The Conversion Bureau: An Occurrence at Old Fort Bridge.
An Occurrence at Old Fort Bridge.
Picture of a summer vacation during a sunny afternoon at the beach. Some tourists riding motorboats and skiing in the calm waters of the Gulf of Mexico while others enjoy Cajun cuisine or take in the sun stretched out on the decks of rented bungalows. A rabbit dressed in a trench coat and fedora walks in front of the picture and continues speaking. These people don’t know it yet, but their world is about to be touched by something most definitively alien. At six fifty three PM, on May fifteenth, nineteen ninety seven, just a few dozen feet away from the Old Fort bridge, a portal opens in the Gulf of Mexico. But a portal to where, how, and why?
The where, is Equestria, an impossible world filled with intelligent brightly colored ponies, but the same physics that open this portal connect to different dimensions – different realities – other possible futures and pasts. For reasons unknown, the dimensions of Earth and Equestria are destined to meet in every single reality. What happens from that moment on, can be anything, anything but normal. What you are about to witness is one of, and perhaps the most unsettling of the infinite ‘what-ifs’ in a phenomenon that has come to be known as, The Conversion Bureau.
*
“Explain this to me again.” Princess Luna and Princess Twilight shouted in unison staring intently across the table at Princess Celestia.
“What more is there to explain? A thousand years ago, I made a promise that I would open a portal between this realm and that and allow whomever wished to enter our land.” Princess Celestia answered.
“And you didn’t think to tell me about this?” Princess Luna snapped.
“I’m sorry, my sister, but no. Neither of you were around at the time I made the promise, so I didn’t think to tell either of you about it.”
“But Princess, surely you understand the dangers of massively contaminating another culture without warning! What if the aliens panic? What if ponies panic?! What if one of our worlds contains a pathogen that’s incurable and deadly to the other side?!” Twilight’s volume increased as her breaths quickened, clearly on her way to a panic attack.
Celestia reached out and nuzzled Twilight, giving her pupil some level of comfort, “Calm down, my little pony. I’ve been working on the problem for all this time, and there is no danger to anypony. It will take some time for everypony to adjust, but I’ve considered that too. I’ve developed a barrier spell that will keep out anything harmful, and as per the wishes of Megan, the spell will allow the aliens, humans they are called, to become an Equestrian upon entering and back to human upon leaving.”
Princess Luna brought her hoof up to rub her forehead. For a thousand years, her sister Princess Celestia has had an obsession with order due to the reign of Discord. As soon as he was defeated a thousand years ago, the first thing Celestia did was stop the chaos of the Equestria. There was no more wind nor rain nor passing of seasons unless directly created by the will of the sisters or other ponies. Yes, the damage done to Celestia even caused her to obsess over speaking only truth because ‘lies are chaos’. She had seen Celestia’s need to fulfill her promises before so it didn’t matter if a thousand years passed, she would do what she promised to do, and there was simply no talking her out of it.
“And what of ponies going into that realm?” Princess Luna asked her hoof going up and gaze turning to show mild annoyance.
“They will remain ponies upon crossing the barrier.” Celestia shook her head as if trying to shake a thought into clarity, “Humans have… Bizarre body issues and beliefs. Everything will work out better if they allow themselves to think Equestria is an amusement park.”
Princess Luna turned to Twilight asking with her look what this thing was that she obviously missed during her absence. Twilight, seeing the glance shrugged and said, “I don’t know.”
*
For weeks, Princess Celestia stood at the edge of the barrier smiling and waving to humans on the other side. From her side, the portal was a bubble placed in a secluded spot near the castle elevated by a short set of stone stairs. The bubble lowered down into a bowl filled with water, matching the level of the water on the other side where it also appeared as a bubble half in and half out of the water. Hardly anyone took notice until the day an intoxicated skier rammed into the barrier thinking it was just a drunken illusion. Without a life jacket, this skier might have drowned, except that Celestia reached through the barrier and held the unconscious man until his friends on the boat came to rescue him. Stories from the incident, brought other tourists, but it wasn’t until a man with a family of small children came right up to the barrier that Celestia exchanged her first hellos with the alien world.
“Alright, kids, there she is, the ‘sea-pony’” A young man in designer sunglasses said over his shoulder to his three children as he stopped the boat and dropped the anchor in the shallow gulf waters. The kids already excited from the approach began to wave franticly at the alicorn across the bubble screaming greetings in delight.
Celestia startled by all the frantic motion took a moment to relax and smile and after deciding they would not stop on their own, answered, “Hello there.” She chuckled a little at their reaction of treating her like a spectacle instead of a living being, but knowing that they gave any reaction other than fear brought her joy.
“What’s your name?” The youngest boy asked.
“My name is Princess Celestia.”
“You’re a princess?” The girl asked excitedly.
“I am one of the three princesses that rule Equestria, the land you see behind me.” Celestia turned her head and nodded toward the majestic city of Canterlot.
“Well that looks nice, doesn’t it. Let’s vacation there next time.” The wife in the boat laughed as she took another drink of whiskey and coke. The children springing to life in a chorus of pleases and ‘can we go there?’s.
