Loss.
It was something far too common in the city of Las Pegasus.
Everywhere around her, she could see ponies that had lost everything. Most of them had come here to gamble and had ended up losing their savings, their jewelry, or their houses in the all-too-tempting allure of the casinos lining the streets.
Hell, those ponies were a common sight here, really. Homeless were just as much a part of the city as were the casinos in which they had lost everything, or the ever-bright blinking lights.
And now she was among them.
She had lost everything.
Her home, her partner… even her own daughter.
At least, that’s what she would say if she were a naysayer.
Delta Vee closed her eyes, sighing softly as her wing led the cigarette to her mouth, and took a long drag from it.
She hated smoking.
At least, she had done so most of her life. After trying one of the coffin nails -as she used to call them- at the age of thirteen that had led to a thirty minute-long coughing fit, she had sworn to herself that she would never touch one ever again.
Now, however…
She took another pull, the cigarette’s glowing tip lighting up the nightly air around her ever so slightly.
It just felt so… relieving.
She frowned for a moment, asking herself if this was going to become a regular thing now. She had heard plenty of horror-stories about smoking, and Celestia knows she didn’t want to end with one of those nasty smoker lungs.
But it didn’t matter anymore now, did it?
Nothing mattered anymore.
She took one final, long drag from the shrinking cigarette, then flipped it over the ledge in front of her, causing it to disappear in the darkness of the night.
As the bluish smoke slowly flowed from her mouth and nostrils and she could feel that pleasant relief wash over her, she found herself craving something to flush down that bitter taste in the back of her throat. Her look went over to the half-empty bottle of whiskey next to her, but she shook her head. She was already feeling rather intoxicated and didn’t want to end up vomiting or, even worse, falling.
Instead, she inched forward ever so slowly, coming closer to the edge until her hooves were dangling freely.
Reaching behind herself, picking up the freshly opened pack of cigarettes and lighting up a second one, she sighed softly, her look going back down at the still brightly illuminated streets of Las Pegasus, and watching what little ponies were still up and about at this time – drunkards, hookers and cops, mostly.
For a moment she was worried ponies might see her and call the officials. True, sitting on the rooftop of one of Las Pegasus’ tallest skyscrapers, her hooves dangling from the ledge, one might think that she was about to end her life like so many others that had lost everything in this city.
But… that really wasn’t the case.
True, after all that had happened that night, she couldn’t deny that telltale feeling of depression trying to drag her into a dark hole. But, at least for now, she could easily shrug it off.
No, she hadn’t lost. She had been losing consistently throughout the past three years that laid behind her. All she had done now was end that constant streak of losing and pave the way to her own success, a way that she knew would be a lot easier without any distracting, restricting factors like Jet Stream or… or Apogee.
She flinched at that, but quickly forced another shake of her head.
It was better this way! She… she was better off on her own!
At least, that’s what she had to keep telling herself, over and over again.
She... she could still go back to him.
Her body stiffened ever so slightly at the thought.
She could go back to how things used to be. Go back to the same life she had been living for the past three years.
But really, did she want to?
Could she even do this to herself? Just come crawling back to him after all that had happened and pretend like it had become moot all of a sudden?
Really, no matter how she thought about it, she couldn’t tell.
The pegasus mare took another drag from the cigarette, then closed her eyes and sighed, letting her head hang low.
For a brief moment, she caught her thoughts drifting off, finding herself wondering what he might be up to by now, then felt the muscles in her face tense.
Shit, he probably was popping Champagne bottles right now; celebrating that he had finally managed to freeze her out of his life after all this time.
“Asshole.” She hissed through clenched teeth, leading the cigarette to her mouth once again.
He probably was dancing with joy in this moment, fully appreciating the fact that his plan had worked out; that he had kept her around long enough for her to share all her ideas with him, and had finally succeeded in dropping her like a used condom to pursue his own goals.
Yes, if she perked up her ears, she could hear the sound of him celebrating his success - blasting music, dancing, shouting out his joy for the whole world to hear.
Giving a snort, the pegasus flipped the cigarette bud over the ledge, then let her head hang low again.
“Go on and celebrate, fucker.” She hissed bitterly, closing her eyes. “I hope you’re happy now.”
Silence.
Total, absolute, all-encompassing silence.
Silence that went hand in hand with a loneliness; with an… emptiness he had never felt before.
Really, he felt like he should be angry or mad or… hurt or something, but… really, all he could feel was this emptiness.
Jet Stream gave a soft sigh as he raised his head, his look idly wandering over the empty room around him, looking at the devastation the evening that laid behind him had caused; looking at what remained of his relationship with the first pony he had ever truly loved.
