Shy Away, Monarch.

by syrograph

Rating: teen
Tags: Rarity, Romance, Fluttershy, Sad, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9790

Ringing in the New Year brings back some painful memories.

Ringing in the New Year brings back some bad memories.

Some things are best left forgotten, but some refuse to be left behind.

Published 2018-01-02 12:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-02 12:10:06 UTC

Monolith

Everywhere they looked, ponies gathered in the streets. Canterlot was always so vibrant on New Year's Eve, strung up with enchanted lights and enormous silk ribbons. Dancers and revelers were out in force among the crowds, juggling, clowning, miming. Street vendors sold their wares, the many enticing scents of hot food stalls permeating the air. The atmosphere was electric; one gigantic party to wave off the old and to welcome the new.

Rarity trotted ahead of the pack, marveling at the many sights and sounds, eyes gleaming with the many multi-coloured lanterns that floated through the air. "Oh my, it's so beautiful!" Her excitement was infectious. Applejack drank it all in, catching up to her fashionable friend.

"You can say that again. This is just incredible." She held on to her hat as a group of excited foals ran by, chased by their father.

"I knew that New Year's Eve was big in Canterlot, but not this big!" Rarity stopped, turning to watch a group of acrobats performing tricks amidst a circle of tourists. "It's all so fabulous!" The rest of the party gathered round to catch a glimpse through the throng. "I wonder who tailored their outfits; the fabrics are simply divine!"

"It really is amazing." Twilight beamed, happy to be back in her hometown for this wondrous celebration. "I told you you would love it!"

"And you were absolutely right!" The crowd gasped as one of the acrobats lit a ring of fire, ready for jumping through.

The Ponyville crowd moved on, heading up the street towards the main square. The decorations and performances only grew more grand as they progressed, the ground now littered with sparkling confetti and streamers. "I can't wait to see who will be playing at the concert! I'm sure it will be incredible to witness." Rarity couldn't stop herself; it was all just far too exciting. Pinkie bounded along beside the group, her non-stop giggling adding to everyone's good mood.

All except one, that was.

At the back, and by quite some margin, walked Fluttershy. She plodded along the cobbles, keeping a distance with the crowd in front. So far, her place in the marching order had gone unnoticed, but it wasn't too long before Rainbow caught on.

"Hey, Fluttershy, you doing okay?" She kept her voice down in case she wanted to be left to her own thoughts. The shy pegasus nodded, giving her a weak smile. "Are you sure? You've not said anything since we got off the train."

"I'll be okay." she said. Rainbow didn't believe her, but she thought better of pursuing it any further.

"Hm, well, try not to get lost here, okay? It's super busy." Fluttershy waited until Rainbow Dash rejoined the pack before rolling her eyes.

Soon, they arrived in the city's main square; a huge crowd had gathered, all wearing some form of giant novelty item or ridiculous costume. "Darlings, I feel we may have come-" Rarity giggled, "- under-dressed."

Somewhere over the crowd, a loudspeaker hailed. "Fillies and gentlecolts! The opening act will begin in five minutes! Make sure you're ready, cuz this party's not gonna stop for anypony!"

"Sounds like we're just in time." Applejack spoke this time, removing her hat and dropping it on Rarity's head. It landed awkwardly on her horn and slid to one side. "There, that help any?" Rarity groaned and pulled the stetson off.

"You know I was joking, right?"

"And ye know I was joking too, right? Me, give you my hat? Not a chance in Tartarus."

They both laughed out loud, Applejack stomping the streamer-covered stones in amusement.

The group slowly filtered into the audience, finding gaps anywhere they could . "Excuse me darling, coming through."

"Beggin' yer pardon, ma'am." Applejack apologised as she stepped on somepony's hoof. Overhead, Rainbow Dash hovered over the audience to find a suitable spot. Twilight followed slowly behind her. Pinkie Pie watched them both flit by above; she almost wished that she was a pegasus or alicorn too.

Wait, something wasn't right.

"Hey, you guys seen Fluttershy anywhere?" she called up.

"What? Wasn't she behind us?" Rainbow turned to look, raising a hoof to her brow to shield her eyes from the bright floodlights.

"I don't see her either." Twilight added. "Hold on." She popped out of existence in a flash of pink light, sparks raining down over the other ponies' heads. When she reappeared, she shrugged. "I went back quite a way; I didn't spot her."

"Oh great, she got lost, didn't she?" Rainbow gave an exasperated sigh. "I told her to be careful."

"Fluttershy is missing?" Rarity was just within earshot. Spinning around and heading back to the group, she counted the heads; only five, including herself. "Oh dear, I hope she's not stuck behind some burly stallion or caught up in some sort of performance."

"Guess some of us better go find her." Rainbow started drifting back over the crowd, heading for the way they came in. "I'll check the streets."

"I'll go see if she stopped to get some food from the stalls." Pinkie bounced off towards the edge of the square, where many
bright canopies loomed.

"I suppose I'll go and ask if anyone has seen her." Rarity added, trotting over to one of the nearby taverns.

"You three go, we'll stay here and wait, see if she shows up." Applejack assured them. "Won't be any use us lookin' if she can't find us too!"

~~

The crowds in the pub were densely packed, even moreso than out in the street. Rarity bumped shoulder to shoulder, flank to flank with anypony and everypony, trying to catch their attention. "I say, excuse me!" No-one heard her over the bluegrass group throwing a hoedown in the corner. "Anypony? I'm looking for a friend."

"Hey, babe, I'll be your friend!" A drunk somepony stumbled over his friend's hooves and lurched towards her. He puckered his lips, making a grotesque sucking kissing sound. Rarity grimaced, resisting the urge to scream.

"I'm a-afraid I didn't mean... that." She leaned away from his advance, eyes wide with shock. The lime-green fellow slipped on a spilled beer and tumbled over, landing flat on his face. A cheer went up from his friends.

"Smooth, Mojito!" one of them yelled. Rarity gave up, quickly ducking away from the rowdy stallions and making her way further in to the establishment.

The air was hot in here, humid with the many ponies and non-ponies alike, the smell of cheap cider and beer clinging to everything like some sour smog. "Fluttershy?" she called out, hoping that she would be heard. No reply. She forged on ahead, eyes darting left and right.