The father having turned around to sit backwards in his chair, tapped the headrest, signaling that he wasn’t going to answer until they stopped, but the moment there was silence, Celestia answered, “I’m sorry, but the portal won’t be open for eight months.”
The father turned to look at the Princess, “What is that place, an amusement park?”
“You can think of it as such, but it really is a different world.”
“So’s Disneyland!” The wife quipped reaching up to hold back a snort of laughter.
Celestia frowned a little, “It’s alright if you don’t believe me now, but in eight months, the portal will open and you can walk right through for a visit.” She knew this would be the first of dozens of conversations just like this, and that is how it had to be to convince everyone she was not a threat.
“So where is this place? Do you have a website?” The father asked.
Celestia blinked and took a breath, “Equestria is my home, it’s across this barrier that will open in eight months. What is a ‘website’?”
The father shifted straightening up and sounded a little annoyed as he spoke, “So you don’t have a website, but you’re out here in the middle of the ocean advertising something, that you aren’t doing a very good job explaining, that won’t open until Yule, and actually expecting people to show up?”
Celestia sighed lowering her head, “Well… No. I don’t expect you to come back. What I expect you to do, is to feel I have wasted your time, boat off angrily, and tell everyone you know about how the bubble in the ocean is nothing but annoying because it interrupts the view of the ocean, and how there is a pony on the other side who talks, but doesn’t do anything else.”
“Yeah?” The father started, startled by such a bizarre answer, ”And why would you want that?”
“Because that is how your species is. If either of us moved through this barrier, it would scare you, because although you can see me, you don’t believe in me. Your species needs time to adjust to the idea that we don’t want to harm you. Once you understand that, then the barrier that separates us can be dropped, and we can prove ourselves to be real, specifically, during a point when the city is at it’s lowest population and highest likeliness to be,” Celestia raised a hoof and circled it around as she sought the right words, “Too preoccupied to pretend our presence is arbitrarily harmful.”
“I don’t get it.” The third child complained, but the man did understand. He stood and moved around his wife and kids to lean out against the barrier, hugging it with both hands as he pressed his face hard against it looking inside.
“Honey, honey! You’re gonna fall.” The man’s wife stated her concern as the boat was being pushed away from the barrier from her husband’s pushing against it. As he realized this, he gave a few whoas throwing his arms about wildly, managing to kneel and grab the boat. The three children started laughing at their father’s clumsiness and the heavy rocking of the boat.
Regaining his balance, the man returned to his seat, an odd tone in his voice, “Well, did you kids want to keep talking to the nice pony or should I just drive back?” Celestia was busy for a while.
*
And so it went, curious tourists would ride out to see the talking unicorn in the mysterious bubble, bringing their stories of befuddlement back to the beaches, restaurants, hotels, gas stations, everywhere until the population started to take notice. Eventually a vendor struck a deal with a boat rental service by selling ‘I had an audience with the Princess’ tee-shirts. Then the whole city took notice through the act of capitalism. People asked one another, ‘have you seen the unicorn of Old Fort bridge?’ The city prospered as visitors came from neighboring towns just to see and talk to the impossible unicorn in a bubble. Charlie Stevens, a local scientist, was interviewed by local news reporters after spending three days on a boat observing the happenings on the other side and asking embarrassing questions to Celestia. The princess did not answer most of them.
But as summer drew to an end and school started, people quickly forgot about the unicorn on the ocean. August and September were hard months for Celestia. She had to keep a daily visual into the alien realm to remind any chance viewer that yes, she was still there. So it came as a surprise to her when one gray evening in October, a teen in a rowboat was coming her way.
“Hello?” Celestia called out to the boat, a little surprised at herself for the eagerness in her own voice.
The teen looked behind himself, “Hello! Give me just a second to get closer.” He rowed harder, rowing past the bubble then correcting his course to spin around it, before dropping a cinder block anchor. “I can’t believe you’re really here.” The teen stared at Celestia clearly deep in thought.
“Hello. My name is Princess Celestia. What’s yours?”
“Huh? Oh, my name is Jody.” Jody looked off to the side then back at Celestia as if to confirm to himself that he really was sitting in the middle of the ocean having a conversation with a unicorn. “There is a rumor going around town that this thing will open, and we can come inside. Is it true?”
Celestia took a deep breath, “Yes. In two months, the barrier will open, and humans can visit Equestria as ponies.”
Jody stared longingly past the barrier, too long for a princess tired of looking at gray skies an ocean for hours each day, “Jody, can I be honest with you?”
Jody blinked, “Sure.”
“For four hours everyday, I come here, and I wait for people to come by and wave or talk or just see me at all, and I have to do this for the peace of our two worlds. All summer, I repeated the message that not only will the barrier open in two months, but that when it does, humans who enter will become one of three types of pony and that they will become human again when they leave. I knew when I made this plan that there would be a long time of sitting and waiting, but sometimes I feel like the people out there aren’t just not respecting, but are failing to quote me correctly. Tell me, when your people speak of me, do they say everything I have just said about coming here, or is this news to you?”
“Oh no, everything you said is what I’ve heard. It’s plastered all over town. The hotels and library have little pamphlets that talk about what you’ve said and where you are and even what times you’re standing here. That’s how I knew to find you.” As he said this he reached into his pocket and produced one of the pamphlets with Princess Celestia’s likeness on the cover and opened it to a black and white photo of her in the bubble.
