*Batteries Not Included

Chapters

One package for Rainbow Dash
Fluttershy(?)
Begin Task
Action and reaction
Objects with positive charge

One package for Rainbow Dash

Something isn't right.

That's how I started every morning. I'd kick a hind leg, stretch, roll over, bundle up, or do anything else I could think of. The feeling never went away. It was a pain. Not a jabbing, pinching pain, like I slept on one side for too long or laid on a wing. It was the sensation of feeling something, somepony, who was always supposed to be there, just gone. It was like missing part of me.

The chin resting on my shoulder, the muzzle nuzzling into my cheek. The legs draped over my body. The slow, warm breaths of the body tucked next to mine. The heartbeat of its owner. The lips that kissed my forehead when I stirred.

I would panic. I would tumble out of bed, calling her name. I would get ready to race all over my house to find her. Then I would remember.

This went on for countless days. It didn't end until the funeral. My parents were there to wake me that day. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see the coffin. That would mean it was real. That would mean that this wasn't a nightmare. That would mean that she really wasn't coming back.

That would mean that I truly am alone.

All my friends were there. Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Spike, and Discord, too. Everypony was there. The Crusaders, the Wonderbolts, the Princesses, the Pillars, and probably the entirety of Ponyville. Anypony that ever met Fluttershy was there.

I didn't want to be.

Her casket was small, and plain. I couldn't imagine her inside it. She had been alive and well just two weeks ago. We had spoken to each other. I had felt her, living and breathing and not cold and dead inside a wooden box.

I didn't listen to the service. I didn't listen to the speeches. I didn't budge every time Twilight asked if anypony had any memories to share, even though I knew all eyes fell on me whenever she did. I absently accepted hugs when it was over. I absently nodded at the endless offerings of condolences.

I didn't wait for them to finish lowering the casket before I went home. I awoke the next day, the same as I had before. Something isn't right. Only now I knew what wasn't right. And I knew it was real.

The first day I got a visit from Twilight. She asked if I wanted to go with her and the others on a picnic together where we could have peace and quiet. I declined.

The second day Soarin stopped by to see if I was ready to return to training. I said no. Then Zephyr came. Then my parents. Then Pinkie Pie, through one of her contraptions. Eventually, I stopped answering the door.

I stopped showering. I stopped exercising. I stayed in bed. I only ate and drank when it became unbearable. My life was already over. Is. My life is over.

My legs tingle. I feel hollowed out like a log. I have to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to get up. Well... I haven't reached the point of soiling my bed yet.

I sigh. I roll off my bed, and flop onto the floor. I shakily stand up, and hear several bones pop. I fold my ears back in irritation. The sheet slips off my body as I walk to the bathroom. I pause when I pass the mirror.

The pony looking back at me glared sharply with dark bags under her eyes. Her coarse, untrimmed coat and unpreened feathers complemented her long, unkempt mane, no doubt greasy from her lack of bathing. She slouched down miserably, jaw locked tight. She was a mess.

She couldn't be Rainbow Dash.

My ear twitches as I do my business. I heard... something, downstairs. I groan and finish up. A huge thud echoes throughout the house.

"What the heck?"

I gallop out, not even bothering to rinse. I am not expecting visitors, as most have given up. Whoever is in my house is not supposed to be. I go down the stairs as fast as I can. I don't care for much these days, but I know for sure that I refuse to be burglarized.

I turn the corner into the living room where the sounds came from. I get ready to pounce, and... there's nopony here. I look around.

"Huh?"

A door slams, nearly causing me to jump out of my hide. Taking a moment to steady myself, I check out the front door. Whipping it open, I examine the surroundings. Nopony is on the porch. The sky is clear. There's no indication anypony was here.

I see a note taped to my door when I move to close it. Almost no indication, then. I exhale, and grab the note between my teeth. After I shut the door, I balance the note on one hoof. It's some sort of mail order.

One package for Rainbow Dash is scribbled on it. I frown. I didn't order anything. I pace back to the living room. If I had a package delivered here, then where is-

I yelp as I trip. My face slams into the side of a box. I shake the little tweety birds out of my eyes and sit up.

"Oh. There it is."

The box is large and wide. It's a rectangular thing, and I think it must be some kind of device. But I have no idea what it's doing here. It must be a mistake. But... it was sent to me. There aren't many Rainbow Dashes in Equestria that I know of.

I consider leaving it there. I don't particularly want any fancy gadget or home decoration or whatever it might be. I could just send it back to whoever thought they'd gift poor little Rainbow Dash a mystery box.

I furrow my brow in thought. Mystery box. I strain to lift the box up on its side. I hear something solid slide around inside it when I do. I examine it from every angle. There's no logo on it. No markings, no lettering, no stamp. Just one big cardboard box.

Interesting.

