Author's Note

Welcome to the party! This is not quite my usual fare, you will find only the barest hints of plot or character development here. That's okay, sometimes a body just wants something for the spank bank. Feel free to put this on the private bookshelf and not the public one. If you're into certain things this one will probably do it for you, if you're not, it won't.

This chapter has no fetish material. I'll put up spoilered "warnings" for all future chapters so people into some fetishes but not others can skip anything they won't enjoy.

It'll update with one chapter every day until they're all up.

The Perfect Tea Party

Discord blew out a stream of bubbles, then took a sip of his tea. An octopus scuttled by on the sea floor near Discord's hoof. A school of kipper swirled past in the distance, flashing their silver sides. A sailfish swooped by in a rush of bubbles. On the other side of the table that sat on the sea floor, ranks of coral rose toward the shifting light above, and small, brightly colored fish darted among them. Fluttershy's wide eyes flicked from one sea creature to another, her mouth slightly open, her lips curving upward, her teacup almost forgotten in front of her.

Discord smiled beatifically, a faint halo appearing above his head for a moment. This was truly his tea party masterpiece. After years' worth of tea parties with Fluttershy, the parties had reached their pinnacle. They were drinking tea under water, surrounded by fascinating sea creatures. The sheer absurdity of drinking a liquid while at the bottom of the ocean could not possibly have been improved upon, so Discord was delighted on his own account, and the reef they supped beside was filled with animal life, so Fluttershy was equally delighted.

It was a perfect tea party. It was so perfect it might almost make one cry.

But all too soon the last drop of paradoxical tea had been sipped and the last impossibly dry teacake had been eaten, and the perfect tea party drew to an end. Discord returned Fluttershy to her cottage, then retired to the realm of chaos. His home lay everywhere and nowhere, and contained everything, yet nothing, for nothing there was truly real. He floated amid a comforting cacophony of sight, sound and scent and considered what to do next.

The simple fact was, he was bored.

He'd been bored for quite some time.

Previously, when he'd been bored, he'd caused some intrusion of chaos on the world, making ponies dance for his amusement. Now, of course, he was "good", so he wasn't supposed to do that kind of thing.

Still, "good" ponies indulged in practical jokes from time to time, did they not? He'd observed Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie both pranking other ponies. Surely a harmless prank would be permitted?

He popped into existence above Ponyville. Time to have some fun.

Twilight Sparkle heard a scream in the distance. Her ears pricked up, though her eyes remained fixed on the book in front of her. But she quickly recognized the scream; it was Lily, no doubt having one of her near-daily meltdowns about nothing in particular. Her ears went back down and her full attention returned to the book.

Then a second, rather masculine scream joined it.

Oh dear.

With a sigh Twilight placed a bookmark in the book and set it on the table. She rose and exited the library, then made her way through the halls of the public portion of her castle, towards the grand throne room and the exit beyond.

Outside, a quick scan revealed no large or obvious threat to Ponyville. Another scream sounded, and she could see a few ponies running away from the town proper, one heading directly towards her castle. She sighed. It wasn't an Ursa, or a tornado, or anything large and obvious like that, but apparently something really was threatening the town. She took wing and flew towards the town center.

From above it was even more apparent that ponies were fleeing from the town square. Then she caught a glimpse of a multi-colored serpentine form whipping along the street below. It was chasing a stallion, whose wide-eyed panic was apparently even at this distance.

"Gotcha!" shouted an all-too familiar voice, and Discord sprang, his long body passing over the stallion, hitting the ground on the far side in a puff of dust. The wide-eyed stallion instantly vanished, replaced by a large bullfrog, who sat in equally wide-eyed astonishment in the middle of the street.

Discord laughed and looked around, no doubt seeking another pony.

Twilight dove.

"Discord!"

The draconequus looked up as as scowling Twilight landed in a flurry of wings. "Twilight! How nice to see you."

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm playing leap-frog, of course!"

Twilight gave a stern look to Discord, who had put an expression of exaggerated innocence that was all too familiar on his face.

"Turn him back," said Twilight flatly.

Discord's face fell. "I was only-"

"Turn him back now."

"Oh fine, fine, just... just be that way. You ponies don't know how to have any fun." Discord snapped his fingers at the frog turned back into a stallion. The pony looked at Twilight, then at Discord, and ribbited.

"Discord..."

