I Think It's Called Ponytown

by Lasairfion

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Main 6, Comedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 11315

In which Mr Wong's fake blind bag production turns Equestria upside-down. Welcome to the Ponies' Constitutional Democratic Liberal Free Republic of Equestria.

When Mr Wong decided to make a bit of extra cash pushing out knock-off MLP toys he didn't realise just what an effect he was going to have on the Equestrian Universe. Who'd have thought a Chinese-English Dictionary could be such a dangerous tool?

Join Rainbow Dash, the multicoloured plumber and her friend Scarcity as they try to work out what has gone wrong with Ponytown. Contains disorientating scenes of mild memory loss, warped space-time and horrific fashion blunders.

Published 2018-01-16 15:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-21 19:18:27 UTC

9/10 Customers can't tell the Difference

Mr Li looked over towards Mr Wong, his manager, and waved a heavy looking book in the air. "I have bought a Chinese-English dictionary as you asked me to do, Sir", he shouted across the factory floor, running towards the manager.

Mr Wong looked disapprovingly at the other man as he broke Factory Rule 6a but his face lit up as he saw the book and grasped what Mr Li was suggesting. "Ah, finally!" he exclaimed. "Now we can produce the 'My Lovely Horse - Friendship is Enchantment' line".

Rainbow woke up.

It wasn't one of those wonderful starts to the day where the clouds still felt fluffy, and the temperature meant that getting out of bed wasn't a chore. She liked those days. The ones where you stretched out your rear legs and tried to air-cycle for the sheer pleasure of it.

No. This was one of those other days. The mattress seemed compacted and she could feel the muggy closeness of humidity gone awry and the beginnings of a headache forming around her temples. She also didn't know where her bag of plumbing tools had gone.

She finally pulled her head out from under the covers and groggily rolled onto the floor, landing in an awkward spread-eagled heap. Luckily cloud floors were soft. Butt skyward and nose pressed to the deck, she slowly opened her eyes and peered through the mass of soft blue mane blocking her view.

Hayburger wrappers and soda cartons littered the floor, rustling slightly in a breeze coming through an open door.
"Ugh", muttered Rainbow. "That's the last time I trust one of Berry's drinks at a party. I'm pretty sure a Wallbanger shouldn't put actual dents in the wall."

And if it did, she didn't see why it had to feel like it was her head that had done it. Funny thing though, she couldn't actually remember what the party had been for.

She dragged herself across the room leaving a furrow in the cloud floor, through the open door into the en-suite bathroom and oozed over the edge of the bath, landing with a plop into the tub. The shower head turned on.
The sweet, sweet water poured over her body bringing back all sense and sensibility and washing away guilt, headache and that tingling numbness from the tips of her hooves.

She turned towards the full length mirror to give herself a rakish grin, saw the multi-coloured hair covering her body and screamed.

A cascade of accidents rippled through Ponytown culminating at the far end where Twilight, on hearing the scream, tripped down the main stairs of her castle and ended up landing on Point at the bottom, ruining the Morning Task List to which he was just adding the finishing touches.

Mr Bing, the graphic designer, looked across at Mr Liu, the product research co-ordinator.
"You are sure that this one has rainbows?" he asked. It seemed a bit unrealistic compared to all the others.

"Of course", said Liu emphatically. He had been up all the night previous using a VPN to access Western Google Search Engine in order to research these important details. After the third hour he had been wishing he'd taken that free English class, even if those men in suits had looked rather religious. "Blue with rainbows", he continued. "That is what the... valuable information I have procured stated. Small children love rainbows. Also pink."

"Cast a brick to find jade", muttered Bing, causing Liu to look sharply at him. "Nothing, nothing", he stated quickly, colouring the mane and tail on the horse image before him a light blue, before continuing onto the body with a smooth blend of rainbow colours. He tapped a key, sending the finished work down to Production Line 4.

After five minutes hyperventilating, Rainbow pulled herself together. Worse things had happened before, and she was pretty sure that this was either temporary, or fixable... or temporary, or.... Yes, there was no doubt in her mind that this could be fixed. Thank goodness she knew a fashion expert.

She dried herself off with her extra fluffy towel and ate a hearty bowl of Yam Nutrition brand oatmeal, as she felt that drowning her sorrows in their delicious Chocolate Cone snacks would be a step too far. The Good Quality Chocolate Crispy Biscuit was tempting though.

Breakfast completed, she launched herself through a window and shot to the ground. After all, she was the fastest... plumber... in all Equestria, right? Yanking on the air-brakes, Rainbow came to a stop mid-hover above the town square. Something felt very off, and yet she knew with all the positivity in the world that she was a plumber. The best plumber there was. She had her Rainbow Wrench cutie mark to prove it. No-one could wrangle those tubes as fast as she could. She was Employee of the Month six months running at the Rainbow Factory!

Rainbow felt the fear rising again and stamped down hard against it. This was no time to go to pieces, even if she looked like....

Rainbow was pretty sure that yesterday she hadn't looked like this, but when she tried to remember what she did look like, she was coming up with a blank. After all, she worked with rainbows, she was called Rainbow, there was even one on her cutie mark. It didn't seem all that odd come to think of it. Granted, no-one else had this stylish sort of colour arrangement, but she'd always been unique in her colouring, right? This rang true.

She dropped lightly to the ground and feeling very puzzled continued on her way over to Ponytown County Carusel Clothing Design and Production Limited Liability Corporation. The CARUSEL was a tall decorative building that looked rather like a fairground ride, if one were to be designed by someone with an aesthetic appreciation for ribbons and fancy scroll-work. Outside the main door, two giant Fortune Cats beckoned with their paws in synchronised politeness.

It was here that her friend Scarcity worked on behalf of the family business which owned immense factories across Equestria producing everything from construction work-wear to office clothing. The Rainbow Factory uniforms all came from CARUSEL, she knew. She'd got a discount on hers.

Knocking at the door, she heard the shrill call of the occupant. "CARUSEL Boutique, where work-wear is Cheap... but quality", sang out the recognisable tones of her friend.

Rainbow walked into the store and stared at the pink pony with the mohawk facing her. Scarcity had just enough time to grab her Official Fainting Couch before Rainbow hit the floor.

Thesaurus? I thought Dinosaurs were Extinct

For the second time that morning, Rainbow blearily opened her eyes.

"Oh darling," warbled a voice, "I thought you were going to cause a scene right in the middle of the Summer Season Power Manager office-wear display!"

Rainbow looked up at the finely shaded eyelids peering down at her and sat up. "Aww, Scarcity", she said. "No-one can wield a chaise-longue like you can. Your display was safe as houses."

"Well, yes, I suppose so dear", opined Scarcity. "But I must know what ever has happened that could cause you of all ponies to be in such a state." She leaned forward. "I did hear that scream this morning, and I must say, for a moment there you gave me quite a run for my money."

Rainbow thought for a moment. Explaining this to her friend was going to be difficult without sounding like she was totally bonkers. "Look", she said. "Do you remember when Twilight messed up all our cutie marks with that old Starmix spell she was working on?" Scarcity nodded. "Well, just imagine that yesterday you were purple and white and didn't have a mohawk, but now you've totally forgotten about it."

