Rainbow Dash was ready to get home after another long day of working as the head weatherpony of Ponyville. She was just about to fly home, when her boss, the coordinator of the weather teams, stopped her.
"Hey, Rainbow!" Rainbow turned around in the air, stifling a groan.
"Yes, Mister Cloudy Skies, sir?"
"Take this trash to the Dumpster, will yah'?" her boss said, indicating a bag of garbage next to him. Trash? thought Dash. Since when do we have trash working with the weather? And what's a Dumpster? However, she knew arguing would be pointless, so she picked the bag up in her teeth. It smelled awful, like rotten food. She trotted outside, holding the trash bag, and decided to go around the side of the building. There sat a large, metal bin, filled with more bags of trash. When did this get here? She tossed the bag of garbage over one side, and it landed noisily inside the Dumpster.
She noticed some things were written on the front wall of the rusting bin. Dumpster writing! She began to read one of them aloud.
"Twilight Sparkle smells..." She paused, looking at the unfinished sentence. Bringing up a hoof, she finished it for the original writer, a kind act indeed. "...good."
"Ooh, Dumpster writing!" a voice cried from beside Rainbow Dash. She turned in surprise to see Pinkie Pie standing there, reading the Dumpster with her.
"Oh, hey Pinkie!"
"Hi, Dashie! Let's read another!"
"Okay!" Dash replied enthusiastically. "Look at this one..." Pointing a hoof to the writing, she began reading it aloud. "Applejack is a...*neigh*." She paused, looking at the word again. "Applejack is a *neigh*. What's a *neigh*, Pinkie?"
The pink pony brought a hoof to her mouth in deep thought. "It's a 'sentence enhancer'. Ponies use it when they want to talk fancy."
"Awesome! I can't wait to talk fancy!"
The next day...
Rainbow Dash barged through the door to Sugarcube Corner, spotting Pinkie Pie tending to customers throughout the shop. She waved to her friend.
"Hey, Pinkie, how the *neigh* are yah'?"
"Hey, come on, there's foals in here!" an angry customer complained next to Rainbow.
"Pretty *neigh*in' good, Dashie!" Rainbow Dash stood up on a table, making another customer upset.
"I hope all you ponies have a great *neigh*in' day!" she yelled, audible to the entire eatery. "Yeah, this day is so *neigh*in' great! What do you think, Pinks?"
"*neigh* yeah!" Pinkie Pie responded cheerfully. Customers began filing out, disgusted and appalled. Just as the last one left, Applejack entered the bakery.
"Howdy, Rainbow, Pinkie, how're ya'll today?"
"*neigh*in' great!" the two replied in chorus. Applejack's eyes went wide upon hearing what they said.
"What did ya'll say?"
"*neigh*!"
"Don't ya'll know what ya'll are sayin'?"
"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie responded first. "We're talking fancy!"
"Oh, no yah ain't. That there's swear number eleven! It's a bad word!"
"A bad word?" Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie questioned in unison, looking at each other. They then began wiping their tongues rapidly with their hooves, desperately trying to rid the foul word from their mouths. After they deemed their tongues worthy again, Dash continued on. "How many are there...?"
"Thirteen in all. And Ah' better not catch you two usin' any of 'em, ever again!" Applejack said sternly.
"We Pinkie Promise never to use that word again," said Pinkie, speaking for them both. After a moment, she and Rainbow began chanting together and going through the motions.
"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"
"Good! Ya'll run along now." Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash left Sugarcube Corner, feeling terrible about what they had done. They got outside of Ponyville before Pinkie realized she worked at Sugarcube Corner, and didn't actually have to leave.
Later...
"Hey, Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow said, entering Cupcake Corner again. The store was empty except for the pink pony, who turned upon seeing her friend.
"Dashie! Are you ready to play some...Canyons and Clouds?!" she asked, whipping out a board game bearing the same name. That was their favorite game!
"Awesome!" They set up the game board on one of the tables in the empty bakery, and took seats opposite each other. They began rolling the dice, seeing if they would ascend to the skies with Clouds, or fall to the ground with Canyons. It was Rainbow Dash's turn to roll.
"Come on, Clouds, Clouds, Clouds...!" She blew on the dice before rolling them, for good luck, then tossed them onto the game board. "...Canyons. That's the fifth time in a row! Your turn..." She reluctantly handed the dice to Pinkie, who was already really close to winning.
"Clouds, Clouds, Clouds!" Pinkie cried excitedly, nearly throwing the dice. "Clouds!" She moved her game piece to the top of the board, to the winner's square. "Woohoo, I win!"
"Aww, *neigh*!" Rainbow exclaimed in anger. She realized her slip-up a moment too late, and stuck a hoof in her mouth. Pinkie Pie gasped for an impossibly long period of time. Her face darkened.
"I'm...telling."
"No, Pinkie, please! It was an accident!"
