Lunar Landing

by 8r0ny

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Romance, Princess Luna, Profanity, Random, Sex
Length: 28254

When the Elements of Harmony banished Nightmare Moon it took Luna with her to the moon...or so they thought. In actuality she was sent to Earth while the Nightmare was sent to the moon. So now what? Guess you'll have to read more.

Story updates very slowly, read at your own risk.

Much to Celestia's dismay, she had to banish Luna to rid the world of the Nightmare. The Elements of Harmony, detecting the good in Luna, sent her somewhere else. Enter me, Shawn. I'm just you're average, antisocial guy trying to make my way through college. One day I start noticing things happening around me. What was causing them, well I would have never expected this!

Mild to strong profanities
Many Theater references
Sex tag is for security, better safe than sorry.

Published 2018-01-24 02:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2019-12-14 17:05:04 UTC

Day Two

The next morning my alarm struggled to arouse me from my blissful slumber. I was just so content sleeping there that I almost considered sleeping through it, but a grunt and some movement told me the Lunar Princess did not appreciate the obnoxious noises so early in the morning.

I turned over to silence my phone, still contemplating staying in bed and skipping classes. That was until I remembered it was Saturday.

“Why do I have an alarm set for today?” I wondered aloud before reading the alarms name out loud. “‘Chroma-Q light demo’...fuck.”

I rolled out of bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I really wanted to stay in bed, but Conrad would be furious if I missed this demo. He knew what he wanted but I knew what we needed. I was an important part of this meet up, and I’d get a free lunch out of it, so I went about getting ready. I was grabbing my keys when Luna finally looked up to see what all the commotion was. She blinked wearily, flashed her horn, and her head flopped back to the pillow.

“Tracking spell, I’ll catch up later.” She said snuggling back under the covers.

I would have replied but by the look of things she was already asleep again. At least she’s good enough at magic that she didn’t accidentally transform me into a dog or something in her half-asleep state. So with that in mind I made my way outside to the snowy ~~shithole~~ wonderland that awaited me.

“Too slick for car, guess I’ll walk.” I said as I made my way to campus. I usually walked but today was Saturday, meaning I could park in the staff lot without getting ticketed. Parking was really the reason I didn’t drive too often, that and the fact that it was only two or three minutes faster than walking. But my car kinda sucks in the snow so I walked regardless.

I got to PAC almost half an hour before the salesman was scheduled to arrive, which was fine because I could unlock the drama theater and get some stuff ready for him. With that in mind I turned on the works to let them warm up, and made my way over to the fly rail to lower in the syc.

“Syc coming in.” I said loudly out of habit. I decided to also lower a baton so some lights could be hung if need be. Again, out of habit I announced the incoming of the pipe. “Baton mid-stage coming in.”

With the baton and syc in I went to the shop next door to grab some extension cords so the lights could be powered along with whatever board was brought. I ran three to separate outlets to keep from drawing too much from the same area. Although all the lights are LED’s, they can still draw a lot. Better safe than sorry.

“You read my mind.” Conrad said entering into the drama theater. “What do you have in the air right now?”

“I have a PAR backwash that could be used for light.” I replied seeing him eyeing the work lights. “Dimmers one-forty through one-eighty counting by fives. Three per Electric starting on the fifth.”

“That will work, can he plug in down here?” He asked looking to the walls for a DMX plug.

“There’s a place to patch in behind the false proscenium.” I replied already making my way up to the booth. “I’ll grab a hundred foot DMX and get it set up.”

“That’ll work.” He said grabbing some chairs and setting them mid-stage.

I climbed the ladder that lead to the booth, there were other ways to get there but this was the quickest. Once there I searched for a DMX cable I could borrow. Unfortunately they were all shorted cables that couldn't be used. I made my way to the sound booth, it has a folding window we usually kept open, to tell Conrad.

“Nothing of use here, I’m gonna run to the electric shop. Need anything else while I’m down there?” I asked getting a shake of his head. “Ok, I’ll be back.

I made my way to the stairs and headed down to the second floor, walked down a few hallways, took another set of stairs to the first floor, and entered the light shop. It was unlocked but I felt like I knew why.

“Didn’t sleep too much longer did you.” I asked the empty shop. I closed the door and turned on the lights. “Good guess on where I would be though.”

“You practically live here.” Luna said dropping her invisibility spell. “I’ve only known you for a day and I know that.”

“Such is the life of a techie.” I sighed opening up the cabinet and grabbing a DMX cord. “So what are your plans today?”

“Stalk you of course.” She said smiling. “You live quite the interesting life here.”

“Really.” I deadpanned. “I’m setting up for a salesman to demonstrate lighting equipment. One out of ten even find that remotely interesting and there will be five of us in that room. You being legitimately interested is highly unlikely by those made up statistics.”

“You forget that this ‘electricity’ is new to me.” She said glancing around at all the light fixtures hanging from batons above. “Magic can’t even do what you did yesterday.”

“You have theater right?” I asked curious.

“Yes, we have plays performed.” She replied. “Usually around Hearths Warming.”

“What do you use to light them?” I asked. “Candles? Because humanity used that once...so many theaters lost.”

“We use the sun's light, redirected with mirrors.” She said.

“O my.” I said closing the cabinet. “That’s just sad. You guys need to fix that.”

“Well now I will definitely attend this light showing.” She said haughtily. “And maybe I can take the knowledge back home with me.”

“If you insist Princess.” I said bowing in a mock fashion. “Right this way...invisibly.”

She just smiled, shaking her head before recasting her spell and disappearing from view. I waved her through the door, feeling her brush against me to let me know she was through before shutting and locking it. We made our way upstairs and back into the theater. I plugged in the DMX and ran it to the same area the power cables were run. Just as I was finishing, George came in.

“You’re putting it there?” He asked mockingly. “I would have put it over there.”

“You want it there, move it yourself.” I said with a slight grin. “You’re getting payed for this, I’m not.”

“Ahh, but your pay is knowledge.” He countered. “And isn't that worth even more?”

“Hmm, I’ll check. Next time I go to the grocery store I’ll tell them all about lights and see if they give me food.” I said full on smiling at this point. He just waved me off and took a seat next to Conrad, who was on the phone.

“Yup come in that door and straight across the hall.” He said, presumably talking to the salesman.

“Where’s Daz?” George asked. I shrugged. “How’s he gonna be the new ME if he doesn't learn.”

“I still have three minutes before the scheduled time.” Daz said coming in the side door.

“Early is on time, on time is late, late is fired.” I said leaning back in my chair, eliciting a glare from Conrad as he hung up the phone.

“That's bad for the chair.” He said. “And he’ll be here any moment.”

I ignored Conrad's warnings and continued leaning back while we waited. Once the salesman arrived we helped him bring in the equipment. He had a large moving light, some moving pars of different sizes, a LED Leco style light and a board he used to show the lights. The demo, to me, was quite mundane. I saw all these lights and more at USITT (United States Institute for Theater Technology) last year. But Conrad and George having not gone, were impressed with them. I could only imagine what Luna thought. After an hour or so of showing each light and answering any questions we had, the showing was over.

“So would you guys like to go get something to eat?” The salesman said. “My treat.”

“I have rehearsal to attend to but thanks for the offer.” Daz said, shaking the man's hand before leaving.

“Anyone else have things to do?” He asked the three of us.

I was going to say I had something to do but Luna must have read my mind.

“Go.” She whispered into my ear. I almost lost my shit, but managed to play off my jump scare as an itchy leg.

“Ok, let's pack up and we can figure out where to go.” He said as he started tearing down his console.

Packing up was as quick as unloading and before long we were on our way to El Canelos, a Mexican joint I suggested. Luna obviously couldn't ride in the van with us but as we were packing she let me know she would just fly overhead. Once there I excused myself to the bathroom so I could talk with her. After entering the bathroom, feeling her brush by me, I locked the door for privacy.

“How you doin?” I asked worried about her. “Must be boring just sitting and listening.”

“Are you kidding?” She said leaving herself invisible. “That was the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen!”

“O, ok...well do you want anything from here?” I asked realizing she probably had not eaten for way longer than was comfortable. “It’s Mexican...I don’t know if you like Mexican...or know what it is?”

“I don't know but it smells amazing.” She said, ironically in the bathroom. “I’ll let you know if I do. How will I eat it though?’

“I figured before we left I’d order something to go and say it’s for a friend.” I said simply. “So you’ll have to wait till we get home but you’ll get food.”

There was a knock at the door signifying another patron needed to use it. I looked in the direction I thought luna was in and mouthed the words ‘ready’. I felt a snoot on my shoulder signifying she was. And with that we left the bathroom and joined the rest at the table. There were four of us, but we were sat at a six person table. This left a large area unused. Perfect for a certain invisible someone to sit and not be in the way.

While I looked at my menu, flipping the pages even though I knew what I wanted, Luna peered over my shoulder.

“I’ll just get what you’re getting.” She whispered into my ear. I just bobbed my head, signifying I understood and set down the menu.

As we ate we talked about what we did, fun stories, and just made conversation. I thought we would talk business about what we were going to buy from his shop but we didn’t. Maybe that was for later, who knows. Once we were all done eating and just talking I got the waiter's attention and put in my second order, explaining to everyone I would pay, and that it was for a friend. All of it was true, it's just the friend was here but couldn't eat.

We headed back to the PAC and again, Luna flew overhead. I wish I could have seen her fly, or that I could fly, but that's neither here nor there. Once we got back to PAC, we said our goodbyes to the salesman.

“I'll talk it over with Shawn, we’ll get a wish list together and send it to the Dean.” Conrad said.

“And with any luck, we can get some lights.” George added. “Without luck, it was nice meeting with you.”

“Thanks, and Shawn.” The salesman replied. “Once you graduate, if you send your resume to Chroma-Q, I’ll put in a good word for you.

“Thank you so much, I’ll see where life takes me.” I told him. In reality I have no interest in their company. Their lights are cool, but not where I want to be in the business.

He headed out and Conrad said we’d talk more on Monday so I made my walk home. On my way, Luna talked with me.

“Those lights were impressive.” She said again. “Electricity is amazing.”

“I’ll set you up once we get back.” I said holding my phone. I wanted it to look like I wasn't just talking to myself. “Once you get the hang of it, the internet is a plethora of information. You can learn just about anything if you know what to search.”

“Why do you not take advantage of this?” She asked. “If you are able to learn anything, why not learn everything?”

“You ever hear the saying ‘Jack of all trades, but master of none?” I asked.

“No, I haven't. What does it mean, and who is Jack?” She replied.

“Jack doesn't matter, what it means is that you know a little of everything but not a lot about anything.” I answered. “Our whole civilization runs off of that. What they don't know is the rest of that saying is, ‘But still better than a master of one.’”

“So knowing a little of everything is better than knowing a lot about one thing?” She said confused. “Isn't that what I said?”

“It is. But that's not how we think.” I replied. “People are very culturally driven. We do things because we always have, and we think certain ways because that's how it's always been.”

“How do you progress then?” Luna asked. “With behavior like that, civilization would be at a standstill.”

“Because we have a select few that break the mold.” I answered. “Sometimes they’re tyrants, sometimes they’re heroes. They can be thought of as mentally ill, or geniuses. It’s all how our society perceives them.”

“I can understand that part.” Luna said. “Many brilliant unicorns are socially shunned because of how much time they put into their work instead of being social. Ponies are inherently social creatures, so when somepony breaks the norm they are ‘weird’.”

“Exactly. That's how we operate sometimes too. But with how much our culture evolves, sometimes they are seen as revolutionary. But sometimes their ideas come before we are ready and they get written off.” I replied as I made my way into my house.

“So what so you do?” Luna asked as we climbed the steps. “Where do you fall on the spectrum?”

“I like to think I’m on the outside.” I said smiling. “I hate socializing so that would normally make me an outcast...but recently that's become more acceptable. Then I learn more than I need to, making people think I know too much about extraneous things. And to top it all off, I know how the system works. So I mold my way back into society to make a living.”

“That all sounds extremely complicated.” Luna said thinking. “But does explain you a little.”

“Oh? And what do you mean by that?” I asked.

“You behave around each person you interact with differently.” Luna replied, speaking slow and choosing her words to express her thoughts. “While most people have two or three personas, you have one for literally every person I’ve seen you interact with so far.”

“That's where the understanding the system comes in.” I replied, thinking it over. I never really thought about how I interacted with people. “I act like I think they would want me to without really thinking.”

“And it makes me wonder if you put up yet another personalized persona for me.” She said. I think there was a little hurt behind her words, but I couldn't be sure.

“From what I can tell, I did.” I started. “However, I am slowly reverting to completely normal, without any sort of filters or edits to my behavior...this is quite interesting because it usually takes me a year or more with someone I’d actually consider a friend before I start being myself. And I’ve hardly known you a day, and I’m controlling myself less with you than any of my friends.”

“And why do you think that is?” Luna said as we sat on my bed, food forgotten.

“Maybe because we have so much in common.” I started. “You like the things I like, you have the same cynical humor, you like to sleep naked.”

“Do you, maybe...like me too?” Luna said blushing hard.

“I do like you.” I said, choosing my next words carefully. Not because I was afraid of her reaction, no. But because I wasn't sure. “I like you...I like you a lot, but I don’t quite know how much yet.”

“I see.” She said simply. “Well I know how much I like you.”

“Do you?” I said interested, yet oblivious. “And that would be?”

She didn't answer, instead she pushed me back onto the bed and gave me a big, long kiss. Once she was done she sat up, winked, and used her telekinesis to pick up her food and walk to my computer desk. She even swayed her hips on her way over...hot.

However she didn’t make it to the desk. She dropped her froze in place, dropping her food.

“Whoa, what’s up?” I said standing up and walking towards her.

“She knows.” Luna said quietly. “My sister figured it out.”

“She what?” I said confused. “Your sister figured what out.”

“She realized I’m not on the moon.” She said turning around and starting to pace back and forth. “She realized I was separated from the Nightmare and that I’m not on the moon. And she’s trying to reach me. I can feel her magic and I’m sure she can feel mine as well.”

“How did she find out so quickly?” I asked confused. “Aren’t you in another universe or whatever?”

“Yes, I am.” She replied. “But it hasn't just been a day and a half for her. I can tell that Celestia’s magic has changed, a change this big would have taken many many years. It must have been decades for her...maybe melania!”

“Hundreds of years?” I said. “How can hundreds of years pass in the matter of a day and a half?”

“There must be a time dislocation between us and Equis.” She said stopping her pacing. “But she’s making progress at an alarming rate for me, but to her it's taking much longer. She can already sense me more clearly now. Soon she will be able to locate me in the cosmos, then maybe she can take me home!”

“That's great!” I said hiding my disappointment. Yah, I’m happy she’s going home...but I really clicked with her in the short time we had together. “How soon do you think?”

“A day at most.” She said thinking. “But I think much less, maybe a few hours.”

“Wow, are you excited?” I asked, curious to what she was feeling. “Are you happy to go home?”

“I am happy I can return.” She said, with a pause. “And I can tell my sister needs me. But I’ve only been gone for a short time to me...and I don't want to leave you.”

“Oh?” I said, pumping my fist in my head. “But your sister needs you, and your world probably misses you. You’ve been gone for a long time.”

“Do you want me to go?” She said morosely, stopping her pacing.

“No, I don't.” I said, no longer hiding my thoughts. “I want you to stay honestly. We really hit it off, and I want to continue our relationship...but what I want and what an entire planet needs are two very different things.”

“Maybe you can come with me!” She said starting to grasp at anything. “You can come with me and eventually we can return you. With the time difference you’d only be gone for a little bit.”

“But what of my age?” I replied, not entirely hating her idea. “If I suddenly go from being in my twenties to my forties...I don’t even know what people would think.”

“Maybe there’s time correction when you jump the time gap?” She said, starting to pace again. “Then you could spend most of your life in Equestria, come back, regain youth, and return to Equestria once more!”

“That's some fountain of youth shit right there.” I said scratching my head. “You know what, I have until Monday till anyone needs me. And if what you say is true, I’ll be gone from here at an hour at most. Why not venture a little?”