The photo of their graduation day lying on the ground in front of him, the picture frame now shattered. The notepad they had kept their ideas in in the very early days of their relationship - or what remained of it anyway, now that most pages were torn out and crumpled up. Or… he had to swallow… two stuffed animals he had given to her over the course of their first week as a couple, now lying on the ground, torn up in a truly gruesome manner.
It hurt.
It hurt him in ways he had never thought possible, knowing that he had had a realistic chance to achieve… all this, and then just threw it all away in one night.
He had fucked up.
Had fucked up… big time.
It was a realization he had made years ago, but only now did the real depth of his screw-ups really come crashing down on him.
He had ruined the life of the pony he loved.
That was a realization all too clear on his mind right now.
Hell, he could still hear her voice; shouting at him, yelling, cursing like she had never cursed before, running through their apartment, rampaging, and trashing the place like a minotaur gone crazy.
And even worse, he knew that she was absolutely right.
She had all the right in the world to be angry... to be raging mad at him!
Jet shook his head, leaning back on the sofa and letting his head hang low.
None of this… none of this had been supposed to happen. Not like this!
Why… why did things have to go so wrong!? He never meant for any of this to happen!
For crying out loud, all he wanted was for the pony he loved to stay with him; to move in with him, and to eventually have foals.
He paused for a second, feeling a bitter grin form on his face as a voice in his head chimed in, pointing out that this was exactly what he had throughout the past years.
But not like this! Everything… everything about this was just so wrong!
Hell, where… where had it all gone downhill?
He remained silent for a moment, contemplating that question, then sighed.
Who was he trying to fool here? He knew exactly what had caused it all… or better, who caused it all.
None other than the pony sitting on this very sofa.
He bent forward, letting his head hang, and let out a long, heavy breath.
He hated himself so much in this second.
If only… if only he hadn’t been such a short-sighted moron back then! Really, the thought of losing Delta and their shared vision going down in flames hurt him, but was it really worse than all that had happened just a few minutes ago?
For all he knew, Delta might have realized that working at EASA wasn’t her real destiny, and would have come back to him to pick up work on their project. She sure had a lot, a whole lot of potential.
And he had wasted it.
It was a realization that caused his heart to sting again. It was one of the reasons why he really couldn’t blame her for doing what she had done today. She was a young and incredibly smart pony, and he had been holding her down all these years - all she had done now was cut the cord that held her down, and get ready to fly like the shooting star she and Jet knew she could be.
He forced his eyes shut, his face screwing up.
As much as it hurt him, he did find solace in the thought that, maybe, she’d be living her dream now after all. That she would get that job at EASA, finally use her full potential, and maybe even find a partner that truly appreciated her to her fullest extent.
Because clearly, Jet had failed to do just that.
And now she finally was free again, ready to fire up the afterburners and take the aerospace-world by storm. Hell, Jet wouldn’t be surprised if EquestriAero was driven out of business in a month or two by a company Delta herself had founded.
He sighed.
And really, he couldn’t fault her if she did. All he wanted was for her to be happy. If finding a new partner, founding a new company and driving her former partner out of business was what it took to achieve that… well, he’d be in no position to decline her this victory. He had, quite obviously, held her down for one day too many.
He should have seen it coming. The writing had been on the wall for years now, for crying out loud! Yes, they might have agreed that Jet would take over the working-part while Delta stayed home to take care of their daughter, but any fool could have seen that she was fed up with playing the role of the housewife; that she had been fed up with it months, if not years ago!
And now… well, now she was flying free again, probably rising up to shine like a star before long. He could already see her on the lookout for a new partner, forging out plans for her new... her brighter future without him. Hell, she probably was celebrating her independence in this second.
And as stupid and naive as it may sound… he was happy for her. While the thought that none of this would be with him stung deeply, the prospect of Delta finally unfolding her full potential and fulfilling her dream of being that successful engineer… it filled him with an abstract, strange, painful feeling of pride.
He closed his eyes, taking in a long breath to calm his pounding heart. He… he needed to stop thinking about this… about her. Yes, he had screwed up, and yes, she was gone, but he had to move on as well! He had a company to lead; had a baby filly to take care of! He couldn’t let himself get dragged down by this all the time!
With that thought, he arose from the sofa he had collapsed onto earlier. He needed to get a clear mind, find something to distract himself with until he could dive into work again the next morning.
He walked away from the sofa, his look wandering over the room in front of him in an attempt to find some form of distraction, yet all he could see… was her.
Even with Delta having trashed most photos and other pieces of memorabilia from their time together during her rampage earlier, she was still all too present in their formerly-shared home.
The stereo with her favorite records leaning against it, this incredibly ugly pillow she had inherited from her grandmother that still lay on the sofa, or the aerospace journal lying on the coffee table. Wherever he looked, all he saw was this mare.