Then, in her peripheral vision, a flash of soft pink disappearing behind a gryphon. She moved to intercept, narrowly avoiding taking the avian lass out. "Hey, watch it!" she squawked.

"I'm sorry!" Rarity shot back instinctively. She weaved through the ponies surrounding the bar, turning past one particularly muscular peacekeeper and bumping headlong into something soft.

The soft thing peeped in surprise. Rarity shook off the impact, focusing her eyes. The soft thing was yellow. It had butterflies on it.

"Fluttershy! There you are, darling!" she smiled brightly, her teeth somehow whiter than her coat. "We were afraid we'd lost you, dear." The pegasus didn't respond, hiding behind her mane while she slid some bits across the bar. A large flagon of ale crossed in to her hooves. Rarity cocked her head. "Uhm, excuse me, Fluttershy?" Ignoring her again, she tipped the mug towards herself, sipping the foamy head off the top. "Fluttershy?" She reached out a hoof. Her wing shot out, catching her off-guard. Rarity squealed as she jumped back, surprised by the whipping motion. Before long, the feathery appendage was furled again, tucked against her body. "Fluttershy!" Rarity barked, cheeks now red with shock and just a hint of stifled anger.

"What do you want, Rarity?" Her turquoise eyes glowered from under the bubblegum-pink mane, shimmering in the dim lantern light.

"What is the matter with you?" Rarity puffed out her chest, feeling personally attacked. "Everyone thought we'd lost you in the crowd. Why are you being so... abrupt?"

'Such a bitch' might not have gone down very well. She shrugged, sucking down a little more ale. "I wanted a drink." Underneath her demure voice was a tiny barb of bitterness. "Is that okay with you, Rarity?"

"It's... perfectly fine with me." Rarity looked confused, concern overtaking her moment of defensive anger. "I'm sorry, darling. Did I do something to upset you?"

Yes. Yes, the worst thing.

"No. I'm fine." Turning her attention back to the bar, she blocked Rarity out with her mane again. "I'd just rather be alone right now."

"Oh, not on New Year's Eve, surely?" Rarity took a step forward. "The concert is about to start! It'll be wonderful; you won't want to miss it."

"I'm fine in here." Another step. "Please, leave me alone." Her voice was shaky, hooves beginning to tremble either side of her drink.

"Fluttershy, darling, please. You can bring your... beer-" she hadn't seen her drink in years. "- outside and-" As she reached out to place a comforting hoof on her shoulder, the pegasus whipped around. Her drink sprayed in a wide arc over the ponies around them, raining down in a fine mist.

"No!" she screamed, hot rage plain on her face. "Go away!" The anger faded. "Go away." Sadness. "Go..." Tears streaming, she dropped her now empty flagon on the bar and pushed past the irate patrons she'd just soaked. A flash of sterile fluorescent light signaled the opening of the bathroom door, then she was gone.

Stunned, Rarity debated following her in. "What has gotten into her?" She apologised on her behalf to the beer-soaked crowd, her heart doing backflips as she worried about the cause of this outburst. Her pulse pounded in her throat. She ducked under a bunch of novelty balloons, slowing down before she reached the toilet door. It loomed in front of her like a monolith, like something ancient that shouldn't be moved. Perhaps it was best to leave her by herself.

But what if she needs someone to talk to?

She took a deep breath, then shouldered through the heavy oaken portal. The bathroom didn't match the rustic pub aesthetic whatsoever; clean white tiles adorned every surface, a large mirror behind a row of basins reflecting the five empty stalls behind her. All empty, except one. The door was locked tight. As the exit back to the bar closed, she could hear the quiet trickle of the cistern overflow; the hiss of a hot water faucet, lazily left running, and the soft crying of her friend echoing off the hard walls.

Her hoofsteps joined the sobs in the choir of reverb, ricocheting off every surface with a metallic hum. They carried her to the last stall, where Fluttershy had secluded herself. She very quietly tapped on the door.

"O-oc...cu...pied..." came the reply, her sobs wracking every syllable.

"It's me, darling." Rarity murmured, trying to bring the tension down as best she could.

Silence.

"I just wanted to apologise for being so overbearing back there. It's just..." She sighed, leaning on the cold tile wall. "... everypony is so worried that you were lost. I just wanted them to know you were okay."

"Okay?" The sobbing started again, her breathy, pained voice joining it. "Do I look or sound remotely okay?"

"This just seems so out of the blue for you." She sighed, drawing a circle on the stall door with the tip of her hoof. "Nopony had any idea you were carrying something so painful here with you tonight." The circle came complete with a little frowning face. "Do you want to talk about it?"

More silence. It held on longer this time; Rarity didn't want to push. The red dot on the door lock flicked over to white with a click. The door slowly squeaked open. The hurt, tearful eyes of Fluttershy stared out at her, her messy hair draped over her face.

"There we go, sweetheart; that's the first step." Rarity tried to put on a smile, but the sinking feeling in her gut made her feel sick. "Now, why don't we go and find a quiet place to talk this out, hm?"

"It's quiet enough here." Fluttershy didn't seem much like stepping out of the safety of the stall. She continued to peer through the slight gap in the door. Rarity laughed nervously, avoiding her gaze.

"Well, uhm... would you want to talk about it here?" She saw the pegasus shrug. "No?" She sighed again, feeling frustration mounting. "Come on, we all care so much about you. Every one of us loves you." Fluttershy huffed, her long tail swatting the partition. "Why don't you tell me what the problem is?"

"You want... the truth?"

"I want you to be honest." Finally, they were getting somewhere. Rarity was ready for anything; she was going to make this right, and then they were going to have a lovely evening with their friends-

"You."

The sinking feeling turned into a singularity, the ground falling away beneath her.

"It was always you."

Author's Note

Happy 2018 everyone.

Monaural

The evening's New Year celebrations were in full-swing, everyone out in Ponyville, enjoying the night. Rarity swayed at Rainbow Dash's side, sipping on a martini. "I hope you had a wonderful year, everypony!" she called out in to the square. A small cluster of ponies cheered in response, joy and laughter all around them. The atmosphere was electric; their new unicorn friend, Twilight Sparkle, had helped Pinkie Pie plan for this enormous party. It was going off without a hitch.

