Tommy Astryo's mafia induced space vacation

by Theboxcatgamr

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Profanity, Random, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Alternate Universe
Length: 2970

After making the mistake of paralizing a mob bosses son in the ring tommy astryo is sent to die in space. He is naturally unenthusiastic about this.

After a tragedy in the ring that ends up paralyzing his opponent tommy astryo quits to start a new life. About two years of working in commercial ads Tommy then finds out the hard that the wrestler he put out of commission was the son of one of the leader of worlds most powerful organized crime groups.
The group now has Tommy on the hit list and after waking up strapped to a space shuttle about to launch Tommy wonders how it could get any worse. It probably will considering the shuttle is now going toe to toe with a black hole.

Published 2018-01-06 22:00:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-06 22:00:12 UTC

Prologue: the rise and fall of "the red mist"

"And this is the match of the century right here as the red mist and the equalizer are both giving it all they got to win the title of wo-" SNAP "oh my god the equalizer is down for the count after a savage hit against the ring side!"
"He isn't mov-" the tv playing the match was turned off

" I can't do this anymore guys" the wrestler said

"We understand Tommy but you weren't responsible for-" the CEO was cut off

" no you don't understand I was responsible for this I broke the fucker" Tommy said tearfully
Tommy got up and left the room saying sorry one last time before he left

Three hours later...
The pub stop

Tommy took a big swig of beer
"Now what do I do?" Tommy said to himself
Tommy started looking around for an answer. for the first bit only finding a bowl of peanuts until out of the corrner of his eye he spotted a tv in the corrner of the pub

"Hi billy mays here with the slap chop..." The tv continued
After watching the ad Tommy got an idea
Tommy went to pay for his dink and left with an idea

Two years later...

"Are we ready to start mr astryo?" The camera man asked exited

"Yep I'm ready to go when you are" Tommy said

"Ok three...two...one..." The camera man pointed at Tommy

"Hello Tommy astryo here with the book nook. A perfect place to keep all your books off the hook, it's so strong it can carry bowling balls!" Tommy paused and lifted the product up with the bowling balls
"As you can see the secret to the strength of the book nook is the-" BANG the bowling ball ripped through the demonstration product

"Cut! That was a good job but maybe you could go a bit easier on the weight?" The director said

"Well I guess I could just use a brick" Tommy said in defeat

" great now I think it's time for a break. Take five evryone" the director said
Tommy was heading towards the refreshments table when he was stopped by a CRACK
Tommy looked around to find two men in suits with guns
They were headed towards Tommy with speed
Tommy could only look in disbelief as the camera man was standing In the way

"Uh sirs this is a staff only area what are you doing he-" CRACK the man in the suit on the left hit the camera man in the face dropping him in one hit. The two men started sprinting towards Tommy who was still slack jawed at the display
The man on the left tackled Tommy to the ground and hit Tommy repeatedly. Tommy took a stand and gave the man a head butt that sent him recoiling back. The other man whipped out his gun and said don't move
Tommy obliged and then had a sack put over his head as he felt a pain to the back of his head he blacked out.

Tommy opened his eyes to see he was in a small box
Tommy looked around to only to find a tape recorder that was really showing its age
Tommy managed to press play with his foot.

"Good afternoon I hope you are comfortable because it's going to be a wild ride" the voice paused and started laughing manically " you were aware of who you fucking with when you broke my boy. And now it's time to repay the favour. As you probably know Tommy I am not one to mess around with. Don't worry I forgive you. I even made you a mixtape" the voice started laughing maniacally again and then cut out.

The tape paused and started playing

"Ground control to major Tom...ground control to major Tom... Take your protein pills and strap you-"
As ironic as the song was it was out-voiced by a large FWOOOOOM! Tommy knew what was going on and he had only one thought before he left
'Well shit'

Chapter 1 a fateful encounter with a extremely bored entity

Tommy astryo has seen better days.
Tommy was covered in his own vomit as the shaking finally started to slowly stop
A foot bust through the large wooden chest as Tommy finally got out of his wooden prison
Tommy managed to bust out of the chest but after his grand escape he bashed his head off the roof

"OW FUCK!" Tommy practically screamed
Tommy needed to find out how to avoid making the same mistake again
Grabbing a pole he worked his way around the room.
some vomit was floating and at this point he was just trying to avoid his spit up.
Dodging the vomit Tommy got a glimpse of a window as he spun in circles
Tommy hit his head again and noteced the black void of space

"Oh fuck oh shit no NO" Tommy said hoping it would just be a prank
It wasn't. Tommy a man with years of wrestling experience and a bit of experience in advertising was in space.
Tommy cursed the man who did this to him still not even knowing his name
As far as Tommy is concerned he has now earned the title of count-cuntula
In the distance Tommy could see something...off in the distance.
It was getting bigger and headed straight for Tommy and the ship
As it approached Tommy could see parts of the ship fly off towards the dark maw
Tommy saw what was his death coming for him and he made a decision