Devastated and empty these rooms might be, they were still filled with her.
And try as he might, Jet couldn’t help but to see her. See her losing all her inhibitions, throwing her head back and forth, dancing, singing along and going crazy to her favorite song playing; vigorously arguing that the pillow was a piece of family history, not trash, or… or just sitting there with Apogee on her lap, reading the journal in silent hope that she’ll be needing her knowledge about aerospace again sooner rather than later.
He hissed a curse, violently shaking his head. He… he needed to get out of here! He couldn’t take this anymore!
Gasping for air, Jet dashed out onto the balcony of his apartment, taking a deep breath from the chilly night air and leaning over the railing as his heart slowly calmed down.
What was he doing to himself here?
Really, he didn’t know.
What he did know was that he didn’t want this; any of this. He just wanted to go back; go back to how things used to be. Back when the two were just students with big plans; back when everything was still possible. Back before he… he had…
Jet cringed as he thought back to it again. How could one stallion be so stupid; so stupidly short-sighted!?
He couldn’t tell.
Slowly, his look trailed off, wandering over the sight of the Las Pegasus strip not too far away from his apartment. Strange as it may sound, he couldn’t help but to feel with the poor souls that had lost their life’s savings while gambling here. In a way, he had made a gamble with life too. He had gone all in by inviting Delta to a drink that night, and had lost. A loss whose full severity only now started to really weigh down on him.
He took in a long breath, then let it out again.
For a brief moment, he found himself wondering how ponies here normally coped with losing everything they had, but hastily discarded that thought again as he realized that he, too, was technically just only one quick leap away from ending it all - his apartment was on the tenth floor, after all.
Hastily, he took a step back from the ledge. Bad thoughts. Bad thoughts!
But still, try as he might, he… he really couldn’t see himself carrying on with his life just like this. Not… not without her. Not with the knowledge that he had driven away the only pony that mattered to him in this world!
Jet Stream lowered his head, feeling tears form in his eyes. He… he had to think of something. He… couldn’t go on without her. If only he could-
His thoughts were cut short as a sound came to his ears. It was a sound he had heard before - quite often, really. But in this second it caught him so off-guard he almost jumped in surprise.
A foal was crying somewhere.
His foal was crying!
Without a second of hesitation, Jet spun around on the spot, dashed back inside, into the room that had been designated to eventually become Apogee’s room.
He walked through the light cream-colored room, up to the crib with quick steps, looked inside, and felt himself relax.
Apogee was well. Crying for whatever reason, but well.
Feeling a surprisingly large weight fall off his back, Jet gave a relieved sigh as he leaned forward and picked up the baby, holding her against his chest with a wing and gently swaying her, causing her crying to slowly die down.
As he softly rocked his daughter to sleep, he could sense her small heart beating against his chest fur; feel her soft breathing against him… and in this moment, realization hit him.
He wasn’t alone.
It was a simple, basic and utterly obvious realization, really, but in this second it sent such an intense wave of relief over the pegasus that he could feel his legs going weak.
He… he wasn’t alone! He hadn’t lost everything!
Slowly, carefully, he pulled Apogee back from his chest, looking at her looking up at him with those big, light red eyes of hers.
He could feel tears form in his eyes.
His… his daughter was with him - his child; his offspring.
And that thought alone managed to absorb all the gloom and self-loathing from before. Yes, he had screwed up in his life, and yes, he had ruined the life of his ex, and yes, he felt horrible for that and owed her an apology bigger than anypony could bring... but still, looking down at this little piece of heaven… it gave him something.
Hope.
Hope that he still had a chance; a chance to make up for the shortcomings in his life; to be a better pony… to be a better father.
Despite everything that had happened, Jet found a brief smile flash over his face as he leaned forward, gently nuzzling her and feeling increasingly relieved.
Because, despite all the chaos and the confusion he found himself in at the moment, now he saw one constant in his future - that he would be a good father. No, not only a good father, the best damn father this world had ever seen!
Because no matter what would happen; whether or not EquestriAero would be a success, whether or not he’d manage to get Delta Vee to forgive him for what he’d done or let alone get back together with him, he’d be there for his daughter.
And nothing; nothing would ever get between the two.
Yeah, she could see it right in front of her. He was celebrating, no doubt. Giving a big party, with blackjack, booze and hookers to celebrate his independence from her.
Delta Vee spat out, reaching for the bottle behind herself and taking a quick swig from the whiskey inside.
After storming out of their home and a quick stop at a grocery store where she had, more out of defiance against her healthy-living coltfriend than anything else, bought a bottle of cheap booze, and the biggest pack of cigarettes they had, she had come here, somehow trying to get a clear mind.
Shaking her head, she looked up again, her look darting over the brightly blinking lights of the city’s casinos, and feeling sorrow come over her as her head slowly sank.
