The Limeade Stand

by CrazedLaughter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 4742

Limey Squeeze, a failed limeade merchant, opens his stand in the outskirts of Ponyville to see if he can rack up some business there. But the spot he picks only seems to attract the weirdest of customers.

Limey Squeeze, a failed limeade merchant, opens his stand in the outskirts of Ponyville to see if he can rack up some business there. But the spot he picks only seems to attract the weirdest of customers. From absent minded doctors to evil centaurs, Limey will try to sell his wares to them all no matter the cost. And the cost? Well, he ain't gonna like it.

Published 2018-01-02 17:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-04 20:54:06 UTC

Prologue

A lime green pony. With a mane the color of lemonade. Is busy setting up not a shop, but a simple limeade stand in the middle of Ponyville. This unfortunate stallion had gained a cutie mark, his talent, in limeade selling. This was something he lamented as his life had always dealt him a bad hand. A terrible color scheme, born an earth pony, and as it turns out, stuck in a town where no one really notices him and everyone buys apple cider or lemonade anyway.

But, despite his life not being the best as far as ponies go. He tries his best anyway to try to sell as much limeade as possible. Because, well, that pays the bills. And sure, he can be as sour as the limes he squeezes to make his limeade.And sure, he did sort of hate it. He was still dedicated to the craft. And he’d do anything, and sell to anyone, to make sure his limeade quenches anyone’s thirst.

This pony’s name. Was Limey Squeeze.

“Egh, there we go. All set up for the day.” Limey said as he wiped his brow. His limeade stand was set up and ready to go.

He quickly zipped behind his stand and waited for his first customer of the day. He felt some optimism today. There was many ponies about and he was sure that at two bits a glass. He’d be making some serious cash by the evening.

“Alright. Relax today Limey, everything is going to go ok for once. Just relax. Plenty of ponies out today” Limey puts on a big smile as he slicks his mane back “Plenty of customers.”

And he continued smiling. But like the many days before this one. Not a single pony came to partake in his delicious limeade. But no, this would not deter him. But what WOULD deter him is after twenty minutes of waiting. He began to hear an annoying noise beside him.

“What in the…” He looks to the side. To see an adorable little filly with pigtails hammering away the final nail to her lemonade stand. “Yo, excuse me kid. But, what are you doing?”

“Oh hi mister!” The little filly beamed at him “I just finished my lemonade stand. One bit for a glass.” She started to wiggle her tail cutely as she shined her smiley teeth towards Limey “You wanna buy some?”

Limey began to speak in a mocking tone “No, I don’t want to buy some.” He then sighed, annoyed that he suddenly had competition “Look kid. One? I was here first, so go away. And two? One bit per glass? How are you supposed to make a profit?”

The filly shook her head and smiled at Limey “I don’t wanna make a profit. I just wanna make ponies happy. I only charge a bit so I can have money to buy more lemons.”

Limey did a mocking laugh “well ain’t that cute? Listen kid, the world doesn’t run on smiles. It runs on hard work and money. And besides, you’re competing with a professional. I have a cutie mark for this sort of thing. Do you have a cutie mark for lemonade selling?”

The filly shook her head “Mmmm. mmm. It’s knitting!” She says with a cute smile.

“Knitting she says. Oy, look. Just give up and go home. The marketplace ain’t no place for beginners.”

“...Oh...erm..” The filly looked down in self doubt for a moment then looked to Limey with a puzzled look “Mister. Can I ask you a question?”

Limey let out a heavy groan “Ugh, I’m trying to work here. What is it?”

“Do you like eating poop?” She asks

Limey is taken aback “W-what?! Why are you asking that?!”

“Daddy says meanie ponies like to eat their own poopies. And you sure do have a stinky personality to me” The filly said. With innocence completely grafted to her face.

Limey growled “Why you little...I happen to be a very CLEAN and SUCCESSFUL Pony. You got that?”

“Umm. Not really. But I guess so. So erm...Does that mean that your coat always look like that kinda green? Because I thought you were really really sick…...From eating a lot of poopy” She tells him.

