Win or Lose: It's in the Mind
Felt Tip was a pretty average student at the academy. He had decent grades, just above the median grade for most students; he played a couple casual sports and had his hobbies. But he wasn’t the most vocal pony, or the most visual. He was pretty intensely in the background.
He didn’t plan to be that way forever, though, even if his dream involved being totally unknown by name. He wanted to join the Royal Guard Special Unit, the most exceptional group in all Equestria’s defense forces. They were the toughest, strongest, most reliable fighters in the world. Maybe he wanted to join to stop feeling like a little guy in the background, but he knew his main motivation was to protect his fellow ponies.
But that was for the future. Right now, he had other things on his mind.
Namely, a classmate of his with a light yellow coat and orange and purple mane and tail.
She was the smartest girl he had ever met, not to mention how pretty she was. A lot of the other guys seemed to think otherwise, but Felt Tip knew what he saw. She didn’t care what the others thought and carried this confidence he couldn’t quite place. She wasn’t as physically active as him, but she seemed to take care of herself, fi only by diet.
She was perfect.
“Dude, how about you stop staring and go talk to her?” a voice cut in, snapping Felt Tip out of his stupor.
“I-“ Felt Tip started, looking at his friend, then to Moondancer, then back. He sighed. “Rocky, I don’t think she’ll be interested.”
“How will you know if you don’t try?” Rocky asked.
“I just do,” Felt Tip said.
“Oh, ‘you just do’, do you?” Rocky said. “You know how absurd that sounds?”
“Maybe to a guy like you,” Felt Tip said.
Rocky had a solid relationship with his marefriend, pun exactly as intended. They genuinely just enjoyed spending time together, it wasn’t just a physical relationship. They would talk about their problems, support each other, and actually just enjoyed each others’ presences.
Felt Tip was envious, and while he tried to hide it a bit, he often made jokes about his being single and Rocky having a mare. Truth be told, Felt Tip didn’t quite get it. Rocky, ironically, was the physically softest guy Felt Tip knew, and Felt was in amazing shape with all his own training for his coming career. Felt Tip didn’t have the emotional trouble or lack of self-control Rocky often exhibited. Yet, here they were, with Felt Tip single and Rocky in an incredible relationship. If it said anything, to Felt Tip, it said something else must be wrong with him that he wasn’t even aware of.
“You always say that, and I have no idea what you mean,” Rocky said. “For the last time, nothing is wrong with you, dude.”
“Tell that to all them,” Felt Tip said, referring to previous attempts to ask girls out. Truth be told, only a couple of rejections were even mean,but that seems to be the main thing that sticks to the mind because it is the most memorable.
Rocky sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, dude,” he said. “How about this? After class, I’ll help you talk to her.”
“No thanks,” Felt Tip said.
“Why not?” Rocky said.
“I’m not wasting my time, that’s why,” Felt Tip said. Rocky shrugged his shoulders and gave up his efforts.
The professor walked in and class started up. They were in Celestia’s school, which took ponies from youth to adulthood, but they were in the more college stage at this point. Celestia’s protégé had left the school some years earlier after decimating the curriculum to go learn how to have friends and meet new ponies. Felt Tip kind of wished he had known her at the time and had an excuse to go learn how to meet new ponies himself.
Felt Tip didn’t pay attention to the lecture; he simply looked over at Moondancer most of the time. He was really smitten by her. There were others who he really liked, to be sure, but she was number one. He just wished he knew how to approach her.
Every time he tried to talk to girls, he felt this rise in his gut and his heart rate skyrocketed. He would even shake sometimes. At this point, he was convinced he was having outright panic attacks when he talked to girls, and they screwed him over completely every time. He had spent time with girls intimately, sure, but he had some problems that always got in the way. And he couldn’t, for his life, figure things out.
Before he knew it, class was over and Moondancer slipped out. Not to fast that someone couldn’t catch her to chat, but faster than Felt Tip could ever be comfortable going after her. He was afraid of a lot of things; looking creepy, being offensive, and being rejected yet again. He was trying to teach himself to take rejection with grace, but his anxiety attacks tended to throw that out the door the moment he started talking.