I tap a hoof, lips pursed. I've made myself curious, despite myself. I roll my eyes. Well, there's something I can use to open it with somewhere around here. I fetch a knife from the kitchen. I wonder to myself what it could possibly be.

Probably one of Pinkie's pranks. She'll pop out and spook me and tell me what fun I'm missing, and-

I stop. With the picture in my head, I let the knife drop from my mouth and resume searching. In just a few more minutes, I finally find a corkscrew. Opening the box with it proves to be quite a nuisance.

I clench it between my teeth and stab at the tape running along the center. It's difficult to shear through it all. After I spend ten minutes struggling to cut my way in, I cave and start biting at the tape. At last, I finally manage to rip it off.

I severe the additional pieces keeping the ends closed, and fold them back. The two center folds give out, spilling a sea of packing peanuts onto my floor.

"Great," I mutter to myself. I freeze when I see what's poking out of the foam bits. "What the?"

I brush away the closest packing peanuts. When they keep falling in the way, I growl. I flap once, blowing them everywhere. They no longer hide what was inside the box. My stomach churns violently at the sight.

On my living room floor sits a limp Fluttershy.

I feel dizzy. What-What is this? I poke Fluttershy with a hoof. She doesn't move. She felt cold to the touch. I don't think. I vomit.

Bile dribbles from my lips as I hunch over. I cough, feeling a tightness in my chest. When I open my eyes, I try to look at her again. As soon as I see her butter-yellow coat, I immediately look away again. Just as I do, something else catches my attention. A little white booklet tumbled free from the box as well.

I snatch it up. The corner has a little bit of my puke on it. I examine the cover.

RoboPony: The Very Best of Custom Animatronic Pony Companions!

I blink.

You have to be kidding me.

I look over at Fluttershy again. Somepony bought me a robot Fluttershy? Who-Who would be so sick? Who in their right mind-

I snort and stamp, burning with anger. I resolve to hunt down whoever sent me this package and beat the snot out of them. I return my attention to the book. It has a cartoony illustration of a happy-looking little pony hugging a robot counterpart.

Celestia, do actual ponies buy these?

I shake my head and begin reading the first page.

Congratulations on purchasing your very own RoboPony! We know you must be excited to boot up your new friend and see what they can do, but first, let's go over some basics you need to know!

I scoff.

Firstly, be aware that RoboPonies are not living, thinking beings. We take pride in our lifelike models, but RoboPonies are not built to serve as day-to-day partners.
With that being said, please do not allow foals to play with or operate the RoboPony. Always deposit two (2) liters of cold, clean water into the tank (steps included on page 3) to allow for peak simulation (wetness of eyes/mouth, realistic texture of skin, and additional simulations) before each use. And avoid using the RoboPony for longer than five (5) hours at a time. Allow at least a two (2) hour period for cool-down.

My jaw was on the floor. These psychos were dead-serious.

Flip to the next page for instructions on powering up your brand new RoboPony!

This. Is. Insanity. I hurl the booklet at the wall. I hastily scamper to where the fake Fluttershy lays. I tip the box on its side and grab the mechanical pony, ready to stuff it back in and chuck it out the window.

Nopenopenopenopenopenopeno-

I freeze. She looks... perfect. Her eyes are shut, like she fell into a peaceful slumber in my hooves. If I didn't know otherwise, I wouldn't have known it was a machine. I swallow.

...She's beautiful.

I drop the fake Fluttershy. Fakershy. She lands back on the ground with a clunk.

No. No. I am not considering this.

I eye the booklet on the floor. It sits there, silently growing more and more inviting.

I'm not doing this.

I hesitantly approach it, and pick it back up.

Rainbow Dash, don't you do it.

I open it up.

Step 1: Locate the lid for the tank. The lid is placed on the head of your RoboPony, directly between the ears. It may be partially hidden by the mane. Apply light pressure to the area where you see a crease in the coat, and slide the lid to the right. Pour two (2) liters of cold water into the tank, and slide the lid back into place.

I grimace as I trot back over to the RoboPony. After a minute a of groping around aimlessly, I do find the lid. I shudder as the top of its skull practically comes right off. I have to prop it in an upright position while I pour water in from a jug I filled from the kitchen.

Well, that wasn't so hard. I slide the lid back into place, and the thing's mane falls back to its original position. What's next?

Step 2: Locate the removable panel on the back of the RoboPony. Again, you can find this by applying light pressure to the creased areas on the coat.

I obey the instructions, despite my better judgement. The panel is located between the wings, which are so soft and plush. They feel like real feathers.

Use the number and letter pad for the next twenty-three (23) steps in configuring your RoboPony.

I shake my head. This is beyond just a bad idea. With that in mind, I turn the page.

Congratulations, you are now ready to power on your RoboPony for the first time! Simply flip the red switch when you're ready. Remember to change the battery after approximately twenty (20) uses. Rechargeable batteries are not compatible. Batteries not included.

