Stand and Deliverby GulheruChapters... and Bureaucrats...... and Deals.... oh! And Traitors too!Of Queens...... and Bureaucrats...A century went by... or something that certainly felt like it, but the mahogany court and the ivory towers stood tall still! Stoic and unwavering! One would even say that they actually entered their little golden age, as embellishing Legal Basis’ domain of rich desk and paperwork were two, distinguished, steaming cups of golden, chamomile tea... ... and an imprint of a pony head, done in sweat and momentary resignation, like a trophy on the otherwise immaculate, polished surface. Chrysalis watched her own distinctive, fake reflection with some measure of... sick interest. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so... depleted during a hunt. So drained. So lacking the basic and primal will to live, let alone plot and scheme and exact revenge. Unbelievable... Her, being too tired to seek vengeance. Oh, but she knew exactly what had caused that. She realized who was attempting to plague and corrupt her determination. There was one, accursed and terrible power, one calamitous in its orderly fashion force that could bend all to its immovable will... Bureaucracy. She shuddered and almost spat behind her to undo the malediction that mentioning that word could bring upon anypony! No. She had the dignity and splendor to withstand the trial! All of her trials! Speaking of which... the insidious agent of “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” finally took his place opposite Chrysalis. Precisely as the five-minute break had passed. He took his drink in his hooves and sipped it with veneration. An offering to his heartless patron! “The tea has achieved optimal taste and the break is over, ma’am. I am ready to hear you out, regarding the matter of private vendetta you wish to present before me. So, how might I help you, miss Ladybug?” Chrysalis had to admit one thing. She felt like she could have actually learned something here... Such perfidy, hidden behind such politeness. Remarkable. She grabbed her own cup and tasted the liquid. It was pungent, it was rancid... It was like all manners of pony sustenance for her, actually. However, that particular time the tea served one purpose uncommonly well. Holding it meant not strangling that damnable formalist! Chrysalis closed her eyes and contained herself. It was time to be on the proper offence, to indulge in some, much more tasty that this slop, intrigue. It was time for the opening bid and it had to be one done exceptionally! “You see, Mr. Basis,” she began in a slow, clear tone, weighing her words with utmost caution, “I am currently searching for somepony to aid me in a rather specific task, leading to achieving my vindictive goal... More precisely – I seek somepony to take charge of acquiring information about a particular pony, or ponies, for my own use.” Chrysalis had to go with her gut there. Preparedness and planning did precious little against this stallion. But, if he was so strangely keen on helping her out whilst adhering to his own, strict and mental rule set... perhaps making things abundantly and crudely clear at a steady pace would do wonders. Her instinct was proving successful at the moment. “Of course, that seems a rather transparent agenda. Any particular information that would interest you, ma’am? Public knowledge, personal secrets, classified facts, sensitive data?” Legal Basis casually asked, not appearing in any way disheartened, worried, critical, or anything about the topic that was being tackled. It was... creepy. And Chrysalis knew creepy like the back of her carapace... Occasionally rotating one’s head all the way around had its merits. “Well,” she mused for a moment, “I believe that an... overall outlook on the lives of my targets would be most beneficial. How they are doing, how their close families are, when they are going to sleep... do they have any possible secrets that could be leveraged...” She could spot her own reflection, betraying great, clandestine intent, right in the stallion’s zaffre, piercing eyes. They were a lot more dead inside than their keenness suggested, she thought. “I see, ma’am. Standard selection of data regarding the gaining of ‘upper hoof’ and opening possibilities of blackmail, I completely understand.” Chrysalis was angered before... she was still irritated, yes... but this Legal Basis was proving an interestingly vile and twisted individual. In his own, pristine and straightforward way... He took a dignified sip, pondering on the case for a moment. “Well, ma’am, the possible aid in acquiring such information depends largely on the nature of the observed party. Private vendettas tend to focus on key individuals, even when targeting whole racial or societal groups. Are there any specific ponies you would have in mind first, ma’am?” Well... the list was long. Very long. Too long. Very detailed too! Containing a selection of rather... macabre fates that were destined to befall any and all who had crossed the Queen of the Changelings. However, going through the entire register seemed, indeed, excessive. Small steps. Hah, funny. This did not feel like a “small step”. This was more a gambit, actually. A key point. A “why-would-I-even-be-in-a-situation-to-openly-disclose-anything-like-this-to-anypony” moment. Chrysalis grasped the cup a little more firmly. “I have in mind, for example... Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.” The stallion actually tilted his head and blinked. ... and Chrysalis’ spine tingled with worry. What... did that mean? Was... Had she miscalculated...? Would she have to— Oh, no... For the first time since she had sat down, this friendly façade... this exemplary example... this mint, model and matchless mask of a mannerly official... twisted and morphed into something else. The abhorrent, atrocious and appalling appearance... of an amused official. “Ma’am, whatever caused you to hesitate, you should have openly mentioned that you need an inside pony and an accomplice ready and willing to commit high treason and spy on his liege!” Chrysalis put down the tea. The following silence became terrifying. Not due to the situation’s gravity, or uniqueness, or anything else, no, no, no. Simply in comparison to the... “... what?!” ... yes, to the ridiculous shout that caused every bird in the Crystal Empire to take flight at once. Legal Basis, unlike the cowardly creatures, remained seated, continuing to drink his own brew. “Indeed, ma’am. You gave the impression of dancing around a particular subject, sacrificing the transparency of your case. And transparency is the bedrock of not only proper legal systems, but everyday relations between ponies.” Chrysalis’ left eye developed a tick. The tone and quality of her speech further suggested that her brain must have suffered a tender meltdown. “You...! Say...! I...! Should...! Have...!” “Quite right, ma’am. Had I known that was the exact basis of your petition, we could have discussed it during regular working hours as well.” Chrysalis’ gaze ventured to the oaken club, still vigilantly present on the mahogany desk. Would taking it and socking herself on her own head with it be an actual breach of regulations...? She felt in need of such an invasive therapy. She must have been going insane at that point, and extreme measures were warranted. Regardless of her temporary mental crackup, Legal Basis began carefully searching through the contents of his desk. “Fortunately, ma’am, we can still regain some time already sacrificed for this case. I happen to have in my possession the correct documentation to strike a deal of such particular nature.” “Ah... ampf... huh?” Chrysalis’ eloquent answer was. The stallion, notwithstanding her articulate opinion, continued unabated and finally produced a jet black binder from one of the drawers. He opened it, flicking through the contents and mumbling to himself. “ ‘Barratry’, no... ‘Forgery’, no... ‘Homicide’, no, not until next week... somewhere before... ah, yes, there we have it, ma’am! ‘High Treason’.” A pretty, white sheet of paper was put in before Chrysalis. It was pretty... and white... and sheety... and papery... Grrrah! Snap out of it! The drooling mess... no! No, no, no, the Queen of the Changelings! Yes, the Queen of the Changelings shook her head rather violently, even giving herself a few slaps on the fake, mantis green muzzle. Her disguise thankfully held through everything that was transpiring, but only due to extensive training and years of field practice. And talk about being put to the test! Forget a shock wave of concentrated love energy, forget betrayals and meddling mares! It was the Red Tape that was attempting to best her! But no, never! She was going to prevail, no matter what! It thought it won, thought the battle was over, but she... she... she was just getting stronger! With a quick exhale and a self-assuring nod, Chrysalis was back! Diving right into the contents of whatever the paper before her contained. “ ‘High Treason Indenture’,” she read the title out loud... then immediately lowered her tone, hearing her own words. She skimmed through the initial text, rather incredulously. “ ‘Entered into between: Legal Basis, Imperial Tax Collector of the Crystal Empire, Personal Identification Number... hereinafter referred to as: ‘Traitor’...” She paused. She stared up, having witnessed the impossible... or, at least, the “unlikely”, since the draft before her clearly had the stallion’s name and personal information already provided and seemed to have been, miraculously, treating with tact about treachery. “Is this what I think it is?” Legal Basis just nodded. “Indeed, ma’am. It is, as the title suggests, a High Treason Indenture. A deal to be made between two willing parties involving the undertaking of clandestine, fraudulent, illicit, surreptitious and even ‘hush-hush’ and ‘QT’ actions, collectively described by the designation: treason,” Legal Basis explained, back to his most kind expression that Chrysalis had begun to strangely... respect. There was a lot of wonderful, perverse thought behind that calm demeanor. Her eyes were now glued to the hive of dotted lines underneath that initial description of the “Traitor”. It was a huge space, reaching the very bottom of the page, just waiting for somepony to put their details there and become the mastermind of the meticulous turncoat. It was... magnificent. It was everything and more than she could have hoped to achieve today! To not only have an accomplice, but one obliging and compliant, actually providing her with the means of making his servitude lasting and dutiful! She allowed herself the victorious grin and a small, some-claimed-cute, chuckle. “And all it takes is this one, single—” Thump! The surprise and weight of what was dropped on the mahogany threw Chrysalis squarely off the chair. “There you go, ma’am.” She quickly scrambled up from the spotless floor, peeking from below the wooden desktop. There was a... a fat creature made of papers before her, right next to her tea! “... what is that thing?!” “These...” The stallion patted the monstrosity of many pages like it was a precious pet. “... are all the necessary documents to finalize the deal – general terms of contract, health and safety at work agreements, labor insurances, pension and social security contribution arrangements, details and regulations involving hazard pay...” Legal Basis droned on, but Chrysalis could not hope to pay attention, witnessing the paper... something before her. She tried to count... no, scratch that, she tried to guess how many sheets was this aberration formed out of. ... at least 480, maybe 500, even... She gulped. She had heard stories about this beast. It was a ream. She really could not be surprised at the meager tone that came out of her, despite her best intentions. “So... is this what must be—” Thud! A twin heap landed right next to its sibling, again sending Chrysalis into panicked hiding. She was not going to wait until the two stacks would start asking her to come play with them forever... and ever... and ever... No, no, no play, all work! No play, all work! No play, all work! She assumed cocoon position, trying to gather enough courage to continue dealing with this mounting madness. “Here’s...!” She shrieked her lungs out. Legal Basis, whose muzzle appeared over the edge of the desk, blinked in confusion. “... the ink and quill, ma’am,” he finished, pointing at those somewhere on the desk above. “That second pile was the Indenture’s counterpart prepared for you as the other party entering the agreement. We can slowly begin filling all the blank spots in both equivalents and I will gladly aid you in understanding all the necessary articles and subsections, ma’am...” She just whimpered back at him. “I say, you look a bit overwhelmed, ma’am. Would you like a new, fresher cup of tea?” “Hyyyy!” “I’ll take that as a ‘no.’ Do you require a five-minute rest on the floor?” “Hnnnn...” “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” ... and Deals.The floor was... nice. First and foremost, it was clean. Stainless and spotless, even. Her eyes were darting all over it, trying to find at least a speck of dust to follow. Just to occupy her tired, slowly regenerating mind. She had been searching for both dirt and reason for the last... however long. Maybe another century? And yet... nothing caught her attention. No dust. No speck. No mind. Impossible, she thought out of a sudden, surprised that she could again formulate semi-coherent thoughts. Every surface, every creature, everything had to have a fault. Small, insignificant, overlooked, it mattered not. But even but a little bit of dirt. A petite imperfection. She furrowed her brow. Despite this universal truth, anchored in the very fabric of reality, the ground she was lying on and resting for a moment looked unsullied and pristine and all... ... and then it hit her, like a ream of paper dropped on a mahogany desk. She was the speck of dust on this clean floor. ... an amazing discovery. She was that one, that most important speck. Ruining the otherwise unspoiled place... Crucial for it. That... that was deep. She was meaningful in... in many more ways. She was the speck on the pristine floor of the World, all up towards the glass ceiling of sky. The greatest of dusts. The Queen of the Specks. ... no, that wasn’t quite right. The Speck of the Changelings? Alright close... but still not as clean as the floor. The... the Basis of Legals? ... no, no, no, that was not her. That was that... that... She blinked a couple of times. Like trying to wake up from a fevered dream, attempting to figure out where she was... ... the office of the Imperial Tax Collector. She gritted her teeth! She was no “speck”, no “dust”, she was the Queen of the Changelings! The terrible fault in this pristine utopia that Equestria and all other domains attempted to be! Yes, yes! Chrysalis had returned to the game! She took a deep breath and held it in her lungs, still lying down, but gathering strength for one more push. This had proven to be the most ridiculous, demanding and enfeebling mission she had ever personally undertaken. She had expected a satisfying task, but instead found a chore of epic, legal proportions! This had to cease. And cease it would. Once and for all! She finally exhaled and rose from the ground, as regally as she could muster, despite her fake, pony form. It was time to finalize this deal and achieve what she was after. Her adversary was casually waiting for her, with that smile of his and those keen, zaffre eyes. “Ah, there you are, ma’am,” Legal Basis greeted her, flanked by the two paper monstrosities, still vigilant for Chrysalis, “Have you managed to regain soundness of mind?” “Indeed I have, Mr. Basis,” she stated almost imperiously. “I believe that we have an Indenture to sign?” “That is quite correct, ma’am. If you would please sit down again, I will begin filling all the necessary blank spaces,” he offered with utter calmness, taking into his hoof the quill and bringing forth one of the counterparts. “I hope that my aid will stop any further inconveniences for you, ma’am.” Chrysalis assumed her seat, tall and unwavering. She had conquered her weakness and the floor. She was not going to be the one dancing, and to the dull rhythm of legal song! She was a monarch. A sovereign. She was going to claim what was rightfully hers. And hers was the fury. Hers was the vengeance. “I was not expecting such... preparedness from you, Mr. Basis... but that only proves how useful your service shall be,” she stated. “Where shall we begin?” “Basic matters of personal details – your full name, please, ma’am,” the pony requested, staring down, ready to write. That was it. He asked for it. And he was going to get it. ... though... one, last twinge of doubt, rebellious and malcontent, passed through Chrysalis. Was she... so convinced of this? Was she so down the maulwurf’s burrow to abandon all pretense? Yes. Yes, she was. This stallion proved dangerous, but also more rotten and corrupted than she thought. Not only willing to betray his monarch, but actually primed and prepared for it! She respected that greatly... and that elephant dosage of regard from her could kill anypony. Such was the favor of the Queen of the Changelings! The green flame of transformation engulfed her from head to hoof, almost setting the chamber ablaze. In before the stallion no longer sat a mantis green “Miss Ladybug” mare... but an imposing, chitinous figure of gossamer mane and insect, tattered wings. Of entrancing, venomous eyes, luring with dark and perverse promises. Of sharp fangs that could pierce flesh, muscle and bone! The one and only Matriarch of the Hive, Her Great Metamorphosis, Chrysalis of the Changelings Herself! The stallion gazed up from the document at the sudden flash of energy, and his eyes locked with hers. She gifted him with a stare of authority and terrorizing splendor, one to sow fear and awe in lesser ponies and break wills by its sharpness alone. And he replied with... a cocked eyebrow. Chrysalis smirked, her tone oozing command and self-confidence. “You asked for my full name. So here I regale you with my true and august presence! And you know well who I am!” “Your full name, please, ma’am.” His tone was... as firm and sure as before. But, no! He could try to hide his fear behind his official demeanor, yet now it was him who had to wear a mask! “Your efforts at hiding your concern are admirable, Legal Basis, yet I know well you realize—” “Your full name, please, ma’am.” ... he... no, he had to be intimidated so much he actually got himself stuck! Hah, nopony could withstand her splendor! “There’s no need to waste further time on—” “Your full name, please, ma’am.” ... “But... you—” “Ma’am, I would like nothing more than to help you, but I am unable to finalize the deal if I do not have all the obligatory, personal data to be included in the Indenture. I am working overtime and with great patience, but theatrics are not the answer to my request,” Legal Basis stated, his expression constant. “Could we proceed?” That calm and amiable coldness from him, despite Chrysalis’ sudden and imposing presence, pierced her with fear more than anything before. “I-I... but, you... you realize who you are dealing with, right?!” The stallion blinked. “Do I, ma’am? You still have not given me your full name.” ... impossible. This was impossible. “You know it.” “Have you told me it, ma’am?” “N-no, b—You must know it!” “I am terribly sorry, ma’am, but my job is being an Imperial Tax Collector, not a psychic. Your full name, please.” “But this is redundant! Everypony knows—!” Legal Basis put down the quill right next to the ink as indigo as his mane and joined his hooves on the table. “Ma’am, filling all the blank spots in the Indenture is critical in assuring that the contract is binding. Personal information regarding, for example, full name, must be provided and confirmed by the other party of the contract. Hence why my repeating of the question and constant hope for the answer. Lest, of course, you have decided against entering into the deal.” “N-no, I want it!” Chrysalis heard her own panicked voice... surprisingly sounding like a filly asking for a pretty doll from her, rather distant uncle that happened to be a bureaucrat. ... ugh, what a disturbing image, for many reasons. The said uncle took the quill again. “Very well, then. Your full name, please, ma’am.” “... you... know who I am... right?” Legal Basis said nothing, just glanced up at her with those keenly dead, zaffre eyes which drilled right through her with the might of the constant question. She looked away first... “Chrysalis Aurelia...” she mumbled. “Now I do know who you are, ma’am.” He put down the name with precise, flowing motions of his hoof. “Of course I realized it before, but verification and precision are crucial in this endeavor,” he told her in this ominous goodwill in his voice. Chrysalis’ blood boiled. She just wasted more time on—! And this damnable—! “Listen here, you—!” “Title, please, ma’am.” “You know the t—!” One more glance from the stallion cut the discussion short. Chrysalis just threw her hooves up and then crossed her forelegs on her chest, pouting. The uncle brought the doll, but it was stupid! Stupid doll and stupid uncle! “Queen Monarch of the Changeling Hive,” she mumbled and he jotted it down without hesitation. “Address, please, ma’am.” “... why do we need that?” she asked, glancing his way reluctantly. “To have proper party designations and a way of contacting each other for the sake of future information exchanges. Besides, it is a mailing address if we would be having legal affairs over this agreement,” he explained kindly, dipping the quill. Chrysalis was trying to hold it together with all her might. He was willing, he was going to be a part of her plan, she just needed to... survive this last part of the encounter to gain him as an asset! Still... she hissed at him in response to the question. He looked up at her, blinking. “Could you spell that for me, please, ma’am.” “No, you—!” She clenched her hooves and her wings fluttered. “I’m staying in Manehattan.” “Street?” Grrr... “6th Avenue.” “House number?” Grrr! “20! ... fourth floor! Room 407! Bedroom on the right! Waterbed!” Legal Basis patiently wrote everything, of course not caring for her buzzing anger! “Ritz Crackers Hotel? Very appropriate place,” he murmured to himself. “Personal Identification Number, please, ma’am.” “Take a wild guess!” She almost spat at him by this point! “ ‘Not applicable’.” He wasn’t, bloody, wrong! “Taxpayer Identification Number, perhaps, ma’am? Or National Business Registry Number?” It was her very own opportunity to look at him and arch her eyebrow at this particularly ridiculous question. And, she had to admit, it felt better than all of her plans of vengeance! He withstood the strike gallantly, however. “No enterprises in Equestria, no legitimate business?” “How about you put ‘Hostile Takeover’ there, I suppose that is a form of business!” “Good point, ma’am.” And he just wrote it down! Unbelievable! Chrysalis massaged her temple. She was getting closer, she knew it! Just a little bit more! “Speaking of which, ma’am, please, refer to page three, article five, subsection one. The matter of payments is covered there.” She almost nonchalantly flipped two pages in the copy that was not being filled at the moment and found the correct excerpt. She wish she hadn’t. “... how much?!” Her busy hoof started drilling into her head, almost. This was some sort of a shakedown! And using her difficult position, in desperate need for revenge! Legal Basis patiently replied. “It covers basic surveillance fees, as well as the hazard pay. Not to mention Public Healthcare dues and pension contribution, and, of course—” Chrysalis rammed her hoof down on the papers, wings fluttering again in vexation. She had quite enough! “Fine, fine, you will get it all, let’s just get on with it!” she growled, flipping through the next pages, without really caring for the contents. More idiocy, no doubt, each page of it marked with the fool’s initials! The stallion continued to write unabated, in his patient style that, perhaps, was pleasing to some perverted, legally-inclined individuals, but infuriating to Chrysalis! Oh, thankfully the compensation for all of this would be worth every minute of this administrative agony! Finally came the fated words from Legal Basis. “There, ma’am, all done here!” “Wonderful,” she drawled through clenched teeth and pushed forth the other ream. “Get on with this one, then!” The stallion nodded. “Of course, ma’am. I will gladly fill your own copy of the Indenture... after I read the contract out.” Chrysalis papered... that is – she paled and reached the same hue as the documents. “You... you want to recite it all?!” “Naturally, ma’am. Full comprehension and transparency of a deal between the two parties is critical. Both sides, entering arrangement of such complexity, must be fully aware of the contained agreements to avoid the want of understanding, lest they risk—” “How long would that take?!” “About eleven hours, ma’am...” A strange grinding of fangs escaped Chrysalis’ mouth, but Legal Basis did not seem to mind. “... for one copy, of course. Then the other, to assure those are identical, down to the fine print and—” Enough was enough! “No! No, no, no! N. O,” Chrysalis fiercely protested, waving her forelegs with enough speed for the air passing through her unnaturally natural cavities to whistle. “Where do I sign this?” Legal Basis blinked. “Ma’am, I understand that this seems like quite a lot, but I read documents at record time and—” Her hooves almost broke through the mahogany desk with the strength she used. She stood up in the blink of an eye, the chair toppling behind her, abandoned and hurt. “Where do I sign this?!” There was a pause. And soon Chrysalis realized, that... ... she did it. She actually did it. Legal Basis’ smile vanished out of a sudden. He gazed at her for a while, then took a deep breath and... lowered his head, nodding gently. “Very well, ma’am. First, please, put your initials on each of the pages, on the bottom, bar the last page...” he explained, pushing the Indenture her way. She smirked hideously, pulling out the last page and setting it aside. “How about this?” Without warning her horn flashed bright green and, with a sickening, sizzling sound, a wicked looking “CA” appeared on all of the remaining papers, burnt away in a flash. Legal Basis leaned forth, examining the outcome. “A distinctive mark... That will suffice, ma’am.” “What now?” Chrysalis inquired rather hungrily, feeling the upcoming victory. “Last page, bottom right, where the dotted line and ‘Second Party’ designation is. However...” She did not even wish to listen to him. This was it. This was it, finally! She dragged the last page towards herself like it was a small, frightened animal. “... signing this document means that you agree to each, every and all stipulations...” Her first, true step on the path of vengeance! She grabbed the quill and ink forcefully, staining the desk with a solid blot, like a splatter of indigo blood. Not the first one to happen on her path, certainly! “... after having every opportunity of familiarizing yourself with those...” She furiously put down her signature, in the crude markings of her hive, fiercely different from the stallion’s svelte autograph and demanding proper recognition! “... debunking any errors of judgment or wants of understanding,” Legal Basis finished calmly, sliding another page her way. “Second copy for me, ma’am.” Chrysalis grinned madly and happily, committing to branding the other ream and the correct paper. She finally put the quill down, not even realizing she had missed the inkwell and instead flavored her cold tea. She... had done it! She got herself an accomplice, no matter how ridiculous this entire exchange was. Her plan had begun. And with the help of this impossible cretin, she would soon have her revenge upon all of the ponies! “Would you object to me filling the blank spots in the other counterpart post haste, ma’am?” She could not care less at the moment. She closed her eyes and sighed in relief. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’,” she heard Legal Basis saying. “I am very glad to have entered this contract with you, ma’am. Would you like to proceed to fulfilling the Indenture as soon as I am done writing?” A chuckle escaped her at the thought of what that could mean. Of the hideous treacheries that this stallion would undertake, following the deal. Of the shock and awe and disbelief at his perfidy! And so she laughed a malevolent, glorious laugh. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” ... oh! And Traitors too!Victorious laughter was a glorious thing. Piercing both ears and wills. Bringing about that pleasant, intoxicating tingling in one, as well as dreadful shivers of fear in another. Signifying achievement and masterful execution. Boastful. Grand! Chrysalis was having her share of this wonderful feeling and reaction, indeed. Despite the challenge, no, the chore of battling against this fool, she had done it! Her plan’s first step had been taken... She planted it firmly and royally in the ground. Or, on the desk, in this particular case, which made the mahogany court and ivory towers of paperwork tremble! “Finish your scribbling fast, Legal Basis, there is work to be done!” “Done in but a few seconds, ma’am,” the official replied and for once his pleasantly kind tone did not sound to Chrysalis like hidden mockery. No, this was the voice of a loyal servant, without a shadow of a doubt! And, indeed, after but a moment, the pony put down the last letter and set aside the quill. “It was a pleasure, devising and entering this deal alongside you, ma’am. Let us then proceed without hesitation.” Oh, those words gave her the good flutters. “Hmmm, I enjoy greatly when servants show proper initiative. What would you have in mind first, my Traitor?” “Following the contract to the letter, ma’am,” Legal Basis declared, his keenly dead eyes... suddenly deadly keen? Before Chrysalis was able to discern what that sign could mean, the stallion clapped his hooves. Wham! The doors behind her not so much opened as fell off the hinges. At least twenty of the local guards burst in. Spears, nets, chains, arcane-dampening rings... even a straitjacket... at the ready. “What?! What the...?!” is all Chrysalis could shout before a ring of steel surrounded her almost entirely. ... not to mention the room immediately getting rather stuffy. Twenty-two tense characters rammed into an office would do that. Well... twenty-one tense characters. For when Chrysalis, stiff as a statue not to jab herself with any of the sharp objects pointed at her, gazed with shock at Legal Basis, he was but calmly organizing the paperwork before him. She had, thankfully, enough room to speak still. Not that she could say too much. “B-But...! But you...! And—!” “Chrysalis Aurelia, Queen Monarch of the Changeling Hive, you are hereby under arrest,” his polite voice told her. “Wh—?!” she screeched and the guards crept closer still. She felt the tip of a spear against her throat, but she just gently moved it aside with her hoof. “Just a moment, please—what?!” “You are hereby under arrest, ma’am,” the stallion repeated himself, giving her a most terrible, courteous look. “But...! But we signed the Indenture!” she protested, not understanding anything of what was happening! Well... that was nothing new, but this time it felt even worse! Like, “room-full-of-guards-worse”! “That we did, ma’am,” Legal Basis affirmed, tapping the ream in before him with his hoof. “I have also asked whether you would like to proceed to fulfilling the Indenture as soon as I am done writing. Which is what is happening, ma’am.” Chrysalis looked all around, finding only the merciless fierceness and dangerous items aimed at her. “How is this the fulfillment of the contract?!” The stallion just pointed around. “ ‘This’... or, rather, ‘those’, are ponies that are making sure that you are satisfied with the results of the deal you have voluntarily entered, ma’am.” “How does that make sense?!” she protested, reaching out for the papers, though finding herself restrained by spears first. “Sorry, yes, one minute – here, this Indenture here, right?” She patted the front page fiercely, having picked it up for him to see clearly. “ ‘High Treason Indenture’, right? Right?” “Yes, ma’am, that’s what we have both entered.” She almost made a hole through the paper. “ ‘Legal Basis, Imperial Tax Collector of the Crystal Empire’, yadda yadda yadda, ‘hereinafter referred to as: Traitor’!” The aforementioned tilted his head a little. “That is correct, ma’am.” “Are you dense?! ‘Traitor’!” “That is correct, ma’am.” “Ugh!” She planted the paper back down on the mahogany and read onward. Loud. Panicked. “... ‘and: Chrysalis Aurelia, Queen Monarch of the Changeling Hive, Manehattan, 6th Avenue’, all of this, all of that!” She followed the dotted lines to the bottom of the page, then flipped it to continue the desperate recounting. “... ‘hereinafter referred to as: Betrayed’!” She slid the paper his way, so he could see for himself that this was what the Indenture was covering! But the stallion just glanced at her incredulously. “What is your point, ma’am?” “I am the other party!” “That you are, ma’am.” “I, Chrysalis Aurelia!” “Indeed, ma’am.” “I am Betrayed! Betrayed!” She tapped the word with her hoof so hard, she could feel the rapping right in her mind. ... oh, no, wait, that was somepony inside trying to get her attention. They said their name was ‘Reason’. She told them to wait in the anteroom and be patient, she had a meeting already. “Then what are you doing?!” she returned to this ridiculous conversation with the, suddenly, dimwit! “You are supposed to be my Traitor! And I am the Betrayed in this deal!” “Right again, ma’am.” “Wh—” Slam! Mr. Reason turned out to be very rude and impatient! He broke into Chrysalis’ mind office with no less fervor than the guards had! The nerve! And it turned out he had but one word to bring to her attention! What a waste of time, just as she was trying to show what was wrong— She blinked. What was, indeed, wrong...? She looked back at the paper. She turned it around to see better. It did not work. Well, it did. But it did not make anything better. “... ‘Betrayed’...?” Space snorted into its coffee and Time stopped for a moment to facehoof. Only then did Chrysalis’ jaw hit the desk finally. “Excuse me?!” “That is the designation of the other party of the High Treason Indenture, ma’am, yes,” Legal Basis affirmed, his tone not changing even a note. His smile was the same too. He flipped the first page calmly and began reading. Reading something that was just below that previous remark. “Article One, Subsection One – ‘The Betrayed willingly and with full understanding of their act allows and grants permission and clearance to the Traitor to conduct immediate and purposeful actions considered by praxis and custom to be: treasonous, double-crossing, mutinous, insubordinate, perfidious, unfaithful, subversive, duplicitous, seditious et cetera et cetera; the result of which should be an act of betrayal.’ ” Chrysalis’ eyes widened enough to perceive other realities, but she could spot with ease that all the other Chrysalises were just as shocked as she was. “Subsection Two – ‘The Traitor willingly and with full understanding of their act agrees to conduct immediate and purposeful actions hereinbefore evoked and guarantees to undertake those with utmost and thorough care and forethought.’ ” The stallion brought her attention to the corresponding words. “As you can see, ma’am, I am fulfilling the Indenture to the best of my abilities, just as it has been agreed upon...” Chrysalis grabbed her own counterpart and inevitably found the exact same words, down to the comma. ... she could use a coma. “... why would you even have an act like that prepared?!” Legal Basis shrugged a little. “Actually, this is something of a routine practice and training of mine, ma’am. Many actions in the lives of ponies could benefit from precise and clear sets of rules and regulations. Why not have a little more than the usual forethought, just like the one mentioned in the Indenture?” Chrysalis chirped something incomprehensible. “B... but... no, no!” This was unimaginable and she was not going to just accept this absurd! She had to figure something out! “You tricked me! I did not realize—” Legal Basis, his expression again immaculate, extricated the last page from below its countless, paper brethren and spread before her on the desk. “Is this your signature, ma’am?” “N—” she began, but the, rather obvious, letters of her name and her distinct font were betraying her. What was it with all those betrayals, she just wanted one! One, little one! “Y-yes, but...! But...! But I had no idea—!” “Article Three Thousand Five Hundred Seventy-Two, Subsection One – ‘By signing the Indenture, both parties confirm, assert and guarantee, that they agree to each, every and all stipulations, after having every opportunity of familiarizing themselves with those, debunking any errors of judgment or wants of understanding,’ ” Legal Basis exclaimed. It would be a wonderful, triumphant declaration, if not for his constant, polite behavior. “But...! But—!” “Ma’am, have I or have I not instructed you as to the nature of signing this Indenture when it comes to errors of judgment or wants of understanding?” “I—” “Ma’am, have you signed the document afterwards?” “Y—” “Have you expressed elation over entering the contract through victorious laughter, a glorious thing, piercing both ears and wills, bringing about that pleasant, intoxicating tingling in one, as well as dreadful shivers of fear in another, signifying achievement and masterful execution, boastful and grand?” He was so on point even the present guards exchanged glances and nodded. “Oh, get lost, will you?!” Chrysalis protested, but the spears had the majority. “How... how did you even summon them?” she asked Legal Basis and he rushed to answer. “I never work overtime, ma’am, it would be a sign of bad organization of one’s shifts, as well as an unnecessary drain on the Empire’s finances. Mrs. Hunt-and-Peck knew well that such a decision meant the situation being critical in some way.” He pointed at the guard holding the lone straitjacket. “A safety precaution for myself, actually, though surprisingly often in use for the petitioners. Most curious,” he admitted, furrowing his brow. Chrysalis blinked. “No idea why would that be the case?” “Genuinely no, ma’am.” Figures. “So—” “Oh, speaking of finances, ma’am, I hope that you are satisfied with the contract so far and shall fulfill your obligations to the Empire and the Diarchy of Equestria.” Chrysalis did not even reply. Why would she? It was just... waiting for more bad news. And Legal Basis, indeed, flipped the pages calmly back to the matter of his own payment. “Article Five, Subsection Four – ‘The Betrayed moreover agrees, that the successful and exhaustive fulfillment of the act of betrayal (vide: Article One, Subsection One and the following) shall carry with itself the obligation of paying all dues to the Traitor’s employers and/or feudal sovereigns, consequent of the Betrayed’s possible, prior actions against the Traitor’s employers and/or feudal sovereigns, be those satisfactions, compensations, repair bills, punitive damages, tips et cetera et cetera’...” Forget bad news. Being outplayed was one thing, getting caught – another... ...but paying anything back? This was a disaster. A cataclysm. An absolute washout. Chrysalis took a deep breath as she looked to the side, focusing on a... particular solution. There was one, last way of saving face in this situation. Though it did mean putting the rest of the head in danger. Ah, well, she had probably suffered enough mental trauma already for this being just insignificant by default. “I... have to say, Mr. Basis, this was the swiftest carrying out of a deal I have ever witnessed in my long life,” she admitted, straightening up, which cause the weapons around to rattle. “Really, give me a second here, would you? But... may I have one more request, concerning this agreement between us?” she asked, her tone surprisingly... level-headed. “Yes, ma’am? Anything I can do to help you further?” the stallion asked with honest interest. “I believe that there might be one more action to undertake. To make this act of betrayal one to fully satisfy both us and any third parties.” “I’m listening, ma’am. What would you be referring to?” Legal Basis inquired on. “Would you be willing to take your truncheon...” She pointed at the oaken club which, through this whole time, had been patiently awaiting its further recognition. “... and slug me across my stupid head? Just for good measure?” Legal Basis contained the enthusiasm he shared with his weapon. “That is, naturally, permissible, ma’am. Please, would you kindly rest your head on the desk, this will only take a moment.” Well, she had a good run. And considering her past misdeeds, being bludgeoned by a traitorously tactful formalist was... not the worst way to be bested. Better a legal battle than an actual one... though the latter were less complex and messy. Chrysalis sighed and bent forward, almost lackadaisically putting her temple against the desk. The stallion spoke up. “Before we proceed and for the record, ma’am... I don’t believe your head to be stupid. You fulfilled your part as the Betrayed party with praiseworthy professionalism.” She smirked. Wasn’t that nice? “Thank you, Mr. Basis. Any chances of further dealings between us in the future, perhaps?” “I cannot see a reason why not, ‘miss Ladybug’,” he amiably responded, actually eliciting a chuckle out of her. “Don’t worry, ma’am, I’m a natural. Are you comfortable and ready?” he asked, weighing the blackjack in his hoof. Could she refuse such a nice stallion? “Stand and deliver, Mr. Basis.” “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” Whack! ... “Anything else, ma’am?” ... “I’ll take that as a ‘no’. “ Author's Note And there we have it! A little story based on real events... well, actually just inspired by a real occupation of yours truly which may or may not involve the hidden urge to bludgeon people over their heads sometimes. I hope you enjoyed the tale! Let me know of your opinion in the comments and do tell me if you would like for the misadventures of... well, Legal Basis' victims to maybe continue in the future. I accept any and all thoughts on the matter! Thank you for your time and I hope I have managed to stand, deliver and brighten your day at least a little! Stay tuned, ~Gulheru Of Queens...In the imposing anteroom of the Imperial Revenue & Customs, the purgatory of poor, unfortunate and oft-indebted souls, sat a mantis green mare of the most harmless, shy look. Appropriate in the dreaded space she had found herself in, devoted piously to the ruinous powers of professionalism and taxes. She was guarded by two, restless sentinels, who were repaying her in earnest for every attempt at paying attention to their work. One of the wardens was the constantly and mercilessly ticking clock, keeping its perfect vigil with a tick and a tock, and a tock and a tick of its unrelenting pendulum... ... the other was a perfectly vigilant secretary, keeping to the constant and merciless scribbling in some documents, with a squiggle and a wriggle, and a wriggle and a squiggle of her unforgiving quill. Despite that, the waiting mare, seemingly here for her final, dutiable judgment, was keeping her composure. Pitying the patience of a hidden hunter against the overwhelming, administrative apathy. Finally, the fated words brought ominous disturbance to the lethargic atmosphere. “Miss Ladybug? Mr. Basis will see you know.” “O-oh! Yes, right!” the trained reply came, melding together worry and timidity. Chrysalis was, after all, a master of her deceitful craft. She could not be beaten by insidious inertia, nor did she ever become truly nervous. Impatient, perhaps. Giddy? Oh, certainly, every predator knew that