Celestia raised a forelock to her chest and heaved a sigh of relief as her smile broadened. “Thank you, Jody. Just knowing that makes me feel so much better.”
A moment passed while Jody held still with the pamphlet outstretched “Princess,” Jody lowered the pamphlet and looked over it to Celestia, “Can I come early?”
Celestia blinked in genuine confusion, “Why ever would you want to do that?”
“I don’t like it here. I don’t have any friends, and everything has always looked so nice over there.”
“I’m sorry, but the barrier won’t open for another two months.”
Jody sprang into the defensive leaning closer to the barrier, “What about that guy you saved? You have to have the power to open it if you saved him.”
“That’s right, I did save him, he was going to drown if I didn’t.”
“Then save me, let me in!” Jody clenched his fists as they pressed into the side of the boat.
“You aren’t in any danger.”
“And what if I let myself drown? Then you would have to let me in.”
“Jody!” Celestia snapped at him loud enough to make Jody throw himself back in his boat, paused a moment, then continued in a calmer voice, “I broke the rules because there was a genuine emergency, and I could help without risking any damage to the plan. If you choose to kill yourself, it would be wrong for me to interfere in that choice. If you choose to kill yourself here and now, it would be very bad for me. First off, I don’t want to see you do that, but eventually, someone would come looking for you, and then blame me for not rescuing you even after I have explained that you chose to do that, so please,” Celestia’s face moved to an indescribable expression trying to convey some level of healing with her plea, “ just don’t.”
Jody sat quietly for a moment staring at the princess as the ocean gently rocked the little boat, “But I hate it here.”
“I’m sorry, but you will have to wait two months like everyone else. However, you can visit me whenever you wish.” Celestia paused for a moment and looked at Jody with gentle concern in her eyes, “Do you want to tell me what has made you so upset?”
*
Jody and Celestia talked at least once a week all the way up until the day the barrier was to fall. Originally, Princess Celestia planned to visit earth herself, but decided it wouldn’t hurt to personally show Jody around Canterlot while Princess Luna and Princess Twilight mingle with Earth’s people. Jody more or less belly flopped into the portal to land on the other side mostly pony, pulling himself all the way through he jumped in the air and whinnied in delight. A sight not unpleasant to the princesses, but certainly strange that a transformation should bring such joy especially to a world that up until this moment, had never tasted it.
As Luna and Twilight flew inland parallel to the bridge leading to the old fort, Luna yelled to Twilight, “Now that we’re here, what should we do first?”
“I’m going to land on the beach and greet everyone on the way to the library!” Twilight said with a gleeful cheer.
Princess Luna chuckled as she already knew that that’s what Twilight would be doing, but had wondered how exactly she would phrase it - with simple patient honesty, just like her sister. The altered voice patterns did not escape Luna however, she could tell the portal was enchanted to grant ponies going out the ability to speak the language of this world just as it did for Jody coming into Equestria. It was strange that their word for an inclusive group of humans was ‘everyone’ yet this word did not extend to include other species as part of that group as the Equestrian word for ‘everyone’ did.
Twilight landed about fifteen feet from where the beach became grass and pulled the map Jody gave her out of her saddle bag to double check the route to the library. “If we walk up to main street first and buy something, we’ll be seen by a lot of people doing ordinary life things. Wow.” Twilight reached up and touched her lips. If she were speaking in Equestrian, she would have used the word ‘ponies’ by default, but she was actually thinking ‘humans’ when she spoke yet for some reason, it came out as ‘people’ the generalized word for intelligent races.
Luna walked up to Twilight smiling, “It’s so strange isn’t it.”
“Yeah”
Luna and Twilight walked a slow pace to main street, taking out the map and pretending to check the directions every time someone showed his or herself interested but not interested enough to come up and talk. There were a few friendly greetings here and there and a picture taken, but coming to main street itself presented the princesses with a clear problem.
“Princess Luna,” Twilight whispered harshly to get Luna’s attention even though no one was within earshot, “All I see are clothing stores and restaurants. I’m not going to be able to fit any of their clothes and by the smell, I don’t think we’re going to find anything for herbivores here.”
The eyes from the windows made Luna feel uncomfortable so she whispered in reply, “Just keep walking, if we don’t find anything by the time someone asks us, we’ll say we’re lost and looking for the library.”
At last the pair found themselves in front of what looked like a restaurant with a menu posted in the window. They carefully looked over the ingredients and with a sigh of relief, entered the store by opening the door with magic.
An electric door chime sang in the patron-less establishment as the clerk behind the counter started to look up from a magazine pulling his headphones down to rest on his neck, “Welcome to Smoothie Juke, can I take your order?” The clerk with the name badge ‘Melvin’ insisted on never falling for clichés. Every bone in his body begged him to put a pause between the words ‘your’ and ‘order’ as he realized not one but two winged unicorns just stepped through the door and neither one of them was the one that has been seen off of the bridge.
“I hope so. We think we would like a strawberry and banana smoothie, but we’re herbivores and need to ask if any part of the smoothie is made of animals.” Twilight smiled as she spoke but inwardly felt a wave of disgust that she would have to maintain an air of politeness while asking if what she was about to consume wasn’t made with the, presumably, murdered corpses of other beings.
