital, and the other two are in therapy. And when she wasn't doing that, she was...enjoying herself. Non-stop. I don't know what drug she was on, but I hope it was a one-time thing." she replied with a sickening shudder. "So, like I said: I'm glad a Hero of Equestria is going in there, because I heard you were the ones who caught her in the first place, so you must know how to deal with that." Applejack's mouth gaped open.

"Uh, yeah, we definitely found her like that." she replied, her eyes darting back and forth. "And I'm sure whatever it was that made her that way won't ever be used again."

"Applejack, are you ready?" came an ethereal voice.

"Who said that?!" the farmpony answered, jumping to attention.

"It's me, Celestia. You have the conscience in your ear, remember? And don't tell the guard about it. We don't know how well Queen Chrysalis can hear outside her cell, so it's best we don't risk it." Applejack nodded as the guard readied her spear.

"Heh...heh-heh. Sorry there, sugarcube. Thought I heard somethin'. Must've been the wind." she stuttered out. The guard, still wary, lowered her weapon. "Alright, I'm ready to go in." The sentry nodded, and magically opened the door. As she entered, her eyes struggled to adjust to the comparative darkness of the cell. She couldn't even see Chrysalis, although that probably wasn't helped by the fact that the pony was looking for a black creature in a dimly lit room. It wasn't until the changeling spoke that she was finally able to properly place her.

"It's about time you showed up, pony."

"Yeah, well, I'm only here for Twi. If it were up to me, I'd lock the door and throw away the key. Where is she?" the mare asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh, in time, in time." Chrysalis responded, gently knocking her forelegs together. "But first, can I ask you something?"

"No."

"What all do you know about Sparkle? Like does she have a favorite scent other than apples or something?" the Queen idly asked.

"I know you're gonna tell us where she is. Right now." Applejack responded coldly.

"Ooookay. How about this? Why don't you tell me what you know about Sparkle and we go from there?" she asked while attempting an innocent smile.

"I swear, if you don't tell me, I'm gonna-" the farmpony started, only to stop as a voice interrupted her.

"Look, just play along for now, Applejack. Engage her. If it gets her talking, she might let something slip." whispered a regal voice. Sighing, she sat down on the floor.

"Why do you want to know what I know about Twi?"

"Oh, I'm just curious. I like to see how close a friend you really are." Chrysalis asked, refusing to make eye contact.

"...alright, fine. I met her at the Summer Sun Celebration, about six years ago. Her and the rest of us girls helped bring Luna back from the brink, and we've been best friends ever since." The changeling nodded, and circled her hoof, urging Applejack to continue. "And she's smart. Real smart. Probably the smartest pony I've ever known."

"Yeah, that's common knowledge. Well, except for the smart part. She's actually kind of dumb if you ask me. Didn't even know about simple stuff, like the birds and th-"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK, RIGHT NOW." the orange mare seethed, quickly standing.

"Easy, Applejack, easy. We need to avoid violence at all costs." the voice cautioned, forcing the pony back.

"Ooooh, you're feisty! I'll have to keep that in mind!" Chrysalis purred. The Element of Honesty took a deep, calming breath before sitting back down. "Anyway, what do you know about her on a more...personal level? Like, you know...favorite scents, or even foods?"

"Foods?" Applejack asked, cocking her head to one side. The changeling nodded. "...she hates quesadillas. Or just about anything too cheesy."

"That's...weird." Chrysalis commented. "Why cheese?" The farmpony shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever. What's her favorite perfume? Actually, wait - don't answer that. What's your favorite perfume?"

"...perfume? I don't...why do you wanna know?"

"I...just want to get to know you, that's all." the Queen replied an octave higher than usual, looking nonchalantly at the ceiling. Applejack squinted at the prisoner.

"Yeah, right. And Empress apples are great for pies." she snorted. Chrysalis gave her a questioning look.

"You know, I think I know what that means from the context and all, but in the future it might not hurt you to use phrases that other creatures can actually get."

The farmpony snorted angrily. "Alright, you want it in plain Ponish? What I meant to say was 'I think you're a lyin' sack of manure, and you're just stallin' for some reason!' Did you 'get' that one?!" Applejack snapped as she stood up.

"Calm down, Applejack! She's just pushing your buttons!" quietly shouted a tiny voice. The Earth pony flexed her muscles for a moment before sitting back down. "Turn the tables a bit: ask HER some questions, like how many drones she has, or why she fought Twilight in the first place. Then we can work our way up."

"Alright, you asked me a bunch of nonsense, mind if I ask you a few things?" Chrysalis idly played with a strand of mane.

"Sure. Ask away, hayseed."

"First, my name is Applejack. If you want a chance of getting outta here within the next century, you'll call me by it. Second...how many drones you got workin' under you?" the mare asked, leaning back in an effort to appear relaxed.

"Pft. None, thanks to that plum-colored friend of yours." the Queen snorted out derisively.

"...you mean Starlight? I thought she was just purple?" Applejack inquired, scratching her chin.

"Whatever she is, she's the reason I had to do this basically all on my own!"

"So wait, you delivered that love letter on your own? And the photo album?" Chrysalis's head snapped forward to stare at the Earth pony in front of her.

"YOU SAW THAT?!" she screamed. Applejack nodded with a shrug.

"We all did. Still tryin' to figure out why you sent it, though." If changelings could turn red from embarrassment, Chrysalis would have found herself to be the first all-crimson one in the species. "See, Twi figured it was because you were tryin' to get inside her head, but Starlight had this crazy idea that it was so you could do something a whole lot worse..."

"S-sooo...you're saying you saw my..." The mare nodded.

"Yup. Saw the whole kit'n'kaboodle."

"I KNEW THAT WAS A BAD IDEA! I KNEW IT!" the Queen quietly screamed to herself. Clearing her throat, she continued. "So...Twilight saw it. What did she think of it?"

"If I remember correctly she, uh, kinda threw the book away. I honestly don't know what happened to it after that. I know it made Dash throw her breakfast up, though. That I definitely remember because I didn't think that mare could hold that much in her." Applejack added, looking up in thought. The changeling stared at her interrogator.

"So...not only did it not entice her, but it made one of you throw up?! WHY?!"

"I think part of it was the surprise of it. It was already weird gettin' a bunch of pictures of you, but then when that last one of your, uh, 'parts' jumps out at you...yeah." The farmpony trailed off, rubbing a foreleg.

"What do you mean by 'jumps out at you?'" Chrysalis asked, her good eye twitching.

"Well..." Applejack started, taking off her hat to scratch her head, "it wasn't so much a picture as it was one of those pop-up things. Like what 'Bloom used to read when she was real tiny."

"My...ovi...was a POP-UP BOOK PICTURE?!"

"Yeah...wait, I thought you knew that? Didn't you just say you worked alone?" the farmpony inquired, giving a sideways glance.

"...uh...yeah! I'm just surprised...that...you knew...is all." Chrysalis absentmindedly replied, unable to look her interrogator in the face.

"So, anyway-"

"I still can't believe she did that." the changeling interrupted, before looking back at her captor. "Showed you the book, that is." she quickly corrected. "I need to make a note to update my 'To-Kill' list when I get home. Move number fifteen to number two."

"Yeah, you ain't goin' anywhere, not at least until you tell us where Twi is."

"So you really saw it? Who else? Just you and Sparkle, right?" Applejack shook her head.

"No, all us girls did. Well, 'Shy didn't, but that's 'cause she was helping Rainbow."

"ALL OF YOU?!" Chrysalis shrieked, before slouching down. "I...I can't believe it. It was supposed to be private." she quietly whispered, before stifling a sniffle. She shuddered in place, before looking at the farmpony with shimmering eyes.

"Uh, you oka-" was all Applejack could get out before Queen Chrysalis, Queen of Apparently Some Changelings But Not As Many As Expected, and Not Technically Yet Devourer of Ponies, let out an ear-piercing mournful wail.

Behind a secret door lies a secret hallway in a secret underground wing of Canterlot Castle. And in that secret hallway is another secret door that opens to a secret room that few living creatures know of. The chosen few that did know of this layer-cake of secrets were the top elite officers of the Canterlot Royal Intelligence Bureau, and they were required to have Top Secret clearance. One would assume them to be the top secret agents in their field, and therefore the most professional.

And one would be wrong.

Magically projected on a wall at the front of the room was Chrysalis's cell, and the occupants of the room watched with rapt enthusiasm as the events unfolded before them.

"Uh, Princess? Princesses? The bug is, uh...crying. What should I do?" came a quiet voice. A voice that was unfortunately drowned out by laughter.

"I CALLED IT! DIDN'T I CALL IT?!" boomed a large, mustachioed stallion. Socking the mare in the shoulder next to him, he grinned. "Pay up! Fifty bits!"

"Yeah, yeah, Dead Drop, I see it. She's crying." the mare replied, reaching into a saddlebag. Stopping, she whipped her head around to face him. "One hundred bits says she ends up revealing something even more embarrassing!" The stallion rubbed his chin for a bit, then nodded.

"I'll see that bet, plus a month's worth of my sister's desserts, if Applejack doesn't threaten Chrysalis with violence again!" came a regal voice. The two agents turned to see the solar Princess offering a hoof. Looking at each other, they shrugged, and hoof-bumped the royal.

"Did I hear you betting away my desserts?!" Luna demanded.

"Well, that's what you get for going to the little filly's room." Celestia replied with a smirk. "Besides, it's only fair you share that chocolate raspberry torte. The ganache is to die for."

"Speaking of 'dying for,' you wouldn't need to engage in these foolish wagers if you kept torture as one of our interrogation methods." her sister retorted, taking a sip of a ristretto. "Or just kept violence as an option to begin with."

"Yes, well, ponies don't really have the stomach for 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' or the 'Iron Mare' anymore." the eldest alicorn replied.

"Which only proves a point I've been making since I got back: you let ponies go soft in my absence." Luna commented, idly inspecting a hoof.

"Oh, I did nothing of the sort. Ponies change with the times. Maybe if you did, too, you might actually leave your room more than twice a week." her sister giggled out.

"And what does that have to to do with anyth-"

"HELLO?! IS ANYPONY THERE?!" came an annoyed drawl. The two royals looked at each other in confusion for a moment, before their eyes widened and they dashed towards a console in the back of the room.

"Yes! Hello! We're here, Applejack!" Celestia replied, speaking as nonchalantly as she could.

"She's a mess here! What should I do?"

"It could be a ruse." Luna commented.

"True, but I doubt it. I've seen quite a few pathetic ponies in my life, and if this is a trick, then it's easily one of the best performances I've ever witnessed." her sister countered. Pushing the button, she spoke into a microphone. "Applejack, are you still there?"

"Ain't like I can go anywhere else."

"So what you need to do is...comfort her." Celestia replied uncertainly.

"...say what."

"She's...vulnerable right now. And we need to take advantage of it!" the nocturnal Princess answered, shoving her sister aside. "Perhaps she will be more easily swayed into giving useful information!"