“This...Kid.” Limey was astounded at first from how foul mouthed she was. He then focuses his attention on his limes and began squeezing them into a large pitcher as he spoke. “Whatever. I ain’t got nothing to worry about. I am a master of my craft while you’re just a dumb kid. Just because you have a cute smile doesn’t mean-”

“DID SOMEPONY SAY CUTE SMILE?!” A pony yelled out.

“I DUNNO! BUT LOOK AT THAT FILLY OVER THERE! NEXT TO THAT REALLY SICKLY GUY! HER SMILE IS ADORABLE! AND IT MAKES ME THIRSTY TOO!” Said a pegasus who was flying over head.

“I’M THIRSTY ALSO! AND I DON’T FEEL LIKE GETTING SICK SO….ANYPONY FOR LEMONADE?” bellowed a rather portly unicorn.

Suddenly the entire town cheers for lemonade as they rush towards the filly. In mere moments she is overwhelmed by the army of ponies as Limey stands there astonished that he was passed up despite his obvious superior skills.

“H-hey! What about me? Why not buy some limeade too, eh? With a line like that, you’ll be waiting forever for a glass of lemonade.” Limey tries to convince them.

One of the ponies steps halfway out of the line to approach him. Gives him a sniff, a mean look, then goes back to his spot.

And that set Limey off. He pointed his hoof at the crowd in anger as he began to yell. “YOU MORONS! SHE’S JUST A FILLY WHOSE TALENT IS KNITTING FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE! YOU WANT TO TASTE A SUPERIOR DRINK?! FIRST TEN CUSTOMERS GET A FREE GLASS OF LIMEADE! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW!”

“Heya mister, dunno what you’re yellin’ about. But can ah buy somethin’ off ya?” Said a young filly with a soft red mane,yellow coat, and a pink bow on her head.

“Huh..what?” Limey suddenly calmed down. And looked to the front of his stand. A customer! What luck! “Finally...ok, you said you wanna buy something?”

“Yep! Need a whole wagon full, See?” She pointed behind herself to show off her small wagon.

Limey began to drool a little. That could hold A LOT of Limeade. “Sure sure, a whole wagon full, huh? Well I’d have to go home to get some of my canisters and more limes. But I can make it happen, a whole wagon of limeade, just for you...at the same price of course.”

“Limeade? What?...no no. ain’t you the fertilizer guy?”

Limey, still smiling, went silent as his eye began to twitch. All he could do was lift his entire stand, limeade and all, and slowly walk to the outskirts of Ponyville to hopefully, HOPEFULLY, have better luck there. Because his luck here…..was poop.

The filly just watched him walk away. It was rather confusing for her.

“Well darn. Ah guess he wasn’t the fertilizer guy. Woo, and ahm sure tuckered out from walking with this wagon. And that line for lemonade is pretty long…….Ah well, maybe I could round up the girls to get some ice cream before I go off again.” Said the little farm filly as she went on her way.

Customer 002: Grubber

It was another day. Limey returns to the outskirts with a newly repaired stand and a hooffull of hope that things would go better. He didn’t want to sell his limeade in town as he felt the ponies there were beneath him after the whole lemonade debacle. And he wanted to forget about that idiotic doctor he ran into yesterday as well. No, today he would have at least one actual customer who actually wanted a drink..

And so he went about filling his pitcher with lime,sugar, and water just as he has done a million times before as he waited for someone else to show up. And oddly enough, he could actually hear someone coming from the Everfree once more. And thankfully, it wasn’t that looney.

But who he saw was a being he had never seen before. Or at least he couldn’t really remember him. It was a small pudgy hedgehog like being with blue eyes and platinum spines. He was walking out of the forest holding the top part of what looked like a stone head of some monkey guy.

The strange hedgehog was panting as he started following the road to Ponyville. “Ahh, ahh man. Life is sooooo much harder... when you gotta walk...everywhere. I miss blimps...and cupcakes...And Tempest...And cupcakes” It looked like he was having a little trouble catching his breath.

At first Limey was put off. But whatever, he had a customer. All he had to do was catch his attention. “HEY YOU! PIG GUY! OVER HERE!”

“What, huh?” The hedgehog looked over at Limey and pointed to himself “You mean me?”

“Yeah you! You thirsty? I got limeade” Limey felt like cackling to himself. This was gonna be too easy.