“The strawberry banana smoothie has milk in it, cow’s milk. It’s vegetarian, but we can substitute almond milk if you’re vegan.” Melvin stared down over the edge of the counter as his mind raced to the last situation that was remotely similar to this one, when a gaggle of girls came in and one started a fifteen minute fuss, practically going into a musical number about the fact that she was vegan. Drama queen.
“That’s great, we’d like two, please. Oh, before we buy,” Twilight started rummaging through her saddle bags using her magic to levitate a bit and placing it on the counter, “We don’t have any money from this world. Can we pay in bits?”
Melvin watched the coin float in midair and land expertly on the counter steadily as if it was place there by hand. He picked it up and looked at it, excitement tingling up from his kidneys. It was a big fat solid gold coin that felt like a brick in the palm of his hand. There was only one sensible answer, “Yes.”
“Oh good, will this many suffice?” Twilight levitated five more bits onto the counter.
Melvin suppressed his excitement forcing the corners of his smile down to merely polite, “That will be fine.”
Luna took a step forward, “Make mine with almond milk, please. I’d like to know what that is.”
Melvin pressed buttons on the register. As the drawer opened he reached for his own wallet, took out the required amount, put it in the drawer, and made change for himself, before closing the drawer and scooping the bits over the counter and into his pocket. While this was happening, Twilight looked up at the number that appeared on screen. “Twelve eighty two?!”
Melvin looked up in horror and said sheepishly, “Yes, ma’am.”
Twilight leaned her head over the counter concern in her eyes, “How many more do I owe you?”
“Oh, no, it’s alright.” Melvin felt his blood trying to return to normal pressure, making a quick movement to start making the smoothies before the two decided the solid gold ‘bit’ was actually worth more than the pretty green paper with people faces.
The two princesses watched the clerk’s alien magicless hands open coolers, scoop things into blenders, pour milks, and scoop more things before the blenders were activated causing the pair to start, and simultaneously cast discrete sound blocking spells until the offensive blenders stopped moving. The clerk poured the mixes into two paper cups, capped them, and turning, pushed one out in front of the other, “This one’s almond.”
“Thank you.” Twilight responded and the two levitated their smoothies to the table nearest the window and consequently farthest from the clerk. As the clerk turned his back to them to wash the blenders, Luna began to whisper, “Did you smell him when you brought out the bits?”
“He was clearly excited, and the fact that I under paid him for the smoothies makes me think their culture places an extremely high value on the act of barter.” Twilight whispered back.
Luna looked down levitating the top from her smoothie and lifting it up took an experimental drink, satisfaction quickly growing in her eyes. Twilight looked down at hers and ever being the scientist, noticed the strange X shaped hole in the top. Needing to investigate she stood up and levitated her drink back to the clerk, “Excuse me.”
The clerk jumped and looked behind himself carefully, “Yes?”
Twilight looked down at the top of her drink. “Why is there this hole in the center of the lid?”
“You uh, put the straw through it there. Like this.” Melvin took a straw from the stack beside the register, unwrapped it, and poked it through the top of the lid. Realizing that if he had to explain this, he would probably have to explain straws, he quickly added, “You drink through it.”
“I see, thank you.” Twilight lifted her drink again and walked back to the table wondering why this would be necessary. As she sat down she found Luna grinning and guzzling her drink greedily. “Tasty?”
“It’s delicious!” Luna guzzled more before continuing, “Why hasn’t anypony thought of doing this in Equestria?”
*
After finishing their smoothies, Twilight and Luna made their way to the library. The entire way there Luna continued daydreaming of what other flavors this new world contained. Upon reaching the library, Twilight felt much more at home despite the alien presence. She noticed and inquired about the numbers on the wall, consequently taking time to read through an expanded poster explaining the ‘Dewey Decimal System’. Princess Luna spotted the entry for ‘cookbook’ and thanks to Celestia’s magic, knew exactly what it was and insisted on scanning that entire wall first. Extending her magic, the princess gleefully moved through the books with a wall of energy, pulling the contents into her mind.
The spell, Bibliognost, pulled the raw information of books into the caster’s mind and slowly made sense of the book as if the caster had copied the book into his or her brain and is reading it in her or her spare time, taking up the thoughts that most ponies would use for letting their minds wander. Although the spell was common enough, few ponies other than Twilight use the spell more than twice a year for the unyielding grip it puts on ponies’ minds demanding all of their would be spare attention until the task is complete.
Knowing that this was now in progress, Twilight convinced Luna to scan a wall of science books with her to give her someone with whom to discuss their contents. The spell allowed them to briefly mentally glance at all of the books and bring the most desired into mind. Twilight used this to pick up a book from the wall she just scanned and started reading it the conventional way, whereas Luna was content to wait for the information to make itself known to her, opting instead, to examine the aliens’ take on art as it presented itself in children’s books.
As the minutes grew into an hour, Princess Luna began to feel something she had not felt in a thousand years – the feeling of being sick. Her body felt chills as if her bones had gone cold, her muscles felt weak, and her mind felt the twinge of fear. Somehow, Celestia’s magic portal had failed to completely prevent ponies from getting sick, even her. At this rate, she would have to run to have the illness isolated. She levitated the book down and walked to Twilight feeling dizzy. “Twilight? Twilight, we need to go.”