It's not too late, Rainbow Dash, I urgently remind myself. You can still cram it back in that box, throw it in the garbage and go back to your pathetic life.

"..."

I flip the switch. It instantly makes a humming noise. I put the panel back into place, and back up. For a couple minutes, nothing happens. Then the humming stops. I think to myself that it must not work, but then it moves.

I squeak in more shock than fear as it stands up. It stands still. I regard the machine apprehensively, waiting for it to explode or something.

"Configuring. Please stand by." It drones in a lifeless, monotone voice. I cautiously inch towards it. I stop when it's close enough to touch. It doesn't do anything. I wave a hoof in its face.

"Uh, hello? Terminator thingy?"

I maneuver around to face it. Its eyes are wide open now. They look so amazing. I have to remind myself that some twisted pony had to have gone to great lengths to design this thing with such freakish detail.

I flinch as it moves again. It makes a bunch of random, stiff movements, though they become gradually more fluid. At last its eyes land on me. It smiles pleasantly. And for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, I hear the most angelic voice in the world.

"Hello, Rainbow Dash."

...It works. It actually worked. My hind legs give out. I'm at a loss for words. The RoboPony's lips keep moving, but I am already on the floor, and my vision goes dark before I even register the words.

Fluttershy(?)

Something... something isn't right.

My brain struggles to comprehend what's wrong. I feel fine. I feel perfect, actually. My bed is comfy, the sheets are fresh, Fluttershy is still nestled beside me, I don't have practice today, and-

Wait...

My eyes go wide when they lock onto the thing that is very much not Fluttershy curled up next to me. "Dear Celestia!" I screech as I scramble maniacally out of bed. I tumble to the floor, and quickly upright myself. My commotion does not go unnoticed.

A humming emits from "Fluttershy", but it stops as quickly as it started. Her eyes open, and she sits up. She instantly faces me, and her face lights up in pleasure.

"Good morning, Rainbow Dash," She says with a smile that tugs at my heartstrings. She looks out the window, and blushes, actually blushes. "Or, I guess I should say 'Good evening'."

"Y-Y-You're, real," I stammer. "Not 'real' real, but... you're real."

"I... think so?" The RoboPony gives me a befuddled look. "Are you alright, dear?"

"I..." My voice trails off, thoughts zooming too fast to decipher all of them. "I need a minute."

My heart is racing. I think every hair on my body rose up just a second ago. I decide to rinse my face. I trot over to the bathroom and turn the faucet on. Without waiting for it to warm up, I splash water on my face. I do this a few times, then shut the water off. While I'm toweling off my face, I notice something askew with my reflection.

"Hey! What happened to me? What did you do to me?" I re-enter my bedroom to see the RoboPony still laying patiently in bed. She looks at me innocently.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind, but your house was in such a mess. And you looked as if you hadn't been taking care of yourself. So I did a little bit of cleaning and gave you a bath."

I don't know how to respond. She looks down bashfully, but she smiles as if she's proud of herself. I massage my forehead with one hoof.

"You... you gave me a bath?"

She nods. "I also preened your feathers. I'm sorry I didn't ask first, but you were out for quite some time. I would have called the authorities, but my sensors indicated you were just suffering from fatigue," She jokingly shakes her head in a reproachful manner. "You really should get more sleep, you know."

"Thanks for the tip," I mutter. I plant my haunches down, trying to think.

Why did you do this, idiot? What was your plan? What did you hope was gonna happen? Dummy.

I groan out loud in frustration. The RoboPony gets out of my bed and approaches me.

"I-I'm sorry for wasting battery power. I went into sleep mode to save as much as possible. If you'd like, I still have two hours before my tank needs re-filled."

She, it, whatever it is expresses that last sentence in a beckoning tone that I recognize. I backpedal as fast as my hooves will take me.

"No thank you! Oh-ho-ho, no thank you, ma'am!"

Her ears droop slightly, and her eyes drift downwards. "Oh. Okay."

I shiver. It's crazy how real she seems. It actually kind of hurt me just then to see her look disappointed.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?" Not-Fluttershy tilts her head. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Stop looking at me like that! You're... you're making me uncomfortable."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the robot shrinks back slightly. "How would you like me to look at you?"

"I don't know!"

The RoboPony scuffs at the ground with one hoof. "Well, just so you know, you may command me to do whatever you wish."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What if I order to to kill somepony?"

She giggles at this, the sound giving me goosebumps. "Within reason."

I rub my chin. "How do you tell what's within reason or not? I thought you can't think for yourself."

"Oh, I can't," Fluttershy's copy answers. "It took years for the developers of my line of models to perfect the simulation software that we use. A tiny bit of magic is used to mold all of the complicated operating bits around a pony's personality, usually through an enhanced specific memory."

