A Day at the Zoo (Or: How Not to Cheer Up Your Eldest Sibling)

by Vertigo22

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Dazzlings, Equestria Girls, Comedy
Length: 4459

The Dazzlings go to the zoo. Hijinx ensue.

In an attempt to have some fun, the Dazzlings visit the Canterlot zoo. Hijinx ensue.

Pre-read by King of Madness.

Edited by James Fire.

Published 2018-02-12 20:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-12 20:20:07 UTC

Let's go the Zoo!

“Dagi! I wanna go to the zoo!”

That’s how it all started. A simple request asked by Sonata Dusk; the most bubbly of the three sirens that made up the now defunct musical group known as The Dazzlings. They were now confined to a cozy little apartment not too far from Canterlot High. It was nothing special, but it was something. A television, beds, a carpet, a lamp, a kitchen, just about anything that one would need to live.

That was two hours ago though. Now, it was a quarter after eleven in the morning. Adagio Dazzle, the self proclaimed leader of the Dazzlings, let out a sigh and rested a hand on the kitchen counter. She was in the middle of preparing a meal for herself, Aria Blaze—who was lounging around on the couch, flipping through channels—and Sonata, who was behind Adagio like a lost puppy.

“Um, Dagi?” Sonata tugged at her sisters shirt. “Are you there?”

Adagio stared blankly at the wall that was in front of her. It was a very nice wall. It was made of bricks. It was a high quality wall. She would know a high quality wall when she saw one.

“Daaaagiiii!”

She lived with one that followed her around.

It took an immense amount of willpower for Adagio to not turn around and snap at Sonata. She’d woken up with a headache that could’ve killed a dragon. To her surprise, it wasn’t caused by Sonata. Rather, it was caused by allergies, as was to be expected in the springtime. Ever so slowly, she turned around to her sister and put on a half-hearted smile. “Yes, Sonata?”

“Your toast is burning.”

And just like that, Adagio’s eyes entered their final form: saucer sized ocular organs. They were similar to the human eye, but they were a lot bigger, and came packaged with the ability to rush over to whatever the current dilemma was. In Adagio’s case, it was to her toaster, which emitted enough smoke that she was sure a Native American tribe was on their way to give her their warmest greetings.

Sonata rolled her eyes as her sister frantically worked to save her more-than-likely ruined breakfast. She walked into the living room and flopped down beside Aria, who looked over at her with a smirk.

“She forget about her breakfast again?”

Sonata nodded in response. “I’m beginning to think that her morning headaches are gonna make this whole building turn into that one movie about the building that catches fire!” She put a finger to her chin and tapped it. “What was it called? Really Tall Inferno?”

Aria laughed. “I don’t think it’ll be
bad,” she said. Looking into the kitchen, she could see Adagio clean up the remnants of her toast into the trash. It was burnt to a crisp; black as night and as crunchy as a cockroach. Whether or not it was more edible than one is up for debate. “Though I’m a little concerned for her. She’s been so dang stressed out since the Battle of the Bands.”

“That’s why I asked if we could go to the zoo!” Sonata beamed. “If there’s one thing that always makes me feel relaxed, it’s seeing animals!”

“You can do that on your phone, Sonata,” Aria said.

“You okay in there?” Aria asked.

“Just peachy,” Adagio replied.

“Alrighty.” Aria cleared her throat and gave a half-hearted smile to Sonata. “Look, I know you mean well, but… I don’t know if a place full of screaming animals is what Adagio really needs right now.”

Sonata waved a hand dismissively. “Nonsense, Aria! I just know that this will get her back in fine spirits!”

Aria gave a slight nod, not willing to argue with Sonata on the concept of caged animals being able to lift their eldest sister out of the gloomy hole that she’d been in for an undisclosed period of time that both girls believed to be between ‘quite some time’ and ‘one year’.

“Girls.”

Aria and Sonata turned to Adagio, who’s hair had gone from its normal orange color to being as black as the night sky.

“We’re going out for breakfast.”

“Yay!” Sonata jumped up and into the bedroom to get dressed.

