I’m Not Worth It

I slowly came back to consciousness, feeling someone rubbing my right hand with their thumb.

Opening my eyes took some effort. Effort to not slip back into the dark place my mind went.

Effort to live.

When I did get my eyes open, I had a glimpse of a stark white room that was quickly blocked by gray fur and an orange mane along with a shout of, “You’re okay!”

That quickly brought me back to reality. I knew that voice, it belonged to someone I never thought I’d see again.

My mother.

She’d hugged me tight as soon as she realized I was awake. Eventually, she let go and sat back in a chair near my bed. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” She said, wiping a tear from her eye.

I looked around the room, seeing it to be one inside of a hospital. Confused I looked at my Mother. “What-? How-?”

My Mom smiled. "That nurse, Helping Hand, I think, she found you and brought you here. She was worried about you."

I looked down the bed. "She should've left me," I muttered.

"Why?" I looked at her, saw her tear-filled blue eyes. "Why would you say that? Why would you do this?"

I couldn't look at her. "Because I'm a freak."

"No," I looked at her again. "No you're not. You're my child, you don't deserve this."

She's lying.

"Hoshino, you mean the world to me, and to your father."

"Where is he, anyway?" I asked.

"He couldn't stay." My mother answered, "He went back home to take care of the farm."

He doesn't care.

"I've been here all day, waiting, I was afraid I was going to lose you."

"And for that, Missus Aihara, I ask that you go and get some rest."

We both looked to the door and found Helping Hand standing in the doorway. My mom squeezed my hand and made to leave when the blue mare stopped her. "You can stay at my house. My daughter's in the waiting room, she'll take you there."

My mother sniffed and nodded. "Thank you."

Helping Hand patted her shoulder as she left, closing the door behind her, then turned to me. "Those scars aren't from those townsfolk, are they?"

She knows now.

I closed my eyes. "Not most of them, no."

Helping Hand sighed. "Well," I opened my eyes again. "I sent for a therapist to come to town, a good one, she should arrive by nightfall. She'll be able to help you."

I nodded, with a small amount of hope.

Maybe I can belong.

Sure enough, at almost exactly when the Royal Sisters moved the heavens, the door to my room opened again, and in walked the last thing I expected.

The therapist was a changeling mare, with silver eyes and a cyan mane and tail. She was wearing a pair of jeans, a long-sleeve leather jacket, and a glove on her right hand.

She sat down in the chair my mother occupied earlier. "Hello," she said, "my name is Star Flame. Helping Hand told me about what happened."

Of course she did.

Why wouldn't she? Star Flame's here to help me.

You don't deserve help

"I'm not gonna lie to you," the therapist's voice dragged me back to reality. "This isn't going to be easy, it's not going to be fast, and it's not going to be simple. The only way this is going to work, is if you want to get better."

"How do I know you can help me?" I asked.

She probably just thinks that, because she's an empath, she knows every-

"Because I've been through the same thing you are."

What?

"Granted, it wasn't like your situation, but I know what having these thoughts is like." She held out her hand. "Now, what'll it be?"

I paused.

Don't do it. Don't accept her offer! You don't deserve help!

I do.

Excuse me?

What I don't deserve, is you.

I took Star Flame's hand, and said "I want to get better." She smiled at me.

"Good."

And from that day forward,

I began to heal.