The Storm King Hates Cuteness

by KillRoy231

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Storm King, Fluttershy, Comedy, Rarity, Random, Adventure
Length: 2401

The Storm King goes after the three cutest ponies.

The Storm King survives his death and is sidetracked from his revenge mission against Twilight and Tempest by his hate for cuteness, leading him to a vendetta against the three cutest ponies - Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. How can they defeat him?

Of course, it is subjective as to who the cutest ponies are, but most of us can agree that Fluttershy is the cutest. Also, this story isn't meant to fit into canon (hence the Alternate Universe tag), and in no way do I have a headcanon that the Storm King survived, I'd like to think he and Sombra stay dead as of canon.

Published 2018-01-06 08:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-06 08:10:07 UTC

I Never Did Like Cute

It was a week after the Storm King's invasion of Canterlot. The Storm King had been turned to stone and shattered to pieces, Tempest Shadow had reformed, and the Mane 6's friendship had remained intact.

The Storm King's pieces had vanished after Canterlot had been restored. The ponies assumed that the magic had erased them, since there was no need for them anymore.

The Mane 6 were currently at Sugarcube Corner because Pinkie Pie was throwing a party. Tempest Shadow was there as well, spending time with her new friends, and preferring to be called by her real name, Fizzlepop Berrytwist. There was delicious cake and alcoholic punch, and Pin the Tail on the Pony.

Applejack bit Rainbow Dash's tail for fun, and she was just starting to compete with Rarity and Pinkie Pie as to who could bite her tail the most, when the door burst open.

"SURPRISE!" said the Storm King as he stood in the doorway.

"Yes?" said Surprise, the Wonderbolt, who happened to be flying by at that moment.

"Not you!" said the Storm King.

"The Storm King?" said Twilight Sparkle. "But how? You're dead! I saw you fall and shatter to pieces!"

"Evil never dies," said the Storm King. "Fortunately for me!"

"Explains how Chrysalis survived her fall over Canter... Wait, does that mean King Sombra's alive too?"

Fluttershy shuddered at the thought.

"He's probably either hiding waiting to strike again, or else trapped in some kind of limbo. Or maybe he's so lame that he's exempt from END."

"END?"

"Evil never dies. And really, I could see that. He hardly had any lines or screentime at all, and he had no real personality. He didn't even do anything."

"Enslaved an entire empire, tried to kill Spike, and set about fifty traps ahead of time that would have defeated Twilight if it wasn't for Spike?" said Rainbow Dash. "You call that not doing anything? He almost won!"

"He still had almost no... wait, is this a villain competition or something? Point is, I'm awesome and he was lame! Now, I believe the one who betrayed me leading to my temporary death was you, Tempest Shadow, and the one who defeated me before that was Princess Twilight! I shall have my re... Hold on!"

The Storm King looked over at Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity.

"These ponies are so cute it makes me sick! I HATE cute! How come I never noticed how disgustingly cute you are before?"

"Probably coz the movie had different animation," said Pinkie Pie, breaking the fourth wall. "But now we're back in the animation of the show, and we're a lot cuter with flash animation!"

"That could be," said the Storm King. "You're kinda cute too, but your annoying silliness takes away from it."

Pinkie started to tear up.

"Quit picking on Pinkie Pie!" said Rainbow Dash. "But wait... you think I'm cute? I am NOT cute! I'm fierce! I'm a world-class athlete! I'm the toughest pony around!"

"That doesn't mean you can't be cute, Dashie," said Rarity.

Rainbow couldn't help but blush affectionately.

"Ugh! Blushing just adds more cuteness!" said the Storm King. "And you!" He pointed at Fluttershy. "You're the cutest of them all!"

Though the Storm King meant this in a mean way, Fluttershy blushed at being called cute. The Storm King pretended to vomit at the sight of this adorable display of cuteness, and then he grabbed Fluttershy by the throat.

"I'll barbecue pegasus wings tonight!"

Rainbow Dash kicked him in the face, causing him to release Fluttershy.

"I don't have any obsidian orbs but I do have these grenades that will make you fall asleep!"

The Storm King picked up a sleep grenade and threw it at the three ponies, but Fluttershy caught it with her tail, putting her Buckball skills to use, and threw it back at the Storm King. Chances are this might not have worked with an obsidian orb.

The Storm King dodged, and the sleep grenade went off outside Sugarcube Corner, releasing a purple smoke which caused Derpy to fall asleep.

"Curse you and your prehensile tail!" said the Storm King.

Rainbow Dash whipped the Storm King in the face with her tail.

