It was an ordinary day in Ponyville. For now. The possibility of something ludicrous completely upending the norm was always there, especially when the town was compared to others in Equestria. Case in point: the cutie mark crusaders (sans Babs and Gabby, because honestly who even remembers them) were on the move.
"Are you girls as excited as I am about this?" asked Apple Bloom as she waved a piece of paper around, completely unaware that the way she was cantering on three legs should have been impossible.
"Well, yeah, but not more so than usual," said Sweetie Belle. "Ever since we got our marks, we've gotten cases almost every day."
Scootaloo snorted. "You aren't getting tired of helping ponies, are you? Because it's not like we're going to run out of ponies that need us anytime soon."
"Of course not," replied Sweetie. "It's still rewarding and interesting. Just not exciting."
"Really?" said Apple Bloom. "Because I for sure thought we were all going to die like five times in the past year. Odds are Twilight will blow it eventually, and then Equestria as we know is doomed. Then, even if we survive, we'll be out of work."
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo stared at her incredulously.
"What? It's true," she added. "That's why we have to live life to the fullest."
"Wow, AB. I never knew you were so... grim," said Sweetie.
"I mean, my parents are long dead," said Apple Bloom. "So I think about death a lot. Also, what ever gave you the idea I wasn't? I came up with most of the crazy stuff we've done. Almost none of which was supervised. I came to terms with my own mortality ages ago."
Scootaloo blinked. "Huh. You know, that makes perfect sense. How did I not see it until now?"
"Yeah," said Sweetie. "Kinda puts into perspective all those times relatively minor issues are blown out of proportion. Like, seriously, basically everypony we know has done that at some point with terrible results. Underselling the major issues is a bold step."
"Well, I refuse to accept that I might no longer be the daredevil of the group," said Scootaloo, a resolute expression on her face. "I'm gonna have to do something really stupid to outdo you. Like slingshot myself at Cloudsdale again, but with dragons."
"That sounds fun, Scoots, but it'll have to wait, sadly. We're here," said Apple Bloom.
'Here' turned out to be an unassuming cottage, notable only for the fact that it was the dwelling place of their equally notable new client: Noteworthy. A quick knock and a few moments later, he appeared. His blue mane looked a bit shaggier than usual, and it fell haphazardly over his golden eyes.
"Oh, hi, there you three are," he said. "Come on in."
"Yup! We got your message," confirmed Apple Bloom as she edged past him. She was soon followed by Scootaloo and Sweetie.
As they plopped down onto a conveniently placed sofa, Noteworthy shut the door and slumped down onto a chair. They were each a bit put off by Noteworthy's dejected appearance, but didn't let it show. Sweetie Belle pulled out a pad of paper and a marker from her Mane of Holding to take notes.
"So, I'm assuming that the issue you wrote about wasn't actually about your cutie mark," said Scootaloo. "Because it's music notes, and you write music."
"Well, business has been slow because songs tend to just happen by magic these days, but yes," he said. Noteworthy then placed a hoof under his chin. "It's my special somepony."
"Oh, I didn't know you had a marefriend, congratulations!" exclaimed Sweetie. "Who's the lucky lady?"
"Her name is Cipher Splash," he said, with a bit of a shine in his eyes. However, that shine faded almost immediately. "Our relationship is... weird. We get along really well, and I don't really have anything to complain about. Or at least I shouldn't."
"Then why call us?" asked Apple Bloom.
"Why else? It's her cutie mark. I can't see what it's supposed to be, and she won't tell me when I ask," he said, sighing. "Actually, I know next to nothing about her as a pony. Her likes and dislikes, yes. Her personality, yes. As for everything else? She never says."
Apple Bloom's brow furrowed. "That is weird."
"Definitely," agreed Scootaloo. "Who doesn't like bragging about themselves?"
Sweetie rolled her eyes. "Not everypony sees Rainbow Dash as the pinnacle of ponykind." Then, turning to Noteworthy, she said "Still, though. I get why you called us."
