The Conversion Bureau: Surf's Up
“...This just in. After Eriksson Enterprises surprised the world with the invention of AI systems, and thus gaining a heap of unpopularity in IT departments, it managed to surprise once again. Reporting live from the company headquarters in New York, is Shirley Jones. Shirley? I heard they have something breathtaking in store.” said the news anchor.
“That’s right Jim. Many still don’t believe what happened just a few months ago when a new continent sprung out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, bearing pastel colored ponies capable of talking and performing what we’d say magic. From growing plants in just under five minutes by singing to them, to levitating a stack of books with their horns, to sleeping on clouds is just a bit too much to swallow. But today, we’ve got something even more shocking. Eriksson Enterprises claims it created a liquid that is capable of turning human beings into these colorful magical equines. That’s right folks, if what said is true, you can become a pony. Princess Celestia had this to say.” the television screen started showing footages from the company headquarters’ public relations room. It showed Princess Celestia on a podium.
“Thanks to the efforts of Eriksson Enterprises, who we thank for giving us the solution as a gift, the Equestrian Government is ready to open establishments in cities and selected areas where people, willing to do so, would be able to convert themselves from humanity to ponydom, free of charge. The first of these establishments is going to open in just a few days, in New York, with others opening up in other major cities within the next month.” said Princess Celestia. After the footage was over the screen snapped back to the company headquarters.
“We were not able to receive the president of the company, John Eriksson, for comment, however, vice-president Tony Bossman said that even though he was extremely against the fact that the company should just give the miraculous liquid for free, he agreed after John Eriksson had said that in the long run it would pay off. The reason why it would pay off was not mentioned, however, sources believe it might be a way of shaking off some of the unpopularity of the company’s chest. For more information on these Conversion Bureaus as they are called, the Equestrian Government had put up a website, so, if you’re interested in turning yourself into a pony, visit their website on . This is Shirley Jones, reporting live for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation from Eriksson Enterprises, New York.” and as that was said the television got turned off.
Reggie Williams was a self-employed accountant in the town of Apollo Bay. Because of the AIs, the business was a little slow. They were capable of doing everything in the blink of an eye and up to twenty percent better than him. At least, that was what they advertised. So it was not surprising that he would be skeptical towards everything that came out of Eriksson Enterprises. That and he wasn’t really buying this new continent thing. He wasn’t the believing type either.
“Bloody news reporters don’t have anything real to report so they make up something to report. What a load of bull. And now double-E made another thing to mess up my life with. Bloody hell.” he said to himself. He felt really stressed out because of the lack of business. So he went and took his wetsuit and surfboard and put them onto his iCar. He drove to the beach. It didn’t have as many people visiting it as it used too. It had something to do with the pollution and everything. Reggie didn’t mind though. He only needed the waves for his surfing.
He parked his small car. And took his wetsuit and surfboard to the changing booth. The waves were alright, not too big, not too small. He preferred the bigger ones, but this was alright. The sun was slowly setting and was creating a nice orange view. You couldn’t really take a swim during the other hours of the day, as there had been no ozone layer above Australia for several decades now.
“At least I can still enjoy a nice sunset and some nice waves. Bloody double-E can’t take that away from me.” he said as he entered the water. He surfed for about an hour or two until it became dark. You could still see the stars here. But just barely through the pollution from Melbourne. He went for a last wave before going home.This was a bigger one, just the way he liked them.
He reached the top of the wave. “Hello,” a sudden voice said and threw him off balance and into the water. He hit his head on a rock, that was luckily not too sharp, and was knocked unconscious.
He slowly woke up, washed up on the beach. “Aww...my head.” he moaned.
“Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. I think.” the voice returned. He slowly turned his head towards the origin of this voice. He then slowly proceeded to open his eyes. He saw something that was a mix of those colorful ponies on the telly, a seal, and a sea horse. It was a bright blue color with white hair on its head and light green eyes. He immediately jumped.
“What in the devil’s name are you?” he shouted.