"If im going out its not going to be with me clinging to some tin can!" Tommy shouted
Tommy grabbed the pole again and prepared himself
Tommy jumped at the window and shattered it launching himself into space
It was cold and as the black hole started sucking Tommy in he gave it the bird...
And was flattened instantly

Tommy awoke in a white room and he heard laughing in the distance
A door suddenly appeared in front of Tommy as a figure in a robe stepped out
The robe had a space design and it was moving

"T-Tommy astryo" the being couldn't continue without bursting into laughter
Tommy was confused as the being pulld out a tissue and began to dry up the nonexistent tears of laughter
"Sorry about that. Oh my word I haven't laughed like that in century's" it said while clapping
"Of all the mortals I have observed you still are the only one that can break me down like that" it sighed and continued "ok now that we have got that out of the way exactly how did this happen?"
Tommy explained his career and even managed to get the being to laugh when he said

"in short. Count-cuntula sent me to space and I flipped off a black hole"

"Ok ok I'm calm..."

"Ok I have a proposal for you. You are supposed to be dead but you arnt and I have a mission for you"

"Ok go on" Tommy said

"If you haven't noticed I have been watching you for a while and I dread the possibility of having to wait eons for another human to be like you" it said with a chuckle
"I am going to let you live and even give you a new body. I am sending you to a new world that I have a felling you will enjoy."

Tommy simply looked into the hood of the being and it started laughing

"HAHAHAHA! Oh my sides! Ok ok! I will sweeten the deal!" It said with its robes showing a bright light on both sides
"I will gift you a weapon that I believe your kind is accustom to"
It snapped its fingers and suddenly a stub-nosed magnum fell an tommy's feet
The being raised its hand and Tommy flew up
After an intense glow tommy was put down

"You may call me the entity by the way"

"What in the fuck was that" Tommy asked
The entity chuckled

"Get used to it buddy where you are going it's not exactly uncommon"

The entity reached out and grabbed a mirror from nowhere
Tommy saw his entire body in the mirror
He was just the way he was back on earth
But... Cartoony
He looked like a much buffer version of shaggy from scooby-do
It was almost uncany except he had a beard

"Ok first I think you should know what you are going to look li-"
Tommy cut off the entity

"NOPE I AAAAAANNNT HAVING THAT SHIT"

The entity was at this point on the floor laughing

"Ok ok fine hehehe you can stay human" the entity stated
Tommy breathed a sigh of relief as the entity stepped through a door

"I'm going to leave a checklist for you. It will change and give you advice on what you can do next"
Before Tommy could ask where it was a trapdoor opened up underneath him and he fell into a tree
Tommy was falling down the tree hitting almost everything on his way down
As he hit the ground he muttered a phrase

"Be careful. The first step is a doozy"

Tommy fell In a bush and heard a voice

"Whoa are you okay mister?" The voice called out in response to his voice
He got up and brushed himself off heading towards the voice

"I'm fine just a few bruises"
Tommy finally stepped out of the bush and was confused
"Hey where did you go?"
Tommy looked around stopping when he saw a bow.
He looked down and saw a tiny horse with an expression of shock on its face
It ran off screaming something about a monster
It was then that Tommy realized that the tiny horse was what asked if he was ok
Tommy just stood there slack jawed at what this meant

The entity just dropped him into a world that was practically built to amuse him

"How the fuck do I go about this?" Tommy said in disbelief
A small pop could be heard as Tommy pondered this
Tommy looked at his left hand and it had a notebook in it
It was a list and only two things was on it
He read it aloud
"Discover ponys"
It was already checked off
He didn't have time before he heard a scream in the distance
It was the small pony again and Tommy knew what he had to do without even reading the notebook
He rushed towards the scream to find a small pony cornered by some tree dog looking fuckers

"Ah fuck it. LEEEEROOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!" Tommy screamed out

The first tree dog thing was given a good old fashioned elbow drop and Tommy managed to break through the tree dog
The others took notice of the Yelp the dog gave and started trying to charge at Tommy
He gave the tree a knee to the face and he grabbed its legs and used the tree dog as a bat
The other one was done in by the very complex strategy of having its friend smashed into its skull
The resulting crunch echoed through the forest as the human smashed the tree dog he was carrying into a real tree
After the encounter he noteced the small pony was still there wide eyed.