"But darling, mohawks are most definitely in. Have been since I featured in Vanity Mare, you remember?" said Scarcity, somehow pulling a copy of the magazine out of nowhere. The cover of the magazine did indeed feature a pink mare sporting the now familiar looking mohawk.

"I'm supposed to be... well... not this, I think," stuttered Rainbow, unsure of herself.

Scarcity looked pointedly at Rainbow. "I'm rather sure that you've had your charmingly unusual rainbow colour scheme for as long as I've known you", she said. "And I'm quite sure that a white mane would clash terribly with purple hooves, but if you insist that there must be magic afoot, then I'm positive that our dear friend Twilight would be happy to help sort out this little problem, hmm?"

Rainbow sighed despondently. Suddenly a thought wormed its way into her mind. If Scarcity was pink, then what colour was Pinkie Pudding? "Hey, Scares...", she said, perking up. "Why don't we stop by Red-Bean Bun Bakery on our way over?"

Mr Liu had actually seen a picture of the bakery on Western Google Search Engine. Some tall, ridiculous looking monstrosity that, typical of American creations, celebrated overly sweet, sugary, sickly awful fodder. Certainly duplicity was not in the heart of Liu, but it surely wouldn't hurt to tweak things just a little. These new play-sets would not only sell better in the home market, but help to instill in those poor Western minds the true values of Chinese home cooking. If anything he was saving those poor children from a life of obesity and diabetes.

Mr Bing just did what he was told.

The two ponies approached the nondescript looking building. The flickering electric sign proclaimed the name of the establishment, and behind the security shutters freshly baked steaming buns glistened on the shelves. There was the sound of faint sobbing coming from the interior.

Rainbow slowly pushed open the door, noting a really good deal on long distance phone calls taped to the glass. The place was unusually empty, but then there wasn't really all that much room between the doorway and the counter. Just enough for customers to form an orderly queue and then take their purchases home.

Behind the counter, snivelling to herself, sat a pink pony. Her long straight hair lay limply over her muzzle and salty tears coursed their way down her cheeks. Pinkie looked up, noticing both Rainbow and Scarcity for the first time. "I think my tears are less savoury than these buns," she sobbed.

Scarcity flipped the counter open and went to comfort Pinkie. Rainbow looked at today's Special 'Salted Egg Yolk Steamed Bun' and felt the angered screams of sugar canes worldwide.

"How can ponies be happy if all I have to give them are these", sniffed Pinkie. "And we've had to put adverts in the local paper so people know where we are." She looked over at Scarcity. "And why is everyone else copying my style?" The questions remained unanswered.

Rainbow looked at a Pumpkin Bun, named after one of the store owner's foals. Something was definitely amiss, but it seemed like whatever it was hadn't managed to get Pinkie Pudding yet. "Why don't you make me one of your signature mango puddings with condensed milk, eh Pinkie?" said Rainbow perkily, trying to cheer things up. Pinkie burst into tears again.

Rainbow left Scarcity to sort out the distraught caterer and peered through the window. Ponies were roaming about as usual, but there did seem to be an inordinate amount of pink ones. She was pretty sure that pink had been quite a rare colour combination for ponies, and yet her eyes sought to disabuse her of that notion. There also seemed to be a lot of new male ponies about. Perhaps things were looking up after all.

Mr Wong had noticed that there were disproportionately large amounts of female horses produced in the lines created by other factories. While he vaguely understood the general notion that horse toys were mostly targeted at young girls, his underlying culture didn't sit well with this female-heavy production bias. Everyone knew that it was the male of the line that carried forward the family name and fortune.

Besides, if other companies were making predominantly female horses, then his product would fit perfectly to even out the numbers to a 1:1 ratio. Little Jiaying would be able to pair off all her horses into happy and productive couples.

Rainbow and Scarcity left Pinkie planning out that evening's Yum Cha hour for the Bun family's Lucky Dragon Dim Sum Restaurant and made their way through Ponytown and towards the Ostentatious Sparkle Castle.

As Rainbow had previously noticed, there did seem to be a large increase in male ponies, pink ponies, and more specifically the general sort of background ponies that made up the crowds. The market area was packed with ponies she simply didn't recognise at all. Working off the numbers she could see as a starting point, she was wondering how Ponytown wasn't a Ponycity by now.

While the dating scene had suddenly improved, this was going to cause a nigh unceasing amount of Pinkie Pudding Welcome Banquets in the coming weeks. If Pinkie stopped crying of course. They simply had to get to Twilight.

For Ages 3+ Does not include Figurines

Scarcity was slightly more convinced by Rainbow's story. Rainbow could tell. It seemed that Pinkie's breakdown over puddings and buns had started to convince her friend that something was indeed amiss. Rainbow could also tell that Scarcity's usual pace of trotting had been hurried a little, as if the polish from her hooficure was less important now.

As they cantered through the town, Rainbow looked at each of the ponies they passed. There was that feeling of familiarity and yet each encounter was tinged around the edges with just a modicum of uncertainty. Like how finding half a cockroach in the bottom of your noodles put you at unease about the rest of your dinner. Particularly about where the other half of the cockroach now was.

There was Carrot Top, selling carrots, which made sense of course. But there was the nagging feeling that this wasn't actually her name. The flower sisters were also at their stall, selling baking ingredients. Obviously the Buns needed somewhere to get their supplies from, but Rainbow couldn't quite understand why three ponies with flowers for cutie marks were selling strong, plain and self-raising.

A grinning pony rushed past on her way to the Dentistry Office where she worked as an assistant. Rainbow struggled to recall her name at all. For someone with an hour glass on her butt, she seemed to be running very late.

As they turned down a side street they passed the Distinguished Furniture Society building; a huge warehouse with giant plate-glass windows, showing off an assortment of striking designer sofas and king sized futons; and on the other side of the road was the Honourable Partnership Stationery Supplies Consortium with their stylised quill logo.

They made good time to the castle and with perfect timing to just avoid the start of what appeared to be a small downpour. The large doors to the building were opened by a small red and gold dragon. Dragons were very lucky, and especially in this colour palette.

"Hello Point", said Rainbow.
"Hello Rainbow, Scarcity", said Point, the magic dragon, turning to each in turn.
Scarcity leaned down. "How is my dear Pointy Wointy then?" she exclaimed. Point blushed.

"Scarcity. You're all embarrassing him again", said Rainbow, who clearly had no patience for Scarcity leading the poor drake on all the time. She looked over at Point. "Is Twilight in? We really gotta talk to her."

"Er, well.. she's in the library", replied the dragon. "But we're having a bit of a problem."

As they trotted through the foyer, Point kept glancing up at the ceiling as if he expected it to come down around his ears. Rainbow, noticing his discomfort, stopped walking.

"What's up, Point? she said, pointedly, gesturing at him with her hoof. Point pointed at the wall and then cast his claw across the ceiling.

Now that Rainbow looked, she noticed a huge seam running up the wall, across the roof and down the other side. Water was starting to drip in from the rainfall, and wet the cold, hard crystal floors. On the far wall, the seam was interrupted by what could only be described as a series of giant hinges. "It wasn't like this a few hours ago, I swear", said Point. "I mean who'd live in a giant castle that was split in two? Twilight is trying to fix it, but now it's raining and...." He stopped. "The books!"

