Sexomnia

by Lord_Evil

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Anthro, Original Character, Porn, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 3961

We all have habits when the sun starts to go down; Take a shower, brush your teeth, get in bed, fondle the person next to you...

[A oneshot prequel to Friendship Is Cynical]

When Ryan first came to Equestria, he was not in the best of positions. One thing led to another, some words were exchanged, a few threats were made, ect. While arrangements for a personal living space were being made, he was sent to live with one of the elements of harmony , Rarity, for the time being. His first night turns out to be the most interesting as he neglects to mention a nightly quirk of his that the generous unicorn becomes all too acquainted with.

Contains: A mouthy human, a refined unicorn gone dirty, excessive fondling, sleep sex, and box shenanigans.
Cover Photo by Skecchiart

Published 2018-01-31 00:40:11 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-31 00:40:11 UTC

Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the human hump you all night!

Author's Note

To those who are fans of Friendship Is Cynical, this is not only a clop story, but it is also cannon to the original. Congratulations, you get to see how Rarity and Ryan first met. I hope it's worth it!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna grab a few beers and then pass the fuck out. Enjoy the story, slap that LIKE button like a bitch, and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the human hump you all night!

The most fashion forward pony in town, owner of Carousel boutique, and element of generosity. These were the words used to describe the always well-dressed unicorn in Ponyville. In this little hamlet of a town, Rarity was the pony to meet, aside from Princess Twilight.

Going over herself in the mirror, Rarity made sure her mane was perfect, and her attire presentable. Her white blouse was clean, with not an ounce of dirt, hair, nor dust to desecrate it. Her black leggings were both stylish and attractive, molding to her shapely hips with only slight strain from her flank. Finally, a dazzling pair of diamond encrusted earrings for a little added spark to her appearance. She was always prone to making herself look nice, even on days where she wasn't expecting company. But today, however, was different. Today she was being greeted by, not a mere simple guest, but an alien from another world! She simply must look dazzling as to make a great first impression.

Though she wasn't sure what to expect from the alien, she hoped that he would appreciate the effort. With little background to go off of , almost everything was left to assumption. Regardless, once she was satisfied with her own appearance, she moved to the center of the room and took one final look around her home and workplace. It looked the same as it always did, but she did make sure to tidy up for the occasion. She was used to having visitors, but wasn't always prepared for them staying for an excessive amount of time. Since he was going to be staying for a few days, she made sure to put away the normal fabrics and sewing materials that were usually left strewn about.

All that was left now was to wait for her guest's arrival. Glancing at the clock, she noted the time. "Six o'clock." She said to herself, turning her attention to the front door. "He should be here any minute now."

In the letter sent to her by Princess Celestia, she had mentioned his arrival would be later in the afternoon. Something about keeping him hidden from the public for the time being. It made sense, given Ponyville's reaction to a simple zebra back in the day. The town was easy to adapt, but only after a slight grace period. Celestia only knows how they would react to an alien just wandering down the road.

Though calm on the surface, her mind was in absolute chaos. Part of it excited to be one of the first to meet a creature from another world, the other panicking that she might do something to offend him, inevitably leading to catastrophe in the future. It took everything in her power to remain as collected as she was, but it was becoming emotionally exhausting. But, she was sure that everything would calm down once he arrived.

Finally, a knock came from her front door. She was all too ready as she bounded over and swung it open. "Hello and welcome to-" She was about to give her normal speech to whomever was outside, but her words became caught in her throat.

Much to her surprise, there was no pony, nor creature of any kind at her doorstep. In place of what should have been a living thing, was a large cardboard box that stood slightly taller than herself. It took her a second to process this until a delivery stallion came out from behind the box with a clipboard.

"Package for a...Miss Rarity?" He said, shooting her a curious look.

Rarity shook her head to regain her ability to think properly before responding. "Yes, that's me!"

Walking up to her, he held out both his clipboard and a pen. "Sign the bottom." Taking the pen, she scribbled her signature on the bottom of the page before handing it back to him. "Step aside, please."

Doing as instructed, Rarity moved deeper into her house, allowing the stallion to roll the package in on a metal dolly. Once inside, he slipped the appliance out from under the box and wheeled it back outside. "Have a good night, ma'am."

"You too!" Rarity said with a wave, closing the door with her magic as she looked over the tall, standing cardboard.

Rarity couldn't make heads or tails of it. There weren't any labels on it, so she didn't know where it came from. She theorized that it could have been an old order she placed that got lost and is just now finding its way to her. The only way to know for sure was to get a look inside. There was a small opening near the top, a hole that appeared to have been cut rather lazily into place.