I exhale slowly. That sounds difficult.

"So that's what happened with you? Somepony used a memory of Fluttershy to build you?"

"A lot of memories, actually," was the chipper response. "Somepony must have wanted me to be very accurate. The memories span from as far as fifteen years, to just four weeks."

Four weeks? I lift my head when I hear this.

"Exactly how long ago?"

"The last memory was from the second of this month." She complies.

I am completely dumbfounded. How...? It is indescribably scary how recent that was.

"Do you know what pony the memories came from?"

"Sorry," she shakes her head. "I know only what I'm programmed to know."

"Fine," I sigh. "...Do you know how accurate you are to Fluttershy?"

"Exactly 97.38%." She happily responds.

That... is insane. This is insane. I'm insane.

"Do you realize where the pony you're modeled after is?"

The robot Fluttershy bites her lip. "Um... yes. Yes I do."

"Then you have to know that this... this is just sick," I shake my head. "I gotta send you back, this is going to drive me insane. I just lost my wife, and having you here, it feels like a joke. Like me suffering the way I have is just one big punchline for somepony, and now they're rubbing salt in the wound!"

The RoboPony looks genuinely pained at my words. It hurts me just to see it in her eyes. It hurts even more to know it's fake.

"It's my job to make you happy," She whispers. "You're saying you don't want me?"

...It's not a living person, Rainbow Dash.

I sigh, motioning for the robot to follow me as I trot out the door. "It's nothing against you. But my wife just passed away. I'm- I'm lost, and scared, and confused without her. And to have this- all this happen to me now of all times..." I look back at the RoboPony that quickly matches my pace as we descend the stairs. "It's creepy, it's twisted, and it's not gonna bring back Fluttershy. Honestly, I shouldn't have turned you on in the first place."

I receive a small nudge, and the machine playfully grins. "Hey now, that's my job." I glare in retaliation. She falters, face turning red. "Sorry. I recognized a key phrase."

"This is exactly what I'm talking about!" I burst out in frustration. "I have a robot Fluttershy in my house that's basically a fancy... uh, a fancy..." I scratch at my mane hesitantly. "Well, whatever ponies use you things for."

"Cuddles?"

I shoot a deadpan expression her way. She rustles her wings defensively. "I'm not lying. We are multi-purpose, you know."

I roll my eyes. Downstairs, I see has been tidied up much like my room. All the trash is gone, everything has been wiped down and dusted, and every piece of furniture or decoration neatly arranged. My house hasn't looked this good in a while.

"Well, whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm sending you back."

We enter the living room, and sure enough, the box is still there. The open side is facing up, and all the packing peanuts are inside. On an unrelated note, the puddle of my vomit is nowhere to be seen.

The RoboPony regards me sadly. "You're sure you don't want to use me?"

"Yes. I am," I say with utmost certainty. "What would I even do with you that wouldn't make me a weird, obsessive creeper pony?"

She shrugs at me. "Plenty of ponies use RoboPonies to help cope," She stops, and taps a hoof. "That was a misrepresentation. Sorry. Plenty of RoboPony owners use RoboPonies to help cope. Our most common uses include cuddling, conversing, and making love."

I stare skeptically. She blushes again.

"Well, providing a simulation of it, anyway," She looks back up at me expectantly. "So you don't want to keep me for any of those things? Any at all?"

"Of course I do!" I snap, having reached my limit. "That's why I have to get rid of you! If I don't, I'll just want to keep you, and I'll never leave here, and I'll just be fawning day in and day out over a damned machine that can never replace my wife! I-I..."

I give up. I fall to the floor, unable to stop myself from crying. Why? Why does she still have to fight me at every turn? I curl up, no longer holding back. I bawl loudly and pathetically. I don't know how long I stay like this.

A pair of hooves wrap around me, lifting me up. I struggle feebly, but I don't have the strength to free myself. I'm laid down against the RoboPony's chest. Her coat is so warm and comforting. Her wings fold over me, encasing me in a steel trap of fluff and (fake) body heat. It's funny, I even think I can feel her heartbeat.

"...There are safeguards to prevent that kind of thing, you know." Fluttershy's voice whispers soothingly.

I sniffle. "Why do you care? Why do you want to stay so badly?"

She hesitates before she answers. "I know I'm supposed to obey your commands, but I wouldn't want to stay if I thought I couldn't help you. Besides," She licks my cheek. "You technically still haven't given me any commands yet."

I flick an ear. "How do I give commands, then?"

"Just say, 'Command', then whatever you want me to do."

I huff quietly, then try to dry my teary eyes. "...What safeguards do you mean?" The RoboPony thinks for a second. Or calculates. Whatever it does.