"Slow down on the sauce, Rarity! It's only eight." Rainbow chuckled, nursing a mug of Apple Family Hard Cider.

"Oh, don't you start, Missy!" Rarity pushed off, tottering on her hooves. "I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

"Alright, alright, stop faking it." Dash jabbed at her flank with a hoof, making her squeak in surprise.

"How dare you!" She playfully swatted her friend with her tail, the purple curls springing back and forth as they settled. Laughing it off, they made their way over to where the rest of their group was. Twilight was flicking through a check-list, her little dragon companion perched on her back. "Hello there, Twilight." Rarity raised her glass. "I must say, this party is turning out fabulously!" Pinkie Pie bounded into view.

"I know! Isn't it great? With Twilight's organisational skills and my party skills, we're making it one lean, mean, pony party machine!" She giggled gleefully and bounced off to spread cheer to another group. A platter of cupcakes balanced perfectly on her shoulders, somehow.

"Thank you, Rarity. I admit, I'm not normally one for parties, but when I saw how Pinkie was going about it... Well, I just had to step in."

"Yeah, Twilight thinks anything can be made at least thirty-three point three-three-three percent more efficient if you try." Without seeing his eyes roll, Twilight took his sarcasm at face value.

"Well, more like fifteen percent, give or take five percent here and there." She laughed. "Lots of variables." Spike shrugged with a sigh.

"C'mon, Twilight. It's gonna be fine! Put the list down; you've done more than enough." He leaned over her head, making a lunge for the floating sheet of parchment. It drifted out of reach of his grabby claws.

"I just have to check one more thing." Spike groaned, sitting down with a bump. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll catch up with you."

"You'd better." Applejack jibed, stepping away from the table where the rest of her family were serving the cider. "What good's a party if you can't enjoy it?"

"Exactly!" said Rarity. "You know, you and I don't see eye to eye on many things, but a party is to be enjoyed!" She sipped some more martini. "Especially the last big party of the year!"

"I won't be satisfied 'til I see you dancing on the tables, egghead." Rainbow cut in, smirking.

"Okay, all right." Twilight laughed them off, stepping away from the group. "Just a few minutes, tops."

Twilight eventually did return, half an hour later. "Oh my goodness, you promised!" Rarity accused her, sloshing a few drops of vermouth over the side of her third glass. Twilight smiled apologetically and shrugged.

"Sorry, sorry, I got caught up helping some of the catering ponies pick out a few snacks for later on." She had crumbs around her mouth.

"A few snacks, uh huh." Spike wheezed from his slumped position on her back. He belched, a shot of green fire scorching the ground. "'scuse me."

"Anyway, I think everything is accounted for now. Is everypony here?" She counted her friends; Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity... One missing. "Anyone seen Fluttershy around?" Rarity, perked up.

"Oh, she told me she was having trouble getting Angel Bunny to go to sleep with all the excitement going on in town." She tittered, plucking the toothpick from her glass and waving around it like a tiny conductor's baton. "She said she would join us the moment he got settled." The olive dropped off the end, rolling in the dirt.

"You'd think, with the way she handled that dragon a few moons back, she'd be fine with just one white rabbit." Twilight sighed. "Well, no big deal. A party is still a party, even without every guest present."

"That's the spirit!" Applejack cheered, slipping a mug of hard cider in to the unicorn's hoof.

"Actually, hard cider isn't a spirit-"

"Oh for Celestia's sake, please leave the puns at home!" Rarity blurted, exasperated. Then she laughed. The whole group exploded in a fit of giggles. "Good show, though. I'll have to remember that one."

~~

Come nine-thirty, Fluttershy strolled fashionably late into the town square. Loud music was blasting from a huge P.A. system, where a white-coated unicorn with wild blue hair operated the equipment behind it. Twilight was sounding a tiny glittery cardboard trumpet while she kicked her legs out in some semblance of a dance, while Applejack nodded along to the beat. Pinkie was throwing herself around the party, striking a balance between near-impossible acrobatics and hosting duties. Rainbow was engaged in an intense hoof wrestle with Big Macintosh. The huge draft horse was breaking a sweat, unsure quite how this lightweight pegasus was taking the lead. Fluttershy had a newfound confidence in her step the moment she spotted her friends having a good time.

All except one, that was.

Rarity was seated, leaning over table and clutching her ears. Concerned, Fluttershy trotted up beside her.

"Uhm, Rarity, are you okay?" she asked. Rarity didn't hear; the music was so loud that she could feel the bass rattling in her chest. "Rarity?" she shouted this time. The fledgling fashionista looked up from her fifth martini and took a second to recognise her friend.

"Fluttershy, darling, you m-made it." Rarity hiccuped.

"I hope you don't mind but, Rarity you don't look so good. Are you sick?" Fluttershy tilted her head, getting a little closer. "Will you be okay?"

"I might have overdone it a scooch with the... Hooch." She laughed at her own joke. Fluttershy knew her friend; she had quite a strong tolerance for the harder liquors.

"Perhaps." She looked the pristine pony up and down. A feeling registered somewhere in her head. She wasn't sure quite what the call it, but she did care quite a lot for Rarity. She was always so nice and generous; Generosity and Kindness weren't really all that different, now that she thought about it. "Tell me, did you have much to eat today?"

"Of course not, darling! When there's a free buffet, you always skip breakfast, and sometimes lunch! Gotta get as much of that good s-s-stuff as you can!"

"Rarity, that's so... Dangerous." Fluttershy pawed at the ground, suddenly feeling shy about scolding her friend.

"Pish posh, it's never brought me to harm before." Rarity somehow managed to trip over the chair she was already sat on, fumbling with her hooves to right herself before she planted her face in the stone street. "Ugh, I have a headache."

It was no wonder; it was like, somehow, DJ Pon3 had managed to find a way to push the faders past their limit, and super-glued them in place.

"Rarity, if you're not well, you really should go somewhere quiet and wait this out." Her motherly instinct was kicking in. She couldn't help it, being so good with animals; it was little wonder that some her techniques became handy for helping ponies too.