Apple Bloom tilted her chin up. "Yeah, this sounds like a challenge, and we never back down from a challenge!"
"Heedless of common sense or our own safety!" added Scootaloo.
Noteworthy snorted, then cracked a small smile. "Risking life and limb will not be necessary. But it's great you have a can-do attitude." There was a long pause before he continued. "So, you can go now, I think. I don't know exactly how your practice works."
"Oh, right." Rising from her seat, Apple Bloom lifted a hoof to the heavens. "Then it's time to fulfill our destiny once more!"
Her cohorts replied with cheers of their own, and they marched forth back into the world beyond.
... Only to immediately return. "Sorry, but I just realized we have no idea where to find Ms. Splash," said Apple Bloom. "Also, what does she look like?"
Noteworthy facehoofed. "Cipher buys flowers at the market every day for lunch. Sky blue mane, peach coat, can't-miss-it cutie mark."
"Right. Got it," she said, nodding.
* * *
Once they arrived at the flower stall, the crusaders needed only wait until the mare of the hour made her appearance. They hadn't been prepared for exactly how long that would take, though. Cipher apparently ate a late lunch, and they had resorted to kicking a rock back and forth for entertainment.
"Ok, seriously, when is Cipher gonna show up? My hoof is starting to get tired," said Sweetie.
"I'm sure it'll be any minute now," said Apple Bloom as she passed the rock to Scootaloo. "We just have to be patient."
Scootaloo caught the rock and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, heard that one before. At least we have this nifty rock."
"Actually, it's perfectly ordinary granite," stated Maud, who had just appeared silently once they started doing something rock related.
Scootaloo paused her kick, pursing her lips. "Gee, thanks for letting me know. This wasn't even that fun to begin with."
Before Maud could reply, Sweetie pointed excitedly. "Never mind, she's here!"
In this instance, 'she' was referring to Cipher Splash, and not some sort of nameless elder god or large dinosaur. All three fillies immediately turned in the direction indicated to study their mission objective for the day.
They couldn't hear what she was saying to Lily from where they were standing on the other side of the street, but the mare seemed perfectly ordinary at a glance. Her mane was cut in a common curly style, and her mannerisms were chipper but not overly so. If they hadn't been explicitly looking for her, most anypony would have likely ignored her completely. At least, until they made an effort to look at her cutie mark, as Apple Bloom, Sweetie, and Scootaloo did.
Apple Bloom squinted her eyes. "What is that? Some kinda... kazoo?"
Scootaloo blinked. "I totally understand what Noteworthy was talking about now. I can't look away."
"Maybe it's a harvestin' scythe? With a mouthgrip? That's also blue for some reason?" guessed Apple Bloom.
"Hmm..." uttered Sweetie. She tilted her head to the left. "I think it might be a bong."
Apple Bloom tore her eyes away from Cipher's enigmatic plot to face Sweetie. "I've never heard of a 'bong' before. Are they like bongos?"
"No, not even close. Stupid ponies use drugs with them to make themselves more stupid," answered Sweetie.
"Really?" asked Apple Bloom. "Don't we already have alcohol for that?"
"That's not enough for some ponies," said Sweetie.
Apple Bloom's tail flicked. "Like Snips and Snails?"
"Probably," said Sweetie.
"Girls, Cipher's leaving," Scootaloo pointed out. "I feel like we should follow her. She's gotta use her special talent at some point."
Sweetie nodded. "That sounds good to me. We're clearly grasping at straws right now."
"I think we should ask around, see if anypony knows anything," said Apple Bloom. "Cipher has to have let something slip at some point, right?"
"You could ask my sister. She knows everypony," said Maud.
"Ah!" Scootaloo nearly jumped out of her skin, having forgotten she was there.
"Great idea, Maud!" said Apple Bloom. "How about we split up? You two can follow Cipher while I go ask Pinkie what she knows."
"Sure," said Sweetie. "Maybe you could also talk to Mayor Mare. She probably has her citizenship info on file in Town Hall."