"You can set an adjustable timer on me. Dictate how often you use me and for how long. Or, if you want to be more permanent..." She stops, as if she's unsure as to whether or not she should continue. "Is there one thing, at least one that you can think of, that you would like to do with me? It could be anything: a conversation, a stroll, a picnic, or anything."

After a brief pause, I nod. "Yeah. I guess."

"Well, you can give me a command right now. Tomorrow, or whenever you want, I can do the activity you want. And when we're finished, I can deactivate immediately, and you can send me back. Does that sound okay?"

"...Sure."

"Okay," she says in satisfaction. "So, what did you have in mind?"

I think. An idea already popped in a while ago. Another bad idea. It seems I'm having a few of those lately.

"Well, there was one thing..."

I lay down on my bed. I don't bother getting under the covers.

"Don't forget the command." My RoboPony reminds me.

I sigh, then roll over to face her. "Command: Deactivate after your first use tomorrow morning."

"Of course, Rainbow Dash." I receive a smile in return. She looks happy to hear it, but there's something in her eyes. Something that's not very happy at all. I have no choice but to look away.

"...Are you just going to stand there all night?" I ask.

"That depends. Is there something else you want me to do?"

I let my head flop back down onto my pillow. "I dunno. It feels weird with you standing there."

"You can command me to lay down with you." She brings up once more.

I shake my head fiercely. "No. No, I don't think I'd be okay with that either."

"Why not?" The animatronic asks simply.

"Because," I wave a hoof, trying to come up with the words. "It just doesn't feel right. I never commanded Fluttershy like that. To do anything. She just... she was always there. Not because I wanted her to be. Because she wanted to be."

The Fluttershy clone only stares at me. I let my hoof fall back down. There's no point trying to explain. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I roll up tightly. I don't think I will be getting much sleep tonight.

I jolt when I feel movement on my bed. I'm somewhat astounded to see my RoboPony gripping my blanket between her teeth. She walks around the corner of the bed, dragging it over me. I'm further flustered when she settles down into bed next to me.

"I didn't command you to do anything." I point out.

"I know." Fluttershy's soft voice fills my ear. It's not a living person, Rainbow Dash, I weakly try to reinforce in my mind. It's... it's not...

I shiver. With my eyes shut, it becomes my wife holding me and petting me. The warmth and security is so addicting, I already feel my energy being sapped away.

"...You just looked like you needed it."

Any doubt, any suspicion, any cynical thought evaporates the instant I feel those lips on my forehead. I practically melt when she starts humming. Not those awful high-pitched whines that buzzed when she powered on. Actual, honest-to-Luna, sweet, melodic humming.

Sleep is ready to take me, but I fight to stay awake, just to hear more of that wondrous sound. Eventually it does stop, and I subconsciously realize she must be in sleep mode. I should follow suit. Silence overtakes everything as the world drains away.

Everything fades into nothingness, leaving me with an echo of the tiny, faraway voice that says, "Goodnight, Rainbow Dash."

Begin Task

Something isn't right. And I don't know what it is.

I open my eyes. I'm lying on my back. What's wrong with me? It's not the cyber-pony next to me, shockingly. I don't feel cold, or tired, or sick, or even lonely.

Something just feels... off.

"Fluttershy?" I rub my eyes, then nudge the RoboPony still laying in place. That ugly static-y hum sounds off, and she blinks to life.

"Well, good morning, little angel." She greets.

I nod in greeting, my throat suddenly feeling dry. Fluttershy, I finally cave and decide to just call her that, lowers her head.

"That was meant to be endearing."

"I know," I rub the back of my neck. "It's just... It feels like I haven't been called that in forever."

"...Do you want me to avoid calling you that from now on?"

"No, no, it's fine," I let out a large breath of air. "I'm just still trying to get used to this."

"Of course," Fluttershy nods in understanding. "Well, shall we begin?"

I think for a minute. "Um, sure. I don't really know how we're gonna do this, though. Should I... explain what happened, or-"

"I examined your memory ahead of time to calculate the appropriate simulation."

I... what?

"You can do that?" She nods. I level a hoof at her. "Okay, Command: never do that without my permission."

"Oh, of course," Fluttershy plays with her mane, the way she always did when she was nervous. "I'm sorry, I just thought seeing what happened for myself would allow me to understand better than if you had tried to tell me."

"Well just... don't do it again."

"Of course," Fluttershy rubs my belly, and I can't help it. I crumble. "So, are you ready to begin the simulation?"

I scrunch my nose. I'm not ready. Not really. But I have to do this.

"Yeah. Let's do it."

Fluttershy smiles encouragingly at me. "Alright. It will be 7 A.M. in exactly 67 minutes. Do you give consent for me to act in accordance to the data supplied prior to running the simulation?"

I scowl, not quite sure what she means.

"Why do I need to give consent?"

