I Thought Scritches Were Special

by StitchfaceTurnip

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Trixie, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Profanity, Random, Sex
Length: 5617

After patting Trixie Anon learns that she likes the attention and he gives her scritches. Anon fails to realize that Trixie thinks scritches are special, so when he gives Twilight scritches she gets very upset.

Anon spends all of his bits on Berry Punch's Alcoholic Punch and is pushed by Twilight into finding a job. Starlight suggests that he works with Trixie as an assistant for her magic practice. Anon believes this should be easy enough and agrees. After practice Trixie demands praise and Anon gives her scritches. Then Twilight asks for scritches and she gets scricthes, and this upsets Trixie.

By all means this description does not mean this story has a plot, or can even be considered a story. I'm not sure if that makes this a spoiler or not, but I'll mark it as one just to be safe.

Kind of like a prequel to Anon Gets a Job at Ponyville Spa, but I'd be a liar if I called it that.

Published 2018-01-26 22:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-26 22:00:06 UTC

Anon and Scritches

Anon has found himself in Ponyville, a small town in a land primarily inhabited by small pastel colored ponies. Things had to be sorted out quickly because after first waking up in this strange place all Anon had wanted was for the strange pony who was shouting at him to shut up because the pain in his head was starting to get worse from all the sass in it’s voice. So, Anon punched the small blue unicorn wearing a silly looking cape and wizard’s hat.

Turns out punching the unicorn was a terrible idea. Immediately after hitting the small horse its’ horn began to glow a bright blue and Anon was wrapped in a similar cold blue aura. Then Anon was forced through the roof of the cart as he was flung upward. After crashing through some branches and landing on his head Anon was out cold. Just goes to show you should always run from your problems or you’ll get your ass whooped by tiny horses.

When Anon awoke he was in a large room with walls that seemed to be made of crystal. Even so, Anon wasn’t too sure he had too much too drink anymore, shit was still confusing, but the pounding in his head was gone. Anon thought he was having a strange dream inside of another dreams and had once again woken up in another strange place. It was probably like that weird Inception thingy he had never gotten around to actually watching, but he couldn’t be sure. So with that in mind he curled up into the covers and decided he wasn’t gonna do anything in this dream considering the last one had a fucking talking blue horse in it and he was too tired to deal with the weird shit his brain came up with. However, for the sake of progression Anon doesn’t get the luxury of having what he wants translate into reality.

Immediately after he tried to bury himself in the covers of the unfamiliar bed Anon was enveloped in a warm lavender aura causing hiss eyes to open and widen as a strange but familiar sensation spread throughout his body and lifted him out of the bed. Unsure of how to react to being floated again Anon tried to pinch himself in hopes that the stupid saying about pinching yourself was true. But when he had tried to move his arm Anon realized he couldn’t and a newfound panic started to wash over him.

Anon’s mind raced and he thought to himself, “What kind of a masochist can’t even move in their own fucking dreams? Wait, I’m in a strange bedroom, and I’m tied up by magic? Maybe this could turn out to be pretty alright...”

Chalking the circumstances to the start of what could possibly be one hell of a dream Anon prepared his mind and body for the greatness that was to come. After all Anon thought he deserved to enjoy himself. Recently life had been treating him like shit and the thought of having “one of those dreams” convinced Anon his brain was giving him pity sex to make up for the shit he had to deal with… Oh fuck me, I can't believe I wrote that.

After being pulled out of bed Anon was floating in front of another pony, this time it was a small lavender unicorn with wings. Anon started to protest aloud, “Nope, nope, nope, no way. I’m not into horses. It’s time to wake up, it is time to wake the fuck up!”

All of the anticipation Anon had felt earlier was overtaken by a new growing feeling of disgust, in a panic stricken state Anon continued to think aloud, “I mean, what kind of a sick person gets off to small animated looking p….”

I know my audience, and I know what I like, so I will not finish Anon's sentence for the sake of not causing more trouble than the rest of this story already will.