“Huh?” Twilight looked up from her book, “Why?”
“I feel… ill. I must have been infected by something in this world.”
Twilight’s eyes grew bigger, “Oh no, I’ve been feeling sick too, but that happens so often when I get into reading too long, I didn’t think anything of it.”
The two princesses, made a hasty exit from the library and took to the sky, flying as fast as they could toward the portal. The wind stung their eyes, jolts of fear passed through them both as disorientation and sore muscles brought about the illusion that they were falling into the ocean. Without stopping they shot through the portal and with ragged breathing continued directly toward the castle, landing in the crowded courtyard.
“Doctor!” Princess Twilight yelled amid her heavy breathing letting her head drop, balanced by the locking of her knees.
As one guard spun and ran into the castle to follow the order of fetching the doctor, the other ran up to the princesses to assess the situation.
“Sick from the other side of the portal! Get back! It’s highly contagious!” Twilight closed her eyes and waited to be carried off focusing on the sound of her and Luna’s breathing to help calm her nerves. Within a matter of moments hurried hoofsteps could be heard and a voice asking her what was wrong.
Twilight took a deep breath and started to lift her head assessing what she felt in the moment, “I feel,” Twilight opened her eyes and blinked, taking a moment to check herself again, “Fine.” She turned to look at Princess Luna who was still standing with her head lowered but was breathing calm now. “Princess?”
“I’m feeling much better, too, the last of it is passing.”
Twilight turned to the doctor, “We should stay in isolated observation in case it comes back.”
Even Luna, shaken by the brush with mortality, agreed to being scanned by the castle’s doctor unicorns while Twilight recounted the entire trip for whatever clues it may have revealed about the origin of the pathogen. Luna however, opted to look in her own mind at the books she had scanned. Half an hour later, she was giggling excitedly at all of the ways humans rearranged foods to enhance their flavor, a concept exemplified by one of the cookbooks on ‘Mexican Food’, but having already confined herself to the isolation room, she had to find a way to calm her mind and keep from going stir crazy. Twilight’s insistence that she scan the science books helped with that. Human science was generally boring. Humans focused so much on the macro scale. Their smallest and most advanced technology still only equated to tricking the macro level constructs into functioning in a desirable fashion, instead of building constructs from base properties on a much smaller level. Eventually Luna’s reverie was broken by Twilight greeting Princess Celestia.
“Twilight, Luna, What’s going on here?”
“Princess!” Twilight sat up in her bed, “I’m so glad to see you, we started to get sick from the other world and came back as fast as we could. As soon as we returned we both felt better though. The doctors think the disease was cured by passing through the barrier.”
Princess Celestia blinked and raised her eyebrows, “You didn’t use your magic while you were over there did you?”
“Wha? Of course we did.”
“No” Celestia moaned the word as she shook her head, “I thought I made it clear that that world doesn’t have magic.”
“Well, yes, you said that.”
Celestia looked at both alicorns, the realization of the danger the pair had narrowly escaped present on her face, “That world doesn’t have magic. Our bodies need magic! You have enough in you to visit for a while, but casting spells drains a massive amount.”
“I don’t understand. We use magic, I know, but then our bodies just make more.”
“You don’t understand, Twilight. Our bodies don’t make more magic, it just gets sucked in from around us.” Celestia took a breath, thinking about how to explain this, “It’s like a sponge. A sponge in water pushes all of the water inside of itself outside of itself, but then the pressure from the surrounding ocean fills it up again, but there is so much ocean there is never a moment the sponge is not full of water. Do you understand?”
“Oh,” Twilight’s pale face showed that she did understand. “Princess, it might be a good idea to bar any ponies from going over to that world. Princess L-”
Luna turned her head, a shocked look on her face, “No! It’s not that dangerous, Twilight. Maybe we should just-” Luna stopped mid-sentence her eyes unfocusing as her brows went up.
Twilight and Celestia looked on in concern for a moment before Celestia spoke taking a step forward, “Sister, are you alright?”
“Huh?” Luna blinked and smiled, “Yes, just saw something from the book scanning we did. “We should post signs around the portal that nopony is allowed to pass without permission from the princesses. That way, we can make everypony aware of the danger.”
Celestia smiled, “Yes, that would cause far less confusion than organizing a mandatory announcement, and minimize potential damage.”
Twilight leaned forward in her bed, “But princess, wouldn’t it be better to educate everypony?”
“Not in this case Twilight. Awareness of the portal causes the desire to know what is on the other side. The risk of somepony entering the portal accidentally is minimal, but a large number of visitors would upset the population of earth. Ponies have a tendency to think danger does not apply to them if they have been taught something. In some ways, a pony finding the portal accidentally and choosing to cross it with a warning sign posted, is safer as the pony is likely to approach the other side aware than some form of danger exists on the other side.” While saying this Celestia’s head dipped lower as her thoughts drove deeper into the puzzle of acclimating the two worlds moment by moment.
Luna, wanting to put her plan into action asked, “Is there anything else we need to know about the other world right now?”
Celestia looked up, “I don’t think so.”
