Celestia Doesn't do Birthdays

by CinnabarPony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 8763

Pinkie pie is planning to throw the very best birthday party of the year. Only, how is she possibly going to succeed if the special somepony won’t even tell how old she’s turning? Naturally, a thorough investigation must ensue.

Pinkie pie is planning to throw the very best birthday party of the year. Only, how is she possibly going to succeed if the special somepony won’t even tell how old she’s turning? Pinkie embarks on an investigation to find out exactly that, and ends up learning far more than she thought she knew about Equestria's solar princess.

Published 2018-01-02 01:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-02 01:50:07 UTC

Pinkie Pie's Great Candle Conundrum

The enticing smell of melting chocolate and and rising pastries filled the flour-coated interior of Sugarcube Corner, where a joyful pink pony was bouncing around at top speed, dealing with countless orders at once. There were cupcakes to frost and cookies to bake and batter to mix, but Pinkie Pie was on top of it all, her years of baking expertise proving quite handy during such a busy morning for orders.

“Let’s go, Gummy! No slacking! I need half a teaspoon of baking powder, stat!”

A bright green baby alligator stood upon of the countertops, eyes staring into oblivion, not seeming to understand a word the mare was saying.

Pinkie reached over and grabbed a can of baking powder on the alligator's side, “Thanks, Gummy! I don’t know what i’d do without you!”

Just then, a knock came to the bakery door. Two pink little ears perked up.

“Coming!” The mare expressed joyfully, and began trotting for the door, carefully balancing a piping hot tray of cookies on her head and a bowl of cake batter on her back. She greeted the pony outside with a wide grin.

The mailpony at her doorstep was rather taken aback, face to face with a grinning, batter-coated pink pony with an alligator in her mane, munching on cookies.

“Uh, right… I’ve got a letter here for a miss Pinkie Pie, from Ponyville?”

“I’m a miss Pinkie Pie from Ponyville!” The mare beamed like it was some of the most surprising and uplifting news she’d ever gotten. “Thank you, good sir.”

“Um... yeah, you're welcome, miss.”

Once back inside, Pinkie tore open the fancy-looking letter and held it before her eyes with her mane.

A gasp. “Gummy! It’s from Princess Luna! Isn’t this exciting?”

The alligator blinked.

“I know, I know. I’m reading. Let’s see, here. Ooh! Luna has some fancy handwriting!”

Dear miss Pinkamena Diane Pie,

I’m writing to you on account of my elder sister. Her birthday is tomorrow, and with you as one of Equestria’s most renowned party planners, I ask for your assistance in planning it. You see, for thousands of years my sister has absolutely refused to celebrate this occasion, and this year I have at last convinced her. My apologies for the short notice, but I do hope you’re not too busy to help us with such an important matter as this. The party will be held tomorrow evening.

Best Regards,

Luna

Pinkie let out a long gasp as she leaped a good five feet into the air, dangerously close to hitting the ceiling.

“Gummy, do you know what this means? We’re gonna be planning a party for a Princess! And not just any old Princess, a party for Princess Celestia! Isn’t this incredible?”

Another blink.

“Right. We should get to work. We’ve got tons to do and barely any time to do it! Let’s go, Gummy.” Pinkie flipped a lever as the floor gave out from under them, revealing a dimly lit room filled with party supplies, bulletin boards, and file cabinets.
“We should have Celestia’s file around here somewhere. Come on, Gummy, help me look.”

Some would say that having filed information for everypony she knew in a dark, hidden basement was a bit… unsettling, but those closest to the party planner knew that she did it out of love. Plus, it made occasions such as this far easier, since she already knew everything that needed to be prepared.

The alligator remained focused on the cookies his owner’s fluffy pink mane as she poured through her meticulously organized files.

“Hm… let’s see… A….B… C! Here it is!” She pulled out a thin folder in her teeth, opening to the single page the file held. “Let’s see, what does Celestia like at her parties? Looks like she’s a fan of the color yellow, balloon animals, and cake! Well, who isn’t a fan of that, am I right, Gummy? And it looks like her favorite is… vanilla sponge cake with lemon meringue and buttercream frosting! Easy enough. Well,” she closed the folder with a grin. “We better get to work on this now if we wanna have everything done on time. Let’s get to it, Gummy!”

With that, she sped back up to the ground floor of Sugarcube Corner, closed the massive trapdoor in the center of the room for safety purposes, and immediately went to gather the necessary items for the crown jewel of Celestia’s party, the royally important vanilla sponge lemon meringue buttercream cake.

“Oh Gummy, you just watch, this is going to be the best party i’ve ever thrown!” The mare pushed her previous orders aside to make way for her great masterpiece. Surely the other ponies who’d requested treats from her would understand, this was Princess Celestia’s birthday they were talking about. Her other orders could wait. After placing her alligator pet on the counter and beginning to take out bowls and measuring spoons to start on the sponge cake, she asked:
“Gummy? Do we have everything we need for the cake? It’s going to be the most important part of the party, naturally!”

The reptile inadvertently pointed his little green snout towards the pantry, where a large surplus of baking ingredients were held.

“Pfft, of course, we just got a delivery yesterday! Silly me. We should have everything we need, except…” The mare’s bright blue eyes widened with shock. “Candles! I wasn’t expecting any birthday cake orders this week, we have no candles! Oh, Gummy, how will we ever overcome this pressing predicament?”

The alligator licked an eyeball with his long, forked tongue.