Applejack unsteadily rose to her hooves. Comfort this thing? Seriously? She needs a good buck in the teeth, you ask me. Slowly, very slowly, she shuffled her way to the mourning royal. "Uh...there...there." she quietly said, barely laying a hoof on the changeling's shoulder. The move caused Chrysalis to flinch, and she cracked open her good eye to look at the pony consoling her. "Just, uh, just let it all o-" Before the mare could finish her sentence, the Queen grabbed her in an all-embracing bear hug, before letting out another wail.

"AND! AND!" she sniffed out, "IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SOMETHING SHE SAW IN PRIVATE! BUT I KNEW IT WOULDN'T BE! THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! AND WHAT KIND OF JERK JUST SHOWS THE WHOLE WORLD YOUR...YOUR OVI?! I KNEW IT WAS A BAD IDEA, BUT NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO ME! I DIDN'T THINK SHE WOULD LIKE IT, AND I WAS RIGHT! NO WONDER SHE THINKS I'M A HIDEOUS FREAK!"

"Wait, Chrysalis sent Twilight a picture of her ovipositor?!" Luna exclaimed. Her sister sagely nodded.

"She did." Celestia replied, trying to suppress a grin. "And it also came with a super-awkward letter."

"Oh, I must see these!" The solar diarch shook her head.

"I wish we both could, but from what I understand, they were launched into the sun. I kind of feel I need to talk to Twilight about respecting personal boundaries, and why that's my domain, not hers, but I'll wait a little while after this all blows over." The younger royal let out a discontented murmur.

"Oh, poo. I bet it was humorous."

"Oh, come on! Somepony answer! What do I do now?!" came an irritated voice.

"She's hugging you, good! She must be on the emotional ropes!" Celestia answered.

"What does that even mean?!"

Swatting her sister's hoof away, Luna pressed the button. "It means that if you were to compliment her, and I mean really compliment her, you may gain her trust! Tell her something nice! Something you like about her!"

"This is insane. What nice thing could I say?!"

Shoving her sister aside, Celestia grabbed the microphone. "Say that you respect her abilities! Say that you think she's a powerful, virile leader, and well-respected by both her equals and lessers!" Luna squinted at her sibling.

"...are you just saying what you would like to hear?" Pushing the microphone away, the solar Princess shrugged.

"Hey, who wouldn't want to hear that?"

The farmpony couldn't believe her ears. Compliment this...thing? Call it powerful? she thought, staring at the sobbing changeling crushing her diaphragm. ...for Twi. Taking a labored breath, she tapped the Queen's head. "Uh, hey. Hey. C'mon, look at me." Chrysalis turned her head up towards her interrogator and sniffled through bleary eyes. "Look, uh, Chrysalis."

"Queen Chrysalis." she corrected. Rolling her eyes, Applejack continued.

"Queen Chrysalis. Look, it's not that Twi thinks you're a disgusting freak or nothin'. It's just that...she's...intimidated...by you?" The changeling's ears perked up. Wiping a snotty snout, she suspiciously eyed the pony.

"'Intimidated?' Really? Did she say that? Why do you think that?"

"Uh...because...you're a...powerful...virile leader. And you're respected. By your peers and such." Applejack replied, scrunching her nose. I sure hope she doesn't know that I can't hold a poker face to save my life.

"V-virile? She said that? Wow. I've never been called virile before. Maybe I do have a chance!"

"Chance at what?" the farmpony asked.

"Uh, nothing, nothing. Hey, stop trying to get away."

"What? Why?" Applejack demanded.

"I, uh, I just like being next to you is all."

"No, it's probably 'cause you wanna sniff me again, ya weirdo!" the Earth pony answered, craning her neck away. The retort caused Chrysalis's eyes to shimmer, and a sniffle to appear.

"You...you think I'm a weirdo?"

"Go back to complimenting her! You doing the opposite of that right now!" shouted the ephemeral voice. The mare inwardly growled, and failed at taking a calming breath.

"I- Just- Alright, look: you're...not a weirdo. Not usually. Creepy as all get out, but not a weirdo. Except when you're tryin' to inhale me up a nostril." Applejack replied, refusing to look at her captive.

"Creepy? Sparkle said that same thi-hi-hi-hing!" Chrysalis sputtered out, before burying her head in the mare's barrel. "I'm never going to get laid." came a muffled voice.

"What?!" cried Luna in the observation room. "Sister?! Sister, did she say what I thought she just said?!" the nocturnal Princess asked, turning to her sibling, only to find an empty spot. "...Celestia?"

"Hey, what did you say?" Applejack asked, finally looking down at the changeling. The Queen's eye darted back and forth.

"N-nothing."

"No, I could've swore you just said something about fu-" was all the farmpony got out before a concussive blast shattered half of the entire cell. Rock and debris flew everywhere, the door cold-welded itself to the opposite wall, the temperature quickly reached a height that would make Tartarus appear cold, and an apocalyptically angry voice boomed through the violence.

"DID I HEAR YOU SAY THAT YOU KIDNAPPED PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP TWILIGHT SPARKLE, THE NEUTRALIZER OF THE NIGHTMARE, THE DEFEATER OF DISCORD, THE TOPPLER OF TIREK, THE SACKER OF STARLIGHT, AND MY MOST ATTRACTIVE STUDENT WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MATING WITH HER?!" came a deafening roar as the dust began to clear. Standing in the fissure was Princess Celestia. Well, mostly. If one didn't know any better, they would mistake her for a different alicorn, given that her normally majestic and flowing mane was made of pure fire, and her eyes glowed a piercing yellow. Picking the cell's occupants up, she magically separated Applejack from the changeling before slamming Chrysalis into one of the few remaining walls left. "IF I DISCOVER THAT THIS WAS YOUR INTENTION, I WILL SEE TO IT TO THAT YOUR DEMISE IS SLOW, PAINFUL, DELIBERATE, AND PUBLIC, SO HELP ME FAUST!" she thundered, pressing a hoof against the Queen's neck. Chrysalis shook her head as she grasped at the Princess's hoof in vain. The walls, however crumbling they may have been, seemed to start closing in on the Queen's vision as Celestia's hoof pressed harder into her neck. "AND ONCE THE LAST BIT OF LIFE HAS LEFT YOUR DISGUSTING HUSK OF A BODY, I'LL GRIND YOUR CHITIN INTO FLOUR FOR MY BREAD, YOU VULGAR CRET-"

*CLANG*

Suddenly, the Princess's mane and eyes returned to normal, her grip slackened, and the temperature returned to a more habitable state. Her head bobbed for a moment before the alicorn slumped to the ground. Behind her was a much calmer dark blue Princess, holding a mangled cast iron skillet in her magic. Looking at it, she sighed.

"Chef Quiche Lorraine will be furious with me. This was an antique." Tossing it aside, she offered Applejack a hoof up, and picked her sister up in her magic. Looking to the bewildered guard, she cleared her throat. "Soldier. Forget what you saw here, and have the changeling Queen transferred to Stone Row." The sentry shakily saluted, before coughing lightly.

"Um, my Princess?" Sighing, Luna turned to face the guard. "Stone Row is currently full. I don't know of any spaces available."

"Make some space. Force the prisoners to hot-bunk if need be. But make sure she," the alicorn nodded towards the changeling, "is properly imprisoned. Now hop to it!" The sentry again saluted, and ran to fetch additional guards. Turning to face Chrysalis, she shook her head slightly. "As the foals are wont to say these days: 'Not cool, mare. Not cool.'" And with that, the three left.

The Queen massaged her throat as escorts entered the room. Spying a bit of brown in the rubble, she snatched it before being forced to her hooves. While the guards chastised her in an effort to induce movement, she smiled to herself. ...wow. Who would have thought Twilight would actually give USEFUL advice? Maybe she really is as smart as everyone says...

Author's Note

Awww, no you're not, Chryssi. They said 'disgusting;' totally different word. And I wonder what she was referring to in that last sentence? Also, how much more of a beating can she take? There's only one way to find out: tune in next time, same pony-story, same pony-channel! Also, here's your fun fact for this chapter, seeing as I seem to do this for a lot of them: Pontianaks are monsters from Indonesian folklore, whose spirits are said to reside in banana trees when dormant.

So! I finally caught up on my pony (at least up to "Dragon Dropped"), and left "Frenemies" for last. And while Cozy Glow is downright adorabevil, it only cemented my love of Chrysalis as best villain. Also, I'd like to point out - the magic of friendship is considered a disease to her! BOOM! E.K.S. is sorta-but-not-really canon! I assume Hasbro and DHX will be sending my many royalty checks any day now. Ol' Harmlesskitten can finally stop working 12 hour night shifts and just write this stuff full-time forever and ever!

...aaaaaannnny day now...

Lastly, as always, thank you for reading! I appreciate every view and every comment. It means a lot to me that you're willing to spend a little of your time reading my work. If you enjoyed this chapter, let me know! If you hated it, !sdrawkcab em llet And finally, if you were indifferent to it, well, it's your life, not mine. I ain't gonna tell you how to live it.

Chapter 1

"Changeling culture is one shrouded in mystery and secrecy. The few reluctant outsiders that have managed to view it and live to tell the tale speak of a civilization built upon warrior customs and a strict hierarchy: the weak are controlled by the strong, and acts of dissent and disloyalty are dealt with swiftly and harshly. Traditional wisdom taught us that the culture is not unlike that of the changeling's body itself - a near impenetrable shell that, if pierced, only opens to poison. However, is this true? One would be hard-pressed to find a willing volunteer to study such a violent and unrelenting species, yet those that have chosen to do so with an open mind have walked away with invaluable information, and have found themselves questioning this long-held belief." - The Rise of the Changeling Queendom, Vol. I by Works Cited

At the foot of the MacIntosh Mountains lies a grove of brambles. Not just any brambles, mind you, but some of the thorniest, stickiest, most painful brambles one could ever find. It is said that only the toughest creatures with the thickest hides could even walk near it without being torn to ribbons. Attempting to chop through it would usually leave axes dull and saws broken. On the rare occasion that one did manage to slice through a prickly vine, two new vines would grow from the open wound. This caused the few locals that lived near it to call it "Hydra's Hair."

In short, it was the best spot to place an entrance to a changeling hive. Outside it stood two changeling sentries. One of them, Lambda-2981, sniffed the air. A Queen was approaching, but from where? He scanned to his left. No movement. No movement, but the scent was certainly there.

"Tau-8859, do you smell that?" he asked the sentry to his right.

"Yes, sir, I do. I can smell that, as well as...manticore spit?" Lambda-2981 frowned. Manticore spit? His brother had always had one of the best noses in the Queendom, but why would he also smell manticore spit in addition to a Queen's scent? It made no sense.

"Tau-8859, are you sure?" he questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

"I am positive, sir. I can detect the strong scents of both a Queen's pheromones and the saliva of a manticore nearby, roughly...three hundred meters to the south-southwest. Moving towards us. Fast." the sentry replied, nodding in the same direction. Lambda-2981 squinted, trying to find the tiniest hint of movement, anything that would betray a hidden interloper. Suddenly, his ear twitched. There it was: a sound, quiet at first, but increasing in volume with every passing second. Was that ...screaming?

