The Sad Little Pegasusby MildlyDepressedChaptersQuest for PancakesSpoons are coolLife is complicated.Quest for PancakesI woke up today, and something immediately felt strange. That feeling came from the fact that I was covered in snow. This would be normal, considering I live in Whinnyapolis, yet I was still in bed. "I forgot to shut the window" I said to absolutely nopony."Why do I even bother talking, its not like anypony is listening?" I decided to drop the concerns of my insanity and remove the snow. It was easy, because its the like and fluffy kind that you can blow away with a strong wing flap. With that all settled I decided to go and get some food. I casually flew over to The Breakfast Hut. "Hey, can I get 3 pancakes please." I asked the mare working the counter. She just looked at me funny and said "We don't serve pancakes." Naturally I was outraged by such an injustice, but I wasn't overly crazy about it. "Well can I get some-" I was halted in my request by the sudden burst of magic from a young filly. Magic outburst suck, especially when they teleport an unsuspecting pony, for example myself, into the path of an avalanche. Don't worry, I was unscathed, mostly because I managed to fly away in time. Pancakes would have to wait, I was late for work. After a slow day as a clerk/janitor at The Grand Hat Emporium I flew home. Celestia's sun was setting and making way for Luna's moon, no shops were open except for that bar at the edge of town that sold crazy strong alcohol. I was not at the point of getting drunk, nor did I want to for quite some time. I couldn't help but shiver at the memory. I was drunk, so naturally I walked home instead of flying. The next thing I know is that there was a beautiful snow white mare standing in the park. I approached her and cleared my throat. "Hai there, I'm Icy, and yur beautiful." No response "I just want to know what a pretty mare is doing alone and outside in the cold." she was giving me the cold shoulder. "Dontchya know its rude to not, at least, at least reject me?" The Very second after that I realized I had been talking to a snow pony. Immediately after, I managed to slip on ice and fall directly onto the snowmare. Me in my drunken state took full advantage and started making out with the snowmare. Then I got arrested. I hurried home quickly and checked all the windows. I proceeded to fall in a deep sleep. I found myself in a forest clearing, The heavenly aroma of pancakes directed me to a beautiful white mare, with a luxurious white mane. It was the snowmare! But she was motioning me to a table that held my weakness. Pancakes, so light and fluffy, with the prefect amount of moisture, and not to mention adorned with maple syrup that cascaded down the sides of the magnificent stack of delight. I went to town immediately. After I was done the mare had dragged me to a bed. Just as she was crawling towards me, she became a horrifying monster. Her limbs were manged and her coat was dull and dirty. Her mane was falling out and her eyes were black pools of nothing. I laid there helplessly, paralyzed by fear. Until I heard a voice. "BEGONE FOUL CREATURE" the princess of the night, Princess Luna, had appeared. She swooped in majestically and blasted the creature to Tartarus. She looked at me. She is so pretty, dont do anything stupid. "Are you okay?" asked the Princess. I was flabbergasted. "Yes Princess Luna, thank you. Would you like pancakes?" I had offered her pancakes when there were none. She had noticed too. "No thank you. I have to attend to other ponies' dreams, but I appreciate it. Peaceful dreams be with you, my subject." She flew off into nothingness and I could only think one thing. She is so hot. My dreams were very pleasant to say the least. I was having a nice day. Then I checked my mail. Any joy present in my body dissipated immediately. The letter I had received came from Canterlot. My Grandfather, Frigid Blizzard, had gone missing. They had asked me too come to Canterlot to help find him. As fast as possible I flew to my Grandfathers residence, it was in a nice neighborhood, nice lawns and a cafe nearby. We had picked the place out together. I knew more than anything he accepted this place just to appease my worry for him. Both of us had been unstable after the accident. I couldn't help but to look back at the memory. It was faded, but clear. It was Nighttime. I had disobeyed my parents by staying up late to look at the stars, I had always had an affinity for the night. It was a freak accident, it should have been possible. A stray storm cloud from the Everfree forest had wandered to our cozy wooden house near Canterlot. A Single