"Ugh, why are your tails so cute? I don't know what it is but they seem to make you even cuter!"

Rarity whipped her tail back and forth repeatedly. "I whip my tail back and forth, I whip my tail back and forth..."

"ARGH! I HATE TAILS! Wait, I have a tail! Does that make me cute?" The Storm King grabbed a hacksaw and started to saw off his tail.

"Hey, isn't that a little graphic for an E-rated story?" said Pinkie Pie.

"I cut off my tail in the second episode before the fandom even existed," said Rarity. "...forget about it," she added, realizing she had just broken the fourth wall.

"Besides, I don't see any blood," said Rainbow Dash.

Once the Storm King was tail-less, he threw his severed tail in the garbage, and then picked up another orb and threw it. Fluttershy grabbed it with her tail and threw it.

"Gotchya!" said the Storm King, throwing another orb, while the first one landed next to the Storm King and didn't go off. The second orb landed next to the Mane 6, Spike, and Tempest, who fell asleep almost instantly after the grenade went off.

Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity woke up next to a lava pit.

"Finally, you're awake!" said the Storm King, who was laying on a couch drinking a soda and reading a My Little Pony comic. "You know, this Queen Chrysalis is really awesome. Killing a kitten, and they're the only thing that can rival you" - he pointed at Fluttershy - "in terms of cuteness. If she actually exists I should team up with her!"

"The Storm King and Chrysalis together?" said Fluttershy. "I'm gonna have nightmares just thinking about it."

"We can still take them on!" said Rainbow Dash.

"If I still had my staff I'd create a huge storm!" said the Storm King. "Maybe I could cause an ocean storm and then throw you in the ocean and let you drown! Or maybe I'd cause a snowstorm and leave you frozen for eternity!"

"Are we gonna fight or what?"

"Just one more thing." The Storm King suddenly grabbed all three ponies' tails and squeezed as hard as he could, holding them up in the air. "Ha! Weren't expecting that, were you? Feel the pain as I torture your sickeningly cute tails!"

"Yeah, that doesn't hurt," said Rainbow Dash.

"What?"

"Ponies' tails may be prehensile but they do not have pain receptors," said Rarity.

"See, their tails aren't affected either," said Fluttershy. "So my tail's inability to feel pain doesn't mean I use tail extensions."

"If you did use tail extensions, you wouldn't be able to do those awesome tail techniques with your PREHENSILE tail!" said Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy blushed affectionately.

"UGH! This is NOT what I was going for!" said the Storm King. "I'll just throw you into the lava right now! Except Fluttershy. I'll barbecue her wings first."

Fluttershy trembled.

"I thought I was the one whose wings were always taking damage," said Rainbow Dash.

Rarity blasted the Storm King in the face with a magic beam. He released the three adorable ponies and fell backwards into the lava.

"You think he's dead?" said Rainbow Dash.

"I hope so," said Fluttershy. "I mean, I don't usually say that, but he wasn't very nice."

"But he already came back from turning to stone and being smashed to pieces," said Rarity.

"Yes, and I'm back again, coz evil never dies!" came the Storm King's voice behind them. They turned around to see the Storm King. "Dammit! My tail grew back when I respawned!"

"I can fix that for you." Rainbow Dash bit the Storm King's tail and tried to tear it off. Rarity also bit the Storm King's tail, and then Fluttershy bit the tip of his tail. They pulled as hard as they could.

"OW! Your tails might not be able to feel pain but mine can!" said the Storm King. "Not so hard!"

"I've got an idea," said Rainbow Dash through the Storm King's tail. "Fluttershy, keep a hold on his tail, but fly up a bit. Rarity, bite Fluttershy's tail. I'll bite Rarity's tail, and then let's spin him around!"

Rainbow Dash and Rarity let go of the Storm King's tail. Rarity bit the tip of Fluttershy's tail, and Rainbow Dash bit Rarity's tail with an adorable chomping sound that would usually be heard when Applejack was biting her tail. Fluttershy started to hover in the air.

"Rarity, whatever you do, don't let go of Fluttershy's tail!" said Rainbow Dash through Rarity's tail, and she swung them around in circles.

"NOOOOOOOO!" said the Storm King. "Ugh! Why is it so cute when you bite each others' tails? I think I'm gonna barf! From the cuteness, I mean, not from spinning around."

"All right Fluttershy, release!" said Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy opened her mouth, relinquishing the Storm King's tail. The Storm King fell headfirst into the lava. Almost immediately he reappeared behind them.

"How many extra lives does this guy have anyway?" said Rainbow Dash.