Then the small horse responded to Anon’s protests, “Uh, hey, hi, could you please calm down. My name is Twilight Sparkle and I need to ask you a few questions about -” Twilight paused and chewed on the inside of her cheek before continuing, “- about quiet a number of things actually.”

A small familiar blue pony in an outrageous magicians costume came up from behind the pony who had said its’ name was Twilight Sparkle. This caused Anon to groan as he realized this was the same dream as before. So much for that cool Inception thing.

The blue pony spoke up, “Trixie thinks we should knock the beast out again. Clearly it is incapable of expressing itself in a civilized manner.”

Twilight responded, “Trixie, we don’t know that yet. Besides it’s smart enough to talk, so maybe they have a name, and we cover all of the formalities so that we can to discuss where they're from, and...”

The blue pony who Anon assumed was named Trixie interrupted Twilight, “Trixie doesn’t like this green beast, it’s rude, violent...”

Anon interrupted Trixie, “Just put me down and we can have a nice talk where I answer any and all questions you have.”

Twilight smiled and placed Anon back down on the bed as she said, “See, he’s a reasonable and intelligent creature.”

Anon was quick to disprove Twilight. After she had put him down he immediately started pinching himself hard to try to end the shitty dream he was having. When that didn’t work Anon began cursing his situation, “Of course life gives people lemons, but no, not Anon, he gets the fucking D. What I wouldn’t give for some fucking lemons just once.”

This caused the ponies who were watching him to furrow their brows in confusion and exchange quizzical looks.

Twilight spoke up as her face contorted at the obscenities the strange creature before her was spewing, “Uhm, so what’s your name?”

Anon replied bitterly, “Anon.”

Trixie snorted, “What kind of a name is that. Trixie thinks it’s unoriginal and totally unrelatable, Trixie will call you… -” There is a short pause as Trixie rubbed her chin with a fore hoof while deep in thought, “- Greenie! Yes, you’re name will now be Greenie.”

Twilight shot Trixie a glare before speaking up, “Hello Anon, it’s my pleasure to welcome you to Ponyville and to my home. -” Twilight motioned to the room they were in, “- Now why don’t you start by telling us about yourself?”

After a long Q&A where Anon told the ponies all about himself and asked a few questions of his own Anon came to the conclusion that his brain couldn’t be making this shit up. Apparently ponies here were smart, used magic, and he was in the Castle of Friendship home to Twilight Sparkle, The Princess of Friendship. Not only that, but Twilight had also used her magic to treat all of the scratches and bruises he had from being thrown through a roof and crashing through a small tree.

Aside from asking and answering questions Anon also had to apologize for creating a hole in the roof of Trixie’s cart and for punching her, and Trixie also had to apologize for flinging Anon halfway across town. This was some strange way of administering justice, but what the fuck do I know I’ve never been stupid enough to punch a unicorn.

After sorting through the initial formalities Anon was graced with the opportunity to stay in one of the spare rooms of the castle and was given a small sum of bits to pay for small necessities such as food and drink. Then Twilight suggested Anon join her and go shopping. So then Anon, Twilight, another purple pony named Starlight, and Trixie left to go shopping.

Anon happily discovered that this strange land had alcohol. Apparently one pony named Berry Punch was known for making it and was kind enough to let Anon taste some before making a purchase. This led to Anon spending most of his bits buying booze, because pony alcohol wasn’t very strong, and Anon bought alot in hopes that he could at least get buzzed.

Twilight wasn’t too happy about Anon spending all of the bits she had given him on Berry Punch’s Alcoholic Punch, so to try and encourage Anon to be responsible so he could get a place to stay and budget his bits properly, she told him he would not be given any more bits. Twilight also mentioned that she would help him find work so he could earn his own bits to spend.

When the group had returned to the castle it was already late and the moon was high in the sky, and so they called it a night and each headed to bed, save for Trixie who exited the castle and headed to her cart.

At the start of his second day in Ponyville Anon was convinced he had assimilated pretty well all things considered. He had been graced with the opportunity to live in The Castle of Friendship with Princess Twilight Sparkle, and even though it was only a temporary solution to Anon's current housing predicament he wasn’t complaining. Anon was living with royalty and enjoyed all the luxuries that it came with. Luxuries such as; clean sheets, actual silverware, scented soap, and there always being enough toilet paper. Hey, Anon’s old life was full of shit, so he was grateful for these kinds of things.

