Seeing is believing

by NaiKujibo

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Human, Dark
Length: 6407

A Schizophrenic human finds himself in Equestria.

I figured that one of two scenarios were the most likely:
#1 I really was in Equestria and it would be in my best interests to play dumb. I figured that it would be weird enough if someone you didn't know, knew who you were; so something you didn't know, that knew who you were would be twice as creepy;
or #2 I was hallucinating and for all I knew, Twilight and company would grow fangs and start tearing me apart and it wouldn't matter anyways.

What? I'm just being realistic here.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-07 22:42:52 UTC

Beaten Around the Bush

Beaten around the Bush.

"So this is what being dead feels like," I thought.

The line between the ocean and the starless sky. The point where the light from your flashlight ends deep within the woods. Your reflection in a dark room. Perfect silence. All these things paled in comparison to the absolute abyss Michael found himself laying face down in. The more he looked into the gloom, the more Michael found the emptiness invading into him, inviting him to become one with the nothing.

"It's not that bad actually,"

Is it now Michael?

The all too familiar voice sent shivers down my spine.

"Can't you just let me enjoy my last moments alone and in peace?"

The sound of footsteps begin to draw closer.

Now now Michael, we both know that you're never alone.

The footsteps stopped next to my head as he reached down and grabbed a handful of hair.

We both know that I'm going to be there for you.

He slowly pulls me up.

Even when you find that you have been abandoned and are now alone, I will be there for you

My face stairs back at me. Cold, calculating, and eyes devoid of any color besides the pinprick pupils that bore into your mind.

And when you have grown old and decrepit, when you have lost you resolution, when you have lost everything, I will be there for you.

His fist punches through my stomach, sending a cascade of blood out of my mouth

Then and only then my you die.

***

"Oh please open your eyes," a frantic voice calls out to me.

Reflexes take over as I roll onto my stomach and open my eyes just in time to see water come retching out of my mouth followed by a fit of coughing.

"Oh thank goodness you're alright," a timid voice frantically whispers.

Groggily I look up to see something I never expected to see. (and coming from a schizophrenic, that should say something). She was the cutest thing I had ever seen and she was standing over me with a concerned look on her face.

I don't know if it was the lack of oxygen from nearly drowning, or the fact that I was face to face with a yellow taking horse, but I began to laugh.

Actually cackle would be a better description. I've never been known to have a 'heartwarming' laugh.

The little pony took a step back in fright as I began to black out.

***

My Little Pony, My Little Pony, Ahhh, Ahh, Ahhhhhhhh

"Phhh! you're not really watching that are you?"

My Little Pony, I used to wonder what friendship could be;

"Helps deal with the depression"

Until you all shared it's magic with me.

"Watching a girl's show with the lights out helps you deal with depression?"

Big adventure; tons of fun

"Well I was considering heroin"

A beautiful heart; faithful and strong

A small smile creeps up on my lips.

"You know you shouldn't joke like that"

Sharing kindness; it's an easy feat

She shares a small smile

"It's actually pretty good, do you want to join me?"

And magic makes it all complete

"Why not, I didn't have anything else to do, that's why I came here"

My Little Pony

"Ouch, right in the pride"

We both know that she has a lot on her plate.

"Thanks Lilly"

You know you are my very best frieeeeeeeeend

***

A conversation stirred me out of the uncomfortable sleep I was having.

"Appears to be bipedal,"

"bipedal; got it"

"Only has hair on the top of it's head; black coloring."

"black hair; only top of head"

As I became aware of my surroundings, I noticed I was wrapped in a blanket and appeared to be lying on a couch much too small for me. Oh, and the mind numbing headache. That was pretty obvious too I guess.

"Hide is a pale cream sort of color"

"Pale, cream, okay."

My face was pressed against what I assumed to be the backing.

"Shows a heightened intellect, ergo the clothes"

"Air go clothes? What are those, Twilight?"

A sigh sounded from behind me.