“You’re right!” The mare was already on her way to the door. “I’ll just have to go buy some! After all, you can’t have a birthday cake without candles! I mean, how silly would that be? But wait.” The mare jolted to a halt mid-step. “How many candles should I buy? Probably a lot, the Princess is pretty old. Not in a bad way, though.” She began to pace back towards the kitchen. “More of an immortal godlike way, ya know? But exactly how old is she turning tomorrow?” She picked up Luna’s letter and examined. “Princess Luna didn’t say anything about how old her sister’s turning. And my file-” She picked up Celestia’s personal file and opened to the single page. “Has absolutely nothing on how old she is! I don’t even have a birthdate! What kind of party planner does that make me, Gummy?! And how in Equestria am I supposed to know how many candles to put on the cake!”

The alligator blinked once more. If anything, it was a slightly more concerned blink than the previous.

“I’ll just have to find out how old the Princess is turning, then!” Pinkie put her hooves on her hips and gave a determined smile. “As her official royal party planner for the time being, it’s essential that I know how many candles to put on her official royal birthday cake!” She stuffed a mixing spoon into her pet’s toothless mouth. “Could you take care of the baking while i’m away, Gummy? Thanks a million! I owe ya one!” And with that, the door slammed shut behind her, a plan already brewing in her overactive little head.

Luckily, Pinkie Pie was friends with one pony who surely know plenty on Equestria’s solar princess. She made her way as quickly as possible to the towering Friendship castle at Ponyville's border, and pounded on the enormous, crystalline doors for all she was worth.

“‘Twilighttwilighttwilgihttwilgiht! Open up! Come on! This!.. Is!... Im!... Por!... Tant!" she pounded forcefully with each syllable.
Several minutes went by, but nopony answered her. Exhausted from all the yelling, she turned around and slid down the locked doors until she was seated against them, staring up at the sky, wearing a very annoyed look.
“Spike? Starlight? Are you there?” Nothing. “Somepony? Anypony?!” she let out a sigh.

“Pinkie, will you please keep it down?” Just like that, the doors whipped open under the influence of bright magenta magic, causing a certain pink pony to fall backwards onto the ground. When she looked up, she found an upside-down alicorn was staring daggers at her.

“Twilight! I was just calling you, you know.”

“I heard you, Pinkie. I need you to keep it down a bit, please?”

“But Twilight! This is important! Incredibly important! Insurmountably important!” She stretched her out front legs the farthest possible to express her point. “You have to believe me!”

“More important than avoiding an international conflict with the griffin kingdom?!” Twilight barked.

“I mean, probably!”

The purple alicorn placed a hoof over her face. “Look, Pinkie,” she spoke quietly, levitating her friend up to a standing position. “Nopony’s in immediate danger, are they?”

“Well, no…”

“Then I promise i’ll help you with whatever’s wrong as soon as i’m finished with this meeting and these griffins finally leave. Can you please stay in the library and keep it down until then?”

Pinkie thought for a moment. “Okie dokie lokie…” she uttered skeptically. “But hurry! Hm… maybe i’ll find some answers in some of these old books…” And just like that, she was being drawn in the direction of the library like a moth to a flame, leaving Twilight with the chance to sprint back to her rather displeased guests.

“Okay, I think I managed to clear everything-woah Pinkie what are doing?!”

A drained purple alicorn had walked in on half the contents of her library in a heap on the floor. In the very center of the enormous pile was Pinkie, flipping through book after book as if her life depended on it. With a dissatisfied groan, she tossed the title she was currently reading behind her.

“How can there be nothing here!”

Twilight spread her wings and flew up to where Pinkie sat on top of her mountain of literature, clearly quite irritated with her friend.
“Pinkie Pie, what in Celestia’s name are you doing to my library?”

Pinkie had taken another book out and was impatiently scanning its contents, “Her name i’ve got down, it’s her age that’s the real mystery!”

“What?!”

The pink pony slammed the cover shut and gave the princess a helpless look, “I’m really sorry about the mess, Twilight, but it’s just that I desperately need to figure out how old the Princess is turning tomorrow or her birthday party’ll turn out a disaster!”

“Woah, woah, woah.” Twilight landed herself beside the pink mare and hurriedly began levitating books onto their proper shelves, the sight of them all lying disorganized on the ground starting to get to her. “Start from the beginning, if you would?”

The earth pony took a long breath, “Princess Luna sent a letter asking me to throw a birthday party for her sister tomorrow, but I have no idea how old she’s turning! And neither do any of these boring old books! And if I don’t know how old she’s gonna be, i’ll have no idea how many candles to put on her delicious birthday cake!” Twilight dropped the hovering books and gave Pinkie an unsure glance. “And then the party will be a disaster!” The pink pony gave the most pitiful stare she could muster. “You wouldn’t happen to know, would you, Twilight?”

The alicorn sighed, racking her brain for any details she might have on exactly how old her former mentor was. “Celestia never really wanted to cause a fuss for her birthday, far as I can remember.” she sat down and put a hoof to her chin. “I’d ask her about it, sometimes, but she never wanted to do anything special whenever it rolled around. Honestly, I feel bad, I didn’t even remember it was tomorrow.”

Pinkie’s bouncy pink mane deflated like a balloon, “So you have no idea? You’re sure she never mentioned it even once?”

“Pinkie Pie, maybe you should just be grateful the Princess is willing to celebrate her birthday at all this year. I wouldn’t press her for any details. You’re amazing at party planning, everything will turn out fine, trust me.”

“But this is just too important! I need to know how many candles to put on that cake, Twilight! Or else the party won’t be perfect, and Celestia won’t have anything to wish on!”

“Pinkie, I think you might be making this out to be a bigger deal than it is.” Twilight had once again began to reshelve the mayhem before her.