Anon's second day started rather early, as the sun barely began to shine above the horizon Starlight Glimmer woke him up explaining she was there to help him find work. Just more proof his brain couldn’t come up with this shit, even in the mornings these ponies seemed chipper, no one could make this shit up.

Anon’s first application for work was with Trixie. Apparently she was actually a magician and needed an assistant to help her with some of her tricks. Anon had agreed thinking he would just have to stand around and look pretty like all of the magician’s assistants back on Earth However, Trixie had other plans.

Anon started having second thoughts while he was climbing into a cannon and Trixie explained, “Alright, so you’ll be launched out of this cannon and into the jaws of a manticore that is going to chew and swallow you. Then Starlight will teleport you to safety into the black box resting beside the cannon.”

Against his better judgement Anon played along under the assumption that the trick was safe. I mean, why else would they be doing it? The trick ended with Anon being teleported into the box with his clothes tattered and covered in saliva, he may not have been dead but he had seen things in there.

According to Trixie the trick was a success, she was wooting and shouting, “Trixie can’t believe that worked, she though Greenie was definitely going to die because he was too big to swallow whole. But just to be sure, we’ll have to practice more later after the manticore comes back from lunch.”

And with that Starlight teleported the beast away with her magic, wiped Anon clean of all the saliva with her magic, fixed his tattered clothes, and suggested that they move on to the next tricks. It all happened so fast Anon didn't even notice his pockets had been emptied of all their contents when the manticore tore through all his clothes.

At first things were going pretty well, but soon after Anon was no longer sure that being a magician's assistant was going to work out. Thankfully Starlight noticed Anon’s reluctance to participate in one of Trixie's tricks that involved being sawn in half after she had done a failed demonstration on a pillow. Not only was the pillow torn from where the saw had tried to go through it, Trixie’s small shrug and comment that this didn’t usually happen only made Anon shrink away. Really, that’s where you draw the line, you already got launched out of a cannon and chewed up by a fucking manticore.

This prompted Starlight to suggest moving on to lunch.

Trixie exclaimed, “Of course, Trixie is starving after her incredible performances. Alright Greenie, we will continue when we return.”

Feeling a surge of relief wash over him Anon patted Trixie on her head to show his appreciation for her letting him take a break from doing more tricks. However, to Anon’s surprise a deep blush spread across her face and she jumped backed.

This caused Anon to ask, “Hey, Trixie, you okay?”

Trixie responded, “What was that?”

Still confused by Trixie’s response Anon answered her question with another question, ”You mean me patting your head?”

Trixie appeared to be cross, “No, Trixie knows what patting is, but what did you do to her!?”

Anon didn’t want to upset Trixie, because from what he had learned yesterday pony magic was not something to fuck with. Treading carefully Anon responded while slowly backing away, “I just patted your head with my hands. I’m sorry if that upset you.”

Trixie shook her head clear before she walked forward and responded, “You didn’t upset Trixie, but it felt strange. And don’t worry Trixie won’t send you flying halfway across Ponyville again.” - Then Trixie pressed her barrel against Anon’s legs and added, - “And if Greenie wanted to treat Trixie to head pats Trixie believes she could speed up her considerations of hiring him.” What the hell, is this how I put sleeping with your boss to get the job in a teen-fic?

Anon was oblivious to what Trixie was implying and smiled assuming that she was simply going through some roundabout way of asking for pats.

However before Anon could respond Trixie returned to her normal character and laughed victoriously as she trotted away while shouting behind her, “Come Starlight, join Trixie for lunch? Oh, and Greenie you can come too but Trixie will not be paying for your food.”

When they had arrived at a small tea shop Trixie sat down and waved over a waiter. She ordered a daisy and dandelion sandwich, hibiscus tea, and a small cake. Starlight ordered baked oatmeal with apples and cheddar. Meanwhile, Anon wasn’t sure what on the menu was safe to eat and Trixie suggested he order a whole loaf of cheddar bread and some cider. Not having a preference, and assuming Trixie had the best of intentions, Anon decided to go along with Trixie's suggestion.