"Not air go Spike, ergo; it means because of"

"Oh, why didn't you just say so"

"Just keep taking notes"

Twilight? Spike? Fluttershy? What was going on here? No hallucination had ever been like this before. I mean, there was this one time I was riding in the car on a dark night and all the trees turned into-. Suddenly the memory comes rushing back to me. The cold winter night, the screeching sound, and the blinding headlights that filled my vision.

"That's it," I thought, "I'm probably in a hospital bed, and this is my comatose brain trying to cope with the trauma, but why Equestria of all places?"

Until I could figure out otherwise, I decided to roll with it.

"I guess it could have been worse," I thought.

"Ugh, it seems to be emitting a foul odor"

That got my attention.

"You would be too if you wound up in a swamp," I snapped.

A shrill scream followed by the sound of hoofs on hardwood flooring assaulted my ears.

"Congratulations idiot, you just scared someone again," I mentally chided myself.

"I-i-it t-talks," stammered Spike.

"So do you, but you don't see me making a huge deal out of it," I mumbled.

In retrospect, the situation wasn't handled as well as it could have been, but in all fairness, I had just woken up in what very well could have been a hallucination of a pony trying to classify the new animal that had shown up. Plus my social skills have always been severely lacking. Oh, and did I mention the mind numbing headache?

Feeling bad (emotionally and physically) I rolled none too gracefully off the undersized couch and began to stand up and immediately regretted doing so. The room had obviously not been designed to accommodate six foot tall people. Unfortunately I only found this out after hitting my head against the ceiling. I groaned and found myself forced to hunch over.

On the far side of the room, a purple unicorn and a dragon stood as far back against the wall as they could, rooted to the spot in fear.

I decided it couldn't hurt to introduce myself.

I extended my hand in greating.

"Hi, my name is-"

Suddenly rainbow. Rainbow everywhere. Oh hello floor, how are you this afternoon?

"TWILIGHT, RUN I GOT THIS!"

I found myself flat on my back with a cyan pegasus hovering over me, so I did what anyone would have done if they had just been hit on the head one too many times. I applied pressure to my temples, rolled on my side, and curled up in the fetal position.

"Rainbow, wait!" cried Twilight.

"NOPONY EATS MY FRIENDS!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

"Rainbow, he wasn't trying to eat me, he was introducing himself!" exclaimed Twilight.

"So, he wasn't about to grab you and gobble you up?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"- Micheal." I finished with a groan.

"Is everypony okay?" Fluttershy whispered from around the corner.

"Ugggggghhhhhhh"

Living Arrangements

After a painkiller from Fluttershy's medicine cabinet and several apologies, introductions were in order.

It's kind of Surreal being introduced to someone you already know, but knew you would never meet. Several thoughts ran through my head. 'This was impossible', 'you're hallucinating', and 'why are you playing along with this?'. Even against all logic, there was a small hope that made itself be heard with a whisper.

What if this is real?

"Hi, my name is Twilight Sparkle, this is my number one assistant Spike, she's Fluttershy and-".

"I'm the one and only Rainbow Dash!" the pegasus exclaimed as she shot into the air, "best young flier to come out of Cloudsdale, future captain of the Wonderbolts, and the only pegasus who-"

"Can't miss an opportunity to toot her own horn?" Twilight injected with a slightly annoyed look on her face.

Rainbow stopped her rant mid flight as a sheepish look crossed her face.

"Heh heh, sorry Twilight," Rainbow said.

"So Michael, you're not from around here are you?" Twilight asked.

I froze.

"Nope," I thought, "I'm just an alien from another world that watches you without you noticing."

"No, not really," I said as my eyes drifted to the window.

Twilight paused for a second.

"Not really?" Twilight repeated.

"Uh huh," I replied still awkwardly looking out the window.

"Nice conversation skills you got there Michael," I thought to myself.

"So are you, or are you not from around here?," Twilight asked.

"I- uh," I continued pathetically

"Um, I can tell you," Fluttershy piped up.

"Go on"

"Well I was at Froggy Bottom Bog counting the frogs for the census, when all of the sudden I heard a big splash come from the distance. I rushed over to make sure all of those nice little frogs were ok, that's when I noticed you floating in the water. I got you out as quickly as possible, and when you weren't breathing I knew you were in trouble so I had to push the water out."