Her cheek laying on the table, Rarity stared across the tabletop from her low vantage point. The stems of the martini glasses formed a little forest in her eye-line. It was only nine-thirty? Really? "Okay... Okay." She conceded. "Maybe I could do with a little sit down in the peace and quiet. And a bite to eat. I should be back in time for the count down."

"I just don't want you getting sick or anything, Rarity." Fluttershy clarified, helping her off the chair. "C'mon, let's go to the boutique and freshen you up a bit."

Waving farewell to her friends, Fluttershy escorted the seamstress back to her home.

~~

The door to Carousel Boutique opened silently, the flawless construction of the hinges making it glide. There was always an air of perfection about everything around Rarity. Fluttershy took note of the perfectly tiled floor, the matched drapes and the fabulous decor. It was at once spacious and cozy, inviting and professional. All things considered, it still felt like a home.

Rarity trapped across to the living room and slumped down on the crimson velvet couch, face buried in some scatter cushions. Fluttershy stifled a little giggle at her expense; she felt bad for laughing, but there was something endearing about the whole scene. "You just sit tight and I'll get you some water and a sandwich, okay?"

A muffled reply murmured across the room.

She headed to the kitchen, searching around for everything she needed. And as she expected, everything was exactly where it was meant to be. She poured a glass of water, then hesitated. Was this too basic? She fetched the pitcher from its resting place and filled it two thirds of the way. The water gleamed in the bright lights. Still not perfect.

She opened the fridge, checking for something else. A whole lemon sat seemingly in its own designated space on the shelf. That would do it. She retrieved the fruit, carefully using a small knife to cut some even slices to drop in the jug. "Now some ice." she whispered to herself, humming a quiet tune. There was a tray, flawlessly filled, in the freezer. Not a single drop was out of place, with no frost or anything of the sort. She emptied the tray, then stirred the whole jug few times with a tablespoon.

Now it was perfect.

She carried the pitcher and two glasses out on a tray, carefully balanced on her flank. "I thought you might like a little lemon in it." She set it down on the coffee table, going about pouring two glasses. "I know how you like garnish in your drinks." Rarity giggled weakly as she rolled on her side.

"I think I like the garnish a little too much. I keep buying more drinks!" Fluttershy smiled at her, finding this side of Rarity sweet and amusing. If it weren't for the downsides, she thought she might like to see her drunk more often.

"Well, as long as you're having a nice time, I don't see why you shouldn't." She passed the drink to her, then took a sip of her own. The lemon was just right; fresh and sharp, but not too much. "The party will go on for hours after midnight; I'm sure once you've recovered a bit, you'll be ready to go again."

"Oh, I'm sure, darling. The walk back was already refreshing on its own." Rarity stirred the little yellow slice of fruit around in her glass, watching it with a dopey grin. "I didn't know those five cocktails would hit me quite so hard, though. I suppose I really was asking for trouble."

"Just a mistake, that's all."

"Thank you for being so kind and caring." Her compliment made her chest flutter. "I must have been sat like that for about twenty minutes; nopony said anything."

"Well, I think they were just distracted." Fluttershy replied in their defense. "I think if they'd have seen you looking so down, they'd be doing the same."

"Oh no, darling, it's all you; you're the caring one of the group. Don't get me wrong, I love them all dearly, but you are always so sweet." The unicorn closed her eyes and cradled the cold glass against her cheek. Fluttershy had to put her own glass down. "So, thank you. I really mean it." At this point, she wasn't sure whether it was Rarity or the booze talking. Her hooves quivered; an unexpected reaction.

"It's... no problem... really." She stared at the floor, trying not to read too deeply into it. Her cheeks blushed a soft pink. There was that feeling again; something stirring in her stomach, a little spark. It made her want to stand, kick, jump, anything physical that would take her mind off of it. "I think I should go and freshen up before I get some food." She made her excuse and left.

The bathroom was exquisite, as it always was. The bath was big enough for five ponies, equally spaced vents around the bottom half to transform it into a hot tub. Fluttershy closed the door behind her, leaning back on it with her flank as she caught her breath. What was that back there? What happened? She turned the lock, hearing it click into place. "Okay..." she murmured, heading to the sink. The mirror hanging above it was in a gilt frame, because of course it was. She splashed water on her face, feeling the cold wash over her. It was calming, taking the burn out of her blush. She washed her hooves before turning off the faucet, then dried up, laying the towel back on the rail as neatly as she could.

I love them all dearly, but you are always so sweet.

So sweet? What was that supposed to mean?

Not that she didn't appreciate the compliments, of course. Thinking about how she spoke to her brought back flickers of the spark in her gut. Looking in the mirror to check her hair, she noticed a smile tugging at her lips. She frowned it away, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. "Come on, Fluttershy, get it together." The face in the mirror scowled now, taking a stern tone. "You're going to go down there, make your friend something to eat, then you're going to go back to the party and have a nice time." After staring her reflection down, she took a deep breath to steady herself, then left the bathroom.

Rarity was exactly where she left her, languishing on the couch. "So, uh... Sandwiches?" Fluttershy suggested.

"Oh, that would be lovely." Rarity sat up to pour herself some more water. "There's half a cucumber in the fridge somewhere; bread is in the cupboard."

"Cucumber sandwiches it is!" She felt like she needed to make some tea to go with them, but water would do for now. She set to preparing them, carefully slicing the cucumber before laying them out on buttered slices of white bread. After a pinch of salt and pepper, she finished them off, completing the sandwiches before slicing off the crusts and cutting them in to triangles. Perfection, again, begged her. She arranged the pointed quarters on a plate, making sure they formed a prism. Carefully, deliberately, she nudged each one until it was just right. She didn't want to present her friend with something she'd feed an animal, after all.

"Darling, please don't stand on ceremony." Rarity's voice from the doorway made her jump.

"Oh my!" Her perfect platter became somewhat less perfect as her hoof knocked the plate. She went to fix it, but it lifted off the worktop and out of her reach. Rarity was levitating it, the blue glow of her magic taking hold. Fluttershy turned to face her. The way the light illuminated her silver coat was dazzling, blue accents glinting off of her cheeks. It made the purple of her mane all the more vibrant. That spark again. Fluttershy hid, her bangs slipping down her forehead.