bolt of lightning had shot out of the cloud and ignited our thatch roofing. The ensuing fire had spread rapidly, starting with my parents room. They had no chance of escaping, the fire was upon then immediately and their suffering had alerted my older sister. The roof collapsed in front of her door and she was too big to fit through her window. I was fortunate enough to escape the damned house. Neighbors of ours saw the flames and alerted the guards and they came. They were too late, all they found was a shivering, soot covered colt no older than 7. I was brought to the hospital and my grandfather was alerted, he had raised me in the poor section of the Canterlot commons. Once I had arrived I started to answer their questions, there was a small gathering of ponies, but i didn't care. I checked the area my old home had been, he was not there. Hope started to die in me as the search continued day, after day, after day. Three weeks and no trace. That had been the case until an adventurer had found my grandfathers favorite hat, covered in blood, near the Everfree. I had given up. My last living relative was gone. I was lost. Three days later I had sold his belongings and held a funeral. A few old neighbors came by as well as some of grandpa's friends. I had even received a later from the Princesses offering their condolences, most likely from grandpa being in the guard for a number of years. I had returned to Whinnyapolis, broken, lonely, and afraid. For the first time I had realized how little friends I had made over 3 years of living here. Something grew inside me that I could not remove. The more I ignored it, the more it grew. It was firmly planted and it intended to stay. How will I continue? Author's Note Please comment any errors and feel free to criticize. Any suggestions on how to further this story are appreciated, and i will mention you if i use it. Spoons are coolAfter I got back to Whinnyapolis, I naturally went back to work. Only then did I find out that Canvas Cap, the owner of The Grand Hat Emporium had sold his store and retired. The new owner, Faux Fro, was opening a hair salon, yet he was not hiring due to renovations, and his daughter Bouncing Bob was going to assist him. "Its a good thing I saved up some bits, just in case of emergency." I said to myself, because I have no friends. Anyway, I decided to look for a job immediately. I found nothing. Whinnyapolis is a thriving city, but if you don't jump on the chance for a job immediately, you probably won't get one. This makes life difficult, because you have to move if you don't find a job. You're not forced to, but it gets too expensive. I have enough bits saved to pay rent to my landlord for another 3 months, but only if I buy groceries when absolutely necessary. I have 2 weeks left. If I cant scrape up enough bits to pay my landlord, I will get evicted. Whinnyapolis happens to be full of eager ponies with jobs that need places too stay. If you cant pay, you get replaced by somepony that can. I packed some of my bags just in case I would be evicted. The few belongings I actually keep with me are a quilt, an Ushanka, and a spoon. A spoon is a valuable tool. Without it I may have never been able to make, and eat soup. Stop laughing, I'm serious. Its what kept my grandma alive in her adventuring days. She told stories often about making soup out of anything, and bludgeoning a manticore into submission with a spoon. It was easy to see why Grandpa loved her. She also gave me my golden eyes and the very spoon that I carry today. It has been 4 weeks. I am comfortably living in the woods approximately 8 miles from Whinnyapolis. I'm living on a cloud and I keep it nestled between 2 large pine trees to keep it in place. I must also add, I have never been more thankful for my Grandma. I've made pine needle and mushroom soup. It may or may not be poisonous, but by Celestia's beard its a risk I am willing to take. I'm not dead. I wish I was. Those mushrooms were a terrible idea. I am now violently sick, and flooded a mouse's hole with my puke. My Grandma is most likely laughing at me from beyond the grave while my parents are sighing in relief and my Grandpa is chuckling at his own jokes. At least I think that's what they are doing. I don't know, I'm not psychic. Its been a week. Everything was good, until a strong gust of wind sent me and my cloud floating across a fifth of Equestria. I am approximately 2 miles from Ponyville. Fortunately, I sleep with my saddle bags so I have everything. Well, everything except this really awesome looking stick I found. It was all twisty and smooth. It could have been a staff of an ancient