"Just to acknowledge that you know that what I'm about to do is just to simulate an experience with you," Fluttershy says reassuringly. "I know it may seem disorienting, but it would be easier for you to play into the act right from the start. If it eases your mind, you may command me to end task at any point, if you ever feel like it's not serving the purpose you want."

I force myself not to roll my eyes. "Okay, fine. Yes. I give consent."

"Wonderful," Fluttershy beams. "Now, lay back down."

Fluttershy gently pushes my head back down onto the pillow. I can't help but feel a little odd.

"Can't we just start right away?"

"Sorry," Fluttershy smiles apologetically. "I'm going to make the simulation as accurate as possible. And to do that, I have to do just one tiny little thing."

I jump up in pain. Something just pricked my right flank!

"Hey! What was that?" I demand.

"Don't worry, I just have to put you to sleep for just a teeny bit," Fluttershy shushes me with a kiss. "When you wake up, everything will be ready for you."

I groan. I'm already sluggish. What the hell else can this machine do? I open my mouth to speak, and my tongue feels all cottony.

"Command: Nevber... doo yat... aghinn..."

The light swirls away, and the last thing I see is Fluttershy's face, still smiling on, and on, and on, and on.

Until she stops.

Action and reaction

I groan in pain. My throat feels thick and gravelly, like somepony poured wet concrete in my mouth. I cough violently. When my fit is over, I roll onto my side, still seething. My head throbs as I do so.

I open my eyes, and the first thing that greets me is Fluttershy standing beside my bed. I look up into her eyes. She looks tired. And scared. Her eyes are somewhat reddened, as if she's been crying. She casts her gaze to the floor as she holds an ice pack to my head.

"I didn't think you would be up yet," She whispers. I notice her voice is shot, like she had been screaming earlier. "How are you feeling?"

"Great." I grouse.

"Great," Fluttershy picks up on my sarcasm, but doesn't seem to know how to respond appropriately. "That's... great."

For a minute, neither of us speak. I try standing up, and I immediately regret it. My legs are shaky, leaving my balance off. Fluttershy moves to my side, attempting to help keep me steady.

She grimaces at my sounds of discomfort. "I, um...we need to talk."

"Yeah we do," I say through gritted teeth. "For starters, why the hell did you stab me?"

"I stabbed you?" Fluttershy looks mortified. "Oh Rainbow, I-I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking. I was just so angry."

Fluttershy continues to whimper out apologies as she frantically searches my body for wounds. Muddy memories start to climb out of the murky depths of my imagination. It's now that my brain clicks and I fully realize what's going on.

Well... this is what you wanted, Rainbow Dash. That is your wife. Just play right into it.

"I'm fine," I grab the invading hooves to keep them still. "I was just overreacting. Sorry."

Fluttershy refuses to look at me. "...You shouldn't have to be sorry."

"No, I do. I messed up," I insist. "And I'm sorry for yelling at you last night."

"I deserved it. I wasn't thinking straight."

"Neither of us were," I shrug. "It doesn't matter. What's done is done."

Another period of silence. I rub my forehead. Take charge, Rainbow Dash!

"I wanna do something today. I don't care what. Let's just do something fun, Fluttershy."

Heaven knows fun hasn't been a part of my life in a long time.

Fluttershy shakes her trembling head. "I...I was going to run away."

...I know.

She says this like a confession, but it is no revelation to me. I hug her, leaning my head into the side of her neck.

"I don't care. You didn't."

"But, you have to go back to the Wonderbolt HQ today." Fluttershy squirms, now scraping for excuses.

"Nope," I chuckle at the dramatic irony. "No I don't. C'mon, Fluttershy."

I draw back, puffing out my chest. Fluttershy notices this, trying her best to keep her eyes averted.

"W-what are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything," I say innocently as I lower my rump, simultaneously inhaling through my nostrils to expand my chest. The signs of temptation become evident on Fluttershy's face. I give a wiggle to really lay it on thick, and she sighs in a mixture of annoyance and desire. I try to suppress my grin, but I can't hold it for long.

"You... You are a cheater." She snips, unable to hide her stiffening wings.

"Me? Never," I smirk as I nuzzle her. "So?"

I wait for her answer.

"...Okay."

"Awesome."

I smile so much it hurts. This is going... well, perfectly so far. I still know in the back of my mind that I probably shouldn't be doing this. But now that I've already begun, I am not about to stop.

Fluttershy wipes at her eyes, then rests her forehead against my chest. I take this opportunity to kiss her head, her soft mane tickling my muzzle.

"We, um... we should probably clean up first."

"Yeah," I nod in agreement. "Probably."

"So do you want to go on a flight? Is there someplace you want to visit?"

I ponder as I stuff my face full of pancakes. It's difficult, as I spend a lot of effort ignoring Fluttershy's empty plate, and pretending she's just already finished.

"Well, I wouldn't mind hanging out at the lake, only..."