"WOULD YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING JERKS GET THIS THING AWAY FROM ME?!" came a less-than-regal voice, followed by a deafening roar. The two sentries took a defensive stance, readying their spears in preparation to fight the expected beast. Sure enough, a changeling Queen came crashing though the brambles moments later, with an angry manticore barely a hair's width behind. Lambda-2981 charged left around the prone Queen, with his brother charging right. One jabbed high, the other low. The creature twisted and contorted to avoid the attacks, but only succeeded in escaping one of the sharpened tips. A high-pitched howl escaped from its lips, and the beast jumped back towards the thorny grove. Before fleeing however, it turned its head to give a mighty bellow, only to start choking. Both sentries prepared another charge to finish their Queen's attacker, but stopped as the manticore vomited. It shook its head, and jumped back into the brambles.

Satisfied that the area was safe again, the two sentries turned to the royalty that had so un-royally arrived. "My Queen! Are you alright?!" asked Tau-8859. The cowering Queen uncovered her eyes, looked around, and jolted up.

"Yes! Of course I'm alri-wait. WAIT. WHERE'S MY CROWN?! SERIOUSLY, WHERE'S MY FRICKEN' CROWN?! I NEED IT!" Chrysalis shouted, her head whipping back and forth in an effort to find the missing headwear.

"Um...my Queen? I think I found it..." Lambda-2981 offered as he kicked an object in the manticore's discharge.

A grimacing Chrysalis picked it up in her magic and shook it off. "Ugh...it's going to take forever to wash the smell out..." Perching it atop her head with a huff, she turned to her saviors. "I am Queen Chrysalis of the Badlands Hive, and I require an audience with the Queen of Queens."

"Yes, my Queen. She is expecting you in the royal tea room." Tau-8859 stated as both sentries bowed. Chrysalis merely nodded as she walked past them and into the camouflaged entrance of the hive. Once the Queen was out of earshot, an awkward stillness permeated the scene. Tau-8859 looked to his brother.

"Okay, I'll bite: why was her crown in a manticore?" the sentry asked. Lambda-2981 sighed and closed his eyes.

"Trust me, in this line of work, it's better to not ask questions."

To any other creature, the entryway of the MacIntosh Mountains Hive would be seen as dark and foreboding: barely lit, so as to only provide enough light to those with infrared vision, dozens of false entrances to confuse those who didn't belong, and stalagmites and stalagtites threatening to pierce the skin everywhere. But to Chrysalis, it was home. Admittedly a home she hadn't visited in ages, but home nevertheless. Despite the menacing entryway, the rest of the hive was strangely...welcoming. Emerging from the darkened hallway she entered into an enormous atrium, large enough to rival the throne room of one Princess Celestia.

The domed ceiling above featured murals of notable Queens and their defining moments: Innominatrus, the Queen who had caused the Griffon Empire's downfall into obscurity; Pseudonymous, the Queen who helped free Discord from his stone prison; Exterreris, the Queen who had put the 'nightmare' in Nightmare Moon. And at the center of them all sat the Queen of Queens, Dominatus. Chrysalis craned her neck up and glared at the mural, planning out her own addition to it. Specifically, she was going to have the whole thing painted over white and just have the entire ceiling be about her and her exploits. As soon as she had some that didn't involve a humiliating defeat.

On her left were three halls, and on her right three more. Directly straight ahead were two grand doors, ornately carved and infinitely old. Above them was elegant old Changeling script, long forgotten to all but royalty. Roughly translated, it said "Commissary and Snack Bar for the Queens and Stuff." Not exactly poetry, but who was going to fix it? Chrysalis re-adjusted her crown, took a heady breath to steel her nerves, and opened the door.

At the table sat a majestic Queen Dominatus. She was dignified in her poise and demeanor, her coat immaculate, and her crown resplendent. Behind her stood two elite royal guards, stock-still. Chrysalis bowed deeply.

"My Queen of Queens, I humbly request an audience." she said through gritted teeth.

"Your request is granted, Queen Chrysalis. Be seated, please." The Queen did as she was told, and sat as daintily as she could muster. Dominatus gently cleared her throat, and an attendant came from apparent thin air to pour a cup of tea for the younger royal. After the attendant again vanished into the ether, Chrysalis took a polite sip. It was bitter, as always.

"So, to what pleasure do I owe the Queen of the Badlands Hive?" the elder Queen asked. Chrysalis set her cup down with a clink.

"I have matters pertaining to the security and future of our entire species, my Queen of Queens. I would prefer it if we were to discuss this...in private." And with a tiny nod, the room was empty save for the royalty. The two stared at each other, both refusing to blink. Finally, after an eternity, Dominatus sighed deeply.

"You lost another hive, didn't you?" she said, before taking another sip of tea.

Chrysalis sputtered. "Wha-I! No! I-no! I didn't!" she fumfered. "I...merely wanted to see how my mom is doing, that's all." Her mother's eyes widened, and she grew a crooked, wicked smile.

"Oh, I'm sure that's why. And I'm sure that's why every other time you've visited me since you moved out. The fact that you always manage to leave with another hive's worth in drones is purely a coincidence, hmm?" The younger Queen suddenly found herself enraptured with the table in front of her.

"Not...not every time." she quietly whined.

Her mother gently took a breath. "How did it happen this time? The Elements of Harmony? Discord? Those con-ponies again?" Chrysalis jerked her head up.

"I thought we agreed to never bring that last one up again!" she barked. Her mother simply chuckled. "Anyway," she mumbled, "you wouldn't believe me even if I told you."

Dominatus took on a thoughtful expression. "Of course I'd believe you; you're my daughter, after all. And if a mother can't believe her own daughter, what's the point in even having her over?"

Chrysalis rubbed her eyes and sighed. "Well...do you, uh, remember that rebellious drone I had?" she asked.

Her mother cocked her head and looked up. "...Sigma-17817? The cartographer drone? He liked to go by 'Thorax,' didn't he?" Her daughter widened her eyes in disbelief.

"Y-yeah. That's the one." she stuttered. Dominatus simply stared at her daughter, silently urging her to continue. "Well, he came back...with a vengeance." The elder Queen furrowed her brow in confusion.

"What are you implying, Chryssi?" Chrysalis winced. She hated, no, she utterly despised that nickname. She always had, and her mother knew it.

"He, uh. Hey, Mom? Did you know that receiving a lot of love all at once hurts? Like...a lot?" Dominatus's face took on a serious tone.

"Chrysalis...what exactly are you saying? I need to you to be crystal clear with me now. Did Sigma-17817 give you love...instead of you taking it?" And again, the table seemed to be the most interesting thing in the room. Her mother leaned forward. "Chrysalis J. Succedaneum, answer me right this inst-"

"The whole hive did, okay?!" the younger Queen snapped, before she slapped a hoof over her mouth.

"THE WHOLE HIVE?!" Dominatus shrieked. "Honey, baby! We need to get you to the royal infirmary, and NOW! You need to get checked!"

"Mom, it's fine! I'm fine!" Chrysalis pleaded, but her mother continued.

"Oh, what if you test positive for E.K.S.?!" the elder asked no one in particular.

The younger Queen rolled her eyes. "Mom, I really doubt I have Excessive Kindness Syndrome. I'm the same black color I always was; no part of me has changed to some ridiculous other color."

Her mother calmed down slightly. "Alright...but I want you doing daily checks until we are absolutely certain you don't have it."

Chrysalis groaned. "Okay, fine, whatever!" The two Queens sat in awkward silence for a moment before the elder spoke up.

"So...seeing as you're currently between hives, have you thought about joining another?" Dominatus asked, taking a sip of tea. Her daughter scoffed.

"And live under the rule of some lesser Queen? I think not! I have more self-respect than that!" she replied, looking away.

Her mother tsked. "Oh, come off it. There's nothing wrong in staying with family. It would just be for a few months! Just long enough to get you back on your hooves. Why, your half-sister Occultatum stayed with Reticentur for half a year, and now where is she, hmm?"

"'She's practically running Stalliongrad.'" Chrysalis mouthed along with her mother. "Look, Mom: I refuse to move back in with family just because I 'can't make out there in the real world.'" the younger Queen emphasized with air quotes. Her mother huffed.

"Fine," she said, her ire rising, "If you refuse to move in with family, there is another route you could take." Chrysalis' eyes widened. "And it would have you practically bathing in love..." Her daughter groaned.

"Y-you don't mean-" she stammered out.

"All it takes is a willingness to put yourself out there, you know? Take some risks! Make yourself...available." Dominatus added with a wink.

Chrysalis leaned her head back, and slouched in the chair with a whine. "Oh, not this again!" she grumbled. Her mother frowned.

"Yes, this again! I want a grandchild!" she exclaimed, striking her hoof on the table. Chrysalis' head snapped forward.

"You've had grandchildren! Thousands of them! I raised nearly eight hundred eggs in the last hive alone!" she declared. Dominatus scowled.

"You know what I mean. I don't want soldiers, nor do I want the loaned drones from your half-sisters! I want a granddaughter! A true heir to the Changeling Queendom throne!" Chrysalis gave out a frustrated sigh and leaned forward.

"Do we really have to have this conversation now?" she moaned.

"Oh, well I'm oh-so-sorry that I want my darling, beautiful, wonderful daughter to be happy! I'm just the worst mother ever, aren't I?!" Dominatus taunted with a quivering lower lip. She was met with an unamused stare.

"You know, pushing me into motherhood doesn't mean that I'll be happy!" Chrysalis grumbled. The Queen of Queens set her teacup down, now empty.

"I'm not pushing you into motherhood; I'm simply reminding you that I'm no hatchling. I'm turning 7000 next September, and I'd like to think that my daughter cares enough about me to bless me with a grandchild by then!" she said with a huff.

Chrysalis gave a sleazy smile. "Mom, I would just love to meet someone, truly I would. It's just that...I've been crazy busy lately. So I don't have the time to date!"

Her mother arched her eyebrows, before resting her chin on a hoof. "Oh, you've been crazy busy, hmm? With what? Running the hive you no longer you have?"

"Well yea-wait. Shoot." the younger queen replied, pursing her lips.

"I could be getting daft in my old age, but it appears to me that you have plenty of free time now. Time that you should spend dating. You're not getting any younger, you know, and the longer you wait the less opportunity you'll have!" she said with a smirk.

Chrysalis let out a frustrated groan. "There's barely any opportunity now! Mom, dating isn't anything like how it was in the old days! Battles where you get to meet a mate are rare, and there's even less royalty worth dating now!" she said, throwing her hooves into the air.

The Queen of Queens shook her head. "Don't be so melodramatic, dear. The wonderful thing about battles is that they can happen anywhere and at any time! It's just a matter of you choosing to put yourself into that position! And I'm sure there's still royalty out there; say, whatever happened to that princess you had such a crush on in high school?"

The younger Queen's eyes grew wide, and a reddish hue took over her face. "Um...what princess are you talking about?"