Point pelted across the floor, down the hallway and raced into the large library followed swiftly by the two ponies. Twilight was awash with purple magic as shields erupted over shelving stacks, umbrellas burst into being, unfurling across tables and soft furnishings, and waves of anti-cloud magic burst out in expanding rings against the encroaching rain clouds in the vicinity of the castle.

Levitating high in the air, her eyes glowing a bright white, a huge corona erupted from her horn and a searing wash of heat rippled across the air. There was the smell of burning socks, and crystal melted and fused across the gaps in the castle infrastructure.

Rainbow could taste metal and wondered if she'd accidentally bitten her tongue. She raced forwards on her wings, just in time to catch an unconscious Twilight as she plummeted towards the hard unyielding ground. Clutching her stricken friend, Rainbow wondered how she knew what burning socks smelled like. I mean, ponies barely even wore socks.

Mr Han was very good at his job. As Chief Engineer for this factory he was very proud of his ability to keep his machines in tip top condition, running at full steam through all the hours, with very little downtime indeed. He had built up a good team of highly qualified engineers who knew each machine inside-out.

All this did not explain why the new Ostentatious Sparkle Castle with Opening Action and Light Up Thrones seemed to all be permanently fused shut along the seam. Three engineers had checked the laser cutters, and the programmers had gone through the coding six times now. All the measurements were correct, and the laser should have easily cut through the soft moulded plastic. It was turning out to be one of those days. He just knew it.

Twilight's nose twitched. She sat up suddenly and for a moment wondered where she was; then realised that she was still in the library but wrapped in a cocoon of pillows, rugs and throws. Scarcity put the smelling salts away.

"Here, darling, have a little water", said Scarcity, holding out a glass. Rainbow could tell that the clothier was calculating in her mind's eye the rapidly increasing cost of the spa trip that this day was causing. Rainbow snerked to herself. "You look totally wrecked Twilight", she laughed, "but that was so awesome."

Twilight groaned, as Scarcity tutted at Rainbow. "Honestly Rainbow", she said. "You could have a little sympathy for Twilight here."
"I couldn't lose all the books again", gasped Twilight, having tree-related flashbacks. "Nothing is going to take my home away from me!"
"There, there, Twilight", said Scarcity, patting her friend gently with a hoof, "everything is going to be just fine now."

Twilight looked up at her friend. "Rarity... why are you pink?"

You buy One you get One Free

Scarcity looked completely confused. "Twilight, dear", she started, "I think that perhaps you..."
"Ha!" exclaimed Rainbow. "I told you something was going on with the colouring. Also who's Rarity?"

Twilight looked at Rainbow. "And why are your colours reversed, Rainbow?" she said. "You're supposed to be blue."
"Blue?" said Rainbow. "No awesome Rainbows anywhere?"
"Your mane should be Rainbow coloured, Rainbow", said Twilight.
"I knew it!" crowed Rainbow. "Still an awesome rainbow Rainbow! I told you something was weird, Scarcity."
"Scarcity?" said Twilight. "Who's Scarcity?"

Rainbow groaned. She looked around the room for the small dragon, who was currently nowhere to be seen. "Poiiiiint!" she yelled. "C'mere Point!" A red and gold blur shot into the room, his little legs scrabbling for purchase on the slippy floors.

"Is Twilight okay? Does she need anything? Is the world going to end?" he said all panicky like, clutching a fresh glass of water and headache tablets.

"What's the point?" grizzled Twilight feeling like her sanity was slipping. "Spike? Where are you Spike?"

Point rounded the edge of a sofa and faced Twilight, who screamed and tried to scramble backwards. Luckily her legs were still tangled up in the rugs so she didn't make any significant progress. Point screamed and dropped the glass of water, which shattered on the needlessly hard crystal floor. Scarcity screamed... because drama.

"Who are you?" said Twilight.

Four pie charts, three Venn diagrams and a blast on the brain scanning machine later, the four friends had come to some startling conclusions. This didn't just involve colour swaps and building faults. This went to the very heart of pony identity. What were their cutie marks? What were their names? Who were they really? Nothing was safe. The question now then was 'How far up did this go?' It was time to involve the princesses.

"Spike! Take a letter!" ordered Twilight gesticulating at the dragon. "Er... I mean Point. Yes. Right."

Blueblood sat on the throne in court. Technically it was one of several thrones because everyone, of course, was strictly equal. But this was the one that the Party Leader sat in and which people petitioned. It had turned out to be a really long and boring day.

Some of the ponies had even come to petition that the changelings were taking over again. Blueblood had, of course, had the guard run the requisite magical checks over the accused but to no discernable outcome. If ponies suddenly wanted to dye themselves pink, that was quite within their own purview, even if it seemed to distress other members of their family. Besides, if it had've been changelings then that would make them very stupid ones to all change the colour of the target's coat.

He briefly considered ordering some of that posh Germane 'Dummkopf' brand dye, but decided against it. No matter how 'with the masses' he liked to be, pink and yellow would make for a terrible combination. He turned to look at the Official Ruling Party Daylight Co-ordinator. Her hair seemed to be strobing again and was giving him a mild headache every time he looked at her. He swore she did it on purpose.

Suddenly a burst of green fire erupted in-front of her. Two queuing petitioners screamed 'changelings' and fainted, but it was simply a dragon-mail letter arriving. The scroll fell to the floor. Blueblood looked a little perplexed. "Would you happen to know", he said, "why ponies have suddenly decided to send you post?" Celestia shrugged.

Her horn lit and the scroll floated up before the both of them. Unfurling it she quickly scanned the contents. 'Dear Princess Celestia' it started, waffling for 18 paragraphs of magi-science speak before making an important point about 'The Possible End of the World as We Know It' in the last sentence. Blueblood guffawed at the archaic use of imperial addresses. These rural types were so backwards.

Still, a potential threat to the Ponies' Constitutional Democratic Liberal Free Republic of Equestria should always be taken seriously, and since it was some backwater little town of... Ponytown, he noted, then it didn't make a whole lot of sense to send the Great and Glorious but Still Very Equal Leader for what was likely to be a minor issue. Glancing at the still strobing mane of his fellow Party Member he came to the swift conclusion that equality being what it was, it was only fair that Celestia take the glory of this particular visit.

He thought she might be unamused, but it was very hard to ever tell what she was really thinking.

Celestia strolled through the Former Imperial Palace, along the Hall of Depressing Statues and down through the Green with Red Accents Salon. Stopping only briefly at the kitchens to select an Official Party Member Allowable Travelling Snack she made her way out into the landing yard at the rear, and selected two poster-colt officers as her chariot team. It was always important to show the masses what excellent examples of hard work, discipline and strict obedience to the Party line looked like. These two, from the looks of their bulging muscles, huge wing length and tight barrels were obviously very strictly obedient.

The unadorned and very utilitarian looking grey metal chariot, pulled by the two officers of the Ponies' Former Imperial Confederate Army, dropped out of the skies over Ponytown coming to a rest just outside the Ostentatious Sparkle Castle.

