Spare a Dart?

“Daddy!”

“Daddy! Let's go into the garden! I wanna see bunnies!”

“Daddy! I met a colt at school that said I was cute!”

“Dad! I got accepted to Canterlot University!”

“Dad! I’m getting married!

“Clean. I’m moving to Manehattan with my husband.”

“Clean. It's all your fault.”

“I hope you rot in that cell, Clean!”

-=- -=- -=-

I woke up in my cell. Memories of my dream not fading fast enough.

The light from the bars are dim, barely leaving enough to see.

“3… 2… 1…” I said, counting down until the runes would light back up. This happened every time after a nightmare.

Only this time, the bars remained dull, barely leaving enough of a light to even see the runes. I got up from my cot and walked over to the bars. Rubbing my hand down them, they felt colder than usual. From down the hall I heard a set of hooves. Whoever it was was running pretty fast, obviously in a hurry.

The hooves stopped with an irritating screech and a white figure slid past my cell with a yelp.

Pressing my face and hands against the bars I tried to look past the corner, to no avail.

With a huff a pearly white stallion stood in front of my cell.

“Clean! I made it just in time!”

“Woah, Blueblood? What are you doing down here?”

The unicorn pony pulled out a keyring from a front pocket on his coat.

“Celestia has gone missing and the sun hasn’t come up yet! Something's happened to her, now help me find the right key!”

I grabbed the key ring from him, and shifted through them. “Blue, none of these are the right key!”

“What?! Then where's the real one?”

“I need you to go up to Celestia’s room and look around.”

“Go through Auntie’s room? But- but I don’t want to go through her things without asking.”

“There isn’t time Blue, just find a key with a clear gem on it. In the gem is a blue flame. Find that key and come back. Hurry!”

And with that he bolted away, leaving me to the growing darkness. I paced back and forth, falling into the habit of smoking.

Quickly pulling out a stick, I pat my pockets trying to find my trusty fire box.

“Need a light?”

I slowly turn to the bars to see a tall, dark mare. Slit eyes and ethereal mane flowing around her.

“I dunno, got a zippo? Those always make these taste better.” I ask, making casual conversation in the face of an adversary.

“Oh, Clean, what a naive little human you’ve turned out to be. I see you’re still stuck in this cell. And you were so close to getting out too, such a shame. Look like you will be stuck in this cell for a LOT longer.”

“Fuck off Nightmare, you’re here for a reason. Plan on gloating?” I said, trying to get her to leave before Blueblood gets back.

“Why yes I am! I’ve even got you a parting gift. A ‘last place trophy’ if you will.”

Using her magic, she summoned a small hand mirror, or hoof mirror in this case.

“As you would say, ‘abraca-fucking-dabra’,” she said, causing the reflective silver of the mirror to light up.

“You don’t even know what that means.”

“No, but it means something offensive, and I want to insult you in your own language. I told you you would get to watch as everything you loved is gone. Now you can watch it without me risking you leaving your cell.” She said before floating the mirror to the bars.

I reach out and grab it, looking into it. In the mirror is a perfect image of Celestia, with chains wrapped around her barrel. Her wings were covered by the chains and a dark metal ring around her horn.

“I suppose you’re not just going to kill her, are you?”

“No, she has a mirror just like this, but she’s watching something completely different. Here, I’ll even let you watch.”

And with that the mirror lit up again, to show Twilight with five other mares, all staring down a manticore.

“Twilight?! What the hell is she doing?!”

“Well, it would look like she’s trying to find an early grave.”

I rushed forward and slammed against the bars, reaching out desperately through, trying to get my hands on that damn mare.

“If you touch her I’ll FUCKING KILL YOU!”

“Oh, and what are you going to do about it? You’re stuck in that cell… Oh! And by the way…” She said, her horn lighting up and covering the bars. The runes started to grow brighter and brighter. When she was done the runes were glowing brighter than they have in years.

“Let's put a bit more protection on these bars. Those should last you a good century or two without needing a recharge. Now I’m off to oversee my kingdom. Toodaloo~”

“Get back here you bitch and fight me like a man!” I said, taunting her, but she kept walking. With a flash she teleported away.

I slumped down, falling to my knees. If Blueblood didn’t find that key, then there's no telling what would happen to Twilight and the Princess.

I notice a glint in the corner of my eye and see the mirror again. Picking it up, I see one of Twilight’s friends. A yellow pegasus appeared to be consoling the manticore.

I breath a sigh of relief and relax. Watching the mirror I start to reminisce on my time in this cell.

“10 years I’ve been in here…” I say with a sigh.