I rubbed a spot below my ribs to find a sore spot which would likely come in the form of a bruise that would undoubtedly take the form of hoof prints.

"After you woke up, you were in no condition to walk so I took you back to my house to recover, you know, if that wasn't a problem for you."

"I appreciate it Fluttershy, you saved my life back there."

She gave a small smile from behind her mane.

"That still doesn't explain how you two got here," I said, turning to Twilight and Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash quickly picked up where Fluttershy left off.

"That's easy, Fluttershy went to Twilight when she didn't know what animal she had dragged out of the bog. An animal that Fluttershy didn't know, I mean come on, that's like me coming across a cloud I don't know. Seriously she hangs around all kinds of animals, there was this one time-"

"All kinds of animals?" I interrupted.

I had just realized that the room we were in was devoid of any animal life. I knew from the show that her whole house was practically a mini zoo.

"Where are they?" I asked.

"I had to move them out of this room," Fluttershy mumbled, "you were making them all nervous."

"Oh"

For a moment I we shared an awkward silence.

"So how did you wind up here Dash?" I asked if only to break the silence.

"I was napping in Twilight's tree when I found out and I wasn't about to miss the chance to miss out on something that cool"  she replied.

"Ok now you have to tell us where you're from," Twilight said, leaning forward in anticipation.

I looked down at my hands which had taken on a very cartoon-y quality since the last time I took a good look at them.

"I'm from another world"

A series of shocked gasps ranging from twilight's sharp gasp to Spike's "GAH!" to Fluttershy's eep all echoed through the room.

"The implications from this are absolutely mind-" Twilight began.

"Ohmygosh! ohmygosh! ohmygosh! a real life alien!" Dash exclaimed, "this is so AWESOME, I mean you hear about the NEIGHS all the time with their really long legs and unnaturally small eyes and the stretched out faces, but an actual alien!"

"RAINBOW!" Twilight exclaimed.

"What?"

"First off I doubt that Weekly Equestria News is a good basis for ANY form of scientific knowledge, and second you just interrupted Micheal's story."

Twilight turned to me with an expectant smile, completely unaware that she was also about to burst into a rant before being stopped by Rainbow's own rant.

"Well," I began, "the entire world looks different,"

"How so?"

"I can't explain it really, just everything is different."

"Ok? Go on"

"Well the world I'm from doesn't have any magic"

Another collective gasp was shared among my captive audience.

"That must be simply awful," said Fluttershy.

"Well we managed to get by without it," I replied.

tell them about the part where you kill each other

"Are you ok Michael, you got really pale just now," Twilight said.

"Did I offend you? I"m sorry"

"No it's alright Fluttershy," I said "It's just- I have to go to bed soon."

Time had definitely gotten away from us. The sun had begun it's decent on the other side of the house revealing the moon coming up on the horizon.

"Oh wow, I didn't realize how late it was, Maybe we should all get going to bed," Twilight said.

"Where am I going to sleep?" I asked.

"Well you could stay here if you wanted, Michael," Fluttershy offered.

"I appreciate the offer Fluttershy, but I would rather stay somewhere not so cramped," I said tapping on the ceiling.

"Oh, ok then" Fluttershy said, looking downtrodden.

"Oh crap, she's even more painfully cute when she's sad!" I thought.

"I'm pretty sure your animals wouldn't be too happy if I stayed" I said quickly, trying to cheer up the dejected looking pegasus.

"The Library has tall ceilings," Twilight said.

***

Spike had fallen asleep on Twilight's back as we walked to the library. The streets of Ponyvile were a lot less lively at night than in the day. If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn that this was actually a ghost town with no real inhabitants. Twilight had been lost in thought ever since we left Fluttershy's cottage. The silence was eerie, so I decided to try to spark up a conversation.

"Wow, there's nobody out after dark, huh?"

"Nobody?"

Play dumb Michael.

"Yeah nobody, it means a lack of people"

"People?"

"It's what we call ourselves; humans if it's in a scientific context."

"Interesting."

"So what do you call a lack of ponies?"

"Nopony"

"Well I guess that makes sense"

"Equestrian must be different from a people's point of view"

I snickered a little.

"What?"

"The singular form of people is person"

"Oh."

"So what does Equestrian mean?"

"It's the language we're speaking."

"It's called English where I'm from."

"Interesting."

Suddenly a thought occurred to me.

"Kind of remarkable we're both speaking the same language. Heck It's remarkable that I can even survive here."

Twilight gave me her full attention.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, what would have happened if I ended up in a world covered in water or a world without water? What if the air was made up of different gases? What if the physics of the world were so different that I disintegrated as soon as I got here? Apart from a few cosmetic differences, I can't tell the difference."

Twilight was silent for a moment.

"I suppose you're right Michael, I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. You're probably having a hard time accepting that this is even real."

Her words scared me to my bones.

As Twilight turned a corner, something slammed shut from the street behind me.

I jumped and whipped my head around.

The street was deserted as it was when I had walked down it the first time.

"Must have been the wind" I muttered under my breath.

"Come on Michael, the library is just up ahead"

"Be right there"

***

I practicably had to crawl through the door in order to get inside, but once I was in, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I could stand up without a problem.

"Whew, this is much better than having to hunch over all the time.

"Wait here Michael, I'm going to cast an expansion spell on the guest bed, make yourself comfortable in the meantime"

"Sure thing"

Twilight wandered off into another part of the library.

"Spike, wake up I have... important...."

"Yes, now!"

"Dear Princess Celesti-"

The rest of the conversation was cut off by the door closing.

"Must have been a friendship report or something," I thought.

Twilight had left me alone with the books, so I did what any sensible person would do. I picked one up and started reading it. Well attempted to read it anyways. The stupid thing was written in hieroglyphics.

"What the..."

"Having trouble?" a scratchy male voice asked.

I spun around only to see an empty room.

The wooden horse head statue opened its mouth. "It's not surprising, you are in another dimension after all."

"I really need to go to bed and take my-"

My eyes widened in fear as realization gripped my stomach.

I my hands searched frantically across my person in an attempt to locate the white paper sack I had picked up from the Pharmacy.

A reassuring crinkle from my coat pocket lets me release a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"He he he, scared ya huh?" the wooden statue said with a smile on his face.

"Yeah, I thought I would have to listen to you every time I walked into this room"

"Aww that hurts, you know we're not all out to get you, right?"

"It doesn't matter, you're not real"

"You're right, but then again, nothing in this world is"

"How can you be so sure?"

The statue's face contorted into a wicked expression.

"Don't you remember? Books are full of gibberish in dreams."

"Who are you talking to?" a confused Twilight asked as she walked into the room.

I looked to Twilight and when I look back, all I see is a wooden horse head.

"Myself"

I'm not technically lying.

"Can I have a glass of water?"

***

The paper thin walls only serve to make us more aware of the sounds.

"So which one is your favorite?"

"Hmmm, I'd have to go with Pinkie Pie."

Cotton balls, if their mouths were filled with cotton balls, we could be in the same room

"Huh, I would have pegged you a Fluttershy fan"

"Oh, how so?"

Something crashes against the wall, making us both flinch.

"Well, you both like animals for one."

"Well yeah, but Pinkie is always so happy, plus she was able to giggle away the ghosts"

An audible smack brings an immediate and unpleasant silence.

I look at Lily and see the tears that aren't falling.

An unspoken signal is issued and I make my way to the fire escape.

We will never talk about what happened.

But then again, we don't talk about a lot of things.

Intermission: Green with Paranoia

"I'm telling you Bon-Bon I saw it with my own eyes!"

"Sure you did Lyra," Bon-Bon said with a roll of her eyes, "What were you doing up that late anyways?"

It was the blue dawn of the morning, a time only store owners and their employees were familiar with. Bon-Bon and her roomate/mooch was being more eccentric than usual.

"That's not the point!" Lyra exclaimed, "are you even listing to me?"

"I am, and you sound like a nut case," Bon-Bon replied.

"I swear, I was walking down the hall and I heard talking outside. I opened up the window and I saw a super tall thing standing on two legs!"

"I still say you were sleepwalking or something Lyra, nothing walks on- Hey this box is already opened!" Bon-Bon exclaimed.

"Er- if that's how you feel, I'll just have to find proof!" said Lyra with a guilty expression as she darted out the door.

"I swear, one of these days she's going to get herself in trouble with that imagination of hers," Bon-Bon sighed as she flipped the sign from 'Sorry, we're closed' to 'Welcome'.

Keeping it in my Pants

"Alright everypony, Princess Celestia has given us an important task" said Twilight through the door.

"Oh! Oh! Are we throwing sompony a party?" Pinkie asked with her usual level of enthusiasm.

"No Pinkie, we're not throwing a party"

"Aww"

"Anyways," continued Twilight, "as some of you may know, last night, something unusual happened. Because of this, we have been entrusted to keep a secret"

I still didn't understand why Princess Celestia had decided to keep my existence a secret from Ponyvile. They seemed to get along well with Zecora, albeit with a rocky start. Well better safe than sorry, I guess.

Murmuring was heard from the other ponies present.

"Now I need everypony to remain calm for this. I was scared at first, but I assure you that everything will be alright"

"Jeez Twilight, dramatic much?" I thought.

"Micheal, will you please come here," Twilight said.

"Here goes nothing," I thought.

I Pushed open the door to see the increasingly surprised look on three ponies faces. Applejack's pupils shrank while Pinkie Pie's jaw nearly hit the ground. Rarity, doing the best to maintain her composure, reached over and pushed Pinkie's jaw back into a close.

"Uh hi, um everypony. I'm Michael."

Smooth like rocks in a blender.

"Come on, Introduce yourselves," Twilight said impatiently.

"Yeah AJ, go say hi to the alien," Rainbow said tauntingly as she nudged Applejack forward.

"A-alien," Applejack stuttered, "I heard tails about ya'll from the cowfolks, but I never reckoned any of that was t-true."

Twilight deadpanned, "Not that kind of alien Applejack. He's been at my house all night and I'm fine."

Rainbow began to snicker at Applejack's hesitation.

"Yeah, I'm from another dimension," I said trying to relieve the tension.

"Wait, so this is you're first time in Equestria?" Pinkie asked as her shock was quickly replaced with excitement.

"Uh yeah, I suppose so."

"This is you're first time in Equestria, which means this is you're first time in Ponyvile, which means that you haven't had a welcome party!" Pinkie said with mounting enthusiasm, "this has to be an extra welcome-iest welcome party that ever welcomed anypony!"

"Pinkie"

"I can introduce you to everypony, too. Oh isn't this so exciting?"

"PINKIE!"

"GASP! does he even know what a cupcake is? Because if he doesn't he's going to be in for such a treat. Oh! speaking of treats, there can be punch and candy and pudding and cake, of course there has to be cake, and jello and-"

"PINKIEEEEEEEEE!"

"Yes Twilight?"

"What part of 'secret' don't you understand?" asked a very exasperated Twilight.

"Wait, so no party?"

"No, Pinkie, no party."

"Ohhhhhhh" a very grumpy Pinkie Pie groaned as she proceeded to sit on her haunches and pout.

"Forgive my friends for their outbursts Michael," said Rarity, who had recovered from her shock, "allow me to introduce myself; I am Rarity"

I decided that towering over the ponies wasn't going to help the situation anytime soon, so I took a few steps forward and set down cross legged on the floor.

"Hello Rarity," I said as I extended a hand for a handshake (hoofshake? hoof/handshake? brohoof??)

She looked a little uncertain at first, but eventually returned the gesture.

"Aw shucks, look at me gettin all worked up over some hooey those cows been spreadin around," Applejack said as she stepped forward.

"I'hm Applejack," said Applejack extending a hoof for another uncertainly named gesture of goodwill, "and the one with her lower lip hangin out is Pinkie Pie."

"Hey Pinkie Pie, sorry there isn't going to be a party," I said extending my hand.

Pinkie perked up and practically pounced on me.

"Oh it's ok Michael, it's not a big deal," she said as she leaned twords my ear, "you're going to have a party if I have anything to say about it."

This can only end well.

Before I can properly start worrying about what Pinkie just whispered I'm interrupted by Rarity.

"Darling, have you been wearing that all day?"

I look down at my surprisingly ratty clothes. I guess swamp water tends to do that.

"Yeah, I guess so," I said reluctantly.

"That simply won't do, Michael. I'm simply insist that I make you new clothes," Rarity replied.

"Well it's not like I can wear the same thing everyday," I thought.

"Uh, sure if it's not too much trouble"

"Oh I can't wait to get started on a design. This is certainly going to be a challenge," Rarity said as she began to examine me, "just come by Carousel Boutique this afternoon. Twilight can point you in the right direction."

"Rarity, how is he supposed to get across town without being seen?" Twilight asked.

Rarity turned to Twilight with a pout.

"But Twilight, he must simply get some new clothes," Rarity said, almost begging.

"Well his clothes still smell a little," Twilight said as her face scrunched up, "and I suppose I could teleport us to the Boutique."

"That's the spirit. Oh what fun," Rarity said as her face lit up in delight.

The ponies stayed a while longer, but eventually began to disperse. Applejack had work to do on the farm, Pinkie Pie had an order of cupcakes that needed to be filled, Rarity had to go home and make sure that Sweetie Bell wasn't going to be in the Boutique that afternoon, Fluttershy had to check up on a sick chipmunk, and Rainbow Dash saw that things were winding down and left. That left Twilight and I standing awkwardly in the Library after showing Dash out.

"Interesting group of friends you have Twilight," I began.

"I'm glad you got along with everypony," Twilight replied.

We stood there for a while longer.

"Um, I've got some research to be doing," Twilight said rubbing the back of her head with her hoof, "There's not much to do here besides read. I hope that's ok."

"Actually-" I began before I was struck with an idea "that sounds like a good idea. Do you have any paper?"

Twilight, looking relieved, quickly magicked over some parchment as well as a quill and some ink."

"Ok let me know if you need anything else," she said as she walked around the corner.

I went over to the bookshelf and selected a book at random as I turned to the horse head sculpture.

"You were right," I began, "If this really is a dream or hallucination or whatever than these books won't make any sense. If I can figure out how to translate the books into the English language, or at least find a pattern than I'm not hallucinating."

The horse head sculpture sat there quietly.

Feeling a little foolish, I rushed over to a table and abruptly stopped. The table came to about my knee and was void of any chairs. I decided to give it a try as I sat down cross legged and quickly discovered that a chin high table was very difficult to write on. I settled for lying down on the floor with the book and writing implements in front of me.

"Alright, let's get started," I thought as I began to decode the book.

I started with a simple substitution cipher.

"Alright this character seems to occur a lot so let's start with that one," I thought.

Time passed by in a blur as I discovered that Equestrian really was just a substitution cipher. I hit a few snags before I figured out that some English letter combinations like SH and CH were represented with just one Equestrian symbol.

"That was surprisingly easy," I said as I looked down on my sheet of paper with the English letters and numbers next to their Equestrian equivalents. It still wasn't completely perfect, but at least it was legible.

The book I had been translating had ironically been an Equestrian grammar book.

"I looked over at the statue and stuck out my tongue for a quick second.

"So I really am in Equestria," I thought as relief and curiosity flood through me at the same time.

"What's all this?" said Twilight who had just entered the room.

"This," I said with a dramatic flourish, "Is Equestrian translated into English.

"Oh wow, let me see!" Twilight exclaimed as she rushed over to my side.

There were about two sheets worth of failed attempts, my clean sheet that had everything neatly arranged, and a translated paragraph from the grammar book.

"This is amazing Michael, have-"

From somewhere in the library, a clock chimed for Six o'clock.

"Oh! Rarity's expecting us, let's go," Twilight said as she stepped into my lap and onto my crotch.

Needless to say, I grunted in pain. Twilight quickly jumped off of me in surprise.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were still hurt," said twilight apologetically.

"No, that's just a naturally sensitive area for people," I said as I hunched over and waited for the pain to subside.

"Why did you try to climb into my lap, I thought we were teleporting?" I asked through strained teeth.

"Sorry, I'm not good at teleporting anyone besides myself, so the closer I am, the easier it is for me to pull off" Twilight replied.

I sat there hunched over for a while before I allowed her back on my lap, carefully.

"You're going to have to get closer, Michael," Twilight said.

"I know there are thousands of people who would kill for this opportunity," I thought mirthfully as I wrapped my arms around Twilight in what was effectively a cuddle.

The next instant passed by in a series of very interesting sights and sounds. First, the initial flash that you see in the show surrounded us. Next, a mental image appeared in my mind of the inside of the Carousel Boutique, the following sensation can only be described as being sucked through a tiny straw in space at the end of Twilight's horn followed by a popping sound. The next thing I knew, I was in the Boutique.

I got up slowly, patting myself all over to make sure that I didn't loose anything important like my shirt or my shoes or my ears.

"Rarity, we're here," Twilight called as she took several steps forward.

"Coming, darling," Rarity called from upstairs.

Feeling confident in the fact that all of my bits and pieces were in the right place, I began to examine the Boutique. All of the tools of the trade looked to have been professional grade equipment, but sized down for a child. Take for example a sewing machine. You know when you look at a sewing machine, you can tell the difference between professional grade equipment and the cheap one you get for a kid. Well it was like that except kid sized.

Captain Obvious? Why yes I am.

"Why hello there Twilight how are you this evening?" Rarity asked from the top of the stairs.

"Just fine Rarity," Twilight replied, "where is Sweetie Belle?"

"She's at a sleepover with the other crusaders at Applejack's farm," Rarity replied, "Will you be staying for the fitting?"

"Sorry Rarity, I've got something I need to take care of,"

"Well if that's the case, don't let me keep you from it," said Rarity as she walked down the stairs.

"Thanks Rarity, I'll leave Michael in your capable hooves," said Twilight as she vanished in a flash of light.

"Let's begin, shall we Michael," said Rarity turning to me, "before we begin, I'm going to have to ask that you remove your clothes."

My mind came to a screeching halt.

"Come again?"

"Well of course MIchael, I won't be able to get accurate measurements through your clothes," said Rarity as I felt my jacket move away from me.

I know there are thousands of people who would kill to have this opportunity, but I was not one of them.

"Rarity could you-"

I was about to say wait a minute, but my shirt got caught in my mouth as it was lifted over my head.

"What was that dear, I didn't quite catch that," Rarity said as she turned her attention to my pants, "oh what is this interesting contraption?"

It felt like someone had tied a string to my zipper and had begun pulling on it in several different directions.

"Bad touch, BAD TOUCH!" I thought while Rarity's face and magic came closer and closer to finding my family jewels.

"Seriously Michael, what is this- Oh here we are," she said with a note of victory as my zipper came undone.

Panicking, I did the only thing that came to mind.

I flicked her horn.

The effect was instantaneous. The light surrounding her horn, I don't know, shorted out I guess and the invisible string around my zipper disappeared. On a side note, the sound it made resembled that of a spring door stop for a second. You know the ones that go bo-oi-oi-oi-oi-ng. It wasn't that pronounced, but it definitely made that sound.

"Ouch! MIchael, what was that for?" Rarity exclaimed.

"Well Rarity, I don't know what happens here on Equestria, but where I'm from, you at least ask someone to dinner and a movie before you begin undressing them," I exclaimed, my face becoming hot as I zipped up my pants and picked up my shirt off the floor.

"Why I-," Rarity stammered as the realization dawned on her while she turned a shade of red to match my own.

"Just take the measurements over the clothes," I said irritably.