Starlight gave Anon a look of concern as he ordered his food. Once their food had arrived Starlight voiced her concern after the waiter left, “Anon, are you sure you can pay for that? Twilight told me to remind you to watch your spending. She said you didn’t have that many bits left after yesterday.”

Anon replied, “Yeah. I don’t have much, but I have enough to pay for this. -” Anon reached into his pants pocket for the small pouch of bits he still had, but it was not there. Feeling confused Anon stood up and searched his persons for the pouch of coins. “- Where is it?”

Trixie rolled her eyes and playfully scolded Anon, “Greenie, you don't have any bits do you?”- She glared at Anon with a playful smile, - “It would appear that the Great and Generous Trixie will have to pay for her bumbling assistant’s lunch.”

Anon replied, “Thanks Trixie, I swear I’ll pay you back as soon as I find my pouch of coins. I probably left it back where we were practicing.”

Trixie gave Anon a shit-eating grin, “Now that you mention it Trixie does remember seeing a plenty of holes in your clothes after you teleported out of the manticore. But that isn’t important, besides Trixie thinks you could work it off, considering Twilight told you she would not be giving you any more bits and you lost the ones you had left.”

This pony played him.

After lunch the group returned to Trixie’s cart and Anon still couldn’t find his pouch, so they resumed practicing various tricks. These tricks were rather tame and Anon only had to help set up and put away all of Trixie’s equipment. It wasn’t a difficult task, but Anon was buzzed and stumbled every now and then as he moved the equipment. This had seemed silly to Anon that he had to physically move things around considering Trixie and Starlight had magic.

Trixie cleared her throat and then summed up Anon’s and Starlight’s performance, “First Starlight, you’re performance as an audience was as usual, lacking. Trixie thinks you should try to praise her louder. Greenie, Trixie thinks you bring little to the performance, but you did do a good job moving props and packing up, so you can stay. For now. -” Trixie’s half-assed praise was soon followed by her loud and usual manner of speaking, “- Now, the Great and Powerful Trixie commands that her assistants praise her for a job well done.”

Starlight laughed at Trixie as she sarcastically commented, “Oh Magnificent and Mighty Trixie, your performances were perfection as usual. You never cease to amaze me with how many tricks you can do.”

Trixie rolled her eyes and turned to Anon, “Greenie, Trixie hopes that you can do better than that. It’s not like the bar was set all that high…”

Anon had a small buzz going and tuned Trixie out as he wondered, “What is wrong with this pony. She seems to be some kind of attention whore, why else would she refer to herself in the third person and always introduce herself, with all those fireworks and the self proclaimed title The Great and Powerful or some alteration. Wait, maybe it's more like puppy, she isn't an ass about it, usually. Yeah, she's like a puppy who just wants attention.”

After rerailing his train of thought Anon came to the first logical conclusion on how to praise Trixie. Anon decided he would fuck…

An annoyed narrator tries to get Anon back in line, “Hey, Anon stupid, think with the head that isn’t on your dick would you? Geez, we’re trying to keep this fic rated teen.”

Anon came to the only other logical conclusion, he would use his fingers to...

And still the narrator tries, “Damn it you idiot, nothing sexual can be involved alright! Besides we’ve already told them about that one.”

Anon came to the least desirable conclusion, he would give the pony pats again. It seemed like a decent idea, Anon knew that pets back on his world loved the attention and affection that came with getting pats, and earlier Trixie seemed rather open to the idea, so why not?

Guess what, Anon’s right for once. I know, I couldn’t believe it either.

Anon mimicked Trixie’s tone, “Great and Powerful Trixie, thanks for the lunch and the mediocre magic.”

As Trixie let out an annoyed sigh she caught sight of Anon reaching toward her with his strange hooves. Anon smiled as he noticed Trixie’s change in attitude when she was him reach out to her. The dilation of Trixie’s pupils and the eagerness in her eyes, it was as though she was bubbling with anticipation for what she knew was to come. Anon decided he would give the small pony scritches because she was too cute for just simple pats.

