The Conversion Bureau: Time of the Season

It was Blondie. I looked out into the hall. I didn’t want to get caught doing anything wrong when I’d already had a warning.

“You were talking to my friend Becca today, weren’t you?” she asked.

“If Becca was the brunette you eat your meals with, yeah.”

“Can I come in?”

If I’m any judge of body language and tone of voice, she wasn’t trying to set me up or get me in trouble. I gestured to the door.

When I had closed the door behind me, she started to shake. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I’m sorry for this. I don’t even know you, but. . . they just announced the ponification list for tomorrow morning, and I’m on it. I’m really nervous. Can I talk to you for a bit?”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I really didn’t want to play father confessor.

“Please?” she said. “I’ll make it worth your while.” She opened a button on her blouse to let me know what she meant.

I will never understand women.

I sat next to her on the bed. “Can you just hold me for a few minutes first. I’m willing, but I’m not ready quite yet.”

It was no problem for me. I like a lot of foreplay. More boob-playing time. She leaned into me and I hugged her around the waist. She was still shaking. “I’m just so scared,” she said.

“Why don’t you tell me about how you came to the bureau?”

That was, apparently, the right thing to say, because she looked up at me with a certain look on her face. It’s a look that says that it’s all right to move in for a kiss, and that she’ll kiss back. I hugged her tighter as she opened her mouth and slid her tongue into mine. So moist and slick.

I shifted my arms up and took her blouse with me. With her boobs still encased in her bra, I reached around her back and cupped one of them.

“Let me tell you the story,” she said.

“Is it all right if I touch you while you do?”

“Yes, go ahead. Gently, though. Don’t distract me.”

I huddled close to her and teased her nipple through the bra.

“The school I worked at closed down three years ago,” she said. “Have you ever been long-term unemployed?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Then let me tell you how it takes your soul. After the first month, you look over the job listings and you’ve already sent applications to all of them, even the ones that you’re not qualified for. So it’s not like you have anything to do in your job search. No one calls you for interviews. You’re lucky if you get an e-mailed rejection. You spend your time writing follow-up letters where you can’t think of anything to say.

“All the while, of course, you’re running out of money. You don’t even notice the day when your bank account drops to zero and you start living off credit cards. You tell yourself that you’ll only buy the bare essentials, but you’ve got to have new clothes and makeup for the one interview you go on, and after you don’t get the job, you realize it’s wasted money.

“It’s not the money that gets to you. It’s the time. Do you know how many days are in three years? Over a thousand. Say it that way and it sounds like a prison sentence. Weekends are no longer something to look forward to, and neither are holidays. They’re actually worse, since on a Monday you might get a call. Actually, that sums it up perfectly: you start looking forward to Mondays.

“And then Equestria came and ponification was available. Do you know that they pay off all your debts when you get ponified? They do. ‘You walk into Equestria with nothing from your old life.’ That’s what they say in all the classes. On the one hand, getting rid of all my problems is something that I have to do, because I can’t make it. But I’m still waiting for the catch. Nobody gets something for nothing. Maybe the Human Liberation Front is right, and I’m going to lose what makes me who I am. Like I said, I’m scared to death of that. But I’ve still got to do it. If it takes my humanity, I’ve got to give it up. Because I’m a failure as a human being.”

What can you say to that? I was racking my brain for something I could tell her before she stormed out of the room convinced that I could only think about sex. But like I said, I don’t understand women. She looked up and kissed me again.

“I really needed to tell someone that. Thank you. So, since I’m giving up being human, at least before I do, I can be a woman.”

She took off the bra, and I finally got a chance to see her boobs. She tanned all over, or she was just naturally dark, but she was young and they did not sag. I leaned in and bounced them with my hands. We kissed again, and I felt her nipples crinkle.

She reached down and undid the button on my pants. I liked an aggressive partner who wasn’t afraid to do something. Too many women just lay there like blow-up dolls. My dick sprung out and she started jerking me off. She was skilled, but I also didn’t want to come too early. So I used my weight to force her to lie back on the bed. That gave me time to remove my pants entirely.