wizard. But probably not, because that is stupid. I hope nothing bad happens here in Ponyville. Author's Note Comment anything you want to see, I just might add it. I appreciate criticism. Updates are random, for I do them at night while fueled by determination and boredom. Life is complicated.Having nothing better to do, I sleep. Sleep is nice, when it comes that is. In fact, sometimes I wish I could sleep forever, just drifting in an endless abyss of darkness. Nothing to stop my fantasy, and no more pain or confusion. This thought often crosses my mind, yet I never feel the urge to fully commit to it. Mostly because I sleep lightly, I'm paranoid another accident will happen. I sleep for like, 14 minutes. I'm awoken by my cloud being poofed. How rude, and dangerous. I was pretty high up, a dangerous fall but I had time to fix my fall. I could see a rainbow streak going off towards more clouds, I had found the culprit! Oh wait, I was busy falling. Flying is easier without saddlebags. With that being said, my saddlebag was pinning my wing. I was spiraling at a moderately fast rate. Nothing would be fatal, but I will be hurting after this landing. *CRASH* "Ouch" Waking up in a hospital is not good. Neither is crashing into a building. I happened to do both. I'm so good at life. So. I crashed into a building, thankfully made of wood, and bumped my noggin. I have a minor concussion. And pain is everywhere on my body. Now this all happened because so rainbow poofed my cloud, which was a very nice cloud, and I spiraled down because my wing was pinned by my saddlebags. What a wonderful day. The stallion that dragged me to the hospital stopped by to see how I was doing earlier, unfortunately I was asleep so I could not thank him. Oh look, he's here! "How are you doing today, good sir?" "Good. How about you? You were unconscious when I came by earlier, and you hit that wall pretty hard." "No need to worry. I am resilient, which unfortunately means I am hard to kill." "Isn't that a good thing, being hard to kill?" "Not if you want to die it isn't." "Oooookaayy.......Well my name is Whole Wheat, nice to meet you, but I've got to go. Bye" *Hurried clip-clopping away* "If only I had social skills, I might have made a friend. Oh Wait I do have a friend. It's myself, because I talk with myself so much. Sweet Celestia, I need to stop this nonsense." I decided to sleep again. Why? Well why not? I haven't been discharged yet. I woke up, checked out of the hospital, and decided to find another cloud. I was very picky, about where I roost a trait commonly found among Pegasi. I found one, and I claimed it. I also hid it from the cloud murdering rainbow. I needed to find a job. That should be easy, except I have no idea where to look. Something low maintenance, because I am kind of lazy. Also something fun, so I don't want to quit immediately. I wonder if there is a library around here? I could help out there, like I did when I was 16. Or maybe somepony needs a janitor. Regardless, I should start looking. Right after a nap. I was still tired, and my head hurt. Boom, 37 minutes and 54 seconds later, I'm back at it again searching for a job at the town hall bulletin board. Right here, The local school house needs a custodian. I rush over to apply, now its time to fill out the resume. ............ ........... .......... Name, and experience. Thats it? Nothing else? Easy. The mailing address was the difficult part. Oh well, time to wing it. Get it? Cause I'm a pegasus? Ha ha ha ha. I'm not funny. It took about 2 days until I received a letter from the school. I had been accepted, hooray! I got this nice hat as a uniform, and I start tomorrow after school. Good thing too, because eating pine cones for the last 2 days really sucks and it would be nice to afford real food. But now I had a whole day to celebrate. I did the only logical thing I could think of, which is sleep. This job is way too easy. The schoolhouse is literally just one classroom. I spoke too soon. There is something stuck to the ceiling. Oh sweet Celestia it is moving. WHAT IS THAT! WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING AT THIS SCHOOL! Its just pulsating, menacingly, and I have to scrape it off into my tiny bucket. Its so gross, its oozing something, if this eats me, I'm going to be so mad. . . . . . I hate my life. It got everywhere. EVERYWHERE. All over my coat, and all over the classroom. I have to clean everything. Seriously, who ever is teaching these foals needs to be investigated for either black magic or chemical warfare, both of which are illegal since the end of the 2nd Equestria-Saddle Arabian war. History books still