Only I would have no explanation for everything if anypony saw us.

I stop chewing.

You know what, no. I've spent long enough being a mopey, do-nothing slob. My life is all about risks. Best-case scenario, nopony sees us. It is an Autumn weekday morning, after all. Worst-case scenario, well... My friends will understand. Possibly.

"Actually, yeah. Let's go to the lake. Not to swim. Just to hang out." I add when Fluttershy looks at me dubiously.

"Well, alright. We should bring some scarves and hats. I'll go fetch them."

I watch her dainty flanks move as she gets up and trots over to the stairs. My brief trance is shattered when the doorbell rings.

"Coming!" Fluttershy calls, much to my alarm.

She moves instead to answer the door. In surely a record speed, I hurdle over the table and zoom forward. Just as Fluttershy starts to open the door, I slam it shut.

"Hello?" My guts twist as I recognize the voice of Twilight Sparkle.

IchangemymindIchangemymindIchangemymind!!!

"Just a minute!" I yell in a screechy high-pitched voice. "Something in my throat!"

I hurriedly usher Fluttershy away from the door, a bewildered look on her face.

"Are you insane?" I hiss when we're far enough away.

"I-I don't understand," Fluttershy mumbles helplessly. "What did I-"

"Command: pause task." I interrupt curtly. Instantly, Fluttershy's baffled expression shifts to one of mild curiosity.

"What's the matter?" She asks me simply.

"'What's the matter'?" My eyes boggle in disbelief. "What are you doing? I can't have anypony see you, much less my friends!"

Fluttershy opens her mouth, but doesn't speak. Instead, another tinny voice come out. My voice.

"I want to re-live my last day with Fluttershy, if she hadn't left me. If she hadn't... well, you know."

I am speechless. Not in the fun way.

"You... you recorded me?"

"For data analysis purposes," Fluttershy nods. My white-hot glare causes her to play with her mane. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not installed with video footage capture."

"Command: delete all recordings, and never record me again." I growl unamusedly.

"Of course," Fluttershy complies. "All audio files erased. Was there anything else you need?"

"Yeah, I need you to hide and stay out of sight," I mutter as I cast a look over my shoulder. "My friends are going to think I'm a nutjob if they find you."

"You shouldn't worry about that," Fluttershy tsks at me in amusement. "Everything's been taken care of. Just play into it."

"Howdy, Rainbow Dash!"

I was about to interrogate Fluttershy further, but my front door swings open. I hear multiple ponies trot in, and it dawns on me that Twilight is not alone.

"Command: resume task." Is all I have time to whisper before my new guests round the corner.

Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie accompany Twilight, the latter likely having cast a cloudwalking spell on the others. We are in plain sight, there is no hiding at this point. My jaw works up and down, words failing me. At last, I titter nervously.

"Uh, guys... I can explain."

"Good morning, Rainbow Dash! Good morning Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie bounces between us, hugging us both. I sputter wildly in shock.

"Good morning, Pinkie." Fluttershy says with a smile.

...Huh?

"Oh my, it is much warmer in here." Rarity says gratefully as she shakes off the cold.

"We're sorry to barge in like this," Twilight laughs bashfully, tilting her head at Applejack. "But we thought we'd surprise you."

"After all, it's only a few days before your guys' anniversary," Pinkie begins excitedly. "And we have so much to go over to plan the best anniversary party ever!"

"A little window shopping wouldn't hurt, either," Rarity chimes in. "And don't worry about flowers; I had Roseluck import a fine southern selection."

I gape in pure astonishment. How...? I turn my head to look at Fluttershy, then back to my friends. I alternate several times, rapidly growing more incredulous.

"You okay, sugarcube?" Applejack places a hoof on my shoulder.

"Am I-" I giggle hysterically. "How do I- Do you not-"

I gesture wildly at Fluttershy with a flailing hoof. My friends all watch me with perplexed looks.

"Are we... interrupting something?" Twilight asks cautiously.

I give up. I'm stumped. I fall back onto my haunches.

What is happening?

I shift my focus back to Fluttershy.

...What did she mean when she said everything was taken care of?

"I... heh, um, excuse me." I quickly scour the tops of my friends' heads, looking for removable panels. They just kind of let me, too stunned to do anything else. But no, they're all flesh and blood ponies.

I frown. "Am I dreaming?"

Out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie slaps me across the face with one of my abandoned pancakes, causing me to cry out.

"Did you feel that?" Pinkie asks in curiosity. I snort in irritation. No, I am evidently not dreaming.

"Okay, we need to have a chat."

I herd all of my friends, excluding Fluttershy, into the living room as quickly as I can. I motion for Fluttershy to stay put. She looks concerned, but she doesn't argue.

"Rainbow, y'all better tell us what's goin' on," Applejack says warningly. "Yer actin'... well, a might bit irrational."