Dominatus idly circled her hoof in the air. "Oh, you know the one. The pink one. With the heart or something on her flank! She had a musical name, as I recall." Chrysalis looked down at the table.

"Oh. Her. Right. Um...she's, uh, she's...married." she stammered. Her mother tsked.

"See? You waited too long, and now she's taken." Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. She wasn't into mares anyway. Some 'Princess of Love' she turned out to be." she mumbled.

Dominatus leaned back in her chair. "Well, at least you're not out of princesses."

"What, Celestia and Luna? No thank you." the younger Queen remarked. "Luna is some strange shut-in weirdo, and Celestia? She's into...stuff. Freaky stuff."

Her mother grew thoughtful. "Say, wasn't there a fourth princess?"

Again, Chrysalis found herself enraptured by the table in front of her. "N-no. Just the three."

The elder Queen furrowed her brow and looked up, nonchalantly tapping her hoof on her chin. "No, there's definitely another. Curses, what is her name? Dusk Shine? No, that's not it. Evening Radiance? No, that's not it, either. Hmm. Alpha-6820!" the Queen of Queens called out. Within moments, a large drone with a clipboard and pen appeared from seemingly nowhere.

"Yes, my Queen of Queens!" it said, snapping to attention.

"Alpha-6820, what is the name of that pony that was recently crowned in Equestria?" the elder Queen questioned.

The drone, apparently ready for the such a query, unhesitatingly replied "Twilight Sparkle, my Queen of Queens! She is designated as the 'Princess of Friendship,' and resides within the 'Friendship Castle' in Ponyville!" Dominatus clopped her hoof on the table.

"Twilight Sparkle, that's the name! Thank you, Alpha-6820." She exclaimed. With a tiny nod, the drone returned from whence it came, and Chrysalis buried her head in her hooves and groaned.

"So, why not go after this 'Twilight Sparkle?' She is a princess after all, and given the rarity of such events, that must mean she's worthy of the honor." the elder royal asked.

Chrysalis sighed and closed her eyes. "Because I don't want to! Let's move on to another topic!" The Queen of Queens gave her daughter an unamused look.

"Chrysalis..."

The younger Queen ignored her. "How 'bout that weather, huh? Crazy how it only works on its own in some areas and not in others, am I right?" Dominatus said her daughter's name again, only with less compassion.

"Or what's the deal with Tirek's imprisonment? Why would they lock him up, but not post any guards to keep him from breaking ou-"

"CHRYSALIS!" the elder royal barked, stopping her daughter mid-sentence. Taking a calming breath, she continued. "Why do you not want to pursue a courtship with Princess Twilight Sparkle?" The callow Queen looked away silently, staring at the most fascinating wall in existence. Dominatus' voice took on a saccharine nature. "Come now, dear. What's the reason? You can tell Mommy." Chrysalis made brief eye contact with her mother before mumbling out an answer.

"She's out of my league." she said, looking down. Her mother perked up her ears.

"What was that dear?"

"I don't think I could get her, she's out of my league." she whimpered, just above a whisper.

The Queen of Queens sat upright in her chair. "Young lady, you know I can't stand it when you mumble. I raised you to speak clearly and with authority, now do so!" Chrysalis glared at her mother.

"FINE! I don't think I could get her! She's way out of my league! There! Happy?!" she yelled, throwing her legs up in exasperation. Dominatus leaned back, stunned.

"...excuse me? What do you mean?" she asked incredulously.

Chrysalis stared at her mother in shock. "Have...have you seen her?! She is so ridiculously adept at magic that I planned my entire last hive's defense around her strength!" The Queen of Queens regained her composure.

"Ah...so THAT's why your built your throne out of magicaeffusio rock! Wait, is that all? She's too powerful? It seems to me that her abilities would make her the ideal candidate! Just think about the battle you two would have! Oh...it would be...glorious! I can't imagine a better creature for my baby's first time!" Her daughter took on a disgusted look.

"Mom, that's just...ew. I don't like you thinking about my love life, especially like that. And it's not just her power! I think she may already have her eyes on somebody else. One of her friends." Dominatus raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? And how do you know this?" she inquired.

Chrysalis sighed and looked off into the distance. "Well, when my drones captured her and her frien-" Her mother choked.

"WAIT! You captured her?! When?! And why are you still here if you've captured her?!" She stared at her mother for a moment.

"That was part of me losing th-look, it's a long story, okay? The important thing is that when I was leeching the love out of them, she seemed to already have a strong affection to the orange one. Far stronger than anything she was putting out towards the others. So I doubt she'd be interested in me, alright?" Her mother leaned forward, anxious for more.

"Was it returned? The affection?" she asked, with a gleam in her eye.

Chrysalis sat upright. "Um, I don't think the orange one even knew about it, no. To be honest, I think she's largely oblivious to that stuff." Her mother gave a wicked smile.

"Then this is more perfect than we could have even planned! Those who harbor unrequited love are the easiest sources for mating!"

The younger Queen sat confused for a moment. "Wait, what do you mean? How does this make things easier?" Her mother leaned back in her chair.

"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it, dear. But starting out, it's quite simple, really: you send a love letter, along with a gift, to the Princess, stating your intentions to defeat her in one-on-one combat. If she beats you honorably, then we go to the next step." she replied, rubbing her hooves together.

Chrysalis scrunched her nose. "A love letter? And what was that about a gift? None of this makes any sense, Mom."

The elder royal scoffed. "Of course it makes no sense to you, dear; I can't expect a virgin to understand the subtle and sultry dance of courtship." The younger Queen rolled her eyes, catching the ire of her mother. "Fine, ignore our millenia-honored traditions and just do what all the kids are doing these days and send her unsolicited pictures of your ovipositor!" Dominatus spat, gesturing with a hoof. Chrysalis only replied with a horrified look. "What?" her mother asked. "You think I don't keep up with modern perversions? Remember honey, we are creatures who FEED on LOVE. Lust is a part of love, and so it pays to keep up with the popular trends!"

Her daughter shook her head. "Ugh...I know lust is a part of love, Mom! It's just that I have no intention of sending Twilight Sparkle a picture of my most private area!" she exclaimed. Dominatus giggled.

"'Most private area?' Listen to you! I never realized I raised such a prude!" she said, barely holding back laughter.

Chrysalis furrowed her brow. "Hey! I am NOT a prude!" Her mother giggled some more.

"Oh of course sweetie, you're right: you're not a prude, you're just a closeted pervert." she chuckled. Her daughter sat, mouth agape.

"I-I am not! Shut up!"

The Queen of Queens leaned towards her daughter, with a lecherous look. "Oh? So that stash of magazines I found in your nightstand? The ones with titles like 'Royalty Exposed' and 'Gigantic Rumps Monthly?' I'm curious, what were those for?"

Chrysalis scooted her chair back. "I- you- THOSE WERE FOR RESEARCH!" She screamed, looking away. "I've never felt so violated in my life." Her mother snickered.

"Oh, relax dear. It's a mother's job to snoop around, you know. Anyway! Speaking of...research, the more I think about it, it may not hurt to approach this problem with a more modern outlook." The younger queen looked back at her mother.

"What do you mean, 'modern outlook?'" she asked, casting a skeptical eye.

"Well," Dominatus responded, idly circling a hoof on the table, "perhaps sending a provocative picture along with your love letter would-"

"NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT." Chrysalis interrupted. "I refuse to send anyone a picture of my...fiddly bits!"

Her mother sighed. "'Fiddly bits?' Really? You're a grown changeling Queen, please talk like it. It's called an ovipositor. I have one, you have one, all Queens have one. Even Reticentur has one!" The callow Queen winced.

"Could we PLEASE stop talking about our junk?! Especially hers?!" Chrysalis begged, covering her face with her hooves.

Dominatus cleared her throat. "What's wrong with Reticentur's ovipositor?" she asked, cocking her head to one side. Her daughter began gesturing with her hooves.

"It's all flat and oddly- no. I am NOT having a conversation with my mother about my half-sister's crotch. Not now, not ever."

Her mother sighed. "Fine, dear. Keep being a prude, see how much flank it gets you. So, if you don't want to talk about that, then we should probably talk about your new hive. Specifically, financing. How will you feed the drones that build and maintain your new hive?"

Chrysalis's ears perked up. "Oh! Right! Yeah, that was part of the reason I came to see you..."

Dominatus gave a deadpan stare. "You don't say."

"I'll pay you back!" the young Queen promised, only to be met with the same deadpan stare. A pregnant silence dominated the room. "Yeah, you're right. I won't." she replied, looking away.

Dominatus closed her eyes and took a long, calming breath. "Alright honey, I'll make you a deal: send this Twilight Sparkle a love letter describing your intentions along with a gift, and if she rejects you, I'll see to it that you get enough drones to start a new hive."

"Oh come on! Do I have to?!" Chrysalis blurted out. Her mother let out an exasperated groan, before reaching across the table to grab the younger Queen by the withers, bringing her mere centimeters from her face.

"Do you or do you not want a new hive?" she grumbled. Chrysalis, in shock, only nodded. "Then you will send her a letter and gift, fight her, impregnate her, decapitate her, and mount her head on a wall. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" Dominatus growled, before shoving her daughter back into her seat.

"Y-yes, Mom."

Satisfied, the Queen of Queens sat back in her seat, her mood returning to a calmer state. "There's a good girl. Now, I have royal duties to attend to, so return to your room and start drafting letters. I want to see at least five different options by the end of the day, understand?" Her daughter silently nodded, and left the room.

It was going to be a long day.

Author's Note

This was decidedly not inspired by a ~~heated discussion~~ conversation with my parents. Nope. Not at all.

Well, welcome to my first real fanfic! I've written some in the past, but never published anything. So! If you see anything that needs to be fixed, have any comments or suggestions, or just plain hate it with a white-hot fiery passion, let me know!

I've got a fair bit of this story (more or less) planned and written out, it just needs to be polished up. Thanks for reading, and hopefully I can get a new chapter out soon!

Chapter 6

Tradition is paramount in changeling culture, and this goes doubly so for the Queens. Passing on the rituals and practices of former Queens helps solidify their reign, as well as honor their predecessors. However, this is not to say that changeling Queens are rigid and unyielding in their actions. It would not do for the leader of a hive to remain stuck in the past if the current actions are proving to be disastrous. Oftentimes, Queens will tweak and make slight alterations to what they were taught in order to properly suit and enhance their abilities. This allows them to 'change with the times,' as it were, while also remaining faithful to their forebears. With that said, these are often small changes, as the Queens who have attempted massive replacements can and will upset the hive. Rarely does the radical Queen survive. - The Rise of the Changeling Queendom, Vol. III by Works Cited

Acting as though they were being attacked by some invisible force, the gathered ponies all responded differently. Rarity fainted. Pinkie Pie's hair flattened, and she fled to the darkest corner in the room. Applejack reared back, ready to stomp on whatever came at her. Twilight jumped back and charged her horn to release a counter. Starlight raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side.

"Huh. Hey, is it just me, or is that abnormally curved? Like it has a spiral sort of thing going on?" the unicorn asked. Twilight slammed the book shut.

