The Voice

by 12

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Suicide / Self Harm, Tragedy, Violence, Slice of Life, Death
Length: 3766

Epenex has been hearing voices

The story follows the vamparic demon pony Epenex as he struggles with schizophrenia.

Published 2018-01-11 00:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-22 18:29:30 UTC

The Voice

The half moon hung over the sky transfixed between the stars. On the ground, Epenex, a very peculiar pony was making his way through the dark streets- hiding in the cover of darkness. It was not that he wanted to be seen, it was more about having the feeling of privacy. Epenex valued his privacy and kept a lot to himself. Epenex did not know where he was going as he had nowhere to go, it's not easy being homeless, he thought to himself. The pony found himself in front of a bakery when he heard a voice. "They are better off dead" whispered the voice. He looked around but saw nothing but the glow of a few street lamps. The voice creeped back into his head again, "Kill them". Epenex nervously kneaded the ground. "Who?" Epenex anxiously blurted aloud. The voice did not respond.

Epenex woke early the next morning, which was unusual for him, he usually woke up after noon. He noted his early waking was due to sleeping where the open sunlight could pierce him, causing his eyes to be strained. With a tired stagger he went off to the market to see if he could obtain some food. An apple was 3 bits, overpriced, he thought- he only had 2 bits. Epenex walked up to a brown unicorn with deep blue eyes and a dark gray mane. She reluctantly gave him a bit. Epenex himself had a dark gray mane and was fond of the color. He liked everything about his looks, his bright green eyes, his blood red fur, his little fangs (which drew most ponies to not trust him, he noticed), and his cutie mark- an inverted pentagram with a circle drawn around it. He didn't know what it meant, he felt he was bad at everything in life. He had the cutie mark since he could remember, while other fillies searched for their special talent it seemed as Epenex had already found his, whatever it was. Epenex trotted up to the apple stand and bought a crisp red apple. He no longer had any money and would spend the rest of the day begging. Most ponies just told him to get a job- and he had tried that, twice. The work was always too much for him and he started feeling depressed by the time he quit. Maybe the depression was from knowing he was going to quit, or maybe it was caused by the stress of the job. Probably both and more, he assumed. He was always feeling depressed.

Two days had passed since he last heard the voice telling him to kill. Since then he had heard more, and he could not tell if they were real or not. He had been told when he was young that he was something called schizophrenic, which was supposed to explain why he heard things when no one was around. His strategy was to try to talk to the voice telepathically- if it responded it was most likely 'fake' (Epenex hated thinking the voices weren't real, as they seemed real enough to him). He was sure others could read his mind and just chose not to respond to try to trick him and cover up the fact that they were reading his mind. He tried to trust the doctors that no one was reading his mind, but he knew that doctors lied. It was then, at around nightfall, when he heard the same voice again. "Separate their flesh from bone and sever their limbs" the voice called out. This made Epenex uneasy, and he started to hum the tune of a song he couldn't quite remember. This didn't help as the voice nearly screamed at him in a great bellowing tone "You will kill or I will hurt you greatly!", causing Epenex to lose his step and trip. As he picked himself up he looked and saw a pony gawking at him, he just realized that he was breathing heavily and stampering the word "stop" over and over. He quickly ceased his lips and ran off far away from the pony.

Voices leapt around in Epenex's head, and he tried hard to concentrate on something, anything. Nothing worked, the voices would not stop. He only knew of one way to make the racket freeze- he had to kill. It was the only way, he didn't want to be hurt by whomever was yelling. He eyed the streets for a target, and unsurly landed his eyes on a small filly that was walking alone in the dark. Epenex slowly creeped towards the filly and soon found himself running after her. The filly turned around to meet his eyes and he saw how beautiful she was. She had a white coat, blue eyes, and tan hair. She had yet to receive a cutie mark. With a million thoughts racing through his head Epenex landed a blow on the fillies head. She let out a deafening scream, and in a panic Epenex wrapped his hoofs around her neck and squeezed as hard as he could. The filly kicked and tried to let out screams but Epenex continued to hold on until the filly fell down limp. He continued to stand there until another pony came around the corner, let out a shriek and ran off yelling for help. Epenex just stood paralyzed, and looked back into the fillies eyes. A tear formed and he dropped the lifeless body. His gaze was fixed on the body and he wondered what he had done.