“I’m Algae Cake. I’m a seapony. What are you?”
“A-aa seapony? You mean those pastel colored ponies are for real?!”
“Yeeeeess.” said Algae Cake as if Reggie was a little slow.
Reggie started laughing maniacally. “Pastel colored ponies! Pastel colored seaponies! I’m insane! I clearly went insane!” he shouted.
“I wouldn’t know. You seem alright to me. Although a bit scary with that laughter.”
Reggie started laughing even more. “I think I’m going go drown myself.”
He then jumped into the water and started swimming towards the open seas. Algae Cake quickly intervened and caught up with him. She then said “I wouldn’t go there with a cut like that. Sharks might smell it. And judging that is your head, I also think you could be a little woozy.”
“A little woozy!” he continued laughing.
After hitting his head against another rock, he again ended up washed ashore. Again he woke up with a massive headache and once again Algae Cake spoke.
“That was a little stupid, if you ask me.” she said.
“Oh, bollocks. I’m not hallucinating or insane am I?”
“Noooo, just a little hit in the head.”
“Well, I guess I might as well ask you where you came from then.”
“Oh, we settled a reef not too far from here. Would you like to take a look eh...can you answer my previous question of what are you? I don’t like not addressing you.”
“Ehm, I’m a human. And my name is Reggie.”
“Ok, Reggie. Would you like to see our reef?”
Reggie sighed. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I can’t breathe underwater.”
“Oh, no problem, let me just call the rest of the gang.” Algae approached the water. “Shoe be dooooo!” she shouted. Out of the ocean about four or five heads sprung out of the water. One, with a unicorn’s horn approached Reggie and casted a bubble around his head.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“It’s an air bubble. It allows you to follow us to our village.” she said.
“Well...” Reggie sighed “...Alright. I’ll go and see your village with you. If the world is going crazy, I can go crazy with it.”
He then re-entered the water and two of the seaponies grabbed his arms with their fins and dragged them behind Algae Cake. After about ten minutes of being dragged he found himself in a brightly colored reef, illuminated by strange orbs of light.
The seaponies lived in carved in caves within the reef. Reggie found it surprising that they used tables, chairs and such, just like humans do. They seated him in what appeared to be Algae Cake’s cave. After that, all the seaponies left. Algae Cake appeared with a cake made out of algae.
“Do you want to try it? It’s my own recipe!”
Reggie looked at it. He was a bit skeptical, but he didn’t want to offend the seapony. “Ehm, okay.”
He took a slice and took a bite. “Crikey! This is marvelous! Definitely beats that crap I need to pay for at the store.”
“I’m glad you like it. Do you want me to show you around town now?” she asked.
"Uhm, sure, why not." he got up and Algae immediately dragged him out of the cave.
On the streets he saw how these sea ponies talked with dolphins and other sea mammals. He got curios so he asked Algae "You talk with dolphins and other buggers like that?"
"Oh yes! That's how we found out about this place and you humans. They had really nice recommendations for this place, so we decided to follow their advice and come here. They also tough us English, so if we ever met a human, we could talk with them." she said.
"Wait, dolphins know English?"
"Of course! I don't know why you're so surprised. From what they say they hang out with your kind a lot. They also said that most of you are really nice."
"But if they told you about humans, then why did you ask me what was I?"
"Well, we had to make sure. They were a little sketchy with the description." she answered. Reggie started wondering where was Algae taking him.
"Hey, where are you taking me?"
"Oh, to the playground of course. It's one of the highlights of the village."
Playground? He thought to himself. "Aren't I a little old for a playground?"
"No, no, no. The playground is for everyone to enjoy. Why would you be too old?"
It occurred to him that what they call playground is not necessarily the equivalent of a human playground where children play. It was probably more of a park.
He couldn't believe his eyes when he got there. They had underwater barbecues, picnics and slides. The slides were actually strong currents that went into loops and the barbecues were thermal exhausts, or underwater chimneys. Algae dragged him to the slides and said "Have a try! It's really fun!"