"What are you even talking about?!" she shouted, flinging the book on the table. Her protege simply turned her head to repeat the question.

"I mean, if that's what I thought it was, didn't it seem kind of...I don't know...oddly proportioned to you?" she asked nonchalantly. Applejack stared at her incredulously.

"Okay. I'm goin' out on a limb here, but I'm guessing that wasn't a fifth leg or something, was it?" she asked to no one in particular. Taking a moment to compose herself, Twilight cleared her throat and returned to a more normal standing position.

"...no, I don't think that was a fifth leg. I think...I think that was her ovipositor. And for some demented reason, she decided to not only send a picture of it to me, but also make it pop out of the book." she replied, glaring at the album. "So. Um. Yeah. I definitely think she's trying to psyche me out here. That's the only possible reason." At that moment, Rarity slowly woke up from her impromptu nap.

"Ugh...I just had the most horrid nightmare...I dreamed that Queen Chrysalis had sent Twilight a love letter and photo album...and it contained a picture of her...parts!" she groggily said. Starlight offered a hoof to help the white unicorn up.

"Uh, yeah. That's exactly what she did. It wasn't a dream." she responded. Rarity gasped, and fainted again. Starlight rolled her eyes with a sigh. "You know, it's not THAT weird-looking. I've seen worse." As the alicorn's protege fanned the unconscious unicorn, Applejack placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder.

"So, uh, did that really 'psyche you out' or anything?" she asked. The alicorn didn't respond, and only looked forward. Finally, after several moments, she answered.

"Yes? No? I don't know, I'm still kind of in shock over it. Maybe in a day or two, I'll know for sure. I mean, WHO DOES THAT? Who just sends random pictures of their genitalia to ponies?" she asked, gesturing for effect. Starlight chuckled, eliciting a questioning stare from her mentor.

"...what? You've never heard of that?" Twilight vehemently shook her head. "Good grief, I'm only a year younger than you; how could you not know about that? It's not exactly something new. Ponies have been doing it for a while now." she replied. "I mean, I'm not going to say that sending some rando a picture of your junk is all that classy, but it's a popular method for trying to get some, you know?" Both Applejack and her teacher simply stood staring at her, slack-jawed. Starlight's eyes suddenly went wide. "Oh! Nononono! I've never done that! I mean, I've done some less-than-reputable things in my life, but not that! I just...know some ponies that have. Several times. Usually wearing a cape. Sometimes glasses...sometimes a hat." There was a pregnant pause, only interrupted by the unicorn giving an awkward laugh. "ANYWAY, we have more important things to worry about here. Like, are you still going to fight Chrysalis?" she asked. Twilight flopped back into her throne.

"I feel like I kind of have to now. Otherwise she'll know she 'got' to me, and I can't let her win. Not after everything she's done to Equestria. And my brother. And my sister-in-law. And the Princesses. And you girls. Furthermore, who knows when we'll have another chance to capture her?" she said, puffing a strand of mane out of her face. She looked over at Rainbow Dash. Her blue friend had finally gotten through the worst of it, and Fluttershy was helping her back to her throne. She slumped down in the seat with a groan, her head resting on the table.

"Twilight." she rasped out. "Kick her flank for me. HARD."

Compared to the morning, the rest of the day went swimmingly. There were a few friendship disputes in town that she had to resolve, but all in all, Twilight had a fairly uneventful rest of the day. As she sat down to dinner, she smiled at the plate: roasted eggplant, grilled asparagus smothered in garlic butter, and mashed potatoes. Spike always knew how to cheer her up. And he was a heck of a cook, too. As she picked up her fork, she heard a belch. The dragon walked into the dining area, his toque and "Kiss the Cook" apron marked with splattered food. He handed the alicorn the scroll, muttered something about a ruined sapphire souffle, and returned to the kitchen. She set her fork down and unrolled the note.

Twilight,

It is most disconcerting that Queen Chrysalis would reach out to you
this way. Given her past behavior, it is unlike her to be so bold, so we must be wary.
I will send you a squad of elite guards, as requested. They are en route from a patrol now,
and should arrive by morning. I'm afraid that Cadance and Shining Armor will be unable
to send any additional troops, as the tracks to the Crystal Empire have been blocked by a
snow avalanche. Please keep me informed of the situation.

Celestia

P.S. Did I read correctly that she sent a photo album with her letter? If so,
I would recommend against viewing it. Who knows what traps she may
have laid in it.

Twilight snorted. Yeah, no kidding. she thought. I guess I know that for the future. Lesson learned. She set the scroll aside, and picked up her fork. Jabbing at a bite of asparagus, she lifted it to her mouth, only to be interrupted by a loud knocking at her castle's front doors. She sighed, put the fork back on the plate, and got up from the table. The knocking only became louder and more rapid as she neared the doors. "I'm coming, I'm coming! Keep your horseshoes on!" she said to herself. Opening the door, she saw a familiar dark brown pegasus. Come to think of it, a little too familiar.

"YOU!" she shouted, pointing her hoof at the pony in front of her. It didn't respond. Instead, it stared at her with an emotionless face. "...I suppose you're here about that package you gave me earlier?" she asked. The pony nodded its head once. Standing a little straighter, her wings puffed out as she fought a primal urge to tackle the apparent changeling in front of her. "Tell your Queen that I agree to her terms. Three days, the field west of my castle, and she comes alone. Got it?" she ordered. The pony again nodded once, then turned around, and stole away into the night. She squinted at the creature as it flew off, before it finally disappeared from view. She turned around, slammed the door shut with a huff, and walked back to her meal. Or rather, what was left of it. Sitting in her chair, eating her meal, and using her flatware was a light blue unicorn giving a contented sigh and patting her stomach. "TRIXIE?!"

The unicorn jumped with a jolt. "Oh! Twilight! You scared Trixie! Don't sneak up on her like that!" she said, catching her breath. "I saw this meal here, and since nopony else was eating it, I figured I shouldn't let it go to waste. I must say, your pet is a wonderful cook! Give my compliments to him, would you?" she said, dabbing her mouth with a napkin. As she left the room, Twilight ground her teeth, and charged her horn.

I could do it. Just turn her to ash. Starlight would be mad, but she'd get over it. I could even play it off as an accident. 'Oh no! I thought it was another changeling, and I just reacted! I guess I don't know my own strength!' Yeah. I could do it. Her nostrils flared in anger. Taking a deep breath, and powering down her magic, she frowned. Alright, no. I couldn't. But I'd be lying if I said she doesn't make me WANT to. Looking at the plate, she let out a small whimper. There was one measly piece of asparagus, and a tiny dollop of mashed potatoes left. She picked the remains up, and entered the kitchen. "Spike!" she called, only to hear a frustrated groan.

"Oh, come on! That was my last batch of sapphires!" came a shout.

After a plethora of apologies and promises to get more gems in the morning, as well as a slightly less gourmet meal of delivery pizza, Twilight sat melancholic at her vanity. She had had worse days, that's for sure. But today would rank up there. Sitting in front of her was Invisible Enemies: Changelings and Their Plans; it was a monograph that contained all changeling information known to Equestria. Written a century before she was born, it contained a wealth of information about the species. It's too bad that a lot of it was misinformed, or hearsay based off of rumor. But it was the only published work she could find that wasn't ridiculously politically biased or an excessively focused case study, so it would have to do. Trying to fix as many issues as she could, the studious alicorn had filled the margins with her scribbles and notes while spending days picking King Thorax's brain after the reformation of the Badlands Hive. But tonight it was near-useless to her. She had gone through the entire tome and all her notes, and found less than nothing explaining Chrysalis' actions. Apparently the Queen had wiped her records and executed her archivists just prior to being overthrown. She was far more diabolical than expected, if Twilight was honest. She left no evidence to study, no threads to pull on, no leads to follow. It's as though she had planned to throw away her hive solely for this battle. The more the alicorn thought about it, the less surprising it seemed, seeing how callous the Queen had been in destroying an entire department's worth of drones. She looked over at a clock. It was nearly midnight. She needed to get to bed if she was to be up early enough to meet the elite guards Celestia had sent. The purple pony closed the book and was about to blow out her candle when she stopped to look at the picture of her and her friends. Lingering on Applejack, she pulled out the list from earlier, unrolled it, gave a sad sigh, and quietly crossed off number four hundred thirty-eight. She replaced it in its hiding spot, making sure that not only was the false bottom fully closed, but even had items on top of it to distract any would-be snooping. With a yawn, she closed the drawer, blew out her candle, and went to bed. Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be better.

Dominatus walked the halls of the hive with a wooden box behind her and a mad grin plastered on her face. She had gone to bed with the most wonderful news: the pony Princess had agreed to a date with her daughter! And so quickly! She was afraid that this 'Twilight Sparkle' would hold off, maybe play hard-to-get, but no! It was within hours of the package arriving! She must be as desperate as Chryssi! This was perfect! And it finally gave the Queen of Queens the chance to bond with her daughter over something important! Arriving at the future Queen of Queen's bedroom door, she lightly knocked. "Chryssi? Are you awake?" she whispered. Hearing no response, she turned around and bucked the door in. The room's occupant jumped out of bed, screaming obscenities, before hitting the floor with a dull thud.

"MOM! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! CAN'T YOU KNOCK?!" Chrysalis yelled, rubbing her head. The Queen of Queens calmly walked in, shut the now-dented door, and stood over her daughter.

"But I did knock, dear. You must have still been asleep. But you're awake now, and that's what matters! More importantly, guess what!" she said, her smile threatening to split her face in half. Chrysalis shakily stood up and sat on her bed, giving her mother a sideways glance.

"If I guess right, will you stop smiling like that? You're kinda creeping me out." Her mother gave her a playful shove.

"Oh, you." she said with a wink. Chrysalis scooted further away from the Queen of Queens.

"Seriously, who are you, and what have done with my real mom? She's never this friendly." she replied, slowly reaching over to the lamp on her night stand. She may not have much magic, but this thing would hurt if she chucked it.

"Hush. I just wanted to be the one to give you the good news! Twilight Sparkle accepted your letter, and she agreed to the terms!" Dominatus squealed, the giddiness in her face threatening to overtake her features. Chrysalis sat dumbfounded.

"R-really? Seriously? You're not joking, are you? Like, this isn't some sort of 'character-building' thing, is it?" she asked. Her mother enthusiastically shook her head, and plopped down on the bed.

"See? And you thought you were undesirable!" she said, nudging the young royal. Chrysalis scrunched her nose indignantly.

"Hey! I never said th-" her mother shushed her, and floated over the box she had been hiding behind her back, placing it on Chrysalis' lap. It was the box from the other day, the one they hadn't gotten to. It was made of bloodwood and clearly old, with ancient runes and script carved into it. And she could swear she heard a faint chanting the closer she put her ear to it. Glancing back up at her mother, she gave a questioning look. The Queen of Queens straightened her back, adjusted her crown, and cleared her throat.