The rest of the evening went by without another major complication, however I had to explain what casual wear was and that there was no way in Tartarus that I was going to wear suits six days out of the week. We eventually came to the compromise of seven casual outfits without gems (that was a hard won battle) and in exchange I was to wear whatever over the top suit she was going to design for a full day. After much fussing, complaining, arguing, and all around butting heads, we decided to end with tea and cookies when suddenly there was a space splitting paff in the main room of The Carousel Boutique.

"Sorry for the intrusion, Rarity," Twilight said as she entered the kitchen.

"Not at all Twilight," replied Rarity, "after all we must do what we can to keep Michael a secret."

Before I could question exactly why it was that I had to be kept a secret, the tea had snaked it's way through my digestive system and decided that it had just about enough of that.

"Rarity, do you happen to have a restroom around here anywhere?" I asked.

"The facilities are just around the corner and on the right," she replied.

I thanked her and hurriedly walked to the direction she had indicated.

***

"So Rarity, how did the measuring go?"

"Just fine except for a few -ahem- cultural misunderstandings," Rarity said, looking away.

"What do you mean?" Twilight asked.

"Well when we first met, I had assumed that he had appeared in Equestria with a suit in order to make a good impression. Seeing how he was found in Froggy Bottom Bog, I just assumed that he was making an effort with what he had. That's why I offered to make him a suit, but as it turns out, humans wear clothes everyday and that removing clothes, especially the piece over his legs, is incredibly amoral behavior."

"Fascinating," exclaimed Twilight, "how did you figure that one out?"

Rarity looked mildly embarrassed and began to rotate her hoof in the air.

"Well I was helping him out of his clothes when he flicked my horn and-"

"Wait, what did you say, Rarity?" Twilight interrupted.

"I was helping him out of his clothes and he flicked my horn." said Rarity with a confused look.

"How did Michael know to do that?"

"Now that you mention it, he's only been in Equestria for a little over a day. It would be unlikely that he would know what to do in order to stop a spell."

Footsteps announced the return of Michael to a room of two ponies with contemplative looks on their faces.

"Um, shouldn't we be headed home, it's starting to get dark outside," said michael with an awkward grin.

***

"Who are you drawing Michael?" asked Lilly, leaning over my shoulder.

"Nothing," I replied as I crumpled up the paper and stuffed it into my jacket.

Paper can be heavy sometimes.

"I asked who, not what," she said with a mischievous smile.

"Well whatever I was drawing, you're not seeing it. Wait, I was drawing? That's funny I don't see anything here," I said giving the ground in front of me a flourish.

"Alright Michael, I'll leave it alone," Lilly said as she laid down.next to me.

Suddenly her bare foot shot into my jacket from behind and snached the page I had hastily hid away.

It's not even the paper that makes it heavy, it's the ink.

I struggled with Lilly to no avail and the drawing came unfurled from it's ball.

A brief silence punctuated the scuffle as the image on the page sank in.

"Jesus Michael, what is this?"

A man with no irus in his eyes stood in front of a tree bearing odd shaped fruit that were suspended by ropes.

"I don't know ok. It was just something that was in my head that had to come out."

Prologue

"What is real? How do you define real? If you are talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain."

-Morpheus

The Matrix

One cold winter's night, a lone soul walks alone through the snow; wandering the streets of his hometown. But he is not lost. Package in hand, he seeks to return once again to his humble abode and tuck himself into his warm bed. The crosswalk changes to red. He stops. The harsh wind bites through his clothes as he waits for traffic that isn't there to pass. Once more his thoughts drift-

"Shut up! It's like your trying to annoy me or something!"

I was only trying to set the mood

"Mood? What mood? Who were you talking.... wait I remember you, you're the hallucination that manifested as a result of my using stories as an escape from reality. I think I called you the narrator, or something."

Indeed, I am he which you had dubbed The Narrator.

"Why have you popped back into my head again? It's not like I've been reading as much as back then."

I only thought it was appropriate, seeing as you are about to find yourself in a cartoon.

"Wait, what?"

SCREEEEEECH!