"Nah, that would be a waste of time," said Scootaloo. "When has the mayor ever actually done anything useful? If Pinkie doesn't know anything, she sure won't."
"That's probably true," said Apple Bloom, bobbing her head.
Scootaloo smirked. "Ok, let's go get her, Sweetie. All her secrets will be ours, even if we have to pry them out by force!"
"Yeah, let's not do that," said Sweetie, deadpan. "Invading her privacy via some light stalking should be plenty."
Scootaloo sighed. "Fine..."
Without further delay, Sweetie and Scootaloo trotted after Cipher as she receded deeper into Ponyville with her flowers in tow. Apple Bloom awkwardly waved goodbye to Maud before making her way over to Sugarcube Corner.
* * *
The bakery was bustling with ponies, but none of them noticed or cared as Apple Bloom slipped behind the counter and into the kitchen, where she had spied a blur of pink.
"Hey, Pinkie! You got a minute?" she asked. "I was hoping to ask you about something for a client."
Pinkie, who had been in the middle of stirring four batches of dough at once, quickly dropped everything and zipped over. "Sure, you budding buisnessmare you! I always have time for my favorite filly!"
Apple Bloom did not call her out on the fact that she said that about all the foals, instead just letting Pinkie ruffle her mane. "Thanks! So, here's the deal. There's this mare named Cipher Splash, and her cutie mark is... confusing. Her coltfriend says she won't open up to him at all."
Upon hearing Cipher's name, Pinkie's ever-present smile fell slightly. "Yep, she's certainly something."
"Oh, so you do know her!"
"Not well enough by my standards," she replied. "Hold on, I'll show you." At that, without warning, Pinkie bounced over to the totally inconspicuous kitchen bookcase and yanked on a particular volume. This opened a trapdoor in the ceiling which she summarily catapulted herself through.
Apple Bloom stood there staring in confusion and amusement as various squeaking, thumping, rattling, and grinding noises could be heard from somewhere overhead. Eventually, Pinkie somersaulted out of a potted plant with a folder and an eye patch.
"Here's all the data I have on your target," Pinkie said, her voice thrown unnaturally deep. "Normally, the party director wouldn't compromise the security of the Party-Planning Cave, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Good luck, agent."
Apple Bloom took the folder, shaking her head and grinning. "We'll do our best, Director Pinkie."
Pinkie giggled, tossing off her eye patch. "Splenditudinous! I better get back to work, now, but be sure to let me know how everything plays out!"
"I will. Thanks again, Pinkie."
"No problemo!"
As Pinkie resumed baking, Apple Bloom walked outside and opened the folder. Inside it was a single sheet of paper.
Cipher Splash
Birthday: 🤔
Address: 🤔
Relatives: 🤔
Likes: Violets, Cinnamon, Vinyl Scratch's Music, Bouncy Castles, Swimming, Fractals, Noteworthy
Dislikes: Ferrets, Government Officials, Sand, Tiny Beverage Umbrellas
Extraportant Details:
Ugh, this mare is so frustrating! 😣 Cipher never answers any of my questions. She won't even tell me her birthday! I obviously threw her a party anyway, but still, who keeps that a secret? She's been in town longer than I have, and yet everypony I ask can't remember exactly when she moved it. Or where she lives, or what she does for bits! I'd be suspicious she was a ghost, except she didn't vanish when I giggled at her. Once I stopped wearing my investigating hat near her and gave up, she smiled more and we became fast friends. Yay! 😊
Smile Rating: 7.8/10, Too Little Sharing, Too Much Water
Apple Bloom groaned. "Great," she said to herself. "Now I'm even more confused. How does nopony even know where she lives? Here's hoping Scoots and Sweetie are doing better."
* * *
Scootaloo crept along after Cipher Splash from a safe distance as she hummed the Con Mane theme. As Cipher turned a corner into a small park, she dive rolled under a nearby bush.