"No, I'm telling Applejack!" Pinkie darted out of her seat, racing for the door. Dash followed her close behind, running after her in panic as Pinkie Pie made for Sweet Apple Acres. She caught up to her quickly, being the fastest pony in Equestria.
"Pinkie, don't tell Applejack!"
"*neigh* no, I'm telling her!" Pinkie Pie realized her mistake quickly, putting a hoof to her mouth and running three-legged. It was Rainbow Dash's turn to gasp.
"Now I'm going to tell on you!"
"Not if I get there first!" Pinkie shouted, but Rainbow was already pulling away from her. As Sweet Apple Acres came into view, Dash was sure she'd get there first. All of a sudden, Pinkie Pie zoomed past her, hitching a ride on an ice cream truck.
"Pinkie?! What are you...?! What is that thing?!" The pink pony just laughed merrily in reply. However, her mirth turned into a cry of despair as the truck took a sharp turn, just a few feet away from the entrance to the farm. Rainbow Dash jumped the gate to the farm, running up the hill to the barn at the top of the property. She burst in through the front door, followed a second later by Pinkie Pie. Applejack turned in surprise, looking at the two ponies with question. They began babbling incessantly to her.
"Applejack! Rainbow Dash and I were playing Canyons and Clouds, and--"
"--then I was running after Pinkie because she said she was telling, and--"
"--so I caught this ice cream truck, and it took a wrong turn, and--"
Applejack silenced them both by shoving a hoof into each of their mouths. "One at a time, you two!" She cautiously removed her hooves from their mouths, allowing them to talk. At once they pointed their forelegs at each other in accusation.
"She said *neigh*!" they chorused.
"What did Ah tell you two about usin' them words! They're bad! And so, in punishment, Ah'm gonna make ya'll buck trees all day for me." The two ponies nodded in submission and shame, lowering their heads and following Applejack out the door. She led them down the rows of apple trees to where they began, then gave them a pair of buckets. "Now, ya'll are gonna buck all these trees, yah' hear?" Pinkie and Rainbow nodded again, then prepared to start bucking the first of the trees.
Feeling proud with herself for having straightened the two ponies out, and having gotten some free labor out of it along the way, Applejack began to trot back up the hill. She was too proud to notice a large rock in her path, and promptly slammed one of her hooves into it.
"Yeee-ooow!" she yelped, clutching her painful hoof against herself. "Fer 'the love of *neigh*, *whinny*, *snort*..."
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie gaped as they watched Applejack jump around, shouting in pain. Pinkie began holding up her hooves, one at a time, counting off the curses. "...eleven...twelve...thirteen!" she whispered to Dash, holding thirteen individual legs in front of her at once. The two stared open-mouthed at each other, then at the orange earth pony, then back to each other.
"Applejack!" they said simultaneously. The cowpony stopped hopping around, looking at the two shocked ponies and realizing what she had said. "We're telling Granny Smith!"
"No, please, don't tell Granny! Her old heart couldn't take it!" Applejack pleaded. But, the two ponies were already running, shouting Granny Smith's name as they charged up the hill. "Wait! Stop!" cried Applejack, following them closely. The three ponies found the elderly pony outside, tending to the livestock of the Apple family's farm.
"Granny Smith! Granny Smith!" The old pony turned in surprise, greeting them with a smile.
"Why, hello--"
"Applejack said *neigh*! And *whinny*! And *snort*! And..." The exclamations of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie jumbled together, eventually becoming them just yelling curse words. After they finished, they, along with Applejack, looked at Granny Smith in anticipation.
"Oh! My old heart!" Granny Smith then proceeded to faint, and was caught by Applejack. The orange pony turned towards the other two.
"Look what ya'll've done! You should be ashamed of yerselves'!" Granny Smith looked up, from her faint, giving Applejack a stern look.
"You should all be ashamed of yourselves! And if you're gonna' curse like workin' ponies, well, by golly, you're gonna work like workin' ponies!"
"Yes, Granny," the three replied in sorrow. The old pony stood up and trotted over to fetch a few buckets of paint, setting them down in front of the group.
"Now, paint the barn! And make it look nice!" Granny Smith commanded.
After a few hours of the three ponies painting away, and doing a good job of it, Granny Smith came outside, bringing a tray filled with glasses of apple juice with her.
"You girls have been working hard, so I brought you all some--" She knocked one of her hooves against a stone protruding from the ground. Granny Smith dropped the apple juice, holding her hoof.
"Oh, FUCK!"
Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie turned in surprise, looking at Granny Smith with their mouths agape. Granny returned their looks with one of question.
"What? That wasn't me, it was Old Mare Derpy!" She pointed a foreleg at a nearby Derpy, who had dropped all of her mail on the ground. Derpy looked at the group and shrugged, smiling; everypony burst into laughter.
The End.
