A Diamond by any other name

by MLPAllGrownUp

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1845

On a boring day Spike wonders why Chiffon Swirl changed her name, leading to him and his friends discussing changing names and who should be dating who

On a boring day Spike wonders why Chiffon Swirl changed her name, leading to him and his friends discussing changing names and who should be dating who.

This was just a silly idea I had that I've used to break my lack of writing slump (whilst busy on other projects)

Published 2018-01-27 20:00:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-27 20:00:07 UTC

Chapter 1

It was a lazy day in the Castle of Friendship. Whilst the world does need saving on a regular basis, most days…or at least many days…it didn’t.

With all chores for the day done and nothing lined up to do, seven Ponies and one dragon sat around the table slightly bored. Nopony wanted Rarity to give them a hooficure, there had been no new Daring Do books for months and there was no birthday’s or anniversaries to celebrate.

Twilight looked over and noted something “Spike, it looks like something is on your mind?

“Yeah, well…it’s nothing. Let’s talk later”

“It’s not like we have much left to talk about right now” Twilight sighed.

Spike looked around and noted everypony had pricked up their ears “We’ll, I’ve been thinking about something since Applejack told the story about her parents…but it was something that was unrelated really so I didn’t want to seem insensitive. “

“No problem sugarcube, I appreciate the concern. What is it?”

“Well, Mrs Cake, Chiffon Swirl, changed her name when she married Mr Cake….but we live in a Matarac…Maidtri..

“Matriarchy, spike” Starlight Glimmer interjected.

“Yeah, that.” Spike threw a finger point to his castlemate “So shouldn’t Carrot Cake have changed his name to something Swirl? Or is that a stupid question.”

Twilight smiled, throwing a quick glance to her other student “There’s no such thing as a silly question Spike. Afterall, given somepony, or dragon, is born every minute, it stands to reason that somepony learns the same fact every minute to…give and take statistical variances. The reason is…”

“It goes back to the times when ponies lived more in herds. Whilst the female outnumbered the males seven to one, males held all the status and so everypony took the males name to signify their allegiances.”

Seven faces blinked back at Pinkie.

“What, I do know stuff!” Pinkie huffed

“It’s not that, it’s just unusual to interrupt Twilight” Fluttershy ventured.

“Did we really want another statistical lecture that only Starlight actual understands?”

It was Twilight turn to huff “Another Statistical lecture? I don’t give that many!”

“Per-lease, you gave me about a two hour analysis of Ponyville weather patterns…and I create them!” Rainbow sniggered.

“Anyhow, going back to young spikes question, I never thought about it. But I don’t think I would change my name if I were to marry. I mean, would any of us?” Applejack stated matter of factly.

“We’re all independent mares, and semi famous, so I agree that it would be unlikely we would want to change either our first or surnames…us that have them.” Princess Sparkle added.

“But isn’t it cute to have a common name between two partners…otherwise how would people know that you’re in a couple?” Pinkie proposed before turning to the conversation starter“What do you think Spike?”

“Hmmm, its interesting. From what I’ve read Dragoons are much more territorial over their names, especially males, than ponies in general. And ownership of things of course. So I kinda think I would want my mate to change her name accordingly.”

“I’m not changing my name so you can forget about that if we were ever to marry, Spike”

Some of the girls faces declared a bit of shock, but Spike waved a claw “Don’t worry girls, Rarity and I can joke about it fine…afterall, it was such an elephant in the room it’s been better this way. But Spike Belle? No way am I changing my name to Spike Belle”

“What, I’m going to be Rarity the Dragon…now if I were a dragon that would make sense but I’m a pony. And you don’t really have a surname.”

“Spike does have another name”. After a pause Twilight hinted “In the crystal empire?”

“Oh…Rarity the brave and glorious? I do like the glorious part but brave…”

“We have all been exceedingly brave rarity” Rainbow Dash chimed in.

“I know, but couldn’t it be Rarity the beautiful and glamorous …keeps the same initials but a little more ladylike” Rarity practically swooned under her own naming.

“You do know you’re not getting married, right?” Fluttershy replied meekly

“Introducing Prince Spike the Brave and Glorious and Princess Rarity the beautiful and glamorous. “ Starlight glimmer announced boldly.

“That sure does have a ring to it and makes up in grandeur what it lacks in brevity…wait, Prince?” Rarity turned with a raise eyebrow.

Spike awkwardly rubbed the back of his head “Well, when Twilight became a Princess that kinda meant I became a Prince. I choose not to take it as compared to her, Aunty Celestia and Luna –“ The mares sniggered but Spike continued unperturbed “-, Aunty Cadence and Cousin Flurry Heart…I’m not in the same league really. Heck, Starlight is closer to princess level of magic than anyone else, especially me”

“I’m working on that” Starlight replied, raising her eyebrows towards Twilight much to the alicorn’s confusion.

“Well, you will grow wings, you have your fire magic and are joint ruler of the dragons…so I kinda think you’re perfect for Equestrian Royalty”

“Wait, so I will have a flying husband who can breathe fire, and is a prince… interesting” Rarity mused

“You do know you’re not getting married, right?” Fluttershy repeated meekly

“Wait, being a flying prince is important?”

“Do you know anything about mares?” Applejack sniggered

“Obviously not” Spike shrugged

“Spike, you never said you were a prince…that changes things” Rarity teased a little.