“In that case, Twilight please come with me again. It’s time to go ‘grocery shopping’”
Twilight blinked and tilted her head in confusion.
*
Within an hour, Princess Luna had ordered a boat be delivered by pegasi to the castle. When it arrived, she ordered several earth ponies to carry crates and a sack of bits from the treasury along with the pegasi and boat to follow her to the portal, much to Twilight’s hyperventilating objections. After giving a speech explaining the dangers of the portal and that it was off limits without permission, she asked everypony that if they insisted on telling others about it, that they first mention the dangers of using magic on the other side. Then she asked for volunteer for her grocery run. Three pagasi volunteered. The boat was marched through the portal then the crates were moved through one at a time.
The grocery run caught far more attention than the previous trip due to the greater number of ponies now moving as a group. The ‘Whole Foods’ appeared to be the only grocery store on the map, but Luna and Twilight agreed that synonyms could exist for food stores that weren’t yet known. Once inside, Luna insisted on speaking to the owner immediately and establishing an exchange rate for paying in bits. Holding the bit in his hand, the manager on duty froze for a full minute caught in the dilemma of trying to decide if he was in an elaborate prank or the greatest money making opportunity in history. Deciding to take a sort of middle ground, the manager offered two dollars per bit spent.
Hours of carefully reading labels later, the princesses and pegasi formed a line of flying crates overhead back to the boat. This act, for the extensive amount purchased that day, took a substantial amount of time allowing for people to take notice and call friends to step outside and watch the pegasi just flying back and forth. So much of the town took notice of the impossible yet benign spectacle, that the event was given an equally ridiculous title, becoming known as ‘The Day The Birds Shopped’.
With so much spent, the knowledge of the solid gold coins called bits could not remain a secret. Within days of the shopping event, Equestria saw its first influx of visitors from earth looking for jobs in an attempt to profit from the imbalanced economy of the two worlds. Those who knew how to cook vegetarian dishes ended up as teachers for the castle chefs, but most took any work they could. Inevitably, prostitution was tried, but failed embarrassingly. Despite the apparent movement of bits earth side, Equestria or at the very least, Canterlot, was experiencing an overall higher quality of life – Until February twenty eighth.
“It’s simply wonderful! And the best part is,” Princess Luna tapped her hoof in a pointing motion at the table as she spoke, “This batch was made right here in Equestria. Not the Strawberries, of course, but the cream was flown up to Cloudsdale to be frozen.”
A waiter pony began taking the plates and bowls off the table. Tonight was a full presentation of the best ‘Indian’ dishes: palak paneer, a dish of spinach and simple cheese over seasoned rice and paneer makhani an explosively sweet flavor of cream, butter, and tomatoes with more cheese along with flatbread with garlic baked into it and the otherworldly aloo tikki which were made of several vegetables, but looked like none of them. Princess Twilight, snagged the last aloo tikki from her plate as the waiter took it away, making Princess Celestia giggle quietly.
Celestia smiled, “I’m glad to hear you’ve been enjoying the fruits of earth, sister.”
“The implications go far beyond food, princess. The need for more pegasi to carry heavier loads for longer durations of time has created interest in developing lighter vessels and self flying machines.” Twilight hastily swallowed before continuing excitedly, “I’m hoping my presentation of the theoretical use of titanium and tungsten infused glass will be taken into consideration for a share of the grant at the symposium. If this succeeds as I predicted, glass thickness can be reduced by sixty four percent while still retaining the same strength as glass currently produced.
Luna turned her head to keep Twilight from seeing her roll her eyes. Just then, the waiters came again placing bowls of strawberry ice cream adorned with what appeared to be a stick in front of each princess.
Twilight stared down at the unexpected item in the bowl, “Princess Luna, what are these?”
Luna smiled happy to talk more on her new favorite subject, “They are a kind of cookie. You save it for last and use it to suck up the melted ice cream.”
“Like this?” The eyes of the three princesses shot toward the sudden booming voice of Discord as he levitated laid out midair sucking something from a glass into a straw that was straight for a short distance before entangling itself into a solid block of curves a foot wide before returning to a straight point on the other end.
“Y-yes.” Luna answered, the smiles and enthusiasm of the princesses having been replaced by apprehension.
“So~ what’s this?” Discord slide through the air to peer over Twilight’s shoulder, “Something new from Manechester, perhaps?”
Luna stared across the table and hesitantly lowered her head in a nod.
“Haha, I was only joking,” With a flash Discord disappeared to be replaced by a cloud over the table, his face unnaturally rolling down from the top to look down, “I saw pegasi carrying milk up to the clouds, and thought you had finally come to your senses about having a little fun.” The Discord cloud began to rain milk, “It was so disappointing to discover you were doing something far less exciting.”
Celestia and Twilight tried their best to be calm and stoic knowing that Discord was easily spurred by reactions, but Luna didn’t resist furrowing her brow at the sticky mess that was being created.
“But,” Discord the cloud disappeared and reappeared as his normal self stretched out on the table smiling up at Celestia, “I saw this wonderfully chaotic portal just on the other side of this castle. Isn’t that just grand?”