“Oh yeah! I could use some of that! Who’s the lucky guy that found a random limeade stand? This guy!” He pointed to himself and hurried along to the stand. Upon approaching, he began to eye the pitcher of the green drink quite intently. “Woah….looks tasty”

“Oh, it is.” Limey said with a smirk as he began to pour a glass. “So what’s your name? What were you doing in the forest?”

“Name’s Grubber and HOLY STORM KING WHAT’S UP WITH YOUR SKIN?!” Grubber stepped back in shock when he finally got a good look at Limey.

“Skin?! What?!” Limey looked at himself, did he mean his color? “This is my coat! This is how it’s always looked!”

“Oh….So do you spit acid or something?” Grubber asked as he tapped the filled glass.

Limey took offense to that. Why did everyone have a problem with his color scheme?! “No! It’s just a green coat! It’s not acid skin!”

“Oh...I didn’t think it was like, acid skin. But now that you say that. Is it acid skin?” Grubber asks as he wipes his mouth, putting down his glass.

“I JUST TOLD YOU! IT ISN’T ACID SKIN! ITS MY COAT!” Limey yelled at him in bellegerint anger.

“Oh” Grubber said as he poured himself another glass himself “Yeah, I mean. That’s cool. Acid spit and skin is pretty cool. I mean, if you had it I guess. So, what are you doing way out here?”

Limey’s eye began to twitch. He started to lose his temper once more. “DIDN’T I JUST TELL YOU?! LOOK AT THE STAND! THE LIMES! THE DRINKS! WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M DOING OUT HERE?!”

“Woah woah, relax. You’re pretty tense. Hey!” Grubber pours a glass of limeade and holds it towards Limey “wanna drink? It’ll cool you off.”

“HUH?!....huh?...uh…” Limey looked at the glass and realized, in truth, he did feel a little parched from losing his temper “Y-yeah, I guess I could use a drink.” He takes it and guzzles it down.

Grubber looks up at the sign that says “Limeade stand, two bits”. And then he looked towards Limey and shrugged “Oh yeah, it’s a limeade stand. Riiiight. I guess you’re gonna have to pay me two bits for that drink, I think.” Grubber didn’t seem to be all there about this. Or perhaps he was really that dumb.

But then again. Limey wasn’t too great in that department himself. Especially after an anger spat. “Oh yeah, right. Here you go” Limey tosses him two bits.

Grubber catches them and looks them over, then shows them to that weird statue thing he was lugging about. “Wow, ain’t nothing like storm bucks. Right? Yeah I know. I mean, I guess I didn’t know because I’ve never seen a bit before. And, wait.” Grubber realizes something and tosses the statue head away “I don’t even work for that guy anymore. Man, I’ve been in that forest way too long. So, why are you so tense anyway? Did you have to work for an evil dictator or something?” Grubber said as he passed another glass to Limey

Limey dropped another two bits and took a swig “Nah, just some stupid filly thinks she and her stupid lemonade is better than my limeade. Puh, I bet she’s not even good at knitting”

“Knitting ain’t cool. It just ain’t cool. Well, I gotta go back to finding out where Tempest went. Kinda lost her after this crazy party at this place we we’re gonna conquer. Good luck with melting your enemies with acid. Just gonna take a glass for the road here, and then I’m gonna jet. Totally gone.” Grubber announces as he fills one more glass and walks off.

“Yeah, seeya. Heh.” Limey smiles almost dreamily as he watched Grubber walk off into the distance and into town. “What a cool guy. Finally somepony who understand how hard it is living with acid skin. Yep, totally…...wait” Limey’s eyes went wide when he realized his horrible mistake. He then silently looked at his limeade. The pitcher was empty. He then takes out his little bag of bits. Which was also empty.

He had given his wares and money to a hedgehog who he himself didn’t seem to realize what he just did.

Limey instantly became red with fury as he yelled unintelligible words. “SDGFDFASDDSFS” was all that came out of him as he took his anger out on his own stand, smashing it to bits. Another day, another failure for poor ole Limey.