“We all know you like a Prince…even Blueblood”

Rarity face instinctively screwed up “That’s one Spike…”

Rarity’s horn lit up and she moved Spikes chair next to hers “Ignoring that minor infraction Spikey Wikey, now we’re sorted we best start doing what all couples tend to do and start trying to match up all their single friends…Twilight seems the first choice.”

“That’s obvious. Twilight Sentry No change of initials and she gets to keep the same monogram towels”

Twilight turned a shade of red the others hadn’t seen since her return through the mirror.

“Oh, another advantage of your name Spikle …my monogram towels just needs to add a G to make it RBG. See, changing names doesn’t have to be a hassle afterall.”

“Whose Sentry?” Starlight asked

“Some human we met in the alternative universe…Twilight had a major crush on hm.”

“Did not!” Twilight replied most unconvincingly.

“Or you and Timber Spruce…no wait that was the other Twilight wasn’t it. Nether of you would need to change your initials at all”

“I am not going marry a human!” Twilight protested too much.

Pinkie Pie decided to join “Besides, we all know that Twilight has somepony on her mind…and again keeps the same initials. Twilight Shimmer does have a nice ring to it”

“Twilight Glimmer has a good ring to it” the purple pony announced winking at Twilight ahain.

“Wait, we are matching ourselves up now…oh, I love it!” Rarity squealed and turned to her least romantically inclined friend who often was part of the team to tease her “Now, if we were match up you, Rainbow Darling

“Hold on a min…”

“Let see: Rainbow Jack or Apple Dash…nah doesn’t have the right ring to it”

Spike joined in “Rainbow Shy, Flutter Dash?”

Fluttershy meeped and quickly quipped “Rainbow Pie,Pinkie Dash?”

“Rainbow Sparkle, Twilight Dash”

“Rainbow Sparkle?…you have met me right?” Rainbow huffed.

“Besides, the Princess is mine…student/teacher relationships are what half of all hot fiction is about.”

Twilight turned bright red again, a slightly different hue this time. “Starlight!”

“Apologises Princess, will you need to discipline me later? I’ll prepare the dungeon”

Twilight froze, and then suddenly worked out what was going on “Okay, you’re just deliberately trying to get under my fur…well done Glimmy”

“Don’t call me that” Starlight’s nose scrunched up.

“Sure thing, GlimGlam” Twilight replied, causing another scowl from her student.

Spike was a good friend of Starlight, so only felt right to tease worse “That’s not her name…its Twilight Mark2 according to Ember.”

“Wait, what about Ember, you have a thing for her don’t you?” Applejack asked “Dragon Lords Prince Spike and Princess Ember…has a nice ring to it”

“Humph, what about me?” Rarity whined.

“I could always do with a concubine…”

“Ohh that’s two…you’ll pay for that one Prince Spiky Wikey”

“Okay, what about the obvious pairing we haven’t mentioned…would it be Flutter-cord, Disc-shy?” Spike quickly changed the topic.

“You could make that dishy…I have been known to be called that in my past” Discord replied and appeared out of thin air.

“By whom?” Twilight rolled her eyes

I don’t think you want to know the history between me and your beloved Prncess Celestia, or should that be Tia…or as I called her Hot…

“Enough!”

“Oh, do tell!” Rarity

“Please…don’t. That’s my kinda Grandmother given shes kinda Twilight mom.”

Discord winked at Rarity “I’ll tell you later” before disappearing in a click.

“Spike, we’ve been through this, I am not your mother…I don’t want to be considered a mother as a filly”

“Aren’t we losing track of my full princess name here?” Rarity turned the attention back to her. Applejack sniggered, Fluttershy grinned

“Okay Princess Rarity, who shall we ship everyone else with?” Pinkie Pie quipped, creating a quick back and forth between

“Applejack and Rainbow Dash always seemed to have something between”

“Fluttershy and Discord, naturally”

“You and Cheese …you two are so cute together!”

“Thanks Rares, Twilight and Starlight”

“No, Starlight and Trixie. It’s such a cute couple ad they work so well together. “

“What about Twilight?”

“Yeah, I kinda feel left out now…who am I going to marry?” the princess joined in with a

“Books!” Half the table replied simultaneously.

“Oh, I did marry a book once…yes I was about six but it happened”

The table feel into a fit of laughter for a few minutes as the conversation finally caught up with them, Rainbow Dash actually falling out of her chair.

Twilight wiped a tear from her eye “Well…that was an unexpected conversation. Who wants something to drink?”

“I’ll get them…it’ll make up for teasing you Twilight”

“Nah, its fine Starlight. Glad to know you feel comfortable enough around us all to takepart in some friendly banter now.”

“Of course Twilight…I did learn from the best of course.”

“Thanks”

“Yeah, Fluttershy is the best teacher…”

Twilight fake glared at Starlight and both of them started giggling.

Spike had just finished escorting Rarity home, being the gentle drake he was, and was saying goodnight at her Boutiques doorway

“So Prince Spike…”

“Oh come now, please don’t call me that”

“But it’s so cute…I would love to be called a Princess but alas, I am but a commoner”

“Oh, you’ll find your real prince someday, be that figuratively or a literal prince, and live happily ever after etc etc”

“Oh, that won’t happen…unless the real Prince in question, maybe standing about two hooves away, finally asks his crush out.” Rarity cooed seductively as she swung her hips to push her front door shut.

Inside, Rarity fanned herself having finally said it Oh Spike, please finally take the less than subtle hint, please!