teach of those horrendous weapons. I hope its not toxic or else somepony might get sick. Whatever. Not my problem, now I get to go home and shower. Alright, I'm done showering now its time to make soup. Step one: Find pot/bowl. Step two: Gather ingredients. Today I chose pine needles, some daffodils, some berries I found in the woods, and some clover. Step three: Put ingredients in pot/bowl and heat. Step four: Hoist your spoon in victory, for you have created soup worthy of feeding the princesses. Now eat it. . . . I am definitely not a good cook. I also have, most likely, created poison. With that in mind, I have probably made myself immune to poison due to me constantly eating my soup. I shall never host guests and feed them with my cooking, because that soup was the worst thing I have ever created. I am a failure and have dishonored my family. But hey, whats new. I have no choice but to keep living, for dying now would disgrace my deceased family. I awaken after having cried myself to sleep last night. I have mastered that art. But now I must find food. I find a bit stomped into the road. So I claim it and go to the market. Apples. I see apples. As I casually walk to the apple stand, I see the pony selling the apples. He is a large, red, stallion. He is taller than me, and has a blonde mane, as well as a yoke. Conveniently apples are one bit. My lucky day. "Can I get an apple?" "Eeyup." I toss him a bit that he promptly catches with his hoof. I take an apple and leave. We truly are masculine stallions only having to speak 7 words. I inhale the apple. It tastes good. Yum. Ponies are staring. Inhaling apples is weird, so don't do that in public. I see a pink blur out of the corner of my eye. surely nothing bad or exciting will come from this. I continue my pitiful existence and go to work. Nothing crazy happens so I am done quickly. I go home and I sleep. Until my cloud pops. Randomly, out of nowhere, it just pops. I stay in the bush I fell in and cried myself to sleep. That was my second favorite thing to do. The first is not included in this story or else it will be rated M for Mature. Now I sleep, still crying. But they are masculine tears fit for a stallion as masculine as I am. Author's Note Wow, that was horrible. I mean, I could change it, but I'm lazy and a piece of crap, so I won't. Any suggestions, just comment and I might add them.
Quest for PancakesI woke up today, and something immediately felt strange. That feeling came from the fact that I was covered in snow. This would be normal, considering I live in Whinnyapolis, yet I was still in bed. "I forgot to shut the window" I said to absolutely nopony."Why do I even bother talking, its not like anypony is listening?" I decided to drop the concerns of my insanity and remove the snow. It was easy, because its the like and fluffy kind that you can blow away with a strong wing flap. With that all settled I decided to go and get some food. I casually flew over to The Breakfast Hut. "Hey, can I get 3 pancakes please." I asked the mare working the counter. She just looked at me funny and said "We don't serve pancakes." Naturally I was outraged by such an injustice, but I wasn't overly crazy about it. "Well can I get some-" I was halted in my request by the sudden burst of magic from a young filly. Magic outburst suck, especially when they teleport an unsuspecting pony, for example myself, into the path of an avalanche. Don't worry, I was unscathed, mostly because I managed to fly away in time. Pancakes would have to wait, I was late for work. After a slow day as a clerk/janitor at The Grand Hat Emporium I flew home. Celestia's sun was setting and making way for Luna's moon, no shops were open except for that bar at the edge of town that sold crazy strong alcohol. I was not at the point of getting drunk, nor did I want to for quite some time. I couldn't help but shiver at the memory. I was drunk, so naturally I walked home instead of flying. The next thing I know is that there was a beautiful snow white mare standing in the park. I approached her and cleared my throat. "Hai there, I'm Icy, and yur beautiful." No response "I just want to know what a pretty mare is doing alone and outside in the cold." she was giving me the cold shoulder. "Dontchya know its rude to not, at least, at least reject me?" The Very second after that I realized I had been talking to a snow pony. Immediately after, I managed to slip on ice and fall directly onto the snowmare. Me in my drunken state took full advantage and started making out with the snowmare. Then I got arrested. I hurried home quickly and checked all the windows. I proceeded to fall in a