"It's fine, the ribbits are a harmless side effect, I promise. They'll wear off in just a few hours."

"All right," said Twilight suspiciously. "You'll be in trouble if they don't."

Discord pouted. "I was just having a little bit of fun. You can't blame me for getting bored."

"Why don't you just... I don't know, go have a tea party with Fluttershy or something?"

"A tea party?" Discord's expression turned suddenly serious. "A tea party?!" he shouted.

Twilight blinked and took a step back.

Suddenly Discord was ten times his usual size. "A TEA PARTY?" he roared.

"There's no need to shout," said Twilight carefully, trying to remain calm. Discord scowled at her, but shrank back to his normal size. He stalked up to her and waved one eagle's talon in her face.

"I will have you know that I've had hundreds of tea parties. I have had every kind of tea party imaginable. Tea parties with living teddy bears, tea parties on the moon, and tea parties in the depths of R'lyeh. Tea parties with cupcakes, tea parties with pop tarts, tea parties with cucumber sandwiches, and tea parties with tea hand picked by Chinese dragons. I have come up with tea parties and tea parties and tea parties. Just today I had the tea party I had been saving for last, the best and brightest and most perfect of tea parties, and there are no more tea parties to be had! I have reached the limits of chaos, I have reached the limits of imagination, I have had every kind of tea party that one can have! There. Are. No. More. Tea. Parties!"

"I... uh..."

"So I wanted to have some other kind of fun. Your stupid alicorn sisters locked me up for a thousand years, Twilight. I never had any fun whatsoever for all that time. And you! You defeated me far too swiftly! I didn't get to play hardly at all! It's not fair, Twilight. It really isn't. So today I wanted to play a teensy tiny, totally harmless prank. But noooooooooooooo, Twilight Sparkle, chief officer of the fun police had to turn up and tell me not to. Aren't I allowed to enjoy myself sometimes, Twilight?"

"Well, er, yes, but-"

"Does being 'good' now mean I can never play pranks?"

"No, of course not, but-"

"You keep saying 'but', Twilight. But 'good' ponies only have boring little pranks like invisible ink or sneeze powder, the kind of bland tripe one can buy in a joke shop, is that what you're saying? I am Discord! I am chaos! I am better than invisible ink, and I am sick and tired of being good!"

Then, with a massive whoosh of fire and a puff of smoke that smelled alarmingly of sulfur, Discord vanished, leaving Twilight and the stunned former frog to stand alone in the street.

"Uh oh," said Twilight.

Discord was home again. He coiled around himself restlessly, his body rubbing and twisting and looping endlessly around. He muttered under his breath as he did so, an endless stream of inventive curses against ponies and boredom and boring ponies and the very concept of being good.

It was time to be bad.

It was time to cut loose.

He'd tried being good, and it certainly had its rewards, but it was boring, boring, boring, boring!

Every time he attempted something really fun, some stupid alicorn just had to turn up to interfere! Even when he was on their side, they wouldn't let him play at all!

Well no more. He'd show them. He'd unleash every bit of chaos, every thought, every plan, every terrible, awful, and fun idea he'd ever had on their sanctimonious little horned heads.

As he twisted around himself, his sinuous tail rubbed between his legs and he had a sudden thought.

He was actually more than a little bit horny.

He hadn't been laid in centuries. He'd thought about it recently, but somehow the idea of trying the depravities he craved with dear, sweet Fluttershy just didn't seem right, and who else would have him as a "good" lover? But if he was going to be bad, why not be truly bad? Why not be the depraved sort of bad?

His restless motion ceased and a slow, lascivious smile spread across his face as he thought of some of the fantasies he'd come up with while imprisoned in stone and forced to watch ponies go about their lives in front of his immobile form. Some of the best times had been when a couple had thought themselves alone in the palace gardens and had fucked right in front of his frozen form. He'd imagined a thousand perversions on those nights.

Perhaps it was time to make some of those perversions reality.

And given who had been responsible for his imprisonment, he knew just how to start the fun.

"Your mail, your highness." Celestia's secretary delivered the modest stack of letters with a little bow.

"Thank you Raven," said Celestia, smiling. As always, she was glad to see the small size of the pile. If Raven hadn't dealt with most of the mail, Celestia would have drowned in letters. As it was, they were winnowed down to only those that required her personal touch, and those that Raven knew she'd enjoy dealing with. Letters from foals, most frequently. Those were always a delight.