Standing on her toes a bit, she was able to become eye-level with the small peephole. Peeking inside, she couldn't really see anything. Not to say that it was too dark, but that it looked more like someone had sent her a big empty box. That is, until something moved in front of the hole from the other side. Faster than she could blink, another eye could be seen looking back at her through the hole. Jumping back and falling to the floor, Rarity let out a blood-curdling shriek that pierced the very cardboard walls surrounding the creature within.

"Holy fucking hell!" It yelled in response to her screaming, waiting for her to stop before it could even think about continuing to speak. "You got some lungs in you, lady." It said in a pained voice. "Oh, God...I think my ears are bleeding..."

After the two straightened out the situation, they went about removing the human from the box and got to talking. The human apologized for scaring her, they introduced themselves, and they continued on from there. They moved to the dining room table where Rarity spent the next few hours entertaining her new guest. He wasn't quite what she had expected, and she was surprised to find his company rather pleasant despite how he looked.

For starters, his attire was almost as uncouth as they come. His shoes were covered in dried mud and dirt, his jeans were worn out and torn, his shirt was alright even though she had no idea what Las Vegas was, and atop of his head was a dirty brown hat with two small, can-shaped pins that read Budweiser.

Then there was his physical attributes. For the most part, he was a lot like an earth pony, but with a LOT less fur and virtually no muzzle. Normally, the thought of something like this would fill her with dread, but it seemed to work in his favor. He was actually kind of handsome, in an odd way...But she could do with less profanity spewing from his mouth.

"So, Ryan..." Rarity began, earning the humans undivided attention. "Why did Celestia send you here in a box?" She asked curiously.

Ryan snickered a bit. It was a shitty arrangement, but an understandable one. "To be fair, it was Luna's idea. Celestia just agreed to go through with it." He knew that they did this out of spite, more than anything else, but kept the events that led to it private. "They thought it would be the best way to bring me here without starting a panic. The town's supposed to be hosting some sort of...thing to introduce me to everyone. You know, so they don't think I'm gonna eat them."

This got a laugh out of Rarity. "Yes, the ponies here have a tendency to jump to some ridiculous conclusions." She said, deciding to move on to a new topic. "How long have you been in Equestria?"

"A few weeks." He replied, taking a moment to go over the time he had spent in this world. "Twenty-two days, if I'm remembering correctly."

"And where will you be staying?" She inquired.

"You know that house just up the hill over there?" He pointed a thumb to his left to show which direction it was. She nodded in response. "It was foreclosed a while back so they're doing repairs to make it a suitable home for me."

"Well that's very kind of them." She said with a smile. "How long do you think you'll be here?"

Ryan let out a sigh at this, "From the looks of it, indefinitely."

For a moment there, Rarity felt as though she had hit a touchy subject and immediately went to correct her mistake. "I'm so sorry, darling. I didn't mean to bring up such a sensitive topic."

Ryan waves a dismissive hand at her. "It's fine, don't worry about it." He says, coming off much more calm than she expected. "I've already accepted it, I just gotta get used to it all."

An awkward silence began to fill the air around them. Ryan didn't know about ponies, but he despised such silence with every fiber in his being. Furthermore, that trip was both annoying and tiresome. Not to mention that it was already ten at night and he felt like shit. "I hate to be a bother, but I need a shower and a shave. Do you mind if..."

"Oh, not at all!" Rarity replied, thankful for him changing the subject. "The bathroom is upstairs on the left. There should be razors in the closet as well."

"Thanks." He said, rising from his seat and moving to ascend the staircase.

With him gone, Rarity took this opportunity to get up as well and go to her room so she could wind down. Cleaning up the house for her new guest on such short notice took a lot out of her and she was ready to call it a night. Walking up to her room, she started to go over her time with the human.

To say that he was odd, compared to a pony that is, would be an understatement. His mannerisms and language use could be improved upon, but at least he didn't go overboard with it. Furthermore, his style needs work. These are all things she felt she could help him improve during his time with her. Oh, how fun it would be to teach an alien about fashion! She was practically shaking at the thought.

On a good note, he was charming in his own way. He had a habit of calling her sweetheart. But then again, she calls everyone darling regularly, so it could be nothing. He seems friendly enough on the surface, which was nice as well. If she were being honest, she was actually looking forward to getting to know him better.

She felt for him though; It must be hard having to give up your old life completely, no longer being able to see your friends and loved ones. It was something she would never want to go through, yet he was handling it so well. He could be putting on a strong face to hide his pain. In which case, what he needs now is a friend. And she is willing to be his friend, no matter what it takes!