"Queen Chrysalis, I hereby bestow upon you the most important artifact in all Changeling Queendom. This object is more important than any one Queen, even me. It has been passed down from Queen of Queens to Queen of Queens for thousands of years. And today, I pass it on to you. Protect it with every fiber of your being, and down to your last breath. Under no circumstances is anyone other than a Queen of Queens to use it." she said haughtily, before her face softened. "And Chryssi, you have no idea how honored I am to be passing this on to you." Dominatus said in a wavering voice, doing her best to hold back tears.

Chrysalis was speechless. She had never seen her mother this...what's the word? Proud? Yeah, proud of her for anything. She looked back down at the box, and slowly opened the lid. The inside was leather-lined, apparently with hydra skin, and on a small cushion sat a helmet. It was jet black magicaeferro, and strong enough to withstand a magical strike from even the most powerful of alicorns. The front featured a hole for its wearer's horn, and a spiked snout guard. On its side were jagged edges, seemingly acting as mandibles. The rear came down in a beavertail shape, with a serrated end. It was a fearsome sight to behold. Chrysalis held it up in the light, and turned it around, taking in even more details. On the outside of the helmet were engravings, showing ancient Queens of Queens defeating foes. Most were ponies, but some were griffons, others minotaurs, and even some dragons. On the front, above the holes for the eyes but below the one for the horn, was an inscription:

Be not afraid of any beast, no matter the size.
When danger threatens, wield me, and I shall see to its demise.

If she was speechless before, now Chrysalis wasn't sure if she ever knew how to talk to begin with. Her mouth opened and closed, but she was unable to form a coherent thought. Dominatus smiled, and took the helmet from her daughter. "And this is no ordinary helmet. Like I said, this was passed down to me from my mother and to her from hers. And...it contains a portion of all of our power." she said, patting on the headpiece. Chrysalis furrowed her brow.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Her mother gave a proud look.

"I mean, that in this helmet is a little bit of EVERY Queen of Queens, all the way back to Queen Praedo the Bloodthirsty. When you put this on, not only do you represent the future of our species, you represent the past as well. You will feel their power. Hear their wisdom. So, you must never lose it, or let it be destroyed." Her mother gave a dark look. "Because if you do, you'll wish you had been destroyed along with it." Chrysalis shrunk from her mother, only to jump at a knock on her door. Dominatus' face instantly brightened, and she passed the headpiece back to her daughter.

"Ah! That must be Mu! I told him to meet us here when he gathered your armor." she said, practically skipping over to the door. Sure enough, the little clothier entered, with a large box in tow. Like her mother's, the box was made of hardened flyder silk, and was roughly the same size.

"Chryssi! I'm so glad to see you again! How did the photoshoot go?" the drone asked, setting the box on Chrysalis' desk. The Queen, still taken aback by what she held in her hooves, responded meekly.

"Uh...it went okay. I guess. I liked the...thing you made for me." she stammered out. Mu gave a lopsided smile, and sat at the desk.

"That's good to hear. And I'm glad you liked it! It may have taken me all night to get that gold filigree right, but it was worth it in the end!" he replied. Looking over at the Queen of Queens, he nodded. "And by the way, yours should be done soon. That burgundy cragadile leather is a lot tougher to sew through than I expected!" This seemed to snap Chrysalis out of her trance, and she gave her mother a disgusted look. Feigning innocence, her mother put a foreleg to her barrel.

"What? Mommy likes to feel pretty sometimes, too!" she said with a mischievous smile. "Anyway, you have perfect timing, Mu! I just gave Chryssi here the crown!" The clothier gasped.

"Oh, she is going to look marvelous in it, especially when she's wearing THIS!" he proudly said, pulling the lid off the silken box. In it was the Queen's armor. Like the lingerie, it was practically form-fitted for her. On the top was a large breastplate, intended to cover the front of her barrel. Beneath it were two sets of interlocking armor plates for her rear barrel and neck, all designed to move with the wearer, allowing for both flexibility and protection. After that were armored guards for her legs, and a two-piece set of armor to cover her flank, split down the middle. At the bottom of the box was a quartet of shoes, with small sharpened cleats on the bottom. The whole set was, like the helmet, black. However, as the drone held up each piece of armor, Chrysalis could see a slight green iridescent shimmer move across them. She reached over to pick up the breastplate, and was shocked to find it to be incredibly light. Mu caught her surprise, and answered before she could even ask.

"This armor is made of some of the rarest metal in the world. It's only found here in the MacIntosh Mountains, and I'm not even sure ponies are aware of it. It's infinitely dense for its weight, which keeps it light, and can deflect the overwhelming majority of physical blows regardless of the sharpness of the blade or strength of the attacker. Your mother's armor is made of the same material, and from what I hear, it saved her on more than one occasion." Dominatus nodded in agreement. "Also, it's fairly decent against magical attacks." he added. "And, now that it's delivered, I must return to my work. Let me know how your date goes, Chryssi!" the drone said, placing the armor back in its box. He bowed, and left the room. As soon as the door was closed, Chrysalis gave her mother a dirty look.

"Great. Now you've got him calling me that stupid name too!" she spat out. Her mother tsked.

"Oh, he's always referred to you by that. The only difference is now he does it in front of you!" Dominatus replied with a chuckle, holding up the ensemble. "Anyway, I LOVE what he did with your armor! Once you pair it with the crown, you will look amazing! You'll have to beat the mares off with a stick!" she exclaimed. "Then again, you'll be bludgeoning them anyway, so I guess that phrase doesn't work. But you get my meaning." She replaced the lid to the box, and turned to face her daughter. "Regardless! Your Princess will fall head over hooves for you the second she sees you in this!" Chrysalis let out a grunt.

"She's not 'my princess!' She just the only one available that's not freaky or some weird shut-in!" she exclaimed. Her mother gave an airy laugh.

"Sure, sure, keep telling yourself that. Some day it may come true!" Dominatus replied with a wink. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some errands to take care of. In the meantime, make sure you're as prepared as possible for your date. Go practice your combat skills, and make sure you have a nice clean room for when you bring your date back. You only get the one chance before you're stuck with choosing between a 'freak' and a 'shut-in,' so you don't want a dirty room turning her away." She turned to leave, only to clop her hoof on the floor. "Oh curses! I nearly forgot! For you, sweetie." she said, floating a book over to her daughter. Chrysalis read the title aloud.

"'So You Want to Mate: A Beginner's Guide.' Har-de-har, Mom." Her mother only smiled in response, before leaving the room. Chrysalis stared at the book. "Oh yeah, Mom, I'm sure a book will definitely help me get laid." she said in a mocking voice before casually tossing the book to the floor. Laying back on her bed, a flood of memories came rushing to the forefront of her mind.

Approximately 500 Years Before Unification

Chrysalis squinted in the Saddle Arabian sun. If she could sweat, she would be doing so profusely right now. Looking over to the pony next to her, Safanad, she silently shook her head. How could a mare as beautiful as her manage to constantly look so pristine? It made no sense, especially in such a sandy, windswept environment. Ugh, sand. She hated it. Were she in her original form, it would get between the plates in her exoskeleton, and irritate her beyond belief. The two creatures quietly poked their heads over a dune.

"Aminah, look! They have stopped running!" Safanad whispered to the disguised changeling. Chrysalis brought her hood forward to shield her eyes. As her friend had said, the thieves they had been shadowing for days had stopped their trek, and were apparently arguing with each other. "We will make them pay for their insolence!" she said with contempt. These ponies were from an opposing tribe, and in a recent raid had stolen many ancient artifacts from the chief. "And," she added with a smile, "perhaps when we return the hajar alhaqiqa, Father will finally trust you!" Chrysalis smiled. Finally. She had managed to infiltrate a tribe! She could now prove to her mother that she could do it! She turned to the other mare.

"Shall we begin?" she asked with a devilish grin. With a nod, the two ponies crested the dune, and charged at the still-arguing group below them. As they neared the squabbling raiders, they released a fierce war cry. The thieves turned, drawing their swords and spears. Chrysalis and Safanad crashed into their enemies with the might and fury of hundreds of ponies combined. The tribals were no match, and as each one fell, the changeling could feel her bloodlust rising. So barbaric was the Queen, she lost herself in the fight. Hacking and slashing, she tore into them, and could only see red. After the last enemy had fallen, Chrysalis stood panting. She had needed this fight. She was so stressed and pent up from attempting to infiltrate the Sabino tribe, and she needed an outlet. With a mad grin, she turned to her friend. "They never stood a chance against two of Saddle Arabia's best warriors, eh?" Safanad had a look of horror on her face, and she leveled her sword to the Queen.

"SAHIRA! FATHER WAS RIGHT! I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED YOU!" Taken aback, Chrysalis sputtered and stammered.

"Wh-what do you mean, Safanad? Why do you call me a witch? I am your friend!" she begged, before the pony in front of her slashed at her. The blade struck her neck, but bounced off the thick chitin hide of the changeling. However, the force and anger behind it was strong enough to put Chrysalis on the ground. Groaning, she began to get up when she caught her reflection in the metal plating on one of the fallen pony's shields. Apparently, she had focused so much on the battle moments before that she had inadvertently dropped her disguise. Before she could think up an excuse, the mare that had been her friend jumped on her, and attempted to plunge her sword into the barrel of the changeling. Panicking, Chrysalis let out a burst of magic, blasting the pony off her. She jumped to her feet, and galloped away.

Weeks later, after an oppressive slog through the desert, she arrived at her mother's hive. Entering into the throne room, she was filthy, disheveled, and exhausted. She bowed.

"So, how goes your attempts to infiltrate the Sabinos?" her mother asked. Chrysalis looked up at her mother, the shame evident on her face.

"I...I was discovered, my Queen of Queens. I have met with failure." Dominatus gave a slight hum of disapproval, then a tight-lipped smile.

"Well, do not lose faith, my child. No Queen wins every battle. What matters is that we learn from our mistakes, and put those lessons to use in future endeavors." Chrysalis nodded, and left the chambers.

_________________________

Approximately 300 Years Before Unification

"I still don't trust him, Asturcon." said a brown Earth pony as he searched through his satchel. His light yellow friend chuckled.

"You must learn to relax, Mallorquin. Just because he's a little...strange is no reason to not trust him. He's saved BOTH of our lives before, isn't that enough?"

"No, no, there is something otherworldly about that one. No Earth pony moves so quickly, or is that adept with a spear. And I'm going to prove it as soon as I find th- ah-ha! I knew I had it!" he replied, holding up a small box. Opening the container, he revealed a small stone that glowed softly in the moonlight. "This, the piedra de la verdad will tell us what we want to know!" Asturcon rolled his eyes.

"Fine, fine. If your silly rock shows that he's nothing terrible, will you finally drop it and trust him? After all, you saw how much his presence helped in conquering the Garrano tribe. One look at him, and they were shaking!" Mallorquin only grunted and gestured for his friend to follow him. The two crouched low, sneaking around their encampment. The grounds were quiet, save for the chirping of crickets and hooting of owls. As they neared the tent of the troublesome pony, they stopped. There was an ominous green glow coming from behind the tent's flaps. Asturcon silently poked his head in, to see a dark blue Earth pony writing in his journal. Except for one problem: the pony's quill was glowing, and seemingly moving on its own. Letting out a feral growl, the yellow pony jumped into the tent. "SPY!" he shouted. "YOU WERE SENT HERE BY THE UNICORNS, WEREN'T YOU?!" The tent's occupant whipped around in shock. He began to stutter out a response when Mallorquin entered the tent.

