Last regrets, dying wishes

by ZephyrForWriting

Rating: teen
Tags: Suicide / Self Harm, Tragedy, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Sad, Spike
Length: 2533

Twilight lays on her death bed, thinking about her past. She has outlived her friends, and now after casting a powerful spell to remove her immortality, wishes to soon join them in the afterlife. But before she dies, she has plenty of time to regret.

Twilight lays on her death bed, thinking about her past. She has outlived her friends, and now after casting a powerful spell to remove her immortality, wishes to soon join them in the afterlife. But before she dies, she has plenty of time to regret everything she has ever done. She even regrets ever meeting them, ever loving them. Because when they died and she was forced to move on, it only made her life that much more painful.
Twilight runs away from Canterlot's royal castle to find solace in the far outreaches of the EverFree Forest. She now lives in a hollowed tree, which reminds her of the library she lost when she became an Alicorn.

Her last regret is never saying sorry for everything she had ever done to hurt her friends.
Her last wish is to see her friends again after she dies.
Will she?

A short one-shot on the subject of immortality: blessing or curse? I believe it would be a curse, and I want to explain why in this book. Because with time comes regret, and without the people you love, those regrets become unbearable.

Published 2018-01-06 00:20:13 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-06 00:20:13 UTC

With time comes regret

~~~

A purple light started to flicker in the darkness, and a nearby candle was lit. It's small flame danced, casting a faint glow on the wooden walls of the small, cramped room. It illuminated the face of a lavender pony, an Alicorn, to be exact. Her hair was graying, frayed, and creases in her face told of many years. Many, many years, in fact. Enough to last a few lifetimes.

Twilight inspected herself in a mirror on the wall, smiling at her aged face. She was growing weaker and weaker everyday, and she could actually feel her heart beat fainter and fainter. It wouldn't be long, now. She would be free, soon.

Her wings ruffled, and it sounded like the dying leaves of autumn falling to the ground. She turned from the mirror to gaze around the room.

It was small, old, and reminded her of her old home. It was a hollowed out tree, much like her old library. The place she had lived in when she had first set hoof in PonyVille, and had made such wonderful friends. Friends that were gone now. Even Spike, who had left for the Dragon Lands. Even Spike, who had died protecting his kin. Twilight had wished that he would be by her side for at least a few thousand years, but alas, he too was taken from her.

Her library, her friends, her assistant and childhood friend, her brother, her parents, all now gone. All she wanted to do was go along with them. She didn't know what lay in the afterlife, if there was any, but even the worst of tortures would be more tolerable than this. Cursed to live forever, watching everyone she knew and loved die, attending funerals, and eventually locking herself up in her own wing of the royal castle. Celestia said it was a hard time, a time she had experienced herself, and had moved past when she had become an Alicorn. Twilight wished she could be as strong as Celestia, but she cried. She was scared that it wasn't courage, but instead, something else...

“You must live, Twilight, and become unattached to the world and all that is in it...” Celestia's words echoed in her mind.

“Love is something only mortals can cherish, and something immortals have to hate. It is sad to say, but the only way you can be happy, now. You have to forget and move on, living in the present, instead of the past.”

Twilight slowly ambled to her bed and lay in it, pulling the covers over her frail body. She felt cold, and tired. She hoped today was the day.

To Twilight, it sounded like the only way to live in this world now, was to be dead to it. In the last few years she lived in the castle, she used to look at every pony she saw, and always thought to herself, “That pony will die. They have ponies they love, and they will die, regardless. Every mortal life is meaningless.”.

Everything Celestia said made sense, but it scared Twilight as she thought about it. It sounded like Celestia, her teacher, had told her to die inside.

But Twilight didn't want to die inside, and leave a hollow shell behind to rule the land. Her morals meant less and less to her everyday, and she no longer cared about what happened to anybody around her. She actually started to hate Celestia, her teacher. If she hadn't been turned immortal, she could have died with her friends and family a long time ago. It would have been happier that way.

No, immortality wasn't a blessing, it was a curse. Every day passed, each more meaningless than the past. Every day lasted only a minute, and she sometimes closed her eyes to sleep only to find the sun already rising in a matter of what felt like seconds.

But that was when she left, when she ran away from the castle, and all of civilization. That was when she came here to die, after she spent a few years decoding a spell she had stolen from the royal library. A spell that reversed the Alicorn change in a pony, turning them back into a mortal. She could now die, and be free of this world. But unfortunately, even her capabilities of magic weren't able to finish the spell. Her body was still immune to all harm. No blade, rope, or poison could end her misery. But there was still a way. Time. She could no longer live forever, and time ate away at her body like a parasite. Days still sped by, and the past few dozen years had felt like a week. Time was in her favor, hungry to claim her life after being cheated for so many generations. And with the help of an age spell, she sped towards death's door, her face split into an impossibly wide smile.

Twilight gasped for breath, and clutched at her chest with her hooves. It was getting harder and harder to breath, and she laughed as her body shook with an uncontrollable cough. A cough that wrought her insides and left her muscles screaming in pain. But still, Twilight laughed. Her eyes started to tear up. So close. Was she scared? No. Death had never scared her.

