Bureaucracy

by TehSporkBandit

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia
Length: 1743

2017 Jinglemas! Celestia finds herself holding Solar Court on Hearth's Warming Eve.

A 2017 Jinglemas entry!

Celestia finds herself holding Solar Court on Hearth's Warming Eve.

With <3 and Xs for Morning Sun, may their holidays be pink and fluffy!

Published 2017-12-29 19:00:08 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-29 19:00:08 UTC

Bureaucracy

Author's Note

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Bureaucracy

As she sat upon her plush throne, it offered little comfort as Princess Celestia couldn't help but be troubled by the recent turn of events. It certainly wasn't an unforeseen possibility, but she had thought the chances of such a dire circumstance would never come to pass. Surely, she had thought the surrounding nobles to be above such devious plots, such nefarious schemes, such underhoofed backstabbings.

This must be a new form of cruel and unusual punishment they cooked up just for her.

A fillybuster over reforming Tax A-401 on Hearth's Warming Eve.

"And, furthermore, if we address the discrepancies between subsections 4 and 32, we can see that it still isn't out of the question that..." Celestia tuned Sir Bullhorn out again.

They had chosen their champion well, she had to commend them for that, at the very least. She had once seen him talk for so long that a bird had almost finished building a nest in his mane before he finished explaining to a waiter the culinary advantages and cultural implications cucumber water had over lemon water. If it wasn't for the fact that she could detect magic being cast, Princess Celestia would swear he teleported air straight into his lungs to keep himself going for that long.

Truthfully, it did impress her. It may be worth considering making him the ambassador to the Griffin Kingdom, if only to see the Prime Minister pull a few feathers out.

But legal proceedings have rules for a reason. She herself put these into place in her Solar Court to help foster a sense of justice and equality in the system. The thought had never occurred to her that the nobles would be childish enough to use that against her.

She had simply thought that her little ponies were better than that.

Right now, though, she was very disappointed.

She could swear she could hear it through the snow-clogged windows, the percussion from the Hearth's Warming play.

Her ear twitched.

How peculiar, was it getting louder?

One of the "volunteered" guards at the foot of her throne's dais snorted awake. "Good to have you back, Aegis," the other one whispered, "you're just in time for the good part."

Everypony in the room, save for Sir Bullhorn, turned their attention to loud stomping coming closer the throne's closed doors. It stopped just outside and, after a few seconds, a rumbling murmur rose through the crowd of nobles.

With a loud crack, the doors slammed open. "Sister, We bring grave news!" Princess Luna stood tall with a steely look of determination, wings unfurled and regalia impeccably polished. Everypony was silenced and Sir Bullhorn casually turned his head to look at the door.

His jaw moved slowly and closed with a wet smack, it looked like a cow chewing cud to Celestia. "Anyways, your highness," his gaze lazily resettled back onto her, "the irregular spacing between paragraphs in subsection 27-"

Celestia could see the momentary look of complete bewilderment that flashed across her sister's face. It was priceless to see someone other than her put it there. But before Sir Bullhorn could gather much steam, Luna addressed the room once again. "Did thou not hearest me? We have matters of national import to discuss away from prying eyes!"

Another wet smacking noise sounded as Sir Bullhorn blankly stared at her again. "Apologies, your highness, but we are in the middle of-"

"Nay! Thou shall leave us to this great emergency forthwith, posthaste!" Celestia contained her giggles as Luna dramatically reared back and clacked the tile with resounding finality. "Guards! Escort these nobleponies to the front gates, immediately."

"With pleasure, my Princess." Sharp Spear said as the two bowed slightly before moving towards the assembled audience. "Excuse me, sirs and ladies, but it's time to take a recess from the proceedings." A general outcry arose, but it quickly smoldered under Princess Luna's glare.

"Quick and orderly, please." Aegis called out. He approached their champion and nodded towards the door. "it's time to go, sir."

Bullhorn complied and turned towards the door with the speed of molasses, but he at least walked with the normal speed of a pony. "You know, sonnie, you remind of my brother when he was younger, such a fine and upstanding fellow. Why, I remember that one time..."

Aegis sighed heavily as he took up the rear of the departing procession. "Celestia have mercy on my soul," he mumbled as he pulled the heavy doors shut behind him.

No such luck on that today, Celestia was sorry to admit. It was shockingly refreshing to see that vacant, half-lidded stare looking somewhere else. "Alright, Luna, what's the emergency?"

"We-" She coughed petitely before continuing. "I find it distressing that you would agree to such childish attempts by the nobles. Besides, any time I'm being denied time with my sister should be considered a capital offense."