deep sleep. I found myself in a forest clearing, The heavenly aroma of pancakes directed me to a beautiful white mare, with a luxurious white mane. It was the snowmare! But she was motioning me to a table that held my weakness. Pancakes, so light and fluffy, with the prefect amount of moisture, and not to mention adorned with maple syrup that cascaded down the sides of the magnificent stack of delight. I went to town immediately. After I was done the mare had dragged me to a bed. Just as she was crawling towards me, she became a horrifying monster. Her limbs were manged and her coat was dull and dirty. Her mane was falling out and her eyes were black pools of nothing. I laid there helplessly, paralyzed by fear. Until I heard a voice. "BEGONE FOUL CREATURE" the princess of the night, Princess Luna, had appeared. She swooped in majestically and blasted the creature to Tartarus. She looked at me. She is so pretty, dont do anything stupid. "Are you okay?" asked the Princess. I was flabbergasted. "Yes Princess Luna, thank you. Would you like pancakes?" I had offered her pancakes when there were none. She had noticed too. "No thank you. I have to attend to other ponies' dreams, but I appreciate it. Peaceful dreams be with you, my subject." She flew off into nothingness and I could only think one thing. She is so hot. My dreams were very pleasant to say the least. I was having a nice day. Then I checked my mail. Any joy present in my body dissipated immediately. The letter I had received came from Canterlot. My Grandfather, Frigid Blizzard, had gone missing. They had asked me too come to Canterlot to help find him. As fast as possible I flew to my Grandfathers residence, it was in a nice neighborhood, nice lawns and a cafe nearby. We had picked the place out together. I knew more than anything he accepted this place just to appease my worry for him. Both of us had been unstable after the accident. I couldn't help but to look back at the memory. It was faded, but clear. It was Nighttime. I had disobeyed my parents by staying up late to look at the stars, I had always had an affinity for the night. It was a freak accident, it should have been possible. A stray storm cloud from the Everfree forest had wandered to our cozy wooden house near Canterlot. A Single bolt of lightning had shot out of the cloud and ignited our thatch roofing. The ensuing fire had spread rapidly, starting with my parents room. They had no chance of escaping, the fire was upon then immediately and their suffering had alerted my older sister. The roof collapsed in front of her door and she was too big to fit through her window. I was fortunate enough to escape the damned house. Neighbors of ours saw the flames and alerted the guards and they came. They were too late, all they found was a shivering, soot covered colt no older than 7. I was brought to the hospital and my grandfather was alerted, he had raised me in the poor section of the Canterlot commons. Once I had arrived I started to answer their questions, there was a small gathering of ponies, but i didn't care. I checked the area my old home had been, he was not there. Hope started to die in me as the search continued day, after day, after day. Three weeks and no trace. That had been the case until an adventurer had found my grandfathers favorite hat, covered in blood, near the Everfree. I had given up. My last living relative was gone. I was lost. Three days later I had sold his belongings and held a funeral. A few old neighbors came by as well as some of grandpa's friends. I had even received a later from the Princesses offering their condolences, most likely from grandpa being in the guard for a number of years. I had returned to Whinnyapolis, broken, lonely, and afraid. For the first time I had realized how little friends I had made over 3 years of living here. Something grew inside me that I could not remove. The more I ignored it, the more it grew. It was firmly planted and it intended to stay. How will I continue? Author's Note Please comment any errors and feel free to criticize. Any suggestions on how to further this story are appreciated, and i will mention you if i use it.