Celestia’s face started to go pale, “Discord, you can’t go there. It’s not safe-”
Discord began the moment Celestia finished, almost cutting her off, “Oh, Celestia, you needn’t worry about me. Really it’s these, what do you call them? Humans, you need to worry about. Tata~” Discord grinned devious intent clear on his face as he teleported.
The princesses sprang up from the table taking just a moment to realize how serious the situation was.
“Twilight, get Rarity and Pinkie Pie! I’ll get Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Luna, get the Elements of Harmony, meet at the portal!” No sooner had Celestia spoken these words than each princess was teleporting to their instructed locations, doing her part for whatever Celestia had planned. Within minutes each princess along with the other bearers of harmony were right outside of the portal. Twilight, although a princess, felt winded at expending so much energy so quickly, but had a moment to recover as Luna went around affixing each element to its respective bearer as Celestia began to explain her plan.
“Listen everypony! Discord has gone through the portal and doesn’t realize he’s in grave danger. Magic doesn’t replenish on earth, and he is likely to use all of his in a matter of minutes. We know he won’t take the time to listen to anypony, so I need you to pull him back through the portal by casting a spell through it. Only the power of the elements is strong enough to do this, so please lend your power to Twilight while she casts this spell!” Celestia looked worriedly at Twilight and levitated open a scroll in front of Twilight.
Twilight read and smiled as she had practiced this spell many times before to pull lost objects back to her. She sighed in relief, “Are you ready everypony?” With the confident cheers, Twilight began constructing the spell, manipulating the base components of energy into a primary malleable form before applying the particular signature relationships of stretching out like lightening toward the applied pattern that was Discord’s form and upon reaching him, accordion back. During Twilight’s efforts each element bearer opened herself to her element, finding how each applied to the situation. Pinkie Pie thought of saving Discord’s laughter, while Applejack focused on ‘the right thing to do’, Fluttershy extended kindness, and so on, each bearer found in herself the reason to drain herself of great amounts of energy and from the paradoxical vacuum that was Equestria’s magic, flood Twilight with an unending supply of magic as she cast her spell. In a glorious blaze of light, the magic blasted forth from Twilight slamming into the portal.
Then there was a sickening whiplash of magic that knocked the element bearers tumbling backwards. Except for the moaning of disorientation, there was silence as Princess Celestia stared in shock at the portal which had seemed to turn into a ball of hovering stone. Just then, Jody walked up from the path to the castle, “Princess, What’s going on? Is it safe?” Celestia looked back at Jody, unsure of what to say. Twilight and the other bearers had regained their footing and stood waiting for an explanation as Luna walked up to the sphere. Disbelief was in Luna’s eyes as she finally accepted what she was seeing and grinned. She gave an unsure laugh and another then letting her head roll back staring up into the sky, she started laughing louder and louder before falling on the ground and rolling as the sounds she made turned to pure psychotic glee.
Twilight looked to Princess Celestia, who was slowly lowering her head, and then to Princess Luna starting to fear what was happening before her, “Princess Luna?”
When Princess Luna was finally able to speak, she rolled upright and stared it Twilight, “Finally! After a thousand years, finally!” Luna rolled again having another set of helpless yet seemingly pained blasts of laughter. Standing up, she bellowed loudly, “Discord will soon be dead! Long live harmony!”
Twilight’s eyes popped open, as the other bearers of harmony shouted demands for explanations, even the timid Fluttershy could be seen if not heard voicing outrage.
“Princess Luna, whatever you have done, stop it, now!” Twilight used her own magically enhanced voice to talk over her friends and express the simplest and most direct need.
“Are you kidding?” Luna grinned again starting up another fit of giggles.
“Girls please, lend me your strength again.” No sooner had Twilight said it than the other five element bearers began pouring themselves into Twilight, only to be knocked to the ground by a blast from Luna.
Celestia raised her head and shouted desperately, “Luna!”
Luna looked at Celestia, “They are fine, sister.” Luna spoke loud enough so that everypony could hear her clearly, “It’s just a spell to recall memory. You want to stop me? I can’t stop you, but before you act, you should know what you are trying to stop, or more accurately, what you are trying to save.”
Celestia looked regrettably at the six ponies before her. Fluttershy had curled up into a ball and appeared to be crying although no sound escaped her. Pinkie Pie stood disturbingly still with her head down, the bounce gone from her mane and tail. Rainbow Dash threw up while squeezing herself ever tighter into a ball on the ground. Rarity, unable to muster anything dramatic, stood there lips pursed eyes as wide as saucers but pupils as small as pin pricks not moving at all. Applejack had passed out completely, leaving Twilight looking in all directions trying to find answers as if they were growing on some tree, rapidly opening and closing her mouth in attempts to find words.
Tears grew in Celestia’s eyes, “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”
“Why? Why? Why?” Twilight found her word and spoke it louder each time.
“Because Discord was a monster. My sister freed him from stone because she made a promise that those held in stone would be released as soon as there was hope to restore them to harmony.” Luna sighed and shook her head, “Promises, promises.” Luna levitated the box that held the elements and went around to each of the bearers, “By the way, you only need to keep that memory if you plan on ‘stopping me’. If you see that Discord was evil and no longer wish to fight me, return your elements to the box, and I’ll remove the memory.”