Aria, meanwhile, had a question what everyone had on their mind.

And by everyone, one would obviously mean her and her alone.

“Why is your hair like that?”

Adagio let out a heavy sigh. “I punched the toaster and got electrocuted.”

“Is that why-”

“Yes, Aria, it’s why you heard that really loud buzzing sound,” Adagio interrupted.

Aria cocked an eyebrow. “No, I meant… what was that crashing sound?”

“Oh.” Adagio rubbed the back of her head and let out a sheepish chuckle. “I… I threw the microwave at the wall.”

“Smooth, Adagio.” Aria deadpanned

A frown formed on Adagio’s face. “Shut up,” she said. “I’m gonna shower. Go get dressed and be outside in ten.”

With a nod, Aria stood up and went to get dressed. A few minutes later, she, along with Sonata, were all set, and ready to go get something to eat.

One profanity filled drive later thanks to people who decided that it was a wise idea to cut Adagio off, the Dazzlings arrived at the classiest diner in town.

The Diner.

“So, whatcha getting, Dagi?” Sonata asked happily. “I’m getting some eggs!”

“Pancakes,” Adagio replied, her eyes glued to the menu. “What about you Aria?”

Aria lowered her menu, a small stream of drool running down her mouth. “I want it all…”

Adagio facepalmed. "Aria, you can't have it all," she said. "Do I have to tell you every time we go out to eat somewhere that you can't order everything on the menu?"

Aria shook her head. "R-Right." She blushed and placed her menu on the table, opting to admit defeat at the hands of Adagio instead of a bill that would have more zeros than she would ever have to her name. "Just saying." She looked down at the menu once more. "I guess I'll have some waffles."

Sonata giggled. "Silly Aria. You always forget!"

"Can it, Sonata." Aria folded her arms. "So, what are we gonna do at the zoo?"

"Look at animals and make Adagio the happiest siren in the universe!" Sonata threw her arms into the air. "Oh, and eat some cotton candy and see the chimpanzees! They're so cute!"

"They're also loud," Adagio deadpanned. "Really dang loud."

"Ah, don't worry." Sonata wrapped an arm around Adagio. "You can always go off and look at the cute fishies! They aren't that loud."

Adagio's mind floated somewhere between the realm of relief that she wouldn't be forced to be stuck with Sonata for the entire time and the realm of 'oh no, what if she lets all the animals out of their cages and turns it into that dinosaur movie from when she first arrived here'. She wasn't sure which she'd prefer as the thought of watching a bunch of people run around in panic as lions, elephants, and those weird dog things that seem to have an affinity for laughing got their revenge for being kept in cages filled her with a sadistic sense of joy.

Then again, she'd also be a part of those who would run like chickens without heads.

she thought. Turning her head to Sonata, she gave a smile as fake as the special effects a television movie. Of course, Sonata still believed it to be genuine. "I'll stay with you guys. You are doing this for me after all."

Sonata squealed with delight while Aria nonchalantly nodded and looked at the menu once more, her eyes filled with the lust for anything and everything on the menu. Eventually, the waiter arrived and took their order, arriving back a few minutes later with their food. It took both Aria and Sonata less than a second to dig into their food like starving wolves.

Adagio, meanwhile, took her sweet, sweet time to eat. Slowly and meticulously applying her butter and cutting into their oh-so-soft bodies. Her mouth watered with anticipation as she stuck a fork into a few of the cut pieces and raised it to her-

"Are you gonna eat those, Adagio?" Aria asked, her plate wiped clean of her waffles.

Adagio's fork hung in the air; her mouth hung open like a doctor was checking her throat for signs of Strep. She blinked once; her gaze as blank as a piece of paper.

"Aw, c'mon, Aria," Sonata said in defense of her elder sisters brunch. "You know Dagi doesn't eat that fast."

"Hmph." Aria slouched in her seat and mumbled something about food, soda, and how her life was meaningless without either.

Indeed, Aria Blaze's priorities on what is most important were in order.

Adagio, meanwhile, finally ate the piece of pancake she'd been holding in the air for the past minute. She turned to Sonata and smiled. "Thank you."