Getting her mind back on track, she goes to her room and changes out of her clothes, throwing on a comfortable, thin, silk nightgown. Using the mirror in her room and some makeup remover, she wipes her face clean and is ready for bed. The unicorn, now prepped and ready for dreamland, all but glides over to her bed and climbs under the covers.

Just as she is about to doze off, she hears a light knocking on her bedroom door. Sitting up, she looks over at the half naked human peeking through the open door. "Is something the matter, darling?"

Opening the door the rest of the way, Ryan, takes a step inside. "I forgot to ask where I'm supposed to be sleeping."

Oh, horseapples! Rarity thought to herself. How could she forget! She spent all day cleaning up the house and making herself look presentable, but completely forgot to set up a sleeping arrangement! What kind of host forgets to make a spare bed for her guest!?

"Oh...w-well, you see I..." Rarity was stumped. What could she possibly say to explain herself for being so thoughtless.

Ryan could see where this was going and shot her and understanding smile. "It's fine, I'll figure it out." He was about to leave, figuring that he could find a comfortable spot on the floor. Lord knows he's slept in worse.

"W-wait!" Rarity called out without even thinking. He stopped and looked back at her. "You...you can stay in here!" She said, hoping that she could begin to make up for this as soon as possible. "Just for tonight. We can figure something out in the morning."

Ryan raised a brow, not sure why she was so hell-bent on making sure he would have a bed to sleep on. "Are you sure? Cause, I've slept in some pretty rough spots in my time, I can just make a spot on the floor and-"

"I would hear nothing of it!" She said with some determination, reaching to the other half of her bed and pulling the blanket open. "Come now, we need to rest up for tomorrow."

Not knowing what else to do, Ryan shrugged and climbed into the bed. He didn't know what her blankets were made out of, but once the fabric touched his bare chest he was in heaven. "Damn, these put Egyptian Cotton to shame!"

"I'll assume by your tone that, that was a compliment." Rarity said with a laugh, lowering herself back down to the bed and getting comfortable on her half.

"That's something you don't hear where I come from." He remarked, "Egyptian Cotton is as good as it gets...as far as I know, at least."

"Well, I'm glad they're to your liking." Turning over, her back now facing him, Rarity closed her eyes and began her descent into the realm of sleep. "Goodnight, darling."

"Goodnight..."

A unknown source of warmth, a slight pressure on her side, the feeling of air brushing against the fur on the back of her neck; These things were what drew Rarity out of her unconscious state, bringing her back to the waking world. Waking up this late at night was not something she appreciated, nor would she tolerate in most circumstances. But this was something different.

While it did wake her, it was mostly because it was a feeling she wasn't too familiar with. That being said, she didn't know what was causing it. Her eyes flickered open, beginning to scan what little they could. All she could see from where she was, is her dresser, the window, and the night sky beyond.

Though curious, her tired mind settled with pushing it off until morning. Besides, it was fairly comfortable. No reason to complain about feeling as though your wrapped up in a stallion's embrace.

Going to close her eyes, a new feeling shot through her body like an lightning bolt. A slight pain in her shoulder, like something was clamping down on it. She let out a small gasp, her eyes now wide and her senses awake from the shock. There were a number of things that seemed to be all over her body. She could feel hands running up and down her torso, legs rubbing against her own, and something hard grinding against her flank.

Once her brain had time to process what was happening, she was all too ready to beat the snot out of the alien she had trusted to share a bed with her. However, that quickly died when she felt him bite her again, this time in a particularly sensitive spot where her shoulder meets her neck. Biting her lip, Rarity just barely suppressed the moan that tried to work its way out of her throat. Suddenly, all of his ministrations became much more welcomed.

No! Rarity thought, hoping to beat this with a little mind over matter. You are a lady and you will NOT let him take advantage of- Before she could finish that thought, both of his hands snaking their way up her body, slipping under her nightgown and grabbing a handful of those wonderful, fleshy orbs hidden beneath and giving them a firm squeeze. Gah! Those are sensitive!

His toying with her body had rendered her speechless and left her with a tingling in her loins that only worsened as he continued. A warm wetness started running down her thigh, signaling to her just how dire a situation this was becoming. Finally managing to regain some control over her body, she craned her neck to the side. Just barely in her line of sight, she spotted the human's head in her peripherals. He was still gnawing at her neck and shoulder, causing her whole body to tremble. It was at this moment that she noticed something peculiar. His eyes were closed and his face muscles completely relaxed. He looked as though he were asleep.

...Oh dear...

