Dashie Meets Dachie

by TheEveryDaySparkle

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Main 7 (EqG), Profanity
Length: 1824

Pinkie shows the girls a YouTube video

YouTube has been a past time for cell phone users everywhere for quite a bit of time, and everyone has their own favorite youtuber. This is no different for Canterlot High. One day, while the girls are relaxing by the school statue, Pinkie shows Rainbow Dash a youtuber she likes. He's loud, curses a lot, and plays alot of Mario games. How will dash react?

Published 2018-01-25 00:30:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-25 00:30:12 UTC

Chapter: F**K YOU, SATAN!

Chapter: F**K YOU, SATAN!

Canterlot High. An institution built for the purpose of higher learning. A place where students come to broaden their horizons, expand their knowledge, forge strong bonds....and yeah, hang out with friends, too.

The morning sun shone most brightly down on six students from this prestigious school, all seated under the great statue that the depicted the school's mascot: a horse.

The statue was their go to place whenever they wanted to hang out together, just the seven of them. Unfortunately, it did little to protect them from the sun's harsh rays as it beat down upon them, causing them to have to squint their eyes just to see properly.

"It sure is hot out today." Apple Jack said as she wiped her forehead and looked around, taking in the surprisingly grand scenery of their school grounds.

"You sure said it then, sister. I'm at least 35% sure my skin is cooking right now."

"your skin? Darling, i'm going to looking like a chocolate bar by the time we leave here."

"Yeah, yeah, Rares, whatever. Stop being such a drama queen and pass me that towel." Rainbow said as she held her hand out.

Rarity huffed, but still passed it to her. "You could've at least said please, you know?"

"Girls! Girls! Enough fighting. We're all extremely hot, and we're all annoyed by it. Can we please not turn this into a reason to rip out each other's throats."

"I second that motion." Apple Jack called out, raising her hand.

"M-me too." Fluttershy said, her voice barely more than a whisper as she raised her own hand.

The two quarreling girls' eyes widened, then they glared at each other, before turning away with a 'hmph!'...and promptly laughing their butts off.

"Oh my! Sorry, darling, I just..well, you know." Rarity said, barely able to finish her sentence through her laughter.

"It's alright, Rares. I was a little..." she trailed off.

Meanwhile, Pinkie, oblivious to the entire fight and subsequent make up of two of her best friends, let loose a loud, high pitched laugh that broke them all out of the moment.

"Pinkie! Could you be a little quieter?" Rainbow asked, looking over at her friend with a slightly annoyed expression.

Pinkie seemed to snap out of whatever trance she was in, and she looked over to see her friends all looking at her. "Oops! Sorry girls! Guess I was a little too loud, huh?"

"A little?" Rainbow mocked, giving another annoyed look.

"Rainbow!" Twilight scolded her. Then she looked over to see Pinkie. "It's fine, Pinkie. Just...be more careful next time."

"Okay!" Pinkie called out, smiling and going back to whatever she was doing.

Twilight watched for a moment, a smile on her face. then heard a small noise coming from somewhere near pinkie. "What are you even doing over there, anyway?"

The excitable girl looked over her should at Twilight and said, "Oh, nothing. I'm just watching Dashie!"

"Watching me? But you're not even looking my way right now." Rainbow said as she gave her prank buddy a confused look, scratching her head.

"Not you, silly!" Pinkie waved a hand dismissively at her. "Dashie! Dashie XP? The Youtuber? Duh!"

"Youtuber?" Rarity parroted. "With Rainbow Dash's nickname? Why on earth would he copy her?"

"Maybe he's one of my many fans!" Rainbow said, smirking slightly.

"I don't think that's it, Sugar Cube." Apple Jack said, smiling.

"You never know. It might be." Rainbow said.

"Nope! He's not a brony! He's a gamer! Come look, another one of his videos is starting!" Pinkie cried out, signaling all her friends to crowd around her.

All except Twilight, who was still stuck on, 'What's a brony?'

"Hey, egghead! Get on over here, will ya!" Twilight heard Rainbow call out to her, and immediately got up, going around the statue and finding a spot in between her and Fluttershy.

With that, they all began to watch as the man;s face popped up on screen with a scream of,

"Welcome back to sup- Super Mario Maker! Welcome back to sup-"

Rarity, surprised by the volume of the man's voice, leaned back and put a hand over her heart, breathing in sharply. "Well then. He certainly is rather loud isn't he?"

Pinkie put a finger to her lips and smiled at her. "That's what makes him funny! Now shhh! It's starting!"

"IHOPEYA'LLHAVIN'AGOODASSWEEKEND! What up! It's Dashie! And welcome back, yes, back! To Super Mario Maker! You know, the game where you make me levels, tweet 'em to me, i play 'em, and i rage the fuck out! Now, without further ado,"

The man starts pretending to run despite not moving from that spot, all while moving his head every which way before saying,

"Let's do this shit!"