Reaching his hand over to behind Trixie’s ear Anon began his assault. Instantly Trixie’s cheeks turned a darker shade of blue and she tilted her head deeper into Anon’s touch pressing the tip of her horn against Anon’s arm.. Anon thought that Trixie’s reaction meant she wanted to have her horn scratched too, so while still deeply and gingerly attending to the space behind Trixie’s ear he ran his other hand along the base of her horn and engaged in deep scritching. Within seconds Trixie’s voice betrayed her and throaty moans flowed from her lips. She stared wide eyed at Anon, shocked by the sensation of his touch.

“Uhm, Greenie, you can slow down you…” Trixie’s breath caught in her throat as Anon moved both of his hands onto the base of her horn and rubbed deeply into the surrounding tissue. Instead of finishing her sentence all Trixie had managed was a dragged out groan.

“Hmm?” Anon hummed to Trixie in an attempt to get her to finish what she had been saying.

Trixie tried to regain her composure, but it was to no avail. Anon had begun to run one hand along her horn, tracing a small spiral from the base to the tip, while his other hand shifted to scratching Trixie’s chin. Trixie knew she could force Anon to stop, but by the stars she wished for nothing more than for him to continue. Instead Trixie opted to once again try to speak through the pleasure that was assaulting her mind, “Greenie, slow down. Trixie’s horn is starting to feel sen-sen-sensitive!”

Trixie let out a shout as pleasure washed over her being. Her horn started to glow softly and small spurts of warm blue magic shot out and onto Anon. As she did so her moans escalated to muffled screams as she bit her lower lip to try and silence the noises she couldn’t help but make. Trixie had begun shivering from the pleasure she had felt and her legs buckled and gave out causing her to slump onto the floor panting as she wallowed in the last shocks of pleasure that spread throughout her body while her horn now trickled powder blue magic from it’s tip.

Starlight having witnessed everything now felt hot under the collar. Fuck that didn’t work like I had hoped, but you get the point. She giggled nervously and excused herself as Anon patted Trixie who was now basking in an afterglow while resting in Anon’s lap.

Anon concluded that this could probably work. Working as a magician’s assistant didn’t seem to be too bad, save for the trick with the manticore, and Trixie was cute like a puppy. Deciding he wouldn’t mind if this became his job he carried Trixie over to her cart and after knocking a few things down and bumbling about he gingerly placed her on her small bed. Afterward Anon started the short walk toward The Castle of Friendship to tell Twilight the good news, he had a job and now he should be able to pay for his alcohol.

Twilight was enthused to hear the news, she was proud that Anon was assimilating so well and so quickly. She still wasn’t too pleased about the idea of Anon spending his bits on alcohol, but one thing at a time.

However, that night after Twilight asked how magic practice went with Trixie Starlight explained to Twilight what had transpired earlier between Anon and Trixie. This had peaked Twilight's interests.

Twilight responded to Starlight’s recap, “It appears that the pats and “scritches” Anon gave Trixie seem to have elicited a strange behavior from her.”

Starlight added, “Yeah, she kinda melted into his touch and… - ” Starlight paused and her cheeks darkened as she remembered what had happened. Shaking her head to clear it of desire Starlight continued, “- Well, uhm, I think she came?”

Twilight was confused, “I think you meant went, but you didn’t really finish you sentence there.”

Starlight chuckled nervously, “Nevermind.”

Twilight decided that she would explore what these scritches, as Anon called them, meant and why, according to Starlight, they made Trixie act all funny.

The next morning Anon awoke to Trixie floating him out of bed with a large grin plastered across her face, “Greenie, you’re master commands you to repeat the scratchies”

Anon grunted as he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes, “I think you mean scritches, and how about no. -" Anon yawned, "- It’s too early to be awake yet.”

Trixie puffed out her cheeks and spoke, “Greenie, Trixie said she wanted scritches and she will get them one way or another!”

