Cassandra vs Anon-A-Miss

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, My Little Pony Comic, Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG), Drama, Original Character, Mystery
Length: 2425

My OC Cassandra is the only one who can stop Anon-A-Miss

This is Cassandra, my OC don't steal. Her interests include having a dark past, saving Twilight when the elements of harmony fail, and being Celestia's long-lost sister. There's trouble in Canterlot High, someone with the monica "Anon-A-Miss" is exposing everyone's deepest darkest secrets. The (hu)mane 6 aren't smart enough to figure it out on their own, but luckily, they have a powerful ally in the form of my OC Cassandra - Equestria's last line of defense against those who wish it harm. She lives a very busy life, that includes simultaneously dating Rarity and Rainbow Dash, but she always finds time to help a friend in need.

Contains spoilers for the Equestria Girls Holiday Special comic.

Published 2018-01-06 22:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-06 22:00:06 UTC

Cassandra Wins

The holidays were approaching, and Cassandra was as busy as ever. Cassandra was the Seventh Element of Harmony, and the marefriend to both Rarity and Rainbow Dash, as well as Celestia's long-lost sister, and most importantly, Equestria's last line of defense against those who wish it harm. So , it wasn't surprising that she always had something going on. At the moment, she was hosting an exclusive party for herself and her marefriends at her exclusive winter chalet. They hadn't seen Cassandra for weeks, on account of her needing to make winter by tilting the planet on its axis with her level 99 strength. But their moment of peace lasted nary more than a moment, for just then, her magic diary began vibrating. This was a special diary that acted as a line of communication between her and Sunset Shimmer from the human world. Sunset only used it when she, or the human world was in grave danger, for Cassandra was also the human world's last line of defense against those who wish it harm. And the message she wrote couldn't have been more dire,

"Help me Cassandra, you're my only hope." Cassandra apologetically brushed off her two marefriends who were cuddling with her, and reluctantly shrugged off her luxurious silk robe.

"Girls, there's an emergency in the human world that requires the kind of help only I can provide."

"But Cassandra, we're helpless without you!" objected Rainbow Dash

"I may just throw myself off the mountain if I cannot be with you!" pleaded Rarity.

"Listen to me, you are both strong and brave, and can probably survive while I'm gone." Cassandra's uplifting speech inspired Rainbow Dash and Rarity. They had equally daunting tasks ahead of them, for Cassandra saving the world on the other side of the mirror, and for the other two, going an extended period of time without getting to see Cassandra.

Cassandra arrived on the other side of the mirror to find a tear-streaked Sunset Shimmer sitting alone by herself. Immediately, she ran over to comfort her friend "Shh shh, it's ok sweetheart. You told me you were having a problem, how bad can it be?"

"W-well, I've been thinking about getting back together with Flash just so I have some companionship."

"Great Celestia above, I'm glad I got here when I did. Sunset, you are way too good to sink to that level of desperation, I'm here for you.
Now tell Auntie Cassandra what's wrong."

"w-well, it all started three days ago at a slumber party at Applejack's..."

{flashback}

"So we'll start with a sleepover at Pinkie's place, an' then on Christmas Eve, we'll have a sleepover at mah place!" exposited Applejack. Sunset was recently reformed, and didn't want to offend her friends with her desire for spending Christmas in a house that was insulated from the elements and wasn't percolated with animal noises & smells, so she simply replied 'no comment'.

At Pinkie's house, the festivities were underway. Rarity was applying nail polish to Applejack, when she got a phone call from Apple Bloom, during which the younger Apple referred to her as "Piggly Wiggly."

"Piggy Wiggly?" asked Sunset

"Yeah, it's a dumb inside joke... they gave me that nickname after th' place where me an' Braeburn realized we were soulmates! We were both reachin' fer th' same can o' beans when our hands touched, an' th' electricity just flowed through us! Oh Braeburn, ah swoon when ah think of him."

"Applejack, look!" exclaimed Sunset, "your story was so boring that it put everyone to sleep. We should be quiet now so we don't wake them."

"Yer so smart, Sunset" said Applejack, "nothin'll ever change our friendship," said Applejack.

"But something would." said Morgan Freeman in a voiceover.

The next day, they got to school to discover that Applejack was being called "Piggly Wiggly." Apple Bloom ran up to her sister, phone in hand opened to MyStable.

"Applejack, look!" exclaimed Apple Bloom, "This was posted by some baddie named 'Anon-A-Miss,' she's posted yer most embarassin' secrets!"

"Lemme see that!" she snatched the phone from her sister and began reading off the screen, "Di....did...yow...yao, no wait it's you, ah know that word. Did you..ken...keno.... Did you know th... tha.... Ugh, that diabolical witch! She's exposin' the deep dark secret that ah can't read!" The others looked bewildered

"No no, that ain't th' secret..." began Apple Bloom

"Then she must've told everyone ah'm carryin' Braeburn's child!" exclaimed Applejack

"Everyone knows that already, darling" said Rarity.