Rarity speaks up again. "Well, he certainly is...eccentric..." 'And a bit vulgar as well...' She thought to herself.

Apple Jack nods. "You can say that again. I haven't seen one person move so much since Apple Bloom's first visit to the dentist."

Suddenly, the sound of a deep voice reached their ears saying, "Go to the gym, Dashie!"

This was closely followed by the man saying, "Fuck you, satan, I'm not fat!"

And so, the gameplay began. One of the first things they all noticed was a small measure of time where it seemed like he was talking to his viewers, saying something along the lines of "Threep! Take that shit. Bring it to IHOP. You now have unlimited pancakes for life!" One of the first deaths to happen was at the beginning of the stage. A giant spiked block fell and crushed his character, killing him.

"He ain't very good for a gamer, is he?" Apple Jack spoke.

This was followed by the man saying things to the viewer again. "Alright, alright, I see you, I see you. Got me with ya shit. I see you."

Fast forward to a quarter of the way through, and the man has already died 5 times, and hope appears lost as he stares into the faces of giant brown mushroom looking things, turtles with weapons, sliding platforms, spikes, and a door he hasn't opened.

"I wonder what he'll do next." came a voice. Everyone looked up and was surprised to see it was Twilight.

"Twilight? You're interested in this?" Pinkie asked, smiling wide.

"W-well, yeah..." She blushed and looked away. "He's very funny and well, watching kinda makes me wanna cheer for him to win, ya know?"

"I know right?" Pinkie screamed as she got in front of her friend's face and started blasting her with words.

When Pinkie finally calmed down, she continued the video. The man decided to jump onto the platform, and was currently trying not to die as saw blades made their way across the screen. The unused door was just a jump away, and everyone was patiently awaiting to see if he would make it, even Rarity.

When he jumped, a collective breath was held, and when he made it, that same breath was exhaled with great relief rolling over them all at once...

Only for disappointment and slight rage to cross their faces as that door sent him back to the beginning. But what surprised them the most, was that he seemed perfectly okay with it, as if he had to deal with this every time he played a level of this game.

Twilight had a sudden thought of, "What kind of twisted person would make something like this and call it a game?"

After three more deaths, it finally seemed as if he had lost his patience. He had made several swears each time, and now it seemed like he was about to do so once more.

Unfortunately, none of them were prepared for what came next, as they next words to come out of "Dashie's" mouth when he died, were,

"ARE YOU FUCKIIIINNNG-"

But he never got to finish, as his loudest, most angry swear, complete with a size increase and close up of his face, was cut off to reveal that he was...rapping?

Yes, he was rapping. As if nothing had happened to begin with, he was rapping while playing, not even caring if he died again, it seemed.

"He must have quite the drive to win..." Rarity said, her eyes sparkling with admiration at his persistence in the face of loss.

"I agree." Twilight said as she held a fingertip to her lip in anticipation of his next move.

They all listened as he rapped and played, spouting off random lines like, "Uh, wassup baby girl. Lemme see what you got, baby do that twirl. Lemme rock your world. Cuz i'mma show you what I got on this boss, bitch, and i'mma beat this level like a boss, bitch."

This was, of course, cut off by his eventual death by the boss, where his usual swear word of, "FUCK!" left his lips.

Everyone felt a bit of pain in their chests as they watched him die at least two more times by that same boss before finally beating the level.

They all seemed relieved that he was finally done. Each of them already had their own thoughts on the situation.

'OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh! This...was awesome!' Rainbow Dash thought as she watched,

"Well, at least he didn't give up." Apple Jack said with a smile on her face.

"Oh, that was so close, that was so close, that was so close!" Thought Twilight, her hand over her heart as it pounded in her chest, making her realize that watching this video was more of a workout than her jogging in the morning.

'That was...quite the show...' Rarity thought. 'At least he won. That makes me happy.'

Pinkie couldn't keep the smile off of her face. 'That was so much fun!'

Fluttershy kept her thoughts to herself.

That is until they saw that he was gonna keep going after all that. Then, she screamed out loud as if expecting him to hear her,

"Why must you torture yourself for us?! Please don't do it anymore!" She yelled, grabbing pinkie's phone and holding it up in the air as she did so, and causing her friends to let out giggles at her actions. She looked around and blushed, sitting down and giving Pinkie her phone back.

Their thoughts pretty much paralleled hers to some degree however, as Rarity thought,

'Oh, you poor man.'

This was followed by Twilight's, 'He can keep going?!'

Apple Jack's, 'Now that's a hard worker!'

Rainbow's 'So cool!

Pinkie however, being a fan, had a better reaction of, 'I wonder what's next on his list?'

To be honest, they were all surprised, their hearts were all hammering away in their chests at the video, and they all felt for the man, in one way or another.

After it ended, Pinkie turned and asked them all one question. "So, what did you think?"

They all immediately answered. "It was great!"