They had only just finished. Fluttershy stretched her wings and gave him the largest smile she could muster, only to have it fade as her eyes landed on the doorway. The doorway that was cracked open. The doorway that was cracked open enough so that an orange face could peer through. Her blood turned to ice in her veins. She felt the color drain from her face. This couldn’t be happening.
He had not seemed to notice. He pulled her close and kissed her cheek, breaking her contact with the emerald eyes staring at her. Before she could even blink, the face was gone. Fluttershy took a deep, gasping breath and bolted from the bed. He called after her, but she couldn’t spare him a thought. She had to get to Applejack. She had to explain.
“Please, please, please, please,” she whispered to herself as she ran though the long corridor. The Castle of Friendship meant a lot to her.It meant everything to her. If it wasn’t for this castle and what it represented, she would not be living the life she was now. She wouldn’t have her friends, she wouldn’t have her job, she wouldn’t even be married. She bit her lip and fluttered her wings, though she kept running. She was faster on hoof than she was in the air. Normally, that was a fact that didn’t bother her, but right now, speed was of the utmost importance.
She took the next right turn, searching blindly, and ran into something solide. She fell onto her back, her wings splayed uselessly. She blinked a few times, trying to clear her vision. When she was able to focus, it was a snarling Applejack she saw standing above her.
“How could you?”
She held back the urge to cry. She did not deserve it, and she knew it. “A-Applejack, please, you don’t understand.”
Applejack slammed her front hoof hard next to Fluttershy’s head. Fluttershy whimpered, doing her best to shrink away. “You’re damn right I don’t understand. Why would you go and –“ She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes tightly together. “Why in Equestria would you betray my brother like that?”
“I have to, Applejack. You don’t understand. It’s the only way.” Fluttershy couldn’t stop her voice from wavering with sadness. She wasn’t afraid of Applejack or her fury – far from it. She welcomed it. She deserved it. She just had to make Applejack understand why first.
It was a quiet winter day. Snow was falling outside. The fire in Fluttershy’s cottage burned bright and warm. Two steaming mugs of hot chocolate sat on the table in front of the couch. She was curled under a blanket, her head resting on Big Mac’s shoulder. It was a nice, quiet time. Just being together. She savored it. Cherished these moments as much as the big ones. He held her close. She could hear his heartbeat. She could feel each breath he took. She could smell his scent: apples and soap. It was her favorite scent in the world because it meant he was near.
He shifted a little and then a little more. She straightened up and looked at him with curious eyes. Is there something you’d like to talk about?
Big Mac sighed. “I love you, Fluttershy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He reached a hoof up and placed it on her cheek. “I know that’s what you want, too. I can’t tell you how happy you made me when you agreed to marry me.” He fell silent again, but Fluttershy didn’t speak. It wasn’t that words were hard for him, or that he couldn’t collect his thoughts. It was that he wanted to make sure each word he said was the right one. With her, each word had to be perfect. “Granny said something about greatgrandfoals the other day. We’ve never talked about having foals. Do you want them?”
Fluttershy nodded excitedly. “Oh, yes.” With a grin and a giggle, she leaned forward. “A whole houseful.” She pictured it. Sweet Apple Acers filled with colts and fillies playing between the apple trees with she and Mac watched on. A cute colt with Mac’s red fur and blonde mane, a smattering of freckles, and her blues eyes. A filly, buttery yellow and blonde with his gorgeous green eyes and sense of hard work. Foals that she couldn’t even imagine. “At least seven.”
With a chuckle, Big Mac grabbed her hoof. “Really?”
She bit her lip and nodded. “We don’t have to have that many. It’s just…I’ve always dreamed of so many little ones to nurture and raise. It’s probably too many.”
“No, no it isn’t.” Mac leaned forward. “I want a whole houseful, too. Applejack says Apple Bloom was enough for her, but I want foals of my own. Our own.” His eyes got a distant look to them, and she could tell he was picturing their future. “Sons and daughters. Foals that I can build up to be the best ponies they can be.”
Her heart was beating fast. She never imagined she would find a stallion who wanted children as much as she did. Yet here he was. She felt a tear fall down her cheek. He blinked and shook his head. He lifted a hoof to wipe it away, but left his hoof there. “I’m so happy I have you.”
“Please, Applejack, just listen.”
After another moment of glaring down at Fluttershy, Applejack moved. “Fine. This better be good, Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy sat up, not daring to stand. She folded her wings into her side tightly. It was dark in the corridors. None of their friends had heard the commotion, thankfully. Sound echoed easily here. “Do you –“
“Look me in the eyes,” Applejack spat. Fluttershy looked up, meeting Applejack’s gaze. Applejack still had her snout twisted into a snarl, but it was wavering. Her eyes were glossy. “Look me in the eyes and tell me why you’re tearing my family apart.”
Her eyes were so much like his. The same brilliant shade of emerald. Filled with tears. Fluttershy covered her face with her hooves and choked back a sob. “I can’t.” She took deep, shuttering breaths. “You don’t understand. It’s the only way.”
Applejack growled and the sound of hoof meeting a crystal wall reverberated through the hallway. “Stop telling me I don’t understand and tell me what the hell you’re doing cheating on Big Mac with him!”
Fluttershy took a few deep breaths and lowered her hooves. She stared at Applejack’s snout. If you look at someone’s snout, they think you’re looking them in the eye. Another deep breath. “It’s so hard. I don’t know if I should tell you the whole thing, if he hasn’t. I know he hasn’t told anyone.” She sniffed.