“Really?” Luna said excitedly. “You’d cross the universe to spend more time with me?”

“I didn't think of it like that..”I said before I could catch myself, but I tried to save it. “It’s more like crossing the universe with you.”

“I feel like a little filly reading a romance novel.” She said, obviously taking my cover well.

“But...this is all assuming everything works like we are hoping.” I said, having to rain on her romantic parade wasn’t fun, but we had to look at reality before she got too far in. “We aren’t sure if Celestia will be able to bring you back, if she will bring me back, if time will or will not fuck us.”

“I see some bucking in my future alright.” Luna said under her breath.

“What was that?” I said, not hearing her.

“I said I hope the future works out alright…” She said unconvincingly, but I decided it wasn’t important.

“Well, I know there’s a lot happening now, but you should get to use my computer while you have the chance. Get some knowledge to take home with yah.” I said walking to my computer, picking up the dropped to-go box. The food was...unrecognizable, but it’s Mexican so it’ll taste the same.

“Well if I can take you I’ll have all sorts of knowledge.” She said pouting as she made her way over as well. She sat on the floor in front of the keyboard as I opened Firefox up.

“This is google.” I said gesturing at the screen. “Ask it anything and you can get all sorts of answers.”

“How does electricity work?” She said at the screen, causing me to facepalm. “Why isn’t it working?”

“One sec, I'll turn on my microphone and set…” I paused realizing she had no idea what I was saying. “I'll get it working. Ok, try now.”

“How does electricity work?” She said again. This time my mic picked up her voice and filled out the search bar for her. It didn't search though. “It still isn't working Shawn.” She whined.

“Ok, I guess I need to teach you about the mouse anyways.” I said as I went over the basics of computering. The mouse, the keyboard, that she couldn't use because although she spoke English, apparently her language had different letters. Eventually she got the hang of it and started learning all about electricity. I went and laid on my bed, waiting for her to call me over to fix something else, bu she never did. And at some point I fell asleep.

I woke up to someone laying on my bed next to me. I assumed it was Luna, her being the only one in my room and all, so I rolled over and threw my arm over her to pull her in. But something was off about her...She was warm for one, not the usual cool fur but warm...really warm. And she was squishier, but still furry and obviously a pony. I opened one eye to investigate only to see not Luna.

“Luna’s dead, it's a ghost!” I yelled, backing off my bed and falling to the floor. “I should have warned you about people! They killed you and now you’re back for revenge!”

“How could you?” Luna's ghost said with a hurt expression. “I trusted you to protect me and instead you fell asleep! Now I’m dead.”

“Nooo, you were so...well I’m not sure how old you were.” I said loosing my dramatics and looking at her inquisitively.

“Two thousand five hundred and thirty seven.” She said simply.

“You’re so...old.” I said confused. “Yet still so sexy, or you were, now you’re dead!”

“Enough of this.” Luna said from the computer. She was looking at the screen really hard, trying to read I guess? “Celestia is here, I explained everything to her before she even arrived, she’s a big goofball.”

Celestia in turn just smiled and looked to me. “So you think my sister hot huh.”

“No.” I said defensively. “I said she was sexy, get it right.”

Luna just sighed from the corner, thought she was blushing.

“Well she has a hot older sister too.” Celestia said, snickering at her own joke as she kept glancing back to her butt.

“What’s so..” I said, finally giving up and looking at her butt too. And lo and behold, there was a sun on her butt. “Did you really get a sun on your butt just to make that joke?”

“No.” She said grinning more. “But it sure has it's...wait for it...ups and downs!” She lost it at this point. She was rolling around on my bed, a mess of hooves, wings, and feathers.

“O my me, that was too good!” She said between her laughter. “Ups and downs, I’m going to have to remember that one.”

“How come you never asked about my moon?” Luna said, finally looking away from the screen.

“Because I wasn’t staring at your butt?” I lied. I had indeed been staring and I did want to know about her moon, but I felt like if I brought it up...yah. “O hey, look. Luna, what's with your moon butt?”

“Moonbutt!” Celestia yelled, losing herself again to fits of laughter. “This is too much, I’m gonna pee myself!”

“First of all, it's on my flank.” Luna said, blushing and angry all the same. “Secondly, it's a cutie mark, everypony gets one, and it shows our purpose in life. And finally,” She paused looking bashful again. “Do you like it?”

“It's awesome.” I said truthfully, but then it digressed. “I love ASStronomy!”

That was the final straw, Celestia lost her marbles. I'm not entirely sure what happened, but one second she was there laughing so hard she was crying and then there was a flash and she was gone. All that was left was a black spot in my vision and feathers.

“Did she just laugh so hard she exploded?” I asked, a little worried.

“No, she teleported away.” Luna said. She wasn’t even mad anymore, just done with my shit. “Probably so she didn't wet your bed.”

“Well that was nice of her I guess.” I said awkwardly. “And in all seriousness, I do really like your cutie mark. If I were to get a tattoo, it would look like that.”

“Really, that's so sweet.” She said gushing. “What’s tattoo?”

Google beat me to it. Apparently she worked it out so it would auto search after it filled out the search bar, click the first link, and read it out loud.

“A tattoo is a form of body modification where a design is made by inserting ink, dyes and pigments, either indelible or temporary, into the dermis layer of the skin to change the pigmint.” The voice read out.

“You’d do that for me?” She asked, genuinely taken back. “Permanently alter your body?”

“Sure I would.” I said easily. Of course that isn't what I meant by ‘I would get one like that’ but I let her have this one. I was serious though, it was a simple yet cool design and if she wanted me to get it, I would have no regrets...as long as it wasn't on my face. “That help you figure out how much I like you?”

“It’s certainly a good indication.” She said opening and closing her wings a few times. Either a nervous twitch, or she was warm...couldn’t tell. And before I could think much more on it Celestia flashed back into the room.

“Sis you gotta take this one home with you.” She said still slightly out of breath from her laugh attack. “I literally peed myself! I had to teleport into the woods so I didn't make a mess of his bed! He’s awesome!”

“We were just discussing that.” She said ignoring most of what her sister had said. “He’s willing to come back to Equestria for a while.”

“Yup.” I said cheerily. “Although only for a few Equestria months or so. Unless time passing between worlds is...do you know what will happen?”

“Unfortunately I do not.” Celestia said. “I have realized that time passes differently between the worlds, but it may be possible to choose when to arrive. I’m going to try it on our way back because if not, I have been gone for years by now.”

“So time travel and inter-dimensional travel...somehow it doesn't surprise me.” I said. “So, if that works out, I can live an entire lifetime in Equestria then come back to the moment I left and be the same age as when I left?”

“Theoretically yes.” Celestia said. “When we’re in Equestria I’ll have my student Twilight work on the specifics of it. And when your month or so is up and you come back, we can test then as well. If it all works out you could potentially be immortal.”

“I don't know how I feel about that.” I said scratching my head.

“I do.” Luna said from beside me. Her wings were twitching again...probably hot.

“Yes you do.” Celestia said with a knowing grin. “However I don't think he knows you know.”

“Well she just said it…” I said confused. “So I know that.”

“That's some impressive obliviousness you have there.” Luna said confused. “The whole town should know...you know what, never mind. Humans are weird.”

“Indeed.” Celestia said somewhat curiously. “Regardless, lets get home. I’ve left Cadence in charge too long.”

“Not Twilight?” Luna asked. “Thought she would be your go to mare.”

“I thought about it, but I didn’t think she could deal with the stress for the years I would be away.” She replied starting to charge her horn. “For a few months, sure, but not years.”

“Wait, are we going like now?” I asked confused. “Can I at least-”

I didn't even get to finish my sentence before I was hurtled into a cosmic blender of time and space.

Author's Note

Another Chapter! I wrote myself out of the corner in sharpie! All over the walls! I'm so screwed...
Enjoy!

Impact

I awoke not recalling passing out. Celestia was going to get quite a verbal lashing, as soon as I get my eyes open...open...OPEN! I realized my eyes were open, but it was just so dark that I couldn’t see a thing.

“Hello?” I called out, trying to get the attention of one of the alicorns that brought me here. But no response came.

“Celestia? Luna?” I tried again. “Your teleportation sucks and you should feel bad.” Still silence.

I tried to stand only to hit my head on something jagged.

“Son of a dick.” I said rubbing my head. “Why are the ceilings so low and hard.”

I slowly stood again, feeling my way around. From what I could tell I was in a cave of some sort. The tunnel was narrow and short, and with nothing else to do I picked a direction and felt my way down it.

“Welcome to Equestria, here's oppressive darkness.” I said cynically. “I didn't even get the chance to make up a story for why I’m gone to my roommates.”

I continued down the small tunnel for a little longer until I found a light green glow in the distance. Deciding it was better than nothing I made my way over. Once I got closer it looked like the tunnel opened up, and my back rejoiced.

“Slightly more freedom!” I said as I exited the narrow tunnel into the eerily lit area. “But still completely lost.”

Looking around I noted the area I emerged in looked more like a room than just a bigger cave thing. The main reason for that was the furniture looking pieces made of black obsidian like materials. And the lights from above that resembled...goo?

“Da fuq is that.” I said to no one in particular. “Is that shit radioactive? These are the types of things that I would have liked to be told about before I get thrown into another dimension. It’s a wonder I didn't suffer from some weird mutations.”

“Intruder!” Something hissed. Notify the Queen!”

I turned to see who was yelling but my attention was instead directed to a set of green cat-like eyes looking at me from the corner of the room.

“No need, I’ve been watching him from the start.” A two toned voice said from the darkness. “Welcome stranger, what brings you to my chambers?”

“Uhh, a series of unfortunate events really.” I said as the figure slowly stepped out of the shadows. “Nice room you have here...how do I leave?”

“Interesting.” She laughed. “Nopony has been able to infiltrate even the upper levels of the hive. Yet here you are, in the most secure room of all, saying you’re lost?”

She finally stepped into view. O the humanities...what in the world was I looking at. Another pony like Luna and her sister? Maybe, but it looked like she was dipped in tar and shot multiple times. But keeping my composure I replied coolly.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” I said smartly. “What the fuck are you!?”

Nailed it.

“I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings.” She said proudly. “And you are my new toy.”

“Kinky.” I said, still a little terrified of what was happening. “So is that goop radioactive? Because that would explain a lot about why you look like that. But I feel like I should let you know that humans don’t react well with radioactivity.”

“What in Tartarus are you blabbering on about?” She asked angrily. “I don't know what radioactive means but I assure you I don't look like this because of it.”

“O...then why do your legs look like Swiss cheese?” I asked. “Did you get in a fight?”

“That's enough out of you.” She said, quickly zapping me with her horn, leaving me in a cocoon with only my head free. “I’m gonna drain every last ounce of love out of you.”

“Well, you said toy but I really didn't think you meant it.” I said getting a little worried. “You realize you limited me in every area except talking though don’t you?”

Yah, shouldn't have said that. Another zap and now my mouth was coated in the same slime as the rest of me. With nothing better to do I waggled my eyebrows and winked.

“Guards, take this thing to the love harvesting chamber.” Chrysalis ordered. “I'll be in there shortly.”

Great, now I’m gonna get carried to her kinky sex dungeon. What a world this Equestria is. Two smaller abominations picked me up off the ground and carried me out. They looked similar to Chrysalis but smaller. And their eyes were a solid light blue, no iris, no pupil, just blue. I didn't have too much time to study them because we were once again plunged into darkness.

“Mhmm mmmm hhmm mhmm.” I said. “Mhhh hhhhh mmm hmh mmh?”

“What?” One of the guards asked, probably female. “ I can't understand you.”

“Why even bother talking to it?” The second guard replied, sounding more masculine. “He’s just food now.”

“Mhhm?” I asked. “Mhhm hhhmm mhmhmm.”

“But he sounded so witty earlier.” The first guard continued. “And you can taste him, he seemed pretty honest.”

“Hmm?” I hmmed.

“Whatever, it's on you.” The male guard said dismissively.

And with permission from him she zapped the slime off my mouth.

“Hello.” I said. “Whats up?”

“What were you saying before?” The female guard asked. “You tasted funny.”

“I’ll tell you but in return you will need to tell me when you licked me and how I missed it.” I said confused at her words. “And in order it was, why’s it so dark, you guys can see? Then, food? No sex dungeon? And finally, hmm?”

“Wait what was the last one.” The female guard griped.

“It was legitimately 'hmm'. As in the nonverbal form of what.” I explained. “Now what's this licking business and how’d I miss it?”

“Licking?” The male guard asked. “No one was licking you.”

“But you said I tasted funny.” I deadpanned. “And also honest and I really can't place that one. Is it meaty?”

“That's pretty close honestly.” The female guard said a little surprised. “You eat meat?”

“Yah, I’m omnivorous.” I answered. “You eat people?”

“In a way.” The male guard said cryptically.

“What's all this love nonsense then.” I asked. “The big bad over there was saying she was gonna drain my love and y’all say I’m food. I guess you could eat me after I take a ride through the sex dungeon…”

“The what!?” Both guards exclaimed, dropping me in their surprise.

“Ouch.” I said simply, after bashing my head on the floor. “That was unpleasant.”

“We do not have a sex dungeon!” The female guard defended. “What in the world gave you that idea?”

“Really?” I said woozily. I think I was bleeding. “Draining me of love sure sounds like a big ol rape scenario to me.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” The male guard said shaking his head as he worked with the other guard to pick me back up.

“Well sorry if I think the things that captured me want to do awful things to me.” I said rolling my eyes. “I’ve only been on this planet for like twenty minutes you know.”

Bonk.

That was the sound of my head hitting the floor again. Good thing these things were short. If I fell from any higher I might have gotten dain brammage.

“If I wasn’t bleeding before, I’m sure I am now.” I said, wishing I could hold my head, or better yet smash theirs together. “What kind of sick comedy skit did I drop in on.”

“You’re an alien?” The female guard asked, her eyes lighting up...literally putting out light. “That's so cool!”

“To you, I guess I am.” I said pondering. “And to me you are.”

“I thought he looked like a weird Minotaur.” The male guard commented.

“You fuckin what mate?” I said. “A Minotaur? Like the mythical beast? What's next griffons and hydras?”

Silence.

“You gotta be fucking with me.” I said dumbfounded. “I should have researched this place like Luna was researching Earth.”

“You know Princess Luna?” The female guard asked, losing her starstruck look. “This isn’t good.”

“This is more than not good, this is bad.” The male guard said alarmed. “Is she looking for you?”

“Well I imagine she is.” I said confused as to their alarm. Maybe they weren't on good terms? “Her and Celestia were the ones that brought me here, they are probably worried that I didn't appear next to them.”

“This is very bad!” The male guard said, losing most of his cool collected composure. “I’ll notify the queen, you get him out of here!”

“Guessing you guys aren't pals?” I asked knowingly.

“Well the sisters have been trying to wipe us out for a while now.” The female guard said zapping me free from my cocoon of suffering. “And having you here will lead them straight to our hive. So if you could work with us and get out that would be great.”

“O, well that's not nice.” I said. “But I’m all for getting out of here. Which way do we go?”

What a question, it was left-left-right-left-right-up-right-strait and some other ways. This place wasn't just huge, it was also a labyrinth. How the guards knew which way to go was beyond me. After about five minutes of running around I finally had enough, I needed a break.

“Go on without me.” I said out of breath. “I’ll only slow you down.”

“No way.” The guard replied, backtracking to get back to where I fell over. “You’re the whole reason we’re running at all. You need to get out of here!”

“Who’s to say that Luna didn't already use the tracking spell to find my location.” I said breathing heavy. “She already knows where I am, so making me go outside doesn't really do anything.”

“If you’re outside she won't know you were abducted by changelings.” She said pausing. “Wait no, we didn't abduct you, you appeared here.”

“That aside, who's to say I don’t just tell her where this place is?” I said, finding serious flaws in this plan.

“Because you’re nice?” She said desperately. “Come on can't you help a ling out?”