satisfying feeling of anticipation. But nervousness was not hers, no. That time it was all too easy to feign trepidation, however. To pretend being troubled with the prospect of meeting an official. Hah, ‘twas a clever and convincing act still! Chrysalis was, undisputedly, the most dangerous of hunters, the terrifying and excellent Queen of the Changelings! ... currently low on loyal subjects, but that was irrelevant! She was here for no other reason than to set in motion the plan to remedy that... inconvenience she had suffered at the hooves of ponies! Step by clandestine step. For she was about to see her, hopefully, new accomplice and pawn – the Imperial Tax Collector. Making the trot of hers fairly fearful, she crossed the dangerous distance between her seat and the door of this Legal Basis’ office, observed by the two birds of prey – the ticking construct and the scribbling nag. She took a deep breath and she rapped on the rich wood. “Enter.” A confident, calm voice. Betraying conviction. Oh, this was going to be a wonderful challenge. Chrysalis timidly crossed the threshold, her eyes resting on her target, in the middle of his little court of mahogany foundations supporting ivory towers of paperwork. He appeared a relatively young stallion, surprisingly an “earth pony”, as those were branded... and a clear upstart, from the looks of it. Neatly combed, indigo mane. Eggshell white coat. A pair of keen, stoic eyes the hue of impure cobalt... possibly as debase as this pony’s conscience. One could not conquer and occupy the position of a taxpony with such determination otherwise. “Welcome to the Imperial Revenue & Customs, miss Ladybug. Would you kindly have a seat?” That felt like a polite invitation... but Chrysalis knew well that ponies of such status were all about stern, peremptory requests, even if those were hidden behind faint, professional smiles. She complied, of course. She was but a small, frightened mare right then. Besides, the chair was just plush and soft enough to enjoy it, actually. “H-hello, Mr. Basis,” she mumbled an uncertain greeting, crossing gazes eyes with her prey. “Thank you so much for finding time to receive me.” She lidded her eyes a smidgen, making herself look small, innocent and in need of aid. For she was fully armed and ready to use all of the tools of her metamorphic trade! “Regulations demand that each and every petitioner receives an opportunity to present his or her case before the Imperial Tax Collector, ten minutes per capita,” the stallion before her declaimed, his steady tone backed by his polite expression. “Since the business hours are ending in nine minutes and thirty-seven seconds, I would suggest we commence without delaying, ma’am.” Chrysalis smiled inwardly. He felt like such a stickler! No wonder he made quite the name for himself over the last couple of months. Her information suggested that he managed to effectively double the Crystal Empire’s tax income thanks to his “innovative” approach to the Revenue Act. She had not have a chance to find out what this “innovation” of his meant, but she was starting to grasp what it could be. “Yes, yes, of course, Mr. Basis!” she quickly agreed, willing to begin the hunt in earnest! “Wonderful. Your money or your life.” ... tally-ho...? “... ex-excuse me?” The stallion shook his head, his expression never losing that plastered, gracious smile. “My apologies, an old habit – would your case be that of regulating mandatory financial charges and levies... or regarding an inability of fulfilling your legal obligations, putting your economic situation at risk of failing to support the well-being of yours and members of your household, ma’am?” Chrysalis sat more firmly in the plush softness, quickly regaining her composure after this... strange and interesting bleed-through, immediately patched up by administrative gibberish. “Y-yes, actually, Mr. Basis, my... my case does involve some manner of reimbursement. I-I am searching for the correct way... and pony, to approach the matter.” “Understandable, ma’am. Would you care to specify?” The stallion was all too eager to help. How wonderfully nice of him and— “Unwarranted collection of duty? Erroneously calculated toll? Private vendetta?” Chrysalis blinked. Twice. Three times, for good measure and better luck. “... what...?” she heard herself asking. “Unwarranted collection of duty? Erroneously calculated toll? Private vendetta?” Legal Basis repeated himself, still calmly smiling, with the tone that could have been, very well, asking her about her choice of tea! What was going on...? “I... why the last option?” Chrysalis asked the obvious, really, for how else was she going to regain control over the situation? “Oh, I rush to explain, ma’am!” The stallion leaned forth, joining his hooves on the desk in a pedagogic manner, his zaffre eyes focused on her and her alone. “Although the Revenue, Customs, Tributes and Contributions Act Anno Adamantis 843 is written in a transparent, intelligible and trivial language, and the contained regulations could be considered lenient as far as tax systems are concerned, some of the Crystal Empire’s citizens showcase a rather antagonistic approach towards both the directives and the taxponies. Hence why it is only fitting to foresee all the options as possible reasons for the petitioner’s arrival.” “Oh...” That made... a lot of sense, Chrysalis thought. That is, until her inner voice flung her own way a collection of... transparent, intelligible and trivial epithets that reminded her who she was and what she was trying to achieve here! “I see, Mr. Basis... I suppose there is a... selection of ponies that you find troublesome in such a way?” she inquired. It was high time to be insidious and attempt to read through this paper-pusher! “Not a marked percentage, but it pays to be prepared, ma’am.” Without any further warnings and with the most casual of motions, the stallion opened one of the desk’s drawers and produced from it an actual, makeshift club. Chrysalis’ scheming called for a time-out momentarily, in the presence of an oaken branch wrapped in beige, jute fabric. “Case in point,” the stallion announced, pointing at the weapon. ... was this still but a series of inexplicable occurrences, or an actual comedy at this point?! “That’s... unbelievable?” Legal Basis grinned. “Thank you, ma’am, but it’s but a simple defense measure, of slight sentimental value, no less—” “Why would you have a truncheon in the desk?!” Despite her best intentions, that outburst was inevitable. “A little reminder of my previous line of work, I admit, but surprisingly helpful in the current, ma’am,” the pony responded, his tone unfazed about the exasperation. “So, ma’am, unwarranted collection of duty? Erroneously calculated toll? Private vendetta?” Chrysalis looked aside and locked gazes with the wall. Almost as if there were a number of individuals behind it, watching her misfortune and laughing. However, she had to keep the charade going strong, despite the mounting confusion. She was a hunter, she could not allow herself to be duped! “I see you are a... unique individual, Mr. Basis. You stand out from the administrative crowd,” she pointed out, seasoning her words with an amicable, sweet tone. “That is very kind of you to say, ma’am.” “It is easy to appreciate a stallion like this—” Legal Basis raised his hoof suddenly, almost causing Chrysalis to jump from her comfortable seat. “Oh, pardon me, ma’am, I seemed to have forgotten to instruct you.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Y-yes, Mr. Basis?” “All manners of influencing my disposition towards a petitioner, such as flattery, adulation, cajolery, fawning, blarney, spiel, fraternization, seduction, up to and including favors of sexual nature shall not achieve the intended goal. The solemnity of my position forbids me from turning subjective,” the stallion recited without blunders, but with that steady, unfaltering smile. “Whilst such attempts are, privately, appreciated, I refrain from mingling my profession with personal angles.” Now, that was just unfair! Way to disarm her preemptively, and of her favorite set of salacious weaponry! However, that was not an impenetrable tactic and she would not be deterred! “I... uhm, I was not really aiming at that, Mr. Basis, apologies if it appeared so...” Chrysalis lied through her teeth, “but that seems a rather limiting approach as well, if you don’t mind me saying...” The stallion simply shrugged. “Pros and cons of one’s position, ma’am, nothing else. However, may we proceed? I would not like for your time to pass before we reach the nature of your case, ma’am, whatever it might be. I am willing to offer my aid and find a solution to the best of my abilities. So... unwarranted collection of duty? Erroneously calculated toll? Private vendetta?” he repeated himself like a stuck music box. And the music was boring too. Chrysalis furrowed her brow. On the inside, that is. She was not anticipating a pony of such a... professional approach. Psychotically professional, even. Hmmm... Maybe that was his weak spot after all? She could play his game. There were many ways to ensure that whatever they would be talking about would never leave the room, if things would go awry. Why not indulge his demented dedication? “Private vendetta,” she simply stated. She did bite the side of her tongue, hoping that her instincts were not failing her when her preparation had done so. The pony’s smile just widened. “I see, ma’am. If that is the case, I will gladly provide a quick and efficient solution. Please, would you kindly rest your head on the desk, this will only take a moment.” With the utmost politeness of an executioner, Legal Basis began reaching for the club... ... which spawned a rather vehement protest from Chrysalis! “No! No, no, no, Mr. Basis, it’s not against you, nor your subordinates!” she declared immediately. He stopped without delay... and yet she continued to eye his hoof, hovering over the blackjack. This was going wayward! “Let... let me be more precise, Mr. Basis. Safely more precise,” she stated, surprised at the trickle of sweat traversing down her neck. “I am but hoping to find competent and capable aid in the Crystal Empire and I am thoroughly convinced that you might be the pony for the job.” The stallion’s smile was still, inexplicably perfect as he withdrew his hoof. “I see, ma’am, thank you for clarifying... However, as an official, I am forbidden from discussing details of matters not regarding my duties during my working hours, as you surely understand. Nevertheless, I will gladly hear you out as soon as that time passes... Please, would you remain seated for the next five minutes and twenty-two seconds?” Suddenly, without even another glance her way, the stallion reached out...! ... for a dossier that was resting to the side of the desk. He opened it, immediately focused on the lecture and not paying her further attention. Chrysalis was stunned more than after a hypothetical knock on the head with his crude contraption! Was he such a fool, or such a martinet?! “Mr. B—” “Five minutes and seventeen seconds, ma’am, please exercise patience.” “But—” “Five minutes and fifteen seconds.” A surge of fury bristled Chrysalis’ fake, green coat. This was unprecedented! A pony acting so... so...! Was there even an adjective that would describe this?! “Psycho-professional”? “Crazy-competent”? “Crazypetent”?! He was actively ignoring her only because her... her “case” was not a Tax Collector’s one and he had to wait until his shift was over? Which was, like, five minutes from now?! What was going to happen next, he was going to take a tea break after the end of the shift and ask her to politely wait through that too?! Sigh. Calm, Chrysalis, calm. This was... not a disaster yet. Just a little train wreck. But salvageable. Like that said wreck. With a deep breath, she decided to sit tight after all. A minute has passed and Legal Basis was still enraptured in the documents, keeping the contents hidden from her view. She was forced to remain silent, looking about the place of mahogany furniture and ivory paperwork like a bored lapdog on a soft cushion! And it was such an... austere, puritanical place, this office. Actually could use some curtains... Right there. Emerald, maybe? And a paint job, definitely, all of this crystal blue was nauseating. Oh, and maybe a potted plant? A ficus would do wonders for the space, whilst maintaining—urgh, how much longer still?! She clenched her hooves, looking for a clock... only to realize that there was none in the room. Not even an hourglass. ... wait, what? Then how was he...? “Four minutes still, ma’am,” the stallion announced out of a sudden. “Mmmmmm...!” She clenched her teeth and closed her eyes. Yes, of course, she could have guessed he was keeping a perfect track of time in his mind! Beautiful mind, pfah! ... well, at least the chair was soft. And Chrysalis might have figured out why – to stop petitioners from falling off in moments of utter nonsense! Four eternities later, or at least after what felt like it, Legal Basis put aside the dossier and rose up from his seat. Chrysalis actually exhaled in relief. “Oh, good, maybe now—” “Apologies, ma’am,” he replied, trotting around the desk and reaching for the door. ... for a brief heartbeat, she became terrified. She had been played! Somehow, this pony had summoned guards and they were about to storm the chamber! Or he was just about to call for them! Oh, she was not going to let him survive that mistake...! However, Legal Basis’ words were far less worrying. “Mrs. Hunt-and-Peck?” “Yes, Mr. Basis?” came back the cold tone of the merciless sentinel-secretary. “Miss Ladybug’s case requires me staying overtime. Close and leave the office.” “Of course, Mr. Basis.” “Goodbye, Mrs. Hunt-and-Peck.” “Goodbye, Mr. Basis.” Chrysalis felt actually drained after hearing that exchange. There were more edible emotions at a morgue, and that was a stiff company by default... Despite her initial worries, the door closed without further fuss. Which meant she could finally begin unraveling her scheme and bend this insufferable bureaucrat to her will! “So, Mr. Basis—” “Pardon me, ma’am,” the stallion interrupted her. With that constant, polite grin of his, too! “I require a mandatory, five-minute break after my shift before commencing overtime work. Would you like some tea?” Why that...! “Urgh!” Chrysalis groaned, resting her forehead on the desk. She almost wished for him to just thwack her with that club of his and be done with this idiocy! The idiocy persisted, instead, for he thwacked her with that infuriating civility of his. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. Would you like a cushion, perhaps, ma’am?” “Grrrrr!” “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”