Hearing the clopping of hooves, I feel a sense of opportunity. The chance to make things right.

“And it sounds like I’ll be getting out.”

Blueblood stops with a skid like before, sliding right past my door.

“One too many there Blue, you find the key?”

Huffing and panting, he pulls out a silver key with a crystal gem on it.

“That's the one! Now let's go save a princess.”

“Wait, Clean…” Blueblood says, stopping me.

“If you’re going to say something along the lines of ‘if I don't make it,’ I will slap you right now.”

“I can’t come with you.” He says, starting to tear up. “I’m not good in a fight and my magic isn’t good either! I don’t think I could do anything against Nightmare Moon”

I lean down and pat the grown stallion on his head, “Come now Blue, you don’t think I actually expected you to fight with me, did you? I’ve got another task for you, I want you to round up as many guards as you can and have them round up every pony they can. We need damage control, and as active Prince, it's up to you to keep the castle in check.”

“Do you really think I can do all that? I’m just one pony.”

“I know you can Blue, afterall, I’m just a janitor. You’re a grown stallion, and I expect a Prince like you to take charge! Think of all the mares that will be swooning after you, I’ll have to beat them off with a broom.”

He laughs at that and wipes a tear away. “Okay, but what now?”

I go back into my cell and pull out the box. Opening it I grab a knife, the pack of smokes, a lighter, and scrap of paper covered in my scrawlings.

“Simple Blue, I'm going to save Equestria. And after that, we’re going to go back to a normal life. No more fighting, no more monsters, nothing. Just pure relaxation.”

Blueblood, visibly giddy with excitement hops on his hooves. “What are we waiting for then? Lets go!”

-=- -=- -=-

Blueblood and I are running through the castle. The castle is in ruins, stones are knocked about. Statues are knocked over, burns litter the stone walls, and windows are broken. Each hall and every mark hurts my soul. My once pristine castle is now trashed.

“When I get my hands on her, I’m going to literally use her as a broom.”

Leading Blueblood around, I take him up to my old room.

“Clean, what are we doing here? Aren’t we gonna go save the princess?”

“A hero can’t save a princess without his tools, can he?”

“No… I suppose you’re right.”

Looking through my room to find it kept just as it was before my sentence, I rub my hands across the wall. My hand catches on a lip on the wall and I push it in. The wall makes way to my push, pressing down on a button.

A small compartment opens up in the wall beside my hand and I reach inside. The hole in the wall is deep, made specifically so that only I could reach in. I pull out a small box, just barely smaller than the hole.

“You know what this is, Blue?”

He shakes his head back and forth while wide eyeing the box. The box is covered in ornate carvings. On the top is an oval indention surrounded by symbols that aren’t native to this world. Not that anyone else would know that of course. In the middle of the oval is a rune that is shaped as a straight line going down. Two smaller lines come out of the side about one third of the way day. The left line angles upward while the right one angles down.

I put the box under my arm and pull out the knife. With a quick cut to my left ring finger my hand starts to bleed. Blueblood gasps at this, but I ignore him. Pressing my finger into the oval, whispering “Nauthiz.” the box lets out a quiet whir and clicks open.

I quickly open it and pull out two things. The first being a ring, and the other a stone.

“You came all the way up here for jewelry?”

I laugh him off, “Blue, this isn’t just any jewelry. These are important artifacts. As if I would waste time in making myself look cool. I’m already cool enough.”

I take the ring and put it around my left ring finger. The cut instantly heals and I wipe the blood off onto my clothes. I hold the stone and firmly grasp it.

Blueblood gapes at the healing magic, “I thought magic didn’t work on you?”

“That's true, but this isn’t any ring. This ring has been handed down since before Celestia. This is the only magic nullifying artifact that is capable of even hindering an Alicorn.”

“Well that doesn’t explain why it healing your finger.”

“Magic Blue, ain’t gotta explain shit.”

“Whatever, and the stone?”

I roll the stone over in my hand. It's a simple dark blue rock with a celtic knot carved on one side and on the other another rune similar to the one on the box. This is one is simple line. At the top of the line is a smaller line angling downwards a bit.

“This one's a bit more simple. This one lets me teleport. Now I need you to do what I told you. Gather the guards you can and get to work.”

Blueblood straightens up and brings his hoof up to his forehead in salute. “Aye aye Clean!” he says before running off.

Placing the now empty box down, I fidget with the ring and look down at the stone in my hand.

“Well here goes nothing… Laguz!” I say, crushing the rock in my hand.

Instantly everything is torn apart. It feels like My body is going through a tunnel way too small for my body, over and over again. But instead of pain, it feels almost empty. As if I lose all feelings in my body. No pain or pleasure, just pure emptiness. It stopped as fast as it started.

Gathering my balance and trying not to pass out from the feeling of teleporting. I take my time gathering myself. I’m in the old castle of the Royal Sisters. The castle is in disrepair, broken stones and columns are everywhere.

I’m standing in between the two thrones. Celestia used to take me with her to explore these ruins multiple times. With it being years ago, my memory of the layout was fuzzy, but I remembered where the throne room was. Right at the entrance to the castle. In the middle of the room was a large contraption. On it there are five pedestals with one right in the middle.

“The Elements? Where are they?” I say rushing over. Inspecting all around the statue for signs of the elements. Broken shards of stone, runes, anything that would help me find them.

In the distance I hear a pony scream out in terror. I recognized that scream…

“Twilight!” I called out, only to hear someone else call her name.

Looking over to the entrance to the castle, five ponies of various colors are standing at the door. Two earth ponies, two pegasi, and a single unicorn. All with various reactions. The pink earth pony looked excited, the blue pegasus and orange earth pony looked ready to fight, and the white unicorn and yellow pegasus looked terrified.

“What are you doing here, and what do ya know about Twilight?” The orange earth pony asks.

“No time to explain, you’re all friends of Twilight, right? We need to hurry, follow me!”

“Hey!” I hear them exclaim. I rush to one of the side corridors, not caring if they followed or not. I needed to get to twilight and get this ring on Nightmare Moon.

Running down the hall I found the staircase I was looking for. Bounding over the steps, skipping multiple at a time, I find the door at the top stuck shut.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! It wont open!” I say, trying to push the door open.

“Outta the way monster!” I hear from behind me.

A blue blur flies past me, bashing into the door and knocking it off its hinges. The door falls with a loud thud and I follow suit.

“I don’t know what your deal is with Twilight, but if you’re trying to save her then we need to hurry!” The blue pegasus says.

“Way ahead of you, keep following me, I know this place front to back… probably.”

Behind us the others make it through the door, clearly out of breath. The white unicorn flops down onto the ground with a groan.

“Pfft, pansies. C’mon girls! This guy knows the way.”

The white mare sighs before getting back to her hooves.

Resuming our pursuit, we reach the room I was looking for. This door was just like the previous one. The lack of use over the years caused the door to rust over and sag in its hinges.

Backing up a bit and leaning forward I smash my foot right beside the handle of the door, causing it to shake furiously. Backing up again, I try again and finally knock the door out of place.

“Two tries? And here it only took me one.” Said the pegasus.

“Yeah, well I loosened it for you.”

With the door free we make our way into the room.

Inside was a sight I definitely didn’t expect. Twilight sat on the ground, and at the end of the hall was Nightmare Moon. The floor around her was covered in shards of stone. Stones that looked too familiar to the Elements of Harmony I had seen so many times.

I ran over to Twilight, followed by her friends.

“C-Clean? What are you doing here?”

“I’m saving you you retarded pony. What made you think you could take on Nightmare Moon on your own?”

“Clean, the Elements! I found them!”

“ENOUGH!” Nightmare Moon bellowed, causing the room to shake. “You should be in the dungeons! How did you escape?”

Getting up and reaching into my pocket, I pull out my knife and hold it out in front of me. “Now now, Nightmare Moon. Spoilers, remember?”

The mare lets out a growl before flaring her wings and firing a bolt of magic at me. I bat the spell away with left hand.

“Let's do this Nightmare, mano-a-mano.” Relaxing and tossing my knife away I say, “Hell, I’ll even throw my knife away. Now you almost have a fair chance of beating me.”

Nightmare lets out an agitated growl and rears onto her hind legs and smashes her hooves into the stone. The floor cracks under her weight and she charges.

I bolt forward to meet her, trying to make some distance away from Twilight and her friends. Meeting up with the mare, she lowers her head aiming to spear me with her horn.

I move to the side and clothesline her. She falls forward, but not before getting a cheeky kick to my side with her hind leg.

Not missing a beat, she turns around and aims to spear me again. This time I stay still, aiming to grapple her. I needed to get the ring around her horn without her realizing it. As soon as she loses her magic it’ll be easier to take her down.

I grab her horn and pull her head back. I hear Twilight saying something, but my mind was focusing more on not becoming the first Human shish kebab in Equestria. Holding onto her horn with my right hand, I finagle the ring off my finger to where I’m holding it in my hand.

Just before I can put it on her horn she lets out a gasp and kicks me away. We both get pushed into opposite directions. The ring goes flying out of my hand and slides across the floor. Before I can even grasp what's happened a large rainbow flies past. I follow it as it flies through the broken window on the other side of the room.

I follow the rainbow’s trail back to its origin only to find Twilight and her friends literally floating in the air. They each have necklaces on, but Twilight has a tiara on instead. Their eyes are pure white and seemingly glowing with energy. They all fall down to the ground, exhausted.

“Did we get her girls?” Twilight says, fighting to stay awake.

“Ah hope so, Ah don’t know if I could do that again.”

“Goodness I hope so, as happy as I am to get such a fine necklace I am absolutely exhausted.”

“Fools!” fills the room and the ponies all gasp in horror.

Nightmare is standing unscathed having used me to launch herself out of the way of the blast.

“Thou missed the first shot, and shall not get another! Thou lack the energy to stand, let alone use the Elements. Victory is verily within reach. Last is to thy retched disturbances…” She threatens, advancing towards me.

“Twilight, I don’t know what you did, but can you do it again?”

“That was the power of the Elements!” She says between pants. “I don’t know, but we can try. We can’t miss again, if we do, I doubt we’ll get another chance. C’mon girls…”

They all stagger to their hooves and a glow surrounds them.

“I think not! Thou shalt not use the Elements again!” Nightmare Moon says, diverting her attention to the ponies. Her horn lights up and she points her horn to the group. “Thy presence shall be removed from this land before you have the chance to blink!”

Her horn lets out a blast of light. It didn’t reach very far, having been blocked by an angry Human.

“Think again bitch, you’re not doin anything.” I say, grabbing her horn again.

“You think you can come into MY home.” I say, slamming my fist into the side of her head, knocking her crown off.

“Kidnap MY Princess!” I say, fist connecting with fur.

“And most importantly… Dirty. My. Floors.” Each word being punctuated by my fist meeting the cold steel of her chestplate, denting it.

Nightmare Moon tries to get away, but I’m far too angry to let this mare slip out of my grasp.

“You’re going to taste this fucking rainbow, and you’re gonna LIKE IT!” I scream in her face. Shoving her down, I wrap my arm around her neck, putting her in a chokehold. “Now Twilight!”

“Clean, I can’t! I don’t know what will happen if you’re caught in the blast!”

I turn back to the group. They all look weary, but they’re following Twilights leadership.

“Does it look like I give a fuck?! Use that fucking skittle cannon before this mare gets loose and kills us all!”

With a look of regret, Twilight charges her horn. It glows brighter than it ever has, and the Elements light up themselves. A rainbow forms around them, before suddenly lurching forward, aiming right for us.

Nightmare Moon frantically tries to squirm out of my grasp, but I wasn’t letting up easy.

“I’ve got one regret Nightmare, and its not having one final smoke. Lets hope this doesn’t kill us, huh?”

“You’re mad! Let me go this instant! I am Nightmare Moon! I am the Night! Cease thy ministrations and prithee leave thee be!” She says, growing more and more panicked.

Then the rainbow surrounded us.

My vision was full of colors. Like a horrible acid trip that I never asked form. I felt Nightmare Moon get pulled out of my arms and I felt heavy.

It felt like the gravity increased. I felt my stomach drop like when you’re going down a hill on a rollercoaster. I tried to push up from this oppressive force pushing me into the ground, but it was too strong for me. Falling to my hands and knees, I clutch onto my neck.

Gasping, I can’t pull air into my lungs. I can’t breathe and I start to panic. I figured, worst case scenario, the rainbow would just kill me and get it over with. But its not, its slowly killing me.

My vision started to darken from the lack of oxygen. I felt my arms go limp as I lost the strength to keep them up.

Then it all stopped. The rainbow, the oppressive feeling, being unable to breathe, it all went away.

I sit up, gasping for air. Sucking in as much as I could to replace the feeling of suffocating. Only to have the air knocked out of my as a pony smashes into my chest.

“Clean! You’re alive! Don’t you ever do anything like that again!” Said Twilight as she rubbed her face into my chest.

I wrapped my arm around her and patted her back, focusing more on breathing than consoling her.

“Twilight, get up. Where is Nightmare Moon?” I asked, looking around the room for the mare.

“She’s over there, but she’s changed. See for yourself.” She said, pointing a hoof at a small, light blue lump on the ground.

Pushing Twilight off of me, I scan the ground looking for the ring.

“Looking for this?” Says Twilight’s pink friend. In her upturned hoof is the ring from before.

“Yeah, thanks mate.” I said, scooping it out of her hoof. “Now, lets see if this works…”

Walking over to Nightmare Moon, I get a good look at her. Her black fur from before has turned into a light blue. Her mane, which was previously and ethereal mass of stars, is now and even lighter blue. The most apparent change is that fact that she’s just a bit taller than a normal pony.

“So you must be Luna… Either way, you’ve gotta have this ring on just in case.” I say, slipping the ring on the knocked out mare.

Through the broken windows, the sun rises like it should. In the rays of the sun, none other than the princess of the day appears. Her fur is a pristine white and her mane is flowing freely.

The other ponies in the room all bow, but I just walk up to her.

“So, think I can get a royal pardon?”

Celestia lets out a sigh before falling into a fit of giggles. “Why yes, and I just had a position open up in the castle too. Tell me, do you happen to know anypony who’s good at cleaning?”

We both laugh it off and turn to address the small gathering of ponies.

“So, onto the important part. I think you have a sister to talk to, and I’ve got to meet Twilight’s new posse.”

“Thank you, Clean.”

Celestia moved over to her sister and attempted to wake her up. In the meantime, I walked over to Twilight and her friends, who were looking worse for wear.

“Hey Twilight, love the new Jewelry. It really matches your eyes… and your cutiemark.”

“Clean, I’m so happy to see you again. I found out about Nightmare Moon through one of Celestia’s books. I tried to warn her, and to get you out before something happened, but she said that everything would be fine.”

“Well, it did turn out fine. In the end the monsters been defeated and the hero saves the princess. All's good in my book.”

“Twilight, ah don’t mean to interrupt, but what did he say about ‘gettin a pardon’ before?”

Twilight looked between me and her friends, trying to find the right words to explain what happened.

“A mare attacked my grandfoal. Ended up messing up her eyes, so I cut her horn off. Fair trade I’d say, but I’ve been in the dungeon since.” I said, speaking up before Twilight could say anything and make the situation worse.

Her friends had different reactions to it. The unicorn visibly recoiled and brought a hoof to her horn. The others were in various stages of shock, the worst being the yellow pegasus, who was now hiding behind the blue pegasus.

The orange mare rubbed her chin with a hoof and hummed in thought. “Well, ah can’t say I support what you’ve done, but if you did it fer family and you’ve done yer time, I reckon I can’t blame you fer what ya did. Just don’t do it again, alright big fella?”

“Sure sure country gal, I don’t plan on doing anything exciting like this again. I just want to get back to work if I’m honest.” I say with a laugh. “You know, I have no idea who any of you are, mind tellin me your names?”

They all looked reluctant to even speak to me, but Twilight was happy to introduce her new friends to me.

First wrapping an arm around the orange mare, she starts introducing them one by.

“This is Applejack! She works on an apple orchard just outside of town.”

Then she moved onto the pink one who was busy apparently writing something down in a notepad. “Pinkie, where did you… Anyway, this is Pinkie Pie. She works at Sugarcube Corner.”

Moving over to the unicorn, “This is Rarity, she works at Carousel Boutique. And this is Fluttershy. She takes care of animals.” she said, pointing to the unicorn and then the pegasus.

“And lastly is Rainbow Dash! She’s a bit of a gloater, but she’s nice when you get to know her.”

“Hey! I am not a gloater!” She says, getting defensive.

“And girls, I would like you to meet my very close friend. He’s been like an uncle to me, so please be nice to him, even if he seems scary.”

“Scary doesn’t halfway describe it. Frankly, that brute scares me.” Rarity quietly whispers to Fluttershy.

“I heard that whitey, and I’m not a brute, I’m a ruffian. Get it right.” I say, causing then to both let out a squeak and hush up.

“Anyway, I’m Clean. Thanks for talkin care of this mare. I know Twilight can be a handful at times, but she’s a good filly when it comes down to it.” I continue, ruffling Twilight’s mane.

“Cleaaaaan, stop it! Not in front of my friends…” she says, pushing my hands away with her hooves and blushing.

“Alright, alright. Anyway, I’m sure you ponies are probably pretty fucking exhausted. I don’t know about you, but my lungs are fucking killing me and my head hurts. Worst of all, I’m in the desperate need for a smoke, so why don’t you all go speak with the Princess.” I say, waving them off and leaving to lean against the wall.

Celestia is sitting beside the mare. They’re both locked in a tight hug and talking to one another. The other ponies walk up to her and bow.

“Fucking hell, really thought I was gonna die there...:” I say, thinking about the Elements. Pulling out my carton, I fish out a smoke and pop it in my mouth. “Glad I could get one last smoke at least.”