Sonata smiled back. "You're welcome, Dagi!"

A short while later, the girls found themselves back on the road: stomachs full and a bill paid after a game of rock, paper, scissors (that Adagio naturally lost, with Aria coming in second).

"So, what're we gonna see first?" Aria asked from the front seat.

"Lions!" Sonata chirped. "They're so fluffy and cute."

"They'd also eat you if you went in there," Adagio added.

"But they're so fluffy!"

Adagio rolled her eyes. "They'd kill you."

"Fluffy!"

"Kill you!"

"Fluff!"

"Kill!"

"Deer!"

Adagio's eyes shot open. She slammed on the brakes, coming within mere inches of a large buck with antlers that were a few inches smaller than Adagio's inflated ego. It glared deergers at the three girls for a few seconds before slowly crossing the road.

“Oh, buck.”Adagio said.

“Oh, dear.” Sonata said with a giggle.

“Oh, I’m not making a pun.” Aria said.

A short time later, Adagio pulled into the parking lot outside of the Canterlot Zoo. The drive had been less eventful after nearly getting bucked up by a big buck.

"Oh boy!" Sonata got out of the car and jumped up and down. "This is going to be the
"

Aria somewhat shared her sister’s enthusiasm—though she masked it behind a face that was cold as the arctic winds, as emotionless as a cinder block, and with a gaze powerful enough to slice a diamond in twine. "I too am delighted to be here."

Adagio, meanwhile, walked to the front gate and paid for their admission into the zoo, after which they all entered.

"To the elephants!" Sonata ran off in the direction of the largest land mammal alive.

It said so above their cages.

Adagio chuckled at the sign. "Now imagine if they saw what was alive in Equestria."

Aria chuckled as well. "No kidding" With that, she walked up to Sonata's side and admired the large eared, large footed, not-so-large eyed, large trunked, large tusked, large animals.

That were large in just about every other respect imaginable.

"Oh..." Sonata watched as one of the elephants wrapped his forelegs around another and...

Aria rubbed her eyes. "A-Are they-"

"Yes, they are," Adagio deadpanned. She turned around and walked away, her eyes having attained a status higher than saucer sized ocular organs; now having evolved into the mark two model, which came equipped with the ability to purge horrific images from one's mind.

"I think that's enough of this exhibit," Aria said. The mask she hid her excitement behind had shattered into a million pieces. The color from her face had gone the way of the elephants ancestor: the Woolly Mammoth. Her dignity; poached for the ivory it was made of.

Sonata, meanwhile, continued to stare in awe. "But Aria, I wanna know what they're doing!"

Aria grabbed a hold of Sonata's arm and dragged her away. "Adagio will explain later."

"Okay." Sonata yanked her arm back and ran up to Adagio's side. "Let's go to the lions!" She raced off to the really big, scary predatory cat's cages.

Aria rolled her eyes and followed suit.

Adagio, meanwhile, felt a monster of a headache coming on. She put a hand up to her head and shook her head slowly. "Oh, I thought retribution had come after that night." With a groan, she walked off to catch up to her sisters, who were gawking at the lions.

"So majestic," Sonata said.

"I know," Aria said. "How old do you think they are?"

"Our age?" Sonata asked. "Well, I mean, as old as we are in this form."

"Ya think?" Aria asked. "I imagine they're a bit younger."

"Actually, ladies," a nearby zookeeper said, "they're about eighteen years old."

"Oooh," Sonata said. "Are there any babies I can see!?"

"There are some, but they're being cared for with the mother," the zookeeper answered. "I imagine they'll be out here in a few months."

"I bet they're so adorable!" Sonata squealed, her eyes lighting up in a thankfully non-flaming way.

"That they are," the zookeeper said before walking off.

Aria tapped her chin. “Maybe the lions would let Adagio have them. She’s already got the mane with her planet-sized afro.”

Adagio took her head off the cage and glared at Aria. "Keep talking, Aria, and I’m gonna make you orbit me.”

Aria raised an eyebrow. "What does that even mean?”