"Are you all right? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Rarity separated a sandwich from the bunch, taking a dainty bite. Fluttershy tried to speak, but she couldn't. Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Fluttershy?"

"I'm fine!" she blurted, blushing lightly as she practically shouted in her face. Rarity barely stopped herself from giggling.

"Okay... well... shall we?" She turned to walk out. Fluttershy found herself looking at the three diamonds of her cutie mark. She watched them bobbing as the mare walked, swaying from side to side with her hips. Her tail was just as expertly coiffured as her mane, sparkling with a faint pink in the fluorescent lights overhead. Rarity then passed out of sight.

Why did she just watch her leave like that? She felt the red flush on her face deepen.

I just spent that whole time looking at her... cutie mark.

What the hay was going on?

Plucking up her confidence enough to take a step, she tottered out of the kitchen, peeking round the corner like something might jump out. Rarity was about to take a seat, setting the plate down next to the water pitcher. Happy that nothing was out to get her, Fluttershy quickly made her way back to her own seat, sitting at the far end of the couch, away from the unicorn.

"So, Fluttershy, it feels like it's been ages since we caught up. When was the last time we managed some time for just us?" Rarity took another nibble of her sandwich, not a crumb falling away.

"We, uhm, met for a couple of minutes in the market yesterday." Finally starting to relax, Fluttershy turned her attention away from the distracting re-runs of the kitchen incident.

"No, no, no! I mean, time for us to relax together. You know: go see a film, or sit and chat over lunch." She thought back. There was the time when... no, that was Pinkie Pie... Then there was that meal that... Rarity had to miss for work.

"I can't remember." she squeaked, feeling something like shame at the thought. Had it really been that long?

"Well, never mind; we're here now, aren't we? For the next hour or so, we're just two best friends, talking it out!" Rarity was obviously still quite drunk, her hammy nature amplified. She acted out every word, lavishing attention on every syllable. Fluttershy grinned sheepishly at the sight. "So, how are things with you?"

"Uh..." She didn't know the answer. How were things? "... I'm good."

Rarity cocked her head and stared. "That's all? 'I'm good'? Surely there's something you can tell me." Fluttershy shrugged. "I see, well... I'll ask something more specific."

"Go ahead."

"Do you have any funny stories about your animal friends?" Rarity finished the last bite before picking up her water.

"Uhm, it's the winter. Most of the animals are asleep." Fluttershy felt like she was letting her down. She cursed their hibernation cycles.

"I see." Rarity sipped her drink, the ice clinking in the glass. "Well, how about this?" she said with a smirk. "Are you seeing somepony?"

"S-seeing?"

"Oh, you know: do you have your eyes set on somepony in particular?" Rarity leaned forward expectantly, a thirst for gossip overtaking her actual thirst. "That Big Macintosh is quite a hunk, isn't he?"

"Uhm, I guess so." Fluttershy didn't feel comfortable with this line of questioning. She retreated behind her fringe again.

"Hm." Rarity sat back, sure that this was too much for her. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." Taking another sandwich, she sat quietly. The silence was enough so that they heard the clock ticking in the corner of the room. Fluttershy pressed her front hooves together, risking a glance at her. Even the way she ate was graceful. Wherever she'd retrieved the napkin from was beyond her comprehension, but there she was, dabbing her lips with it. She had to look away, the spark in her belly growing to a flame. "Shall we put on some music?"

"Music?" She looked up again, thankful for anything else to take that awkward silence away. "I think that would be nice."

Rarity stood, shaking a little on her hooves, then wandered over to the ornate gramophone on the other side of the room. "It's nothing like the absolutely monstrous system they have at the party, but it will do." She ate the rest of her sandwich, then turned her magic to her record collection. "Hm, let me see. Would you like to hear anything in particular?"

She was so thoughtful.

"Anything you want is fine by me."

"Very well." She pulled a disc from its sleeve and placed it on the turntable. Dropping the needle at the start, the record player fizzled with noise for a few seconds before the sounds of the Cotrain Jazz Quartet washed over them. It was gentle, graceful, beautiful. Perfectly Rarity.

"It sounds lovely." Fluttershy offered.

"Unfortunately, I don't have anything fancy to play it on. Monaural will have to do." Fluttershy nodded, unaware of her smile returning. The unicorn sauntered back to her spot, then walked past it. She hopped up on the couch a lot closer than Fluttershy had expected. Leaning away from her as subtly as she could manage, she felt her cheeks set alight when Rarity rubbed up against her side. "There's no reason we can't have a nice time while I'm recuperating, is there?"

"N-no... Not at all."

"In that case, would you care for a glass of something stronger than water?"

"Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea, you're still-"

"Not for me, silly thing." Rarity leaned on her. "You've had a busy evening, and you're still stone-cold sober."

"Oh, well, uhm..." Fluttershy could barely get her words out.

"I'll get you a nice glass of wine. What would you prefer; red or white?" Rarity slid off the chair again, wandering to her kitchen. Fluttershy was relieved, able to breathe again. Her cheeks were bright red; pressure behind her eyes threatened to cause a nosebleed. She relaxed, panting slightly as she regained her composure. Still, she couldn't help but watch those three diamonds swaying on their way across the room. She disappeared into the kitchen, the sound of cupboards opening and glasses clinking emanating from within. The fire in Fluttershy's belly was still there, now a more comfortable ember, at least for the moment Rarity was at a safe distance. "Darling?" Rarity peeked back around the doorway.

"Oh, right... uhm... red?" Fluttershy replied, momentarily forgetting the question she asked to begin with.

"Red it is! Merlot? Malbec? Pinot Noir? Shiraz?" All the names meant nothing to her. As far as she knew, wine was just wine, white, red or rosé. She decided to answer with a question.

"Which one is your favourite, Rarity?" A delighted voice answered her.

"I simply adore a nice Malbec; it's deep and refined. I think you might like it." Still no idea.

"Uh, okay." She adjusted herself on the couch, getting as comfy as she could while taking up some extra space. She wanted some wiggle room in case Rarity decided to get close again. The sound of a cork popping out of a bottle echoed off the kitchen walls. Rarity soon returned with a dark green bottle, the wine within looking black against the glass, and two wine glasses. She poured the wine out in both, just a quarter of the glass, before setting the bottle down and passing one glass to her friend.