Felt Tip went back to his housing and chilled. He didn’t have any other classes for the day, so he had no obligations to anyone or anything. He could do whatever he wanted, like hit the gym again, read, go to a spa in Canterlot, or just find friends to chat.
You could talk to Moondancer.
“Nope,” Felt Tip said to himself. “Nope, nope, nope.”
She’s so great though.
“I-“ Felt paused. He was actually just arguing with himself at this point. But why not? “Why would I?”
You barely ever talked to her before, what do you have to lose?
“My dignity?
What dignity?
“Fair enough, but why waste my time?” Felt asked of himself. “She’ll just say no.”
And why is that such a tragedy?
“Because it hurts,” Felt Tip argued.
Any more than the past ones you survived?
“I-“ Felt started. He couldn’t think of anything. “I don’t want to…”
What are you so afraid of? We already know rejection isn’t so bad. You won’t get hurt. You’ve survived before, why should this be any different?
“Well…” Felt started.
You know what you need to do? Felt closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“Send it.”
Felt Tip gathered up all his resolve, what little he had, and opened his door with all two ounces of confidence he could muster. He could already feel his anxiety starting, but he wasn’t going to let it stop him this time. This time, there were no brakes on the train.
Felt speed-walked down the hall of his dorm and outside, making a beeline for the building Moondancer lived in. They had talked about their dorms once or twice before and she told him her room number because it was cursed or something. She never liked being in there alone, and while Felt wasn’t superstitious, he couldn’t blame her.
Felt breathed deep and slow to keep himself calm as he entered the building and went up the stairs to Moondancer’s floor. When he made it there, he walked down the hall fast but not too loud, because he didn’t want to disturb anypony. When he got to her door, he froze in place, hooves stuck to the ground.
He was here, in the flesh, at her door. What in Celestia’s name was he supposed to do? He didn’t know what to say, how to knock, how to stand, what facial expressions to make, how to use his hooves-
Send it.
Felt Tip took one last deep breath, knocked on the door, and relaxed against the wall. Relaxing his body completely helped deal with the shaking and kept him more calm.
Slowly, the door opened, and Moondancer’s head popped out. When she saw Felt, she blinked twice in surprise.
“Oh,” she said. “H-hi…”
“Hey,” Felt said. He could feel his fight-or-flight response kicking in. But he had to send it now or never.
“Would you like to go on a date with me?” he blurted somewhat absurdly.
Moondancer’s eyes shot wide and she reared back just a tad. The question had, evidently, taken her totally off-guard. She knew him from class, talked to him a few times, but she never knew he might have liked her. Unless he didn’t… She had had some guys with less-than-honorable intentions pursue her a few times.
“Oh,” Moondancer said. Felt Tip just leaned against the wall and flashed a big, toothy grin in an attempt to diffuse the tension.
It worked. Moondancer chuckled at his silly facial expression and seemed to calm down. Felt Tip still felt that anxiety, but seeing her feel less awkward made him feel substantially better.
“I… I really appreciate you asking, but I’m not really ready for a relationship right now,” Moondancer said.
“Oh,” Felt Tip said. “Alright.”
“B-but if you ever wanna hang out, I mean, we can hang out as friends,” Moondancer added. She wasn’t sure what was coming out of her mouth, but she didn’t want him to disappear.
“Oh, uh, sure!” Felt Tip said. “Yeah, definitely. After class tomorrow?”
Moondancer grinned. “Sure!”
“Great! I’ll see you then!” Felt Tip said. Moondancer closed the door, and Felt Tip left the building.
Felt Tip walked back toward his dorm slowly, going over what just happened. She wasn’t interested in him, true, but you know what? He was alive. He wasn’t hurt. Not even emotionally. He was honestly okay with her not being into him, not even because she seemed to be interested in being friends. When she said no, it honestly felt like a weight off his shoulders.
Turns out, holding onto those feelings is what actually feels so hard.
Felt Tip felt himself smile as he walked back. He learned a valuable lesson today.
Every time, whatever may happen, whatever result you may get, the best thing you can do is just send it.