Before I dropped them on the ground, I pulled my wallet out from the back pocket and took out my condom. I was tearing it open when she said, “You don’t need that. It’s a safe day for me.”

“But I don’t really know you.”

“It doesn’t matter. Ponies can’t get STDs like we can.”

I threw it across the room. “All right, little pony-to-be. I’ll ride you bareback.”

I spread her legs wide and watched her lips open up. The folds of her pussy were glistening with her juices. I separated her lips further with my fingers and wet them a little. I stuck one in. That set her breathing faster. I heard the quick breaths and looked up into her eyes. Her panting was making her chest bob up and down. It looked like her boobs were swelling and shrinking. That was hot.

I rubbed some of her pussy juice onto the head of my dick and got mixed it with some of my precum. Getting on my knees in front of her, I put the head in and watched her to make sure I wasn’t hurting her. She did wince a little, so I pulled out.

“No, it’s OK,” she said. “You’re getting me wet and I’ll be all right.”

Slowly I reentered. I’m thick around, but not long. Maybe five inches. All right, exactly four and fifteen sixteenths. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pressed the ruler in trying to round off to five. The point is, my initial push could always be a little stressful on a girl, but I wasn’t going to break her.

Now I was inside and I could start thrusting. Nothing better than a warm pussy when the girl is using her muscles right. She was no nervous virgin. She definitely knew how to get a man off.

Too well. I’m sorry to say that, for her last human sex, she didn’t get to come. She wrapped her legs around me and squeezed. I tried to stop to maintain stamina, but she kept moving her hips and I felt myself go over the edge. Figuring that it was too late to stop it, I resumed our rhythm and came inside her. I always wonder if a girl can really feel the spunk inside her or if she just knows when I’m done because I stop.

I rolled to the side as I pulled out. My cock was covered in goo as we watched it shrinking. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make you come,” I said.

“Don’t be. I don’t have to come to enjoy sex.”

That’s one of those lies we’re not allowed to call women out on. I could tell she didn’t mean it by the tone of her voice.

“If you feel up to it,” she said, “maybe in a few minutes you can eat me out?”

Now, I have no objection to going down on a girl. It’s fun for her and is a sign that you’re not all take, no give. But I had just spent and was incredibly tired, not to mention that I didn’t relish eating out a pussy I had just come into. She must have sensed my discomfort.

“It’s all right if you don’t want to.”

“No, I will, I don’t mind.”

But she was already getting dressed. In two minutes I was alone in the room. I switched off the light.

I had a sleepless night, and the coffee they served at breakfast didn’t reach my brain until my first pony-life class that morning. I barely had a chance to think about her. I found myself eating lunch alone when I felt a presence next to me. A reddish-brown unicorn pony with a white mane was looking at me.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Can I do something for you?”

“Well, that’s nice. You forget about me so soon?”

The penny dropped. “You mean, you’re. . . ?” Damn. I hadn’t even known her name.

She smiled. “That’s right. We shared something special last night. I came to thank you.”

“How was your conversion? Did it go all right?”

“Better than all right. All my fears were misguided. I didn’t lose a thing. I’ve got everything I was, including a little part of you. Do you remember that I was worried about how there had to be a catch?”

“Yes.”

She came in close so that no one else could hear. “When I was under I had a dream or vision. I think everyone gets them. I saw Celestia, the leader of the ponies, and I asked her about it, about getting something for nothing. She said—well, she didn’t say anything, but she told me anyway—that that’s true in one world, just like the laws of conversion of matter and energy and momentum and all that, but across worlds, anything was possible. And she wanted to be generous to us. She’s so wonderful. I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

It still bothered me that I didn’t know who she was. I asked her for her name.

“I just picked it out today. I’m Happy Monday.”

“No, I meant your old name.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving that name behind,” she said. “Remember, you walk into Equestria with nothing from your old life. I’ll always be Happy Monday now.”

“And you came to thank me? But I didn’t even make—“

“You did everything for me. You’ll understand as soon as you’re ponified.”

“Will I see you again?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I’m leaving for Equestria today. We might meet there, but it’s a big country. It’s getting bigger all the time. Soon it’ll be big enough to include me.”