“Said the pony who hooked me up to a crazy machine in her basement to try and figure out where my pinkie sense comes from…”

Twilight gave the ground a sheepish look, “That was… a long time ago, Pinkie. And a very different situation. Although, if there’s one pony who might know, Cadance is here visiting Ponyville along with Shining and Flurry this week-”

The earth pony leaped to her hooves, “She is?”

“Yeah. But... hang on, how would you even fit that many ca-”

But Pinkie was already off.

Speeding out the doors of Twilight’s castle and down Main Street, the lightning-fast pony was quick to spot a bubblegum pink alicorn along with her unicorn husband, pushing a stroller with her telekinesis.

“Cadance! Excellent! My next suspect.”

“Huh?” The princess had taken a full step back, along with the stroller, quite surprised by the earth pony who had seemed to have appeared out of thin air in front of them.

“You’re related to Princess Celestia, right? By way of, like- adoption, or something?”

“I- well, yes…” Cadance seemed understanbly overwhelmed, and looked to Shining for some kind of support, who could do little more than shrug. “But why in Equestria would you need to know that, Pinkie Pie?”

“Cause I’m throwing your auntie a birthday party tomorrow!” exclaimed Pinkie, throwing her hooves up into the air. The motion caused baby Flurry to giggle and do the same. “And I was wondering if you, being her niece and all, knew how old she was turning?”

Cadance seemed unsure of herself, “Are you sure Celestia’s agreed to such? She was never too fond of celebrating that. Most years she just urges everypony to pay no attention to it.”

“Do alicorns even age?” Shining Armor asked. His wife shot him a look.

“What? Just wondering!”

Cadance sighed, “What I would give if they didn’t! I’d love to stay young forever.”

“So, maybe she’s just- not happy with how old she’s getting?” Shining questioned to Pinkie, obviously trying his best to be of some help.

“I don’t think that’s it…” Pinkie murmured, brows furrowing. Flurry attempted the same. “I mean, there’s not even a mention to how old she is in any of Twilight’s books about her! It must be some kind of giant secret!”

“If that’s the case, maybe it’s better you don’t waste so much time searching.” Cadance advised. “If Celestia wants to keep her age a secret, i’m sure there’s good reason for it. In the meantime, why don’t you just focus on planning her party? I’m sure it will be just wonderful either way.”

“Sorry we couldn’t help, Pinkie.” Shining gave the downcast mare a sympathetic smile as they strolled off. “We’ll be looking forward to those invitations.”

“Wooking orward ooh wose winviations!” Flurry Heart cooed back at Pinkie as the three of them walked off.

Pinkie soon found herself all alone in the streets of Ponyville, with nopony else to turn to. She had reached a dead-end. Nopony she knew would surely have any idea how old Celestia was turning if her own niece didn’t even know, and it was getting late. She was surely already behind on the preparations.

But her investigation couldn’t stop there. She couldn’t go back home empty hooved and end up disappointing Equestria’s princess with a candle-less birthday cake at her party. No, each and every one of her parties was perfect. They always had been. Celestia’s would be no different.

Then, a light bulb appeared above the mare’s head. Clearing her throat, she began:

“Somepony, help! Poor, dear Fluttershy here is having a perfectly uneventful, innocent tea party, without a single soul around to join her! Oh, the humanity!”

Just like that, a being six times the height of Pinkie appeared out of thin air with a flash, and quite an out of place being at that. Part pony, snake, lion, and goat, to name a few. Multiple townsfolk strolling by took notice and were quick to vacate the area. The creature’s head whipped around frantically, glowing yellow eyes searching for the pony who’s name he’d sensed the mention of. Instead, he found only a familiar pink mare before him.
“Hya Discord!”

“Where is she?” he asked the earth pony below him with an air of hostility.

“Who?”

“Why, Fluttershy, of course! Who else?”

“Oh, Fluttershy’s off in Cloudsdale today, actually.” Pinkie responded with a naive smile.

“What? Then why, for Equestria’s sake, am I here?”

“Because I needed to ask you a question.”

“Well, i’m afraid i’ll have to pass on that.” With a snap of his clawed fingers, the draconequus summoned a convertible out of thin air. “I have errands to run, i’m afraid. Wreaking havoc across dimensions, even if not as extreme as in my former days, takes quite a lot of time and effort. If there are no tea parties to be had, i’ll gladly be on my way.”

“No, wait! Please!” Pinkie shouted as Discord leisurely stepped inside the car. “This’ll only take a minute, I promise!”

“Please. If i’ve learned anything about you, Pinkie Pie, you’ll be chattering for hours to come. I don’t have that kind of time, i’m afraid.”

“Well, i’m not leaving here until you agreed to talk.” Pinkie stood tall in front of the vehicle, her determined stare unmoving.

Discord gave the mare a flat look, and snapped his claws once more. A fluffy pink cloud appeared nearby, floating a good ten feet above the ground. Pinkie’s gaze immediately was drawn to the delicious cloud, and she bolted over towards it at top speed. She sat underneath it, mouth gaping open as gallons of chocolate milk began pouring over her. Discord only chuckled.

“Attention span of a goldfish, that one.”

But before the spirit of chaos could be on his way, Pinkie managed to snap out of her chocolate-filled daze and ran back over towards him, shouting at the top of her lungs.

“Discord! Wait!” Dripping with chocolate milk, she grabbed draconequus by the shoulders shook him to and fro as she yelled, “This is for the good of Equestria, Discord! You’re reformed now! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?!”

“Alright, alright! Just let me go, please!” Discord had started to go green from all the shaking, and was more than relieved when the overwrought pony finally released him.

“Yay! Thank you!” Pinkie plopped herself down on the ground, clearly very content with herself.

“What’s your question, then?”

“You’ve been around a long time, haven’t you, Discord? Do you happen to know how old Princess Celestia is?”