Twilight watched in horror as Luna levitated the element from Applejack’s unconscious form. Rarity, without blinking, slowly reached behind her head and let hers fall into the box as Luna passed. Each bearer quietly removed her element, letting it fall with a soft clink into the box, the sight landing like a dagger in Twilight’s heart with each defeated clink. At last Luna stood in front of Fluttershy.
“Well, my little pony? Do you wish to contest the judgment upon Discord?” Luna, for her part, asked the question earnestly.
Fluttershy slowly looked up and squeaked as her voice rose, “He was my” she choked on the next word feeling the sting of betrayal, “Friend!” Dropping her head, she continued to cry as she released the clasp on her element and let it fall. Luna levitated it into the box, and walked up to Twilight.
Twilight paused looking over to Princess Celestia, frustration growing in her voice, “Why aren’t you helping?” Luna chuckled as she spoke loudly in ancient Equestrian, words that for the first time, Twilight didn’t recognize. “What does that mean?!”
“I promised.” Celestia began defeatedly, looking in Twilight’s direction but perhaps somewhere behind her, “I promised that if I ever had a chance, a real chance, that I would kill Discord.”
Twilight stared in disbelief. Celestia was her teacher and was kind and compassionate, but if she suffered like Luna had in this memory, then she probably would have made such a promise without thinking.
Luna spoke soothingly at Twilight, “Let it go, Twilight, you know Discord deserves this for what he has done.”
Twilight looked around seeing the confused Jody staring from a short distance away, “I, I can’t! It’s not just about Discord! It’s about the humans he may still be harming, and about getting these visitors safely home.”
“I don’t care, Twilight!” Twilight twisted her head to look dumbfounded at Jody who had just spoken. “There is nothing over there worth saving. I won’t go back. I don’t really know what’s going on here, but - I don’t care about earth, and you shouldn’t either.”
Twilight turned to face Luna as her face contorted with anger the likes of which she had never felt before as her mind raced over the sheer hopelessness of the situation. “I, I will not fight you, but I have to keep this memory.”
“Twilight, you don’t have to.” Celestia sounded almost scared, and in a way acted scared as she had not moved since the portal was turned to stone.
“I have to. I have to because, this is wrong!” Twilight looked around at every pony, her friends in shock, the alien who should be, the princess who refused to act and the princess who was acting now, anger nearly bringing her to snarl, “All of this is wrong! And if anything should ever happen like this again, somepony needs to be there with a clear mind who can tell you how wrong you are for doing this!”
Luna shook her head and cast the spell to lift the memory from the five element bearers whose minds knew they had just seen something horrible, but were thankful that they had forgotten what. Nothing had been erased from their minds except the memory Luna gave them. They knew Luna had given it, they knew it was horrible, and they knew they chose to have it taken away - no confusion, just passing shock like somepony jumping out from behind a door and waiting to calm down. Luna walked up to Celestia and nuzzled her. “It’s funny isn’t it? Discord’s damages made you obsessed with truth and order because you were so afraid of losing yourself to chaos, and if you weren’t still obsessed with keeping promises, you probably would have tried to stop me for one reason or another.” Luna placed her neck over Celestia’s back, hugging her as she took a sigh of sympathetic pain toward her sister’s trauma, “oh what a tangled web of truths we weave.”
As soon as Luna broke the hug, Celestia looked up at her, tears in her eyes, failing to hold back sobs, “I’m sorry.”
Luna shook her head at the ridiculousness of it and resumed her growing laughter. Celestia’s sobs turned to wails, by fulfilling her promises she had become an executioner, a sanctioned murderer, and let her sister become one as well, but no matter how she looked at it, acting against this would only cause more unrepairable harm. Twilight tensed every muscle in her body and looked down to hide her fury filled snarl before speaking like the earth threatening to tear itself asunder, “This isn’t right.” Jody, turned around and walked away; his future was safe and that’s all that mattered.
Behind the stone portal a rabbit in a trench coat and fedora, one paw wrapped around his middle supporting the other holding a nibbled carrot turns away from the ponies and begins to speak. The Greek masks of tragedy and comedy hang at the left and right of nearly every stage. What few people know is that they are both emoting at the same scene. A reminder that all people see things differently. Yet, there are two mask which playwrights hope never to find expressed in audiences are the emotions of apathy and anger, worn here by Jody and Princess Twilight, respectively. There are occurrences in life so profound that when they happen, they force each of us to stop and ask ourselves what is the guide post by which we measure our actions. These occurrences can happen anywhere at any time, but perhaps none so striking, or as frequent in, The Conversion Bureau.
Author's Note
Most of you reading this will already know that the title and theme of this story is an homage to The Twilight Zone: An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge. It is my sincere hope that this story did not come off as a parody but touched you with the same air of mystery and awe that I have felt in watching the series.
As for why I felt moved to write this, at the end of October, something happened which forced me to ask myself if it were possible to have every character in a story act completely within character, without any soap opera like embellishments, yet ultimately end up acting against everything for which they have stood. By the first week of December, I knew the answer and sat down to write this in one sitting. I was going to keep it hidden away forever, but when I read it again tonight, I saw that even though it was unsettling, it provoked thought, and like The Twilight Zone episodes, that sometimes ends up being more important than liking how it ends.