... and Bureaucrats...A century went by... or something that certainly felt like it, but the mahogany court and the ivory towers stood tall still! Stoic and unwavering! One would even say that they actually entered their little golden age, as embellishing Legal Basis’ domain of rich desk and paperwork were two, distinguished, steaming cups of golden, chamomile tea... ... and an imprint of a pony head, done in sweat and momentary resignation, like a trophy on the otherwise immaculate, polished surface. Chrysalis watched her own distinctive, fake reflection with some measure of... sick interest. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so... depleted during a hunt. So drained. So lacking the basic and primal will to live, let alone plot and scheme and exact revenge. Unbelievable... Her, being too tired to seek vengeance. Oh, but she knew exactly what had caused that. She realized who was attempting to plague and corrupt her determination. There was one, accursed and terrible power, one calamitous in its orderly fashion force that could bend all to its immovable will... Bureaucracy. She shuddered and almost spat behind her to undo the malediction that mentioning that word could bring upon anypony! No. She had the dignity and splendor to withstand the trial! All of her trials! Speaking of which... the insidious agent of “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” finally took his place opposite Chrysalis. Precisely as the five-minute break had passed. He took his drink in his hooves and sipped it with veneration. An offering to his heartless patron! “The tea has achieved optimal taste and the break is over, ma’am. I am ready to hear you out, regarding the matter of private vendetta you wish to present before me. So, how might I help you, miss Ladybug?” Chrysalis had to admit one thing. She felt like she could have actually learned something here... Such perfidy, hidden behind such politeness. Remarkable. She grabbed her own cup and tasted the liquid. It was pungent, it was rancid... It was like all manners of pony sustenance for her, actually. However, that particular time the tea served one purpose uncommonly well. Holding it meant not strangling that damnable formalist! Chrysalis closed her eyes and contained herself. It was time to be on the proper offence, to indulge in some, much more tasty that this slop, intrigue. It was time for the opening bid and it had to be one done exceptionally! “You see, Mr. Basis,” she began in a slow, clear tone, weighing her words with utmost caution, “I am currently searching for somepony to aid me in a rather specific task, leading to achieving my vindictive goal... More precisely – I seek somepony to take charge of acquiring information about a particular pony, or ponies, for my own use.” Chrysalis had to go with her gut there. Preparedness and planning did precious little against this stallion. But, if he was so strangely keen on helping her out whilst adhering to his own, strict and mental rule set... perhaps making things abundantly and crudely clear at a steady pace would do wonders. Her instinct was proving successful at the moment. “Of course, that seems a rather transparent agenda. Any particular information that would interest you, ma’am? Public knowledge, personal secrets, classified facts, sensitive data?” Legal Basis casually asked, not appearing in any way disheartened, worried, critical, or anything about the topic that was being tackled. It was... creepy. And Chrysalis knew creepy like the back of her carapace... Occasionally rotating one’s head all the way around had its merits. “Well,” she mused for a moment, “I believe that an... overall outlook on the lives of my targets would be most beneficial. How they are doing, how their close families are, when they are going to sleep... do they have any possible secrets that could be leveraged...” She could spot her own reflection, betraying great, clandestine intent, right in the stallion’s zaffre, piercing eyes. They were a lot more dead inside than their keenness suggested, she thought. “I see, ma’am. Standard selection of data regarding the gaining of ‘upper hoof’ and opening possibilities of blackmail, I completely understand.” Chrysalis was angered before... she was still irritated, yes... but this Legal Basis was proving an interestingly vile and twisted individual. In his own, pristine and straightforward way... He took a dignified sip, pondering on the case for a moment. “Well, ma’am, the possible aid in acquiring such information depends largely on the nature of the observed party. Private vendettas tend to focus on key individuals, even when targeting whole racial or societal groups. Are there any specific ponies you would have in mind first, ma’am?” Well... the list was long. Very long. Too long. Very detailed too! Containing a selection of rather... macabre fates that were destined to befall any and all who had crossed the Queen of the Changelings. However, going through the entire register seemed, indeed, excessive. Small steps. Hah, funny. This did not feel like a “small step”. This was more a gambit, actually. A key point. A “why-would-I-even-be-in-a-situation-to-openly-disclose-anything-like-this-to-anypony” moment. Chrysalis grasped the cup a little more firmly. “I have in mind, for example... Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.” The stallion actually tilted his head and blinked. ... and Chrysalis’ spine tingled with worry. What... did that mean? Was... Had she miscalculated...? Would she have to— Oh, no... For the first time since she had sat down, this friendly façade... this exemplary example... this mint, model and matchless mask of a mannerly official... twisted and morphed into something else. The abhorrent, atrocious and appalling appearance... of an amused official. “Ma’am, whatever caused you to hesitate, you should have openly mentioned that you need an inside pony and an accomplice ready and willing to commit high treason and spy on his liege!” Chrysalis put down the tea. The following silence became terrifying. Not due to the situation’s gravity, or uniqueness, or anything else, no, no, no. Simply in comparison to the... “... what?!” ... yes, to the ridiculous shout that caused every bird in the Crystal Empire to take flight at once. Legal Basis, unlike the cowardly creatures, remained seated, continuing to drink his own brew. “Indeed, ma’am. You gave the impression of dancing around a particular subject, sacrificing the transparency of your case. And transparency is the bedrock of not only proper legal systems, but everyday relations between ponies.” Chrysalis’ left eye developed a tick. The tone and quality of her speech further suggested that her brain must have suffered a tender meltdown. “You...! Say...! I...! Should...! Have...!” “Quite right, ma’am. Had I known that was the exact basis of your petition, we could have discussed it during regular working hours as well.” Chrysalis’ gaze ventured to the oaken club, still vigilantly present on the mahogany desk. Would taking it and socking herself on her own head with it be an actual breach of regulations...? She felt in need of such an invasive therapy. She must have been going insane at that point, and extreme measures were warranted. Regardless of her temporary mental crackup, Legal Basis began carefully searching through the contents of his desk. “Fortunately, ma’am, we can still regain some time already sacrificed for this case. I happen to have in my possession the correct documentation to strike a deal of such particular nature.” “Ah... ampf... huh?” Chrysalis’ eloquent answer was. The stallion, notwithstanding her articulate opinion, continued unabated and finally produced a jet black binder from one of the drawers. He opened it, flicking through the contents and mumbling to himself. “ ‘Barratry’, no... ‘Forgery’, no... ‘Homicide’, no, not until next week... somewhere before... ah, yes, there we have it, ma’am! ‘High Treason’.” A pretty, white sheet of paper was put in before Chrysalis. It was pretty... and white... and sheety... and papery... Grrrah! Snap out of it! The drooling mess... no! No, no, no, the Queen of the Changelings! Yes, the Queen of the Changelings shook her head rather violently, even giving herself a few slaps on the fake, mantis green muzzle. Her disguise thankfully held through everything that was transpiring, but only due to extensive training and years of field practice. And talk about being put to the test! Forget a shock wave of concentrated love energy, forget betrayals and meddling mares! It was the Red Tape that was attempting to best her! But no, never! She was going to prevail, no matter what! It thought it won, thought the battle was over, but she... she... she was just getting stronger! With a quick exhale and a self-assuring nod, Chrysalis was back! Diving right into the contents of whatever the paper before her contained. “ ‘High Treason Indenture’,” she read the title out loud... then immediately lowered her tone, hearing her own words. She skimmed through the initial text, rather incredulously. “ ‘Entered into between: Legal Basis, Imperial Tax Collector of the Crystal Empire, Personal Identification Number... hereinafter referred to as: ‘Traitor’...” She paused. She stared up, having witnessed the impossible... or, at least, the “unlikely”, since the draft before her clearly had the stallion’s name and personal information already provided and seemed to have been, miraculously, treating with tact about treachery. “Is this what I think it is?” Legal Basis just nodded. “Indeed, ma’am. It is, as the title suggests, a High Treason Indenture. A deal to be made between two willing parties involving the undertaking of clandestine, fraudulent, illicit, surreptitious and even ‘hush-hush’ and ‘QT’ actions, collectively described by the designation: treason,” Legal Basis explained, back to his most kind expression that Chrysalis had begun to strangely... respect. There was a lot of wonderful, perverse thought behind that calm demeanor. Her eyes were now glued to the hive of dotted lines underneath that initial description of the “Traitor”. It was a huge space, reaching the very bottom of the page, just waiting for somepony to put their details there and become the mastermind of the meticulous turncoat. It was... magnificent. It was everything and more than she could have hoped to achieve today! To not only have an accomplice, but one obliging and compliant, actually providing her with the means of making his servitude lasting and dutiful! She allowed herself the victorious grin and a small, some-claimed-cute, chuckle. “And all it takes is this one, single—” Thump! The surprise and weight of what was dropped on the mahogany threw Chrysalis squarely off the chair. “There you go, ma’am.” She quickly scrambled up from the spotless floor, peeking from below the wooden desktop. There was a... a fat creature made of papers before her, right next to her tea! “... what is that thing?!” “These...” The stallion patted the monstrosity of many pages like it was a precious pet. “... are all the necessary documents to finalize the deal – general terms of contract, health and safety at work agreements, labor insurances, pension and social security contribution arrangements, details and regulations involving hazard pay...” Legal Basis droned on, but Chrysalis could not hope to pay attention, witnessing the paper... something before her. She tried to count... no, scratch that, she tried to guess how many sheets was this aberration formed out of. ... at least 480, maybe 500, even... She gulped. She had heard stories about this beast. It was a ream. She really could not be surprised at the meager tone that came out of her, despite her best intentions. “So... is this what must be—” Thud! A twin heap landed right next to its sibling, again sending Chrysalis into panicked hiding. She was not going to wait until the two stacks would start asking her to come play with them forever... and ever... and ever... No, no, no play, all work! No play, all work! No play, all work! She assumed cocoon position, trying to gather enough courage to continue dealing with this mounting madness. “Here’s...!” She shrieked her lungs out. Legal Basis, whose muzzle appeared over the edge of the desk, blinked in confusion. “... the ink and quill, ma’am,” he finished, pointing at those somewhere on the desk above. “That second pile was the Indenture’s counterpart prepared for you as the other party entering the agreement. We can slowly begin filling all the blank spots in both equivalents and I will gladly aid you in understanding all the necessary articles and subsections, ma’am...” She just whimpered back at him. “I say, you look a bit overwhelmed, ma’am. Would you like a new, fresher cup of tea?” “Hyyyy!” “I’ll take that as a ‘no.’ Do you require a five-minute rest on the floor?” “Hnnnn...” “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”