“There are way too many things I don't know to even begin this conversation.” I said shaking my head. “If this all works out and I leave before they find me I’ll play along. But you can bet your shiny eyeballs I’m gonna do some research on you guys.”

“Yes fine whatever.” She said bouncing from one hoof to hoof. “Now let's go! We’re halfway there.”

“What?” I said standing and starting to jog after her. “Halfway? What the hell is this, Aperture Laboratories?”

“I don't know what that means but would agreeing with you make you faster?” She asked.

“It was rhetorical so not really.” I answered. “But if you did I would feel like my joke went over better.”

“Then yes, this is Aperture.” She said quickly, totally killing the fun in the process. “Lets go!”

And thus my journey continued. Escape from this stupid big and convoluted underground hell. At least it was lit now not sure what was up with that tunnel off the queens room but since then it’s been bright enough to not bust my face. Good thing because I lost enough blood from the two spit take guards dropping me. Finally, after another five minutes and two breaks, I could see outside light.

“There's the exit.” The guard exclaimed. “Get out of here quick.”

“Yah yah, I’m going.” I said quite out of breath at this point. “Thanks for having me, I probably won’t visit.”

I made my way to the mouth of the cave to see a winter shithole. Great.

“You guys got a spare coat or something?” I said stopping at the entrance looking out across white landscape. “I forgot mine on a different planet.”

“No, sorry. Go!” The guard said pushing me out.

“You imbecile, he needs to go much further than that!” Chrysalis said rounding the corner. “I'll teleport him away.”

“No no no, I have bad experiences with that.” I said frantically. “Last time I ended up here!”

“And we all regret it.” She sneered, charging her horn. “Get lost, and stay away from us!”

“That's what I’m afraid of!” I said, eyes wide. But it was to late, she already fired her green beam of world warping energy at me.

I fell and rolled down a, thankfully, grass covered mountainside. Not like the whole thing, but at least a hundred feet or so. Once I finally stopped I looked back to where I thought I came from to glare at basically nothing.

“Fuck you too guys.” I said to the air. “Guess I’ll aimlessly wander here now.”

I didn’t plan on it. The sky was starting to get dark, a storm was brewing and I had cargo pants and a t-shirt on. I didn't even have shoes. If I didn't find another cave to hang out in soon, I’d get soaked, and that is never fun.

I got to my feet and started looking for a cave to take shelter in. I finally found one as it started to sprinkle and made my way inside, just kinda hoping it wasn't occupied.

Once inside a crack of thunder threatened to split the mountain in half. I shook involuntarily, that was some wild weather out there. I ventured further into the cave, half out of curiosity and half because I wanted to see if I was alone or not. That and the storm started to pick up making it a little chilly where I was. If it was deep enough it should be warmer than the entrance. If not, it's at least dry and not windy.

Turns out this cave was quite deep. As I felt my way deeper I could actually feel the temperature picking up. I kept going until it started getting stifling hot. I stopped where I was, sweat running down my face.

“What the hell is this.” I said out loud. “Is there lava down here or something?”

I decided to take a break before venturing on any further. Breathing deeply I started to dissect my situation. To try and find the best course of action.

“Hot here, cold outside.” I said. “Could find a good midpoint and wait for my rescue. No telling when that would be though.”

I thought a little longer.

“Well first I’m thirsty.” I said getting up and making my way back to the entrance. “It’ll be tough to gather the rain but whatever. I’ll just strip so my clothes stay dry. And after I get water, I’ll see if I can snag some wood from a tree nearby to start a fire or something.”

And I did just that. I made it to the entrance again, the crisp air felt great for all of ten seconds. Then it was chilly, I did sweat a bit. I got my water, looked at some nearby trees from the cave, and made my way back from the entrance a little bit.

“You know other than food and oppressive darkness, this isn't so bad.” I said leaning against the warm wall. “And, you know, basic comforts.”

I sighed, and started getting prepped to run outside again. The prepping didn’t really take that long, it was really more of a “ok lets go” and then I went. And surprise, it was still raining, and the sun was starting to set so I needed to finish my scavenging soon.

“Ok, run to that tree, snap off some lower branches that are dead, maybe a few live ones too, and come back.” I told myself. “See if I can make another run before it’s too dark. If I lose my cave I’m screwed.”

I managed three runs before my soaking socks and dimming light said it was enough. I was still wearing socks to provide some protection, if I just had time to grab my shoes and jacket, I would be so much less miserable. And my phone, that would at least be useful as a flashlight and time killer.

I removed my socks, strained them out and used them as makeshift towels. Once I was kinda more dry, I put my clothes back on, skipping my underwear. That could wait till I was completely dry, wet underwear and socks were the worst, and I already had one of those.

I felt my way down to a comfortable if a little cool depth of the cave, dragging my spoiles. Once I had everything I got to work blindly making a fire. The cave angled downwards so as long as I stayed towards the inside, the smoke should go up and out. After a few minutes of rubbing sticks together I had two slightly warm sticks.

“This sucks.” I said simply. “I don't even need fire, I’m just doing this to kill time. How big is Equestria and how long does it take two ponies that can teleport through dimensions to find a guy in a cave?”

“Even if I’m in a different cave now…” I said pausing. “Ok, I can give them a little break for that one, no idea how far I was teleported. At Least it’s not blizzarding out like it was where I was before.”

I decided to try and chip at the cave. Maybe there was some flint and that could get me fire. I did have my Gerber after all. I took my phone out of my pocket to sleep but my Gerber stays on till my pants come off.

Clack, clack, clack, was the tune I worked to for a while. But I was finally rewarded with a chunk of cave stuffs.

“This feels surprisingly like flint.” I said feeling the piece over. “What are the odds of that?”

I opened my multi-tool and flipped out the file. No need to destroy my knife blade, I might need it. Striking the chunk with the file produced a tiny little spark, but it was enough. Using my knife I shaved the wet bark off a few sticks, then shaved some dry wood into a small pile. Then I made a lean to formation of small sticks partly over it. I prefer log cabin but in this situation a lean to would work better. Striking my flint ball I managed to catch the pile of shavings alight, thus spreading to the rest of the lean to.

“I got fire, I got fire.” I sang. “Take that nobody in particular. I made fire!”

“You have some pretty impressive survival skills.” A female voice said behind me.

“What the fuck!” I totally calmly replied, whirling around with a stick and striking whatever just snuck up on me.

Thunk!

…

Flop.

“Oops.” I said, looking down at the unconscious form of the female guard from before. “Sorry about that.”

I stepped out of the way letting the light from the fire spill over her now unconscious form. She didn’t look to worse for wear other than the crack in her head.

“O god you have a crack in your head!” I exclaimed. “Shit I’m sorry! We need to stop the...bleeding?”

There was no blood. Well, regardless she was knocked unconscious by blunt force so I can’t imagine she will feel to good upon waking up. I carefully picked her up and set her a little closer to the fire. Lacking any sort of comforts, I decided to lay her head in my lap as I sat cross legged.

This also gave me a good view to look at her head. I added a few sticks to the fire to provide more light. There was indeed a crack, but it looked like just the outer layer of her hard shell.

“That's good I guess.” I said as I studied her. “At least your brains aren’t leaking out. I’d kinda feel bad if they were.”

With not much else to do, I occupied myself studying her form in the fire light. Not in a perverted way or anything, but she is kinda an alien, or I guess I am...wonder if they have that weird thing about anal probing here?

“The fuck are you thinking about.” I said rubbing my forehead. “Maybe I should get some sleep. If she wants to kill me when she wakes up so be it.”

First I removed my socks and laid them out by the fire to dry. Then I carefully shifted so I was laying down, with her head now resting on my chest. It was exceedingly uncomfortable laying on the stone, but using her as a pillow seemed kinda like insult to injury. Injury I caused for no real reason other than being startled.

With her being closer to my face now I noticed little twitches of her ears and nostrils. So her blunt force trauma coma had transitioned into nap time. Well she was just on guard duty, who knows how long she’s been working or if her sleep schedule is messed up.

“Look at me, thinking about the well being of some aliens that tried to ‘drain me of love’ not a few hours prior.” I said quietly to myself. “Then again she is the one that got me out of there...she kinda seemed to take an interest in me. Or at least my alien status.”

I sighed, grabbing some live branches to act as the world's shittiest pillow, and laid down letting my mind wander with the flickering of the fire light. The fact that I was lost on an alien planet settling on a little harder now that I had time to think. What was going to happen to me if Celestia or Luna couldn't find me?

“What a mess those ponies got me into.” I said, looking down to the snoozing changeling. “You too, why in the world did you surprise me like that?”

“Wait, how the hell did you find me so fast!?” I said surprised looking at the still sleeping changeling. “It only took you like two hours to find me, and they can’t? They’re the bloody Princesses.”

Sighing for what had to be the tenth time in the past hour, I closed my eyes and let my mind drift into the twilight between sleep and consciousness. Not wanting to fall completely asleep yet, but also not content to be conscious. It was a weird quirk I developed whenever I slept around others. I never really liked letting my guard completely down. This way I would pass time faster but it usually only felt like I slept an hour even if I kept myself in this state for an entire night.

This time however, I felt like something was pulling me more towards sleep. Like someone was shaking me trying to wake me up, but opposite. I was just about to give in and see why but I heard something. Instantly waking up I stayed frozen, hoping whatever woke me wouldn’t notice.

“There they are, the intruders.” A male voice said quietly from deeper in the cave. “It looks like a changeling and some weird Minotaur.”

“They seem like they are just taking refuge from the storm.” A female voice replied. “We will continue monitoring, no need to get involved if we don't need to.”

Great, another male and female guard set. I need to start learning names or this is going to get confusing.

“Affirmative.” The male voice replied. “I'll inform others to avoid using this entrance.”

The pair retreated back into the depths of the cave. I listened till I was sure they were gone before letting out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

“Looks like we’re of interest.” The changeling snuggled against me whispered. “You are quite the popular one aren't you.”

“Thank goodness you’re alright.” I said smiling a bit. “I was worried I had killed you.”

“This is nothing.” She replied “I’ll put some healing slime on it and it’ll be better by morning.”

“Healing slime?” I said skeptically. “Dare I ask?”

“Umm, I can produce slime that helps me heal?” She said equally as skeptically. “Is that weird?”

“Well...as an alien, yes.” I said laughing a little. “I find that a little strange if not oddly fascinating.”

“Sorry to ask.” She said quietly. “But could you build up the fire again? Changelings aren’t good with cold.”

“Sure thing.” I said sitting up. “But only if you tell me your name.”

“M-my name?” She said, scooching closer to me. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I’m curious silly.” I said stirring the remnants of the fire. “What’s wrong with wanting to know your name?”

“I...I don’t..” She stuttered. “It’s...well…”

“You ok there?” I said adding some sticks to the now small fire. “If you’re uncomfortable sharing that's fine. You don't need to push yourself.”

“I don't have a name.” She sputtered out quickly.

“You...you don't have a name?” I said a little surprised. “How do people get you attention when they want to talk with you?”

“I’m changeling four thirteen twenty-two.” She explained. “Fourth Queen, thirteenth brood, twenty-second hatchling.”

“That's a mouthful.” I said. “Is there a shorter version?”

“Well we usually drop the fourth part because we are all from the fourth Queen other than the Queen herself.” She said scuffing her hoof at the floor.

“Well...I’m gonna give you the nickname Ling.” I said smiling. “Because calling you by a number is weird.”

“But shortening my races name is fine?” She said smiling back. “What about you? I’ve just been calling you alien all this time.”

“I don’t know, I kinda like the ring of that.” I said pausing. “Nah, I’m Shawn.”

“Nice to meet you Shawn.” She said holding out a hoof.

“Likewise Ling.” I said grasping and shaking it. “Well now that I’m sure you won’t kill me and the cave is safe, I’m gonna get some rest.”

“I can keep watch if you want.” She said stretching a bit, looking quite like a cat. “I got some deep sleep from that thwacking you gave me.”

“No, don’t trouble yourself.” I said adding another few sticks to the fire. “You should rest and let that wound heal. What if you have a concussion?”

“A con-who-what?” She said scrunching up her face. “Don’t know what that is but it's just some cracked chitin. Like I said some slime and it’ll be better in no time. Besides, I want to keep the fire going. You’re quite warm, but I don't want to impose.”

“Nonsense.” I said grabbing her by the midsection and pulling her close like a teddy bear, ignoring her adorable squeaks of protest. “There’s no imposing here.”

“Hey, what are you doing.” She said, obviously not really trying to get free. “I’m fine, let me go.”

“Nope.” I replied. “Sleep time for both of us.”

“At least let me put some slime on my crack.” She said.

“Dirty…” I said quietly before releasing her. “Ok, but I want you back here once you’re done.”

“Yah yah.” She said, sitting so I couldn't see what she was doing.

I closed my eyes and began my drift back to my twilight sleep state. After a few minutes I felt Ling snuggle back up to me again. Now satisfied I let my mind drift off completely and I fell asleep.

“Shawn!” I heard a voice call out. “Shawn, come this way.”

“What way.” I replied into the haze around me. “I don't know what way is up, much less where ‘this way’ is.”

“Just come forward.” She continued. “You’re so close.”

“I think I’m coming?” I said, my body drifting forward. “I don’t quite feel right...and who are you? You sound familiar.”

“Just a little further.” She replied. “It will all be clear soon.”

“If that isn't a villainous line I don't know what is.” I said continuing to drift forward through the haze. “Where am-”

I didn’t finish my sentence because a purple hoof grabbed me from my haze and pulled me into darkness. I could feel my body again, but I still wasn’t sure where I was. Only that I was with someone else now.

“Well, I don’t know if this is better or worse.” I said to the darkness. “If this is your idea of clear, I think I have bad news for you...you’re blind.”

“Thank goodness I found you!” The voice excitedly said. “Hold out you and rest it on my back. I’ll take you to where there is light.”

“Ooookaaaay.” I said holding out my hand. I felt something brush against it so I rested my hand on it. “Can’t you tell me anything?”

“Where’s the fun in that.” The what I was becoming sure was a pony replied. “Just follow me for a little.”

And I did. I followed this recently embodied, disembodied voice for a few minutes in dead silence. All I had for guidance was my hand on her back and the clip clop of her hooves. And that was strange because my feet didn't make any noise.

Then, out of nowhere, I could see. Like a blindfold had been lifted, suddenly there was light and color. There were sounds too, making me realize that her hooves were the only noises at all before. Speaking of her, I looked to my right to see who had led me out of the darkness.

And I saw my hand not on a back, but in fact on the butt of who, at first, I thought was Luna, but it wasn't. Her eyes were the right color but the wrong shape, she was slimmer than Luna, darker, sharper teeth, and her mane and tail were more animated and primal than Luna's calm night sky.

“Well, hello there.” I said to this new pony. “Thanks for helping me I think...I am able to see now, but clarity still eludes me.”

“Just a second.” She replied, smiling. Then she was suddenly surrounded by darkness. Like her mane had wrapped around her in a ball, swirling around and crackling with black lighting like energy. Then suddenly it wa dispersed, leaving a smiling Luna in her place.

“Hello Shawn.” She said, smiling and blushing slightly. “Glad I finally found you.”

“Luna!” I exclaimed. I went to hug her a little to quickly and ended up tackling her to the ground. She didn't seem to mind though as she nuzzled my ear. “I’m so happy to see you. You wouldn't believe what I’ve been through.”

“Tell me where you are first.” She said getting serious. “Just in case you wake up unexpectedly.”

“Wake up?” I said, pausing to think. “I’m asleep...I remember now, I fell asleep and ended up in that gray haze. So this is a dream? Dang it.”

“No no, this is good.” She said shaking her head. “I am the ruler of the night remember? Along with the power to move the moon and stars, I also patrol the dream realm to banish nightmares.”

"What?” I said confused. “What kind of crazy super power is that.”

“I’ll tell you soon enough, just tell me where you are.” She said poking me in the chest with a hoof.

“I’m in a cave on a mountain.” I said skeptically. “I’m not familiar with this world so I don’t know how to narrow it down for you.”