"Save your lies, you filthy bruja!" he spat, before throwing the stone at the accused pony. Flinching, he caught it in his magic. Realizing his mistake, he dropped everything and burst through the two stallions. As they got up, they began shouting warnings about the apparent foreign agent, waking up the camp in the process. As a massive dark red stallion exited his tent, the spy ran right into him. He bounced off the muscled pony and fell to the ground. The stallion glared at him.

"YOU. I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!" he bellowed. He attempted to tackle the dark blue stallion, but was too slow, as it jumped up and ran off into the night, never to be seen again. Days later, a defeated Chrysalis entered into the throne room. Bowing dejectedly, she was met with an unapproving stare.

"I'm going to assume that you were unable to successfully manipulate the Andalusian tribe, yes?" She was only met with a bitter nod. "I see. This is the fourth Earth pony tribe you have failed to infiltrate. If this continues, they will undoubtedly unite under one banner. Return to your quarters, and we will discuss this in private." The Queen bowed again, and left with head hung low.

Great. Just great. Now I'm going to be subjected to yet another 'you can do it if you put your mind to it' lecture. There goes the rest of the evening.

_________________________

Approximately 150 Years Before Nightmare Moon's Banishment

Dear Mother,

I regret to inform you that my attempts at infiltrating the ponies of the Percheron region have met with failure. Furthermore, the majority of my drones were killed or captured, and I will therefore require a new hive's worth.

Chrysalis

____________

Daughter,

I will contact Reticentur. Her eastern hive is doing rather well, and should have the eggs to spare. What could have happened? Per your last letter, you and your drones had erected a successful gristmill, and were feeding on the love from the local town. What changed?

Yours,

Mother

____________

Mother,

I will spare you the details, but please allow me to say that the mares here are far too puritanical for my taste, nor can they keep a secret.

Chrysalis

_________________________

330 Years Following Nightmare Moon's Banishment

A bedraggled Chrysalis, sporting fresh scars and burn marks all over her body, limped into the throne room. She gave a feeble bow. The Queen of Queens didn't even look up from the parchment she was reading.

"So, how did it happen this time?"

The young Queen gave a bitter sigh. "Dragons suck, Mom. They just...suck."

"Let me guess: the drones and hive are gone too, right?" Dominatus asked. Chrysalis snorted.

"What do you think?"

The Queen of Queens huffed and put down her parchment. "Dear, you know that I care about you. I really do. But you need to start thinking your plans through. I'll talk to your half-sisters about getting another hive, but in the meanwhile would you like some assistance in choosing a location this time? Maybe one further away from a nest of dragons?"

The battle-scarred changeling rolled her eyes. "No, Mom. I'm fine. Really. It's just some...bad luck, is all." The elder Queen gently shook her head.

"When you requested a loan, I asked if you wanted help setting it up. And you said no, so I gave you your space. Honestly, I don't think it's bad luck, it's just that you're just not living up to your poten-"

"Oh good grief Mom, it's just bad luck! How else could I have managed to lose this many hives this many times? I'm not THAT stupid. So please. For my sanity, don't give me another lecture." Chrysalis said sourly. Her mother scratched her chin.

"Alright, fine. Ignore my thousands of years and dozens of hives of experience. But one of these days all of this 'bad luck' is going to catch up with you, and in a big way." Her daughter let out a groan.

"Sure, whatever you say, Mom. Look, are we done here? I need to go...research." The Queen of Queens nodded, and Chrysalis limped out of the throne room.

_________________________

985 Years Following Nightmare Moon's Banishment

A bespectacled pale gray pegasus dressed in dark clothing sat in the hallway of the Royal Canterlot High School. She wore an oversized black sweater, black lipstick, heavy eyeshadow, and had her hooves painted the color of a moonless night. As a student passed her, he nonchalantly kicked her textbooks down the hall with a laugh.

"HEY! Jerk! You kicked my books!" she yelled. He only replied with a rude gesture and kept walking. "Whatever." she muttered to herself. Wait. Her trig book was in that stack. With a frustrated groan, she trudged down to the end of the hallway, only for her book to magically float into the air with a familiar blue glow. Recent alicorn Mi Amore Cadenza, or as she preferred to be called, 'Cadance,' walked around the corner.

"Here you go, New Moon! I thought I heard Butch bullying someone. I'm so sorry about him." she said, floating the book into the pegasus' hooves. New Moon blushed heavily.

"O-oh, no, it's fine. He's a wastoid anyway." she replied with a nervous giggle. As the alicorn picked up the rest of the scattered books, she idly scratched the back of her neck. "Um, hey, Cadance?" The pink pony lowered her saddlebags and looked her in the eyes.

"Yes, New Moon?"

"Um. Cadance. So. You know how, like, the Prom is coming, right?" She squeaked out. The alicorn nodded her head. "So. Um. I was wondering, if, like, you know...gosh, did it get hot in here? Anyway. Um. Didyoumaybewannagowithme?" she said, rushing the question out as quickly as possible. Cadance gave a sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry, but no." she softly replied. "It's just that, well, I'm not really into mares like that. And also there's a stallion I was looking to go with. I'm so, so sorry. You seem really nice, and I bet we'd have a great time, but I just don't want to lead you on. It wouldn't be fair to you. Is there another mare that you'd like to go with? We could make it a double date if you wanted!" she offered. Crestfallen, New Moon backpedaled as hard she could.

"Oh! Ha ha! No, it's not that! No, I was just, uh...joking. Yeah. Joking. You know me, always joking about stuff like that! Um. Yeah. I'mgonnagonowbye!" New Moon grabbed her books and left a confused alicorn in the hallway. Cadance watched as her embarrassed classmate ran off with a sad frown.

"That poor girl. It must have been hard for her to work up the courage to ask me. I hope she finds the right mare for her to go to the dance." she quietly said to herself. The alicorn picked up her saddlebags and began walking towards cheerleading practice when a locker next to her began banging and shouting.

"HEY! LEMME OUT! SOME DORKWAD SHOVED ME IN HERE!"

Magically opening the locker, Cadance watched a bright pink unicorn with a green mane spill out onto the floor. Looking up at her rescuer, her eyes widened.

"Whoa, you are one bodacious babe! Hey, wanna go to prom, sweet stuff? I could probably get us some beers and buds! I know a guy who knows a guy!"

Cadance inwardly cringed. "Oh. Hey, Bubblegum. Um, no, thanks. I'm planning on going with another pony." The unicorn kept talking as the alicorn began slowly moving away.

"What, that nerdlinger stallion? Psh. He can't rock your world the way I can!" Bubblegum said, giving a lecherous smile while snaking out her tongue.

"I said no thank you, Bubblegum. Now please excuse me; I need to get to practice." she said quickly, briskly walking away. The unicorn's smile turned to a frown.

"Whatever. Bite me, skank." she muttered as the alicorn turned the corner. Oh yeah, go to high school, she says. Get intelligence, she says. Teenagers don't know how to keep their mouths shut, she says. It'll be easy, she says. This sucks. I wanna go home.

_________________________

Two Years After the Return of Princess Luna

"Okay, go over it again, please, because I just can't help but feel like I'm missing something." Dominatus said with a sigh. Her daughter had practically kicked the doors to her bedroom open, and was keeping her from her beauty sleep.

"Fine! So I just heard that some alicorn just got engaged, right? So, get this: she's the Princess of Love! You can't tell me that if I didn't impersonate her, I'd be drowning in the stuff, right?! So all I'm asking for is a small loan of drones as a backup plan, just in case things go wrong. They won't, but just in case!" Chrysalis replied, the excitement practically taking over her voice. And it'll give me a chance to get back at that skank for saying 'no' when I asked her to prom!

"Wouldn't her fiance notice that you're not her, though?" came her mother's drowsy voice.

"Not if I put a spell on him, convincing him that I'm her!"

Dominatus thought for a moment, then sighed. "Alright. Fine. I'll contact one of your half-sisters in the morning. For now, can I PLEASE get some sleep?" Her daughter enthusiastically nodded, and left the room.

"You won't regret this!"

Chrysalis stared off into space. As her mother was wont to remind her, she didn't exactly have a stellar record. But you know what? Maybe this time will be different. After all, she's not having to sneak into anything, she doesn't have to pretend to fit in with a bunch of weirdos, and she can't get tripped up by some tiny mistake. This time, she's been upfront with her desires. And apparently Sparkle liked what she saw, because otherwise she wouldn't want to go on this date, would she? Best of all, this was going to be combat! She KNEW combat! She may not know the whole dating thing, but apparently it was just combat where she didn't actually kill anything. Well, there was also the mating part. She didn't know that. But she had seen plenty of...documentaries showing it, so what's to know? Stick the thing into the thing. It's not brain surgery. She laid back on her bed, placed the needle on the record, stuck her headphones on, and relaxed. Yeah. This will be easy.

This was going to be so hard. Normally, Royal Guards were nothing to get excited about. They usually arrived before one of the Princesses to check out the area, and make sure it was safe. That was nothing new. But trying to explain to some of the nosier Ponyville citizens as to why there were Royal Guards in the area without the requisite Princess? While also not giving away anything? Now that was new.

"I can assure you, Carrot Top, there's nothing underhoofed going on. They're simply here because Princess Celestia has requested they scout the area for a rare creature, nothing more." Twilight said, trying to not talk down to the farmer.

"Sure. And carrots only come in the color orange. There's more going on than what you're saying, Princess, and I deserve to know! We ALL deserve to know!" the Earth pony said forcefully. "So what is it? Some weird hoodoo creature? A government takeover? What?!"

The Princess began to give an answer when Bon Bon happened by the scene. "Oh, hey, Carrot Top! What's up?"

"The Princess won't tell us why there's a bunch of Royal Guards in town! I KNOW it's something sinister, and I'm not leaving until I get answers!" she replied, stomping her hoof.

"Oh, Carrot Top, you and your conspiracy theories." chuckled the confectioneer as she wrapped a foreleg around the other mare. The farmer returned to her tirade, only to quickly go silent, and slump over. "Don't worry Princess; you don't have to explain a thing. When she wakes up, I'll say I found her unconscious outside, and she must have succumbed to heat stroke." said Bon Bon with a wink, hefting up the limp yellow pony. Throwing her over her back, she walked back towards the farmer's home.

WHAT. JUST. HAPPENED. thought a slack-jawed Princess. She was about to pursue the two Earth ponies when a cerulean face appeared in front of hers.

"Hey, Twilight!" The alicorn jumped back, emitting a surprised yelp in the process.

"For goodness' sake, Rainbow Dash! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?! Give me a little warning next time!" The pegasus gave a little laugh.