Discord pondered, “Well, i’ve known both the royal sisters since they were fillies, naturally. The spirit of chaos is far more ancient by thousands of years. Not to mention more experienced and wise. A mirror appeared in his paw and he began admiring himself inside. “Not that this handsome devil looks a day over five hundred.” he gave himself a wink.

“Wait, you’re serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” The mirror vanished. “The draconequus race has been around far longer, and is far more superior than the equines in every way. Anyhow, I suppose it was a some sort of big deal when those two were born, then later betrothed and such. But, if i’m being honest, the likes of ponies didn’t interest me in the slightest back then. This was before my little, well, incident with Equestria, of course..”

“You mean when you took over the place and made everypony miserable for how many years?”

“Yes… but that is neither here, nor there.” Discord glanced around nervously.

“So, if you’ve known Celestia since she was born, you must know how old she is, right?”

“Well, it’s not like I kept track of all those years. Why would I?” A sigh. “You ponies, thinking everything always revolves around you. I had my own things going on back then.”

“What?” Pinkie looked appalled. “So, you mean, you don’t have any idea? Not even a guess?”

Discord rolled his eyes. Unfortunately this ended up in them rolling right out of their sockets, leaving him to pick them up and put them back into place. Pinkie grimaced at the sight.

“The glorious spirit of chaos has been around for hundreds of millenia. The royal sisters, eh, most likely only a few.” he dimissley waved a hoof, seemingly quite unimpressed with this fact. Pinkie was unimpressed as well, a few thousand years was little to go off of. “Why is a little philly like yourself wondering this, anyhow?”

“Her birthday’s tomorrow.” Pinkie mumbled, eyeing the ground.

“Huh. Well, wish her a satisfactory one for me. Maybe i’ll stop the the parasprites i’ve been conjuring up around Canterlot today out of generosity.” He checked his rear-view mirror, summoned a seatbelt and started the engine.

“Sure…” Pinkie pawed the ground with a hoof.

Discord stared at the dejected pony, clearly at a complete loss. A lot of nagging feelings came with the acceptance of the whole friendship thing, and sympathy was unfortunately one of them. He grumbled to himself and turned off the car.

“Dearest, why do you care so much about the likes of that old mare? It’s not worth the time of day, if you ask me.”

“But there’s some kind of reason she doesn’t want anypony to know. I just know it!”

“Well,” Discord seemed unamused. “I suppose, then, the only way to know would be to travel all the way to Canterlot to demand answers personally. But that would be a bit-”

Pinkie gasped, “Of course! I’ll just go ask the Princess herself! It’s perfect!”

At this mention, the draconequus looked slightly uneasy. “I don’t think that’s all that necessary. Why bother yourself with traveling so far for something so insignificant?”

“What other choice is there, Discord? I mean, if the most ancient being in all of Equestria doesn’t know how many candles I need to put on my cake, what other options do I have?”

“Dearest, I think you might be missing the point of what I-”

“Yeah, that’s what i’ll do! I’ll go to Canterlot Castle and figure this out once and all! Straight from the horse’s.... or, well, the alicorn’s mouth! It’ll take some time, but if I hurry I should be able to get there and back in time to finish preparations for the party!” She sped off. “Thanks Discord!”

The draconequus merely shrugged. He started the engine once more, then himself, along with the convertible, disappeared into thin air.

In only a matter of minutes, Pinkie had located and inflated Twilight’s hot air balloon, tethered on the far side of Ponyville, started the burner, untied it, and set a course for Canterlot. She was sure the Princess of Friendship wouldn’t mind her borrowing it for a short while. After all, she had wings now, and could easily fly anywhere she pleased. Nevertheless, she made sure to plot her course as out of view of the Friendship Castle as possible, just in case.

The royal guards of Canterlot were used to attacks, invasions, and threats to Equestria’s monarchy and were trained for such. While their ability to actually fend off these threats were questionable, they always took pride in standing their ground.

That sentiment was true until the day a speeding pink hot air balloon came plummeting out of nowhere, at a speed thought to be impossible for a flying mechanism of that type. Starled, the guards bolted, leaving the enormous balloon to collide with the castle with a soft thump.

Pinkie Pie hopped out of the balloon, clearly quite content with herself and her speedy arrival.

“Hello everypony!” She greeted the royal guards cheerfully. After rallying and raising their weapons in unison, they all exhaled in relief upon realising who it was that had arrived so suddenly.
“I, Pinkie Pie, Element of Laughter,” the guards already knew very well who she was, but the mare adored announcing her title all the same. “request to speak with none other than Princess Celestia, of a matter of utmost importance.” She ended her declaration with a wide grin.

“Very well, let us escort you, miss.” The shaken and slightly annoyed guards could do nothing but comply.

The Princess of the Sun was in fact not in her throne room, but her study, several floors above. The guards accompanied the bounding pink pony up several flights before reaching the locked door.
“Here you are, Miss Pie.”

“Yippee! Thanks a ton, you guys.” The guards were glad to be rid of the ecstatic pony, and Pinkie was left before the looming door of Celestia’s study. Without any time to waste, Pinkie took no hesitation in knocking frantically on the door, though she did her best at making it a much lower volume this time, knowing who was likely on the other side.

“Pinkie Pie, pleasure to see you today.” The door swifty opened after being encased in a veil of golden magic. A regal white alicorn sat at her desk, busily signing pieces of parchment.

“Hi Princess!” Almost forgetting to bow, Pinkie did so somewhat clumsily before hopping into the study.
“What brings you here?”

Though she never had much patience with this sort of thing, the earth pony didn’t want to get straight to the point just yet, lest the alicorn refuse to tell her anything. “Well, as you probably know, Princess, your sister asked me to plan your birthday party tomorrow!”