Celestia spread out the array of envelopes, and picked up the first. She worked her way steadily through them, pausing now and then to have a sip of tea. When she finished, she set the final reply in her out box and took the final sip from her cup. Perfectly timed!

Then she frowned. There was another envelope on her desk. She'd been quite certain she'd dealt with all of them. How had she missed this one? It was a bright, garish pink too, so it wasn't as though it was easily overlooked.

She lifted it carefully in her magic, seeking hidden spells or traps, but sensed nothing. It seemed to be perfectly ordinary paper, sealed with an ornate omega in acid green wax that clashed violently with the envelope itself. Feeling a strange sense of trepidation, Celestia cracked the wax and opened the envelope. Inside was a card, the sort that might contain an invitation to a birthday party or other such occasion. "You're invited!" was emblazoned across the front, along with a clutter of brightly colored confetti sprinkles.

Perhaps it was from Pinkie Pie? She might be capable of bending reality like this, though the omega sigil didn't seem to be her style.

My Dearest Princess Poopyhead,

You are cordially invited to save all of Equestria by rescuing your cute little set of six heroes. I currently have them in my dastardly clutches. Bring your sister, tell nopony else.

-Sincerely, Discord

P.S. Yes I'm evil again. Deal with it.

Next to the words "Deal with it" was a crude little doodle of Discord wearing sunglasses.

Celestia stared for a moment, then put her hoof over her face and heaved a deep sigh. This was definitely not what she needed right now. True, there wasn't anything particularly urgent that required her attention at the moment, but still, she never got enough free time to take a vacation, she hardly wanted to take time away from ruling to save Twilight and her friends. That was why she had Twilight and her friends! She'd groomed them very carefully so that they could deal with all those immediate disasters and leave her to peacefully sort out Equestria's tax code and other such soothingly predictable tasks.

"Sister?" Luna's head poked in the door of her office. A vivid purple envelope sealed with neon orange wax floated in her magic.

"You got one too, hmm?"

Luna's eyes went to the pink monstrosity on Celestia's desk. "Indeed. What shall we do?"

"Deal with it however we must," said Celestia.

"Oh goodie! I was hoping you'd want to come to my party!" said Discord's voice from thin air. Suddenly the palace was gone, replaced by a swirling, chaotic void. Discord himself hung before them, his body twisting and coiling in the paradoxical space. "Welcome!"

Celestia's breath caught. They were in Discord's realm of chaos. Anything else he dished out she might have found a way to counter, but this... The laws of reality operated differently here, and her solar magic was utterly out of reach. Her more ordinary unicorn magic might work, but it might not. That was the nature of this place, it was chaotic. And it answered to only one will, that of the draconequus who now floated before the alicorn pair.

"Discord," spat Luna. "What nonsense is this?"

"The fun kind!" said Discord with a broad grin. "The kind where I win. See?" A window, complete with shutters and panes, appeared in front of them. The shutters swung open, revealing a room beyond. It was largely in shadow, but six dim glows illuminated six large glass tubes. A familiar equine form floated in each one. One purple alicorn, one white unicorn, two pegasi, yellow and blue, and two earth ponies, pink and orange. All appeared to be asleep.

"Very well," said Celestia. "I assume you want something from us in exchange for their freedom?"

"How perceptive of you! I do indeed."

"What?" said Luna flatly, her expression dark. She had never truly believed in Discord's reform, she had always remained suspicious of him, but she was not happy to be proved right.

"I want to play a game," said Discord, his face suddenly distorted into a creepy ventriloquist doll's visage.

Celestia tried to jump back from him, and Luna spread her wings with an oath, as if she would fly to flee or attack, but neither was able to move within the chaos realm where they were trapped.

Discord laughed. "It will be such fun! I have a maze here, a series of rooms full of delightful puzzles. I want you two to solve them. Once you've solved them all, I'll release your little saviors of Equestria and everything can go back to normal."

"How can we trust that you'll keep your word?" snapped Luna.

Discord laughed again. "Oh my sweet summer child!" He reached out and pinched Luna's cheek with his lion's paw. "You can't. But you have no choice. I have you here, in my realm, and here you will stay until all the puzzles are solved. So let the games begin!" And with that he snapped his fingers and the roiling chaos was washed away in a brilliant white light.