... and Deals.The floor was... nice. First and foremost, it was clean. Stainless and spotless, even. Her eyes were darting all over it, trying to find at least a speck of dust to follow. Just to occupy her tired, slowly regenerating mind. She had been searching for both dirt and reason for the last... however long. Maybe another century? And yet... nothing caught her attention. No dust. No speck. No mind. Impossible, she thought out of a sudden, surprised that she could again formulate semi-coherent thoughts. Every surface, every creature, everything had to have a fault. Small, insignificant, overlooked, it mattered not. But even but a little bit of dirt. A petite imperfection. She furrowed her brow. Despite this universal truth, anchored in the very fabric of reality, the ground she was lying on and resting for a moment looked unsullied and pristine and all... ... and then it hit her, like a ream of paper dropped on a mahogany desk. She was the speck of dust on this clean floor. ... an amazing discovery. She was that one, that most important speck. Ruining the otherwise unspoiled place... Crucial for it. That... that was deep. She was meaningful in... in many more ways. She was the speck on the pristine floor of the World, all up towards the glass ceiling of sky. The greatest of dusts. The Queen of the Specks. ... no, that wasn’t quite right. The Speck of the Changelings? Alright close... but still not as clean as the floor. The... the Basis of Legals? ... no, no, no, that was not her. That was that... that... She blinked a couple of times. Like trying to wake up from a fevered dream, attempting to figure out where she was... ... the office of the Imperial Tax Collector. She gritted her teeth! She was no “speck”, no “dust”, she was the Queen of the Changelings! The terrible fault in this pristine utopia that Equestria and all other domains attempted to be! Yes, yes! Chrysalis had returned to the game! She took a deep breath and held it in her lungs, still lying down, but gathering strength for one more push. This had proven to be the most ridiculous, demanding and enfeebling mission she had ever personally undertaken. She had expected a satisfying task, but instead found a chore of epic, legal proportions! This had to cease. And cease it would. Once and for all! She finally exhaled and rose from the ground, as regally as she could muster, despite her fake, pony form. It was time to finalize this deal and achieve what she was after. Her adversary was casually waiting for her, with that smile of his and those keen, zaffre eyes. “Ah, there you are, ma’am,” Legal Basis greeted her, flanked by the two paper monstrosities, still vigilant for Chrysalis, “Have you managed to regain soundness of mind?” “Indeed I have, Mr. Basis,” she stated almost imperiously. “I believe that we have an Indenture to sign?” “That is quite correct, ma’am. If you would please sit down again, I will begin filling all the necessary blank spaces,” he offered with utter calmness, taking into his hoof the quill and bringing forth one of the counterparts. “I hope that my aid will stop any further inconveniences for you, ma’am.” Chrysalis assumed her seat, tall and unwavering. She had conquered her weakness and the floor. She was not going to be the one dancing, and to the dull rhythm of legal song! She was a monarch. A sovereign. She was going to claim what was rightfully hers. And hers was the fury. Hers was the vengeance. “I was not expecting such... preparedness from you, Mr. Basis... but that only proves how useful your service shall be,” she stated. “Where shall we begin?” “Basic matters of personal details – your full name, please, ma’am,” the pony requested, staring down, ready to write. That was it. He asked for it. And he was going to get it. ... though... one, last twinge of doubt, rebellious and malcontent, passed through Chrysalis. Was she... so convinced of this? Was she so down the maulwurf’s burrow to abandon all pretense? Yes. Yes, she was. This stallion proved dangerous, but also more rotten and corrupted than she thought. Not only willing to betray his monarch, but actually primed and prepared for it! She respected that greatly... and that elephant dosage of regard from her could kill anypony. Such was the favor of the Queen of the Changelings! The green flame of transformation engulfed her from head to hoof, almost setting the chamber ablaze. In before the stallion no longer sat a mantis green “Miss Ladybug” mare... but an imposing, chitinous figure of gossamer mane and insect, tattered wings. Of entrancing, venomous eyes, luring with dark and perverse promises. Of sharp fangs that could pierce flesh, muscle and bone! The one and only Matriarch of the Hive, Her Great Metamorphosis, Chrysalis of the Changelings Herself! The stallion gazed up from the document at the sudden flash of energy, and his eyes locked with hers. She gifted him with a stare of authority and terrorizing splendor, one to sow fear and awe in lesser ponies and break wills by its sharpness alone. And he replied with... a cocked eyebrow. Chrysalis smirked, her tone oozing command and self-confidence. “You asked for my full name. So here I regale you with my true and august presence! And you know well who I am!” “Your full name, please, ma’am.” His tone was... as firm and sure as before. But, no! He could try to hide his fear behind his official demeanor, yet now it was him who had to wear a mask! “Your efforts at hiding your concern are admirable, Legal Basis, yet I know well you realize—” “Your full name, please, ma’am.” ... he... no, he had to be intimidated so much he actually got himself stuck! Hah, nopony could withstand her splendor! “There’s no need to waste further time on—” “Your full name, please, ma’am.” ... “But... you—” “Ma’am, I would like nothing more than to help you, but I am unable to finalize the deal if I do not have all the obligatory, personal data to be included in the Indenture. I am working overtime and with great patience, but theatrics are not the answer to my request,” Legal Basis stated, his expression constant. “Could we proceed?” That calm and amiable coldness from him, despite Chrysalis’ sudden and imposing presence, pierced her with fear more than anything before. “I-I... but, you... you realize who you are dealing with, right?!” The stallion blinked. “Do I, ma’am? You still have not given me your full name.” ... impossible. This was impossible. “You know it.” “Have you told me it, ma’am?” “N-no, b—You must know it!” “I am terribly sorry, ma’am, but my job is being an Imperial Tax Collector, not a psychic. Your full name, please.” “But this is redundant! Everypony knows—!” Legal Basis put down the quill right next to the ink as indigo as his mane and joined his hooves on the table. “Ma’am, filling all the blank spots in the Indenture is critical in assuring that the contract is binding. Personal information regarding, for example, full name, must be provided and confirmed by the other party of the contract. Hence why my repeating of the question and constant hope for the answer. Lest, of course, you have decided against entering into the deal.” “N-no, I want it!” Chrysalis heard her own panicked voice... surprisingly sounding like a filly asking for a pretty doll from her, rather distant uncle that happened to be a bureaucrat. ... ugh, what a disturbing image, for many reasons. The said uncle took the quill again. “Very well, then. Your full name, please, ma’am.” “... you... know who I am... right?” Legal Basis said nothing, just glanced up at her with those keenly dead, zaffre eyes which drilled right through her with the might of the constant question. She looked away first... “Chrysalis Aurelia...” she mumbled. “Now I do know who you are, ma’am.” He put down the name with precise, flowing motions of his hoof. “Of course I realized it before, but verification and precision are crucial in this endeavor,” he told her in this ominous goodwill in his voice. Chrysalis’ blood boiled. She just wasted more time on—! And this damnable—! “Listen here, you—!” “Title, please, ma’am.” “You know the t—!” One more glance from the stallion cut the discussion short. Chrysalis just threw her hooves up and then crossed her forelegs on her chest, pouting. The uncle brought the doll, but it was stupid! Stupid doll and stupid uncle! “Queen Monarch of the Changeling Hive,” she mumbled and he jotted it down without hesitation. “Address, please, ma’am.” “... why do we need that?” she asked, glancing his way reluctantly. “To have proper party designations and a way of contacting each other for the sake of future information exchanges. Besides, it is a mailing address if we would be having legal affairs over this agreement,” he explained kindly, dipping the quill. Chrysalis was trying to hold it together with all her might. He was willing, he was going to be a part of her plan, she just needed to... survive this last part of the encounter to gain him as an asset! Still... she hissed at him in response to the question. He looked up at her, blinking. “Could you spell that for me, please, ma’am.” “No, you—!” She clenched her hooves and her wings fluttered. “I’m staying in Manehattan.” “Street?” Grrr... “6th Avenue.” “House number?” Grrr! “20! ... fourth floor! Room 407! Bedroom on the right! Waterbed!” Legal Basis patiently wrote everything, of course not caring for her buzzing anger! “Ritz Crackers Hotel? Very appropriate place,” he murmured to himself. “Personal Identification Number, please, ma’am.” “Take a wild guess!” She almost spat at him by this point! “ ‘Not applicable’.” He wasn’t, bloody, wrong! “Taxpayer Identification Number, perhaps, ma’am? Or National Business Registry Number?” It was her very own opportunity to look at him and arch her eyebrow at this particularly ridiculous question. And, she had to admit, it felt better than all of her plans of vengeance! He withstood the strike gallantly, however. “No enterprises in Equestria, no legitimate business?” “How about you put ‘Hostile Takeover’ there, I suppose that is a form of business!” “Good point, ma’am.” And he just wrote it down! Unbelievable! Chrysalis massaged her temple. She was getting closer, she knew it! Just a little bit more! “Speaking of which, ma’am, please, refer to page three, article five, subsection one. The matter of payments is covered there.” She almost nonchalantly flipped two pages in the copy that was not being filled at the moment and found the correct excerpt. She wish she hadn’t. “... how much?!” Her busy hoof started drilling into her head, almost. This was some sort of a shakedown! And using her difficult position, in desperate need for revenge! Legal Basis patiently replied. “It covers basic surveillance fees, as well as the hazard pay. Not to mention Public Healthcare dues and pension contribution, and, of course—” Chrysalis rammed her hoof down on the papers, wings fluttering again in vexation. She had quite enough! “Fine, fine, you will get it all, let’s just get on with it!” she growled, flipping through the next pages, without really caring for the contents. More idiocy, no doubt, each page of it marked with the fool’s initials! The stallion continued to write unabated, in his patient style that, perhaps, was pleasing to some perverted, legally-inclined individuals, but infuriating to Chrysalis! Oh, thankfully the compensation for all of this would be worth every minute of this administrative agony! Finally came the fated words from Legal Basis. “There, ma’am, all done here!” “Wonderful,” she drawled through clenched teeth and pushed forth the other ream. “Get on with this one, then!” The stallion nodded. “Of course, ma’am. I will gladly fill your own copy of the Indenture... after I read the contract out.” Chrysalis papered... that is – she paled and reached the same hue as the documents. “You... you want to recite it all?!” “Naturally, ma’am. Full comprehension and transparency of a deal between the two parties is critical. Both sides, entering arrangement of such complexity, must be fully aware of the contained agreements to avoid the want of understanding, lest they risk—” “How long would that take?!” “About eleven hours, ma’am...” A strange grinding of fangs escaped Chrysalis’ mouth, but Legal Basis did not seem to mind. “... for one copy, of course. Then the other, to assure those are identical, down to the fine print and—” Enough was enough! “No! No, no, no! N. O,” Chrysalis fiercely protested, waving her forelegs with enough speed for the air passing through her unnaturally natural cavities to whistle. “Where do I sign this?” Legal Basis blinked. “Ma’am, I understand that this seems like quite a lot, but I read documents at record time and—” Her hooves almost broke through the mahogany desk with the strength she used. She stood up in the blink of an eye, the chair toppling behind her, abandoned and hurt. “Where do I sign this?!” There was a pause. And soon Chrysalis realized, that... ... she did it. She actually did it. Legal Basis’ smile vanished out of a sudden. He gazed at her for a while, then took a deep breath and... lowered his head, nodding gently. “Very well, ma’am. First, please, put your initials on each of the pages, on the bottom, bar the last page...” he explained, pushing the Indenture her way. She smirked hideously, pulling out the last page and setting it aside. “How about this?” Without warning her horn flashed bright green and, with a sickening, sizzling sound, a wicked looking “CA” appeared on all of the remaining papers, burnt away in a flash. Legal Basis leaned forth, examining the outcome. “A distinctive mark... That will suffice, ma’am.” “What now?” Chrysalis inquired rather hungrily, feeling the upcoming victory. “Last page, bottom right, where the dotted line and ‘Second Party’ designation is. However...” She did not even wish to listen to him. This was it. This was it, finally! She dragged the last page towards herself like it was a small, frightened animal. “... signing this document means that you agree to each, every and all stipulations...” Her first, true step on the path of vengeance! She grabbed the quill and ink forcefully, staining the desk with a solid blot, like a splatter of indigo blood. Not the first one to happen on her path, certainly! “... after having every opportunity of familiarizing yourself with those...” She furiously put down her signature, in the crude markings of her hive, fiercely different from the stallion’s svelte autograph and demanding proper recognition! “... debunking any errors of judgment or wants of understanding,” Legal Basis finished calmly, sliding another page her way. “Second copy for me, ma’am.” Chrysalis grinned madly and happily, committing to branding the other ream and the correct paper. She finally put the quill down, not even realizing she had missed the inkwell and instead flavored her cold tea. She... had done it! She got herself an accomplice, no matter how ridiculous this entire exchange was. Her plan had begun. And with the help of this impossible cretin, she would soon have her revenge upon all of the ponies! “Would you object to me filling the blank spots in the other counterpart post haste, ma’am?” She could not care less at the moment. She closed her eyes and sighed in relief. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’,” she heard Legal Basis saying. “I am very glad to have entered this contract with you, ma’am. Would you like to proceed to fulfilling the Indenture as soon as I am done writing?” A chuckle escaped her at the thought of what that could mean. Of the hideous treacheries that this stallion would undertake, following the deal. Of the shock and awe and disbelief at his perfidy! And so she laughed a malevolent, glorious laugh. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”