Celestia frowned and focused back on her documents, “Yes. Luna was very insistent on that, i’m afraid.”

Pinkie cocked her head. “Forgive me, but you don’t seem too happy, your highness. Nopony should be sad on their birthday.”

The Princess sighed. “I’m not sad, Pinkie Pie, just… a bit nervous, I suppose. I haven’t had a real birthday party in milenia, and i’m… slightly unsure on how it’ll turn out.”

“Well, lucky for you, you have Equestria’s best party planner on the case! Tomorrow’ll go off without a hitch, trust me.”

Celestia gave a small smile, “Oh, Pinkie Pie, I know better than to doubt you. I’m sure everything you prepare will be just wonderful.” But despite Pinkie’s assurances, the Princess’s demeanor had not changed in the slightest. She continued mindlessly signing documents, eyes glazed over and face fixed in a frown.

“It’s just, there’s one thing I need to know, Princess, to make sure everything will turn out perfect.” Celestia looked to Pinkie. Her expression was hard to place, somewhere in between curiosity and dread, “I need to know hold old you’re turning. Princess Luna never mentioned in her note.”

Pinkie glared with anticipation as Celestia began formulating a response. A last, she was going to have her answer. At last, all her hard work was about to pay off.

Another sigh, “I’m sorry, Pinkie Pie, but I can’t tell you that.”

“What?!” The earth pony gave up any kind of respectful tone with her pure bewilderment at what she was hearing. “Why not? Why do you have to keep it such a huge secret from every pony?!”

“Secret?” Celestia’s tone was slightly firmer this time around, and Pinkie shrunk, suddenly regretting how loud she’d gotten.
“Uh, y-yeah. Nopony i’ve talked to has any clue how old you are, and neither do any of Twilight’s books! And Twilight has, like, every single book there is! I just... assumed it was kind of big secret. And- well, I’d like to know why, is all, Princess.”

Celestia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Pinkie glanced around nervously, obviously unsure if she had crossed some sort of line. She had just been so eager for answers, Celestia’s privacy was probably something she should’ve considered more before bursting in so suddenly.

“I never wanted to cause any of this, really. It’s no wonder you came here. It’s just... ugh!” She slammed two large golden slippers on her desk. Pinkie felt like melting into a puddle. She took several steps backwards, debating whether or not to try and make a run for it.
“Pinkie Pie,” Celestia calmed herself and silently addressed the startled and regretful mare. “I really do appreciate all the help you’ve granted me. And I suppose, if you are to plan this occasion, you’re entitled to know the whole story. Only, you need to promise me, Pinkie, not to tell another soul what you’ve heard? Everypony has long forgotten, and i’d like to keep it that way.”

Pinkie could do nothing but stare for a few seconds, in awe of what she was hearing, but quickly shook out of her daze and cleared her throat.

“Pinkie promise, your highness. My lips are sealed. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” A frosted cupcake appeared out of thin air to seal the oath, which she proceeded to jab into one eye with a determined smile.

“Thank you, dear. Come with me, if you may.” Pinkie cleared the frosting off her face as Celestia rose and guided her outside the study. In a flash, the two disappeared with a spark of yellow light. They reappeared seconds later, Celestia expressionless, Pinkie shaken and confused, at the end of a dark and secluded hallway. Wherever they were, it resembled Canterlot Castle, but was far more shadowy and foreboding. Quickly pulling Pinkie’s attention from their odd surroundings, however, was the huge, looming doors they were faced with. They was so large even Celestia herself was dwarfed by them, and several ancient runes were scrawled around the sides. The entire structures were made of stone, and looked awfully worn down. Much of the writing was illegible, and some the the rock had already started to crumble. A chill ran down Pinkie’s spine.

“Princess, um, if you don’t mind, where are we, exactly?”

“In myself and Luna’s old castle, of course. Facing one of it’s best kept secrets.”

“So, we’re in the Everfree forest?”

“Precisely.”

“Um…”

Celestia looked down towards the pink mare, “Yes, dear?”

“With all due respect, Princess, why are we in your old castle?”

“Because it is the only place I trust this information safe.” Celestia cast her magic, and the doors slowly pulled apart with a thunderous rumbling. The very ground shook as they did so.

“Woah.”

“Woah indeed. Come with me, please.”

Celestia’s horn sparked to life to illuminate the area. The room behind the massive doors was actually rather confined, and fairly empty. The real attraction was the walls, towering above the both of them, no end to them in sight. They were covered in large ancient drawings and lettering, the former completely foreign to Pinkie Pie. The party’s planners eyes windend, struggling to take it all in. Celestia decided in avoiding eye contact with the illustrations adorning the walls, choosing instead to stare at the seemingly much more interesting stone floor.

“What- what is all this, Princess?”

“This, Pinkie Pie.” Celestia forced her head to raise. “Is why i’m so hesitant about letting other ponies know about my birthday.”

Pinkie stared at the ancient runes, then back to Celestia. “I- um... What, Princess?”

Celestia sighed as she walked towards the far wall. She put her hoof to one particular drawing, a thin, regal looking alicorn with flowing hair that could only be assumed as a depiction of herself. “You promised, I recall, Pinkie, not to tell a single soul about this?”

The mare puffed up her chest, “I made a pinkie promise, Princess Celestia. And I never, ever break one of those.”

“Of course. Allow me to explain, then. You see-” She turned and lit up the wall to her left, where some kind of story told by the drawings seemed to commence. “It all began long ago, long before Luna or myself were born. An ancient civilization of ponies rose to power, formed of earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi alike, and flourished outside of what we now know as Equestria.”