“Give me details, I can do some research to determine location.” She said.

“Well it’s storming outside, the cave is deep in the mountain and gets really hot.” I listed off. “Someone lives deep in the caves but they decided to leave us alone, there are-”

“We?” Luna interrupted. “You are with somepony else?”

“Yah, a changeling I met in the hive.” I said dismissively. “The mountain range is-”

“A what!?” She said jumping up. “You need to get away from that thing as quick as possible! And you met her in the hive? You were IN the hive?”

“Yah, I was teleported right into the queens chambers.” I said looking at the now pacing Luna. “They kicked me out when I said you guys were looking for me and Chrysalis teleported me to this new place. Then one of the changeling guards that was carrying me around found me a few hours later and I accidentally knocked her senseless.”

“So she is unconscious at the moment?” She said calming down slightly. “That may buy you some time but I insist you get away while you can.”

“Well, she’s asleep now...probably.” I said explaining a little better. “What do you want, my situation or location? I can only explain one at a time.”

“Situation.” She said quickly. “Changelings are dangerous.”

“Ok, here's the full story.” I said as Luna sat in front of me. “When you teleported me I ended up in darkness…”

Author's Note

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Here's another chapter of this here story thing. To be continued...eventually...maybe.

Level Up

“It has to be a trap.” Luna said still pacing. “Do you remember anything about the hive that would help us track it down? No, never mind, that can come later, I think I have an idea of where you are.”

“Really?” I said a little surprised. “That's great, I’m ready to see more of Equestria that isn’t caves.”

“I’ll have to send a letter first thing in the morning to be sure.” She replied. “But if you’re where I think you are, you’re in good hooves.”

“Good, I don’t want another forcible ejection like last time.” I said a little bitter. “O shit, I wasn’t supposed to tell you about the Changelings...woops.”

“Why not!?” Luna said worried. “Did they threaten you?”

“Well kind of.” I said rubbing the back of my head. “Chrysalis wasn’t the best host but the changeling guard I’m with now seems nice enough.”

“They are literally creatures of deception!” Luna scolded. “It’s what they do. They take forms of ponies and feed off their love!”

“See there it is again.” I said getting a little annoyed at how everyone seemed to know more about them than me. Well, it made sense...I was an alien..but still!

“After I send my letter I can be there in as little as three hours.” Luna informed me. “And it’s just about time for me to move the moon. Stay safe until then.”

“I’ll do my best I guess.” I said. “I beat here once, I can probably do it again if need be.”

“I need to go.” She said, looking off into nothingness. “See you soon.”

With a wink, she faded from the world..or the lack thereof rather. With her magic manipulation gone I was catapulted back into my own consciousness.

“Wahhhh!” I said sitting up suddenly, effectively throwing Ling onto the floor. Apparently she had found my chest the perfect place to curl up and sleep.

“Whaa!?” Ling echoed, jumping to her hooves and looking around on high alert. Or I assumed that's what was happening. It was rather dark.

“Sorry, just a crazy dream.” I said, not entirely untrue. “Are you ok?”

“Fine.” She said. “That was a terrible way to wake up though.”

“Sorry again.” I said feeling my way around trying to find the materials to make another fire. “I don’t normally do that.”

“Do what, fling people across the room?” She said, walking back over to me.

“Well that too.” I said finally finding the pile of sticks and the flint placed next to it. “But I normally don’t...honestly I don’t really know where I’m going with this. Just know I’m sorry.”

“You sound like my ex.” She said giggling, taking on a mocking low tone. “That doesn’t usually happen I swear.”

I laughed as I prepared the fire in much the same way as I did the night before. This time however I was assisted by Ling and her night vision, which was totally unfair. But it did help out a lot and we soon had fire, letting the ones with stupid light needing eyes to see again and those of us with adversity to cold feel a little better.

“Were you warm enough last night?” I asked looking to her. “I meant to keep the fire going but I slept a little deeper than intended.”

“I was fine.” She said smiling. “You’re much warmer than you look.”

“Thanks?” I said skeptically. “Guess I can add that to me dating profile, ‘warmer than I look according to a Changeling.’”

“Also that you’re brutally honest.” She said smirking. “You don’t hide anything, what you say matches perfectly with your emotions.”

“There it is again!” I said a little more enthusiastically than intended. “What's with all this eating love and deceiving ponies and tasting feelings?”

“I’m a Changeling.” She said simply, as if that was explanation enough. After I stared at her for a little she decided to continue.

“We can sense emotions, we say taste because it’s the closest a non-changeling can relate it to, and we feed off of them.” She explained. “We can feed off of all emotions but love is the most potent and sought after. Because of that we kinda send out special Changelings called infiltrators to replace ponies in relationships and feed off the love given to the pony we replaced and bring it back to the hive.”

“Ok, that's interesting.” I said starting to realize why Luna was so adamant on why I need to get away from her. “What happens to the pony they replace?”

“They are taken back to the hive and stuck into a cocoon.” She explained. “While in the cocoon they are put into a deep sleep where they have pleasant dreams. The dreams produce happy feelings that we can siphon off of them to provide more food for the hive.”

“Eventually we take them from the cocoon and use a memory spell on them to fill them in on everything ‘they’ did with their lover and put them back where they were before we are found out.”

“That's a pretty efficient system.” I said before really thinking about it. “Wait, why would you tell me all this? You hardly know me AND I’m friends with the princesses.”

“Because you’re the first to not instantly fear us.” She said hesitantly. “Most creatures have a kill on sight relationship with us. Especially ponies.”

“Well to be fair you do steal people.” I said skeptically. “That's like theft and slavery in one...wait, there's a word for that, you’re kidnapping them.”

“They're not goats, and when the dust settles the relationship is typically better off than before.” She defended.

“That’s...good I guess. But you still did all that without their consent.” I said. “When really ponies would probably pay for a service like that. Have you considered diplomacy?”

“You met Queen Chrysalis.” She said flatly. “What do you think.”

“Fair enough.” I said quickly. “Then why not get a new queen?”

There was no reply, just a level stare somewhere between shock and ‘what the fuck?’

“Not like go to Queens ‘R Us and buy one.” I said kind of clarifying. “But elect a new one? Look, I don’t know how your little society works but obviously you don't like this Queen. Maybe you’re an outlier but from what I experienced, she is, to put it lightly, a total fucking cunt.”

“She’s still my queen you know.” She said through gritted teeth. “You were right about knowing nothing about us. So why not keep your mouth shut about the subject.”

“Alright, I’ll lay off it.” I said holding my hands up showing that I didn't mean any harm. “Just being brutally honest like you said.”

“Good.” She said simply, relaxing a bit. “You’re not wrong...it’s just natural to defend her.”

“That’s fair.” I said. “Again, I have very little knowledge of what goes on in there. I only have what I’ve experienced and heard to go off of.”

“That's more than most have to go off of.” She said sighing. “It’s not often that someone walks out of the hive. And when they do they usually have their memory wiped.”

“I’m guessing the emphasis in that sentence was on ‘walks out’.” I said, getting a nod in return. “You know, I don’t think I ever asked you why you were here.”

“Well, part of it was on the Queens orders.” She said shuffling adorably-I mean nervously. “But it was my suggestion that I was sent after you. To make sure you survived the hasty teleportation. It was unlikely that it would be traced back to us but if the Princesses found your dead body there would be Tartarus to pay.”

“Ok. I guess I can see that.” I said. “And now you see I’m ok...so now what?”

“Well that's part two of this assignment.” She said. “I’m to act as your bodyguard until one or both of the princesses arrive.”

“You know they will capture you on sight right?” I said flatly getting nod in reply. “So you’re relying on me to vouch for you.” Another nod. “And that’s the real reason you’ve been so forthcoming with answers.” A half nod at that.

“Well that’s one reason.” She said hesitantly. “While it’s true that your reaction to us, my curiosity of you, and your part in making sure I’m not reduced to a fine paste, all play factors in it...It’s also because I think I may have fallen in love with you.”

“You fucking what mate?” I deadpanned. “Those first...three made sense, but that last one I’m having trouble with.”

“The explanation comes with another fact about changelings.” She said fairly calmly, despite the incredulous look I gave her. “Changelings fake being in love all the time, we are really good at it. We can look at a pony, or whatever race they happen to be, and tell within a few minutes of talking to them exactly how to get their love. So I guess you could say we’re really good judges of character.”

“Ok, this is all making sense.” I said still hesitant. “And you feel you’ve interacted with me enough to learn all you needed to know to determine you love me?”

“That's just it.” She said a little exasperated. “I said I THINK I love you. While I would have known hours ago for most, I still can’t get a perfect reading on you. You’re a challenge, and Changelings love those.”

“So you think you love me because I’m hard to get?” I said now just confused. “I know that was always considered a viable strategy but usually you need to be appealing for that to work.”

“You’re appealing enough for a Princess to take notice.” She said coyly. “So you got something going for you.”

“I don’t understand that one either.” I said dismissively. “But I’m pretty sure I like her back so it’s…” I trailed off seeing her hurt expression.

“So that’s it?” She said hanging her head. “You don’t like me back so you’re rejecting me.”

“I didn’t say that.” I covered poorly. “You’re a Changeling, you can judge character in a way shorter time than others can. And I do believe I’m a bit denser than most. I don’t know how I feel yet.”

“Yah.” She said dejectedly. “Sure, makes sense.”

“Look.” I sighed. “You’re cute sure, from what I could judge so far you seem nice, I just don’t know if I like you like that. So until I find out can we be friends?”

“I guess.” She said. “Not like you’re getting rid of me any time soon.”

“Good.” I said smiling. “That way I can get to know you better and you get to try and figure me out.”

“Are you going to purposely try and make it harder for me?” She asked, looking up to me and trying to hide the hint of a smile that started to form.

“Maybe.” I said coyly, winking at her. “I hear some people like challenges.”

“What would Luna say about all this.” She said sauntering up to me. “Saying you’ll play along with me like this.”

“Hmm, I’m not sure.” I said blinking owlishly, pointing behind her. “Try asking her yourself.”

Ling turned around painfully slow. Eyes wide and pupils like pin pricks, only to see nothing behind her.

“You’re such a tool. Tricking me like tha-” She stopped abruptly while turning back to me, seeing Luna next to me and almost a full squad of Thestrals standing behind us. “Buck.”

“Buck indeed.” Luna said, her horn already glowing. “Seems you’re little love games end here little Changeling.”

“Hey Luna, could you not obliterate her please?” I said casually. “Sure she’s here on orders of her queen and sure she wants my love, but I don’t think she’s all that bad.”

“You’re an ass.” Ling deadpanned.

“Not sure what you mean.” I said nonchalantly. “I’m a human. Anywho, she did try and save me, and guard me...but turns out I was fine and had plenty of guards anyhow.”

“I’ll think about it.” Luna said, releasing a bolt of magic at Ling.

“Think more!” I said in shock as the bolt flew.

It was no use to try and throw myself in front of the bolt, so I just had to watch as it struck Ling directly in the horn. She fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Not that I’ve ever seen a sack of potatoes fall to the ground...but I figured it would look something like Ling’s unconscious form falling to the ground.

“I really hope she’s just unconscious.” I said giving a withering glare at Luna. “And even still that was uncalled for.”

“You will not address the Princess like that!” Some upstart Captain or something said from behind us.

“Stuff it.” I said turning to him. “Now is not the time for interference.”

I’m not sure why, but he didn't argue. He instead folded his ears back and slumped down a bit. As did the rest of the previously bristling guard. I turned back to Luna, seeing she too was slightly scared, although she hid it better.

“I...she is.” Luna said stuttering a bit. “It was a mix of three spells. One was to knock her unconscious, one was to detach her from the hive mind, and one was a truth spell.”

“While I don’t like what you did.” I said calming my nerves a bit. “Well, let's just leave it at that. I don’t like what you did.”

“I apologize Shawn.” She said. “But in my experience this is the best way to take care of a Changeling.”

“And if she didn’t need to be taken care of?” I said, still working on calming myself. I really didn’t like being angry. “Look, let’s just drop it. What did you plan on doing next?”

“Well, we’re in one of the entrances to the Thestral City called Hollow Shades.” Luna said. “I planned on taking her to the barracks and interrogating her.”

“Well half that plan is out the window.” I said, lifting Ling and slinging her over my shoulder. “Lets get her to a bed somewhere, but it will not be behind bars. Lead the way.”

Luna turned to the guards. With a nod of her head they began to make their way deeper into the tunnel with myself following and Luna bringing up the rear. As we went deeper I remembered how hot it got and started to wonder if ponies were more resistant to heat, until the captain that spoke before turned to the cave wall and pressing his hoof to it.

With a shutter the wall fell away to reveal a secondary passage. We walked on in silence. The guards because they were guards, me because I was still calming down, and Luna for her own reasons I wasn't sure of. O yah, and Ling because she was unconscious.

After a short walk down the second tunnel we came into a large opening. Large didn’t really describe it, it was a hollow mountain. And within this hollow mountain was a large city.

“You know, I should have known that this was an underground city.” I said looking around. “But damn if it isn’t still surprising.”

“We are quite proud of our city.” A female guard said. She sounded a lot like the guard that spied on us earlier, but I couldn't be sure. “Few non-Thestrals get to see it's wonders.”

“And why is that?” I asked. “Y’all eat ponies or something?”

“Celestia no!” One of the guards exclaimed, before looking absolutely horrified at the wording he just used in front of none other than Celestia's sister.

“Although my Thestrals do eat some meat, they do not consume other sapient beings.” Luna answered somewhat cryptically. At Least to me, what's sapient round here?

“Your Thestrals?” I asked. “They your slaves or something?”

“Celestia no!” Luna exclaimed. Pretty sure she said that just to make that one stallion feel better but whatever. “A few thousand years ago, when we were at war with Tirek, I imbued a few pegasi with my magic. The results were the Thestrals. It started with only a hoof-full but over the years their numbers have expanded into the thousands.”

“So your magic makes ponies horny.” I said. “Got it. So why don’t any ponies get to see this place?”

“Well it didn’t work on you.” Luna said quietly. The guard closest to me glanced over to see my response. I didn’t react, of course, that would give her satisfaction...or maybe I’m just weird idk. “Nopony sees these sights because my Thestrals are reclusive and secretive. There are few that venture out of Hollow Shades or similar cities scattered throughout Equestria.”

“Ok…” I said still kinda confused. “They afraid of how people will accept them? Because they’re freaking adorable and ten out of ten would cuddle.”

This got mixed responses. The mares in the group blushed but the stallions looked a little peeved...understandably. Luna nodded her head in agreement. Weather for their acceptance or there cuddliness I can’t be sure. Perhaps both.

“I can not answer for them, everypony has their reasons.” Luna said pushing the topic aside. “There is a hospital up ahead, I suggest we take your friend in there.”

“O, now you suggest we take care of her.” I said, remembering I was upset with her. “Funny how things have changed.”

“Don’t get your hopes up on helping it.” The captain spoke up. “Nopony knows about Changelings. So our doctors probably can't do anything to help.”

“Well Captain Dick Shit.” I said fixing him with a glare. “This is a precaution. You all better hope there are no adverse effects on my friend here. SHE deserves better than this.”

“That is not-” He started.

“Dick. Shit.” I said, emphasizing his new name. “If you feel the need to address my friend here as an 'it', I don't really feel inclined to use your name. Now make like a good toy soldier and open the door.”

He wasn’t happy, but again, I didn't give dick about shit. I walked past him and entered the hospital. The mare at the reception desk looked quite surprised at the stream of beings entering the waiting room. You had some unknown thing, carrying an unconscious Changeling, followed by Luna, and a disgruntled Captain bringing up the rear. All things considered she took it in stride.

“How can I help you?” She said to me, casting glances between the four of us.

I decided to give her someone to focus on and stepped forward.

“Good day miss.” I said. “My friend here was accosted by...someone and I would like a room for her to recover in if one is available.”

“Certainly.” She said, still casting glances around. “Follow me.”

We did, and a short walk later we were shown into a room where I laid Ling on the awaiting bed.