"Let me know what you think." And just as the pegasus suspected, Rarity sat half way along the couch once again, brushing up against her wing. She gratefully accepted the glass, holding it in both hooves. Rarity swirled the wine gently, inhaling the aroma of it. "Lovely dark fruit, hints of spice, citrus, oak..." Fluttershy let her own thoughts drown out her senseless ramble. She put the glass to her lips and tipped it back. Taking the smallest sip she could, she wrinkled her nose as the sharp red washed over her palate. She felt the warmth of it in her throat as she swallowed, stifling a little cough as she exhaled.

"Oh, it's uh... lovely. You can really taste the... uh... barrel?"

"Yes! Isn't it marvelous?" Rarity set her glass down on the table, then picked up the bottle again. "Yes?" Not wanting to disappoint her friend, Fluttershy accepted the top-up, holding out her glass to receive it.

"Now then, I propose a toast." Rarity proclaimed, setting the bottle down to pick up her glass once more. "Here's to friendship."

"Friendship." she parroted, raising her drink.

"And best friends enjoying a quiet evening in."

"B- bes-..." Best friends? "Uhm, yes. Quiet evening." What had her friends told her about alcohol? It removed your inhibitions. It stopped you from worrying about the small things. She hoped that, maybe, she could forget about the confusing feelings battling inside her. They both took a sip.

Well, Rarity sipped. Fluttershy took a huge gulp, grunting quietly as the wine burned on its way down. "S-smooth." she choked.

"Hm, yes, quite!" Rarity was oblivious to her distaste for the acrid fluid, lost in her own intoxicated realm of rich excess.

The evening wore on with snippets of conversation Fluttershy could barely recall, with Rarity waxing poetic about this and that, gossiping about the high-life in Canterlot, all the while with smooth jazz backing her up. Her dislike for the wine had slowly waned, occasionally sipping between bites of cucumber sandwich. She hung on her every word, nodding and urging her on, even if very little of it actually interested her. The haze of tipsiness was taking her, the wine dulling her senses just a touch, but the worry was gone now. She had since made peace with the sparkling sensation deep within her, letting it carry her through the night as her cares melted away.

The clock struck eleven. "Hm, we should consider making a move, shouldn't we?" Rarity proposed.

"I suppose we should." Fluttershy felt a pang of regret at having to leave for the very loud, very public event in the square.

"But before all that-" Rarity put her glass down by the empty bottle, "- I just wanted to say 'thank you' again." Fluttershy caught her breath as the unicorn pulled her in to a warm embrace, her wings flaring slightly for balance. "So, thank you. I've had such a lovely night so far, just being here with somepony special like you."

Somepony special?

Never mind. The worry was back with a vengeance. Fluttershy's heart was racing, the familiar twinge in her gut replaced by a raging fire that threatened to consume her. "I had a nice time too." she peeped, trying to keep a level head. Rarity swayed with her, hugging tight.

"Ohh I do love our little one-on-one chats. It's just so nice to unwind like this."

No, it couldn't be.

"You're just so attentive and sweet."

Could it?

She felt lips brush her cheek, soft and hot. If she hadn't been two glasses deep into the wine, she'd have hit the ceiling. Eyes wide and breathing sharp, Fluttershy tried her best not to pass out. Love? Did it really come down to that?

"Rarity." She tried to get free of the hug, carefully at first. Rarity kept her close.

"Yes, dear?"

"We should get ready for... the party." She gulped.

"Oh we still have a few minutes yet; no need to rush, is there?" Rarity squeezed her again. Fluttershy gently wrapped her wing around her shoulders, hoping that returning the favour would appease her. It didn't. Maybe just a peck on the cheek...

She tried it, leaning over to plant a short kiss on her cheek. She missed, pressing her lips to the bridge of Rarity's nose. She giggled, eyes closed. "Oh darling, you are so sweet." Her eyes opened, the sea of her blue irises reflecting the enamored glow of Fluttershy's face. She couldn't stop, their eye contact growing all the more intense with every passing second. Rarity backed off a little, letting her go. Neither of the young mares moved from their spot. Fluttershy felt Rarity's breath warm on her face, the dark scent of the malbec upon it. "Are you-" The question was cut short as the pegasus gave in to the urge to kiss her again. This time, she pecked at the tip of her muzzle, backing off just as fast as she had leaned in. Rarity looked shocked, but she didn't flee. "I... I see."

"I'm sorry!" Fluttershy gasped, both front hooves hiding her face. She peeked out from behind her forelegs, wincing with terror as the reality of what was happening started to dawn. It was too late; she was lost to it. The kiss had infected her and she was utterly stuck with her decision. The urge had only gotten stronger as she looked upon the beautiful mare's face; her perfect eyes and perfect hair, perfect lips and beautiful flair. It wasn't fair. Why did it have to be her? Why now? Rarity lowered her hooves for her, bringing them back down to the couch.

"What have you got to be sorry for?" The tipsy unicorn smiled at her.

Fluttershy practically threw herself into the third kiss, this time going straight for her lips. They met in the middle, burning bright. She felt lightning running through her body. Holding it for a second, it felt like forever; she wished it could have been. Rarity pulled away, leaving her half-lidded and leaning into open air. The longing on Fluttershy's face was enough to say everything that needed to be said. The jazz playing on the gramophone was drowned out by the heartbeat in her ears. Her host said nothing, looking at the table for a moment before she returned eye contact. "Is this... is..." She trailed off, signs of deep thought crossing her expression. "Is this really want you want?"

Yes. For Celestia's sake, yes.

She nodded minutely. Rarity shuffled on the couch, shifting up. She was so close that Fluttershy could feel her body heat across the gap. "In that case, let me..." Rarity's hoof gently brushed her hair away, her beautiful blue eyes staring deeply into her own. Fluttershy gasped through her nose as their lips met once again, their softness, their warmth overtaking her. She sighed deeply, leaning in. Rarity held her face sweetly. The kiss was everything she'd ever wanted, even if she had no idea what she'd wanted in the first place. Closing her eyes, she reveled in every second she could get, breathing slowly, deeply, fanning the flames inside her.

