Author's Note

I'm really compelled to make some little sketches of the dome and the library and such just to show what it looks like. Is it really weird that I could see fan-art of this? I always imagine seeing fan-art of my content, even if my content is poorly done. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I wrote this author's note at 3:31 AM. No clue. I should stop. lol

When Celestia Visited Again

A few days had passed since the whole 'intervention'-esque meeting between Twilight, Starlight and I, and since then, things seemed to be improving. The two of them have been working harder on their friendship lessons, Starlight included. No doubt, it was to show and prove to me that what I showed them would never happen in my lifetime.

I couldn't help but still worry, but I was confident it would work out.

The paparazzi started making a comeback after days of apparent silence. The first time they came, I was at the Ponyville market. They cornered and bombarded me with photographs—several a second, it seemed—and countless questions asking about where I was during the days I disappeared. I realized it was all questions from the first time they cornered me after I first got back.

I also realized that they were less so paparazzi, and more so journalists with a paparazzi craving—if that makes sense, of course.

"Do you plan to stay here in Ponyville?" one mare journalist asked me, and I recoiled, confused.

"Of course I plan on staying here. Ponyville's my home, where I grew up. I have every intention on staying here."

Another reporter, a stallion, asked me, "So you have no plans to return to where you disappeared?"

"Uh... no, I don't?"

Further flashes of the cameras and writings on their notebooks. That was the thing about journalists—they were looking for anything that could hit the front page of the papers, even if it was just a simple sentence from a... rather weird question.

"Is it true that you can conduct magic without a horn?" one mare asked me.

Hesitantly, I answered her, "Yes, I can. It's a long complicated process that-"

But they didn't bother to heed my brief explanation or hear why it's so complex to truly harness magic. They nearly dog-piled me, trying to scoop more information out of me, screaming my name and calling me 'Mister.'

Is it weird that I don't remember being called 'Mister' by anyone before? That was a fascinating thing to realize... just now.

"Okay, okay," I tried to calm them down, "One at a time-"

A burst of light suddenly surrounded all of us. That wasn't me, I would know if I was doing that.

Then the light vanished, and behind it, a figure made her royal appearance. Princess Celestia stood tall, towering over the other ponies, carrying her signature motherly smile. The journalists all stopped what they were doing and began to bow with respect to their leader.

Celestia just laughed it off, something she only recently started to do. "It's fine. You may all stand."

The ponies all stood up, asking what the occasion was, and holding their cameras as if at the ready. I'm starting to think they're more paparazzi instead, now.

"If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to borrow your celebrity for some time alone."

"Of course!" they all said, though that could be heard in the mishmash of other responses. I even noticed one of the mares begin to blush.

I said nothing, but tried to hold it in.

Celestia's horn started to glow again, and with another burst of magic, I was suddenly standing in the halls of the Canterlot Castle, with the thrones of both Celestia and Luna just a few hooves away. Of course, it was a familiar sight, but it was all the more amazing to see.

"Are we clear?"

"Yes, we're clear-"

"Pffthahahahaha!!" I immediately burst into laughter after having held it in. "Did-Did you see the look on that mare's face when you said 'time alone'? Heh heh... I shouldn't laugh, but I just... sorry."

I was only a bit sorry, but luckily for me, Celestia found it amusing too. Then again, she likely found most things amusing at her age. She held back a faint giggle, and I asked her what she wanted to see me for before things got off track.

"Well, I've been meaning to talk to you about your night terrors," she began, "as well as your actual experience."

"Did Luna tell you or did Twilight?" I asked after a brief lapse of silence, though I was fairly certain that...

"Actually, both." Knew it. "Luna informed me in the morning after she visited you, and then Twilight did the same later in the day in a letter."

"Twilight still writes letters?" I then recoiled briefly. "I mean, obviously she still writes letters, but... I always thought she stopped after she became a princess."

"Friendship reports are what you mean," she corrected me, "but I still get a fair share of letters from her from time to time."

"Well, you're basically a second mother to her. It'd be sad if she didn't."

Celestia smiled warmly, though not without letting a blush slip, but she cleared her throat and went back to the topic at hoof. "Follow me, won't you?"

Before I could move, we were teleported once again, this time into what seemed to be her living quarters. I assumed the initial teleport was just to get away from the paparazzi. She walked over to a couch and invited me to sit down next to her. As soon as I got comfortable, she started to ask me how I was doing so far.

"In general or sleep-wise?"

"Both are fine."