"I did, egghead. I said 'Hey, Twilight!' What do you want, a written invitation next time?" she asked with a playful smirk. Twilight only rolled her eyes in response.

"So...have you noticed anything strange?" she asked in a hushed tone. Dash shook her head.

"Nope. Everything seems cool."

"Darn. Rarity and Pinkie Pie said the same thing. Fluttershy's busy with a sick Kodiak, so she's been stuck at home. All of this...normalcy makes me nervous. The...battle...is tomorrow," she said, looking over her shoulder, "and you'd think we'd find something. The Royal Guards Princess Celestia sent are supposed to be the best changeling hunters she has, and they haven't seen anything suspicious. Just what is that bug playing at?" she asked, leaning against a lamppost. "There has to be something I'm just not seeing. And I'm afraid that it won't appear until it's too late."

"Has Applejack seen anything?" the pegasus asked.

"I haven't had a chance to ask her yet. I've been so busy trying to deflect questions, and when I'm not doing that, she's busy." she replied, nodding towards the line of ponies in front of the Apples' cart. Dash scoffed.

"So? Just say 'Official Princess Business! Outta the way!' and then do it. Easy-peasy." Twilight turned to give her an incredulous look.

"What? No, I'm not going to do that! It would be rude to the customers that have waited, and more importantly, it would force me to use my station to push other ponies around. And worst of all, it would probably only bring even more questions." she stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." the pegasus replied, "'Course, then again, it could just all be a nice and easy excuse to keep you from having to talk to your crush." she added with a mischievous smirk. Her friend rolled her eyes.

"Okay, first of all, what I have is an infatuation, not a 'crush.' Crushes are for little colts and fillies. Second of all, it's not an excuse, it's an actual, rational reason. And third, I don't want to talk about this right now, because I have enough on my plate as it is. And fourth? Shut up, I'm not avoiding her." Rainbow landed and threw her hooves up in front of her with a snicker.

"Whatever you say, Twilight. But one of these days somepony is going to go on a date with her, and it might not be you. And then she gets married. To not-you. And she has a huge family. Also with not-you. And she grows old with no-"

"What did I just say about not wanting to talk about it?!" the alicorn snapped.

"Look, all I'm saying is, the sooner you ask her, the sooner you know if it will work out or not. You've been sitting on your hooves for...ever, I think, about this, and nothing's changed. At least if you asked, you'd know. And not like you've been doing. Just ask her straight up. And you'll kn-"

"I'LL KNOW, I get it." Twilight interrupted with gritted teeth. "Alright, fine. Here's the deal: I'm not going to ask her now, because, like I said earlier, I'm kind of busy with trying to look out for Public Enemy Number One. But, if I promise to ask her after that's taken care of, will you shut up about it?" The pegasus gave a triumphant smile.

"Of course! And hey, if she says no, I know some pegasi on the weather team that wouldn't kick you out of bed for eating crackers." she answered with a wink.

"Thanks, Dash, I'll keep that in mind." A few minutes of pony-watching went by, with Twilight impatiently tapping her hoof. She let out a puff of air. "You know what?" she said, jerking her head to face her blue friend. "I'm going to prove that I'm not avoiding her! Just you watch!" And with that, the alicorn stood up, and marched with purpose over to the cart. But instead of going to the front of the line, she stood in the back. Stupid Dash. Thinks she's so smart. 'Oh, you're afraid to talk to her!' Yeah, right. I'm not. I'm doing it now, see? And I'm even waiting in line to do it, just to prove to her that I'm not scared. So ha! she thought with an ever-deepening frown. The line moved surprisingly quickly, and as the alicorn got closer and closer to the front, she thought she heard the sound of laughter. Applejack's laughter, to be specific. Huh. Pinkie must be up there. It's strange that I didn't see her, though. The closer and closer she got, the more she saw that it wasn't a pink Earth pony causing the farmer's laughter; it was some gray stallion. He was standing off to the side, allowing Applejack to conduct her business, and filling the time in between customers with what sounded like humorous anecdotes. Hey! He can't do that! That's...that's cutting! And probably loitering! Oooohhhh I am SO reporting this to the police once I'm done here! Yeah, yuk it up. Let's see how much you're laughing when you get slapped with a Class D Misdemeanor!

"...and so just as the bull bucked me off, I see this rodeo clown comin' at me, waving his hooves and yellin' 'Take off yer dang hat! Take off yer dang hat!' Sure 'nough, that bright red star I had on the front was makin' that bull all KINDS of angry!" the gray stallion rattled off with a chuckle. Applejack nodded with a bright smile, urging him to continue. "So, I take off mah hat, chuck it as far as I could, and- well, howdy there, Princess! Pardon me, I'm just swappin' stories with a fellow cowpony! Sometimes I just get a little wrapped up in mah stories, ya know?" he said with a small bow. His politeness caught her off guard, and she was slow to respond.

"O-oh. Yeah, I know how that is. Hey, I need to talk to Applejack. Alone. Official Princess Business." And with that, the stallion nodded his head with a smile, and left.

"I'll see ya around, AJ! You have a good rest of the day, now!" he said, trotting away.

"You too, Barrel Race! Hey there Twi, what's up?" the farm pony asked with a gentle smile.

"Who was that? He wasn't bothering you, was he?" she asked, glaring at the stallion as he rounded a corner and out of sight.

"Who, him? Naw. That's Barrel Race. I think I met him in Appleloosa a while back. Nice fella. We were just shootin' the breeze about the things we've seen at some of the rodeos we've been to."

"Oh. Um, you haven't seen anything suspicious, have you? Concerning a, uh, certain bit of royalty?" Twilight asked in a hushed tone.

"No, I can't say I have. Everything's seemed pretty normal. Nothing's really jumped out at me as strange, anyway." she replied, flipping the sign on her cart to 'closed.' "Anypony else seen anything?" The alicorn frowned.

"Nopony's seen anything, and it's stressing me out. There is no way that...'she'...would just let things be, especially when we're this close to the, uh, 'main event.' I just think I'm missing something." she answered, leaning against the cart.

"I'm sorry it's causing you so much trouble, sugarcube." Applejack said, putting her hoof on the Princess' shoulder. "For what it's worth, us girls know how seriously you take your duties. We know you'll always be there for us, and we really appreciate you for it." she continued, packing up her cart for the day. "But, will you promise me something, Twi?" The purple alicorn's ears perked up.

"Anything, AJ. Anything at all."

"Will you promise to spend more time for yourself after all this settles down? I think I can safely speak for the rest of the girls when I say that we're kinda...worried about you. You just take on so much responsibility, and I can respect that, but we don't want you to burn yourself out." she quietly said with a worried look on her face. "Look, it ain't like I haven't done the same thing, so I know what I'm sayin'. And I'd never forgive myself if I let it happen to somepony I care so much about." Twilight blinked.

"I...thank you. I appreciate it." she said, again slow on the draw. Hey! You could leverage this! Use it to your advantage! Get it, Sparkle! "Um, AJ? How about I promise to do that if you promise to do something for me?" The cowpony shrugged her shoulders.

"Anything, sugarcube. What is it?"

Here goes! "Applejack, if I promise to take care of myself more after this, will you..." Come on, just say it! "...will you promise to...keep the girls on task tomorrow? You know how, um, divergent they can get if they don't have somepony guiding them. Also, please don't tell them I said that." she said, looking away. Coward.

"I sure will, Twi. Don't you worry." she said with a wink. "Well, I'd better get back to the farm. Gotta make sure 'Bloom did her chores! See ya tomorrow, Twi!" And with that, Applejack hitched up her cart, and started the long journey back to Sweet Apple Acres.

It was nearly ten o'clock when Twilight managed to sit down to dinner, and this time, she wasn't going to let any stupid mooching blue unicorn steal it! Especially when Spike had made her favorite: a roasted cauliflower steak with Romesco sauce on a bed of couscous. Admittedly, it was a slightly new favorite, as Pinkie had learned to make it on a recent trip to Manehattan. But as soon as she had taken her first bite, she knew she had found her newest comfort food dish. Her stomach grumbled as she picked up her fork; she had barely eaten all day. Maybe Applejack was right about her taking on too much at once. Oh well. Bringing out her book on changelings, she ate in relative silence as she tried for the umpteenth time to find anything explaining Chrysalis' actions up to this point. Failing that, she switched to the one chapter that she was fairly certain was true: combat. Their culture and rituals may be a mystery, but their fighting skills are not. She found that out personally at her brother's wedding. She pored over the pages' descriptions and diagrams until a nearby clock's chimes reminded her that it was nearly midnight. With a yawn, she put her dishes in the sink, and trudged to bed.

Twilight did not have a restful night. She kept having dreams, or in some cases, nightmares. When she finally woke up in the morning, she felt like she had run a mental marathon. But she couldn't worry about that right now. Today was the day. Once she arrested the fugitive changeling Queen, she could rest easily. More importantly, she could simultaneously keep her promises to both Rainbow Dash and Applejack. Taking the farmer out on a date could certainly be relaxing. Admittedly, it could end in heartbreak, but hey! It could end in marriage! So...good odds? She was on autopilot as she got out of bed, running a brush through her mane, eating breakfast, brushing her teeth, and putting on her crow- wait. Should she wear her crown into combat? Sure, the battle wasn't set to start for several hours, but it might look strange if she wore her crown for most of the day, then took it off, wouldn't it? Probably. Besides, she's already lost one crown, she doesn't need to lose another. And if anypony asks, she could always explain it away. Say it's out for cleaning or something.

Apparently the townsponies had gotten used to the guards being in Ponyville, as Twilight didn't receive a single complaint the entire day. That, or maybe it had something to do with Bon Bon giving her a knowing nod and wink when she saw her in the town's square. That was confusing. Regardless, the sun was nearing the horizon, and she knew where she needed to be. After finalizing the plans with the girls to stay in town and help the Royal Guards if needed, she walked west. As she crested the hill overlooking the field, a gentle wind blew from the south, making the tall grass move in waves. Just then, a green flash appeared on the opposite end. There was Queen Chrysalis, standing proud with a devilish grin.

Author's Note

Watch out! Chryssi's on her way to fight and/or steal your waifu!

Good grief! This chapter just went on and on, didn't it? Yeah, I could have (and probably should have) cut it up into two chapters, but spoiler alert: next chapter is the battle! And I wanted to get as much in there before it started. And not as much comedy in this one, but hey, you gotta have the (mildly) serious moments to make you appreciate the funny ones!

Fun fact time! And this time it's not even about me! Bloodwood is a real thing (although from what I understand it's sort of a catch-all for a whole number of trees)! It's called that because its kino (gum) is bright red, so when you're cutting it down, it looks like it's straight-up bleeding! Proof!

Also, writing Chryssi in 80's high school was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. Maybe once I'm done with this I'll do that.

Anyway! As always, thanks for reading! If you liked it, please tell me! If you didn't, let me know using binary code! And if you're indifferent, then I hope this chapter raised no emotions of any kind in you. The next chapter is already fully written, but I'm going to wait a day or two to publish it so I can proofread it one more time with a fresh set of eyes. Have a great week everyone!