Celestia stepped out of the vehicle, briefly halting as she tried to work out anywhere to put her hooves that wasn't essentially hard-packed dirt. She sighed. The Ponies' Technical Infrastructure Upgrade Team obviously hadn't made it out here yet. Ponytown probably wasn't very high on the priority list. Main exports were... fruit, she thought, which would likely be taken directly out on a spur from the main railway line.

She briefly wondered why, then, was there a major Regional Headquarters Hub building here? Still, the brief handed to her on her way out of the Palace suggested that Regional Director Twilight Sparkle had a firm grasp of countryside economics and a flair for major incident control, which being so close to the Everfree Forest was likely important. Still, if a regional director with such talents needed assistance for something so apparently important then it was best if an Official Party Member lend their support and influence to ensure the stability and continuity of the region's affairs.

Celestia knocked on the large doors of the castle, and wondered why the air smelled faintly of burnt socks. A small purple alicorn clutching a scroll quickly opened the door, looked up at the tall pink alicorn, and promptly fainted.

Mr Bing looked across at Mr Liu. "You're positive this one is pink too, yes?" Mr Liu nodded. He had definitely seen Western Google Search Engine image results for this one being pink.

SupercalafragalisticexTialadoshus!

Point was busy preparing tea. Tea of course was a very important ritual in Equestria, and everyone knew how exacting Celestia was about her tea. Today's offering was a delicious Oolong which of course was being prepared along Gongfu Tea Ceremony rules.

The special Tea Table with its brewing tray and Gaiwan lidded cups was ready. The fresh spring water from Whitetail Woods had been brought by dragon-fire to the perfect 95°C in its kettle; fish-eye bubbles sizzling softly. The Chahai, or tea pitcher was ready for decanting. Next to that sat the Pinming Cups, the tea strainer, a dark coloured tea-towel, tea-pick, tea-pet, timer and the tea-leaf holder and scales. Point wasn't particularly enthused by the dragon-shaped tea-pet, but he didn't need it to tell the temperature of the water anyway.

Outside the building was a soft knock at the door. But no-one heard it.

Celestia sat on a small mat next to the low table, with her back ramrod straight. To her left were Twilight and Scarcity, to her right Rainbow: and opposite, Point did the honours. He was just decanting the tea when with a tremendous crash, the main doors to the castle burst open. Point spilled hot tea across the tea-pet. It did its thing.

In walked a bedraggled orange lump towing a small yellow pegasus by its long pink tail. "Waphs 'oin' on" it said.
"Hey Dubya C", said Rainbow, brightly; hovering above her mat. "Hey Skitters."

Celestia's face would have been a picture, but she kept military control over all her muscles at all times. Even a bathroom break required a permission slip. She also recognised the interlopers as members of the Regional Council and surmised that they likely had been called over about the incident at hoof too.

Water Clover spat out Skittish Flier's tail. "Mah butt's been glowin' like a lightnin' bug at Hearth's Warmin' I tell ya. So ah hustled over here right pronto."
"Mine too", whispered Skittish.
"An' ah saw Skitters here jus' standin' outside the door waitin' so ah thought well if'n it were such an emergency then you won't much care if'n we come right in", WC finished. Whilst rather gauche, this did fit a logical conclusion.

"Why don't you join us for tea first", said Twilight, proffering a cup towards Skittish Flier. The two new ponies, understanding the importance of tea, deigned to acquiesce to the request.

"So how're the Marsilea paddies going, WC?" asked Rainbow. Water Clover started a detailed explanation about safer production methods increasing the demand for the crop when Pinkie pronked into the room from the kitchen, carrying a tray. "Did somepony mention teacakes?" Pinkie asked, hopefully.

Twilight sighed. "I don't think", she said, "that anypony did, Pinkie; or that tea-cakes are a part of the Gongfu Tea Ceremony." She ignored the burgeoning question of where Pinkie had come from, and when; and looked at the tears welling up in the caterer's eyes.

"Pleeeeeeease", said Pinkie, with puppy-dog eyes. Twilight gave in, and patted an open space on the table with her hoof.

Cups of tea in hoof, and extremely sugary teacakes scarfed down (they were surprisingly good for something so sweet) the ponies and their Official Visitor got down to the crux of the problem for which they were all assembled.

Mr Li had assembled a list of the character names for the Packaging Department designers to apply to each cardboard insert.

Pinkie Pudding
Rainbow Dash
Scarcity
and so on.

His list was created from meticulously searching through his new dictionary based on information given to him from Mr Liu's research. Of course, Mr Li didn't really speak any English at all, so the information he had been given was written in Chinese. He had the majority of the main characters sorted, but the last on the list was smudged badly. The only clear character was Ping.

Mr Li wasn't a manager, or a co-ordinator or even a line watchman. He was very proud that Mr Wong had put so much faith in him to do this honourable task; and there was no way he was going to ask Mr Liu for clarification. Ping could mean Water Clover so that's what he had put. The rice was cooked, and that was that.

Celestia wasn't exactly sure about the accuracy of what Twilight was suggesting. However, part of the explanation had outlined her role as the Sun Goddess part of a diarchy that ruled absolutely across the kingdom; with Blueblood as the unfortunate irritating and ultimately purposeless nephew. Even if it didn't strictly ring true to her right now, she was pretty sure that in her heart of hearts it must be correct.

It would be remiss of her not to explore all the avenues of such an earth-shattering revelation to ascertain its truth and potentially save the treasury, kingdom, planet and universe from certain doom. Particularly the first one. She also preferred a universe in which Pinkie Pudding made more of these teacakes.

In the background, Water Clover was still going on about her family affairs. "An' then Venerable Granny Metal-worker says to me 'You ain't seen nothin'! Ah could out-swim even Huge Computer here, now ah got mah water mojo back!' Still ah do worry that all the time she spends in the paddies might be goin' to her head, if you catch mah drift. Anyways with Grand Pear back, he's lookin' after the Pear Orchards now, so it's all good."

Rainbow was listening all agog to Water Clover. Skittish Flier was sitting quietly sipping her tea. Pinkie was enticing Celestia and Scarcity with more teacakes, while Twilight and Point were rapidly filling a chalkboard with complicated looking equations.

Twilight rapped her hoof against a table. "It looks like the socks were actually important", she stated. The other ponies looked confused, so she continued. "Lately more and more ponies have been wearing socks. They've become quite the useful item, particularly at home on cold days. But where does this all fit in?"

She lit her horn, and a small pop later a purple and black striped sock appeared in her field. "Why are there always odd socks? Where do these socks go? There have been well supported theories that suggest that missing socks fall through tears in space-time into alternative universes and dimensions. Perhaps it explains why so many seem to end up in large bin-bags at jumble sales."

"The increase in sock usage has caused rifts between our universe and another, and now I theorise that concepts from this other place are leaking in faster than tea through a strainer. We must work on a magical solution to seal the rifts and solve this riddle once and for all!"

Excitedly she stood on the table and held out a teacake to Celestia. "I formally declare this the Interdimensional Sock War!"

