Drink. Or do not drink. There is no try
“I can’t believe how large they got,” Rainbow Dash complained, in reference to their swollen udders. Ever since they were rescued from the cocoons in the changeling hive, they had been suffering from a hormonal imbalance that had caused them to lactate, despite the fact that none of them were pregnant.
The atmosphere around the magic friendship table was gloomy, and Twilight was at a loss on how to improve everyone’s mood. The weather today was amazing, but none of them wanted to take a step outside so long as their condition remained.
“So, we just sit here inside and wait this out?” Rarity asked.
Twilight tapped her hoof against the table. There had to be something she could do to make this embarrassing situation more tolerable.
“How about we chillax on the roof?” Rainbow Dash said, and pointed at the ceiling. “We still have our sun chairs and everything.”
“But what if a reporter flies overhead and takes a picture?” Rarity replied. “Imagine the scandal!”
“That’s it!” Twilight happily exclaimed. “Last week I discovered a magical island resort. We can stay there and relax until we’re back to normal again.”
“Really?” Pinkie Pie asked, and began bouncing on her throne. The added weight down below made it into an alarming scene.
“I don’t care where it is,” Rarity said. “So long as no paparazzi can see us.”
Twilight and her friends appeared in a flash on a rocky beach. The two suns up in the skies made it obvious that they were no longer on the same world, but Twilight wasn’t worried. The island was brimming with magical energies, the reason she was able to locate the island in the first place, and she could easily use it to return home after she’d rested for an hour or so.
“I guess this is okay for chillaxing,” Rainbow Dash said, and took out a blanket and an extendable parasol from the travelbag around her waist. “Hey, has anyone seen my sunglasses?”
“What the heck is that?” Applejack said, and pointed a hoof at something moving further down the beach.
Twilight had to squint her eyes, but it seems like some sort of biped was coming their way. It looked old and disheveled as it approached, and it was dressed in a worn, brown cloak. At its side it held a bottle of sorts.
“You girls relax while I’ll go say hello,” Twilight said, and trotted away to meet with the alien, while the girls laid down on their blankets to sunbathe.
The tall alien ignored her as she extended her hoof and said ‘hello.’ Instead, it walked past her and went straight for Fluttershy, who laid on her back with sunglasses on.
“What do you want,” Rainbow Dash asked, as the alien looked down at Fluttershy, or more specifically, the two round mounds on her nether regions.
Before anyone could react, the alien was between Fluttershy’s legs and attached the bottle to her teat. The poor pegasus shrieked in surprise, but as the bottle began filling up her yells turned into moans of pleasure.
Twilight and her friends were too startled to do anything but gape openly, and things took an even more bizarre turn when the alien had finished draining Fluttershy. It stood up until it reach its full height, then began chugging the milk so greedily that most of it ended up sticking to its thick beard.
“Run away!” Twilight said, knowing she didn’t have enough magic left to stop it.
They all bolted away from the alien, except for Fluttershy who remained panting on the blanket with a flushed expression. Twilight and Rainbow Dash galloped up a nearby cliffside to hide, when suddenly a little green midget appeared from thin air right next to them.
“Good for you milk is, mmm,” it said, in a cackling voice.
“What the heck,” Rainbow Dash said, and turned to swing at it with her right hoof. “Get lost, you pervert.”
The punch went right through the magical alien’s head, and Rainbow Dash lost her balance and ended up on her backside.
“Luminous beings are we… not this crude matter,” the green alien said, and pointed with an ethereal walking stick at Rainbow’s swollen udders.
“Wait, what?” Twilight asked.
“I sense much milk within the orange one,” The tall alien said, and licked his lips after having emptied the bottle. “Isn’t that true master Yoda?”
“Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you, Luke?” Yoda retorted.
“What the hay is wrong with you people?” Applejack shouted out from behind some rocks a dozen yards away. “You ain’t getting any of my milk.”
“Amazing, every word of what you just said, was wrong,” Luke said, bottle in hand.
Rey felt her connection with Kylo Ren take hold once more.
“What are you doing?” Kylo asked.
Rey didn’t know how to explain the sight in front of her. Luke was chasing a white unicorn mare marked with three diamonds on her rump, around and around in circles, armed with his signature milking bottle held high as if it was his lightsaber. The unicorn neighed in distress, but eventually tripped on a small rock and rolled around on her back, allowing Luke to quickly get into position with his bottle. Once the milk started to pour out, the unicorns’ wails turned into cries of bliss.
“You don’t want to know,” Rey told Kylo.
Luke had completed his milking and took a victory sip. It was at that moment he noticed Rey’s connection, and aimed the bottle straight at her. With a force enhanced push the milk erupted out at an incredible speed and hit Rey straight in the face.
Kylo Ren was shocked as the connection was suddenly severed. Some kind of white fluid had splashed across his face, and now dripped down his cheeks. He took his gloved hand and wiped himself, and inspected the foreign substance on his black palm.
Driven by curiosity he dipped a finger with his other hand and tasted it.
“I’m done,” he said, and threw his lightsaber over his shoulder.
Luke Skywalker sat cross legged on his favorite rock. In his metal hand was his trusted bottle that he had used on the purple mare. She had been strong with the force that one, but even so she had been no match against the thirst of a true jedi. He sensed that they had returned to whatever world they originated from, and sorrow overtook him as he would likely never be able to experience such a delicacy again. The bottle he now held contained the last milk.
As the twin suns rose from the horizon, he chugged the remaining liquid and felt the force within him strengthen. He searched out, far into the galaxy, until he found his sister, Leia. When he located her presence, he projected himself standing right next to her.
Luke found himself on the deck of a Mon Calamari cruiser, and instantly recognized many of its crew.
“Luke!” Leia called, and he slowly turned to face her.
“This was not what I expected,” Luke admitted, and gave a quick wave to Admiral Ackbar.
“The First Order, Kylo killed Snoke and took control of the fleet,” Leia said, suddenly. “He then called us, and said ‘you people are sick’, before breaking off the pursuit. Did you do this?”
Luke could only stare in confusion at first, but eventually made a wild guess and nodded his head.
“Thank the force,” Leia said, and slumped down in her chair. She then gave Luke a more thorough inspection and tilted her head at what she saw. “What’s that white line on your upper lip?”
The End
Duuh Duuh da da da Duuh Duuh da da da Duuh Duuh dun-dun-dun-duuuuh...