Anon was then enveloped in a warm blue aura, “Alright, alright, I’ll do it. Just don’t do that magic shit where you float me again, it makes me uncomfortable.”

Trixie smiled triumphantly as Anon proceeded to do morning scritches, which were like regular scritches only sloppy and ignited a passion that made a mare ready to tackle the day. This time Trixie stumbled out of the room beside him in a pleasure filled daze.

The two then proceeded to wander the castle as they searched for the dinning hall to join Starlight and Twilight for breakfast.

Twilight was the first to notice when Trixie entered the dining hall and asked, “What are you doing here Trixie?”

Trixie responded, “Can’t friends have breakfast together?”

Twilight perked up and said, “Really, we’re friends now?”

Trixie shot her down, “Not you Mary Sue, Trixie is here for Greenie and Starlight.”

Starlight took this as her cue to chime in, “Come on Trixie, don't be so mean to Twilight she was just a little excited about the possibility of having made a new friend.”

Trixie scoffed and walked over to Starlight. Then she took her friends meal and magicked it over to her seat, sat down and began eating.

Starlight rolled her eyes and trotted over to the kitchen. When she returned she had two plates of pancakes in her magic and passed one over to Anon while placing the other in front of her seat.

After breakfast Trixie ran into the kitchen and screamed about four times before she stumble out with a small bag in her mouth. Trixie looked worse for wear when she had exited the kitchen, her mane was disheveled and the tip of her tail was on fire.

She began to speak, but in a shaky manner that had made her sound dizzy, “Okay, Trixie thinks that is enough time for breakfast, so now let’s move on to magic practice.”

Anon chuckled while Starlight and Twilight exchanged concerned glances. It was strange, Trixie had never gone to the kitchen alone. They weren't even sure if she knew how make sandwiches.

Practice was short and sweet. For the most part it was just Trixie showing Anon a variety of little tricks and magic that she used to enhance her performance. Things like fireworks, sparklers, smoke pellets, and a little blue hoof cap where she stuffed a bunch of kerchiefs that were tied together. Then they enjoyed pre-made lunches Trixie had brought. It was nothing special, just a few peanut butter and apple preserve sandwiches, but Trixie beamed with pride when she offered them to Starlight and Anon.

After lunch Starlight excused herself and left early to go and help someone named Spike reorganize Twilight’s library so Twilight could focus on some studying. A few minutes after Starlight left Twilight showed up. Trixie was not pleased to say the least.

Trixie bitterly questioned Twilight, “What are you doing here? You never come see me practice my magic.”

Twilight replied in a matter of fact manner, “I’m here to ask Anon about scritches.”

Trixie’s ears perked up and she blushed hard when she heard Twilight say scritches. Then she protested, “Sorry Twilight. Trixie will be taking her assistant, Greenie, to Rarity's boutique to get him fitted for a proper uniform.”

Twilight deflated and responded, “Oh, well, can’t I go with you?”

Anon spoke up, “Come on Trixie, look how sad she is. -” Twilight’s eyes watered and her pupils grew even larger, “- Dawww. That’s adorable.”

Trixie grows annoyed and responds, “Trixie thinks Greenie's will is weak. However, she will allow Twilight to come is she pays for wasting Trixie’s assistant's valuable time.”

Twilight shrugged. I mean, she’s a princess now and lives in a castle made of crystal, I’m pretty sure she’s fucking loaded, and we all know she’d do anything for science.

When they arrived outside Carousel Boutique Trixie trotted over to the door and knocked. Once Trixie had left Twilight started to question Anon on scritches again, and this time asks for a quick demonstration to better understand the effects it had on ponies. I mean he has to do stupid shit, if not there wouldn’t be a story to tell, you wouldn’t be here, and I’d have to write actual plot driven stories. Now that that is out of the way, let us continue.

Anon being Anon saw nothing wrong with giving Twilight scritches, after all she had asked for them nicely. So he began by running his hands through her mane and scratching her fluffy chest. Twilight soon started to moan loudly in the streets of Ponyville. This caught her attention and the attention of several passersbys, and prompted her to wrap them in a soundproof bubble.