Customer 003: King Sombra

It was once again the next day. Limey had desperately hungry eyes dead set on the exit of the forest. Whoever came out of there this time would HAVE to buy his limeade. He would stop at nothing to sell a single glass. He was ready for any and all shenanigans.

“Oh yeah baby, today ain’t gonna go bad this time! Somepony is gonna come out of there and their gonna be thirsty. So come on Limey! Get ready!”

But much like last time. When someone did finally come out. It wasn’t a pony. It was in fact, some sort of black and purple wisp, the size of a small hoofball, with glowing green and red eyes. And it was floating his way.

Limey just stared silently as the wisp began to approach him. When it finally did, it just seemed to mutter something about “Crystals” and went by him towards Ponyville.

“What kind of evil spirit is that? It gives me the worst kind of chills in my spine. Is it out for revenge? Does it want to conquer the world? Does it want to destroy it? And more importantly…..Is it thirsty?” Limey balanced these thoughts in his head until he made his ultimatum and called out to the wisp “Hey Ghosty! Hey! How can you pass my stand like that? Aren’t you thirsty?”

The wisp seemed to silently turn as it focused its eyes on Limey and hovered back towards him. “Thirsty...you say?”

“I did say that” Limey was still rather confident. He didn’t care how spooky or scary this guy was. He was gonna sell him a drink.

“I would say I am, for I am thirsty...FOR REVENGE! HAHAHAHAHA!” The wisp cackled evilly

Limey started to pour him a glass of limeade “‘fraid we’re all out of revenge. How about some limeade instead.”

The wisp raised a ghostly eyebrow at him “No, as in I want to destroy the beings who destroyed my body and enslave the town they reside in for my own evil deeds.”

Limey shrugged “No, I think I got that. But you can’t go enacting your evil plan without a good drink” Limey started to wave the glass about to catch his attention “while you’re at it. Do you think could destroy my competition too? See there’s this little filly that…”

“Wait wait...Did you say destroy a filly?” The wisp seemed stunned by Limey’s words.

Limey nodded “Yeah, I mean. This filly you see. She just strolled right next to my stand and started selling lemonade. I mean come on! I was right there doing my business and she just comes and ruins everything. So, yeah. I know how you feel. We’re kindred spirits you and I….so...gonna buy a drink?”

“So, allow me to understand this correctly. While I’m on my conquest. You want me to destroy a filly….because she sold lemonade.”

Limey nodded “Yes. and while you’re at it. Do you think you can make your future slaves buy some limeade too? Really would appreciate that.”

The wisp started to look up at the bright blue sky as he reflected upon himself and his past life “I-I don’t think I ever had that much evil in me. Enslaving the Crystal Ponies? Well, that was easy and deserved. But destroying an adorable lemonade selling filly? I-I just can’t. That is an evil that is even beyond me. I never thought such cruelty could even exist”

“Hey! Don’t go monologuing about me like that! She said I eat poop! If there was anypony who’s evil around here. It’s that filly. For sure!” Limey tried to correct the spirit. But the spirit would pay him no mind as he continued on his thoughts.

“I see now the wrongs of my ways.I, King Sombra, must renounce my evil and become a good pony to those who need my help. Once I regain a new body. I will do something that will help all good ponies in need.” And then he started to drift away back into the forest. “Perhaps I’ll become a carpenter. Everypony needs stairs after all. Stairs are rather nice…”

“HEY! HEY! DON’T GO! AREN’T YOU GOING TO TAKE OVER PONYVILLE OR WHATEVER?! WHAT ABOUT YOUR DRINK?! YOU SAID YOU WERE A KING! YOU GOT TWO BITS, RIGHT?!” Limey tried to stop him, running towards him with limeade in tow. He just had to sell one. JUST ONE.

Sombra’s spirit just turned and looked at him with disgust “I would NEVER buy a drink from such a sick individual such as yourself. Besides...how did you even expect me to drink it? I’m dead…”

Limey stopped in his tracks. And just stared silently. Somehow, that never came across his mind “.........”

“...Right...I’ll be going now.” And so Sombra’s spirit hovered away. Back into the forest.

Limey just slumped back to his stand and slammed his face onto the table top. Once again, he failed on his mission to sell the delicious lime drink.