The bright yellow magic illuminated the three pony races Celestia had mentioned, all wearing bright smiles and foreign-looking clothing and cutie marks.

“This small but mighty civilization was at peace, long before the three pony tribes of Equestria were. But when harmony was achieved and the new country was formed, they wanted nothing to do with us. They were happy on their own, and chose not to join the rest of ponykind. The ponies of Equestria were not about to force them, and so, as the years passed, they were widely seen as strange and mysterious outsiders by many of Equestria’s subjects. They spoke a different tongue and had very different culture, and therefore rarely came into contact with our kind.”

The next drawing brought to Pinkie’s attention was some sort of map, showcasing the smaller pony tribe and the larger landmass of Equestria, separated by a vast sea and mountain range.

“Wow.” Pinkie’s eyes were glued to the illustrations, her ears perked up. “I never learned about another group of ponies in school or anything.”

“You wouldn’t of. This civilization mysteriously vanished long ago. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.”

“Oh, right.” Pinkie chuckled nervously. “Carry on.”

Even with how mysterious these outsiders were, there was one thing always known to be true about them. That they could, somehow, prophesize the future of our land.”

“Wooooah.” Pinkie was in awe of Celestia’s words as she gestured to the next illustration, depicting a wise looking unicorn wearing a cape, hat, and glasses, who appeared to be meditating.

“Nopony knew exactly how or why they did it. But once in every great while, ponies of their kind would come to Equestria to warn of an earthquake, or dragon attack, or rival kingdom. And on each and every occasion, they ended up correct.”

Pinkie was seated on the stone ground, staring up at the walls with wonder in her eyes. “So, they could, like, see into the future? That’s incredible! But, I don’t understand, Princess.” she looked up to Celestia. “What do these ponies have to do with your birthday party tomorrow?”

“Because you see, my dear, this is the part of the story where I come in.” Indeed, the next illustration depicted a young alicorn filly raising the sun, a defining solar cutie mark on her flank. “When I was born, that was the last time these ponies came to Equestria to share their wisdom. After that, they all vanished without a trace.”

Pinkie leaned in and bit her lip, “And... what did they say?”

Celestia cast her light on the next panel, where the outsider ponies were pointing hooves at a young Celestia, while her fellow Equestrians gasped in shock. “It was prophesied by these ponies that the newly-appointed princess of the sun would become a tyrant, a monster, on the five thousandth year after her birth, and that her rule would bring ruin to all of Equestria.”

There was lingering silence for a good while after that. But even in such a tense situation, Pinkie couldn’t stay quiet for long.

“Wait, you? You were the one prophesied to turn evil and destroy all of Equestria?”

“Indeed. Everypony else, including my dear mentor, Starswirl, wanted anything but to believe these foreign ponies, but we were all very worried nonetheless. None of their prophecies had ever failed to come true, after all.”

“So, what happened next?” Pinkie was absolutely fascinated by Celestia’s story, a box of popcorn had appeared out of who knows where and Pinkie stuffed large hoof-fulls into her mouth, attention not shifting.

“As Equestria grew more ancient and new ponies replaced the old, this old prophecy was long forgotten. I, of course, still remembered it clear as day, but knew better than to remind anypony.”

A chuckle, “Good one, ‘clear as day’. Oops, sorry, keep going.”

"In the end, it was my sister who eventually turned to darkness. Through no fault of her own, of course. I thought the prophecy wrong, that it was instead Luna those ponies had meant. When she was transformed back into her true self thanks to the elements, I hoped to have this crushing weight lifted off my shoulders at last.”

“Well… that’s good, right?”

“I thought it to be. But as my five thousandth birthday drew nearer and nearer, I couldn’t help but worry. I dreamt at night of Equestria falling at my hooves. Luna tried to console me, but it was of no use.”

She closed her eyes and placed her forehead on the final panel, depicting an twisted, maniacal version of Celestia, ponies cowering below her. “That prophesied day is tomorrow, Pinkie. And I couldn’t be more scared.”
Pinkie put a hoof to her mouth. When she did speak, it as quietly as was possible for her, “So, that’s how old you’re gonna be tomorrow? Five thousand?”

“That is correct.”

“That’s… amazing.”

“Perhaps to some. But i’ve been dreading this milestone for milenia.” The light of her horn dimmed. “I’ve always felt guilty counting down towards something so horrendously awful. And so I never celebrated my birthday, and did my best to not let anypony know of my true age, lest they somehow find out about the procephy and cause a panic.”

Pinkie was, surprisingly, silent this time around.

“It’s ridiculous, I know…”

“No!” Pinkie had not expected so loud of an echo, and cringed at her thunderous voice surely doing nothing to soothe the poor princess. “Of course you had the right to worry, Princess! All this… it must be so frightening for you...”

“Pinkie,” She turned and began for the exit. “I’m sorry to inconvenience you, but… Luna was wrong, i’m not ready. What if I turn to darkness and everypony else will be put in harm's way because of a foolish party? I apologize, but I must cancel the preparations.”

The alicorn's head sunk as she sluggishly exited the room, eyes diverting from the darkened illustrations. Her massive wings dragged on the stone floor behind her. Pinkie gasped and bolted after her. Celestia wasn’t getting away that easy, that was for sure.

“Wait, Princess!” she appeared in flash in front of Celestia and put a hoof to her chest, stopping the towering mare in her tracks. “I’m sorry, I never meant for you become super sad over anything! I-I was just curious; please… please let me plan your birthday party tomorrow! You’ll have so much fun, it’s just what you need to cheer up, I swear!” The earth pony gave a hopeful smile, but it was not returned. Celestia gave a longing look back to the ancient chamber they had just left, and then continued on her way, the large stone doors rumbling to a close behind her.

