Are. You. SERIOUS?!?!?!

by Feral Eris

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1826

Discord meets an unfamiliar pony. Regrets have been made.

Quick to fall victim to boredom, Discord wanders around Ponyville, waiting for Fluttershy.

Having to put up with everyday ponies that weren't Fluttershy was making Discord fear he would fade away again at the rate he was going. That is, until a newcomer trots into Ponyville.

Ever the opportunist for causing chaotically fun times, Discord intercepts the new source for his entertainment. However, Discord was not prepared for this new kind of tourist.

Published 2018-01-19 11:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-19 11:20:06 UTC

Oh, C'MON!!!

Another heavy and intentionally loud sigh left the master of chaos as he sat at the fountain in the middle of the little town, propping his chin up with one paw and drumming the other impatient talons on the scratchy stone he occupied. Ponies were going about their mundane business, visiting the market and making disgustingly cheesy mirth everywhere they went. Carts were pulled to and fro, ponies stopped to either chat among other ponies or to (literally) stop and smell Daisy's freshly cut roses. The birds were singing their tunes overhead and the critters chittered amidst the trees as they too were doing their critter business.

'Oh, gag me with a spoon, someone!'

Discord let out a huff and rolled his eyes at the sickening cheerfulness everypony exuded, so unashamedly open and overbearingly infuriating. Discord was getting impatient. Well, even more impatient than he already was that is. He didn't give a flying feather about any of them, because they were so...so...casual. So uninteresting. Subpar. Boring. Ho-hum. So droll. Well, "droll" was a tad too generous. But suffering their presence was a mere drop in the proverbial bucket where Fluttershy was concerned.

Discord and his Pegasus bestie had plans for a picnic over at Winsome Falls. Apparently, Fluttershy had heard Rainbow Dash talk so highly about it every time she came back from her camping trips with Applejack, Rarity and the CMC's, and wanted to see it herself. Since everyone was busy, she had arranged a picnic for her and Discord so that the two could see the rainbow-colored waterfalls for themselves.

Before that, however...

With a displeasured grunt Discord poofed up a grandfather clock and eyed the three hands. "She's running late!"

He then took a deep breath and blew at the clock as if he were blowing out a birthday candle, and the clock crumbled away, like literal dust to the wind. Discord folded his arms over his chest and began to pace in a circle. "I know she said she had to make sure every one of her animals were taken care of before we head out to Winsome falls, but that was well over 10 minutes ago!

I mean, we're losing daylight here! And then I'll have to put in the effort of snapping us to and from our location so we can take in the sights and whatnot. I have to strain myself, raise my entire forearm, flick my wrist and everything! It's tiring after the first or second time y'know!"

Ponies slowed to a stop to look upward at a cranky looking Discord, who had paced himself skyward instead of wearing a hole in the ground, muttering to himself all the while. Though this was nothing new to the ponies, it was still something to take a gander at, at least once. Discord paid them no heed and went on.

"Oh well. As long as Fluttershy remembers, it should be fine. I guess I'll have to...gughh, mingle to pass the time until she arrives."

Suddenly Discords falls to the ground in pieces, startling the surrounding ponies and causing them to scatter and run away. With a scoff, he reassembles himself. "Looky-loos."

For what seemed like forever, Discord had done laps around Ponyville, popping in on ponies who seemed even minutely interesting enough to catch his eye. It certainly made for amusing reactions, though it was probably a good idea to knock or something for a couple of places. He was pretty sure Granny Smith wasn't supposed to go still like that for very long when he poofed in front of her at the apple home. Oh well. Applejack and Big Mac were there, so the ol' gal would be fine. At least, Discord hoped.

Discord went all around Ponyville, and then through it. Over it. Under it. Made doppelgangers of himself and did a sweep of the town. Discord got himself back together and moseyed over to take a cautious peek into Sugarcube corner. Mister and Misses Pie were still trying to get the ruined soufflé off of the counters, the floors, doors and windows; Everywhere else. This was another place he had poofed into, unannounced, and had caused a culinary explosion within the bakery. Even Pinkie Pie was caught unawares and was currently trying to eat her way out of her soufflé confines...on the ceiling. With a sheepish cringe, Discord backed out before he could be noticed.

Unsure of what else to do with his time, Discord went over to the towns' border and plops himself down onto a nearby rock, taking the same sitting position he had when he occupied the fountain. Sighing so loudly, he never even notices a pony in front of him until an insistent hoof nudges his shoulder.

"Um, excuse me."

"Oh, whaaat?!"

Discord throws his head up and sneers at the rude intruder. It was a mere stallion with a dark blue coat, spiked white mane and tail trailing down his back and a single die for a cutie mark. The only thing that was worth noting was the scar on his lower right jaw, close to his mouth and the white...horn...on his head? Aside from that, he looked as mundane as the rest of the other ponies Discord had to put up with.