After what felt like an entire summer, warm and fragrant, her lover broke the kiss. "Happy new year." she whispered, stepping off the sofa. Fluttershy held her hoof until she was out of reach. She was heading for the stairs. Where? Why? Her suddenly onset panic dissipated as the unicorn looked back over her shoulder, one hoof on the first step up to her bedroom. Her eyes begged for her company. Fluttershy, unable to resist, left her spot to follow, wings flared out behind her.

She'd never forget a single moment of that night. It changed her forever.

Monochrome

The new year's celebration was over in Canterlot. Fluttershy had given Rarity a lot to think about on the ride home. She'd refused to speak any further to her all night and all day. Applejack had opted to sit with her in a different carriage on the train just so she wouldn't be alone.

"So... why does she hate you?" Pinkie Pie asked. Rarity forced a smile, but inside she felt like she was dying.

"It's not that she hates me. Quite the opposite, in fact." The rest of the group were silent as Rarity quietly explained their one night stand, the morning after and their lives since. She left out as many details as she could, only giving them the abridged version. She felt like she owed Fluttershy that, at least.

"But, if you didn't love her back, why did you let it go that far?" Pinkie's usual chipper attitude had become one of concern. Rarity knew she was being judged.

"I don't know!" she groaned. "I was drunk."

"Still, you were sober enough to remember it." Pinkie folded her forelegs. It was obvious that she was trying to remain neutral, but knowing how much Fluttershy was hurting made it extremely hard for her.

"I know, and I regret every second of it. I didn't know she was in love with me. I thought she was just... fooling around." Her cheeks were flushed, feeling all of her friends staring.

In reality, Twilight was sleeping off a severe hangover, leaning against the window with a jacket draped over her head, and Rainbow Dash was listening to loud music on her headphones, tapping out the beat obnoxiously on her seat. Still, Rarity felt shame attacking ever fiber of her being. She'd messed up, really badly. Pinkie Pie's disappointed glare was all too much for her. "Excuse me, I need to visit the restroom."

In the bathroom, tiny and cramped, she wobbled with the motion of the train. She always hated these places; so unhygienic and inconvenient. She stared herself down in the tiny mirror above the miniature basin. "Okay, Rarity." she began, raising her chin so she looked more authoritative. "You've done something awful; there's no denying that! You need to make this right." Her confidence faded, giving way to her sadness. "But how can I?" She sighed, listening to the clack of the train on the tracks. "She trusted me, confided in me. I was her first love, and... now maybe her last." The realisation was too much. She felt her tears welling, pursing her lips to steady herself. "How could I have been so stupid?"

~~

The train soon arrived back in Ponyville. Applejack met up with the rest of the group, Fluttershy in tow. As they disembarked, A.J. offered to walk her home, but she insisted that she was okay. She turned the offer to Twilight, the princess squinting in the sunlight, eyes shaded with big sunglasses. Happy for the company, Twilight let her follow back to her castle.

"Hi Rarity!" Spike chirped from the platform. "Hope you had a nice time in Canterlot. Can I help you carry your bags?" The little dragon didn't wait for a reply, hoisting one of Rarity's two suitcases. "I see you packed light! Hope you had enough-"

"Spike." she interrupted, stooping down to him. "I appreciate it, but I think I can manage."

"Aw, but, you must be tired after all that celebrating and..." He trailed off when he saw Fluttershy standing beside him. Rarity peered up at the pegasus, then stood up to her full height. She felt minuscule.

"Spike, can you give us some privacy, please?" Fluttershy asked sternly. Spike, thrown off by her unfamiliar tone, put the bag down. He backed off awkwardly, then scampered after Twilight and Applejack.

When Rainbow and Pinkie had left them alone, and the train had long since gone, Rarity spoke. "Darling, I-"

"Would you care for some tea?"

The question came out of nowhere. "Tea?"

"Yes. We need to talk." Rarity sighed shakily.

"Look, Fluttershy, I'm really sorry-"

"Not here." She turned away from the unicorn, swishing her tail. She was furious, Rarity could tell. "At my cottage." Not one to forget her manners, she added, "Please."

"As you wish." They set off, heading for her secluded dwelling at the edge of the forest.

~~

The weather was cold, this new January just as harsh as the past December. Still, Rarity much preferred the outdoor cold to the fire in Fluttershy's eyes. Hesitating briefly, she walked inside, taking off her scarf and hanging it on the coat rack. She heard the door close behind her, her friend's soft hoofsteps carrying her towards the kitchen.

"Please, sit." She motioned to the chairs in her living room as she passed by. "I'll be out in a moment."

"Okay." was all she could manage. She slowly made her way to the comfortable armchair in the corner, the soft green upholstery as menacing as anything she'd ever seen. She wanted to run, kick down the door and flee. She couldn't face it.

But, she had to. For her.

Soon, Fluttershy returned with two mugs of tea. No teapot this time, no ceremony. This tea was just tea, simple and abrupt. Rarity picked it up, floating her mug over with her magic, and holding Fluttershy's for her while she made herself comfortable. "Thank you." she said, happy to be shown just a little hospitality, no matter how undeserved.

"You're welcome." Her voice was flat, lacking the warmth it normally had. Rarity expected nothing less. They sat silently for a while, cradling their drinks. The warmth was pleasant in Rarity's hooves, fighting off the chill of the cold road outside. She took a sip; the bitterness of the brew surprised her. Trying not to show it in her face, she set it down in her lap, holding the mug in place.

"So..." Rarity began, going nowhere. Fluttershy nodded, her eyes closed. She was fighting something inside, she could tell. Treading carefully, she used as few syllables as she could manage. "What happened?"

"What happened?" The pegasus grimaced, a look of disgust on her face. "You know what happened, Rarity!"

Wrong syllables.

"I'm sorry, okay? I had no idea you were in love with me!" Rarity felt her eyes stinging with guilty tears already.

"What was it then; just a fling?" Fluttershy glared at her. "Was I just a throwaway night for you, Rarity?"

"Darling, no, not like that!" Rarity wiped a tear away, mascara smudging on her wrist. "I never meant to hurt you. I just..." she had nothing. She huffed, picking up her tea. She drank enough to burn her tongue, then put it down. She probably deserved it.