Adagio remained silent for a bit.

"You don't know, do you?"

"I do!" Adagio put two fingers together. "I just… don’t see how your simple mind can fathom it!" She went silent for several seconds as Aria stared at her with a smirk that screamed 'you're an idiot, Adagio'. Needless to say, it upset Planet Hair immensely.

"Shut up, Aria."

"Girls!" Sonata ran over to her sisters, an absurdly large smile on her face. "I just saw that there's a place for reptiles and we
to go see them!"

Aria bolted off, instinctively knowing where the scaly animals would be. Sonata, naturally followed close behind.

Adagio, meanwhile, looked over at the lions. "Can I join you guys?"

One of the lions yawned.

"I agree.” With a sigh of defeat, Adagio made her way to the reptile room. It took her longer than she'd like to admit, but she eventually found herself in a dark room filled with glass boxes for reptiles of all types. Lizards, iguanas, komodo dragons, and snakes.

Lots and lots of snakes.

"Is that a king cobra?" she asked cautiously.

"Yeah!" Sonata replied with glee. "Isn't it just awesome!?"

Adagio shuddered at the thought of it somehow getting loose. Fear wasn't an emotion she liked to show, but there was a boundary that she held deep inside of her, and a snake that could raise its body to look the very top of her dead in its imaginary eyes was enough to make her want to run out of the room just in case.

"Ooh." Aria pressed her nose against a glass container. "Adagio, come look! There's a tarantula here!"

Adagio's 'fight or flight' instincts had never been activated faster in her entire life. Her legs grew minds of their own. At a speed that would make even the most powerful military aircraft blush, Adagio ran out of the room, leaving behind two stunned sisters.

And an oblivious tarantula.

"Aww." Sonata sighed. "I thought she'd really like these guys." She turned to Aria and smiled. "Ooh, how cute!" Sonata pressed her face up against the home of the tarantula, her eyes boring their way into the arachnids soul. "Hey, little guy!"

The tarantula scurried away.

"Lame." Sonata turned to Aria. "Wanna go find Adagio?"

“Why not?” With that, the two went to find Adagio.

Which proved to be more challenging than they'd expected.

Despite their sister having hair that could no doubt be seen from an orbiting space station, neither girl could find her.

They searched high, in the area that ornithologists would dwell.

"Caw! Caw!"

Aria groaned. "Sonata, Adagio doesn't speak bird."

"I know," Sonata said. "I just thought I could be that pink haired girl who talked to animals."

Not satisfied with the defeat that had come to her from not being one with the birds, Sonata dragged Aria to search low.

"Glub, glub!"

Aria stared at her sister as she pressed her face up against the glass that separated her from a school of fish that looked about as scared at the nearby families did.

"Sonata." Aria walked up to Sonata and rested a hand on her shoulder. "I understand you're having an existential crisis since you cannot find Adagio, but...
"

Sonata sighed. "And here I thought my imitation of a shark was really good."

Although Aria now felt a comforting sense of defeat, and a desecrated sense of pride, Sonata dragged her back up to the surface world to continue their hunt for their sister.

"Hehehehehehehehe!"

Aria always knew that Sonata, no matter what, was always capable of one-upping herself.

"Hehehe."

And she knew that she had talents that anyone who wasn't Sonata would deem worthless.

"Hehehehehehe!"

And that watching her speak to a pack of hyenas would probably drive a lesser individual to the brink of insanity.

"Hehe."

And Aria was beginning to wonder if she was a lesser individual, because her eye was twitching enough to become an alternative fuel source for humanity.

"Hehehe." Sonata stood up and turned to Aria with a large smile. "She's looking at the chimpanzees."

"You're sure about that?" Aria asked, finally getting her eye back under control.

Sonata turned to the hyenas. "Heh-"

Aria put a hand over Sonata's mouth. "If you do that again, I'm flushing your head in the toilet."

Sonata narrowed her eyes and took Aria's hand off her mouth. "Okay, sheesh."

Without another word, they made their way over to the madhouse that was the home for the primates.

"Why in the world would she be here?" Aria asked.