"Hmm she's good," grunted Applejack.

That night, they had a slumber party at Rarity's house. Rarity and Sunset were the last to arrive, where they found Sweetie Belle chilling out with Rarity's friends.

"Oh hi Rarity, Sweetie was just telling us what she and her friends have been up to," said Fluttershy

"Well I'm afraid the conversation must end," said Rarity

"But I think you're really going to want to hear what we've been up to" insisted Sweetie

"I am sorry, but I did not make the rules, this slumber party only has room for the prettier of the Belle sisters," said Rarity.

"Ooh, Rarity," said Sweetie Belle sympathetically, "getting kicked out of your own slumber party, that's gotta hurt."

"Sweetie Belle, it's you who's going," said Rarity

"All right, but don't say I didn't warn you."

They did a mock concert, and Pinkie did a stage dive, which broke through Rarity's closet.

"Pinkie, is that the sixth door you've broken?" asked Fluttershy.

"The sixth door, and the fourth wall," replied Pinkie.

"Oh dear, you've stumbled upon my Closet of Shame." said Rarity, "I've been meaning to sell, donate, or burn everything in here."

"Everything in here looks perfectly normal to me," said Rainbow Dash.

"Thank you for confirming my point." said Rarity

"We should take selfies in these clothes!" said Sunset

"It seemed like a good idea at the time" insisted Sunset present-day

"No, it didn't." said Cassandra,

"You're right, as always," said Sunset, "it was a pretty stupid idea."

"Are you going to waste time telling me things I already know, or finish your story?"

The next day, Rarity's photos were online! Not only that, but all the Mane 6's secrets were exposed! They had become social pariahs, and there was no other explanation than that Sunset was Anon-A-Miss. The five were furious at Sunset, and concluded that it must have been her

"Come on you guys, do you really think I'd be stupid enough to use my hair colors on my 'anonymous avatar?'" Their silence spoke volumes.

{end flashback}

"A-and none of them believed me! Everyone thinks I'm anon-a-miss."

"Not everyone, my little pony" said Cassandra, "I believe you."

"Y-you do?" said Sunset, finally drying her eyes.

"That's right, for I am the Seventh Element of Harmony, the Element of Trust. And that means I shall always trust a pony who deserves it. Rest your head upon my ample bosom, and then we shall work together to mend your friendship and discover who Anon-a-Miss truly is." Cassandra was not only the hottest and smartest pony, but was also the hottest and smartest human too. It was a burden to work in teams because mares and stallions alike couldn't help but be distracted by her beauty. This was an example of a character flaw. Suddenly Applejack came running up to them

"The problem is solved! The story has a happy ending!"

"You found the real Anon-a-Miss?" asked Sunset

"Naw but Anon-A-Miss started postin' stuff about everyone, so no one's callin' me Piggly-Wiggly anymore! It's a Christmas miracle! Still hate you Sunset." She started signing the end credits theme "Doo do do do do, doo do do do do..."

"Applejack," said Cassandra, "you are, on both sides of the mirror, the worst sentient being in the entire universe. Every word you speak is like one thousand needles piercing directly into my soul. Sunset getting away from you is the only silver lining to this kerfuffle. Now why don't you go do the one thing you're good at, and convert some apples into marginally edible pastries? And try not to cut off your finger."

"Ah make no guarantees." she said, heading for the cafeteria.

"Now as for the productive group, it's time to do some detective work," said Cassandra to Sunset

"Ok, but I should warn you, I'm not nearly as intelligent as you are, Cassandra, so I'll probably have trouble keeping up," warned Sunset.

"Don't worry," said Cassandra, "that used to be a problem for me, but I had character development and now I'm better at working with ponies that are less smart or reliable than me. First step, we need to interview some potential suspects."

They decided to start with Trixie, a vengeful student whom Sunset had wronged.

“Hi Trixie,” said Cassandra cordially, “I’d like to ask you something, and I need you to be honest.”

“Trixie knows what you’re going to ask, and the answer is yes.”

“I knew it!” said Sunset

“Yes, Trixie will be your unpaid apprentice slash sex-slave, Cassandra.” An annoyed Sunset grabbed Trixie by the collar.

“Listen here, you raspberry-flavored rabble-rouser, we know you’re Anon-A-Miss!”

“Easy, Sunset," said Cassandra.