"S-Sorry to trouble you, but I was wondering—"

"Ya don't say? Well, do wonder over...somewhere else. Maybe wonder to the Everfree, I hear it's lovely this time of year. Wonder anywhere. I'm busy at the moment."

"Oh. Um, would this be Ponyville by any chance?"

Discord looked nonplussed for a moment, and then his eyes lit up with a mischievous glint. A tourist!

"Why yeeeesssss. Yes it is, my good sir!"

The master of chaos went into full tour guide mode, complete with a flight attendants' attire, fake eye lashes, wig and makeup. He captured the stallion in one arm and threw out his other paw towards the town. "Welcome to Ponyville! Home of the world renowned Sweet Apple Acres and yours truly!"

Discord poofed up a notepad, scribbled quickly on it and threw it into the stallions' muzzle. The perplexed stallion brought up the notepad and saw a picture of a Discord lamp and the name "Discord" hastily drawn with an orange crayon. Wait, where did he get ano or-

"That'll be fifty bits!"

"WHAT?!?!"

"Hey, my autographs don't come cheap y'know. Oh! I'll start a tab for you!"

"A ta- Wait, what's—!"

"Oh, and the bearers of harmony, and the princess of friendship too, I guess. Well then! Shall we get started?"

"Hold on a sec please!"

The stallion struggled out of Discords' vice-like grip and backed away from him, panting. "I'm...hah, I'm looking for the castle of friendship. I was...whoo! I was told I could meet with the princess there."

"Well, duh! We'll get to that eventually. In the meantime, have you ever heard of the famed 'stiff apple' artifact?"

"N-No."

With a Cheshire cat grin Discord brought up his paw and summoned his chaotic magic to surround the stallion. "Well, you are going to lo- what in the world?"

Discord raised his paw to drag the stallion with him, only to see that he was still on all four hooves, completely unaffected by his magic. The stallion brought up his golden eyes and saw the perplexed Discord eyeing him. His perplexed look turned into a suspicious sneer. Discord rounded on the stallion, dismissing his silly attire and returning to his normal state.

"Who are you?"

The stallion couldn't help but to feel frightened at the sudden change in Discords' behavior. He began to break into a cold sweat. "M-M-My names' Chance."

Discord narrowed his eyes at the stallion before him. He then brought up his paw again and snapped his fingers. The stallion was instantly clad in a baby's' swaddling blanket, cocooned tightly with a bonnet and pacifier. And almost as instantly as the clothing had appeared, they fell away from the stallion and poofed back out of existence.

"How are you doing that, Chance? And what kind of a name is that for a pony to have??"

"U-Uhh..."

Before the stallion could utter anything out, Discord snapped his fingers again and turned Chance into a ridiculous long stemmed sunflower. Just like before, the flower appendages disappeared. With a growl, Discord snapped again. Chance was subjected to numerous transformations of the bazaar persuasions.

Chance was transmogrified over and over again. He was turned into a tandem bicycle, a rubber ducky, a poodle, a snow-pony, a paper crane, a banana sundae, an elephant, a gorilla with glasses, a chocolate shake, a pink cloud, one of those wacky flailing pony things, a rug, a bucket, a changling, a yak, a broom, and an ant eater.

Discord slapped his hands over his face and dragged them hard, pulling at his eyebrows and gritting his teeth in frustration. "Oh, for the love of—!!"

More snaps, faster this time. A baseball bat, a baseball with a screw stuck to it, an old shoe, a head of cabbage, a squeaky spider, a rolled up newspaper, a pineapple, an emu, a boar, a large order of hay fries, a paint brush, a set of headphones, a book, a house plant, a house, a bear, a scroll, a globe, a stuffed animal, Iron Will, a wall of drying paint, a tennis player, an opera singer, a sumo wrestler, and at last a puffer fish.

Every time Discord would cast a spell on Chance, the spell would revert and vanish, as if they were being bounced off of him. Discord tried to snap his fingers again, not wanting to let things end here, but his index finger met with air. He looks to his paw and sees that his thumb was worn down like a well spent eraser. He presses into his palm and a cash register sound dings as his thumb is dispensed, giving it a brief wiggle.

Discord's left eye twitches as he stares blankly towards the unfazed stallion, panting from the many spells he had used. Chance shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably. "Well! Uh....It was- It was nice to meet you, mister Discord, but I think I can find it on my own. Thank you. Um...Bye!"

Not wasting this opportunity, Chance bolts past a still Discord and heads into Ponyville, not daring to spare a backward glance at the strange creature he just encountered.

Discord was stuck in a state of shock. He didn't even notice when Fluttershy landed beside him. "I'm so sorry, Discord. It took a little longer than I thought to get my little woodland friends— Um, Discord? Helloooo?"

Fluttershy waved a hoof in front of her friends' muzzle, even gave a light knock to his head and horns. Whatever had Discord acting this way, it wasn't around anymore. But now Fluttershy had a new Discord statue to chip away at, despite the master of chaos still being in a fleshly form.

"Oh, my..."