~~~

It had been many years since Twilight had disappeared. Celestia sat alone at a dining table, staring at the empty seat across from her.

How selfish she had been, turning Twilight into an eternal ruler. How many terrible decisions she had made.

“I sent you to PonyVille to make friends, Twilight.” Celestia's own voice echoed in her hollow mind.

“You were a filly of prophesy, I knew from the beginning that you were meant to become a powerful Alicorn. I thought that maybe making friends would make it easier for you, eternal life. Something to hold onto when you fell. But now I see, it was a mistake, and now it only makes things that much worse.” A tear formed in Celestia's eye, but she didn't bother to wipe it away.

When they had found Twilight missing, that next morning, a search was put out. It was unsuccessful, and Celestia assumed Twilight had ended her own life with the help of the scroll that was reported missing from a heavily guarded part of the royal library. Twilight had cast a sleeping spell on the guards, unlocked the box that held the magic scroll, and vanished. The guards were fine to this day, and had died of age a while ago. But Twilight was a casualty.

Even after living for millennia, she was still a fool, and she would never learn. She was upheld as the one source of divine wisdom in all the land, but her folly still cost the lives of many. She would never learn how or why, it seemed no matter what she did ended in unhappiness.

First Discord, then her own sister Luna, Sunset Shimmer, and now Twilight Sparkle. It seemed that everyone she knew ended up evil or insane. Maybe it was her own fault.