"Maybe she's finally lost it," Sonata said. "Or maybe she-"

"M'am, stop throwing peanuts at the chimpanzees!"

Aria and Sonata looked over to their left. A burly security guard who had to have been three times the size of Adagio stood next to her.

"Never!" Adagio threw another peanut at the chimpanzee. "He refuses to acknowledge that I am the superior being here!"

"Well.," Aria pursed her lips. "I guess you were right, Sonata."

"I was?" Sonata asked, pleasantly surprised. Her eyes, and ears, were both glued to the scene ahead of her.

"Do it one more time, and I will be forced to-"

The chimpanzee grappled the security guard through the cage and slammed his head against the steel, knocking him out for the count. It then climbed over it’s cage and let out a war cry that sent its fellow primates into a cheering frenzy.

It was like a sports event, but in a zoo and cheaper. Surprisingly though, the chance to die was the same.

Though for Adagio, the chance of death skyrocketed as the chimp leaped down in front of her and stood up. The glare it sent through her alone was enough to make her realize that her mistake had been established in the history books as one of the biggest screw ups.

Not to mention, it was just scary being that close to a chimpanzee.

"Uh..." Adagio dropped her bag of peanuts, which the chimp stepped on in response; crushing them under its foot. "Sorry?"

The chimpanzee did as any chimpanzee would do in a situation like this.

It screamed.

Really dang loud.

Adagio, meanwhile, ran, all the while her sisters looked on in horror.

And with a new friend to boot.

"Say, y'all wouldn't happen to know why the orange cotton candy monster is being chased around by the chimpanzee?" The bystander asked as he grabbed a handful of peanuts. "Or have orangutans finally learned how to take over minds like that weird homeless guy said they would?"

"That's our sister!" Aria snapped.

"The chimpanzee or the orangutan on that girl's head?"

Aria facepalmed. "The one running is our sister."

"Adagio's in danger!?" Sonata asked, terrified. She looked out to see her running in a massive circle; a clear result of millions of years of evolution in the realm of tactical genius. “Dagi!” Sonata yelled from what she and Aria believed to be a safe distance from the rampaging primate. “What did you do!?”

“She threw peanuts at the chimp,” Aria deadpanned. “Didn't you see or hear what the security guard was yelling at her?”

“No.” Sonata held her phone up. “I was on this, remember?”

Adagio ran over to Sonata and took her phone from her. “Thanks, Sonata!” She turned to the chimp and threw the phone at it.

Aria facepalmed. “Adagio, did you really think that would work?”

Before Adagio could justify her unjustifiable actions, the chimp leaped on top of her.

Sonata looked at Aria.

Aria looked at Adagio.

Adagio looked at Death.

The bystander looked at the peanut salesman and handed him a twenty.

“Did we ever take a life insurance policy out on her?” Sonata asked.

“Don't think so,” Aria responded.

"Ooh." The bystander ate another handful of peanuts. "Bad move on your guys parts."

An unbelievably large amount of horror set into the girls. Even Adagio, who was in the process of being mauled to death by a chimpanzee, which was definitely scary.

Well, except for the bystander, who kept eating his overpriced peanuts.

But after a few more seconds of screeching, a voice filled the air. It was calm, serene, and other things that made up the pink haired girl named Fluttershy.

"Sebastian McChimp! Stop that this instant!"

The chimpanzee looked back at Fluttershy, who stared at it with all of her stareness.

Indeed, The Stare was a weapon worthy of paralyzing even the most wrathful of primates.

Well, if you ignored the fact it continued to absentmindedly pummel Adagio as Fluttershy stared at it.

"How dare you hurt someone so badly!" She stormed up to the primate, surprising everyone except the bystander. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

The chimp ceased its pummeling and looked at its bloody hands in regret. Then it looked at Fluttershy.

Then it grabbed her dress.

Before it could do anything else, ten thousand volts of ‘oh crap’ filled its body, and a few security guards restrained it; dragging it away and revealing the bloodied face of Adagio Dazzle.

“A-Aria? Sonata?” Adagio asked, her voice weak.