Twilight was thoroughly embarrassed but decided she had to press on, for science. Pressing her hooves to her mouth Twilight muffled the noises that were escaping her. But even so she couldn’t keep up enough concentration to maintain the magic bubble around them and then they were in open air again.

Soon after Twilight had her barrel pressed into Anon’s legs and was cooing, “Yes, yes, yes. Rougher, oh Celestia please be rougher.”

Trixie shouted, “What the buck is going on!”

Twilight couldn’t move as Anon’s touch continues to assault her sense with a pleasure she had never before experienced.

This prompted Anon to speak up, “I’m just showing Twilight what scricthes are.”

A fire grew in Trixie’s eyes and she shouted louder, “Trixie thought scritches were special, Trixie was sure that Greenie thought she was special!” - This caused Anon to take his hands off Twilight, and raise them in front of himself to show Trixie he meant no harm. Trixie ignored Anon’s gesture and continued, - “Trixie will not stand for this Twilight! First you don’t like it when she becomes friends with Starlight, now you want to take away Greenie too!”

A deep blue aura starts to form at Trixie’s horn and she lets out a small growl as she lowers her head. “Trixie only has one thing to say to a mare like you, BEGONE THOT!”

Anon wasn't sure what was happening, but with a bright purple flash Anon found himself in the library in Castle of Friendship with Twilight.

Starlight eyed the pair who had just appeared in library with a troubled expression and asked, “What happened Twilight, you look flustered and…”

Starlight is interrupted as a fuming Trixie slammed the door to the library open and began shouting, “Twilight, Trixie thought you trusted her to make her own decisions, Trixie saved all of Equestria damn it! What does she have to do to make you leave her alone!”

Twilight walked toward Trixie and responded coolly, “I do trust you Trixie, I just wanted to know what scritches were and what they felt like. This is a rare opportunity to study something that’s never been studied before and…”

A small moan from behind Trixie and Twilight caught their attention. They both turned at the same time only to witness something horrible.

Starlight was groaning as Anon was giving her a belly rub.

Trixie returned to her previous state of anger, “Anon you bucking whore!”

Oh shit, she used his real name, he was in trouble now.

Starlight stopped writhing in pleasure as Anon ceased rubbing her furry tummy. She opened her eyes and tried to be the voice of reason, "Girls, I'm sure Anon won't mind being part of Trixie's ever-growing harem, so just calm down for a second and think about the importance of sharing." And that is why Glim Glam is best p…

Starlight interrupted the he narrator with one hell of a buck causing them to shout in agony as they disappeared into the sky.

“Starlight, Trixie wishes to know that was just now?”

“Trixie, I had to do it, whatever it was it was about to make a huge mistake.”

“Uhm, Starlight, I don’t get what you mean? Who was about to make a huge mistake?”

“Trust me Twilight, it would have gotten more downvotes than a poorly written Treehugger x Eris clopfic.”

“What’s a clopfic?”

“I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s bad.”

“Wait has anyone written that yet? Give me a minute…”

“Greenie what are you doing?”

“Oh sure, now you’re happy…”

“Trixie is still upset with you Greenie, but she is willing to overlook your violations of her trust if you do to her what you were just doing to Starlight.”

“Oh Celestia, did that feel good.”

“Starlight shut up before Trixie…”

“Both of you shut up, I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on here. I think Celestia is going to want to read about this in my next friendship report, so I have to get the facts straight.”

Dear reader,

As the main character in these stories I feel it is my duty to inform you that on a completely unrelated note the narrator had to leave to attend to something of the utmost importance. Apparently no one has written a Starlight x Eris clopfic and this fic has turned to shit... Honestly we’re probably just digging ourselves deeper into a hole that leads straight to pony hell, but unless we can bribe our way into heaven with crack fics we’re fucked anyway. And with that I’m off to go pack some toiletries for the trip down...

Author's Note

Thinking of writing an actual story next, maybe clop. I will be taking suggestions because as tempting as Treehugger x Eris sounds I'm open to ~~ignoring~~ listening to other people's opinions. :twilightsmile: