Twilight's New Job

by Ringtael

Rating: mature
Tags: Fetish, Comedy, Suicide / Self Harm, Rarity, Profanity, Non-consensual, Random, Violence, Sex, Death, Narcotics, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Nurse Redheart
Length: 3009

Twilight takes up gynecology.

A previously untitled shitshow written by myself and Tenth.

Have fun.

"What the...?
The fuck did I just read? I can't comprehend any of this.

“I can. Instinct tells me it has something to do with drugs.”

Oh...okay then..."

"I'm scared"

Published 2018-01-04 05:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-04 05:50:07 UTC

Life on the Inside

Author's Note

This is jokes, not for kids.

As Always, Stay Cool, Kids.

Life on the Inside

Twilight’s office was as prim and proper as it always was. Her ‘tongue’ depressors sat in their usual spot, there were plenty of hoof-covers to go around, and the examination table had been hit with four separate sterilization spells, so everything was as orderly as she could get it; however, Twilight always felt nervous before taking another patient. Being a gynecologist was a very invasive job, and her next patient of the day, a certain Miss Rarity Belle, was notorious for sleeping with the sketchiest of the stallions in Canterlot.

It was just Twilight’s luck that Rarity had come back from a week-long fashion exposition.

The letters about the blow-bang, gangbang, and the bukkake after both hadn’t helped her spirits at all.

The lavender pony (and former Princess) trotted in place for a few seconds, doing her best to get her head in the game. Dealing with Rarity always gave her nightmares the night after, but if she could just make it through, she wouldn’t have to see her for another visit until after her next show. The favor Twilight had asked of Fancy Pants should have made sure that she would be in the clear for a few more months, but as Twilight let her thoughts wander, her RN Redheart opened the door and peeked in.

“Doctor Sparkle? Your patient is ready.” Nurse Redheart breathed shakily. “Twilight, please-”

“Don’t make me do this alone, Redheart! You know what's in there!” Twilight cried. “I know it’s hard, but I need you to be strong for me, Redheart. Can you do that for me?”

Redheart’s eyes glistened with tears. “... I… O-Okay. You owe me for this, Twilight.”

The doctor nodded. “Drinks are on me tonight. Sonic Screwdrivers?”

The traumatized nurse smiled. “Turning back time to when this never happened.”

Twilight took a deep breath and Redheart mimicked her. “Alright, Red. Send her in and suit up.”

Redheart nodded and walked out, so Twilight put on her hoof-covers, her mask, and her wing nets so that she wouldn’t leave anything behind. After downing a few shots of some moonshine that Applejack told her would help with the nightmares, Twilight was liquored up and ready to get the procedure started properly. She cleared her mind until Redheart came back with Rarity, the oblivious white mare never paid attention to the look of abject and sheer disgust in her ‘best’ friend’s eyes.

“Twilight! I do wish we’d stop meeting under such circumstances, but I’m sure we’ll get together with the rest of the girls soon enough!” The vain, manipulative harlot smiled like the daft bimbo she was.

It took a mountain’s worth of restraint for Twilight not to spit in her face. “Of course! That sounds like it’ll be great! We’ll have to get together with Applejack sometime and have her help us round the rest of the girls up.”

The retarded cunt beamed. “Simply mahhhhrvalous dahling! Now, if we’re done with the pleasantries, momma’s been full for quite some time and she needs the usual treatment.” She batted her eyelashes like Twilight was another halfwit with two bits to rub together in his pockets. Restraint level = Maximum.

‘S̮̲̫̳̘m̲͉͔̬͔̦̪ị͔̜̜l̢̖̼̘̹̩e͏̤̜͉̩͙̠̟-̛͈̙̟w̡̘̪ḥ̢̞e͈̫̳̻̤n͍͈̯̱-̯̦̤̝i̜̟t-̺̣̫̮̟̠̕h̪̤̟͔̗u̪̼̩ṛ̷͕t̗ͅs̢̪͉̮͕̠̪͔-̘͔̘̣͙̩̬Ṣ͙͎m҉̻̝i̠͉͍̘l̮͡ͅͅe̦̻̘̩̼̙̕-̤̼w̡̫͇hȩ͎͚n̗̭̟̹ͅ-̲̹̮̙̼̲i̡̼̩̩̳̬t̸̯͓ͅ-ͅh͇̜̬̱̗͚͍͜ur̰͠tş̗̯-͍̭͈͘S̢͚ṃ̟̘̺́i̩̭l̕e̮̤̳͝-̰͍̱͈̱̻͡w̙̘̤̠̗̤ẖ͉͠e̴̯̥͔̭̹͙ͅn̺͓-̘͎̥͍̗i̬̭͈͉t̺͕͕̕-̸͉̣̖̪̦̬̲ḫ̠̮̟̳̫̖ú̱̻r͔̟t̯͇̻̗̤̀s̞̰̠-͇̩S͕̹̗̼m̙͎ḭ͎̩͖͡lḙ̟̳́-͏͍w̦͈͟h̙̱̹̦̩̟͠e̹n-̛̥̙̳͓̠ͅi̝͓̭ͅt̲̜͚̖̙-͏̘͎̼͓̫h͏u̞͕͢ŕ̳ͅt̪͓̻s̳̯̩̩͟-̹͎͠Sm̹i̟̥̘̠̮l̖̰͓̜̦͟e͓͈̦̬͈̬͡-͜w̥h̠͍̬͡è̙̖͎̗̳n̟̺͉͎͡ͅ-͙͙̕í̦̱t҉̞͓̺̞̱͎-h̡̲u̝̦̲r͓̪̫̮̖̙͠ͅt͕̤̺̮̜̬̭́s͡-̟̲͝Ś͇m̻̘̺̹̕i͉̥͍͟l͎̜͖̮̠̰ͅé̺ͅ-̢̠̗w̢̲̤h̸̭͔e͇̗͚̯̻n̦̺͖-͘i̠̱͚̪̯ṱ͓-̲̜̯͚̻h̼͓̜̬u͍̫͕͉̖̰r̵͓̰̼̳͈̹ts-̠̫S̟͔̗̺̯̥̠mi̥̱̻͟l̶͓͔͔e͉̹̺̜-̵w̮̪̙͉̥̠ḫ̳͚̯͍̘ȩ͕͙̱̤n̢̫͙͈-͔͓̲̥̹i͖̖͚̦t̪̜̞-̰̹͚̫͢h̞̬̪̻͙̗̦́u͈̲̜͖ṛ͕̹t͙̯̻̙͓͍͞s͞-͖́S̩͎m̪̙͕̖̯̱i͙͎l̨͓̞͖e̹͉͖͚̩̣̘-̠̟w͉̻h̙e̝͕̳̩̫̖͙͝n̸̠̲̻͍͙-̻̰͈̱̤̼̬̕i͚͕̫͖͎̠͜ͅt͕-͍̲͍͝h̜̝͉̩̪̖̳u͎̥̠̱̯̞͞ͅr̫͕̺͎̦̩t̸̮̟͖̤͎̫s̴̞̻͎̘͖̗̰-̻͡S̭̤̜̟m̵̩͕͔i̮͉̺͇͡l͚͚̝̲̜̰̥e̬͎͉̘̘̹͘-̴̥̰͎w̻̥͎̗̩͎͟h͏̝e̢̖̜̰̟̝n̼̜̫̙-̀it̵̞͎-̢̫̣̙h̻̣͚̙̟̦̝ư̺̼̮̝̖͓̺r͏̫͙t̯̭̺̖̦̳s̺̞-̧̘̫̳Sm̴̦͖i̙͡l̞e̱̬͚̹̕-̙w̺̰͙̼̭̩h̬̟̣͎͈e҉̙̖̞n̙̥̞̯̯̹̙-̨̠͓̥̻̺̥i͏̖t̶͍͍-̜̣͉̫̹̮̼h̺͍̬̺̳̟͈u͈͖̟̞͚̰̮r͎̺̥͎t̼̩s͉̮̻͓̫̝̣-̶̣̹̱̳̙Sm̳̖͉͚̻̼͠į͚͎̬͕l̵͔̝̞̤̮e̡̱̦̟̼-̀w̡̙̺ḩ͉e̹̟̞̥̭n͔̯̥̟-̩͇͎i̞̖̗͎̱̭t̹͕͠-̢̼͙̱̹̠͎h͇̠͚͈͕͡ur͚͓͉͎̠t̰̞͚̱̝͙͚s̳͈̥͎-̶̦̤͖̝ͅŚmi̬̬͎͙͜l̘̲͙͈͖̣͡ḙ̬̘̻̀-͎̰͈w̪͔͠h͕̻e̸̞n-͉͈̬̱̼i̫͟t̝͇͖̘-̫̟̬h̨͕͙͙u̖̮̳̞̮̗rt͈͎s̟-̖̟S͓̗̭̟̹ͅm̘̘͖̦̭il̨e̱̞͟-̡͍̜̰̙̠̭̳w̮̝͚͕̠͚h̤̬e͍̠̪̰̬̣n̝̯͚͇͚̠͈͘-̥̝̗͍͎i̤̙̗͎̮͙t̴͕̫̳-͓͖̘̼̹h̺̦ụ͈̯͉̳̲̠ŗ͈͈͇̹̗t͇̘͕̺̟s̰͈͕̜-̤̝̙̫̣S̺͜mį̫le̟̲͇͙̫̣̟-̹w͓̮̠͔h͚̩ͅe̷̹̪̲͓̬n̹̻̞̕-̴͙̙̲̰̺̬ͅit͕̱̝̻͇-̧̰͔̲͙h̹͞u̙͜r̨̘͉̠t̙̱̜s̬̩̺͉̯ͅ-̦̦̞̭͍̼͟S̼͙͔͍͙m̡i̝̻̮̜l͢ȩ̪̬-̜w̳͉̜̥he͉̬̯̞̹͠ń-̮͎̺̰̳̲͉it̹̮̠̱-̧̺̤̙̥̠h҉̩ư̘̗̪̰r̴t̡̞̜̭̘̗s̪̱̙.͓̞̼͙̫̕ͅ’The voices chanted to Twilight as she though about the knife she kept under her pillow. She was going to bleed tonight and she was going to FEEL SO GOOD! She considered letting her little brother in on the action for a little bit since she knew that the femcolt liked to watch when she cut her pretty little lips, so she might throw him a bone since she was about to be deeper inside of his crush than is pathetic little cock could ever hope to get.

Twilight smiled. “Why, of course, Rarity! I’m sure you know how to get into the stirrups by now.”

Her faggot ass friend pouted. “I always need a little help, Durling.”

The doctor’s eye twitched (K͔͜N̵͎̘͚̟̤I҉̞̤̮̣̹̥͍F̡̦͇̯͇̱̯E̠͍͕͠) and she ground her teeth while thinking of all the ways she could violate Rarity from the inside. “OF COURSE, Rarity! Redheart, let’s give Rarity a hoof, shall we?”

Redheart swallowed hard and dreamed of the sack of heroin she had stored in the nurses station and with all the sterile syringes she could ask for. She would be in Heaven, all she needed to do was get past the horror that was Rarity’s fetid, putrid graveyard of a cunt. Redheart grimaced as Rarity shoved her flank into her face and the smell of rotting meat crossed with cat piss mixed with raw sewage stored in the cadaver of a three day old skunk that was set on fire in a ring of tires came into her nose. Redheart vomited into her mouth and swallowed it, her own cunt growing soaking wet since vomiting was one of her favourite things to do. She’d been caught overdosing just for the sake of tasting her own stomach’s content, and plus it kept her so thin!

[Be bulimic you whores] {Violators get -~~slaps~~- slits on the wrists}

Twilight got one of Rarity’s hooves in place as Redheart did the other, and together through much mutual, hot, lesbian eye contact, they made it through the horrifying ordeal of exposing Rarity’s literal blue vagina to the world once more. Redheart was trained not to gag in front of patients, and she hadn’t done it the time before, but Rarity’s dreadnaught of a gash was legendary throughout Equestrian nobility as being one of the slummiest fucks around. Twilight had cured her of eight different STD’s on multiple different occasions, and several new ones that hadn't been known to the pony populace previously, Rarity’s cunt being the biggest hurdle of the day, though fortunately she was the last on the schedule. Those Sonic Screwdrivers were only hours away, so Twilight and Redheart looked at each other.

“Are you prepared, Nurse Redheart?” Twilight asked shakily.

“I-I… Yes, Doctor Sparkle.” Redheart managed.

Rarity giggled nervously. “I know you mares might be a bit jealous, but you don’t have to stare!”

Twilight held back a shart. The absurdity of Raritard’s statement and made her want to shit and fart simultaneously. “We’re far too professional for all that, Rarity.” Twilight replied, her voice empty and hollow. She could feel the scars in her pussy aching, begging for more sisters. “Why don’t we get started on the miniaturization spell?”

Rarity giggled some more. “Oh, this part always tickles!”

She missed the shudders from Redheart and Twilight completely, but when they shrunk themselves and Twilight teleported them from the floor to the Pussy Platform, then shit was lit. Redheart clutched Twilight’s foreleg as they stared at the gaping maw that was Rarity’s Celestia-forsaken hole. Twilight turned to her assistant, and in one fluid motion, she flipped her over and started eating her pussy out, Redheart’s unique Hearts and Hooves Day candy flavor overruling the wretched reek in the air. As Twilight buried her tongue into Redeart’s cervix, eating all the juicy leftovers from her last period (because they totally have those), Redheart ate Twilight’s flank and they both knew damn well that she hadn’t wiped in three days.

Oh well. You can cure typhoid.

After Redheart ate a long, steaming shit out of Twilight’s ass, They got down to business and ventured past the pillaged labia and into the abyss {He’s an author, lookem up} [He’s a fuckboi, send him nudes]. Redheart tried to keep all of Twilight’s tasty shit to herself, but Twilight locked lips with her and licked her teeth clean before using a puke-inducing spell so she could get the sloppy seconds, but they were always better the second time around anyway. When they were done, they made sure not to let a single drop escape either of their coats before locking lips to each other’s assholes so the could give each other a stomach full of who they were. The puke enema was always the best part, making them both cum harder than nubile virgins in a gangbang.

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Gathering up more courage from their brief time together, the two ponies skipped like a couple of faggots towards their impending doom at Westboro Baptists Pray The Gay Away Convention. Week old semen dripped from the cavernous walls of Rarity’s filthy, unwashed twat. Twilight was at first disregarding of the wet spunk, as it was common for Rarity’s broken vagina. That was, until it started forming into an abomination straight out of a foal’s comic book. Had this thing been fully grown and not something in the fashion whore’s torn twat tunnel, it would be a staggering ten feet taller than the two ponies standing before it.

The monstrous thing standing before them let out a mighty roar as if they were treading in it’s swamp [It’s all Ogre now], and had the audacity to glare at them. Honestly, like it actually had the rights to infect whomever it pleases. Redheart, being the fucking she-demon she was, didn’t like the attitude it was starting to give them.

“Oi, fucker, don’t you dare look at me like that. I’ve bitten things ten times your size for shit like that.” She spat darkly.

The giant splooge monster wasn’t the talking type, and took a swing towards them. Despite Redheart’s bravado a couple of seconds ago, she completely forgot that despite the STD being normally small she was currently smaller; resulting in Twilight and Redheart being scattered like the insignificant gnats they were. These two mares happened to be the pussies of Ponyville, so one swing from this beast was all that it took to knock them the fuck out. Well, I say they were knocked out, but in actuality, their bones and overall muscle structure were so frail and weak, it instantly killed them. Luckily, because magic and shit, this doesn’t end the story here.

“Hey,” said a mysterious and very dark sounding voice, “I got a notification on Tumblr that says my protagonists got fucking KILLED? What the shit is this?” Some keys were being pressed, “Rerun the fucking story. I SAID RUN IT BACK NIGGA!”

Twilight and Redheart shot back up with gasps, and quickly found out that not only did they both get revived by that mysterious sounding pony, their power levels went higher than a dead meme. Thinking quicker than she does in the show, Twilight shot a bolt of magic at the giant semen beast instantly disintegrating it. As it was dying, she could have sworn she heard music play, but it faded faster than she could fully hear it

Thot 1 and 2 shook their heads free of the death they just experienced, and then proceeded to continue on like it was nothing because it serves the plot which has a hole currently wider than Rarity’s. Massively gaped in case you were wondering.

“I can’t believe that just happened so quickly.” said the sperglord.

“I can. Instinct tells me it has something to do with drugs.” replied the retarded nurse.

They laughed together for no reason, and both continued on. Objects that are bigger on the inside have the tendency to make you forget that time exists, and both Twilight and Nurse Redheart learned that mildly important lesson when they both got calls on their iApples™ from their families wondering where the fuck they’ve been for the last ten years. The duo dyke dicksuckers (makes sense) [Complete and total sense] both told their parents to chill and get woke.

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The pair of dimwitted ‘doctors’ continued down Rarity’s ineptly named love tunnel, passing the limbs of the defeated fetus’ as the continued along. Twilight stopped for a nibble once or twice since the unborn are delicious and make your coat shine brightly, but Redheart turned her nose up at the practice since she was a loser and thought aborted fetus’ deserved respect. Twilight teleported a few tasty morsels onto Rarity’s tongue and she could practically feel her delight, though that might have been because she was inside of her.

Their horrible little trip had turned out to be about half as bad as they’d thought it would be, but on the other hand, they hadn’t made it to the belly of the beast quite yet. Their hoof coverings were splattered with splooge, basted with ball batter, and coated in cum. Some of it was bloody for some odd reason, which made Redheart hope that she could finally get Pony AIDS from drinking it. After several long years of trying to be put on disability with her current pay from the hospitals, she was another quart of cum closer to her climax.

After their little pit stops, Twilight lead the way to the gaping, ragged ring of flesh that was Rarity’s destroyed cervix and trotted on through only to stop on the edge. Inside Rarity’s womb was a sea of semen and within that sea lay mighty creatures with discoordinated movements, asymmetrically big heads, and more chewed off umbilical chords than you could shake a stick at. All of Rarity’s failed children were still alive and kicking in the protein rich concotion that their mother was so happy to provide them with.

Twilight’s mouth watered as the Pro-Choice badge on her clitoris warmed up. “All of these tasty little vegetables, all to make my coat shinier, my mind healthier, and my joints flexier! Oh, Redheart! I can’t wait to snacky bum-bum with you after I eat one of these non-ponies!”

Redheart made a face. “I support getting rid of these wastes of cum, but using them to make yourself even prettier is just cheating, Twilight.”

The gynecologist gave her a look. “Oh, shut up. You still let me put my horn in every hole and shoot as much as I want, so don’t you go telling me about cheating!”

“That’s just to keep my holes tight!”

“You just like it when I stab your stomach, you kinky little whorse.” Twilight taunted.

Redheart blushed. “It’s better when I almost feel you pierce me.”

“Ah, good times.”

They both dipped their heads down and got a mouthful of the STD enriched brew so that they could identify which ones were present, and there were definitely some new flavor concoctions that had Twilight stumped. She shrugged it off and swallowed like a good filly, thinking that Night Light would be as proud now as he was back when she had just gotten her Cutie Mark. While she was thinking, Redheart cantered up behind her and shotgunned her load into Twilight’s flank for safekeeping. I mean, lab reasons, of course.

Once they were done with the preliminary testing, Twilight lead the way down to the dock so they could sail the Semen Sea and start teleporting Rarity’s fetus’ into her mouth for disposal. Twilight saved a big enough hunk of fetus to keep her coat shiny for the next year and ate enough to make it shine bright enough to hurt Redheart’s eyes then and there. A quick Sticky-Levitation Spell marked the end of the hard work and started the beginning of the easy stuff.

Twilight and Redheart trotted their way back out of Rarity’s fetid snatch and promised each other that they would never let their own pussies get like hers. Then again, Twilight would need to find a stallion desperate enough to plow a nerd on her level of nerddom for her to have a hope. Redheart could actually be a slut if she wanted to be since her sister, Fleur De Lis, was all for having her be the star of her own gangbang. Redheart was sure that Fleur just wanted to see her baby sister with every hole stuffed, but then again, Redheart was fond of eating cum out of her while she was ‘sleeping’ and and been since fillyhood.

The pair of ‘trained professionals’ exited the cave of horrors and grew back to their normal size, tugging a thick ball of solidified semen behind them. Twilight stick a stick in the ball and handed it to Rarity. “For being a good filly and not touching yourself with the blood pressure cuff this time, you can have this!”

Rarity gave it a lick and smiled. “Oh, it’s simply delicious! Thank you, DAAAAAAAHHHRRRRRRRRRRRLING! Would you like to slam another kind of horse with me?”

Twilight patted Rarity’s leg. “You’re welcome, you slaw little thot. Can we shoot up now?”

Rarity pulled out her bag of heroin and her spoon. “Isn’t sharing a needle so much fun!?”

Twilight let Rarity shoot her up first then helped her administer the dose while Redheart looked on passively. Everyone knew Rarity’s heroin was garbage anyway.“Try not to catch anything else while you’re sleeping around, okay?”

“Oh, posh! Catching something new is half the fun! Why, even when I’m clean I can still feel a phantom burning!”

Twilight’s eye twitched. “You should kill yourself.”

Rarity smiled brightly. “That’s the whole point! Fetch momma a scalpel, would you?”

The purple Alicorn complied in a second and watched as Rarity slit herself down the middle, her organs spilling all over the table as Rarity’s stem cells were released back into the environment, but what no one was expecting was for guro to be Twilight’s favourite newfound kink, so she went around eiter killing, raping, killing then raping, or raping then killing the hospital staff one by.

It earned her a trip to the moon, during which Twilight teleported random acids to pour into her assole so she could feel the burn.

Twilight was left on the Moon for ten thousand years, only to return completely retarded and hornier than a deer. However, her newfound retardation meant that plenty of stallions were willing to rape her and give her plenty of rape babies to take care of since she was too retarded to get the little demons out of her cunt. She eventually had to move into a giant shoe to house all of her children, and she never did know what to do with them.