He sighed and whispered "Here goes my manhood...". He then jumped in, shortly followed by Algae. At first it was a bit dull, but when the high speed loops came, he came to enjoy it. After the high speed loops came the even faster ninety degrees straight downwards segment. After he exited he rediscovered what fun meant.
"Crikey, Algae. I didn't have that much fun since I cough and rode a kangaroo as a kid!"
"I don't know what a kangaroo is, but I'm glad you found it fun as much as I did. Come on, let's find a seat and get something to eat of the grill." she dragged him to a patch of algae that she sat on. Reggie proceeded to sit on it as well.
Soon, a male seapony with a mustache and a platter approached them and asked "What would you like to have for dinner this evening?"
Algae plucked out a few algae next to her and put them on the platter. "You just pick whatever you're sitting on and they put it on the barbie? You don't need to pay or trade in something?" Reggie asked.
"Pay? Trade? I wouldn't know what that means, sir. But would you be so kind and picked the meal you would like to eat?"
Reggie was a bit surprised, but he quickly plucked out some relatively nicely looking algae and put them on the platter.
"You meals will be ready in just a moment." the waiter said.
Reggie turned to Algae and asked "Don't you have any form of money?"
"I wouldn't know what that is, so I'd have to say no."
"But, what do you get in return for, example, cooking somebody's meal or building him a home?"
"Oh, nothing! We do it for the fun of it! You might not see it now, but that waiter for example is having the time of his life. After he's done serving everypony's meals and the daytime waiter arrives, he starts to laugh his fins off."
"Sound interesting. So you do everything with fun?"
"Yep. And it's fun doing so!"
The waiter arrived with their food. "Bon appetit." he said and then left. Algae started munching right away, while Reggie first examined the underwater grilled seaweed. After tasting Algae Cake's algae cake, he threw away most of the prejudice about underwater plants, so he took a bite. "Crikey! This underwater barbie isn't that bad!"
After a while of eating away the cooked seaweed, the sun soon started to show it's face. Reggie noticed this and asked "Oh, bollocks! Algae, I should be getting home."
"Right. I'll drag accompany you to the beach."
"If by accompany, you mean drag me all the way there, then let's get going."
Algae giggled and then started dragging him to the beach. On the beach, after they both said goodbyes to each other, as Reggie was walking away Algae shouted "Wait!"
"What is it, Algae?" Reggie turned around seeing the sea pony in tears.
"Will, I ever see you again?"
"Of course! I think I'm going to surf here regularly now. But don't expect me to come to your village every night. I have a job I need to-" he got interrupted by Algae "What's a job?" she asked.
"It's complicated. Bottom line is, I need to get some sleep during the night. But don't worry Algae, I'll come here every night from now on, and every time I can afford to go to your village, I'll come okay?"
"Okay! See you tonight Reggie!"
"Bye Algae."
By eight o'clock he was in his bed. Dead to the world.
One month later
“...And we’re back to the studio here on ABC One News, this is John Anderson, your favourite news anchor.” he meddled with the papers as if there were something written on them “As the Melbourne Conversion Bureau opened and many wannabe converts entered the facility, nobody expected that a new species would emerge from the said establishment. One of the converted, whose name was not disclosed because of Bureau regulations, became a fifth type of pony. We all know about Earth, Unicorn, Pegasus and Alicorn, but this fifth kind surprised even the Equestrian Government.”
John took a dramatic pause for the effect and then said “He emerged as a Sea Pony. That’s right folks, a sea pony. Experts from Equestria said that they were never confirmed and that most thought they exist only in myths and legends. The convert said he met a colony of them, about a month ago, at Apollo Bay, where he was released into the ocean. Shortly after the lot of them sprung up on the beaches of entire southern Australia. Why they chose to inhabit this particular area of the world is still a mystery and experts are still debating with no sight of an answer. Follow us tomorrow as the story develops. This was John Anderson, for ABC One News wishing you all a good night.”