Despite being asleep, Ryan's next move was slightly more aggressive, like his body was begging for something more. his waist pushed forward, forcing that 'hard thing' she felt earlier to slip between her thighs. Rarity didn't catch herself in time to stop the moan that escaped her as a result, the feeling of his rod pushing through her legs and rubbing against her wet marehood being too much for her. His waist continued to move on its own, his cock grinding against her clothed mare bits.

I don't know how much- That thought came to a pause as one particular thrust caused him to stab her clit with his firm head, a loud hum being the thing to cut her off. -how much more I can take!

Ryan's dick, now slick from her own fluids, was sliding effortlessly in between her legs. His pulse was beating through his cock, sending an extra shiver through her. Any amount of sense other than pleasure was receding into the depths of Rarity's mind as her body became putty in the sleeping human's grasp. Body shaking, legs trembling, pussy aching; Any amount of self-control she had left was banished elsewhere as her desire to scratch the itch this human had given her became unbearable. Sweet Celestia, I NEED it!

Surrendering to her carnal needs, Rarity's body began moving with Ryan's thrusts. The rhythm was simple to mimic, but only elevated her desire to sate this immense hunger her body had. She needed him inside of her!

Rarity's breathing became quick and ragged, making her sound as though she had just run a marathon. Eager to begin, she lifted one of her legs and slid a hand down, grabbing the human's throbbing member. It was solid and the heat coming off of it was intense, like she was holding a phallic-shaped rock that had been sitting out in the desert; One that was now humping her closed hand as she guided it to its desired destination.

Using her free hand, Rarity pulled her underwear to the side , allowing him access to her most sacred possession. She rubbed the head of his dick along her slit, making sure it was well lubricated for entry. A hiss escaped her as she rubbed herself with the human's shaft. It felt different from a stallion, but that was a thought for later.

When she was content with her work, she let him do the rest after guiding his dick to her waiting caverns. As if on cue, he thrust forward, penetrating her folds and hilting into her completely. Rarity was unable to hold back the moan at the pleasureful fullness, the heat of his dick all but burning her insides.

Ryan's cock twitched at being enveloped in her sopping wet, hybrid pony pussy. His muscles flexed for moment, his grip on her tightening as a result, but relaxed as his sleeping form let out a breath that tickled the back of the unicorns neck.

Rarity basked in the pleasurably filled feeling she had, her waist taking on a mind of its own as it pushed back, pressing her flank straight into Ryan's crotch, forcing him that much deeper inside of her. His body got the message and began thrusting in and out of her at an appreciable pace, his head going back to her neck and nipping at it; sometimes hard, other times soft.

Rarity let out cute little moans each time he pushed into her. In time, Ryan's thrusts got increasingly more forceful. The human's hold on her breasts tightened considerably, pinching her nipples between his knuckles as he began slamming into her.

It didn’t take long for Rarity to start moving her hips, rotating them in a circular motion to make sure he hit every wall within her. Ryan put more power into his thrusts, almost removing himself entirely from her pussy only to impale her immediately after.

Rarity cried out at the sensation, gripping at the bed sheets while his shaft all but mercilessly speared her pussy. In respect to his actions, the pleasure coursing through her caused her walls to clench down on Ryan's cock every few seconds. It was almost too much. She could feel every pulse that went through the human's body and each thrust into her was better than the last. She could swear she was drooling onto her pillow, but even her somewhat high-end mind didn't care right now.

Rarity's breathing increased exponentially as a pressure started to build up just below her gut. Oh...Oh sweet Celestia... She bit down on her cheek and let out a guttural moan as Ryan's body became more focused on force and depth, plowing through her walls. I...I'm gonna... In that moment, it all came crashing down around her as he made one final, hard thrust inside of her, stabbing one particular spot that forced her over the edge immediately.

Ryan's entire body tenses up and he grunts as he pours his seed into her. What noise he made was hidden by the squeals of delight that came from Rarity. Hilting himself inside of her, his body released wave after wave of his spunk into her hungry caverns as her pussy released a wave of fluids onto his cock. She could feel a warm fluid filling her insides, a welcomed result to the blissful feeling of euphoria that washed over her.

The two fell silent, the human's now softening member working its way out of her as his form became still and relaxed, now holding her as if they had been spooning this entire time. His breaths were slow and relaxed, his heart rate dropping back down to a normal rate.

Rarity on the other hand was left a sweaty, panting mess. Even so, it hardly bothered her at the moment. The high she was feeling had yet to wear off completely, leaving her on cloud nine as her brain struggled to stay conscious from the intense climax that had passed.

Looking back at Ryan one final time, she made a rather breathless statement to the unconscious human. "I think...we can put off...fixing you a room...for a few more days..."