The next morning Epenex awoke in a cell. He tried to recall how he had arrived at the location but all he could remember was the deep blue eyes of the filly he had choked. He sat on concrete looking down when a voice caught his attention. "You have yet to reach your full potential, you must keep killing".

"Who's there!" Epenex cried out, eyes wide with fear. Just then a guard appeared and looked judgingly down at the whimpering pony in the cell. "Hungry?" the guard sternly asked. Epenex did not hear the guard, he was too busy sobbing. The guard stood looking at the unusual pony and wondered how somepony could just kill a young filly. He seems remorseful, the guard thought as he trotted off shaking his head. Epenex held back a tear and looked up, he was sure somepony else had just been there, but there was no sight of anypony now. Epenex looked down at the cuts on his wrist and slowly counted them. One, two, three, he paused- the voices had all gone away now and he felt at peace, besides the nagging thought that he might have gotten himself in trouble. Four, five, six, seven. Seven visible slits on his wrist. He noted how there had been many more over the years- hundreds.

Epenex had not ate in three days, so when the guard handed him a sandwich through a slot in the cell bars he had graciously accepted it. "Knew you were hungry" the guard muttered as Epenex scarfed down the sandwich in nearly a blink of an eye. Epenex was feeling a bit nervous, he did not understand why he was locked up. He looked up at the guard and asked "Why am I here?", the words barely came out as his throat was dry. The guard shot a mean look but his expression turned to puzzlement. "What do you mean?" the guard asked. "W-what did I do wrong?" Epenex stamperd. The guard stared at him for a long time before finally turning around and marching off. Epenex sat bewildered. He knew he had done something wrong, but that was only because he was threatened. It wasn't fair, he shouldn't be locked up for being threatened into doing something he didn't want to do in the first place, Epenex thought. Just then he heard a voice shriek, "Kill the guard!".

"No!", he retorted loudly, "I can't kill him!", he started pacing and trying to take deep breaths- he heard taking deep breaths was supposed to help. The voice crept in and slowly stated "then I'll just have to kill you!", and Epenex shrieked. "Help!" he started yelling at the top of his lungs. "Help!", he continued, as the guard rushed in he suddenly stopped and gave Epenex a nasty look. "What's the matter?"

"They're trying to kill me!"

"Who?" Epenex stopped pacing and thought. Who exactly was trying to kill him? "I didn't see their face" he replied shaking.

The Hospital

Epenex was moved from the jail cell to a mental hospital, on account of him talking aloud to no pony and insisting that somepony was trying to hurt him. Upon arrival to the hospital the doctor assigned to him noticed that he had been put on anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and sleep aids, but he had not reportabley taken them in over a year. Epenex treated the anti-psychotics like poison. "All they do is make me bored, hungry, and I don't need them!" he insisted. He took the other medication without a problem. The hospital was dull and boring to Epenex. Groups went on and there was a television in the main lounge, but none of that appealed to Epenex. He just spent his time sitting in his bed singing to himself trying to keep the voices away. The doctor insisted that he had to take the anti-psychotic, either orally or by injection. The thought of getting a shot scared Epenex so he started taking the pill.

On the fourth day Epenex finally left his bed and ventured out into the hallway. In the kitchen area there was a group starting. “You going to join us?” a voice probed. It was coming from a tall beige pony with brown hair and crimson eyes. It caught Epenex off guard and he jumped up into the air. Once he had gained control of himself he looked down and wandered off, not interested in the group. He had wandered into the TV room where a group of ponies were playing a board game. “Want to join us?” one of the ponies chimed. Epenex continued to hold his head down and wandered back to his room. “Kill the doctors” said a now familiar voice. “If I try things will just get worse!” Epenex exclaimed. “Do you want to feel pain?” the voice retorted coldly. Epenex was scared. Maybe he ought to tell someone? But he didn't want people thinking he was crazy if they couldn't hear the voice too. He decided it was all in his head and to stop it he needed to kill himself. Only, he was not quite sure how to do that.