Author's Note

I was tempted to change Applejack's back story completely so that she was a city girl brought up in the rough neighbourhoods of Detrot, and who'd moved to Ponytown to get away from gang violence and economic destitution. But that would just be ridiculous.

Buy British: The Sweet Taste of Victory

Celestia and Twilight had gotten down to the nitty gritty. Twilight's earlier magical efforts had proven a test case. A tremendous magical output by the user seemed to push back the rift barriers and allowed the magic-user to experience the original Equestrian dimension more effectively. The success of rift-sealing appeared to be heralded by the smell of burning socks. The next test would be to see if the experiential effect could be transferred beyond the original magic user and onto another pony. A unicorn would likely be the most straightforward of test subjects since they could join in the spell-casting matrices and likely partake of the effect. Other ponies would probably be trickier.

Some ponies seemed to be less affected by the rifts than others, hence why Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pudding had noticed that things were wrong in the first place. Thus it made sense that the pegasus and earth pony trials would involve them; then they could move on to the others in the Regional Council.

Twilight thought hard. Now all they needed was a focus for the spell. There wasn't a handy castle that needed fixing again, and something small... like a teacake, wasn't going to be large enough an item to amplify the effect with being obliterated in the process due to the sheer amount of magical power they were going to have to pour into it.

Twilight stared at the teacake. She picked up the teacake. She thoughtfully chewed the teacake. Pinkie was a genius. These were much nicer than red-bean buns. Cha-ching! The lightning bolt finally struck.

Mr Goldstraw was finally getting a decent price for his milk. Things had been tough over the last few years what with the supermarkets battling low prices and now Brexit throwing some uncertainty into the markets. Things were really looking up though. It seemed that the Chinese were getting a real taste for western cooking and while that meant that sugar for his morning cup of tea was a little pricier than last year it also meant there was a big demand for imported milk powder over there. And everyone knew that the best milk came from Britain. Bob Goldstraw was very happy to jump on the bandwagon.

Twilight, Celestia and the rest of the gang stood in a semi-circle facing the Red-Bean Bun Bakery. Pinkie Pudding hadn't hesitated to volunteer the building as a test subject as soon as it had been suggested. This probably seemed a little unfair to the Buns, but since this was Official Party Governmental Security Business, there wasn't really much they could do about it.

The group had been joined by the Official Ruling Party Night-time Co-ordinator, Full Moon, who couldn't resist joining in once her sister, Celestia, had asked for her assistance (and explained the diarchy). Many of the male ponies were fans of Full Moon's voluptuous figure and the gathering had attracted quite the crowd.

The three alicorns and Scarcity started to pour in raw magical power. The high beams of intensive mage-work flowed like liquid metal across the intervening space and splattered across the front of the store. The viscous liquid magic stuck like magnets to the outline of the store which started to buckle and warp. Steamed buns started to steam, before erupting in flashes of light, popping out of existence like noisy firecrackers.

The windows shattered and the very fabric of the store itself started to unravel. The building grew in size as splashes of pink and chocolate swirled through the air. Streams of white sticky icing flowed across the front as giant wooden logs erupted out of the eaves at oblique angles. The smell of burnt socks and sugar was overpowering. There was a blinding flash of light and there in front of them was the most ridiculous looking confectionery-shaped building with a large cupcake-adorned sign swinging in the non-existent breeze. Pinkie squeed.

Meanwhile, the ponies performing the magic were also undergoing changes. Each pony was surrounded by an intense light. Colours were bleeding out of their coats and manes and puddling across the ground, leaving a blotchy pink stain. Their manes stuck out at 360 degrees like when touching a Van de Griiff generator. As the light-show faded, the four ponies, who had been floating in the air, touched down to the ground. Princess Luna was lithe and trim, Princess Celestia was a pristine white and full-figured mare, Twilight looked remarkably the same, but the biggest change was Rarity whose fair white figure and perfectly coiffed curls of purple mane shone out as the paragon of Fashion.
"Darlings!" she exclaimed. "Rarity is back!"

Pinkie pronked around the restored store, pulling cupcakes from her mane and handing them out to the gathered crowd.
"Woah", said Rainbow, staring at Celestia. "I knew there was something up about all this pink around." She moved over to Rarity. "Good to see you back, er... Rares"

Twilight looked around with a satisfied grin. The magic had taken a fair amount out of her, but having the other two alicorns to help handle the load had made a big difference. It was great to see Celestia and Luna back to their normal selves.

Next up was Rainbow Dash, but they again needed something to focus their magic at. Fortunately Rarity remembered walking past the furniture and stationery stores on the way over to Twilight's castle. Now that her personal dimension space was out of flux she could recall that both those stores hadn't previously existed.

"My little ponies", said Celestia, "I fear that there is much work to do; but a tremendous well done to our dear Twilight." Celestia inwardly felt rather ashamed of her previous attitudes. Her selfish and elitist motivations from earlier in the day had struck a chord of worry into her usually calm demeanour.

The majority of the watching ponies of course had no clue what was going on; why the bakery had changed and what was with the sudden coat colour changes. Fortunately free cakes made for a pleasant distraction, and a good number of the mares were looking forwards to the launch of the Full Moon Instant Diet Plan.

Author's Note

Chinese Buy British

Placeholder Text - Insert Trasnlation here

As the cupcakes ran out and the crowd started to disperse, the group of alicorn-led ponies headed back in the direction of the castle. They passed a heaving market place as they aimed for the particular side-street that housed the Distinguished Furniture Society and the Honourable Partnership Stationery Supplies Consortium.

Rarity paused outside DFS. "Look at all those lovely sofas", she said, drooling over a yellow chaise-longue. "Such colour. The kind I wish I saw before my feelings were like no other."
"A distinct lack of verisimilitude around here", stated Twilight. "Let's fix it."

"Citizens!" Canterlot-voiced Luna, enjoying the opportunity to use it. "There has been a major magical incident in this area. You must all evacuate the area immediately, but do not..."
"PANIC!!!!" screamed a tidal wave of ponies flooding out of both stores into the street. Two members of staff appeared dragging a desperate-looking pony who was resisting by fanging hold of a lovely leather davenport. His pockets were stuffed with quills.

Once the stores were empty of occupants, the Sock War Pony Group once again ranged themselves out in a rough semi-circle facing the sofa store; with Rainbow Dash, the test subject, centre of the firing line. Since Rainbow couldn't take part in the spell-casting they were going to have to fire the spell at her. As this could likely end up with a nasty mess on the floor, Twilight was inscribing shielding spells onto Rainbow by tracing complex patterns across her body with her horn. The lines glowed faintly against her coat like some sort of glittery art project. Rainbow giggled as the horn tickled against her stomach.

A pony trotted up behind Twilight.
"Hey, Name Here", said Rainbow to Twilight's intern. "Come to see what's going on?"
Twilight turned her head around to look at the pony behind her, then looked at Rainbow in puzzlement. "Really, Rainbow?" she said. "After all that's gone on today, you're not even going to blink at a pony called 'Name Here'? This is my friendship student Starlight Glimmer."
"Well", countered Rainbow, "it totally could've been she had some weird parents, right? Or maybe it was some Our Town equality naming-convention thing."

Twilight looked back at the newly arrived pony. "For now", she said, taking advantage of the intern's obedience to seniority, "just assume that you're called Starlight Glimmer okay? I'm sure it's a much more preferable name anyway." The other pony nodded.

Twilight turned back to the job at hoof, and the princesses all powered up their magic. Once again, the metallic-looking beam of matrix-wrapped magic blasted out, hitting Rainbow square in the chest and spalling onto the ground as it was held at bay by a luminous green shield. The shielding slowly diminished as it flowed back into the lines now criss-crossing Rainbow's body allowing the magical beam to also flow along these constructs. Finally the now re-converged beam thrust out from rainbow's dock before hitting the sofa store.

Suddenly Rainbow's wings flared out. Dark thunder clouds rolled in and a strong wind began to howl along the street.

Twilight could feel the magic start to shift and lose cohesion. She probed the flowing matrices before realising the inherent problem. "Rainbow's natural pegasus magic is interfering with the spell!" she gasped, as the magical beam stopped being transported around the pegasus and started to soak into her.

"The matrix cannae take it!" shouted Name Here, channelling a character from her favourite TV show. "You need more power!" Rarity, having already helped before, joined in the spell-casting but it was still a losing battle.

"Join in, Starlight!" shouted Twilight, above the howling winds. Keen to do as her commanding superior governing officer told her, Name Here, aka Starlight Glimmer, poured her considerable raw talent for magic into the fray.

There was a brief flash of light and the magical beam and Rainbow appeared to disappear. Celestia's excellent eyesight caught a rainbow-glint high over-head and she indicated upwards with the tip of a wing. Rainbow was falling... no... speeding down towards them pushing an expanding cone of air ahead of her. Everyone recognised this manoeuvre.

Water Clover, who was standing with the rest of the crowd had sudden flashbacks to having her barn demolished, and wondered what being at ground zero was going to feel like.

Rainbow was glowing a luminous green all over. The marks across her coat were saturated with the stored power of the beam spell. She plummeted automatically towards the ground in the final culminating move of the classic Sonic Rainboom.

BOOM.

The Chinese stock market crashed. Forbes was running hourly updates about investment losses, and the government in meltdown as it tried desperately to stabilise the Shanghai and Shenzhen Composites from a huge percentage loss. It turned out that massive investment in manufacturing for day to day items like furniture and consumables had driven an unsustainable bubble that had suddenly popped.

CNN reported that the Chinese government had moved aggressively to control the crisis, giving money to brokerages to buy stocks and ordering company executives not to sell shares. The Central Bank cut interest rates to a record low.

A key indicator amongst manufacturing purchasing managers, called the 'Flash' measure, showed that the country's factories were losing momentum as it tumbled to its lowest level in more than six years at just 47.1 according to Beixin Insight.

The results indicate "the economy is still in the process of bottoming out," said Beixin economist Wan Derong. "There is still pressure on the front of maintaining growth rates ... the government needs to fine tune fiscal and monetary policies."

A circular tidal wave of rainbow burst across the sky, its fringes coruscating luminous green. A flood of metallic looking energy goo was dragged behind it, splattering against and coating not only the sofa store, but also all the other surrounding buildings and the unfortunate ponies who happened to be in the way. A tearing sound, like a cross between a giant zip and a passing goods train, could be heard as the buildings were completely flattened. The smell of burning socks mingled with a shower of feathers and fluffy stuffing.

It was rather like, Pinkie thought, being on the end of one of her welcome wagon mistakes when the cake batter ended up in the cannon instead of the oven. As the magical coating started to dissipate she realised that while she was still pink, she now knew that she was a Pie and not a Pudding at heart.

Other ponies had also undergone a transformation, leaving behind a now less confused Starlight Glimmer who after being directly under the impact of a Rainboom was wondering how they had all survived. A large crash behind them revealed a sobbing Davenport staring as the remnants of the stationery store collapsed in on themselves, and the pieces started to disintegrate into thin air along with the magic.

There, under the now rapidly disappearing remains, stood an 'olde worlde' looking store named 'Quills and Sofas'. In the window stood a lovely yellow chaise-longue.

Davenport stood up as Rainbow Dash came in to land next to him. He sniffed.
"But I was really getting into ball point pens and wardrobes", he said.

Extras Wanted: Apply Within

Back at the Castle of Friendship, Celestia sat in deep thought. The Elements were sitting in their usual places around the map table, and a few extra chairs had been brought in for Celestia, Luna and Starlight; filling the gaps.

Obviously the right thing to do was to close the rifts and push back the changes that had occurred in Equestria, but there were a few complications.

The first issue was how to deal with the current government without being locked up for treason, or causing mass confusion amongst the entire populace. Yes, she and Luna could return to the palace (castle) and blast Blueblood, and perhaps the Chamber of Peers with the beam magic Twilight had come up with; but what about the civil servants, the guards, the palace staff and the entire rest of the population who might see this as some sort of weird coup. It was a guarantee that someone was going to turn up here very soon after what had just happened in Ponyville. It could be seen for miles.

The second issue was how to produce enough power to affect the entire Kingdom, because they couldn't carry on attacking this piecemeal as they so far had done. The accidental Rainboom did give her an idea though. She would have to send a message to Cadance and Shining Armour. Her mind locked up. That was if they were even in control of the Crystal Empire; or even called Cadance and Shining Armour. She needed to grab someone still affected by the flux and pump them for information.

The third issue was that some of the changes had knock on effects. Some of the crowd during the Rainboom manoeuvre hadn't changed back after 'magic the slathering' because they hadn't existed before at all. Celestia's blood ran cold at the thought of all the possibilities of what could have happened to all those ponies. She didn't think there were enough parks in the Kingdom to pass off fifty new public works art installations had they all turned to Discordian-like statuary for instance.

It was bad enough as it was. She didn't even want to think about the mare who suddenly realised that the stallion she was with wasn't her husband at all. Perhaps Cadance could be some use there as well. Fortunately, harmony-be-blessed, the extra ponies still had the majority of their personalities intact but their personal history was going to be an act of creative writing for Mayor Mare; who would also need to register all these citizens that were likely to disappear from the records once they blasted the Mayor's Office. What was these extras' purpose? Did their cutie marks even have real meanings?

It all got rather meta. What is life? Is it nothing more than the endless search for a cutie mark? And what is a cutie mark, but a constant reminder that we're all only... one Sock Rift attack away from oblivion? And what of the poor non-ponies? Flank, forever blank, destined to an existential swim down the river of life to... an unknowable destiny.

She shook her head.

Once the infrastructure started to change back, where would they all live or work? Davenport's new old shop was very nice and quaint, but it couldn't keep up with the demand for sofas or quills from all these extra ponies; and since now only he was needed to run the shop, a good number of the former staff members had no workplace.

In that respect it was probably good news that Davenport intended a big expansion plan as he moved (back) into a wider range of furniture and stationery; but he was probably going to need some government assistance to do it so quickly. Celestia wondered if she could put it under the usual 'Major Incident Fund'. Which brought her back to the first issue.

The State Administration for Press and Publication office had been unusually quiet lately. The SAPPo handled the majority of copyright claims within China, and despite the People's Government having signed up to the World Intellectual Property Organisation back in 1980, and having the Sino-US Agreement on Intellectual Property Rights with the US since 1995, everyone knew that Chinese factories constantly tried to ~~rip off~~ conscientiously improve on protected American designs.

So a quiet spell was... disquieting. Something big was brewing; this was the calm before the storm. Ma Chonglin could feel it.

Rainbow ordered a takeaway. While the area around Sofas and Quills had been... indiscombobulated (credit given to AK Yearling for the word) the outer reaches of Ponyville had not been affected. This meant that the Cake's (or was it Bun's still, since they hadn't been zapped yet?) Lucky Dragon Takeaway was still in existence and considering what had happened to their bakery, Rainbow felt it only fair to throw some custom their way. Besides, their Cream Cheese Wontons and Peanut-Braised Tofu Noodles were too good to pass up on.

The map table was covered with cartons, chopsticks and napkins. Ponyville's 3D representation had been obliterated by a lost spring roll and Canterlot Castle was dripping sweet and sour sauce. Rainbow lossocked upside down on her throne feeling very satisfied and very full of mango pudding with condensed milk. She really hoped that Pinkie was going to keep on making those after all this was done with.

After several hours of serious discussion, Twilight was putting the finishing touches to a long letter to Cadance. It turned out that her brother did still exist as co-ruler of the Crystalline Empire, along with his wife Cadence. Slight spelling differences aside, there was little change other than a large export business in sparkly bubble bath and related ephemera. Luna had insisted on a post-script putting in an order for personalised bath towels and rubber duckies.

After talking to Celestia about the three concerns, Twilight and Starlight were doing research into matrix twisting to try and mitigate some of the knock on effects of sealing the rifts. Twilight felt slightly guilty that sparkly bubble bath was her motivating factor for ensuring that some things could survive the purge.

She was working on some technomagically fancy Starswirl matrix twist algorithms that could possibly help.

Starlight was looking at brute forcing the problem with sheer power. Her current list included 4 Alicorns, Shining Armour, Rainbow Dash, Starlight herself, Pinkie Pie and Vinyl Scratch.

Author's Note

Ma Chonglin: 馬重麟

The surname Ma is very common, and it means 'Horse'.
The given name is in the top 100 names lists for Chinese males and translates to 'Second Brother Unicorn'.

Police State the Nature of the (Interdimensional) Emergency

A form 601A landed on Ma Chonglin's desk. This was a call to action. Undercover agents had traced a huge number of spurious toys back to a factory in Jiangsu Province. They had the location. There were even strange stories of a Bakery Playset purchased in stores being completely different when the buyer arrived at home. While it wasn't all that unusual for the contents of a box to be different to the picture on the front, it was very different when witnesses swore blind that although the picture and the item matched perfectly and the receipt codes were correct, it was not the same as the one that they had purchased in store.

Usually fanciful stories like this could be dismissed, but it was the factory's own packing staff, the delivery drivers and the store shelf-stackers who had corroborated this. Could there be some crack team of toy snatchers involved in some weird fraud case? It was time to send in an Audit Team. Mr Ma put on his cardigan, shined his sensible shoes and picked up the extremely slim and menacing briefcase.

Rainbow woke up in a guest bedroom at the Castle of Friendship. While the castle had umpteen rooms going spare what it didn't have were furnished ones. Beds were limited, so ponies had bunked up in traditional top and tail fashion. This explained why when Rainbow had woken up she was confused that she could still see stars. Luna's shimmering tail was wrapped around the smaller pony like a snuggly blanket. A blanket with its own nebulae and constellations.

Rainbow's own tail was caught in the Princess's grasp and extracting it would likely wake Luna, who was probably more exhausted than most ponies, since she had been up for the majority of the night doing her duties, as well as helping out with the Sock War during the day time. Rainbow burrowed her snout back into the cloud-soft shimmering wave of magical mane. The Queen of Naps could spare a few more minutes.

An hour later they were both up. Luna seemed a little embarrassed that she had very obviously overslept but Rainbow pointed out that no-pony would mind. Rainbow knew what self-doubt felt like and since breakfast was over, she decided that here was the perfect opportunity to help Luna feel more at ease.

"I'll make you something," she said quietly, "as long as you don't, like, tell anypony about it, okay? I gotta keep up my image you know." Luna smiled appreciatively, and Rainbow cooked up blueberry pancakes: they were surprisingly good.

At 6:00am the line of black Fengshen A60s pulled up outside the factory. Out stepped a group of grey-looking bespectacled bureaucrats with thin watch-straps and side-partings. They were led by an unassuming cardigan wearing man. Mr Xie, who owned a small workers café on the street corner, looked out the window and nearly wet himself.

After a morning meeting around the map table, the ponies all split up to instigate different sections of the plan. Starlight, Fluttershy and Rarity headed to the spa, Applejack and Pinkie Pie went to Pinkie's command centre in the bakery cellars, Rainbow and Luna went to visit Broken Record, and Twilight, Spike and Celestia waited at the castle for the arrival of the Emperor and Empress of the Crystalline Empire.

Rarity and Starlight entered the spa carrying a large container between them, followed behind by Fluttershy.
"It iz normally Vater Clover dot is bringink us our mud supply", pointed out Aloe who was staffing the reception desk.

"Ah no, darling", said Rarity. "You know how much Fluttershy and I value your services, and when Official Party Member Celestia insisted that the other... very important... government officials we have visiting the Castle today needed special treatment, I just had to recommend you. And since they always enjoy the latest in Canterlot innovations I couldn't resist in bringing you over the newest thing in spa therapy. Of course you simply must test this first yourselves."

Half an hour later, after Lotus Blossom had complimented Rarity on the new look, both Aloe and Lotus Blossom were in an empty mud bath. Starlight and Rarity heaved the container's opening to the edge and poured in the metallic looking goo, whilst channelling reinforcements for the stasis spells.

"It works best if you get yourself fully immersed", stated the white unicorn. The two spa ponies held their breath and dived under before breaching the surface with a splotch.
"It iz beink very tingly," said Lotus Blossom, just before both goo-soaked ponies fainted.
"Oh dear", murmered Fluttershy.
"Perhaps it's a tad too potent?" queried Starlight, holding the two spa ponies above the surface in her field.
"Maybe", conceded Rarity, "but we did aim for fast-acting." Starlight carried the two ponies over to massage tables and laid them out to rest.

A short while later, after the spa ponies had awakened, Rarity and Starlight explained the entire situation to the now flux-fixed pair. After somehow convincing Wholesale Muscles to 'test this new mud for us' they also got some muscle on board as Bulk Biceps joined in the plan to waylay and convert the incoming government officials. He also had special dispensation to forcibly detain Blueblood if necessary.

Meanwhile back at the Castle of Friendship, the Emperor and Empress had arrived. The pair (having left their heir in the capable hands of the royal nanny) walked briskly across the foyer towards Twilight and Celestia, eager to see their friends again.

Cadence grabbed Twilight; pulling her towards her with both forelegs as she sang

Ba luobo
Ba luobo
Hei yo hei yo ba luobo
Hei yo hei yo ba budong!
Lao taipo
Kuai kuai lai
Kuai lai bang women ba luobo!

Twilight who was about to break into a rendition of 'Ladybugs Awake' was momentarily confused, and then concerned as she hurriedly pointed out to Mi Amore Cadenza that changelings hadn't taken over again, but that the entire reason for her coming over at Celestia's request was proven by the fact that something had gone wrong. It took some explaining, but Celestia was good at that, and Twilight made great tea. Of course it took a lot more explaining before the regents of an entire Empire consented to being smothered in specially structured matrix-twisted glowing goo. It was a good job they were essentially family.

Rainbow and Luna got back late from visiting Vinyl Scratch. It turned out that a dubstep mud party was just way too much fun.

Author's Note

'Pulling the (white) Radish' is a traditional children's nursery rhyme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnD1zHblo0Q

Each successive verse entreats another to come and join in helping them to pull out the impossible radish. The old lady (lao taipo) in the verse is replaced by a small girl (xiao guniang) and then a small kitten (xiaohua mao) and adding any others you like as you go on.

I love Supergran at the end of this one.

The Last Stage of the Process is Fulfilment

The Castle of Friendship was essentially a large multi-faceted crystal and it was fairly common knowledge that crystals were used in focusing magic. Another giant crystal used for focusing magic was the infamous Crystal Heart. The Heart was currently being secured into place in the centre of the giant star that topped Twilight's castle.

Time was of the essence, since without the Heart, the Crystal Empire could only last a few days before terrible snowstorm weather would draw in on the city-state. The corruption of the entire kingdom had seemed like a good enough emergency to take that risk though. Enough that Shining Armour and Cadance had agreed to bring it with them at Celestia's request.

Pinkie Pie and Applejack had returned from Pinkie's Lair with all of Pinkie's filing on Ponyville citizens. This could be used to corroborate the official records against, to see which ponies were supposed to be here and which were extras. Pinkie had also supplied her giant party cannon. The hope was that Pinkie's Fourth Wall breaking powers might be transferred into the spell as it manifested. The cannon was set in front of the castle with a be-helmeted Pinkie aimed at the Crystal Heart.

Vinyl Scratch was busy setting up her Bass Cannon behind the castle, and focusing its output at the Crystal Heart from the other side. Cadance and Shining joined Vinyl at her station, while Celestia, Luna, Twilight and Starlight joined Pinkie at hers. Luna nibbled on a Moon Cake given to her by Mrs Bun.

Over at the spa, a number of still rather confused ponies were enjoying free massages. Something had happened, and now they were Celestia's civil servants again. Blueblood didn't seem to be enjoying his Extra Pressure massage though, from the wails coming from the other room.

It was early afternoon by the time set-up at the Castle of Friendship was finished and everyone was in position. Rainbow signalled from her position high above in the clouds. She began to fall.

As the cone grew tighter and she neared the tip of the castle, Celestia, Twilight, Luna and Starlight charged up the modified matrix magic. Fluorescent particles swirled around the beam as it powered towards the Crystal Heart. Vinyl hit a switch firing a not dissimilar beam from the other side, but one made up of crackling electricity and a vorpal blue wave of sonic-power. The two met at the Heart.

Shining caught Cadance in his forehooves and snogged her hard as they intertwined horns and powered up a fusion shield of love-power. The music helped too. He rather liked the Archie remix of 'Love is in Bloom'. The shield grew in size just as Rainbow hit the terminal velocity of her manoeuvre and Rainboom'd.

Pinkie Fired.

The Love-Shield hit the expanding ring of sonic rainbow. The two beams twisted violently and created a double helix. The energy was sucked into the Heart which exploded. Pinkie Pie was caught by Rainbow Dash as she powered through the impact zone. A monumentally huge wave of rainbow, glitter, metallic goo, vorpal blue and love pink energy was sucked into the Castle of Friendship before the entire building unravelled.

Time froze.

Twilight could see the component parts of her home hanging in mid air. Jagged shards of crystal from it and the Heart were poised like frozen daggers. She could see the beginnings of shield spells forming at the bases of the horns of those who had perceived the possible threat. The air where the castle had been was shimmery and slightly translucent. She could see the outlines of the interior of some type of manufacturing facility. Spike was sitting next to Rarity eating ice-cream.

Reality crashed back. A circle of burning love appeared on the ground around the castle area. The exploding shards crashed against the unseen perimeter and the whole lot flew backwards in reverse. Both the Castle and the Heart reformed. The Heart then burst into an eye-searingly white light which travelled through the walls of the Castle where it refracted into a billion rainbows. Twilight could taste Happy. Something went 'plib'.

A wave of feeling rolled out through the air. It was love, happiness, friendship, music and good times. Everything was right. Nothing was wrong. When Twilight turned to look around, everything seemed like it was how it was supposed to be.

Luna squoze her rubber duckie. It quacked.

Mr Wong was escorted, weeping, from the factory clutching a beige and puce coloured brushable pony toy. He was guided into the back of one of the black vehicles, which slowly took him away.

Ma wiped his brow. He'd need a holiday after this one. No-one should see visions of giant Castle Playsets hovering over the manufacturing lines. Nor should they go through what felt like a very big explosion, without the explosion. There were a lot of unanswered questions and something undecidedly weird had been going on; but for now everything seemed right with the world.

For the rest of the afternoon, Ponyville took the time to sort itself out. The completely insane spellwork seemed to have done its job and the twists added to the matrices had ensured that not everything had just disappeared. The Crystal Empire was still the centre of bubble-bath production, the diarchy ran the Equestrian government again and the extra ponies were fine, if a little confused. Cadance had opened counselling sessions to help, and Mayor Mare was sorting out the paperwork with Pinkie's help.

Mr and Mrs Cake were happy to see their bakery returned, although it looked like they were going to have to take on more staff. The Lucky Dragon restaurant and takeaway had both survived. In fact it seemed that everyone had gotten what they really wanted.

Rainbow sat on the ground and considered the last couple of days.

Something had definitely ruined her morning the other day and led to a really weird set of circumstances that she wouldn't wish to repeat. But the simple fact was that it had opened up new possibilities. Crispy Wontons and Mango Pudding were here to stay in Equestria. And how else would she of all ponies have ever really gotten to spend time with Luna on such a heart-to-heart level?

She had a new friend there. They were already planning when she could come over to Ponyville for a Pranking Day.

Rainbow appreciated all the other things in her life too. It was only when you were forced to experience what made them special to you being taken away, or twisted into some mockery of itself, that you truly understood how important they were to you.

There was probably a Friendship Lesson in there somewhere.

***

Late that night, Twilight finally slumped into her bed. The clock struck one and was charged with Grievous Bodily Harm. Discord slowly phased in before Twilight, holding a battered suitcase that leaked socks, and wearing a garishly pink sun hat.

"Oh", he said lifting his sunglasses to see Twilight better. "Did I miss all the fun?"

Author's Note

You can now see my inspiration and thought processes for the story on my blog series:

https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/886811/i-think-its-called-ponytown-story-notes-chapter-1