"Are you ok?" Tommy asked the pony
It was a bit pail and it collapsed
"Oh shit" Tommy said looking at the notebook
A new note was present
"Get filly to town before it dies"
Tommy wasting no time picked up the pony and left in search of a town
He found a sign that read " welcome to ponyvill"

He saw the town and began his sprint
It's going to be a long day

Chapter 2 *snap*crackle*pop*

Chapter 2 *snap*crackle*pop*

Tommy was only halfway through the town when he got spotted
a large blur shot past Tommy as he ran stopping him in his tracks
It then came back at twice the speed straight into tommys chest
He heard a voice

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WITH APPLE BLOOM!" It said following with jab to tommys face

"She needs he-OOF" he was cut off as the blue pony hit him in the gut
Tommy spit up blood and did his best to stay calm
The blue pony finally stopped when she looked at Apple bloom

"She needs a doctor or something!" Tommy screamed

The blue blur disappeared with the small pony leaving Tommy alone
Tommy started to walk away as a distant voice shouted

" oh no you don't!"

It was the blue blur again and instead of getting hit again Tommy sidestepped and dodged the attack
Tommy started fealing dizzy as the blur made a u-turn just in time to see the giant hit the ground
'Ah fuck' Tommy thought he couldn't hear anything and saw the blue blur approach him and start to taunt him
Tommy started coughing up ridiculous amounts of blood
He blacked out only to see the entity

"Hey entity" Tommy asked

"Yes Tommy?"

"The fuck was that?"

"Magic" the entity did jazz hands

"But why though?"

"This is why I wanted to make you one of them. So you would react to magic but it's to late now my magic man"
"This is the last we will be able to talk to each other for a while and it's time for you to wake up"

Tommy blinked and then he was in a hospital bed
he gasped and sat up much to the surprise of the nurse
'Well fuck me sideways' Tommy thought
Tommy was on a stretcher that was way too small for him and as a result he fell over
"Ow" Tommy said getting up
The nurse was still awestruck at what was basically just a guy waking up
Tommy left the hallway and just opened the doors to the waiting room
The few ponies that had been sitting stood up and began backing up as the human took a seat
'I got a feeling that they don't like me' Tommy mentally joked he pulled out the note book seeing the last goal was checked off. Tommy breathed a sigh of relief as he looked for his next task ' ~~buy milk~~ introduce yourself to elements'
Tommy got a chuckle out of the joke but decided to see if the pony from yesterday was fine. 'What was her name? I know it has something to do with Apples' the human pondered this until a pony walked up to him
It was the blue blur but now Tommy could see it more clearly
It had hair that were all the colours of the rainbow

"Here is the monster that-"

"What did you just call me?" Tommy said interrupting

"It doesn't matter you-"

"Kicked the shit out of some tree dog things and saved a life?" Tommy finished
The pony was absolutely livid and was starting to shout at Tommy

"Then why were you foal-napping her?" She said with rage

"She was in a forest that is apparently full of tree dogs that attacked he. I put them in the ground and she was pail and passed out"

"Well I'm not falling for it" she said

"Falling for what? I have done nothing wrong"
Tommy started rubbing his temples
"I need some air"

"Why? So you can do it again? I won't let you" she said as she blocked the exit

" I was going to open a window"

"then why did you run for the exit?" She asked smugly

"I didn't Im just standing up. But look. How about we just stop arguing and admit that I was kinda suspicious and that she still needed help"

The rainbow haired Pegasus begrudgingly nodded

"Good now that that's out of the way how about we introduce ourselves?"

The pony started smiling as she said
" I'm rainbow dash the fastest pony in town"

"I'm Tommy astryo, ex wrestler" Tommy said
Rainbow dash looked curious

"Ex wrestler? What happened?"

"I really don't want to talk about it" Tommy said looking at the others
"Ok later on if no kids are present... It's a mature story"

The entrance doors opened and a pony in a hat was rushing to the counter
Tommy sat down trying to act casual
The pony with the hat turned around and saw Tommy
I don't know what the expression on her face was more of. Shock. Anger. Sadness.
How the fuck did that happen
Rainbow leaned in and said

"that's Apple jack"

She took a few steps towards me and I now now what she is mad about.
Tommy

She lunged at Tommy and the resulting crack as Tommy hit the wall was sickening

"What did y'all do with my sister. Monster?"

" I'm not a monster!" Tommy said with clenched teeth
Rainbow intervened

" he was supposedly saving her from timberwolfs"
Upon hearing this apple jack let Tommy go
Tommys arm hurt bad
It didn't take long for him to realize it was bending the wrong way

"Oh crap oh crap uh I need evryone to look away for a moment"
All but rainbow dash obliged

"What are you doing?"

"Please don't look" Tommy said tearfully
He needed to reset his arm
He no longer cared if rainbow saw
POP...CRACK
Tommy was suppressing a scream and was in tears because that shit hurt

"You ok sugar cube?" Apple jack asked

" well I had to reset my arm and no matter how many times you do it it still hurts a lot"
Rainbow just stared awestruck
Tommy went outside the hospital without another word

He sat on a bench and fell asleep

Today was just not his day