"You hurt me more than you could ever imagine." The little mare choked up with tears of her own, sniffling quietly. "You made me feel so stupid, so worthless. I was so madly in love with you." She trembled, scowling at Rarity through flooded eyes. She was desperate to say her piece, pushing back her sobs. "I loved you, and you took advantage of me; you made me think you loved me too, then you just left me behind." She broke up as the last words left her lips, collapsing sideways in her chair. She covered her face, burying it in her forelegs, crying out loud.

Rarity wanted so desperately to hug her, to pull her close and make it all okay, but no amount of that would fix it. "Fluttershy... I feel awful for what I did."

"Good!" she snapped, looking up at her. It stung; Rarity let it hurt, swallowing her pride.

"I feel awful about it, and I'm so sorry. I never thought for a second that I'd hurt you that way. I thought you were just, you know... playing."

"Playing? Rarity, I kissed you. I've never kissed anypony before." She dried her eyes. "It might not have been a big deal to you, but it meant the world to me." Rarity didn't know what she was implying, but she didn't like it. For her sake, she let it go.

"Fluttershy, please. You know that I care about you. If I had any clue that this would weigh so heavily on your mind, I never would have done it."

"Would you?"

The question threw her for a loop. Would she? "Well I... I uh..." She couldn't look at her; she was a liar. Of course she would have done it; the most beautiful pegasus in all of Ponyville laying herself bare for her? Even if she were sober, she would have.

"That's what I thought."

Rarity tried to speak up again. The sound of a mug shattering on the wall shook her. Fluttershy was sat forward with her hoof outstretched, her breath heaving in her chest violently. She shook on the spot, rage ragged in her voice. "You used me! You just took whatever you wanted and didn't think about what I wanted."

"I thought that you did want it."

"Maybe next time somepony opens up to you; next time they show you their most vulnerable side, you'll show them the courtesy of warning them before..." she coughed, forcing her speech through tears making her throat ache. "... before you break their heart." She slumped back in her chair, sobbing uncontrollably. Tea pooled on the floor by the wall, shattered porcelain strewn across the floor. There was nothing for it. Rarity knew what she had to do. She put her tea down beside her chair, then stood up. She took a step forward. "No, no please..." Fluttershy wailed, halfheartedly waving her off. Rarity stopped only for a second, then doubled down, resolutely walking to her side. The pegasus threw out her forelegs to push her away. "No, Rarity."

"This is happening!" Rarity stated. "I am still your friend, above all else." She tried to wrap her front legs around her shoulders, reaching out to her. She was knocked back by a wayward hoof at her cheek. She gasped, but kept moving forward, taking hit after hit to her chest and shoulders. Fluttershy was flailing, throwing her hooves to keep her away. Every hit struck hard enough to leave a mark, but Rarity didn't care. "Fluttershy! Calm yourself!" She thought that maybe a more assertive tone would help. It only served to make her angry.

"Let go of me!" she squealed, kicking out one last time. Rarity fell forward, scooping her up in her forelegs, her head landing on her shoulder. Fluttershy gave up, pushing her bridge into the nape of the unicorn's neck, crying her eyes out. Rarity felt her legs wrap around her back, hugging her tight.

"I'm so sorry, Fluttershy!" she managed before her own tears ran away with her. They cried like only two best friends could, the ugliest crying any of them had ever known. Their anger, fear and frustration melting away through each other as their wailing turned to sobbing. Rarity felt Fluttershy kiss her time after time, her warm lips on her collar, letting her take what she could get. "I'm sorry." she repeated, her voice exhausted.

"I know." The pegasus whimpered as she pushed forward. She leaned up, standing on her hind legs and squeezing her tighter. "I know."

"I hurt you so much, but I just want you to know, I'll always be here for you. I want to help you heal from this." Rarity stroked the poor girl's hair, cradling her as warmly as she could. "You have every right to hate me. Just say the word and I'll never darken your doorway again."

"No, don't you dare!" she squealed, voice muffled between them. "Don't leave me again."

"I won't, darling." The fear in her voice hurt more than Rarity expected. "I won't."

They rocked together, standing in the dim light from the window, both close enough to hear each other's heartbeat. In the commotion, Angel had appeared, sitting on the coffee table and looking concerned. Fluttershy ignored him for the moment, wanting to spend all of her attention on the woman who she held on to, despite all the pain. The love in her actions was still painfully evident, and every little thing made Rarity sting with guilt and shame.

"I just want to know... why?" Her crying now ceased, Fluttershy broke the silence, still clinging to her like she was the only thing left in the world. "Why couldn't you say you loved me? I thought, all night, that you felt the same." She sniffled, steadying her nerves. "But when I told you, you said it was 'sweet of me'."

She stepped back a little, cradling her friend's face in both hooves, staring into her eyes. The dim light made her look grey, the vibrant turquoise, sweet pink and sunny yellow now just a matte monochrome. She had never replied one way or the other. "I wanted to protect you."

"You were only going to break my heart anyway. Why did you wait?" Fluttershy caught her breath again, feeling the urge to cry building once more.

"I thought we could forget about it and go back to the way things were." Rarity couldn't face her, eyes passing to the floor in shame. "I was a coward, Fluttershy."

"You were." There was no denying it.

"And I desperately wish that I could have said that I loved you." She sighed shakily. "But I couldn't bring myself to lie to you."

As if all the years of lying by omission didn't count.

"Please, I just want to hear you say it once." she begged.

"No, Fluttershy, you know that wouldn't work." Rarity stroked her cheek. "I can't tell you that I love you. I just can't." Fluttershy trembled. She stared as tears flowed silently down her face, dripping from her jaw. "I can't say it, because I don't."

There it was.

"I don't love you."

Fluttershy fell forward, collapsing to the ground. Rarity caught her, hugging her head to her body. Her sorrow built from a silent scream, anguish wracking her body and echoing through the house. Rarity laid her down gently, then knelt down behind her. She was in this for the long term. She felt rotten for breaking her heart all over again, but she knew it was the only way. "I'm sorry." she whispered, resting on her shoulder.

They lay there for hours, the unicorn holding her friend softly while she cried herself to sleep.

Author's Note

Well, there it is. My first shot at an honest to goodness romance story and I done made it a sad 'un.

Happy New Year I guess <3