... oh! And Traitors too!Victorious laughter was a glorious thing. Piercing both ears and wills. Bringing about that pleasant, intoxicating tingling in one, as well as dreadful shivers of fear in another. Signifying achievement and masterful execution. Boastful. Grand! Chrysalis was having her share of this wonderful feeling and reaction, indeed. Despite the challenge, no, the chore of battling against this fool, she had done it! Her plan’s first step had been taken... She planted it firmly and royally in the ground. Or, on the desk, in this particular case, which made the mahogany court and ivory towers of paperwork tremble! “Finish your scribbling fast, Legal Basis, there is work to be done!” “Done in but a few seconds, ma’am,” the official replied and for once his pleasantly kind tone did not sound to Chrysalis like hidden mockery. No, this was the voice of a loyal servant, without a shadow of a doubt! And, indeed, after but a moment, the pony put down the last letter and set aside the quill. “It was a pleasure, devising and entering this deal alongside you, ma’am. Let us then proceed without hesitation.” Oh, those words gave her the good flutters. “Hmmm, I enjoy greatly when servants show proper initiative. What would you have in mind first, my Traitor?” “Following the contract to the letter, ma’am,” Legal Basis declared, his keenly dead eyes... suddenly deadly keen? Before Chrysalis was able to discern what that sign could mean, the stallion clapped his hooves. Wham! The doors behind her not so much opened as fell off the hinges. At least twenty of the local guards burst in. Spears, nets, chains, arcane-dampening rings... even a straitjacket... at the ready. “What?! What the...?!” is all Chrysalis could shout before a ring of steel surrounded her almost entirely. ... not to mention the room immediately getting rather stuffy. Twenty-two tense characters rammed into an office would do that. Well... twenty-one tense characters. For when Chrysalis, stiff as a statue not to jab herself with any of the sharp objects pointed at her, gazed with shock at Legal Basis, he was but calmly organizing the paperwork before him. She had, thankfully, enough room to speak still. Not that she could say too much. “B-But...! But you...! And—!” “Chrysalis Aurelia, Queen Monarch of the Changeling Hive, you are hereby under arrest,” his polite voice told her. “Wh—?!” she screeched and the guards crept closer still. She felt the tip of a spear against her throat, but she just gently moved it aside with her hoof. “Just a moment, please—what?!” “You are hereby under arrest, ma’am,” the stallion repeated himself, giving her a most terrible, courteous look. “But...! But we signed the Indenture!” she protested, not understanding anything of what was happening! Well... that was nothing new, but this time it felt even worse! Like, “room-full-of-guards-worse”! “That we did, ma’am,” Legal Basis affirmed, tapping the ream in before him with his hoof. “I have also asked whether you would like to proceed to fulfilling the Indenture as soon as I am done writing. Which is what is happening, ma’am.” Chrysalis looked all around, finding only the merciless fierceness and dangerous items aimed at her. “How is this the fulfillment of the contract?!” The stallion just pointed around. “ ‘This’... or, rather, ‘those’, are ponies that are making sure that you are satisfied with the results of the deal you have voluntarily entered, ma’am.” “How does that make sense?!” she protested, reaching out for the papers, though finding herself restrained by spears first. “Sorry, yes, one minute – here, this Indenture here, right?” She patted the front page fiercely, having picked it up for him to see clearly. “ ‘High Treason Indenture’, right? Right?” “Yes, ma’am, that’s what we have both entered.” She almost made a hole through the paper. “ ‘Legal Basis, Imperial Tax Collector of the Crystal Empire’, yadda yadda yadda, ‘hereinafter referred to as: Traitor’!” The aforementioned tilted his head a little. “That is correct, ma’am.” “Are you dense?! ‘Traitor’!” “That is correct, ma’am.” “Ugh!” She planted the paper back down on the mahogany and read onward. Loud. Panicked. “... ‘and: Chrysalis Aurelia, Queen Monarch of the Changeling Hive, Manehattan, 6th Avenue’, all of this, all of that!” She followed the dotted lines to the bottom of the page, then flipped it to continue the desperate recounting. “... ‘hereinafter referred to as: Betrayed’!” She slid the paper his way, so he could see for himself that this was what the Indenture was covering! But the stallion just glanced at her incredulously. “What is your point, ma’am?” “I am the other party!” “That you are, ma’am.” “I, Chrysalis Aurelia!” “Indeed, ma’am.” “I am Betrayed! Betrayed!” She tapped the word with her hoof so hard, she could feel the rapping right in her mind. ... oh, no, wait, that was somepony inside trying to get her attention. They said their name was ‘Reason’. She told them to wait in the anteroom and be patient, she had a meeting already. “Then what are you doing?!” she returned to this ridiculous conversation with the, suddenly, dimwit! “You are supposed to be my Traitor! And I am the Betrayed in this deal!” “Right again, ma’am.” “Wh—” Slam! Mr. Reason turned out to be very rude and impatient! He broke into Chrysalis’ mind office with no less fervor than the guards had! The nerve! And it turned out he had but one word to bring to her attention! What a waste of time, just as she was trying to show what was wrong— She blinked. What was, indeed, wrong...? She looked back at the paper. She turned it around to see better. It did not work. Well, it did. But it did not make anything better. “... ‘Betrayed’...?” Space snorted into its coffee and Time stopped for a moment to facehoof. Only then did Chrysalis’ jaw hit the desk finally. “Excuse me?!” “That is the designation of the other party of the High Treason Indenture, ma’am, yes,” Legal Basis affirmed, his tone not changing even a note. His smile was the same too. He flipped the first page calmly and began reading. Reading something that was just below that previous remark. “Article One, Subsection One – ‘The Betrayed willingly and with full understanding of their act allows and grants permission and clearance to the Traitor to conduct immediate and purposeful actions considered by praxis and custom to be: treasonous, double-crossing, mutinous, insubordinate, perfidious, unfaithful, subversive, duplicitous, seditious et cetera et cetera; the result of which should be an act of betrayal.’ ” Chrysalis’ eyes widened enough to perceive other realities, but she could spot with ease that all the other Chrysalises were just as shocked as she was. “Subsection Two – ‘The Traitor willingly and with full understanding of their act agrees to conduct immediate and purposeful actions hereinbefore evoked and guarantees to undertake those with utmost and thorough care and forethought.’ ” The stallion brought her attention to the corresponding words. “As you can see, ma’am, I am fulfilling the Indenture to the best of my abilities, just as it has been agreed upon...” Chrysalis grabbed her own counterpart and inevitably found the exact same words, down to the comma. ... she could use a coma. “... why would you even have an act like that prepared?!” Legal Basis shrugged a little. “Actually, this is something of a routine practice and training of mine, ma’am. Many actions in the lives of ponies could benefit from precise and clear sets of rules and regulations. Why not have a little more than the usual forethought, just like the one mentioned in the Indenture?” Chrysalis chirped something incomprehensible. “B... but... no, no!” This was unimaginable and she was not going to just accept this absurd! She had to figure something out! “You tricked me! I did not realize—” Legal Basis, his expression again immaculate, extricated the last page from below its countless, paper brethren and spread before her on the desk. “Is this your signature, ma’am?” “N—” she began, but the, rather obvious, letters of her name and her distinct font were betraying her. What was it with all those betrayals, she just wanted one! One, little one! “Y-yes, but...! But...! But I had no idea—!” “Article Three Thousand Five Hundred Seventy-Two, Subsection One – ‘By signing the Indenture, both parties confirm, assert and guarantee, that they agree to each, every and all stipulations, after having every opportunity of familiarizing themselves with those, debunking any errors of judgment or wants of understanding,’ ” Legal Basis exclaimed. It would be a wonderful, triumphant declaration, if not for his constant, polite behavior. “But...! But—!” “Ma’am, have I or have I not instructed you as to the nature of signing this Indenture when it comes to errors of judgment or wants of understanding?” “I—” “Ma’am, have you signed the document afterwards?” “Y—” “Have you expressed elation over entering the contract through victorious laughter, a glorious thing, piercing both ears and wills, bringing about that pleasant, intoxicating tingling in one, as well as dreadful shivers of fear in another, signifying achievement and masterful execution, boastful and grand?” He was so on point even the present guards exchanged glances and nodded. “Oh, get lost, will you?!” Chrysalis protested, but the spears had the majority. “How... how did you even summon them?” she asked Legal Basis and he rushed to answer. “I never work overtime, ma’am, it would be a sign of bad organization of one’s shifts, as well as an unnecessary drain on the Empire’s finances. Mrs. Hunt-and-Peck knew well that such a decision meant the situation being critical in some way.” He pointed at the guard holding the lone straitjacket. “A safety precaution for myself, actually, though surprisingly often in use for the petitioners. Most curious,” he admitted, furrowing his brow. Chrysalis blinked. “No idea why would that be the case?” “Genuinely no, ma’am.” Figures. “So—” “Oh, speaking of finances, ma’am, I hope that you are satisfied with the contract so far and shall fulfill your obligations to the Empire and the Diarchy of Equestria.” Chrysalis did not even reply. Why would she? It was just... waiting for more bad news. And Legal Basis, indeed, flipped the pages calmly back to the matter of his own payment. “Article Five, Subsection Four – ‘The Betrayed moreover agrees, that the successful and exhaustive fulfillment of the act of betrayal (vide: Article One, Subsection One and the following) shall carry with itself the obligation of paying all dues to the Traitor’s employers and/or feudal sovereigns, consequent of the Betrayed’s possible, prior actions against the Traitor’s employers and/or feudal sovereigns, be those satisfactions, compensations, repair bills, punitive damages, tips et cetera et cetera’...” Forget bad news. Being outplayed was one thing, getting caught – another... ...but paying anything back? This was a disaster. A cataclysm. An absolute washout. Chrysalis took a deep breath as she looked to the side, focusing on a... particular solution. There was one, last way of saving face in this situation. Though it did mean putting the rest of the head in danger. Ah, well, she had probably suffered enough mental trauma already for this being just insignificant by default. “I... have to say, Mr. Basis, this was the swiftest carrying out of a deal I have ever witnessed in my long life,” she admitted, straightening up, which cause the weapons around to rattle. “Really, give me a second here, would you? But... may I have one more request, concerning this agreement between us?” she asked, her tone surprisingly... level-headed. “Yes, ma’am? Anything I can do to help you further?” the stallion asked with honest interest. “I believe that there might be one more action to undertake. To make this act of betrayal one to fully satisfy both us and any third parties.” “I’m listening, ma’am. What would you be referring to?” Legal Basis inquired on. “Would you be willing to take your truncheon...” She pointed at the oaken club which, through this whole time, had been patiently awaiting its further recognition. “... and slug me across my stupid head? Just for good measure?” Legal Basis contained the enthusiasm he shared with his weapon. “That is, naturally, permissible, ma’am. Please, would you kindly rest your head on the desk, this will only take a moment.” Well, she had a good run. And considering her past misdeeds, being bludgeoned by a traitorously tactful formalist was... not the worst way to be bested. Better a legal battle than an actual one... though the latter were less complex and messy. Chrysalis sighed and bent forward, almost lackadaisically putting her temple against the desk. The stallion spoke up. “Before we proceed and for the record, ma’am... I don’t believe your head to be stupid. You fulfilled your part as the Betrayed party with praiseworthy professionalism.” She smirked. Wasn’t that nice? “Thank you, Mr. Basis. Any chances of further dealings between us in the future, perhaps?” “I cannot see a reason why not, ‘miss Ladybug’,” he amiably responded, actually eliciting a chuckle out of her. “Don’t worry, ma’am, I’m a natural. Are you comfortable and ready?” he asked, weighing the blackjack in his hoof. Could she refuse such a nice stallion? “Stand and deliver, Mr. Basis.” “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” Whack! ... “Anything else, ma’am?” ... “I’ll take that as a ‘no’. “ Author's Note And there we have it! A little story based on real events... well, actually just inspired by a real occupation of yours truly which may or may not involve the hidden urge to bludgeon people over their heads sometimes. I hope you enjoyed the tale! Let me know of your opinion in the comments and do tell me if you would like for the misadventures of... well, Legal Basis' victims to maybe continue in the future. I accept any and all thoughts on the matter! Thank you for your time and I hope I have managed to stand, deliver and brighten your day at least a little! Stay tuned, ~Gulheru