"First I'll cut off your tails to take away a huge chunk of your cuteness!" said the Storm King. "Then I'll barbecue the two pegasus's wings and eat them while you watch!"

"We have names," said Rainbow Dash. "I'm Rainbow Dash, she's Fluttershy, and the unicorn is Rarity."

"Whatever," said the Storm King. "And then I'll do a whole bunch of stuff to your faces, then I'll chuck you into the lava! Maybe if I can find an obsidian orb somewhere I'll turn Fluttershy to stone and smash her into a thousand tiny pieces! And since she's the exact opposite of evil she CAN die!"

"Any ideas on how to beat him?" said Fluttershy.

"Maybe he just has really powerful defense," said Rarity. "And Tail Whip lowers defense!" She whipped her tail back and forth again.

"Are you trying to hypnotize me?" said the Storm King. "Coz it ain't working!" He ran at Rarity, reaching for her tail.

Rainbow Dash kicked him into the lava.

He respawned.

"Oh come ON!" said Rainbow Dash.

"You know, I was just reading another comic that I think was making fun of the Evil Never Dies concept," said the Storm King. "Some guy named Reverse Flash, who survives getting erased from existence without explanation. He and his hero nemesis are even faster than you, Rainbow Dash!"

"I'll show you speed!" Rainbow Dash flew into the air.

Fluttershy and Rarity moved away from where they were while the Storm King stared after Rainbow Dash.

"Is she running away?" said the Storm King. I thought she said she was fierce!"

Rainbow Dash crashed into the Storm King from above, Rain Nuking him in a rainbow mushroom cloud explosion. Rainbow Dash stood in the resulting crater, and all that remained of the Storm King was ashes.

Then the ashes came back together, turning back into the Storm King.

"It doesn't matter what you try!" said the Storm King. "I CANNOT DIE!"

He grabbed Rarity by the tail and smacked Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy in the face with her.

"How dare you use me as a weapon against my own friends!" said Rarity.

The Storm King threw Rarity to the ground.

"Um... I think I know how we can defeat him," said Fluttershy.

"How?" said Rainbow Dash and Rarity.

"By giving him a cuteness overload," said Fluttershy. "He hates cuteness. If we make our cutest faces, he'll either explode or reform, if that's possible for him."

"Ooh, I like the sound of that," said Rarity. "I know just which face to make."

"How would I do that?" said Rainbow Dash. "I told you, I'm NOT cute!"

"If you weren't, the Storm King wouldn't be going after you right now."

"He knows I'm too big a threat!"

"How about when you were dancing in your chair when Twilight was trying to teach you about the Wonderbolt history?" said Fluttershy.

"How do you even know what face I was making then?"

"Spike told me. He was there."

"Fine, I'll do it. Not that it'd make a difference..."

Rainbow Dash jumped up and down in circles, on her hooves this time, making the same adorable face in Testing Testing 1 2 3. Rarity stood still looking every bit as adorable as when she was standing in A Dog and Pony Show. And Fluttershy thought of the animals she thought were the cutest, and made her most adorable face from the beginning of Filli Vanilli.

"No..." said the Storm King. "Cuteness overload! I hate cuteness, and this is too much! I can't... AAAAAAAARGH!"

The Storm King exploded in a shower of rainbow sparkles.

"These fireworks are simply divine!" said Rarity.

"Please don't let him come back this time," said Rainbow Dash.

He didn't reappear.

"It looks like cuteness prevails!" said Rarity.

"All right, maybe you're onto something with me being cute," said Rainbow Dash. "Just don't tell anypony."

"I don't have to," said Fluttershy. "Anyone can tell."

"Or, maybe Fluttershy's cuteness alone was enough to beat him. Or just Fluttershy and Rarity."

Fluttershy bit Rainbow Dash's tail and pulled gently. "Nice try, Dashie. You were even more adorable than Rarity there."

Rainbow blushed affectionately, at which point she stopped denying how cute she was. She wasn't consciously trying to be cute (except a few moments ago), she just was.

They returned to Ponyville and got on with their party.

And the Storm King was never heard from again, nor seen by pony eyes.

Author's Note

I wonder how many of you caught the Frozen reference? (Just reminding everyone that it shouldn't have come as such a surprise that the Storm King died in the movie when Frozen, which is most popular among the kids that MLP was originally meant for, saw the main characters' parents drown in a STORM.

Regarding the shot the Storm King takes at Pinkie Pie: I felt she isn't as funny in later seasons as she is in her first few seasons, she's just been more goofy.

And for the record, I never saw Sombra as a lame villain. He was everything I'd hoped for