Applejack sat, dumbfounded. “He knows you’re doing this?”
Fluttershy shook her head vigorously. “No! He doesn’t know anything about this. I’ve been keeping it a secret. I’m just trying to make him happy, Applejack.”
“You cheating is making him happy?”
Fluttershy winced again. “I’m going to explain, okay? But please, don’t ask me questions. I can only get through this once.”
Two years. Two years of marriage and still not even a hint of a child. Even though they had tried their hardest throughout the last year, nothing was happening. So of course, they turned to the doctor. The office was cold, freezing really. Fluttershy was shivering beside of Big Mac. She kept stilling glances at his stoic face. She knew he was worried. He didn’t look it. He sat with his back straight, gaze forward. The only indication of his anxiousness was the occasional twitch of a jaw muscle.
Then their names were called. Fluttershy started to tremble, but a calming nuzzle from Big Mac helped her catch hold of her hope. The doctor sat in front of them, silently flipping through the papers on a clipboard. After what felt like a thousand years, she looked up.
“Fluttershy,” she said, a slight smile on her face. “You are a perfectly healthy young mare. There is no reason you would not be able to bare children should the opportunity arise.”
Fluttershy perked up at the news and grinned. “That’s a relief. We can have foals.”
The doctor cleared her throat. “I wouldn’t say that.” With a grimace, she turned to Big Mac. “Macintosh Apple.”
Big Mac swallowed. “Yes?” His ears laid flat against his head, as if he didn’t want to hear what came next.
The doctor’s shoulders slumped. “I’m so sorry. You’re infertile. Barring some miracle, you can’t have children.”
Fluttershy’s mind raced. “That’s impossible. He’s an Apple.”
He put a hoof on her shoulder and shook his head. “Pear’s don’t have as many foals as Apples do. It’s okay, Fluttershy.”
She looked at his pained expression and shook her head. “No, it’s not. You want foals, Mac. I want to give them to you.” She turned, eyes wide and pleading, to the doctor. “Please, isn’t there something we can do? Medicines or surgery? Something?”
With a pitying look, the doctor shook her head. “I’m afraid not. If having foals is that important to you, I can give you the contact information for an orphanage…”
Applejack was no longer demanding that Fluttershy look her in the eye. It would be nearly impossible for Fluttershy to do that, now, since Applejack had her back turned. “Mac can’t have kids?” she whispered. “How long have you guys known?”
“About a year.” Fluttershy crept forward. “It wasn’t easy news. We have been talking about adoption. A lot. Mac wants something from him, though.”
Applejack whirled on her. “And how does this give him that?”
Fluttershy shrank back. “I’ll be pregnant. I will have a foal in me.”
“A foal that is some other stallions!” Applejack snorted. “What if they want to see their little foal? Did you think about that?”
Fluttershy looked down, letting her hair fall in front of her face. “I’ve thought this out. I’ve told them all I can’t have foals. It isn’t a risk. They’ll never ever find me telling them I’m having their child. Raidiant Miricle will be mine and Big Mac’s and no other pony will ever have a claim to them.”
“You’re lying to him, too? You’re lying to everyone?” Applejack stopped for a moment. “Them. You said them. How many stallions have you been with.”
Fluttershy squeaked and shunk down, shaking her head.
“Fluttershy,” Applejack warned.
“Seven. Okay. Seven.” She hid her face behind her hooves again. “Stallions like the way I look.”
Silence rang loudly in Fluttershy’s ears. She peaked out from behind her hooves to see Applejack looking like she might puke. “Seven? In a year?”
“Six months,” Fluttershy whispered. “I just had the idea six months ago.”
“Why haven’t you asked Twilight to cast a spell?” Applejack asked.
“You think we haven’t already? Do you think if I had another way of giving Mac a child I would be doing this? He is my everything. You don’t know what I’ve been through since I started.” Tears streamed down her face as she looked at Applejack. “I got wasted the first three times. I couldn’t face it.”
Applejack’s mouth dropped open. “I remember those nights. You came home, staggering around, crying and apologizing.”
Fluttershy nodded. “That was dangerous. So I stopped. The next two times I puked both before and after, scaring those stallions off for good. After that, I…I just let the knowledge of why I was doing it consume me and sat back. Thought of Big Mac. I’m cheating on him for him, Applejack.”
The sat in silence for a while. Applejack studied Fluttershy. Fluttershy studied the floor. Finally, Applejack stood and placed a hoof on Fluttershy’s back. “I reckon we need to get some sleep before the big meeting in the morning. Come on.”
They walked slowly back to their rooms. Fluttershy’s came up first. She paused and put her hoof on the door, but Applejack put her hoof on Fluttershy’s. “No. You come stay in my room tonight.” They walked past three more doors and entered the room. It looked the same as Fluttershy’s. Stately. Exactly the kind of room a castle would have for prestigious guest. She sighed as she slid into the bed next to Applejack.
She laid there a long time, staring up at the ceiling. “Applejack,” she whispered.
“What?” came the whispered reply.
“Are you doing to tell him?”
A long silence stretched. Fluttershy was certain Applejack had fallen to sleep. Then she shifted in the bed and turned to face Fluttershy. “I don’t know. Are you?”
Fluttershy turned and faced Applejack. “I don’t know.”
She watched as Applejack drifted off to sleep. She regretted yet another lie. She knew she would never tell Big Mac and she prayed that Applejack wouldn’t either.