Sweetie did the sensible thing and just walked over quietly, standing behind Scootaloo. They both looked on attentively as Cipher sat down in a gazebo and began to eat in an utterly usual manner.
"What's she doing?" whispered Scootaloo. "Some leaves hit me in the eyes just now and I can't see."
Sweetie rubbed the side of her head with a hoof. "She's eating. Under the gazebo."
Scootaloo gasped in shock. "A gazebo? In Ponyville? Oh, horseapples, how did nopony see it?"
"What."
Scootaloo jumped out of the bush, her wings buzzing frantically. "We have to get help before it eats her! I'll go find the Wonderbolts!"
Sweetie's face scrunched up. "Huh? It's just sitting there, Scoots. There's no way it could hurt anypony."
"They're gonna need like a hundred arrows to put that thing down!" exclaimed Scootaloo, her eyes still shut.
"Calm down. It's just a gazebo."
"Just a gazebo? Just a gazebo? Gazebos are ruthless killing machines!"
Sweetie Belle stared at Scootaloo, taking a deep breath. "I'm beginning to think you're misinformed. A gazebo is just one of those open-air wooden hut things they put benches under."
There was a long silence.
"Oh," said Scootaloo. She then managed to open her eyes and beheld that, no, Cipher was not being devoured whole.
Sweetie, with a deadpan expression, slapped the back of Scootaloo's head with her magic.
Luckily, Cipher either hadn't noticed the near-panicking filly or didn't care, and she finished her meal with little fanfare. When she left the park, they followed once more. After a few blocks, Cipher entered one of the most famous stores in town: Barnyard Bargains. Sweetie and Scootaloo tailed her inside, quickly ducking into one of the unoccupied aisles. They peeked their heads out the side to watch the checkout.
Their necks weren't even the least bit sore when Cipher approached the resister. Her basket only contained one item: bug spray. Only there were at least a dozen cans of the stuff piled inside.
"Why would she be buying that much bug spray now?" questioned Sweetie. "It's the middle of winter!" (The author does not regret withholding this information until it was plot-relevant. Also everypony is wearing fuzzy scarves and socks.)
"I dunno," replied Scootaloo. "But the cashier doesn't seem that confused for some reason. Maybe she's done this before."
Sweetie nodded. "That's what I'm thinking, too. But still: why though?"
"Well, let's keep spying on her until we find out," said Scootaloo. "It's the only job we've got today."
As Cipher finalized her purchase, the two crusaders retreated further into the store to avoid being spotted. Once she'd left and the coast was clear, they trotted back outside, objective reaffirmed and eyes peeled.
"Hi."
Aaand Cipher was standing right outside the door, looking down at them with an unreadable smile on her face.
Sweetie gulped. "H-hello Ms. Splash."
"'Sup?" added Scootaloo.
Cipher's grin widened. "I wonder what I did to get a pair of little admirers? I don't think I've done anything quite that admirable lately."
A bead of cold sweat rolled down Sweetie's face. "Uh..."
"Well," Cipher continued, leaning in closer, "whatever the reason, it's probably for the best that you go find something else to do, now. It's not nice to invade a mare's privacy, after all. You never know what sort of situation you might find yourselves in if you do."
"It wasn't our idea! Noteworthy put us up to it," capitulated Scootaloo.
"I figured," she said. "He especially should have known better."
"You won't break up with him, will you?" pleaded Sweetie.
Cipher laughed at that. "No, of course not. He's much too adorable."
Sweetie let out a sigh of relief. "Ok, good."
"Now, do you promise you'll be more considerate from now on?" Cipher asked.
"We promise," they said in unison.
At that, Cipher's smile became genuine. "Great! Have a wonderful day, you scamps. Maybe you should make some hot cocoa when you get back. It's his favorite."
Then she booped them both on the nose and cantered away.
Sweetie stared at her retreating form, processing what just happened. "Well, I guess we'll never know what in Equestria her cutie mark means. It sucks, but maybe that's for the best. Let's go tell Noteworthy."