“It’s fine, Pinkie Pie, really. I’ve gone so long without celebrating my birthday, the last one surely won’t make a difference. I wouldn’t want to waste your time.” Pinkie was appalled by what she was hearing. Seeing such a regal and confident pony looking so dejected was simply impossible to bear. “Let me take you back to Canterlot, Pinkie. It was of no use to show you this place. I supposed telling somepony would help ease my worries, but I was wrong.”

“Princess!” Pinkie threw her hooves up into the air in a second attempt to block Celestia’s path. “You’re not a monster, you know that! Those ancient ponies didn’t know what in Tartarus they were talking about!”

“Pinkie, I appreciate the effort, but...”

“Think of all the good you’ve done! All the friends you’ve made!” Celestia had continued on her path, but Pinkie was trotting not far behind her. “How could a pony just turn evil one day, without any sort of warning or motivation? It doesn’t make a lick of sense! I know you’re scared, but you have to trust me, those old ponies were wrong about you!”

This time, Celestia stopped on her own accord, “I’m sorry, dear. You could very well be correct. But I think… I think it’s safer for everypony if I decline my sister’s request and spend my birthday alone this year.”

“Alone on your birthday? Have you completely lost your marbles?!” The earth pony bellowed. “What about the cake? Think of the cake, Princess!” she cried out in a tone that wasn’t anywhere near respectful to a royal such as Celestia. It was clear that if this little pony was going down, it wasn’t going to be without a fight.

Celestia paid no mind to Pinkie’s insistent shouting, as she began to feed magic into her horn in order to teleport the duo back to Canterlot. Pinkie realized she needed to come up with a different technique, and fast.
“Wait, Princess Celestia, what if I offer you a compromise?”

The yellow aura wavered, “Dear, I appreciate your efforts, I really do, but we must be getting back to…”

“Please!” Pinkie seemed to somehow teleport right in front of the alicorn, who stepped back in shock. “Hear me out? Pretty please? Pretty please with sprinkles and confetti on top?”

Pinkie’s high-pitched squeals was nearly impossible to bear, even for a powerful goddess such as Celestia. Trying her very hardest not to roll her eyes, Celestia nodded, allowing the frantic mare a chance to explain.
“You said that this bad thing is prophecized to happen to you on the exact day of your five thousandth birthday, right?”

“As I understand it, yes.” It was clear these words weren’t doing much to lift Celestia’s spirits.

“Well, if you’re so worried about something bad happening before the party, why don’t we just throw your party before the prophecy's supposed to come true?”

“I beg your pardon? I don’t see how that would work.”

“We’ll throw it tonight instead! Over in Ponyville! That way, you can have one last night of fun with friends, before this procephy is supposed to come true and you become all evil and tyrannical and stuff!”

Celestia pondered for a moment, unsure. “Pinkie pie, I’m not certain that would work out…”

“Sure it would! After all, i’m not only the best party planner in Equestria, but also the fastest! Gummy should be about done with the cake by now, and i’ll have all the refreshments and decorations put up in a jiffy.”

“But it would be such short notice- are you sure ponies would even be able to find the time in their busy schedules to come?”

“To Princess Celestia’s first ever birthday party in who knows how many years? Are you kidding? You’ll have too many guests than you’ll know what to do with! It’ll be the biggest, greatest, most funtacular party Equestria’s ever seen!”

“And you’re sure you’ll be able to pull off something so large in so little time? We only have a few hours until nightfall.”

“Absolutely sure! I can get- well, ask all my friends to help me with the preparations and sending out invites! And plus, it may supposed to be nightfall in a few hours, but I think you can make an exception today, if you know what I mean, Princess.” She nudged the white alicorn in the shoulder, getting a short giggle out of her.

“Meddling with the passage of time itself might be a bit overkill, but I believe with the generous help of your friends, it could be possible.”

“So, you’re in? We’re gonna do this?” Pinkie bounded up and down and grinned hopefully.

“I…” Celestia stepped back several paces, her frightened mind still stubbornly hanging on to the safety of the loneliness she knew so well.

“Come on, you know you’ll have an amazing time! You don’t really want to spend your birthday all by yourself, do you? All of your very bestest friends will be there, and they’ll be games, yummy food, party favors, and best of all, a delicious three-layer vanilla sponge lemon meringue buttercream cake!”

If nothing else was quite enough to convince Celestia to go against her better judgement on this, the thought of devouring such a delicious treat finally pushed her over the edge. It had been far too long since she’d had her very own birthday cake.

She gave a wide, slightly foolish smile to the mare below her.

“Well, we better get to it then, if we want to have the time to throw this party tonight.”

Pinkie’s look of pure triumph and jubilation was unmatched as she wrapped the princess in bone-crushing hug. “Ooooh! I just knew you’d say yes, Princess! I just knew it! This is going to be the best birthday party ever!” Despite Pinkie’s enthusiasm taking a toll on her ancient spine, Celestia gratefully returned the embrace.

“Now let’s-” she began trotting off in the opposite direction, before promptly turning herself back around with a sheepish smile. “Right. Do that thing with your horn and send us back, and then we’ll get to planning everything.”

By seven o’clock that afternoon, the entire town square of Ponyville and beyond had been transformed into a sea of streamers, balloons, confections, and numerous other decor and activities put in place by the tirelessly working Pinkie and her friends. Rarity had helped with the exquisite decorations, Applejack and Spike with games, and Starlight and Twilight with truly impressive magical fireworks display. Fluttershy had even returned from her trip to Cloudsdale to put together a petting zoo for the event. Many other Ponyville residents had generously helped out as well, leading to everything ending up ready even earlier than expected.