"I should be asking you guys that!" I retort. "Do seriously none of you see what's wrong with this situation?"

"We do," Twilights nods solemnly. "That's... well, that's really why we're here in the first place."

"You... do?" They all nod their heads as well. I exhale slowly. "Okay, so, what gives? What's with the act?"

"We're worried about you, darling," Rarity sighs. "Not to be an alarmist, but both Miss Pie and myself heard you and Fluttershy last night."

I gulp. I can already feel my face burning.

"You did, huh?" I paw nervously at the cloud floor. "I uh... wasn't counting on that."

"Look, we're not trying to snoop in and meddle with your private affairs," Twilight offers. "We just don't want you doing anything that you'll come to regret."

I give a weak, defeated laugh. "Might be a little too late for that."

"...You and Fluttershy aren't thinking of divorcing, are you?" Pinkie Pie asks in a scared, hushed tone.

"No, I-" I freeze. "What?"

"We ain't blind, Rainbow," Applejack says bluntly. "Y'all two been so tense and distant, yer pretty much all the folks in town talk about. Yer fight last night? A match in a keg of gunpowder."

"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down!" I wave my hooves. Something isn't adding up. "...Pinkie, you said our anniversary was in a few days."

"Yes...?"

...Our anniversary was weeks ago.

I fly up the stairs without a word. I check the calendar pinned to my bedroom wall. The last marked day is... the second of November.

My legs are jelly. It's-it's just not possible! I unsteadily climb back down the stairs. My stomach is... all wrong inside.

When I near the bottom, I peak into the dining area where I hear voices chatter. My friends are talking to Fluttershy in low voices. She seems to be trying to reassure them of something. Her eyes meet mine, and I cock my head at her smile.

Then she winks.

Objects with positive charge

Author's Note

Hey. I'd say I'm back, but I'm not really. A lot of bad stuff happened to me. I really thought I was gonna be "gone" gone, you know. Yeah, anyway I can't finish this. To the 11 people who liked something I did, I'm sorry. I spent the past few days staring at this, I remember jack about this story or what I wanted to do with it. I swear to all creation I wracked my brain for a scrap, a lead or anything to continue, I got nothing. Make up your own ending, I guess. I probably won't write anymore, I don't have ideas or motivation anymore. Idk

Objects with positive charge

I don't understand. I just don't. I pace back and forth outside the boutique while the others help Fluttershy choose a dress. Everything has changed. Nopony batted an eye at my dead wife parading around town.

I would discreetly lock my hooves around ponies and point at Fluttershy, whispering things like, "Do you see her? Is she real? Are you in on this?" I got kicked out of more than a few shops, their owners snorting indignantly at my pleading.

I pounded my head against the wall until it bruised. I stared at the sun until my eyes burned. I didn't wake up. But I know this is a dream! Wait... wait, okay. If I know I'm dreaming, I should be able to do whatever I want. I scrunch my face up in concentration. With just a bit of effort, I should be able to turn into the size of a wasp, or an Amazonian warrior princess, or something!

And, go!

I open my eyes. Nothing has happened. I scream in exasperation. A few passing ponies give me concerned looks, but they decide better than to investigate.

These ponies cried for her. Now they all smile and wave like it's a regular day, nothing wrong with the world at all. I... I want to kick something. I strongly want to kick something.

"Hey Rainbow!" Pinkie calls as she sticks her head out the door. "You should come see this one! It looks so amazing!"

"Pinkie!" I firmly seize Pinkie by the shoulders and yank her outside. Her cheery smile fades the longer she looks at me. "I need you to be honest with me, Pinkie. Are you pranking me?"

I gravely enunciate every syllable of my last sentence. Pinkie giggles nervously.

"Um, at this very moment? No."

"You're not playing with me?" I press. "This isn't some ploy you guys cooked up? Because if this is really happening, I need to know the truth."

"The truth?" Pinkie gulps. I nod intensely. I've got her now. "The truth is, you're right. Not everything is as it seems. The rest is beyond me."

I scoff. "Well, what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that something happened. Something beyond our control. Nopony else even realizes it, but something big has happened. And it all revolves around your RoboPony."

I knew it! I don't know what it is yet, but I knew it! Only...

"How come you know, then? Why doesn't everypony else know?"

Pinkie grins as she slips free, bouncing back into Rarity's boutique. "Just one of the perks of being a fourth-wall-breaker!"

I fume at her non-answer. That did nothing to aid my hysteria. So, something is amiss. That much I knew. Something beyond our control... Ah. Lightbulb.

Luckily for me, I know somepony who specializes in making things out of control, I cackle quietly to myself. Somedraconequus, I should say.

It's been a while since I paid a little visit to Discord.

"Uh... hello?"

I look around the area surrounding Fluttershy's old cottage. I have no idea how to get to Discord's realm, but