Sweetie spun around to return to the stallion's house, but Scootaloo didn't move with her. When she looked back, Scootaloo was dashing off at a full gallop after Cipher, hot on her heels. At the same time, Cipher entered an alleyway.
Sweetie's jaw dropped. "Ugh, really?" she then ran off after Scootaloo, expecting to get winded catching up.
However, Scootaloo stood stock-still once she got to the end of the alley, dumbfounded. Curious, Sweetie looked as well, and her eyes widened.
Cipher had completely vanished, her hoofprints in the snow leading to nowhere.
* * *
The three thoroughly perplexed young mares met back up outside Noteworthy's house to discuss their findings, or lack thereof, such as it was.
"So, AB, what did Pinkie have to say?" asked Scootaloo. "Is there anything important in that folder?"
Apple Bloom sighed, shaking her head. "Nuh-uh. Unless the fact that she hates sand is somehow relevant. Pinkie knew about as much about Cipher as Noteworthy did. How'd things go on your end?"
"Worse," said Sweetie Belle. "She was onto us the whole time, then poofed into thin air."
"My running theory is that she's a changeling ghost," added Scootaloo.
"Hmm, that is mighty strange. It does support Pinkie's ghost theory," said Apple Bloom. "But she's still immune to giggling, so..."
"Why a changeling, though?" asked Sweetie. "Didn't they all reform?"
"Duh," said Scootaloo, "When have you ever heard of a ghost dating somepony? Or one that looked exactly like a living pony? But an old-school changeling? Totally would and could have, to steal their love." She nodded sagely.
"We can't just tell Noteworthy that we think his special somepony is a changeling ghost though," insisted Sweetie. "We have no proof!"
Scootaloo's brow rose. "Do you have any proof she isn't a changeling ghost?"
Apple Bloom frowned. "I don't think that's how that works. Besides, we've seen Pinkie do weirder stuff than vanish, and she's obviously not a ghost."
"But how do you know that?" asked Scootaloo.
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes, ignoring Scootaloo. "I say we just tell Noteworthy what happened, and that we couldn't find anything."
"But that's like... admitting defeat!" exclaimed Apple Bloom. "I'm sure we can find out the truth if we keep looking! We've never let anypony down like this before, and I don't want to have to see the look in Noteworthy's eyes when we tell him that we couldn't help."
"Yeah!" agreed Scootaloo.
"Like, we have to try all our options," continued Apple Bloom. "I say we go get Starlight and have her use magic to make Cipher spill the beans. She shouldn't get to weasel out of the truth."
Sweetie's expression turned incredulous. "You do realize that mind magic is evil and Starlight got in huge trouble for using it, right?"
"But Noteworthy's relationship is at stake!" protested Apple Bloom.
"How would that make Cipher feel, though?" countered Sweetie. "Look, something like this was bound to happen eventually. Our track record was never going to stay perfect forever."
Apple Bloom's face fell. "I know that, but... Scoots?"
Scootaloo rubbed her forelegs together. "Actually, I get what Sweetie's saying now. Ponies mess up; that's what makes taking risks so fun! As long as the only one in danger of being horribly maimed is yourself, that is. Otherwise you get arrested."
Sweetie smiled. "Exactly."
Apple Bloom exhaled, resigned. "Oh, alright. We tried our best, and that's what matters. At least until we're old enough to start an actual business, then the bits will matter."
"True," said Scootaloo.
"Not as much as the satisfaction of a job well done, right?" asked Sweetie.
Scootaloo turned away. "Eh..."
Sweetie groaned. "Whatever. We'll work on that next."
Suddenly, the front door swung open, revealing a concerned Noteworthy. "Are you girls going to stand outside in the cold all day, or are you going to come inside and talk to me?"
"Oh, sorry!" said Apple Bloom. "We didn't mean to loiter. We were just getting our act together."
"For that long?" he asked. "You must have quite the story to share."
"We sure do," said Apple Bloom.
And then they told him. The End.