Celestia almost snickered. "I'm not putting ponies in the stockades, Luna." Her sister dramatically gasped. "I'm fairly certain that I removed all the stockades in Canterlot, besides."

"That just means we have plenty of room to build new ones."

She brought a hoof up to rub the bridge of her muzzle. "No, Lulu, that's not the point."

"I know, Celly." Luna pouted before a small smirk spread. "Now, are we going to retire and enjoy what's left of the holiday, or are we going to have another pointless discussion over the severe disuse of the castle dungeons? I'll take that wince as a no to the second."

Oops, so much for her poker face. "No, your first offer is quite appealing." With two quick flashes of light, the Alicorn sisters were standing in Celestia's room. "Since the interruption was premeditated, I'll assume you told the guards to go home to their families?"

"Indeed. I'm not sure those 'nobles' are aware or care about who else they're inconveniencing with their fits. Nopony should have to guard us when we're together." Luna wrapped a box near the bed with her magic and moved towards the conspicuously naked Pine in the corner. "Even Chrysalis isn't heartless enough to launch an attack on a holiday."

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "This is part of your plan, isn't it?" She wrapped another box up in her own magic and brought it over as she followed.

"Well, yes." Some tinsel flew out of the box in a heap covered with dark blue magic. "While it's not illegal to not celebrate or show holiday cheer, I do believe that there should be a certain quota that each citizen should fulfill. And you, dear sister, are behind on your quota."

Golden magic unwrapped a few antique ornaments. "I'm sorry, I've been quite busy this year. I guess I couldn't quite make the time to do it."

"Oh, it was just a jest, think nothing of it." Tinsel wound itself around and up the tree like a snake while a spot here or there was laden with trinkets. "This just means that you and I can decorate the tree together."

They shared a heartfelt smile and continued to decorate in silence for a time. The natural green was crisscrossed with sparkling gold and silver. Hundreds of sentimental decorations bowed the branches in a random pattern; There were gifts from diplomats long past who greatly contributed to the peace all now enjoy and homemade gifts from many previous students and personal friends. There was even one that Cadence had made as a gift after her wedding because she knew they liked ornaments so much. One fired clay ornament that Twilight Sparkle had given to Celestia during her first year of personal tutelage hung next to a stylized sun and moon medallion of the highest quality that the tribes had made for the sisters after the Unification. Celestia stopped and regarded them for a few seconds, and she wasn't sure which of those two particular decorations she liked more.

She heard a huff from around the tree as Luna finished placing a star at the top of the tree. "I still wish that those nobles cared about holidays half as much as they cared about their material wealth."

Celestia sighed again, she'd been doing that a lot over the past few decades. "Perhaps one day, we'll be so put off that we unwittingly retaliate instead of continuing our cold war of passive aggressive comments and deliberate inconveniencing."

"Yes, an excellent idea!" Luna cheered as she hurled a few candy canes that expertly twirled around branches. "The both of us could do enough magical drugs to put a dragon in a coma and send them all mean-spirited letters that incite a nation-wide civil war. Imagine it, sister, I'm sure we could arrange an assassination attempt on Blueblood with a half-baked banana cream pie."

They broke into raucous laughter together. "No doubt!" Celestia proclaimed. "And we could have burst jelly donuts left on some of the Unicorns' horns while they sleep as a warning."

"Oh, oh," Luna wiped a tear away, "while we make the Pegasi's wings invisible except for the little nubs. Wouldn't that be a treat?" They guffawed anew.

"That's a little crueler than the other suggestions, but now I wonder how they would react to flying without wings."

"Ah, this is one of the things I missed the most, Celly."

That stopped Celestia dead in her tracks and her mirth died in her throat with a choking sound. "Look, Luna, again, about your time on the moon..."

Her silver shod hoof waved dismissively as Luna walked around the tree. "Please, perish the apology, Celly. As Discord has reminded me on a few occasions, we've had this conversation thousands of times." Her wing unfurled and rested across Celestia's back. "And while I, personally, think it's a massive exaggeration, the truth remains that you and I are both sorry." She stopped for a quick nuzzle. "But the past is the past and we're, arguably, one of the best pairs of sisters in Equestria. So I forgive you, once again."

"When did my little sister get so mature?" Celestia softly smiled and nuzzled Luna back against her indignant protestations. "Now, I do believe hot chocolate and cookies are part of the holiday quota, correct? Let's go on a kitchen raid and get ourselves a snack."

Luna refolded her wing with a smile in return. "Verily. Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, Celestia."

"Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, Luna."