Of Queens...In the imposing anteroom of the Imperial Revenue & Customs, the purgatory of poor, unfortunate and oft-indebted souls, sat a mantis green mare of the most harmless, shy look. Appropriate in the dreaded space she had found herself in, devoted piously to the ruinous powers of professionalism and taxes. She was guarded by two, restless sentinels, who were repaying her in earnest for every attempt at paying attention to their work. One of the wardens was the constantly and mercilessly ticking clock, keeping its perfect vigil with a tick and a tock, and a tock and a tick of its unrelenting pendulum... ... the other was a perfectly vigilant secretary, keeping to the constant and merciless scribbling in some documents, with a squiggle and a wriggle, and a wriggle and a squiggle of her unforgiving quill. Despite that, the waiting mare, seemingly here for her final, dutiable judgment, was keeping her composure. Pitying the patience of a hidden hunter against the overwhelming, administrative apathy. Finally, the fated words brought ominous disturbance to the lethargic atmosphere. “Miss Ladybug? Mr. Basis will see you know.” “O-oh! Yes, right!” the trained reply came, melding together worry and timidity. Chrysalis was, after all, a master of her deceitful craft. She could not be beaten by insidious inertia, nor did she ever become truly nervous. Impatient, perhaps. Giddy? Oh, certainly, every predator knew that satisfying feeling of anticipation. But nervousness was not hers, no. That time it was all too easy to feign trepidation, however. To pretend being troubled with the prospect of meeting an official. Hah, ‘twas a clever and convincing act still! Chrysalis was, undisputedly, the most dangerous of hunters, the terrifying and excellent Queen of the Changelings! ... currently low on loyal subjects, but that was irrelevant! She was here for no other reason than to set in motion the plan to remedy that... inconvenience she had suffered at the hooves of ponies! Step by clandestine step. For she was about to see her, hopefully, new accomplice and pawn – the Imperial Tax Collector. Making the trot of hers fairly fearful, she crossed the dangerous distance between her seat and the door of this Legal Basis’ office, observed by the two birds of prey – the ticking construct and the scribbling nag. She took a deep breath and she rapped on the rich wood. “Enter.” A confident, calm voice. Betraying conviction. Oh, this was going to be a wonderful challenge. Chrysalis timidly crossed the threshold, her eyes resting on her target, in the middle of his little court of mahogany foundations supporting ivory towers of paperwork. He appeared a relatively young stallion, surprisingly an “earth pony”, as those were branded... and a clear upstart, from the looks of it. Neatly combed, indigo mane. Eggshell white coat. A pair of keen, stoic eyes the hue of impure cobalt... possibly as debase as this pony’s conscience. One could not conquer and occupy the position of a taxpony with such determination otherwise. “Welcome to the Imperial Revenue & Customs, miss Ladybug. Would you kindly have a seat?” That felt like a polite invitation... but Chrysalis knew well that ponies of such status were all about stern, peremptory requests, even if those were hidden behind faint, professional smiles. She complied, of course. She was but a small, frightened mare right then. Besides, the chair was just plush and soft enough to enjoy it, actually. “H-hello, Mr. Basis,” she mumbled an uncertain greeting, crossing gazes eyes with her prey. “Thank you so much for finding time to receive me.” She lidded her eyes a smidgen, making herself look small, innocent and in need of aid. For she was fully armed and ready to use all of the tools of her metamorphic trade! “Regulations demand that each and every petitioner receives an opportunity to present his or her case before the Imperial Tax Collector, ten minutes per capita,” the stallion before her declaimed, his steady tone backed by his polite expression. “Since the business hours are ending in nine minutes and thirty-seven seconds, I would suggest we commence without delaying, ma’am.” Chrysalis smiled inwardly. He felt like such a stickler! No wonder he made quite the name for himself over the last couple of months. Her information suggested that he managed to effectively double the Crystal Empire’s tax income thanks to his “innovative” approach to the Revenue Act. She had not have a chance to find out what this “innovation” of his meant, but she was starting to grasp what it could be. “Yes, yes, of course, Mr. Basis!” she quickly agreed, willing to begin the hunt in earnest! “Wonderful. Your money or your life.” ... tally-ho...? “... ex-excuse me?” The stallion shook his head, his expression never losing that plastered, gracious smile. “My apologies, an old habit – would your case be that of regulating mandatory financial charges and levies... or regarding an inability of fulfilling your legal obligations, putting your economic situation at risk of failing to support the well-being of yours and members of your household, ma’am?” Chrysalis sat more firmly in the plush softness, quickly regaining her composure after this... strange and interesting bleed-through, immediately patched up by administrative gibberish. “Y-yes, actually, Mr. Basis, my... my case does involve some manner of reimbursement. I-I am searching for the correct way... and pony, to approach the matter.” “Understandable, ma’am. Would you care to specify?” The stallion was all too eager to help. How wonderfully nice of him and— “Unwarranted collection of duty? Erroneously calculated toll? Private vendetta?” Chrysalis blinked. Twice. Three times, for good measure and better luck. “... what...?” she heard herself asking. “Unwarranted collection of duty? Erroneously calculated toll? Private vendetta?” Legal Basis repeated himself, still calmly smiling, with the tone that could have been, very well, asking her about her choice of tea! What was going on...? “I... why the last option?” Chrysalis asked the obvious, really, for how else was she going to regain control over the situation? “Oh, I rush to explain, ma’am!” The stallion leaned forth, joining his hooves on the desk in a pedagogic manner, his zaffre eyes focused on her and her alone. “Although the Revenue, Customs, Tributes and Contributions Act Anno Adamantis 843 is written in a transparent, intelligible and trivial language, and the contained regulations could be considered lenient as far as tax systems are concerned, some of the Crystal Empire’s citizens showcase a rather antagonistic approach towards both the directives and the taxponies. Hence why it is only fitting to foresee all the options as possible reasons for the petitioner’s arrival.” “Oh...” That made... a lot of sense, Chrysalis thought. That is, until her inner voice flung her own way a collection of... transparent, intelligible and trivial epithets that reminded her who she was and what she was trying to achieve here! “I see, Mr. Basis... I suppose there is a... selection of ponies that you find troublesome in such a way?” she inquired. It was high time to be insidious and attempt to read through this paper-pusher! “Not a marked percentage, but it pays to be prepared, ma’am.” Without any further warnings and with the most casual of motions, the stallion opened one of the desk’s drawers and produced from it an actual, makeshift club. Chrysalis’ scheming called for a time-out momentarily, in the presence of an oaken branch wrapped in beige, jute fabric. “Case in point,” the stallion announced, pointing at the weapon. ... was this still but a series of inexplicable occurrences, or an actual comedy at this point?! “That’s... unbelievable?” Legal Basis grinned. “Thank you, ma’am, but it’s but a simple defense measure, of slight sentimental value, no less—” “Why would you have a truncheon in the desk?!” Despite her best intentions, that outburst was inevitable. “A little reminder of my previous line of work, I admit, but surprisingly helpful in the current, ma’am,” the pony responded, his tone unfazed about the exasperation. “So, ma’am, unwarranted collection of duty? Erroneously calculated toll? Private vendetta?” Chrysalis looked aside and locked gazes with the wall. Almost as if there were a number of individuals behind it, watching her misfortune and laughing. However, she had to keep the charade going strong, despite the mounting confusion. She was a hunter, she could not allow herself to be duped! “I see you are a... unique individual, Mr. Basis. You stand out from the administrative crowd,” she pointed out, seasoning her words with an amicable, sweet tone. “That is very kind of you to say, ma’am.” “It is easy to appreciate a stallion like this—” Legal Basis raised his hoof suddenly, almost causing Chrysalis to jump from her comfortable seat. “Oh, pardon me, ma’am, I seemed to have forgotten to instruct you.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Y-yes, Mr. Basis?” “All manners of influencing my disposition towards a petitioner, such as flattery, adulation, cajolery, fawning, blarney, spiel, fraternization, seduction, up to and including favors of sexual nature shall not achieve the intended goal. The solemnity of my position forbids me from turning subjective,” the stallion recited without blunders, but with that steady, unfaltering smile. “Whilst such attempts are, privately, appreciated, I refrain from mingling my profession with personal angles.” Now, that was just unfair! Way to disarm her preemptively, and of her favorite set of salacious weaponry! However, that was not an impenetrable tactic and she would not be deterred! “I... uhm, I was not really aiming at that, Mr. Basis, apologies if it appeared so...” Chrysalis lied through her teeth, “but that seems a rather limiting approach as well, if you don’t mind me saying...” The stallion simply shrugged. “Pros and cons of one’s position, ma’am, nothing else. However, may we proceed? I would not like for your time to pass before we reach the nature of your case, ma’am, whatever it might be. I am willing to offer my aid and find a solution to the best of my abilities. So... unwarranted collection of duty? Erroneously calculated toll? Private vendetta?” he repeated himself like a stuck music box. And the music was boring too. Chrysalis furrowed her brow. On the inside, that is. She was not anticipating a pony of such a... professional approach. Psychotically professional, even. Hmmm... Maybe that was his weak spot after all? She could play his game. There were many ways to ensure that whatever they would be talking about would never leave the room, if things would go awry. Why not indulge his demented dedication? “Private vendetta,” she simply stated. She did bite the side of her tongue, hoping that her instincts were not failing her when her preparation had done so. The pony’s smile just widened. “I see, ma’am. If that is the case, I will gladly provide a quick and efficient solution. Please, would you kindly rest your head on the desk, this will only take a moment.” With the utmost politeness of an executioner, Legal Basis began reaching for the club... ... which spawned a rather vehement protest from Chrysalis! “No! No, no, no, Mr. Basis, it’s not against you, nor your subordinates!” she declared immediately. He stopped without delay... and yet she continued to eye his hoof, hovering over the blackjack. This was going wayward! “Let... let me be more precise, Mr. Basis. Safely more precise,” she stated, surprised at the trickle of sweat traversing down her neck. “I am but hoping to find competent and capable aid in the Crystal Empire and I am thoroughly convinced that you might be the pony for the job.” The stallion’s smile was still, inexplicably perfect as he withdrew his hoof. “I see, ma’am, thank you for clarifying... However, as an official, I am forbidden from discussing details of matters not regarding my duties during my working hours, as you surely understand. Nevertheless, I will gladly hear you out as soon as that time passes... Please, would you remain seated for the next five minutes and twenty-two seconds?” Suddenly, without even another glance her way, the stallion reached out...! ... for a dossier that was resting to the side of the desk. He opened it, immediately focused on the lecture and not paying her further attention. Chrysalis was stunned more than after a hypothetical knock on the head with his crude contraption! Was he such a fool, or such a martinet?! “Mr. B—” “Five minutes and seventeen seconds, ma’am, please exercise patience.” “But—” “Five minutes and fifteen seconds.” A surge of fury bristled Chrysalis’ fake, green coat. This was unprecedented! A pony acting so... so...! Was there even an adjective that would describe this?! “Psycho-professional”? “Crazy-competent”? “Crazypetent”?! He was actively ignoring her only because her... her “case” was not a Tax Collector’s one and he had to wait until his shift was over? Which was, like, five minutes from now?! What was going to happen next, he was going to take a tea break after the end of the shift and ask her to politely wait through that too?! Sigh. Calm, Chrysalis, calm. This was... not a disaster yet. Just a little train wreck. But salvageable. Like that said wreck. With a deep breath, she decided to sit tight after all. A minute has passed and Legal Basis was still enraptured in the documents, keeping the contents hidden from her view. She was forced to remain silent, looking about the place of mahogany furniture and ivory paperwork like a bored lapdog on a soft cushion! And it was such an... austere, puritanical place, this office. Actually could use some curtains... Right there. Emerald, maybe? And a paint job, definitely, all of this crystal blue was nauseating. Oh, and maybe a potted plant? A ficus would do wonders for the space, whilst maintaining—urgh, how much longer still?! She clenched her hooves, looking for a clock... only to realize that there was none in the room. Not even an hourglass. ... wait, what? Then how was he...? “Four minutes still, ma’am,” the stallion announced out of a sudden. “Mmmmmm...!” She clenched her teeth and closed her eyes. Yes, of course, she could have guessed he was keeping a perfect track of time in his mind! Beautiful mind, pfah! ... well, at least the chair was soft. And Chrysalis might have figured out why – to stop petitioners from falling off in moments of utter nonsense! Four eternities later, or at least after what felt like it, Legal Basis put aside the dossier and rose up from his seat. Chrysalis actually exhaled in relief. “Oh, good, maybe now—” “Apologies, ma’am,” he replied, trotting around the desk and reaching for the door. ... for a brief heartbeat, she became terrified. She had been played! Somehow, this pony had summoned guards and they were about to storm the chamber! Or he was just about to call for them! Oh, she was not going to let him survive that mistake...! However, Legal Basis’ words were far less worrying. “Mrs. Hunt-and-Peck?” “Yes, Mr. Basis?” came back the cold tone of the merciless sentinel-secretary. “Miss Ladybug’s case requires me staying overtime. Close and leave the office.” “Of course, Mr. Basis.” “Goodbye, Mrs. Hunt-and-Peck.” “Goodbye, Mr. Basis.” Chrysalis felt actually drained after hearing that exchange. There were more edible emotions at a morgue, and that was a stiff company by default... Despite her initial worries, the door closed without further fuss. Which meant she could finally begin unraveling her scheme and bend this insufferable bureaucrat to her will! “So, Mr. Basis—” “Pardon me, ma’am,” the stallion interrupted her. With that constant, polite grin of his, too! “I require a mandatory, five-minute break after my shift before commencing overtime work. Would you like some tea?” Why that...! “Urgh!” Chrysalis groaned, resting her forehead on the desk. She almost wished for him to just thwack her with that club of his and be done with this idiocy! The idiocy persisted, instead, for he thwacked her with that infuriating civility of his. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. Would you like a cushion, perhaps, ma’am?” “Grrrrr!” “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”