Epenex did not want to think about his current situation- he was locked up in a mental hospital, had killed a filly, and couldn't get this voice out of his head that kept telling him to kill more. The only good thing, he assumed, was that the voice had not hurt him yet. The worst thing is that tomorrow he had to go to court for his crime. He had been at the hospital for nearly a month and had gotten use to it, everything seemed familiar to him now and it was more comfortable then sleeping outside. He even had attended some of the groups and had some fun talking to and playing games with other patients. He figured his medication had been helping as he heard random faceless voices less and less. It seemed boring to him and made him feel alone, but he was glad he was no longer being instructed to kill innocent ponies. His depression was also better, he still felt down at times, but overall he was happier. The biggest change was his anxiety, he used to feel anxious all the time, so much so he just got use to the tense feeling, but now he felt relaxed- it was incredible.

Epenex awoke the next morning in a panic. He was terrified. The day continued on like any other day, but Epenex kept asking for more anti-anxiety medication. They refused. At around fourteen hundred an officer arrived, it was Epenex’s escort. Epenex very reluctantly followed, slowly. His heart felt like it was about to explode, and he heard a voice say “take him out now”. Epenex ignored the voice but soon found his mind full of similar thoughts, he started screaming. “Calm down, won't you?” the officer inquired in a scared tone. Epenex could not calm down, the voices were starting to threaten him. “Help me!” Epenex cried. “They’re going to kill me!” The officer looked at him with confusion. “Who is going to kill y-” But before the officer could finish Epenex threw a punch at him, catching the officer off guard and in the face. Epenex did not know what to do, his instinct was to choke him, so he did. The officer, however, was much stronger than the malnourished Epenex. Epenex soon found himself on the floor screaming sorry. “The fuck’s wrong with you?” The officer questioned not looking for an answer, but Epenex gave one anyway. “I was told to do it!”

“By who?”

“I don't know! I was just told!” The officer had had enough of him.

Sentencing

Epenex found himself in a rather comfortable chair, sitting across from his attorney. She was a light blue pony with a great big white mane. “Now, your mental state is vital to this case,” the attorney spoke in a matter of fact type of way, “there is no mistake as to what you did, but you will be able to claim that your judgment was heavily impaired at the time”. This all seemed like too much to Epenex who just asked for a razor while eyeing his cuts. While he had been advised against self-harm by doctors, he only saw it as beneficial as it kept his mind off of the emotional pain. Doctors always lied to you. The attorney refused Epenex's request for a razor, which annoyed him a bit. He felt like no one ever listened to him. Before he knew it he was done talking to his attorney and heading for the courtroom, his mind lingering on the last thing the attorney had said, “Just agree with everything I say, speak the truth, and talk loud enough for everyone to hear”.

The court room was bright and had rich wooden desks, Epenex eyed everything and heard the judge speak “Court is now in session”, Epenex did not hear much after that, he was too transfixed on the voices in his head. “You can kill them all” a voice stated coldly. Epenex wondered if more medication would help or not. He was sure that voice wasn't real. He heard another voice that sounded as if it was right behind him, “try or I hurt you” it pronounced slowly with an eerie effect. Epenex looked around, the pony closest to him was his attorney- he didn't want to kill someone trying to help him. Suddenly the other ponies in the courtroom stopped talking and looked at him. “W-what?” Epenex nervously let out. “Do you agree to the plea agreement of five years in a mental health facility?” The judge questioned. Epenex’s attorney nodded at him. “Y-y-yes…” Epenex was frightened, he didn't remember anything about a plea agreement, but he assumed it was for the best- he had nowhere else to go and it probably wouldn't be too bad. A voice shouted at him “Kill every pony you can!” Epenex was getting sick of it, he knew if he obeyed the voice would just keep telling him to kill. He also knew killing would mean the voice would leave him alone for awhile.

Epenex frantically looked around, but it was too late he was already being escorted out of the court room. He started screaming and throwing punches. He was quickly tackled to the ground and heard somepony ask “two cc’s or three?”

“better make it four” a voice responded, and Epenex shortly after felt a small pinch in his flank. He kept struggling until he was suddenly unable to move, his eyes slowly closed, and he felt his head fall, and fall. Epenex felt like he kept falling and had no idea what was going on, all he could see was himself expanding into himself- over and over. He didn't have much memory as to what happened next but he slowly awoke in a bed in what appeared to be a hospital. A voice reached him. “Awake are we?” Epenex didn't hear anything else as he fell back asleep.