Customer 001: Time Turner

Author's Note

depending on the reception on this chapter will depend on if I write more or if I'll just focus on Dadoneequs.

Customer 001: Time Turner

Limey had gone a long ways away from Ponyville. Finding himself on an old road that led into the Everfree Forest. When he reached the edge of the trees, he turned around and slammed his limeade stand down facing Ponyville. He took a breath and finally became lucid from his trance of bewilderment. But his anger did not subside.

“Poop eh? I’ll show that filly who’s poop!” Limey said as he started to angrily squeeze limes into a pitcher “This is a great spot! A perfect spot! There’s always a pony or two heading into that dank place. Might as well make their last moments a great one with my fantastic limeade. That’s right Limey, you got it this time!”

There was a hint of madness in his voice as he continued to prepare his limeade with sugar. He knew for sure, that in this spot and with no competition, he’d make some bits real quick.

Of course, given how far out he was and being near such a dangerous location. Customers were actually a little on the low side. As in none.

“....” Limeade was silent as his crazed optimism left him. He slammed his face onto his stand and groaned. “It’s hopeless, I might as well give up and go back to living with moth-”

Suddenly, there’s a rather posh yet shrill scream coming from the forest. Limey could hear the hoofsteps of a pony clearly running for his life.

“Oh no! There’s a pony in danger!” Limey snickered “Perfect, he’s gonna be pretty darn thirsty when he gets out of that forest.”

And Limeade waited until the frightened pony came running out of the forest. It seemed to be a brown stallion with a chocolate colored mane and blue eyes. He seemed to be in some suit that had a wide pockets attached to his back side. He also seemed to wear a collar and a green tie outside of it for some reason.

“FLYDERS! DARNABLE THINGS! SHOO SHOO!” Screamed the pony as he along the old road towards Limey.

Limey himself however, didn’t see any flyders following him. Then again. They don’t seem to typically leave the forest for whatever reason. Even when giving chase.

The geared up pony continued to scream in a panic. Up until he ran up towards the stand as something seemed to catch his eye. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-...oh hello, what’s this?” The pony’s fright instantly left him.

Limey was taken aback at how quickly this strange pony just suddenly stopped and became calm. “uhhh….It’s uhh..A limeade stand. I sell limeade.”

“Interesting. Very interesting. Astonishing really. I didn’t expect to have this kind of luck but, HAHA!” The pony gave out a hearty laugh “It seems fate has been rather kind to me today….except for being nearly mauled by flyders. But that’s the past and this is the present, as they say” The pony says in a matter of factly like way as he began to investigate the stand itself.

“...Yeah, nopony says that. So, after all that running. You gotta be thirsty, right?” Limey asked him. Feeling anticipation build. There was no way this guy wasn’t thirsty.

“Ahh yes, right. Introductions. Well then, my name is Time Turner. And before you ask. Yes, I am collecting items for my latest science experiment. Dangerous I know, but somepony must do it and I’m afraid I’m the only one who knows just exactly what’s needed for my project. Now then, who might you be?” Time Turner asked, with a ignorant grin on his face.

Limey just became stoic, his eyes half lidded. “...I...I didn’t. I just asked if you were thirsty.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s a question two fine gentlecolts such as ourselves asks upon our first meeting. As for thirsty? I’ll let you know in a moment. My mind is calculating a rather important equation and I dare not make a mistake by distracting myself. Simple introductions however would make this go smoothly however. As it is rather rudimentary and makes it easier to engage in conversation.”

Limey right eye began to twitch. This guy was too much. All he wanted to do was sell limeade. That’s ALL HE WANTED TO DO. And his first customer of the day seemed so oblivious that he was even starting to doubt if he had any bits. “Look, the name is Limey. Happy? Can we get to the part where you buy a drink?”

“Limey?” Time Turner looked around “Strange…”

Limey felt a little insulted. He felt it was a fine name. “What’s strange about my name? I happen to think it’s pretty great.”

“Yes but…” Time Turner took narrowed his eyes at him for some reason. Examining his person before he spoke. “I don’t see any ports or ships around. Actually, I don’t think Ponyville is close to the sea. And you don’t need to insult yourself with the name Limey. I happen to think that you’re smashing just the way you are” Time Turner swung his right foreleg in encouragement.

