Dear Ms. Yearling,
My name is Rainbow Dash. Yes, the winner of the Best Young Flyer competition and the only pegasus in Equestria to perform a sonic rainboom (three times.) I know you're surprised that an awesome athlete like me reads your books, but you totally shouldn't be because reading isn't just for eggheads. But awesome athletes only read seriously cool books, and you write some seriously cool books.
Anyway, that's not what I'm writing to tell you. As an awesome athlete, and winner of the Best Young Flyer competition. . . wait, did I say that already? Oh well, I'll leave it in, in case you forgot. As an awesome athlete, I decided I'm the best qualified pegasus in Equestria to attempt Daring Do's stunts.
I learned some things you might want to know for future books. Here's what I learned.
If you're going to run away from a boulder:
DO make sure you're warmed up. Otherwise you could pull a muscle, which would be uncool.
The large round rock sat at the very top of the hill, and Dash was standing halfway down. She was warmed up and ready.
By the boulder, her plucky sidekick (the only pony who'd showed up to her plucky sidekick auditions) Scootaloo was standing, waiting for her signal.
“Okay Scoot, on three! One. . . Two. . . Three!”
Scootaloo gave the boulder a shove and it started rolling down the hill straight towards Dash. It looked much bigger from this angle.
Remembering that she was here to run away and not to study rocks, Dash took off at a gallop. She could have easily outflown it but where was the fun in that?
Dash was fast, but the forces of gravity that Twilight had mentioned one time but Dash didn't understand were making the rock faster. It was gaining on her easily, looming behind her. She'd have to really bring the speed.
And bring it she did. She could see the tree that would be the boulder's stopping point just a few feet ahead. With a last burst of speed she put a few feet between herself and the boulder and dove past the tree trunk. A second later the rock stopped a few feet behind her against the tree.
Dash was panting, she was pretty sure she'd never run that fast in her life. Scoot came scurrying down the hill, a huge grin on her face.
“That was amazing! You're the fastest pony in the world, Rainbow Dash!”
“It was. . . nothing. . . All in a. . . day's adventuring. . .” Dash said, huffing for breath.
“You're the best adventurer ever!”
Dash finally caught her breath. “Couldn't do it without my plucky sidekick. I knew I could count on you.”
What Dash wasn't counting on was the weight of the boulder causing it to roll off the tree, guided by the branches. While it missed the two ponies, the slope of the hill caused it to roll to the side and finally past the branch, continuing on it's way down the hill just a few feet off course.
Dash watched, eyes wide, as the boulder traveled unstoppably towards Ponyville.
“Ohmygoshohmygosh! What do we do?” Scoot asked Dash wildly, staring at the same scene.
“Um. . we. . . uh. . .” Dash stammered. Then she took off as fast as she could to get ahead of the dangerous ball of crushing death or property damage.
“Runaway rock!” She yelled from a few feet ahead of the rock as it neared town. Ponies screamed and scattered. The boulder rolled onto an empty street, safely past houses and shops, but it was heading toward the market stalls.
Dash cringed as she flew over the stalls, knowing that the rock was seconds behind her. But instead of a crash she heard a huge cheer. She turned to look back and saw Twilight standing there, holding the dangerous piece of geology in a glow of magic as ponies stuck bits of wood around it to hold it in place.
The brave adventurer grinned and breathed a huge sigh of relief at the scene over her shoulder, then promptly flew smack into the side of a building.
DON'T lose your concentration. Even if you have the boulder under control, danger lurks everywhere.
If you're in a cave or a temple, and there are rocks or tiles or whatever falling all around you:
DO remember that agility is as important as speed. It doesn't help if you get to the next place really fast if stuff still lands on your head.
“Ready Scoot?”
“Rea-ey!” Scoot answered with a rope in her mouth. The other end of the rope was attached to the lower branches of a whole row of apple trees on Sweet Apple Acres.
“Okay, NOW!” Dash yelled, and darted under the branches. Scoot started pulling the rope, shaking the branches so that a hail of apples fell all around Dash. She dodged and danced between them, twisting and turning and tumbling.
She zigged and zagged down the row, feeling the apples whiz past her on their way to the ground. They seemed to be falling everywhere, no step she took ended in safety from the danger of being conked on the head.
But she was in top form dodging the falling fruit, narrowly avoiding apple after apple. Finally she was a few feet from the end of the row and she spread her wings and took off, turning sideways to avoid two apples that fell on either side of her.
She landed a few feet away from the last tree, and turned back as Scoot dropped the rope from her mouth. Behind her apples covered the ground.
“How did I look? Was that awesome or was that awesome?” Dash asked as Scoot came running up with a grin.
“That was super amazingly gigantically awesome!” Scoot answered.
“Ahem.” Came a voice from behind them.
Dash ignored it, she had more important things to work out with her sidekick. “Maybe I should get a movie camera and try it again?”
“Ahem!” The voice said, louder.
The dexterous pegasus turned around, face to face with a glaring Applejack. “Oh, um, hi! We were just-”
“WHAT IN TARNATION DO Y'ALL THINK YOU'RE DOIN'?!”
“I was, um, escaping a cave full of falling. . . apples?”
“Will ya' look at this mess?” Applejack asked, motioning the the row of fallen fruit. “All these apples need to get in bushels before nightfall, or they're gonna be ruined!”