“Should I fetch a doctor?” The receptionist asked.

“If you feel it would help.” I said. “I’m aware that not much is known about Changelings, but if you think one of your doctors could look her over I’d really appreciate it.”

“I’ll see who I can find.” She said before quickly exiting the slightly crowded room. Once she left, Dick Shit decided it’s been too long since I last glared at him.

“So you can be civil.” He said.

“I’m sorry Dick Shit.” I said glaring at him. “Did I rub the last nerve of your shriveled ego the wrong way? I suggest in your line of work you learn to shut your trap.”

“Princess, something has to be done about this thing.” He said, not doing a great job of hiding how right I was. “He’s barbaric and that thing in the bed is a threat.”

You know the phrase seeing red? I think it means you got so angry that you popped a blood vessel in your eye. Or maybe it’s just a saying. All I know is I beat that old saying and managed to see purple. I was furious.

“Leave.” Was all I could manage in my enraged state. And if I wasn’t so blinded by anger at how he was treating my friend I would have taken notice of the blank expression that took over his face as he obeyed. Or the horrified looks that everyone else gave me. Including the doctor that just walked in.

“I am in no mood to talk.” I said as calmly as I could, turning to Luna. “Take care of her.”

She nodded. And I walked out of the room, out of the hospital, and in a random direction. I didn’t care where I went, I just needed to cool off. I didn’t even really care that I was being followed by guards, or that ponies seemed to panic at the sight of me. I just needed to walk and breathe. That’s it.

It took about five minutes of my impromptu therapy, but I started to feel better. The weird purple haze faded a few minutes in and my heart rate was under control again. I decided I should make my way back to the hospital, even though I didn’t know where it was, I’d just ask one of the guards following me.

“Yo.” I said suddenly turning around and looking a guard poking his head from a window straight in the eyes. “Show me the way back to the hospital. I got lost.”

There was a pause where I assumed he tried to figure out how I knew he was there before he decided to jump out the window and salute.

“Someone who can hold their tongue, nice.” I said as I followed him back.

The walk back was shorter. Apparently I didn’t walk in a straight line, it was more of...a shape that put me about a minute from the hospital. Which was impressive considering the size of the city and the complete randomness I walked in. He stopped by the door and stood at attention, letting me pass through. Once back into the room, all eyes were on me. Including Ling’s.

“Ling, you’re awake.” I said relieved. “How do you feel, are they treating you well?”

“I feel like I have a massive hangover.” She said somewhat subdued. “And as for treatment, not bad other than the increasingly uncomfortable questions.”

“Well if you haven’t been informed yet.” I said giving a disapproving look to Luna. “You were hit with a concoction of spells. I’m sure you’re aware of them by now but I’ll list them anyhow. One to knock you out.”

“Yah, I noticed that one thanks.” Ling chimed in.

“One that disconnect you from the hive mind.” I added.

“I thought it was quiet.” She said looking contemplative. “I’ll re establish it once I see the Queen again.”

“And the last was a truth spell.” I finished.

“That explains the increasingly personal questions.” She said giving her own disapproving look at Luna. “I wasn’t going to lie to her anyway so I didn’t know about that one.”

“Well that statement right there should clear up any misconceptions.” I said, crossing my arms. “I do believe you owe her an apology.”

“That I do.” Luna said sighing. “I apologize for how I acted, it was uncalled for. You’ve been nothing but cooperative and I’ve been nothing but hostile. I should not have judged you on your appearance but waited to see if you had any ill intentions.”

“I accept your apology.” Ling said. “Changelings don’t have the best reputation, but not all of us are bad.”

“Thank you.” Luna said, now turning to me. “And not to brush this aside but we have other important matters to discuss.”

“Ok.” I said. “What is it?”

“Are you aware of any magical abilities you possess?” She asked cryptically.

“I don’t think I have any.” I said. “Earth doesn’t have magic so I would think I wouldn’t have any either.”

“Does the name Sombra ring any bells?” Luna asked. Making Ling and the nurse flinch.

“No.” I said. “I don’t know who that is.”

“Finally are you aware of dark magics?” She asked.

“Uhh, well if magic exists then it makes sense if there's a darker form.” I said thinking. “Magic on earth is fantasy but there is dark magic as well such as demon summoning, necromancy and the like. What's with all the questions?”

“Well, I believe you’ve been possessed by Sombra.” She said. “Or at least his magic.”

“Ok…” I said lost. “Care to explain? It doesn’t sound good, but I feel fine.”

“When you get angry, his dark magic manifests.” Luna explained. “The telltale sign of Sombra's magic is the purple mist that will flow from the users eyes.”

“I did see some sort of purple haze earlier.” I said. “Is that a bad thing? Is dark magic dangerous?”

“I’m not sure if it is a bad thing.” Luna said. “But I doubt it’s good. Sombra was banished shortly before I was. He enslaved an entire city and before he was sent away he cursed it. To this day the Crystal Empire has yet to reappear.”

“And this has to do with me how?” I asked, still pretty lost on the whole matter.

“I don’t know.” Luna said, pacing as she thought out loud. “It could be a sign of him coming back. Or maybe he gave up and is transferring his magic to another being. Or perhaps you just attracted it when you crossed dimensions. The possibilities are endless but the results are clear. You need to learn to control his magic lest it control you.”

“Ominous.” I said. “But like you said it seemed to only affect me when I was angry.”

“Yes, when you are weakest to the call for power.” Luna said. “You must resist it, we don't kno-”

Luna stopped talking as she noticed the purple mist pouring from my eyes like a waterfall. It changed from purple, to red, to black, then to green, before slowing back to a more “normal” wisp.

“What were you saying?” I said looking back to Luna. “I accepted the magic but it tried to fight me. It wasn’t too difficult to make the power my own. But it’s different now. And look, I changed the color!”

“What the buck is wrong with you!” Ling said looking dumbstruck. “Why did I fall for such a psychopath?”

“Wait what?” Luna said shocked at Lings confession. “What do you mean fall for him?”

“You of all ponies should know Luna.” Ling said. “I can practically feel your attraction for him, and it grew when he took on Sombra's magic like that. It seems we both have a thing for idiots.”

“Oy, I’m right here.” I said disgruntled. “Sombra may have been powerful but his will was pitiful. I squashed it like nothing and took his power by force.”

“It could have been a trap.” Luna said. “What if he tries to control your mind with that power? You can’t pos-”

Again Luna was cut off, this time by a letter that manifested in front of her in swirl of flames, before dropping to the floor.

“That’s probably for you.” I said. “Should explain why I was distracted while you were ranting.”

Luna just looked peeved as she unrolled the scroll. After reading it over once, and then one more time for good measure she leveled a stare at me.

“So, the Crystal Empire is back.” She said evenly. “Care to explain?”

“Hmm, I guess since you asked so nicely.” I said grinning. “You said it could be a trap, and it was. But I knew that going in so as soon as Sombra showed himself I captured him in a section of my mind. Now he is my prisoner and by using the spell he used to get into my head, I got into his. Then it was as simple as reverse engineering the curse he put on the Empire. So in short the Empire is back, but it’s also a little outdated. In order to break the curse I had to restore it to how it was just seconds before Sombra sealed it away. Minus his presence of course.”

“And you did all that in the span of what, twenty seconds?” Ling asked looking dumbfounded.

“O no, it was much longer than that.” I said. “If I had to guess it was about three days for me. Sombra slowed time for us as he tried to take control. Once I defeated him I took hold of the spell and kept it going while I worked on the Crystal Empire. Say what you want about Sombra but he was very knowledgeable, and his mindscape was that of the Crystal Palace. I made use of the library and learned all I could from him. Anywho the Crystal Empire needs some help after being launched in time like that so I’m going to go over there and help out. Care to join me?”

“ Go there?” Luna asked. “It will take at least a week to get there by train.”

“Trains?” I laughed. “No way. Sombra set up special spell matrices that could teleport him into the castle from anywhere in Equestria. I just need to activate that sigil and I’m there.”

“I’m in.” Ling said getting out of bed. “I feel better, your doing no doubt.”

“Guilty.” I said. “Luna. care to join?”

“I suppose I should.” Luna said. “They need someone in a position of power right now. I’ll let Celestia know.”

“You can do that when we get there.” I said putting a hand on each of them. “Taille haut!”

I activated the sigil and we were sent tumbling through space. Not like star space but physical space. If you looked closely we weren’t really teleporting but moving from one point to another, through objects mind you, at ridiculous speeds. Considering that it only lasted about a millisecond though you would have to look really really hard to notice though. But lucky for me and my new time altering abilities I could have viewed it as a leisurely walk. I wasn’t inclined to do so, but I did have to do a little work. The spell accepted me no problem, but the other two took some work. Whether because it was only designed for one person, or because they lacked dark magic I wasn't sure. All I know is that some weird, abstract tendrils tried to grab them to drag them off to who knows where. I ended up placing a shield around the two of them to keep them safe from whatever void they would have ended up in otherwise.

Upon arrival I found myself on a balcony high up on some crystal structure. The sudden appearance of some strange creature seemed to get the attention of the ponies that were absentmindedly gathering in the large open area in front of the castle. Maybe it was a town square of some sorts? Regardless, after one pony pointed and exclaimed “Look!” all eyes were on me.

“Umm, hello.” I said, my voice amplified by some unseen magical means. “I’m Shawn, how are you guys?”

“Is Sombra gone?” A pony from the crowd yelled.

“Him, yah he’s gone.” I said. “I may have his magic but rest assured I will not use it unjustly.”

“You defeated Sombra?” Another pony yelled.

“I guess, more like absorbed him but yah.” I said. “If it makes you feel better I brought Luna along.”

With that a guested behind me, only to notice that her and Ling laid unconscious on the ground. Guess they didn’t take the ride as well as I did.

“...Who is currently unconscious.” I said to myself. Well it would have been to myself, but that whole amplification thing ruined that.

“He’s absorbed Sombra and defeated Luna!” A pony yelled. “He’s evil!”

Mass hysteria ensued. Ponies running around, screaming, babies crying, some building was on fire. And the last part was impressive considering it was made of crystal.

“I’ve heard worse speeches.” A pony said from the room the balcony was attached to. “But this one was definitely one of the top ten...or would that be one of the bottom ten.”

From the shadows stepped a pony I had locked in my head. He didn’t have the wispy smoke eyes, or the jagged red horn. But there was no mistaking Sombra.

Author's Note

Dun Dun Dun, another chapter bites the dust!

Day One

The alarm on my phone awoke me at nine in the morning. I dismissed it and untangled myself from my sheets, grumbling tiredly. Stumbling over to my dresser I picked up my contact case, toothbrush, toothpaste, and my towel before heading out of my loft like room to the bathroom. My roommates were either still asleep or already at class, I didn't really care, just wanted to shower. Upon arriving in the bathroom I put in my contacts before jumping in the shower with my toothbrush. I only had thirty minutes before class so I had to be quick.

After brushing my teeth in the shower and cleaning myself I hopped out to dry off quickly and head back upstairs to get dressed. I was awake at this point, putting in my contacts usually wakes me up, and if not the shower does. I threw on some black cargo pants and a black T-shirt with an ETC logo on it before grabbing my belt and multi-tool. Slipping those on I grabbed my wallet, keys, other keys, and phone, slipping each into their designated pockets. Content I had everything I grabbed my sunglasses, backpack, and a monster from my mini-fridge before grabbing my jacket and making my way downstairs and outside.

It was a nice winter day, which were a rarity when you live in the mountains, and I made my way to class. I had ten minutes till class started so I took the quickest route to the Performing Arts Center where I had most of my classes. Once on campus the sidewalks were bustling with people making their way to and from classes. There were people laughing with one another, talking on their phones, taking selfies, and doing general millennial thing...it was disgusting. If there’s one thing I hate, it's the culture I was forced to live in. Being quite antisocial and introverted, I hated people in general. Rule of thumb was you’re an ass until proven friend, and not many had made it past my defences.

So avoiding as many people as possible, my long legs made quick work of the walk to class where, unfortunately, the professor would try and make us do stuff. I was a theater major so as such I had to take Intro to Acting, but you don't learn important acting techniques like you'd think. No, you have to make a fool of yourself each class, and I was not a fan. I was a technician, I worked in the background, unseen and unappreciated, just how I liked it. But we have to “expand our understandings” or something, so I had to go to these classes in order to graduate. After imitating animal noises and walking in slow motion for an hour I was released from that hell just to go to the frying pan.

My next class, Graphic Design, promised to be interesting when I signed up for it. I enjoy graphic design, but the professor was an intellectual fraud. I spent most of the class doing stuff for myself with the programs I couldn't afford like making posters or working on my website for when I graduated. Then, during the last fifteen minutes of class, I would complete the assignment, turn it in online, and leave.

At this point in the day I had a forty-five minute break in my class schedule. I used my break to grab some pizza from the pizza place on campus. It was one of the only places I liked in the little cluster of food stalls we had to choose from. After getting the day's special of Philly Cheese steak pizza, I found my usually empty table in a secluded corner of the eating area. I quickly finished my pizza and headed to my next class, 2D Design. I actually liked this class more than I thought I would. I wanted to take 3D Design, but it wasn't offered this semester. So, I resigned myself to having to use my awful drawing “skills” and try and get a decent grade. The professor, however, was great and encouraged us to try different things with each project.

Today was a quiz day so we just did a quick five question quiz and went over some slides on how to do our next project. It’s a two hour class but we were out in thirty minutes, typical for that class. Finally it was three in the afternoon, time for work. I was currently employed by the university through the Performing Arts Building, PAC, as Master Electrician. It’s a fancy name to say I was in charge of all things sound and lights in the building. I had a set of keys that opened all sorts of fun areas in PAC, a crew of students to “help me out” but in reality I was teaching them as part of their classes, a shop I got to use as my office, and I got payed up to fifteen hours a week for about ten dollars an hour for doing something I liked to do. It was the highlight of every day, followed shortly after by gaming with my friends when I got home. Today being Friday, I had no crew to deal with, so I looked through the shops email to see what needed to be done.

“The lighting designer wanted me to hang another light, replace some gels, and patch the new light into the board, not to hard.” I said reading the email before moving to the next.

“The sound designer wants me to re-tape the mic cables...again” I sighed, this being the third time the director moved the mic stand. “And test mic USL Vocal, has a popping sound. Well taping will be a bitch but I have a feeling I know what the popping is.”

“What does Conrad want?” I mused as I read the building coordinators email. “Leave the JLG Lift in the Drama Theater when you leave. Key code is 2153...pretty sure he isn’t supposed to tell me that but ok, move the lift from the Scene Shop to the Drama Theater, got it.”

“And finally start hanging the next plot in the drama theater. Yay…” I said enthusiastically.

Seeing as there were no more emails, I put a note on the door saying I could be found in the Studio Theater if anyone needed me. It was unlikely because the building was mostly deserted. Fridays were reserved for faculty and production meetings so no classes were scheduled after noon and the only people around were in the meetings, and me. So I made sure the door to the shop was locked on my way out and I started my list of things to do for the day.

I made quick work of the taping and fixed the popping in the mic. The cable didn't make a good connection but after replacing it the mic worked fine. I hung the new light and plugged it in before making my way back downstairs and patching it into the board.

“I’ll move the lift before I leave so for now I’ll start hanging for the next show in the Drama Theater.” I said as I headed back to the shop to get the plot and cable carts. When I got to the shop I found that the door was unlocked and the lights inside were off.

“Could have sworn I locked that.” I said to myself. “Maybe George or someone needed something and forgot to lock it.”

After grabbing the required materials, I made my way back upstairs making sure the door was locked this time. I took the freight elevator because of the cable cart. Thing is, the elevator was having some problems with the door sensors. So the doors would close but the elevator wouldn't move, and you couldn't open the doors again. First time that happened was worrisome, but I found that if you hit the door close buttons again and then pressed the floor you wanted to go to repeatedly it usually worked. This time however, it did not, at least not at first. It took about four tries before the elevator finally sprang to life, blaring it's trademark obnoxious buzz. Expecting this noise, it didn't even phase me, but I could have sworn I heard someone take a quick intake of breath. But...I was alone in the elevator, so I passed it off as air movements or something.

I took the cart to the drama theater, hit the lights to let them warm up, and headed upstairs to grab a speaker and cables so I could listen to music whilst I worked. I technically only had an hour left in my work time but I decided to work later just so I made some progress on this hang. The speaker was kept outside the booth that had a large window viewing the stage. As I grabbed the speaker I looked onstage to see if the lights have warmed up and saw something that froze me in place. On the stage I saw a strange dark blue or purple glow surrounding the cart I had just brought up, and to make it stranger the cart was moving. Just slightly before returning to it's spot, but then cables, and other supplies in the cart shifted and moved.

“Great, our theater is haunted.” I said staring at what was happening in front of me. I thought nothing of it but as soon as the words left my mouth everything stopped moving and the glow disappeared.

“Hmmm, interesting.” I said to myself and the ghost I guess. “I'm just gonna grab the speaker and pretend that didn't happen.”

I brought the speaker back down and set up my phone to begin playing music, but before I did I figured I’d address the ghost. It’s only polite.

“Hey, sorry if I'm bothering you but I need to hang these lights.” I said to the empty theater. “Being in a theater I’m sure you understand. I’m also going to play some music if you don't mind. And if you do mind...I don't know knock my phone over or something? Just don't drop any lights on me because those are expensive and heavy.”

Satisfied with my quick spiel I opened Pandora and started listening to my heavy dubstep station I named Brutal Radio. Keeping the volume down a little more than I would normally set it to, I lowered the electrics over the stage and began striking the lights. I kept glancing over to my phone to see if it got knocked off the speaker but it seemed pretty stationary. So either the ghost didn't mind my music or I was crazy...it could really go either way. As one song ended, another started, this next song being louder. It didn't really bother me, some songs were just louder, so I didn't think anything of it until the next song was also louder, and the next, and the next. Soon it was louder than I was comfortable with, so I made my way to the speaker and sure enough it was turned all the way to half volume. When I started it was at a quarter. I turned it back a little and addressed the ghost again.

“So, if you like this music I’m glad, but can we keep it down a little? I don’t want to damage the speaker.” I said again to an empty theater. “Thanks.”

I went back to hanging with no incident until about an hour later when a light randomly fell over. I looked at it skeptically for a few seconds before turning back to what I was doing. A little later I heard a slight scraping noise but I ignored it. Once it stopped I looked back to the light to see it was sitting up again like it had never fallen.

“I think I need some food, a shot, and a nap.” I said to myself, walking over to my phone to see the time. It was now six in the evening and I decided to call it a day. I unplugged my phone and moved the unhung lights to the side as to not be in the way before shutting off the lights and locking the door. But before I closed up I decided to tell the ghost goodnight.

“Well I’m heading out, I’ll be back tomorrow.” I said before closing the door and walking back to the shop. It was still locked, so that was nice I guess. I grabbed my stuff from the shop before walking home. It was dark out and I decided to take the more well lit path today...after whatever happened in the Drama Theater, I didn’t want to take any chances...or something. I don’t exactly believe in ghosts, but either I’m crazy or I met one today. I mean, they didn't seem all that bad, they liked my music taste and knocked over a light. But at least they put the light back up so i don't know.

I shook the thoughts from my head as I opened the front door to my house. After dumping my stuff in my room I went to the kitchen to make some food only to find the front door was open.

“Ok, I swear I closed that.” I said to myself. While it's perfectly reasonable that one of my roommates left and didn't close them all the way and the wind caught them, after what happened today my first thought was the ghost followed me.

“Are ghosts bound to a certain area or can they roam around?” I asked myself. “Or object, do I have that object then?”

Again, shaking my head of the thoughts I quickly made myself a bowl of spaghetti and went back to my room. And true to my word, I took a shot of rum before I started my spaghetti, and to be safe I had a beer as well. Hey, it's the weekend, don’t you judge me.

Whilst I enjoyed my spaghetti I decided to watch an episode or two of Dragon Ball Super. It would be another hour or so before my friends got home and we could game. So I just relaxed, forgetting all about my ghost friend until my fan fell over. The chord was running along the ground but it was stretched, so if you didn't know to step over it i could trip you up. But ghosts don't walk...so maybe it just knocked it over?

“Hey, you following me?” I asked the empty room. “I’m not mad or anything...I just didn't think I was that interesting.”

As soon as I finished that statement I heard a gasp similar to the one I heard in the elevator. One that I wrote off as air movement. At this point I was like 90% sure something was happening. And ghosts are the only invisible thing I can think of that can interact with stuff soooo...there's a ghost following me.

“I’m just saying...unless.” I thought out loud, suddenly I opened facebook and looked through my feed, checked all my emails and texts. “Nothing, thought maybe someone I knew died and they decided to see how I was doing or something.”

My thoughts were interrupted by the telltale sound of a skype call, it was my friends!

“Yey, time for gaming.” I said putting on my headset before answering. “Whazzzahhp. Terraria or PUBG?”

“Terraria, we need to beat Moon Lord.” Cody replied. So I launched Terraria and we began our modded campaign. Time passed way faster than I would have liked and soon it was 1AM and we called it a night. I was just about to go to bed when I got a text from my friend.

“Hey, I’m at Edgewood and I’m drunk. Can you come get me? I can just get my car tomorrow.”

“You're lucky I like you Jay.” I said smiling at my phone. I replied. “It’s only a half mile and it's not too cold out, I’ll walk and I can take you home.” I was a little stiff from gaming so long anyhow, so a walk would be nice.

“Cool, see you in a bit. Just text me when you get here.” She said.

I put on my jacket and headed out the front door. It was flurrying but not really sticking to anything. I made my way over to Edgewood, it was on the other side of campus from where I lived but like I said, it was about half a mile walk through campus. And Jay lived a few houses down from me so I wasn't worried about that walk either.

The walk went without trouble until about an eighth of a mile out. At that point the sidewalk basically disappears and you have to walk on the side of the road. That sounds fine but there’s only about two feet of pavement over the white line and then it falls off into a ditch. I was following all basic laws and logic, walking on the opposite side of the road so any cars that would be close I could see, but being 1AM there weren't many. The few that did pass me by were going slow because of the snow and gave me a wide berth by crossing the yellow line. Until this one truck came around the corner. I don't know how he got that much speed on this narrow and winding road, or why a semi was taking this road in the first place but he was moving quick. Not willing to take any chances I jumped from the road into the ditch to give him more room to do whatever, then I saw it. His wheels were not spinning anymore, they were locked but he kept going strait...strait for me.

“FuuuuuuUUUUUUCK!” I said as he did everything he could to stop, even hitting his horn to warn me he was not in control. I ran as fast as I could and dove at the last second to try and avoid the out of control semi but I didn't make it. The truck was too long and I was sure I would be run over by the rear tire. That was until I saw a familiar glow surround the truck. It started off faint but grew in intensity until the trucks course was corrected and it came to a stop fifty feet or so from where I lay.

“What the balls.” I said sitting in the ditch. My blown mind was joined by another, the truck driver jumped from his truck to check on me.

“Are you okay?” He asked pulling me from the ditch. “I was coming down the hill there and I lost traction. The only thing to keep me from sliding off the road was to hit the gas with my wheels turned. I knew that the ditch wasn't as deep here and figured I could put the truck there until I saw you there. In the end...I’m not sure what happened.” He finished scratching his head.

“I’m at a loss as well.” I said not saying anything about the glow and ghost and whatnot. Don't wanna seem crazy. “I thought you were gonna get me for sure but you saved it somehow.”

“Yah I guess I did. Sorry about scaring you like that.” He said awkwardly. “Well I am blocking traffic, so I guess I should get moving. Here's my number, call me if you’re hurt or anything.”

“Sure, thanks.” I said taking his card. And with that he got back in his truck and drove, slowly, away.

“Hey, I saw that.” I said looking around. “I know he didn't do that, and thank you so much for helping.” I smiled, this ghost thing just saved me, it can't be all that bad. Suddenly everything that happened seemed more like curiosity than malice, and I can deal with that.
“Here” I text my friend as I stood out front. I was a little dirty from diving into the ditch so I began wiping myself off while I waited. It wasn't long before I heard Jay’s perky and slurred voice.

“The fuck happened to you?” She asked looking me over.

“Fell in the ditch.” I said innocently. “Where’s your car, I’d like to get home and sleep.”

“You and me both.” She said pointing to her car in the parking lot. “Just be careful, I heard a truck sliding and a loud horn a little while ago.”

“Interesting, I didn't see anything but to be safe we’ll go around campus in case there was an accident.” I said as we made our way to her car. She drove a manual Eclipse, it was one of the reasons I liked her. She got cars! She took care of her car, inside and out, modified it, and would even participate in the occasional race. I got in and instantly moved the seat back. I’m six foot four inches and she is five foot two, I couldn't fit without moving it. She shot me a dirty look.

“I know you don't like it when your seat gets moved but my knees will literally go through your dash if I don't move it.” I said raising my hands innocently. “Plus it's slick out, I want to be able to hit the pedals correctly so I don't drop the clutch and spin out.”

“I guess it’s my fault for getting drunk.” She said resting her head against her window.

“Or your friends for not being able to drive a manual.” I said as I started the car. “You should teach at least one of them. What happens when I graduate?”

“Hah!” She laughed. “You’re not gonna graduate.”

“Damn, harsh words from such a pretty face.” I said as I started the drive home.

“So, anything interesting happen to you today?” She asked as we drove.

“Eh, I may be the victim of some very elaborate pranks...or a curious ghost.” I said smiling. “At the moment though I’m leaning towards ghost.”

She just laughed at that. I figured she would, but tomorrow when she was sober I’m sure I would be questioned.

“We should hang this weekend.” She said with a tired grin as we pulled in front of her house. “It’s been awhile since I beat you in Mario Kart.”

I laughed as I got out of the car. “Yah, ever.” I said helping her up the steps to her front door. She was pretty drunk.

“I beat you like three times.” She said poking me for emphasis. “Whatever, I’ll text you tomorrow. Nightnight.” With that she kissed me on the cheek. A move that originally was just to get me flustered but had since then just become a normal happenstance. No, we weren't going to get together. Jay was an actor and I was a techie, our livelihoods would take us all over the country and not together. So we decided to remain good friends instead.

“Night Jay.” I said starting my quick walk home. “Drink lots of water.”

“Yah yah.” She said closing the door.

It took only a few minutes to get back to my own house. I made my way upstairs only to hear what I thought was muffled crying in my room.

“Who would be in my room?” I wondered out loud before opening the door and heading up. When I opened my door the sound stopped.

“Hello.” I said reaching the top of the stairs. I didn't see anyone though. I removed my shoes, a habit of mine and made my way over to my bed. On my way there I stepped in something wet. Looking down I saw a wet splotch, only furthering my suspension.

“Anyone here?” I asked looking around. “I’ll rephrase that, is the someone here willing to show themselves?”

There was no response, only silence.

“Well, I’m gonna be over here if you want to talk. If not you can just leave and I won’t say anything.” I said walking over to my computer. On my way there I tripped over something soft and large. The lump made a “umph” noise but that was all. I looked back to see what I tripped on only to see nothing.

“Uhh. Sorry?” I said tentatively. Curious I reached out my hand to the area I tripped over. I almost retracted it because I didn't feel anything but at the last second I felt something cool and soft, maybe even furry. But my eyes still told me there was nothing there.

“Well, this is interesting.” I said. “My senses disagree and my brain is kinda cramped up...but I’m just gonna assume that you are the one that’s been following me?”

I felt some movement and heard some strange whirring noise before a familiar glow started to form. Now that I was closed I could see it was a dark blue. I decided to back away, not sure about what was going to happen. Apparently my moving away offended the ghost thing because the glow stopped. Then a soft, feminine voice spoke to me.

“Don't be afraid, I do not wish to harm you.” She said, still sniffing some from her previous crying session.

“Sorry.” I said sitting where I was. “It’s just invisible people and blue auras aren't exactly common. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.”

The blue glow started again and after a moment it started to reveal the owners body painfully slowly. After what felt like an hour, but was actually about thirty seconds, I could make out a faint outline of the...thing in front of me. It wasn’t a person that's for sure. It had four legs, wings, a pointy thing on its head with an even longer pointy thing in the middle of it. I could guess all day but instead I waited for the form to be completely revealed.

When she was finally done, I still had no idea what I was looking at. I think she was a pony with wings, a horn, a crown, and some fancy necklace and shoes...but that's crazy. However that’s what I saw...so maybe I’m crazy?

“Umm, Hello?” I said unsure what to say to the...girl...in front of me. “My name is Shawn, what’s yours?”

“I am Princess Luna.” She said quietly. Even though it was quiet I could make out an authoritative tone behind her title.
“Well Princess, what brings you here?” I asked using her title as to not offend her.

“I don't know.” She replied avoiding eye contact. “I just woke up here this morning. I didn’t know what was happening so I used an invisibility spell and followed the first being I saw.”

“So you were following me all day!” I said with more force than I intended to. This made her shrink back. “No no! Don’t be sad or upset. I’m not mad, if anything I’m relieved that I’m not crazy.”

“I apologize for not revealing myself sooner. You were so nice to me even though you didn’t know who or even what I was.” She said finally making brief eye contact.

“Pretty.” I said quietly getting her to blush. “Sorry, it's just you’re eyes are really pretty...well, uhh, now what?”

“I don’t know. I’m not even sure why or how I got here.” She said. I could tell she was getting a little panicky so I tried to calm her down.

“Well tell me what you remember, maybe I can help.” I said hoping that it didn’t sound as stalkery out loud as it did in my head.

“Well I remember my sister, she was more popular than me.” She started. “I got jealous of her, and started to hear these whispers in my head. One night when I was about to lower the moon something stopped me. I just didn't want to lower it. Then I kept feeling colder and colder until I passed out. I was asleep for months, then there was a bright light and I woke up here.”

I didn’t say anything. I also didn't hear anything past ‘lower the moon’. I'm talking to a pony thing that materialized out of nowhere and had been following me all day...but he moon part was just too out there for me.

“Lower the moon?” I said slowly. “Like the moon moon?”

“Yes, I am incharge of the moon and the night sky whereas my sister controls the sun.” She said nonchalantly.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.” I broke. “You...and she...uhh...what?”

“That reminds me, who moves your celestial bodies?” She said getting up to look out the window. If I were coherent I would have noticed that she was almost five feet tall, but my mind was rebooting so I didn't.

“I saw the sunrise and sunset, but didn't feel the pull of the moon.” She went on while I slowly started to maybe understand what she was saying. “Also the moon was up almost all day, it was visible! How silly is that.”

“Ok, so basic astronomy or whatever.” I said standing and walking over to my computer to bring up a model of the solar system. As I spoke I waived her over to look at the screen. “The sun is in the middle of our solar system and we rotate around it. The earth rotates on an axis giving us day and night. And the moon rotates around us.”

“That's a preposterous theory. Equis is in the center of it's ‘solar system’ as you call it.” She said looking at all the planets on the screen. “We move the sun and moon to rotate around us. What are all these orbs here?”

“These are the other planets in our solar system. Mercury, Venus, Earth, that's us, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto.” I said pointing at each one in turn. “These lines represent the rotation of each planet around our sun.”

“What proof do you have? These pictures are obviously fake.” She said huffing a bit.

“We have pictures of each of the planets in our system taken by a satellite sent out in 2006 called New Horizons.” I said bringing up NASA’s website and navigating to the pictures. “And there's a bunch of science and stuff proving this theory but I’m not an astrologist, I just like space.”

“Fine, I’ll let you believe what you want.” She said as she started to walk away. But then she stopped and came back curious. “By the way, what is this? I thought it was just a strange picture but then you changed what was on it.”

“This is my computer.” I said not wanting to get into this. I assumed she didn't come from a place with technology if she was so curious about a screen changing. “It’s a machine that can tell you information, entertain you with games and movies, and help with work.”

“That reminds me!” She said excitedly. “What were you doing in that building? There were all sorts of lights and a box that produced sounds, and moving trusses!”

“Oh, that was the Performing Arts Center.” I explained. “It's where we perform theater. I was hanging lights for the next show, and the box was a speaker. Speakers use electricity to convert and amplify electrical signals into sound.”

“You’re world is so fascinating.” She said wistfully. “Is this ‘electricity’ what you call magic?”

“Umm, no?” I said confused. “Although it seems magical it’s not all that interesting once you figure it out. It’s what powers all our stuff, like my computer, the lights, the speaker, and all sorts of machines. Most of our inventions run on electrical or combustion power.”

“And what of magic?” She asked confused.

“We don’t have magic.” I said. “We have some people that claim to wield it but it’s just sleight of hand and illusions. Nothing like you have shown with the truck and your invisibility. Thanks for saving me by the way.”

“It was no problem.” She replied. “If I did nothing you would have been crushed.”

“Exactly, so thanks.” I said smiling. Then my smile fell a bit. “Why was it you were crying when I got back?”

“What? O, no reason…” She said quickly. “Because...because I miss home! Yah, that's why, I miss home.”

“That's a load if I’ve ever heard one.” I deadpanned. “If you don't wanna tell me that's fine, but you don't have to lie about it.”

“I do miss home!” She said quickly again. I shot her a look and she lowered her head. “But that's not why I was crying. The reason was because even though you didn't know who or what I was, you still connected with me. I thought in my head, we bonded...then I saw you with that girl.”

“You’re jealous? For real?” I said lightly laughing to myself. “I’m sorry but one, Jay and I are not together, just good friends. And two, I’m not an interesting person...maybe it's just because I’m the only person you’ve seen so far...but..”

I trailed off. I was so caught off guard that I just started talking. But I didn't consider her feelings and I may have made her cry again.

“Hey hey, I’m sorry.” I said scooting over to where she sat and putting my arm around her. “I wasn't thinking, you just caught me off guard and I started talking. Do you really harbor feelings for me?”

She looked up pitifully at me with her big cyan eyes and nodded. And holly shit was she cute.

“Good.” I said smoothly. Time to put all my shitty humor and smooth moves to work to make a girl feel better. “Because I didn’t want to scare you or anything, but you’re adorable.”

She giggled while blushing intensely. She then covered her face with a wing whilst putting her head into my shoulder.

“So you’re the controller of the moon where you come from.” I said looking out the window. “Wish I could see what you do with the sky. I always loved looking at the sky at night. Night is just so much more peaceful and beautiful.”

It was a shot in the dark, pun intended, but judging by how she was squeezing my arm harder I think I said the right thing.

“Would you like to take a moonlit stroll with me sometime?” I asked the blue ball that was leaning on me.

“I would love to.” She said uncovering her face and looking up to meet my eyes. She had a smile on her face now, and it was, again, adorable. So much so that I feigned a heart attack. I fell back and she looked to me concerned.

“What's wrong!” She said worried.

“Too...cute...can't...stand it.” I said before opening my eyes and smiling.

Her concern faded to confusion, then to mirth. She hit me in the chest with her hoof. “You fool, I was worried.” She said leaning in close.

“Well maybe you shouldn't be so adorable.” I said sticking out my tongue.

“Same goes for you.” She said before leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. She backed away just enough to see my expression. “Oh no, looks like I missed.”

With that she leaned in again giving me a kiss strait to the mouth. And I didn't mind one bit. Sure she wasn't human, but she was cute and with the way this kiss was heating up, she was quickly getting into the territory of hot. Before it got too steamy she broke the kiss and backed away.

“Well, well.” I said sitting up myself. “That was enjoyable to say the least.”

“And the most?” She said winking at me.

“It was damn sexy.” I said smirking back. “Would you like to sleep with me? And I do mean sleep. Although I love night, I have class in...four hours and I need to get some sleep.”

“I suppose you were satisfactory enough to sleep with.” She said as she walked over to the bed.

She used her magic to remove her shoes and crown, along with her chest...thing. Another burst of aura and her main and tail fell limp to her sides, a light blue instead of the previous dark blue space theme. She turned to me as if expecting something. I didn’t have to guess because she asked.

“Aren't you going to remove your clothing?” She said coyly. “Or will I be the only naked one in bed tonight.”

“Although I usually sleep in the nude, tonight I will at least keep my boxers on.” I said as I started removing my own clothes. “It’s not normal for people to sleep naked with others unless they are very close.”

“And we are not?” She said almost a little hurt. “We shared a kiss.”

“Yes, we did.” I explained. “But that is only a fraction of what humans do to show emotional attachment...you know what, screw it. If you want me naked, I’ll strip. Who am I to tell a sexy girl in my bed I won’t get naked with her.”

Luna smiled and blushed as I stripped down. “Where I come from, most don't wear clothes. It’s only the wealthy and those that have work uniforms that do.” She explained. “And nopony would ever think to wear clothes to bed.”

“Well I’m no pony.” I said as I finished stripping. I got into bed and lifted the covers so she could get under them as well. “But here I am naked with a princess.”

“Just so you know, not many have been.” She said as she laid down, scooting closer to me.

“Same here.” I said chuckling. “I hate people. But you’re not people so I guess it’s alright.”

She just hummed in response as she scooted even closer. Her fur was so soft and nice. It was even cool to the touch, which was great because the one thing I don't like about sleeping with people is how much heat they put off. I can't stand sleeping hot. So this cool, soft fur was divine. I was asleep within minutes.

Author's Note

Welp, here's teh first chapter...If you haven't noticed by now I'm bad at making characters so everything is self insert XD
I like it...hopefully this isn't too saucy for the Teen tag.
Will I continue this story?...sure. Will it be a monthly update?...prob not.

Roommate Roulette

“O hey S-... you.” I said, stopping myself before I said Sombra over the magical loudspeaker. I walked inside before continuing. “What’s up?”

“Well, to cover all my bases I was going to ask for my magic back.” He said. “And if you refuse to give it to me then my next step would be to beg forgiveness from Luna and Celestia under the preface that the dark magic corrupted my mind.”

“Well no on the first account.” I said. “But the second one sounds good. I can tell that this power has a bit of a mind of its own. How long did it take before it consumed you?”

“As soon as I tried necromancy.” Sombra said simply. “It’s a pretty taboo art, and requires lots of power. When I tried, I was overcome with evil.”

“Good to know, avoid that particular path.” I said. “What brought you to try such a thing?”

“I lost my beloved to an unknown illness.” He said with far less emotions than I thought he should have. “I tried to revive her, but once I opened that path, there was no going back.”

“Sorry to hear that.” I said truthfully. “Would you like a hug?”

“No.” He deadpanned. “I would very much not. I would however like to offer you some knowledge about the power you now possess. The non-dark magic parts are that of the Crystal Empire. I got them when I was crowned King, legitimately.”

“Interesting.” I said as I magicked Luna and Ling onto a sofa in the room. “Wait, does that make me the new king?”

“You’re a quick one despite your looks.” He said. “Yes, it seems you are the new king. I’m not even sure you could deny or transfer that if you wanted to. While you got them illegitimately, you proved yourself by not only freeing me from dark influences, but also brought back the Crystal Empire.”

“Ok, but who decides if I am king or not?” I asked. “Are you passing the baton so to speak?”

“O no, I have no power here.” He said shaking his head. “The empire itself has a will. It decided that you are worthy. And once those ponies down there stop freaking out, they will realize it as well.”

“Well, can’t say I expected that.” I said scratching my head. “So I didn't fight you personally, but some crazy dark magic taking your form?”

“Something like that.” Sombra said. “When I cursed the city, it denounced me as ruler and stripped me of my power. I was then nothing more than a citizen and thus fell to my own curse. The dark magics I held decided I was worthless at that point and stripped me of most of the rest of my magic before absconding.”

“This is some crazy shit going down right now.” I said sitting on the floor. “So, since I obviously don’t have all the answers I thought I did, can you fill me in on a few things?”

“While I would, there is too much.” He said. “It seems you are aware of how to enter another's conscious. I give you permission to enter mine and learn everything you want to know. I just ask you stay out of one area, you’ll know what one it is.”

“Alright, I guess I can do that.” I said, readying the spell I used before. “Here goes nothing.”

And with that I cast the spell for the second time today. Much like his darker side, Sombra's mindscape was also one of the Crystal Castle. But brighter and less statues of him. I then cast the second spell that all but stopped time so I didn’t have to worry about the outside world. The reason I didn’t outright stop time was twofold. One, it tended to attract the attention of beings way beyond comprehension. And I don’t mean Discord either, I’m talking legit, godlike, infinite beings. Not gonna go there. And two, it took a buttload of power, more than I had. I wouldn’t be surprised if even Twilight or Tia were underpowered.

Anywho, back to exploring the castle again. It was the same layout so I obviously went to the library. This time however I found a restricted section.

“Well, I guess that answers that.” I said turning away. “Sombra can keep his secrets, I owe him that much.”

And without further delay, I went to work studying. I started with the magic section, hoping to find something that would help me glean information. Magic was new to me after all and to be honest I’m not even sure how it works for me. About three hours in, I found what I was hoping for, a spell that let you basically speed read a book. Using that spell, it was about four books and a minute later I found another spell to add. This spell boiled down information magically. I could cast it on a book and it would make a copy of said book but shorter. It could cut a book in half or more without losing any of the finer details. Between the two spells I scoured through the library, committing everything to memory.

“Some of these books are exact copies, and the originals lost to time.” I commented to myself. “Transcribing them would be easy enough but there is a limit to my memory.”

“Might I suggest something?” Sombra said, exiting the restricted section. “I see you’ve scoured the entire magic section. No doubt you saw the spells for pocket dimensions, memory transcriptions, and you’re already using the time spell.”

“Yes, but to do that I would have to dive in and out of your conscious at least twenty times. I said. “And I didn’t want to do that for fear of ill effects.”

“Yes, I’d like to avoid that.” He said. “However if you put all of the information into one book, using an alteration on the pocket dimension spell, you could give physical form to it with...well I won’t lie and say little effort, you may pass out. However, you would be able to create your own tome of all information.”

“Interesting thought.” I said as I already started creating my personalized tome. “I imagine pulling this from my own mindscape would make it easier.”

“Indeed it would.” He said. “That however requires you to merge yours with mine. And I’d understand if you were hesitant to do...you just did didn’t you.”

“Yes.” I said.

“Do you have any self preservation skills?” He asked, actually a little flustered. That's the most emotion I’ve seen out of him yet. “You realize I can waltz on in and look around your memory like you are mine right?”

“I’m aware.” I said as I continued archiving his knowledge into the book I was going to make physical. “But I doubt you could actually access it. I know how a library works, but I doubt you know how a computer works. And that’s how I stored all my knowledge and memories.”

“And here I thought the reason was because you trusted me or something equally sappy.” He said sighing. “Well, rest assured regardless, I will respect your boundaries.”

“So back to this tome, I’m only making it with this modified pocket dimension because if not I would have a room full of books right?” I asked, forgoing the condensing spell on the next batch of books. They needed to be copied word for word.

“Partially correct.” He said. “This spell reuses physical matter. To put it simply the tome is always a set number of pages, you just change what pages are displayed at will.”

“So it could be blank until I pick it up and change the pages?” I asked. This could be useful for a memory dump later.

“If that's what you wanted yes.” He said. “I came across a few wizards books that seemed ordinary spell books. But if you knew what to look for you could shift the pages and find another book entirely. Turns out Starswirl liked to write smut.”

“Noted.” I said, not sure who he was, but I can take context clues. “I have a lot of information running around in my head from another world. If anything happened to me I wanted to leave something behind for others, or at least Luna.”

“Sure.” He said.

“Well, I’ve gotten everything I can from here.” I said finishing up the tome. “I have the knowledge but not the practice, walk me through the spell if you would.”

“First you need to get that book into your mindscape.” He instructed. “For me it’s as easy as placing it on the shelf. For you and your ‘computer’ on the other hand…”

“I got it.” I said, turning the tome into an external hard drive. I plugged it in and it uploaded instantly. Nice. “It’s in. Now what?”

“Once it's in your mindscape, you need to create the physical book it will occupy.” He said. “Creating matter is taxing so it’s best to make a tome the size you want but only a few pages. You can always add pages to it later but they have to be fabricated by your magic to be usable.”

“Well, I can do that.” I said hesitantly. “But I won’t be able to hold the time spell any more. Or the mindscape for that matter. So give me the rest of the steps IRL.”

“What is IRL?” Sombra asked.

“In real life.” I replied. “Is the rest of the process taxing?”

“Ahh.” He said. “No, the rest could be done by a foal if they had a book as receptive to their magic as you will. The reason you are fabricating the book is so it will link to your mana. You will be able to do things with this book with very little effort that would take a monumental amount of mana on anything else.”

“Interesting.” I said, cutting the spells and exiting the mindscape. “Well here goes nothing.” I said ‘IRL’

To describe the experience of giving shape to matter I would say...ouch. It was really cool, and the process itself wasn't bad, but damn did it drain magic. It crossed my mind that I could make a magic laptop to contain all this information...but the idea of having a magic book like some sort of wizard did appeal to me. As such, my book looked super wizardy. Depressingly thin, maybe fifty pages, but wizady all the same.

“O my balls am I tired.” I said, luckily already sitting on the floor. “My head hurts.”

“Not bad for your first time.” Sombra said looking at the book that now laid on the floor. “Quite an intricate design you have there. Any reason for that?”

“I'm a wizard Harry.” I said.

“You’re a what?” He asked, unknowingly playing into my plot.

“A wizard Harry!” I said more enthusiastically.

“Sure, a wizard.” He said, quite confused. “And quit calling me Harry.”

“To be fair you are covered in fur.” I argued. “Sooo…”

“Anyways, now that you created this book, cast the modified pocket dimension spell on it and then you can transcribe the book in your mindscape into this one.” He instructed. “Then what you do with it is up to you.”

“Neat.” I said. “I don’t really feel up to it right now though.”

“I'm sure you can do it.” He said. “Like I said before, making changes to this will be quite easy. It’s not just liked to your mana, it IS your mana. Just given physical form.”

“If you’re sure.” I said, casting the first spell onto my tome. “O wow, that was significantly easier than I imagined.”

“See, I’m more than just a pretty face.” He said, still monotone so kinda weird, but at least he had some sense of humor. “Now the other one.”

The second spell took even less power than the previous, but it was mentally taxing. Perks of my PC style mindscape, I cut and pasted most of the information. Meaning I didn’t have any recollection of the books I had previously memorized. I kept most of the magical theory books and spells I could perform handy, but a lot of the stuff was old literature lost to time. I don’t have a use for five hundred pages of pony Shakespeare poems.

“Alright, all done.” I said shaking my head and standing up. “I’m gonna go cuddle a princess for a little.”

“Sure, take a break.” Sombra said. “The ponies outside are still panicking but they can only do so much damage.”

“Fuck em.” I said, using Luna as a pillow and holding Ling like a teddy bear. “I just did a buttload of magic. And they won’t calm down till Luna wakes up anyhow.”

“Maybe I should say a few words.” He said. “Apologize and such.”

“While I appreciate what you’re trying to do, no.” I said not opening my eyes. “They did manage to catch one crystal building on fire, you would surely make it worse.”

“O my, it seems we have company.” Sombra said as I felt something cold and sharp against my neck. “You are quite a popular one I see.”

“I’m assuming that's a blade of some sort against my neck.” I said, still with my eyes closed. “And judging by the silence of the wielder I would guess it's a trained Thestral guard.”

“An astute observation.” A female voice replied. “Now care to explain why our princess has gone missing, only to find you, some strange creature, thousands of miles away using her unconscious form as a pillow while the city is rioting? Not to mention you’re cuddling a changeling, also unconscious, and having a conversation with King Sombra, who is surprisingly not only conscious but also alive.”

“Well when you word it like that I suppose it does sound rather bad.” I said finally looking to my assaulter. And damn was she pretty… Dark grey fur, black mane, and as a techie, that's uniform. And her eyes were a brilliant green. “But I assure you it's just as bad as it looks, just not for the same reasons.”

“I can’t believe I’m asking Sombra of all ponies this question.” She said, not turning away or taking the blade attached to her wing from my neck. “But is he always like this?”

“I wouldn't know.” He replied. “I just met him myself, after he stripped me of my powers and crown.”

“This is also true.” I said pushing the blade away with a finger, cutting it in the process. Damn was it sharp. “But with context I’m less evil, but more...what's the word.”

“A plot hole.” Sombra added in helpfully.

“I’m so done with you.” I said sighing. “Look...lady, I was just minding my own business when Sombra's ghost attacked me. I absorbed its power and released the Crystal Empire from it's thousand year nap and teleported over here with Luna and Ling in tow. They passed out from the teleport and then I met Sombra where we swapped some knowledge and then you showed up.”

“You forgot your speech that sent everyone into a panic.” Sombra added.

“No, I glossed over the unimportant bits.” I said waving my hand at him dismissively. “We’d be here all day if I tried to retell it point by point. Especially with those time spells and stuff.”

“You can use time spells?” The guard asked surprised. “Aren’t those alicorn level spells?”

“Yes, but just because it’s alicorn level doesn't mean a powerful mage, or somepony attuned to that type of magic, can’t cast them.” Sombra explained. “Shawn here...well I’m not sure what category he falls under.”

“Don’t look at me.” I said as she turned back to me for answers. “I didn’t have magic until a week ago...wait no, it was an hour ago. Time is a little messed up for me at the moment.”

“Actually I believe my wayward magic had attached itself to you the moment you crossed dimensions.” Sombra clarified. “It just had to wait for a good time to present itself to be most enticing.”

“How would you know that?” I asked, curious. “You said you didn’t have control over your power.”

“I didn’t.” He said. “But it was a large part of me, so when it left I always knew where it was. I knew it was only a matter of time before the Empire returned. It was just a question if you would be evil or not. Jury is still out on that one.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I said. “Not for me, I don’t give a shit what you think, but miss batty here is still eyeing me up like a piece of meat.”

“I’m am doing no such thing!” She said suddenly, sounding slightly flustered.

“Hmm, to quick to defend.” I said smiling as I turned to her. “Classic.”

“I’m assessing if you’re a threat or not.” She defended. “And that's it, no other reasons. And keeping the Princess safe until she wakes up.”

“That's what I assumed.” I said smiling wider. “Are you insinuating I would suspect you of something else? You’re just digging the hole deeper love.”

“I think he’s evil.” She said looking to Sombra. “And you’re no saint either.”

“I plan to atone for my actions.” He said simply. “Simply making conversation with Shawn here until the Princess awakens.”

“O, well if that's the case.” I said snapping my fingers, and also subtly casting a spell to rustle Luna's consciousness, thus making her more aware that she is unconscious, thus thus waking her up. “Luna these people want you.”

“Oh my head.” Luna said sitting up and rubbing her head. “What happened?”

“That is a long story that isn’t really important right now.” I said helping her stand and steady herself. “You need to calm the Crystal Empire down, talk with your guard, and deal with Sombra. The order of those things IS important.”

“I desperately want to question that line of reasoning.” Luna replied, eyeing the rioting city, then Sombra, then her guard. “But you seem to be right more often than not, so I’ll go with your assessment this time.”

“Pro strats.” I said pushing her towards the balcony. “Don’t use your Canterlot voice, there is a spell in place already to amplify your voice and I don’t want to give Equestria tinnitus.”

She was about to reply before I made a motion to let her know she was already in range to be picked up by the spell. No need to repeat my mistake after all.

“Greetings citizens of the Crystal Empire!” She said, comically halting all motion. “First off I would like to welcome you all back. You may not have been aware of it, but you have been imprisoned in time for over a thousand years.”

There was a general muttering of confusion and fear. Luna let them murmur a bit before raising a hoof and silencing them again.

“To ease your fears Sombra has been defeated and Equestria will be here to help you get back on your hooves again.” She said, obviously totally unprepared for this speech. More apparent because of what she said next. “And now I give you the hero that defeated Sombra, Shawn!”

With that she walked off and pushed me back onto the accursed balcony. Before walking straight over to Sombra, not taking my advice on her guard. O well, her speech seemed to ease the thestral a little bit.

“Hello again.” I said looking over the more organized crystal ponies. “First off, sorry for my previous introduction sending you into a tizzy. It was just as much of a surprise for me as it was for you. Secondly, can somepony please put that building out, crystals shouldn't be flammable.”

There were a few ponies that jumped into action and grabbed water to put out the fire. I guessed they were trained firefighters by their motions and skills, but it was pure speculation.

“Thanks. Now, like Luna said, my name is Shawn.” I said, deciding honesty was the best option here. “I am apparently your new king, that being said I don’t plan on taking up that position unless requested.”

As I thought, that brought about a lot of mumbling. I did not however expect Luna to pull me away with her magic.

“Uhh, be right back.” I said waving to the audience as I was pulled from the balcony. “Was it something I said?” I asked Luna.

“Yes!” She said exasperated. “What is this business of being King?”

“Well when I got Sombras powers and brought back the empire, the Crystal Empire decided I was a good candidate to fill the now empty throne.”

“You didn’t mention that.” Luna said, turning an icy glare towards Sombra.

“Well he hardly gave me time to.” Sombra defended. “I have a lot to summarize and frankly my life comes before his story.”

“He’s got a point there.” I said to Luna. “He is kinda currently pleading for his life and forgiveness.”

“Well, if not his fault, the blame falls to you.” Luna said, turning her icy gaze towards me. “What in the name of my dear sister do you think you’re doing telling everyone that?”

“Well Princess.” I said emphasizing her title. “You didn’t exactly give me a lot of time to think of a nice speech. And you can ask Ling...whenever she wakes up, that my default is brutal honesty.”

“It’s true.” Ling said stretching and rolling over, but not getting up from the bench. “His words match his emotions, so he’s either telling it like it is or really really good at lying.”

“And emotion eating ponies are bat-shit crazy...no offense.” I said, turning to the Thestral for the last part.

“Why would I be offended?” She said confused, and adorable tilting her head.

“Because...you know what never mind.” I said shaking my head.

“No, I want to know!” She interrupted. “What did you say that I missed!”

“Bat-shit, and you’re thestral, bat like ponies.” I explained, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I never thought I’d have to explain that. So anyhow-”

“What’s a bat?” She interrupted again.

“Really?” I asked, a little surprised. “You’ve never seen a bat?”

“Nor heard of one.” She clarified.

“Ok...uhh, how to explain bat.” I said tapping my chin. “Take a thestral, but remove pony, substitute puppy, and make it smol.”

“...” She replied.

“I know it’s not the best but I think it’s accurate.” I said looking to Luna. “Any input?”

“No, that will do just fine.” She said, obviously wanting to get back to the previous conversation.

“I WANT A PET BAT!” The thestral all but screeched out. “O my Celestia as soon as I get back to Canterlot I’m going to get a pet bat and I will love him, and squeeze him, and name him George!”

“Wait what?” I said, extremely confused now. “Where did you hear that?”

“I snagged your book while you were talking to the crowd.” She said pointing to the tome on the floor. “That's one of the things I read...thought it was funny.”

“I don’t remember writing that.” I said scratching my head. “Or setting this down...or a lot really. What kind of crazy pony are you?”

“One that can pick inter-dimensional pockets.” She said wiggling her ears and smiling proudly. “Luna ditched me and went to Sombra, so I decided to do some digging myself to decide if you were trustworthy or not.”

“This is past tense, so I assume you came to a conclusion.” I said a little nervously. Sure she was cute, but also deadly.

“Yup, you’re good.” She said smiling. “My name is Night Sonnet Fleet Wing. It’s a long name with a long backstory, but my friends just call me NSFW.”

“Bwahahahahaha!” I fell to the floor laughing. Literally ROFLing. “NSFW, hahaha!”

“What’s so funny?” NSFW asked. “It’s what they call me! It’s rude to laugh at ponies names.”

“Ok, I’m ok.” I said getting my laughing under control. “So they call you that. Giggle Well where I come from giggle it stands for ‘Not Safe For Work. giggle”

“O come on!” She said throwing her hooves up and sitting harshly. “They did that on purpose, didn't they!”

“I can only imagine.” I said, finally controlling my errant giggles. “I think I’ll call you Night Song. That ok with you?”

“Yah, whatever.” She said, now angry with a lot of ponies. “I’m gonna have a lot to do when I get back.”

Luna, who had been talking with Sombra this whole time finally took a break from grilling him, almost literally. To which he looked exceedingly relieved for.

“Speaking of things to do, I believe you live alone in a large house at the moment?” Luna asked, going somewhere with this, but no one seemed to know.

“Yea.” Night Song said dejectedly. “My roommates left when they graduated from guard training. So I have like four empty rooms to fill. Why?”

“Well, I seem to have three ponies right here that will need a place to stay.” Luna said, sweeping a hoof at Ling, Sombra, and I. “The crown will reimburse you of course, along with paying their side of the rent and utilities.”

“You want me to room with him!?” Song said pointing to me.

“Hol up!” I said. “Out of Sombra, and evil pony that overthrew the Crystal Empire, a Changeling, one of the kind that invaded the Capitol not to long ago and an eater of emotions, and me...you have the biggest issue with me?”

“You are from another dimension after all.” Sombra said. “And Luna has deemed me ‘reformed’. So I’m just another pony now.”

“You trying to pawn me off onto others now?” I said to Luna. “I seem to remember coming here with you after all.”

“I seem to have a lot to do all of the sudden.” She deadpanned. “Now, I have an empire to fill in, so if you all would like to go back to Canterlot and stay with Night Song for a little, I’ll be by later.”

“If you say so.” I said, walking over and hoisting Ling up and throwing her over my shoulder. “You two come over here, it’s time for another long distance teleport.”

“Are you sure you have the magic to do that?” Sombra asked. “Getting here was easy because of the circle my magic was linked to. The way back will take more energy.”

“I’m feeling pretty good.” I said. “I can’t really say for sure, being so new at this, but I think my magic reserves are a little over three quarters full.”

“The castle is probably feeding you magic to help you recover.” Sombra said. “It really does seem to like you.”

“Ok, Song, I need you to think of your house from an aerial view so I can grasp it’s location.” I said casting a spell that would transfer freely given thoughts from mind to mind. “Ok, got it, now a view of the biggest room inside the house, the more detail the better. As well as the location inside the house.”

She did so and I got a pretty good idea of where to put us to avoid destroying anything. And also putting us inside helped us not raise alarm that our group would likely bring. I did some flipping through my tome to look at all the teleportation spells and others that would benefit us. Then, taking bits of spell runes from some and pieces from others, I arranged a new spell that should take me to where I want to go.

“Sombra, this all look right to you?” I said, displaying the new spell with my mana. “It’s my first spell so I figured I’d let someone else look it over.”

“You...made a new spell?” She said a little surprised. That was the most emotion I’ve heard from him this whole time. “It...looks fine. I think Luna would be better to ask about a new spell though.”

“She’s busy.” I said looking to the balcony to see Luna talking with the crowd. “Hmm, guess I’ll test it and come back to get you if it works out.”

“That isn’t the best-” Sombra said as I teleported away. “-idea. Well, I guess we’ll see if he survived.”

“It’s fine.” I said from behind him. “I was a little off and landed on your coffee table, but not bad for a three thousand mile teleport.”

“When did you...how did you?” Song said tilting her head. “And you took Ling with you.”

“Yah, I dropped her off at your place.” I said. “Forgot I had her, she was unconscious again when we got there so I dropped her on the couch.”

“Why is it that whenever you teleport ponies they end up unconscious?” Song said. “Not sure I want to now.”

“You’re free to take the train.” I said walking over to Sombra and putting my hand on his back. “But we’ll be at your house.”

“Ok, fine.” She said walking over so I could put my hand on her back as well. “But I better wake up in my bed.”

“Can do.” I said. “By Luna!”

Luna glanced over her shoulder and nodded before going back to her speech. With her informed that we were leaving I fired up my new spell again. Making minor adjustments so we didn’t land on the already broken coffee table.

“And away we go!” I said, flinging us across Equestria.

Not a second later I arrived in the center of Songs living room. Song was a limp noodle but Sombra was holding on...barely.

“You need to...work on that.” He said before falling to the ground.

With no one to talk with, I decided to fulfill my promise and take Song to bed. I threw her over my shoulder much like I did Ling and started exploring. Avoiding as many windows as possible, I looked in the rooms one by one. And, obviously, hers was the last one I looked in. It was at the end of the hall on the second floor, and the only room with any sort of furniture in it.

After laying her down, and tucking her in, I made my way back downstairs to put Sombra somewhere other than the floor. Not that there were too many options, Song’s house was depressingly barren. I didn’t dare look into the cabinets in fear I would only find one set of dishes.

That could come later though. First I flopped Sombra into a recliner, that happened to be the only other piece of furniture in the living room. For those of you keeping track at home, that's one sofa, one recliner, and one broken coffee table. Speaking of which, I went to work of repairing it.

“Stupid coffee table.” I said to myself. “Couldn’t even take the weight of Ling and I from a little fall of like four feet. Who made this, pony IKEA?”

Done talking with myself, I assessed the damage. It was honestly pretty bad. Normally I would call it bust and buy a new one. But now, with my fancy magic, and nothing better to do, I decided I could fix it. Surely one of the spells in my book could help. Why I didn’t keep a repair spell handy was a mystery to me. It seems so obvious that I’d need it with the kind of ponies I attract and the situations I seem to get into.

I grabbed my tome out of...well the air, and started flipping through it. I really needed to add a search function to this thing. There was an index to tell me where spells started but after that it was just a lot of flipping pages. Eventually I found the spell I was looking for and committed it to memory.

“Let's get you fixed up before some-bat sees.” I said, casting the spell on the table. It undramatically morphed back into what I assumed was the correct shape. I assume because the first time I saw it was after rolling off of it.

“Well. I expected more flashes and lights.” I said thumping the table to test its sturdiness. “But I guess it’s not all magic is like that.”

It was about this time my body finally decided to remind me I haven't eaten in over a day. It’s usually pretty chill about eating, or the lack thereof, but after a day or so it decided that it had enough. Long story short, I was hit with a wave of dizziness, my head started to hurt, and my hands started to shake.

“Shit, I need to eat.” I said stumbling towards the kitchen. “Sorry Song, but I’m raiding your pantry.”

I stumbled into the kitchen and opened the door that was most likely the pantry. I was greeted with a fenced in backyard.

“Shit, that's not it.” I said quickly closing the door.

Opening another door, slowly this time, I was rewarded with what I sought. However, it was worse than expected. Nothing but the pony equivalent of military rations stocked her pantry.

“Song, you poor poor mare.” I said deciding to check the fridge next.

Fridge contents included; beer, some condiment packages, and some leftover fast food from three weeks ago judging by the receipt.

“Who lives like this?” I asked the fridge, throwing my hands in the air. “I need somepony to wake up so they can get me some ingredients to cook with.”

Or so I thought, before my body emphasized how long it's been since I ate. In other words, I passed out for a few seconds. One moment I’m exasperated and the next I’m on the floor and my head hurts even more so than before.

“Military rations it is.” I said, crawling over to the pantry and grabbing a vacuum sealed meal. “Pasta with red sauce. Prepares in under three minutes. Sounds good to me.”

I went to work ‘cooking’ the impromptu meal. Meaning I added the contents of two packets and some hot water into a bowl and put it in the microwave. Then I ate it as fast as I could. One to get my energy stores back up, and two because it tasted like ass. I then downed the oatmeal bar and mixed up and drank the ‘orange’ drink.

“Now I’ll lay down for a bit till my body processes that I ate.” I said making my way back to the living room. “Then I’m waking Ling up and sending her to the store.”

Plans made, I laid on the couch, holding Ling. Sure beats the floor. As I patiently waited, I drifted off to sleep.