And that’s when Limey loses it. “WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?! WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!”

“Well, you don’t have to shout. Ahrm” Time Turner takes a step back, oblivious to Limey’s anger “I just thought you too had spoken to a friend I have. A magnificent bowler you see. And quite the visionary. He has told me about very lucid dreams of another world. And I thought you had heard of these stories as well, or may even have these visions. See, he told me about a mysterious land named “Britain” and-”

“JUST BUY SOMETHING ALREADY!” Limey screamed in pure fury.

Time Turner blinked, looked up, then gave a cheery smile “In that case, I’ll buy everything”

Limey suddenly froze, and just stared at him. He was suddenly calm yet tense. “You serious?”

“Indeed! You happen to have the very next item I need to complete my scientific quest for knowledge!” Time Turner cheered. Ready to get what he came for.

“....and it’s not fertilizer, right?” Limey cautioned himself. He didn’t need any more surprises from this stallion.

“Oh Celestia, no. Whatever would I do with that? I just want what it says up on your sign. And at two bits. It’s quite a burglary if I do say so myself.”

FINALLY. Limey finally was going to be able to sell his first drink of the day.

Limey smiled cheerfully, poured a drink of limeade for Time Turner. And pushed the drink slowly towards him. “Here you go, that’ll be two bits please.”

“Hmmm?” Time Turner looked at the drink. Puzzled. “What is this?”

“I-it’s limeade...remember?..Y-you just asked for some.” Limey’s slicked mane started to split and bend. He was losing it.

Time Turner let out a hearty chuckle “Oh ho! My apologies. Perhaps I should have been more clear. I actually meant to buy your stand for two bits.”

Limey’s pupils shrunk as he began to shake. “W-wha?”

“Well, the sign above does say “Limeade Stand. Two bits”, Does it not? I just wish to purchase what’s being advertised. I’m not really in the need of a drink at the moment. Especially since Limeade doesn’t truly quench one’s thirst due to all that sugar and sour taste.”

Limeade goes from green to pure red as he slams his forelegs onto the stand and raises himself up to stare into Time Turner’s eyes with hellish rage. “WHY!? WHY WOULD I BE SELLING THE STAND WHEN I NEED IT TO SELL LIMEADE?! THE SIGN IS TELLING YOU WHAT IT IS! NOT THAT I’M SELLING THE STAND ITSELF! WHY WOULD I EVEN SELL IT?! WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT IT?! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO WITH THIS STAND?!”

“Well” Time Turner still seemed oblivious to his anger “The wood used to make it is of a rare oak that can only be found in the northern mountains near Yakyakistan. And it happens to be the very kind of wood I need for my experiment. Besides, I don’t think it’s my fault this misunderstanding happened. Grammar and proper word placement in advertising is indeed key to making a profit in sales.”

“GGGRRRAAGGHHH!” Limeade exploded, he finally reached pique anger. “YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY SIGN!? FINE! I’LL REPLACE IT AFTER I GIVE IT TO YOU WITH THIS ONE!” He screeched has he raised himself higher to rip his sign from above the stand.

“Odd wording. But yes, perhaps just the wood of the sign would do” Time Turner says. Excited to finally get what he wanted.

Limey jumps onto his stand to take a swing at Time Turner’s face. But just as he revved up. Time Turner noticed the hoof zipper on his suit was pulled back. He lowered himself just as Limey took a swing to pull it back up. This caused Limey to miss critically and fall onto his face. The sign falling on the back of his head and knocking him out instantly.

When Time Turner noticed. He finally understood what was going on, and laughed ignorantly. “Ah! Ahaha! I get it now! You meant to actually hit me with your sign! How foolish of me, I had not realized that I had tampered with your temper. Ha! That’s a good one actually and...oh my” And that’s when he also noticed Limey was knocked out. “Oh dear, erm. Well...erm. You did say I could have it so. Erm, I’ll leave you to rest here and I’ll just take this sign and...well. I suppose I could leave the bits and. Erm...goodbye.”

Time Turner left the bits on the stand as he took the sign. Reluctantly leaving Limey on the ground. Unconscious.