Going through the portal to the human Equestria was one of the best things I could have possibly done. I mean, being a human that was randomly transported to a world of colorful equine horses? No thanks. Really. No thanks. When I was presented with an alternative solution of going to a sort of human world, lets say I was pretty hyped with the option.
"Are you sure you're ready?" the strangely pink colored manager asked me.
"Yeah, how hard could it be?" I replied.
"Alright Anon Anonerson," the man replied. "Well, we'll put you on drive through. The buttons are pretty well marked. And you already learned how to use the register last time."
"Yep!" I said, excited for that sweet Taco Hut paycheck.
"Alright, then good luck."
"I'll do my best!" I replied with sweet, innocent optimism.
Oh, I should have started with saying this is the story of how I quit my job.
So, things started easy. People came through the drive through in their cars. They order a burrito or a combo or something simple. It was easy to follow the motions. 'Would you like a drink?' 'Would you like to try our new Cinna-Puffs?' Then they pay. I give them their stuff. Simple.
Hell. I didn't even spill anything on anyone. Things were going really well!
And then that car came.
"Oh my god, Adagio" one girl growled. "We should have just went somewhere else."
"Yeah, but then Sonata would have a fit, Aria" The other girl, who I guessed was Adagio, retorted. I looked up to the video cam, and noticed three girls in the car. Honestly? They were pretty cute, for weird discolored human creatures. But, what really caught me off guard was the width of the smile of the girl in the back seat.
"IT'S TACO TUESDAY YOU GUYS!" the girl in the back screamed. I took off my headset and checked to see of my eardrum was bleeding, since now I had an ear-piercing ringing running through my skull.
"Yeah, we know," the other two said in unison.
"Welcome to Taco Hut," I mumbled into the mic. "Can I take your order?"
"Yeah, so," Aria piped up. "Can I get something that, like, WON'T ruin my figure?"
"We have our fresh and fit taco line for-"
"I WANT TWENTY TACOS," the blue haired girl in the back seat screamed, trying frantically to figure out how to roll down her window.
"Don't add that," the driver girl with the poofy orange hair said. "Can I get a Taco Salad please? With dressing and salsa on the side?"
"No problem!" I said in my chipper, teenage tone. "What sort of dressing do you want?"
"Can I get, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
And then proceeded what felt like the longest eternity of my life. 'They're in the center of third panel,' I thought. 'Just look. By the salads.'
"What options do I have?" she asked.
'Fuck.'
"Well, we have ranch, chipotle ranch, low-fat ranch, raspberry vinaigrette, italian, and honey mustard."
"Uh, honey mustard isn't a dressing," she retorted back.
'Wait, what?' I thought.
"I-It's a dressing we offer," I mumbled back.
"Can I get the low-fat chipotle ranch?" she asked.
It was at this moment that the girl in the back seat figured out how to get the window open all the way.
"TWENTY TACOOOOSSSSSSSSS."
“Sonata, SIT DOWN!" Aria shouted at the girl.
"Twenty. Tacos," the girl said into my speaker. Which isn't where the microphone is.
"We don't have low-fat chipotle ranch," I said back.
"Then why did you say you did!" she said back.
I paused, suddenly questioning what came out of my mouth.
"Uh, sorry. But we don't. I can give you the low-fat ranch and the chipotle ranch and then you can mix it."
"Sure! Fine!" she said. "Aria order your stupid health food."
"Can I get an extra cheesy potato burrito?" The passenger girl -- Aria, right -- yelled out. "Shut up, Adagio. I see that look. I've been good ALL WEEK. THIS IS MY TREAT TO MYSELF."
"Sure, what else can I get you?" I said back, tallying the register.
The two girls then sighed to each other and then looked back the girl in the backseat-- Sonata was her name?-- who was physically trembling. I haven't been scared very often in my life. I was genuinely terrified.
"You can get five things," I could faintly hear through the microphone. "So choose carefully."
They pulled up a little so the girl was closer to the speaker, even though I could hear her fine as is. Then the part that I swear I can still hear in my nightmares.
"CAN I GET AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
This. This single event. This bane of my existence. The indecision of an over-excited taco enthusiast rattled my eardrums for at least five minutes. The cars were piling up. People were honking. My manager came over. I wanted to cry. I wanted to walk right out. The never ending monotone groan of her held note was ruining my life.
Then. She spoke.
"Can-I-get-two-chicken-tacos-with-a-six-layer-burrito-plus-a-crunchy-spicy-lava-burrito-with-potatoes-and-a-diet-coke."
I tapped the buttons.
"Pull around to the second window please." I said flatly.
Seriously, why do we even have a first window?
So, the car pulled up. I opened my window and I turned to them.
"That'll be fifteen fourty-nine," I said.
They gave me twenty bucks. I gave back change. Things were fine. The team gave me the half cold bag of cruddy mexican food and I gave it to them in the car. The girl in the back gave me a heart sign with her fingers. And a part of me was about to be like 'Oh, I got a heart from a cute girl today. Okay. This isn't so bad.'
But then, the driver looked back at me.
"What the hell? This isn't low-fat chipotle ranch?!"
And that was it. I snapped. Threw my headset on the ground and walked right out. There were eight cars in line. But nope. I was done. Fucking. Done.
And that's why I quit my job at Taco Hut.