"Trixie is hurt by your accusations! Besides, the Great and Innocent Trixie has exonerating evidence!" She took out her phone, and scrolled down Anon-A-Miss's feed, past a copious amount of posts slandering Silver Spoon & Diamond Tiara, until she reached a photo of herself, eating a peanut butter cracker out of the garbage. "See? Trixie is merely an innocent bystander who's done nothing wrong , ever, and was caught in the crossfire! Now if Cassandra weren't with you, Trixie would make you grovel and kiss her feet as a way of apology."

"Not happening," said Sunset.

"So this is a dead end," said Cassandra, "you know what to do next, right Sunset?"

"Give up?"

"No, interview another suspect."

Next, they went to see the computer club. "ALRIGHT NERDS, LISTEN UP!" began Sunset.

"Sunset, what did I tell you?" scolded Cassandra,

"That we need things from them, and they need nothing from us, so it's important to be diplomatic," recited Sunset

'That's my girl," said Cassandra, giving her a pat on the shoulder.

"Cassandra, you'd better do the talking, I don't think I can keep my feelings in check."

"Your recognition to that fact shows that characters besides me have positive traits," complemented Cassandra. She addressed the computer club, "We're not here to make accusations, we're just asking if any of you have any involvement in 'Anon-A-Miss."

"Er no, we no idea who hacked the Pony PlayStation network," said Microchips, with very shifty eyes.

"No no, the one who's been posting embarrassing stuff about everyone," said Sunset, remembering to be polite like Cassandra had said.

"Ohhh, of course," said Microchips, "Well, you're barking up the wrong tree there. I may occasionally get myself put on a watch-list, but I have no death wish. I would never try to embarrass Cassandra."

"Come again?" said Cassandra,

"Anon-A-Miss posted a picture of you," explained Microchips, "She's got almost everyone at this school apart from three students..."

"She put up a picture of Cassandra????" interrupted Sunset.

"Indeed she did," said Microchips, putting the picture up on the big screen, "it looks like a perfectly normal picture of Cassandra's perfect body, and I don't see anything embarrassing about it."

"I think I do," said Cassandra, "Specs, magnify that photo by one hundred-thousand times." Specs gave her a thumbs up and typed some keys on his keyboard, zooming in really close on Cassandra's hair. "Right there," said Cassandra, "do you see it? It's a split-end!"

"GASP!" said Sunset, "Cassandra, you would be completely justified in tearing Anon-A-Miss limb-from-limb"

"No," said Cassandra, "that is not the Friendship way. I have a better idea, I need to go talk to someone, alone."

"Who?"

"You don't need to worry about that. Let's just say, someone....anonymous."

Cassandra and Sunset stood outside Sugarcube Corner, where the other five were hanging out.

"Are you sure about this, Cassandra?" asked Sunset,

"My little pony, I am the Element of Trust. You must learn to trust me to reach the next level of Friendship."

"You're right, I'm sorry I doubted you." They held hands, took a breath, and entered the cafe.

"Sunset and Cassandra, you've got a lot of guts." said Rainbow Dash, "Cassandra, you always have a lot of guts, but you have even more than usual to be showing up here with Sunset."

"You all should be ashamed of yourselves!" scolded Cassandra, "jumping to conclusions and blaming your friend like that!"

"But it was so clearly Sunset who exposed our secrets," said Pinkie.

"No, it was not!" replied Cassandra, "through some detective work, Sunset and I contributed equally in discovering Anon-A-Miss's true identity." She was embellishing that part to make Sunset feel better.

"Well stop flirting with us and tell us who Anon-A-Miss is!" said Rainbow Dash

"Very well. The identity of Anon-A-Miss is...(girls that's your cue!) is...."

"WAIT!!!!" exclaimed a small voice. Apple Bloom burst through the door with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle behind her.

"COLLECTIVE GASP!" said the Mane 6.

"We're turning ourselves in so that we get a lighter sentence than if we were caught." said Applebloom

"Well ah do value honesty, but ah'm very disappointed in you," said Applejack.

"Shut up, Applejack," said Cassandra.

"We never meant for it to go this far," pleaded Sweetie Belle, "we just wanted a large group of people on the internet to get angry at Sunset Shimmer, how could we have known it would spiral out of control?" She paused for a moment. "Wait, yeah, now that I say it out loud, I can see how. We're really, really sorry." They all embraced.

"Now before you say anything about the punishment, just remember that what we did was not nearly as bad as what Sunset Shimmer did," said Scootaloo, "so let the punishment fit the crime - what did you get, Sunset?"

"I got afterschool detention and a ban from extracurriculars for six months, but Principal Celestia kind of forgot about it after a week. Oh, and Cassandra also took me under her wing as a friendship student."

"Then I have made my decision," said Cassandra, "you three will become my newest friendship students, and your first lesson will be to attend the Christmas party I'm throwing at my winter chalet! I have one in this universe too, and you're all invited except Applejack."

They all cheered. They were lucky to have a friend like Cassandra.