Freedom

The moon hung low in the sky on the dismally chill autumn night, as the wind whistled sharply. It was early morning, so early, most considered it night still. Epenex, a strange pony with blood red fur, bright green eyes, dark gray hair, and two little white fangs, wandered aimlessly. He had an apartment to sleep at, but his insomnia, and anxiety, was keeping him up. He was particularly anxious about his situation- he had just got out of a mental facility, had been given assistance to be able to afford a place, and felt like somepony was following him. He always felt like somepony was following, watching, listening, or reading his mind. He really did not know why he felt anxious, and he was upset with himself for being so. Epenex looked around cautiously but there were no other ponies in sight. He decided to make his way back to his apartment and to try to go to bed. As he was walking back he thought he heard a voice, and let out a small shriek. He looked around again, but still saw no other ponies. “It's all in my head” he thought, but then remembered that he hadn't heard voices in years. Not since they increased his dosage and started giving him an injection- it was a quiet and peaceful period where he felt relaxed and more at ease. He got scared, maybe he should tell his psychiatrist, he thought- no he didn't want her to think he was going crazy again. It was probably nothing, so he continued on.

Epenex woke up the next morning sweating, he had only slept five hours- his usual was ten. He had been dreaming of how he had spent the last painstaking five years of his life. It had been mostly boring, he wasn't really allowed to do what he wanted, although he had learned a lot about himself. He felt a little hopeful for the future, but that hope seemed to mostly stem from the fact that he knew the future was when he would be dead. Epenex’s outlook on life had not improved. Epenex took a quick glance at his wrist to see thirteen red vertical cuts- though they mostly blended in with his fur color, so it was not glaringly evident that he has cut himself. He felt bad for doing it to himself, as he was told it was wrong, but it made him feel better in the moment. Epenex took a deep sigh and left his apartment. The sun outside irritated him as it shined in his eyes with a blinding brightness. Epenex tried to ignore it as he went to the market in search of some fresh food to eat. It was while he was nibbling at an apple he had bought when he heard a voice that sounded as if it came from everywhere at once. "You're worthless" the voice stated coldly. Epenex spun his head around to see where the voice was coming from but found no source. "Kill yourself" the voice stated again. Epenex quickly forgot about hearing the voice, but felt down and suicidal for a reason he couldn't pinpoint. He was always feeling like that though so he didn't think too much of it.

By noon Epenex was feeling even worse. He was sure there was a pony trying to assassinate him, and he wanted to hurt himself to prove he could still feel. Epenex never knew where these ideas came from, or why he believed them, but he rarely questioned them. It happened to be one of those rare moments. He tried to recollect as to why he knew somepony was going to assassinate him. Then he thought maybe he didn't know, maybe he had just guessed. A memory came back to him, he remembered hearing a voice earlier that had tipped him off about the assassination, but he couldn't remember who had said it or why he had believed them. He tried to push the thought that somepony was trying to kill him out of his mind. He couldn't. Epenex found himself walking down an empty road when his anxiety caught up to him. He didn't want to die, so he started to run. He ran all the way back to his apartment and locked himself inside. He then began frantically checking every corner to make sure that no pony was hiding around. He found no sight of anypony else, and felt slightly relieved. His relief didn't last long as a loud knock broke the silence. He jumped up, scared, and ran away from the door. It must be the assassin, he thought. A voice from the other side of the door called out to him, "Epenex, you home?". Epenex thought the voice sounded slightly familiar, so he creeped closer to the door. "I'm here to give you your injection" the voice stated. Epenex realized what was happening, ever two weeks he got his anti-psycotic medication in the form of a shot, it had been two weeks since his last shot.

Epenex, with much care, slowly moved towards the door. Another loud knock broke out and Epenex, quite frightened, yelled out "I'll be right there!". He creeped towards the door knob and quickly opened it, a smiling face stared at him. The mare had a small, straight, mint green mane with a white stripe in the middle, pastel green fur, and beaming sea green eyes. "Why are you shaking?" she asked kindly. Epenex wondered if she was the assassin. "I'm just anxious" he responded. She looked at him with worry and calmly stated "It won't take long and it's mostly painless". Epenex eyed her nervously. "Don't worry" she exclaimed with a smile. Epenex was worried however, and he slowly backed away. "It'll be okay" she assured, but Epenex at that moment decided that he needed to kill her before she killed him.