“Well then. . . I guess you've got a lot of work to do?” Dash said, glancing at the apples nervously. “No problem, helping to get them down. Don't mention it, really. . .”
Applejack shoved Dash hard, so that she landed sitting on her haunches in the middle of her collapsed cavern, surrounded by fallen apples.
“Oof! Or. . . me and Scoot could help you out?”
Applejack gave stern nod. Dash and Scootaloo spent the rest of the afternoon gathering apples and occasionally being lectured by Applejack on the trouble with fool-headed ponies.
DON'T forget that falling things make a big mess, and you might be held responsible for cleaning them up. And that apple farmers have no sense of humor.
If you're attempting to steal a valuable artifact from an evil villain's lair:
DO hide and wait stealthily for the villain to be distracted before making your move.
Dash hovered outside of the window into Rarity's sewing room. She could see the item she had gotten Scoot to hide there at her sleepover last night. Dash's Best Young Flyer crown was sitting on one of Rarity's cluttered shelves.
Rarity was humming to herself, working on a frilly green dress. She had been for the past hour, but Dash couldn't let herself get bored. Any moment could be her chance. If this was an important artifact that needed to be recovered, Daring couldn't just go do something else because it seemed like the bad guy was never going to take a break from sewing his stupid dress.
Finally Rarity took a step back and looked at the dress, then frowned. She looked around the room, not seeing whatever it was she needed, and turned and walked out. This was Dash's chance.
Dash carefully opened the window and slipped inside. Making sure not to touch the floor, who knew where traps could be, she flew over to the shelf and gingerly grabbed her crown.
“Gotcha.” She whispered, glancing around to make sure nopony heard her.
Nopony had heard her, but her words fell on the ears of one very annoyed white cat sleeping on the shelf next to where the crown had been sitting. Opal looked up with one eye open.
“Shh. . . nice Opal. . . go back to sleep. . .”
Opal did not take her advice, and with a yowl she launched herself at Dash's face.
“ARRRGH!” Dash screamed, flying backwards and crashing into something. This did nothing to dislodge the cat digging its claws into her cheeks.
“What in Equestria- ?” Rarity said from the doorway. “My dress!”
“ARRGH!” Dash repeated, trying to remove the vicious feline from her face.
“Oh Opal, you good kitty. Protecting mommy's dress. You can let go of Rainbow Dash now.” Rarity said as she grabbed Opal by the scruff of her neck, pulling her off of Dash. Rarity glared at Dash. “What in the name of Princess Celestia do you think you're doing? Why did you ruin my dress?”
Dash looked around. Without a cat blocking her vision she could see that the crash she heard had been from the mannequin holding Rarity's dress. Now the dress and form were laying around and under where she'd fallen.
“I, um, wasn't trying to ruin your dress. I was trying to get my crown. I forgot you have a guard cat.” Dash said, sticking her tongue out at Opal. Opal hissed at her and Dash cringed back, then they both decided it was best to ignore one another.
“You did not need to break into my boutique to get your crown! You could have just asked! Why was it even in here?”
“So I could break in and get it. Duh.”
Rarity blinked a few times, then gave a frustrated scream as she forcibly ejected Dash through the open window.
DON'T forget that evil villains have cats. Really evil cats.
Those are all the stunts I've tried so far. But don't worry, I have more planned! My plucky sidekick is rigging up a shed full of explosives as we speak, and I know my friend Fluttershy won't mind us borrowing her chicken coop. I'll write again with what we find out!
Keep on Daring!
Rainbow Dash
PS: We got all the chickens out first.
***
A few months later. . .
“Rainbow Dash, I'm only letting you have this if you promise me there won't be any more stupid stunts.” Twilight said, eyeing Dash as she levitated the newest Daring Do book out of her saddle bag.
“Hey, those weren't stupid stunts! They were awesome!” Dash argued.
Twilight leveled a stare at Dash. “I didn't think it was awesome to have to stop that boulder. Applejack didn't think it was awesome when you almost ruined her apples. Rarity didn't think it was awesome that she had to make a new dress. Fluttershy didn't think it was awesome that you blew up her chicken coop. And Pinkie didn't think it was awesome when you used all of the baking soda and vinegar from Sugarcube Corner to make that hill into a fake volcano.”
“Actually, Pinkie kinda did think that was awesome.” Dash pointed out.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Okay, but she didn't think it was awesome to have to work extra hours to pay for it. The only ponies who thought those things were awesome were you and Scootaloo.”
“That's not true! Yearling thought they were awesome.” Dash said with a triumphant grin. “I wrote to her about all of them, and she wrote back and said there was a special message for me in the front of the next book.”
Twilight's mouth fell open. “. . . You're kidding.”
“Nope! She totally did. And I wanna see it, so gimme the book!” Dash snatched the book from the air and opened it to the very first page.
“Look, here it is! 'To Rainbow Dash!'” Dash read proudly, “. . and all of my other most daring fans: Do not try these stunts at home. Daring Do is a fictional character, and none of the things she does are intended to be attempted in real life. The author and publisher are not responsible for any damage to pony or property resulting from mistaking reality and fantasy. Please leave the danger to Daring and enjoy the books.'”
Dash huffed and slammed the book shut. Twilight didn't stop laughing for a full five minutes.