How selfish she had been. How cruel. She should have left Twilight to her own matters. And now, yet another one she loved was dead. And she was left alone.

~~~

Twilight had stopped coughing, and her chest ached. Her hope to suffocate was extinguished, but she clung to the hope of heart failure.

She had been told by religious philosophers that if you killed yourself, you would go to hell. But she hadn't killed herself, she was only making herself mortal again. She was supposed to die, and she had lived longer than she was supposed to. Not that she hadn't tried suicide, but now with death so close, she was glad she hadn't gone that route, just in case. That would be one regret that would last forever, one more regret on her list. A very long list, in fact.

She carried the mental baggage of all the times she had done something she ended up regretting, and she carried it all the time as a painful reminder to do better. Especially when she never got the chance to make up for her actions. Especially those that had to do with her friends, who were gone now. She would never get the chance to say sorry.

Sorry for missing time together because she had been busy with royal duty.

Sorry for growing ever so distant as they grew older, and Twilight grew impatient under the stress.

Sorry for not attending their funerals because she was too weak to stand.

Sorry for leaving them behind.

Sorry for leaving Celestia behind.

Sorry for leaving the world behind.

Sorry for every time she could remember treating her friends less than perfect, times that couldn't be made up for.

Sorry for never trying to stop Spike from dying in the Dragon Lands.

Sorry for never saying sorry.

Twilight began to cry, and the candle went out as a sudden gust of wind blew through the drafty door.

“I am not kind. Feeling abandoned and alone, I was never kind to anypony, but was straight-to-the-point, afraid they would ask me how I was doing.” Her thoughts floated through her mind, and she felt as though she didn't even have to make an effort to form the sentences in her brain.

“I am not loyal. I have left my kingdom behind for the farthest reaches of the EverFree forest, hoping to never talk to another pony for what little time I have left to live.

“I am not full of laughter, or happiness. I promised you Pinkie, to never stop smiling. When you were in the hospital, dying of diabetes, I vowed to always laugh. I haven't laughed since you died.

“I am not honest. I lied to Celestia, to Luna, to Cadence, even to Flurry Heart. Whenever they asked me how I was feeling, I would say 'fine'.

“I am not not generous, I stole that scroll for my own benefit. I didn't give as much time to Equestria as I could have.

“I am not a good friend, like you Spike. I didn't follow you to the Dragon Lands. I'm supposed to be the princess of friendship, but I am the opposite. I have no friends, and I refuse to make any others to replace them, those five ponies and dragon that brightened up my life. Those ponies that were always there for me.

“I am not magic. I am no princess. I have no friends. I am good for nothing, and when I die, nobody will care. I deserve to live forever and torture myself, it's the least I can do to fix what I've done. But I will never go back. I will never make up for my mistakes and regrets.”

Now fully sobbing, she used her weak magic to push open the door of the one-room-house. It creaked on rusty, unused hinges. The sun was starting to set, and Twilight watched it, hoping it would be her last.

As she watched the sun set, she thought about her past. If only she hadn't met those ponies, hadn't grown so attached. She regretted ever meeting them, she regretted leaving Canterlot for PonyVille.

Her heart beat slower and softer, and she could no longer feel a pulse in her chest. It was time. Funny, she was going to die in the time of twilight. It only fit.

Surely enough, the sun had disappeared behind the horizon, leaving a blanket of purples and oranges behind.

Though the sun was gone, a strong light shone in her eyes. Her tunneled vision was dark, but the light at the end of the darkness drew her in like a moth to the moon.

She felt oddly... at peace. Even with so many regrets and wishes plaguing her brain, she let them go. She was glad. Glad she met her friends, glad she had loved them. She made mistakes while with them, but she felt... happy she had made them. Maybe if she could have gone back in time to fix those times, the timeline would have changed and she wouldn't love them so much. When she grew angry with Pinkie Pie for having her sixth sense which defied the laws of the universe, maybe it led her down a path of time which ended up having a happier ending than if she hadn't accepted the fact that Pinkie was Pinkie. Maybe they wouldn't be as good of friends.

Sure, the ending to her story wasn't perfect. It was far from that. But it didn't have to be perfect. She was happy she had any time at all with her friends. She regretted nothing. Wished for nothing now, but only to be with them when she died. That was the one thing she wished for with all of her frail and fragile heart. To be with them, and to say sorry.

The light at the end of the tunnel called her, and she couldn't resist the pull.

She felt herself moving, but she knew she still lay in her bed. She felt youthful again, and she galloped as fast as she could towards the light, beating her wings in a strange way to give her a boost. As the light became brighter and painfully brighter, colors danced in her eyes.

White, cyan, yellow, orange, pink, and a familiar combo of purple and green. Twilight cried and broke through the tunnel to find a group of what looked like ponies standing around her. The blobs of color materialized, and she stared into the youthful faces of her friends.

“After so many years.” Twilight sobbed, her face contorted into a sad smile. She fell to the ground, her long journey having exhausted her to the bone.

They started to welcome and embrace her, wrapping their hooves around their long-awaited-for friend, laughing and smiling. She recognized her voices, and hadn't realized how much she had missed them. Hearing their voices, seeing their faces, feeling their comforting touch. Twilight cried and hugged them as tight as she possibly could. It wasn't a dream, it was real.

It had been so long, but she was finally here. With them. This was heaven. She was happy.

~~~

Author's Note

I hope you liked this one-shot! I had this idea a while ago, and finally decided to write it. And this may seem to have a happy ending, but it really doesn't. What about Celestia and the other immortals? They will never find the same joy Twilight did. So, the ending was both happy and sad, and I hope it was satisfying to all of you.

Like and fav this if you enjoyed, and leave a comment about your thoughts of immortality. Would it be a blessing? Or a curse?
Let me know, and please share your honest thoughts about this short story! It's only my second story, so I still have a lot to improve on. If you haven't yet, you should totally check out my first story Sweet dreams, bitter reality, I would really appreciate it!
Thank you!