Spoons are coolAfter I got back to Whinnyapolis, I naturally went back to work. Only then did I find out that Canvas Cap, the owner of The Grand Hat Emporium had sold his store and retired. The new owner, Faux Fro, was opening a hair salon, yet he was not hiring due to renovations, and his daughter Bouncing Bob was going to assist him. "Its a good thing I saved up some bits, just in case of emergency." I said to myself, because I have no friends. Anyway, I decided to look for a job immediately. I found nothing. Whinnyapolis is a thriving city, but if you don't jump on the chance for a job immediately, you probably won't get one. This makes life difficult, because you have to move if you don't find a job. You're not forced to, but it gets too expensive. I have enough bits saved to pay rent to my landlord for another 3 months, but only if I buy groceries when absolutely necessary. I have 2 weeks left. If I cant scrape up enough bits to pay my landlord, I will get evicted. Whinnyapolis happens to be full of eager ponies with jobs that need places too stay. If you cant pay, you get replaced by somepony that can. I packed some of my bags just in case I would be evicted. The few belongings I actually keep with me are a quilt, an Ushanka, and a spoon. A spoon is a valuable tool. Without it I may have never been able to make, and eat soup. Stop laughing, I'm serious. Its what kept my grandma alive in her adventuring days. She told stories often about making soup out of anything, and bludgeoning a manticore into submission with a spoon. It was easy to see why Grandpa loved her. She also gave me my golden eyes and the very spoon that I carry today. It has been 4 weeks. I am comfortably living in the woods approximately 8 miles from Whinnyapolis. I'm living on a cloud and I keep it nestled between 2 large pine trees to keep it in place. I must also add, I have never been more thankful for my Grandma. I've made pine needle and mushroom soup. It may or may not be poisonous, but by Celestia's beard its a risk I am willing to take. I'm not dead. I wish I was. Those mushrooms were a terrible idea. I am now violently sick, and flooded a mouse's hole with my puke. My Grandma is most likely laughing at me from beyond the grave while my parents are sighing in relief and my Grandpa is chuckling at his own jokes. At least I think that's what they are doing. I don't know, I'm not psychic. Its been a week. Everything was good, until a strong gust of wind sent me and my cloud floating across a fifth of Equestria. I am approximately 2 miles from Ponyville. Fortunately, I sleep with my saddle bags so I have everything. Well, everything except this really awesome looking stick I found. It was all twisty and smooth. It could have been a staff of an ancient wizard. But probably not, because that is stupid. I hope nothing bad happens here in Ponyville. Author's Note Comment anything you want to see, I just might add it. I appreciate criticism. Updates are random, for I do them at night while fueled by determination and boredom.
Life is complicated.Having nothing better to do, I sleep. Sleep is nice, when it comes that is. In fact, sometimes I wish I could sleep forever, just drifting in an endless abyss of darkness. Nothing to stop my fantasy, and no more pain or confusion. This thought often crosses my mind, yet I never feel the urge to fully commit to it. Mostly because I sleep lightly, I'm paranoid another accident will happen. I sleep for like, 14 minutes. I'm awoken by my cloud being poofed. How rude, and dangerous. I was pretty high up, a dangerous fall but I had time to fix my fall. I could see a rainbow streak going off towards more clouds, I had found the culprit! Oh wait, I was busy falling. Flying is easier without saddlebags. With that being said, my saddlebag was pinning my wing. I was spiraling at a moderately fast rate. Nothing would be fatal, but I will be hurting after this landing. *CRASH* "Ouch" Waking up in a hospital is not good. Neither is crashing into a building. I happened to do both. I'm so good at life. So. I crashed into a building, thankfully made of wood, and bumped my noggin. I have a minor concussion. And pain is everywhere on my body. Now this all happened because so rainbow poofed my cloud, which was a very nice cloud, and I spiraled down because my wing was pinned by my saddlebags. What a wonderful day. The stallion that dragged me to the hospital stopped by to see how I was doing earlier, unfortunately I was asleep so I could not thank him. Oh look, he's here! "How are you doing today, good sir?" "Good. How about you? You were unconscious when I came by earlier, and you hit that wall pretty hard." "No need to worry. I am resilient, which unfortunately means I am hard to kill." "Isn't that a good thing, being hard to kill?" "Not if you want to die it isn't." "Oooookaayy.......Well my name is Whole Wheat, nice to meet you, but I've got to go. Bye" *Hurried clip-clopping away* "If only I had social skills, I might have made a friend. Oh Wait I do have a friend. It's myself, because I talk with myself so much. Sweet Celestia, I need to stop this nonsense." I decided to