"Well... in general, I'm feeling okay. I'm nervous sometimes, but other times, I feel... normal. Business as usual. Sleep-wise, I've... gotten better. Ever since the whole thing with Starlight and Twilight, I feel like I've been having the nightmares a bit less."

"That's good," she assured. "I can see that just telling them has had a direct influence on your dreaming."

"It seems that way."

"And I also see that the two of them have been working to solidify their friendship ever since that day too. Twilight didn't leave out any details."

The way Celestia said the last sentence, it made her seem—not disappointed, but upset. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, but the look in her eyes, only now starting to become visible, was enough too tell me that she wasn't... not entirely.

"That was what you wanted to talk to me about too, wasn't it?"

"Actually... I've been wanting to ask you a lot of things ever since the day you returned. However, I've been taking time to... compose myself after finding out the hard way."

"I understand. It's a lot to take in." I adjusted my pose on the couch. "Well—if there's anything you want to ask me, I'd be glad to answer it right now. Don't be afraid to ask."

It was weird to think I would be telling that to the one responsible for keeping the world alive. But Celestia simply nodded. No chuckles or saying that it was ridiculous of me to say that—not that she would've said that anyway—and took a deep breath through her nose and let it out.

"I have just one question... how did you manage to wait that long?"

It was a question I had been anticipating since the day I told them all the first lie, but I was never asked until now. I adjusted my seating once again.

"I had to erase my memory. The whole thing took a couple of years, but as soon as I had the chance, I took it without looking back. Of course, I did fear that I would've been brought back not long after I did it, but if I had to be genuine... I was already suffering enough."

"So you erased the memories of your past—"

"—to ensure I had a sane future. That was the only solution for me at the time. I actually had to write a warning sign on the helmet to make sure I didn't put it on right away." Celestia laughed, but they were dry and seemed fake, like she wanted to laugh, but simply couldn't.

"I put the helmet away for a while and didn't take a look at it until long after I made it."

That "long after," Celestia already knew, Luna included.

"So time stood still for you there?"

"It seemed so," I answered. "I was there for a long time, and I didn't grow any strands of gray, my hips and muscles didn't become frail over time, and I didn't die of old age. I was exactly as I was the day I disappeared. If I had to guess, the only time I aged was after I came back, and that was only three days' worth of age."

I realized I was starting to get off topic, so I quickly changed the subject back.

"There was never a moment in my entire life where I was alone, all by myself, with nopony and nobody but just me to talk to, completely isolated from everything that ever lived... except for the moment I got trapped in that dome. Wiping the slate clean was the only way out of the torture... even if it meant never remembering who I used to love."

For a second, I paused, letting the memories come back to me, before I continued to talk.

"But in the end, I endured the loneliness. It led to me creating Clanks, and eventually, it led to me putting that helmet back on—which then led to me getting home. Though I wonder: If I had done that trick with the black hole sooner, would I have been able to come home earlier?"

Of course, I asked Celestia that question as if expecting her to answer, but she had no clue what I was talking about except for the mention of 'black hole.'

"Perhaps one day, unless you wish to now, you could tell me more about this 'black hole' trick."

"One day. But I will say this: Watching the universe close in on me from inside the black hole was definitely one of the best things I have seen in my entire life."

Celestia giggled quietly to herself. "I have seen it. However, I can't say the same. It is quite... disorienting."

"Not to mention terrifying, with the whole 'event horizon' part. If I was just a second late or a second early... well, it would've been a different story."

"I would imagine it was stressful."

"Stressful can't even begin to describe that moment," I laughed, prompting Celestia to laugh along. I will admit, it was extremely frightening knowing I could've killed both Clanks and myself if I screwed it up, but knowing that we were both still alive and breathing—well, one of us breath-wise, anyhow—it was a joke we could look back to and laugh at.

As I was in the middle of laughing, I felt Celestia suddenly hold onto me, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm glad you're okay," she told me. "We all missed you."

"Always with the hugs and the 'I miss yous'," I commented, but a moment later, I laughed with a grin, embracing the hug. "I missed you too."

There was just something about hugging Princess Celestia that made all of this feel liberating: Liberating to say, liberating to do, liberating to be. I know it was such a strange thing to say, but to spend all of that time floating in eternity and then being comforted by the princess herself was a luxury not many could afford.

But I enjoyed every lasting moment of it.

"Sometimes, I wish you were my mother." It was a sentence that I didn't mean to blurt out, but the feeling was true. Celestia held me tighter, and the two of us sat there for a minute longer than we anticipated.

But the moment would be something to remember for the rest of my life.