She was lost.
More lost than she had ever been.
True, she had thought about breaking free from all these obligations more than once by now, but… sitting here, having actually done it now… it felt bewildering; intimidating, even.
But, at the same time, that feeling of relief was stronger than ever. Finally, finally she was her own boss again. After years wasted sitting at home, wasting her potential being nothing but a damn housewife, she had finally broken free.
Yes, she was free.
She was free!
This world was hers to take again. A single mare with a completed degree in science – companies were going to fight over her!
Never again would she have to change a messy diaper! Never again would she have to sit at home, waiting for him to come home for hours on end! And… and never again would she have to hold her daughter in her arms; feeling her little body against hers, hearing her small heart beat, sensing her gently breathe into her mother’s neck as she held her.
Never… never again.
Yes, this was… this was great, wasn’t it? She couldn’t believe her luck! And those… those were tears of joy running down her face, right?
She sobbed, gasping for air and lowering her head before wiping those definitely-not-joyful tears away with a hoof.
She… she had to think of something.
No, she had to think of a lot of things.
She couldn’t leave Apogee like this. Not in the long run, at least. She didn’t doubt for one second that her now ex-coltfriend would take good care of her, but… she couldn’t just leave her like this. She would have to think of a way, come to an agreement with Jet about who was going to take care of her, and the likes.
Because really, as sick as she was of the constant whining and the never-ending avalanche of diapers, she couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing her little filly again.
She remained motionless, letting these thoughts sink in for a moment, then shook her head.
No! She didn’t want to think about making an agreement with Jet! For fuck’s sake, she had just re-claimed her life after three years of…
She could feel her teeth clench, eyes narrowing.
Three years. Three years she had wasted, supporting that ungrateful piece of manure while he was out there making it big!
Delta could feel her body tense up in anger, hooves pressing against the concrete underneath her. It felt great being free at last, but at the same time, thinking of all the time she had wasted; she had been used by him as little more than a babysitter… it stung. It stung deeply.
To add insult to injury, coming up in her head now was the question of how she was going to proceed from here - where she was going to go, both literally and figuratively.
It may sound like a cruel joke, but she really did not have anyone or anywhere to go to in this moment, neither had she taken any money -safe for the few bits she had spent on alcohol and cigarettes earlier- let alone spare clothes, with her when she had stormed out of their shared home earlier.
She gave a low growl, feeling her anger rise up again.
This… this was all Jet’s fault! This… this stupid, backstabbing piece of-
She quickly pulled another cigarette from the package, lighting it up and giving a long, relaxed sigh as the blue smoke filled her lungs, calming her pounding heart.
Feeling herself relax, she let her head drop back, closing her eyes.
She had to think of something. Where was she going to live now? And what would she do for a living? She had to bring in some money somehow.
Her look went down to the Strip again, watching the occasional prostitute walk by, and she shuddered. No, she had this much dignity left at least.
And still… would she even find a job? A decent one at that? Sure, it didn’t take a rocket scientist (ha!) to see that she wouldn’t be working at EASA anytime soon with her virtually empty CV, but… still, there had to be something she could do now, right? Something?… Anything?
Feeling her pulse quicken as her thoughts picked up the pace, she quickly took another long drag from the cigarette, finishing it off in one pull, then flipping it over the ledge and quickly getting to her hooves.
No, this… this wasn’t going to work. There was a right time and a right place to figure out one’s life - this nightly rooftop was neither.
Shaking her slightly drowsy head, she stored her cigarettes and lighter in the chest pocket of the shirt she was wearing, then spread her wings and took off into the night.
She didn’t know where she was going, when she was going to land or where she was going to end up.
But she needed to go.
To get herself out of this place; out of this city… out of this life!
Just… just go somewhere… anywhere… anywhere but here.
As Delta flapped her wings, soaring off into the night, new thoughts began to fill her mind, and slowly, gradually, she could feel her anger and gloom begin to lower.
Maybe… maybe this wasn’t an ending.
Maybe, given ten years, she’d be looking back to this day as the day she finally broke free and turned her life around, paving the way to a successful future.
...Or maybe she’d be starving in the gutter by next week… hell if she knew.
In any case, she needed to get the hell out of here. Go somewhere, do something, but don’t stay here - not even anywhere near here.
And really… in a world where everything was possible… who said that she wasn’t going to be fine?
She could feel herself crack a smile for a second, picturing herself as a successful business mare running her own company, then chuckled to herself as she leaned her head forward mid-flight, reaching for a new cigarette with her mouth.
As she slowed her flight so she could pull out the lighter as well, lighting up the next cigarette, she could feel a toothy grin form on her face.
Yes, she was going to get through this - one way or another.