sleep again. Why? Well why not? I haven't been discharged yet. I woke up, checked out of the hospital, and decided to find another cloud. I was very picky, about where I roost a trait commonly found among Pegasi. I found one, and I claimed it. I also hid it from the cloud murdering rainbow. I needed to find a job. That should be easy, except I have no idea where to look. Something low maintenance, because I am kind of lazy. Also something fun, so I don't want to quit immediately. I wonder if there is a library around here? I could help out there, like I did when I was 16. Or maybe somepony needs a janitor. Regardless, I should start looking. Right after a nap. I was still tired, and my head hurt. Boom, 37 minutes and 54 seconds later, I'm back at it again searching for a job at the town hall bulletin board. Right here, The local school house needs a custodian. I rush over to apply, now its time to fill out the resume. ............ ........... .......... Name, and experience. Thats it? Nothing else? Easy. The mailing address was the difficult part. Oh well, time to wing it. Get it? Cause I'm a pegasus? Ha ha ha ha. I'm not funny. It took about 2 days until I received a letter from the school. I had been accepted, hooray! I got this nice hat as a uniform, and I start tomorrow after school. Good thing too, because eating pine cones for the last 2 days really sucks and it would be nice to afford real food. But now I had a whole day to celebrate. I did the only logical thing I could think of, which is sleep. This job is way too easy. The schoolhouse is literally just one classroom. I spoke too soon. There is something stuck to the ceiling. Oh sweet Celestia it is moving. WHAT IS THAT! WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING AT THIS SCHOOL! Its just pulsating, menacingly, and I have to scrape it off into my tiny bucket. Its so gross, its oozing something, if this eats me, I'm going to be so mad. . . . . . I hate my life. It got everywhere. EVERYWHERE. All over my coat, and all over the classroom. I have to clean everything. Seriously, who ever is teaching these foals needs to be investigated for either black magic or chemical warfare, both of which are illegal since the end of the 2nd Equestria-Saddle Arabian war. History books still teach of those horrendous weapons. I hope its not toxic or else somepony might get sick. Whatever. Not my problem, now I get to go home and shower. Alright, I'm done showering now its time to make soup. Step one: Find pot/bowl. Step two: Gather ingredients. Today I chose pine needles, some daffodils, some berries I found in the woods, and some clover. Step three: Put ingredients in pot/bowl and heat. Step four: Hoist your spoon in victory, for you have created soup worthy of feeding the princesses. Now eat it. . . . I am definitely not a good cook. I also have, most likely, created poison. With that in mind, I have probably made myself immune to poison due to me constantly eating my soup. I shall never host guests and feed them with my cooking, because that soup was the worst thing I have ever created. I am a failure and have dishonored my family. But hey, whats new. I have no choice but to keep living, for dying now would disgrace my deceased family. I awaken after having cried myself to sleep last night. I have mastered that art. But now I must find food. I find a bit stomped into the road. So I claim it and go to the market. Apples. I see apples. As I casually walk to the apple stand, I see the pony selling the apples. He is a large, red, stallion. He is taller than me, and has a blonde mane, as well as a yoke. Conveniently apples are one bit. My lucky day. "Can I get an apple?" "Eeyup." I toss him a bit that he promptly catches with his hoof. I take an apple and leave. We truly are masculine stallions only having to speak 7 words. I inhale the apple. It tastes good. Yum. Ponies are staring. Inhaling apples is weird, so don't do that in public. I see a pink blur out of the corner of my eye. surely nothing bad or exciting will come from this. I continue my pitiful existence and go to work. Nothing crazy happens so I am done quickly. I go home and I sleep. Until my cloud pops. Randomly, out of nowhere, it just pops. I stay in the bush I fell in and cried myself to sleep. That was my second favorite thing to do. The first is not included in this story or else it will be rated M for Mature. Now I sleep, still crying. But they are masculine tears fit for a stallion as masculine as I am. Author's Note Wow, that was horrible. I mean, I could change it, but I'm lazy and a piece of crap, so I won't. Any suggestions, just comment and I might add them.