It wasn’t only the fellow townsfolk attending Celestia’s bash, however. Ponies from all over Equestria, from Canterlot to Manehattan to the Crystal Empire, had dropped everything and rushed over at the news (delivered by a speedy rainbow-hued pegasus rather than the regular post) that the Princess of the Sun was having a birthday party and they were all invited. They arrived in swarms, and before long the whole of Ponyville was filled with too many ponies to count. The party ended up the largest and possibly craziest bash Equestria had ever seen, and nowhere you looked would you see somepony lacking a cheerful mood. The Princess of the Sun eventually did blow out her candles (It had been a challenge to convince Pinkie that merely five would work just as well as five thousand) and the cake was absolutely delicious, save for a few small green scales that had mysteriously made their way into the batter. The rest of the night, Celestia ate, drank, danced, and laughed like there was no tomorrow, along with her joyful citizens. She was as gleeful and carefree as a little filly, losing herself to the endless hours of enjoyment and praise.

Pinkie had been busy competing in an intense dance-off with the major and Big Macintosh before she eventually ended up glancing up at Ponyville’s clock tower. To her surprise, it was just a few minutes past midnight. The hours of fun had flown by as if minutes, just like all of her parties. But then, a spark of worry hit her. For it was now technically Celestia’s birthday.

After scouring through the bustling crowd, Pinkie was relieved to find the alicorn perfectly unharmed. She was sitting alone at a picnic table near the border of Town square, eating what had to be her third slice of cake, with countless multi colored balloons animals by her side. She watched the ongoing party with a wide smile on her face.

Pinkie Pie bounded up to Celestia, looking as cheerful as she could manage. She’d had a long day, and even a crazy and energetic pony such as herself was subject to exhaustion. Surprisingly, Celestia appeared to be glowing even more than Pinkie was, as she waved and beconned the mare to come sit beside her.

“Hey Princess, having fun?”

“More than I’ve had in countless years! I really cannot thank you enough for everything, Pinkie. You were right. This was just what I needed. Some time to have fun, enjoy myself, and forget the hardship that is to come.”

“Speaking of-” Pinkie gestured up towards the clock tower. Celestia audibly gasped.

“It’s already midnight? That would mean- that would mean i’m…”

“Five thousand years old, and counting,” Pinkie smirked. “And you haven’t become some terrible, wicked monster, either.”
The princess looked herself over, assuring herself that she was, indeed, the very same Celestia she had always been. Pinkie was correct. She didn’t feel any different. In fact, she felt like the biggest weight ever had been lifted from her shoulders.

“I guess you were right all along, my dear. Nothing happened.”

“Huh, yeah, I guess I was!” Pinkie looked rather proud of herself. “See, those ancient ponies were wrong about you! I mean, not that it’s a surprise or anything, you’re the sweetest, more caring ruler Equestria could ever have!”

“You’re too kind, Pinkie Pie. I admit, I might’ve been overreacting just a little back there. ”

“And here I thought it was your student who always got freaked out about deadlines!”

This got a good chortle out of Celestia, “I as well. You know, you really have taught me something today, Pinkie Pie."

“I have? You mean, I didn’t just make you worried and scared for no reason? Because I feel like that might’ve been what I did.” She fiddled with her hooves nervously under the table.

“No, no, my dear. In fact, I learned something very valuable from you today.”

“You did? What’s that?”

“That I should live life in the present, and enjoy my years as they last. I was so swept up in worrying about this old mare’s tale, I can’t believe I was missing out on something so spectacular!”

“Well, my parties are always guaranteed to be the best! I’m glad you and everypony else are having fun! That’s all I care about, at least.”

“You know what I wished for when I blew out those candles?” the alicorn asked rather mischievously.

“Princess! No! You can’t tell! It’s bad luck!”

“Oh, come on. I insist.”

Pinkie shuffled in her seat, “Well… alright!” She leaned in eagerly.

Celetia whispered in Pinkie’s ear, “That each one of my birthdays to come will be even better than the last, and they’ll be put together by none other than Equestria’s best party planner.”

“Who’s that? Let me guess... Cheese Sandwich!”

Celestia laughed out loud and nudged the philly in the side, “You’re too much, my dear.” Pinkie joined in with the gleeful laughter, and followed it up with a loud yawn.

“I am correct, though?” Celestia asked, “You will plan my birthday party next year, I hope?”

“Oh, of course!” the earth pony’s eyes were starting to get rather droopy. “And the year after that, and the one after that, too! You are gonna celebrate your birthday from here on out, right?”

“Indeed. It’s time I learn to take life one step at a time and focus on the now. Luna was right, this has been just the most wonderful experience! I tell you, Pinkie, I just can’t wait for next year!”

Expecting to hear a boisterous ‘Me too!’ from the pink mare, Celestia looked down to see the little pony suddenly fast asleep, her head resting at an awkward angle the picnic table, soft snores emanating from her open mouth.

Celestia gave a small chuckle, “Sweet dreams, my dear.” Pinkie most certainly needed her rest, the princess decided, after all the effort she had put in to making the night a success. She levitated Pinkie to a far more comfortable position on the bench, kissed the dozing philly on the forehead, and then made her way back to the ongoing party at Town Square. It may have gotten past midnight by now, but to Celestia, the night was still young. She hadn’t felt this alive in who knows how long, and this night wasn’t getting away from her so fast. She planned on keep this party going until the sun came up. And that would be when she decided it.

Fin.

Author's Note

A big thanks to XombieSlayr for all his imput on this!

Feel free to share any criticisms, (though compliments are cool too) and hope you enjoyed Pinkie being Pinkie!