“Yes, Dagi!?” Sonata asked tearfully.

“Remind me to never watch those... those movies with the apes…” Adagio turned her head to the chimp, which was dragged away the security guards.

“Lemme guess-”

Sonata placed a hand over Aria's mouth. “Shh! I think she's having one of her brain dead moments!”

"No!" Adagio coughed. "I just... I don't wanna see another ape anytime soon."

Aria and Sonata watched in tears as their sister was rushed off to the hospital.

"I'm so sorry," Fluttershy said from behind them. She walked up to their side and looked down at the ground, ignoring the bloodstain on her dress. "I wish I could've gotten here quicker."

Aria looked at Fluttershy; her eyes nearing a level of pissed off that fell just short of being on par with the chimp’s. Without a word, she walked away.

Sonata looked at Aria, then over at Fluttershy and gave her a weak smile. "What matters is that you stopped it," she said. "I... I don't want to know what might've happened if you hadn't come along."

Fluttershy squeaked as Sonata suddenly wrapped her arms around her. Hesitantly, she returned the hug. A few moments later, she broke it and looked at Sonata. “I, um, know that it's very sudden, but do you have a ride home?”

“Aria can drive me home,” Sonata replied. “I… do appreciate the offer.”

An awkward silence filled the air around the former rivals—and it was a silence that lingered until Fluttershy found it within herself to speak up again.

“Well… I'll be sure to stop by and visit Adagio,” she said. “If that's okay with you guys.”

Sonata took it upon herself to test the saucer sized ocular organs mark three prototype. The words Fluttershy said replayed in her head a few times. However, once all was said, replayed, and done, Sonata nodded happily. “I'm sure Adagio would love that!”

A few days later, Sonata, Aria, and Fluttershy arrived at the hospital that housed Adagio. Her procedure had been successful, and to the delight of all three, she'd make a complete recovery.

Well, in due time.

"Hey, Adagio!" Sonata beamed as she and Aria entered their elder sister's hospital bedroom. "We brought a guest to visit you!"

Adagio's head was bandaged like she was a mummy—though without the many riches surrounding her. Rather, a few balloons with 'get well' on them and a few cards surrounded her.

"Mmmph..."

However, just like a mummy, her speech wasn't that great.

"Oh, are you sure we should be here today?" Fluttershy asked from the doorway. "She seems a little... um..."

"No, it's okay, Fluttershy," Aria said. "Adagio can use all of the positivity she can possibly get."

"Yeah!" Sonata popped up behind Fluttershy and pushed her into the room. "Now c'mon, let's go make her happy!"

Fluttershy was pushed into the room, the squeaking of her shoes filling the air, and assaulting the eardrums of everyone in the room.

Even Adagio, who let out a sound that signified her annoyance.

"Mmph..."

"I really think we should give her some more time to rest," Fluttershy said, looking at Adagio fearfully. "She looks kinda upset."

“Nah, that’s how she looks at everyone,” Aria said, walking up to Adagio’s bedside with Sonata and Fluttershy. “Hey, Dagi. Feeling any better?”

Adagio nodded slightly. “Mmph, mm, mmphmm.”

Sonata leaned over to Fluttershy and whispered, “She says that she feels much better than when she got here.”

Once again, Adagio nodded, her eyes having softened considerably. She looked at Fluttershy and then back at Aria. She motioned for a piece of paper and a pen that rested on her nightstand.

Without question, Aria grabbed the objects and handed them to Adagio.

“What did she want that for?” Fluttershy asked Aria.

Aria shrugged. “Probably wanted to tell us how to pay off her hospital bill.”

Adagio looked up at Aria and narrowed her eyes. “Mmph, mmph.”

“Okay, nevermind, it’s something else.”

After a few seconds of waiting, Adagio put the pen down by her side and motioned for Aria, who came over and picked up the piece of paper. She smiled as she read it and turned to Fluttershy.

“Oh, thank you.” Fluttershy looked at Adagio, who stared back at her expectantly. She held the letter and read it.

Thank you, Fluttershy.